♪♪
Les: ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
Les: ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪
Les: ♪ Headin' on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
♪ Murpph mmmph mmph mmmph mrrr mff mrmmph! ♪
Les: ♪ Come on down to South Park, and meet some friends of mine ♪
♪♪
[ Birds chirping ]
[ Chirps ]
[ Gunshot ]
Yeeeah! You got it, Ned!
That was a nice shot!
[ Voice box ] Thanks. I thought so, too.
Come on, let's see what we got.
Huh. Looks like you shot the shit out of it.
There's nothin' left.
Hey. Lookie here.
Jesus. You ever seen animal tracks that big?
[ Voice box ] No, I have not, Jimbo.
Looks like a bear. A huge one!
Come on, the tracks go this way.
♪♪
Look at that. Looks like bear droppings.
But with a man poop right next to it.
[ Voice box ] I'm scared.
♪♪
What the hell are we dealing with, Ned?
Whatever it is, it was here recently.
Randy: Hey!
What the hell are you guys doing on my farm?
We're trackin' a bear, Randy.
A bear?
[ Menacing squealing ]
That didn't sound like no bear.
Where you goin', Ned?
[ Voice box ] I'm getting my white ass outta here.
[ Roaring, squealing ]
What the fuck?!
Jesus Christ!
[ Gunshot ]
[ Voice box ] Ahghgghghgh!
[ Roars ]
[ Voice box ] Helllllllp meeeeee!
[ Struggling ]
♪♪
Neddddddd!
♪♪
All right, we have some dead cows down at Milner's Ranch.
I want Conners and Tiggs to check that out.
And the two hikers are still missing.
Let's have all units keep their ears to the ground.
All right, ladies, that's it. Second shift starts now.
As for me, I'm finally heading home.
Gonna finally get some R&R, sir?
Yup. Gonna go home and play me some "Red Dead Redemption 2."
I got a train to rob in Valentine.
Cop: Detective?!
Got a call from the school.
Another kid's been killed.
No, no, not another school shooting.
Can't they handle it themselves?
Said they need us right away.
God damn it.
Why the hell can't these kids stop being a pain in my ass?
[ Siren wails ]
[ Car door slams ]
Children, everyone just stay back, okay?
The police are coming.
All right, what happened? What grade was the shooter in?
Oh, thank God.
Some kindergartners found the body.
I-I don't think it was a shooting.
Of course it's a school shooting.
It's cut and dry.
Let's just get this over with so I can go home.
Where's the victim?
Over there.
♪♪
Cop: What the hell?
Jesus, it's a complete mauling.
Looks like part of him was eaten.
All right, which one of you little shitheads did this?
Come on! I don't have time for these little games.
Which one of you peckers felt isolated
and lashed out at society?
If I have to stay here and do an investigation
instead of go home and rob a train,
there's gonna be serious hell to pay!
[ Door clangs ]
So, what was he doing alone on the playground?
Staci Nakabe says he just wanted to run back out
and get his football.
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
And there were bear prints in the snow?
Stan: It wasn't a bear.
I saw it.
You saw what?
It was at my house.
There was a...thing.
It attacked my uncle and took his friend.
It was like a bear, but a pig...thing.
Jesus.
It was at my house and then here at the school!
Everyone says that kid and I look alike.
What if that thing is after me?
Dude, now you're just overreacting.
Mr. Mackey: [ Over P.A. ] Attention, please.
Will the following students
report to the principal's office.
Eric Cartman. Kenny McCormick.
Thank you, mkay.
Aw, what did I do this time?
You go first, Kenny.
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
I didn't even do anything wrong!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Just stop being a baby, Kenny, and go.
Take a seat boys. Right there.
[ Flame crackles, lighter clicks ]
[ Exhales deeply ]
You know how shitty it is to be a cop?
There's real emergencies every day --
real people who need real help --
but then, every other minute, I gotta stop everything
'cause one of you little fuckwads
decides to go and shoot up the school.
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Shut up! Now, which one of you had a beef with Colin Brooks?
Nobody gives a shit about Colin Brooks.
Oh, yeah? I asked the kids in this school,
"Who are the biggest loners?
Who's most likely to rage and be the next school shooter?"
You know what they said?
The fat, ugly, mean kid and the detached, loner, poor kid.
Hey, I'm not poor, all right?
Or was it both of you? Fess up.
I have people in Horseshoe Overlook
who are depending on me to get provisions
so we can head back east.
You're playing "Red Dead Redemption," too?
That's right.
