1
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:31,999
<i>J' Well since time out
Of mind I been lazy J'</i>

2
00:00:32,074 --> 00:00:36,295
<i>J' And times before
That I was cruel J'</i>

3
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:37,963
<i>J' And the times
Before that J'</i>

4
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,915
<i>J' I was mean
I was mad J'</i>

5
00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:43,093
<i>J' I never had
Nobody like you J'</i>

6
00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:49,516
<i>J' And the times before
That I was crazy J'</i>

7
00:00:49,591 --> 00:00:53,596
<i>J' I saw the dark
Side of the moon J'</i>

8
00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:55,727
<i>J' And the stars
In the sky J'</i>

9
00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:57,524
<i>J' They never
Caught my eye J'</i>

10
00:00:57,599 --> 00:01:01,194
<i>J' 'Cause I never had
Nobody like you J'</i>

11
00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:04,991
<i>J' I never had
Nobody like you J'</i>

12
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,614
<i>[baby crying]</i>

13
00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:11,038
<i>J' I never had
Nobody like you J'./'</i>

14
00:01:11,113 --> 00:01:12,990
<i>[baby crying]</i>

15
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,575
Tommy?

16
00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:16,877
Tommy, the baby.

17
00:01:16,952 --> 00:01:18,169
Hm?

18
00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:19,588
It's your turn.

19
00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:21,791
[groans]

20
00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:23,295
[whispers]
Please.

21
00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:26,504
Right. Right.
Okay, okay.

22
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,510
<i>[baby crying]</i>

23
00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:34,474
God damned baby.

24
00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:37,519
<i>[sighs]</i>

25
00:01:41,143 --> 00:01:43,441
<i>[baby crying]</i>

26
00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:51,908
Don't do that.

27
00:01:51,987 --> 00:01:56,117
The second we walked in here, I
could feel my wallet start whining.

28
00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:58,998
If we're gonna get the steak,
you wanna get the Oregon Pinot.

29
00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:02,172
Yeah, I saw that.
It's 200 bucks though.

30
00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:04,215
Babe, it's
our anniversary.

31
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:08,012
Have you had a chance to decide
on some wine this evening?

32
00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,679
You have no
live entertainment.

33
00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:11,803
You are correct, sir.

34
00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:14,977
<i>And I have no money. An
idea, and you can say no.</i>

35
00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:19,523
Is it possible for me to dance
off a portion of our tab?

36
00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:21,942
Dance it away?

37
00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:24,236
It would be
unusual

38
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:25,437
Look how cute he is.

39
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:26,897
Has this worked before?

40
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,527
<i>Not that I can
remember.</i>

41
00:02:28,607 --> 00:02:30,234
Are you sure? Because
he's very good.

42
00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:31,534
Really?

43
00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:33,988
No.

44
00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:35,368
You're an idiot.

45
00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:37,245
I'm an idiot?
You married me.

46
00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:41,453
So?

47
00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:43,129
Three years!

48
00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:44,502
I know.
Three years.

49
00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:46,424
Well?

50
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:49,800
[clears throat] I knew you
were gonna bring this up.

51
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,221
So, you remembered?

52
00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:53,594
Absolutely,
I remember.

53
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:54,971
So, you're ready?

54
00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:57,018
Yeah, I'm totally ready.

55
00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:58,937
You're ready
to be a dad?

56
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:02,562
A dad? What? I thought we
were talking about anal.

57
00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:05,611
Is the three year
not the anal anniversary?

58
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:08,690
No. It is. Okay.

59
00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:12,652
Okay, if you really want to,
I'm willing to give it a try.

60
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:14,736
Seriously?

61
00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:17,323
Yes. We need to stop by the
sex shop on the way home.

62
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:20,956
I need to get a strap-on. Do
you prefer regular or ribbed?

63
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,662
You are good.
You had me there.

64
00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,338
Seriously, I'll
give it a try.

65
00:03:25,414 --> 00:03:27,416
I just don't know
if it will fit.

66
00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:32,630
Of course it won't fit.
That's the fun. Pain.

67
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:36,593
We could do that, or we
could just have a baby.

68
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:39,929
Ah, you did remember.

69
00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:41,354
I did.

70
00:03:41,430 --> 00:03:43,182
You really wanna
have a baby?

71
00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:44,767
Yeah, I really do.

72
00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,102
We're gonna have
a family.

73
00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:47,686
We are gonna have
a family.

74
00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,442
You can teach him
how to play baseball.

75
00:03:49,521 --> 00:03:50,773
And how to pick up chicks.

76
00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:52,028
What if it's a girl?

77
00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:53,529
I love girl on girl.

78
00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:56,487
Get it out. Just get it all out.

79
00:03:56,570 --> 00:04:00,165
Um, so Audrey, when do
you wanna get started?

80
00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:04,586
[moaning]

81
00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:14,840
<i>I I feel like something
Good is on the way J'</i>

82
00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:17,591
Hey, how's my form?

83
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:21,178
[moaning]

84
00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:25,649
<i>[Audrey moaning]</i>

85
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,648
<i>[bedsprings creaking]</i>

86
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,736
[clea rs th roat]

87
00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,820
What?
What's wrong?

88
00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:40,702
What?

89
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,875
Nothing.
Nothing

90
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,702
Are you bored?

91
00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:49,086
Are you tired of having sex with me?
Are you disgusted?

92
00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:52,168
Can you get
out of me, please?

93
00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:53,752
Ouch.

94
00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:56,213
<i>Why isn't this
working, Tommy?</i>

95
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,924
Something's wrong.

96
00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:01,681
<i>Maybe it's 'cause you don't
really wanna have a baby.</i>

97
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,058
How can you say that?

98
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:07,232
I've been working my ass off for nine
months trying to get you pregnant.

99
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:11,028
So it's a job? I'm sorry, how
much, how much do I owe you?

100
00:05:11,102 --> 00:05:13,025
Is it 40,
50 bucks?

101
00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:16,779
<i>Wow. 50 bucks?
That's it?</i>

102
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:19,862
You know, you could possibly get
a back alley shave for that,

103
00:05:19,945 --> 00:05:21,947
but not this, sister.

104
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,703
I'm sorry
I low balled you.

105
00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:25,876
Well, you did. That was
a serious low ball.

106
00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:27,953
I'm not a crack whore.

107
00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:30,630
You're the one who said having
sex with me was like a job.

108
00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:32,252
I never said that.
You said that.

109
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,754
You weren't
thinking it?

110
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,336
No.

111
00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:37,261
It felt like it.

112
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:40,136
It's not what I was thinking,
because I'll tell you,

113
00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:43,890
sex with you is-- it's
beautiful, you know.

114
00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:45,846
And it's wonderful.

115
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:47,931
And it's amazing.

116
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:52,190
Sex with you is like--
it's like, it's like--

117
00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:54,692
<i>(Tommy) It's like
a full time job</i>

118
00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,819
Maybe you
oughta get tested.

119
00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,992
[laughing]

120
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:02,492
Tested? No.
I'm good.

121
00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:04,824
<i>Oh, you're good? How do
you know you're good?</i>

122
00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:08,581
Excuse me, Wade. I'm shooting good stuff.
I know this for a fact.

123
00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:14,670
All right. I never
told anyone this,

124
00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:18,003
and I swear to God I'll kill
everyone if you say anything,

125
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:22,387
<i>but when I decided to ask Audrey to marry
me, I couldn't afford a decent ring, right?</i>

126
00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:24,968
<i>So I told her that I
joined a softball team.</i>

127
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,974
You suck
at softball.

128
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,806
I hate softball. I told her
I joined the softball team.

129
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:33,986
What I did instead, I drove back to
Pasadena to a sperm bank. Right?

130
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:37,781
I donated sperm. Every
week for 20 weeks.

131
00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:39,858
Eighty-five bucks
a pop they paid me.

132
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:42,444
<i>At the sperm bank, they
don't take bad sperm.</i>

133
00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:44,700
They test the shit
out of it.

134
00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,998
Hey, dude,
85 bucks a pop?

135
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:49,041
If someone were
to rob that place

136
00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:51,961
and sell the sperm on the street,
they can make a fortune.

137
00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:54,665
Jesus, Zig Zag. Have you
been downtown lately?

138
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:58,002
There's enough sperm on the
street to choke Doogie Howser.

139
00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:00,132
Hey, bring out
the pictures, man.

140
00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:02,464
You brought the pictures
of the ex, right?

141
00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:05,721
<i>The pictures of Tanya? Bring 'em out.
I've seen that shit.</i>

142
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,598
She's my girlfriend now.

143
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,850
She's aware you're
showing these pictures?

144
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,648
Yeah, probably.

145
00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:14,351
<i>Holy shit, dude.
Look at those nipples.</i>

146
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:18,405
No offense, but I can tell how Tommy
might be able to pull this girl.

147
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,027
But with Wade?

148
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:21,858
Did you say
"no offense"?

149
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,990
Is she
a chubby chaser?

150
00:07:24,069 --> 00:07:25,992
<i>That's more offense.
You keep offending.</i>

151
00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:28,324
I'm sorry, but okay, no offense.

152
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:30,829
Just tell us how
you got this chick.

153
00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:34,504
You see, Tommy and I are cut
from the same cloth, my friend.

154
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:38,174
Good cock, bad cock. Come on.

155
00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:44,673
Honey, is he even
ejaculating properly?

156
00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:48,386
Because I read on the Internet that
guys are faking it. It's like a trend.

157
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,890
Mine does
not fake it.

158
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,563
Nobody likes
a gloater.

159
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:54,016
How do guys
fake it?

160
00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:57,148
They keep a bike bottle in the bed and
then they squirt it over your back.

161
00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:59,070
I saw it
on YouTube.

162
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,523
<i>Tommy is not faking it,
but something's wrong</i>

163
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:03,108
I'm kinda worried.

164
00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:05,239
Are you using your
fertility calendar?

165
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:06,865
<i>Yeah, I have
an app for that</i>

166
00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:08,822
I love apps.

167
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:10,999
<i>You know, 90% of the lime,
it's the guy's fault.</i>

168
00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:14,123
It's definitely Tommy. You
need to get that junk checked.

169
00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:16,876
<i>Hey, listen, guys, can
we keep this between us?</i>

170
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:19,799
Tommy's a little sensitive
about all this stuff.

171
00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:21,217
I won't say anything.

172
00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:22,509
Who am I
gonna tell?

173
00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:26,302
Hey, Coach Stubbs.
How're you doing?

174
00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,224
<i>Tommy Macklin.
How the hell are you?</i>

175
00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:29,676
Not too bad.

176
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:31,432
How's that pretty
wife of yours?

177
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,354
Good, good. How's
the team this year?

178
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:36,809
Honestly? We suck about nine
different kinds of ass.

179
00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:38,609
We're pulling
for you either way.

180
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,029
Thanks. We're pulling
for you, too.

181
00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:45,700
For who? For me?

182
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:49,325
Well, I understand you have a
little trouble knocking up the Mrs.

183
00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:51,782
You know what works really well?
Hot peppers.

184
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,959
<i>Eat as many
of 'em as you can.</i>

185
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:57,208
Just make sure you don't go
munching on her biscuit right away.

186
00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:58,960
You'll kill
the poor woman.

187
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,666
[laughs]

188
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:02,672
<i>You gotta keep
the sperm cool, yah?</i>

189
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:05,174
You can't let the balls
get overheated.

190
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:07,347
That's why they hang
on the outside.

191
00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:09,550
Like an air cooled
Volkswagen engine.

192
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:12,260
<i>(man) Shitake mushroom,
ginger root, cucumber.</i>

193
00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:15,597
<i>You mash /'1' all up. You allow
it to boil for three long hours</i>

194
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:17,978
and you gently lower your
ball sack down in there,

195
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,685
and let them steep
for ten minutes.

196
00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,736
Blue Mountain, Jamaican
remedy that.

197
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:24,690
<i>What the hell are you
doing to me, Audrey?</i>

198
00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,696
<i>Did you go and tell
the whole world?</i>

199
00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:29,528
No, I told three people. I
told Mona, Greta, and Karen.

200
00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:32,114
You didn't tell three people.
You told three women.

201
00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:35,417
What's that supposed to mean?
Where's the ginger root?

202
00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:38,166
Why do you think there are
no female serial killers?

203
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:43,045
Because after they kill the first
guy, they gotta go tell somebody.

204
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:45,001
That's actually
a good point.

205
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,634
<i>[telephone ringing]</i>

206
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:52,554
Hello?

207
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,432
Oh, hi there.

208
00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:56,855
Uh, yeah.

209
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:59,934
Mm, well, I hadn't
heard that.

210
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:02,144
<i>No. No, thank you.</i>

211
00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:04,195
Yeah.

212
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:07,240
I love you, too. Okay.

213
00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:08,441
Who was that?

214
00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,778
<i>That was your mom.</i>

215
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:13,909
She said I should try putting Ben Gay
on my scrotum to heat up the sperm.

216
00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:16,116
She just-- Do you think
that would work?

217
00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:17,872
No.

218
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,579
<i>Why does everybody
have advice for me ?</i>

219
00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:23,085
Maybe, maybe
it's you.

220
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:27,294
<i>Where are all the calls of everybody
telling you to pour hot sauce</i>

221
00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:30,005
on your...vagina?

222
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:33,934
<i>Okay. I made us appointments with
Dr. Vickerey to get us both checked out.</i>

223
00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:36,887
<i>He's supposed to be the best, so
you gotta gel your sperm checked.</i>

224
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:39,223
Honey, there's nothing
wrong with my sperm.

225
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:41,023
Really? How do you know that?

226
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,897
'Cause there's
a party down there!

227
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,354
Do you hear that?
[beating]

228
00:10:45,436 --> 00:10:48,155
Seriously, this thing
smells like shit.

229
00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:50,029
Can you
lower 'em in?

230
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:54,286
I think you just
do one at a time.

231
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:55,830
How am I gonna do
one at a time?

232
00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:57,498
I don't have them.
I don't know.

233
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,371
<i>(Tommy) I'm telling you,
it is a waste of time</i>

234
00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:04,126
Just do it.
Prove her wrong.

235
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:06,082
Show her you got
awesome sperms.

236
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,589
Dude, Audrey's making
you check your sperm?

237
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,420
Tell her I said
to lighten up.

238
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,221
<i>[laughing]</i>

239
00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,550
No, I just have
trouble in groups.

240
00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:17,010
It's hard to keep it going when there's
a bunch of other people around.

241
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:18,720
You've never been
to an orgy?

242
00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:21,056
No. Have you?

243
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:25,736
Nah. But I had sex with two different
chicks in the same week. Bifecta!

244
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:27,904
I went to an orgy once.

245
00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:31,279
Not with Audrey.
[laughs]

246
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:35,908
There's just gonna be a bunch of other
guys jerking off in all the other rooms.

247
00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,739
I don't feel like it.

248
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,665
But didn't you do
that for a living?

249
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:41,914
No, not for a living.

250
00:11:41,993 --> 00:11:43,836
But you got
paid to do it.

251
00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:46,131
Okay, fine, but I knew the
guy who owned the place,

252
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,254
and he let me come in after
hours when it was empty.

253
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:50,506
<i>Dude, gel this.
My brother's a lawyer.</i>

254
00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:53,464
He represented this pervert that
works at one of those clinics.

255
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:56,174
Sick bastard hid cameras
in the smoke detectors.

256
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,976
Cops raided his house.
Found stacks of DVD's

257
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,896
of guys choking their cobras.
[hisses]

258
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:04,850
[laughs]
What?

259
00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:06,935
Wade, let's go.

260
00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:08,611
Cool. Let's get out.

261
00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:12,316
I'll catch you guys
in a few. I'll follow.

262
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:14,241
<i>Why do we hang out
with that douche bag?</i>

263
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:16,695
Doesn't bother you he used
to go out with Audrey?

264
00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:19,827
I used to go out with Tanya and
you still hang out with me.

265
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:22,705
Yeah, but at least you don't
look like a blond squirrel.

266
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:24,252
I do not.

267
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:28,585
<i>You know what?</i>

268
00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:31,464
<i>Don't worry about this jerking off thing.
You're gonna be fine.</i>

269
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:33,544
<i>I have a little
inspiration for you.</i>

270
00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:38,516
For old time's sake.

271
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:41,936
Oh, no, no.
I can't.

272
00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:43,979
Yes, you can.

273
00:12:44,055 --> 00:12:45,853
That's not right.

274
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:48,902
But those nipples
are world fucking class.

275
00:12:48,977 --> 00:12:52,356
They are. They're like little
tits on top of big tits.

276
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,532
No, take them.
I can't.

277
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:58,111
Okay. Sure? You're too good.
You're too good.

278
00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:01,698
And by that I mean you're
an unbelievable pussy.

279
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,954
Maybe so.
Maybe so.

280
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,329
Well.

281
00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:12,088
Excuse me. I go whack my
ding-dong into a plastic dish

282
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,510
with a bunch of
dudes all around.

283
00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:16,633
Okay. Don't do it
while you're driving.

284
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,761
<i>I I just need J'</i>

285
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:23,437
<i>J' Your love injection J'</i>

286
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:29,769
<i>J' I don't need
Your affection /'J"</i>

287
00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:32,149
<i>Dr. Vickere y is the
best in the business.</i>

288
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,947
If he can't impregnate
your wife, no one can.

289
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:36,570
You'll be
in room four today.

290
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,447
Pedro!

291
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:41,871
[foreign accent] Sorry. I-I am sorry.
I was, uh,

292
00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:45,041
just making
a phone call.

293
00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:47,244
I'm sorry, Mr. Macklin.

294
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,874
<i>(Pedro) I wasn't jerking off.</i>

295
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:54,384
As you can see, we have several
different forms of stimulation,

296
00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:56,257
both homo
and hetero.

297
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:57,553
I'll take hetero.

298
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,558
Well, you have
20 minutes.

299
00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,601
Relax and take
your time.

300
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,681
Hey, doctor,
where is the lubrication?

301
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:11,143
Oh, no, we can't run a risk of contamination.
You will just have to dry.

