1 00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:09,808 ♪♪ 2 00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:11,210 Les: ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪ 3 00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:13,278 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪ 4 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:14,847 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪ 5 00:00:14,849 --> 00:00:16,748 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪ 6 00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:19,818 Les: ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ 7 00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:21,653 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪ 8 00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:23,555 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪ 9 00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:26,524 Les: ♪ Headin' on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪ 10 00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:28,126 ♪ Murpph mmmph mmph mmmph mrrr mff mrmmph! ♪ 11 00:00:28,128 --> 00:00:30,028 ♪ Murpph mmmph mmph mmmph mrrr mff mrmmph! ♪ 12 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:33,098 Les: ♪ Come on down to South Park, and meet some friends of mine ♪ 13 00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:37,669 ♪♪ 14 00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:40,338 [ Gunshots, screaming ] 15 00:00:40,340 --> 00:00:42,474 [ Alarm rings ] 16 00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:46,478 [ Sirens wailing ] 17 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:50,648 [ Gunshots, screaming continue ] 18 00:00:50,650 --> 00:00:53,952 Mayor: People, it's time we faced some hard truths. 19 00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:56,288 The town is looking to us for answers, 20 00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:58,857 and all we keep doing is burying our heads. 21 00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:02,293 We need to cut the budget for this year's Christmas pageant. 22 00:01:02,295 --> 00:01:04,696 [ Dramatic music plays ] 23 00:01:04,698 --> 00:01:06,198 My God. 24 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,967 I've asked the director of the holiday show to stop by 25 00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:11,003 so we can all give him the news. 26 00:01:11,005 --> 00:01:12,805 He's not going to take this well. 27 00:01:12,807 --> 00:01:14,706 If he doesn't, we should just let him go. 28 00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:16,441 God knows it's about time. 29 00:01:16,443 --> 00:01:18,377 Hey, a lot of people like him, all right? 30 00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:20,611 Yeah, and lot of people think he stinks. 31 00:01:20,613 --> 00:01:22,180 Let's just get this over with. 32 00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:23,315 All right, send him in. 33 00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:24,316 [ Door opens ] 34 00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:26,884 Howwwwdy ho! 35 00:01:26,886 --> 00:01:28,486 You wanted to see me? 36 00:01:28,488 --> 00:01:29,721 Better hurry. 37 00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:32,624 We only have two months before Christmas! 38 00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:35,393 Mr. Hankey, we called you in to let you know that 39 00:01:35,395 --> 00:01:38,029 your Christmas-pageant funding has been cut. 40 00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:38,964 By half. 41 00:01:38,966 --> 00:01:41,433 What? 42 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:44,369 But I can barely make a good Christmas show with what I have! 43 00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:46,738 We just don't have the support for the Christmas show 44 00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:48,106 that we used to. 45 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,742 The truth is, some people find you offensive. 46 00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:54,546 Offensive? What about me is offensive? 47 00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:56,615 Some people think that shit 48 00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,917 isn't the best representation of Christmas. 49 00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:01,519 You -- You people can't do this. 50 00:02:01,521 --> 00:02:03,554 Christmas is the most magical time of the year. 51 00:02:03,556 --> 00:02:05,156 The decision has already been made. 52 00:02:05,158 --> 00:02:08,359 Thank you, Mr. Hankey, and good luck with the show. 53 00:02:08,361 --> 00:02:10,362 [ Police radio chatter ] 54 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:15,066 [ Bad version of "Deck the Halls" playing ] 55 00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:18,670 ♪♪ 56 00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:20,372 [ Baton tapping ] 57 00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:21,873 Okay, stop. 58 00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:24,943 Kids, the song's called "Deck the Halls," 59 00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:26,878 not "Let's All Suck Balls." 60 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:28,346 Now, come on, kids. 61 00:02:28,348 --> 00:02:29,948 Why do we have to do this now? 62 00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:31,716 Yeah, It's not even Halloween yet. 63 00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:34,853 Restoration Hardware put up their Christmas decorations 64 00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:36,854 two weeks ago, all right?! 65 00:02:36,856 --> 00:02:39,691 Now, listen, I didn't want this, either. 66 00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:41,326 I wanted the Denver Symphony. 