1 00:00:01,202 --> 00:00:03,257 Hot food from a hot man. 2 00:00:05,346 --> 00:00:07,167 Max, a woman in my section wants to know 3 00:00:07,287 --> 00:00:09,218 if we do anything gluten-free. What do I tell her? 4 00:00:09,338 --> 00:00:12,466 Tell her she's not allergic to gluten, she's just masking an eating disorder. 5 00:00:14,805 --> 00:00:17,906 Look alive, people. Club sandwich, burger medium, 6 00:00:18,146 --> 00:00:20,513 and a shrimp salad for the gamblin' man. 7 00:00:20,515 --> 00:00:22,131 I asked for salt and pepper. 8 00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:24,967 I wanted mayonnaise and mustard. 9 00:00:26,737 --> 00:00:28,104 You forgot my diet soda. 10 00:00:28,106 --> 00:00:30,106 Oh, I'm sorry, I'll be right back with-- 11 00:00:30,108 --> 00:00:32,019 Oh, what? 12 00:00:35,312 --> 00:00:37,697 Never doubt me. 13 00:00:37,817 --> 00:00:47,757 Sync & corrected by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 14 00:00:47,759 --> 00:00:51,010 Here's my last check, Earl. 15 00:00:51,012 --> 00:00:55,131 Look here, Max. That lady just slipped me her number. 16 00:00:55,133 --> 00:00:58,051 Like I need another menopausal white woman 17 00:00:58,053 --> 00:01:00,937 scratchin' at my window like a cat in heat. 18 00:01:04,892 --> 00:01:06,159 God, I love money. 19 00:01:06,161 --> 00:01:10,263 I know, I'm so sorry it broke up with you. 20 00:01:10,265 --> 00:01:13,450 Look! This week's new iPad just came out. 21 00:01:13,452 --> 00:01:15,652 Spread the words. 22 00:01:15,654 --> 00:01:16,736 Word. 23 00:01:16,738 --> 00:01:19,739 Word! 24 00:01:19,741 --> 00:01:22,709 I saw that on The Wire. 25 00:01:22,711 --> 00:01:24,627 Max, three weeks in a row 26 00:01:24,629 --> 00:01:29,549 you have not yet accepted my request to be a Facebook friend. 27 00:01:29,551 --> 00:01:32,419 Max? I am talking to you. 28 00:01:32,421 --> 00:01:35,505 Oh, I didn't hear you, I have my earbuds in. 29 00:01:36,340 --> 00:01:38,658 What are these? 30 00:01:38,660 --> 00:01:41,728 Okay, you had to bust a move, and get "the truth" on my ass? 31 00:01:41,730 --> 00:01:43,480 Fine, let's go there. Han, 32 00:01:43,482 --> 00:01:45,515 I'm never gonna be your Facebook friend. 33 00:01:45,517 --> 00:01:50,487 Oof! Hard to hear. 34 00:01:50,489 --> 00:01:52,489 Well, I accepted you, Han. 35 00:01:52,491 --> 00:01:56,860 Yes, thank you. You make my heart sing. 36 00:01:56,862 --> 00:01:59,729 Oof. Hurt me still. 37 00:02:02,249 --> 00:02:06,870 That was like watching someone club a baby seal. 38 00:02:06,872 --> 00:02:08,922 Why wouldn't you just say yes to his friend request? 39 00:02:08,924 --> 00:02:11,374 Because I never check Facebook, why would I? 40 00:02:11,376 --> 00:02:14,210 So some girl I worked at a movie theater with in 2005 41 00:02:14,212 --> 00:02:18,014 can tell me it's raining and she's "totes bummed?" 42 00:02:18,016 --> 00:02:21,217 Caroline! Better check Facebook page. 43 00:02:21,219 --> 00:02:25,472 Maybe someone just post on your wall. 44 00:02:29,109 --> 00:02:33,897 "Han Lee has tagged you in 25 photos?" 45 00:02:40,788 --> 00:02:45,041 Want to borrow my seal club yet? 46 00:02:45,043 --> 00:02:49,662 Oh, that stings. I've lost like 300 Facebook friends 47 00:02:49,664 --> 00:02:51,664 since my father was arrested. 