302
00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:13,273
And you can't use
saliva either.

303
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,697
The human mouth
is quite filthy.

304
00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:17,319
Okay.

305
00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:19,492
I'll just be right
here if you need me.

306
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:20,989
Okay.

307
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:24,952
Right where?
Like right there?

308
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:28,126
Oh, well, I can go away for a
few minutes if you prefer.

309
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,420
No, it's, it's--

310
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,480
<i>Damn, it's hot.</i>

311
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:52,229
<i>Yeah. Let's
take a break.</i>

312
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:53,730
[chuckles]

313
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,903
[giggles]

314
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:00,654
[laughing]

315
00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:20,261
<i>Gal, as pretty as you are,
we're still missing one thing.</i>

316
00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:22,134
<i>Oh, yeah?
What's that?</i>

317
00:15:22,213 --> 00:15:24,841
<i>You gotta meet
my friend, Big Jim.</i>

318
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:27,518
<i>Ooh. I sure hope
he's handsome.</i>

319
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,937
[laughs]

320
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:31,980
[neighs]

321
00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:33,808
<i>Nice to meet you, Jim.</i>

322
00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:35,438
<i>You are big.</i>

323
00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:37,862
<i>[loud volume]</i>

324
00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:42,275
<i>[women moaning]</i>

325
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,662
[horse neighs]

326
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:49,832
<i>Mr. Mack/in, could you
please turn that down a bit?</i>

327
00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:52,956
<i>It's a touch loud.</i>

328
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:54,457
<i>[horse neighs]</i>

329
00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:56,960
<i>(Tommy)
I have to go home.</i>

330
00:15:57,039 --> 00:16:01,795
<i>Babe, all you had to do
was jerk off into a cup.</i>

331
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:03,880
<i>What's the big deal?
I mean, seriously-</i>

332
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,967
How many times have you masturbated
in your life? A hundred?

333
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:08,892
Uh, sure.
About 100, yeah.

334
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,970
<i>I called and they said
you can do it at home.</i>

335
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:13,772
You have to get the sample
there within 30 minutes.

336
00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:17,443
<i>I've timed the drive and it's 18
minutes, so don't waste time.</i>

337
00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:19,771
I'm teaching
a class at 4:00,

338
00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:23,233
so you have the whole place to yourself
to do your little jerky business.

339
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:27,787
<i>Sort of takes the fun out of it
when you tell me I have to do it.</i>

340
00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:30,285
I prefer sneaking around
when you're not here

341
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:31,991
and pretending
I don't do it.

342
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:33,246
Yeah, okay.

343
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:51,306
Hi. What's your name?

344
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:53,012
[foreign accent]
Alberto.

345
00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:55,189
<i>Could you help me
with my lotion ?</i>

346
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:58,894
By boyfriend usually does
it but we just broke up.

347
00:17:07,485 --> 00:17:08,953
Thanks.

348
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,907
<i>Si, senora.
No hay problema.</i>

349
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,746
<i>[doorbell chimes]</i>

350
00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:21,332
Oh, could you do
the bottoms, too?

351
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:25,552
<i>[doorbell chimes]</i>

352
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:32,973
<i>[doorbell chimes]</i>

353
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,770
Shit, shit.

354
00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:39,313
Hi, there. How are you
on this blessed day?

355
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,190
Hi. Good.

356
00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:43,567
Great. If you have a moment,
we'd like to tell you

357
00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:45,944
about our personal
savior, Jesus Christ.

358
00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:50,620
You know, I don't know if right now
is the best time to talk about Jesus.

359
00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:54,120
It's not a good time
to talk about Jesus?

360
00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:58,169
<i>God's only son died for his sins
but it's "not a good time. "</i>

361
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:01,498
Well, I guess some people just think
they're more important than Jesus.

362
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:04,084
I don't think I'm more
important than Jesus.

363
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:06,635
But unless he can miracle a
baby up into my wife's vagina,

364
00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:08,384
then I gotta take a pass.

365
00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:11,261
Thank you though so much.
Okay, bye.

366
00:18:17,138 --> 00:18:18,765
[whispers]
All right.

367
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:43,835
[exhales] Jesus Christ. Come on.

368
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:48,878
<i>(Audrey)
Tommy? You're home ?</i>

369
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:51,089
Hi.

370
00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:52,924
What's going on?

371
00:18:53,007 --> 00:18:55,635
Oh, you kinda caught me
doing something naughty.

372
00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:57,186
Really?

373
00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:59,104
My college roommate,
Jenny, is here.

374
00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:01,228
And we've been talking
about old times,

375
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:03,981
and laughing about how we
used to share everything.

376
00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,653
Say hi, Jenny.

377
00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:08,732
Hi.

378
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:10,862
Anyway, since
we share everything,

379
00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:14,241
Jenny was wondering
if we could share you.

380
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,573
Oh, okay.

381
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,203
He said yes.

382
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:27,542
Go ahead, Tommy.

383
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:28,922
Really?

384
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,345
Thanks, Audrey.

385
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,601
He likes it
from behind.

386
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:39,645
Oh, cool.

387
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,348
<i>[sighs]</i>

388
00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:46,523
[whispers]
Thank you.

389
00:19:53,401 --> 00:19:55,074
Oh, Jesus!

390
00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:57,246
Do you have enough
time for me now, Tommy?

391
00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:58,914
Why?

392
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:24,106
Dude.
[grunts]

393
00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:36,076
[whispers] No, sir. No way.

394
00:20:54,003 --> 00:20:56,927
<i>[Tommy moaning]</i>

395
00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:17,235
<i>(Tommy) Oh, come on,
come on, come on</i>

396
00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:19,992
[honking]

397
00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:22,619
[laughs]

398
00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:35,044
Ah!

399
00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:45,059
Nice move, dickhead.

400
00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:46,389
[laughs]

401
00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:51,359
Hey!

402
00:22:11,872 --> 00:22:14,421
[panting]

403
00:22:28,931 --> 00:22:30,274
[shouts]

404
00:22:32,434 --> 00:22:33,777
[cell phone ringing]

405
00:22:33,853 --> 00:22:37,733
[grunts]
What's up, Tommy?

406
00:22:37,815 --> 00:22:40,785
The pictures, the ones of Tanya, I
left them on the bathroom sink.

407
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:42,328
You gotta
go get 'em.

408
00:22:42,403 --> 00:22:44,201
Yeah, dog. I knew you'd use 'em.

409
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:45,998
I used pictures
of cantaloupes.

410
00:22:46,073 --> 00:22:47,290
Did you say
cantaloupes?

411
00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:49,619
I got some
flat tires.

412
00:22:49,702 --> 00:22:52,205
Some flat tires?
Are you high?

413
00:22:52,288 --> 00:22:54,632
You've gotta go to my house
and get those pictures.

414
00:22:54,707 --> 00:22:55,959
<i>Of the cantaloupes?</i>

415
00:22:56,041 --> 00:22:57,463
The pictures of Tanya!

416
00:22:57,543 --> 00:22:59,591
You said you
didn't use them.

417
00:22:59,670 --> 00:23:02,048
The back door's open. The
pictures are in the bathroom.

418
00:23:02,131 --> 00:23:03,929
Okay, I got
one more set to do.

419
00:23:04,008 --> 00:23:05,851
Do this now!

420
00:23:05,926 --> 00:23:07,599
All right. Chill out.
I'm on the move.

421
00:23:07,678 --> 00:23:09,976
You chill out.

422
00:23:10,055 --> 00:23:11,477
You fuck
chill out!

423
00:23:17,021 --> 00:23:19,149
<i>(Todd) Audrey. Audrey!</i>

424
00:23:20,149 --> 00:23:21,901
<i>Hey-</i>

425
00:23:21,984 --> 00:23:24,612
My God, are you taking
gorgeous pills or what?

426
00:23:24,695 --> 00:23:26,663
Thanks, Todd.

427
00:23:26,739 --> 00:23:28,833
Hi.

428
00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:31,331
Oh, my gosh,
she's so cute.

429
00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:33,788
She could've been yours
if you'd said yes to me.

430
00:23:33,871 --> 00:23:35,418
Just kidding.
[chuckles]

431
00:23:35,497 --> 00:23:37,795
We're actually trying
for one of our own.

432
00:23:37,875 --> 00:23:39,923
Right. Yeah.
I heard about that.

433
00:23:40,002 --> 00:23:41,675
Tom's having
some trouble, huh?

434
00:23:41,754 --> 00:23:44,177
Oh...no, no.

435
00:23:44,256 --> 00:23:47,305
Audrey, it's okay. It's me.

436
00:23:48,969 --> 00:23:51,438
Okay, well, yeah. But
it's gonna be fine

437
00:23:51,513 --> 00:23:53,515
'cause we're seeing this
really great doctor,

438
00:23:53,599 --> 00:23:55,272
and it's all gonna be
taken care of.

439
00:23:55,351 --> 00:23:57,319
Oh, I'm sure.
I'm sure.

440
00:23:57,394 --> 00:24:00,193
Look, you never know how these
things are gonna work out.

441
00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:05,111
Hey, slow down, asshole!
I got kids!

442
00:24:06,528 --> 00:24:08,030
Well, I'd better
get her back.

443
00:24:08,113 --> 00:24:10,081
I'll see you at
Tommy's birthday.

444
00:24:10,157 --> 00:24:11,784
Good to see you.

445
00:24:11,867 --> 00:24:13,790
I miss you.

446
00:24:15,204 --> 00:24:16,922
Okay. Bile-

447
00:24:18,666 --> 00:24:19,883
Huh.

448
00:24:31,053 --> 00:24:34,353
<i>[POP music]</i>

449
00:24:45,651 --> 00:24:47,995
Fucking wild
goose chase, Tommy.

450
00:24:50,239 --> 00:24:52,662
<i>Hello.</i>

451
00:24:54,118 --> 00:24:56,212
Goddammit.

452
00:24:57,913 --> 00:25:00,382
[unzips pants]

453
00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:01,879
<i>(Audrey)
Tommy?</i>

454
00:25:01,959 --> 00:25:05,259
Oh, Shit.
shit, shit, shit.

455
00:25:05,337 --> 00:25:07,180
[whispers] Okay,Okay okay,okay.

456
00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:30,988
<i>J' I'm a man J'</i>

457
00:25:31,071 --> 00:25:33,870
<i>J' God damn
Gad damn J'</i>

458
00:25:35,534 --> 00:25:38,413
<i>J' God damn J'</i>

459
00:25:38,495 --> 00:25:40,623
<i>J' I'm a man J'J'</i>

460
00:25:40,706 --> 00:25:42,629
Wade, did you get
the pictures?

461
00:25:42,708 --> 00:25:43,834
I couldn't find them.

462
00:25:43,917 --> 00:25:45,339
Where's my wife?

463
00:25:45,419 --> 00:25:47,012
In the shower.

464
00:25:47,087 --> 00:25:48,384
What's with
the pants?

465
00:25:48,464 --> 00:25:51,434
I saw
those cantaloupes.

466
00:25:51,508 --> 00:25:54,432
Hey! Help!

467
00:25:54,511 --> 00:25:55,808
<i>[closes faucet]</i>

468
00:25:55,888 --> 00:26:00,018
[Wade moaning outside]

469
00:26:00,100 --> 00:26:01,977
(Audrey) Hey. How did it go?

470
00:26:02,061 --> 00:26:04,780
<i>Uh, great. I had a few
flat tires, but--</i>

471
00:26:04,855 --> 00:26:05,981
A few flat tires?

472
00:26:06,065 --> 00:26:07,408
Yeah.

473
00:26:07,483 --> 00:26:08,905
Did you get it there
on time?

474
00:26:08,984 --> 00:26:10,782
Of course I got it
there on time.

475
00:26:10,861 --> 00:26:12,659
Thank you for doing
that for me.

476
00:26:12,738 --> 00:26:15,992
I'm happy to. I'm just
glad that tomorrow

477
00:26:16,075 --> 00:26:18,328
we have proof that my
guys are good to go.

478
00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:20,333
Me, too.

479
00:26:20,412 --> 00:26:23,165
Can I put my penis in
your vagina right now?

480
00:26:23,248 --> 00:26:24,420
Yes.

481
00:26:25,751 --> 00:26:27,094
I'm feeling
really potent.

482
00:26:27,169 --> 00:26:29,422
<i>- Oh, are you?
- Yes, I am.</i>

483
00:26:29,505 --> 00:26:32,759
I'm afraid your sperm count
is too low to conceive.

484
00:26:34,009 --> 00:26:36,353
But that is
impossible.

485
00:26:36,428 --> 00:26:38,977
<i>I know some men find it
difficult to hear that but--</i>

486
00:26:39,056 --> 00:26:41,684
Hold on. How can we
tell that it's not--

487
00:26:41,767 --> 00:26:43,769
I've already
examined Audrey.

488
00:26:43,852 --> 00:26:47,573
Her tubes are clear. Her
hormone levels are perfect.

489
00:26:47,648 --> 00:26:49,946
And she has,
in my opinion,

490
00:26:50,025 --> 00:26:53,700
two of the pinkest, plumpest, and most
beautiful ovaries I have ever seen.

491
00:26:53,779 --> 00:26:55,531
Thank you.

492
00:26:55,614 --> 00:26:57,582
[giggles]

493
00:26:57,658 --> 00:26:59,786
Are you hitting
on my wife?

494
00:26:59,868 --> 00:27:02,542
<i>Is that what he was doing?
It seemed like it was.</i>

495
00:27:02,621 --> 00:27:04,248
<i>Sorry about him.</i>

496
00:27:04,331 --> 00:27:07,301
Okay, so what exactly
is wrong with my sperm?

497
00:27:09,878 --> 00:27:12,176
This is a slide
of a normal sample.

498
00:27:12,256 --> 00:27:15,135
And this
is your sample.

499
00:27:15,217 --> 00:27:16,560
<i>They look drunk.</i>

500
00:27:16,635 --> 00:27:18,387
They do, don't they?

501
00:27:18,470 --> 00:27:20,768
Where are
they going?

502
00:27:20,848 --> 00:27:23,476
O-okay, so just
for argument sake,

503
00:27:23,559 --> 00:27:26,358
let's just say you're right.
How did they get that way?

504
00:27:26,436 --> 00:27:28,530
One possible cause
is testicular trauma.

505
00:27:28,605 --> 00:27:30,983
Have you ever experienced
anything like that?

506
00:27:32,192 --> 00:27:38,916
[groans]

507
00:27:38,991 --> 00:27:42,621
No, no. Not that I can recall.

508
00:27:42,703 --> 00:27:46,753
Oh, well then, I'm going to order
you a scrotal exploration.

509
00:27:46,832 --> 00:27:49,676
A scrotal what now?
What is that? What?

510
00:27:49,751 --> 00:27:53,130
Sometimes a tear will form
in the tunica albuginea

511
00:27:53,213 --> 00:27:56,638
resulting in extrusion
of the testicular contents.

512
00:27:56,717 --> 00:28:01,439
<i>We simply insert a small camera into
the penis, through the urethra--</i>

513
00:28:01,513 --> 00:28:05,063
<i>This sounds amazing. How about this,
and I'm just spilballing here,</i>

514
00:28:05,142 --> 00:28:07,520
why don't we take my ball
sack and scrape it up

515
00:28:07,603 --> 00:28:10,607
against a cheese grater? Or
maybe go out to your car

516
00:28:10,689 --> 00:28:12,612
and slam my dick
in the trunk.

517
00:28:12,691 --> 00:28:15,035
Do you feel like
that might help or?

518
00:28:15,110 --> 00:28:17,283
I'm sorry.

519
00:28:17,362 --> 00:28:21,037
I can assure you, Mr. Macklin, this
is a mostly painless procedure.

520
00:28:21,116 --> 00:28:23,960
Yeah, I'm kinda getting caught
up on the word "mostly."

521
00:28:24,036 --> 00:28:26,710
<i>It's just-- it's a
/at to take in.</i>

522
00:28:27,998 --> 00:28:29,875
Okay, okay.
So, let's say

523
00:28:29,958 --> 00:28:32,211
<i>nothing comes in this
scrotal exp/oration.</i>

524
00:28:32,294 --> 00:28:34,763
Then my suggestion would
be that you find a donor.

525
00:28:36,715 --> 00:28:39,218
<i>But we're not
there, yet, so.</i>

526
00:28:39,301 --> 00:28:41,474
I think you're right.
We're not there, yet.

527
00:28:41,553 --> 00:28:43,647
We're not even close
to being there, yet.

528
00:28:43,722 --> 00:28:46,316
I think you've freaked
out my wife, sir.

529
00:28:46,391 --> 00:28:48,940
And we're gonna be-- we're
gonna be leaving now.

530
00:28:49,019 --> 00:28:50,817
Are you okay, honey?

531
00:28:50,896 --> 00:28:52,944
Too far. Okay.

532
00:28:53,023 --> 00:28:55,446
Oh, sorry.

533
00:29:01,156 --> 00:29:04,706
<i>What's up with Audrey and Tommy? Why
aren't they ta/king to each other?</i>

534
00:29:04,785 --> 00:29:08,585
<i>It's this whole baby thing. I think
it's time one of us stepped up.</i>

535
00:29:08,664 --> 00:29:11,713
I think one of us should offer
our sperm to our buddy.

536
00:29:11,792 --> 00:29:13,794
That's the right
thing to do.

537
00:29:13,877 --> 00:29:17,677
All right. As his best friend,
I will toss it in there.

538
00:29:17,756 --> 00:29:20,976
[laughs] No,
seriously, no offense.

539
00:29:21,051 --> 00:29:23,850
Hey, hey, this isn't
genetic, okay?

540
00:29:23,929 --> 00:29:27,103
It's called laziness.
My sperm is thin, fit.

541
00:29:27,182 --> 00:29:30,106
<i>Whatever. We don't know whose
sperm he's gonna choose.</i>

542
00:29:30,185 --> 00:29:32,028
What?

543
00:29:32,104 --> 00:29:34,778
What, 'cause
I'm black?

