1
00:00:00,876 --> 00:00:02,166
Long story short,

2
00:00:02,198 --> 00:00:05,224
that is why you don't try to steal
the Declaration of Independence

3
00:00:05,263 --> 00:00:06,264
Moving on.

4
00:00:06,265 --> 00:00:10,175
Today we are very happy to welcome
Princess Abigail of Andorra

5
00:00:11,090 --> 00:00:13,788
Yes, it is a real country.
Get yourselves a map

6
00:00:13,908 --> 00:00:17,612
The Princess will be hosting the Andorra
Peace foundation's gala tonight.

7
00:00:18,144 --> 00:00:21,035
Really, guys?
It is right between Spain and France.

8
00:00:22,855 --> 00:00:23,603
Uh, Mr. President,

9
00:00:23,663 --> 00:00:25,753
one more thing about the
Princess's visit.

10
00:00:25,769 --> 00:00:27,927
She wants a little more
face time with the big guy?

11
00:00:27,967 --> 00:00:30,555
I guess I can stop by
that gala for ten minutes.

12
00:00:30,556 --> 00:00:32,472
Actually, sir, she's
requested Skip.

13
00:00:32,902 --> 00:00:34,928
In Andorra, he's more
famous than you are.

14
00:00:34,967 --> 00:00:37,055
Apparently, they think he's
some sort of bad boy celebrity.

15
00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:40,800
Well, Skip on the international
stage is recipe for a trade war.

16
00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:42,114
Or a war-war.

17
00:00:42,318 --> 00:00:43,381
I understand, sir.

18
00:00:43,428 --> 00:00:45,619
The Japanese foreign minister
is still rightfully upset

19
00:00:45,639 --> 00:00:48,302
about Skip's impromptu kabuki
performance of Pulp Fiction.

20
00:00:48,341 --> 00:00:50,114
I tried to
talk her out of it, sir,

21
00:00:50,154 --> 00:00:51,707
but she is insisting.

22
00:00:51,727 --> 00:00:54,578
If Skip's escorting her,
you're escorting Skip.

23
00:00:54,586 --> 00:00:56,638
What's that?
I thought I heard my name.

24
00:00:57,500 --> 00:01:01,047
I don't know what's going on there.
Good luck.

25
00:01:01,553 --> 00:01:02,670
Skip, are you all right?

26
00:01:02,693 --> 00:01:04,575
No, haven't you heard?
Stacey Kim is dead.

27
00:01:05,014 --> 00:01:06,726
Oh, my God,
I'm-I'm so sorry.

28
00:01:06,814 --> 00:01:09,008
To me, dead to me.
I should add that part.

29
00:01:09,324 --> 00:01:10,716
- I rolled the dice of love

30
00:01:10,736 --> 00:01:12,151
and it came up
snake eyes, Marshall.

31
00:01:12,283 --> 00:01:14,376
So I'm done...
I'm off of women.

32
00:01:14,396 --> 00:01:15,823
From now on,
I'm taking care of myself.

33
00:01:15,986 --> 00:01:17,855
Is that why you're wearing
a blanket with sleeves?

34
00:01:17,869 --> 00:01:19,869
I'm swaddling myself,
like I'm in the womb.

35
00:01:19,870 --> 00:01:22,770
It reminds me of the last time
I felt safe with a woman.

36
00:01:22,772 --> 00:01:25,672
- Pocket chip?
- Uh, Skip, you're...

37
00:01:25,874 --> 00:01:27,874
You're clearly not in the mood

38
00:01:27,875 --> 00:01:30,072
to hear this right now,
but there's a gala tonight

39
00:01:30,075 --> 00:01:32,775
and the Princess of Andorra
has requested you as her escort.

40
00:01:34,077 --> 00:01:36,077
Princess? Gala?

41
00:01:36,278 --> 00:01:38,578
Shame on you for not leading
with that, Marshall.

42
00:01:38,779 --> 00:01:41,776
- Shame!
- So, yes?

43
00:01:41,777 --> 00:01:44,077
Do pro bowlers have mustaches?

44
00:01:44,078 --> 00:01:46,378
Is Carol Burnett
a national treasure?

45
00:01:46,380 --> 00:01:47,746
Of course, yes.

46
00:01:48,754 --> 00:01:52,456
♪ oh, whoa-oh-oh, whoa ♪

47
00:01:52,501 --> 00:01:55,501
sync by chamallow, corrected by bellows
www.addic7ed.com

48
00:01:55,902 --> 00:01:57,591
Hey, you gonna be working late tonight?

49
00:01:57,592 --> 00:01:59,398
Yeah, I got to read a 200-page memo.

50
00:01:59,399 --> 00:02:01,447
If I don't throw in some
facts from the second half,

51
00:02:01,493 --> 00:02:03,280
- they'll know I didn't read it.
- Uh-huh.

52
00:02:03,316 --> 00:02:04,591
But at least it's
better than your thing.

53
00:02:04,598 --> 00:02:06,725
Uh, for your information,
Game Changers is a

54
00:02:06,726 --> 00:02:08,152
committed group of thought leaders

55
00:02:08,180 --> 00:02:09,772
who want to affect public policy...

56
00:02:09,806 --> 00:02:12,043
Oh, my God, it's so boring.

57
00:02:12,059 --> 00:02:14,277
But I made a commitment, so I
need to show up for a few hours.

58
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,750
D.B., I gave you one
simple assignment:

59
00:02:17,761 --> 00:02:18,605
To read the seven books

60
00:02:18,629 --> 00:02:20,592
that make up the core of
my parenting philosophy.

61
00:02:20,615 --> 00:02:22,453
In my defense, I thought
you were kidding.

62
00:02:22,508 --> 00:02:24,377
D.B., tonight is the dress rehearsal

63
00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:25,808
for the rest of your fatherly life.

64
00:02:25,839 --> 00:02:26,817
You just need to make sure the kids

65
00:02:26,848 --> 00:02:27,685
do their homework while we're gone.

