1
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,445
Light your nuts on fire.

2
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:50,448
Fuck! Fuck! My hands!

3
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:52,541
Too hot for Jonah!

4
00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:55,053
I got fucking water
in my mouth!

5
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,704
Oh, my God!

6
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,645
I got to get off! I got
to get off! Got to get off!
Got to get off!

7
00:01:42,268 --> 00:01:44,099
Sadie, wake up!

8
00:01:44,804 --> 00:01:46,601
Oh, my gosh!

9
00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:48,470
Daddy, wake up!

10
00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:52,571
Okay, I'm up.

11
00:01:59,252 --> 00:02:02,688
Is that my genius over here?
Is that my genius?

12
00:02:06,526 --> 00:02:08,858
I need you to take the kids
to school this morning.

13
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,863
I would, but I'm supposed
to work out.
What?

14
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:15,298
Yeah. I got an appointment
with a trainer. I can't cancel
it now. He'll charge me.

15
00:02:15,368 --> 00:02:16,995
You didn't tell me that.
Yeah, I did.

16
00:02:17,103 --> 00:02:18,968
Last week I told you.
You didn't tell me.

17
00:02:19,038 --> 00:02:21,666
I did. And then I wrote it
on the calendar
like you told me to.

18
00:02:21,774 --> 00:02:22,934
No, you didn't tell me.

19
00:02:23,009 --> 00:02:24,874
I did tell you.
Well, you didn't,

20
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,674
but what are we gonna do,
'cause I have an appointment?

21
00:02:27,780 --> 00:02:30,647
So you're taking
the kids to school.

22
00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:33,777
Don't use the baby
to cover your tracks.

23
00:02:33,853 --> 00:02:36,117
I can drive them.
I'll drive them to school.

24
00:02:36,189 --> 00:02:38,453
Thank you very much.
Great. Good.

25
00:02:38,525 --> 00:02:40,390
You turned my sister
into a limo driver.

26
00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:41,892
I don't mind.
It all worked out!

27
00:02:48,034 --> 00:02:50,525
What are you giggling about?

28
00:02:51,070 --> 00:02:55,234
Be quiet.
You're starting to annoy me.

29
00:02:56,476 --> 00:02:59,036
Poo poo.
Ladies. Be nice.

30
00:02:59,145 --> 00:03:00,737
You know what
I did the other day?
What?

31
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:03,680
I googled "murder."
You googled "murder"?

32
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:05,081
Yeah.
Why?

33
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,516
I mean, what did it say?

34
00:03:06,586 --> 00:03:08,679
It didn't say anything.
It just showed pictures

35
00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:14,318
of people lying dead
on the floor and blood
everywhere, and...

36
00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:16,589
That was just ketchup.

37
00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:19,164
<i>Who wants to hear some music?
I want to hear Rent.</i>

38
00:03:19,232 --> 00:03:21,393
I want to hear Green Day!

39
00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:23,059
<i>No, we're listening to Rent!</i>

40
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:24,797
Well, I want to listen
to Green Day.

41
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,566
I got your baby!

42
00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:29,073
Don't taunt her. Come on.
Here.

43
00:03:29,175 --> 00:03:32,542
Sadie! Why did you just
do that? Don't throw
things at your sister!

44
00:03:32,612 --> 00:03:33,840
She hit me.

45
00:03:33,913 --> 00:03:36,177
Did you hit her?
I did not.

46
00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:38,080
Make her happy. It's okay.

47
00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:40,015
It won't make her happy.
It's okay. It's okay.

48
00:03:40,086 --> 00:03:41,519
She spilled all the
marbles on the floor.

49
00:03:41,588 --> 00:03:42,782
Well, give her
her marble back.

50
00:03:43,856 --> 00:03:45,915
All right? Are you sure
you understand
the terms of the bet?

51
00:03:46,025 --> 00:03:48,118
Because this is serious.
No.

52
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,389
Martin, all right, listen.

53
00:03:50,463 --> 00:03:53,899
You don't shave your beard
or cut your hair for one year,

54
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:56,128
and if you can do that,
I will pay your rent.

55
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:59,967
But if you shave,
then you have to pay
all five of our rents.

56
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,301
Thanks for
the free money, bitch.

57
00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:03,637
Hey, Martin, was it weird
when you joined the Taliban,

58
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:05,438
being American
and everything like that?

59
00:04:05,545 --> 00:04:07,775
Like when you see
a woman driving a car,
do you just get pissed?

60
00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:10,314
Just watch your back, Serpico.
You never know
who your friends are.

61
00:04:11,484 --> 00:04:13,918
Okay, all right. You guys
can't make fun of me
the whole time.

62
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:17,047
But, Martin, it's a competition.
It's called the Dirty Man Competition.

63
00:04:17,123 --> 00:04:18,954
We're gonna make fun of you
until you shave the beard.

64
00:04:19,058 --> 00:04:20,218
That's the rules.
That's the whole point.

65
00:04:20,293 --> 00:04:21,817
You're supposed to be
tempted into shaving.

66
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,623
Your face looks
like Robin Williams' knuckles.

67
00:04:25,064 --> 00:04:27,498
You guys aren't allowed
to make fun of me.
It's not part of the rules.

68
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:30,467
Martin, why didn't you
just listen to me when
I was explaining the rules?

69
00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:32,800
You just looked
at me with that
blank stare of yours.

70
00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:35,499
It was like talking
to a wax statue.

71
00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:38,943
Okay, guys, are you ready?

72
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:44,109
So, "Only at
fleshofthestars.com will
customers be able to find

73
00:04:44,183 --> 00:04:49,280
"exactly how long
into what movies their
favorite stars are exposed."

74
00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:50,754
Nice.
Oh, fucking brilliant.

75
00:04:50,823 --> 00:04:51,915
Pretty good, right?

76
00:04:51,991 --> 00:04:53,618
Yeah. Yeah, ka-ching.
We're in.

77
00:04:53,693 --> 00:04:55,524
All right, guys,
let start logging, all right?

78
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:57,357
Charles Manson?
Do you have
any other thoughts?

79
00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:59,363
Good, awesome,
let's start this off
with a bang.

80
00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:02,923
<i>Jamie Lee Curtis. I got
an hour and 10 minutes
into Trading Places.</i>

81
00:05:03,002 --> 00:05:04,833
Both chesticles.

82
00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:10,534
I got Julianne
"Red Beard" Moore.

83
00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:14,773
<i>Short Cuts, two hours,
17 minutes, bush no boobs.</i>

84
00:05:14,847 --> 00:05:16,371
Julianne Moore special.
She loves it.

85
00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:17,540
I've seen that,

86
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:20,778
<i>and from the look of her bush,
Short Cuts is the wrong
name for that movie.</i>

87
00:05:20,853 --> 00:05:22,980
Nice.
Nice. Nice. Well done.

88
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:25,991
<i>Her bush looks like
the hedge maze
from The Shining but red</i>

89
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:27,959
and without
Scatman Crothers in it.

90
00:05:30,196 --> 00:05:31,891
Red Bush.

91
00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:34,696
Red Bush.

92
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,971
So if you want that
perfect tan like the stars,
he's the one to see.

93
00:05:39,038 --> 00:05:41,302
<i>We'll be right back
on E! News. Stay with us.</i>

94
00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:44,138
Okay.
Okay, is Jessica Simpson
here yet?

95
00:05:44,210 --> 00:05:46,235
Let me check. Let me see.

96
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,746
Is she on her way?
She's left her house?
Hey, guys?

97
00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:50,145
Okay, let me know
when she's pulling in.

98
00:05:50,216 --> 00:05:51,808
She's about to pull in.
Is she camera-ready?

99
00:05:51,884 --> 00:05:53,010
Is she camera-ready?

100
00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:55,987
If she's gonna be in hair
and makeup for three hours,
I can't do it.

101
00:05:56,055 --> 00:05:58,023
<i>I'm not gonna be here.
I got to do American Idol.</i>

102
00:05:58,091 --> 00:06:00,525
It's live. I got to do it.
I got to be there.

103
00:06:00,593 --> 00:06:02,652
What are we gonna
interview her about?
Nothing personal.

104
00:06:02,729 --> 00:06:04,424
No personal questions.
No personal questions.

105
00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:06,088
Don't ask her about her sister
and her nose job.

106
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,530
No plastic surgery questions.
No plastic...

107
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:08,692
No personal questions.

108
00:06:08,768 --> 00:06:12,465
She doesn't want to talk about
her boobs or her father's
comments about her boobs.

109
00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:16,474
Great. We'll talk about
the Middle East and maybe
an idea of an exit strategy.

110
00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:17,702
Maybe she has a good pitch.

111
00:06:17,777 --> 00:06:19,301
Should I ask her about Korea?

112
00:06:19,412 --> 00:06:22,210
Maybe have her point it
out to us on a globe?

113
00:06:22,281 --> 00:06:24,647
I don't understand
the young talent in this town!

114
00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:27,481
It doesn't make any sense.
I got four jobs.

115
00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:29,782
Hell, I'm more famous
than half the people
we talk to, anyway!

116
00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:30,947
No one stands up.

117
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:32,115
No one has the balls
to sit them down

118
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,419
and say,
"Look, just cut the shit."

119
00:06:33,493 --> 00:06:34,619
But everybody works for them.

120
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:36,718
They're all on the payroll.
They're all sucking the teat!

121
00:06:36,796 --> 00:06:41,062
Nobody sits them down,
eye-to-eye, one-on-one,
and says, "Cut the shit."

122
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:42,658
And all these stars
just fuck it up.

123
00:06:42,769 --> 00:06:44,794
That's what they do.
They fuck my day up!

124
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:46,462
And it pisses me off.
And now I'm sweating.

125
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,062
Okay, you want to...
You know what?

126
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,904
You want us to just come
and get you
when she gets here?

127
00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:51,466
You want to head to
the green room for a minute?

128
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:53,169
Just chill out? Okay.
Yeah. That's a good idea.

129
00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:54,769
Want us to bring you anything?
You want some water?

130
00:06:54,847 --> 00:06:56,678
You want a cookie?
Cookie, yeah, cookie. Thanks.

131
00:06:56,783 --> 00:06:58,751
Okay, we'll get you a cookie.
Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm pissed.

132
00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:00,251
What do we got?
Chocolate chip?

133
00:07:00,319 --> 00:07:01,445
Allison?
Yeah.

134
00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:03,148
Jack and I need
to see you in his office.

135
00:07:03,222 --> 00:07:04,314
Okay.

136
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:08,025
Thanks for coming in, Allison.

137
00:07:08,127 --> 00:07:09,958
Well, we wanted
to talk to you today

138
00:07:10,029 --> 00:07:15,262
because we had a little debate
on the conference call
with New York about you.

139
00:07:15,334 --> 00:07:18,428
You... About me?
You were talking about me?

140
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:22,101
We were wondering
aloud to one another

141
00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:25,110
whether or not you would
be good for on camera.

142
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:26,941
What'd you decide?

143
00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:30,983
They... They decided
that they like you,

144
00:07:31,050 --> 00:07:35,453
and they would like
to put you on camera.

145
00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:38,490
Really?
I know.
I was so surprised, too.

146
00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:41,186
Oh, my God.
This is the best news ever.
Thank you so much.

147
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,819
This is great!
Congratulations.

148
00:07:43,896 --> 00:07:46,660
Thank you.
I'll take that smile
as a "Yes, I'll do it."

149
00:07:46,732 --> 00:07:48,996
Absolutely. I'm so excited!
Oh, my God.

150
00:07:49,068 --> 00:07:51,468
It's a lot of work. Can't wait
to see what happens.

151
00:07:51,537 --> 00:07:53,869
It's gonna be tough.
Tough job.

152
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:55,736
About the work,
most immediately,

153
00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:58,072
there's gonna be
some things that you're
gonna be able to get...

154
00:07:58,177 --> 00:08:00,407
Okay.
...that other people
in the office don't get.

155
00:08:00,513 --> 00:08:02,378
One of them, gym membership.

156
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:03,676
You want me to lose weight?

157
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,380
No, I don't
want you to lose weight.

158
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,852
No. We can't legally
ask you to do that.

159
00:08:08,921 --> 00:08:12,254
We didn't say lose weight.
I might say tighten.

160
00:08:12,358 --> 00:08:13,484
Tight.

161
00:08:13,559 --> 00:08:16,585
A little tighter?

162
00:08:16,662 --> 00:08:18,596
Just like toned and smaller.

163
00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:22,395
Don't make everything smaller.
I don't want to
generalize that way.

164
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:23,662
Tighter.

165
00:08:23,736 --> 00:08:26,204
We don't want you
to lose weight. We just
want you to be healthy.

166
00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:29,366
Okay.
You know, by eating less.

167
00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:33,503
We would just like it
if you go home
and step on a scale

168
00:08:33,579 --> 00:08:37,015
and write down
how much you weigh
and subtract it by, like, 20.

169
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:39,916
Twenty.
And then weigh that much.

170
00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:43,682
Just remember,
you've got it here,
you've got it here

171
00:08:43,756 --> 00:08:46,884
and everybody's gonna
see you right there.

172
00:08:46,959 --> 00:08:50,292
Yay! That's so exciting!
Oh, my God!

173
00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:52,488
Hey!

174
00:08:52,565 --> 00:08:53,623
Huh?

175
00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:55,098
I got a promotion.

176
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,759
Oh, congratulations!
Thank you.

177
00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:58,268
Hey, maybe you can
get your own place now.

178
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:00,134
Let's not get ahead
of ourselves.

179
00:09:00,239 --> 00:09:01,729
Yay!
Let's go celebrate.

180
00:09:01,807 --> 00:09:03,468
Okay. Let's do it.

181
00:09:03,576 --> 00:09:05,271
Pete'll watch the kids?
Yeah!

182
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,209
<i>We can watch
Taxicab Confessions.</i>

183
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:08,872
What are you gonna do?
I don't know!

184
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:11,881
I'm so excited!

185
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:15,150
I walked in on him
masturbating one night.

186
00:09:15,254 --> 00:09:17,484
Did he get the
deer-in-the-headlights look?

187
00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:19,615
Did he freeze
or did he finish?

188
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:23,718
No, he tried to pretend
like he wasn't doing
anything under the covers.

189
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:27,794
Oh, no!

190
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:31,097
I buy these nice towels,
and he whacks off into them.

191
00:09:31,170 --> 00:09:33,400
Deb and Pete, forever.
And...

192
00:09:33,472 --> 00:09:37,272
And once he does that
into them once,
they're never soft ever again.

193
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:44,273
I can always tell if I'm
looking good based on
whether or not we get in.

194
00:09:45,017 --> 00:09:46,985
Ladies?
Guess we're looking good.

195
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:49,350
If I didn't get in,
I would've lost my shit.
What's going on, man?

196
00:09:49,455 --> 00:09:51,320
How long you gonna
make us wait out here,
for Christ's sake?

197
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:52,516
What the fuck?

198
00:09:57,463 --> 00:10:00,489
You know what movie I just
saw again the other day,
which is fucking, like,

199
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,091
<i>mind-blowing,
and I haven't seen it
since it came out is Munich.</i>

200
00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:04,534
<i>Oh, Munich!</i>

201
00:10:04,637 --> 00:10:07,105
<i>Oh, man, Munich fucking rules.
Munich is awesome!</i>

202
00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:10,336
That movie was Eric Bana
kicking fucking ass!

203
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,638
Dude, every movie with Jews,
we're the ones getting killed.

204
00:10:12,712 --> 00:10:15,180
<i>Munich flips it on its ear.
We're capping motherfuckers.</i>

205
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:17,010
Not only killing but fucking,
like, taking names.

206
00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:19,846
<i>If any of us get laid tonight,
it's because
of Eric Bana in Munich.</i>

207
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:21,010
I agree with that.
I agree.

208
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,678
You know what is not
helping us get laid

209
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:25,552
is the shoe bomber,
Richard Reid,
over here at our table.

210
00:10:25,658 --> 00:10:28,786
I don't like your shoes.
How is Burning Man this year?

211
00:10:28,861 --> 00:10:31,193
Fuck you guys.
I'm glad I'm not Jewish.

212
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,390
So are we.
Yeah, so are we.

213
00:10:33,499 --> 00:10:35,524
Yeah. Fine, screw it.

214
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,899
You weren't chosen
for a reason.
Yeah.

215
00:10:40,673 --> 00:10:43,141
It's like everyone
in here is 12 years old.

216
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,075
Am I too old to be here?
What?

217
00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:50,239
Am I too old to be here?
No, of course not.

218
00:10:50,349 --> 00:10:51,839
Does it look weird
that I'm here?

219
00:10:51,917 --> 00:10:53,145
No, not at all.

220
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:54,948
Am I hotter than
these little bitches?

221
00:10:55,021 --> 00:10:56,989
Yes! You look amazing.

222
00:10:57,056 --> 00:10:59,251
Guys in here would
fuck me, right?
Yes.

223
00:10:59,358 --> 00:11:02,054
That's weird to say,
but it makes me feel better.

224
00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:03,526
You look hot.

225
00:11:03,596 --> 00:11:05,120
Okay. I believe you.

226
00:11:05,197 --> 00:11:07,062
Okay. I'm getting us drinks.
Okay.

227
00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:08,929
Yo, a beer over here, please?

228
00:11:09,035 --> 00:11:12,562
You're gonna be embarrassed
when you realize
I'm Wilmer Valderrama.

229
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:13,764
God.

230
00:11:16,075 --> 00:11:18,509
Hey, hey! Excuse me!

231
00:11:18,577 --> 00:11:20,670
He's literally ignoring
this entire half of the bar.

232
00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:22,737
Don't even bother.

233
00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:24,839
Yeah, awesome.

234
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:27,044
A beer over here, please?

235
00:11:27,119 --> 00:11:29,781
He looked at us!
Did you see that?
Yeah, that was rough.

236
00:11:29,889 --> 00:11:33,188
Oh, my God. And if
you can't get service,
what am I gonna do, you know?

237
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:35,386
Great. It's gonna be
that night.

238
00:11:35,461 --> 00:11:37,895
Okay, you want a beer?
Yeah, just...

239
00:11:37,963 --> 00:11:40,124
Well, I'm... Watch this.

240
00:11:40,232 --> 00:11:41,893
Okay? Just observe.

241
00:11:43,769 --> 00:11:44,895
There you go.
Come on, man.

242
00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:47,404
Here you go. For your trouble.
Thank you. There you go.

243
00:11:47,473 --> 00:11:48,770
Thank you.
Okay, enjoy it.

244
00:11:48,841 --> 00:11:50,138
Are you sure?
I am sure.

245
00:11:50,242 --> 00:11:53,473
I tried that once before
at the Comedy Store,
and I got punched in the ear.

246
00:11:53,579 --> 00:11:54,807
Thanks a lot.

247
00:11:54,914 --> 00:11:57,405
Oh, fuck, fuck!
I'm supposed
to get one for my sister.

248
00:11:57,483 --> 00:12:00,475
Oh, here, take mine.
No, that's okay. I'll wait.

249
00:12:00,586 --> 00:12:05,614
Please, I very rarely
look cool. This is a big
moment for me. Just take it.

250
00:12:05,691 --> 00:12:07,158
Thank you. Awesome.
No problem.

251
00:12:07,259 --> 00:12:09,090
I'm Allison.
I'm Ben.

252
00:12:12,698 --> 00:12:14,188
Well, have a great night.
Yeah, you, too.

253
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,097
Thanks for the beer.
Okay, enjoy, be nice to them.

254
00:12:16,168 --> 00:12:19,433
Bye. Thanks again.
I'll see you.
No, I'll see you later.

255
00:12:19,505 --> 00:12:21,769
No, I won't
'cause I'm a pussy.

256
00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:25,975
What's up, Ben?

257
00:12:26,045 --> 00:12:29,947
That girl. She totally
gave me an opening, man,
and I locked up.

258
00:12:30,015 --> 00:12:32,006
I just want to get
shit-faced tonight,
though, you know.

259
00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:33,847
I'll just jerk it later.
It's cool.

260
00:12:33,953 --> 00:12:37,946
Are you fucking crazy, man?
She looks smart.

261
00:12:38,023 --> 00:12:40,389
Who's that she's sitting with?
It's her sister.

262
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:41,619
Her sister?
Yeah.

263
00:12:41,694 --> 00:12:44,026
Dude, it's the dream.
What are we doing
standing here, man?

264
00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:46,155
Let's go. Come on, follow me.
You stay here. Stay here.

265
00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:48,894
Why?
Because your face
looks like a vagina.

266
00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:50,627
Dick!

267
00:12:50,703 --> 00:12:53,001
Hey, which one's
the sister?

268
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:58,037
Hey, Crockett,
you still partying
with Tubbs these days?

269
00:12:58,978 --> 00:13:00,707
Come on, man. I'm getting
it from all angles here.

270
00:13:00,813 --> 00:13:02,804
I don't like it anymore.
I know. I don't, either.

271
00:13:02,882 --> 00:13:05,908
Was it weird when you changed
your name from Cat Stevens
to Yusuf Islam?

272
00:13:06,018 --> 00:13:07,315
Yeah, it was really awkward.

273
00:13:07,386 --> 00:13:09,354
All right, man.
I got to take off.

274
00:13:09,421 --> 00:13:11,218
See you, Scorsese-on-coke.

275
00:13:14,393 --> 00:13:15,519
What's that?

276
00:13:15,594 --> 00:13:17,186
Chewbacca.
You know, it's Chewie.

277
00:13:17,263 --> 00:13:19,254
Oh, another beard joke.
Fuck.

278
00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:20,889
Fucking hilarious!

279
00:13:22,835 --> 00:13:23,927
Hey.
Hey.

280
00:13:24,036 --> 00:13:26,266
Hi, this is my friend, Jason.

281
00:13:26,372 --> 00:13:29,102
I just wanted to see
how my beers were doing.

282
00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:30,967
This is my sister, Debbie.

283
00:13:31,043 --> 00:13:32,101
Oh, hi, I'm Ben.

284
00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:33,611
Hi. Ben?
Yes.

285
00:13:33,712 --> 00:13:34,872
Nice to meet you.

286
00:13:34,947 --> 00:13:37,108
How you doing?
Good, how are you?

287
00:13:37,216 --> 00:13:38,581
Just trying not to stare.

288
00:13:38,684 --> 00:13:39,810
She's married.

289
00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:41,250
Why do you have to say that?

290
00:13:41,353 --> 00:13:43,184
What?
It's a shame.

291
00:13:43,255 --> 00:13:44,415
You're beautiful.

292
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:45,479
Thank you.

293
00:13:45,591 --> 00:13:47,286
She has two kids, too.

294
00:13:47,359 --> 00:13:48,485
Shut up!

295
00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:49,789
What? It's nothing
to be ashamed of.

296
00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:51,522
You think that's gonna
stop him from hitting on her?

297
00:13:51,597 --> 00:13:53,155
It's not at all.

298
00:13:53,232 --> 00:13:54,824
I love kids.

299
00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:56,060
Really?
Yeah, absolutely.

300
00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:59,094
Excuse me.

301
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:02,063
Hello?
Cool phone.

302
00:14:02,141 --> 00:14:03,608
Yeah, she's got
a really cool phone.

303
00:14:03,709 --> 00:14:06,542
What? Is it a rash,
or is it the chicken pox?

304
00:14:07,379 --> 00:14:09,210
I don't know! Google it.

305
00:14:09,281 --> 00:14:11,772
Okay. All right, bye.

306
00:14:11,884 --> 00:14:15,081
I got to go. Sadie might
have the chicken pox.

307
00:14:15,154 --> 00:14:18,612
I had the chicken pox
three times.
I have no immunity to it.

308
00:14:18,724 --> 00:14:20,715
We don't have the heart
to tell him it's herpes.

309
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:22,624
It's not herpes
if it's everywhere.

310
00:14:22,728 --> 00:14:24,286
Are you coming?

311
00:14:27,499 --> 00:14:30,468
You know, I'm all dressed,
so I'll just hang out.

312
00:14:30,569 --> 00:14:32,764
Really?
Yeah, I'll take a cab home.

313
00:14:35,074 --> 00:14:37,634
Okay. Be safe.

314
00:14:37,743 --> 00:14:40,075
I will. Yeah.

315
00:14:40,145 --> 00:14:41,908
Bye, lovely.
Bye.

316
00:14:44,783 --> 00:14:47,251
All right, I'm gonna let you
two get to know each other.

317
00:14:50,689 --> 00:14:51,986
Cheers.
Cheers.

318
00:14:52,091 --> 00:14:53,422
To you.

319
00:14:55,861 --> 00:14:59,126
No, no. You know, the, like,
Entertainment News channel?

320
00:14:59,198 --> 00:15:00,529
E!
E!

321
00:15:03,269 --> 00:15:06,466
Dude, I think he's doing
the dice thing too much.

322
00:15:07,039 --> 00:15:09,269
That's really all he's got.

323
00:15:11,877 --> 00:15:14,778
I love your curly hair!
It's so great.

324
00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:16,109
Do you, like,
use a product or anything?

325
00:15:16,181 --> 00:15:18,547
No, that's...
I use Jew, it's called.

326
00:15:21,787 --> 00:15:23,049
You wanna get out of here?
Yeah, let's go.

327
00:15:23,155 --> 00:15:25,316
You wanna come back
and hang out at my place?

328
00:15:25,391 --> 00:15:26,688
Yes.

329
00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:28,851
Yeah. Wicked.
I'll show you
my audition tape.

330
00:15:28,961 --> 00:15:31,395
It's really funny.
Okay, I'm really
excited to watch that.

331
00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:32,691
Let's go.

332
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:37,635
We could get a cab up,
this way. For sure.

333
00:15:38,971 --> 00:15:40,461
This is a big yard.

334
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:44,440
Let's go swimming right now.
Let's just do that.

335
00:15:48,847 --> 00:15:51,975
I know. It feels so right.
That's right.

336
00:15:52,051 --> 00:15:56,988
Oh, man. Oh, man.
You're prettier than I am.

337
00:15:57,056 --> 00:15:58,387
A lot.

338
00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:08,864
Do you have a condom?
I do.

339
00:16:08,934 --> 00:16:11,198
Okay.
In my pants. I have a condom.

340
00:16:11,270 --> 00:16:13,033
Okay. Okay.
I'll get it.

341
00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:23,742
Come on.

342
00:16:25,017 --> 00:16:27,815
Hurry up.
Stupid fucker.

343
00:16:29,254 --> 00:16:32,087
What are you doing?
I almost got it.
Just give me a second.

344
00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:34,455
Oh, God, just do it already!

345
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:37,859
Okay.
Oh, great. Okay.

346
00:16:48,907 --> 00:16:50,101
God.

347
00:16:51,276 --> 00:16:53,642
Oh, that's great!
Good thing I'm drunk.

348
00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:55,771
This is lasting forever.
Yeah, it's awesome.

349
00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:57,644
I just doubled my record time.

350
00:16:57,716 --> 00:16:59,240
Oh, yeah. You did.

351
00:16:59,318 --> 00:17:01,786
I'm sorry,
I'm sweating on you.
Okay, just stop talking.

352
00:17:19,471 --> 00:17:21,166
Fuck off, Martin.

353
00:17:22,307 --> 00:17:24,366
I said, fuck off, Martin.

354
00:17:28,947 --> 00:17:30,005
Hi.

355
00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:32,648
Oh. Hey.

356
00:17:33,118 --> 00:17:34,210
Hey.

357
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,045
I'm naked.

358
00:17:38,123 --> 00:17:39,112
Yeah.

359
00:17:40,526 --> 00:17:41,857
Did we have sex?

360
00:17:41,927 --> 00:17:42,951
Yes.

361
00:17:43,862 --> 00:17:45,056
Nice.

362
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:50,926
What time is it?

363
00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:52,027
7:30.

364
00:17:52,104 --> 00:17:54,402
Why the fuck are we awake?
Let's go back to sleep.

365
00:17:54,473 --> 00:17:55,770
I have to go to work.

366
00:17:55,841 --> 00:17:57,274
Really?

367
00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,971
Do you need to get
to work or anything?

368
00:18:00,045 --> 00:18:03,037
No, I'm... No work today.

369
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:10,420
Do you wanna get breakfast?

370
00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:11,581
Okay.

371
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:24,728
Morning.

372
00:18:24,803 --> 00:18:26,430
Good morning, Allison.

373
00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:28,530
I'm Ben.
What's happening, man?

374
00:18:28,907 --> 00:18:29,965
Ben.

375
00:18:30,042 --> 00:18:31,168
How's it going?

376
00:18:31,243 --> 00:18:32,335
Ah, to be young.

377
00:18:32,411 --> 00:18:33,435
Stop it.

378
00:18:34,413 --> 00:18:35,880
You stop it.

379
00:18:36,682 --> 00:18:38,013
Okay, see you later.

380
00:18:38,083 --> 00:18:39,482
All righty.

381
00:18:39,551 --> 00:18:42,076
See you later. Enjoy the day.

382
00:18:43,722 --> 00:18:45,087
Never do what they did.

383
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:46,885
I'm gonna do it.

384
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:51,191
You are? Uh-oh. Someone's
getting home-schooled.

385
00:18:56,535 --> 00:18:59,470
I just yacked something nasty.

386
00:18:59,571 --> 00:19:02,938
I feel way better, though.
I think that's like
the secret. Like you gotta...

387
00:19:03,041 --> 00:19:06,533
I mean, once you're hung-over,
you just gotta puke.

388
00:19:06,612 --> 00:19:07,738
It feels so... Did you puke?

389
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:08,973
No.

390
00:19:09,081 --> 00:19:10,639
You can. I won't think
it's gross or anything.

391
00:19:10,749 --> 00:19:12,580
Oh, that's okay, I'm fine.

392
00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:14,118
Okay.
I just need some coffee, so...

393
00:19:14,219 --> 00:19:15,652
You know, the best thing
for a hangover is weed.

394
00:19:15,754 --> 00:19:17,722
Do you smoke...
Do you smoke weed?
Not really.