48 00:02:51,666 --> 00:02:52,665 Well, your father's probably 49 00:02:52,667 --> 00:02:54,217 made that many new friends in prison, 50 00:02:54,219 --> 00:02:57,420 so it all evens out. 51 00:02:57,422 --> 00:02:58,721 Okay, ready to go? 52 00:02:58,723 --> 00:03:00,006 Do we have to? 53 00:03:00,008 --> 00:03:03,810 It's so hot outside. When did heat get so hot? 54 00:03:03,812 --> 00:03:06,379 Stop fighting it, just give in to it. 55 00:03:06,381 --> 00:03:10,817 I don't know why I'm quoting a rapist. 56 00:03:10,819 --> 00:03:12,402 Can't we just stay a little bit longer? 57 00:03:12,404 --> 00:03:14,303 We don't have any A.C. at home. 58 00:03:14,305 --> 00:03:17,490 I have an A.C. you girls can use. 59 00:03:17,492 --> 00:03:19,275 You have an air conditioner that works? 60 00:03:19,277 --> 00:03:20,977 Oh, it works. 61 00:03:20,979 --> 00:03:26,666 [Blows air] 62 00:03:30,671 --> 00:03:34,007 That's like an A.C. that just had salami. 63 00:03:34,009 --> 00:03:37,961 There's more salami where that came from. 64 00:03:44,351 --> 00:03:46,052 And my feet hurt. 65 00:03:46,054 --> 00:03:47,554 Well, you gotta stop wearing those stilts, 66 00:03:47,556 --> 00:03:50,640 and get a pair of Skechers, like normal broke-ass waitresses. 67 00:03:50,642 --> 00:03:55,278 Skechers? How dare you. 68 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:57,313 Besides, I can't afford new shoes. 69 00:03:57,315 --> 00:03:59,115 These cost $900. 70 00:03:59,117 --> 00:04:02,352 Well, then that's not pain, that's karma. 71 00:04:02,354 --> 00:04:04,237 Look, I will help you out, okay? 72 00:04:04,239 --> 00:04:05,204 I know a place we can go 73 00:04:05,206 --> 00:04:07,240 that has designer things at good prices. 74 00:04:07,242 --> 00:04:09,358 Like a Barney's warehouse? 75 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:11,044 Kind of. 76 00:04:16,166 --> 00:04:17,817 The Goodwill? 77 00:04:17,819 --> 00:04:20,470 Welcome to my place! 78 00:04:22,638 --> 00:04:24,504 We're shopping at the Goodwill? 79 00:04:24,519 --> 00:04:26,523 You led me to believe we were real-shopping. 80 00:04:26,525 --> 00:04:27,991 I know. [Laughs] 81 00:04:27,993 --> 00:04:29,542 I couldn't wait to see your face when you saw this place. 82 00:04:29,544 --> 00:04:31,077 Do the face again. 83 00:04:31,079 --> 00:04:33,797 I love it! 84 00:04:33,799 --> 00:04:35,498 Okay, what's that smell? 85 00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:38,585 It's gonna be your smell from now on. 86 00:04:38,587 --> 00:04:41,171 Now, pay attention, I know where the good stuff is. 87 00:04:41,173 --> 00:04:42,439 I know where the good stuff is. 88 00:04:42,441 --> 00:04:44,674 Madison and 57th. 89 00:04:44,676 --> 00:04:46,760 Follow me. 90 00:04:46,762 --> 00:04:49,813 Clever bitches hide stuff they want to come back and buy, 91 00:04:49,815 --> 00:04:52,916 'cause sometimes they don't have $3 to buy it at the time. 92 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,851 Who doesn't have $3? 93 00:04:54,853 --> 00:04:56,319 You. 94 00:04:56,321 --> 00:04:58,738 Last week I hid a dope vintage blazer 95 00:04:58,740 --> 00:05:01,825 in the back of a nightstand, and here it is! 96 00:05:01,827 --> 00:05:05,111 Six bucks, clever bitch. Bang, bang! 97 00:05:05,113 --> 00:05:08,248 All right, well, we're here. I'm gonna make the best of it, 98 00:05:08,250 --> 00:05:12,502 but first I need a basket without a sno-cone in it. 99 00:05:12,504 --> 00:05:13,620 Hey, Trish. 