67 00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:44,029 But they cut my budget, and I'm stuck with you. 68 00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:46,064 Now, let's take it from the top! 69 00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:47,465 [ Baton tapping ] 70 00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:50,502 [ Military drums playing ] 71 00:02:57,711 --> 00:03:00,645 [ Sighs ] 72 00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:03,215 Vice Principal Strong Woman? 73 00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:05,150 Yes, PC Principal? 74 00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:07,318 I was seeing if there's anything 75 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,921 you might want to discuss with me. 76 00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:12,791 What would we need to discuss? 77 00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:16,595 I am so sorry that I took advantage of my position 78 00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:19,731 and manipulated you into a physical encounter. 79 00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:22,100 Hey, I am a strong woman, all right? 80 00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:23,702 I don't get manipulated. 81 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,036 We both are guilty 82 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,505 of an ill-advised relationship at the workplace, 83 00:03:27,507 --> 00:03:28,739 but that was long ago, 84 00:03:28,741 --> 00:03:30,742 and I have decided to move forward. 85 00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:32,811 Are you sure we can move forward? 86 00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:35,847 Why not? We make a mistake, we move forward. 87 00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:39,517 I was just thinking there might still possibly be some fallout from -- 88 00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:41,619 Nope. We're just gonna forget about it 89 00:03:41,621 --> 00:03:42,787 and put it to rest. 90 00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:44,756 You don't think there's anything else 91 00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:45,857 to dis-- to discuss? 92 00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:48,260 No, I don't. Bye-bye. 93 00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:51,663 [ Exhales sharply ] 94 00:03:58,271 --> 00:04:02,840 [ All knocking on door ] 95 00:04:02,842 --> 00:04:05,042 Dude. Kyle. Dude. 96 00:04:05,044 --> 00:04:06,711 Dude. What? 97 00:04:06,713 --> 00:04:09,147 Did you read what Mr. Hankey tweeted last night? 98 00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:10,949 What Mr. Hankey tweeted? 99 00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:12,717 Yeah, I guess after band rehearsals, 100 00:04:12,719 --> 00:04:14,486 he went on Twitter to talk about us. 101 00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:16,054 Look. 102 00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:18,657 Oh. Jesus Christ, dude. 103 00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:19,791 [ Sewing machine clicking ] 104 00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,793 ♪ Santa Claus is on his way ♪ 105 00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:24,362 ♪ He's loaded goodies on his sleigh ♪ 106 00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:26,364 ♪ He'll drop 'em off on Christmas Day ♪ 107 00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:27,432 Mr. Hankey? 108 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:28,800 Oh, Kyle! 109 00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:30,635 Howwwwwdy ho! 110 00:04:30,637 --> 00:04:33,238 Mr. Hankey, everyone's really mad at you. 111 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,306 Were you on Twitter last night? 112 00:04:35,308 --> 00:04:37,709 Yeeeahhhh. 113 00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:39,677 Did you tweet, "The kids of South Park 114 00:04:39,679 --> 00:04:42,046 are retarded homos who can't play music"? 115 00:04:42,048 --> 00:04:44,849 Eeeeeyeeaaahhhhh. 116 00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:46,017 Why would you tweet that?! 117 00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:47,686 All the kids are really pissed off! 118 00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:50,321 It was a bad attempt at a joke. I'm sorry. 119 00:04:50,323 --> 00:04:53,225 Will you please tell the kids I didn't mean it? 120 00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:54,592 What do you want me to say? 121 00:04:54,594 --> 00:04:57,228 The fact is, I couldn't sleep last night, 122 00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,663 so I took some Ambien. 123 00:04:58,665 --> 00:05:00,231 You ever take that stuff? 124 00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:02,500 It turns your brains into oatmeal. 125 00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:05,904 Please, Kyle, tell the kids I didn't mean any harm. 126 00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:08,206 We've gotta focus on Christmas! 127 00:05:10,244 --> 00:05:12,010 All right, everyone, listen up. 128 00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:15,046 The vice principal has asked to speak with you today. 129 00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:18,016 She believes it is time that we all as a school 130 00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:20,952 finally discussed in vitro fertilization. 131 00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:22,387 That's right, kids. 132 00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:25,190 Many women today make the choice to have children 133 00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:27,092 without a man in their lives. 134 00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:28,860 They can have their eggs fertilized 135 00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:31,763 by an unknown person's sperm in a lab. 136 00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:33,064 That's right, Strong Woman. 