544
00:29:34,856 --> 00:29:38,486
<i>Ah, 'cause we wouldn't want Tommy
to have a biracial baby, right?</i>

545
00:29:38,568 --> 00:29:41,822
The kid might grow up to be the president.
Or Halle Berry.

546
00:29:41,905 --> 00:29:44,374
Okay, fine. We settle
it this way, okay?

547
00:29:44,449 --> 00:29:46,702
We all jack off
into a cup, right?

548
00:29:46,785 --> 00:29:49,789
And we swirl it around, and
then may the best man win.

549
00:29:49,871 --> 00:29:52,875
May the best
man win what?

550
00:29:52,958 --> 00:29:56,633
Uh, just--
The World Series?

551
00:29:58,380 --> 00:30:00,758
<i>Happy birthday, man</i>

552
00:30:00,841 --> 00:30:02,935
Awesome party, Tom.

553
00:30:03,010 --> 00:30:05,308
<i>What if I get drunk and
take all my clothes off?</i>

554
00:30:05,387 --> 00:30:08,106
It might be
so-mething nice.

555
00:30:08,181 --> 00:30:11,185
That is good, right? All right.

556
00:30:12,311 --> 00:30:15,781
Bye.

557
00:30:15,856 --> 00:30:19,110
Hey, can I get you a drink?
You have a drink.

558
00:30:19,192 --> 00:30:20,865
Do you need
anything? Food or?

559
00:30:20,944 --> 00:30:23,288
Hey. guys.
Happy birthday, Tommy.

560
00:30:23,363 --> 00:30:24,535
<i>(Audrey)
Hey, Julie.</i>

561
00:30:24,614 --> 00:30:25,786
Happy birthday, dude.

562
00:30:25,866 --> 00:30:28,164
Thanks.

563
00:30:28,243 --> 00:30:32,714
<i>Todd and I have been ta/king and
we heard about your prob/em.</i>

564
00:30:32,789 --> 00:30:37,511
And we would like
to offer our services.

565
00:30:37,586 --> 00:30:39,259
For what?

566
00:30:39,338 --> 00:30:44,185
What we'd like to do
is offer you our sperm.

567
00:30:44,259 --> 00:30:47,012
What?

568
00:30:47,095 --> 00:30:51,020
<i>Tommy, we've been blessed with three
smart, beautiful, healthy children.</i>

569
00:30:51,099 --> 00:30:54,273
Honestly, when Todd first brought
it up, I was unsure, too.

570
00:30:54,353 --> 00:30:58,608
<i>When Audrey said no to Todd's
proposal all those years ago,</i>

571
00:30:58,690 --> 00:31:00,112
Seems like yesterday.

572
00:31:00,192 --> 00:31:02,194
She gave me
a gift.

573
00:31:02,277 --> 00:31:04,746
And this is my chance
to repay her.

574
00:31:04,821 --> 00:31:07,449
So, what do you say?

575
00:31:10,369 --> 00:31:13,088
What do I say?

576
00:31:14,539 --> 00:31:15,916
Um--

577
00:31:15,999 --> 00:31:18,218
Honey, let me.

578
00:31:22,005 --> 00:31:24,975
<i>Dude, I am sorry.
Huge misunderstanding</i>

579
00:31:25,050 --> 00:31:26,427
We did not mean
to offend.

580
00:31:26,510 --> 00:31:28,183
We were just
trying to be nice.

581
00:31:28,261 --> 00:31:30,730
I just thought if you're
gonna have a donor,

582
00:31:30,806 --> 00:31:33,104
might as well be someone you know.
That's all.

583
00:31:33,183 --> 00:31:36,687
Right? That's it! There's
no reason to be rude.

584
00:31:36,770 --> 00:31:39,649
I'm not asking to stick
it in Audrey directly.

585
00:31:39,731 --> 00:31:42,780
<i>I mean, unless you're into that.
Some guys are.</i>

586
00:31:42,859 --> 00:31:46,409
I don't know. I bet Julie would
be fine with it if you are.

587
00:31:46,488 --> 00:31:49,207
Or not. Whatever.
Just let me know.

588
00:31:49,282 --> 00:31:51,751
People loving
people, right, man?

589
00:31:52,994 --> 00:31:54,416
I love you.

590
00:31:54,496 --> 00:31:56,089
Hi, there.

591
00:31:56,164 --> 00:31:59,008
<i>I'm ready for
that drink now.</i>

592
00:31:59,084 --> 00:32:01,007
Okay.

593
00:32:01,086 --> 00:32:04,181
You'd be there to monitor
the whole thing.

594
00:32:07,259 --> 00:32:10,604
<i>You know, honey, I clipped an
article in recipes and things</i>

595
00:32:10,679 --> 00:32:15,606
about how overpopulation is contributing
to a general decline in male sperm count.

596
00:32:15,684 --> 00:32:17,982
Thanks, Mom.

597
00:32:18,061 --> 00:32:21,907
<i>You know what I was thinking, sweetie?
Tommy's an only child.</i>

598
00:32:21,982 --> 00:32:24,610
<i>Yeah, that might be
the prob/em right there.</i>

599
00:32:24,693 --> 00:32:27,367
<i>His whole family
might have bad sperm.</i>

600
00:32:27,446 --> 00:32:28,743
<i>But he's lucky
he made it.</i>

601
00:32:28,822 --> 00:32:30,620
[laughs]

602
00:32:30,699 --> 00:32:32,667
Hi!

603
00:32:32,742 --> 00:32:33,994
How are you?

604
00:32:34,077 --> 00:32:35,203
Good.

605
00:32:35,287 --> 00:32:36,960
Thanks for getting it.

606
00:32:38,498 --> 00:32:41,092
Oh, yeah, pork
fried rice there.

607
00:32:41,168 --> 00:32:44,968
Wait a second. I was--Oh, okay,
I know what I was gonna say.

608
00:32:45,046 --> 00:32:48,175
Okay, you know
our little problem,

609
00:32:48,258 --> 00:32:50,761
our very personal
and private problem?

610
00:32:50,844 --> 00:32:53,438
Well, it has nothing
to do with me.

611
00:32:53,513 --> 00:32:56,312
<i>I don't need to put hemorrhoid
cream on my ball sack, Wanda.</i>

612
00:32:56,391 --> 00:32:58,439
I don't need
to eat hot peppers.

613
00:32:58,518 --> 00:33:01,362
And I don't need to have a camera
shoved up my hole, darling.

614
00:33:01,438 --> 00:33:04,487
<i>My sperm is
perfectly fine.</i>

615
00:33:04,566 --> 00:33:08,412
Why? Because I say that it is.
End of discussion.

616
00:33:08,487 --> 00:33:09,864
Let's eat.

617
00:33:09,946 --> 00:33:11,323
Food.

618
00:33:11,406 --> 00:33:13,158
Who can deny
science like that?

619
00:33:13,241 --> 00:33:15,960
Okay, you want science?
I'll give you some science.

620
00:33:16,036 --> 00:33:20,883
<i>You know that softball team I played on?
There was no softball team- Softball.</i>

621
00:33:20,957 --> 00:33:24,632
<i>I drove to a sperm bank,
and I donated sperm.</i>

622
00:33:24,711 --> 00:33:26,588
I did.
Twenty times.

623
00:33:26,671 --> 00:33:29,220
And each time, they
paid me cold hard cash.

624
00:33:29,299 --> 00:33:33,600
They wouldn't very well pay me good
money for bad sperm, would they?

625
00:33:33,678 --> 00:33:35,931
See how that works?

626
00:33:36,014 --> 00:33:39,063
Now let's eat. God!

627
00:33:39,142 --> 00:33:40,268
<i>You did what?</i>

628
00:33:40,352 --> 00:33:41,729
What?

629
00:33:41,811 --> 00:33:43,609
Tommy, what did
you just say?

630
00:33:47,359 --> 00:33:49,361
I fell in love
with a gorgeous woman

631
00:33:49,444 --> 00:33:53,540
who deserved an amazingly
expensive engagement ring

632
00:33:53,615 --> 00:33:58,496
<i>that I couldn't afford- And at 85 bucks
a pop, honey, it just seemed like--</i>

633
00:33:58,578 --> 00:34:01,707
Tommy, you
have children.

634
00:34:01,790 --> 00:34:03,963
Twenty children
out there.

635
00:34:04,042 --> 00:34:04,964
<i>(Olark)
At least.</i>

636
00:34:05,043 --> 00:34:07,296
Thanks, Dad.

637
00:34:07,379 --> 00:34:10,599
You don't understand. I gave 20 samples.
That doesn't necessarily--

638
00:34:10,674 --> 00:34:14,645
It doesn't
necessarily mean that--

639
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:16,437
No, I am sure that
most of that sperm

640
00:34:16,513 --> 00:34:18,936
is sitting right there
in that bank right now.

641
00:34:19,015 --> 00:34:22,019
Tommy, you have children.

642
00:34:24,396 --> 00:34:26,490
Oh, Tommy.

643
00:34:29,109 --> 00:34:32,488
Come on, Clark, you understand what
I was trying to do, don't you?

644
00:34:32,571 --> 00:34:33,993
You get it, right?

645
00:34:34,072 --> 00:34:38,043
I understand
completely, Tommy.

646
00:34:38,118 --> 00:34:42,248
I understand that you bought
my daughter's engagement ring

647
00:34:42,330 --> 00:34:43,923
with beat off money.

648
00:34:45,542 --> 00:34:48,421
Got her a cum diamond.

649
00:34:53,925 --> 00:34:56,678
<i>(man) Pasadena Androlog y and Cryobank.
May I help you?</i>

650
00:34:56,761 --> 00:34:59,605
<i>Hey, how're you doing? I'm
here 'cause I need some sperm.</i>

651
00:34:59,681 --> 00:35:02,855
Okay. I could set you up with one
of our sales reps and they--

652
00:35:02,934 --> 00:35:05,232
You know what? That's
not gonna be necessary.

653
00:35:05,312 --> 00:35:07,406
I actually just need
some of my own sperm.

654
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:11,405
Your own sperm? I think we can
cutout the middle man here.

655
00:35:11,484 --> 00:35:15,330
No, no. I'm a donor. I donated
some sperm about five years ago,

656
00:35:15,405 --> 00:35:18,329
and I was hoping to get that back.
I hope there's some left.

657
00:35:18,408 --> 00:35:19,785
<i>What's your
name, buddy?</i>

658
00:35:19,868 --> 00:35:21,962
Thomas Macklin.

659
00:35:24,331 --> 00:35:26,629
What do you know?
We have one batch left.

660
00:35:28,418 --> 00:35:30,170
Yeah!
That is great.

661
00:35:30,253 --> 00:35:33,678
You know what? You guys
paid me $85 per batch,

662
00:35:33,757 --> 00:35:35,851
and I feel that it's
only right for me to--

663
00:35:35,925 --> 00:35:37,893
Oops, I'm sorry.

664
00:35:37,969 --> 00:35:40,267
It looks like
we already sold it.

665
00:35:40,347 --> 00:35:41,974
[stammers]

666
00:35:42,057 --> 00:35:43,274
My bad.

667
00:35:43,350 --> 00:35:44,476
To-to who?

668
00:35:44,559 --> 00:35:45,811
To whom?

669
00:35:45,894 --> 00:35:47,316
Seriously?

670
00:35:47,395 --> 00:35:48,863
I don't know
if that's right.

671
00:35:48,938 --> 00:35:50,281
You're right.
It's "to whom."

672
00:35:50,357 --> 00:35:52,451
It's whom?
Ah, okay.

673
00:35:52,525 --> 00:35:57,201
Anyway, we sold it to this
couple three weeks ago.

674
00:35:57,280 --> 00:36:01,035
<i>We're performing the
insemination on dee-dee-dee-dee,</i>

675
00:36:01,117 --> 00:36:03,119
Monday.

676
00:36:03,203 --> 00:36:06,207
Whatever it is they're paying
you, I'll give you double now.

677
00:36:06,289 --> 00:36:09,668
<i>This isn't eBay, sir. We don't gel
into bidding wars over sperm.</i>

678
00:36:09,751 --> 00:36:11,845
Okay.
You know what?

679
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:14,469
I don't wanna have to do
this 'cause I'm not a dick,

680
00:36:14,547 --> 00:36:18,222
but it just so happens that I'm a good
personal friend of Kevin Baldrey, the manager.

681
00:36:18,301 --> 00:36:19,553
Ooh. You hear
that, Lyle?

682
00:36:19,636 --> 00:36:21,513
Is that right?

683
00:36:21,596 --> 00:36:23,849
He's a personal friend
of Kevin Baldrey.

684
00:36:23,932 --> 00:36:26,435
I'd like to speak
to him right now.

685
00:36:26,518 --> 00:36:29,397
<i>You and Kev aren't so close, otherwise
you'd know he doesn't work here.</i>

686
00:36:29,479 --> 00:36:32,824
He got fired for putting hidden
cameras in the masturbatories.

687
00:36:32,899 --> 00:36:35,197
What? He--

688
00:36:35,276 --> 00:36:38,530
He hid them in the smoke detectors so
he could videotape guys jerking off,

689
00:36:38,613 --> 00:36:40,456
and he put them
on the Internet.

690
00:36:40,532 --> 00:36:42,250
Are you saying
that, uh--

691
00:36:42,325 --> 00:36:44,919
<i>There's only one
way to find out.</i>

692
00:36:44,994 --> 00:36:48,840
Looks like that website's back up
now that Kevy fled to Amsterdam.

693
00:36:48,915 --> 00:36:50,417
Oh, really?
Check that out.

694
00:36:50,500 --> 00:36:52,628
Yep. There you are.

695
00:36:52,711 --> 00:36:54,759
Macklin.

696
00:36:54,838 --> 00:36:58,388
So much for the theory that left
handers are more intelligent.

697
00:36:58,466 --> 00:37:00,264
Sir, back away
from the desk.

698
00:37:00,343 --> 00:37:02,061
Can I see?

699
00:37:02,137 --> 00:37:04,390
Do you always make that
face when you climax?

700
00:37:04,472 --> 00:37:05,894
You look like
a baby burp.

701
00:37:05,974 --> 00:37:08,568
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.

702
00:37:09,644 --> 00:37:10,941
[shouts]

703
00:37:11,020 --> 00:37:14,240
Get him out of here. Jeez.

704
00:37:16,067 --> 00:37:17,159
[groans]

705
00:37:17,235 --> 00:37:19,829
Say hi to Kev for me.

706
00:37:25,034 --> 00:37:28,664
<i>J' Happiness starts
With a smile J'</i>

707
00:37:28,747 --> 00:37:30,294
<i>I It's contagious J'</i>

708
00:37:30,373 --> 00:37:32,341
<i>I Catch it now JV'</i>

709
00:37:32,417 --> 00:37:36,047
How are you doing? I'm looking
for a Mrs. Leslie Jenkins.

710
00:37:36,129 --> 00:37:37,847
I'm Leslie Jenkins.

711
00:37:37,922 --> 00:37:39,515
I'm sorry.
I thought that--

712
00:37:39,591 --> 00:37:42,515
It's alright.
It's a Southern name.

713
00:37:42,594 --> 00:37:43,846
Do I know you?

714
00:37:43,928 --> 00:37:45,555
No, you don't.

715
00:37:45,638 --> 00:37:48,517
I'm Tommy Macklin.
I'm your sperm donor.

716
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:52,195
Oh. Oh!

717
00:37:52,270 --> 00:37:54,739
<i>Can I sit down with you and
your wife for a minute?</i>

718
00:37:54,814 --> 00:37:57,408
Honey, come here!
You're gonna love this!

719
00:38:02,113 --> 00:38:05,037
Jeffrey, this
is Tommy Macklin.

720
00:38:05,116 --> 00:38:06,333
How're you doing?

721
00:38:06,409 --> 00:38:10,539
Tommy Macklin?
Oh. Oh!

722
00:38:10,622 --> 00:38:12,499
Do you have
a light beer?

723
00:38:12,582 --> 00:38:15,131
Then we found out
my sperm was no good.

724
00:38:15,210 --> 00:38:17,679
It caused a lot of stress
in our relationship

725
00:38:17,754 --> 00:38:20,348
<i>because obviously we wanna
have a baby naturally.</i>

726
00:38:20,423 --> 00:38:22,596
We don't know anything
about naturally.

727
00:38:22,675 --> 00:38:24,518
Not an option.

728
00:38:24,594 --> 00:38:27,347
Yeah. But I
don't understand.

729
00:38:27,430 --> 00:38:29,182
Between the two
of you guys,

730
00:38:29,265 --> 00:38:31,814
you've got twice as much
sperm as most couples.

731
00:38:31,893 --> 00:38:35,943
<i>Twice as much? More like ten times as
much with the human fire hose here.</i>

732
00:38:36,022 --> 00:38:39,242
I've learned to take my contacts
out, if you know what I mean.

733
00:38:39,317 --> 00:38:42,366
It's like stepping on a full
tube of toothpaste with you.

734
00:38:42,445 --> 00:38:46,791
That's wild. So, why don't you
just use some of Jeffrey's sperm?

735
00:38:46,866 --> 00:38:49,164
<i>[laughing]
No, no, no. No.</i>

736
00:38:49,244 --> 00:38:52,088
My family has more alcoholics
than Celebrity Rehab.

737
00:38:52,163 --> 00:38:54,336
Plus he's OCD and ADD.

738
00:38:54,415 --> 00:38:57,840
Mildly. Anyway, we wouldn't pass my
DNA on to my worst enemy's baby,

739
00:38:57,919 --> 00:38:59,466
much less our own.

740
00:38:59,546 --> 00:39:02,516
Okay. So then what
about yours, Leslie?

741
00:39:02,590 --> 00:39:07,221
That was plan A. But as it turns out,
my sperm is--what's the word they used?

742
00:39:07,303 --> 00:39:09,055
Confused.

743
00:39:09,138 --> 00:39:10,731
My sperm is
confused, too.

744
00:39:10,807 --> 00:39:12,400
<i>I cannot
believe that.</i>

745
00:39:12,475 --> 00:39:14,443
We saw the pictures.
It was crazy.