66
00:02:27,708 --> 00:02:29,358
Yes, on the surface, that's what it is.

67
00:02:29,359 --> 00:02:31,290
But D.B. hasn't had
the parenting experience

68
00:02:31,306 --> 00:02:32,283
- that I have.
- Not true.

69
00:02:32,291 --> 00:02:34,090
I've seen Taken and Taken 2.

70
00:02:34,137 --> 00:02:36,569
That does cover most of
what you need to know.

71
00:02:38,939 --> 00:02:41,582
I'm thrilled that the
White House supports

72
00:02:41,598 --> 00:02:43,435
the charitable endeavors

73
00:02:43,482 --> 00:02:45,281
of the Andorra Peace Foundation.

74
00:02:45,307 --> 00:02:46,579
How has your visit been so far?

75
00:02:46,594 --> 00:02:47,471
Lovely.

76
00:02:47,486 --> 00:02:49,024
With me, they're sharks.

77
00:02:49,074 --> 00:02:50,712
With her, they're like little kittens.

78
00:02:50,746 --> 00:02:53,514
And thank you for your kindness.

79
00:02:55,617 --> 00:02:56,605
Awesome.

80
00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:57,570
I did not realize you
so many of you would be here

81
00:02:57,571 --> 00:02:58,620
What is Skip doing in there?

82
00:02:58,721 --> 00:02:59,976
To witness this
very private moment.

83
00:02:59,991 --> 00:03:01,454
They should not have a door there.

84
00:03:01,490 --> 00:03:03,372
So, if you could all please
stop your photography

85
00:03:03,388 --> 00:03:06,153
and turn away, out of
respect for the princess.

86
00:03:06,662 --> 00:03:08,262
No one?

87
00:03:08,297 --> 00:03:09,330
Okay.

88
00:03:09,365 --> 00:03:10,514
Excuse me, sorry.

89
00:03:10,532 --> 00:03:11,984
May I?

90
00:03:13,092 --> 00:03:13,630
Skip...

91
00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:15,844
"Yea, look upon this
beautiful princess."

92
00:03:15,850 --> 00:03:19,154
Look upon her Spanish caramel skin.

93
00:03:19,536 --> 00:03:21,843
She who has traveled
across the churning sea

94
00:03:21,963 --> 00:03:25,248
"to bring grace and beauty
to our disfigured shores."

95
00:03:25,286 --> 00:03:27,213
Princess, I am so very
sorry about this.

96
00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:29,083
Actually...

97
00:03:29,784 --> 00:03:31,079
I think it's quite charming.

98
00:03:31,129 --> 00:03:31,917
Yes, Marshall.

99
00:03:31,923 --> 00:03:33,612
You're embarrassing
everyone, including yourself.

100
00:03:33,625 --> 00:03:35,596
Did you get that? "Quite charming."

101
00:03:35,558 --> 00:03:36,941
Can you make sure you include that?

102
00:03:37,003 --> 00:03:37,954
- Yeah.- Thanks, everyone.

103
00:03:38,611 --> 00:03:40,438
"And so, with this proclamation

104
00:03:40,457 --> 00:03:43,410
"that I made to look
age-ed with a hot iron,

105
00:03:43,610 --> 00:03:46,876
I welcome princess Abigail of Andorra."

106
00:03:46,889 --> 00:03:47,739
Huzzah!

107
00:03:52,807 --> 00:03:54,296
Okay, we're about to make the switch

108
00:03:54,297 --> 00:03:56,617
from unstructured
playtime to homework time.

109
00:03:56,648 --> 00:03:57,524
Do you want to handle it?

110
00:03:57,568 --> 00:03:59,032
- Sure.- Okay, I'll do it.

111
00:03:59,045 --> 00:04:01,491
Guys, it's time to
stop playing the game.

112
00:04:01,611 --> 00:04:02,636
We're not playing.

113
00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:04,613
We're watching a video
of other people playing.

114
00:04:04,638 --> 00:04:05,314
What?

115
00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:07,178
That's the laziest
thing I've ever heard.

116
00:04:07,241 --> 00:04:08,567
This game is really hard.

117
00:04:08,580 --> 00:04:09,650
There's no point in trying.

118
00:04:09,687 --> 00:04:11,527
And now we
have a teachable moment.

119
00:04:11,564 --> 00:04:12,715
Turn it on.

120
00:04:12,947 --> 00:04:15,944
Come on.

121
00:04:18,065 --> 00:04:20,073
No point in trying.

122
00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:21,475
Then why live?

123
00:04:22,189 --> 00:04:23,427
And I'm dead.

124
00:04:23,490 --> 00:04:25,386
- Wh... what the hell
happened?- You died, babe.

125
00:04:25,398 --> 00:04:26,449
Nice move, noob.

126
00:04:26,506 --> 00:04:27,851
You're so unpro.

127
00:04:28,433 --> 00:04:29,553
What's "unpro"?

128
00:04:29,615 --> 00:04:31,110
It's the worst gamer insult.

129
00:04:31,111 --> 00:04:32,768
There's really no direct translation.

130
00:04:32,769 --> 00:04:34,488
It means "unprofessional."

131
00:04:35,477 --> 00:04:37,235
How dare he.

132
00:04:37,623 --> 00:04:38,855
And I'm dead again.

133
00:04:38,899 --> 00:04:40,138
D.B., could you please

134
00:04:40,139 --> 00:04:42,190
go get me some carrot
sticks of equal length?

135
00:04:43,085 --> 00:04:44,023
Your majesty,

136
00:04:44,143 --> 00:04:45,757
it's an honor to show
you the White House...

137
00:04:45,788 --> 00:04:47,402
Or, as you would call
it, the white castle.

138
00:04:48,361 --> 00:04:49,955
You laugh like an angel...

139
00:04:50,130 --> 00:04:52,239
Who heard a great joke told by God.