395
00:19:17,789 --> 00:19:18,915
You don't?
No.

396
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,390
At all?
Mmm-mmm.

397
00:19:20,926 --> 00:19:22,484
Like in the morning?

398
00:19:23,295 --> 00:19:24,728
No, I just don't.

399
00:19:24,796 --> 00:19:27,959
You know, it's like...
It is like the best medicine.

400
00:19:28,066 --> 00:19:29,761
Because it fixes everything.

401
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:31,393
Jonah broke his elbow once.

402
00:19:31,470 --> 00:19:36,635
He just got high,
and it still clicks,
but, I mean, he's okay.

403
00:19:36,742 --> 00:19:38,232
Right.
Yeah.

404
00:19:39,244 --> 00:19:42,042
Last night was great,
what I remember of it.

405
00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:43,513
Right, yeah.

406
00:19:43,582 --> 00:19:45,277
Yeah, no, it was fun.
We had a great time.

407
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:46,749
Yeah.

408
00:19:46,818 --> 00:19:48,251
So what do you do?

409
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:49,582
I work at E!

410
00:19:49,655 --> 00:19:51,520
The television channel?
Uh-huh.

411
00:19:51,623 --> 00:19:52,749
Remember?
Wow!

412
00:19:52,824 --> 00:19:54,155
We had this
conversation last night.

413
00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:57,820
I told you about my promotion.
I was out celebrating it.

414
00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:00,494
No?
No.

415
00:20:00,599 --> 00:20:01,998
I don't remember that at all.

416
00:20:02,067 --> 00:20:03,398
Yeah. I'm super
excited about it.

417
00:20:03,468 --> 00:20:05,834
I'm actually doing my first
on-air interview today, so...

418
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:07,633
With who?
Matthew Fox.

419
00:20:07,706 --> 00:20:09,037
<i>Matthew Fox from Lost?
Yeah.</i>

420
00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:10,506
You know what's interesting
about him?
What?

421
00:20:10,609 --> 00:20:11,871
Nothing.
What?

422
00:20:11,977 --> 00:20:13,706
Will you tell him
he's an asshole for me?
No.

423
00:20:13,812 --> 00:20:15,803
Someone needs to.
Like who gives a shit?

424
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:19,044
Well, I hope a lot of people,
actually, because that's
what my job entails

425
00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:21,312
is making sure people care
what he has to say.

426
00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:23,149
I'm interviewing him.

427
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,849
Maybe it's just me. Maybe
I just don't give a shit.

428
00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:27,357
I'm just saying
he deserves a beat-down.

429
00:20:27,459 --> 00:20:29,620
Actually, it's sort
of embarrassing
to ask at this point,

430
00:20:29,695 --> 00:20:31,720
but what do you do for work?

431
00:20:31,830 --> 00:20:35,197
Me and my roommates
have started a... We're
starting an Internet website.

432
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:36,892
Oh, cool. What is it?

433
00:20:37,002 --> 00:20:39,698
I'll give you the virtual
experience, okay? How's that?

434
00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:41,102
You're at your computer.
Mmm-hmm.

435
00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:42,663
Who's an actress you like?

436
00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:45,175
Mary Tyler Moore?
No.

437
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:46,404
That does not work at all.
No?

438
00:20:46,511 --> 00:20:47,705
No.
Okay.

439
00:20:47,813 --> 00:20:51,476
Let's say you love Meg Ryan.
I do.

440
00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:52,881
Great. Who doesn't?
Yeah.

441
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:54,418
Let's say you like her so much

442
00:20:54,519 --> 00:20:58,250
you wanna know every movie
where she shows her tits.

443
00:20:58,357 --> 00:21:01,884
And not just that,
but how long into that
movie she shows her tits.

444
00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:06,431
You come to our
web page exclusively.
Type in "Meg Ryan." Bam!

445
00:21:06,531 --> 00:21:11,366
<i>In the Cut, 38 minutes in,
48 minutes in,
like an hour and 10 minutes...</i>

446
00:21:11,436 --> 00:21:13,063
She's, like, naked
that whole fucking movie.

447
00:21:13,171 --> 00:21:15,196
She does full frontal
in that movie.
Wow.

448
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:17,504
They should've called her
Harry, not Sally.
Really.

449
00:21:17,576 --> 00:21:19,737
I'll show it to you.
I'll show you Meg Ryan's bush.

450
00:21:19,845 --> 00:21:20,937
Okay.
Cool.

451
00:21:21,046 --> 00:21:23,071
Yeah, I actually need
to get going, so...

452
00:21:23,181 --> 00:21:27,777
Well, could...
Can I get your number?
I mean, I don't...

453
00:21:27,886 --> 00:21:31,287
We had fun, right?
We should hook up again.

454
00:21:31,390 --> 00:21:35,759
I'm gonna give you my card
'cause that'll be
the best way to...

455
00:21:35,861 --> 00:21:39,957
Well, I mean, if you want
to contact me, I don't have
a cell, right now,

456
00:21:40,065 --> 00:21:42,625
because of
payment complications.

457
00:21:42,734 --> 00:21:45,032
But, I mean, you can e-mail me
at the web page. I check...

458
00:21:45,103 --> 00:21:49,096
It's just Ben
at flesh-of-the-stars,
one word, dot-com.

459
00:21:49,207 --> 00:21:50,469
Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.

460
00:21:50,575 --> 00:21:52,440
Okay.
So, awesome.

461
00:21:52,544 --> 00:21:54,705
All right, then.
Nice to meet you.

462
00:21:55,380 --> 00:21:57,712
Yeah. Okay.
Bye. Take care.

463
00:21:58,950 --> 00:22:00,144
See you.

464
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:02,812
Bye!

465
00:22:03,922 --> 00:22:05,617
That was fucking brutal.

466
00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:08,755
Yeah, that was brutal.

467
00:22:08,827 --> 00:22:11,387
It was a huge mistake.
What's a mistake?

468
00:22:14,466 --> 00:22:17,924
Nothing. Nothing that we need
to talk about right now.

469
00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:19,664
Why did you do it?

470
00:22:21,139 --> 00:22:25,132
Aunty Allison drank
too much chocolate milk.

471
00:22:25,243 --> 00:22:29,009
And I was feeling weird
because of that.
And I made a...

472
00:22:29,114 --> 00:22:30,308
I think that's enough.
Okay.

473
00:22:31,783 --> 00:22:33,580
Did he wear a condom?
Yes.

474
00:22:33,652 --> 00:22:34,914
Thank God.

475
00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:39,919
Do you think
you'll do it again?
No, no way.

476
00:22:39,991 --> 00:22:42,323
She was totally
repulsed by me.

477
00:22:42,427 --> 00:22:44,657
What?
She just really
didn't seem to like me.

478
00:22:44,763 --> 00:22:47,254
Like, she wasn't laughing at my jokes.
I mean, I'm like a funny guy.

479
00:22:47,332 --> 00:22:49,300
Fucking funny as balls.
Hilarious, man.

480
00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:52,531
I'm giving her the A shit.
Nothing. She thought our
web page was a bad idea.

481
00:22:52,637 --> 00:22:54,628
What?
That fucking stuck-up bitch.

482
00:22:54,706 --> 00:22:55,968
Yeah, I think so, too.

483
00:22:56,041 --> 00:22:57,872
I think it's awesome
that you had sex with her.

484
00:22:57,976 --> 00:23:01,878
If a goofy guy like you
had sex with her, I feel like
I had sex with her also.

485
00:23:01,980 --> 00:23:03,948
I was so drunk.
I just wish I remembered it.

486
00:23:11,022 --> 00:23:15,391
<i>Hi, I'm Allison Scott.
And we're here today with
James Franco from Spider-Man.</i>

487
00:23:15,494 --> 00:23:16,654
How are you?
Great, great.

488
00:23:16,728 --> 00:23:17,990
Thanks for coming.
Of course.

489
00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:20,964
Tell me, were you
a big fan of the...

490
00:23:21,032 --> 00:23:23,159
I'm sorry,
let me take that again.
Okay.

491
00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:25,829
Tell me, were you a big fan
of the comic books growing up?

492
00:23:25,904 --> 00:23:27,838
No, actually,

493
00:23:27,906 --> 00:23:31,535
I didn't read any of
the comic books until
I got the movie and then...

494
00:23:33,678 --> 00:23:34,804
Are you okay?
Mmm-hmm.

495
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,405
Yeah, just what about
the comic books?

496
00:23:37,482 --> 00:23:39,416
Just keep talking.

497
00:23:39,518 --> 00:23:42,681
Like I said,
I really wasn't into them,

498
00:23:42,754 --> 00:23:46,155
but now that I did
the research, I think they're
pretty amazing, like...

499
00:23:49,261 --> 00:23:50,421
Shit.

500
00:23:52,330 --> 00:23:53,854
What the fuck?

501
00:23:58,703 --> 00:24:00,830
Is that the sound
of you puking?

502
00:24:00,906 --> 00:24:03,773
<i>If this is one of those
fucking joke shows,
I'm not into it.</i>

503
00:24:03,875 --> 00:24:05,843
We should put this on YouTube.
Shut up.

504
00:24:05,911 --> 00:24:07,606
This is hilarious.
You're an asshole.

505
00:24:07,712 --> 00:24:09,612
Look how sweaty you are.
You look like Dom DeLuise.

506
00:24:09,714 --> 00:24:11,739
I don't need to see it again.
It's gonna make me throw up.

507
00:24:11,850 --> 00:24:14,080
You look like
Jabba the Hutt dying.

508
00:24:17,789 --> 00:24:19,416
You're such an asshole.

509
00:24:19,491 --> 00:24:20,958
I'm just jerking your chain.

510
00:24:21,026 --> 00:24:22,357
I'll fix this. No problem.

511
00:24:22,427 --> 00:24:26,090
Yeah, maybe if you can just
edit this out, and we can...

512
00:24:27,399 --> 00:24:29,333
We can reshoot my questions.

513
00:24:32,070 --> 00:24:33,367
What's up?

514
00:24:34,206 --> 00:24:36,504
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, no, no. Over here.

515
00:24:36,575 --> 00:24:39,567
Not on the mix board,
not on the mix board, here.

516
00:24:43,582 --> 00:24:44,913
Are you okay?

517
00:24:44,983 --> 00:24:46,314
Oh, my God.

518
00:24:48,420 --> 00:24:49,717
Oh, my God.

519
00:24:49,788 --> 00:24:51,847
Are you sick?
I don't know.

520
00:24:51,923 --> 00:24:54,448
What'd you eat?
I haven't eaten today yet.

521
00:24:54,559 --> 00:24:56,527
You haven't...
Do you have, like,
a napkin or something?

522
00:24:56,595 --> 00:24:58,028
Here, here.

523
00:24:59,364 --> 00:25:01,389
What, do you have,
like, the flu?

524
00:25:01,466 --> 00:25:02,899
I don't know.

525
00:25:02,968 --> 00:25:05,402
God, I hope
you're not pregnant.

526
00:25:05,470 --> 00:25:08,928
It's impossible. You have
to have sex to get pregnant.

527
00:25:11,309 --> 00:25:14,278
B.K. It's Brent Master Five.

528
00:25:14,946 --> 00:25:16,937
Allison just puked.

529
00:25:17,048 --> 00:25:19,414
Dude, that's what I said.
She's probably
pregnant, right?

530
00:25:19,484 --> 00:25:21,611
Oh, shit.
How does she look right now?

531
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:24,484
She looks like
she just realized
that she's pregnant.

532
00:25:24,589 --> 00:25:26,750
No, I can't be
pregnant. Right?

533
00:25:26,825 --> 00:25:29,487
I mean that was, what?

534
00:25:29,594 --> 00:25:31,289
Eight weeks ago?
When was that?
Mmm-hmm.

535
00:25:31,396 --> 00:25:33,261
Did you miss your period?

536
00:25:33,331 --> 00:25:34,730
No. Wait.

537
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:37,561
I don't know.
Shit. I don't know.
I can't remember.

538
00:25:37,636 --> 00:25:39,627
I was... I mean, I've been
really stressed at work.

539
00:25:39,738 --> 00:25:41,262
I can't remember
my last period.

540
00:25:41,339 --> 00:25:43,170
Are you the lady who doesn't
realize she's pregnant

541
00:25:43,275 --> 00:25:45,300
till she's sitting
on the toilet
and a kid pops out?

542
00:25:45,410 --> 00:25:47,002
Can you not joke right now?
Don't joke right now.

543
00:25:47,112 --> 00:25:49,012
This is really serious.
Did I meet him?

544
00:25:49,114 --> 00:25:51,480
Yeah. You know, he was
kind of like medium height,

545
00:25:51,583 --> 00:25:55,019
sort of chubby.
Blonde, curly hair. Remember?

546
00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:56,849
With the man-boobs.
Yes.

547
00:25:56,955 --> 00:26:00,254
Here, I have this thing
of him on my phone.
I just watched it.

548
00:26:00,325 --> 00:26:02,759
<i>Hey! I live in your phone!</i>

549
00:26:02,827 --> 00:26:04,124
Oh.

550
00:26:04,930 --> 00:26:07,763
<i>This is the best
night of my life.</i>

551
00:26:07,832 --> 00:26:09,800
<i>I gotta pee.</i>

552
00:26:09,868 --> 00:26:11,460
Yeah.
Oh, God.

553
00:26:12,938 --> 00:26:14,963
How did this happen?
Oh, shit.

554
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,008
Well, there's only
one way to find out.

555
00:26:20,679 --> 00:26:23,113
They're here!
Here they are! Over here!

556
00:26:23,181 --> 00:26:24,375
Oh, no.

557
00:26:24,449 --> 00:26:26,246
Okay, here we are.
Okay.

558
00:26:26,318 --> 00:26:28,650
Okay. All right.
Here.

559
00:26:39,364 --> 00:26:41,855
Oh, no. Give me more!
Give me a few more!

560
00:26:41,967 --> 00:26:43,696
Did you try the Ova-Sure?

561
00:26:44,903 --> 00:26:47,201
I'm dripping,
I'm dripping. Wait.

562
00:26:47,305 --> 00:26:49,637
Oh, good! A smiley face!

563
00:26:50,475 --> 00:26:51,965
Oh, I think that's bad.

564
00:26:52,043 --> 00:26:54,307
How long does this one take?

565
00:26:54,813 --> 00:26:57,407
These can't all be positive.
Let me try one.

566
00:27:03,088 --> 00:27:05,215
God, you really had to pee.

567
00:27:07,025 --> 00:27:10,426
What is this?
What the hell is this?

568
00:27:11,229 --> 00:27:13,288
I think you picked up
the wrong one.

569
00:27:13,365 --> 00:27:14,662
Oh, fuck.

570
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,391
That scared me.

571
00:27:17,502 --> 00:27:20,027
That would suck. I'm sorry.

572
00:27:22,540 --> 00:27:23,905
That scared me.

573
00:27:24,509 --> 00:27:26,841
It's gonna be fine. Right?

574
00:27:28,613 --> 00:27:29,602
Right?

575
00:27:29,681 --> 00:27:32,514
Of course it will be fine.
It's gonna be fine.

576
00:27:32,584 --> 00:27:34,017
You just need to call him.

577
00:27:34,085 --> 00:27:36,553
Maybe I don't need to call him
until after I see the doctor.

578
00:27:36,621 --> 00:27:38,054
You need to call.
I don't want to call him.

579
00:27:38,123 --> 00:27:39,750
I don't need to call him.
You should call.

580
00:27:39,858 --> 00:27:42,190
I can't call him anyway.
He doesn't even have a phone.

581
00:27:42,260 --> 00:27:43,693
He didn't even have
a number to give me.

582
00:27:43,762 --> 00:27:44,786
He doesn't have a phone?

583
00:27:44,863 --> 00:27:46,490
Said he had some
kind of billing issue.

584
00:27:46,564 --> 00:27:49,533
He can't afford a phone?
Sadie has a phone.

585
00:27:49,601 --> 00:27:52,035
Oh, shit, you're right.
I got to call.

586
00:27:52,103 --> 00:27:54,571
I don't know. I'm gonna
have to look him up
on his stupid website.

587
00:27:54,639 --> 00:27:55,901
What kind of website
does he have?

588
00:27:57,275 --> 00:28:00,039
He spelled "coming"
wrong. Oh, it's cum...

589
00:28:00,111 --> 00:28:02,238
Yeah.
Oh, that's gross.

590
00:28:02,313 --> 00:28:04,281
Just go to "Contact Us."

591
00:28:05,617 --> 00:28:06,879
Ben?
Yeah.

592
00:28:08,653 --> 00:28:12,020
"What is your number?
I need to speak
with you right away."

593
00:28:12,090 --> 00:28:13,455
Send?
Yep.

594
00:28:13,558 --> 00:28:15,150
You're sure?

595
00:28:15,226 --> 00:28:16,488
Yeah.

596
00:28:18,797 --> 00:28:20,788
I love weed.

597
00:28:20,899 --> 00:28:22,958
I could smoke weed
every second of every day.

598
00:28:23,068 --> 00:28:26,128
Jay, I am your stoner.

599
00:28:34,412 --> 00:28:36,676
Hey, Benjamin?
Yeah.

600
00:28:36,781 --> 00:28:39,079
Flesh of the Stars
just got an e-mail.
Really?

601
00:28:39,150 --> 00:28:41,618
Would you like me
to read it to you?
Yeah, sure.

602
00:28:41,686 --> 00:28:43,984
"Ben, what is your number?

603
00:28:44,089 --> 00:28:47,525
"I need to speak to you
right away. Allison Scott."

604
00:28:47,625 --> 00:28:50,651
Oh! Shit!

605
00:28:51,096 --> 00:28:52,961
Someone wants seconds, mama!

606
00:28:53,031 --> 00:28:54,293
Oh, man!

607
00:28:54,365 --> 00:28:56,833
"Looking forward
to speaking with you."

608
00:28:56,935 --> 00:29:00,871
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do one of those
smiley faces at the end.

609
00:29:00,972 --> 00:29:02,462
Fucking-A. Those are sexy.
Sent.

610
00:29:09,614 --> 00:29:11,912
Somebody wants another piece!

611
00:29:13,184 --> 00:29:14,208
Booty-booty call.

612
00:29:14,285 --> 00:29:16,014
Yeah, hello?
Hi.

613
00:29:16,121 --> 00:29:20,217
Hey, Ben, this is...
This is Allison. I don't know
if you remember me.

614
00:29:20,325 --> 00:29:22,885
Oh, yeah, Allison. What's up?

615
00:29:22,994 --> 00:29:25,462
She like the way
your dick tastes.

616
00:29:25,530 --> 00:29:29,728
Yeah, I actually was
just wondering if maybe you

617
00:29:29,834 --> 00:29:32,064
wanted to get together,
like tomorrow night?

618
00:29:32,170 --> 00:29:34,570
I've been meaning
to call you so we could,
like, hook up again.

619
00:29:34,672 --> 00:29:36,503
<i>You know what I'm saying?
Okay, cool.</i>

620
00:29:36,574 --> 00:29:39,372
Let's meet up maybe
tomorrow night? You wanna
just grab some dinner?

621
00:29:39,477 --> 00:29:43,174
<i>Yeah. Why not?
Meeting of minds sounds good.</i>

622
00:29:43,248 --> 00:29:47,048
<i>What do you say Geisha House,
Hollywood, 9:00?</i>

623
00:29:47,152 --> 00:29:48,346
Sure, sure. That's cool.

624
00:29:48,419 --> 00:29:50,751
Can we make it
more like 6:00, though?
I'd like to keep it early.

625
00:29:50,855 --> 00:29:54,689
6:00. Beat the rush.
Yeah, leaves
more time for afterwards.

626
00:29:54,759 --> 00:29:56,283
<i>Dessert. Sweet.</i>

627
00:29:57,095 --> 00:29:58,619
Okay, great.

628
00:29:58,696 --> 00:30:01,529
So, yeah. I'll just meet
you there, then, at 6:00.

629
00:30:01,599 --> 00:30:03,567
Yeah.
I'll see you there.

630
00:30:04,769 --> 00:30:06,498
Okay, take care. Peace.

631
00:30:09,507 --> 00:30:10,701
Oh, shit.

632
00:30:11,376 --> 00:30:14,539
I'm gonna get laid,
motherfucker!

633
00:30:15,747 --> 00:30:17,442
Yes! Yes!

634
00:30:19,117 --> 00:30:21,278
Nice place, huh?
Yeah,
it's really nice.

635
00:30:21,386 --> 00:30:24,617
Sorry it took so long to
get a table. I didn't realize
you needed a reservation.

636
00:30:24,722 --> 00:30:26,053
Oh, no, that's okay.

637
00:30:26,124 --> 00:30:27,421
So how's work?
Great.

638
00:30:27,525 --> 00:30:28,617
How's E!?
Great.

639
00:30:28,726 --> 00:30:30,250
That's awesome.
Do you know Vince Vaughn?

640
00:30:30,361 --> 00:30:31,589
Have you ever met him?
No.

641
00:30:31,696 --> 00:30:35,188
I really feel like
we'd get along well. I just...
He seems like a fun guy.

642
00:30:35,266 --> 00:30:37,131
I feel like we'd, like,
hang together well.
Mmm-hmm.

643
00:30:37,202 --> 00:30:38,226
I feel like he'd like me.

644
00:30:38,303 --> 00:30:41,272
I'm sure a lot of guys
are like, "Oh, I'd like
to hang out with that celeb",

645
00:30:41,372 --> 00:30:44,273
but I really think he would
want to hang out with me,
is like the cool thing.

646
00:30:44,375 --> 00:30:46,240
I'm sure he would. Yeah.

647
00:30:46,311 --> 00:30:47,608
You look very pretty, though.
Thanks.

648
00:30:47,712 --> 00:30:49,043
By the way.
Yeah, I just thought...

649
00:30:49,113 --> 00:30:50,444
I don't know, I thought
maybe it'd be cool

650
00:30:50,548 --> 00:30:51,640
to hang out
a little bit and...

651
00:30:51,749 --> 00:30:53,876
We didn't really get
to talk that much
last time, so I thought...

652
00:30:53,952 --> 00:30:55,419
That we didn't.

653
00:30:57,088 --> 00:31:00,421
I thought maybe we'd
just talk and get to know
each other better.

654
00:31:00,491 --> 00:31:02,459
Cool. Okay.

655
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:06,052
I'll start. I'm Canadian.
Oh, that's cool.

656
00:31:06,130 --> 00:31:08,963
From Vancouver. I live
here illegally, actually.

657
00:31:09,067 --> 00:31:10,125
Don't tell anyone.

658
00:31:10,235 --> 00:31:13,102
But it works out
in my advantage,
I think, ultimately,

659
00:31:13,171 --> 00:31:15,162
'cause I don't have
to pay any taxes.

660
00:31:15,273 --> 00:31:18,572
So financially that's helpful

661
00:31:18,643 --> 00:31:21,168
'cause I don't have
a lot of money.

662
00:31:21,246 --> 00:31:25,410
You know, I mean,
I'm not poor or anything,
but I eat a lot of spaghetti.

663
00:31:25,483 --> 00:31:29,783
So, you know, the web page
or whatever is just something
that you guys do for fun?

664
00:31:29,854 --> 00:31:31,151
Do you have a real job?

665
00:31:31,256 --> 00:31:32,814
Well, that is our job.
Oh.

666
00:31:32,924 --> 00:31:36,052
We don't technically get money
for the hours we put in,

667
00:31:36,127 --> 00:31:37,560
but it is our job.

668
00:31:37,629 --> 00:31:39,460
So, how do you... Right.
How do I pay rent and shit?

669
00:31:39,530 --> 00:31:41,657
When I was in high school,
I got ran over
by a postal truck.

670
00:31:41,766 --> 00:31:42,926
Oh, my God.
It just kind of...

671
00:31:43,001 --> 00:31:44,662
It was my foot
more than anything.

672
00:31:44,769 --> 00:31:48,796
But I got like 14 grand from
the British Columbia government.

673
00:31:48,873 --> 00:31:50,500
Right.
And that really lasted me.

674
00:31:50,608 --> 00:31:51,939
I mean, until now.

675
00:31:52,010 --> 00:31:54,171
It's been almost 10 years.
I have like 900 bucks left.

676
00:31:54,279 --> 00:31:57,009
So that should last me for,
like, I mean, I'm not
a mathematician,

677
00:31:57,115 --> 00:31:59,515
but like another
two years or some shit.
I think.

678
00:31:59,617 --> 00:32:00,675
Yeah.

679
00:32:00,785 --> 00:32:02,753
So I have something
I really need to tell you.

680
00:32:02,820 --> 00:32:05,448
It's kind of why I called you.

681
00:32:05,990 --> 00:32:07,514
Here goes. Um...

682
00:32:08,126 --> 00:32:09,457
I'm pregnant.

683
00:32:09,527 --> 00:32:11,051
Fuck off.
What?

684
00:32:11,162 --> 00:32:12,993
What?
I'm pregnant.

685
00:32:13,865 --> 00:32:15,332
With emotion?

686
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:17,834
With a baby.
You're the father.

687
00:32:19,137 --> 00:32:20,627
I'm the father?
Yes.

688
00:32:20,705 --> 00:32:22,195
How the fuck
could this happen?
I don't know.

689
00:32:22,307 --> 00:32:24,298
I don't know. I mean,
I thought you were
wearing a condom.

690
00:32:24,375 --> 00:32:25,501
No.
What?

691
00:32:25,576 --> 00:32:27,043
I wasn't.
Why not?

692
00:32:27,145 --> 00:32:28,373
Because you told me not to.

693
00:32:28,479 --> 00:32:29,878
What are you talking about?

694
00:32:29,981 --> 00:32:31,812
What am I talking about?
You told me not to.

695
00:32:31,883 --> 00:32:34,351
I did not tell you
not to wear a condom.

696
00:32:34,419 --> 00:32:35,545
Here's what happened, okay?

697
00:32:35,620 --> 00:32:38,088
I will give you a play-by-play
of my memory.

698
00:32:38,156 --> 00:32:39,851
I almost had
the condom on my dick.

699
00:32:39,924 --> 00:32:43,018
It was on the cusp,
and then you said,
"Just do it, already."

700
00:32:43,094 --> 00:32:44,425
I didn't mean do it
without a condom.

701
00:32:44,529 --> 00:32:46,258
I meant "do it"
like "hurry up,"

702
00:32:46,331 --> 00:32:47,491
like "Get fucking going!"

703
00:32:47,565 --> 00:32:50,033
Well, I assumed
you were wearing a patch,
or like a dental dam

704
00:32:50,101 --> 00:32:52,433
or one of those
fucking butterfly clips
or something like that.

705
00:32:52,537 --> 00:32:54,266
What the hell is a dental dam?
It's like Saran Wrap!

706
00:32:54,372 --> 00:32:56,670
It's disgusting, okay?
But I thought you had one.

707
00:32:56,741 --> 00:32:58,606
Why the fuck didn't you
stop me once we started?

708
00:32:58,710 --> 00:33:01,076
I don't know! I couldn't tell
that you didn't have one on!

709
00:33:01,179 --> 00:33:02,612
Obviously, I was drunk!

710
00:33:02,714 --> 00:33:04,011
Was your vagina drunk?

711
00:33:04,082 --> 00:33:06,107
Did you think
it's the thinnest condom
on earth I have on?

712
00:33:06,217 --> 00:33:08,879
I'm a fucking inventor?
I made a dick-skin condom?

713
00:33:08,953 --> 00:33:11,581
He hollowed out
a penis and put it on?

714
00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:12,850
What the fuck?

715
00:33:13,758 --> 00:33:15,623
You are unbelievable.

716
00:33:17,462 --> 00:33:23,230
Okay, you know what? Maybe
I've reacted unfavorably.

717
00:33:23,301 --> 00:33:26,270
So what happens now?
I don't know how this works.

718
00:33:26,371 --> 00:33:28,771
I am going to
the doctor next week,

719
00:33:28,873 --> 00:33:32,070
and I thought you could
come with me
to the gynecologist.

720
00:33:32,143 --> 00:33:33,804
So you haven't seen him,
though?
No.

721
00:33:33,911 --> 00:33:35,276
So you don't know
if you're pregnant.

722
00:33:35,380 --> 00:33:39,248
Well, I'm not 100% sure.
You're not 100% sure.

723
00:33:39,317 --> 00:33:40,784
I bet you're not pregnant.

724
00:33:44,756 --> 00:33:46,223
No, they're not.

725
00:33:47,759 --> 00:33:50,922
No, they're all in the bag.
They're in the bag.

726
00:34:00,271 --> 00:34:01,533
Allison Scott?

727
00:34:01,606 --> 00:34:03,164
Yeah. Come on.

728
00:34:03,241 --> 00:34:05,232
I'm supposed to come?
Yes.

729
00:34:09,414 --> 00:34:12,781
Hello. My name is
Thomas Pellagrino.

730
00:34:12,884 --> 00:34:14,146
I'm... I'm Ben Stone.

731
00:34:14,252 --> 00:34:16,083
Hi, there, champ.
Nice to meet you.

732
00:34:16,154 --> 00:34:17,781
And you must be
Debbie's sister.
Yeah.

733
00:34:17,889 --> 00:34:19,083
Alice.
Allison. Hi.

734
00:34:19,157 --> 00:34:21,057
Hi. How are you?
Good.

735
00:34:21,125 --> 00:34:24,891
So, what can
I help you with today,
Mr. and Mrs. Stone?

736
00:34:24,962 --> 00:34:27,362
I took a home pregnancy test,
and it said I was pregnant,

737
00:34:27,432 --> 00:34:29,491
so here we are.

738
00:34:29,901 --> 00:34:31,892
Okay. Let's have a look.

739
00:34:34,906 --> 00:34:36,430
Legs up.

740
00:34:42,513 --> 00:34:43,741
Nice office.

741
00:34:43,815 --> 00:34:45,077
Thank you.

742
00:34:48,786 --> 00:34:51,687
Well, you do look
a lot like your sister.

743
00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:58,594
This is gonna be cold.
And you're next.

