1 00:00:03,033 --> 00:00:06,334 This is a day of destiny. 2 00:00:06,438 --> 00:00:08,973 The day we stand up against our tormenters. 3 00:00:08,974 --> 00:00:10,441 They think they're so cool 4 00:00:10,442 --> 00:00:13,177 because of the cool things they do and say. 5 00:00:13,178 --> 00:00:13,943 And their hair. 6 00:00:13,969 --> 00:00:16,647 But we've taken enough harassment from these guys. 7 00:00:16,648 --> 00:00:18,082 Their hair looks so effortless. 8 00:00:18,083 --> 00:00:19,683 They trashed our house, 9 00:00:19,684 --> 00:00:21,285 mocked us all over campus... 10 00:00:21,286 --> 00:00:23,354 One of them stole Mike's girlfriend. 11 00:00:23,355 --> 00:00:25,656 - I still love her. - Mike still loves her. 12 00:00:25,657 --> 00:00:29,260 But now... we exact our revenge. 13 00:00:30,595 --> 00:00:32,196 Wait. What are we doing, exactly? 14 00:00:32,197 --> 00:00:35,733 Step 1: we set off the fireworks display on their lawn. 15 00:00:35,734 --> 00:00:38,936 Step 2: it scares the crap out of them. 16 00:00:38,937 --> 00:00:40,771 This is such a good plan. 17 00:00:43,575 --> 00:00:46,110 Gather water! 18 00:00:46,111 --> 00:00:48,212 The prank has gone wrong! 19 00:00:48,213 --> 00:00:49,580 Is everybody out? 20 00:00:49,581 --> 00:00:52,116 This is a serious situation! 21 00:00:52,117 --> 00:00:53,517 They got Doug! 22 00:00:53,518 --> 00:00:55,185 Stop chasing me! 23 00:00:55,186 --> 00:00:57,721 Fire is our common enemy right now! 24 00:00:57,722 --> 00:00:59,790 (grunts) 25 00:01:01,993 --> 00:01:03,661 Oh, hey, guys. 26 00:01:03,662 --> 00:01:04,962 College, am I right? 27 00:01:04,963 --> 00:01:06,430 What a crazy time in our lives. 28 00:01:06,431 --> 00:01:08,332 Meatball is in the oven. 29 00:01:09,801 --> 00:01:11,735 SKIP: He said my code name! 30 00:01:12,690 --> 00:01:14,689 Sourced By: Deafdude 31 00:01:14,705 --> 00:01:16,758 1600 PENN S01 Ep01 - Putting Out Fires 32 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:19,313 Sync and corrected by dr.jackson for www.addic7ed.com 33 00:01:19,344 --> 00:01:20,678 Early this morning, the President received word 34 00:01:20,679 --> 00:01:21,979 of an incident on the college campus 35 00:01:21,980 --> 00:01:24,114 of his oldest son Standrich, 36 00:01:24,115 --> 00:01:25,549 known by all of us, affectionately, as Skip. 37 00:01:25,550 --> 00:01:26,850 Has Skip received any kind 38 00:01:26,851 --> 00:01:28,419 of preferential treatment in this matter? 39 00:01:28,420 --> 00:01:30,487 He has not nor will not receive any special treatment 40 00:01:30,488 --> 00:01:31,956 because his father's the President. 41 00:01:31,957 --> 00:01:33,490 In fact, most people meet Skip 42 00:01:33,491 --> 00:01:34,825 and forget that his father's the President. 43 00:01:34,826 --> 00:01:37,361 (laughter) You all have a good day. 44 00:01:37,362 --> 00:01:38,762 WOMAN: Kids, let's hear it 45 00:01:38,763 --> 00:01:40,497 for First Lady Emily Nash Gilchrist. 46 00:01:40,498 --> 00:01:43,467 I'm so proud of all you girls. 47 00:01:43,468 --> 00:01:45,569 And I know if my stepdaughter Becca were here... 48 00:01:45,570 --> 00:01:47,805 ...she would say the same thing. 49 00:01:47,806 --> 00:01:50,808 So... do any of you girls have any questions? 50 00:01:50,809 --> 00:01:51,349 Yes. 51 00:01:51,375 --> 00:01:53,535 What does it mean when my dad says you're a trophy wife? 52 00:01:56,247 --> 00:01:59,249 Well, do you have any trophies? 53 00:01:59,250 --> 00:02:00,851 Yeah. For winning in soccer. 54 00:02:00,852 --> 00:02:03,320 And I'm sure you're very proud of that soccer trophy. 55 00:02:03,321 --> 00:02:04,788 Because trophies aren't just pretty. 56 00:02:04,789 --> 00:02:06,557 They denote accomplishment. 57 00:02:06,558 --> 00:02:07,958 Like putting yourself through law school, 58 00:02:07,959 --> 00:02:09,460 running a dozen successful political campaigns 59 00:02:09,461 --> 00:02:10,928 by the age of 40, 60 00:02:10,929 --> 00:02:12,329 and still managing to get to the gym three days a week-- 61 00:02:12,330 --> 00:02:13,497 and I mean real classes, 62 00:02:13,498 --> 00:02:14,898 not just standing there on the elliptical. 63 00:02:14,899 --> 00:02:16,800 So if your dad has any further thoughts on trophies, 64 00:02:16,801 --> 00:02:18,302 wives or otherwise, 65 00:02:18,303 --> 00:02:20,070 I think you should show him your soccer trophy 66 00:02:20,071 --> 00:02:21,305 and tell him to shove... 67 00:02:21,306 --> 00:02:23,707 Oh, no! We are so out of time. 68 00:02:23,708 --> 00:02:25,109 Let's multiply. 