140
00:04:52,282 --> 00:04:54,967
Oh, Skip, it's ever so
exciting to meet the bad boy

141
00:04:54,973 --> 00:04:56,155
of the American White House.

142
00:04:56,156 --> 00:04:58,295
Oh, no, you're thinking of
my little brother Xander.

143
00:04:58,415 --> 00:04:59,840
He is a scamp.

144
00:04:59,865 --> 00:05:01,398
Oh, no, I mean you.

145
00:05:01,429 --> 00:05:04,151
You're in our papers every
day, getting into scrapes,

146
00:05:04,169 --> 00:05:06,691
defying the rules of
conventional society.

147
00:05:06,916 --> 00:05:08,687
Your face is defying
the laws of nature,

148
00:05:08,706 --> 00:05:09,901
by being so pretty.

149
00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:12,035
Oh, Stacey, what are you doing

150
00:05:12,053 --> 00:05:13,561
here at 6:18 P.M. on the dot?

151
00:05:13,574 --> 00:05:14,650
My job.

152
00:05:14,770 --> 00:05:15,601
I'm doing my job.

153
00:05:15,613 --> 00:05:18,003
Princess, this is commoner Stacey Kim.

154
00:05:18,123 --> 00:05:19,211
She works in the mail room,

155
00:05:19,212 --> 00:05:20,049
or as you would call it,

156
00:05:20,093 --> 00:05:20,925
the dungeon.

157
00:05:20,969 --> 00:05:22,789
Very pleased to meet you.

158
00:05:23,258 --> 00:05:27,112
Stacey, bowing is not
required, but it is encouraged.

159
00:05:27,125 --> 00:05:28,257
Okay, then no.

160
00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:30,009
It's fine, really.

161
00:05:30,022 --> 00:05:31,862
- No, it's not. No, it's not.
- It's fine.

162
00:05:32,344 --> 00:05:33,314
Stacey is my ex,

163
00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:35,097
so I don't want this to get awkward.

164
00:05:35,153 --> 00:05:36,786
Oh, it's... it's not awkward.

165
00:05:36,818 --> 00:05:39,690
- I'm not his ex.
- Cat fight.

166
00:05:41,692 --> 00:05:43,531
We must away.

167
00:05:48,174 --> 00:05:49,832
Hey, Pete, you may want to get in here.

168
00:05:49,833 --> 00:05:51,597
We have a security situation.

169
00:05:52,623 --> 00:05:53,849
Sir?

170
00:05:53,969 --> 00:05:56,939
A bunch of my economists are
trying to bore me to death.

171
00:05:57,177 --> 00:05:58,735
The nerds.

172
00:05:58,855 --> 00:06:00,712
You want to use one of
your free kills, sir?

173
00:06:00,832 --> 00:06:02,132
I was just kid...

174
00:06:02,339 --> 00:06:05,341
Oh, Pete.

175
00:06:05,342 --> 00:06:07,006
You got me.

176
00:06:07,126 --> 00:06:07,775
Boop.

177
00:06:09,973 --> 00:06:11,867
Hey, do you know where that, uh,

178
00:06:11,873 --> 00:06:13,550
game changers meeting
is happening tonight?

179
00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:14,551
- Yes, sir.- Good.

180
00:06:14,601 --> 00:06:15,777
'Cause I'm thinking right about now

181
00:06:15,783 --> 00:06:17,648
the first lady would
appreciate a rescue.

182
00:06:17,679 --> 00:06:19,969
- Mm-hmm.- Let's mount up and ride.

183
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,265
What an amazing place.

184
00:06:22,603 --> 00:06:25,999
This private tour is just the
beginning of a magical night.

185
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,665
I can feel it.

186
00:06:28,359 --> 00:06:31,231
I've been journaling about
this moment my whole life.

187
00:06:31,351 --> 00:06:32,789
May I?

188
00:06:40,504 --> 00:06:43,019
My journal's never
going to believe this.

189
00:06:50,195 --> 00:06:53,010
Mandatory spending in
a discretionary...

190
00:06:53,073 --> 00:06:54,418
Yech.

191
00:06:54,787 --> 00:06:56,095
Pete, cover me.

192
00:06:56,215 --> 00:06:57,184
Got your back, sir.

193
00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:03,058
Okay, game is
Omaha, deuces wild.

194
00:07:03,070 --> 00:07:04,634
John, if Millie takes
any more of your money,

195
00:07:04,731 --> 00:07:06,411
you're going to be paying for
her daughter to go to Swarthmore.

196
00:07:06,423 --> 00:07:09,101
Next time, mail us
each 20 bucks, it'll be easier.

197
00:07:11,134 --> 00:07:14,050
Hey, boo.

198
00:07:17,316 --> 00:07:18,761
Skip...

199
00:07:18,774 --> 00:07:20,200
We were just having welcome
a spirited discussion

200
00:07:20,213 --> 00:07:21,758
on the merits of holding
versus folding.

201
00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:23,966
So this is what you actually
do at these meetings.

202
00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:25,074
No, no, not at first.

203
00:07:25,102 --> 00:07:26,419
Totally used to be a
boring policy thing,

204
00:07:26,450 --> 00:07:27,907
but then we ran out of
things to talk about,

205
00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:29,634
and Madeline brought
out a deck of cards.

206
00:07:29,697 --> 00:07:30,692
You brought the Tequila.

207
00:07:30,710 --> 00:07:32,512
Oh, come on, you had
limes in your purse.

208
00:07:32,706 --> 00:07:34,609
We also issued a white
paper on human trafficking.

209
00:07:34,610 --> 00:07:35,804
I'll walk you out.

210
00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:38,619
Unless you want us to
deal you in, Mr. president.

211
00:07:40,747 --> 00:07:43,074
Well, I do like poker.

212
00:07:44,094 --> 00:07:45,158
Yay.