744
00:35:08,172 --> 00:35:11,699
Okay, there is
the cervix and the uterus.

745
00:35:12,710 --> 00:35:13,938
See that?

746
00:35:14,011 --> 00:35:17,174
That dark sac there,
that's the amniotic sac.

747
00:35:18,015 --> 00:35:21,212
And right there
in the middle is the embryo.

748
00:35:21,319 --> 00:35:23,810
Do you see that flicker?
You know what that is?

749
00:35:23,888 --> 00:35:25,981
Yeah, that's a heartbeat.

750
00:35:26,057 --> 00:35:27,820
Yeah, it looks like
you are pregnant.

751
00:35:27,892 --> 00:35:30,292
About eight or nine weeks,
I'd say.

752
00:35:30,361 --> 00:35:31,953
Congratulations.

753
00:35:34,132 --> 00:35:36,600
That... That's it?

754
00:35:36,667 --> 00:35:37,793
Yep.

755
00:35:37,869 --> 00:35:39,666
Take good care of it.

756
00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:43,298
Now the fun part starts.

757
00:35:44,075 --> 00:35:47,135
Let me... Let me make
a picture for you, huh?

758
00:35:47,211 --> 00:35:48,735
That'll be fun.

759
00:35:51,983 --> 00:35:55,510
Okay. Well, I'II...
I'll meet you in my office.

760
00:35:56,621 --> 00:35:57,849
Okay.

761
00:35:59,090 --> 00:36:01,615
I'll give you
a little time alone, there.

762
00:36:05,763 --> 00:36:07,663
Oh, God.
Oh, no.

763
00:36:09,767 --> 00:36:10,893
It's okay.

764
00:36:11,502 --> 00:36:13,402
I can't fucking believe
you didn't wear a bag!

765
00:36:13,504 --> 00:36:14,596
Who does that?

766
00:36:14,705 --> 00:36:16,764
Why did we go to Costco
and buy a year's supply
of condoms

767
00:36:16,874 --> 00:36:18,034
if you weren't gonna
use them, man?

768
00:36:18,109 --> 00:36:20,077
I can't believe you did this.
You fucked everything up.

769
00:36:20,178 --> 00:36:22,373
Look, the real point
is not to get yourself
in this position.

770
00:36:22,446 --> 00:36:23,777
That's what
you have to realize.

771
00:36:23,848 --> 00:36:24,940
You gotta know
all the tricks.

772
00:36:25,016 --> 00:36:27,541
Like, for example,
if a woman's on top,
she can't get pregnant.

773
00:36:27,618 --> 00:36:29,711
It's just gravity.
Well, that's true.
Everyone knows that.

774
00:36:29,787 --> 00:36:31,186
What goes up must come down.

775
00:36:31,255 --> 00:36:34,349
I think it's awesome that
you're gonna have a kid, man.

776
00:36:34,425 --> 00:36:38,418
Think about it like this.
It's just an excuse to play
with all your old toys again.

777
00:36:38,529 --> 00:36:39,996
You know what
I think you should do?

778
00:36:40,064 --> 00:36:42,032
Take care of it.

779
00:36:42,233 --> 00:36:44,463
Tell me you don't want him
to get an "A" word.

780
00:36:44,569 --> 00:36:47,402
Yes, I do, and I won't say it
for little Baby Ears
over there,

781
00:36:47,471 --> 00:36:49,871
but it rhymes
with "Shma-shmortion."

782
00:36:49,941 --> 00:36:52,205
I'm just saying...
Hold on, Jay, cover your ears.

783
00:36:52,276 --> 00:36:55,973
You should get
a shma-shmortion
at the shma-shmortion clinic.

784
00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:59,481
Ben, you cannot let
these monsters have
any part of your child's life.

785
00:36:59,584 --> 00:37:02,451
All right? I'm gonna be
there to rear your child.

786
00:37:02,553 --> 00:37:04,248
You hear that, Ben?
Don't let him near the kid.

787
00:37:04,322 --> 00:37:06,654
He wants
to rear your child!

788
00:37:06,757 --> 00:37:08,088
I just have a quick question.

789
00:37:08,159 --> 00:37:11,560
Do you use that Canadian
flag tattoo as a cum target
of some sort?

790
00:37:11,629 --> 00:37:14,757
How many points do you get if you hit
the leaf? Like a million?

791
00:37:14,832 --> 00:37:16,595
Jonah, I am a patriot.

792
00:37:16,667 --> 00:37:19,329
This is a tribute to my
country and my countrymen.

793
00:37:19,437 --> 00:37:21,598
I always aim right.

794
00:37:21,672 --> 00:37:23,572
Right into a dude's ass.

795
00:37:26,077 --> 00:37:27,908
Please, guys.

796
00:37:27,979 --> 00:37:30,140
Ben, come on, man.
I'm just kidding you.

797
00:37:30,248 --> 00:37:32,273
Oh, great. Now he's upset.
I won't let him do it.

798
00:37:32,984 --> 00:37:35,316
Allison, just take care of it.

799
00:37:35,786 --> 00:37:36,946
Take care of it. Move on.

800
00:37:37,021 --> 00:37:38,283
What's gonna happen
with your career?

801
00:37:38,356 --> 00:37:39,721
How are you gonna tell them?

802
00:37:39,790 --> 00:37:40,984
I'm not gonna tell them
for a while.

803
00:37:41,058 --> 00:37:43,026
I have a while
before I have to say anything.

804
00:37:43,094 --> 00:37:45,119
How could you not tell them?
They're not gonna know.

805
00:37:45,196 --> 00:37:46,959
I mean, I'm only gonna start
to show when I'm like,

806
00:37:47,031 --> 00:37:49,329
I don't know,
six months or something.
Seven months.

807
00:37:49,433 --> 00:37:50,923
Three months.
No.

808
00:37:51,002 --> 00:37:54,199
Three months. Fat in the face,
jowls, fat ass.

809
00:37:55,439 --> 00:37:56,599
Debbie didn't get fat.

810
00:37:56,674 --> 00:37:58,539
Debbie is a freak of nature.

811
00:37:58,609 --> 00:38:02,306
Mom, you know,
it's important to me
that you be supportive.

812
00:38:02,380 --> 00:38:06,339
I cannot be supportive
of this. This is a mistake.
This is a big, big mistake.

813
00:38:06,450 --> 00:38:08,145
Now, think about
your stepsister.

814
00:38:08,219 --> 00:38:09,550
Now, you remember
what happened with her?

815
00:38:09,654 --> 00:38:13,317
She had the same
situation as you,
and she had it taken care of.

816
00:38:13,391 --> 00:38:16,383
And you know what?
Now she has a real baby.

817
00:38:16,494 --> 00:38:18,394
Honey, this is not the time.

818
00:38:19,297 --> 00:38:20,730
I'm gonna be a grandfather.

819
00:38:20,831 --> 00:38:21,923
You happy about that?

820
00:38:21,999 --> 00:38:23,660
Absolutely. Delighted.

821
00:38:23,734 --> 00:38:24,826
This is a disaster.

822
00:38:24,902 --> 00:38:26,096
No, this is not a disaster.

823
00:38:26,170 --> 00:38:28,695
It is...
An earthquake is a disaster.

824
00:38:28,806 --> 00:38:30,831
Your grandmother
having Alzheimer's so bad

825
00:38:30,908 --> 00:38:33,502
she doesn't even know
who the fuck I am,
that's a disaster.

826
00:38:33,577 --> 00:38:35,477
This is a good thing.
This is a blessing.

827
00:38:35,546 --> 00:38:39,482
I have a vision
for how my life would go,

828
00:38:39,550 --> 00:38:41,074
and this definitely is not it.

829
00:38:41,152 --> 00:38:43,882
Wait. Is this your vision?
Are you living
your vision right now?

830
00:38:43,988 --> 00:38:45,182
I am kind of living
my vision, yeah.

831
00:38:45,256 --> 00:38:47,087
Well, that is sad,
I'm telling you.

832
00:38:47,158 --> 00:38:49,592
Life doesn't care
about your vision. Okay?

833
00:38:49,694 --> 00:38:52,026
Stuff happens.
You just got to deal with it.

834
00:38:52,096 --> 00:38:54,929
You roll with it.
That's the beauty of it all.

835
00:38:55,032 --> 00:38:58,263
I just don't get how I tell
the kid not to do drugs
when I do drugs.

836
00:38:58,369 --> 00:38:59,563
I'll feel like a hypocrite.

837
00:38:59,670 --> 00:39:02,730
Well, remember what I told you
when you were a teenager?

838
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:04,774
What did you say?
I said,
"No pills, no powders."

839
00:39:04,875 --> 00:39:05,933
That's right, that's right.

840
00:39:06,043 --> 00:39:08,443
Right. If it grows
in the ground,
it's probably okay.

841
00:39:08,546 --> 00:39:11,743
I mean, I guess it worked.
Like you told me not
to smoke pot all those years,

842
00:39:11,849 --> 00:39:14,875
and then I found out
you were smoking pot
that whole time.

843
00:39:14,952 --> 00:39:16,442
Not the whole time.

844
00:39:16,554 --> 00:39:19,284
Just in the evenings
and all day every weekend.

845
00:39:19,390 --> 00:39:20,914
Not that much.

846
00:39:21,025 --> 00:39:26,361
Honestly, though,
when you look at me
do you not think at all, like,

847
00:39:26,430 --> 00:39:28,057
"You know,
if he just never existed,

848
00:39:28,132 --> 00:39:31,465
"I would have avoided
a massive heap of trouble,"
you know?

849
00:39:31,569 --> 00:39:33,196
Absolutely not.

850
00:39:33,270 --> 00:39:35,431
I love you totally
and completely.

851
00:39:35,539 --> 00:39:37,905
You're the best thing
that ever happened to me.

852
00:39:37,975 --> 00:39:39,533
I'm the best thing
that ever happened to you?

853
00:39:39,610 --> 00:39:40,804
Yeah.

854
00:39:42,113 --> 00:39:44,138
Now I just feel bad for you.

855
00:39:52,323 --> 00:39:53,984
<i>Hello?
Hi. Ben?</i>

856
00:39:54,392 --> 00:39:56,758
Oh. Hey, Allison.

857
00:39:58,062 --> 00:39:59,893
<i>How's it going?
Good, good.</i>

858
00:39:59,964 --> 00:40:02,159
You know,
I was just calling to...

859
00:40:03,434 --> 00:40:06,494
To let you know that I've
decided to keep the baby.

860
00:40:06,604 --> 00:40:08,128
I'm keeping it.

861
00:40:08,205 --> 00:40:09,399
Oh.

862
00:40:09,473 --> 00:40:14,172
Yeah. So, that's
what's happening with that.

863
00:40:14,278 --> 00:40:16,769
<i>Good. That's good. That's what
I was hoping you'd do.</i>

864
00:40:16,847 --> 00:40:19,441
So, awesome.

865
00:40:19,517 --> 00:40:21,576
Yeah. Yeah, it is good.

866
00:40:23,020 --> 00:40:25,181
Okay, I know
we didn't plan this,

867
00:40:25,289 --> 00:40:28,087
and, you know,
neither of us really thought
it was gonna happen,

868
00:40:28,159 --> 00:40:29,683
<i>but life is like that,
you know,</i>

869
00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:31,387
<i>you can't plan for it.</i>

870
00:40:31,462 --> 00:40:32,827
<i>And even if we did plan,</i>

871
00:40:32,897 --> 00:40:35,695
<i>life doesn't care about
your plans, necessarily.</i>

872
00:40:35,766 --> 00:40:38,599
<i>And you just kind of have
to go with the flow and,
you know,</i>

873
00:40:38,669 --> 00:40:42,867
I know my job is to just
support you in whatever
it is you wanna do,

874
00:40:42,973 --> 00:40:44,873
and, I'm in, you know.

875
00:40:44,975 --> 00:40:46,670
<i>So whatever you wanna do,</i>

876
00:40:46,744 --> 00:40:48,507
<i>I'm gonna do,
you know. It's...</i>

877
00:40:49,113 --> 00:40:52,048
I'm on board. Yay!

878
00:40:53,484 --> 00:40:54,849
I really appreciate
you saying that.

879
00:40:54,952 --> 00:40:57,944
<i>No problem.
You know, so I'll tell you,</i>

880
00:40:58,022 --> 00:41:01,549
<i>you know, maybe if you could
help me by telling me, like,</i>

881
00:41:01,659 --> 00:41:04,628
<i>one thing that I am
supposed to do,
then that would be good,</i>

882
00:41:05,863 --> 00:41:08,161
<i>because I literally have
no idea whatsoever.</i>

883
00:41:08,232 --> 00:41:10,462
I have no idea, either.

884
00:41:11,869 --> 00:41:16,670
So, do you want to, like,
get together and talk about it
or something like that?

885
00:41:16,740 --> 00:41:18,537
<i>Yeah, sure.
Like a date? I mean...</i>

886
00:41:18,642 --> 00:41:20,007
Yeah.

887
00:41:28,752 --> 00:41:30,413
Hey.
Hi.

888
00:41:30,521 --> 00:41:32,648
You look beautiful.
Thank you.

889
00:41:32,723 --> 00:41:34,486
No problem. Come on in.

890
00:41:35,192 --> 00:41:37,683
Everyone,
this is Allison.
Hi.

891
00:41:37,761 --> 00:41:40,696
Ally. Hey. Jason,
I'm sure you remember.
Yes.

892
00:41:40,764 --> 00:41:42,163
You look beautiful.
Thank you.

893
00:41:42,233 --> 00:41:44,895
Your body's responding
really well to the pregnancy.

894
00:41:45,002 --> 00:41:46,060
Thank you.

895
00:41:46,170 --> 00:41:48,229
It's amazing
how fast the milk arrives.

896
00:41:48,305 --> 00:41:49,704
Oh.

897
00:41:49,773 --> 00:41:50,865
How's your sis?

898
00:41:50,941 --> 00:41:52,033
She's good.

899
00:41:52,109 --> 00:41:54,373
Oh, good. Tell her,
"What's up?" for me.
Okay.

900
00:41:54,445 --> 00:41:57,107
All right, I'm gonna go make
a protein shake.

901
00:41:58,182 --> 00:42:01,379
And this beautiful
young man is Jonah.

902
00:42:01,452 --> 00:42:02,851
Hi.
Hey.

903
00:42:05,556 --> 00:42:08,582
Okay, that's Martin
and Jodi over there.

904
00:42:08,692 --> 00:42:09,784
Hi.

905
00:42:10,861 --> 00:42:12,795
I'm gonna grab my shirt.
Just take a seat if you want.

906
00:42:12,897 --> 00:42:14,194
Okay.
Cool.

907
00:42:21,405 --> 00:42:23,464
<i>You are scared, aren't you?</i>

908
00:42:30,381 --> 00:42:32,747
Just another day
at the office.
Uh-huh.

909
00:42:36,820 --> 00:42:38,549
Do you have
any acting experience?

910
00:42:38,622 --> 00:42:40,089
No. Uh-huh.

911
00:42:40,157 --> 00:42:42,625
How's it going?
You wanna toke?

912
00:42:42,726 --> 00:42:44,956
No. I'm good.

913
00:42:45,062 --> 00:42:46,154
Hi.
Hi.

914
00:42:46,263 --> 00:42:48,493
I'm Jodi.
Yeah, hi.

915
00:42:48,599 --> 00:42:50,396
I heard you were pregnant.
Mmm-hmm.

916
00:42:50,467 --> 00:42:52,264
Oh, aren't you scared?

917
00:42:52,336 --> 00:42:54,770
The way it's gonna
come out of your...

918
00:42:54,838 --> 00:42:57,807
It's gonna hurt a lot, I bet.
Your vagina...

919
00:42:57,908 --> 00:43:00,001
That's so sick.

920
00:43:00,077 --> 00:43:01,237
I don't know.

921
00:43:01,312 --> 00:43:02,677
Are you hungry?

922
00:43:02,746 --> 00:43:04,737
No, I'm okay right now.
Thank you.

923
00:43:04,815 --> 00:43:07,807
You must be angry
at the baby whenever
it steals your food, huh?

924
00:43:07,918 --> 00:43:09,613
"Oh, it's mine, not yours."

925
00:43:09,687 --> 00:43:13,817
But, you know,
because you're family,
you got to share.

926
00:43:13,924 --> 00:43:14,982
Right.

927
00:43:15,092 --> 00:43:18,027
Man, my balls are shaved.
My pubes are trimmed.

928
00:43:18,128 --> 00:43:20,460
I'm ready to fucking
rock this shit.

929
00:43:20,531 --> 00:43:21,793
What the fuck, man?

930
00:43:21,865 --> 00:43:25,130
If I go in there and see
fucking pubes sprinkled
on the toilet seat,

931
00:43:25,202 --> 00:43:27,102
I'm gonna fucking
lose my mind!

932
00:43:27,171 --> 00:43:28,763
Last time I went
to the bathroom, Jay,

933
00:43:28,839 --> 00:43:31,808
I took a shit and my shit looked
like a fucking stuffed animal!

934
00:43:31,875 --> 00:43:33,809
You're embarrassing me
in company.

935
00:43:33,877 --> 00:43:35,310
You embarrass yourself.

936
00:43:35,379 --> 00:43:37,939
Oh, great. I hope you have
a great evening!

937
00:43:38,015 --> 00:43:40,540
All right. Let's go.
Okay.

938
00:43:40,651 --> 00:43:42,118
See you guys later.

939
00:43:44,888 --> 00:43:48,688
The funny thing is I really
had never even thought
about having a baby.

940
00:43:48,792 --> 00:43:50,885
Yeah.
I mean, if this
hadn't happened,

941
00:43:50,995 --> 00:43:53,793
I don't think I would have
wanted to have a baby for like,

942
00:43:53,864 --> 00:43:56,230
I don't know,
at least 10 years.
At least!

943
00:43:56,333 --> 00:43:59,131
God, I mean, honestly,
I just got used to the, like,

944
00:43:59,203 --> 00:44:01,967
notion that someone would even
have sex with me.

945
00:44:02,039 --> 00:44:04,234
I didn't think
this would happen.

946
00:44:05,309 --> 00:44:06,401
Get ready.

947
00:44:06,510 --> 00:44:08,239
This will be coming out of you
in seven months.

948
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:11,243
This is exactly what
our baby will look like.

949
00:44:11,348 --> 00:44:14,010
It's a beautiful picture, Ben.
It is. It's not bad.

950
00:44:14,084 --> 00:44:15,210
Hello, Mommy.

951
00:44:15,319 --> 00:44:16,946
Our baby's gonna be
French-Canadian.

952
00:44:17,021 --> 00:44:18,181
With a little hint
of Spanish.

953
00:44:18,255 --> 00:44:21,190
Exactly. I'm not good
with accents, but...

954
00:44:21,258 --> 00:44:23,385
Baby books.
Awesome.

955
00:44:23,494 --> 00:44:25,018
<i>"What to Expect
When You're Expecting. "</i>

956
00:44:25,095 --> 00:44:26,460
What can we expect?

957
00:44:26,530 --> 00:44:29,363
Well, you can't eat sushi.

958
00:44:29,833 --> 00:44:31,232
You can't smoke.

959
00:44:31,335 --> 00:44:34,736
You can't smoke marijuana.
You can't smoke crack.

960
00:44:34,838 --> 00:44:36,533
You can't jump on trampolines.

961
00:44:36,607 --> 00:44:39,303
This is basically a giant list
of things you can't do.

962
00:44:39,376 --> 00:44:40,866
Yeah, it sounds thrilling.

963
00:44:40,978 --> 00:44:42,639
I'm gonna be sitting there
on the trampoline
smoking crack.

964
00:44:43,881 --> 00:44:46,008
And you're not gonna have
anything to do.
You're gonna be bored.

965
00:44:46,083 --> 00:44:47,710
But I can't wait
to read these, honestly.

966
00:44:47,818 --> 00:44:49,479
Seriously, I put these
in front of my toilet, though,

967
00:44:49,553 --> 00:44:51,248
they'll be read
by tomorrow morning.

968
00:44:51,355 --> 00:44:52,686
Do you want me
to get you that?
Yeah.

969
00:44:52,756 --> 00:44:54,155
You like it?
Yeah, thank you.

970
00:44:54,224 --> 00:44:55,486
No problem.

971
00:44:55,559 --> 00:44:57,220
These are heavy.

972
00:45:11,108 --> 00:45:12,735
So what do you think?
Should we have sex tonight?

973
00:45:14,611 --> 00:45:16,101
Sounds awful.

974
00:45:18,549 --> 00:45:20,779
I'm just really constipated.

975
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:23,084
Do you really want to?

976
00:45:23,153 --> 00:45:24,484
Well, now...

977
00:45:24,555 --> 00:45:25,954
Shut up.

978
00:45:26,056 --> 00:45:27,956
It's pretty crazy,
your sister's pregnant.

979
00:45:28,025 --> 00:45:29,458
We have to help her.

980
00:45:29,526 --> 00:45:32,393
I think they'll be fine.
Look at us. It happened to us.

981
00:45:32,463 --> 00:45:34,658
We'll help her raise the baby.

982
00:45:34,732 --> 00:45:35,960
Well...

983
00:45:37,801 --> 00:45:39,029
Fuck!

984
00:45:44,942 --> 00:45:48,241
At least we don't have
to use a condom, you know?

985
00:45:49,313 --> 00:45:52,544
But we can. I don't...
I brought some
just in case. I don't...

986
00:45:52,616 --> 00:45:55,050
I don't have VD or anything.
I mean, I don't, I thought...

987
00:45:55,119 --> 00:45:56,347
It's not that.

988
00:45:56,420 --> 00:45:57,751
You know, it's just...

989
00:45:57,821 --> 00:46:02,383
I thought maybe we could get
a little fun out of
your situation, you know?

990
00:46:02,459 --> 00:46:05,326
Okay, first of all,
it's not my situation.
It's our situation.

991
00:46:05,429 --> 00:46:06,726
I know, of course,
I know that.

992
00:46:06,797 --> 00:46:08,628
And just because I'm pregnant,
I'm not some ruined woman

993
00:46:08,732 --> 00:46:10,131
and all romance
goes out the door.

994
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:12,134
Okay, okay. I'm sorry.

995
00:46:13,804 --> 00:46:15,271
It's just...

996
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:19,341
I like you a lot.
That's all this is. That's...

997
00:46:23,113 --> 00:46:24,341
I like you, too.

998
00:46:24,414 --> 00:46:25,813
Sweet.

999
00:46:25,949 --> 00:46:27,814
A little, so far.

1000
00:46:27,918 --> 00:46:29,852
I mean, we have seven months
before the baby comes.

1001
00:46:29,953 --> 00:46:31,614
We don't have to rush it.
Yeah.

1002
00:46:31,688 --> 00:46:34,657
We should really just try
to get to know each other

1003
00:46:34,758 --> 00:46:36,658
and give this a real shot.

1004
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:39,957
You know, we got ourselves
into this situation.
We kind of have to.

1005
00:46:40,030 --> 00:46:42,362
For the baby, right?
Exactly.

1006
00:46:44,968 --> 00:46:48,335
Okay, if this was our second
date, what would you do?

1007
00:46:48,438 --> 00:46:53,307
B.J., if I'm just being
honest, I would probably...

1008
00:46:53,377 --> 00:46:57,438
I told my roommates
I thought I was gonna
get a B.J., so...

1009
00:46:57,514 --> 00:46:58,606
You know what?

1010
00:46:58,682 --> 00:47:01,515
For the sake of getting
to know one another,
can you not talk like that?

1011
00:47:01,618 --> 00:47:05,486
Yeah, I can do that.
I'm... I'm really nervous.

1012
00:47:05,556 --> 00:47:07,421
I'm nervous, too.
I'm really nervous.

1013
00:47:07,491 --> 00:47:09,049
Yeah.

1014
00:47:20,537 --> 00:47:23,028
You're a sweet guy, right?

1015
00:47:23,140 --> 00:47:25,574
I think I am. Yeah.

1016
00:47:25,676 --> 00:47:27,701
Don't fuck me over, okay?

1017
00:47:28,078 --> 00:47:29,807
I wouldn't do that.

1018
00:47:30,647 --> 00:47:34,048
Just so you know,
I'm the guy girls fuck over.

1019
00:47:34,151 --> 00:47:36,244
I'm that guy.
So you don't fuck me over.

1020
00:47:36,353 --> 00:47:37,411
Okay?
Okay.

1021
00:47:37,521 --> 00:47:40,854
I couldn't take it.
I can't raise this baby alone.

1022
00:47:57,341 --> 00:47:58,638
Who's he?

1023
00:47:58,709 --> 00:48:00,336
I'm Ben Stone.

1024
00:48:01,278 --> 00:48:03,109
He's my boyfriend.

1025
00:48:05,115 --> 00:48:06,742
That's nice.

1026
00:48:06,850 --> 00:48:08,511
I've never met him before.

1027
00:48:08,585 --> 00:48:10,416
Well, he's a new boyfriend.

1028
00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:11,714
But a boyfriend.

1029
00:48:11,788 --> 00:48:14,951
So he came over
for breakfast because
he's your new boyfriend?

1030
00:48:15,058 --> 00:48:16,923
Yeah.
He came from his house.

1031
00:48:17,027 --> 00:48:18,688
Drove over to our house

1032
00:48:18,762 --> 00:48:21,595
because he thought
it would be fun
to have breakfast with us,

1033
00:48:21,698 --> 00:48:25,794
so he drove his car
from his house to our house
to have breakfast.

1034
00:48:25,903 --> 00:48:28,030
Because he likes
breakfast so much.

1035
00:48:28,105 --> 00:48:30,039
I love breakfast.

1036
00:48:30,107 --> 00:48:34,271
You guys wanna hear something neat?
We're gonna have a baby together.

1037
00:48:34,378 --> 00:48:36,369
What?
Yeah, a baby.

1038
00:48:36,446 --> 00:48:37,777
Well, you're not married.

1039
00:48:37,881 --> 00:48:39,974
Aren't you supposed
to be married to have a baby?

1040
00:48:40,083 --> 00:48:41,277
You don't have to be.

1041
00:48:41,385 --> 00:48:43,615
But they should be
because they love each other,

1042
00:48:43,720 --> 00:48:47,212
and people who love each other
get married and have babies.

1043
00:48:47,291 --> 00:48:48,280
Mmm-mmm.

1044
00:48:48,659 --> 00:48:50,388
Do you love each other?

1045
00:48:50,460 --> 00:48:53,793
Yes, they love each other.
Because that's what you do.

1046
00:48:53,897 --> 00:48:57,890
When you love each other,
you get married
and have a baby.

1047
00:48:57,968 --> 00:48:59,629
Where do babies come from?

1048
00:48:59,736 --> 00:49:01,727
Where do you think
they come from?

1049
00:49:01,805 --> 00:49:05,104
Well, I think a stork,
he drops it down,

1050
00:49:05,175 --> 00:49:07,268
and then a hole goes
in your body,

1051
00:49:07,344 --> 00:49:09,744
and there's blood everywhere,
coming out of your head,

1052
00:49:09,813 --> 00:49:13,180
and then you push
your belly button,
and then your butt falls off,

1053
00:49:13,283 --> 00:49:16,343
and then you hold your butt
and you have to dig,

1054
00:49:16,453 --> 00:49:18,648
and you'll find a little baby.

1055
00:49:18,755 --> 00:49:20,620
That's exactly right.

1056
00:49:21,024 --> 00:49:22,855
Feed the teddy bear.

1057
00:49:22,960 --> 00:49:25,485
Okay, I feed
your bear the grass?

1058
00:49:27,364 --> 00:49:28,592
Okay.

1059
00:49:29,132 --> 00:49:32,465
You know what your bear
would also like
to do with some grass?

1060
00:49:32,536 --> 00:49:33,867
Smoke it.

1061
00:49:34,604 --> 00:49:37,471
What do you think of him?
He's funny, right?

1062
00:49:37,541 --> 00:49:38,769
Mmm-hmm.

1063
00:49:38,842 --> 00:49:40,469
Fetch.

1064
00:49:40,544 --> 00:49:42,307
All right, bring it back.

1065
00:49:43,146 --> 00:49:45,171
He's playing fetch
with my kids.

1066
00:49:45,282 --> 00:49:46,749
He's treating my kids
like they're dogs.

1067
00:49:46,817 --> 00:49:48,216
No, he's not.

1068
00:49:48,285 --> 00:49:49,513
Go get it! Fetch!

1069
00:49:49,586 --> 00:49:51,520
Who plays fetch
with kids?

1070
00:49:51,621 --> 00:49:53,714
He's trying.
He's making an effort.

1071
00:49:53,824 --> 00:49:56,224
Bring it back.
He's overweight.

1072
00:49:56,326 --> 00:49:57,691
Where does that end?

1073
00:49:57,794 --> 00:49:59,557
How old is he?
23.

1074
00:49:59,663 --> 00:50:01,028
Looks 33.

1075
00:50:01,631 --> 00:50:04,361
He can barely get in and out
of that little house.

1076
00:50:04,468 --> 00:50:06,402
Imagine how much bigger
he's gonna get.

1077
00:50:06,503 --> 00:50:08,698
That means he has bad genes.

1078
00:50:08,805 --> 00:50:11,035
Your kid is gonna
be overweight.

1079
00:50:11,108 --> 00:50:12,405
Shit.

1080
00:50:12,509 --> 00:50:14,033
I'm gonna get you!

1081
00:50:14,678 --> 00:50:16,407
I'm gonna get...

1082
00:50:19,182 --> 00:50:21,047
Just give him a break.

1083
00:50:24,354 --> 00:50:25,981
Okay. I'll try.

1084
00:50:33,397 --> 00:50:35,160
They seem to love bubbles.

1085
00:50:35,232 --> 00:50:38,360
Oh, God. They go
ape shit over bubbles.

1086
00:50:38,435 --> 00:50:39,527
They're really going ape shit.

1087
00:50:39,603 --> 00:50:43,095
I mean, that's an incredible
thing about a child.

