[Sports Dogg] Joe in Piscataway, now you know
why your wife doesn't talk to you anymore.
Let's go to Nick in Valley Stream.
He just got done shopping at the mall.
[Nick] Hey, what's goin' on, Sports Dogg?
Hey, man, those Giants are lookin' good this week.
They tore those Vikings up... [becomes indistinct]
[traffic racket]
[Sports Dogg] You know what the key to that game was? It was simple.
They shut down Adrian Peterson.
Q.B. was all over the field making tackles.
They couldn't get their running game going.
And the minute they didn't have the running game, Frerotte was doomed.
Nobody's passing against the G-Men defense these days. They're on fire...
[Man] I can't tell you how sick I am.
[Sports Dogg] Manning's not turning the ball over.
He's doin' everything right. He's managing the game.
And defensively, if you can get past that front four,
then good luck getting past Bishop...
[Man] I can't tell you how sick I am.
[traffic racket]
[Caller] Eli's on the money.
Third and 20, he throws that screen pass,
gave the first down to Ward. Unbelievable.
They are not missing a beat.
Nobody's got an offense like them. They just
keep on going.
That defense, that defensive line,
and those linebackers are doing great.
Now going from greatness to the total opposite... the Knicks.
What's with this team? We're gonna have to
drag out another two years of misery
till they finally decide they wanna get LeBron James?
This is ridiculous what they're doing with this team.
Who wants to go see a Knick game? They're horrible.
The team is a joke.
I mean, we live in New York. This is the kind of basketball...
It's $5.00.
I was just in there for, like, five minutes.
I know. It-- It's $5.00 anything up to two hours.
[Caller] He's got a guy on the bench-- Marbury.
They paid him $22 million not to play.
Yeah, have fun in your box.
[cash register rings] [Caller] It's ridiculous.
This is a comedy. I can't even watch them, they're so bad.
[Sports Dogg] Steve in Bayside venting his spleen! Dick.
Let's go to line three, Philadelphia Phil.
What's happening down there, brother?
Are you freakin' kidding me?
You can't stop the run, your secondary's a bunch of rookies,
and you're 23rd in the league in red-zone offense.
You may be 9 and 2, but you're a weak, vulnerable 9 and 2.
All right? Take away that fluke win in Dallas
and the Buffalo blizzard game, and you're 7 and 4,
exact same record as us, my friend. All right?
Man, I cannot wait till Sunday when finally,
finally, your weakness is gonna be exposed
for all the world to see. Right?
It's Judgment Day for the Giants, baby,
courtesy of Gang Green.
You're going down. Yo, I'm out, Sports Dogg.
[Sports Dogg] Philadelphia Phil, always a pleasure.
[bus motor running]
[radio commentator] ...this Sunday. And that's it from the Meadowlands.
Ed Rosen on the Giants beat, 760, The Zone.
** [percussion]
[Announcer] Get your rabies shots.
Here comes The Dogg on Sports Radio,
760, New York.
[Sports Dogg] I can't even believe how this Pittsburgh team
owns the Rangers. In the playoffs last year,
last night, Crosby's doing his thing.
Mulligan, it's like he's skating around. No one can stop him.
They don't play defense, the Rangers.
Their penalty killing is dead. They got no power play. [muttering]
And Lundquist only plays well on the-- [muttering]
[Commentator] Paul.
Yo, hey.
You're up third.
Okay. Thanks, Lar.
[Caller] Go, Giants. Go, Eli!
[Sports Dogg] Jeff in Clifton, NJ, baby!...
Let's go to my boy Paul in Staten Island.
He always brings the leverage. What's on your mind, brother?
Hey, Sports Dogg! How ya doin'?
I'm just calling to say I can't wait for this Sunday
when we finally shut these Philly clowns up once and for all.
I can't tell you how sick I am
of Philadelphia Phil and all these cheesesteak bozos
goin' on about Brian Westbrook this
and how we can't stop their passing game?
Are-- Are you joking?
You put-- You put the tiniest bit of pressure on McNabb,
that guy crumbles like a cookie.
Now, you guys may have put some points up against the Skins last week,
and that's fine, but the G-Men are a whole different story, my friend.
You think you're gonna
throw for 388 yards
with Quantrell Bishop in your face all day long?
It's not easy hitting a receive-- [Woman] Paul.
[softer] It's not easy hitting the receiver laid out on your back.
So listen up, Philadelphia Phil, and all the rest
of you brotherly love jobronis who've been-- It's the middle of the night!
...who've been talking smack all week on this show,
get out your forks because you're gonna be eating your words big-time!
[Sports Dogg] I love his passion. Thanks, Paul.
Thanks, Sports Dogg. You the man.
Do you mind?
Yes, I do. I'm trying to sleep.
Hey, I'm-- I'm off. Okay?
You try sleeping with that racket.
I'm off.
All night with the calls.
Go to bed, Mom.
What kind of thing is that for a grown man?
I'm quiet.
That's quiet by you?
Yakking away like some kind of-- I'm quiet!
I'm quiet, I'm quiet, I'm quiet!
Dude, you were on fire.
[Paul] I f--
feel like it needed to be said.
The part about how they should get out their forks 'cause they're
gonna be eating their words? That's fuckin' beautiful.
Yeah. I guess I just have a gift.
I wish I could do that.
Do it.
I'd be too nervous.
It's easy.
For you.
What time you wanna go tomorrow?
I'll pick you up around 10?
Cool.
All right. Get some sleep. Big day.
Uhh.
[sighs]
* Oh, oh, oh *
* Ooh de bah ooh poo pah doo *
* They call me the most *
* Oh ooh poo-pah-doo, now *
* They call me the most *
* And I won't stop tryin' *
* Till I create a disturbance *
* In your mind *
* Oh oh oh *
* Eighth place goin' to the old man *
* The eighth place goin' *
* Oh, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, man *
* Goin' to the old man, yeah *
* I said I won't stop tryin' *
* Till I create a disturbance in your mind *
Whoo!
Here we go! Here we go!
[Man] Oh, yeah!
[Man] Yeah!
Yeah.
[Man] Whoo-ee!
Whoo! [Man] Yeah!
[shouting]
Oh, forced to scramble!
Here we go. Giants!
[clapping rhythm]
Here we go! Giants!
Giants. Bishop with the sack!
What a play by Strahan!
Hey. Oh. Let's-- We should get our seats.
Game day. Game day! [clapping]
[motor running]
[Commentator] The Giants have won the coin toss
and have elected to receive the kick.
Back for the kick is Ahmad Bradshaw.
[Paul] Here we go. Here we go. Let's do it.
Here we go. Let's do it.
Here we go. Let's tee it up.
We're marching! And that's the third pass to Toomer on this point.
We're marching up the field.
We're marching up the field!
We're marching up the field! Whoo!
Yeah! Giants, first down.
And the Eagles...
Come on, ref!
You-- Yeah!
Run the football! Come on!
They got no answer for us!
That's right. Yeah, go to your fuckin' huddle!