213
00:07:47,861 --> 00:07:50,750
Okay, I've updated my
relationship status to:

214
00:07:50,751 --> 00:07:53,179
"Exclusive for life with
princess Abigail of Andorra."

215
00:07:53,299 --> 00:07:54,493
- You. - Oh my goodness.

216
00:07:54,494 --> 00:07:56,051
- You're hilarious.- No, stop.

217
00:07:56,064 --> 00:07:57,841
Ernesto, we're going to
make that stop we discussed.

218
00:07:57,883 --> 00:07:59,092
So can you shake the security detail?

219
00:07:59,117 --> 00:08:00,543
Wait, what's happening?

220
00:08:02,626 --> 00:08:04,666
Skippy, be a lamb and
hand me my valise.

221
00:08:04,690 --> 00:08:06,161
Is it in this bag?

222
00:08:08,439 --> 00:08:09,791
Is this, is that your cat?

223
00:08:10,354 --> 00:08:11,730
*** shoes?

224
00:08:12,006 --> 00:08:13,582
Military guard?

225
00:08:15,591 --> 00:08:16,629
Help me.

226
00:08:17,355 --> 00:08:19,003
Are you a spy or a decepticon?

227
00:08:19,037 --> 00:08:20,858
If so, you have to tell me.

228
00:08:21,070 --> 00:08:23,548
Listen to me, you lovable disaster.

229
00:08:23,668 --> 00:08:25,487
I just have one question for you:

230
00:08:25,607 --> 00:08:26,663
Are you cool?

231
00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:28,193
Well in college I kind
of found my crew,

232
00:08:28,287 --> 00:08:29,842
before that I went through
a long, awkward phase,

233
00:08:29,848 --> 00:08:31,068
classic late bloomer story...

234
00:08:31,550 --> 00:08:32,832
I need an answer.

235
00:08:32,857 --> 00:08:35,060
Cool? Yeah. Ice cold.

236
00:08:36,188 --> 00:08:37,569
Lovely.

237
00:08:37,982 --> 00:08:39,565
I love being cool. I love it.

238
00:08:39,571 --> 00:08:40,879
It's so fun.

239
00:08:41,723 --> 00:08:46,071
Oh, um, do you want me to turn away?

240
00:08:46,465 --> 00:08:49,281
Or... your majesty.

241
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:51,389
- Sniper on your six.- Got him.

242
00:08:52,772 --> 00:08:54,192
Cool! We beat the level.

243
00:08:54,229 --> 00:08:54,849
A trophy.

244
00:08:54,943 --> 00:08:56,125
I didn't know there were trophies.

245
00:08:56,131 --> 00:08:58,402
Why did no one tell me
there were trophies?

246
00:08:58,421 --> 00:09:00,967
Oh, trophies encourage
children to achieve.

247
00:09:00,980 --> 00:09:01,793
It's all in the books.

248
00:09:01,814 --> 00:09:04,283
You know, teachable
moment, etcetera, etcetera.

249
00:09:04,339 --> 00:09:06,217
Becca, it's getting kind of late

250
00:09:06,251 --> 00:09:07,643
and we haven't done our homework yet.

251
00:09:07,674 --> 00:09:10,615
Homework will be your reward
for killing all the space Nazis.

252
00:09:11,690 --> 00:09:12,873
Oh...

253
00:09:14,106 --> 00:09:15,031
Yes...

254
00:09:15,982 --> 00:09:17,509
Oh, I see you robot spider.

255
00:09:17,534 --> 00:09:19,524
You think I don't see you, but I do.

256
00:09:20,243 --> 00:09:21,663
Your sister's been taken...

257
00:09:22,367 --> 00:09:23,834
By video game addiction.

258
00:09:23,859 --> 00:09:25,184
How is that even possible?

259
00:09:25,304 --> 00:09:27,213
She's only been playing
for a few hours.

260
00:09:27,238 --> 00:09:28,614
That's how fast it can get you.

261
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:30,442
But she used to play
when she was our age.

262
00:09:30,443 --> 00:09:31,480
That was years ago.

263
00:09:31,543 --> 00:09:33,844
The stuff on the street
now is way stronger.

264
00:09:35,013 --> 00:09:37,949
Do we look that... vacant?

265
00:09:38,344 --> 00:09:39,383
You do.

266
00:09:39,418 --> 00:09:41,018
And I did, too.

267
00:09:41,053 --> 00:09:43,654
Hey, I was a normal
kid just like you...

268
00:09:43,689 --> 00:09:45,515
Played socially, you
know, with friends.

269
00:09:45,527 --> 00:09:46,724
No bigs.

270
00:09:46,758 --> 00:09:48,960
Then it started taking up
more and more of my time.

271
00:09:48,994 --> 00:09:50,751
I played alone, in the mornings,

272
00:09:50,752 --> 00:09:52,541
just to feel normal, even me out.

273
00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:54,847
I hit bottom when I forgot my date

274
00:09:54,869 --> 00:09:56,808
to testify at my Uncle
Randy's parole hearing.

275
00:09:56,835 --> 00:09:57,847
- Ugh. - Whoa.

276
00:09:57,903 --> 00:09:59,430
It's okay, he tunneled out.

277
00:09:59,736 --> 00:10:01,188
But that's why I don't play anymore.

278
00:10:01,607 --> 00:10:02,852
And now it's my job

279
00:10:02,972 --> 00:10:04,829
to make sure Becca
doesn't go down that path.

280
00:10:05,055 --> 00:10:06,532
Now, you guys go to your rooms,

281
00:10:06,550 --> 00:10:07,752
and do your homework, okay?

282
00:10:07,770 --> 00:10:08,853
- Okay.- Got it.

283
00:10:12,456 --> 00:10:13,951
Bring her back safe, man.

284
00:10:14,452 --> 00:10:16,687
I'll try, little dude.

285
00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:18,174
I'll try.

286
00:10:18,181 --> 00:10:20,258
No, no, no, no... oh!