746
00:39:14,519 --> 00:39:17,272
You know what? I am confident
we can work something out.

747
00:39:17,355 --> 00:39:20,108
<i>I'm happy to reimburse
you for any expenses,</i>

748
00:39:20,191 --> 00:39:23,741
<i>and for the cost of
finding a new donor.</i>

749
00:39:23,820 --> 00:39:26,869
<i>Well, that's very sweet,
Tommy, but to be honest</i>

750
00:39:26,948 --> 00:39:29,417
we're quite happy
with the donor we chose.

751
00:39:29,492 --> 00:39:34,089
See, Leslie has a hang up about having
a baby that looks like him. Shallow.

752
00:39:34,163 --> 00:39:35,915
Guilty as charged.

753
00:39:35,999 --> 00:39:37,876
When we found out
he couldn't produce,

754
00:39:37,959 --> 00:39:40,633
we started looking for a
donor with similar features.

755
00:39:40,712 --> 00:39:44,467
<i>And in the end we,
well, we landed on you.</i>

756
00:39:44,549 --> 00:39:47,393
What about $2,000?
That seems fair.

757
00:39:47,468 --> 00:39:49,812
I just really need
that sperm back.

758
00:39:49,888 --> 00:39:52,767
[exhales] Tommy,
I'm really sorry,

759
00:39:52,849 --> 00:39:57,320
but to find the right donor, I don't think
we could go through that process again.

760
00:39:57,395 --> 00:40:00,114
We've never had
more arguments.

761
00:40:00,189 --> 00:40:01,862
I thought we were
gonna break up.

762
00:40:01,941 --> 00:40:04,114
We almost did. But
we didn't, did we?

763
00:40:04,193 --> 00:40:06,867
<i>No. Tommy, if there 's one
thing /know, it's this.</i>

764
00:40:06,946 --> 00:40:08,914
Love will find a way.

765
00:40:08,990 --> 00:40:11,664
<i>It worked for us
and it will work for you.</i>

766
00:40:11,743 --> 00:40:14,713
In fact, Leslie, why don't you
show Tommy some of the runners up?

767
00:40:14,787 --> 00:40:17,290
There's some guys in there
that look a little like you.

768
00:40:17,373 --> 00:40:19,796
You could tell your wife
you got your sperm back.

769
00:40:19,876 --> 00:40:23,676
Maybe slip a little something to the doctor.
She'd never know, so.

770
00:40:23,755 --> 00:40:26,634
Anyway, I've gotta get
jogging before nightfall.

771
00:40:26,716 --> 00:40:28,343
Pleasure meeting you.

772
00:40:28,426 --> 00:40:30,019
Best of luck.

773
00:40:30,094 --> 00:40:32,096
I'll get
the folder for you.

774
00:40:42,941 --> 00:40:44,488
I can get you
your sperm back.

775
00:40:44,567 --> 00:40:46,285
Uh, but I thought
we just said that--

776
00:40:46,361 --> 00:40:48,830
Come inside.

777
00:40:48,905 --> 00:40:52,205
<i>Goddammit, Tommy- I feel horrible
about this- I really do-</i>

778
00:40:52,283 --> 00:40:54,160
Jeffrey said---

779
00:40:54,243 --> 00:40:56,666
Forget Jeffrey. I wear the
pants in this relationship.

780
00:40:56,746 --> 00:40:58,623
And I would like to see
you have your family.

781
00:40:58,706 --> 00:41:00,674
Really?

782
00:41:00,750 --> 00:41:03,378
Yes. I'm sure we can reach
some kind of mutual agreement.

783
00:41:03,461 --> 00:41:06,510
It's simple, isn't it? You want
your sperm back, and I want you.

784
00:41:06,589 --> 00:41:08,591
<i>Jeffrey always says
I'm a narcissist.</i>

785
00:41:08,675 --> 00:41:10,552
That's probably why
I'm so attracted to you.

786
00:41:10,635 --> 00:41:12,558
It'd be like having
sex with myself.

787
00:41:12,637 --> 00:41:14,514
Having sex?

788
00:41:14,597 --> 00:41:17,066
I want to be
inside you, Tommy.

789
00:41:17,141 --> 00:41:18,734
What?

790
00:41:18,810 --> 00:41:22,280
I want to enter you.

791
00:41:22,355 --> 00:41:24,323
Are you-are you
not getting this?

792
00:41:24,399 --> 00:41:25,821
.5

793
00:41:25,900 --> 00:41:27,902
Have you ever had
anal sex, Tommy?

794
00:41:27,986 --> 00:41:29,988
I can't say
that I have.

795
00:41:30,071 --> 00:41:32,915
It's like getting your prostate checked.
Have you done that?

796
00:41:32,991 --> 00:41:35,665
You should. Detection
equals prevention.

797
00:41:35,743 --> 00:41:37,416
Okay, okay.

798
00:41:37,495 --> 00:41:39,839
Come on, Tom.
We're guys here.

799
00:41:39,914 --> 00:41:43,418
Let's do this.
Don't be so homophobic.

800
00:41:43,501 --> 00:41:45,253
I'm not homophobic.

801
00:41:45,336 --> 00:41:47,179
You're afraid to have sex
with another man.

802
00:41:47,255 --> 00:41:49,849
It doesn't get more
homophobic than that.

803
00:41:49,924 --> 00:41:51,972
I don't think you're
using that word right.

804
00:41:52,051 --> 00:41:54,429
<i>All right. I'll tell
you what I'll do.</i>

805
00:41:54,512 --> 00:41:56,890
You enter me.

806
00:41:56,973 --> 00:41:59,101
What the hell?
I'm feeling generous.

807
00:41:59,183 --> 00:42:03,404
It's my final offer, Tom.
What do you say?

808
00:42:03,479 --> 00:42:05,823
<i>[lawn mower
engine running]</i>

809
00:42:05,898 --> 00:42:09,198
I say fuck him. It's just a hole.
Stick it in.

810
00:42:09,277 --> 00:42:11,245
Can we be
serious, please?

811
00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:14,244
Or let him fuck you. Who gives a shit?
Fuck or be fucked.

812
00:42:14,323 --> 00:42:17,076
Close your eyes, stick it
in, and think of baseball.

813
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:19,037
That'll make it
last longer.

814
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:20,542
What do you got to lose?

815
00:42:20,621 --> 00:42:22,999
I can think
of a few things, Wade!

816
00:42:23,082 --> 00:42:25,210
Shit, I would do it.
But everybody knows

817
00:42:25,293 --> 00:42:26,761
that gay guys
don't like fat people.

818
00:42:26,836 --> 00:42:30,136
They're "fatophobic."
"Plumpophobic."

819
00:42:30,214 --> 00:42:33,935
"Plumpophobia" or whatever. Have you
ever seen a gay fat guy before?

820
00:42:34,010 --> 00:42:36,934
No, they don't exist.
They're like unicorns.

821
00:42:37,013 --> 00:42:39,607
Have you ever seen
a fat unicorn before?

822
00:42:39,682 --> 00:42:40,854
Me either.

823
00:42:40,933 --> 00:42:42,731
Help me!

824
00:42:42,810 --> 00:42:45,188
When they said you couldn't
have your sperm back,

825
00:42:45,271 --> 00:42:47,820
they robbed you of your future.
Right?

826
00:42:47,899 --> 00:42:50,493
And you have every
right to steal it back.

827
00:42:50,568 --> 00:42:52,912
Are you talking about
robbing a sperm bank?

828
00:42:52,987 --> 00:42:54,705
"A" double right,
you bet I am.

829
00:42:54,781 --> 00:42:56,408
No, that's crazy.

830
00:42:56,491 --> 00:42:57,583
Crazy?
Or brilliant?

831
00:42:57,658 --> 00:42:59,001
Crazy.

832
00:42:59,077 --> 00:43:00,454
Brilliantly crazy.

833
00:43:00,536 --> 00:43:02,163
No, just crazy.

834
00:43:02,246 --> 00:43:04,999
And brilliant. Don't
think about yourself.

835
00:43:05,083 --> 00:43:06,756
Think about your
unborn child.

836
00:43:06,834 --> 00:43:08,461
If you don't do
something soon,

837
00:43:08,544 --> 00:43:10,421
the last good seed
you have on Earth

838
00:43:10,505 --> 00:43:12,803
is gonna be implanted
deep inside some surrogate.

839
00:43:12,882 --> 00:43:16,477
And good luck getting it back then.
Fuck or be fucked, Tommy.

840
00:43:16,552 --> 00:43:19,351
Fuck or be
fucked, Tommy.

841
00:43:19,430 --> 00:43:22,559
No, wait a second. How are
we gonna rob a sperm bank?

842
00:43:22,642 --> 00:43:24,394
I've been thinking
about this.

843
00:43:24,477 --> 00:43:26,229
I know just the guy
who can help us.

844
00:43:26,312 --> 00:43:28,360
Walk with me.

845
00:43:41,244 --> 00:43:42,996
How do you know
this guy again?

846
00:43:43,079 --> 00:43:44,581
How do we
know this guy?

847
00:43:44,664 --> 00:43:47,884
Shut up, Zig Zag.
Keep your mouth shut.

848
00:43:47,959 --> 00:43:50,212
This whole thing was my
idea in the first place.

849
00:43:50,294 --> 00:43:53,047
What?
Your idea?

850
00:43:53,131 --> 00:43:56,931
You think you can come up with a
crazily brilliant idea like this?

851
00:43:57,009 --> 00:44:00,559
Okay. The guys in the meat
department introduce me to him.

852
00:44:00,638 --> 00:44:02,265
Apparently he's
the real deal.

853
00:44:02,348 --> 00:44:03,850
Former bag man
for the Indian mafia.

854
00:44:03,933 --> 00:44:05,856
What does
that mean?

855
00:44:05,935 --> 00:44:08,529
That's racist. They like to
be called Native-Americans.

856
00:44:08,604 --> 00:44:11,403
No, he's Indian. Dot head
Indian, not feather Indian.

857
00:44:11,482 --> 00:44:12,825
That's even
more racist.

858
00:44:12,900 --> 00:44:15,073
You're a racist.

859
00:44:15,153 --> 00:44:17,872
Bag man means you fuck with him,
you end up with a bag on your hip.

860
00:44:17,947 --> 00:44:20,996
<i>- Bag on your hip? What the fuck does that mean ?
- You shit in a bag.</i>

861
00:44:21,075 --> 00:44:26,332
And then they tell me that they can't
even sell me back my own sperm.

862
00:44:26,414 --> 00:44:28,712
And then they kick me out.

863
00:44:28,791 --> 00:44:30,668
Yeah, and they pepper
sprayed me in the face.

864
00:44:30,751 --> 00:44:33,971
Pushed me into the bushes.
I have prickers everywhere.

865
00:44:34,046 --> 00:44:36,174
I mean, if I don't
get my sperm back, man,

866
00:44:36,257 --> 00:44:38,430
my marriage is over.

867
00:44:38,509 --> 00:44:41,763
You know, these bastards
are assholes,

868
00:44:41,846 --> 00:44:44,019
and they're stealing
my future,

869
00:44:44,098 --> 00:44:48,899
and they're taking away my constitutional
right to do whatever I want

870
00:44:48,978 --> 00:44:50,400
with my own sperm.

871
00:44:50,479 --> 00:44:51,776
You know?

872
00:44:51,856 --> 00:44:54,109
Do you see
what I'm saying?

873
00:44:54,192 --> 00:44:56,240
Yes, I do.

874
00:44:56,319 --> 00:44:58,913
You're saying you bought
your wife's engagement ring

875
00:44:58,988 --> 00:45:00,365
with beat off money.

876
00:45:00,448 --> 00:45:01,745
[laughs]

877
00:45:01,824 --> 00:45:04,577
<i>Classic, right?
[laughs]</i>

878
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:07,292
I like you.

879
00:45:07,371 --> 00:45:09,214
<i>You're a married man.</i>

880
00:45:09,290 --> 00:45:11,588
I always want
to be married man.

881
00:45:11,667 --> 00:45:13,465
But I never found love.

882
00:45:13,544 --> 00:45:15,638
What can you do?

883
00:45:15,713 --> 00:45:16,930
I will help you.

884
00:45:17,006 --> 00:45:18,223
Hey, all right.

885
00:45:18,299 --> 00:45:19,425
Thank you, Ron Jon.
See?

886
00:45:19,508 --> 00:45:20,930
<i>Wow, thanks, man.</i>

887
00:45:21,010 --> 00:45:22,307
Cost is 5000.

888
00:45:22,386 --> 00:45:24,935
5000? I really had
no idea.

889
00:45:25,014 --> 00:45:27,142
Could you excuse us.
Give us a sec.

890
00:45:29,185 --> 00:45:30,983
What are you doing?
You're blowing the deal.

891
00:45:31,062 --> 00:45:33,064
$5000 to rob
a sperm bank?

892
00:45:33,147 --> 00:45:34,364
How much do you
think it costs?

893
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:36,113
- I don't know.
- Exactly.

894
00:45:36,192 --> 00:45:38,445
Are you gonna put a price
tag on your family?

895
00:45:38,527 --> 00:45:40,200
Shit.

896
00:45:40,279 --> 00:45:42,407
You must have a rich
uncle around somewhere.

897
00:45:42,490 --> 00:45:44,834
I've got $11,000 saved up
in the house fund.

898
00:45:44,909 --> 00:45:48,254
I could possibly borrow five and pay
it back before Audrey found out.

899
00:45:48,329 --> 00:45:50,252
Now you're talking sense.

900
00:45:50,331 --> 00:45:51,674
This is it.

901
00:45:51,749 --> 00:45:53,001
Now be cool.

902
00:45:53,084 --> 00:45:55,507
So, we were
just chatting.

903
00:45:55,586 --> 00:45:59,181
And we feel like, yeah,
sure, yeah, good.

904
00:45:59,257 --> 00:46:01,601
What about $3000?

905
00:46:01,676 --> 00:46:04,555
Mr. Macklin,
make no mistake.

906
00:46:04,637 --> 00:46:06,981
We are committing
a felony here.

907
00:46:07,056 --> 00:46:11,653
There is grave risk involved.
Do you understand me?

908
00:46:11,727 --> 00:46:14,526
Yeah, 5000 then.
5000 seems good.

909
00:46:14,605 --> 00:46:15,731
Very nice!

910
00:46:15,815 --> 00:46:17,613
Very, very, very nice!

911
00:46:17,692 --> 00:46:20,787
- Thank you for your time.
- Looks like we have a deal.

912
00:46:20,861 --> 00:46:23,455
Dude, were you seriously
in the Indian mafia?

913
00:46:30,079 --> 00:46:31,922
What the fuck, man?

914
00:46:31,998 --> 00:46:33,500
I never said anything.

915
00:46:33,582 --> 00:46:36,552
You have to know
every fucking thing.

916
00:46:36,627 --> 00:46:37,594
Okay, fine.

917
00:46:37,670 --> 00:46:39,388
Okay, Mr. Nosy.

918
00:46:39,463 --> 00:46:42,057
<i>If you must know,
back in Mumbai,</i>

919
00:46:42,133 --> 00:46:44,886
I was the best second story
man in the business.

920
00:46:44,969 --> 00:46:46,391
What business?

921
00:46:46,470 --> 00:46:49,144
The stealing
shit business, okay?

922
00:46:49,223 --> 00:46:53,148
- Okay.
- What is your name?

923
00:46:53,227 --> 00:46:54,444
Zig Zag.

924
00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:56,113
What is so funny, Zig Zag?

925
00:46:56,188 --> 00:46:58,282
I was just
kinda laughing

926
00:46:58,357 --> 00:47:03,659
at what the whole “Indian” organized
crime thing was all about.

927
00:47:03,738 --> 00:47:06,412
What? You don't think Indian
crime can be organized?

928
00:47:06,490 --> 00:47:08,288
Indians are
very organized.

929
00:47:08,367 --> 00:47:12,042
No, I'm sure. I just had
this, like, idea in my head

930
00:47:12,121 --> 00:47:15,250
about all these Indian mob
dudes, sitting around,

931
00:47:15,333 --> 00:47:18,052
like being all non-violent
with each other.

932
00:47:18,127 --> 00:47:20,380
'Cause you think about,
like, Gandhi, right?

933
00:47:20,463 --> 00:47:22,056
I mean, he was, like...

934
00:47:22,131 --> 00:47:25,101
Should I show you
how nonviolent I can be?

935
00:47:25,176 --> 00:47:27,224
No!

936
00:47:27,303 --> 00:47:29,931
You think Indians can only drive
a cab and fix your computer?

937
00:47:30,014 --> 00:47:31,766
Well, let me
tell you something.

938
00:47:31,849 --> 00:47:34,568
I did drive a cab! And I
can fix your computer,

939
00:47:34,643 --> 00:47:37,021
but I can also
cut your throat!

940
00:47:37,104 --> 00:47:38,731
Shall I show you,
Mr. Zig Zag?

941
00:47:38,814 --> 00:47:41,693
No, I feel like
I got it.

942
00:47:41,776 --> 00:47:43,870
Yeah, I feel like
I understand.

943
00:47:43,944 --> 00:47:45,696
Yeah, I was just
pretty baked.

944
00:47:45,780 --> 00:47:48,454
Cool off, man, okay?
Cool off.

945
00:47:48,532 --> 00:47:49,784
Everybody cool off.

946
00:47:49,867 --> 00:47:52,746
[Wade]
Hey, it's cool.

947
00:47:52,828 --> 00:47:54,045
Let us drink.

948
00:47:54,121 --> 00:47:59,548
[silent mouthing of words]

949
00:48:01,128 --> 00:48:03,347
Let us drink
to a successful mission.

950
00:48:03,422 --> 00:48:05,174
What is this?

951
00:48:05,257 --> 00:48:07,305
Just drink it, god damn it.
Everybody, "What is it?

952
00:48:07,385 --> 00:48:08,602
"What is it?
What is it?"

953
00:48:08,677 --> 00:48:09,974
Okay, come on!