[Man] Ohh!
How the fuck is that not called?
[Commentator] That is a ball you just can't drop.
It is right--
Oh, there's a flag on the play.
45 finally brought down by Quantrell Bishop.
Yeah! Oh! Second sack of the day for Bishop.
You show me nothing! You suck!
Throw the fuckin' flag!
[crowd cheering]
And that's a flag on the play.
15! 10! 5! Touchdown!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
[laughing]
[Caller] Oh, man, am I feeling good tonight.
[Sports Dogg] I know you're not talking about the Knicks, Romeo.
Ha ha. Yeah, boy. I'm talking about the Giants, baby. [horn honks]
We rocked that field-- Hello?
Can I pay?
Sorry. Sorry.
[Sports Dogg] He's running for his life.
This game was over in the second quarter.
They should have just stayed in the locker room
and gotten on the bus and gone to the airport.
[phone rings] They had no chance in the second half
against Bishop and that defense. Hello.
You calling?
In a minute.
You know what you're gonna say?
Oh, I'll probably just, uh, wing it as usual.
Dude, I can't wait to hear you put that douche bag in his place.
Oh, I will. With a vengeance.
[Caller] The Giants' defense right now is sickening.
Look at what Quantrell Bishop's doin' lately.
He's a monster. He's harassing every team he's facing.
They don't know what to do with him. They can't even deal with him.
Total domination by the Giants.
[Sports Dogg] I know my boy Paul in Staten Island
was loving life watching that game yesterday.
What do you got, bro?
Hey, Sports Dogg. How ya doing?
Um, I just got one thing to say to Eagle Nation,
especially a certain Philadelphia Phil,
and that is...ha! Ha ha ha!
Just like I promised, we manhandled you on Sunday.
For 60 solid minutes, we dominated the line of scrimmage
on both sides of the ball.
Quantrell Bishop was in your face all day long.
What happened to shutting him down?
Two sacks, seven tackles, two forced fumbles,
and a fumble recovery?
If that's shutting him down, I'd hate to see not shutting him down!
Ha! Quantrell was in your backfield
so much, I almost mistaked him for an Eagle!
[laughs]
[Sports Dogg] I love that dude in Staten Island,
bringing it hard every night.
[doorbell chimes]
Do we have to stay for the whole thing?
Paul, stop it.
Welcome! Come on in. Come in, come in, come in. Hi!
Hey, Ma.
Thank you. Thank you. All right.
Oh, he's gonna love it. Mmm...
Thank you. Ohh...
[child, others chattering]
What's up, what's up?
Let's get this party started!
The cake, he's gonna love it.
Are you kidding me? He's gonna fuckin' freak.
[child talking]
I'm so proud of him.
Okay, let's go.
* Happy Birthday to you *
* Happy Birthday *
* Dear Brandon *
* Happy Birthday to you *
Yay!
That's nice.
Baby, that's your gift.
Very good.
Nice.
Look at that.
[overlapping chatter]
[laughter, chatter]
[Man] Right now, we're America's fastest-growing warehouse club.
By 2012, there's gonna be 350 locations all across the country.
Wow. Costco
right now is crapping in their pants.
[chatter]
So, Paul, you know the offer still stands.
I have a job.
Yeah, I know, but I think
you could really go far in about five years--
I have a job.
Don't you want something better?
You know, what if I offer youa job?
I mean, maybe I feel bad for you,
stuck inside of a depressing dentist's office.
How is a dentist's office depressing?
Gather round, folks!
Showtime.
[woman, whispering] So exciting.
I got goose bumps.
Is it working?
[tires screeching]
I'm Jeff Aufiero, attorney at law.
Have you been injured in an auto accident
or other such situation? [Woman] He's so handsome.
If so, you may be entitled to a large cash compensation.
At Bauman, Aufiero & Paltz, we've been personal-injury specialists
for over 4 1/2 years.
Whether you've been the victim of a slip-and-fall,
a dog bite, or even wrongful death,
we've got the experience you need to get the cash you deserve.
Thanks, Bauman, Aufiero & Paltz!
You're welcome.
Nice! [cheering]
My son, the TV star!
[Woman] Great, bro!
Thank you. That's fantastic.
[chuckling] Yeah.
He's another Martin Scorsese!
Very, very professional.
How much did that cost ya? Couple of nickels.
I like when you point because you really meant it.
Awesome. That was amazing, bro. Amazing.
Thank you. Thank you.
Could we see it again?
What do you have against Price Club?
I'd rather not discuss my career.
You have a career?
[snickers] That's news to me.
You could actually go somewhere at Price Club.
Yeah, like Dennis? Please.
He's doing extremely well for himself.
Okay.
[woman chatters on radio]
Who knows? You could probably meet somebody.
Well, what does that mean?
Your brother and sister both found people at work.
Yeah, Gina was Jeff's secretary.
He cheated on his wife with her.
She's a lot better for him than that louse Roberta.
He's a cheat. He fucked her while he was still married.
Don't say that word in my car.
Which one? "Fucked" or "cheat"? You know.
It's what he did. He fucked her.
For years while he was married. Stop it.
I don't want that language in my car.
Oh, so it's worse for me to say it than for him to do it?
Cut it out, Paul.
No, I wanna know. Is it worse for me
to say the sentence, "Jeff fucked his secretary,"
than it is for Jeff to fuck his secretary?
You should only meet somebody as good as Gina.
Oh, boy, that'd be tough to top.
Yeah, for you.
Yeah, give me about an hour.
You have to actually date someone to top it.
I date.
Oh, sure. You're dating lots of girls.
You don't think I date?
I know exactly who you're dating. Your hand.
What did you just say?
You think I don't see those tissue balls in your garbage pail?
What the hell! Either that,
or you're just sneezing a lot. Maybe you just had a very bad cold
for the last 15 years. I'm not hearing this.
The kind of cold where you sneeze
out of your you-know-where! Oh, Jesus!
I'm not hearing this! You probably don't think I don't see
those doo-doo stains in your underpants, neither. Oh, God.
Leave it alone. You don't like it?
Do your own laundry. And keep your hands off your privates!
La la la la la la la!
Man, how can you eat that shit?
It's the best. [snickers]
You ever try?
Yeah. I think when it comes to pizza toppings,
I'll trust the Italians over the Hawaiians.
Try it.
No, thanks.
You know, you might like it.
I don't need to drink piss to know it tastes like piss.
Mmm.
You gonna give
Philadelphia Phil some more shit tonight?
Know what I was thinking? I let himmake the next move.
That's a good strategy.
Holy shit.
What?
Oh, shit!
[Sal] No way.
Fuck's he doing in Staten Island?
I don't know!
Where's he going? I don't know!
Quantrell fuckin' Bishop!
[Sal] Fuckin' Stapleton.
Oh, maybe he's here to see the Wu-Tang.
** [club music]
[chatter]
[Sal] Who is that guy?
I don't know. Maybe he played with him at UT.