137 00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:34,933 In today's society, it is wrong to just assume 138 00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:37,034 that a pregnant woman had intercourse with a man. 139 00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:38,937 [ Groans ] 140 00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:41,172 St-Students at this school need to be careful, 141 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,407 because it can be offensive 142 00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:43,875 to asks questions like "Who's the father?" 143 00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:45,777 [ Groans ] 144 00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,178 You -- You all right, Strong Woman? 145 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,046 I'm fine. 146 00:05:49,048 --> 00:05:50,882 So -- So, we'd like to have all our students 147 00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,184 talk to their parents tonight 148 00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:54,486 about in vitro fertilization, and after that, 149 00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:56,888 let's just put the whole issue behind us. 150 00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:59,191 [ Gurgle, gush ] 151 00:06:02,962 --> 00:06:05,029 That's my water breaking. 152 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,431 Not a big deal. 153 00:06:06,433 --> 00:06:09,267 [ Gurgle, gush ] 154 00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:10,535 [ Hammer tapping ] 155 00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:11,970 ♪ Christmas time ♪ 156 00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:13,772 ♪ It's Christmas time ♪ 157 00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:15,273 ♪ Christmas time ♪ 158 00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:16,741 ♪ Yeah, Christmas time ♪ 159 00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:18,609 Hankey! 160 00:06:18,611 --> 00:06:21,145 We need to talk about what you tweeted! 161 00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:23,814 Oh, I'm so sorry. 162 00:06:23,816 --> 00:06:25,450 I took Ambien two nights ago, 163 00:06:25,452 --> 00:06:27,752 and I called the schoolkids homos. 164 00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:30,788 No, I'm talking about what you tweeted last night. 165 00:06:30,790 --> 00:06:32,324 "The city council members 166 00:06:32,326 --> 00:06:34,859 are a bunch of pussy-licking Islamists." 167 00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:37,896 Oh. Oh, geez. Did I say that? 168 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,631 Listen, if you're tired and you can't sleep, 169 00:06:40,633 --> 00:06:42,534 do not take Ambien. 170 00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:43,968 Okay? Whew! 171 00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:46,971 I'm afraid we have no other option but to fire you 172 00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:50,007 as executive planning manager of the city council. 173 00:06:50,009 --> 00:06:51,776 Fire me? 174 00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:53,945 No, no, no, please. I'm really sorry. 175 00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:56,080 No, wait! Wait! 176 00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:57,682 Please give me another chance. 177 00:06:57,684 --> 00:07:01,319 Don't do this! What about Christmas? 178 00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:05,189 It's okay. We'll be at the hospital soon. 179 00:07:05,191 --> 00:07:06,491 Just keep breathing. 180 00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:08,459 [ Breathing heavily ] I didn't need your help. 181 00:07:08,461 --> 00:07:11,729 I'm just a co-worker helping another co-worker in need. 182 00:07:11,731 --> 00:07:14,166 Yeah, well, people might get the wrong idea! 183 00:07:14,168 --> 00:07:15,834 I have worked my whole life 184 00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:17,535 to be the strongest woman possible -- 185 00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:20,805 a person little girls could look up to. 186 00:07:20,807 --> 00:07:22,940 If those girls thought that I was the type 187 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:24,909 to get knocked up by my boss -- 188 00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:27,946 I certainly do not want to put any pressures on you as a female, 189 00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:30,481 but at times I wonder if there is more we should discuss. 190 00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:32,283 There's nothing to discuss! 191 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:36,455 I made a mistake, and I am moving forward! 192 00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:41,359 My civil rights are under attack. 193 00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:43,795 They can't just fire me from the Christmas show! 194 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,596 The whole thing is my creation! 195 00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:48,199 Uh, last night, you tweeted, 196 00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:51,903 "The city council can suck my Mexican dick." 197 00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:54,005 It was a joke. 198 00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:56,307 Look at me! I don't even have a dick! 199 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,142 Get it? 200 00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,812 Okay, okay, look, I know -- It wasn't a good joke. 201 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,580 But it really wasn't my fault. 202 00:08:02,582 --> 00:08:06,151 The fact is, I went home last night, and I was angry. 