954
00:48:10,054 --> 00:48:12,898
To success!

955
00:48:15,976 --> 00:48:23,030
[gagging, Spitting]

956
00:48:23,109 --> 00:48:26,454
I will get you your sperm
back, Mr. Macklin.

957
00:48:26,529 --> 00:48:29,578
That much,
I guarantee.

958
00:48:41,293 --> 00:48:43,341
<i>[Mona] So you just must
be totally pissed-</i>

959
00:48:43,421 --> 00:48:45,594
Yeah, I was
furious at first.

960
00:48:45,673 --> 00:48:47,641
I mean, he's got
kids out there.

961
00:48:47,716 --> 00:48:50,014
<i>But then I thought, why
not just go down there</i>

962
00:48:50,094 --> 00:48:53,064
and see if they have any of his
good sperm left for us to use.

963
00:48:53,139 --> 00:48:54,356
And?

964
00:48:54,432 --> 00:48:56,230
<i>It was five years ago.</i>

965
00:48:56,308 --> 00:48:59,107
They told him they'd look,
but it didn't look good.

966
00:49:02,565 --> 00:49:04,192
<i>Billy, /70!</i>

967
00:49:04,275 --> 00:49:06,027
If you keep drowning
James, I swear to God,

968
00:49:06,110 --> 00:49:07,532
I gonna come over there
and drown you right back!

969
00:49:07,611 --> 00:49:09,613
It's not James.

970
00:49:09,697 --> 00:49:12,871
Well, who can tell,
you little sewer rat?

971
00:49:14,326 --> 00:49:15,794
All right, that's it.

972
00:49:15,870 --> 00:49:17,292
Get over here!

973
00:49:18,747 --> 00:49:22,547
Oh, Allison,
she's so adorable.

974
00:49:23,794 --> 00:49:25,512
What's her name?

975
00:49:25,588 --> 00:49:27,716
Well, we wanted to name
her something Chinese,

976
00:49:27,798 --> 00:49:31,553
but also, you know, American,
so we went with Jackie Chan.

977
00:49:31,635 --> 00:49:35,014
Jackie Chan
Finnerman. Nice.

978
00:49:35,890 --> 00:49:37,107
Wait...

979
00:49:37,183 --> 00:49:40,153
Stop it!
C'mon, stop it!

980
00:49:42,354 --> 00:49:43,947
<i>God, she's so quiet.</i>

981
00:49:44,023 --> 00:49:46,117
Yeah, she's really quiet.
She never cries.

982
00:49:46,192 --> 00:49:48,035
Yeah, I've heard that
about those babies.

983
00:49:48,110 --> 00:49:49,908
Why does everybody know so
much about Asian babies?

984
00:49:49,987 --> 00:49:51,455
Did I miss a class
or something?

985
00:49:51,530 --> 00:49:53,282
They're just like
American babies.

986
00:49:53,365 --> 00:49:54,867
Only better.

987
00:49:54,950 --> 00:49:56,918
I heard they're also
really musical.

988
00:49:56,994 --> 00:49:59,088
You should totally get her
a piano, like, right now.

989
00:49:59,163 --> 00:50:00,585
Well, I already
got her a violin.

990
00:50:00,664 --> 00:50:02,666
She doesn't even
have fingers yet.

991
00:50:02,750 --> 00:50:04,172
So, just out of curiosity,

992
00:50:04,251 --> 00:50:05,969
how much did it cost
to adopt her?

993
00:50:06,045 --> 00:50:07,888
About $10,000
when you add it all up.

994
00:50:09,507 --> 00:50:10,599
Did you want
to hold her?

995
00:50:10,674 --> 00:50:12,017
Oh, I'd love to.

996
00:50:14,011 --> 00:50:16,264
Hi, Jackie Chan.

997
00:50:16,347 --> 00:50:17,018
Hi.

998
00:50:19,016 --> 00:50:22,896
Oh, princess.
Yeah. Hi.

999
00:50:36,450 --> 00:50:39,545
There he is,
our five-star general.

1000
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:08,198
Okay.

1001
00:51:08,274 --> 00:51:10,493
I have done a complete
stakeout of the target.

1002
00:51:10,568 --> 00:51:11,535
Nothing to it.

1003
00:51:11,610 --> 00:51:12,907
Piece of cake.

1004
00:51:12,987 --> 00:51:15,115
- Oh, that's great.
- Awesome.

1005
00:51:15,197 --> 00:51:17,825
Each person will have
a special job.

1006
00:51:17,908 --> 00:51:22,004
You. Because you are small like
a woman, you will be wheel man.

1007
00:51:22,079 --> 00:51:24,298
Drive only.
No talk.

1008
00:51:24,373 --> 00:51:25,215
A woman.

1009
00:51:25,291 --> 00:51:27,134
No talk.

1010
00:51:27,209 --> 00:51:28,927
You.

1011
00:51:29,003 --> 00:51:32,507
If shit go down, and all
fuck break loose...

1012
00:51:36,594 --> 00:51:39,473
<i>you are
trigger man.</i>

1013
00:51:39,555 --> 00:51:41,728
I'm not gonna
shoot this gun, so...

1014
00:51:41,807 --> 00:51:43,275
<i>Let me tell
you something.</i>

1015
00:51:43,350 --> 00:51:45,523
I have two strikes
against me.

1016
00:51:45,603 --> 00:51:48,402
One more and I go
to prison for life.

1017
00:51:48,480 --> 00:51:52,530
If we are caught, you must shoot me.
Do you understand?

1018
00:51:52,610 --> 00:51:54,704
I'm not gonna
shoot you, Mr. Jon.

1019
00:51:54,778 --> 00:51:56,200
Christ, I'll shoot him.

1020
00:51:56,280 --> 00:51:57,702
Sorry.

1021
00:51:57,781 --> 00:51:58,953
<i>So here is the plan.</i>

1022
00:51:59,033 --> 00:52:01,786
This is
the sperm bank.

1023
00:52:01,869 --> 00:52:05,715
This is barber shop
right next door.

1024
00:52:05,789 --> 00:52:08,338
Wait a minute.
Just, sorry,

1025
00:52:08,417 --> 00:52:09,839
but wouldn't it
make more sense

1026
00:52:09,918 --> 00:52:12,387
if we made the comb
the barber shop

1027
00:52:12,463 --> 00:52:15,467
and the cream the sperm bank?
I'm just saying.

1028
00:52:15,549 --> 00:52:16,801
Yeah, I'm with Tom
on this one.

1029
00:52:16,884 --> 00:52:18,761
<i>Okay, fine, fine.</i>

1030
00:52:18,844 --> 00:52:23,816
This is barber shop,
and this is sperm bank.

1031
00:52:23,891 --> 00:52:27,441
And this is the liquor store
across the street.

1032
00:52:30,606 --> 00:52:32,654
What?

1033
00:52:32,733 --> 00:52:36,033
Wouldn't it be better if Zig Zag's
beer was the liqour store...

1034
00:52:36,111 --> 00:52:38,660
and this ketchup bottle
was something else?

1035
00:52:49,625 --> 00:52:55,303
Liquor store, barber shop,
sperm bank. Any questions?

1036
00:52:55,381 --> 00:52:57,054
[belches loudly]

1037
00:52:57,132 --> 00:52:59,430
- Yeah.
- Yeah, that's good, yeah.

1038
00:52:59,510 --> 00:53:03,936
<i>Okay, you and wheel man will
arrive early, dressed as plumber.</i>

1039
00:53:06,100 --> 00:53:08,523
<i>You're gonna have your name
on the plumbing truck?</i>

1040
00:53:08,602 --> 00:53:09,854
Good point.

1041
00:53:12,606 --> 00:53:14,950
<i>You two will enter
barber shop and go</i>

1042
00:53:15,025 --> 00:53:17,153
<i>to the employee
rest room.</i>

1043
00:53:17,236 --> 00:53:19,659
<i>You will open
sky light.</i>

1044
00:53:19,738 --> 00:53:24,164
<i>Then you will plant special
tools I need for job.</i>

1045
00:53:24,243 --> 00:53:28,714
<i>Soon it will be dark and
time for me to take over.</i>

1046
00:53:28,789 --> 00:53:30,462
<i>From the roof
of the liquor store,</i>

1047
00:53:30,541 --> 00:53:32,794
<i>I will slide on power
lines like Ninja,</i>

1048
00:53:32,876 --> 00:53:34,878
<i>I will drop in
through the sky light,</i>

1049
00:53:34,962 --> 00:53:36,805
<i>take the jack hammer</i>

1050
00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:39,383
<i>and blast my way
into the sperm bank.</i>

1051
00:53:39,466 --> 00:53:42,140
<i>Meanwhile, res! of team
will be outside,</i>

1052
00:53:42,219 --> 00:53:44,347
<i>providing noise cover
for jack hammer.</i>

1053
00:53:44,430 --> 00:53:50,563
[loud rock music]

1054
00:53:50,644 --> 00:53:53,443
I don't
play guitar.

1055
00:53:53,522 --> 00:53:54,990
That's true.

1056
00:53:55,065 --> 00:53:56,738
But you do play
the accordion, right?

1057
00:53:56,817 --> 00:53:58,319
When I was nine.
[whispers] Shut up, Wade.

1058
00:54:01,947 --> 00:54:04,120
<i>Once inside sperm bank,</i>

1059
00:54:04,199 --> 00:54:06,577
<i>I will use special lock picking
kit to open the vault.</i>

1060
00:54:06,660 --> 00:54:12,008
<i>With special lock picking kit,
I can open any lock, anytime.</i>

1061
00:54:12,082 --> 00:54:13,629
<i>And, just like that.</i>

1062
00:54:13,709 --> 00:54:15,211
you are a daddy.

1063
00:54:15,294 --> 00:54:16,841
Did I tell you
this guy was the best?

1064
00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:18,342
<i>Sorry, I just
have one question</i>

1065
00:54:18,422 --> 00:54:21,050
If you can open
any lock, anytime,

1066
00:54:21,133 --> 00:54:24,182
then why not skip the Ninja
routine, the jack hammer

1067
00:54:24,261 --> 00:54:26,138
<i>and the 80s hair band,</i>

1068
00:54:26,221 --> 00:54:28,644
and just pick the lock on
the door to the sperm bank?

1069
00:54:28,724 --> 00:54:30,567
Yeah, if you just
use the lock picking kit,

1070
00:54:30,642 --> 00:54:34,692
you can pick the lock on the
door to the sperm bank.

1071
00:54:34,772 --> 00:54:36,695
I like this guy.

1072
00:54:36,774 --> 00:54:38,822
<i>He is a good one
to have on the team.</i>

1073
00:54:38,901 --> 00:54:41,404
Great new plan.
I like it.

1074
00:54:41,487 --> 00:54:45,492
Okay. I would call
this plan

1075
00:54:45,574 --> 00:54:47,952
Operation Desert Sperm.

1076
00:55:00,005 --> 00:55:01,928
Hey, wow.

1077
00:55:02,007 --> 00:55:05,978
- Guess what?
- Just really quick, I wanna say something.

1078
00:55:06,053 --> 00:55:08,727
I know I have screwed
some things up lately.

1079
00:55:08,806 --> 00:55:11,400
But don't worry,
because...

1080
00:55:11,475 --> 00:55:12,818
I am on the case.

1081
00:55:12,893 --> 00:55:16,989
Guess what?

1082
00:55:17,064 --> 00:55:17,940
You're pregnant?

1083
00:55:18,023 --> 00:55:19,149
[gasps]

1084
00:55:19,233 --> 00:55:21,110
Yes, yes, yes.

1085
00:55:21,193 --> 00:55:23,287
Oh, Tommy, Tommy.

1086
00:55:23,362 --> 00:55:25,615
I want to adopt.

1087
00:55:25,697 --> 00:55:27,620
Adopt?

1088
00:55:27,699 --> 00:55:29,952
I went by the adoption agency
and got some information.

1089
00:55:30,035 --> 00:55:31,753
It's the perfect
solution for us.

1090
00:55:31,829 --> 00:55:34,582
Yeah, but the sperm bank
might still have...

1091
00:55:34,665 --> 00:55:36,838
Tommy, you said they
didn't think they had any.

1092
00:55:36,917 --> 00:55:38,715
They said they're
checking the warehouse.

1093
00:55:38,794 --> 00:55:40,546
I held Allison's
baby today.

1094
00:55:40,629 --> 00:55:42,882
And I just looked into
those big, beautiful eyes.

1095
00:55:42,965 --> 00:55:45,684
Oh, my gosh, Tommy.
I just fell in love.

1096
00:55:45,759 --> 00:55:47,978
Look it doesn't matter
how we get a baby.

1097
00:55:48,053 --> 00:55:50,226
Let's just
start a family.

1098
00:55:50,305 --> 00:55:52,307
Allison's baby
is Chinese, right?

1099
00:55:52,391 --> 00:55:54,109
Oh, she's so delicious.

1100
00:55:56,311 --> 00:55:57,938
What's wrong?

1101
00:55:58,021 --> 00:55:59,022
Nothing.

1102
00:55:59,106 --> 00:56:00,528
I'm half Chinese!

1103
00:56:00,607 --> 00:56:02,826
Thank you.
I know that, I just...

1104
00:56:02,901 --> 00:56:07,247
But out of curiosity, do they
have any American kids there?

1105
00:56:07,322 --> 00:56:09,575
Or even, like half Chinese
half American kids?

1106
00:56:09,658 --> 00:56:14,004
Babe, American babies are ridiculously
expensive and impossible to get.

1107
00:56:14,079 --> 00:56:15,956
There used to be
tons of Russian babies,

1108
00:56:16,039 --> 00:56:18,133
but one of them went a little
crazy, so that was that.

1109
00:56:18,208 --> 00:56:20,461
India won't let their babies out.
We could go Ethiopian?

1110
00:56:20,544 --> 00:56:21,887
What do they have,
like a menu?

1111
00:56:21,962 --> 00:56:23,179
So I did
some quick research.

1112
00:56:23,255 --> 00:56:25,053
Of course you did.

1113
00:56:25,132 --> 00:56:28,136
And the Chinese babies
are the easiest ones to get.

1114
00:56:28,218 --> 00:56:31,392
Do you have some kind of Chinese
issue I should know about?

1115
00:56:32,806 --> 00:56:34,524
You love Chinese food!

1116
00:56:34,600 --> 00:56:36,352
Yeah, but I'm not
gonna eat the baby.

1117
00:56:36,435 --> 00:56:38,278
You better not.

1118
00:56:38,353 --> 00:56:40,481
You know what? Let me just
take a piss, really quick.

1119
00:56:40,564 --> 00:56:41,907
Hold on, two seconds.

1120
00:57:02,628 --> 00:57:05,723
[Tommy sighs heavily]

1121
00:57:05,797 --> 00:57:07,799
I guess the Great Wall
is pretty sweet.

1122
00:57:07,883 --> 00:57:10,682
Oh, thank you!

1123
00:57:12,471 --> 00:57:14,519
I mean, you're
sure about this?

1124
00:57:14,598 --> 00:57:17,647
I've never been more sure about
anything in my entire life.

1125
00:57:17,726 --> 00:57:19,228
Okay, then.

1126
00:57:20,437 --> 00:57:21,814
You look disappointed.

1127
00:57:21,897 --> 00:57:25,242
I'm not disappointed.

1128
00:57:25,317 --> 00:57:27,536
This is not exactly how I
imagined it would work out,

1129
00:57:27,611 --> 00:57:29,158
but maybe
you're right.

1130
00:57:29,237 --> 00:57:31,035
Let's explore it,
How does it even work?

1131
00:57:31,114 --> 00:57:34,209
Well, when you add it all up,
it's about $10,000.

1132
00:57:34,284 --> 00:57:36,707
But I figure we can just borrow
it from the house fund, right?

1133
00:57:37,788 --> 00:57:40,007
Yes, yes we can.

1134
00:57:40,082 --> 00:57:42,460
I love you, Tommy.

1135
00:57:42,542 --> 00:57:44,465
I love you, honey.

1136
00:57:50,258 --> 00:57:51,760
It's off.

1137
00:57:51,843 --> 00:57:53,561
- What's off?
- The robbery, it's off.

1138
00:57:53,637 --> 00:57:55,105
Shut the fuck up.

1139
00:57:55,180 --> 00:57:56,306
No, seriously man.

1140
00:57:56,390 --> 00:57:58,734
We've gotta cancel it.

1141
00:57:58,809 --> 00:58:00,231
But I already bought
the ski masks.

1142
00:58:00,310 --> 00:58:01,732
It's too risky.
I can't get caught.

1143
00:58:01,812 --> 00:58:03,530
What about the baby?

1144
00:58:03,605 --> 00:58:05,733
Audrey decided we're
gonna adopt a Chinese baby.

1145
00:58:05,816 --> 00:58:08,535
Audrey decided you're
getting a Chinese baby.

1146
00:58:08,610 --> 00:58:10,453
When did you decide
to give up on America?

1147
00:58:10,529 --> 00:58:11,951
She decided.

1148
00:58:12,030 --> 00:58:13,748
We decided.

1149
00:58:13,824 --> 00:58:16,247
She just decided first
and then I decided later.

1150
00:58:16,326 --> 00:58:18,624
I'm tired of these Chinese.
They're making everything.

1151
00:58:18,704 --> 00:58:20,798
Shirts, the watch
and the pants.

1152
00:58:20,872 --> 00:58:22,465
Now they're gonna make
our babies?

1153
00:58:22,541 --> 00:58:24,384
I'm sick of this
outsourcing shit.

1154
00:58:24,459 --> 00:58:26,211
Wait a second.

1155
00:58:26,294 --> 00:58:28,717
We were gonna outsource
our robbery to this Indian.

1156
00:58:28,797 --> 00:58:32,097
Besides, this way we're
helping orphans and shit.

1157
00:58:32,175 --> 00:58:33,768
Giving them
a second chance.

1158
00:58:33,844 --> 00:58:35,642
Oh, we already gave them
a second chance.

1159
00:58:35,721 --> 00:58:37,268
Remember Pearl Harbor?