1088
00:50:43,206 --> 00:50:44,696
I mean, what's so great
about bubbles?

1089
00:50:44,775 --> 00:50:47,938
They float. You can pop them.
I mean, I get it. I get it.

1090
00:50:48,045 --> 00:50:51,208
I wish I liked anything as much
as my kids like bubbles.

1091
00:50:51,281 --> 00:50:53,613
That's sad.
It's totally sad.

1092
00:50:53,717 --> 00:50:58,620
Their smiling faces just
point out your inability
to enjoy anything.

1093
00:50:58,722 --> 00:51:00,713
Am I gonna be okay, man?

1094
00:51:01,591 --> 00:51:03,616
Oh, who knows?

1095
00:51:04,594 --> 00:51:06,789
Is anybody okay? I'm not okay.

1096
00:51:06,897 --> 00:51:08,421
You're asking the wrong guy.

1097
00:51:08,532 --> 00:51:11,592
Just don't ask me to lend you
any money, you know?

1098
00:51:11,701 --> 00:51:13,566
Can I just have some?

1099
00:51:14,404 --> 00:51:15,530
No.

1100
00:51:18,975 --> 00:51:21,500
I have 15 years
of tennis lessons.

1101
00:51:22,045 --> 00:51:24,741
And 12 years
of sucking dick lessons.

1102
00:51:24,815 --> 00:51:25,907
So?

1103
00:51:25,982 --> 00:51:27,643
I can't ref the next games,
by the way.

1104
00:51:27,751 --> 00:51:30,720
I got to go meet
gynecologists with Allison.

1105
00:51:30,787 --> 00:51:32,778
She doesn't like
her gynecologist.

1106
00:51:32,889 --> 00:51:35,289
You think she likes you?
She's trying to.

1107
00:51:36,226 --> 00:51:39,093
She's entertaining
the idea of liking you.
Exactly. I'll take that.

1108
00:51:39,162 --> 00:51:41,562
Yeah, well, see,
she's bringing you
to the gynaechiatrist.

1109
00:51:41,631 --> 00:51:43,826
She must like you.
Yeah. Pretty good, I think.

1110
00:51:43,934 --> 00:51:46,664
You know who
I'd like to get pregnant,
is that Felicity Huffman, man.

1111
00:51:46,770 --> 00:51:49,170
<i>Ever since Transamerica, I can't
get her out of my mind.</i>

1112
00:51:49,272 --> 00:51:51,502
Okay, guys. I hate to
crack the whip,

1113
00:51:51,575 --> 00:51:53,736
but it's kind of
business meeting time.

1114
00:51:53,810 --> 00:51:56,176
I need moolah.

1115
00:51:56,279 --> 00:51:58,804
When do you think
we can launch this site?
Jeez.

1116
00:51:58,915 --> 00:52:00,405
Look, man. You can't rush this.

1117
00:52:00,484 --> 00:52:02,179
You know what happens
to these sites when they go up

1118
00:52:02,285 --> 00:52:03,946
and they don't function well?
They die.

1119
00:52:04,020 --> 00:52:07,512
Seriously, guys, let's say
I want to launch today.

1120
00:52:07,624 --> 00:52:10,422
Let's start. Let's use that
as a jumping off point.

1121
00:52:10,494 --> 00:52:12,519
Let's make this happen.
What can we do?

1122
00:52:12,629 --> 00:52:15,325
Look, man, I didn't go
to Yale so I could work
12 hours a day.

1123
00:52:15,432 --> 00:52:16,956
I thought you went
to Santa Monica City College.

1124
00:52:17,033 --> 00:52:18,591
I went where I went, Jason.

1125
00:52:18,668 --> 00:52:20,533
I'm not asking you
to work 12 hours a day.

1126
00:52:20,637 --> 00:52:23,265
I mean, you guys watch movies
without nudity in them.

1127
00:52:23,340 --> 00:52:26,173
I'll tell you what, man.
We could probably
get it online in three months.

1128
00:52:26,276 --> 00:52:27,937
Thank you. Yes! Three months.

1129
00:52:28,011 --> 00:52:29,876
Come on, Jason!

1130
00:52:29,980 --> 00:52:31,379
Fuck off!

1131
00:52:31,481 --> 00:52:33,847
Yeah, well, you still have
a little dick, Cartman.

1132
00:52:35,152 --> 00:52:36,881
Do you have mints?
Yeah, right there.

1133
00:52:36,987 --> 00:52:38,852
I see what you're saying.
Totally.

1134
00:52:38,955 --> 00:52:40,855
I don't get how
you're comfortable
with any of these guys

1135
00:52:40,957 --> 00:52:42,652
when they're doing
what they're doing to you.

1136
00:52:42,726 --> 00:52:44,853
First guy...

1137
00:52:44,961 --> 00:52:47,725
Oh, there that shit is.
I've been looking for that.

1138
00:52:47,831 --> 00:52:50,800
The first guy,
when he put his finger in,
he gave me this look like,

1139
00:52:50,867 --> 00:52:55,736
"Sorry, man, it's the job"
and I'm like, "Don't look
at me when your finger's..."

1140
00:52:55,839 --> 00:52:58,672
I mean, get in and get out.
Get on with your day,
you know?

1141
00:52:58,742 --> 00:53:02,234
That's the closest
I'll ever come to being
in a threesome, I think.

1142
00:53:02,345 --> 00:53:03,403
Really?

1143
00:53:03,513 --> 00:53:05,981
If you had to do a threesome
with me and one
of my other roommates,

1144
00:53:06,049 --> 00:53:07,641
who would it be?

1145
00:53:07,717 --> 00:53:08,706
Um...

1146
00:53:09,386 --> 00:53:10,410
I'm gonna have to go with Jay.

1147
00:53:10,487 --> 00:53:11,715
Oh, no.

1148
00:53:11,821 --> 00:53:12,981
Yeah.
Jay?

1149
00:53:13,056 --> 00:53:16,219
I'm really turned on by his
sort of skinny awkwardness

1150
00:53:16,326 --> 00:53:19,090
and his hot little Mohawk.
His Mohawk.

1151
00:53:19,196 --> 00:53:22,529
You two are never allowed to be in
the same room ever again.

1152
00:53:22,599 --> 00:53:25,727
If we ever had a three-way
with Jay, you turn around,
he'd be sucking my dick.

1153
00:53:25,835 --> 00:53:26,927
I'm telling you right now.

1154
00:53:27,037 --> 00:53:29,505
Do you smoke cigarettes?
No.

1155
00:53:29,573 --> 00:53:32,269
Do you smoke cigarettes?

1156
00:53:32,342 --> 00:53:33,775
I have on occasion.

1157
00:53:33,843 --> 00:53:36,073
On occasion? When? When was
the last time you had one cig?

1158
00:53:36,179 --> 00:53:37,646
You know, one, you know, little...

1159
00:53:37,714 --> 00:53:40,342
I need to know,
or I will not be your doctor.

1160
00:53:41,952 --> 00:53:43,681
How you doing?

1161
00:53:43,753 --> 00:53:46,916
I'm breathing like James
Gandolfini over here.

1162
00:53:47,457 --> 00:53:50,392
Slow down, man.
You're making me look
like a jackass.

1163
00:53:50,460 --> 00:53:52,121
How long you kids
been married?

1164
00:53:52,229 --> 00:53:53,526
We're not.
No.

1165
00:53:53,597 --> 00:53:54,586
You're single?

1166
00:53:54,664 --> 00:53:57,030
She's not single.
She's just not married.

1167
00:53:57,100 --> 00:53:59,091
Are you two together?

1168
00:54:00,370 --> 00:54:02,361
Hey, you wanna
trade boyfriends?

1169
00:54:03,540 --> 00:54:05,770
Just kidding. Kind of.

1170
00:54:10,780 --> 00:54:15,149
That is not your vagina.
That's your asshole.

1171
00:54:15,252 --> 00:54:17,117
That happens
about five times a day.

1172
00:54:17,887 --> 00:54:19,718
Are you sure you don't
wanna come paintballing?

1173
00:54:19,789 --> 00:54:21,984
Have fun, guys. Seriously.
Watch the eyes.

1174
00:54:22,092 --> 00:54:23,889
See you, guys.
See you, Ally. Bye.

1175
00:54:23,960 --> 00:54:27,293
I don't wanna go.
I swear to God.

1176
00:54:27,397 --> 00:54:29,957
<i>I wanna see Breathless
at the LACMA.</i>

1177
00:54:31,735 --> 00:54:33,635
Boobs! Boobs, boobs, boobs!

1178
00:54:33,737 --> 00:54:35,136
Hold on, pause it,
pause it, pause it.

1179
00:54:35,205 --> 00:54:36,763
Boobs and bush!
Boobs and bush.

1180
00:54:36,840 --> 00:54:38,501
Good boobs.
Those are good ones!

1181
00:54:38,608 --> 00:54:40,405
We're like
35 seconds in. Nice.

1182
00:54:40,477 --> 00:54:42,308
Right in
the beginning credits.
Credit bush.

1183
00:54:42,412 --> 00:54:44,846
You never get
opening credit bush.
I know. That's so crazy.

1184
00:54:45,482 --> 00:54:46,642
No.

1185
00:54:48,285 --> 00:54:49,684
You got me.

1186
00:54:50,420 --> 00:54:51,580
You got me.

1187
00:54:52,322 --> 00:54:54,415
How many doctors are there
in your practice?

1188
00:54:54,491 --> 00:54:57,016
Just 'cause I'm sort of
looking for a more
personal experience.

1189
00:54:57,127 --> 00:55:00,255
I wanna make sure
that you're my doctor
on the day, and...

1190
00:55:00,330 --> 00:55:02,127
Yeah, I understand.

1191
00:55:02,532 --> 00:55:07,026
We have three other doctors
in the practice,
but I'm your man, okay?

1192
00:55:07,137 --> 00:55:09,867
I don't take vacations.
I hate Hawaii.

1193
00:55:10,540 --> 00:55:12,405
I went to the Caribbean
when I was 14,

1194
00:55:12,475 --> 00:55:14,807
and I'm never going back.

1195
00:55:14,878 --> 00:55:17,278
I feel really good about this.
I think we found our doctor.

1196
00:55:17,347 --> 00:55:18,541
Really?
Yeah.

1197
00:55:18,648 --> 00:55:19,910
All right.

1198
00:55:19,983 --> 00:55:22,349
Are you serious right now?
Yeah.

1199
00:55:22,452 --> 00:55:23,612
Wow.

1200
00:55:23,687 --> 00:55:25,814
You look relieved.
I am very relieved.

1201
00:55:25,922 --> 00:55:28,982
I can't imagine meeting
any more of you people.

1202
00:55:29,092 --> 00:55:30,923
You're being dramatic.
We didn't meet that many.

1203
00:55:39,502 --> 00:55:40,867
Do they know?

1204
00:55:40,937 --> 00:55:42,063
Pardon?

1205
00:55:43,340 --> 00:55:45,240
The belly.

1206
00:55:45,308 --> 00:55:47,936
Oh, yeah. The donuts,
they call to me.

1207
00:55:48,878 --> 00:55:51,608
Hey, Allison. Great job.
Thanks.

1208
00:55:53,683 --> 00:55:56,880
You're pregnant, aren't you?
What?

1209
00:55:56,986 --> 00:55:59,546
I mean, you've put on like,
eight pounds, nine.

1210
00:55:59,656 --> 00:56:01,556
It's all in your uterus.

1211
00:56:02,158 --> 00:56:03,489
Oh, shit.

1212
00:56:04,327 --> 00:56:07,353
I haven't told them.
Do you think
they're gonna be mad?

1213
00:56:07,464 --> 00:56:09,955
I'm, like, really
chickening out about this.

1214
00:56:10,033 --> 00:56:12,058
It's okay. We can hide this.

1215
00:56:12,168 --> 00:56:15,797
We'll dress you in black,
and we'll emphasize
your boobs.

1216
00:56:15,872 --> 00:56:17,032
Awesome.

1217
00:56:17,140 --> 00:56:19,700
I mean, your boobs
are gonna be big.

1218
00:56:19,809 --> 00:56:22,073
And then they're
gonna be, like, scary big.

1219
00:56:22,178 --> 00:56:25,807
But then they'll go down.
And then they'll stay down.

1220
00:56:25,882 --> 00:56:28,544
Just... Just don't
say anything, okay?
Please don't say anything.

1221
00:56:28,651 --> 00:56:32,417
Oh, no, I won't, I won't.
Just tell them. They'll be cool.

1222
00:56:33,323 --> 00:56:35,883
Everybody loves
somebody pregnant.

1223
00:56:38,261 --> 00:56:40,923
Did you see
this sex offender website?

1224
00:56:40,997 --> 00:56:43,693
These are all the sex
offenders in our neighborhood.

1225
00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:46,701
Looks like your computer
has chicken pox.

1226
00:56:46,803 --> 00:56:48,464
Those are sex offenders.

1227
00:56:48,538 --> 00:56:50,870
These people live
in our neighborhood.

1228
00:56:50,974 --> 00:56:52,805
Well, I'll skip their houses
when we're trick-or-treating.

1229
00:56:52,876 --> 00:56:55,276
What do you want me to do?
Form a posse?

1230
00:56:55,345 --> 00:56:57,711
Got your six-shooter on you?
I got my lynching rope.

1231
00:56:57,814 --> 00:56:59,008
You shouldn't take it
so lightly.

1232
00:56:59,082 --> 00:57:00,242
I don't take it lightly.

1233
00:57:00,316 --> 00:57:03,012
You know, I'm not gonna
go over to any of these
people's houses and say,

1234
00:57:03,119 --> 00:57:05,212
"Hey, do you mind...
Can you baby-sit?"

1235
00:57:05,321 --> 00:57:07,221
If I didn't care about
these things,

1236
00:57:07,290 --> 00:57:08,814
you wouldn't
care about anything.

1237
00:57:08,892 --> 00:57:10,052
Care more.

1238
00:57:10,160 --> 00:57:12,720
You're so concerned
with stuff, like
"Don't get them vaccinated.

1239
00:57:12,829 --> 00:57:15,127
"Don't let them eat fish.
There's mercury in the water."

1240
00:57:15,198 --> 00:57:17,792
<i>Jesus, how much
Dateline NBC can you watch?</i>

1241
00:57:17,867 --> 00:57:20,335
I know we're supposed
to be nice
with each other right now,

1242
00:57:20,403 --> 00:57:21,734
but I'm having
a really hard time.

1243
00:57:21,838 --> 00:57:23,965
I'm struggling
with it right now.
What am I doing?

1244
00:57:24,040 --> 00:57:28,170
'Cause I want to rip your
fucking head off because
you're so fucking stupid!

1245
00:57:28,244 --> 00:57:31,509
This is scary.
These are our children.
Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

1246
00:57:31,581 --> 00:57:35,381
You fucking dipshit.
God! You...
Mmm-hmm.

1247
00:57:35,485 --> 00:57:38,079
I literally am at a point where
I don't know what I can say.

1248
00:57:38,188 --> 00:57:39,348
So I'm the bad guy

1249
00:57:39,422 --> 00:57:42,585
because I'm trying to protect
our kids from child molesters
and mercury?

1250
00:57:42,692 --> 00:57:45,092
And you're cool
'cause you don't give a shit.

1251
00:57:45,195 --> 00:57:47,686
Yeah.
Yeah? Is that it?

1252
00:57:47,764 --> 00:57:50,494
Pretty much.
God, you're an asshole.

1253
00:57:50,567 --> 00:57:52,762
Don't do this in front of Ben.

1254
00:57:52,836 --> 00:57:54,997
I don't give a shit about Ben.

1255
00:57:55,071 --> 00:57:56,265
Sorry, Ben.

1256
00:57:56,339 --> 00:57:58,330
It's okay. I didn't think
she did, anyway.

1257
00:57:58,408 --> 00:58:00,069
Okay, come on! Let's go.

1258
00:58:00,143 --> 00:58:01,770
Oh, I can't go.

1259
00:58:01,845 --> 00:58:04,678
This band is doing a showcase
out in the Valley. I got to go.

1260
00:58:04,747 --> 00:58:06,271
It's Saturday.

1261
00:58:07,951 --> 00:58:09,077
I got to go.

1262
00:58:09,452 --> 00:58:11,420
You don't want to know
the sex of the baby?

1263
00:58:11,488 --> 00:58:13,183
That's no fun.

1264
00:58:13,756 --> 00:58:16,623
Ben knows, but I've
sworn him to secrecy.

1265
00:58:16,726 --> 00:58:18,387
I'll get it out of him.

1266
00:58:18,461 --> 00:58:19,587
No.

1267
00:58:26,302 --> 00:58:27,530
Hey.

1268
00:58:27,604 --> 00:58:30,767
Think we'll ever be as happy
as Baby Bj�rn couple is?

1269
00:58:30,874 --> 00:58:32,603
We are that happy.

1270
00:58:32,909 --> 00:58:34,433
Yeah. You look happy.

1271
00:58:34,544 --> 00:58:37,104
Which is awesome,
'cause I never like
guys like you. It's great.

1272
00:58:37,213 --> 00:58:38,976
You keep saying that. I know.

1273
00:58:39,082 --> 00:58:41,312
This is it. This is perfect.

1274
00:58:42,085 --> 00:58:43,416
Nice.

1275
00:58:43,486 --> 00:58:45,420
Holy shit! It's 1,400 bucks.

1276
00:58:45,488 --> 00:58:47,285
We can just borrow yours.
Is that okay?

1277
00:58:47,357 --> 00:58:49,382
No. You need your own crib.

1278
00:58:49,459 --> 00:58:52,087
You know, there's one
of these lying in an alley
behind my house.

1279
00:58:52,161 --> 00:58:54,823
We could just grab that.
Just rub Purell all over it.

1280
00:58:54,931 --> 00:58:56,296
You know what? Let me buy it.

1281
00:58:56,366 --> 00:58:58,197
I need to get you
a baby present anyway.

1282
00:58:58,268 --> 00:59:00,293
And I would love
to get it for you.
No.

1283
00:59:00,403 --> 00:59:01,665
I'm serious. I want to.

1284
00:59:01,738 --> 00:59:03,706
No. It's too much.

1285
00:59:05,108 --> 00:59:06,973
Yes. We'll take it.

1286
00:59:07,076 --> 00:59:10,170
Obviously, I mean,
don't insult the woman.
She wants to get us a gift.

1287
00:59:10,246 --> 00:59:11,304
Right.

1288
00:59:11,414 --> 00:59:14,178
Wanna buy me some new shoes?
What else can I
squeeze out of you?

1289
00:59:14,284 --> 00:59:16,115
Xbox 360. Xbox 360.

1290
00:59:18,254 --> 00:59:19,778
So hot in the Valley.

1291
00:59:19,856 --> 00:59:23,019
Hey! Oh, Allison!
Hi.

1292
00:59:23,126 --> 00:59:24,684
How are you?

1293
00:59:24,794 --> 00:59:27,285
It's so good to see you.

1294
00:59:27,363 --> 00:59:29,422
We've been watching you on E!
It's the coolest thing.

1295
00:59:29,499 --> 00:59:31,524
Yeah, it's been super
exciting, just crazy busy.

1296
00:59:31,634 --> 00:59:33,124
I'm so sorry I haven't called.

1297
00:59:33,202 --> 00:59:34,669
Oh, it's fine.
Hi, I'm Ashley.

1298
00:59:34,771 --> 00:59:35,931
This is my friend, Ben.
I'm Ben.

1299
00:59:36,005 --> 00:59:37,336
I went to school with Allison.

1300
00:59:37,440 --> 00:59:39,340
Okay, so, is Debbie
having another baby?

1301
00:59:39,409 --> 00:59:41,809
No. Allison is.

1302
00:59:41,878 --> 00:59:44,642
What? I just saw you
a couple months ago.
You're pregnant?

1303
00:59:44,714 --> 00:59:46,705
It was a big surprise.

1304
00:59:46,816 --> 00:59:48,943
It's actually... It's a really
funny story, actually.

1305
00:59:49,018 --> 00:59:50,508
If you guys... If you got
a second to hear it.

1306
00:59:50,620 --> 00:59:52,178
It's not really funny.
It's not funny.

1307
00:59:52,288 --> 00:59:55,052
Let them be the judge, okay?
I think it's funny.

1308
00:59:55,158 --> 00:59:56,955
You know they say
don't drink and drive?
Uh-huh.

1309
00:59:57,026 --> 00:59:59,392
Don't drink and bone!
Wow.

1310
00:59:59,495 --> 01:00:00,553
Okay.

1311
01:00:02,231 --> 01:00:03,721
Yeah, I mean,
she was acting weird,

1312
01:00:03,800 --> 01:00:05,427
and I really think
it's just 'cause, like,

1313
01:00:05,501 --> 01:00:07,469
you know, I haven't made
an honest woman out of her.

1314
01:00:07,537 --> 01:00:10,028
She's carrying my bastard child.
No one wants that.

1315
01:00:10,139 --> 01:00:12,334
That's what I did.
I mean, I married Debbie
when she got pregnant.

1316
01:00:12,408 --> 01:00:13,966
You think she's, like,
hiding me?

1317
01:00:14,043 --> 01:00:16,409
Like, she's, like, embarrassed
by me or something like that?

1318
01:00:16,512 --> 01:00:18,571
Probably. I'd hide you.

1319
01:00:18,681 --> 01:00:20,444
How much do wedding rings cost?

1320
01:00:20,516 --> 01:00:21,983
I mean, it really depends,
you know?

1321
01:00:22,051 --> 01:00:25,077
I think you're supposed to spend,
like, three months' pay on a ring.

1322
01:00:25,188 --> 01:00:27,213
That'll be easy.
I don't make any money.

1323
01:00:27,323 --> 01:00:29,814
Really? I thought there was
lot of money in porn.

1324
01:00:29,892 --> 01:00:31,723
God, it's not porn, okay?

1325
01:00:31,828 --> 01:00:35,696
All we do is we show you
what nude scenes
are in what movies.

1326
01:00:35,765 --> 01:00:37,198
Oh, like Mr. Skin?

1327
01:00:37,266 --> 01:00:38,528
Who's Mr. Skin?

1328
01:00:38,601 --> 01:00:40,398
Dude, Mr. Skin.

1329
01:00:41,237 --> 01:00:42,568
Mr. Skin?

1330
01:00:43,973 --> 01:00:45,235
No!

1331
01:00:45,308 --> 01:00:47,572
We've wasted
14 months of our lives.

1332
01:00:47,644 --> 01:00:50,169
This is exactly
the same as our site.

1333
01:00:50,246 --> 01:00:51,508
How the fuck did this happen?

1334
01:00:51,581 --> 01:00:53,845
Mr. Skin. That's even
a better name than ours!

1335
01:00:53,916 --> 01:00:55,076
Fuck me in the beard.

1336
01:00:55,184 --> 01:00:57,379
Dude, they got the top 10
group shower scenes!

1337
01:00:57,487 --> 01:00:58,852
Why didn't you think
of that, Jay?

1338
01:00:58,921 --> 01:01:00,354
Don't put this on me!

1339
01:01:00,423 --> 01:01:01,515
God damn it!

1340
01:01:01,591 --> 01:01:05,721
Well, shit, I saw it online
at one point, but I guess
I didn't connect the dots.

1341
01:01:05,828 --> 01:01:06,988
What are we gonna do now?

1342
01:01:07,063 --> 01:01:09,156
All we need to do is think
of a new, better idea

1343
01:01:09,232 --> 01:01:10,927
that no one else
has thought of already.

1344
01:01:11,034 --> 01:01:13,764
<i>Oh, dude, Spider-Man 3
starts in eight minutes.</i>

1345
01:01:13,870 --> 01:01:16,202
Don't worry, man.
We'll figure it out.

1346
01:01:22,178 --> 01:01:24,578
You know what?

1347
01:01:24,681 --> 01:01:27,673
I think just because
this site exists

1348
01:01:27,750 --> 01:01:30,082
doesn't mean our site
won't work, necessarily.

1349
01:01:30,186 --> 01:01:31,585
Good things come
in pairs, man, you know.

1350
01:01:31,654 --> 01:01:33,019
Oh, for sure.

1351
01:01:33,089 --> 01:01:36,752
<i>Volcano, Dante's Peak,
Deep Impact, Armageddon, right?</i>

1352
01:01:36,859 --> 01:01:38,520
<i>Wyatt Earp, Tombstone.</i>

1353
01:01:38,594 --> 01:01:41,188
Panda Express,
Yoshinoya Beef Bowl.

1354
01:01:41,264 --> 01:01:42,925
Exactly. We can work together.

1355
01:01:42,999 --> 01:01:45,194
This can help us,
if anything, I think.

1356
01:01:45,268 --> 01:01:46,599
We're fine. We're golden.

1357
01:01:48,204 --> 01:01:52,106
Look, Allison, I'm sure
this isn't how you pictured
it being, exactly,

1358
01:01:52,208 --> 01:01:54,540
and it's not
how I wanted it to be,

1359
01:01:54,610 --> 01:01:57,636
but that is why I'm presenting
you this empty box.

1360
01:01:57,747 --> 01:01:59,578
It's a promise, Allison.

1361
01:01:59,649 --> 01:02:02,311
It's a promise
that one day I will...

1362
01:02:02,418 --> 01:02:06,821
I will fill this box
with a ring that you deserve,
a beautiful ring.

1363
01:02:06,923 --> 01:02:08,481
And I can't afford it yet.

1364
01:02:08,591 --> 01:02:12,960
I've picked it out already,
though, and it's at De Beers,
and it's really nice.

1365
01:02:13,062 --> 01:02:17,465
So basically I'm asking you,
will you marry me?

1366
01:02:17,567 --> 01:02:20,161
Because I'm in love with you.

1367
01:02:22,004 --> 01:02:23,972
I love you, too.

1368
01:02:24,040 --> 01:02:25,530
Really?

1369
01:02:25,608 --> 01:02:27,838
Oh, man,
that's so nice to hear.

1370
01:02:27,944 --> 01:02:31,778
That's the first time a girl's
ever said that to me, so...

1371
01:02:32,949 --> 01:02:34,974
But here's the thing.

1372
01:02:35,051 --> 01:02:36,484
There's a thing?

1373
01:02:36,586 --> 01:02:40,522
I don't really know yet what
that love means, you know.

1374
01:02:40,656 --> 01:02:44,683
Just 'cause it's so new,
and it's so exciting
that it's great.

1375
01:02:45,762 --> 01:02:48,754
I don't know. We've only
known each other
17 weeks, so it's...

1376
01:02:48,831 --> 01:02:50,264
Okay.

1377
01:02:50,333 --> 01:02:53,302
Honestly, I mean, I thought...

1378
01:02:53,369 --> 01:02:55,963
I thought you felt weird
that we're having a baby

1379
01:02:56,038 --> 01:02:57,596
and we're not
engaged or anything.

1380
01:02:57,673 --> 01:02:58,970
I'm gonna get off my knee.
Yeah.

1381
01:02:59,041 --> 01:03:00,565
It's hurting a little bit.

1382
01:03:00,643 --> 01:03:01,940
No, I'm okay with that.

1383
01:03:02,011 --> 01:03:04,673
You know, we're just doing
what we can.

1384
01:03:04,781 --> 01:03:06,840
We're making the best of it,
and I don't want us

1385
01:03:06,949 --> 01:03:09,315
to put any more pressure
on ourselves
than we already have.

1386
01:03:09,385 --> 01:03:10,977
Okay. Yeah.
That makes perfect sense.

1387
01:03:11,053 --> 01:03:12,611
Are you okay? I don't want
to hurt your feelings.

1388
01:03:12,688 --> 01:03:15,623
No, no, no.
Honestly, I just wanted
to do right by you, you know?

1389
01:03:15,691 --> 01:03:18,558
So if you don't want to,
that's totally cool, you know?

1390
01:03:18,661 --> 01:03:19,889
Okay.

1391
01:03:20,563 --> 01:03:22,292
I really do love you.

1392
01:03:22,365 --> 01:03:23,957
I know. Thanks.

1393
01:03:24,033 --> 01:03:26,365
You mentioned that. It's nice.

1394
01:03:33,463 --> 01:03:35,260
Ben proposed to me.

1395
01:03:36,099 --> 01:03:37,794
What?
He did.

1396
01:03:37,901 --> 01:03:41,268
It was really sweet.
I kind of feel
a little bit bad about it.

1397
01:03:41,337 --> 01:03:43,669
He was, like, wearing
this great little button-down.

1398
01:03:43,773 --> 01:03:47,436
He tucked his shirt in.
He got down on one knee.
It was so sweet.

1399
01:03:47,510 --> 01:03:50,274
He didn't have
an actual ring, though.
It was just an empty box.

1400
01:03:50,346 --> 01:03:53,338
But, you know,
he had this whole spiel
about when he has the money,

1401
01:03:53,449 --> 01:03:56,612
he's gonna buy me
the ring that I deserve and...

1402
01:03:56,686 --> 01:03:58,586
The box was just empty?

1403
01:03:58,655 --> 01:04:00,816
I mean, he can't
afford a ring, so...

1404
01:04:00,924 --> 01:04:04,018
So he got down on one knee
and gave you an empty box?

1405
01:04:04,127 --> 01:04:05,492
Yes.

1406
01:04:05,561 --> 01:04:07,085
I'm sorry.

1407
01:04:07,163 --> 01:04:09,154
Get over it. It was sweet.

1408
01:04:09,265 --> 01:04:11,825
I'm telling you,
if you'd been there,
you would have probably cried.

1409
01:04:11,935 --> 01:04:13,835
You need to train him.
Huh?

1410
01:04:13,937 --> 01:04:18,033
Oprah said that
when two people meet,

1411
01:04:18,141 --> 01:04:22,168
they are forced
to point out each other's
differences and flaws.

1412
01:04:22,278 --> 01:04:25,543
I thought you were supposed
to just accept people for who
they are, love them anyway.

1413
01:04:25,648 --> 01:04:27,445
You criticize them a lot,

1414
01:04:27,517 --> 01:04:30,714
and then they get
so down on themselves
that they're forced to change.