203 00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:09,221 I couldn't sleep, so I took some Ambien. 204 00:08:09,223 --> 00:08:10,922 And then I started tweeting. 205 00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:13,625 Ambien messes with my head. You ever take that crap? 206 00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:15,694 You want us to take this up against Ambien? 207 00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:17,629 They have the best lawyers in the world. 208 00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:19,363 Well, I thought maybe I could get them 209 00:08:19,365 --> 00:08:21,299 in a defecation lawsuit. 210 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,767 [ Door slams ] 211 00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:24,102 Argh. 212 00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:26,271 And I never, ever would've said those things 213 00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:27,572 about the city council, 214 00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:29,741 but the Ambien makes me kind of black out. 215 00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:33,144 I'm sorry, sir, but we don't represent pieces of shit. 216 00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:34,712 Why not? 217 00:08:34,714 --> 00:08:35,647 [ Door slams ] 218 00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:36,781 Argh. 219 00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:38,183 And I just thought maybe we could 220 00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,452 convince the city council to hire me back. 221 00:08:40,454 --> 00:08:43,321 Look, I'm sorry, but I learned a long time ago 222 00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:46,157 that if you defend poop, you get stained. 223 00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:47,859 [ Door slams ] 224 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,231 Mr. Hankey? 225 00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:55,866 Oh. Kyle. 226 00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:58,202 [ Sadly ] Howwwwdy ho. 227 00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,370 What are you doing here? 228 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,239 Just trying to find some help. 229 00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:04,875 There isn't a lawyer in town who will take me. 230 00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:07,412 Wait a minute -- You! 231 00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:09,014 You're the son of a lawyer. 232 00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:11,182 You have lawyer blood inside your veins! 233 00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:14,185 You can help me with my defecation lawsuit, Kyle! 234 00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:15,953 Me? What can I do? 235 00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:17,221 Please, Kyle. 236 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:19,324 You're the only person left who can help me. 237 00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:22,694 You and me, pal, we are gonna fight the system! 238 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:23,761 [ Intercom beeps ] 239 00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:25,330 Paging Dr. Bender. 240 00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:28,133 Your vice principal gave birth to all five babies 241 00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:29,367 with no epidural. 242 00:09:29,369 --> 00:09:31,502 I must say, she's a very strong woman. 243 00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:32,937 That she is. 244 00:09:32,939 --> 00:09:35,539 The quintuplets are all healthy and resting away. 245 00:09:35,541 --> 00:09:38,310 There are her babies right there. 246 00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:44,115 Oh, dude. Bro. 247 00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:46,217 Yes, cute, little buggers, aren't they? 248 00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:47,718 Three boys and two girls. 249 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,421 I think it's wrong to force gender specification upon them 250 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,756 at this young age. 251 00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,858 Funny. That's exactly what their mother said. 252 00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:56,060 The quints are all Caucasian, blue-eyed, 253 00:09:56,062 --> 00:09:57,962 and something kind of weird. 254 00:09:57,964 --> 00:09:59,063 What's that? 255 00:09:59,065 --> 00:10:01,633 Well, the babies are all extremely PC, 256 00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:03,167 the likes of which I have never seen. 257 00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:04,702 Watch this. [ Intercom clicks ] 258 00:10:04,704 --> 00:10:06,304 [ Over microphone ] Three black guys walk into a bar -- 259 00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:10,108 [ Babies crying ] 260 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,142 It's okay! It's okay! 261 00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,177 They left! They left! 262 00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:14,512 [ Crying stops ] 263 00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:17,582 Doctor, would it be possible for me 264 00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:20,285 to hold the PC Babies? 265 00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:23,054 I'm sorry. That's only for the mother and father. 266 00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:24,955 Though, according to the vice principal, 267 00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:28,760 the father doesn't even exist. 