1160
00:58:37,347 --> 00:58:39,145
Never forget, man.

1161
00:58:39,224 --> 00:58:41,022
Fine, get your Chinese baby.
I'm over it.

1162
00:58:41,101 --> 00:58:43,820
You know what? I hear
they're pretty damn smart.

1163
00:58:43,895 --> 00:58:45,989
Yeah, and fucking
expensive.

1164
00:58:46,064 --> 00:58:49,659
We gotta get my $5000
back from your Mr. Ron Jon.

1165
00:58:49,735 --> 00:58:52,864
Okay, well I don't think
Mr. Ron Jon's an Indian giver.

1166
00:58:52,946 --> 00:58:55,290
No shit. I am
the Indian giver.

1167
00:58:55,365 --> 00:58:57,459
How could you
be the Indian giver?

1168
00:58:57,534 --> 00:58:59,411
I'm not having
this conversation.

1169
00:59:01,705 --> 00:59:03,924
Okay, listen.
Stick to the plan.

1170
00:59:03,999 --> 00:59:05,376
Play to his sympathies.

1171
00:59:05,459 --> 00:59:07,052
Make him feel guilty,
all right?

1172
00:59:07,127 --> 00:59:08,845
[knocks]

1173
00:59:13,216 --> 00:59:15,435
What the hell?
You're a day early.

1174
00:59:15,510 --> 00:59:16,978
Hey, we need to talk.

1175
00:59:17,054 --> 00:59:18,772
Okay, come in.

1176
00:59:18,847 --> 00:59:21,521
Getting in shape
for the big job.

1177
00:59:21,600 --> 00:59:24,570
[loud Indian pop music]

1178
00:59:24,644 --> 00:59:27,989
Listen, Mr. Jon,
I have some bad news.

1179
00:59:28,065 --> 00:59:30,488
I have to cancel the job.

1180
00:59:30,567 --> 00:59:32,786
Okay, fine.
Job is canceled.

1181
00:59:32,861 --> 00:59:34,488
Just like that?

1182
00:59:34,571 --> 00:59:36,164
Just like that.

1183
00:59:36,239 --> 00:59:39,038
C'mon. We can drink
to canceled job. Come.

1184
00:59:40,202 --> 00:59:41,499
Okay, let's do this.

1185
00:59:42,871 --> 00:59:44,839
The good stuff,
too, I see

1186
00:59:44,915 --> 00:59:48,385
Hey, yes. Nothing but the best
for my friends. C'mon now.

1187
00:59:48,460 --> 00:59:49,461
To canceled job.

1188
00:59:54,174 --> 00:59:57,144
[laughs]
Indians love Scotch.

1189
00:59:57,219 --> 00:59:58,687
And cocaine!

1190
01:00:01,515 --> 01:00:05,691
[laughs and coughs]
She don't lie.

1191
01:00:05,769 --> 01:00:06,941
Well, heck if I do.

1192
01:00:09,106 --> 01:00:10,858
That's a great TV!

1193
01:00:10,941 --> 01:00:12,318
Oh, you like ii, huh?

1194
01:00:12,400 --> 01:00:14,698
Voice activated.
Check it out.

1195
01:00:14,778 --> 01:00:16,826
Shut the fuck up!

1196
01:00:16,905 --> 01:00:19,454
[music stops,
Ron Jon laughs]

1197
01:00:19,533 --> 01:00:21,786
I gotta get me
on of those.

1198
01:00:21,868 --> 01:00:25,213
Hey, those weights
look pretty new, too.

1199
01:00:25,288 --> 01:00:28,667
Listen, how much of that
$5000 have you spent?

1200
01:00:28,750 --> 01:00:30,127
5000?

1201
01:00:30,210 --> 01:00:31,883
Yeah, I gave
you $5000.

1202
01:00:31,962 --> 01:00:33,930
I guess I spent $5000.

1203
01:00:34,005 --> 01:00:35,552
You what?

1204
01:00:35,632 --> 01:00:39,102
No, no! Man...

1205
01:00:39,177 --> 01:00:42,101
The reason I had to cancel
the job is because...

1206
01:00:42,180 --> 01:00:44,979
I have an emergency, and
I need that money back.

1207
01:00:45,058 --> 01:00:46,856
Well, what is the emergency?

1208
01:00:46,935 --> 01:00:49,905
Well...
it's my mother.

1209
01:00:49,980 --> 01:00:51,653
She's ill,

1210
01:00:51,731 --> 01:00:54,450
-and if she doesn't get a new...
- Kidney...

1211
01:00:54,526 --> 01:00:58,201
...transplant,
then she'll die.

1212
01:00:58,280 --> 01:01:01,124
That is very, very sad.

1213
01:01:01,199 --> 01:01:04,794
My own mother,
she died of liver failure.

1214
01:01:04,870 --> 01:01:09,842
I cannot promise anything, but
I will see what I can do.

1215
01:01:09,916 --> 01:01:10,963
[kiss]

1216
01:01:11,042 --> 01:01:12,385
All right.

1217
01:01:12,460 --> 01:01:14,838
Yes, Mom, we're
really excited.

1218
01:01:14,921 --> 01:01:17,470
Of course she'll speak English.
We'll teach her.

1219
01:01:17,549 --> 01:01:20,268
No, we haven't come up
with names yet. Hold on.

1220
01:01:27,058 --> 01:01:29,902
Mom, I gotta go.

1221
01:01:29,978 --> 01:01:33,198
<i>Audrey, I'm home.</i>

1222
01:01:33,273 --> 01:01:35,025
I was just down
at the bank, just now,

1223
01:01:35,108 --> 01:01:36,860
and it's weird,
because they...

1224
01:01:36,943 --> 01:01:39,071
said apparently there's a
mistake that was made,

1225
01:01:39,154 --> 01:01:42,454
but not to worry, because they could
clear it up in a couple days.

1226
01:01:42,532 --> 01:01:45,877
What... is going on?

1227
01:01:47,704 --> 01:01:49,832
Audrey, baby...

1228
01:01:49,915 --> 01:01:51,963
What happened?
What's going on right now?

1229
01:01:52,042 --> 01:01:53,885
Would you stop
for a second?

1230
01:01:53,960 --> 01:01:56,054
We're gonna have enough
money for the Chinese baby.

1231
01:01:56,129 --> 01:01:58,632
[gasps]

1232
01:01:58,715 --> 01:02:01,468
You can take your Chinese baby
and shove it up your ass.

1233
01:02:05,472 --> 01:02:07,440
They're not mine.

1234
01:02:07,515 --> 01:02:10,234
Okay, tell me.
Then whose are they?

1235
01:02:13,772 --> 01:02:15,399
- They're Wade's.
- Okay.

1236
01:02:18,068 --> 01:02:20,241
Aud. Audrey...

1237
01:02:20,320 --> 01:02:21,993
[heels walking away]

1238
01:02:22,072 --> 01:02:24,666
Hey, wait!
Audrey, seriously, stop.

1239
01:02:24,741 --> 01:02:29,121
Hey, Audrey, You've gotta be kidding me.
Please, stop.

1240
01:02:29,204 --> 01:02:30,797
Stop, please!

1241
01:02:30,872 --> 01:02:32,715
- Hold on.
- Do you love her, Tommy?

1242
01:02:32,791 --> 01:02:34,793
Of course not.
I love you.

1243
01:02:34,876 --> 01:02:37,174
Then why were you jerking off
to naked picture of her?

1244
01:02:37,254 --> 01:02:40,133
I was jerking off to naked
pictures of cantaloupes.

1245
01:02:40,215 --> 01:02:42,263
I saw her
cantaloupes, Tommy.

1246
01:02:42,342 --> 01:02:44,765
And I'm sorry that my cantaloupes
aren't good enough for you.

1247
01:02:44,844 --> 01:02:46,596
If only you found
me attractive,

1248
01:02:46,680 --> 01:02:48,648
you could have jerked off
to naked pictures of me.

1249
01:02:48,723 --> 01:02:50,566
Audrey, seriously,
they are Wade's pictures.

1250
01:02:50,642 --> 01:02:52,485
Then how the hell did they
end up in our bathroom?

1251
01:02:52,560 --> 01:02:53,812
Well...

1252
01:02:53,895 --> 01:02:55,238
You know what?

1253
01:02:55,313 --> 01:02:56,940
Blame your friends.
Who cares?

1254
01:02:57,023 --> 01:02:59,117
You're not man enough
to knock me up, anyway.

1255
01:03:08,785 --> 01:03:11,379
I can't believe
you broke up with Tanya.

1256
01:03:11,454 --> 01:03:12,876
I got tired of her.

1257
01:03:12,956 --> 01:03:15,254
A man cannot live
by nipples alone.

1258
01:03:22,132 --> 01:03:23,975
<i>Hey, Wade,
you asshole!</i>

1259
01:03:24,050 --> 01:03:27,224
I told you to get the pictures
out of my... [groans]

1260
01:03:30,223 --> 01:03:32,225
She found the pictures.

1261
01:03:32,309 --> 01:03:33,777
Oh...

1262
01:03:34,978 --> 01:03:36,480
You know, she's right.

1263
01:03:36,563 --> 01:03:38,065
<i>I got one job
to do as a man,</i>

1264
01:03:38,148 --> 01:03:39,991
and I can't even do that.

1265
01:03:40,066 --> 01:03:42,114
<i>It's just a little
crisis of confidence.</i>

1266
01:03:42,193 --> 01:03:43,570
It happens to everyone.

1267
01:03:43,653 --> 01:03:45,451
Maybe we should
buy him a hooker.

1268
01:03:45,530 --> 01:03:47,328
What's he gonna do
with a hooker?

1269
01:03:47,407 --> 01:03:48,909
Oh, that's right.
He can't get it up.

1270
01:03:48,992 --> 01:03:51,791
Zig Zag, I can get
it up, dude.

1271
01:03:51,870 --> 01:03:53,588
He can get it up.
He just can't come.

1272
01:03:53,663 --> 01:03:55,836
<i>I can come!</i>

1273
01:03:55,915 --> 01:03:59,294
Yeah, sure. He can come. But nothing comes out.
Just puffs of air.

1274
01:03:59,377 --> 01:04:01,345
[all laugh]

1275
01:04:01,421 --> 01:04:03,219
<i>Would you guys shut up?</i>

1276
01:04:03,298 --> 01:04:05,175
If I lose Audrey, I don't
know what I'm gonna do.

1277
01:04:05,258 --> 01:04:06,601
C'mon, don't talk
like that.

1278
01:04:06,676 --> 01:04:08,394
She loves you
and you love her.

1279
01:04:08,470 --> 01:04:10,222
And she knows that you'll
do anything for her.

1280
01:04:10,305 --> 01:04:12,774
But I haven't done
everything, have I?

1281
01:04:12,849 --> 01:04:15,272
There's only one thing left I
could do to make this right.

1282
01:04:15,352 --> 01:04:17,320
And I'm gonna do it.

1283
01:04:17,395 --> 01:04:18,897
You're gonna have sex
with that gay guy?

1284
01:04:18,980 --> 01:04:20,402
What?

1285
01:04:20,482 --> 01:04:23,110
No, I'm gonna go back
to Pasadena,

1286
01:04:23,193 --> 01:04:24,410
and rob that bank.

1287
01:04:24,486 --> 01:04:25,487
Yeah, you are!

1288
01:04:25,570 --> 01:04:27,163
Whoa, rob a bank?

1289
01:04:27,238 --> 01:04:28,660
Here's the deal.

1290
01:04:28,740 --> 01:04:30,583
On Monday, the last
batch of sperm

1291
01:04:30,658 --> 01:04:33,127
that I have left in the
world will be gone forever.

1292
01:04:33,203 --> 01:04:35,922
But tomorrow night,
before that happens,

1293
01:04:35,997 --> 01:04:39,001
we're gonna go in there,
and steal that shit back.

1294
01:04:39,084 --> 01:04:41,507
We're pulling a bank job,

1295
01:04:41,586 --> 01:04:43,463
a sperm bank job.

1296
01:04:43,546 --> 01:04:45,048
What do you guys say?
Who's with me?

1297
01:04:45,131 --> 01:04:47,008
I'm with you, Tomahawk!

1298
01:04:47,092 --> 01:04:49,811
- Zig Zag.
- Aces high!

1299
01:04:49,886 --> 01:04:52,435
Darrell? We could use
some muscle on this job.

1300
01:04:54,849 --> 01:04:59,229
Right, well, I'm just
gonna run home real quick

1301
01:04:59,312 --> 01:05:02,361
and just grab a few
things, a few things...

1302
01:05:02,440 --> 01:05:03,987
for this mission.

1303
01:05:04,067 --> 01:05:06,570
Little criminal stuff
for the mission.

1304
01:05:06,653 --> 01:05:08,872
And then I'll meet you guys
at the designated place,

1305
01:05:08,947 --> 01:05:10,324
at the designated time.

1306
01:05:10,407 --> 01:05:11,078
Okay.

1307
01:05:15,245 --> 01:05:19,000
[car starts, squeals out]

1308
01:05:19,082 --> 01:05:20,675
Okay, Darrell's out.

1309
01:05:20,750 --> 01:05:23,344
He said designated spot,
designated time.

1310
01:05:23,420 --> 01:05:26,924
Zig Zag, we don't have a designated
spot, or a designated time.

1311
01:05:27,006 --> 01:05:29,475
Oh.

1312
01:05:29,551 --> 01:05:31,974
At least we don't have to cut
him in on the take, right?

1313
01:05:32,053 --> 01:05:32,929
That's good.

1314
01:05:35,890 --> 01:05:39,485
Ron Jon!
It's Wayne.

1315
01:05:39,561 --> 01:05:41,188
Ron Jon!

1316
01:05:41,271 --> 01:05:43,273
How can he hear you
over that stupid TV?

1317
01:05:46,484 --> 01:05:48,327
Shut the fuck up!

1318
01:05:48,403 --> 01:05:50,952
[silence]

1319
01:05:57,287 --> 01:05:59,756
- What?
- Hi.

1320
01:05:59,831 --> 01:06:03,381
So it's back on,
and we gotta go tonight.

1321
01:06:03,460 --> 01:06:05,087
Come in.

1322
01:06:07,338 --> 01:06:09,841
I can't do tonight,
but Wednesday might work.

1323
01:06:09,924 --> 01:06:13,428
Please, Mr. Jon. I paid you a
lot of money to do this job.

1324
01:06:13,511 --> 01:06:15,559
Hey, you canceled
the job, remember?

1325
01:06:15,638 --> 01:06:18,107
Yeah, but you never
gave me back my money.

1326
01:06:18,183 --> 01:06:19,651
Wait.

1327
01:06:26,107 --> 01:06:28,109
What is this?
You got my money in here?

1328
01:06:28,193 --> 01:06:29,160
Open it.

1329
01:06:31,196 --> 01:06:35,292
What the--what is this?

1330
01:06:35,366 --> 01:06:37,164
What do you mean
what the fuck?

1331
01:06:37,243 --> 01:06:39,166
It's a kidney. You say your
mother needs a kidney.

1332
01:06:39,245 --> 01:06:41,247
How about a little
"Thank you, Mr. Ron Jon."

1333
01:06:41,331 --> 01:06:43,584
Whose kidney is that?
Whose kidney is that?

1334
01:06:44,542 --> 01:06:46,465
Mr. Jon...

1335
01:06:46,544 --> 01:06:47,966
I don't know
how to tell you this,

1336
01:06:48,046 --> 01:06:49,639
but my mother's
perfectly healthy.

1337
01:06:49,714 --> 01:06:52,092
I made that shit up
to get my money back.

1338
01:06:52,175 --> 01:06:53,973
I see.

1339
01:06:54,052 --> 01:06:56,726
I feel very sorry. I feel
very strange about this.

1340
01:06:56,804 --> 01:06:58,272
Whose is this?

1341
01:06:58,348 --> 01:07:02,103
What man is out there
with less body?

1342
01:07:02,185 --> 01:07:05,234
Listen to me,
Mr. Jon, okay?

1343
01:07:06,523 --> 01:07:07,615
Please.

1344
01:07:07,690 --> 01:07:09,658
I'm desperate, okay?

1345
01:07:09,734 --> 01:07:11,532
Please help me.

1346
01:07:11,611 --> 01:07:13,488
I can't lose my wife.

1347
01:07:13,571 --> 01:07:15,744
You should have thought of
that before you lied to me.

1348
01:07:15,823 --> 01:07:17,917
What if I paid you
a shitload more money?

1349
01:07:17,992 --> 01:07:19,084
5000 dollars.

1350
01:07:19,160 --> 01:07:21,037
Goddammit, look.

1351
01:07:21,120 --> 01:07:23,373
<i>I got $4000
right there, in cash,</i>

1352
01:07:23,456 --> 01:07:24,924
in this envelope right here.

1353
01:07:26,751 --> 01:07:29,129
Okay, okay.
All right, okay.

1354
01:07:29,212 --> 01:07:33,092
I have got $40. $40.

1355
01:07:33,174 --> 01:07:34,471
Zig Zag.

1356
01:08:06,624 --> 01:08:09,343
[Zig Zag mutters]
What do we have here?

1357
01:08:09,419 --> 01:08:14,425
One, two, three...

1358
01:08:14,507 --> 01:08:16,180
[normal voice]
I have $8.

1359
01:08:16,259 --> 01:08:19,729
We've got $4048, okay?

1360
01:08:19,804 --> 01:08:21,522
So what do you say?
C'mon.

1361
01:08:23,099 --> 01:08:25,773
I'm not sure
if I can trust my team..

1362
01:08:25,852 --> 01:08:29,527
Okay, you know what? Let's
sweeten the deal a little bit.

1363
01:08:29,606 --> 01:08:33,201
Okay? What do you
say to that?

1364
01:08:41,200 --> 01:08:43,703
You know my weakness.

1365
01:08:43,786 --> 01:08:45,379
Let's do it!

1366
01:08:45,455 --> 01:08:46,456
[sighs heavily]

1367
01:08:46,539 --> 01:08:47,665
Let's do it.