1415
01:04:30,820 --> 01:04:32,378
Really? You don't think
that would just make it worse?

1416
01:04:32,488 --> 01:04:33,614
That'd be, like, naggy.

1417
01:04:33,690 --> 01:04:36,124
And then in the end,
they thank you for it.

1418
01:04:36,993 --> 01:04:39,553
You can't commit
to him. You can't make
a commitment to him.

1419
01:04:39,662 --> 01:04:43,530
You don't even know him.
I don't even know Pete
after 10 years.

1420
01:04:43,633 --> 01:04:45,828
What?
I don't know what he's up to.

1421
01:04:45,902 --> 01:04:47,301
He's miserable.

1422
01:04:47,370 --> 01:04:48,632
Why do you say that?

1423
01:04:48,705 --> 01:04:50,969
I think he's cheating on me.
What?

1424
01:04:51,040 --> 01:04:54,737
He's always going off
to these business meetings
at odd hours.

1425
01:04:54,844 --> 01:04:56,505
And then I try to call him
on his cell phone,

1426
01:04:56,579 --> 01:04:59,844
and he says that he's in bad
cell phone reception areas

1427
01:04:59,916 --> 01:05:02,316
when he's in good
cell phone reception areas.

1428
01:05:02,385 --> 01:05:03,909
Maybe he's working late.

1429
01:05:04,020 --> 01:05:05,988
You know, I mean, maybe
he's just working really hard

1430
01:05:06,055 --> 01:05:07,920
to sign a new great band
or something.

1431
01:05:08,024 --> 01:05:09,753
I can't imagine Pete doing
something like that.

1432
01:05:09,859 --> 01:05:14,319
There's no part of you
that thinks that maybe
he's a dirty little scumbag?

1433
01:05:14,397 --> 01:05:16,297
No. Mmm-mmm.

1434
01:05:16,366 --> 01:05:17,765
I think he might be.

1435
01:05:18,768 --> 01:05:20,998
"Memory Spy,
web memory software.

1436
01:05:21,070 --> 01:05:23,561
"Locate history files,
websites visited,

1437
01:05:23,673 --> 01:05:27,837
"hidden downloads, searches,
email history. Memory Spy."

1438
01:05:29,812 --> 01:05:32,246
Let's see you hide
from me now, little man.

1439
01:05:40,823 --> 01:05:42,586
So you're not even
gonna tell them?

1440
01:05:42,692 --> 01:05:45,058
No. You know,
I don't have to tell them.

1441
01:05:45,161 --> 01:05:48,096
It's illegal for them
to fire me over it anyway,

1442
01:05:48,197 --> 01:05:51,030
and I get three months
maternity leave if I stay,

1443
01:05:51,100 --> 01:05:53,398
so I'm just, you know,
not gonna tell them.

1444
01:05:53,503 --> 01:05:55,198
That's a good plan.
Yeah. I like it.

1445
01:05:55,271 --> 01:05:59,605
It is a good plan until
her water breaks all over
Robert De Niro's shoes.

1446
01:05:59,709 --> 01:06:03,008
"My shoes!
Hey, there's all this
baby goo on it."

1447
01:06:03,079 --> 01:06:06,879
"These shoes? On these shoes?

1448
01:06:06,949 --> 01:06:08,280
"Did you puke on my shoes?"

1449
01:06:08,384 --> 01:06:10,944
"Did your water break
on my shoes?"
"Did you puke on my shoes?"

1450
01:06:11,054 --> 01:06:12,385
Oh, my God.

1451
01:06:12,455 --> 01:06:15,185
Isn't it weird, though,
when you have a kid
and all your dreams and hopes

1452
01:06:15,258 --> 01:06:17,692
just go right out the window?

1453
01:06:17,760 --> 01:06:20,888
What changed for you?
What went out the window?
What plans?

1454
01:06:20,963 --> 01:06:22,863
You do everything
exactly the same.

1455
01:06:22,932 --> 01:06:24,729
No, I mean, I love
what I'm doing. Like, say...

1456
01:06:24,801 --> 01:06:28,396
Okay, say, you know,
before you're married
and have children,

1457
01:06:28,471 --> 01:06:30,462
you wanna go live
in India for a year.

1458
01:06:30,573 --> 01:06:33,406
You can do it.
But you can't do it
once you have a family.

1459
01:06:33,476 --> 01:06:35,637
You wanna go live in India?
I don't wanna go
live in India.

1460
01:06:35,745 --> 01:06:39,078
Do you want to go to India?
Go to India! Seriously,
go to India.

1461
01:06:39,148 --> 01:06:40,638
What about you?
Do you want to go to India?

1462
01:06:40,750 --> 01:06:42,809
I'm not going to India.
You can go to India.

1463
01:06:42,919 --> 01:06:44,318
I get what he's talking about.

1464
01:06:44,420 --> 01:06:47,321
You know, honestly, like,
when I found out about...

1465
01:06:47,423 --> 01:06:53,589
I totally, like, I just had this flash
of me, like in a white Ford Bronco,

1466
01:06:53,663 --> 01:06:56,632
and I'm just hauling ass
for Canada, man.

1467
01:06:56,732 --> 01:06:59,132
The chopper's taping
the whole thing, and I just...

1468
01:06:59,235 --> 01:07:01,328
I bust through the border
and I'm a free man!

1469
01:07:01,437 --> 01:07:03,166
That's all I kept thinking, man.

1470
01:07:03,239 --> 01:07:04,672
You know what I'm saying?
It was a flash!

1471
01:07:04,740 --> 01:07:06,640
Wait. What do you mean?
What are you...
Don't look at me.

1472
01:07:06,742 --> 01:07:08,937
We can talk
about our fears here.
It's not like he did it.

1473
01:07:09,011 --> 01:07:12,174
I mean, honestly, like,
if Doc Brown screeched up
in front of you in the DeLorean.

1474
01:07:13,349 --> 01:07:14,373
Open the door, he's like,

1475
01:07:14,450 --> 01:07:17,908
"Hey, Allison, come on. I got
the car here. What do you wanna do?"

1476
01:07:17,987 --> 01:07:20,683
No part of your brain would have been,
like, "You know, maybe we'll go back

1477
01:07:20,790 --> 01:07:24,282
"to that night and I would maybe
put a condom on Ben's dick."

1478
01:07:25,461 --> 01:07:27,190
You never got that flash?
No.

1479
01:07:27,296 --> 01:07:29,423
And I don't know
what you're talking about.

1480
01:07:29,499 --> 01:07:32,832
"Where we're going,
we don't need roads."

1481
01:07:32,935 --> 01:07:34,402
Exactly.
You wouldn't do that?

1482
01:07:34,470 --> 01:07:37,200
I don't know who Doc Brown is.

1483
01:07:37,273 --> 01:07:38,365
What are you talking about?

1484
01:07:38,474 --> 01:07:40,601
Doc Brown is the guy
who's Christopher Lloyd.

1485
01:07:40,676 --> 01:07:42,109
He invented the DeLorean,
the time machine.

1486
01:07:42,178 --> 01:07:43,475
He's the one who made
the time machine.
What?

1487
01:07:43,546 --> 01:07:46,515
It's the time machine.
Everyone has
the time machine image.

1488
01:07:46,616 --> 01:07:49,779
Hey. I have
a really good idea.

1489
01:07:49,852 --> 01:07:53,720
Why don't the two of you
get into your time machine,

1490
01:07:53,823 --> 01:07:56,792
go back in time
and fuck each other?

1491
01:07:56,859 --> 01:07:58,224
Who needs a time machine?

1492
01:07:58,294 --> 01:07:59,818
This is my time machine!

1493
01:07:59,896 --> 01:08:03,059
I'm gonna throw you
in my DeLorean, gun it to '88.

1494
01:08:06,302 --> 01:08:08,532
You are a funny motherfucker,
man. Jesus.

1495
01:08:08,638 --> 01:08:12,165
How can you fight with him?
Look at his face.
I just want to kiss it.

1496
01:08:12,241 --> 01:08:13,902
I think he's cute.

1497
01:08:14,010 --> 01:08:15,978
I like the way you move.

1498
01:08:18,047 --> 01:08:20,675
This is fun! We should
do this more, I think.

1499
01:08:20,750 --> 01:08:23,082
I mean, this is, like,
the most fun I've had
in a really long time.

1500
01:08:31,160 --> 01:08:33,526
Come on, harder.
I can't do it harder.

1501
01:08:33,596 --> 01:08:36,531
Why? Come on.
Come on, just do it. Deeper.

1502
01:08:36,599 --> 01:08:38,191
I can't.
Oh, why?

1503
01:08:38,267 --> 01:08:41,327
I'll poke the baby
if I go deeper.
Oh, come on! Just do it!

1504
01:08:41,404 --> 01:08:43,668
Please, don't yell at me,
please don't.

1505
01:08:43,739 --> 01:08:46,606
What? The doctor and Debbie
said it's fine. Come on!

1506
01:08:46,709 --> 01:08:48,870
Look, can we... I'm sorry,
can we change positions?

1507
01:08:48,945 --> 01:08:51,345
What?
I'm gonna crush the baby.
I know it.

1508
01:08:51,414 --> 01:08:53,382
This is ridiculous!
Why are we...
No, it's not.

1509
01:08:53,449 --> 01:08:55,007
There's no shell in there,
you know?

1510
01:08:55,084 --> 01:08:57,279
Millions of people have sex
when they're pregnant!

1511
01:08:57,386 --> 01:08:59,718
I don't know how it works.
It just works, okay?
Just do it.

1512
01:08:59,789 --> 01:09:02,451
All I'm thinking of
is that I'm gonna...
I weigh over 200 pounds.

1513
01:09:02,558 --> 01:09:05,755
Just get over it!
I can't do it.
Can you just get on top?

1514
01:09:05,861 --> 01:09:09,353
All I see is our baby
getting poked in the face
by my penis.

1515
01:09:09,432 --> 01:09:10,956
Trust me,
you're not even close.
Okay.

1516
01:09:11,067 --> 01:09:12,932
Come on, fine.
Okay, fine.

1517
01:09:16,005 --> 01:09:17,233
Ow, ow, ow, ow.

1518
01:09:17,306 --> 01:09:19,433
That's okay.
Sorry.

1519
01:09:19,542 --> 01:09:21,476
Okay. Oh, good.

1520
01:09:21,544 --> 01:09:23,842
I can't. I can't.

1521
01:09:23,913 --> 01:09:26,973
I can't. I can't do this,
I just... I can't. I can't.
I can't focus like this.

1522
01:09:27,083 --> 01:09:30,075
I look disgusting
from this angle. I can feel
you looking up at my chins.

1523
01:09:30,152 --> 01:09:32,052
I know I look gross.
No, you look beautiful.

1524
01:09:32,121 --> 01:09:33,281
Your chin looks so skinny.

1525
01:09:33,389 --> 01:09:35,653
And my boobs are all,
like, squishy, and they're
flopping around.

1526
01:09:35,758 --> 01:09:37,919
I can feel it,
and it's distracting.
No...

1527
01:09:37,994 --> 01:09:39,461
<i>It's all National Geographic.</i>

1528
01:09:39,562 --> 01:09:42,326
Okay. Can we do...
Do you wanna do doggie style?

1529
01:09:42,431 --> 01:09:45,628
No. I do not want you
to fuck me like a dog.

1530
01:09:45,735 --> 01:09:48,761
I'm not fucking you
like a dog. It's doggie style.

1531
01:09:48,838 --> 01:09:51,739
It's just the style.
It's not...

1532
01:09:51,807 --> 01:09:55,903
It's not like a dog.
We don't have
to go outside or anything.

1533
01:09:56,979 --> 01:10:00,471
Here we go.
Okay. Okay.

1534
01:10:00,583 --> 01:10:01,777
Okay, is it good?
Yeah.

1535
01:10:01,884 --> 01:10:03,647
Should I go slower?
Yeah, no, that's good.

1536
01:10:03,753 --> 01:10:05,050
Okay, faster?
Harder.

1537
01:10:05,121 --> 01:10:06,645
Just tell me
when you're close.
Just go harder.

1538
01:10:06,756 --> 01:10:09,247
Okay.
Keep going!

1539
01:10:09,659 --> 01:10:11,092
Oh, God.

1540
01:10:11,160 --> 01:10:12,627
Oh, fuck!
What?

1541
01:10:12,728 --> 01:10:13,922
What happened?
Oh, my God.

1542
01:10:13,996 --> 01:10:16,396
The baby, it kicked my hand.
Well, no, no, it always kicks.

1543
01:10:16,465 --> 01:10:19,127
No, no, no. Not like this.
No, it's fine. It's fine.
Just keep going.

1544
01:10:19,235 --> 01:10:20,668
It was a warning kick.
This was a bad kick.

1545
01:10:20,736 --> 01:10:22,670
No, no, it's fine.
It's fine! It's fine!

1546
01:10:22,772 --> 01:10:25,172
Look, my dick must be like
an inch away from its face,

1547
01:10:25,274 --> 01:10:27,139
and it's coming,
just coming in at its face.
Oh, shit.

1548
01:10:27,243 --> 01:10:28,904
What if it kicked
'cause it didn't like it?

1549
01:10:28,978 --> 01:10:32,436
I can't do that to our baby.
That's the first thing it's gonna see.

1550
01:10:32,515 --> 01:10:34,073
What are you talking about?

1551
01:10:34,150 --> 01:10:36,277
It's having the baby between,

1552
01:10:36,352 --> 01:10:38,650
you know, us,
it just makes it weird.
I'm sorry.

1553
01:10:38,754 --> 01:10:40,449
It just freaks me out a bit.
It's a little weird.

1554
01:10:40,523 --> 01:10:41,751
I have totally lost it.

1555
01:10:41,824 --> 01:10:43,917
You've totally lost it?
I've lost it.

1556
01:10:43,993 --> 01:10:45,153
Okay.

1557
01:10:45,261 --> 01:10:46,558
Great, you know what?
Just forget it.

1558
01:10:46,629 --> 01:10:49,120
Okay. Okay, fine.

1559
01:10:50,700 --> 01:10:53,464
Don't worry. I won't
make you do this again.

1560
01:10:53,536 --> 01:10:54,798
Shit.

1561
01:11:10,519 --> 01:11:12,009
Fuck me!

1562
01:11:12,121 --> 01:11:14,112
Oh, my God. It's the Russians!

1563
01:11:16,792 --> 01:11:19,056
Jodi, I'll protect you!
Oh, man!

1564
01:11:19,228 --> 01:11:20,388
Ben!

1565
01:11:21,797 --> 01:11:23,162
Oh, my God.

1566
01:11:23,232 --> 01:11:25,860
Oh, God. Oh, no!

1567
01:11:25,968 --> 01:11:28,368
Oh, God, that was horrible!
That was so horrible!

1568
01:11:28,471 --> 01:11:29,995
When will it be light out?

1569
01:11:30,072 --> 01:11:31,733
Okay, you're fine, man.
Take it easy.

1570
01:11:31,807 --> 01:11:33,866
Hey, did anybody
turn off the gas?
I didn't do it.

1571
01:11:33,976 --> 01:11:35,375
Oh, motherfucker.

1572
01:11:36,078 --> 01:11:37,340
Hey, Marty.
Yeah.

1573
01:11:37,413 --> 01:11:39,813
This is my friend, Alex.
She's a pretty
incredible person.

1574
01:11:39,882 --> 01:11:41,907
Okay. Nice to meet you.

1575
01:11:42,651 --> 01:11:45,347
Whoa, dude! Not cool, Martin.

1576
01:11:46,021 --> 01:11:47,420
That's... That wasn't...

1577
01:11:47,523 --> 01:11:49,013
Hey, are you serious,
Howard Hughes?

1578
01:11:49,091 --> 01:11:51,719
JODl: What happened?
Nothing.
Nothing happened.

1579
01:11:51,827 --> 01:11:54,057
Come on.
Where were you?

1580
01:11:54,163 --> 01:11:56,825
Look, I forgot
you were sleeping over.
I'm sorry, okay?

1581
01:11:56,899 --> 01:11:59,834
Yeah, 'cause you're getting
high off your huge bong.

1582
01:11:59,902 --> 01:12:01,028
How am I supposed
to be comfortable

1583
01:12:01,103 --> 01:12:02,968
with the idea that you can
take care of me and the baby

1584
01:12:03,038 --> 01:12:05,268
if you are always
getting high?

1585
01:12:05,341 --> 01:12:06,706
You want me to stop smoking pot

1586
01:12:06,776 --> 01:12:08,835
'cause there's an earthquake
once every 10 years?

1587
01:12:08,911 --> 01:12:12,403
That makes no sense, Allison.
Look, you're being irrational.

1588
01:12:12,515 --> 01:12:14,380
Just relax, okay?
We're all scared, you know?
You just...

1589
01:12:15,584 --> 01:12:17,347
Oh, shit, the cops.

1590
01:12:19,522 --> 01:12:21,285
California, eh?

1591
01:12:39,975 --> 01:12:44,605
You know, it's times like this
I'm glad I don't own nice things.

1592
01:12:44,713 --> 01:12:47,147
It's a big mess,
but there's only like
$50 worth of shit here.

1593
01:12:47,249 --> 01:12:49,217
And that's kind of the good thing.

1594
01:12:49,285 --> 01:12:51,549
You know, my dad told me,
"Don't move to Northridge."

1595
01:12:51,620 --> 01:12:54,748
But you figure, like, what are
the chances of that happening
twice, you know?

1596
01:12:54,824 --> 01:12:56,052
What is this?

1597
01:12:56,125 --> 01:12:57,490
It's a ninja weapon.

1598
01:12:59,328 --> 01:13:03,094
I hope this place
doesn't get condemned.
That would suck.

1599
01:13:42,171 --> 01:13:44,002
Hello?
Hey, it's me.

1600
01:13:44,106 --> 01:13:47,041
<i>You!
Hi. So, listen.</i>

1601
01:13:47,776 --> 01:13:48,800
Will you do me a big favor?

1602
01:13:48,878 --> 01:13:50,641
Debbie wants us to come over
and have dinner tonight.

1603
01:13:50,713 --> 01:13:52,442
She thinks Pete is cheating on her.

1604
01:13:52,515 --> 01:13:54,278
<i>Really?
Yeah.</i>

1605
01:13:54,350 --> 01:13:56,011
<i>Well, she saw
one of his emails and...</i>

1606
01:13:56,118 --> 01:13:58,109
<i>Oh, man.
There's an address.</i>

1607
01:13:58,187 --> 01:13:59,882
That sounds terrible.
I don't want to do that.

1608
01:13:59,989 --> 01:14:01,581
Ben, come on.

1609
01:14:01,657 --> 01:14:02,954
He's not cheating on her.

1610
01:14:03,025 --> 01:14:04,720
<i>How do you know?
I just know.</i>

1611
01:14:04,827 --> 01:14:07,193
<i>Are you sure?
I'm 100% sure
he's not cheating.</i>

1612
01:14:07,296 --> 01:14:08,729
<i>Are you really?</i>

1613
01:14:09,265 --> 01:14:10,391
No.

1614
01:14:10,466 --> 01:14:12,161
It actually kind of makes sense
that he would cheat.

1615
01:14:12,234 --> 01:14:13,326
Why?

1616
01:14:13,402 --> 01:14:15,893
'Cause Debbie's a pain in the ass
and Pete's awesome.

1617
01:14:16,005 --> 01:14:20,237
Why don't you just come over
then, and we'll just diffuse
the situation a little.

1618
01:14:20,342 --> 01:14:22,640
I'm just saying the music industry
is different now.

1619
01:14:22,711 --> 01:14:25,703
You can't...
Steely Dan would never
even have a chance.

1620
01:14:25,814 --> 01:14:28,681
Well, maybe it's 'cause
Steely Dan gargles my balls.

1621
01:14:28,784 --> 01:14:30,547
They're incredible.
They really
aren't good, man.

1622
01:14:30,653 --> 01:14:31,779
Old Steely Dan.

1623
01:14:31,854 --> 01:14:33,219
If I ever listen to Steely Dan,

1624
01:14:33,289 --> 01:14:35,689
I want you to slice my head
off with an Al Jarreau LP.

1625
01:14:38,627 --> 01:14:39,958
Oh, I should get going.

1626
01:14:40,029 --> 01:14:42,623
I'm supposed to see this
band tonight in Hollywood.

1627
01:14:42,698 --> 01:14:44,359
Actually, they're playing
in Laurel Canyon,

1628
01:14:44,466 --> 01:14:47,458
so I'll call you 'cause
the reception's terrible
over there, so...

1629
01:14:47,536 --> 01:14:48,662
Okay.

1630
01:14:48,737 --> 01:14:51,365
And I don't want you to worry
'cause I know you worry.

1631
01:14:51,473 --> 01:14:52,701
I'm just gonna jump
in the shower.

1632
01:14:52,808 --> 01:14:55,743
It would be terrible if I smelled
worse than the band.

1633
01:14:55,844 --> 01:14:58,244
Okay. Have fun.

1634
01:14:58,314 --> 01:14:59,645
All right.

1635
01:15:01,150 --> 01:15:05,348
You guys are crazy.
He's acting totally normal
and hilarious.

1636
01:15:18,067 --> 01:15:20,331
She doesn't have a gun,
does she?

1637
01:15:20,402 --> 01:15:22,393
No. I don't think so.

1638
01:15:36,885 --> 01:15:38,250
Looks like no one's home.

1639
01:15:38,320 --> 01:15:40,481
Why was the door unlocked?

1640
01:15:40,556 --> 01:15:41,955
Wait here.

1641
01:15:55,070 --> 01:15:57,265
I kind of feel bad for Pete.

1642
01:15:57,339 --> 01:15:58,567
What?

1643
01:15:58,874 --> 01:16:00,865
This isn't a good way,
you know.

1644
01:16:00,943 --> 01:16:04,242
If you're gonna
get caught cheating,
it shouldn't be like this.

1645
01:16:04,313 --> 01:16:07,976
Well, maybe he should've
thought of that
before he was cheating.

1646
01:16:08,083 --> 01:16:09,607
Pete!
Stop it.

1647
01:16:09,718 --> 01:16:12,414
I coughed.
What do you want from me?

1648
01:16:12,488 --> 01:16:14,786
There's nobody up there.

1649
01:16:14,857 --> 01:16:16,017
Thank you.

1650
01:16:16,959 --> 01:16:18,358
I guess I was wrong.

1651
01:16:18,427 --> 01:16:19,519
I told you.

1652
01:16:19,595 --> 01:16:21,825
Can we get out of here,
please?
Yeah, come on. Let's go.

1653
01:16:21,897 --> 01:16:23,990
Suck it!
Did you hear that?

1654
01:16:24,099 --> 01:16:26,431
What?
I didn't hear anything.

1655
01:16:43,352 --> 01:16:45,013
Carlos Delgado.
Excellent choice.

1656
01:16:45,120 --> 01:16:47,418
Too bad I got him
three rounds ago.
You're still on the clock.

1657
01:16:47,489 --> 01:16:49,286
Oh, shit!
You gotta do something.

1658
01:16:49,358 --> 01:16:51,087
We need a name.

1659
01:16:51,160 --> 01:16:52,457
Hideki Matsui.

1660
01:16:52,528 --> 01:16:54,826
You just took
my whole outfield.
Sorry, Charlie.

1661
01:16:54,930 --> 01:16:56,522
What is this?

1662
01:16:56,598 --> 01:16:57,929
Debbie.

1663
01:16:58,000 --> 01:17:00,195
What the fuck is this?

1664
01:17:00,269 --> 01:17:02,066
It's our fantasy baseball draft.

1665
01:17:02,137 --> 01:17:03,570
We said no wives.

1666
01:17:03,639 --> 01:17:05,038
Your fantasy what?

1667
01:17:05,641 --> 01:17:08,838
It's our draft
for fantasy baseball.

1668
01:17:08,944 --> 01:17:11,174
I told you all about this.

1669
01:17:11,280 --> 01:17:12,679
Got Matsui.

1670
01:17:15,718 --> 01:17:16,776
Shit!

1671
01:17:17,653 --> 01:17:20,645
Hey, Pete, don't let
the door hit you
in the vagina on the way out!

1672
01:17:20,723 --> 01:17:22,884
Come on, who's going?
Prince,
you're on the clock.

1673
01:17:23,158 --> 01:17:24,955
I should have told you.

1674
01:17:25,060 --> 01:17:27,551
What else have you
been lying about?
Nothing...

1675
01:17:27,663 --> 01:17:28,687
That guy said,

1676
01:17:28,797 --> 01:17:31,595
"Don't let the door hit you
in the vagina on the way out."

1677
01:17:31,667 --> 01:17:33,328
Yeah, I heard him.

1678
01:17:33,402 --> 01:17:34,960
That was hilarious.

1679
01:17:35,037 --> 01:17:37,835
It's just that I know you've
been mad 'cause I've
been working so much,

1680
01:17:37,906 --> 01:17:39,396
and I didn't want
to upset you.

1681
01:17:39,508 --> 01:17:41,806
I wouldn't be mad.
I don't get mad.

1682
01:17:41,877 --> 01:17:45,210
It's a fantasy baseball draft.
I'm not cheating or anything.

1683
01:17:45,314 --> 01:17:47,145
No, this is worse.

1684
01:17:47,216 --> 01:17:48,706
How is this worse?

1685
01:17:48,817 --> 01:17:53,345
This is you wanting
to be with your friends
more than your family.

1686
01:17:53,422 --> 01:17:56,755
Look, the reason I make
that up is because if I told
you what I was really doing,

1687
01:17:56,859 --> 01:17:58,417
you would just get mad.

1688
01:17:58,527 --> 01:18:03,396
So you think I'm seeing
a band, I do my fantasy draft,
and it's win-win.

1689
01:18:04,166 --> 01:18:08,068
Well, what'd you do last
Wednesday night when you said
you went to see a band?

1690
01:18:08,170 --> 01:18:09,432
I went to the movies.

1691
01:18:09,538 --> 01:18:11,597
With who?
By myself.

1692
01:18:11,707 --> 01:18:13,299
What'd you see?

1693
01:18:13,375 --> 01:18:14,808
<i>Spider-Man 3.</i>

1694
01:18:14,877 --> 01:18:17,539
Why do you want
to go by yourself?
Why didn't you ask me to go?

1695
01:18:17,613 --> 01:18:19,080
Because I needed
to get away, you know.

1696
01:18:19,181 --> 01:18:22,344
With work and you
and the kids, sometimes I just
need some time to myself.

1697
01:18:22,417 --> 01:18:25,511
I need time for myself.
I want time for myself, too.

1698
01:18:25,587 --> 01:18:27,521
You're not the only one.

1699
01:18:27,589 --> 01:18:29,614
It's not that big of a deal.

1700
01:18:30,559 --> 01:18:33,255
<i>I like Spider-Man.</i>

1701
01:18:33,362 --> 01:18:35,592
<i>Okay, so let's see
Spider-Man 3 next week.</i>

1702
01:18:35,697 --> 01:18:38,188
I don't wanna go see it now.

1703
01:18:38,267 --> 01:18:41,202
I don't wanna have
to ask you to ask me.

1704
01:18:41,270 --> 01:18:44,467
I want you to just come up
with it on your own.

1705
01:18:44,573 --> 01:18:47,201
I don't even know what to say.
What do you want me to do?

1706
01:18:47,276 --> 01:18:52,543
You just think because
you don't yell that you're
not mean, but this is mean.

1707
01:18:53,615 --> 01:18:55,446
I'm not being mean.
I'm being honest.

1708
01:18:55,517 --> 01:18:56,882
You're telling me
I need to be honest.

1709
01:18:56,952 --> 01:18:58,886
No, you're not. You're lying.

1710
01:18:58,954 --> 01:19:02,856
I'm doing it because I need to
keep my sanity a little bit.

1711
01:19:04,259 --> 01:19:08,093
You know what?
I don't want you
at the house anymore, okay?

1712
01:19:09,431 --> 01:19:10,728
Come on.

1713
01:19:12,201 --> 01:19:14,226
Shit, she's coming back.

1714
01:19:15,704 --> 01:19:17,763
How come we go to
the gynecologist so often?

1715
01:19:17,873 --> 01:19:22,037
I bet we have to go so much
so we can pay for that
$300,000 machine he has.

1716
01:19:22,110 --> 01:19:27,480
I cannot stop thinking
about what an asshole Pete is.

1717
01:19:29,585 --> 01:19:31,883
That's a little strong,
I would say.

1718
01:19:31,954 --> 01:19:33,046
Really?

1719
01:19:33,121 --> 01:19:37,148
'Cause that had to be
one of the most selfish things
I've ever witnessed.

1720
01:19:37,259 --> 01:19:39,625
It's understandable,
I would say. I even think
it's kind of funny.

1721
01:19:40,929 --> 01:19:42,624
What's funny about it?

1722
01:19:42,731 --> 01:19:45,063
Well, you won't laugh now,
I wouldn't imagine,

1723
01:19:45,133 --> 01:19:48,227
but, you know, the situation.

1724
01:19:48,303 --> 01:19:50,498
We break into this stranger's house

1725
01:19:50,606 --> 01:19:53,769
thinking we're gonna find him
sleeping with a woman,

1726
01:19:53,842 --> 01:19:56,470
and it's a bunch of nerds
playing fantasy baseball.

1727
01:19:56,578 --> 01:19:58,944
If you saw that, like,
on television, you would laugh.

1728
01:19:59,014 --> 01:20:02,142
Is that what you think?
Is that what you wanna do, Ben?

1729
01:20:02,251 --> 01:20:04,651
I don't even
like baseball.

1730
01:20:04,753 --> 01:20:08,416
I'm just saying,
when you're a guy and,
you know, you have a family,

1731
01:20:08,490 --> 01:20:10,981
you have responsibility,
you lose that male camaraderie.

1732
01:20:11,093 --> 01:20:14,688
And I get that.
I totally understand
where he's coming from.