268 00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,429 [ Ball dribbling ] 269 00:10:32,431 --> 00:10:33,564 [ Backboard rattles ] 270 00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:34,866 You guys! Hey, guys! 271 00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:36,968 I think I figured it out. What? 272 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,903 How to get Mr. Hankey another chance. 273 00:10:39,906 --> 00:10:41,339 There's by-laws in the city council 274 00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:42,573 that community service leaders 275 00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:44,042 can't be terminated without a hearing. 276 00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,478 I need you guys there as character witnesses. 277 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:47,945 N-N-Nope. 278 00:10:47,947 --> 00:10:49,547 Not getting the stink on me. 279 00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:51,282 He has a right to be heard. 280 00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:53,184 He's meant a lot to this town. 281 00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,086 Dude, why do you keep defending him, Kyle? 282 00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:57,622 Yeah, you know everyone in town thinks he's a piece of shit. 283 00:10:57,624 --> 00:11:00,425 Come on, guys. We can't just turn our backs. 284 00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:03,428 How many times has Mr. Hankey been there for us? 285 00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:05,229 Mmm, once, kind of? 286 00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:07,331 Look, he messed up, 287 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:08,833 but I don't know if he deserves everything 288 00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:09,901 that's coming down on him. 289 00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:11,502 I wanna stand by my friend. 290 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:15,973 Mm, let's see how that goes for you in 2018. 291 00:11:15,975 --> 00:11:17,542 [ Rim rattles ] 292 00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:24,682 Vice Principal? 293 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,217 My babies! Where are they? 294 00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:27,885 Shh. It's okay. The babies are fine. 295 00:11:27,887 --> 00:11:30,088 Resting in the nursery. 296 00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:31,990 They're the most... [Voice breaking] 297 00:11:31,992 --> 00:11:33,992 They're the most PC babies I've ever seen. 298 00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:35,226 You shouldn't be here. 299 00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,995 People will start getting suspicious! 300 00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:38,863 Look, I was the one who abused my position 301 00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:40,198 and took advantage of a subordinate -- 302 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,899 Nobody took advantage of me! Not took advantage. 303 00:11:41,901 --> 00:11:43,601 You know what I'm saying. And I'm a strong woman! 304 00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:45,102 All I want to do is help. 305 00:11:45,104 --> 00:11:46,937 We can say I'm the manny. 306 00:11:46,939 --> 00:11:48,372 And if anyone has a problem with that, 307 00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:49,674 then they have a problem with gender biases, 308 00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:51,175 and they can take it up with me! 309 00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:53,444 We can keep the truth about the babies totally hidden. 310 00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:56,080 Oh, yes, that curriculum should be fine 311 00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:57,348 for the students. 312 00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:59,517 I'll start working on an all-school proposal. 313 00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:01,285 Oh, yes, very good, Vice Principal. 314 00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:03,688 See that it is done by back-to-school night. 315 00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:04,855 All right, Mommy! 316 00:12:04,857 --> 00:12:06,424 Your little bundles of joys are here. 317 00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:07,925 Oh, and who's this. 318 00:12:07,927 --> 00:12:09,293 I am the manny. 319 00:12:09,295 --> 00:12:10,594 Anyone have a problem with that? 320 00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:12,463 [ Chuckling ] No, not at all. 321 00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:13,831 Everything good here? 322 00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:15,266 [ Cries ] 323 00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:17,168 [ Babies cry ] 324 00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:19,203 Aw! Are these PC babies? 325 00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:20,905 [ Crying continues ] 326 00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:24,642 And now, live from the town courthouse, 327 00:12:24,644 --> 00:12:27,612 It's the Hankey Hearings on South Park 13. 328 00:12:27,614 --> 00:12:31,382 [ Indistinct talking ] [ Gavel bangs ] 329 00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:32,783 Mr. Hankey? 330 00:12:32,785 --> 00:12:34,785 [ Sniffles loudly ] 331 00:12:34,787 --> 00:12:37,822 14 hours ago, did you or did you not say, 332 00:12:37,824 --> 00:12:41,492 "Everyone in South Park is a goddamn douche bag"? 333 00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:42,727 Yes. 334 00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:45,896 That was a bad attempt at a Christmas joke. 335 00:12:45,898 --> 00:12:48,833 But there's nothing in that statement about Christmas. 336 00:12:48,835 --> 00:12:51,636 That's was I said, it was a bad attempt. 