[Sal] Maybe that's his house. Maybe he lives in Stapleton.
[dog barks]
[Sal] I really gotta go to the bathroom.
[dog barks]
[chatter]
[dog barks]
[barking]
Sst. Look.
You think he's going to a party or something?
Mmm...
It's a little late to be first heading out.
[horns honking]
[horn honks]
Uh, hey, so do we, like-- So long, guys.
Can't park here.
Okay. Okay.
There's no fuckin' parking in Manhattan.
[Sal] Let's just put it in a garage. Fuck it.
Where?
[Sal] Slow, slow. Slow. Slow.
On the right. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
[honk] Yeah.
[honking]
Shut the fuck up! We're turning! Go around!
[Paul] Jesus Christ!
[Sal] "18 for the first..." Is that what that says?
That's worse than the hospital.
** [hip-hop]
Right this way.
20.
Each.
[chatter]
Gentlemen, step up for your drink, please.
Yeah, uh, I'll get, uh, a Bud Light.
Bud's fine?
Bud's good, yeah.
[Sal] Uh, same.
Two Buds.
That'll be $9 each.
Each? For a Bud?
Fuckin' Manhattan.
**
[Paul] Right fucking there.
Hi, guys. How are you?
Hey...
My name is Christiana.
Hi. What's your name, baby?
Uh, my name is Paul.
Hi, Paul. Nice to meet you. Hi.
You look so cute. Hi.
Oh, thank you.
Where you from?
Uh, um, I'm from Staten Island.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
It's your first time you're here?
It is. It is.
Yeah? Do you like this place?
I do. It's great.
Yeah? Do you want a dance?
Uh, that's-- that's very, uh, nice, but I'm-- I'm gonna pass.
Thank you. Very nice. Thank you.
What about you, baby? My name is Christiana.
Oh. Would you like some dance?
Uh, what's that?
Do you want a dance? Oh, dance.
Can I dance for you?
Um, yes, you may. Um, later on.
But right now I have to, uh, I'm on a job.
Okay, I'll come back later. No problem.
** [loud percussion, clapping to beat]
God, I wish I'd brought a Sharpie!
What's he gonna sign?
My balls. Who cares?
[Sal] Where's he going?
Probably to take a leak.
Maybe that would be a good time to go up to him, you know,
without his whole group around.
And it would be-- it'd be casual.
Just two guys, like...
pissing...chatting.
Man, those hos look good tonight.
Man, did you see that one with the big Brazilian bubble-butt, man?
Man, she got a phat ass.
Man, she looks gorgeous, man. Let's get it.
I'm taking her home tonight. Her and her friend.
[sighs]
Fuck!
[chatter, percussion beat]
Um...now what?
A drink. We buy him a drink.
We send a drink over. We say
it's from the two gentlemen in the corner.
He waves us over to thank us, and we hang out with him.
Fuckin' genius.
Right.
How much money you have left?
Uh...six bucks.
All right. Give it here.
Ma'am!
[chatter]
No, man. I love what I do, man.
Oh, look. That's our drink.
She's bringing it. She's bringing it!
Screwdriver.
Who?
It's from them. Who?
Screwdriver? I'm good, baby.
Take it away? Yeah, I'm good.
Can you see? I can't see. Did he take it?
I think so. Yeah.
We should go there.
Shouldn't they-- Shouldn't they wave usover?
There's no ru-- There's no rule.
There's no rules.
Let's go.
[chatter]
That's what I'm talking about!
[chatter]
How many bottles you had?
I bought about 30 bottles, man!
Club-- Club QB!
Club U.P., man.
[chatter]
Hey.
Yeah.
Sex.
[laughter]
Hey!
[chatter]
Hey, men.
[inaudible]
[chatter]
There's somebody here to see you, man.
Yeah. [chuckles]
Look at this motherfucker!
[chuckles] Yes.
[chatter]
Yeah, and he brought the Nutty Professor with him!
[chatter]
We really wanted to just meet you, Mr. Bishop.
[chatter]
Hi. Yeah, yeah. So how y'all doin', man?
Doin' good, man.
You all right, man?
Yeah, I'm-- I'm great.
[chatter]
We're big fans. Yeah.
15 sacks'll get you big fans, man!
QB, baby! QB!
Hey, I told you I have fans, man.
See, I told you I have. QB, man!
We came all the way from Staten Island.
Staten Island! [chatter]
With a-- With a little stop in Stapleton.
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh! Wh-What?
Say Stapleton? Stapleton?
Yeah. We were just... um...
Were you following us?
[chatter]
Stapleton. Stapleton.
Um, look, Q-- You following us or something?
No, no! We-- We just wanted to say hi, and then--
I guess I kinda chickened out, so I--
Look, we don't-- They're just fans, yo. Just fans.
Bullshit! Bullshit! No, not at all.
If it's not a good time... [chatter]
They just fans. Bullshit! Hold on! Bullshit! They're stalkers, man!
Hold on. You a motherfucking stalker, man!
Bullshit! These two motherfuckin' stalker, man!
Fuck with me, man? You motherfucker--
Look, I'm very sorry--
[angry chatter] No! No!
[angry shouting] Motherfucker!
[angry shouting]
[groans]
[overlapping chatter]
Fucker, man! [angry chatter]
Let me go, man!
[overlapping chatter]
[beeping]
[woman on P.A.] Dr. Lyon, line 5145.
Dr. Lyon, 5145.
[beeping]
[woman over P.A.] Any available transport dispatcher, please.
Any available transport dispatcher.
[beeping]
[Woman] Hematoma. It's a bleeding from the vein
between the brain and the skull.
Fortunately, we were able to successfully drain it.
So I'm gonna be okay?
You sustained some pretty heavy trauma,
but long-run, you should be.
We do need to keep you another few days for observation.
Another...few days? How long have I been here?
Three days.
So...So the day is...
Sunday?
Monday.
How did we do?
What was the score?
41-28.
[sighs]
We gave up 41 to the Chiefs?
Did Quantrell...
Suspended?
Yeah.
For how long?
Game-by-game basis.
They say it depends on the investigation.
[knock at door]
Paul.
There's someone here to see you.
[TV playing]
Thanks, doc.
Hey, Paul. How you doing?
I'm from Midtown South. I, uh,
just got a few questions for you about what happened the other night.
So, uh...
...h-how does this... Well, it's pretty simple.
You, uh, tell us everything that happened,
and then we, uh, we nail the son of a bitch.
Put him in jail?
That's the idea.
How much time could he get?
Aggravated assault, maybe three to five.
A-Aggravated assault? That's what it would be.
No, it really depends on what he did. So why don't you just tell me
what he did, and we'll take it from there.
He, uh...
Now, look, let's, uh, let's keep it simple.
Why don't you, uh, start at the beginning.
Tell me where you first saw Quantrell.
Quantrell. Quantrell, I first, uh...
Um...
I just-- I just don't know how...reliable...
I'll tell you what.
You've been through a lot.
So, uh...you get some rest.
We can try this again in a couple days.