1368
01:08:55,173 --> 01:08:56,891
She's your ex-girlfriend?

1369
01:08:56,966 --> 01:08:58,388
Yep.

1370
01:08:58,468 --> 01:09:00,015
[Ron Jon]
And your ex-girlfriend...

1371
01:09:01,387 --> 01:09:03,389
And what
about you, Ziplock?

1372
01:09:03,473 --> 01:09:05,225
I practice abstinence.

1373
01:09:05,308 --> 01:09:09,188
Good. I would not like a
woman you're attached.

1374
01:09:09,270 --> 01:09:10,692
When do I get her?

1375
01:09:10,772 --> 01:09:12,695
You get her. What?

1376
01:09:12,774 --> 01:09:14,868
Do you think she would like me?
Does she like beards?

1377
01:09:16,861 --> 01:09:18,329
Oh, shit.
Did you think that--

1378
01:09:18,404 --> 01:09:21,203
Tomorrow, noon.
We will drop her off.

1379
01:09:21,282 --> 01:09:23,376
Noon is good for me.

1380
01:09:23,451 --> 01:09:25,078
Noon can work.

1381
01:09:29,123 --> 01:09:31,467
[door knob turning,
door opening]

1382
01:09:31,542 --> 01:09:33,169
Tommy?

1383
01:09:35,463 --> 01:09:37,932
Tommy, I'm home!

1384
01:09:40,593 --> 01:09:43,221
<i>[voice-mail]
Firs! message.</i>

1385
01:09:43,304 --> 01:09:46,979
<i>[Tommy] Hey, honey. I just wanna tell
you that I've got it all figured out.</i>

1386
01:09:47,058 --> 01:09:48,776
<i>I am gonna get
my sperm back</i>

1387
01:09:48,851 --> 01:09:51,274
<i>and we are gonna
have our family, okay?</i>

1388
01:09:51,354 --> 01:09:53,982
<i>I gotta go, but I will
see you tonight.</i>

1389
01:09:54,065 --> 01:09:56,193
<i>[Wade] Wait for me! Let's
go steal that jizz!</i>

1390
01:09:56,275 --> 01:09:58,277
<i>Wade, shut up!</i>

1391
01:09:58,361 --> 01:10:00,113
Oh, my God.

1392
01:10:00,196 --> 01:10:04,872
[crickets chirping]

1393
01:10:06,327 --> 01:10:08,295
Where the fuck
is Ron Jon, man?

1394
01:10:08,371 --> 01:10:11,170
[Wade]
Will you stop asking that?

1395
01:10:11,249 --> 01:10:13,126
Something's not right.

1396
01:10:13,209 --> 01:10:15,337
Jesus, Zig Zag.
Stop smoking pot.

1397
01:10:15,420 --> 01:10:17,013
It's making you paranoid
you douche.

1398
01:10:17,088 --> 01:10:18,715
Dude, it's for my glaucoma.

1399
01:10:18,798 --> 01:10:20,800
Do you really
have glaucoma?

1400
01:10:20,883 --> 01:10:22,385
Early stages.

1401
01:10:23,970 --> 01:10:25,597
Hey, dude.

1402
01:10:25,680 --> 01:10:27,273
- Where have you been?
- Seriousy, dude.

1403
01:10:27,348 --> 01:10:29,225
I was casing the joint.

1404
01:10:29,308 --> 01:10:31,060
Good news...

1405
01:10:31,144 --> 01:10:34,068
There is no guard on duty,
and there is no alarm.

1406
01:10:34,147 --> 01:10:37,071
It's almost as if they don't
expect someone to break in

1407
01:10:37,150 --> 01:10:39,198
and steal their
own sperm back.

1408
01:10:39,277 --> 01:10:41,245
[Ron Jon laughs]

1409
01:10:41,320 --> 01:10:43,163
I have to tell you,

1410
01:10:43,239 --> 01:10:45,458
this is the craziest fucking
job I've ever been on.

1411
01:10:45,533 --> 01:10:48,082
Although there was
one time in India,

1412
01:10:48,161 --> 01:10:51,461
when they hired me to steal a
monkey back from a barber.

1413
01:10:51,539 --> 01:10:53,212
But what they
neglected to tell me

1414
01:10:53,291 --> 01:10:56,465
was how horny
this particular monkey was.

1415
01:10:59,714 --> 01:11:02,843
Okay, back to job.

1416
01:11:02,925 --> 01:11:05,599
We go in,
we steal the semen,

1417
01:11:05,678 --> 01:11:08,682
we get out.
Ten minutes, synchronized.

1418
01:11:08,765 --> 01:11:11,018
Okay, let's--
let's do this.

1419
01:11:11,100 --> 01:11:12,397
If the cops come,

1420
01:11:12,477 --> 01:11:14,855
honk three times,
like this.

1421
01:11:14,937 --> 01:11:16,314
[horn honking]

1422
01:11:16,397 --> 01:11:18,491
What the fuck, dude?

1423
01:11:18,566 --> 01:11:19,943
Why did you do that?

1424
01:11:20,026 --> 01:11:22,654
That is signal
to abort mission.

1425
01:11:22,737 --> 01:11:24,705
Ow, fuck, man!

1426
01:11:24,781 --> 01:11:27,876
If you leave without us,
I will find you.,

1427
01:11:27,950 --> 01:11:29,952
and I will kill you.

1428
01:11:30,912 --> 01:11:31,834
Let's roll.

1429
01:11:40,505 --> 01:11:41,927
[Tommy]
I don't know, Wade.

1430
01:11:42,006 --> 01:11:44,134
I got a bad feeling
about this guy.

1431
01:11:44,217 --> 01:11:46,185
Well, that's just because
he's a criminal.

1432
01:11:46,260 --> 01:11:48,058
That's how you're
supposed to feel.

1433
01:11:51,182 --> 01:11:52,229
[Ron Jon]
Shit.

1434
01:11:55,269 --> 01:11:56,395
Shit!

1435
01:11:56,479 --> 01:11:58,072
What's wrong?

1436
01:11:58,147 --> 01:12:01,401
I can't remember
the exact combination.

1437
01:12:01,484 --> 01:12:03,532
To the lock
picking kit?

1438
01:12:03,611 --> 01:12:06,911
Yes, to the lock
picking kit, okay?

1439
01:12:06,989 --> 01:12:09,037
Did you write it
down somewhere?

1440
01:12:09,116 --> 01:12:11,744
If I wrote it down, I'd have
the fucking thing open.

1441
01:12:11,828 --> 01:12:12,920
Maybe it's
your birthday.

1442
01:12:12,995 --> 01:12:14,497
It's not my birthday.

1443
01:12:14,580 --> 01:12:16,423
- Phone number.
- Don't make fun of me.

1444
01:12:16,499 --> 01:12:19,173
- Street address?
- What the fuck does that mean?

1445
01:12:19,252 --> 01:12:21,721
Oh, oh!
Mother's birthday.

1446
01:12:21,796 --> 01:12:23,093
Could be.

1447
01:12:24,590 --> 01:12:27,514
[Ron Jon yells]

1448
01:12:35,601 --> 01:12:38,775
Don't worry,.
I have an idea.

1449
01:12:40,898 --> 01:12:42,900
[glass breaking]

1450
01:12:48,531 --> 01:12:52,126
- Bad man for the India mafia?
- That's what I was told.

1451
01:12:52,201 --> 01:12:54,499
[Ron Jon] Okay, where
do they keep the sperm?

1452
01:12:54,579 --> 01:12:56,252
How the hell
should I know?

1453
01:12:56,330 --> 01:12:59,254
Oh, shit! I just remembered
the combination!

1454
01:12:59,333 --> 01:13:01,051
Awesome. Great.

1455
01:13:01,127 --> 01:13:02,970
We gotta split up so we
can cover more ground.

1456
01:13:31,365 --> 01:13:33,163
Hello, lady.

1457
01:13:46,756 --> 01:13:48,258
Bingo.

1458
01:14:00,102 --> 01:14:01,900
Bingo.

1459
01:14:04,357 --> 01:14:07,452
[Zig Zag moaning]

1460
01:14:11,614 --> 01:14:12,957
Bingo.

1461
01:14:16,786 --> 01:14:22,088
[whispers] Okay. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Jackpot.

1462
01:14:22,166 --> 01:14:24,589
Macklin, Macklin...

1463
01:14:24,669 --> 01:14:26,137
Yeah, yeah.

1464
01:14:32,635 --> 01:14:34,387
Whoa, whoa!

1465
01:14:34,470 --> 01:14:36,643
[Crash]

1466
01:14:41,143 --> 01:14:46,525
[screams]

1467
01:15:58,262 --> 01:15:59,559
Bingo.

1468
01:15:59,638 --> 01:16:03,518
[laughs]

1469
01:16:05,019 --> 01:16:07,568
[screams]

1470
01:16:09,106 --> 01:16:10,278
What is this?

1471
01:16:14,070 --> 01:16:17,745
[groans]

1472
01:16:31,754 --> 01:16:34,553
Okay, okay.

1473
01:16:41,222 --> 01:16:44,226
Wade! Ron Jon!
I got my sperm.

1474
01:16:46,185 --> 01:16:47,858
What are you doing?

1475
01:16:47,937 --> 01:16:50,315
I am very lonely.
Never married.

1476
01:16:50,397 --> 01:16:51,364
We gotta get out of here.

1477
01:16:51,440 --> 01:16:52,908
No, no, no, no.

1478
01:16:55,402 --> 01:16:56,745
Where is it?

1479
01:17:00,199 --> 01:17:01,496
What?

1480
01:17:01,575 --> 01:17:04,328
Don't move.
Okay?

1481
01:17:04,411 --> 01:17:05,788
No! No!

1482
01:17:05,871 --> 01:17:06,963
Don't move!

1483
01:17:07,039 --> 01:17:09,041
[screams]

1484
01:17:16,799 --> 01:17:19,427
Oh, shit. Fuck. Cops.

1485
01:17:19,510 --> 01:17:21,433
[horn honking]

1486
01:17:21,512 --> 01:17:23,935
Ron Jon, that's the signal.

1487
01:17:24,014 --> 01:17:25,266
Let's go!

1488
01:17:32,148 --> 01:17:35,197
[gags]
Okay.

1489
01:17:37,611 --> 01:17:39,659
Shit!
[Squealing tires]

1490
01:17:45,369 --> 01:17:47,292
[screams]

1491
01:17:47,371 --> 01:17:49,123
Wade, are you okay?

1492
01:17:49,206 --> 01:17:50,708
Once I'm soapy.

1493
01:17:52,751 --> 01:17:54,879
- I need some mouthwash.
- I got my sperm.

1494
01:17:54,962 --> 01:17:56,214
Awesome.

1495
01:17:56,297 --> 01:17:57,674
Where the hell
is Zig Zog?

1496
01:17:57,756 --> 01:17:59,474
Son of a bitch!

1497
01:17:59,550 --> 01:18:01,848
Don't worry. I will
kill that motherfucker.

1498
01:18:03,137 --> 01:18:05,856
Cops, cops, cops!
Go,go!

1499
01:18:07,308 --> 01:18:09,811
Holy shit, holy shit,
holy shit.

1500
01:18:09,894 --> 01:18:11,271
We gotta get the hell
out of here.

1501
01:18:11,353 --> 01:18:12,821
Yeah, we gotta go
steal a car.

1502
01:18:12,897 --> 01:18:14,069
Wait, wait, wait.

1503
01:18:14,148 --> 01:18:15,946
You cannot take the risk.

1504
01:18:16,025 --> 01:18:17,151
You have to make a baby.

1505
01:18:17,234 --> 01:18:18,907
That is your job.

1506
01:18:18,986 --> 01:18:20,203
I will go get us a car.

1507
01:18:20,279 --> 01:18:21,826
That's grand
theft auto.

1508
01:18:21,906 --> 01:18:24,500
Grand theft auto.
That is how I started.

1509
01:18:24,575 --> 01:18:27,124
Life of crime.
Very nice.

1510
01:18:30,206 --> 01:18:34,882
Can I have the addresses of all the
sperm banks in Pasadena, please?

1511
01:18:34,960 --> 01:18:37,884
No, this isn't
a crank call.

1512
01:18:37,963 --> 01:18:40,637
Ew, get your mind
out of the gutter.

1513
01:18:40,716 --> 01:18:42,059
You're gonna have
to turn up here.

1514
01:18:42,134 --> 01:18:43,977
- Which way?
- That way.

1515
01:18:44,053 --> 01:18:45,646
Really?
What is that?

1516
01:18:45,721 --> 01:18:46,768
Which way?

1517
01:18:46,847 --> 01:18:47,939
That way!

1518
01:18:50,935 --> 01:18:52,152
Wade, where is he?

1519
01:18:52,228 --> 01:18:53,821
My sperm's gonna fall out.

1520
01:18:53,896 --> 01:18:54,818
Shh!

1521
01:18:54,897 --> 01:18:55,739
What is that?

1522
01:19:01,904 --> 01:19:02,826
What the hell?

1523
01:19:04,281 --> 01:19:08,661
- Oh, my God.
- Come on! Let's go!

1524
01:19:08,744 --> 01:19:09,961
Get in!

1525
01:19:10,037 --> 01:19:12,131
[rap music on radio]

1526
01:19:12,206 --> 01:19:13,924
Yes, yes, yes, yes!

1527
01:19:16,794 --> 01:19:18,091
[squealing tires]

1528
01:19:21,548 --> 01:19:23,095
What the fuck?

1529
01:19:23,175 --> 01:19:24,768
Please don't hurt us!

1530
01:19:24,843 --> 01:19:26,561
Ron Jon, what are
these people doing here?

1531
01:19:26,637 --> 01:19:28,310
<i>This was the only car
with the key in it.</i>

1532
01:19:28,389 --> 01:19:30,187
Well, pull it over!
Pull it over right now.

1533
01:19:30,266 --> 01:19:32,018
<i>I can 'l pull over.
They've already seen us.</i>

1534
01:19:32,101 --> 01:19:35,025
- Please don't kill us!
- We haven't seen anything.

1535
01:19:35,104 --> 01:19:37,072
Nobody's killing
anybody,okay?

1536
01:19:37,147 --> 01:19:39,195
Technically, we really
should kill them.

1537
01:19:39,275 --> 01:19:40,572
No! No!

1538
01:19:40,651 --> 01:19:42,244
Ron Jon!

1539
01:19:42,319 --> 01:19:43,992
Okay, fine. I pull over.
Give me a minute.

1540
01:19:44,071 --> 01:19:45,994
- Dude, your sperm's melting.
- Oh, shit.

1541
01:19:46,073 --> 01:19:47,450
<i>Ron Jon!</i>

1542
01:19:47,533 --> 01:19:48,955
Man, I need some ice
back here.

1543
01:19:49,034 --> 01:19:50,707
This sperm is starting
to heat up.

1544
01:19:50,786 --> 01:19:52,459
Ron Jon, pull over.
Ron Jon, get me some ice.

1545
01:19:52,538 --> 01:19:54,961
Is there anything else
I can do for you, sir?

1546
01:19:55,040 --> 01:19:56,838
Okay, one second.

1547
01:19:56,917 --> 01:19:57,964
<i>Here you go!</i>

1548
01:19:58,043 --> 01:19:59,841
[woman screams]

1549
01:19:59,920 --> 01:20:02,093
It's okay.

1550
01:20:04,258 --> 01:20:05,851
Chill out, sperm!

1551
01:20:05,926 --> 01:20:07,553
[Siren]

1552
01:20:07,636 --> 01:20:09,013
Oh, shit!

1553
01:20:09,096 --> 01:20:10,473
We are having company!

1554
01:20:10,556 --> 01:20:12,479
Oh, fuck!

1555
01:20:12,558 --> 01:20:15,107
<i>Hold on people!
I'm going to lose him!</i>

1556
01:20:15,185 --> 01:20:17,153
[squealing tires, screams]

1557
01:20:17,229 --> 01:20:19,152
- You smell really great.
- Thank you.

1558
01:20:26,697 --> 01:20:28,415
False alarm!

1559
01:20:28,490 --> 01:20:29,912
Everything's cool.

1560
01:20:29,992 --> 01:20:32,165
- Just an ambulance.
- An ambulance?

1561
01:20:32,244 --> 01:20:33,587
Are you crazy?

1562
01:20:33,662 --> 01:20:34,959
Hey, man.
You should be happy.

1563
01:20:35,039 --> 01:20:36,757
We're home free.
We made it.

1564
01:20:36,832 --> 01:20:39,676
Congratulations. You're
going to be a daddy!

1565
01:20:39,752 --> 01:20:40,924
I am , aren't I?

1566
01:20:41,003 --> 01:20:42,596
<i>Thank you, Ron Jon.</i>

1567
01:20:42,671 --> 01:20:44,423
We did it, Macklin!

1568
01:20:49,553 --> 01:20:51,226
[Ron Jon indistinct]

1569
01:20:51,305 --> 01:20:55,105
Let us have
some liquid celebrate!

1570
01:20:55,184 --> 01:20:57,061
[pulls cork off
with teeth]

1571
01:20:57,144 --> 01:21:00,398
[screams]

1572
01:21:00,481 --> 01:21:01,573
Ron Jon!

1573
01:21:01,648 --> 01:21:04,948
[everyone screaming]

1574
01:21:13,869 --> 01:21:15,587
I think I just
had a miscarriage.

1575
01:21:26,590 --> 01:21:29,059
Ow, fuck.
What the fuck, man?

1576
01:21:29,134 --> 01:21:30,511
Are you okay?

1577
01:21:30,594 --> 01:21:33,723
[bottle clinks
on pavement]

1578
01:21:33,806 --> 01:21:36,685
Hey, I was just coming
to get you, man.

1579
01:21:36,767 --> 01:21:38,690
Are you okay?

1580
01:21:38,769 --> 01:21:41,067
- I will kill you!
- Oh, fuckin' hey, dude.

1581
01:21:41,146 --> 01:21:43,490
Fuckin' hey, man!

1582
01:21:43,565 --> 01:21:44,908
I was coming back.