337 00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:53,404 What part of the statement was actually -- 338 00:12:53,406 --> 00:12:56,740 You wanna hear a good Christmas joke? 339 00:12:56,742 --> 00:12:58,709 In 2005, you said that -- 340 00:12:58,711 --> 00:13:01,212 [ Sniffles loudly ] 341 00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:03,047 You said that you had no recollection -- 342 00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:04,682 [ Sniffles loudly ] 343 00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:06,750 Sorry. I got the sniffles. 344 00:13:06,752 --> 00:13:08,586 Mr. Hankey, do you understand 345 00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:10,088 how important these statements are 346 00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:11,923 to the citizens of this town? 347 00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:15,226 All I understand is, it's only eight weeks until Christmas. 348 00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:17,461 If we don't stop wasting our time, 349 00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:18,696 we're all gonna miss out 350 00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:21,666 on the most magical part of the whole year. 351 00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:24,102 What did you mean last night when you tweeted, 352 00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:28,205 "The Mayor of South Park is a titless whore"? 353 00:13:28,207 --> 00:13:29,173 [ Loud thud ] 354 00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:31,675 Oh, come on! It was a joke! 355 00:13:31,677 --> 00:13:33,010 That's it! That's it. 356 00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:34,879 I've had enough of this whole fucking sham! 357 00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:37,848 Fuck all you and fuck this whole system! 358 00:13:37,850 --> 00:13:39,651 It's Christmastime! 359 00:13:41,587 --> 00:13:42,920 It's okay. 360 00:13:42,922 --> 00:13:44,088 Shh. 361 00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:45,789 We just need to get some diapers. 362 00:13:45,791 --> 00:13:46,924 Shh. 363 00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:49,426 Oh, what adorable little babies! 364 00:13:49,428 --> 00:13:50,628 Thank you. 365 00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:53,631 My, they look very PC! 366 00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:54,632 Oh no, no. 367 00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:55,966 They're not very PC, at all. 368 00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:58,135 Aww! Look at the PC babies! 369 00:13:58,137 --> 00:13:59,870 They actually aren't PC. 370 00:13:59,872 --> 00:14:01,205 No? 371 00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:03,775 Did you hear Monica Lewinsky's becoming a Republican? 372 00:14:03,777 --> 00:14:06,044 The Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth. 373 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:09,080 [ Babies cry ] [ Laughter ] 374 00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:11,515 Oh, God. Shhhh! No, no, no, no, no! 375 00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:13,418 Shhhh! Is everything all right? 376 00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:16,587 Oh, look! More PC babies! They're everywhere! 377 00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:18,689 I told you we need to shop separately! 378 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,357 Shh! Shh. 379 00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:22,726 Excuse me, where is the Oriental food aisle? 380 00:14:22,728 --> 00:14:26,164 [ Crying intensifies ] Shhh! Quiet! There's PC babies! 381 00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:30,602 Gee-whiz. 382 00:14:30,604 --> 00:14:32,370 Thanks for comin' out with me, Kyle. 383 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:35,506 These days, it's like you're my only friend. 384 00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:40,577 So what's the plan, huh? 385 00:14:40,579 --> 00:14:42,613 What you got figured out to get my job back? 386 00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:44,081 I had a plan. 387 00:14:44,083 --> 00:14:46,350 You decided to call the mayor a titless whore. 388 00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:48,986 [ Chuckles ] Oh, it was a joke, Kyle. 389 00:14:48,988 --> 00:14:51,022 Sometimes, when I take Ambien, 390 00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:53,157 I'm really groggy and moody the next day. 391 00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:54,292 It's a real side affect. 392 00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:55,627 it's printed right on the bottle! 393 00:14:55,629 --> 00:14:57,128 [ Scoffs ] I don't know how much longer 394 00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:58,462 I can defend you. 395 00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:00,365 People are starting to think I'm shitty. 396 00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:02,466 Kyle, don't you understand this whole thing 397 00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:03,934 is a smear campaign? 398 00:15:03,936 --> 00:15:06,704 Why are people focusing on a few stupid words I said 399 00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:09,474 when Christmas is just around the corner?! 400 00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:12,409 It's like everyone's forgot about what Christmas means -- 401 00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:13,978 [ Gasps ] 402 00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:15,179 Oh, my God! 403 00:15:15,181 --> 00:15:18,583 Kyle! That's it! The holiday spirit! 404 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:19,784 It's October! 