That'd be good. Great.
That'd be good. I'm sure it'll start to come back to you.
No, I hope so, yeah. I hope so.
All right. Take it easy, buddy.
You, too.
[TV host] Or even a medium fly on a honey pile,
nuts and bolts. Hold on.
Don't put it in the trash. Put it back together, and it's ready to go.
But I saved the best for last.
If you have wooden floors or tile floors,
you have to change the settings, you have to sweep.
This is wet vegetables on wood floors.
This could be tile.
This could be waterproof.
Look at this. It sneaks behind.
It's not the tile.
Picks up the carrots, the peas, the corn.
It gets 'em all in one easy step.
[Man chattering]
[TV chatter continues]
[rumbling]
[rumbling continues]
[rumbling grows louder]
[rumbling becomes overwhelming]
Just put a little salve on there...
Because if that stuff gets in your eye...
It's not. It's not just in my eye. That's what I'm--
There he is! Hey...
There goes my brother. There he is.
[Woman] Ohh... Hello-o!
Let me look. What a palace. Look at this.
My brother's living in a palace. Hello.
Not too bad, not too bad. Nice TV set...
All right. Look at you. Better than I thought.
You should get the shit kicked out of you more often.
Jeffrey.
Speaking of which, I've been thinking.
Oh...oh. [laughing] That's never good!
What this animal did to you, he's gotta pay.
Yeah. I'm-- I'm sure he will.
Well, let's make sure of it.
Well, the cops are investigating. So?
So he's gonna go to jail! Jail's bullshit.
We gotta hit him where it hurts-- in his wallet.
I don't wanna be one of those assholes that sues Burger King
for 50 billion because their Whopper's too hot.
We are not talking about Whoppers here, Paul.
We are talking about a rich, spoiled, millionaire athlete
who viciously beat an innocent man within an inch of his life.
Do you not think, we, as a society, have an obligation
to hold its celebrities to the same-- What's that thing
where instead of saying "won't," you say "will not"?
Or instead of saying "can't," you say "cannot"?
Contractions?
You stop using them whenever you want to sound smart
or lawyerly-- Don't be a fuckin' wise ass, Paul! This is serious!
You should listen to him.
You don't care about justice. You just want money.
Money isjustice. We're talking aggravated assault and battery--
3, 4 million easy.
Wow. So now you're a lawyer. That's--
Boy, the things they teach in secretary school. Fuck you!
He don't give a shit about you. But I don't wanna sue.
What the fuck's wrong with you? That's enough.
Thickheaded motherfucker, you are.
What is wrong with you? This motherfucker
does not give a fuck about you.
He is in his mansion playing his Xbox. You never listen.
That's because no one ever says anything worth listening to.
Look at where you are! This is a hospital.
It's not what you want. It's what is right.
You wanna live like this for the rest of your life?
Yes, I do. I wanna live exactly like this.
I had enough of this. Good.
[muttering] Oi.
How do you get a concussion when you got no fuckin' brains?
[door closes]
[Caller] In the name of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph,
what's going on?
My grandmother could play better than that D-line,
and she's freakin'--
* When I stand *
* Back to the sea *
* A big white cloud *
* Looking right down... *
You have reached the home of Theresa Aufiero.
Neither her or Paul can come to the phone.
Please leave your name, number,
and the time of your call, and we will get back.
* Big white cloud *
This is Murray Pape from the Daily News. Paul, if, uh, you get a chance--
* Big white cloud *
* On me *
* Big white cloud *
[Sports Dogg] The Giants were the one
that basically handed this game over.
Hopefully, this won't be the end for them
and they start playing like this regularly now without QB.
But they got--
* ...kill *
* On the hill *
* Looking at bees *
* Licking the trees... * ...the time of your call, and we will get back.
* Looking for signs]
Good afternoon. This is Herb Cohen from The Post,
calling for Paul Aufiero, hoping to ask him a few quick questions.
* ...I love you *
* Yes, how I love you *
* Oh, how I love you so *
* Oh, how I love you *
* Yes, how I love you *
* Oh, how I love you so *
* After all *
* Is said and done *
* Everything *
* Is just like it began *
* Days that came... *
[Philadelphia Phil] Hey, how you doin', Dogg? Oh, my God,
I'm loving this. All right, that bunch of thugs
that you call a team up there is showing their true colors
for the whole world to see. All right?
They're just a bunch of dirty, no-good hooligan animals,
all right, from Bishop on down.
This ain't about Philly versus New York, all right?
This is about good versus--
[Caller] ...slip away!
[Sports Dogg] That's my boy Massapequa Mark,
bringing the leverage! [click]
Hey! Paul, Staten Island, what do you got?
Hey, Dogg, how you doing? Um, listen,
I'm just calling in response to that pea-brain Philadelphia Phil.
I'm listening here. It's unbelievable!
I mean, you ever hear of innocent until proved guilty?
It's a little thing called the American Constitution.
Maybe you should look it up.
Now, we don't know what happened at that club. We weren't there!
I mean, maybe-- maybe...
unless-- unless they charge QB with something,
they gotta let him play. They gotta let him play.
Not that we need him...
because we got the horses, and everything's cool.
This is-- You know what this is?
This is people blowing something
way out of proportion, all right?
And not realizing that th-- this thing is not a thing.
[Sports Dogg] Yeeaahh.
[chatter on radio]
[radio shuts off]
Hey, Paul.
Feeling better?
Yeah, I'm fine. You know.
This is a good time to talk?
Uh, it's not, uh...ideal.
I got work.
What time you get off?
I don't...[sighs]
really know how much I can help you on this, you know?
Any help is help, Paul.
Yeah. You know, I think maybe...
You know, I think I got amnesia.
Amnesia.
Yeah. Sounds like you have amnesia.
Is there-- Isn't there anyone else you could talk to about this, or...
You'd think so.
A club that crowded. But unfortunately, you know,
everyone was either off in the bathroom or the VIP lounge
or havin' a smoke when it all went down.
Hmm. Well...
Well...let's hope that amnesia clears up.
When it does, I want you to give me a call.
We wouldn't want a crime like this to go unpunished.
No.
[Caller] Man, these Giants are killin' me.
I think I might have to start watchin' the Jets.
This is killin' me.
[Sports Dogg] Yeah, I can feel you, Chuck.
You can't tell me this isn't botherin' the Giants.
You can't tell me that this isn't driving Coughlin nuts.
I mean, it's become a problem that they've had to deal with
day in, day out, week to week.
I don't even know how they maintain their focus with this nightmare goin' on.
The drama keeps playin' out, the story's had legs forever.
It won't go away. They haven't made their minds up.
The D.A. doesn't know whether he's comin' or goin'.
I mean, the D.A.'s office gotta make their mind up.
They can't let this thing keep dragging out--
Wait a minute, wait a minute. We got breakin' news on this very subject.
Let's go to Ed Rosen right now.
[Ed Rosen] Well, Dogg, word has come down
that Quantrell Bishop will not be eligible to play
in this Sunday's key showdown in Dallas.