69 00:02:25,110 --> 00:02:26,443 Yay! 70 00:02:26,444 --> 00:02:28,912 SAVANNAH: So, no Becca. 71 00:02:28,913 --> 00:02:30,881 Hopefully she'll have time for our interview later. 72 00:02:30,882 --> 00:02:32,816 Of course. Though we may have to pull her away 73 00:02:32,817 --> 00:02:34,351 from volunteering at the soup kitchen 74 00:02:34,352 --> 00:02:37,788 or teaching Japanese to little Japanese children. 75 00:02:37,789 --> 00:02:39,490 Where's Becca? (sighs) 76 00:02:39,491 --> 00:02:40,891 20 on Miss Perfect? 77 00:02:40,892 --> 00:02:42,559 (sighs) 78 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:43,794 Ew. 79 00:02:43,795 --> 00:02:45,029 Okay... 80 00:02:45,030 --> 00:02:46,230 Is it plus? 81 00:02:46,231 --> 00:02:49,066 It's plus. Bad brand. 82 00:02:49,067 --> 00:02:51,535 This is the first time you don't want to ace a test. Come on! 83 00:02:57,776 --> 00:02:59,209 Perfect. 84 00:02:59,210 --> 00:03:00,644 And finally, Mr. President, 85 00:03:00,645 --> 00:03:03,180 we're implementing your insurance reforms. 86 00:03:03,181 --> 00:03:05,649 Good job, everybody. 87 00:03:05,650 --> 00:03:07,684 Now we just gotta keep our eye on the ball. 88 00:03:07,685 --> 00:03:10,120 Two dozen Latin American leaders arrive today, 89 00:03:10,121 --> 00:03:13,624 and they are not leaving until they approve my trade deal. 90 00:03:15,593 --> 00:03:17,828 If you'll excuse me, 91 00:03:17,829 --> 00:03:20,798 I have to go talk some sense into my son. 92 00:03:22,067 --> 00:03:23,700 Hey. 93 00:03:23,701 --> 00:03:25,502 So how was the event with Becca? 94 00:03:25,503 --> 00:03:27,704 She bailed on me. I'm not sure why, 95 00:03:27,705 --> 00:03:29,306 but I'm guessing it's because I'm still the evil stepmom. 96 00:03:29,307 --> 00:03:30,841 But don't worry. I'm gonna win her over. 97 00:03:30,842 --> 00:03:33,043 She's gonna love me whether she likes it or not. 98 00:03:33,044 --> 00:03:35,145 That's the spirit. I think. 99 00:03:35,146 --> 00:03:36,480 - MARSHALL: Sir. - Whoa. 100 00:03:36,481 --> 00:03:37,915 After the Latin American leaders arrive, 101 00:03:37,916 --> 00:03:39,316 you have that "friendly" game of tennis 102 00:03:39,317 --> 00:03:40,584 with the Brazilian president. 103 00:03:40,585 --> 00:03:41,952 Where I let him win. I got it. 104 00:03:41,953 --> 00:03:43,187 And the First Lady arranged for Skip 105 00:03:43,188 --> 00:03:44,588 to record a fire safety video. 106 00:03:44,589 --> 00:03:48,258 Yeah, I figured he could be like... a role model. 107 00:03:48,259 --> 00:03:51,929 SKIP (imitating President): Son, I'm disappointed in you about this fire. 108 00:03:51,930 --> 00:03:54,498 But deep down inside, I know that you are awesome. 109 00:03:54,499 --> 00:03:57,634 That is why I have appointed you Chief Astronaut. 110 00:03:57,635 --> 00:03:59,336 (as himself): No, Dad, I can't accept it. 111 00:03:59,337 --> 00:04:00,504 (as President): You must. 112 00:04:00,505 --> 00:04:03,140 For this nation! 113 00:04:03,141 --> 00:04:04,708 And for these ladies. 114 00:04:04,709 --> 00:04:06,443 Where did you guys come from? 115 00:04:06,444 --> 00:04:08,212 Hi, I'm Skip. 116 00:04:08,213 --> 00:04:11,782 Tell me, have you always been Asian? 117 00:04:12,984 --> 00:04:14,885 Why the pregnant pause? 118 00:04:14,886 --> 00:04:16,153 Come here, sister! 119 00:04:16,154 --> 00:04:18,622 I am in so much trouble! 120 00:04:18,623 --> 00:04:20,491 Yeah. 121 00:04:20,492 --> 00:04:22,192 So much history here, right? 122 00:04:22,193 --> 00:04:24,394 Roosevelt, Superman... 123 00:04:24,395 --> 00:04:26,663 Skip... 124 00:04:26,664 --> 00:04:29,299 let me ask you something. 125 00:04:29,300 --> 00:04:30,767 You've had to, um... 126 00:04:30,768 --> 00:04:32,569 you know, deliver a lot of rough news 127 00:04:32,570 --> 00:04:34,037 to Dad over the years, right? 128 00:04:34,038 --> 00:04:36,206 Tons of times. I'm kind of an expert at it. 129 00:04:36,207 --> 00:04:38,175 Do you have some kind of special technique, or... 130 00:04:38,176 --> 00:04:39,676 Let's role-play. 131 00:04:39,677 --> 00:04:41,612 I've been work-shopping a pretty killer impression of Dad. 132 00:04:41,613 --> 00:04:43,080 That's not really what I had in mind. 133 00:04:43,106 --> 00:04:43,447 Okay. 134 00:04:43,448 --> 00:04:45,616 (as President): Becca... 135 00:04:45,617 --> 00:04:49,620 you are an amazing, brilliant human being. 136 00:04:49,621 --> 00:04:51,455 Skip is right to be suspicious. 137 00:04:51,456 --> 00:04:52,923 You are my favorite. 