1583
01:21:44,983 --> 01:21:46,530
[sirens]

1584
01:21:46,610 --> 01:21:48,157
Freeze!

1585
01:21:48,237 --> 01:21:49,830
Get on the ground.
Get on the ground!

1586
01:21:49,905 --> 01:21:52,579
You're under arrest
for grand theft auto.

1587
01:21:54,993 --> 01:21:56,995
You, too, asshole!
Get down!

1588
01:21:57,079 --> 01:22:00,379
Tommy, fuck
or be fucked, bro.

1589
01:22:02,251 --> 01:22:04,174
Drop the bucket
and get down.

1590
01:22:04,253 --> 01:22:05,425
Fuck or be fucked!

1591
01:22:08,632 --> 01:22:09,758
Yeah!

1592
01:22:09,842 --> 01:22:11,515
You'll never catch him!

1593
01:22:12,344 --> 01:22:13,095
Fuck!

1594
01:22:14,263 --> 01:22:15,731
Slow down!

1595
01:22:15,806 --> 01:22:17,979
[sirens]

1596
01:22:32,990 --> 01:22:34,833
I need backup.
He's still running.

1597
01:22:46,211 --> 01:22:50,591
Oh, it's close. It's close.
It's right around here.

1598
01:22:50,674 --> 01:22:53,598
What the fuck?

1599
01:22:53,677 --> 01:22:55,224
<i>Oh, Jesus.</i>

1600
01:22:55,304 --> 01:22:57,773
I don't even know
those guys. C'mon!

1601
01:22:59,349 --> 01:23:01,101
- Wade?
- Hey Audrey, what's up?

1602
01:23:01,185 --> 01:23:02,402
Where's Tommy?

1603
01:23:02,478 --> 01:23:03,980
Ma'am, please keep moving.

1604
01:23:04,062 --> 01:23:05,814
He's got the sperm.
He's got the sperm.

1605
01:23:05,898 --> 01:23:07,241
He went that way!

1606
01:23:18,660 --> 01:23:23,291
All right, buddy.
Come on out.

1607
01:23:23,373 --> 01:23:24,966
I see you.

1608
01:23:28,378 --> 01:23:30,972
Come on out.
No place to go.

1609
01:23:31,048 --> 01:23:34,598
- Uh, no.
- Yeah.

1610
01:23:34,676 --> 01:23:35,973
- No.
- Yeah.

1611
01:23:36,053 --> 01:23:37,930
- No!
- You're coming out now.

1612
01:23:38,013 --> 01:23:40,266
Don't I get some, uh...

1613
01:23:40,349 --> 01:23:43,478
I got some demands.

1614
01:23:43,560 --> 01:23:45,437
Yeah, I got
a list of demands.

1615
01:23:45,521 --> 01:23:47,740
Okay.

1616
01:23:47,814 --> 01:23:49,862
What do you want?

1617
01:23:49,942 --> 01:23:52,320
I need a bucket
of ice.

1618
01:23:52,402 --> 01:23:55,030
That's it.
A bucket of ice.

1619
01:23:55,113 --> 01:23:56,990
How about a bucket
of chicken instead?

1620
01:23:57,074 --> 01:23:59,418
Hey, man. I need
that ice now.

1621
01:23:59,493 --> 01:24:02,622
Do you mind my asking
what you need the ice for?

1622
01:24:04,831 --> 01:24:07,960
Be--because I have
to keep my sperm cold.

1623
01:24:08,043 --> 01:24:09,545
What was that?

1624
01:24:09,628 --> 01:24:11,505
Because I have
to keep my sperm cold!

1625
01:24:11,588 --> 01:24:14,637
[laughs cynically] You're
sperm is too hot, is it?

1626
01:24:14,716 --> 01:24:17,469
There was a break in at the
sperm bank down the street.

1627
01:24:17,553 --> 01:24:22,150
God, this country just keeps
getting weirder and weirder.

1628
01:24:22,224 --> 01:24:24,397
- Call psychiatric.
- All right.

1629
01:24:24,476 --> 01:24:28,606
Son? Is that stolen sperm
you've got there?

1630
01:24:28,689 --> 01:24:31,408
No, it's my sperm!
All right?

1631
01:24:31,483 --> 01:24:33,360
If it's sperm
he's looking for,

1632
01:24:33,443 --> 01:24:35,571
there's gonna be plenty where he's headed.
Am I right?

1633
01:24:35,654 --> 01:24:38,123
[cops laugh]

1634
01:24:38,198 --> 01:24:41,168
Hey, Captain.
This is his wife.

1635
01:24:41,243 --> 01:24:44,042
Can I talk to him? I can
get him to come out.

1636
01:24:44,121 --> 01:24:45,668
Yeah, well you got
two minutes.

1637
01:24:45,747 --> 01:24:47,841
Then we're gonna
take him the hard way.

1638
01:24:47,916 --> 01:24:49,714
Get the battering ram.

1639
01:24:49,793 --> 01:24:51,261
<i>Bring it in.</i>

1640
01:24:54,172 --> 01:24:56,470
Tommy!

1641
01:25:08,020 --> 01:25:10,364
- Hi.
- Hi.

1642
01:25:12,399 --> 01:25:14,822
<i>I got my sperm.</i>

1643
01:25:14,901 --> 01:25:16,744
I know.

1644
01:25:16,820 --> 01:25:18,788
It's been a weird
couple days, hasn't it?

1645
01:25:21,033 --> 01:25:24,628
This is the coolest thing a
guy has ever done for a girl.

1646
01:25:32,544 --> 01:25:35,138
Look, I'm sorry I got mad at you
about the pictures of Tanya.

1647
01:25:35,213 --> 01:25:37,090
I know you never would have
jerked off to them.

1648
01:25:37,174 --> 01:25:39,472
No, I'm sorry I bought your
ring with beat off money.

1649
01:25:39,551 --> 01:25:42,020
And I jerked off to that stupid
picture of those cantaloupes.

1650
01:25:42,095 --> 01:25:44,894
No, I saw the cantaloupes.
They were kinda hot.

1651
01:25:46,850 --> 01:25:53,449
Audrey, I'm sorry
my sperm stopped working.

1652
01:25:53,523 --> 01:25:56,902
Don't worry about it.

1653
01:25:56,985 --> 01:26:00,239
So what do we do with this stuff?
Just shove it on up there?

1654
01:26:00,322 --> 01:26:05,078
- Yeah, I think so.
- Okay.

1655
01:26:05,160 --> 01:26:08,630
They're gonna want to take this away.
You know that, right?

1656
01:26:08,705 --> 01:26:10,298
I know.

1657
01:26:10,374 --> 01:26:13,253
And then they're gonna
put me in in jail.

1658
01:26:13,335 --> 01:26:16,509
<i>[police captain]
Bring it over here!</i>

1659
01:26:16,588 --> 01:26:19,216
<i>Okay, take the door!</i>

1660
01:26:19,299 --> 01:26:21,427
- Ready?
- Ready.

1661
01:26:21,510 --> 01:26:24,013
On three, two, one.

1662
01:26:29,059 --> 01:26:32,689
Hand over the jizz
and get on the ground.

1663
01:26:32,771 --> 01:26:36,241
C'mon man.
I really need this stuff.

1664
01:26:36,316 --> 01:26:37,317
Get down now!

1665
01:26:37,401 --> 01:26:39,028
Tommy.

1666
01:26:42,322 --> 01:26:43,744
[high-pitched sound]

1667
01:26:43,824 --> 01:26:46,577
Look at my dick!
Look at my penis!

1668
01:26:46,660 --> 01:26:47,536
What the...

1669
01:26:52,958 --> 01:26:56,178
Operation Desert Sperm!

1670
01:27:00,215 --> 01:27:01,307
Where's the sperm?

1671
01:27:01,383 --> 01:27:03,010
I don't know.

1672
01:27:03,093 --> 01:27:05,937
- Did you get it?
- No, I missed it!

1673
01:27:06,012 --> 01:27:07,514
- What?
- Let's go!

1674
01:27:09,808 --> 01:27:11,025
Hands behind your back.

1675
01:27:13,895 --> 01:27:15,568
I'll meet you back
at the station, okay?

1676
01:27:15,647 --> 01:27:17,490
Okay.

1677
01:27:17,566 --> 01:27:19,819
- Hey.
- What?

1678
01:27:19,901 --> 01:27:22,074
You're always with me.

1679
01:27:24,906 --> 01:27:26,624
All right.
Let's go!

1680
01:27:38,503 --> 01:27:40,221
- Breathe!
- Okay.

1681
01:27:40,297 --> 01:27:42,015
<i>You're doing great!</i>

1682
01:27:42,090 --> 01:27:44,058
- Okay, we're almost there.
- You're doing great!

1683
01:27:44,134 --> 01:27:45,727
One big push.

1684
01:27:45,802 --> 01:27:47,395
We're almost there.

1685
01:27:50,140 --> 01:27:52,518
[baby crying]

1686
01:27:52,601 --> 01:27:54,228
- You got the clamp?
- Yes.

1687
01:27:57,689 --> 01:27:59,908
He's beautiful.

1688
01:27:59,983 --> 01:28:06,457
- My little baby.
- Very nice. Very beautiful. Very beautiful.

1689
01:28:06,531 --> 01:28:08,283
Hello, little fellow.

1690
01:28:09,743 --> 01:28:12,212
Hello.

1691
01:28:12,287 --> 01:28:14,665
Yeah?

1692
01:28:14,748 --> 01:28:17,752
What?

1693
01:28:17,834 --> 01:28:20,212
Okay, yeah, yeah.
No, no, I'll tell the guys.

1694
01:28:20,295 --> 01:28:21,922
No, no, I'll tell the guys.

1695
01:28:22,005 --> 01:28:25,225
Okay. Be good.
Talk to you soon.

1696
01:28:25,300 --> 01:28:28,053
Everybody?
Got some news.

1697
01:28:28,136 --> 01:28:29,638
Ron Jon's a daddy!

1698
01:28:36,228 --> 01:28:41,075
[advanced piano music]

1699
01:28:43,902 --> 01:28:45,996
Hey, Mama?
What's going on in here?

1700
01:28:49,324 --> 01:28:51,326
That is to the end
of breastfeeding.

1701
01:28:51,409 --> 01:28:52,752
- Hi.
- Hi.

1702
01:28:52,828 --> 01:28:54,751
You're pretty.

1703
01:28:54,830 --> 01:28:57,629
And how's my little mookie?
How are you doing?

1704
01:28:57,707 --> 01:29:00,881
He's beautiful and
wonderful and farty.

1705
01:29:00,961 --> 01:29:02,713
Just like his Daddy!

1706
01:29:02,796 --> 01:29:05,595
Daddy's a little farty.
Daddy gets that way, too.

1707
01:29:05,674 --> 01:29:07,676
And there's my two
other little munchkins.

1708
01:29:07,759 --> 01:29:09,477
<i>How are you kids
doing over there ?</i>

1709
01:29:09,553 --> 01:29:11,351
<i>Don'! we make
beautiful babies together?</i>

1710
01:29:11,429 --> 01:29:13,022
<i>I need butt cream.</i>

1711
01:29:13,098 --> 01:29:15,567
Okay, Mama's gonna
go get some butt cream.

1712
01:29:15,642 --> 01:29:17,815
Hey, dude. Grab the triplets.
It's time.

1713
01:29:19,145 --> 01:29:20,442
He's gonna go for you.

1714
01:29:20,522 --> 01:29:22,616
- He's ready.
- My little guy.

1715
01:29:22,691 --> 01:29:24,443
Hey, little man!

1716
01:29:24,526 --> 01:29:25,778
There's my big guy!

1717
01:29:25,861 --> 01:29:26,862
Hi!

1718
01:29:28,071 --> 01:29:29,197
All right, here we go.

1719
01:29:29,281 --> 01:29:31,204
I got $12 on Emmett!

1720
01:29:31,283 --> 01:29:33,206
Okay, put him down.

1721
01:29:33,285 --> 01:29:35,788
Sammy's my boy. He's about
to clean some clocks.

1722
01:29:35,871 --> 01:29:37,919
That's him
in the yellow, right?

1723
01:29:37,998 --> 01:29:40,717
No, that's Annie in the yellow.
Is that Audrey's breastmilk?

1724
01:29:40,792 --> 01:29:42,385
Nothing but the best
for these horses.

1725
01:29:42,460 --> 01:29:45,179
All right, now.
It's the 15-yard dash.

1726
01:29:45,255 --> 01:29:47,553
The first baby that gets
to the bottle wins.

1727
01:29:47,632 --> 01:29:48,599
You in on this action?

1728
01:29:48,675 --> 01:29:49,927
Absolutely.

1729
01:29:50,010 --> 01:29:51,182
C'mon. These babies are hot.

1730
01:29:51,261 --> 01:29:52,387
Let's go, let's go!

1731
01:29:52,470 --> 01:29:53,767
What's going on here?

1732
01:29:53,847 --> 01:29:55,565
Uh, we're racing
the babies.

1733
01:29:55,640 --> 01:29:56,892
Huh.

1734
01:29:56,975 --> 01:29:58,397
- I got fifty on...
- Annie?

1735
01:29:58,476 --> 01:30:00,444
Yeah.

1736
01:30:00,520 --> 01:30:02,898
Okay, let's make
some money.

1737
01:30:02,981 --> 01:30:06,531
On your mark, get set,
go babies, go!

1738
01:30:06,610 --> 01:30:11,707
[cheering]

1739
01:30:38,558 --> 01:30:41,437
<i>J' I came to L.A.
to make rock 'n' roll J'</i>

1740
01:30:41,519 --> 01:30:44,989
<i>J' Along the way, I had
to sell my soul J'</i>

1741
01:30:45,065 --> 01:30:47,534
<i>J' I made some good friends
that make me say J”</i>

1742
01:30:47,609 --> 01:30:51,364
<i>J' I really wannabe in LA J'</i>

1743
01:30:55,408 --> 01:30:58,412
<i>J' I took the ten
to get to Beverly J'</i>

1744
01:30:58,495 --> 01:31:01,419
<i>J' Laid some rock
to tape roll at 11AD J'</i>

1745
01:31:01,498 --> 01:31:04,502
<i>J' Alain and Natasha
always make me say J'</i>

1746
01:31:04,584 --> 01:31:07,508
<i>J' I really wannabe in L.A. J'</i>

1747
01:31:48,253 --> 01:31:51,427
<i>J' I take the city
in the dead of night J'</i>

1748
01:31:51,506 --> 01:31:54,760
<i>J' I'm burning gas
until I feel all right J'</i>

1749
01:31:54,843 --> 01:31:57,437
<i>J' My Sunset honeys
always make me say J'</i>

1750
01:31:57,512 --> 01:32:01,938
<i>J' I really wannabe in LA J'</i>

1751
01:32:02,017 --> 01:32:05,191
<i>J' I came to L.A.
to make rock 'n roll J'</i>

1752
01:32:05,270 --> 01:32:08,820
<i>J' Along the way,
I had to sell my soul J'</i>

1753
01:32:08,898 --> 01:32:11,026
<i>J' I made some good friends
that make me say J”</i>

1754
01:32:11,109 --> 01:32:16,109
<i>J' I really wannabe in LA J'</i>

1755
01:32:37,343 --> 01:32:42,645
<i>J' Well, nothing could improve
my situation J'</i>

1756
01:32:42,724 --> 01:32:48,447
<i>J' 'Cause cigarettes taste better
paired with coffee and frustration J'</i>

1757
01:32:48,521 --> 01:32:55,496
<i>J' And I always need
a reason to complain J'</i>

1758
01:32:55,570 --> 01:33:00,076
<i>J' Ain't it good
to feel the pain J'</i>

1759
01:33:06,790 --> 01:33:13,469
<i>J' I live this way
and get away with if J'</i>

1760
01:33:13,546 --> 01:33:18,097
<i>J' I'm my own boss
but I don't pay me shit J'</i>

1761
01:33:18,176 --> 01:33:24,684
<i>J' And there's angels
fighting demons all the time J'</i>

1762
01:33:24,766 --> 01:33:29,567
<i>J' Growing in the dark
of my mind J'</i>

1763
01:33:29,646 --> 01:33:34,072
<i>.PAnd you are the best thing
and the worst for me J'</i>

1764
01:33:34,150 --> 01:33:37,199
J' I'm blessed and cursed J'

1765
01:33:37,278 --> 01:33:43,957
<i>J' Together we will stay
with hell on earth to pay J'</i>

1766
01:33:44,035 --> 01:33:50,668
<i>J' And until the day I die
I'm in heaven by your side J'</i>

1767
01:33:50,750 --> 01:33:54,471
<i>J' by your side J'</i>

1768
01:34:10,645 --> 01:34:16,027
<i>J' Well nothing in this world
can bring me down J'</i>

1769
01:34:16,109 --> 01:34:22,162
<i>J' Short of spending one more
nightmare in this godforsaken town J'</i>

1770
01:34:22,240 --> 01:34:28,168
<i>J' And you're the only one
who sets me free J'</i>

1771
01:34:28,246 --> 01:34:33,673
<i>J' The only one
who bothers me J'</i>

1772
01:34:40,133 --> 01:34:45,185
<i>J' And the wheels are spinning
faster every day J'</i>

1773
01:34:45,263 --> 01:34:51,111
<i>J' And if I was touching ground
I bet that I could get away I</i>

1774
01:34:51,186 --> 01:34:57,944
<i>J' From all the moons and stars
and space you're giving me J'</i>

1775
01:34:58,026 --> 01:35:02,076
<i>J' I could start a new galaxy J'</i>

1776
01:35:02,155 --> 01:35:06,456
<i>J' And you will tour
the universe with me J'</i>

1777
01:35:06,534 --> 01:35:09,834
<i>J' We're blessed and cursed J'</i>

1778
01:35:09,913 --> 01:35:16,171
<i>J' Together we will stay
We just can't get away J'</i>

1779
01:35:16,252 --> 01:35:23,056
<i>J' And until the day I die
I'm in heaven by your side J'</i>