According to a Giants' spokesman,
the five-time pro-bowler will remain on the ineligible list
until further notice.
Once again, Quantrell Bishop inactive this Sunday.
That's it from the Meadowlands,
Ed Rosen on the Giants beat, 760, The Zone.
[TV Commentator] The Cowboys come in with the number 3 ranked offense--
first in the pass, last in the run--
led, of course, by Marion Barber. We're really good.
We're in good shape. You slide Pierce over,
you give Michael some support, bada-bing,
we're good. Yeah.
And I see the Cowboys trying to establish the run
early and often today with the absence of Quantrell Bishop.
Giants come in today, a little shaky off of last week's loss, looking to...
No problem.
[commentator continues]
This is gonna be a tough contest and a tough--
[Sal sighs] What the fuck?!
The Cowboys 35 and the Giants 27.
And, Chip, just like we talked about before the game... Fuck.
the Giants' defensive... You don't go for two when you're down four.
He had all day to pass, and he made them pay.
You miss, you need a touchdown to win!
...the Giants, but without Quantrell Bishop...
The first-and-goal, you cannot take a sack there.
Throw that shit away!
...way of the Giants' defense,
specifically attacking the spot It never should have come
to that. Quantrell Bishop normally occupies.
Willington with an admirable job at defensive end today,
We're fine. but he is not Quantrell Bishop.
We only need to win one of the next two,
...right from the get-go. or they lose one.
...Quantrell Bishop? You mean... They got, uh,
Green Bay at Lambeau.
We're good. We're fine.
...got right in there and stole everything in the house.
And, Chip, as we turn to the NFC East race now, You okay?
the Philadelphia Eagles are gaining on the New York Football Giants,
and it looked at one point as if we had no race, You know what, man?
but now, Chip, I think we have a certifiable dogfight on our hands.
You really need to lay off this shit.
Three weeks ago, it looked like the Giants had firm control
of the division. This is alien piss.
...walk away with this thing and now, all of a sudden... Can I make a suggestion?
Drink this stuff. It's much better for you. Root beer.
...excessive problems, they might buy-- they might be...
This is root...beer. When it comes down to the wire, Chip...
Root beer. It's like-- It's like earth's first beverage.
I don't like root beer.
Anything in a green bottle is gonna kill you. Brown.
Again a tough day down here for It's more natural.
New York Football. Giants down here at Texas Stadium...
It's got minerals-- I don't like root beer!
...35, Giants 27.
This is Tom Rogers alongside my broadcast partner Chip Daniels.
So long from Texas Stadium, everyb--
[runs water]
[gulps painfully]
[Philadelphia Phil] Boom, boom, boom,
boom, boom! You hear that? You hear that, baby?
That's the sound of footsteps, baby.
We are gaining on you. One back with two to go.
We beat St. Louis next week, you lose to Carolina,
and it all comes to Monday night.
To Monday night madness. To Monday night football.
The last game of the season,
Giants versus the Eagles at the Linc,
where we're gonna frickin' destroy your--
[sighs heavily]
[breathing heavily]
[sighs]
Fuckin' asshole.
[sighs]
How you doing, Paul?
Hey!
[sighing] Ohh... It's cold out, huh?
Mmhh! [chuckles]
Coffee? Please.
Thank you.
Well...gotta be honest.
Did not expect to hear from you.
[chuckles] Well...
So.
What do you got for me?
Well, you know, I've been, uh...
...thinkin' a lot about... what happened, and--
and, you know...
trying to remember.
Bring it.
I just...
I don't think...
that I'll, uh...
be able...
...to r-remember stuff. I've been trying, you know,
really hard, thinking about... what happened, and I ju--
I just can't-- I-- [clears throat] I just can't.
Can't remember or won't remember?
I've been trying... like I said... um, to remember.
I just-- I can't...
Can't or won't?
Paul.
I'm sorry.
[sighs]
[sniffles]
Coulda told me this over the fuckin' phone.
[chatting]
[tapping newspaper]
Mmphh...
[short, rapid breaths]
[whimpers]
[sobs softly]
Bro, you okay?
So, how you feeling, bro?
[TV plays in background]
I'm pretty good. Pretty good.
What'd the doctor say?
Oh, they don't know what happened.
They did another CAT scan?
Yeah. It didn't show anything.
Oh, really? It didn't pick up the fist prints? They're not related.
Yeah. Sure.
You don't know that. Are you sniffing glue again?
Is this like some kind of no-snitching thing? Like the brothers?
Oh, yeah. I heard the charges were dropped. I'm sorry. You must be really upset about that.
Come on, Jeff.
What? I'm sympathizing. Well, stop.
[Gina] He needs to hear this.
[Christine] He needs his rest. He needs to get better.
Look at you. He's right.
[Jeff] Like a jadrool. Oh, please be quiet.
Fuckin' jadrool. Oh, my God.
[Theresa] You're not gonna get through to him.
Nobody can.
[Theresa scribbling on paper]
[phone rings]
[ring]
[Man] Sports Dogg. Name and location.
Yeah. Yeah, hey, Lar, it-- it's Paul from Staten Island.
Hey, Paul. I got five in front of you. Hang tight. Okay. Okay.
Shouldn't be too bad. Okay, great.
[Caller] Every time the Knicks manage--
** [percussion]
[Man] Hey, kitty cat... [cat meows]
Get off the porch! [cat screeches]
You're in The Zone with the Sports Dogg,
on 760 Sports Radio, New York.
[echoing] New York...
[Sports Dogg] Hey, Paul From Staten Island,
what do we got tonight? Hey! Hey!
What's up, Dogg? Um, I gotta tell you,
I am feeling good tonight
because in a little less than 48 hours,
we are gonna brutally shatter any flicker of hope
the cheesesteaks had going.
We've been messing with them the last few weeks,
letting 'em get back in it a little, making 'em think
they had a chance of catching us
just so we can see the look on their faces
when they come up short.
Quantrell's back, baby, and he is g-- [Theresa] Paul!
[quietly] Quantrell is back, baby,
and he is ready to make up for some lost time
against the Panthers.
You better hope the scoreboard is broken down there in St. Louis
because the Eagles are gonna be so crushed
when they look up at it and see the Giants-Panthers score.
They're not even gonna be able to play.
It's not even-- even gonna come down to the head-to-head in week 17.
[excitedly] We're gonna wrap up the East in a nice little bow
this coming-- [Theresa] People live here!
Sorry. Sorry.
This coming weekend, after which, we will follow
our pre-destiny to the Super Bowl
as we ride the victory bus to the championship.
And why? Why are we riding in the victory bus
to a championship we haven't played?
Because, as I said earlier,
it is pre-destiny that we will take the Super Bowl this year
while at the same time waving goodbye
to...the...Eagles.
Thanks, Paul. Now, that's a G-Men fan.
Oh-- Thank you. Thanks, buddy. [click]
All ri-- Okay. Thanks, Sports Dogg. Thank you.