138 00:04:52,924 --> 00:04:55,392 Well, Dad, I really need... why am I indulging this? 139 00:04:55,393 --> 00:04:57,094 You sound nothing like Dad. 140 00:04:57,095 --> 00:04:57,784 (door opens) 141 00:04:57,810 --> 00:05:00,197 PRESIDENT: Skip, don't sit in my chair. 142 00:05:00,198 --> 00:05:01,598 That's actually not that bad. 143 00:05:01,599 --> 00:05:03,133 Maybe try it a little gruffer, 144 00:05:03,134 --> 00:05:05,035 like you're an angry cowboy... 145 00:05:05,036 --> 00:05:06,436 Dad! 146 00:05:12,944 --> 00:05:14,144 Momily... 147 00:05:14,145 --> 00:05:15,612 Aw, Skip. 148 00:05:15,613 --> 00:05:16,914 Nothing fazes you. 149 00:05:16,915 --> 00:05:18,348 Not even the things that should. 150 00:05:18,349 --> 00:05:19,783 I'm unflappable. 151 00:05:19,784 --> 00:05:21,785 All right, Skip, can you sit down for a second? 152 00:05:26,057 --> 00:05:27,457 Skip, I think it's time 153 00:05:27,458 --> 00:05:29,092 for you to come home from school. 154 00:05:29,093 --> 00:05:31,161 Seven years of college is plenty. 155 00:05:31,162 --> 00:05:32,996 I'm three credits shy of graduating. 156 00:05:32,997 --> 00:05:34,064 You said that last year. 157 00:05:34,065 --> 00:05:35,632 Doesn't make it less true. 158 00:05:35,633 --> 00:05:37,034 Mrs. Gilchrist, Xander and Marigold's school 159 00:05:37,035 --> 00:05:38,402 is on the line. 160 00:05:38,403 --> 00:05:39,603 Hello? 161 00:05:39,604 --> 00:05:41,438 Yes, Ms. Esslinger. 162 00:05:41,439 --> 00:05:42,906 What seems to be the prob... 163 00:05:42,907 --> 00:05:44,274 Uh-huh. Yes. 164 00:05:44,275 --> 00:05:46,710 She's right here. 165 00:05:47,879 --> 00:05:49,479 BECCA: Sorry about that... 166 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:50,881 Yes, we will talk to them. 167 00:05:50,882 --> 00:05:53,817 Thank you. 168 00:05:53,818 --> 00:05:56,386 Xander and Marigold were sent home from school for fighting. 169 00:05:56,387 --> 00:05:58,689 They have an armed escort. Who are they fighting? 170 00:05:58,690 --> 00:06:00,290 BOY: Becca! 171 00:06:00,291 --> 00:06:02,659 Marigold, you've betrayed me for the last time! 172 00:06:02,660 --> 00:06:03,961 Don't be so dramatic. 173 00:06:03,962 --> 00:06:05,696 I'm going to betray you lots more times. 174 00:06:05,697 --> 00:06:06,997 Knuckle noogie! 175 00:06:06,998 --> 00:06:09,633 - Dad, make her stop! - PRESIDENT: Enough. 176 00:06:09,634 --> 00:06:11,134 Couch. Now. 177 00:06:11,135 --> 00:06:13,403 (whispering): You seriously hurt me. 178 00:06:13,404 --> 00:06:14,705 I am shocked. 179 00:06:14,706 --> 00:06:17,174 Do you two want to get kicked out of school? 180 00:06:17,175 --> 00:06:19,776 We'd be better off. It's a fascist institution. 181 00:06:19,777 --> 00:06:21,178 What's going on with you guys? 182 00:06:21,179 --> 00:06:22,212 I don't want to talk about it. 183 00:06:22,213 --> 00:06:23,814 Fine. Then go to your rooms. 184 00:06:23,815 --> 00:06:25,882 And Skip, can you head upstairs? 185 00:06:25,883 --> 00:06:27,251 Emily and I have a little project for you. 186 00:06:27,252 --> 00:06:28,852 (whispering): I love projects. 187 00:06:30,121 --> 00:06:31,388 I'll talk to Xander and Marigold. 188 00:06:31,389 --> 00:06:32,623 See if I can break through to them. 189 00:06:32,624 --> 00:06:33,590 (scoffs) 190 00:06:33,591 --> 00:06:34,891 Becca, don't scoff. 191 00:06:34,892 --> 00:06:36,860 It's not called the Oval Scoffice. 192 00:06:36,861 --> 00:06:38,962 Oh, God. Do better, Emily. 193 00:06:40,198 --> 00:06:42,065 PRESIDENT: Come on... 194 00:06:42,066 --> 00:06:43,867 Isn't it nice to have everybody under one roof again? 195 00:06:43,868 --> 00:06:45,569 I miss it. 196 00:06:45,570 --> 00:06:48,138 I wish that we could go out for pizza like the old days. 197 00:06:48,139 --> 00:06:49,840 With Mom? 198 00:06:49,841 --> 00:06:52,242 Dad, um... 199 00:06:52,243 --> 00:06:53,710 can we talk? 200 00:06:53,711 --> 00:06:55,579 Sir, the Latin Americans are gathering outside. 201 00:06:55,580 --> 00:06:58,015 You only have a few minutes before De Soto arrives. 202 00:06:58,016 --> 00:06:59,650 Sorry, Becca, today is... 203 00:06:59,651 --> 00:07:01,251 well, actually it's just about like every other day. 204 00:07:01,252 --> 00:07:02,686 Can it wait? 205 00:07:02,687 --> 00:07:04,388 Yeah. 206 00:07:06,491 --> 00:07:07,858 (sighs) 207 00:07:07,859 --> 00:07:09,693 I know this jacket makes me look skinny, 208 00:07:09,694 --> 00:07:12,262 but it makes me feel fat. 209 00:07:12,263 --> 00:07:13,864 All you have to do is read, Skip. 210 00:07:13,865 --> 00:07:16,300 No. I want to do so much more. 211 00:07:16,301 --> 00:07:18,835 I'm going to make my dad proud, Marshall Mathers. 