[grunts]
Hold all my calls.
[giggling]
♪ Boss Baby ♪
♪ I'm the Boss, Boss Baby, boss, boss Boss Baby, boss, boss ♪
♪ Watch a itty-bitty kid get large ♪
♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪
♪ Stroller rolling Up and down the boulevard ♪
♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪
♪ I run this house, I rule this crib ♪
♪ Change my diaper, son, where's my bib? ♪
♪ Don't pacify, you just got to pay me ♪
-♪ Who's in charge? ♪ -♪ Me, the Boss Baby ♪
Old people. The wrinkled menace.
I agree they're shady, sir, but how are they a menace?
Babies are the most adorable, lovable things on the planet.
Old folks are like the raisins of people, and we're the chocolate chips.
It's not what they are, Stace. It's what they want.
Mashed food, warm milk, frequent naps, their family's constant attention.
Quality diaper products.
-I like all those things. -Exactly.
I can't believe we didn't see it sooner.
Old people are babies' natural competitors.
-[gasps] -Indeed.
How long before they come after babies' share of the world's love?
-Uh-- -Don't answer! Too late.
Because unless I'm mistaken, not possible, one of these old people
is already looking to take babies down.
Frederic Estes.
[both gasp]
I think he's onto us and after us.
-He could be the next Bootsy Calico! -Not if we stop him now.
Can you please wrap this up?
Oh, sorry, temporary summertime roommate. We'll try to keep it down.
We can't sit around and wait for this crank to blossom into another archnemesis.
No. We're gonna protect Baby Corp's love and make a splash with our new CEO.
-This time, we strike first. -Yes, yes, yes!
Jiminy Christmas, you guys. Don't tell Mom I swore.
Strike plan. Ideas by tomorrow.
I want Frederic Estes' head on a platter for Turtleneck Superstar CEO Baby
-by the end of the week. -[Staci] Yeah!
Head guts! Let's ride.
-[Jimbo neighs] -[Staci laughs]
It's a figure of speech, Staci.
We're not severing any actual-- Well, she's excited.
How about you, Templeton? Any anti-Estes ideas?
Really not getting involved in this one. I like old people.
[Boss Baby laughs]
Classic Templeton.
I'm serious.
Bootsy Calico and his cats were freaky and evil,
but old people aren't either of those things.
-They make me happy. -That's mathematically impossible.
You're over a thousand percent closer to baby age than old people age.
How could they possibly make you happy?
-Oh, this is about her. -[Gigi] Knock, knock.
Is it too late to say good night to my big grandson?
Not for either one of us.
What in-- Did you let him out of his crib?
Uh, I guess that's the only explanation that makes sense.
[Gigi] Unh-unh.
We talked about this, bossy britches. You don't get to run this house anymore.
Cute and sassy doesn't cut it with your Gigi.
-[Boss Baby farts, giggles] -Ugh!
Oh, we are gonna work on that attitude this summer.
And as for you, young man,
did somebody place an order at the tickle factory?
Oh, no, I ordered too many. Send them back!
[Gigi laughs]
Good night, Timmy.
[blows raspberry]
[laughs] She's the best. You two should try harder to get along.
I like you and I like her, so, mathematically,
that's like a thousand percent chance you'll like each other.
[groans] Public schools.
Brass tacks, Templeton. I'm a baby, she's a senior citizen.
War's coming, and Gigi and I are in opposite camps.
Sooner or later, you have to pick a side.
-Pick Team Baby! -[Tim yells]
These are your Frederic Estes strike plans?
Nunchucks are the only plan I need.
And I brought this thumb to agree with Staci's plan.
[groaning]
We have to send a message.
Humiliate Estes, let him know this is a baby town.
You come after our love, we don't run and hide.
-[Tim and Gigi laugh] -Ahh! Run and hide!
-You're gonna be on TV? -[chuckles] Maybe.
Marsha Krinkle's doing a fluff piece
on a charity pinochle tournament at the senior center.
It was my friend Frederic's idea.
Hmm?
-You wanna come? -You think I could be on TV?
Who knows? I made the local news once. Well, my mug shot did.
The boss tried to take away our dental plan,
so I cracked his tooth with a forearm. [cracking sound]
-I could make cookies for the old folks. -Oh, sure. That'd be easier.
Start your baking and we'll head over in a bit.
I'm gonna be on TV! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
-Jimbo, Staci, I have our strike plan. -[Staci and Jimbo giggle]
Hi, I'm Timothy Templeton. Hello, I'm Timothy Templeton.
-Shalom, I'm Tim-- -Templeton!