405 00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:21,986 And that's the point! Don't you see? 406 00:15:21,988 --> 00:15:23,220 What we need to do 407 00:15:23,222 --> 00:15:25,389 is get everyone in the Christmas mood! 408 00:15:25,391 --> 00:15:28,860 We can bring the whole spirit of the holidays early! 409 00:15:28,862 --> 00:15:29,994 Okay, you do that. 410 00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:31,695 No, no, no. Kyle, you gotta help me! 411 00:15:31,697 --> 00:15:33,231 I can't do this alone. 412 00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:34,699 I have homework and stuff! 413 00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:36,533 You're all I have! 414 00:15:36,535 --> 00:15:38,335 Even my wife left with the nuggets 415 00:15:38,337 --> 00:15:39,570 'cause of all the pressure! 416 00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:40,338 Please! 417 00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:41,739 Okay, fine! 418 00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:42,740 I'll help you. 419 00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:43,975 But listen to me, 420 00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:46,443 I don't care how restless you get tonight. 421 00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:48,079 No Ambien. 422 00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:50,981 Well, maybe just a "liddol" if I really can't sleep. 423 00:15:50,983 --> 00:15:52,683 No! None! 424 00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:53,918 If you want my help this time, 425 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:55,452 you aren't taking any Ambien tonight. 426 00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:56,254 That's the deal! 427 00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:58,088 Yay! It's a deal! 428 00:15:58,090 --> 00:16:00,258 Oh, boy! Kyle, I'm so excited! 429 00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:02,293 We're gonna bring the spirit of Christmas 430 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:03,695 to South Park! 431 00:16:09,668 --> 00:16:12,703 Aww, look at the little PC babies! 432 00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:14,839 Uh, no. We're from Missouri. 433 00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:17,341 I know a PC baby when I see one! 434 00:16:17,343 --> 00:16:19,343 [ Coddling voice ] Who loves social justice? 435 00:16:19,345 --> 00:16:21,779 Who's the future? Who's the big bad future? 436 00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:23,981 Yes, they are. [ Giggles ] 437 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,083 Aww, PC babies! 438 00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:27,318 All right. Please, move along folks. 439 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,821 We don't want the babies to get excited. 440 00:16:29,823 --> 00:16:33,391 [ Synthesizer music plays ] 441 00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:36,426 ♪♪ 442 00:16:36,428 --> 00:16:41,065 Mr. Hankey: Hello, South Park! 443 00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:43,868 Come on, everybody! Get over here! 444 00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:46,303 Who wants to see a miracle?! 445 00:16:46,305 --> 00:16:48,739 ♪♪ 446 00:16:48,741 --> 00:16:50,807 Howwwwdy ho, everyone! 447 00:16:50,809 --> 00:16:52,576 Guess what time it is? 448 00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:54,578 It's Christmastime! 449 00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:56,113 [ Fireworks whistle, explode ] 450 00:16:56,115 --> 00:16:58,048 All: Ohhhhh. 451 00:16:58,050 --> 00:17:00,618 ♪ Deck the halls and trim the trees ♪ 452 00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:03,387 ♪ Christmastime is here ♪ 453 00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:06,123 ♪ Gonna sing and flush our worries away ♪ 454 00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:09,026 ♪ It's the best time of the year ♪ 455 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,796 That's right, everybody! Who loves the holidays? 456 00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,130 [ Crowd cheers ] 457 00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:14,832 Just like when Christ was born, 458 00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:17,501 let's all be with our mothers and fathers -- 459 00:17:17,503 --> 00:17:18,669 [ PC babies cry ] 460 00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:21,071 Let's not forget that boys and girls 461 00:17:21,073 --> 00:17:22,840 all over the world are -- 462 00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:24,475 [ Crying continues ] 463 00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:28,412 Hey! Hey, careful! You're upsetting the PC babies! 464 00:17:28,414 --> 00:17:29,680 The PC what? Listen! 465 00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:32,316 Christmas season means peace on earth 466 00:17:32,318 --> 00:17:34,251 and good will towards men. 467 00:17:34,253 --> 00:17:36,053 [ Crying intensifies ] 468 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,956 Uh, uh, look, what is the holiday season about? 469 00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:40,758 It's about loving each other, right? 470 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,760 Loving and -- What?! 471 00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:44,428 What are they crying about now? 472 00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:45,830 Sometimes, PC Babies 473 00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:47,531 don't even know what they're crying about. 474 00:17:47,533 --> 00:17:49,866 Well, then tell the babies to shut the fuck up! 475 00:17:49,868 --> 00:17:51,068 [ Crowd groans, boos ] 476 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,703 Who the fuck brings a goddamn baby 477 00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:54,372 to a Christmas show anyway?! 478 00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:55,807 Mr. Hankey, stop! 479 00:17:55,809 --> 00:17:59,010 Lemme go, Kyle! These people are idiots! 