212 00:07:18,836 --> 00:07:22,306 I'm going to make love to that audience. 213 00:07:22,307 --> 00:07:24,508 No, not in like a dirty way. 214 00:07:24,509 --> 00:07:28,245 I mean like in a romantic comedy from the '80s, 215 00:07:28,246 --> 00:07:31,014 when somebody's like, "Hey, I want to marry you," 216 00:07:31,015 --> 00:07:32,816 and the other person's like, "No." 217 00:07:32,817 --> 00:07:34,851 And then they're like, "I'm gonna get on that plane," 218 00:07:34,852 --> 00:07:37,454 and the other person's like, "You can't get on that plane. 219 00:07:37,455 --> 00:07:39,289 "Oh, wait. You can. 220 00:07:39,290 --> 00:07:42,559 Security hasn't taken precautions post-9/11 yet." 221 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:43,827 Skip. Skip... It feels like... 222 00:07:43,828 --> 00:07:46,196 It's just 30 seconds of text. 223 00:07:47,765 --> 00:07:49,232 I just... I don't like your tone. 224 00:07:50,902 --> 00:07:52,736 Mr. President, many of us would support your trade agreement, 225 00:07:52,737 --> 00:07:53,870 but we are under terrific pressure 226 00:07:53,871 --> 00:07:56,006 from Brazil to vote against you. 227 00:07:56,007 --> 00:07:58,575 Yeah, De Soto has a little ax to grind. 228 00:07:58,576 --> 00:08:00,577 Ever since that G20 incident. 229 00:08:05,016 --> 00:08:07,317 America wins! (gasping for air) 230 00:08:07,318 --> 00:08:10,153 Ah, (bleep). 231 00:08:10,154 --> 00:08:13,357 It was regrettable, and, uh... 232 00:08:13,358 --> 00:08:14,858 Skip, please. 233 00:08:14,859 --> 00:08:16,693 You can do this. 234 00:08:16,694 --> 00:08:19,429 It's just, I've said the word "fire" so many times, 235 00:08:19,430 --> 00:08:22,332 it just sounds so weird to me now. 236 00:08:22,333 --> 00:08:27,037 - Fahyer. Fower? Fahherrr... - Okay. Okay. 237 00:08:27,038 --> 00:08:28,505 Okay, okay, okay. 238 00:08:28,506 --> 00:08:30,374 How about this? Let's just pretend 239 00:08:30,375 --> 00:08:31,742 like the camera's not even here. 240 00:08:31,743 --> 00:08:34,711 See, Marshall, now that's helpful. 241 00:08:35,947 --> 00:08:38,014 Hi. I'm Skip Gilchrist, 242 00:08:38,015 --> 00:08:40,117 You may know me from such things as the White House... 243 00:08:40,118 --> 00:08:41,385 - Skip. Skip! - What? 244 00:08:41,386 --> 00:08:42,953 You have to look at the camera. 245 00:08:42,954 --> 00:08:44,354 You said pretend it's not there. 246 00:08:44,355 --> 00:08:45,756 Know it's there, 247 00:08:45,757 --> 00:08:47,691 but pretend like it's not there. 248 00:08:47,692 --> 00:08:50,026 There... not there. 249 00:08:50,027 --> 00:08:52,129 Marshall, you sound like a crazy person. 250 00:08:53,297 --> 00:08:54,698 I'm sorry that De Soto has made it personal, 251 00:08:54,699 --> 00:08:57,534 but this deal is good for all of us. 252 00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:03,807 Hmm. 253 00:09:03,808 --> 00:09:05,375 ...let's fight fire 254 00:09:05,376 --> 00:09:07,711 with fire safety. 255 00:09:07,712 --> 00:09:09,646 I think we got it! 256 00:09:09,647 --> 00:09:12,416 Oh, no. Oh, no! 257 00:09:12,417 --> 00:09:15,318 President De Soto, welcome to the United States. 258 00:09:15,319 --> 00:09:18,221 I just hope to avoid bodily injury. 259 00:09:18,222 --> 00:09:19,823 We'll keep you out of harm's way. 260 00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:35,505 Maybe try a little bit harder? 261 00:09:36,607 --> 00:09:38,909 SKIP: I'm so sorry! 262 00:09:41,246 --> 00:09:42,691 Guys, guys! As I said, 263 00:09:42,717 --> 00:09:44,956 Skip is deeply sorry about fire. 264 00:09:44,987 --> 00:09:46,855 (reporters shouting) Both fires. 265 00:09:46,856 --> 00:09:49,424 Can we please move on to literally any other topic? 266 00:09:49,425 --> 00:09:52,727 - I really doubt it. - You know what else is on fire? 267 00:09:52,728 --> 00:09:54,295 The American auto industry. 268 00:09:54,296 --> 00:09:55,530 Anything? 269 00:09:55,531 --> 00:09:57,499 OK, first of all, I'm crazy sorry. 270 00:09:57,500 --> 00:09:59,033 The frat house fire, real boner move. 271 00:09:59,034 --> 00:10:00,602 We talked about that earlier. 272 00:10:00,603 --> 00:10:02,570 But this second fire, it's a freak thing. 