Stirring like a real pro. What you got there, cookies?
-I'm gonna be on TV. -Hey, hey! Check out Mr. Big Time.
[groans]
My mouth's clean. It's fine.
[groans]
Better get Mom and Dad's help turning on the oven.
Don't wanna burn your eyebrows off before your big debut, champ. [laughs]
Smart. Be right back.
[whistles]
[chewing]
Engage bubble gum.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Black pepper, ground extra fine. [sneezes]
Don't worry about it, Stace. This is for the old people.
[all cackling]
Clambake!
-Is our family famous yet? -Ooh, where's my little celebrity?
Sweet seniors playing cards for charity? Could this be any more adorable?
I just wanna pinch those wrinkled cheeks and see how far they stretch. Love it.
[laughs] Well, you wanna see adorable? Meet my grandson.
He baked cookies for everyone.
Hey, I know that kid!
Yeah! Go, Tim. Go, Mom!
Hi, I'm Cookie Templeton. No, wait!
[Marsha] Oh, relax, Cookie. I'm just your average A-list celebrity.
[gasping breaths, sneezing]
-[sneezing continues on TV] -Scarf that cookie, Estes.
-Bless you! Bless you! -[sneezing]
Bless you too!
[sneezing continuing]
Whoa, is it allergy season? What's going around the infirmary here?
[sneezes] My dentures!
Ugh! Roosevelt, something's going down.
Shake the camera so it looks more exciting.
[old woman] What's in these cookies?
[Estes] My dentures! Where are my dentures?
[Estes sneezing]
Hey, what's happening?
So you baked these cookies yourself. Hmm.
Roosevelt, smell that news.
I smell bubble gum. Loosens the dentures.
Pepper, makes you sneeze. And I smell a very big story.
I'm really gonna shake this camera, Marsha.
Shake it, shake it, shakety-shake.
Templeton, why'd you sabotage the treats? Age envy? Grampy never hugged you?
What? No! I didn't--
What's the point in making old people look super gross?
Someone else must've...
You! You're watching, aren't you?
Can-- can he see us? No, that's crazy, right?
You did this.
What did we do? Where did we go wrong, son?
Reporting live from the senior center, I'm Marsha--
Cut! [retches]
Ahh!
[babies laughing]
To poor Estes, and a very sad day for old people.
[door bangs]
-How could you do that to us? -Templeton, I did it to Estes.
You made me and our Gigi look terrible.
I'm sorry you were collateral damage, Templeton, but we had to be proactive.
We can't let old people cut into our love share.
-Not happening now, am I right? -Team Baby!
Come on, join us. Field team celebration. You're part of this.
I did warn you you'd have to pick a side.
You really gonna throw in with the flying denture crowd?
I'm not picking sides. I like babies and old people.
I don't want to be part of your dirty business.
Ha! You can't just walk away from the warm embrace of Lady Business, Templeton.
You've been out there in the sauce. She's in your veins now.
It'd be like cutting out your own soul.
Then maybe I'll run my own business.
Oh, really? And what slapdash operation might this be?
-It’s super cool. -Your business is called "super cool"?
For big kids.
Super cool big kids?
Incorporated. No sides, no enemies.
Just cool people doing fun stuff, incorporated style.
-That's not a business. -You're not a business. Boom!
[line rings]
Mmm. Petrosky residence. A Petrosky speaking.
Danny, it's Tim. Are you out of summer school yet?
I decided to home summer school.
Oh, well, I was hoping you could come over and help me start a business.
Love to, but I'm really swamped.
It's called Super Cool Big Kids Incorporated.
Yes! Wait, did you say "super cool"? I'll be there in one!
[babies laughing]
I'm telling you, it was raining dentures. Estes was, like... [groaning]
-I love that. -Hey, Double B,
Turtleneck Superstar CEO Baby wants to see you in her office.
Ah, thanks, Hendershot.
If you'll all excuse me,
I'm off to cleanse myself in a shower of praise.
[speaks Japanese]
Lots of good news to share.
First and most importantly, the serum is absolutely secure.
-I guess that isn't so much news as-- -[CEO Baby] Grizzly bears.
-Not where I was going, but... -When they sleep, do you poke them?
I feel like there's no good answer here.
Frederic Estes. Dangerous? Incredibly.
Ever since you reported him to Baby Corp,
we've had the triplets on full-time surveillance.
[Triplet 1] Can you see my brain?
[Triplet 2] Just empty darkness and boogers.
[Triplet 3] I wanna see darkness and boogers.
-Hey! -There's about four hours of this.
-But then... -Give it.