[beep]
[tapping notepad]
[sigh]
Boom.
[makes soft flying sound]
[TV Commentator] Delhomme in the shotgun...
Big stop, big stop, big stop, big stop.
Go get him! Get him! Fuck! ...breaks into a wide open...
...hauls it in at the 31 yard line...
He had all day back there.
And here come the Panthers...
That's all right.
The Panthers always self-destruct.
...right out of the air into his hands
and another first down.
That's the sixth ball he's caught today,
and we're not even in the second half.
Steve Smith, one of the players Coach Coughlin said
the Giants had to stop. The Giants with no answer--
Jim Trainor, saying so long from Giants Stadium.
Final score: Panthers 28, Giants 7--
You can't blame the defense for this one.
Panthers got some weapons.
Quantrell played like shit.
Well, he was double-teamed.
He was rusty.
[Philadelphia Phil] Tied for first place!
[rhythmic clapping]
Tied for first place!
[rhythmic clapping]
Tied for first place!
[rhythmic clapping]
Hey, oh, oh, and one more thing I'd like to add.
Tied for first place!
[rhythmic clapping]
Huh.
What's so funny?
You must have the world's biggest collection of Chinese packets.
It's a sin to throw out food.
[sighs] My mother, the soy-sauce squirrel.
It's a real riot, not being wasteful.
You know what's a riot?
Is you spending 20 years
collecting all these sauce packets
that you're never gonna use. That's a riot.
You're a sick boy, you know that, Paul? You need help.
Yeah. And you need 6,000 egg rolls.
To put all that stuff on!
[laughs]
[sighs heavily]
[phone rings]
[ring]
Hello?
Good evening. Is, uh, Paul home?
Uh, may I say who's calling?
This is Murray Pape. I'm calling from the Daily News.
Uh, he's not here right now. May I take a message?
Yeah. I'd just like to ask him a few quick questions...
about the lawsuit.
If you could, I'd really appreciate-- Lawsuit?
Yeah. Excuse me.
Paul, what the fuck?
Paul. Paul. Paul.
Hello? Hello? Paul. Paul. Paul.
"In an unexpected turn of events, the lawyer for alleged--"
I'm taking a fuckin' dump here! "The lawyer
"for alleged Quantrell Bishop beating victim Paul Aufiero
yesterday filed a $77 million lawsuit--"
Can we discuss this after I wipe my ass?
"...against the star linebacker in federal court
on behalf of his client"?
Jeff, what the fuck? I'm acting in your best interests.
You're not seeing things clearly here.
You have no right. I have a right if you're my brother
and you're not mentally competent to make decisions for yourself.
I'm mentally competent! You're a 36-year-old man
who lives home with his mother,
who depends on her for food, for laundry,
and countless basic fuckin' life necessities. All right?
On paper you're basically a fuckin' vegetable! Oh, fuck you!
It's true! You can't do this!
I just did. I--
Where the fuck did you get $77 million from?
I calculated it. Yeah, outta your ass.
I know you're a fan of this guy, but you gotta stop looking at him
as some kind of fuckin' hero and start looking at him
as some big, black, moulinyan jack-off asshole
that gave you brain damage! Hey, my brain's fine.
Yeah. You--
It was an accident.
The whole thing was a misunderstanding. A misunderstanding?
He was drunk! That's no excuse.
He-- I was bothering him. Okay? He-- He was out
trying to have a good time with his friends. Do you hear yourself?
Do you actually hear yourself?
Lots of people get beat up every day.
I don't see you out there suing for them.
Well, none of them are my brother. Okay?
And for what it's worth, the whole family supports it. Okay?
Gina, Mom, Dennis, Christine, everybody. For what it's worth,
I'm not gonna let you do it.
Go ahead, stop me. I will.
Go for it.
Can I finish my shit now?
[slam]
[buzz]
Can I borrow your Internet?
Maybe "Stopping a lawsuit"?
Man, they usually have everything on there.
Maybe the lawyers don't want that information public.
Yeah, that makes sense.
[Sports Dogg] They're gonna go down with Yankees up
3-zip in the ALCS losing to the Red Sox.
If they blow this game in Philly,
they're never gonna live it down in New York.
Let's go to line 3. What's up?
Hey, hey, Sports Dogg, how ya doin'?
It's Philadelphia Phil calling here.
Look, I'm calling in tonight with a shocking revelation.
All right, it's about the Quantrell Bishop situation.
As you might know from the news,
the name of the jerk-off that they beat up is Paul Aufiero.
All right? And what you might not know is I have a good authority
that Paul Aufiero is none other than...
* Da-da-da-da- da-da-da-da *
Paul from frickin' Staten Island.
You don't know that, Phil. We don't give out full names on the air here.
Yeah, but you do on the Sports Dogg
website, all right? And I was on it last night, [phone rings]
my friend. And on the Caller of the Month page,
I saw the name from November 2006-- [ring]
Paul Aufiero. [Theresa] Paul.
from Ellingtonville, Staten Island. All right? [ring]
Do you understand what I'm saying?
Are you putting two and two together, my friend? [ring]
All right, I clicked on his profile-- favorite team,
the Giants. Favorite athlete-- [ring]
Quantrell Bishop. Paul!
Favorite food, roast Eagle. [ring]
It's him! All right?
You listening? Paul from Staten Island
got beat up by his favorite player,
and now he's suing him
for 77 million freakin' dollars?!
Are you kidding me? Fuckin' piece-of-shit scumbag.
Can you believe that?
But I feel bad for you, buddy.
I do. You got dumped.
All alone, no team.
That's why I wanna personally invite you to switch over.
I am giving you an invitation to switch over.
Leave the dark side and join the
Eagle Nation. You can start this Monday
night at Sharkey's on Passyunk, South Philly,
where me and the rest of my Eagle brothers
will bewatching us crush theMidgets
and take the Eastern Crown! Do you understand? Come--
Hey, Paul, how you doin'? Adam Feuerstein, Newsday.
Can I ask you a few questions? Not now.
Um...Paul? How does it feel like
to get beat up by your hero?
Is it true that you're a lifelong die-hard-- Leave me alone!
Paul!
[Caller] Say that I'm a Rangers fan,
but it's more like I'm a
Rangers endurer, like--
It's like I'm going to a funeral every game,
and last night was no different.
I mean, I think if they can wear boots...
Uh, $5.00.
I mean, what is that? Are they even playing hockey anymore?
So you still gonna be rooting for 'em Monday night?
[phone ringing]
[ring, click]
This is Murray Pape. Hi, Mr.--
I'm unavailable right now, but if you leave a message,
I'll get back to you.
To page this person, press five now.
At the tone, please record your message.
[beep]
Hello, Mr. Pape.
This is Paul Aufiero.
I'm calling to let you know
that I'm planning to hold a press conference
to set the record straight
on my situation regarding Quantrell Bishop.
The press conference will occur tomorrow night
at around 11:30 p.m.
or approximately a few minutes after
on the Sports Dogg program on The Zone.