1733
01:20:14,796 --> 01:20:16,195
Why do guys always go
to that place?

1734
01:20:16,298 --> 01:20:18,357
"We miss male camaraderie."
Why do I give a shit?

1735
01:20:18,467 --> 01:20:21,459
Go hang out with your bearded
freak friends. I don't care.

1736
01:20:21,536 --> 01:20:24,664
You wanna hang out with guys
that look like the shoe
bomber, it's all on you, man.

1737
01:20:24,773 --> 01:20:26,331
What the fuck
am I supposed to say to that?

1738
01:20:26,441 --> 01:20:27,499
You should just support me!

1739
01:20:27,609 --> 01:20:30,009
You know, you should just
support everything I say

1740
01:20:30,112 --> 01:20:32,672
because at this juncture in my life,
I'm allowed to be wrong!

1741
01:20:32,781 --> 01:20:34,339
So if you're wrong,
I have to support it?
Yes!

1742
01:20:34,449 --> 01:20:36,440
I can't tell you that
you're acting like a lunatic?

1743
01:20:36,518 --> 01:20:37,883
No.
No? Okay.

1744
01:20:37,986 --> 01:20:40,113
That's helpful.
You have to do nothing!

1745
01:20:40,188 --> 01:20:42,349
I've sacrificed
a lot of shit to do this!

1746
01:20:42,457 --> 01:20:44,015
You haven't
sacrificed anything!
I have.

1747
01:20:44,126 --> 01:20:48,495
I've had to sacrifice my job,
my body, my youth, my vagina!

1748
01:20:48,563 --> 01:20:49,860
You've sacrificed your vagina?

1749
01:20:49,932 --> 01:20:52,765
Yes! It will never look
the same after this!

1750
01:20:54,369 --> 01:20:58,897
Well. Fine. I'm sorry,
I'll pay for vaginal
reconstructive surgery.

1751
01:20:59,007 --> 01:21:01,373
You can't pay for shit!
You can barely buy spaghetti!

1752
01:21:01,476 --> 01:21:03,842
You're right! Fine! Okay.

1753
01:21:03,912 --> 01:21:06,107
You know what?
Get out of the car.

1754
01:21:06,181 --> 01:21:07,944
You know what? How...

1755
01:21:08,016 --> 01:21:09,244
Why don't you not threaten me?

1756
01:21:09,351 --> 01:21:11,342
You should just get out
of the fucking car.

1757
01:21:11,420 --> 01:21:13,650
I'm not gonna get out of the car
in the middle of nowhere! No!

1758
01:21:13,722 --> 01:21:14,814
Get out of the car!
No.

1759
01:21:14,890 --> 01:21:17,324
I own this car!
Get out of my car!
No.

1760
01:21:17,392 --> 01:21:18,518
Get out of my car!
No.

1761
01:21:18,593 --> 01:21:20,720
Get out of my fucking car!

1762
01:21:32,207 --> 01:21:34,903
Can you let me back
in the car, please?

1763
01:21:35,010 --> 01:21:38,002
Have you calmed down?
Did you take a breath?

1764
01:21:40,449 --> 01:21:42,679
I have no clue where we are!

1765
01:21:43,952 --> 01:21:45,351
Fine. Go.

1766
01:21:50,459 --> 01:21:51,756
Great.

1767
01:22:09,878 --> 01:22:11,140
Okay.

1768
01:22:11,246 --> 01:22:16,047
Maybe I should take
my shoes off. Or my belt
buckle, my belt buckle's huge.

1769
01:22:16,118 --> 01:22:17,483
Don't worry
about gaining weight.

1770
01:22:17,586 --> 01:22:20,578
Your baby wants you to gain
a whole mess of weight.

1771
01:22:20,655 --> 01:22:21,883
Are you fucking kidding me?

1772
01:22:21,957 --> 01:22:24,391
Why don't you take off
your earrings, too?
They weigh about 80 pounds.

1773
01:22:24,459 --> 01:22:25,551
They're made out of moon rocks,
aren't they?

1774
01:22:25,627 --> 01:22:28,425
Do not make fun of me.
Okay? I am hormonal.

1775
01:22:28,497 --> 01:22:30,761
I am terrified,
and I am falling apart,

1776
01:22:30,832 --> 01:22:33,164
so stop treating everything
like it's a big joke!

1777
01:22:33,268 --> 01:22:34,633
Okay, I'm sorry
you're freaking out,

1778
01:22:34,736 --> 01:22:38,001
but I just walked
three fucking miles through
Koreatown to get here!

1779
01:22:38,106 --> 01:22:40,006
Sorry if I'm trying
to lighten the mood a little.

1780
01:22:40,108 --> 01:22:41,234
Well, don't, okay?

1781
01:22:41,309 --> 01:22:43,243
You can't take anything seriously!

1782
01:22:43,311 --> 01:22:45,074
You know, you didn't even
read the baby books.

1783
01:22:45,147 --> 01:22:48,014
I didn't read the baby book!
What's gonna happen?

1784
01:22:48,116 --> 01:22:50,949
How did anyone ever give birth
without a baby book?

1785
01:22:51,019 --> 01:22:54,113
That's right. The ancient
Egyptians fucking engraved

1786
01:22:54,189 --> 01:22:56,657
<i>What to Expect
When You're Expecting
on the pyramid walls!</i>

1787
01:22:56,758 --> 01:22:58,157
I forgot about that!

1788
01:22:58,260 --> 01:23:00,990
Who gives a flying fuck
about the baby books?

1789
01:23:01,096 --> 01:23:03,462
It just shows your lack
of commitment, Ben!

1790
01:23:03,532 --> 01:23:06,000
That you're not in this with me!

1791
01:23:06,101 --> 01:23:09,468
Did you just say "my lack
of commitment"? 'Cause
that's what it sounded like.

1792
01:23:09,538 --> 01:23:14,703
It almost seems as though
you forgot I proposed
to you, like an asshole!

1793
01:23:14,810 --> 01:23:16,641
And you said no to me!

1794
01:23:16,711 --> 01:23:18,804
If you feel that way,
you should just go.

1795
01:23:18,880 --> 01:23:20,370
Really. Just go.

1796
01:23:20,449 --> 01:23:23,179
Because we didn't mean
to do this together, okay?

1797
01:23:23,285 --> 01:23:27,381
And... And we tried
to make it work
and that was good, I suppose.

1798
01:23:27,489 --> 01:23:29,047
But it doesn't work.

1799
01:23:29,157 --> 01:23:31,489
Because we are two
completely different people.

1800
01:23:31,560 --> 01:23:35,155
And I think it would just be
easier for both of us
if we stop fooling ourselves.

1801
01:23:35,230 --> 01:23:37,596
You know, I know
this isn't you talking,
it's your hormones,

1802
01:23:37,666 --> 01:23:40,829
but I would just like to say,
fuck you, hormones!

1803
01:23:40,936 --> 01:23:45,498
You are a crazy bitch,
hormones.
Not Allison! Hormones!

1804
01:23:45,607 --> 01:23:48,804
Fuck them! It's a girl!
Buy some pink shit!

1805
01:23:48,877 --> 01:23:51,107
Nice. You are such an asshole.

1806
01:23:51,179 --> 01:23:54,376
You know what?
Go fuck your fucking bong, you fuck!

1807
01:23:54,483 --> 01:23:57,611
I will fuck my bong.
Doggie style, for once.

1808
01:24:01,890 --> 01:24:03,517
Are you ready?

1809
01:24:06,828 --> 01:24:09,058
I'm really sorry about all that.
That was really inappropriate.

1810
01:24:09,164 --> 01:24:11,655
Oh, no, that's okay.
It happens all the time here.
It's fine.

1811
01:24:11,733 --> 01:24:14,224
Oh, good, okay,
I don't feel so stupid, then.
No, no, not at all.

1812
01:24:15,871 --> 01:24:17,168
I totally know what
you're talking about, man.

1813
01:24:17,239 --> 01:24:21,005
Like, if I wrote out
the list of shit Allison
doesn't let me do,

1814
01:24:21,076 --> 01:24:25,410
like, it would be endless.
"Don't smoke pot. Don't have
samurai swords in your room.

1815
01:24:25,514 --> 01:24:27,982
"Don't have illegal grow
operations in the house."

1816
01:24:28,049 --> 01:24:30,176
I mean, like,
I could go on all fucking day.

1817
01:24:30,252 --> 01:24:33,847
Have I told her to stop
doing anything ever? No.

1818
01:24:33,922 --> 01:24:35,753
<i>Marriage is like that show,
Everybody Loves Raymond,</i>

1819
01:24:35,857 --> 01:24:37,347
but it's not funny.

1820
01:24:37,425 --> 01:24:40,155
All the problems are the same,
but it's...

1821
01:24:40,228 --> 01:24:42,526
You know, instead of
all the funny, pithy dialog,

1822
01:24:42,597 --> 01:24:45,998
everybody's just really
pissed off and tense.

1823
01:24:46,067 --> 01:24:50,766
<i>Marriage is like an unfunny,
tense version of
Everybody Loves Raymond.</i>

1824
01:24:50,872 --> 01:24:53,340
But it doesn't last 22 minutes.

1825
01:24:54,442 --> 01:24:56,205
It lasts forever.

1826
01:24:57,512 --> 01:25:01,380
Let's get out of here, man.
Honestly, like, let's just go.

1827
01:25:01,449 --> 01:25:03,440
Let's go to Vegas.
Let's do it.

1828
01:25:03,552 --> 01:25:04,951
Yeah.
Why not?

1829
01:25:10,926 --> 01:25:12,120
Get up.
What?

1830
01:25:12,227 --> 01:25:13,353
We're not gonna do this.
What?

1831
01:25:13,428 --> 01:25:14,690
Seriously.

1832
01:25:17,065 --> 01:25:18,157
What are you doing?

1833
01:25:18,233 --> 01:25:21,828
We have to go do something
and have fun!

1834
01:25:23,138 --> 01:25:24,332
I'm just so tired.

1835
01:25:24,406 --> 01:25:25,668
I know you're tired.

1836
01:25:25,740 --> 01:25:29,107
But we're gonna be untired!
We're gonna go live!

1837
01:25:30,312 --> 01:25:32,576
I hate you so much sometimes.

1838
01:25:32,647 --> 01:25:34,012
We're gonna be positive.

1839
01:25:34,082 --> 01:25:36,744
Positive, positive, positive! Up!

1840
01:25:36,818 --> 01:25:38,217
How many Red Bulls have you had?

1841
01:25:38,286 --> 01:25:41,221
I've had about three Red Bulls
in the last 15 minutes.

1842
01:25:41,289 --> 01:25:42,813
And I feel fabulous!

1843
01:25:42,924 --> 01:25:46,792
We're gonna create a new life
and it's gonna be awesome!

1844
01:25:46,895 --> 01:25:48,829
Get up! Let's go!

1845
01:25:50,498 --> 01:25:53,490
Since when do we lock
this fucking thing? Come on!

1846
01:25:58,473 --> 01:26:00,304
We can't go, dude. Sorry.

1847
01:26:00,375 --> 01:26:02,570
Holy crap! What happened?

1848
01:26:02,644 --> 01:26:04,305
We got pink eye.

1849
01:26:04,412 --> 01:26:06,380
What, you giving each other
butterfly kisses or something?

1850
01:26:06,448 --> 01:26:08,609
Ha, ha, ha. Very funny.
That's not how you get pink eye.

1851
01:26:08,683 --> 01:26:12,141
You get it from poo particles
making their way
into your ocular cavities.

1852
01:26:12,254 --> 01:26:14,848
Hey, Ben. How's it going?
Yo.

1853
01:26:14,956 --> 01:26:17,652
I farted on Jason's pillow
as a practical joke.

1854
01:26:17,759 --> 01:26:19,886
He farted on Jonah's,
thinking it was mine,

1855
01:26:19,961 --> 01:26:23,692
and then eventually
pink-eyed my pillow.

1856
01:26:23,765 --> 01:26:28,498
I'm not proud of any of this,
but I think we've all
forgiven each other.

1857
01:26:29,471 --> 01:26:30,802
But we can't go anywhere.

1858
01:26:30,872 --> 01:26:33,170
You can get pink eye
from farting in a pillow?

1859
01:26:33,275 --> 01:26:34,537
Totally.
Mmm-hmm.

1860
01:26:34,609 --> 01:26:35,940
That's awesome!

1861
01:26:36,011 --> 01:26:37,842
Yeah, but you got
to be bare-assed.

1862
01:26:37,946 --> 01:26:39,345
Jesus, Martin got it bad!

1863
01:26:39,447 --> 01:26:41,677
What, did someone take a dump
right in your eye?

1864
01:26:41,783 --> 01:26:44,684
No. No pink eye for me.

1865
01:26:45,654 --> 01:26:48,623
I'm just really high.

1866
01:26:49,524 --> 01:26:52,789
Well, stay back, guys.
I got to get my suit, okay?

1867
01:26:54,562 --> 01:26:55,790
Fuck you.

1868
01:26:58,233 --> 01:26:59,860
Are you Debbie's husband?

1869
01:26:59,934 --> 01:27:00,559
Yeah.

1870
01:27:05,140 --> 01:27:06,835
This is fun!
This is great.

1871
01:27:06,908 --> 01:27:09,035
It's just fun, man.
We're gonna have
the best time ever.

1872
01:27:09,144 --> 01:27:11,339
We make a good team, man.
Yeah.

1873
01:27:11,413 --> 01:27:13,472
It's like, I can't come here
with Debbie.

1874
01:27:13,548 --> 01:27:15,573
She wouldn't understand it.
She doesn't understand.

1875
01:27:15,684 --> 01:27:18,380
She wants to hold me in,
and she was telling Allison
she could train you.

1876
01:27:18,486 --> 01:27:19,748
She thinks she could train me?

1877
01:27:19,854 --> 01:27:21,344
Yeah, like you're running
the Triple Crown.

1878
01:27:21,423 --> 01:27:24,415
She can't train this!
I'm like Siegfried
and Roy's Bengal.

1879
01:27:24,526 --> 01:27:26,426
You think I'm trained. I'II...

1880
01:27:26,528 --> 01:27:28,496
I'll bite
your fucking face off!
That's right.

1881
01:27:28,563 --> 01:27:29,996
In front of a crowd, baby.

1882
01:27:30,065 --> 01:27:34,024
This is better. Besides,
I don't know if I have enough
of these babies to go around.

1883
01:27:34,102 --> 01:27:35,535
My God! Are these mushrooms?

1884
01:27:35,603 --> 01:27:37,093
Uh-huh. I got them from
a roadie for the Black Crowes.

1885
01:27:37,205 --> 01:27:38,263
I'm eating them.

1886
01:27:38,373 --> 01:27:41,035
No, no, no. Save it!
I got tickets
to Cirque du Soleil.

1887
01:27:41,109 --> 01:27:42,872
You do? No, you don't.

1888
01:27:42,944 --> 01:27:44,241
I swear to God, man.

1889
01:27:44,346 --> 01:27:46,280
Holy shit!

1890
01:27:46,381 --> 01:27:48,008
See? I see the beam of light.

1891
01:27:48,083 --> 01:27:50,381
There it is, baby! Whoo-hoo!

1892
01:27:50,452 --> 01:27:53,046
You're so money
that you don't even know
how much money you have.

1893
01:27:53,121 --> 01:27:55,954
You're money, baby!
You're money!

1894
01:28:00,562 --> 01:28:02,530
I love Vegas, man.

1895
01:28:03,198 --> 01:28:04,392
This is the greatest place
on Earth.

1896
01:28:04,466 --> 01:28:07,560
It's really amazing here.
You got my tie!

1897
01:28:08,603 --> 01:28:10,332
This is awesome!

1898
01:28:12,774 --> 01:28:15,242
Now, that's how you get pink eye.

1899
01:28:21,883 --> 01:28:24,784
Hey, what's up? Baby girl.

1900
01:28:24,886 --> 01:28:26,148
Hi.

1901
01:28:26,221 --> 01:28:28,382
What's up?
End of the line, please.

1902
01:28:28,957 --> 01:28:30,686
Really?
Yeah.

1903
01:28:31,960 --> 01:28:33,723
Oh, come on.

1904
01:28:33,795 --> 01:28:36,093
Look, we're at capacity, okay?

1905
01:28:36,197 --> 01:28:38,028
We'll let some people in
when it clears out a little.

1906
01:28:38,099 --> 01:28:41,398
You'll get right in if you go
back to the end of the line.

1907
01:28:41,469 --> 01:28:43,403
We come here all the time.
It's not a big deal.

1908
01:28:43,471 --> 01:28:45,302
It doesn't really look
that crowded in there.

1909
01:28:45,407 --> 01:28:47,307
Hey, look.
I don't make the rules.

1910
01:28:47,409 --> 01:28:48,501
Please?

1911
01:28:48,576 --> 01:28:50,203
No.

1912
01:28:50,278 --> 01:28:54,044
Hey, what's up, shorty?
What's up, pretty girls?

1913
01:28:55,383 --> 01:28:58,045
See y'all when y'all get out.

1914
01:28:58,119 --> 01:28:59,780
Watch yourself.

1915
01:28:59,888 --> 01:29:01,549
What was that?

1916
01:29:01,623 --> 01:29:03,818
What the fuck was that?
It is what it is, sweetie.

1917
01:29:03,925 --> 01:29:05,017
Now can you step
to the back, please?

1918
01:29:05,093 --> 01:29:06,720
You don't need
to call me sweetie.
Maybe we should just go.

1919
01:29:06,795 --> 01:29:07,921
Maybe you should
listen to your friend.

1920
01:29:07,996 --> 01:29:09,088
No, you don't need
to call me sweetie.

1921
01:29:09,164 --> 01:29:11,325
All right, you want to come in,
you're gonna have to go

1922
01:29:11,433 --> 01:29:13,663
to the end of the line
and wait like everybody else.

1923
01:29:13,768 --> 01:29:15,326
I'm not gonna go to
the end of the fucking line.

1924
01:29:15,437 --> 01:29:16,597
Who the fuck are you?

1925
01:29:16,671 --> 01:29:19,538
I have just as much of
a right to be here

1926
01:29:19,607 --> 01:29:21,268
as any of these
little skanky girls!

1927
01:29:21,342 --> 01:29:23,139
What, am I not
skanky enough for you?

1928
01:29:23,211 --> 01:29:24,940
You want me to hike up
my fucking skirt?

1929
01:29:25,013 --> 01:29:28,312
What the fuck is your problem?
I'm not going anywhere!

1930
01:29:28,416 --> 01:29:31,351
You're just some roided out
freak with a fucking clipboard!

1931
01:29:31,453 --> 01:29:34,354
And your stupid little fucking
rope! You know what?

1932
01:29:34,456 --> 01:29:37,152
You may have power now,
but you're not God!

1933
01:29:37,258 --> 01:29:39,249
You're a doorman! Okay?

1934
01:29:39,327 --> 01:29:44,788
You're a doorman, doorman,
doorman, doorman, doorman!

1935
01:29:44,866 --> 01:29:48,597
So, fuck you, you fucking fag

1936
01:29:48,670 --> 01:29:50,695
with your fucking little
faggy gloves.

1937
01:29:57,812 --> 01:29:59,109
I know.

1938
01:30:01,316 --> 01:30:03,682
You're right. I'm so sorry.

1939
01:30:04,552 --> 01:30:06,713
I fucking hate this job.

1940
01:30:06,821 --> 01:30:10,382
I don't want to be the one to pass
judgment and decide who gets in.

1941
01:30:10,492 --> 01:30:12,483
This shit makes me sick
to my stomach.

1942
01:30:12,560 --> 01:30:15,120
I get the runs from the stress.

1943
01:30:15,196 --> 01:30:18,461
It's not 'cause you're not hot.
I would love to tap that ass.

1944
01:30:18,533 --> 01:30:21,832
I would tear that ass up.

1945
01:30:21,903 --> 01:30:25,805
I can't let you in
'cause you're old as fuck,
for this club,

1946
01:30:25,874 --> 01:30:28,536
not, you know, for the Earth.

1947
01:30:28,643 --> 01:30:29,667
What?

1948
01:30:29,744 --> 01:30:31,507
You old. She pregnant.

1949
01:30:31,579 --> 01:30:34,548
Can't have a bunch of old,
pregnant bitches running around.

1950
01:30:34,649 --> 01:30:36,082
That's crazy.

1951
01:30:36,184 --> 01:30:40,917
I'm only allowed to let in
5% black people. He said that. 5%.

1952
01:30:41,022 --> 01:30:42,922
That mean if there's
25 people here,

1953
01:30:43,024 --> 01:30:45,720
I get to let in one-and-a-quarter
black people.

1954
01:30:45,827 --> 01:30:48,261
So I got to hope there's a black midget
in the crowd.

1955
01:30:48,363 --> 01:30:50,593
Now I feel guilty. I'm sorry.

1956
01:30:50,665 --> 01:30:52,132
Why y'all wanna be in here anyway?

1957
01:30:52,200 --> 01:30:54,168
Y'all need to be
at a yoga class or something.

1958
01:30:54,235 --> 01:30:56,203
What the fuck is she doing at the club?

1959
01:30:56,271 --> 01:30:58,603
That's not even
good parenting right there.

1960
01:30:58,706 --> 01:31:01,266
Your old ass should know better than that.

1961
01:31:01,376 --> 01:31:02,707
Oh, God.

1962
01:31:07,415 --> 01:31:09,713
Have the mushrooms
kicked in yet?

1963
01:31:34,709 --> 01:31:37,405
This was a great idea, man.

1964
01:31:37,478 --> 01:31:40,743
This is the best idea
I've ever had in my life.

1965
01:31:44,319 --> 01:31:47,049
What are they gonna do?

1966
01:31:47,121 --> 01:31:53,390
What in the world
are they doing?

1967
01:31:53,461 --> 01:31:57,295
If I shaved my stomach
and my chest, I would look
exactly like that.

1968
01:31:58,333 --> 01:32:00,824
Those guys are
at work right now.

1969
01:32:02,170 --> 01:32:05,037
"What'd you do today?"
"I just lifted my brother."

1970
01:32:06,307 --> 01:32:09,470
No. Don't applaud. He'll fall.

1971
01:32:12,914 --> 01:32:16,008
I'm freaking out
right now, man.

1972
01:32:16,117 --> 01:32:18,415
The mushrooms are turning on me.

1973
01:32:23,658 --> 01:32:25,785
Papa.

1974
01:32:25,860 --> 01:32:27,657
I'm not your papa!

1975
01:32:28,162 --> 01:32:29,959
Papa!

1976
01:32:32,133 --> 01:32:34,533
I can't deal
with this shit, man!

1977
01:32:36,270 --> 01:32:39,501
Hold up. Hold up.
Ben, wait. Ben, Ben, Ben, wait!

1978
01:32:44,779 --> 01:32:46,144
It's over.

1979
01:32:46,247 --> 01:32:47,373
What's over?

1980
01:32:47,448 --> 01:32:48,745
My youth.

1981
01:32:48,816 --> 01:32:50,545
Oh, don't say that.

1982
01:32:50,618 --> 01:32:52,085
It's true.

1983
01:32:53,621 --> 01:32:57,148
I just wanna dance.
I love dancing.
So dance.

1984
01:32:57,258 --> 01:32:59,522
I can't dance.
I'm embarrassed.

1985
01:32:59,594 --> 01:33:01,562
I should be embarrassed.

1986
01:33:01,629 --> 01:33:06,328
I'm a fucking whale,
and I'm trying to get
into some stupid club and...

1987
01:33:06,434 --> 01:33:08,265
No, you look beautiful.

1988
01:33:08,336 --> 01:33:10,361
And you're young
and you're tall,

1989
01:33:10,471 --> 01:33:14,134
and you got the good lips
and boobs, and you're young still.

1990
01:33:14,208 --> 01:33:16,699
I'm gonna be alone.

1991
01:33:16,811 --> 01:33:17,869
Debbie, no, you're not.

1992
01:33:17,945 --> 01:33:19,435
Yes, I am.

1993
01:33:21,683 --> 01:33:23,617
Oh, God!

1994
01:33:24,719 --> 01:33:26,812
Fucking men!

1995
01:33:28,489 --> 01:33:32,289
I get worse-Iooking
and he gets better-Iooking,

1996
01:33:32,360 --> 01:33:34,658
and it's so fucking unfair.

1997
01:33:36,164 --> 01:33:37,461
Oh, fuck.

1998
01:33:38,199 --> 01:33:39,723
We should go.

1999
01:33:41,402 --> 01:33:45,236
My babysitter always gets mad
when we come home past 12:00.

2000
01:33:46,374 --> 01:33:50,310
She's such a pissy
little high-school cunt.

2001
01:33:52,880 --> 01:33:54,871
<i>Let's move, gang!
Come on, come on, come on!</i>

2002
01:33:54,982 --> 01:33:56,142
<i>Jessica,
can you get these plates</i>

2003
01:33:56,217 --> 01:33:57,980
<i>and put them
on the table, please?
This isn't funny.</i>

2004
01:33:58,052 --> 01:33:59,917
That guy has 12 kids.
It's not funny. It's...

2005
01:33:59,987 --> 01:34:01,249
<i>Now I get
to start all over again!</i>

2006
01:34:01,355 --> 01:34:03,846
This is sick.
This is a sick movie.

2007
01:34:03,925 --> 01:34:08,021
That's a lot of responsibility to be
joking about. That's not funny.

2008
01:34:08,096 --> 01:34:10,257
I got to turn this off.
It's freaking me out.

2009
01:34:10,364 --> 01:34:12,889
There are five different types
of chairs in this hotel room.

2010
01:34:13,000 --> 01:34:14,661
Holy fuck. What are they
all doing in here?

2011
01:34:14,736 --> 01:34:16,431
These are five
different types of chairs.

2012
01:34:16,504 --> 01:34:19,530
Get them out of here, man.
This is too many chairs for one room.

2013
01:34:19,607 --> 01:34:22,405
There's a guy that works
for this hotel. His whole job
is to find chairs.

2014
01:34:22,510 --> 01:34:24,034
Look at this one. Look at it.

2015
01:34:24,112 --> 01:34:25,807
It's gold and red,
and it's kind of shiny.

2016
01:34:25,880 --> 01:34:27,507
Shiny thread? Unbelievable.

2017
01:34:27,582 --> 01:34:30,278
It is beautiful
and it feels amazing.

2018
01:34:30,384 --> 01:34:33,751
The tall one's gawking at me
and the short one's being very droll.

2019
01:34:33,855 --> 01:34:34,844
I don't like them.

2020
01:34:34,922 --> 01:34:36,184
Oh, wow.

2021
01:34:36,257 --> 01:34:39,590
It's weird that chairs even exist
when you're not sitting on them.

2022
01:34:39,694 --> 01:34:42,720
I'm up high!
I'm really high up.

2023
01:34:42,797 --> 01:34:45,129
I should've read
the baby books.

2024
01:34:45,233 --> 01:34:47,030
Why didn't you read
the baby books?

2025
01:34:47,101 --> 01:34:48,830
'Cause then it's real,
you know?

2026
01:34:48,903 --> 01:34:50,894
Dude, it's real whether
or not you read those books.

2027
01:34:50,972 --> 01:34:53,463
That baby's coming.

2028
01:34:53,541 --> 01:34:55,532
Oh, man!

2029
01:34:55,610 --> 01:34:57,271
Think they'll take us back?

2030
01:34:57,345 --> 01:34:58,607
Yes.

2031
01:34:59,781 --> 01:35:02,375
But I don't know why.

2032
01:35:02,450 --> 01:35:04,884
Do you ever wonder how somebody
could even like you?

2033
01:35:04,952 --> 01:35:08,080
All the time, man. Like every day.
I wonder how you like me.

2034
01:35:08,156 --> 01:35:12,115
How can Debbie like me?
She likes me. I mean, she loves me.

2035
01:35:12,226 --> 01:35:15,252
The biggest problem
in our marriage is that
she wants me around.

2036
01:35:15,329 --> 01:35:16,421
She loves me so much

2037
01:35:16,497 --> 01:35:18,897
that she wants me
around all the time.

2038
01:35:18,966 --> 01:35:21,958
That's our biggest problem.
And I can't even accept that?

2039
01:35:22,069 --> 01:35:23,502
Like that upsets me?

2040
01:35:23,571 --> 01:35:24,765
What?

2041
01:35:24,839 --> 01:35:26,363
She's the one. She loves me.

2042
01:35:26,440 --> 01:35:29,603
You can't believe
people love you?

2043
01:35:29,677 --> 01:35:32,908
I love you, man!
Debbie loves you!

2044
01:35:32,980 --> 01:35:34,607
I don't think I can accept her love.

2045
01:35:34,682 --> 01:35:35,944
There's something wrong with me.

2046
01:35:36,017 --> 01:35:39,180
You can't accept love?

2047
01:35:39,253 --> 01:35:40,447
I don't know what it is.

2048
01:35:40,521 --> 01:35:43,319
Love? The most beautiful,
shiny, warmy thing in the world?

2049
01:35:43,424 --> 01:35:44,516
You can't accept it?

2050
01:35:44,592 --> 01:35:46,321
I have to go to this other chair.

2051
01:35:48,262 --> 01:35:49,957
Oh, this is a better energy.

2052
01:35:50,031 --> 01:35:53,262
You can't accept pure love?
You can't accept Debbie?

2053
01:35:53,334 --> 01:35:55,529
She's chosen
to give you her life.

2054
01:35:55,636 --> 01:35:58,503
She's picked you
as her life partner!

2055
01:35:58,606 --> 01:36:01,302
But you play fantasy baseball
because you can't accept her love?

2056
01:36:03,611 --> 01:36:05,602
I could accept it, man.

2057
01:36:07,048 --> 01:36:08,345
And Debbie's amazing, man.

2058
01:36:08,449 --> 01:36:11,782
She's cool and she's funny
and she smells good

2059
01:36:11,853 --> 01:36:14,879
and she's nice and her hair
always looks different.

2060
01:36:14,989 --> 01:36:16,354
She's too good for you, man.

2061
01:36:16,424 --> 01:36:18,517
Tastes like a rainbow.

2062
01:36:18,860 --> 01:36:21,294
You're disgusting.
You know, you're an urchin.

2063
01:36:21,362 --> 01:36:23,796
And she busts your balls
'cause you're a little bitch.

2064
01:36:23,865 --> 01:36:27,232
You're a filthy bitch!
And I'd bust your balls.

2065
01:36:28,502 --> 01:36:32,563
Debbie wants to give her life
to you, and Allison doesn't
want to do that with me.

2066
01:36:32,673 --> 01:36:34,903
And it makes me sad all day.

2067
01:36:36,544 --> 01:36:38,171
I want to go home.

2068
01:36:38,246 --> 01:36:39,873
I wanna go home, too.

2069
01:36:42,850 --> 01:36:45,080
Everything looks beautiful.
Thanks.

2070
01:36:45,186 --> 01:36:46,676
I went kind of overboard, huh?

2071
01:36:46,754 --> 01:36:47,982
No. It's great.

2072
01:36:48,055 --> 01:36:50,888
Your daughter only turns eight once.

2073
01:36:50,992 --> 01:36:53,119
Is Ben gonna come?

2074
01:36:53,194 --> 01:36:55,924
I don't think so.
I don't know why he would.

2075
01:37:09,944 --> 01:37:11,935
Oh, hey. What up, dawg?

2076
01:37:12,046 --> 01:37:13,172
Where have you been?

2077
01:37:13,247 --> 01:37:14,874
Around. You know?

2078
01:37:14,949 --> 01:37:16,712
Just kind of doing my thing.

2079
01:37:16,784 --> 01:37:18,649
Why is everybody
so mad at you?

2080
01:37:18,719 --> 01:37:20,550
I don't know. Are they mad?
What have they been saying?

2081
01:37:20,655 --> 01:37:24,989
They've been saying, like,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
"Ben's a prick."

2082
01:37:25,059 --> 01:37:26,083
They said that?

2083
01:37:26,160 --> 01:37:27,650
A lot.

2084
01:37:27,728 --> 01:37:28,956
That sucks.

2085
01:37:29,030 --> 01:37:30,725
What does it mean?

2086
01:37:31,565 --> 01:37:33,556
Penis. It means penis.

2087
01:37:33,634 --> 01:37:34,760
Oh.

2088
01:37:36,437 --> 01:37:37,734
Penis.

2089
01:37:39,507 --> 01:37:42,067
Babe, we're running
low on plates.

2090
01:37:42,176 --> 01:37:43,507
Hey, Ben! What's up, man?

2091
01:37:43,577 --> 01:37:45,044
What's happening, man?

2092
01:37:45,112 --> 01:37:47,046
Hey, Ben.
Hey, Debbie.

2093
01:37:47,114 --> 01:37:48,604
How are you?
Good. How are you?

2094
01:37:48,716 --> 01:37:49,876
Hi.

2095
01:37:50,885 --> 01:37:53,251
Did you just get pink cupcakes
or yellow cupcakes?

2096
01:37:53,354 --> 01:37:54,753
I just got yellow cupcakes.

2097
01:37:54,822 --> 01:37:56,312
I thought I said
get pink cupcakes.

2098
01:37:56,390 --> 01:37:58,915
I can run out.
I'll get some more.
Nah, it's no big deal.

2099
01:37:59,026 --> 01:38:00,425
I don't mind.
No, it doesn't matter.

2100
01:38:00,528 --> 01:38:02,257
You sure?
Yeah. You look
really cute in that.

2101
01:38:02,363 --> 01:38:03,762
All right.

2102
01:38:06,100 --> 01:38:08,728
Well, that was fast,
you pussy.
I'm a...

2103
01:38:08,803 --> 01:38:14,571
You're the one that got
dressed up like a cholo on
Easter to come to this party.

2104
01:38:14,642 --> 01:38:17,133
How are things
at Butt-Fucking-Ham Palace?

2105
01:38:17,244 --> 01:38:21,578
You look like Babe Ruth's
gay brother, Gabe Ruth.

2106
01:38:21,649 --> 01:38:24,914
Well played, sir. That was good.

2107
01:38:24,986 --> 01:38:26,044
You gonna talk to Allison?

2108
01:38:26,120 --> 01:38:27,747
Yeah, I was just about to.

2109
01:38:27,822 --> 01:38:29,312
Right on.

2110
01:38:29,390 --> 01:38:30,857
It's a doll.

2111
01:38:30,925 --> 01:38:32,392
Thanks, Ben.

2112
01:38:35,129 --> 01:38:38,098
I just don't think
we can make it work.

2113
01:38:38,165 --> 01:38:41,066
We can get back on track,
and everything's gonna be great.

2114
01:38:41,135 --> 01:38:43,933
You're just being nice,
and I'm being nice,

2115
01:38:44,005 --> 01:38:48,135
and just because we're two
nice people doesn't mean
we should stay together.

2116
01:38:48,242 --> 01:38:52,338
I don't want this baby
to determine the rest
of our lives. You know?

2117
01:38:52,446 --> 01:38:54,971
Me not wanting to do this alone
isn't enough of a reason

2118
01:38:55,082 --> 01:38:59,109
to drag you into a relationship
with me. It's just not fair.

2119
01:38:59,186 --> 01:39:04,317
And don't repeat this, but God,
I don't want to end up like Debbie.

2120
01:39:04,425 --> 01:39:05,585
But Debbie's happy.

2121
01:39:05,659 --> 01:39:07,786
Yeah, she's happy today.

2122
01:39:07,862 --> 01:39:10,092
But every day is
a constant struggle for them

2123
01:39:10,164 --> 01:39:11,859
because they're not
right for each other.

2124
01:39:11,966 --> 01:39:14,867
You know? And they have
to force it, and I don't want
us to have to do that.

2125
01:39:14,969 --> 01:39:18,166
I don't want to force you
to be what I think you should be.

2126
01:39:18,272 --> 01:39:20,604
That's wrong of me
because you're great.

2127
01:39:20,674 --> 01:39:24,804
You really are. You're great
the way you are, and...

2128
01:39:24,879 --> 01:39:29,009
I mean, you like to get high,
and you like to do shrooms in Vegas.

2129
01:39:29,116 --> 01:39:31,346
I didn't do shrooms in Vegas.
Who am I to stop you?

2130
01:39:31,452 --> 01:39:34,387
Who am I to tell you that
that's wrong? It's not wrong.
It's who you are.

2131
01:39:34,488 --> 01:39:37,048
It's what you enjoy
and that's your life and...

2132
01:39:37,158 --> 01:39:40,355
I'm not that guy anymore.

2133
01:39:40,461 --> 01:39:42,395
I mean, we can be friends.

2134
01:39:42,496 --> 01:39:46,330
And you can be there
when the baby is born,

2135
01:39:46,400 --> 01:39:48,561
and in the baby's life
as much as you want.

2136
01:39:48,669 --> 01:39:50,500
I hope you will be.

2137
01:39:50,571 --> 01:39:53,870
I just...
I think that if you just...

2138
01:39:53,974 --> 01:39:56,966
I don't know. If you give me a shot
to just show you that I'm...

2139
01:39:57,044 --> 01:39:58,238
Excuse me?
Oh, shit.

2140
01:39:58,345 --> 01:39:59,471
Can you grab the video camera?

2141
01:39:59,547 --> 01:40:02,482
<i>We're gonna sing
Happy Birthday now.
Yeah.</i>

2142
01:40:02,716 --> 01:40:05,412
I'm sorry. I got to go.

2143
01:40:05,519 --> 01:40:06,577
I'm sorry.
It's okay.

2144
01:40:06,687 --> 01:40:07,881
I'll be right back,
though, all right?

2145
01:40:07,988 --> 01:40:10,388
We'll finish talking.
Yeah, yeah. Okay, go.

2146
01:40:15,663 --> 01:40:16,755
What happened?

2147
01:40:16,831 --> 01:40:18,025
Thanks for warning me, man.

2148
01:40:18,099 --> 01:40:21,000
I just walked into a fucking
buzz saw. She rejected me.

2149
01:40:21,068 --> 01:40:23,400
'Cause you,
for some insane reason,

2150
01:40:23,504 --> 01:40:25,938
told Debbie that I did
mushrooms with you in Vegas!

2151
01:40:26,040 --> 01:40:27,166
She gets mad 'cause I smoke pot!

2152
01:40:27,241 --> 01:40:29,436
Now I'm upping it to fucking
psychedelics! Thanks!

2153
01:40:29,543 --> 01:40:31,340
Really? I thought she'd take you back.

2154
01:40:31,412 --> 01:40:33,312
You know why she just rejected me?

2155
01:40:33,380 --> 01:40:34,813
'Cause you're such a shitty husband,

2156
01:40:34,882 --> 01:40:38,181
she thinks I'm gonna turn
into a shitty husband.

2157
01:40:43,591 --> 01:40:47,288
<i>Happy Birthday to you</i>

2158
01:40:47,394 --> 01:40:50,886
<i>Happy Birthday to you</i>

2159
01:40:52,600 --> 01:40:55,535
Jessica! Right here!
Can we get a photo?

2160
01:40:55,603 --> 01:40:57,628
When are you due?
I got two months.

2161
01:40:57,738 --> 01:40:58,864
Really?
Yeah.

2162
01:40:58,939 --> 01:41:01,965
Wow, you're so big already.
Yeah.

2163
01:41:02,076 --> 01:41:04,806
When is that baby popping out?
I got two months to go.

2164
01:41:04,912 --> 01:41:07,437
Really? Are you dilated yet?
I can tell.
Wow, wow!

2165
01:41:07,548 --> 01:41:11,644
You look fantastic.
You look... Are you gonna,
like, give birth right now?

2166
01:41:11,752 --> 01:41:14,152
Wow, you're about
to drop any second.

2167
01:41:14,255 --> 01:41:15,449
You know what?
I love your broach.

2168
01:41:15,556 --> 01:41:17,888
You don't need to lie to me.
I don't appreciate it.

2169
01:41:17,958 --> 01:41:19,550
I know I look like a fat cow.

2170
01:41:19,627 --> 01:41:21,595
And I'm sweating profusely.
I know that.
No, no.

2171
01:41:21,662 --> 01:41:25,325
No, you don't look like
a fat cow at all. You look great.

2172
01:41:25,432 --> 01:41:27,297
So, I have to get going in.
They're calling me.

2173
01:41:27,401 --> 01:41:29,460
Steve, hey. Help me out.
Give me an interview, please.

2174
01:41:29,570 --> 01:41:30,730
Well, I just need to run in.

2175
01:41:30,804 --> 01:41:33,602
<i>You know what? Just say
into the camera, "You're
watching E! Entertainment. "</i>

2176
01:41:33,674 --> 01:41:34,800
Congratulations.
Just give me that.

2177
01:41:34,909 --> 01:41:37,104
No, Steve, don't be
an asshole! Come on.

2178
01:41:37,178 --> 01:41:39,305
I'm not being an asshole.

2179
01:41:40,014 --> 01:41:42,744
Wow, you managed to turn
Steve Carell into an asshole.

2180
01:41:42,816 --> 01:41:44,784
No easy feat.
Shut up, Brent.

2181
01:41:45,252 --> 01:41:47,413
You screwed me, Dad, okay?

2182
01:41:47,488 --> 01:41:50,286
You said everything was gonna
be fine and nothing is fine.

2183
01:41:50,357 --> 01:41:51,881
Nothing is fine.

2184
01:41:51,959 --> 01:41:55,952
<i>Ben, I've been
divorced three times.
Why would you listen to me?</i>

2185
01:41:56,063 --> 01:41:57,553
Because you were the only one
giving me advice!

2186
01:41:57,631 --> 01:41:59,895
And it was terrible advice!

2187
01:41:59,967 --> 01:42:03,664
<i>You can go around blaming everyone
else, but in the end,</i>

2188
01:42:03,771 --> 01:42:08,140
<i>until you take responsibility
for yourself, none of this
is gonna work out.</i>

2189
01:42:08,242 --> 01:42:11,234
I don't know how to take
responsibility for myself, okay?

2190
01:42:11,312 --> 01:42:13,177
<i>I didn't read the baby books!
You didn't read the books?</i>

2191
01:42:13,280 --> 01:42:15,840
I just smoke less pot.
I don't know what to do. I'm an idiot!

2192
01:42:15,950 --> 01:42:18,180
What... Tell me what to do!

2193
01:42:18,252 --> 01:42:20,345
<i>I don't know. I don't know.</i>

2194
01:42:20,454 --> 01:42:24,083
<i>Ben, I love you.
What can I tell you?</i>

2195
01:42:24,158 --> 01:42:26,251
Just tell me what to do.

2196
01:42:29,763 --> 01:42:31,822
Stone, you settling in okay?

2197
01:42:31,932 --> 01:42:34,366
Best job I ever had.
Like to hear it.

2198
01:43:41,568 --> 01:43:43,729
Allison, thank you
for coming in.

2199
01:43:43,837 --> 01:43:49,537
I don't want to shock you
but we know what's under that jacket.

2200
01:43:50,377 --> 01:43:52,538
You're pregnant,
have been for a while.

2201
01:43:52,613 --> 01:43:55,912
From my count, you're right
around eight months.

2202
01:43:56,016 --> 01:43:58,883
And I don't know why you felt
you couldn't tell us.

2203
01:43:58,952 --> 01:44:00,419
I'm really sorry.

2204
01:44:00,521 --> 01:44:03,081
This is Hollywood.
We don't like liars.

2205
01:44:03,190 --> 01:44:06,455
I just...
I wasn't expecting this and...

2206
01:44:06,560 --> 01:44:09,256
I didn't know how to handle it,
and I didn't want to lose my job.

2207
01:44:09,363 --> 01:44:11,729
I'm really sorry.
It's unfortunate.

2208
01:44:11,799 --> 01:44:14,563
It's unfortunate
you didn't tell us because

2209
01:44:15,602 --> 01:44:17,729
you would've found out
that we thought it's great.

2210
01:44:17,805 --> 01:44:19,136
Really?
Yeah.

2211
01:44:19,239 --> 01:44:21,764
So we did some research.

2212
01:44:21,875 --> 01:44:26,574
And turns out,
people like pregnant.

2213
01:44:26,647 --> 01:44:27,739
Oh, my God!

2214
01:44:27,815 --> 01:44:29,544
The bigger you are,
the bigger your numbers.

2215
01:44:30,718 --> 01:44:33,983
I was surprised
'cause I feel the opposite.

2216
01:44:34,054 --> 01:44:40,960
<i>We're gonna do a whole maternity
month on E! Mommy.</i>

2217
01:44:41,995 --> 01:44:44,657
You're gonna interview
all the pregnant celebs.

2218
01:44:44,765 --> 01:44:46,460
Really?
Yes.

2219
01:44:46,567 --> 01:44:47,795
Scary!

2220
01:44:47,901 --> 01:44:52,167
You're pregnant, they're pregnant,
you can talk about being pregnant.

2221
01:44:52,272 --> 01:44:56,299
It just grosses me out when
I know that people are pregnant.

2222
01:44:56,410 --> 01:44:59,140
'Cause I think about the birth.
Everything's so wet.

2223
01:44:59,246 --> 01:45:01,840
And everything that goes into it.
None of the gross stuff.

2224
01:45:01,949 --> 01:45:06,181
But you know, hopes, dreams,
whatever, it's gonna be great.

2225
01:45:06,286 --> 01:45:08,481
Oh, my God.
This is such good news.

2226
01:45:08,589 --> 01:45:10,648
Thank you so much.
Yeah, you're welcome.

2227
01:45:10,758 --> 01:45:14,319
And then,
after the baby is out...

2228
01:45:15,629 --> 01:45:17,620
Tight.
...tighten it back up.

2229
01:45:17,698 --> 01:45:19,598
And please don't
lie to us again.
Okay.

2230
01:45:19,666 --> 01:45:22,863
'Cause maybe someday
we could be friends.

2231
01:45:22,970 --> 01:45:25,268
Okay. I won't. I'm sorry.

2232
01:45:25,806 --> 01:45:27,774
I just don't like secrets.
Okay.

2233
01:45:29,176 --> 01:45:31,303
You know, it's a rare thing
that you live to see the day

2234
01:45:31,378 --> 01:45:33,676
your wildest dreams come true.

2235
01:45:33,781 --> 01:45:37,114
I mean, what is there left to want?
I get to go to Legoland.

2236
01:45:37,184 --> 01:45:38,378
Shut up, Pete.
Say it!

2237
01:45:38,485 --> 01:45:39,816
Legoland!
Legoland!

2238
01:45:39,887 --> 01:45:41,787
Legoland!

2239
01:45:41,855 --> 01:45:43,720
Don't get them all riled up
before the drive.

2240
01:45:43,824 --> 01:45:45,849
I shouldn't have given them
all that meth, then.

2241
01:45:45,959 --> 01:45:47,358
We'll be back
on Sunday.

2242
01:45:47,461 --> 01:45:49,827
Or Saturday. You never know.
We might see it all in one day.

2243
01:45:49,897 --> 01:45:51,660
Sunday. Let's go.

2244
01:45:51,799 --> 01:45:53,357
<i>Guess what? I'm scared
there's no one to trust.</i>

2245
01:45:53,467 --> 01:45:55,697
<i>You can trust me.</i>

2246
01:45:55,803 --> 01:45:57,862
<i>You are gonna
fuck me over, aren't you?</i>

2247
01:45:57,971 --> 01:46:00,098
<i>Oh, for Christ's sake.</i>

2248
01:46:00,174 --> 01:46:01,732
<i>You are.</i>

2249
01:46:01,809 --> 01:46:06,303
<i>Are you retarded? Or just brain-dead
from whiffing fumes out there in the swamp?</i>

2250
01:46:06,380 --> 01:46:10,077
<i>Ow, ow, ow.
That's what I am to you, isn't it?
Swamp trash, just like my mom.</i>

2251
01:46:15,722 --> 01:46:16,882
Hello?

2252
01:46:16,990 --> 01:46:19,220
Hey, what's up, Daddy?
What are you doing?

2253
01:46:19,326 --> 01:46:23,490
Just smoking a joint, drinking
some beers, you know. Rocking.

2254
01:46:24,164 --> 01:46:25,995
We're about to go
to a new club. You coming?

2255
01:46:26,066 --> 01:46:28,660
No. I'm gonna pack
it in soon, I think.

2256
01:46:28,735 --> 01:46:30,396
What's he doing?

2257
01:46:30,471 --> 01:46:31,699
He says he's gonna
call it a night.

2258
01:46:31,772 --> 01:46:33,740
<i>Dude, it's like 8:15, man.</i>

2259
01:46:33,807 --> 01:46:36,867
Yeah, I know. I'm just tired.

2260
01:46:36,944 --> 01:46:39,003
Is he depressed?
You depressed?

2261
01:46:39,079 --> 01:46:40,774
No, I feel great. I like it.

2262
01:46:40,848 --> 01:46:42,315
He says no.

2263
01:46:42,382 --> 01:46:43,679
Ask him if he's
gonna kill himself.

2264
01:46:43,750 --> 01:46:45,115
You gonna kill yourself?

2265
01:46:45,185 --> 01:46:47,210
No, I'm not. Okay? Thank you.

2266
01:46:47,287 --> 01:46:50,450
Tell him not to jerk off
with a noose around his neck.
It's dangerous.

2267
01:46:50,557 --> 01:46:53,458
You shouldn't jerk off with
a noose around your neck
'cause it's dangerous.

2268
01:46:53,560 --> 01:46:55,027
Okay. Very good.

2269
01:46:55,095 --> 01:46:58,758
And tell him if he has to,
tell him he needs
a teammate or a spotter there.

2270
01:46:58,866 --> 01:47:02,859
Right. And if you do,
you should have
a teammate or a spotter there.

2271
01:47:02,936 --> 01:47:04,062
Great.

2272
01:47:04,137 --> 01:47:06,469
He says your mom's already there.

2273
01:47:06,540 --> 01:47:07,837
Uncool, man.

2274
01:47:15,482 --> 01:47:17,279
Okay, okay.

2275
01:47:17,384 --> 01:47:18,715
Okay.

2276
01:47:19,553 --> 01:47:20,713
Hi, Dr. Howard?

2277
01:47:20,787 --> 01:47:22,812
No, this is Dr. Angelo.

2278
01:47:22,890 --> 01:47:23,948
How can I help you?

2279
01:47:24,057 --> 01:47:26,218
I'm a patient of Dr. Howard's,

2280
01:47:26,293 --> 01:47:28,955
and I'm going into labor
and I need to speak with him.

2281
01:47:29,062 --> 01:47:30,757
<i>I actually don't know
where he is tonight.</i>

2282
01:47:30,831 --> 01:47:33,698
But I've made myself available
to his patients,

2283
01:47:33,767 --> 01:47:35,257
and I'd be happy to help you.

2284
01:47:35,335 --> 01:47:37,667
Can you help me find him?
Can you give me his number?

2285
01:47:37,771 --> 01:47:39,966
<i>Oh, no. You know what? Actually,
I'm under strict instructions</i>

2286
01:47:40,073 --> 01:47:42,234
<i>not to give out his number,
but I can help you through this.</i>

2287
01:47:42,309 --> 01:47:43,674
No, no. No, no, no.

2288
01:47:43,777 --> 01:47:46,746
I want to speak to my own doctor.
You really won't give me his number?

2289
01:47:46,813 --> 01:47:50,305
Because this is my first baby,
and he promised that
he would be here for me

2290
01:47:50,417 --> 01:47:52,977
and I need you to give me...
Give me his number, okay?

2291
01:47:53,086 --> 01:47:54,986
Dr. Howard's not available tonight.

2292
01:47:55,088 --> 01:47:57,579
But everything's gonna be okay,
I assure you.

2293
01:47:57,658 --> 01:48:01,685
No, I don't want you to help me
because I have no idea who you are!

2294
01:48:01,795 --> 01:48:05,595
I want my own goddamn doctor!
You make sure he calls me!

2295
01:48:05,666 --> 01:48:07,691
Oh, shit. Okay.

2296
01:48:09,603 --> 01:48:11,434
Oh, shit!

2297
01:48:23,417 --> 01:48:24,475
Hello?

2298
01:48:24,585 --> 01:48:27,281
Ben, it's me. Can you come?
'Cause the baby's coming.
Can you come?

2299
01:48:27,354 --> 01:48:31,188
Oh, God. Allison.
I'm so happy you're calling.

2300
01:48:31,291 --> 01:48:33,851
I have so many thing's
I've been wanting to say to you.

2301
01:48:33,961 --> 01:48:36,452
I wanna apologize for things.
It's all I can think about.

2302
01:48:36,530 --> 01:48:38,020
No, listen. Wait. Listen.

2303
01:48:38,131 --> 01:48:40,395
I need you to come help me, okay?
Because the baby's coming.

2304
01:48:40,500 --> 01:48:41,626
So can you come help me?

2305
01:48:41,702 --> 01:48:43,727
Wait. The baby's coming
right now?
Yes. Right now.

2306
01:48:43,837 --> 01:48:45,964
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

2307
01:48:46,039 --> 01:48:49,406
Is it happening? It's happening now?
Push. Push...

2308
01:48:51,411 --> 01:48:52,878
Breathe like this...
No, no, no, no.

2309
01:48:52,980 --> 01:48:55,744
You need to come now because
the contractions are happening,

2310
01:48:55,849 --> 01:48:59,148
and they really hurt
and the doctor isn't here,
and I can't get hold of him.

2311
01:48:59,219 --> 01:49:03,019
And he said he was gonna
be here, right? You were there
when he said that.

2312
01:49:03,090 --> 01:49:04,717
Okay, okay,
I'll come right now.

2313
01:49:04,825 --> 01:49:06,315
<i>Nobody's here.
I'm coming right now.</i>

2314
01:49:06,393 --> 01:49:08,327
...not anywhere,
I can't reach them, please.

2315
01:49:08,395 --> 01:49:09,885
Please, please hurry.
I'll just... So should I...

2316
01:49:09,997 --> 01:49:11,055
I'll meet you
at the hospital, okay?

2317
01:49:11,164 --> 01:49:14,531
No! Don't meet me at the
hospital! No, no, I need you
to drive me. I can't drive.

2318
01:49:14,601 --> 01:49:16,330
<i>I can't drive like this.
No? You can't drive? Okay.</i>

2319
01:49:16,403 --> 01:49:18,030
I'll get gas
and then I'll pick you up.

2320
01:49:18,105 --> 01:49:19,936
<i>You have to get gas?
I need to just get cash.</i>

2321
01:49:20,040 --> 01:49:21,530
No. Don't get cash. Just come.

2322
01:49:21,608 --> 01:49:24,509
I need to get cash because
my car's on empty, I won't
even make it there.

2323
01:49:24,578 --> 01:49:28,105
No, just come right now.
I'm not fucking around, okay?

2324
01:49:28,215 --> 01:49:29,842
This is serious and I'm alone.

2325
01:49:29,916 --> 01:49:33,113
It's the last thing you need to do is...
Just get here!

2326
01:49:33,220 --> 01:49:35,347
Look, if you keep yelling
at me, I'm never gonna get there.

2327
01:49:35,422 --> 01:49:37,151
You just need to calm down
for two... Okay.

2328
01:49:45,065 --> 01:49:48,057
Don't run out of gas.
Don't run out of gas. Come on!

2329
01:49:53,073 --> 01:49:54,404
Hello?

2330
01:49:54,641 --> 01:49:58,702
Please be in there.
Hello? Hello? Hello?

2331
01:50:01,748 --> 01:50:03,045
Allison?

2332
01:50:09,489 --> 01:50:10,717
Hello?

2333
01:50:10,791 --> 01:50:12,554
Ben?
Allison.

2334
01:50:13,660 --> 01:50:14,922
What is this,
like a water birth?

2335
01:50:14,995 --> 01:50:17,828
What are we doing? Should we go?
Should I... I have the...
Shh.

2336
01:50:17,931 --> 01:50:22,425
Just relax, okay?
Just be mellow, 'cause
that's what this is all about.

2337
01:50:22,502 --> 01:50:24,561
Because if it gets
too stressful in here,

2338
01:50:24,638 --> 01:50:27,072
then the baby is born
into a stressful environment,

2339
01:50:27,140 --> 01:50:31,304
and then he's wired for stress
for the rest of his life. So just...

2340
01:50:32,813 --> 01:50:34,838
Just be calm.

2341
01:50:34,948 --> 01:50:36,108
Okay.

2342
01:50:37,317 --> 01:50:40,480
Okay, let's relax. Okay.

2343
01:50:41,655 --> 01:50:42,781
Do you want
to talk about things?

2344
01:50:42,856 --> 01:50:45,120
I feel really bad about, like,
a lot of the shit I did.

2345
01:50:45,192 --> 01:50:46,659
I can't believe
I said some of that.

2346
01:50:46,760 --> 01:50:48,022
That's all I think about
in my head.

2347
01:50:48,095 --> 01:50:49,426
I don't wanna talk about it.

2348
01:50:49,496 --> 01:50:53,091
But maybe we could bring
the baby into a reconciled
place so we can talk...

2349
01:50:53,166 --> 01:50:55,430
No. I don't wanna go there.

2350
01:50:55,502 --> 01:50:58,767
Don't go there. Okay?
Help me stay relaxed.

2351
01:50:58,839 --> 01:51:00,864
So, what should I do?

2352
01:51:00,941 --> 01:51:02,499
You need to call Dr. Howard.

2353
01:51:03,677 --> 01:51:04,769
<i>Hello?</i>

2354
01:51:04,845 --> 01:51:09,839
Hello, yes, this is Ben Stone.
I'm calling on behalf of Allison Scott.

2355
01:51:09,950 --> 01:51:11,611
<i>We need Dr. Howard.
It's an emergency.</i>

2356
01:51:11,685 --> 01:51:14,279
Yeah. He's at San Francisco
at bar mitzvah.

2357
01:51:14,354 --> 01:51:17,721
He's at a bar mitzvah in San Francisco?
Do you know when he gets back?

2358
01:51:17,824 --> 01:51:19,348
<i>In three days.</i>

2359
01:51:20,827 --> 01:51:22,522
Do you have his cell number,
by any chance?

2360
01:51:25,832 --> 01:51:28,960
Hey! Good news.

2361
01:51:29,035 --> 01:51:31,902
I got his number right here.
I'm gonna call him right now.

2362
01:51:32,005 --> 01:51:35,168
Oh, great. Thank you so much.
Oh, my God. I'm so glad
you're here. Thank you.

2363
01:51:35,242 --> 01:51:38,006
I'm glad I'm here, too.
Thank you.

2364
01:51:38,078 --> 01:51:39,807
I shouldn't have told you
you were a fucking lunatic.

2365
01:51:39,880 --> 01:51:42,212
I shouldn't have said that.
I feel terrible about it and...

2366
01:51:42,315 --> 01:51:45,148
No, it's okay.
We're past it. We're past it.

2367
01:51:45,218 --> 01:51:46,708
I'm sorry I told you
to fuck your bong.

2368
01:51:46,787 --> 01:51:49,187
It's okay. I didn't.

2369
01:51:49,256 --> 01:51:52,248
Let's just drop it now.
We're over it.

2370
01:51:52,359 --> 01:51:55,487
I'm gonna call him right now.
You're doing so great.

2371
01:51:55,562 --> 01:51:59,658
<i>Hello, it's Dr. Howard.
I'm not here right now.
Please leave a message.</i>

2372
01:51:59,733 --> 01:52:03,362
Hey, Doc Howard.
Ben Stone calling.

2373
01:52:03,436 --> 01:52:05,370
Guess what the fuck's up?

2374
01:52:05,438 --> 01:52:08,407
Allison's going into labor
and you are not fucking here.

2375
01:52:08,508 --> 01:52:11,909
Now, where are you? You're at
a fucking bar mitzvah in San Francisco,

2376
01:52:12,012 --> 01:52:14,003
you motherfucking piece of shit!