A baby did this!
Uh-oh.
-[sneezes] -[man shouts]
-Relax, Freddie. Babies are cute. -I love my grandbabies.
-Do you? -Yes.
Do you?
Well, now I don't know anymore.
What do babies want?
Mashed food, warm milk, frequent naps,
their family's constant attention, quality diaper products.
I like all those things.
Exactly. We were here first.
Are we going to let these puking punks take what's ours? No!
Today we start taking it all back!
Today, we band together as the Consortium of Ancients.
-[old woman] Oh, yes! -Let's teach these babies some manners.
[shouting]
You poked a sleeping grizzly bear.
You started a war with grandmamas and grandpapas.
You'd better be prepared to win it.
Did you see those dentures flying? We'll annihilate them!
In market share of love. No actual homicide.
This ends your portion of my time.
I do have a baby grandson I'm trying to teach some manners.
-Sure, let's give this a try. - Gigi.
A great sign is important.
It lets the world know what we're all about.
Being super cool. No boundaries.
I haven't felt this good since my dad let me eat two whole pies for breakfast.
-[laughs] -[Boss Baby clears throat]
Excuse me. The baby wants me to play with him for a second.
[snoring]
Bad news. Gigi's in with Frederic Estes.
Yeah. He's her friend.
Look, I don't have time for enemy stuff.
Danny and I are super busy just being cool and setting an example
for how everyone else could get along if they tried.
How is that going to increase your market share of love?
That's not what Super Cool Big Kids Incorporated is about.
Your business model is ludicrous! Sorry, sorry.
Look, I need you to come back to the field team.
-Babies and old people are at war. -That bad, huh?
I know Gigi's been really mad since the cookie thing.
You want me to help fix things between you guys?
No, I wanna win!
There can be only one.
That's what I thought when you came into this family.
Guess what.
-Uh... -I was stupid and wrong.
Boom! Super Cool Big Kid style!
[mockingly] "Super Cool Big Kid Style!"
Turns out Estes isn't the shriveled pushover we anticipated.
We're in for a dogfight, people. But these dogs are people, people.
Taking candy from a baby. Sounds easy, right?
Get that outta your heads!
There's nothing easy about taking back what's ours.
We're gonna bring out their cranky sides,
show everyone that old people
-are nothing but crotchety grumps. -[whimpers]
We're going to send them into tantrum mode.
Parents will go nuts.
The world will run back to babies for the antidote,
adorable giggles and warm snuggles.
The world's gonna need a lot of quiet afternoons
and soothing "back in my day" stories from their elders.
-[Boss Baby] What do we want? -Babies number one!
-When do we want it? -Now!
I don't know, I just like yelling!
So hike up those pants to action mode because...
-babies are going down! -Oldies are going down!
-Right after our naps. -Right after our naps.
[all snoring]
-To war! -To war!
[old man] Hey, stock boy!
What kind of produce section only has coconuts?
-We must've sold out! -[Estes] What? We can't mash these!
What do you think we are, garbage disposals?
[growls]
Please! I have a grandpop. I like him a lot!
Then you should know he likes bananas, berries, soft foods!
[whimpering]
Nanners, you fool! What happened to the nanners?
We must've sold out! I don't know, who else likes soft food?
Babies.
How is everyone sold out of baby toys? It's madness. Madness!
[woman gasps]
Hey, she's got a deck of cards. Get her!
Back off! These will give Scooter two or three minutes of quiet play time,
and they are mine!
What maniac bought all the baby toys?
Old people.
[horn honks]
[giggling]
-Oh, my goodness. -[gasps, grunts]
[gasps] Where did this adorable giggly baby come from?
I'm sure your mom or dad will be here soon.
You're too cute to forget about.
Ugh! Ah, forget it! I flew planes in the war.
-Let's dance, traffic. -[horn honks]
-[tires screech] -Stick a potato in your tailpipe, sonny!
[baby whimpers]
[crying]
[tapping on window]
[baby whimpers]
-[yells] -[babies crying]
[man] Somebody turn down the volume of these babies!
-[shouting] -[man] Shut up!
-[woman yells] -Huh?
[old people growling]
[Jimbo whimpering]
[tires screeching]
Old people!
[groans] Rough night. Look alive, Peg!
We got a war going on. Where's that morning market report?
Did we crush old people right off the pie chart yet?
Hang on, still updating.
Okay, see that teeny, tiny sliver in gray? That is love for old people.
Ha! Stay off our turf next time, you dusty skin racks. Sweet victory.
Hang on. See that teeny, tiny other sliver?
-That's love for babies! -What?