273 00:10:02,571 --> 00:10:04,472 If anything, it's because I was trying too hard 274 00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:06,541 to do what you asked. I'm not blaming you, but... 275 00:10:06,542 --> 00:10:08,710 Skip. Do you know why I decided to you should move back here? 276 00:10:08,711 --> 00:10:11,806 So that I could be surrounded by people who can keep an eye on me? 277 00:10:11,832 --> 00:10:12,580 Absolutely. 278 00:10:12,581 --> 00:10:16,017 But also, this can be a new phase in your life. 279 00:10:16,018 --> 00:10:18,987 A chance for you to become a doer of things, 280 00:10:18,988 --> 00:10:21,589 rather than a man to whom things are done. 281 00:10:21,590 --> 00:10:24,459 To be the lion, and not the gazelle. 282 00:10:24,460 --> 00:10:25,927 To be a man... 283 00:10:25,928 --> 00:10:27,829 a man, Skip. 284 00:10:27,830 --> 00:10:29,664 Oh, my God. I love you so much. 285 00:10:29,665 --> 00:10:30,899 Okay. 286 00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:33,468 You and I are different. 287 00:10:33,469 --> 00:10:35,670 In a lot of ways, you're more like your mother. 288 00:10:35,671 --> 00:10:37,338 She had a spark, you know? 289 00:10:37,339 --> 00:10:40,208 A way with people I never had, and you have that, too. 290 00:10:40,209 --> 00:10:41,809 I have a spark. 291 00:10:41,810 --> 00:10:43,878 All I ask is that you use 292 00:10:43,879 --> 00:10:47,682 that spark for something other than setting things on fire. 293 00:10:50,019 --> 00:10:53,187 Sir? You good with the game plan? 294 00:10:53,188 --> 00:10:55,857 De Soto's champ because I whipped him on his turf, 295 00:10:55,858 --> 00:10:58,626 so now I let him whip me on mine-- hatchet buried. 296 00:10:58,627 --> 00:11:00,461 Though I'd rather send him home with a racket 297 00:11:00,462 --> 00:11:02,530 down his Panama Canal... Enrique! 298 00:11:02,531 --> 00:11:04,232 I'm about to do to you what China did 299 00:11:04,233 --> 00:11:05,400 to your manufacturing sector. 300 00:11:05,401 --> 00:11:07,168 Ha-ha. (yells) 301 00:11:11,273 --> 00:11:14,075 (grunts) 302 00:11:15,377 --> 00:11:17,579 You got lucky on that one, Enrique. 303 00:11:17,580 --> 00:11:18,546 Luck is for Americans. 304 00:11:18,547 --> 00:11:19,614 I'm gonna treat you like 305 00:11:19,615 --> 00:11:22,317 you treated your indigenous peoples. 306 00:11:22,318 --> 00:11:23,251 (grunts) 307 00:11:23,252 --> 00:11:24,118 (crowd groans) 308 00:11:24,119 --> 00:11:26,220 SKIP: No, Dad. 309 00:11:26,221 --> 00:11:28,656 Aah! Come on! 310 00:11:31,460 --> 00:11:33,294 He needs... 311 00:11:33,295 --> 00:11:35,663 a spark. 312 00:11:35,664 --> 00:11:38,099 May... hey, may I have your attention, please? 313 00:11:38,100 --> 00:11:41,869 Thank you. My dad didn't fight his way across Iraq 314 00:11:41,870 --> 00:11:46,174 in the Desert Storm operations to lose a battle on our soil. 315 00:11:46,175 --> 00:11:49,210 Dale won't fail; I just need 316 00:11:49,211 --> 00:11:51,245 one other person to not make this not feel so awkward. 317 00:11:51,246 --> 00:11:52,580 That's perfect. You'll be great. 318 00:11:52,581 --> 00:11:55,183 Dale won't fail. Dale won't fail. 319 00:11:55,184 --> 00:11:56,621 ALL (chanting): Dale won't fail. 320 00:11:56,647 --> 00:11:57,385 SKIP: Feel it! 321 00:11:57,386 --> 00:11:58,886 Dale won't fail. 322 00:11:58,887 --> 00:12:01,856 Dad, I'm using my spark! 323 00:12:01,857 --> 00:12:04,525 Based on our conversation. 324 00:12:04,526 --> 00:12:06,995 Be the lion, not the Gisele. 325 00:12:06,996 --> 00:12:09,397 It's your serve, Gisele. Dale won't fail. 326 00:12:09,398 --> 00:12:11,899 Dale won't fail. Dale won't fail. (laughs) 327 00:12:11,900 --> 00:12:15,169 U.S.A.-- let's switch it up. 328 00:12:15,170 --> 00:12:18,473 U.S.A.-- yeah, more pride. CROWD: U.S.A. U.S.A. 329 00:12:18,474 --> 00:12:20,108 That's it! 330 00:12:20,109 --> 00:12:22,577 - U.S.A. U.S.A.! - Now, let me feel it. 331 00:12:22,578 --> 00:12:23,978 - U.S.A. - Back row. 332 00:12:23,979 --> 00:12:27,415 U.S.A. U.S.A. 333 00:12:27,416 --> 00:12:29,250 U.S.A. 334 00:12:29,251 --> 00:12:31,819 U.S.A.! 335 00:12:31,820 --> 00:12:32,854 U.S.A. 336 00:12:32,855 --> 00:12:33,821 ALL: Ooh! 337 00:12:33,822 --> 00:12:35,690 Maybe we have a match after all. 338 00:12:35,691 --> 00:12:36,791 (whooping) 339 00:12:39,695 --> 00:12:41,696 Becca, Becca. 340 00:12:41,697 --> 00:12:43,331 Look, I didn't want to get into it this morning 341 00:12:43,332 --> 00:12:45,333 in front of your father, but you and I have got to talk. 342 00:12:45,334 --> 00:12:47,802 We've been over and ovary this. 343 00:12:47,803 --> 00:12:48,970 What did you just say? 344 00:12:48,971 --> 00:12:50,905 I mean let's fetus facts. 