2377
01:52:14,080 --> 01:52:15,377
And you know
what I'm gonna have to do now?

2378
01:52:15,448 --> 01:52:16,574
I'm gonna have to kill you.

2379
01:52:16,683 --> 01:52:19,083
I'm gonna have to
pop a fucking cap in your ass.

2380
01:52:19,186 --> 01:52:20,915
You're dead! You're Tupac!

2381
01:52:21,021 --> 01:52:23,012
You are fucking Biggie,
you piece of shit!

2382
01:52:23,089 --> 01:52:24,283
I hope you fucking die

2383
01:52:24,391 --> 01:52:27,554
or drop the fucking chair
and kill that fucking kid!

2384
01:52:27,627 --> 01:52:30,095
Hope your plane crashes.
Peace, fucker!

2385
01:52:36,770 --> 01:52:38,032
Hey.
Hey.

2386
01:52:38,104 --> 01:52:39,196
Did you talk to him?

2387
01:52:39,272 --> 01:52:43,766
I didn't talk to him directly.
I left him a very nice message, though.

2388
01:52:43,877 --> 01:52:46,539
And... Okay.

2389
01:52:46,613 --> 01:52:49,173
What I'm about to tell you
isn't that bad.

2390
01:52:49,249 --> 01:52:50,807
You should know that going in.

2391
01:52:50,884 --> 01:52:53,785
We can get through this,
and it's just a little hiccough,

2392
01:52:53,887 --> 01:52:55,218
but everything will be fine. Okay?

2393
01:52:55,288 --> 01:52:57,620
Do you trust me when I say
everything will be fine?

2394
01:52:57,724 --> 01:53:00,124
I can deal with it.
Okay.

2395
01:53:00,227 --> 01:53:03,958
So, Dr. Howard is at a bar mitzvah.

2396
01:53:04,064 --> 01:53:05,361
A bar mitzvah?

2397
01:53:05,432 --> 01:53:06,990
It's a Jewish rite of passage.

2398
01:53:07,100 --> 01:53:10,763
And he's gonna be there
for the next three days,

2399
01:53:10,837 --> 01:53:14,136
so he will not be able
to be here tonight.

2400
01:53:14,241 --> 01:53:15,503
Oh, no.

2401
01:53:17,510 --> 01:53:19,000
It's okay.

2402
01:53:20,113 --> 01:53:21,273
What do you think
we should do?

2403
01:53:21,348 --> 01:53:22,679
Okay. I know
exactly what to do.

2404
01:53:22,749 --> 01:53:25,479
All we do is we'll get in
the car, I'll drive to the hospital,

2405
01:53:25,585 --> 01:53:28,247
and on the way, we will call
every gynecologist we've met.

2406
01:53:28,321 --> 01:53:31,256
Someone will be available.
You know?

2407
01:53:31,324 --> 01:53:33,258
Okay. I can do that.
Okay. Good.

2408
01:53:33,326 --> 01:53:36,124
I mean, we still have time.
I mean, how far apart
are your contractions?

2409
01:53:36,196 --> 01:53:38,858
I think, like, seven minutes.
Seven minutes!

2410
01:53:38,965 --> 01:53:41,092
See? Not until four minutes
is it really coming.

2411
01:53:41,167 --> 01:53:42,930
And has your water broken, even?

2412
01:53:43,003 --> 01:53:45,267
I don't know. I'm in the tub.

2413
01:53:45,338 --> 01:53:47,636
That's a good point.
Have you had your bloody show?

2414
01:53:47,707 --> 01:53:48,935
What? What's that?

2415
01:53:49,009 --> 01:53:51,603
It's, it's... I mean, it's
a bloody mucusy discharge.

2416
01:53:51,678 --> 01:53:53,976
But it only comes out right before
the baby's gonna come,

2417
01:53:54,047 --> 01:53:55,878
so if that hasn't happened,
we have time.

2418
01:53:55,982 --> 01:53:58,780
We can make it to the hospital.
It's no problem.

2419
01:53:58,852 --> 01:54:00,979
You read the baby books.

2420
01:54:01,054 --> 01:54:04,649
Yeah. I did. I read
three of them, actually.

2421
01:54:04,724 --> 01:54:06,715
Thank you.
You're welcome.

2422
01:54:10,397 --> 01:54:12,524
Hey. Hey, you okay?

2423
01:54:15,635 --> 01:54:16,829
Okay.

2424
01:54:21,675 --> 01:54:24,075
Wait.
Are we allowed to park here?

2425
01:54:24,177 --> 01:54:27,908
It's okay. I stole this
from Martin's grandma.

2426
01:54:28,014 --> 01:54:30,915
Oh, that was really
sweet of you.
Thanks.

2427
01:54:32,419 --> 01:54:35,582
Okay, here we go. Here we go.

2428
01:54:35,689 --> 01:54:37,714
Okay. Inches away.

2429
01:54:37,824 --> 01:54:39,815
Okay.
We're close.

2430
01:54:39,893 --> 01:54:44,262
Home stretch. Hello.
This is Allison Scott.

2431
01:54:44,364 --> 01:54:46,389
Dr. Kuni said he would let you
know we were coming?

2432
01:54:46,499 --> 01:54:49,059
Oh, he did.
We'll take good care of you.
Okay.

2433
01:54:49,169 --> 01:54:50,329
Samuel?
Yeah?

2434
01:54:50,403 --> 01:54:53,770
This is Allison Scott.
Please admit her into Room 307.

2435
01:54:53,873 --> 01:54:54,931
Hi.

2436
01:54:55,008 --> 01:54:56,305
Hey.

2437
01:54:56,376 --> 01:54:57,900
You're our nurse?

2438
01:54:57,978 --> 01:55:01,038
That's why I'm holding
the clipboard.

2439
01:55:01,114 --> 01:55:04,515
So, what else is up
with you guys?

2440
01:55:04,584 --> 01:55:07,212
I'm just joking.
Let's have a baby, huh?

2441
01:55:07,287 --> 01:55:08,447
Yeah.

2442
01:55:10,256 --> 01:55:13,191
Jeez, I'm sorry it took me so long
to find that vein.

2443
01:55:13,259 --> 01:55:17,252
That little guy really
didn't want me to find him.

2444
01:55:17,364 --> 01:55:19,229
Is that the baby
on that one right there?

2445
01:55:19,299 --> 01:55:20,357
Yeah.

2446
01:55:20,433 --> 01:55:22,697
So we can tell how the little
guy or gal is doing.

2447
01:55:22,769 --> 01:55:24,031
Okay.

2448
01:55:24,804 --> 01:55:28,365
Hello, Allison. Ben.
Interesting night.

2449
01:55:28,441 --> 01:55:30,432
We really, really appreciate
you coming, man.

2450
01:55:30,510 --> 01:55:34,446
What else do I have to do,
I mean, besides sleep? Totally kidding.

2451
01:55:34,514 --> 01:55:35,845
What happened to your doctor?

2452
01:55:35,915 --> 01:55:37,974
He's at a bar mitzvah
in San Francisco.

2453
01:55:38,051 --> 01:55:39,678
He didn't tell us, though.

2454
01:55:39,786 --> 01:55:40,946
Nice.
Yeah.

2455
01:55:41,021 --> 01:55:44,513
Lucky for you, I don't have
any Jewish friends.

2456
01:55:44,624 --> 01:55:47,616
Dr. Kuni, I really wanna do this
naturally. I don't wanna use drugs.

2457
01:55:47,694 --> 01:55:51,289
Okay, let's just take a look
and see what happens, okay?

2458
01:55:51,364 --> 01:55:53,662
Foetal heart rate is good.
Samuel, where are we?

2459
01:55:53,733 --> 01:55:56,668
Four centimeters.
Four centimeters what?

2460
01:55:56,736 --> 01:55:58,897
Dilated?
Dilated. That's right. Focus.

2461
01:55:59,005 --> 01:56:01,496
Pay attention, okay?
We're a team. Okay?

2462
01:56:03,176 --> 01:56:04,939
I wanna get
the fuck out of here.

2463
01:56:05,011 --> 01:56:06,103
What?

2464
01:56:06,179 --> 01:56:07,373
I just wanna get
the fuck out of here.

2465
01:56:07,447 --> 01:56:09,210
Okay. Just relax,
man, just relax.

2466
01:56:09,315 --> 01:56:10,907
Oh, man, I don't fucking
like hospitals.

2467
01:56:10,984 --> 01:56:13,475
I know, but, Jonah,
this is beautiful.

2468
01:56:13,553 --> 01:56:18,855
I just think you need to relax
and embrace the beauty of
another life joining our gang.

2469
01:56:18,925 --> 01:56:21,393
We're having a baby.
We are having a baby.

2470
01:56:21,494 --> 01:56:24,224
I'm not having shit besides
a fucking panic attack.

2471
01:56:24,330 --> 01:56:28,596
There's probably a fucking room
back there full of dead bodies!

2472
01:56:28,701 --> 01:56:30,396
You guys wanna be here
when one rolls out

2473
01:56:30,503 --> 01:56:33,165
and just fucking coughs
malaria into our face?

2474
01:56:34,574 --> 01:56:35,871
Jesus.
Fucking shit.

2475
01:56:37,210 --> 01:56:39,735
Is that good?
Oh, yeah.

2476
01:56:39,846 --> 01:56:42,542
Oh, yeah, get in there.

2477
01:56:42,615 --> 01:56:43,707
I could do this all day.

2478
01:56:43,783 --> 01:56:44,909
Cool.

2479
01:56:46,119 --> 01:56:48,952
What was that?
What the hell was that?

2480
01:56:53,693 --> 01:56:55,957
What's happening?

2481
01:56:56,062 --> 01:56:58,189
Well, boys and girls,
what seems to be the problem?

2482
01:56:58,264 --> 01:57:00,198
Decels.
Oh, dear.

2483
01:57:00,266 --> 01:57:03,235
Okay, Allison, I need you to
turn on your back now, okay?

2484
01:57:03,303 --> 01:57:05,863
The baby's heart rate
is slowing. Okay?

2485
01:57:05,939 --> 01:57:07,566
It's gonna be okay.
Okay.

2486
01:57:07,640 --> 01:57:10,234
It's gonna be fine.
Is it gonna be fine?
It's gonna be fine. Okay?

2487
01:57:10,310 --> 01:57:14,542
You'll feel a little bit of
a push. You'll feel a little bit of...

2488
01:57:14,614 --> 01:57:16,582
Oh.
What are you doing?

2489
01:57:16,649 --> 01:57:20,813
I'm turning the baby so I can take
the pressure off the cord. Okay?

2490
01:57:20,920 --> 01:57:23,081
Oh, my God.

2491
01:57:23,156 --> 01:57:24,316
Okay, we're good.

2492
01:57:24,424 --> 01:57:26,324
The heartbeat's stronger,
but we're not out of the woods.

2493
01:57:26,426 --> 01:57:27,791
We need to get
things going now.

2494
01:57:27,894 --> 01:57:30,158
I think the cord is wrapped
around the neck.

2495
01:57:30,263 --> 01:57:33,130
So I'm gonna give you
some medicine, pop the bag
and get things going, okay?

2496
01:57:33,233 --> 01:57:35,064
I don't wanna leave the baby
in there for long,

2497
01:57:35,135 --> 01:57:36,625
and we can give you
some medicine for the pain.

2498
01:57:36,736 --> 01:57:38,260
No, no, no, no.

2499
01:57:38,338 --> 01:57:40,670
I don't... I don't want the baby to
be born all drugged out.

2500
01:57:40,740 --> 01:57:42,071
It's not my birth plan.

2501
01:57:42,142 --> 01:57:44,076
Now, things change.
We don't have time to debate this.

2502
01:57:44,144 --> 01:57:47,409
What? No. But no, I'm not
comfortable with that. I'm not.

2503
01:57:47,480 --> 01:57:49,345
No. Would you please
just listen to her?

2504
01:57:49,415 --> 01:57:51,508
Fine. Do what you want to do.

2505
01:57:51,584 --> 01:57:53,814
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What?
Should I leave?

2506
01:57:53,920 --> 01:57:56,582
Do you want to be the doctor?
Because I really don't need to be here.

2507
01:57:56,656 --> 01:57:59,284
No. What we want is to take
a second to talk
about our options, okay?

2508
01:57:59,359 --> 01:58:01,452
That's all we want.
No. You mean you want
to take a second

2509
01:58:01,528 --> 01:58:03,018
to tell me how to do my job.

2510
01:58:03,129 --> 01:58:06,098
My job is to get
that baby out safely.

2511
01:58:06,166 --> 01:58:09,499
Or I can go home.
Just let me know. You be the doctor.

2512
01:58:09,602 --> 01:58:12,002
Can we talk outside
in the hall for a second?

2513
01:58:12,639 --> 01:58:14,197
That woman is a control freak,

2514
01:58:14,307 --> 01:58:17,037
and she needs to let go
and let me do my job.

2515
01:58:17,143 --> 01:58:18,440
Look, she's just having
a hard time

2516
01:58:18,511 --> 01:58:21,275
because her and our doctor had
a very specific birth plan.

2517
01:58:21,347 --> 01:58:23,872
And they wanted it to be
a very special experience.

2518
01:58:23,983 --> 01:58:26,816
If you want a special experience,
go to a Jimmy Buffett concert.

2519
01:58:26,886 --> 01:58:30,481
We have a new birth plan.
Get the baby out safely.

2520
01:58:30,557 --> 01:58:35,620
Look, man, will you help us out?
I have no idea what I'm doing.

2521
01:58:35,695 --> 01:58:39,688
You can be as big a dick to me
as you want. Just be nice to her, man.

2522
01:58:39,799 --> 01:58:42,734
That's all I ask.
Just please be nice to her.

2523
01:58:48,975 --> 01:58:50,306
Are you okay?

2524
01:58:50,376 --> 01:58:52,241
I think so.

2525
01:58:52,312 --> 01:58:54,303
I'm sorry. Let's start fresh.

2526
01:58:54,380 --> 01:58:55,904
Thank you, man. Thanks.

2527
01:58:56,015 --> 01:58:59,314
This is healthy. This is good.
I think we're bonding.

2528
01:59:07,026 --> 01:59:12,555
Allison, I apologize for being
a little brash, but if you're okay with it,

2529
01:59:12,665 --> 01:59:14,326
it's rather important
we break the bag

2530
01:59:14,400 --> 01:59:16,664
and give you some medicine
to speed things up.

2531
01:59:16,736 --> 01:59:20,672
Because once the bag is broken,
I don't want there to be an infection.

2532
01:59:20,740 --> 01:59:23,231
Whatever.
Do what you have to do.

2533
01:59:26,846 --> 01:59:30,441
Oh, my God.
What a nightmare that guy is.

2534
01:59:30,550 --> 01:59:32,848
I know, I know.
Look, I talked to him.

2535
01:59:32,919 --> 01:59:35,615
I think he'll be more cool now.

2536
01:59:38,258 --> 01:59:40,590
I'm so sorry
I broke up with you.

2537
01:59:41,461 --> 01:59:43,122
You really don't need to be.

2538
01:59:43,229 --> 01:59:46,392
And, you know, I knew
you'd give me another shot.

2539
01:59:47,800 --> 01:59:50,894
I figured it'd be a lot sooner
than this, you know?

2540
01:59:50,970 --> 01:59:54,269
I was just in such
a panic from all of this.

2541
01:59:54,374 --> 01:59:58,640
And watching Debbie
and Pete together, it's...

2542
01:59:58,745 --> 02:00:00,804
And my ass got so fat.
No, no.

2543
02:00:00,913 --> 02:00:02,210
It did.

2544
02:00:02,282 --> 02:00:05,740
I just never, for one minute,
thought that the guy
who got me pregnant

2545
02:00:05,818 --> 02:00:08,616
would actually be
the right guy for me.

2546
02:00:09,122 --> 02:00:10,817
Me, either.
I guess he is.

2547
02:00:10,923 --> 02:00:11,981
Yeah.

2548
02:00:14,994 --> 02:00:17,258
All right, Martin, who am I?

2549
02:00:19,299 --> 02:00:24,327
"People
think I'm smart because
I speak in a robot voice."

2550
02:00:24,437 --> 02:00:25,995
Stephen Hawking.

2551
02:00:26,105 --> 02:00:30,974
"I fuck my nurse
with my ever-expanding cock."

2552
02:00:33,913 --> 02:00:35,346
All right.
Let's murderball.

2553
02:00:35,448 --> 02:00:38,008
Come here!
I'm gonna murderball you!

2554
02:00:38,117 --> 02:00:39,345
Stay down!
Jonah, you shithead!

2555
02:00:41,120 --> 02:00:42,246
Hi.
Hi.

2556
02:00:42,322 --> 02:00:43,482
Hi.

2557
02:00:43,589 --> 02:00:45,614
I can't believe I go
out of town and this happens.

2558
02:00:45,692 --> 02:00:48,286
I know.
I'm sorry,
but I'm not going anywhere.

2559
02:00:48,361 --> 02:00:50,022
Screw Legoland.
All right.

2560
02:00:50,129 --> 02:00:52,324
Hey, how do you want this?
You want this over the shoulder?

2561
02:00:52,432 --> 02:00:54,627
You know, I can do whatever
you want. I can get in there.

2562
02:00:54,701 --> 02:00:56,168
Kind of Spike Lee angles.

2563
02:00:56,269 --> 02:00:59,295
No, you can shoot the waiting
room. That would be great.

2564
02:00:59,372 --> 02:01:04,275
Yeah. Okay. Well, thank you.
I've got it from here.

2565
02:01:05,011 --> 02:01:06,069
Debbie.

2566
02:01:06,145 --> 02:01:08,136
Can I talk to you
in the hall for a second?

2567
02:01:08,214 --> 02:01:09,374
Why?

2568
02:01:11,517 --> 02:01:15,681
I'd like to be in there
with Allison, without you.

2569
02:01:15,788 --> 02:01:17,119
Okay.

2570
02:01:17,190 --> 02:01:21,627
I understand how you feel
but this isn't up to you.

2571
02:01:21,694 --> 02:01:27,064
Look, Debbie, you are high
off your ass if you think
you're coming into that room.

2572
02:01:27,166 --> 02:01:30,158
If you take one step towards
that door, I will tell security

2573
02:01:30,236 --> 02:01:33,637
there's a crazy chick in a pink
dress snatching up babies. Okay?

2574
02:01:33,706 --> 02:01:37,540
So don't even try to come into
that room. That's my room now.

2575
02:01:37,643 --> 02:01:40,806
That little area with the Pepsi
machine, that's your area.

2576
02:01:40,880 --> 02:01:45,579
My room. Your area. Stay in your area.
Stay out of my room.

2577
02:01:45,685 --> 02:01:48,313
Back the fuck off.

2578
02:01:57,497 --> 02:01:59,590
What are you doing here?

2579
02:01:59,699 --> 02:02:02,668
He just kicked me out.
He told me to leave.

2580
02:02:05,004 --> 02:02:05,993
Oh.

2581
02:02:06,672 --> 02:02:09,539
But I guess it's good, right?

2582
02:02:09,609 --> 02:02:11,873
He said he's gonna
take care of her.

2583
02:02:11,944 --> 02:02:14,344
He really seems on his game.

2584
02:02:14,414 --> 02:02:17,076
I think he's gonna be a good dad.

2585
02:02:17,183 --> 02:02:19,276
I think I like him.

2586
02:02:19,385 --> 02:02:20,784
Thank God.

2587
02:02:23,956 --> 02:02:26,083
I wish I'd gotten
that on tape.

2588
02:02:27,427 --> 02:02:30,362
Go! Holy shit, almighty!

2589
02:02:30,430 --> 02:02:32,591
Oh, shit, this really hurts!

2590
02:02:32,698 --> 02:02:34,598
I see we're well on our way.
Okay.

2591
02:02:34,700 --> 02:02:36,930
I want the...
I want the epidural. Okay?

2592
02:02:37,036 --> 02:02:38,697
Give me the epidural!
Give her the epidural, okay?

2593
02:02:38,771 --> 02:02:40,295
Give it to her now.
KUNl: Okay, Allison.

2594
02:02:40,406 --> 02:02:44,206
We're past the point of an epidural.
Okay? The cervix is fully dilated.

2595
02:02:44,277 --> 02:02:47,303
No, seriously,
I want an epidural!
I know there's time!

2596
02:02:47,413 --> 02:02:49,404
We can't give you
the epidural.
Take the time! I...

2597
02:02:49,482 --> 02:02:52,076
I'll make sure it doesn't come out!
I'll stop pushing.

2598
02:02:52,151 --> 02:02:53,311
We have time.
Just do it, please!

2599
02:02:53,386 --> 02:02:54,819
I'll stop.
Please, please, please!

2600
02:02:54,887 --> 02:02:56,320
I'm sorry. We have no time.

2601
02:02:56,422 --> 02:02:59,050
We're gonna just have to do
this the all-natural way, okay?

2602
02:02:59,125 --> 02:03:00,820
The way you wanted to do it.

2603
02:03:00,927 --> 02:03:02,588
Okay? Ready?
Okay.

2604
02:03:02,662 --> 02:03:07,122
Here comes another contraction, okay?
I want you to push. Okay, ready?

2605
02:03:08,434 --> 02:03:10,664
Good, good, good.
I feel everything!

2606
02:03:10,736 --> 02:03:12,431
Oh, my God! It's happening!

2607
02:03:12,505 --> 02:03:14,905
Okay, maybe we can
take it down just a little.

2608
02:03:14,974 --> 02:03:16,737
I think you're gonna scare
the other pregnant women.

2609
02:03:16,809 --> 02:03:18,777
Are you fucking kidding me?
Okay.

2610
02:03:18,845 --> 02:03:20,176
Are you kidding me?

2611
02:03:22,515 --> 02:03:23,641
Jesus.

2612
02:03:24,650 --> 02:03:26,811
This is messed up.
Something's wrong in there.

2613
02:03:26,919 --> 02:03:28,113
Yeah.
Oh, no, no.

2614
02:03:28,187 --> 02:03:29,950
I mean, granted, gynecology's
only a hobby of mine,

2615
02:03:30,022 --> 02:03:32,286
but it sounds to me like she's
crowning. Is that right, Deb?

2616
02:03:32,358 --> 02:03:33,825
Yeah. That's what it sounds
like for everyone.

2617
02:03:33,926 --> 02:03:35,587
Everyone goes through this.

2618
02:03:35,661 --> 02:03:39,427
No, I disagree with you.
That sounds terrible.

2619
02:03:41,100 --> 02:03:43,591
I'm gonna go sneak a peak,
see if there's anything I can do.

2620
02:03:48,608 --> 02:03:50,542
Okay! It's crowning!
I'm seeing the head!

2621
02:03:50,610 --> 02:03:51,804
Oh, God.

2622
02:03:51,878 --> 02:03:53,937
What does it look like, Ben?
Oh, God.

2623
02:03:54,013 --> 02:03:55,503
What?
You don't wanna see it.

2624
02:03:55,615 --> 02:03:57,947
No, I wanna see it!
It's beautiful.
You don't want to, though.

2625
02:03:58,017 --> 02:04:00,850
No, I want to see it!
Oh, God! Oh, God!

2626
02:04:00,953 --> 02:04:03,547
Okay, we're almost home!
One, two...

2627
02:04:03,656 --> 02:04:05,988
You okay in here? Jesus!

2628
02:04:06,058 --> 02:04:08,288
Get out!
Yeah, okay.

2629
02:04:08,361 --> 02:04:09,453
Oh, no!

2630
02:04:12,665 --> 02:04:14,530
You all right, buddy?

2631
02:04:15,635 --> 02:04:16,897
It's okay.

2632
02:04:18,871 --> 02:04:20,099
What did it look like?

2633
02:04:20,172 --> 02:04:21,730
I shouldn't have gone in there.

2634
02:04:21,807 --> 02:04:24,367
Don't go in there.
Promise me you don't go in there.

2635
02:04:24,477 --> 02:04:27,037
Me, go in there? That's the last
fucking place I wanna go.

2636
02:04:27,146 --> 02:04:28,579
Like I'm gonna go in there.

2637
02:04:28,681 --> 02:04:30,308
Try getting a boner now.

2638
02:04:30,383 --> 02:04:31,782
What's up, Deb?

2639
02:04:31,851 --> 02:04:32,943
Hey.

2640
02:04:36,055 --> 02:04:39,821
Push. One, two, three.
Oh, God!

2641
02:04:39,892 --> 02:04:43,157
You've passed the shoulders.
One more big push.

2642
02:04:44,864 --> 02:04:46,229
Good.

2643
02:04:52,071 --> 02:04:53,265
I did it.

2644
02:04:53,372 --> 02:04:56,170
Okay. Oh, my God. It's out.
You did it. You did it.

2645
02:04:56,242 --> 02:04:58,608
Oh, my God, you did it.
Oh, my God.

2646
02:05:01,914 --> 02:05:03,279
Oh, God.

2647
02:05:05,851 --> 02:05:08,513
I love you, Ben.
I love you so much, too.

2648
02:05:08,588 --> 02:05:09,714
Oh, my God.

2649
02:05:09,789 --> 02:05:12,451
Congratulations, you two.
Beautiful.
Thank you.

2650
02:05:12,558 --> 02:05:16,085
You did so great.
You were amazing.
Thank you.

2651
02:05:16,195 --> 02:05:18,595
Okay, pretty baby.

2652
02:05:18,664 --> 02:05:20,325
You got out.

2653
02:05:20,399 --> 02:05:22,867
You made it out. Welcome.

2654
02:05:25,071 --> 02:05:28,097
You ever get so bored
you just stare at your balls?

2655
02:05:28,207 --> 02:05:30,573
I bet you do, late John Lennon.

2656
02:05:33,245 --> 02:05:34,371
Here we are again.

2657
02:05:34,447 --> 02:05:36,415
Who is that?
Is that Ben's rabbi?

2658
02:05:36,482 --> 02:05:38,643
Is he the one
who cuts the penis?

2659
02:05:40,152 --> 02:05:42,086
I think it's Matisyahu.

2660
02:05:43,322 --> 02:05:44,584
Awesome.

2661
02:05:44,657 --> 02:05:46,784
You want out of the bet?
I want out of the bet.

2662
02:05:46,892 --> 02:05:51,886
You know what you have to say.
Just say it, man.
I think now is the time.

2663
02:05:51,964 --> 02:05:54,558
Jason, you're the master.

2664
02:05:54,634 --> 02:05:55,931
You heard it, right?
Yeah.

2665
02:05:56,002 --> 02:05:58,596
All right. You're out of the bet.
Yeah, now you're done.

2666
02:05:58,671 --> 02:06:00,502
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, God.

2667
02:06:00,606 --> 02:06:02,574
Your face smells
like an old man's balls.

2668
02:06:02,642 --> 02:06:04,439
Thank you. Thank you.
Oh, fucking hell.

2669
02:06:06,345 --> 02:06:07,471
Hey.

2670
02:06:12,251 --> 02:06:14,310
Oh, my God.

2671
02:06:14,420 --> 02:06:16,320
Oh, hello.

2672
02:06:16,422 --> 02:06:18,413
Oh, my goodness.

2673
02:06:19,859 --> 02:06:21,690
She's beautiful.

2674
02:06:24,330 --> 02:06:25,922
Hello.

2675
02:06:25,998 --> 02:06:28,796
Oh. I love you, Ben.
I love you, Debbie.

2676
02:06:28,868 --> 02:06:32,599
We're gonna have another baby.
Okay.

2677
02:06:32,672 --> 02:06:34,003
Hello, baby.

2678
02:06:34,106 --> 02:06:36,097
Gentlemen, it's a girl!

2679
02:06:40,379 --> 02:06:42,506
We got a daughter!
Mazel tov!

2680
02:06:42,615 --> 02:06:45,379
Congratulations, Daddy!
We got
a beautiful little girl!

2681
02:06:45,484 --> 02:06:48,476
Let's meet her! She's awesome!
A beautiful little girl!

2682
02:06:49,155 --> 02:06:52,318
And then your mommy said,
"Just do it, already,"

2683
02:06:53,192 --> 02:06:55,854
which was very confusing
to Daddy.

2684
02:06:55,961 --> 02:07:00,330
So I listened to the most
literal translation of that
and I just did it, already.

2685
02:07:00,399 --> 02:07:02,299
What would you do?

2686
02:07:02,368 --> 02:07:03,995
Don't tell Mommy,

2687
02:07:04,070 --> 02:07:08,302
but it was the smartest thing
I ever did, listening to her,
'cause now you're here.

2688
02:07:08,374 --> 02:07:11,104
Isn't that nice?
I think it is.

2689
02:07:17,016 --> 02:07:18,347
Hi, you.

2690
02:07:22,488 --> 02:07:24,649
I hope your apartment is big enough
for the three of us.

2691
02:07:24,724 --> 02:07:26,214
Oh, it definitely is.

2692
02:07:26,325 --> 02:07:29,192
That's why I got one in East LA,
the rent. It's huge!

2693
02:07:29,261 --> 02:07:30,558
The only thing is
we have to decide

2694
02:07:30,663 --> 02:07:33,029
if we're gonna be Crips
or Bloods before we get there.

2695
02:07:33,099 --> 02:07:35,567
Well, I look good in red.
I look good in blue.

2696
02:07:35,668 --> 02:07:36,965
The fighting continues.

2697
02:07:38,437 --> 02:07:40,564
We could just throw off everyone
and become Latin Kings.

2698
02:07:40,673 --> 02:07:41,765
Yeah.

2699
02:07:41,874 --> 02:07:43,068
We both look good in gold.

2700
02:07:43,142 --> 02:07:44,473
Yeah.

2701
02:07:45,511 --> 02:07:46,773
Good choice.

2702
02:07:46,879 --> 02:07:50,406
I would yell at you about driving
so slow, except the baby's here.

2703
02:07:50,516 --> 02:07:53,952
No, these guys can honk all they want.
I ain't going faster than 12.

2704
02:07:54,053 --> 02:07:56,078
It might take us around three
hours to get home, though.