How? We're supposed to be-- Wait, who's that big piece of pie, then?
Oh, no. No, unh-unh. No.
[yells, babbles]
-It's okay, he's asleep. -[sighs]
That kid's really going places, isn't he?
-Okay, Templeton, you were right. -About what?
Babies made old people look bad, old people made babies look bad,
and somehow... what are you doing?
Making cool sweatbands out of shirtsleeves for our business.
-There's a market for that? -We do our own thing.
That's not a business! Sorry, where was I?
Somehow, by doing your own thing,
big kids like you came out looking better than all of us,
strictly by default.
-Super cool. -Yes. Super.
Want some business advice? Make up with old people.
Learn to be friends with Gigi and you'll feel so much better.
[gasps]
I guess we have no choice. We have to get our love share back,
even if that means making friends with the elderly.
-Really? You promise? -I promise.
Will you help us?
[Boss Baby] Game day!
Game time? Game o'clock? I never get into sports metaphors.
Tim, progress report.
Gigi put the word out to the senior center.
Bocce tournament, three p.m. at the park.
Word traveled fast. She's very gossipy.
One of her many winning traits.
And Danny put up hundreds of fliers for the big baby playdate.
Three p.m. at the park.
Well, that's babies and old people headed for the same place, same time.
-I hope this works. -It's a great plan.
You guys just hang out, be super cool,
and I think you'll see that old people are, too.
Excellent work, Templeton. Thank you. We'll take it from here.
All clear. Time to commence Operation Endgame.
[Boss Baby] Bocce, a game played with brightly colored balls.
Old people love it, and they take it very seriously.
Babies. You know what they love? Brightly colored balls.
Match, meet fuse.
Marsha Krinkle, Channel Eight News.
I'm standing next to a man who once shot his teeth at me like a mouth cannon.
-So, where's the news coming from today? -[chuckles] No news.
Just old people enjoying a park that rightfully belongs to them,
-free from the tyranny of tiny-- -[old woman] Babies!
-[old woman growls] -[cooing, giggling]
[overlapping exclamations]
-[Staci] That's gonna get ugly. -Old people yelling at babies?
-"Ugly" doesn't cover the half of it. -Hands off my bocce ball!
[Boss Baby] They're gonna look like monsters.
[Gigi] Hand it over, kiddo.
What is with the babies in this town? No manners, no respect.
-Breaking scandal in Dangerous Well Park. -Aah!
This cranky coot is taking a toy away from a baby.
Oh, this isn't what it looks like.
[sobbing]
What is wrong with you?
-I didn't mean to-- -Don't back down, Mrs. Templeton.
These babies need to learn their place, once and for all.
For justice, for bocce, and the Consortium of--
Milk and cookies! Get your milk and cookies.
Free refreshments from Super Cool Big Kids Incorporated.
What's he doing here? This isn't part of the plan.
-[Tim] No. -[all gasp]
It's part of my plan.
I saw you crossing your fingers in the reflection of Danny's sunglasses.
I promise.
-[Tim] So I'm stopping this myself. -[gasps]
With one snack old people and babies can both agree on.
See? You're not so different after all.
-Want some? -White heaven? Of course I do.
This changes nothing.
Those old people are still riled up about their bocce.
When the snacks run dry, it's gonna get ugly.
And you'll still have to choose which side you're... [gasps]
Templeton! This milk is warm!
[yawns]
-[slurring] How dare you! -Night-night, baby.
[slow-motion yelling] No!
[Boss Baby snores, groans]
What happened?
-Why is the park our house now? -Shh.
An incredible scene of outrageous adorableness today...
No.
...as a group of pudgy babies took their nappy-nap with these silver seniors.
Wake up, don't look so peaceful! You're with an old person!
-This can't be happening. -It already happened.
Timmy, I'm off to protest a new grocery store opening
at the site of an old grocery store. Wanna come?
No, thanks. I'm hanging out with the baby.
-[cooing] -Oh, it's you. Hey.
[Boss Baby grunts]
I know this is weird. You're both new to each other.
But whatever happens between babies and old people,
it doesn't come into this house.
Family is a circle. Nobody should have to pick sides.
Old and young wrapped warmly in each other's unnatural embrace.
Cute as a koala on a silk pillow.
-Okay. Family's off-limits. -Pleasure doing business with you.
I think all of us seniors realize
that ain't the way to raise our grandbabies.
You and me, we work this out between us.
No more Consortium of Ancients.
Consortium of Ancients forever!
-[all cheering, groaning] -[joints cracking]
[theme song playing]
♪ Boss Baby ♪