345 00:12:50,906 --> 00:12:52,573 Will we always get along? 346 00:12:52,574 --> 00:12:53,574 Maybe, baby not. 347 00:12:53,575 --> 00:12:55,810 But you have to come to term 348 00:12:55,811 --> 00:12:56,944 with the idea that I'm here, 349 00:12:56,945 --> 00:12:59,147 uterus dilated single mother. 350 00:12:59,148 --> 00:13:00,248 What? You and I 351 00:13:00,249 --> 00:13:02,216 are related one way or the other. 352 00:13:02,217 --> 00:13:03,918 I can't deal with this. 353 00:13:03,919 --> 00:13:05,253 Where are you going? 354 00:13:05,254 --> 00:13:07,722 (sighs) I am going to talk to Xander and Marigold 355 00:13:07,723 --> 00:13:08,923 about why they're fighting. 356 00:13:08,924 --> 00:13:11,125 Well, that's... why I'm here. 357 00:13:11,126 --> 00:13:11,959 Is it? 358 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:13,061 Becca, I don't want to get 359 00:13:13,062 --> 00:13:14,395 into a competition with you. 360 00:13:17,332 --> 00:13:18,700 (crowd cheering) SKIP: Match point. Go, Dad! 361 00:13:18,701 --> 00:13:22,270 MARSHALL: Sir! Sir. 362 00:13:22,271 --> 00:13:22,865 The plan? 363 00:13:22,891 --> 00:13:25,239 It's just so much patriotic chanting. 364 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,008 It's intoxicating. 365 00:13:27,009 --> 00:13:29,077 All you have to do is lose this tiebreaker. 366 00:13:29,078 --> 00:13:31,546 He'll be happy and he'll stop blocking the deal. 367 00:13:31,547 --> 00:13:34,282 SKIP: Papa! Jimmy here is your #1 fan. 368 00:13:34,283 --> 00:13:36,084 His one wish was to come to the White House. 369 00:13:36,085 --> 00:13:37,385 You're his hero. 370 00:13:37,386 --> 00:13:39,654 I believe in you, President Gilchrist. 371 00:13:39,655 --> 00:13:41,155 Oh, come on. 372 00:13:44,693 --> 00:13:46,894 So, that's why they were fighting. 373 00:13:46,895 --> 00:13:48,463 Pretty shocking, huh? 374 00:13:48,464 --> 00:13:49,798 Yes, I know, I know. 375 00:13:49,824 --> 00:13:51,467 Yeah, I mean Xander told me everything. 376 00:13:51,493 --> 00:13:53,234 Marigold told me... yeah, the whole thing. 377 00:13:53,235 --> 00:13:55,883 Well, I don't want to betray her confidence, so what did Xander say? 378 00:13:55,909 --> 00:13:57,572 Marigold didn't tell you anything, did she? 379 00:13:57,573 --> 00:13:57,993 Not a word. 380 00:13:58,019 --> 00:13:59,674 Xander has a crush on some girl named Jessica. 381 00:13:59,675 --> 00:14:01,743 Marigold was giving him a hard time about it. 382 00:14:01,744 --> 00:14:02,810 Good try though. 383 00:14:04,213 --> 00:14:06,114 Damn it. 384 00:14:14,456 --> 00:14:17,592 (yells) 385 00:14:17,593 --> 00:14:18,826 (coughing) 386 00:14:18,827 --> 00:14:20,795 Ooh, uh... 387 00:14:20,796 --> 00:14:22,363 (blows air) 388 00:14:22,364 --> 00:14:25,366 Woo-- so how we celebrating this victory, huh? 389 00:14:25,367 --> 00:14:27,602 Thinking something small, Rose Garden, no plus ones? 390 00:14:27,603 --> 00:14:29,971 Mr. President, you mark 391 00:14:29,972 --> 00:14:32,273 my words, I will not be humiliated again. 392 00:14:32,274 --> 00:14:35,443 I've said that a lot of times. Always comes back to bite me. 393 00:14:35,444 --> 00:14:36,978 Skip, stop talking. 394 00:14:36,979 --> 00:14:39,080 The president was supposed to lose this game. 395 00:14:39,081 --> 00:14:40,815 It was the key to a big trade deal. 396 00:14:40,816 --> 00:14:41,983 I was just trying to help. 397 00:14:41,984 --> 00:14:43,518 It's okay, Skip. 398 00:14:43,519 --> 00:14:46,821 I think you've done enough helping today. 399 00:14:46,822 --> 00:14:49,857 I really was trying this time, you know? 400 00:14:49,858 --> 00:14:52,960 I can't believe I let him down again. 401 00:15:00,569 --> 00:15:02,570 Please. 402 00:15:13,749 --> 00:15:16,442 Oh, Skip is coming. 403 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,247 When I'm stressed, I snack. 404 00:15:18,248 --> 00:15:21,017 Me, too. Thank goodness we both have amazing metabolisms. 405 00:15:21,018 --> 00:15:23,486 I'm making a salad. Think I'll have a... 406 00:15:23,487 --> 00:15:26,155 ...salad. So, why are you snacking? 407 00:15:26,156 --> 00:15:27,990 I just wish people would be more upfront. 408 00:15:27,991 --> 00:15:29,191 Preaching to the choir. 409 00:15:29,192 --> 00:15:30,559 Every time I try to talk to Becca 410 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:32,461 about our stuff, she runs away. 411 00:15:32,462 --> 00:15:34,063 Then you should speak to her somewhere she can't run. 412 00:15:34,064 --> 00:15:37,033 That's how I got Cara Niam to give me a definitive "no" 413 00:15:37,034 --> 00:15:39,602 on prom, you know, so I could make other plans. 