Please pass word along to your coworkers
or any other people in the media
you feel this might be of interest to.
Thank you very much.
Sincerely, Paul Aufiero.
[beeping]
[ring]
[sighs]
Sports Dogg. Name and location.
Hey. Yeah, it's-- it's, uh,
Paul from Staten Island.
Paul. Hey, uh, what's, uh, what's goin' on?
Uh, listen. Could you-- Could you, uh, get me on really quick?
Yeah, hang on a second. Okay.
Joe from Staten Island.
First time, long time, all right?
What's up, Dogg? Listen -
[second caller] They couldn't win a game
if their life depended on it.
What kind of management do they have there?
I'd rather watch the high school teams in my area
than go and watch these--
Paul? You're up next.
Yeah, okay, thanks.
This is a comedy! We live in--
[Sports Dogg] Yeah, I'd agree with that. Good job, Chuck.
I can dig it. [click]
Are you kidding me? Oh, this is gonna be a huge call.
Line one, a world exclusive, Paul from Staten Island.
Hey, Sports Dogg. How you doing?
Hey! What's up, Paul, man?
A lot of people have been talkin' about you, brother.
I know. And, uh, I just wanted to say...
a-- a, uh, a lot of people
have been talking about me these days,
and most of it is wrong.
So it's time I cleared the record straight.
First off, with regarding the alleged incident
between me and Quantrell Bishop
on November 30th, this was not an attack.
It was an unfortunate misunder-- [Theresa] Paul.
[quietly] It was an unfortunate misunderstanding
between the two of us.
He did nothing-- Who are you talking to?
He did nothing wrong, and I have no plans to sue.
The lawsuit was accidentally filed
by a person in my family
who misunderstood the situ-- [Theresa on the line] Paul, I have had it.
Uh, get off the phone, please?
I have to be up at 7:30.
Hang up.
[Sports Dogg] Who is that?
[Theresa] I have a doctor's appointment at 9.
Okay.
It's surgery, Paul.
[Sports Dogg, chuckling] Is that his mother?
They're removing my corn.
If I don't get a good night's-- Fucking hang up
the fucking phone! [Sports Dogg] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
No F-bombs, dude.
You know that. I gotta let you go.
[click] Uh--
Hello!
Why are you doing this to me?
I'm not doing nothing to you! You do it all to yourself!
I'm sick of you treating me like a baby!
You area baby, with your calls
and your little playmate Sal!
Why don't you grow up and get a life? I have a life!
No, you don't! I'm happy with my life!
No, you're not! Hey, I think I would know!
Happy is family, children!
Oh, says you! Says everybody!
There's basic stuff every person needs! Oh, don't--
Your brother has 'em, your sister has 'em, only you!
Hey! Hey! No! No! I don't want what they've got!
I don't want it! I don't want it! I don't want it!
[door slams]
[low rumbling]
[rumbling continues]
[rumbling intensifies, fades]
[Caller] This Giants fan is really upset.
He's afraid they're gonna lose out the string now,
so now he's watching the Jets and the 49ers
and hoping they could, uh, wring out a win.
This is a depressed Giants fan today, folks.
[wind blowing]
[Commentator] That was his best year.
It wasn't, you know, 15-16.
Uh, this kid Harvey had, Derrick Harvey,
has four sacks through the first eight games--
[TV playing]
Where you going?
Paul?
[door closes]
[TV continues]
[Theresa] I have no idea where you are.
When you take my car, you can at least have the courtesy to--
[beep]
[voicemail manager] Message deleted. Next message.
[Sal] Yo, Paul, where are you? I've been calling.
We watching at your place?
[traffic racket]
[traffic roaring]
[Announcer] ...at KYW 1060.com.
Philadelphia officials admit they won't even come close
to meeting their goal
with installing 250 surveillance cameras
in high crime areas by the end of--
[changes stations] The governor, governor of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania,
Governor Ed Rendell, back with us on the big talker 1210.
Governor, we got a cheesesteak here with your name on it.
[Governor] Yeah. I'm on the air?
Well, I eat, uh, pizza around this time of night.
I'm on my way back to Harrisburg.
I'm in the car, and--
[traffic racket]
[humming]
* What's gotta be will be *
[humming]
** [upbeat rock]
* Gonna have your sweet lovin' *
* Daddy rollin' in your arms *
* Gonna have your sweet lovin' *
* Daddy rollin' in your arms *
* Gonna fly me to your door *
[lively chatter]
[Man on TV] McNabb already looking sharp, coming off a great game
last week against St. Louis.
Phil!
[TV chatter continues]
[crowd chatter becomes lively, cheering]
Phil!
We get to Wisconsin, and literally I came
as we're driving across the bridge into Wisconsin. It was like a conquest.
Right. We get to Wisconsin, he says,
"Hey, can you drive a stick?" And I was like, "Huh?"
[laughs] I'm like, "Dude, I can drive a stick."
And he fucked her in the back?
He fucked her in the back seat, but first,
the lady goes, "Fricking huge!" [laughs]
That was frickin' huge.
That was big. That was big for us.
[Man] Let's go on. Bring it fuckin' home.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
This is what you call a game turner.
It's called a game "changer," you motherfucker.
Phil!
[crowd chatters]
[commentator on TV]
Starving.
Let's go, let's go, let's go. What you gonna do? Come on!
[clapping]
Throw it up his ass! Phil!
Let's go!
[announcer following game]
[cheering]
Yeah, you fuckin' asshole! [cheering]
Yes! Oh, yes!
That's what I'm talking about! Yes.
That's what I'm talking about!
[overlapping chatter, shouting]
Whoo! We got this.
We got this.
[television chatter]
Take away that bullshit fumble call,
we'd be up 14.
Yeah, you know what? Not to worry. It's about to get ugly.
Yeah, it's gonna get fuckin' ugly.
Yeah.
How's it going, bo? Phil.
Oh. Mark.
How's it going? Good, good.
I like the paint. You got your colors, right?
I'm flyin' mycolors, man.
He's got his fucking colors on. [Man] Fly them, man. Fly 'em.
Fuckin' queers. Douche, douche. [man laughs]
Douche bags.
[laughter]
Douche, douche!
[TV chatter continues]
Douche, douche. [TV chatter]
Now-- Now I just want it to become, like, an annihilation.
Like, I just want it to become an abomination,
an annihilation, a murder,
a mass fuckin' murder!
[man laughs] You fuck.
I want to mass fuckin' murder, these motherfuckers.
You know what I mean? [laughter]
An abomination!
[laughing] Whoo!
[laughing]
[continues laughing]
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah!
Yeah.
[clapping]
[game announcer calling action]
In the end zone! Touchdown!
[cheering]
Yes! Fucking touchdown, you asshole! Yes!
Yes! You fuck!
That's what I'm fuckin' talking about!
Ah, ha! Ha ha ha!
Asshole! Look at him. Yeah, he's a giant fag!