And I'm gonna make both of you school shooters pay
for wasting my time.
[ Keyboard clacks ]
Keep looking. There's a lot of people
saying they saw it, Kyle.
It's not just me.
"Evidence of the creature of South Park."
This is like a conspiracy website.
It's not a conspiracy, it's real.
Keep going down. There's video.
There! Right there!
[ Mouse clicks ]
That's it.
That's was I saw.
I saw ManBearPig.
ManBearPig?
Don't you remember, dude? We were warned about this.
That weirdo guy who came and told us this would happen?
He was right.
You guys! You guys!
The police are trying to say
me and Kenny killed that douchebag Colin Brooks!
What?
They questioned us for hours.
They said they have enough to get warrants for our arrest.
But it wasn't you guys.
We know that! What the hell are we gonna do?!
Who was that ex-president guy?
The one who showed up
and tried to convince everyone of a ManBearPig?
Mrph rmhmhm rm?
Al Gore.
In my report, you'll see that Eric Cartman and Kenny McCormick
are believed to have worked together.
I've issued warrants for their arrests,
and this case is now in the hands of the DA.
And I am finally going home.
Keep McCormick and Cartman in separate holding cells,
and don't wait on me to book 'em.
I'm gonna be playing "Red Dead Redemption" for the next 18 hours.
Cop: Detective!
Whattt?!
There's more dead kids.
Out in the woods by Stark's Pond.
In the woods?
There was a school shooting out in the woods?
Outside of school is the one place
kids are supposed to be safe.
They're saying it's really bad, sir.
Need all unites.
[ Sighs deeply ] God damn it.
If these kids don't stop killing each other,
I'm gonna shoot them all myself.
♪♪
Hello, uh, we're looking for a government sort of guy named Al Gore?
Al Gore...? Al Gore...?
Sounds familiar.
He said he was almost president once.
He came to our town to warn us about something,
and we have to find him.
Oh, yeah.
This looks like Jim Turner.
Mrph rmhmhm?
The state bowling champion five years in a row.
You can always catch him practicing
down at Gramercy Lanes.
[ Indistinct conversations, pins clacking ]
Focus.
Calm. Center.
♪♪
[ Pins clack ]
Yes! Die!
Die, you pins!
Oh, we've got a straggler, do we?
You're gonna die just like the rest of 'em.
Mr. Gore?
Focus. Calm.
Al Gore?
♪♪
That's a name I haven't heard in a long time.
I don't know if you remember us,
but we're the kids you got to help try and capture ManBearPig?
Well, uh [chuckles] you were right.
Ha. You -- You were totally right.
ManBearPig is real,
and, uh, he's killing lots of people in our town.
Oh. Sucks for you.
[ Pin clacks ]
Please, Mr. Gore! We need your help!
ManBearPig isn't going to stop.
Oh, is it inconvenient now?
I tried to warn you all, but no one took me cereal.
You all just made fun of me, didn't you?
Well, now you can just deal with it yourselves.
Please, just tell us -- How do you stop it?
You stop it all those years ago
when I freaking warned you and you still had time!
There has to be something we can still do.
Please, Mr. Gore. You're the only person
who knows anything about it.
Say you're sorry for making fun of me.
We didn't...
We didn't realize there were more than --
Say you're sorry for making fun of me.
We're sorry for making fun of you.
That didn't sound cereal at all.
[ Pins clack ]
You can't just go along
with what people are saying, Susan, okay?
There's no scientific proof,
no real evidence of a ManBearPig.
Well, there's a lot of smart people saying ManBearPig is real.
Yeah, and a lot of smarter people saying it isn't, okay?
What you need to understand, Susan,
is that everyone has an agenda. Okay?
Everyone wants to use the fear of a ManBearPig
to get what they want.
[ Glass shatters ]
So they throw around bad science, bad taxidermy.
[ ManBearPig roars ] People coming out of the woodwork
are now experts on the subject.
[ People screaming ] [ Roars ]
But you have to use your own brain, sweetheart.
You can't just let people tell you
that if you don't believe in ManBearPig,
then you don't care about the world.
It is real!
You wanna believe it's real, you go right on ahead, Susan.
No, it's right there! It's right there behind you!
[ Man screaming ]
[ ManBearPig roars ]
Okay, ManBearPig is real.
What are we gonna do about it now, huh?
What are we gonna do
that's gonna make any difference now, Susan?
What?! We have to do something!
What can we do that everyone else will also do, Susan?
Come on, use your brain.