287
00:10:24,218 --> 00:10:27,012
You know, a lot of times,
the so-called hot salsa

288
00:10:27,015 --> 00:10:29,093
you get from a jar is
milder than ketchup.

289
00:10:29,124 --> 00:10:31,720
But this stuff is muy caliénte!

290
00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:35,399
Right?

291
00:10:36,038 --> 00:10:38,702
Okay, guys, come on,
ante's five bucks.

292
00:10:38,822 --> 00:10:39,658
Five bucks?

293
00:10:39,778 --> 00:10:42,067
Now, that's muy caliénte.

294
00:10:43,895 --> 00:10:45,278
< Where are we?

295
00:10:45,309 --> 00:10:47,311
Can I open my eyes?

296
00:10:47,330 --> 00:10:49,326
I never said to close them.

297
00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:52,191
Okay, look.

298
00:10:52,224 --> 00:10:54,375
Sometimes the pressure of
being a perfect princess,

299
00:10:54,381 --> 00:10:55,620
you know, it's just too much,

300
00:10:55,621 --> 00:10:58,429
and you need to let go,
you need to feel free,

301
00:10:58,461 --> 00:11:01,244
and you need to drink
absinthe until dawn

302
00:11:01,245 --> 00:11:02,703
and take cat drugs

303
00:11:02,709 --> 00:11:04,799
and harvest a stranger's organs.

304
00:11:04,818 --> 00:11:07,464
Wait, what-what was that last part?

305
00:11:07,658 --> 00:11:09,707
Can I close my eyes again?

306
00:11:25,801 --> 00:11:27,215
Abigail!

307
00:11:27,335 --> 00:11:30,075
Slow down. I'm acclimating.

308
00:11:30,195 --> 00:11:31,329
'Scuse me.

309
00:11:31,363 --> 00:11:32,602
Beg pardon.

310
00:11:32,608 --> 00:11:33,747
I like the antlers.

311
00:11:33,803 --> 00:11:34,799
Are they functional?

312
00:11:34,833 --> 00:11:37,401
Is this where dreams come to die?

313
00:11:39,503 --> 00:11:40,711
Constable.

314
00:11:40,831 --> 00:11:43,539
I'd like to file a
missing persons report.

315
00:11:43,909 --> 00:11:45,028
No, no, thank you.

316
00:11:45,047 --> 00:11:45,941
I don't like to eat things

317
00:11:45,944 --> 00:11:46,961
from other people's mouths.

318
00:11:48,419 --> 00:11:50,521
Skip, where the hell are you?

319
00:11:50,528 --> 00:11:52,542
Marshall, I don't want to alarm you,

320
00:11:52,586 --> 00:11:55,765
but I'm trapped in a
nightmarish hellscape.

321
00:11:55,834 --> 00:11:57,817
Okay, okay, can you be more specific?

322
00:11:57,824 --> 00:12:01,358
It appears to be a
high-level urban dungeon

323
00:12:01,402 --> 00:12:03,252
populated by trickster sprites

324
00:12:03,253 --> 00:12:05,424
whose magics may be
greater than my own.

325
00:12:05,464 --> 00:12:07,279
Okay, can you be less
specific, but more helpful?

326
00:12:07,399 --> 00:12:08,540
I mean, does it have a name?

327
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:10,298
Excuse me, sir.

328
00:12:10,316 --> 00:12:11,474
Where are we?

329
00:12:11,503 --> 00:12:14,052
The question is, where aren't we.

330
00:12:14,070 --> 00:12:15,491
You're a horrible person!

331
00:12:15,497 --> 00:12:17,611
I hate you and everything
you stand for!

332
00:12:17,643 --> 00:12:18,875
It's called Carcass.

333
00:12:18,876 --> 00:12:20,364
It's Carcass, Marshall.

334
00:12:20,383 --> 00:12:22,266
Imagine high school gym class,

335
00:12:22,281 --> 00:12:23,780
the kill chamber in saw,

336
00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:25,219
and the communal dressing room

337
00:12:25,256 --> 00:12:26,426
at Morty's big and tall.

338
00:12:26,457 --> 00:12:28,944
It's a living hell... oh, you.

339
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,520
Oh, my God,

340
00:12:30,527 --> 00:12:32,435
don't you just love it here?

341
00:12:32,466 --> 00:12:33,710
I do.

342
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:34,569
I love these

343
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:35,607
songs that would be

344
00:12:35,645 --> 00:12:37,090
so hard to hum.

345
00:12:37,109 --> 00:12:40,419
And I love seeing all
my friends from Narnia.

346
00:12:40,443 --> 00:12:42,107
I know, I know, I know,
it's just marvelous.

347
00:12:42,113 --> 00:12:43,459
Okay, so, take this,

348
00:12:43,684 --> 00:12:45,173
knock it down your throat.

349
00:12:45,185 --> 00:12:46,005
All right, let's go.

350
00:12:46,011 --> 00:12:48,007
Will it make me small?

351
00:12:54,394 --> 00:12:56,246
We're gonna take a five minute break

352
00:12:56,284 --> 00:12:58,192
so captain tiny bladder over there

353
00:12:58,197 --> 00:12:59,998
can take care of his business.

354
00:13:03,590 --> 00:13:06,374
These game changers are
a carton of good eggs.

355
00:13:06,443 --> 00:13:07,876
I can't wait till next month.

356
00:13:07,877 --> 00:13:09,315
Get your own thing.

357
00:13:09,659 --> 00:13:10,261
What?

358
00:13:10,295 --> 00:13:11,937
I'm sorry, but this is my thing,

359
00:13:11,968 --> 00:13:13,445
and I didn't invite you
because it's really fun

360
00:13:13,476 --> 00:13:14,928
and I didn't want you to ruin it.

361
00:13:15,234 --> 00:13:17,029
You're not good at apologies.

362
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:17,937
Again, sorry.