414 00:15:41,071 --> 00:15:43,039 You know what, Skip? 415 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:44,507 You're right. 416 00:15:44,508 --> 00:15:46,742 It's better to just put yourself out there. 417 00:15:46,743 --> 00:15:49,679 That's what you do. 418 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:52,882 You should never be ashamed of that. 419 00:15:59,656 --> 00:16:02,324 Dad, sorry I let you down. 420 00:16:02,325 --> 00:16:04,226 I'll make it up to you. 421 00:16:04,227 --> 00:16:07,129 (imitates Dale): Oh, Skip, you're my best friend. 422 00:16:11,101 --> 00:16:13,102 (men arguing indistinctly) 423 00:16:17,007 --> 00:16:18,040 SKIP: Hola. 424 00:16:18,041 --> 00:16:21,177 Agua may llama Skip, 425 00:16:21,178 --> 00:16:24,780 and I just want to say I am mucho sorry 426 00:16:24,781 --> 00:16:28,284 for screwing up your trade agreement. 427 00:16:28,285 --> 00:16:29,985 MAN: Skip Gilchrist. 428 00:16:29,986 --> 00:16:32,655 You threw a flaming chair at our colleague, the leader of Brazil, 429 00:16:32,656 --> 00:16:35,491 President Enrique Hernando Feliz Navidad De Soto. 430 00:16:35,492 --> 00:16:36,826 I know and I just want to say that... 431 00:16:36,827 --> 00:16:38,527 Nice work. 432 00:16:38,528 --> 00:16:40,629 Come. Drink with us. 433 00:16:42,199 --> 00:16:43,532 There's nothing girls can't achieve 434 00:16:43,533 --> 00:16:45,067 when it comes to math and science. 435 00:16:45,068 --> 00:16:47,803 Yet only 20% of engineering students are women. 436 00:16:47,804 --> 00:16:49,672 So, why did you two team up for this? 437 00:16:49,673 --> 00:16:52,174 Well, originally when I began my degree, I remember... 438 00:16:52,175 --> 00:16:56,846 Actually, there was a story that touched us both. 439 00:16:56,847 --> 00:16:58,581 We heard about a math class 440 00:16:58,582 --> 00:17:00,382 that lost its teacher. 441 00:17:00,383 --> 00:17:02,318 What happened was a very talented student-teacher 442 00:17:02,319 --> 00:17:04,754 stepped up and taught the class for a while, but then 443 00:17:04,755 --> 00:17:06,088 the school found a sub. Unfortunately, 444 00:17:06,089 --> 00:17:07,757 the sub had no clue how to handle the class. 445 00:17:07,758 --> 00:17:09,391 The sub felt she could do a good job 446 00:17:09,392 --> 00:17:10,760 if she wasn't constantly being undermined 447 00:17:10,761 --> 00:17:12,194 by the student teacher. The student teacher 448 00:17:12,195 --> 00:17:13,429 probably felt that 449 00:17:13,430 --> 00:17:15,197 the sub took the job for all the wrong reasons. 450 00:17:15,198 --> 00:17:16,832 Is the wrong reason love? 451 00:17:16,833 --> 00:17:18,267 (laughs) 452 00:17:18,268 --> 00:17:20,536 Of math... 453 00:17:20,537 --> 00:17:22,705 and science? 454 00:17:22,706 --> 00:17:24,039 What was that? 455 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:25,241 A metaphor. 456 00:17:25,842 --> 00:17:27,743 Who cares? At least we're finally talking about it. 457 00:17:27,744 --> 00:17:29,411 You want to talk? Let's talk! 458 00:17:29,412 --> 00:17:30,880 (reporters clamoring) 459 00:17:30,881 --> 00:17:32,081 Guys, guys, it was a tennis ball, 460 00:17:32,082 --> 00:17:33,549 not a cruise missile. 461 00:17:33,550 --> 00:17:35,351 Yeah, those are gonna be coming from Brazil. 462 00:17:35,352 --> 00:17:36,986 And we are done here. 463 00:17:36,987 --> 00:17:39,355 My point is you deserve a chance to be a girl. 464 00:17:39,356 --> 00:17:40,756 Go to parties. 465 00:17:40,757 --> 00:17:43,092 Mess up a little. And what if I did? 466 00:17:43,093 --> 00:17:46,028 What if one time I actually let loose and made a mistake? 467 00:17:46,029 --> 00:17:47,096 It would be healthy. 468 00:17:47,097 --> 00:17:48,164 No, no, I don't think so. 469 00:17:48,165 --> 00:17:48,998 I do. 470 00:17:48,999 --> 00:17:51,133 I'm pregnant. 471 00:17:53,103 --> 00:17:55,337 It's okay. 472 00:17:55,338 --> 00:17:56,939 You're gonna be okay. No. 473 00:17:56,940 --> 00:17:58,574 I feel like I'm losing my mind. 474 00:17:58,575 --> 00:18:00,943 I'm seeing things. I'm hearing things. 475 00:18:00,944 --> 00:18:04,280 I'm talking to you about my feelings, which I never do. 476 00:18:04,281 --> 00:18:06,248 - MAN: There she is. - You know what? 477 00:18:06,249 --> 00:18:09,585 I'm glad my dad smashed a ball into this guy's sternum. 478 00:18:09,586 --> 00:18:11,487 Even if it ruined everything. 