No, no, not a giant fag. He's a Giantfag,
like a Giant fag? You know what I mean? You dumb fuck. Yes!
Yes! I love it. Whoo!
Hey, I-- Listen, this is gonna sound kinda weird,
but, uh, do I know you?
Just that you sound familiar, you know, your voice. Um...
[crowd chatter]
You ever go, uh, listen to, uh,
The Pen? 860?
Sometimes.
Rob Ryan or Eagle's Nest
or Nothing But Netsky--
you know, those call-in shows?
I'm pretty much a regular on all those shows.
That's gotta be it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I call in there,
you know, break balls and shit.
It's a good time. You know what I mean?
[laughs] I even, uh,
been calling up the local shows up in New York now, piss off the locals.
You know what I mean? Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
I fucking can't stand Giants fans.
Yeah, like Giants fans.
Yeah, fuck Giants fans. I can't stand those motherfuckers.
Fuck 'em. There's that one guy that got his ass beat by Bishop?
You heard about that?
Oh, something about--
Yeah, yeah. He, um... [pounds bar]
He's a big fan. Bishop was his favorite player. Right.
And somehow or another, he pissed him off.
It's, like, you wanna fuckin' grow up.
You wanna belike Mike, not get fuckin'-your-ass kicked by Mike.
Yeah! [laughs]
Imagine fuckin' Julius Erving
come and kicking my fucking ass? [laughs]
Fuckin' jerk-off. It's crazy.
Yeah, it fuckin' is.
What's your name again?
Mark.
All right! Mark.
All ri-ight! Mark the Spark!
Mark the spark!
Yeah. Killer Phil! Killer Phil! Hey!
Here we go, and it's only gonna get worse for the fucking guy,
in one minute 33,
one minute and 32...
and 27-- 29, you fuck.
Whatever. You can't fucking count.
26. 27. Yes. [crowd] Giants suck! Giants suck!
Life is good, baby!
Folks, you can put a bow on this one. Giants suck! Giants suck!
Giants suck! The cock!
Giants suck! Cock!
Giants suck! My balls!
Giants suck! Giants suck!
[Announcer] The clock has expired, the season has expired.
** [rock]
Are you gonna--
Are you gonna call up that station up in New York tonight?
Yeah. Shit, yeah.
I got a big bag of salt
that needs wounds for rubbing into.
[laughs]
I'll bet-- I bet that loser's
writing out his suicide note as we speak.
Yeah.
Uhh...sss...
Ahh.
Come on! Gotta drain the monster. Let's go.
[sighs]
[locks door]
Bo, what are you doing? I'm taking a fuckin'--
Hey, whoa, whoa. What are you-- What are you doing, man?
Don't do-- Don't do that. Be quiet.
No, no, no, don't-- don't--
Quiet. Okay?
You didn't have to be mean.
What are you talking about, mean?
Every--
Everybody's always so mean.
Bo, I don't know who the fuck you are, okay?
What are you doing?
And it wears me out.
Yo, listen to me. Listen to me.
You got the wrong guy here, you understand? No.
I got...the right guy.
[cocks trigger] No, no, don't-- don't do that.
Don't do that. I-- Don't [gunshots]
do-- Unnh!
[gunshots]
[groans]
[moaning]
[screams]
Uhh...
Uhh! Uhh!
Ohh!
Uhh! Ohh!
Ohh! [gasping]
[gasping]
My God.
[muttering] What's--
[gasping] What the fuck?
[breathing heavily]
[moans, breathes heavily]
Eagles...
suck.
* Delta Dawn *
* What's that flower you have on? *
* Could it be a faded rose? *
[excited chatter]
Get back!
* And did I hear you say *
* He was a-meetin' you here today *
[siren]
* To take you to his mansion *
* In the sky? *
* She's 41 *
* And her daddy still calls her baby *
* All the folks * Freeze!
* Around Brownsville say she's crazy *
* 'Cause she walks downtown with a suitcase *
* In her hand *
* Lookin' for a mysterious dark-haired man *
[siren]
[grunts]
* Delta Dawn *
* What's that flower you have on? * Sorry!
* Could it be a faded rose * Sorry!
* From days gone by? *
Ow, ow, ow. Shut the fuck up!
* And did I hear you say *
* He was a-meetin' you here today *
* To take you to his mansion *
* In the sky? *
* Delta Dawn *
* What's that flower in the sky? *
[birds chirping]
[chuckling]
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I don't know what I-- I know.
What are you gonna do? What are you
gonna do? What are you gonna do?
[soft overlapping conversations]
[laughing]
Hey!
[chuckling] Hey.
How's it going?
Yeah. Uh-huh.
So, um, yeah.
Your mom been by?
Uh, she came by a few days ago.
Um...
She's not really taking this too well.
Yeah? Yeah.
[sighs heavily]
How about, uh, Jeff?
Jeff was supposed to come by yesterday,
and then something with his kid or something...
[fingers drumming]
[soft chuckle]
Oh, oh! Hey, hey, hey.
Hey...
What?
It's out?
Hot off the press, from today's Post.
Oh, my God.
[muttering]
This is cake!
Uh, that's what I said.
Francisco...
Miami...
13 and 3. Easy.
What are your three losses?
Green Bay, New England, Chargers.
We could easily beat Green Bay.
14 and 2.
Oh. Oh, man.
What?
New England, December 20th.
I get out that week.
Oh, shit.
Patsies are toast.
There's no way we're losing
with us in the parking lot. Not a chance.
15 and 1.
Totally realistic.
Oh, man.
Oh, man!
It's gonna be a great year.
* I got kicked off of Noah's Ark *
* I turned my cheek to unkind remarks *
* There was two of everything *
* And one of me *
* And when the rains came tumblin' down *
* Held my breath, and I stood my ground *
* And I watched that ship *
* Go sailin' out to sea *
* Take it back *
* Oh, no, you can't say that *
* All of my friends *
* Are not dead *
* Or in jail *
* Through rock and through stone *
* The black wind still moans *
* Sweet revenge *
* Without fail *
* I caught an aisle seat on a plane *
* And drove an English teacher half insane *
* Makin' up jokes about bicycle spokes *
* And red balloons *
* So I called on my local deejay *
* And he didn't have a lot to say *
* But the radio *
* Has learned all my favorite tunes *
* Take it back *
* Oh, no, you can't say that *
* All of my friends *
* Are not dead *
* Or in jail *
* Through rock and through stone *
* The black wind still moans *
* Sweet revenge *
* Without fail *
* The white meat is on the run *
* And the dark meat is far too done *
* And the milkman left me a note *
* Yesterday *
* Get outta this town by noon *
* Get out! *
* You're comin' on *
* Way too soon *
* Right now *
* And besides that *
* We never liked you *
* Anyway *
* Take it back *
* Oh, no, you can't say that *
* All of my friends *
* Are not dead *
* Or in jail *
* Through rock and through stone *
* The black wind still moans *
* Sweet revenge *
* Without fail *
* Sweet revenge *
* Will prevail *
* Without fail *
Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA