1 00:00:07,358 --> 00:00:10,278 Look at us... it's like we're in a Norman Rockwood painting. 2 00:00:10,358 --> 00:00:11,358 Morning, Xander. 3 00:00:11,359 --> 00:00:13,360 - You sleep okay? - I did not, Emily. 4 00:00:13,411 --> 00:00:15,496 I'm running for class president. 5 00:00:15,530 --> 00:00:16,646 A lot on my mind. 6 00:00:16,664 --> 00:00:17,865 Dale: Bad news, buddy. 7 00:00:17,916 --> 00:00:19,700 Running's the easy part. Did you have 8 00:00:19,751 --> 00:00:21,034 to deal with someone going around school, 9 00:00:21,085 --> 00:00:23,337 tearing down your campaign posters? 10 00:00:23,371 --> 00:00:24,421 Did you tell your teacher about it? 11 00:00:24,456 --> 00:00:27,374 Yes, but she's in cahoots with my opponent. 12 00:00:27,425 --> 00:00:29,126 It's a sham election, Emily. 13 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:31,378 This is how democracies crumbl 14 00:00:31,429 --> 00:00:32,662 oh, it can't be that bad, can it? 15 00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:34,465 That's what they said about the bolsheviks. 16 00:00:34,499 --> 00:00:35,665 Dale: Look, buddy, it seems unfair, 17 00:00:35,683 --> 00:00:38,469 but in politics, you got to be tough. 18 00:00:38,503 --> 00:00:40,304 Sometimes people don't like you. 19 00:00:40,338 --> 00:00:42,356 Did you see those protesters outside? 20 00:00:42,390 --> 00:00:43,807 They hate me. Come on, 21 00:00:43,842 --> 00:00:45,192 they don't really hate you. 22 00:00:45,226 --> 00:00:46,527 One of their signs said 23 00:00:46,561 --> 00:00:48,362 "we hate you, Mr. President." 24 00:00:49,397 --> 00:00:52,900 But you're awesome. 25 00:00:56,905 --> 00:00:58,572 You are not going to beat Jessica. 26 00:00:58,623 --> 00:01:00,857 She is so popular, 27 00:01:00,875 --> 00:01:02,493 and her hair smells like frosting. 28 00:01:02,527 --> 00:01:04,995 Marigold, why aren't you supporting your brother? 29 00:01:05,029 --> 00:01:07,748 Because I don't like his stance on touching my stuff. 30 00:01:07,799 --> 00:01:10,918 But Jessica is a mouthpiece for the establishment. 31 00:01:10,969 --> 00:01:12,719 At least she didn't hand out a 300-page manifesto. 32 00:01:12,754 --> 00:01:14,834 It's called a xanifesto. Emily: Hey, where'd Skip go? 33 00:01:16,975 --> 00:01:18,342 All (Chanting): Hey, Dale, more rail! 34 00:01:18,376 --> 00:01:20,344 Hey, Dale, more rail! 35 00:01:20,378 --> 00:01:22,346 Skip: Hey, Dale... 36 00:01:22,380 --> 00:01:24,431 Hey, Dale, more rail. 37 00:01:24,482 --> 00:01:25,549 Hey, Dale... 38 00:01:25,567 --> 00:01:30,737 ♪ Oh, whoa-oh-oh, whoa. 39 00:01:38,192 --> 00:01:40,541 1600 PENN S01 Ep05 - Frosting Nixon 40 00:01:40,551 --> 00:01:43,524 Sync and corrected by dr.jackson for www.addic7ed.com 41 00:01:43,585 --> 00:01:44,701 You don't think Xander's teacher 42 00:01:44,735 --> 00:01:45,953 is actually taking sides, do you? 43 00:01:46,004 --> 00:01:48,372 I hope not, and Xander does exaggerate. 44 00:01:48,406 --> 00:01:52,409 He accused his math teacher of Habeas Corpus violations. 45 00:01:52,427 --> 00:01:54,595 I am going to check in at the school just to make sure. 46 00:01:54,629 --> 00:01:57,381 Honey, I don't want us to be helicopter parents. 47 00:01:57,415 --> 00:01:59,099 Although we do have access to a helicopter. 48 00:01:59,133 --> 00:02:02,102 I just think it's okay to exercise a little restraint 49 00:02:02,136 --> 00:02:04,471 so the kids learn to figure out stuff on their own. 50 00:02:04,522 --> 00:02:06,139 Well, that's easy for you to say. 51 00:02:06,190 --> 00:02:08,308 He's always been your son. You don't get how much 52 00:02:08,359 --> 00:02:09,759 stepparents have to step things up 53 00:02:09,777 --> 00:02:11,445 to get acceptance from their stepkids. 54 00:02:11,479 --> 00:02:13,480 This could be a step in the right direction. 55 00:02:14,315 --> 00:02:16,600 - One too many? Is that - what this is about, honey? 56 00:02:16,618 --> 00:02:18,268 Because the kids love you. 57 00:02:18,286 --> 00:02:19,526 Well, I've got Skip locked down. 58 00:02:19,537 --> 00:02:22,772 Marigold... I'm cautiously optimistic. 59 00:02:22,790 --> 00:02:24,458 Becca is my white whale. 60 00:02:24,492 --> 00:02:27,578 But with Xander, I feel like I'm close to something. 61 00:02:27,612 --> 00:02:29,246 He needs to know I have his back. 62 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,281 All right, just keep your cool. 63 00:02:31,299 --> 00:02:32,332 What does that mean? 64 00:02:32,383 --> 00:02:33,667 Well, I think you have 65 00:02:33,718 --> 00:02:36,453 a tendency to go overboard sometimes. 66 00:02:36,471 --> 00:02:37,471 I know, 67 00:02:37,472 --> 00:02:39,623 I love that about me. 68 00:02:39,641 --> 00:02:42,342 All: Hey, hey, ho, ho, Dale Gilchrist has got to go! 69 00:02:42,393 --> 00:02:46,179 Skip: Hey, hey, ho, ho, Dale Gilchrist is doing his best. 70 00:02:46,230 --> 00:02:48,098 Hey, Skip Gilchrist is here. 71 00:02:48,132 --> 00:02:50,317 (Scoffs) I wish. 72 00:02:51,402 --> 00:02:52,819 (Sighs) Why did I wear a wig 73 00:02:52,854 --> 00:02:55,355 that looks like my normal hair? 74 00:02:55,406 --> 00:02:57,024 Protesters, 75 00:02:57,075 --> 00:02:59,493 I took this form to walk among you. 76 00:02:59,527 --> 00:03:02,312 I could no longer listen to you slander my father. 77 00:03:02,330 --> 00:03:03,813 He's a good man. 78 00:03:03,831 --> 00:03:05,982 He's killing the environment, Skip. 79 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,317 And you know why? 80 00:03:07,335 --> 00:03:08,785 He's in bed with the auto industry. 81 00:03:08,819 --> 00:03:10,120 Protesters: Yeah. 82 00:03:10,154 --> 00:03:13,123 Oh, really? 'Cause last time I checked, 83 00:03:13,157 --> 00:03:15,008 he was in bed with my hot stepmom. 84 00:03:15,043 --> 00:03:16,677 Well, then, why do his transportation policies 85 00:03:16,711 --> 00:03:18,795 heavily favor road projects 86 00:03:18,829 --> 00:03:20,797 - over mass transit? - Yeah. 87 00:03:20,831 --> 00:03:24,301 - They do? - Yeah. 88 00:03:24,335 --> 00:03:26,019 Secret service agent: Ma'am, 89 00:03:26,054 --> 00:03:28,388 is there a name I should clear for security? 90 00:03:28,439 --> 00:03:30,307 Oh, yeah, I'm going to have a few; Just give me a sec. 91 00:03:30,341 --> 00:03:31,741 I'm inviting a bunch of friends over 92 00:03:31,759 --> 00:03:33,026 while I hide from the press. 93 00:03:33,061 --> 00:03:34,511 Hi, it's Becca. 94 00:03:34,529 --> 00:03:35,696 Yeah, I was wondering if maybe you wanted 95 00:03:35,730 --> 00:03:37,314 to come over and hang... 96 00:03:37,348 --> 00:03:40,850 Oh, grad school in Boston. 97 00:03:40,868 --> 00:03:42,986 Oh, that's so cool. 98 00:03:43,020 --> 00:03:44,187 Good for you. 99 00:03:44,205 --> 00:03:46,707 M.I.T. 100 00:03:46,741 --> 00:03:48,492 Paris. A tank? 101 00:03:48,526 --> 00:03:50,544 Oh, a think tank. 102 00:03:50,578 --> 00:03:51,578 Wow. 103 00:03:51,579 --> 00:03:54,748 Tenure... that was fast. 104 00:03:54,799 --> 00:03:56,083 A think tank? 105 00:03:56,134 --> 00:03:57,751 Oh, a tank tank. 106 00:03:57,802 --> 00:03:58,885 Thank you for your service. 107 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:00,387 Me? Oh, you know, 108 00:04:00,421 --> 00:04:03,924 just setting stuff up and knocking it down. 109 00:04:03,975 --> 00:04:05,976 (Phone beeps off) 110 00:04:08,262 --> 00:04:11,431 So, no names to clear? 111 00:04:11,482 --> 00:04:13,066 (Quietly): No. 112 00:04:15,319 --> 00:04:16,553 Emily: Thank you 113 00:04:16,587 --> 00:04:17,904 for meeting with me, Mrs. Stitchcomb. 114 00:04:17,939 --> 00:04:19,222 Just so we're clear, 115 00:04:19,257 --> 00:04:20,390 I never give anyone any special treatment. 116 00:04:20,408 --> 00:04:21,775 Oh, no, of course not. 117 00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:23,727 We expect to be treated like everyone else. 118 00:04:23,745 --> 00:04:25,562 I mean, I didn't even vote for your husband. 119 00:04:25,580 --> 00:04:26,913 I don't know how that's relevant, 120 00:04:26,948 --> 00:04:28,448 but the important thing is, you voted. 121 00:04:28,499 --> 00:04:30,417 I donated a lot of money to his opponent. 122 00:04:30,451 --> 00:04:32,352 Anyway, I am here to talk about Xander. 123 00:04:32,387 --> 00:04:34,267 If you're going to ask if Jessica is responsible 124 00:04:34,272 --> 00:04:37,207 for tearing down his posters, that's wild speculation. 125 00:04:37,241 --> 00:04:38,875 We would never do anything like that. 126 00:04:38,910 --> 00:04:39,960 I'm sorry, did you say "we"? 127 00:04:40,011 --> 00:04:41,378 I'm helping her with her campaign. 128 00:04:41,412 --> 00:04:45,932 Well, I'm just wondering, is that fair? 129 00:04:45,967 --> 00:04:47,417 Xander has an unfair advantage. 130 00:04:47,435 --> 00:04:49,586 You're a political consultant 131 00:04:49,604 --> 00:04:51,087 and your husband is "president." 132 00:04:51,105 --> 00:04:52,472 He really is the president, 133 00:04:52,523 --> 00:04:54,758 so there's no need for air quotes. 134 00:04:54,792 --> 00:04:56,560 Well, until he limits my freedom of speech, 135 00:04:56,594 --> 00:04:58,729 I'll continue to "use them." 136 00:04:58,763 --> 00:05:01,615 Thank you for your time. 137 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:07,437 (Jessica giggling) 138 00:05:14,111 --> 00:05:16,329 You want to win this thing? 139 00:05:16,380 --> 00:05:17,414 Yeah. 140 00:05:17,448 --> 00:05:18,832 Good, because you're either 141 00:05:18,883 --> 00:05:20,834 leaving here as president or in a body bag. 142 00:05:22,003 --> 00:05:23,804 I feel like I went too far. 143 00:05:23,838 --> 00:05:25,138 I liked it. 144 00:05:25,173 --> 00:05:26,807 All: Dale pollutes the air! 145 00:05:26,841 --> 00:05:28,925 Dale pollutes the air, Dale pollutes the air! 146 00:05:28,959 --> 00:05:30,427 You've got to be kidding me. 147 00:05:30,461 --> 00:05:32,846 Dale pollutes the air, Dale pollutes the air! 148 00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:34,598 Hey, look, everybody, 149 00:05:34,632 --> 00:05:37,184 it's White House press secretary Marshall Malloy, 150 00:05:37,235 --> 00:05:38,935 and he brought us snacks. 151 00:05:38,969 --> 00:05:40,437 That's my lunch. 152 00:05:40,471 --> 00:05:42,322 What are you doing out here? 153 00:05:42,356 --> 00:05:43,523 Making sure my future half-Asian child 154 00:05:43,574 --> 00:05:45,108 never says, "daddy, remember trees?" 155 00:05:45,142 --> 00:05:47,494 Do you even know what you're protesting about? 156 00:05:47,528 --> 00:05:48,862 Yes, I do. 157 00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:50,781 My dad is awesome in a lot of ways, 158 00:05:50,815 --> 00:05:52,332 but he is way less awesome 159 00:05:52,366 --> 00:05:56,203 when it comes to forward-leaning transportation policies. 160 00:05:56,254 --> 00:05:57,871 Do you know how stressful my job is? 161 00:05:57,922 --> 00:06:00,173 I can't physically grow a goatee anymore, 162 00:06:00,208 --> 00:06:03,326 so please come inside before you make a scene. 163 00:06:03,344 --> 00:06:06,129 Protesters: Dale pollutes the air! 164 00:06:06,163 --> 00:06:07,163 Okay. 165 00:06:07,164 --> 00:06:09,165 Thank you. Dale pollutes the air! 166 00:06:09,183 --> 00:06:12,001 I am going to go present our demands 167 00:06:12,019 --> 00:06:14,304 to the president of the United States! 168 00:06:14,338 --> 00:06:16,172 (Protesters cheering) 169 00:06:16,190 --> 00:06:19,726 I'm also gonna get a sandwich 'cause this is awful! 170 00:06:19,777 --> 00:06:21,511 Protesters: Dale pollutes the air! 171 00:06:26,336 --> 00:06:31,030 And tomorow, the candidates for office will face off at a new rally. 172 00:06:32,706 --> 00:06:36,058 This just in, Wednesday is pizza day. 173 00:06:36,093 --> 00:06:38,077 I'm still at the school helping Xander. 174 00:06:38,111 --> 00:06:41,680 (Phones ringing) No, I am not going overboard. 175 00:06:41,715 --> 00:06:44,216 All right, I love you, too. 176 00:06:44,234 --> 00:06:45,901 All right, war room, 177 00:06:45,936 --> 00:06:47,520 first order of business: We need to change the name 178 00:06:47,554 --> 00:06:48,938 of the campaign committee. 179 00:06:48,989 --> 00:06:50,189 What's wrong with the Xander men? 180 00:06:50,223 --> 00:06:52,691 How about just the X-Men? 181 00:06:52,725 --> 00:06:54,527 I can't believe we didn't think of that. It was right there. 182 00:06:54,561 --> 00:06:56,412 These are our voting blocks. 183 00:06:56,446 --> 00:06:58,080 The key for us is going to be the a/v club. 184 00:06:58,115 --> 00:07:00,399 Control the media, control the message. 185 00:07:00,417 --> 00:07:02,118 I'm not really good at talking to children. 186 00:07:02,169 --> 00:07:03,902 Xander, you're going to have to get 187 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,539 out of your comfort zone and go out and talk to your classmates 188 00:07:06,573 --> 00:07:07,706 'cause the competitor is out there getting 189 00:07:07,740 --> 00:07:09,041 the boys to vote for her 190 00:07:09,075 --> 00:07:10,376 by showing them her bra strap. 191 00:07:10,410 --> 00:07:12,044 Isn't that right, Sam? 192 00:07:12,078 --> 00:07:13,078 Dude! Okay, 193 00:07:13,079 --> 00:07:15,080 now let's hear this speech you wrote. 194 00:07:17,934 --> 00:07:20,294 We are under the tyranny of a collectivist education system. 195 00:07:20,303 --> 00:07:22,772 All right, I'm just going to have to stop you right there. 196 00:07:22,806 --> 00:07:25,391 Maybe we start warmer 197 00:07:25,425 --> 00:07:27,059 with something like, 198 00:07:27,093 --> 00:07:30,479 "friends of darby prep, I stand before you 199 00:07:30,530 --> 00:07:32,114 not as a political candidate 200 00:07:32,149 --> 00:07:36,068 but as a concerned student." 201 00:07:36,102 --> 00:07:38,604 Hmm, you think that'll work? 202 00:07:38,622 --> 00:07:43,242 I can't believe how great everybody's doing. 203 00:07:43,276 --> 00:07:46,662 Why didn't I make more loser friends? 204 00:07:46,713 --> 00:07:50,449 Oh, my God, I'm their loser friend, aren't I? 205 00:07:52,452 --> 00:07:53,803 This is bananas. 206 00:07:53,837 --> 00:07:55,971 I should be heading off to Yale law, 207 00:07:56,006 --> 00:07:57,256 but I had to defer 208 00:07:57,290 --> 00:07:59,925 because my uterus is a matter of national gossip. 209 00:07:59,959 --> 00:08:01,310 I think the point is, 210 00:08:01,344 --> 00:08:03,596 if I weren't pregnant right now, I would be, like... 211 00:08:03,630 --> 00:08:05,981 (Clicks tongue) ...Just killing it, 212 00:08:06,016 --> 00:08:07,600 you know, life-wise. 213 00:08:07,634 --> 00:08:08,767 (Exhales quietly) Wow. 214 00:08:08,801 --> 00:08:10,152 I got to tell you, it feels really good 215 00:08:10,187 --> 00:08:12,137 to just get this off my chest. 216 00:08:12,155 --> 00:08:13,939 It is kind of weird that you have 217 00:08:13,973 --> 00:08:16,642 to just stand there and listen to me. 218 00:08:16,660 --> 00:08:17,776 Yes, ma'am. 219 00:08:17,810 --> 00:08:19,862 I mean, it's kind of your job to just... 220 00:08:19,913 --> 00:08:21,914 Listen to me. 221 00:08:23,750 --> 00:08:25,484 Thank you for this caucus. 222 00:08:25,502 --> 00:08:27,536 Mmm, this is not a caucus, and I only have a few minutes. 223 00:08:27,587 --> 00:08:28,871 I'll keep this caucus brief. 224 00:08:28,922 --> 00:08:30,840 So, I was speaking to the protesters outside, 225 00:08:30,874 --> 00:08:32,341 and according to them, 226 00:08:32,375 --> 00:08:34,844 "the president's budget is a train robbery 227 00:08:34,878 --> 00:08:36,795 because it robs from mass transit," 228 00:08:36,829 --> 00:08:38,464 which is both a clever play on words 229 00:08:38,498 --> 00:08:40,633 and something I agree with. Skip, 230 00:08:40,667 --> 00:08:43,352 yes, we want to invest in public transit. 231 00:08:43,386 --> 00:08:46,722 But as we do, we can't let our roads crumble, can we? 232 00:08:46,773 --> 00:08:49,692 No. 233 00:08:49,726 --> 00:08:51,477 No, that would be so awful. 234 00:08:51,511 --> 00:08:53,512 I appreciate their cause, but 235 00:08:53,530 --> 00:08:56,448 as president, I need to look at the big picture. 236 00:08:57,517 --> 00:08:59,485 Boom, mind blown. 237 00:08:59,519 --> 00:09:01,186 Thank you for setting me straight, dad. 238 00:09:01,204 --> 00:09:02,738 No problem. 239 00:09:02,789 --> 00:09:05,357 I'm just glad to see you take an interest in my work. 240 00:09:05,375 --> 00:09:07,660 You know, we can have chats like this anytime. 241 00:09:07,694 --> 00:09:09,745 I'd like that. 242 00:09:11,298 --> 00:09:15,668 P.S., I said a lot of crazy... Some might say vicious... 243 00:09:15,702 --> 00:09:19,421 Things about you out there, and I'm so sorry. 244 00:09:19,472 --> 00:09:21,006 Apology accepted. 245 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:23,592 I would just steer clear of YouTube for a week, 246 00:09:23,643 --> 00:09:26,095 you know, just avoid top videos and stuff. 247 00:09:27,764 --> 00:09:29,899 I mean, I had a plan. 248 00:09:29,933 --> 00:09:32,268 Law school, then an appellate clerkship, 249 00:09:32,319 --> 00:09:33,552 then a supreme court clerkship, 250 00:09:33,570 --> 00:09:35,521 then two years at a big law firm 251 00:09:35,555 --> 00:09:36,772 or the justice department, 252 00:09:36,823 --> 00:09:38,274 then maybe I take a run 253 00:09:38,325 --> 00:09:39,725 at dad's old congressional seat ow, 254 00:09:39,743 --> 00:09:40,793 depending on the political climate 255 00:09:40,827 --> 00:09:42,227 in Nevada at the time, of course. 256 00:09:42,245 --> 00:09:43,779 I mean, I can't predict everything. 257 00:09:43,830 --> 00:09:45,614 But then... (Imitates explosion) 258 00:09:45,665 --> 00:09:48,918 And the only reason that I am pregnant is because I had 259 00:09:48,952 --> 00:09:51,737 one dumb fling after my boyfriend dumped me. 260 00:09:51,755 --> 00:09:54,256 You know, I really thought we might get back together. 261 00:09:54,291 --> 00:09:55,741 I mean, once you go press secretary, 262 00:09:55,759 --> 00:09:57,209 you never go back, am I right? 263 00:09:57,243 --> 00:09:58,627 (Laughs) Oh, my... 264 00:09:58,678 --> 00:10:00,629 Now I've said too much. 265 00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:02,097 You won't tell anyone, will you? 266 00:10:02,132 --> 00:10:03,549 No, I won't. 267 00:10:03,583 --> 00:10:04,600 That's right. 268 00:10:04,634 --> 00:10:05,851 It's the secret service. 269 00:10:05,853 --> 00:10:06,936 Becca, my shift is up, 270 00:10:06,970 --> 00:10:08,537 so I'm gonna head out.Rvice. 271 00:10:08,571 --> 00:10:10,556 (Sighs) Is that our time? 272 00:10:10,590 --> 00:10:14,977 Wow, feel like we really made good progress today. 273 00:10:15,028 --> 00:10:17,279 Do you really think that you are going to be president? 274 00:10:17,314 --> 00:10:19,114 Xander: Heck, yes. 275 00:10:19,149 --> 00:10:20,649 The A/V club... 276 00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:22,568 They're doing a puff piece. 277 00:10:22,602 --> 00:10:24,570 This is a real setback for us. 278 00:10:24,604 --> 00:10:25,604 What is your favorite color? 279 00:10:25,622 --> 00:10:26,605 (Xander speaks indistinctly) 280 00:10:26,623 --> 00:10:28,824 Reporter: Orange, and why? 281 00:10:28,875 --> 00:10:30,826 Hey, Marigold, what's up? 282 00:10:30,877 --> 00:10:33,746 Good... nothing. 283 00:10:33,780 --> 00:10:36,465 Hey, Jessica, you're talking to me. 284 00:10:36,499 --> 00:10:37,666 Of course I am, silly. 285 00:10:37,717 --> 00:10:39,418 Why wouldn't I? 286 00:10:39,452 --> 00:10:42,421 So, it seems like your brother is starting to kick my butt. 287 00:10:42,455 --> 00:10:45,140 Yeah, he's small but crafty. 288 00:10:45,175 --> 00:10:46,759 I just wish I knew what else 289 00:10:46,793 --> 00:10:50,095 Xander had planned for his campaign. 290 00:10:50,129 --> 00:10:52,348 (Chuckles) Yeah. 291 00:10:52,382 --> 00:10:54,299 You probably know, right? 292 00:10:54,317 --> 00:10:57,269 I mean, you guys live in the same house. 293 00:10:57,303 --> 00:10:59,304 Oh, no, he is way too paranoid 294 00:10:59,322 --> 00:11:01,774 to keep any of that stuff laying around. 295 00:11:01,808 --> 00:11:03,826 It's probably all buried in his locker somewhere. 296 00:11:06,997 --> 00:11:09,365 Marigold, you're a real friend. 297 00:11:10,817 --> 00:11:12,818 (Whispering): Frosting. 298 00:11:12,836 --> 00:11:13,836 Protesters: Dale failed, Dale failed... 299 00:11:13,870 --> 00:11:15,287 Excuse me. 300 00:11:15,321 --> 00:11:16,988 Excuse me. Hi there. 301 00:11:17,007 --> 00:11:18,957 So sorry to interrupt the d-circle. 302 00:11:18,991 --> 00:11:21,326 So, I successfully met with the president. 303 00:11:21,344 --> 00:11:23,662 All right! Yes, yes, thank you for that applause. 304 00:11:23,680 --> 00:11:25,381 The president will not meet your demands. 305 00:11:25,432 --> 00:11:27,683 Nor should he, for several reasons 306 00:11:27,717 --> 00:11:29,167 that I did not write down. 307 00:11:29,185 --> 00:11:30,886 But the important thing is, 308 00:11:30,937 --> 00:11:33,472 you were all personally denied 309 00:11:33,506 --> 00:11:35,841 by the President of the United States. 310 00:11:35,859 --> 00:11:39,144 Did you even ask your dad why he's defunding light rail? 311 00:11:39,178 --> 00:11:40,479 What about trolleys? 312 00:11:40,513 --> 00:11:43,699 What about trolleys? 313 00:11:45,702 --> 00:11:47,870 - How was your day? - Oh, you know. 314 00:11:47,904 --> 00:11:50,021 America. Mm. 315 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:51,740 How was yours? 316 00:11:51,791 --> 00:11:53,525 Quiet. 317 00:11:53,543 --> 00:11:56,027 I ran a focus group of tweens for Xander's campaign 318 00:11:56,046 --> 00:11:59,548 and organized a tiny rapid response operation. 319 00:11:59,582 --> 00:12:01,750 I may have gone a little overboard. 320 00:12:08,058 --> 00:12:09,558 I'm pretty proud of my own 321 00:12:09,592 --> 00:12:11,710 - little parenting victory with Skip. - Oh, yeah? 322 00:12:11,745 --> 00:12:14,012 It's not often that I feel like I get through to him. 323 00:12:14,046 --> 00:12:16,598 But I think i really did this time. 324 00:12:16,649 --> 00:12:20,652 Tomorrow we rise! 325 00:12:26,750 --> 00:12:28,383 So, any plans for today? 326 00:12:28,408 --> 00:12:30,392 I think I might just stay in again. 327 00:12:30,410 --> 00:12:32,444 I've been hanging with Sandy, my lead agent. 328 00:12:32,495 --> 00:12:34,530 - You guys getting close? - Well, sort of. 329 00:12:34,564 --> 00:12:36,665 I mean, she hardly says anything, but I'm sure 330 00:12:36,699 --> 00:12:38,584 that she's, you know, bound by some rules 331 00:12:38,635 --> 00:12:40,769 that say they have to stay professional or something. 332 00:12:40,804 --> 00:12:42,238 I'm super-close with my guy. 333 00:12:42,272 --> 00:12:43,923 We talk all day. 334 00:12:43,974 --> 00:12:45,724 Pete's one of my best pals. 335 00:12:45,759 --> 00:12:48,928 The other day, he told this joke about a rabbi and a priest. 336 00:12:48,979 --> 00:12:50,346 Or two priests... I don't remember. 337 00:12:50,380 --> 00:12:51,897 But the number was important to the joke. 338 00:12:51,932 --> 00:12:55,351 So she's choosing not to talk to me? 339 00:12:55,385 --> 00:12:57,552 You got to check out this sandwich that he ate yesterday. 340 00:12:57,571 --> 00:13:00,272 Pete. (Laughs) Ooh. 341 00:13:00,323 --> 00:13:02,408 (Guitar strumming upbeat tune) 342 00:13:02,442 --> 00:13:06,028 ♪ The future's at stake and that's why we're fussin' ♪ 343 00:13:06,062 --> 00:13:09,731 ♪ for trains and bikeways and some natural gas bussin' ♪ 344 00:13:09,749 --> 00:13:13,402 ♪ so get on up off your fannies ♪ 345 00:13:13,420 --> 00:13:17,373 ♪ we're America's mass trannies. ♪ 346 00:13:17,407 --> 00:13:19,425 (Plays flourish, song ends) 347 00:13:19,459 --> 00:13:20,909 (Applause) 348 00:13:20,927 --> 00:13:22,595 Thank you. Thank you. 349 00:13:22,629 --> 00:13:24,413 Kyle and I wrote that for all of you. 350 00:13:24,431 --> 00:13:26,081 For the struggle. (Loud, deep horn honks) 351 00:13:26,099 --> 00:13:28,050 Yeah, we should move for the street sweeper. 352 00:13:28,084 --> 00:13:30,919 Wait. Hold up. Hold up. Maxie, Sammie, Diego, hang on. 353 00:13:30,937 --> 00:13:33,806 Are we going to let government take away our right 354 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:35,608 to peacefully assemble? 355 00:13:35,642 --> 00:13:37,592 No. Not today. 356 00:13:37,611 --> 00:13:39,594 It's just Fridays, noon to 2:00. 357 00:13:39,613 --> 00:13:40,929 It's not a big deal. 358 00:13:40,947 --> 00:13:45,100 You shall not pass! 359 00:13:46,286 --> 00:13:49,405 (Horn toots) 360 00:13:49,439 --> 00:13:52,458 Hey, just one more thing for the brief. 361 00:13:52,492 --> 00:13:55,995 Man (Over TV): The street sweeper outside the White House. 362 00:13:56,046 --> 00:13:57,579 Is that Skip? He appears to be stopping 363 00:13:57,613 --> 00:13:59,248 the sweeper from cleaning our Capitol streets. 364 00:13:59,282 --> 00:14:00,949 I don't know if that's a statement... 365 00:14:00,967 --> 00:14:04,420 Marshall: Skip is absolutely, totally... 366 00:14:04,454 --> 00:14:09,091 A great guy who just cares too much, is his problem. 367 00:14:09,125 --> 00:14:11,260 Screw it. Let's bring 'em all inside. 368 00:14:11,294 --> 00:14:13,145 (Phones ringing) 369 00:14:13,179 --> 00:14:16,982 (Drumming continues) 370 00:14:17,017 --> 00:14:19,107 Male announcer: Students, please settle down 371 00:14:19,133 --> 00:14:20,711 so our candidate forum can begin. 372 00:14:20,737 --> 00:14:22,804 You ready for this? 373 00:14:22,822 --> 00:14:24,473 Yeah. Am I? 374 00:14:24,491 --> 00:14:26,308 Yeah! 375 00:14:26,326 --> 00:14:28,827 And now we'll, uh, hear a speech from our first candidate, 376 00:14:28,862 --> 00:14:31,480 Jessica Simons. 377 00:14:31,498 --> 00:14:34,166 (Applause) 378 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:35,701 Friends of darby prep, I stand before you... 379 00:14:35,752 --> 00:14:37,670 Listen, I just want to thank... 380 00:14:37,704 --> 00:14:39,621 Not as a political candidate, 381 00:14:39,655 --> 00:14:41,540 but as a concerned student. 382 00:14:41,591 --> 00:14:43,325 What's happening? 383 00:14:43,343 --> 00:14:45,044 She stole my speech! 384 00:14:45,095 --> 00:14:46,628 How did she even get it? 385 00:14:46,662 --> 00:14:48,503 We need someone to effectively convey our needs 386 00:14:48,515 --> 00:14:49,882 to Principal Hoopley. 387 00:14:49,933 --> 00:14:53,135 (Indistinct, overlapping chatter) 388 00:14:53,169 --> 00:14:55,170 Marshall, fix your face. 389 00:14:55,188 --> 00:14:57,056 So much dirty flannel. 390 00:14:57,107 --> 00:14:59,007 All right, please. Please. 391 00:14:59,025 --> 00:15:00,359 (Chatter continues) 392 00:15:00,393 --> 00:15:01,810 Please. (Chatter stops) 393 00:15:01,844 --> 00:15:03,812 Thank you. Welcome to the White House. 394 00:15:03,846 --> 00:15:06,348 Thank you very much for this caucus, father. 395 00:15:06,366 --> 00:15:07,733 Still not a caucus. 396 00:15:07,784 --> 00:15:09,368 So, what can I do for you? 397 00:15:09,402 --> 00:15:10,903 Man: Mr. President, we need 398 00:15:10,954 --> 00:15:13,322 more investment in mass transportation. 399 00:15:13,356 --> 00:15:15,708 Specifically, high-speed rail, which is our top priority. 400 00:15:15,742 --> 00:15:17,710 Mark makes a hell of a point. 401 00:15:17,744 --> 00:15:20,195 Hell of a point, Mark. Fast trains. 402 00:15:20,213 --> 00:15:22,831 Trains so fast, the world passes by in a blur, 403 00:15:22,865 --> 00:15:24,533 and boom, you're in Kansas, 404 00:15:24,551 --> 00:15:25,867 and you've never been there before. 405 00:15:25,885 --> 00:15:27,336 That's our top priority? 406 00:15:27,370 --> 00:15:29,704 What about light rail? Trolleys, man. 407 00:15:29,723 --> 00:15:31,056 Oh, God, enough with the trolleys, Carol. 408 00:15:31,091 --> 00:15:32,508 Some internal dissent here. 409 00:15:32,542 --> 00:15:34,343 We should be talking about clean energy. 410 00:15:34,377 --> 00:15:35,928 Solar. Wind. 411 00:15:35,979 --> 00:15:37,879 Soybeans. Like Edamame. 412 00:15:37,897 --> 00:15:40,399 We've had Edamame. (Overlapping chatter) 413 00:15:40,433 --> 00:15:41,934 I'm the spokesman. 414 00:15:41,985 --> 00:15:46,071 It's like a marketplace of ideas, really. 415 00:15:46,106 --> 00:15:47,573 Believe it or not, 416 00:15:47,607 --> 00:15:50,225 this is actually not my worst meeting today. 417 00:15:50,243 --> 00:15:52,911 So, on your ballot, remember, 418 00:15:52,946 --> 00:15:55,280 "x" marks the spot for... Jessica. 419 00:15:55,331 --> 00:15:57,783 (Applause) 420 00:15:57,834 --> 00:15:59,349 She didn't even change the ending. 421 00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:01,903 This is just wrong. You don't have to go up there, Xander. 422 00:16:01,921 --> 00:16:03,622 Let's tell the principal what she did. 423 00:16:03,673 --> 00:16:06,908 No, I'm giving a speech. But you don't have your speech. 424 00:16:06,926 --> 00:16:08,961 Actually, I don't have your speech. 425 00:16:09,012 --> 00:16:11,597 But I need to be tough, like dad said. 426 00:16:11,631 --> 00:16:13,132 I'll figure something out. 427 00:16:13,183 --> 00:16:15,217 You're right. You got this. 428 00:16:15,251 --> 00:16:16,685 All I need is... 429 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,113 Jessica, thanks for those rousing words. 430 00:16:28,148 --> 00:16:30,149 Sounds like 431 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,784 someone got a grown-up to write her speech. 432 00:16:31,818 --> 00:16:34,119 (Laughter) 433 00:16:34,154 --> 00:16:36,121 But we don't need them to tell us what to think, 434 00:16:36,156 --> 00:16:38,273 or what to say, do we? 435 00:16:38,291 --> 00:16:39,658 (All voicing assent) 436 00:16:39,709 --> 00:16:42,294 I know this, because yesterday, thanks to some 437 00:16:42,328 --> 00:16:44,797 good advice, I did something I never do. 438 00:16:44,831 --> 00:16:47,166 I talked to some of you. 439 00:16:47,217 --> 00:16:50,502 April Patterson is a hall monitor. 440 00:16:50,553 --> 00:16:52,588 She just wants a new sash 441 00:16:52,622 --> 00:16:55,641 and for people to stop throwing things at her. 442 00:16:55,675 --> 00:16:58,310 Cody Jones is an average sixth grader. 443 00:16:58,344 --> 00:16:59,928 All he wants is for someone 444 00:16:59,962 --> 00:17:02,598 to explain to him the appeal of French kissing. 445 00:17:02,632 --> 00:17:04,132 And most of you want our school 446 00:17:04,150 --> 00:17:05,767 to have a soda machine. 447 00:17:05,801 --> 00:17:07,352 The administration says no. 448 00:17:07,403 --> 00:17:10,305 They say it's not healthy. 449 00:17:10,323 --> 00:17:12,974 But we need to learn to make choices for ourselves. 450 00:17:12,992 --> 00:17:15,828 What is this, leningrad? 451 00:17:15,862 --> 00:17:17,196 (Crowd murmuring) 452 00:17:17,247 --> 00:17:19,281 We know soda is bad for us. 453 00:17:19,315 --> 00:17:23,785 It's liquid poison turning us into a nation of sad fatsos. 454 00:17:23,819 --> 00:17:26,955 So we don't want a soda machine. 455 00:17:26,989 --> 00:17:28,790 We want what it represents: 456 00:17:28,824 --> 00:17:32,511 A proxy of individual responsibility. 457 00:17:32,545 --> 00:17:35,297 Do we not want this proxy? 458 00:17:35,331 --> 00:17:40,502 He's saying we should have a soda machine. 459 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,638 Yes, that's what I'm saying. 460 00:17:42,672 --> 00:17:45,724 Crowd: Soda! Soda! Soda...! 461 00:17:45,775 --> 00:17:47,693 I will get you a soda machine! 462 00:17:47,727 --> 00:17:50,145 Today we rise! 463 00:17:50,179 --> 00:17:51,647 (Cheering, chanting continues) 464 00:17:51,681 --> 00:17:56,201 Crowd (Chanting): Soda! Soda! Soda! Soda! 465 00:17:59,405 --> 00:18:02,291 Mmm. 466 00:18:04,527 --> 00:18:07,212 Well, I'm glad we've all calmed down. 467 00:18:07,247 --> 00:18:09,414 You can thank the hot cocoa. 468 00:18:09,465 --> 00:18:11,717 It's not important whose idea that was. 469 00:18:11,751 --> 00:18:15,721 Look, I appreciate your passion and your patriotism, 470 00:18:15,755 --> 00:18:18,724 and I'm going to keep fighting for more mass transit, 471 00:18:18,758 --> 00:18:20,893 and I want you to keep pushing me, okay? 472 00:18:20,927 --> 00:18:22,511 Because I can take it. 473 00:18:22,545 --> 00:18:26,047 Some of those signs are pretty clever. (Laughter) 474 00:18:26,065 --> 00:18:28,333 People looking past their differences, 475 00:18:28,368 --> 00:18:30,235 discovering we're all human. 476 00:18:30,270 --> 00:18:32,354 We're all human. 477 00:18:32,388 --> 00:18:36,408 President Gilchrist, shake hands with America. 478 00:18:36,442 --> 00:18:38,076 Ah. 479 00:18:38,111 --> 00:18:40,195 (Laughs) Great. 480 00:18:40,229 --> 00:18:42,230 Well, thanks for coming, everybody. I appreciate it. 481 00:18:42,248 --> 00:18:43,615 Thank you guys. 482 00:18:43,666 --> 00:18:45,250 Sir, I don't mean to alarm you, 483 00:18:45,285 --> 00:18:47,202 but word got out about this little caucus. 484 00:18:47,236 --> 00:18:49,904 - Marshall, it's not a caucus. - Whatever you want to call it, 485 00:18:49,923 --> 00:18:52,574 there are 10,000 people outside demanding a meeting with you. 486 00:18:52,592 --> 00:18:55,294 Right. That's why we don't do this. 487 00:18:55,345 --> 00:18:57,245 That's a lot of people. 488 00:18:57,263 --> 00:18:59,663 I don't know how the hell you're gonna shake all those hands. 489 00:19:01,917 --> 00:19:03,385 Not cool, Sandy. 490 00:19:03,419 --> 00:19:05,437 Uh, I'm sorry, ma'am? 491 00:19:05,471 --> 00:19:06,888 I was spilling my guts to you, 492 00:19:06,922 --> 00:19:09,441 and you just sat there in silence. 493 00:19:09,475 --> 00:19:13,395 Like that! I thought it was some kind of rule, but it's not. 494 00:19:13,429 --> 00:19:15,314 Why didn't you want to talk to me? 495 00:19:15,365 --> 00:19:16,732 With all due respect, 496 00:19:16,766 --> 00:19:18,317 while you were complaining, 497 00:19:18,368 --> 00:19:21,903 all I could think was, wow, what awesome problems. 498 00:19:21,937 --> 00:19:24,156 You're a brilliant, beautiful, 22-year-old girl 499 00:19:24,207 --> 00:19:25,607 who's going to do amazing things. 500 00:19:25,625 --> 00:19:27,125 And yeah, you're pregnant, 501 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:28,794 but you're gonna make that work, too, and 502 00:19:28,828 --> 00:19:30,412 I'm 37 and single. 503 00:19:30,446 --> 00:19:32,414 It's probably not gonna happen for me, 504 00:19:32,448 --> 00:19:34,916 because men find me intimidating. 505 00:19:34,950 --> 00:19:37,135 But really, I'm just a strong, 506 00:19:37,170 --> 00:19:38,804 confident, broad-shouldered, 507 00:19:38,838 --> 00:19:40,922 statuesque, heterosexual woman 508 00:19:40,956 --> 00:19:44,476 who's looking for a man who can handle it. 509 00:19:44,510 --> 00:19:45,460 Wow. 510 00:19:45,478 --> 00:19:47,012 Yeah, wow. 511 00:19:47,063 --> 00:19:48,430 I get it. 512 00:19:48,464 --> 00:19:49,514 Thanks, Sandy. 513 00:19:49,565 --> 00:19:51,933 You're welcome. 514 00:19:51,967 --> 00:19:55,136 Do you ever think about maybe wearing your hair down? 515 00:19:55,154 --> 00:19:56,672 Do you think that would help? 516 00:19:56,706 --> 00:19:58,357 It might. 517 00:19:58,408 --> 00:20:00,141 Awesome speech. 518 00:20:00,159 --> 00:20:02,027 Why'd you tell them about the French kissing thing? 519 00:20:02,078 --> 00:20:03,645 Great speech, Xander. 520 00:20:03,663 --> 00:20:05,030 I'm so proud of you. 521 00:20:05,081 --> 00:20:07,482 You're embarrassing me, mom! 522 00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:13,455 He's never called me mom before. 523 00:20:13,489 --> 00:20:15,457 Yeah. 524 00:20:15,491 --> 00:20:18,010 My ex-husband left me for a man. 525 00:20:20,329 --> 00:20:22,464 (Glasses clink) 526 00:20:22,498 --> 00:20:25,617 I guess you have this to thank for your victory. 527 00:20:25,651 --> 00:20:27,969 Congrats, son. 528 00:20:28,003 --> 00:20:30,305 Thanks, dad. 529 00:20:30,339 --> 00:20:32,691 So, how was your day? 530 00:20:32,725 --> 00:20:36,061 Mm, people don't understand the pressures of the job. 531 00:20:36,112 --> 00:20:38,012 The competing interests. 532 00:20:38,031 --> 00:20:39,832 You try to be honest, but the voters just hear 533 00:20:39,849 --> 00:20:41,199 what they want to hear. 534 00:20:41,234 --> 00:20:43,652 Heavy is the head that wears the crown. 535 00:20:43,686 --> 00:20:44,853 Ain't that the truth. 536 00:20:44,871 --> 00:20:46,655 President Gilchrist? 537 00:20:46,689 --> 00:20:48,673 Yes? Yes? 538 00:20:48,708 --> 00:20:49,741 It's bedtime. 539 00:20:49,792 --> 00:20:52,210 Good night, son. 540 00:21:06,284 --> 00:21:07,388 We received a tip 541 00:21:07,414 --> 00:21:09,135 that implicates Jessica Simons 542 00:21:09,161 --> 00:21:11,855 in the break-in of Xander Gilchrist's locker. 543 00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:14,757 Footage of the break-in was captured 544 00:21:14,791 --> 00:21:16,842 by the school's security cameras. 545 00:21:18,178 --> 00:21:20,646 We have reason to believe 546 00:21:20,681 --> 00:21:23,015 that Simons stole Gilchrist's speech. 547 00:21:25,135 --> 00:21:28,637 It is A/V club's policy not to reveal our sources, 548 00:21:28,655 --> 00:21:31,908 so the informant's identity may never be known. 549 00:21:31,942 --> 00:21:33,674 More as this story develops. 550 00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:39,173 Sync and corrected by dr.jackson for www.addic7ed.com