479 00:18:11,488 --> 00:18:13,956 Because De Soto, he's a bully. 480 00:18:13,957 --> 00:18:15,224 Skip is right. He's got us 481 00:18:15,225 --> 00:18:16,525 over a barrel like a bunch of Ecuadorians. 482 00:18:16,526 --> 00:18:19,728 Hey. Us, too. 483 00:18:19,729 --> 00:18:21,897 He's been leaving me the worst voicemails. 484 00:18:21,898 --> 00:18:24,300 But you've taken enough harassment from this guy. 485 00:18:24,301 --> 00:18:25,651 His moustache is so effortless. 486 00:18:25,677 --> 00:18:28,971 He's threatened your economies, turned you against each other. 487 00:18:28,972 --> 00:18:31,807 He stole Miguel's mistress. I still love her. 488 00:18:31,808 --> 00:18:33,242 Miguel still loves her. 489 00:18:33,243 --> 00:18:36,912 But now you can stand up to him. 490 00:18:36,913 --> 00:18:40,916 This... is a day of destiny. 491 00:18:42,118 --> 00:18:43,419 Aye compete-o? 492 00:18:43,420 --> 00:18:44,486 Hmm? 493 00:18:44,487 --> 00:18:45,654 Uh, do you understand? 494 00:18:45,655 --> 00:18:46,655 How do you say that? Comprende? 495 00:18:46,656 --> 00:18:47,890 Comprende. Si. 496 00:18:51,595 --> 00:18:53,896 I have the votes. Your trade deal will crumble 497 00:18:53,897 --> 00:18:56,532 like your nation's aging infrastructure. 498 00:18:56,533 --> 00:18:58,968 Guy's got a million of those. 499 00:19:00,704 --> 00:19:03,072 (man clears throat) 500 00:19:17,487 --> 00:19:21,156 Mr. President, we are ready to vote. 501 00:19:22,792 --> 00:19:24,727 All in favor. 502 00:19:37,374 --> 00:19:38,407 How did this happen? 503 00:19:38,408 --> 00:19:39,942 You divided us. 504 00:19:39,943 --> 00:19:41,677 Skip united us. 505 00:19:41,678 --> 00:19:42,845 And that just had a better feel to it. 506 00:19:42,846 --> 00:19:46,248 (men laughing, cheering) 507 00:19:46,249 --> 00:19:47,917 Dad, I'm sorry I'm in your seat again... 508 00:19:47,918 --> 00:19:49,885 No, it's okay. 509 00:19:49,886 --> 00:19:52,154 Stay. 510 00:19:53,690 --> 00:19:56,825 DALE: None of us is perfect. 511 00:19:56,826 --> 00:20:01,330 We give in to pride. We hold on to resentment. 512 00:20:01,331 --> 00:20:02,998 And sometimes, 513 00:20:02,999 --> 00:20:06,368 Oh, yeah... oop... ...we just grow up. 514 00:20:06,369 --> 00:20:08,003 Nice, nice. 515 00:20:08,004 --> 00:20:09,772 Dad, I have to tell you something. 516 00:20:11,775 --> 00:20:13,509 This was a great idea. 517 00:20:13,510 --> 00:20:15,210 We needed to get out of the house. 518 00:20:15,211 --> 00:20:19,548 And allies, like any family, have differences. 519 00:20:19,549 --> 00:20:23,652 What matters is that we overcome them, 520 00:20:23,653 --> 00:20:25,654 that we learn to trust each other. 521 00:20:25,655 --> 00:20:27,690 So, why'd you give your brother such a hard time 522 00:20:27,691 --> 00:20:28,857 about that Jessica girl? 523 00:20:28,858 --> 00:20:30,192 I'm sorry, I just, 524 00:20:30,193 --> 00:20:32,261 I never had feelings like this before. 525 00:20:32,262 --> 00:20:33,996 Oh, you have a crush, too. 526 00:20:33,997 --> 00:20:36,198 Well, you're 13. That's a good thing. 527 00:20:36,199 --> 00:20:37,333 So, what's his name? 528 00:20:37,334 --> 00:20:39,401 Jessica. 529 00:20:39,402 --> 00:20:42,938 And if we can do that, 530 00:20:42,939 --> 00:20:47,176 if we can hold fast to one another 531 00:20:47,177 --> 00:20:49,545 even in the chaos of this world, 532 00:20:49,546 --> 00:20:51,484 we're gonna be just fine. 533 00:20:54,874 --> 00:20:55,939 Skip, you need to know, 534 00:20:55,979 --> 00:20:58,513 when you want Gilchrists to make a bunch of embarrassing mistakes, 535 00:20:58,588 --> 00:20:59,788 we'd like to vote for 'em first. 536 00:20:59,789 --> 00:21:01,924 Okay, thank you very much. 537 00:21:01,925 --> 00:21:03,359 Oh, and, oh, and the president, please, 538 00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:06,195 can someone tell him that Brazil is an ally? 539 00:21:06,196 --> 00:21:07,763 On the bright side now, 540 00:21:07,764 --> 00:21:09,298 the Pentagon has lined up a badminton game 541 00:21:09,299 --> 00:21:11,000 between President Gilchrist and the ayatollah... 542 00:21:11,001 --> 00:21:13,302 I'd pummel his ass, too. 543 00:21:13,303 --> 00:21:16,438 So it turns out, Skip is moving back home to the White House, 544 00:21:16,439 --> 00:21:20,042 so on behalf of all late-night comics, thank you. 545 00:21:20,043 --> 00:21:21,710 You're welcome. 546 00:21:21,711 --> 00:21:23,445 Be right back after this. 547 00:21:23,767 --> 00:21:26,740 Sync and corrected by dr.jackson for www.addic7ed.com