Even if we do something about it... [ ManBearPig roars ]
...what about the Chinese?
They're just gonna keep right on -- Ahghhggh!
Boys: ♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
♪ That should've been president ♪
Oh, thanks guys! You shouldn't have!
You told us to. [ Grunts ]
What did you guys get me?
Oh, wow. Look!
It's a "You were right about ManBearPig"
signed picture!
So, um...
now maybe we can all work together, huh?
Hang on! It's movie time!
Go, go! Start it up.
This is the best party ever. [ Projector whirring ]
Oh, look, guys. It's me!
There I am, campaigning to be president!
That's me with Hillary!
There's more of me on the campaign trail,
so full of dreams!
Oh, look! It's me when I found out I lost the election!
Boo!
But then look!
There's me getting an Academy Award!
Okay, can we stop ManBearPig now?!
Who said anything about stopping M.B.P.?
Y-You told us to do all this.
Yeah, to make up for ripping on me!
You're still not even gonna help us?!
I've moved on from this life, okay?!
I have a new life now!
I'm a bowler!
And when I'm not bowling, I help out my gang.
They're my family now!
We're wanted in Blackwater,
and we have to move our camp soon!
You're playing Red Dead Redemption 2?
Yeah. It's amazing.
Only thing is, I have all these stolen items,
and I don't know how to sell them.
We know how.
Oh, really?
No witnesses to the attack were left alive.
The same bear and pig droppings were found
along with human excrement.
I don't believe it.
A school shooting at an ice cream shop.
Damn it! When children leave school,
they're supposed to be out of harm's way.
Detective!
Sir, we got word on the two suspects.
They appear to be on the run.
I would be, too, if I were guilty.
No one has seen them or their two closest friends.
A Marsh and Broflovski.
So, we got us a gang of shooters, huh?!
How the hell hard can it be to find four boys?!
Sir...
Why don't you take a break, sir?
Ehh.
You've been hittin' it hard.
We'll do all we can to catch these kids.
Go home,
play some "Red Dead Redemption."
Huh.
Got to admit, I'd love to see the sun
rise over Citadel Rock again.
And I got me a gal who claims she's got
a side mission or two.
Go on home, sir.
We'll take care of everything here.
[ Chain rattles ]
♪♪
This is it.
Every piece of information I ever gathered
on ManBearPig.
Where did ManBearPig come from?
Is it some sort of genetic mutation?
[ Chuckling ] Oh! I thought that once, too.
I wanted to find ManBearPig's origins.
And so I created this -- the Internet.
With that, I was able to search everywhere
for any bit of data.
And what I learned is that ManBearPig...
is a demon.
Rmphm?!
This is "The Temptation of St. Anthony"
by Martin Schongauer.
It depicts several demons --
WolfMonkeyGuy, ChickenFishWoman and ElephantPorcupineMan,
just to name a few.
All of them demons sent by the Devil himself.
[ Gasps ] Oh, my God.
What?
I should play "Red Dead" on this computer,
with all three screens.
That'd be so bitchin' sweet.
Why did the devil send ManBearPig?!
Why does the devil do anything?
He's the freakin' devil. He's a dick.
♪♪
It's probably too late.
By now ManBearPig is so powerful
that the only way to get rid of him
is to send him back to hell.
We're going to have to do a demonic ritual.
All I can say is,
you boys better get to the grocery store,
'cause it's time... to get cereal.
Harrison Yates, where have ya been?!
Another school shooting, Maggie.
Down at Baskin-Robbins.
[ Beep, up-beat music plays ]
I haven't seen you in days. I've missed you so much.
Come have some supper with me.
Maggie, I just need to relax a bit, all right?
Please.
I've been waiting for this a long time.
Just give me a --
Wait a minute.
The house in Valentine is built?
Where did I get a sniper rifle?
Maggie!
Did you play over my save game?
I just played a little bit.
A little bit, you -- On my save game?!
Why didn't you start your own?!
You're never home anymore!
With all these school shootin's!
I need a life, too, ya know!
So I robbed a lumber mill in Monto's Rest,
upgraded my horse, and got a sniper rifle.
That's my life, Maggie!
I was going for more honor points!
God damn it!
Why can't we have a life together?!
I haven't gotten to play in three days.
You've done all this stuff without me!
You got deputized?!
[ Sobbing ]
Oh, God damn it! That does it.
Where are ya goin'?!
I'm starting a new life!
I'm creating a new save game.
You can't possibly go all the way back
to the snow level again!
What choice do I have now?!
[ Sobbing ]
Fuckin' bitch.
[ Wind whistling ]
[ Bleats ]
Abbul abash my-ah.
What Satan has put forth upon this earth
may it be summoned and banished forever.
Dude, come on, what are we doing?
This is stupid. He was right before.
We call upon the powers of darkness.
Come on, guys. We call upon...
All: We call upon the powers of darkness.
Al Gore was right.
Al Gore was right all along.
All: Al Gore was right all along.
We should have listened to Al Gore.
Boys: We should have all listened to Al Gor-- Wait.
Are you videoing us?
It's Instagram live. Keep going!
We should have taken Al Gore more cereal.
All right. All right. That's enough.
You need to stop wasting our time, dude.
People are dying!
You don't have a fucking clue what you're doing!
[ Bleats ]
[ Electricity crackles ]
♪♪
You were saying?
Aw, shit!
God Damn it! Nothing!
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
[ Coughs ]
[ Sniffles ]
[ Door slams ]
Do you all have any idea what's it's like to start over?!
You walk four hours through the snow
relearning everything,
all because your bitch wife went and spent
all your hard earned money on upgrades you didn't want!
I get one little break from work --
one little break -- and I didn't even get back
to the first brawl at the saloon.
You can actually bypass that fight
if you go hunting with Dutch.
Shut up!
These school shootings are done, you hear me?!
I want this case closed by the end of the night,
one way or another!
Now, let's move out!
Here he comes, boys!
Prepare yourselves!
[ Growling, screaming ]
♪♪
Who hath summoned me to this realm?!
Dude! You summoned Satan!
Yeah no doi! What'dya think we were doing?!
Prince of darkness! It is I, Al Gore!
I was almost president!
What do you wish of me, Al Gore?!
A demon from Hell
has been unleashed upon our world!
We demand to know its nature!
We demand to know its reason for coming!
There is only one place you can find the answers you seek!
It is the place where all knowledge
becomes known!
Your local library.
Ah! You are correct.
Your local library is an excellent resource
for whatever you wish to learn.
Yes, it is.
Then I command thee, Satan,
to come with us to the local library!
And I am cereal!
Dude, Satan's not gonna go with us to the --
Very well, Al Gore. Let us go!
♪♪
Satan: Yeah, guys! Guys, over here!
I think I found it.
What you're dealing with is a Sifter of Fate.
Mrph rmhmhm?
So there's these demons that, um, actually come
once every few generations.
They're all about making deals.
Making deals?
Yeah, check it out.
"The Sifter of Fate thrives on tempting mankind.
It will always offer a deal in exchange for mercy,
but the carnage will be a thousand times worse
when the debt comes due."
Okay, so wait.
Now you're saying that someone in our town
made a deal with that thing?
Now it's here to claim it's part of the bargain.
It's sort of like when you're part of a gang
feuding with a rival gang, you know.
You ride around on your horse
thinking it won't all catch up with you,
but it always does.
You're playing "Red Dead Redemption," too?
So good, right?
[ Siren chirps ]
Yates: Attention, school shooters!
We have you surrounded!
Come out with your hands up!
Oh, Jesus. You gotta tell them, Mr. Gore!
Tell them it wasn't us!
No. They don't listen to me, kids.
It's up to you young people now.
You have to find a way to get people to take this cereal.
You must convince people there's a ManBearPig,
which Satan told you is a Fate Sifter demon
that made a deal with someone in this town!
That's gonna be impossible.
Yeah, sounds really hard, doesn't it?
People might not believe you
and, like, make fun of you and stuff.
Poor you guys, huh?
♪♪
Cop: They are coming out!
Hands where we can see em!
Everyone, listen! ManBearPig is real.
It's a demon that thrives on making deals
to exploit mankind's weaknesses.
I am super-duper cereal.
We all have to work together, you guys. This one time.
We have to all put our pride aside
and be willing to say, maybe we were wrong.
All right, lock these little fuckers up!
No! You can't!
That's it, gentlemen! Case closed.
Now I've got a God damn stagecoach to rob
in Scarlett Meadows!
Well done, sir!
No! Noooo!
Please! Somebody made a deal with ManBearPig!
We have to find out who!
Billy...
what have I done?
What are we gonna do
that's gonna make any difference now, Susan?
What?! We have to do something!
What can we do that everyone else will also do, Susan?
Come on, use your brain.
Even if we do something about it... [ ManBearPig roars ]
...what about the Chinese?
They're just gonna keep right on -- Ahghhggh!