363
00:13:17,943 --> 00:13:19,277
Look, when you walk into a room,

364
00:13:19,311 --> 00:13:20,834
boom, it's all about you.

365
00:13:20,835 --> 00:13:22,080
You can't help it, but it's like,

366
00:13:22,114 --> 00:13:23,581
"hey, the president's here."

367
00:13:23,582 --> 00:13:24,839
And everyone leans in a little closer

368
00:13:24,826 --> 00:13:26,453
and pretends to laugh at your jokes.

369
00:13:26,497 --> 00:13:27,329
Pretend?

370
00:13:27,392 --> 00:13:29,406
I love you, but "muy caliente"?

371
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:30,488
That's not funny.

372
00:13:30,522 --> 00:13:32,253
That's 'cause you didn't
punch the accent.

373
00:13:32,278 --> 00:13:33,923
Sweetheart, you're so
inside the bubble,

374
00:13:33,942 --> 00:13:35,112
you don't even know it.

375
00:13:35,113 --> 00:13:37,014
I am not in a bubble.

376
00:13:37,051 --> 00:13:38,953
I-I'm just an average Joe

377
00:13:38,998 --> 00:13:40,832
who knows how to bring the funny.

378
00:13:40,866 --> 00:13:42,976
Okay. Take a bite of celery,

379
00:13:43,035 --> 00:13:45,122
look at John and say,
"love that crunch."

380
00:13:45,816 --> 00:13:46,536
Why?

381
00:13:46,572 --> 00:13:47,972
Just say it.

382
00:13:51,059 --> 00:13:52,243
Love that crunch!

383
00:13:52,277 --> 00:13:55,145
Good one, sir.

384
00:13:57,059 --> 00:13:58,683
That was not a good one.

385
00:14:03,804 --> 00:14:04,724
Hey, sir.

386
00:14:04,780 --> 00:14:06,100
Nice loincloth.

387
00:14:06,488 --> 00:14:08,440
Very now, but also timeless.

388
00:14:09,185 --> 00:14:12,307
Madame, however do you you
tinkle-tinkle wearing that thing?

389
00:14:13,777 --> 00:14:16,117
Oh, thank you, don't mind if I do.

390
00:14:19,772 --> 00:14:21,266
Ow! Ow, ow. Skip.

391
00:14:21,310 --> 00:14:22,392
Marshall!

392
00:14:22,436 --> 00:14:24,951
Hey, welcome to Carcass, my brother.

393
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,458
- Skip, have you been drinking?
- Well...

394
00:14:26,578 --> 00:14:28,479
I wouldn't fly an f-14 right now,

395
00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:29,825
if that's what you're asking.

396
00:14:29,863 --> 00:14:31,984
Why are you wearing
these ridiculous clothes?

397
00:14:32,051 --> 00:14:33,567
Come on, Skip, I got
to get you out of here.

398
00:14:33,592 --> 00:14:36,407
No! No, my man. I love it here.

399
00:14:36,438 --> 00:14:38,860
Dude, there's a room in the back

400
00:14:38,866 --> 00:14:40,417
filled with nothing but bubbles

401
00:14:40,418 --> 00:14:42,057
and inappropriate touching.

402
00:14:42,528 --> 00:14:43,428
Skip!

403
00:14:43,462 --> 00:14:45,063
Skip, Skip...

404
00:14:45,097 --> 00:14:46,893
Somebody released bats
in the bubble room,

405
00:14:46,906 --> 00:14:51,059
and people are freaking
out in a very sexual way.

406
00:14:51,060 --> 00:14:51,667
Come on,

407
00:14:51,692 --> 00:14:53,425
before animal control gets here.

408
00:14:53,432 --> 00:14:54,758
Skip, let me put this to you

409
00:14:54,770 --> 00:14:55,771
in terms you might understand:

410
00:14:55,772 --> 00:14:57,992
This is "Bo-nanners," let's skedaddle.

411
00:14:58,010 --> 00:15:00,289
Marshall, I'm not one to kiss and tell,

412
00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:02,180
but princess Abigail and I kissed,

413
00:15:02,181 --> 00:15:03,654
and I'm telling you.

414
00:15:03,655 --> 00:15:06,513
That kiss is the standard
by which I will judge

415
00:15:06,551 --> 00:15:07,665
all the other good things

416
00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:09,004
- that happen in my life. - Yeah?

417
00:15:09,035 --> 00:15:11,438
That guy seems to like it, too.

418
00:15:12,858 --> 00:15:14,384
Your majesty!

419
00:15:14,391 --> 00:15:15,836
Hi Skip!

420
00:15:20,140 --> 00:15:22,048
Sir, could you please
have a word with Skip?

421
00:15:22,117 --> 00:15:23,746
He's due at the Andorra Peace
Foundation brunch,

422
00:15:23,789 --> 00:15:25,689
but he is in seclusion.

423
00:15:25,690 --> 00:15:26,390
His words.

424
00:15:26,430 --> 00:15:28,438
I'm guessing it has
something to do with this?

425
00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:30,966
Sir, it got away from me.

426
00:15:31,229 --> 00:15:32,531
Mm. Happens.

427
00:15:32,731 --> 00:15:34,170
You got two on the Ridge, Vasquez.

428
00:15:34,171 --> 00:15:36,263
Hit them with the flamethrower.
I'm going in.

429
00:15:40,236 --> 00:15:41,232
Is she okay?

430
00:15:41,257 --> 00:15:42,602
I'm better than okay, Marshall.

431
00:15:42,639 --> 00:15:44,322
I'm teaching these kids a lesson.

432
00:15:44,442 --> 00:15:45,416
Kids?

433
00:15:45,967 --> 00:15:47,606
- I think she needs to go to bed.
- Not yet.

434
00:15:47,638 --> 00:15:49,665
Sometimes, you got to let
the fire burn itself out.

435
00:15:49,727 --> 00:15:52,462
Uncle Randy taught me that when
Aunt Marci torched his Camaro.

436
00:15:52,837 --> 00:15:54,595
Sounds like she's in good hands.

437
00:15:55,456 --> 00:15:56,653
Got to hydrate, babe.

438
00:15:56,703 --> 00:15:57,717
Just pour it in my mouth!

439
00:15:57,837 --> 00:15:59,932
Sorry Dale crashed the game last night.

440
00:15:59,969 --> 00:16:02,084
I told him it's just us from now on.

441
00:16:02,096 --> 00:16:03,322
Probably a good call.

442
00:16:03,372 --> 00:16:04,567
Well, it's not his fault.

443
00:16:04,687 --> 00:16:05,531
He just doesn't realize

444
00:16:05,550 --> 00:16:07,764
the effect he has when
he walks into a room.

445
00:16:07,765 --> 00:16:08,409
Good point.

446
00:16:08,441 --> 00:16:09,980
Yeah, when everyone agrees
with you all the time

447
00:16:09,992 --> 00:16:11,274
and they laugh at all your jokes,

448
00:16:11,293 --> 00:16:12,194
I bet it's hard to even notice

449
00:16:12,213 --> 00:16:14,422
- there's a problem.- So true.

450
00:16:15,198 --> 00:16:16,776
Mm-hmm.

451
00:16:17,738 --> 00:16:20,479
Ah, well, I'm really enjoying
lunch with you guys.

452
00:16:20,516 --> 00:16:22,450
I actually hate most women.

453
00:16:22,462 --> 00:16:23,363
Me, too.

454
00:16:23,394 --> 00:16:25,734
I mean, a woman president?

455
00:16:25,766 --> 00:16:27,054
Women are the worst.

456
00:16:27,067 --> 00:16:29,518
So, we all agree with me.

457
00:16:29,519 --> 00:16:30,883
- Bubbly?- Yup.

458
00:16:33,924 --> 00:16:34,987
Hey, Skip.

459
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,321
Hello, papa.

460
00:16:37,690 --> 00:16:39,004
I suppose by now you've seen

461
00:16:39,047 --> 00:16:40,845
that the international press
has had their way with me.

462
00:16:40,876 --> 00:16:43,185
Yeah, your mug's all over the place.

463
00:16:43,422 --> 00:16:45,318
Did the king of Andorra call?

464
00:16:45,537 --> 00:16:46,644
Should I have my muffin guy

465
00:16:46,741 --> 00:16:48,221
prepare the standard apology basket?

466
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:49,729
I don't care about that.

467
00:16:49,935 --> 00:16:52,225
You got your heart banged
up, and I feel for you.

468
00:16:52,581 --> 00:16:54,426
I mean, hell, you've been saying

469
00:16:54,427 --> 00:16:56,908
that you were gonna be with a
princess since you were six.

470
00:16:56,940 --> 00:16:58,379
Zelda...

471
00:16:58,616 --> 00:17:00,756
Leia, Buttercup, so many greats.

472
00:17:01,094 --> 00:17:03,971
I really thought this was gonna be
my fairy tale romance.

473
00:17:04,008 --> 00:17:05,072
But instead,

474
00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:06,973
it was more
like a Grimm fairy tale,

475
00:17:07,024 --> 00:17:08,412
where children in Lederhosen

476
00:17:08,413 --> 00:17:09,745
get baked into pies.

477
00:17:09,776 --> 00:17:13,030
Skip, this is partially my fault.

478
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:13,680
Go on.

479
00:17:13,681 --> 00:17:16,765
My job puts us in this big bubble.

480
00:17:16,822 --> 00:17:18,573
And that means that people
might give you attention

481
00:17:18,586 --> 00:17:21,258
or seek you out for the wrong reasons.

482
00:17:21,876 --> 00:17:23,584
It's nice to have someone

483
00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:24,961
who can remind you of what's real.

484
00:17:24,980 --> 00:17:26,588
You have that with momily.

485
00:17:26,656 --> 00:17:28,239
Becca has that with D.B.

486
00:17:28,359 --> 00:17:30,536
I have tha... I have that with no one.

487
00:17:30,656 --> 00:17:32,144
This is making me sad.

488
00:17:32,264 --> 00:17:33,508
You'll find it, Skip.

489
00:17:33,628 --> 00:17:35,866
- Just might not be with a princess.
- What?!

490
00:17:35,986 --> 00:17:37,005
Oh...

491
00:17:37,067 --> 00:17:38,150
Right.

492
00:17:38,270 --> 00:17:40,251
Of course, that was the
point of this conversation.

493
00:17:40,283 --> 00:17:41,759
Thanks, dad.

494
00:17:42,272 --> 00:17:43,936
Your majesty!

495
00:17:43,949 --> 00:17:45,219
Oh, Skip, there you are.

496
00:17:45,269 --> 00:17:46,877
Princess Abigail, you
and I need to talk.

497
00:17:46,914 --> 00:17:48,678
Can we do it on the plane to Ibiza,

498
00:17:48,709 --> 00:17:50,630
on our way to my next
fund-raiser in Gstaad?

499
00:17:50,631 --> 00:17:52,882
Sure, should I pack a
blazer or... what? No.

500
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:54,791
I'm not going to any
of those made-up places.

501
00:17:54,859 --> 00:17:56,367
Oh, Skip, what's wrong?

502
00:17:56,380 --> 00:17:57,762
Last night, you treated my heart

503
00:17:57,825 --> 00:17:59,933
like a diaper and that
I will not abide.

504
00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:01,748
Oh, Skip, so dramatic.

505
00:18:01,785 --> 00:18:03,506
Would you like to put
your hand down my dress?

506
00:18:03,626 --> 00:18:05,132
Yes. No!

507
00:18:05,307 --> 00:18:06,972
Yes. No!

508
00:18:07,004 --> 00:18:08,343
No. No!

509
00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:10,157
And that's that.
I'm breaking up with you.

510
00:18:10,220 --> 00:18:11,314
But we were never together.

511
00:18:11,364 --> 00:18:12,891
And that's what makes this so hard.

512
00:18:13,166 --> 00:18:14,587
Good-bye, your majesty.

513
00:18:14,887 --> 00:18:16,277
I release you.

514
00:18:18,454 --> 00:18:20,774
Princess Abigail, it
is time for the brunch.

515
00:18:20,775 --> 00:18:22,233
I can walk you to the Motorcade.

516
00:18:22,264 --> 00:18:23,309
Thank you.

517
00:18:23,328 --> 00:18:25,199
- Marshall, may I ask you a question?
- Mm-hmm.

518
00:18:26,650 --> 00:18:28,327
Are you cool?

519
00:18:33,125 --> 00:18:36,504
Stacey, for once in your
life, just shut up and listen.

520
00:18:36,779 --> 00:18:38,585
- What?- Life is not a fairy tale,

521
00:18:38,832 --> 00:18:41,053
and happy endings are more
elusive than they seem.

522
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:41,773
Okay.

523
00:18:41,798 --> 00:18:43,474
Princess Abigail is
everything you're not...

524
00:18:43,475 --> 00:18:46,333
Sophisticated, exciting... but you?

525
00:18:46,453 --> 00:18:51,419
You're real, humble,
plain, like tofu or asphalt.

526
00:18:53,002 --> 00:18:54,628
I owe you an apology.

527
00:18:55,004 --> 00:18:56,405
- For what you just said?- No,

528
00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:57,606
for cheating on us.

529
00:18:57,650 --> 00:18:58,964
But we were never together.

530
00:18:58,965 --> 00:19:00,578
That's what makes this so hard.

531
00:19:00,698 --> 00:19:03,230
I cheated on the idea of
us, which is way worse.

532
00:19:03,293 --> 00:19:04,819
But it won't happen again.

533
00:19:05,057 --> 00:19:07,836
I do not release you.

534
00:19:09,594 --> 00:19:11,089
Okey-dokey.

535
00:19:11,209 --> 00:19:13,391
Stacey, hard not to notice
that you're following me.

536
00:19:13,409 --> 00:19:15,537
I was gonna go this way anyway.

537
00:19:20,667 --> 00:19:23,862
Well, well, well, it turns out

538
00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:27,242
I'm just as much inside
the bubble as you are.

539
00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:28,425
What clued you in?

540
00:19:28,406 --> 00:19:29,836
My feminist friends
couldn't get enough

541
00:19:29,837 --> 00:19:31,770
of my women-hating rants.

542
00:19:31,826 --> 00:19:33,565
They agreed with me on everything.

543
00:19:33,753 --> 00:19:36,205
Well, I guess it's bubble-living for us

544
00:19:36,249 --> 00:19:38,101
until I get voted out of this joint.

545
00:19:38,221 --> 00:19:39,815
I was trying...

546
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:40,985
Where was she?

547
00:19:41,191 --> 00:19:42,374
Uh, rock bottom, sir.

548
00:19:42,375 --> 00:19:43,538
I did it!

549
00:19:43,725 --> 00:19:45,221
I did it! I beat the game!

550
00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:46,791
I'm pro. I did it.

551
00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:48,311
I achieved everything...

552
00:19:48,431 --> 00:19:50,889
All my achievements that I wanted.

553
00:19:51,009 --> 00:19:53,386
She got caught up in a first
person shooter video game.

554
00:19:53,398 --> 00:19:56,270
Been there myself. You get
so far inside something,

555
00:19:56,289 --> 00:19:58,285
you need someone who loves you
to come in and pull you out

556
00:19:58,660 --> 00:20:00,012
or at least keep you company.

557
00:20:00,050 --> 00:20:02,527
- Like a bubble?- No, I'm
talking about video games.

558
00:20:02,647 --> 00:20:04,729
I'm gonna put this
little hummingbird to bed.

559
00:20:06,738 --> 00:20:07,883
What happened last night?

560
00:20:07,914 --> 00:20:09,403
- Did you guys get your
homework done?- Yeah.

561
00:20:09,447 --> 00:20:11,274
D.B. showed us the gamer
scene is a one-way ticket

562
00:20:11,305 --> 00:20:13,825
- to Nowheres-ville.- I think
D.B.'s uncle was from there.

563
00:20:13,945 --> 00:20:15,997
Wait, so he actually
tried to steer you away

564
00:20:16,003 --> 00:20:18,024
from a violent,
inappropriate video game?

565
00:20:18,144 --> 00:20:20,051
He didn't have to try too hard.

566
00:20:20,089 --> 00:20:21,697
Becca was so hooked on the game

567
00:20:21,728 --> 00:20:23,718
she was willing to
endure the verbal abuse

568
00:20:23,730 --> 00:20:25,557
of anonymous strangers.

569
00:20:25,851 --> 00:20:27,459
And who wants that?

570
00:20:27,579 --> 00:20:28,797
Hmm.

571
00:20:31,682 --> 00:20:32,795
You son ***

572
00:20:33,765 --> 00:20:34,547
My bad.

573
00:20:34,572 --> 00:20:36,337
No kidding. You
just 'nated the whole team.

574
00:20:36,338 --> 00:20:38,332
- You're so unpro.
- It's true.

575
00:20:38,333 --> 00:20:39,809
We're very unpro.

576
00:20:39,878 --> 00:20:42,323
No one ever talks to us this way.
It's fantastic!

577
00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:43,926
If you can't manage
to cover me this time,

578
00:20:43,951 --> 00:20:46,084
I swear to God I will
frag you turds myself.

579
00:20:46,090 --> 00:20:48,349
I'd like to see you
try it, pencil neck.

580
00:20:48,469 --> 00:20:50,113
Ooh. Yeah.

581
00:20:51,628 --> 00:20:54,828
sync by chamallow, corrected by bellows
www.addic7ed.com