480 00:18:03,315 --> 00:18:05,183 [ Crying continues ] 481 00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:15,659 ♪♪ 482 00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:17,628 Mommy, something stinks. 483 00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:20,631 Yeah, like shit. 484 00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,166 [ Door slams ] 485 00:18:22,168 --> 00:18:23,367 [ Horn honks ] 486 00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:25,402 You stand up for all pieces of crap? 487 00:18:25,404 --> 00:18:28,706 Asshole! 488 00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:33,410 ♪♪ 489 00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:34,912 Uh-huh. 490 00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:36,747 2018. 491 00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:44,788 ♪♪ 492 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:47,491 Kyle, listen. 493 00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:49,226 It was 3:00 a.m. last night, 494 00:18:49,228 --> 00:18:51,529 and I still hadn't slept, so I d-- 495 00:18:51,531 --> 00:18:52,363 Kyle! 496 00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:53,630 Kyle, please! 497 00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:55,866 They're gonna run me out of town, Kyle. 498 00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:57,702 They're going to erase me 499 00:18:57,704 --> 00:19:01,004 and everything I ever did. 500 00:19:01,006 --> 00:19:03,874 You want them to erase me, too? 501 00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:05,209 ♪♪ 502 00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:09,346 Kyle...we can all be shitty sometimes. 503 00:19:09,348 --> 00:19:13,417 Uh...[ Groans ] 504 00:19:13,419 --> 00:19:15,786 ♪♪ 505 00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:24,995 They're so strong... 506 00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,597 like their mother. 507 00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:29,066 They're so PC, like... 508 00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:31,335 whoever their father is. 509 00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:33,537 We'll never keep them quiet. 510 00:19:33,539 --> 00:19:36,407 Our only hope is to keep them hidden. 511 00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:40,044 Can they ever know that I'm their dad? 512 00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:42,880 We did the most un-PC thing imaginable. 513 00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:45,249 Think about what that would do to them. 514 00:19:45,251 --> 00:19:47,251 We can never let them know the debaucherous, 515 00:19:47,253 --> 00:19:50,587 sickening circumstances that brought them into this world. 516 00:19:50,589 --> 00:19:53,590 Then, I'll just try to be the best principal to them 517 00:19:53,592 --> 00:19:55,425 that I possibly can. 518 00:19:55,427 --> 00:19:58,162 And I'll be their strongest vice principal, 519 00:19:58,164 --> 00:20:00,998 and hopefully... the world will calm down 520 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,735 and not do anything to upset them. 521 00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:06,403 Today... 522 00:20:06,405 --> 00:20:10,274 South Park says goodbye to Mr. Hankey. 523 00:20:10,276 --> 00:20:14,278 The longtime union of this town and the holiday figure 524 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,447 is over for good. 525 00:20:16,449 --> 00:20:19,350 We should all feel pretty great about ourselves, 526 00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:22,786 give ourselves a little, nice pat on the back, 527 00:20:22,788 --> 00:20:25,656 as we, as a society, continue 528 00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:28,526 to try and sweep away all the poop. 529 00:20:36,802 --> 00:20:40,537 Well, everyone... I guess this is goodbye. 530 00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:42,606 It sure has been swell- 531 00:20:42,608 --> 00:20:44,975 No good-byes, Hankey. You just need to go. 532 00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:46,610 We've already called you a "Poober." 533 00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:49,012 A Poober -- They have that? 534 00:20:49,014 --> 00:20:51,348 [ Horn honks ] 535 00:20:51,350 --> 00:20:53,316 Oh, you mean Lyft. 536 00:20:53,318 --> 00:20:55,953 Well, okay. Goodbye, everyone. 537 00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:59,189 I hope I brought a few smiles and a few laughs 538 00:20:59,191 --> 00:21:00,791 into your hearts. 539 00:21:03,730 --> 00:21:07,098 Goodbye, Mr. Hankey. 540 00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:22,413 Where will he go? 541 00:21:22,415 --> 00:21:23,714 He'll have to find a place 542 00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:26,917 that accepts racist, awful beings like him. 543 00:21:26,919 --> 00:21:28,652 There are still places out there 544 00:21:28,654 --> 00:21:31,522 who don't care about bigotry and hate. 545 00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:36,327 Howwwwwdy ho! 546 00:21:36,329 --> 00:21:38,128 Cool, man. Talking crap. 547 00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:39,396 Welcome, my friend. 548 00:21:39,398 --> 00:21:40,964 Please, rest your wary feet 549 00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:42,900 and make yourself at home here! 550 00:21:42,902 --> 00:21:44,235 ALL: Hooray! 551 00:21:50,943 --> 00:21:52,876 Everyone's really mad at you. 552 00:21:52,878 --> 00:21:54,945 Were you on Twitter last night? 553 00:21:54,947 --> 00:21:57,348 Yeeeahhhh. 554 00:21:57,350 --> 00:21:59,316 Did you tweet, "The kids of South Park 555 00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:01,685 are retarded homos who can't play music"? 556 00:22:01,687 --> 00:22:04,488 Eeeeeyeeaaahhhhh. 557 00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:06,495 Why would you tweet that?!