100 00:05:13,622 --> 00:05:16,456 Not for day-to-day, but at the country club. 101 00:05:16,458 --> 00:05:19,826 [Laughing] You're kidding, but you're right. 102 00:05:19,828 --> 00:05:22,846 Hey, when you find something, check the pockets for pills. 103 00:05:22,848 --> 00:05:25,048 At a thrift store downtown I found a purple one once, 104 00:05:25,050 --> 00:05:28,718 and took it. Fell asleep for eight hours. 105 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,488 That was my vacation that year. 106 00:05:31,490 --> 00:05:32,555 [Sighs] 107 00:05:32,557 --> 00:05:34,307 Yay, shoes! 108 00:05:34,309 --> 00:05:37,277 Oh, I can't believe I just said, "yay," in Goodwill. 109 00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:39,929 Look, don't freak. Shoes can be funky, 110 00:05:39,931 --> 00:05:42,532 but I have a special spray at home that makes them like new. 111 00:05:42,534 --> 00:05:46,018 Did you get it from a wizard? 112 00:05:49,773 --> 00:05:52,909 Oh, my God. 113 00:05:52,911 --> 00:05:56,246 Oh, my God, these Brian Atwoods were mine. 114 00:05:56,248 --> 00:05:57,881 I donated these to charity, 115 00:05:57,883 --> 00:06:01,835 'cause I was photographed wearing them twice. 116 00:06:01,837 --> 00:06:04,871 Okay, they were $800 when I bought them, 117 00:06:04,873 --> 00:06:07,373 now they're $8? 118 00:06:07,375 --> 00:06:12,428 Like me. I'm $8. 119 00:06:12,430 --> 00:06:14,881 Oh, my God. 120 00:06:14,883 --> 00:06:17,233 I'm $8. 121 00:06:17,235 --> 00:06:18,434 [Starts to cry] 122 00:06:18,436 --> 00:06:20,687 I've been reduced. 123 00:06:20,689 --> 00:06:23,573 [Crying] I'm sorry, it just all became so real to me. 124 00:06:23,575 --> 00:06:26,025 I mean, I can't believe it. 125 00:06:31,248 --> 00:06:35,051 Um, didn't you see me crying? 126 00:06:35,053 --> 00:06:38,621 Lots of people cry at Goodwill. 127 00:06:38,623 --> 00:06:40,290 You go to France, you eat snails. 128 00:06:40,292 --> 00:06:42,992 You come here, you cry. 129 00:06:42,994 --> 00:06:45,795 That's odd, you didn't even react. 130 00:06:45,797 --> 00:06:47,847 You need to react when people cry. 131 00:06:47,849 --> 00:06:50,683 I did, I rolled my eyes. 132 00:06:50,685 --> 00:06:52,068 [Sighs] 133 00:06:52,070 --> 00:06:56,539 Look, eventually, you'll learn to do that on the inside. 134 00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:58,358 Okay, well, just FYI, 135 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:00,560 when I used to cry in front of my other girlfriends, 136 00:07:00,562 --> 00:07:03,062 they'd be like, "What you cryin' about, C-line? 137 00:07:03,064 --> 00:07:04,447 "Look at you, girl, you're fierce, 138 00:07:04,449 --> 00:07:06,549 you got your glam on." 139 00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:10,169 Are your girlfriends black drag queens? 140 00:07:14,291 --> 00:07:16,743 Oh, awesome strokes tee. 141 00:07:16,745 --> 00:07:19,579 I went to this concert, but I couldn't afford the shirt. 142 00:07:19,581 --> 00:07:22,114 Oh, we're done with me. 143 00:07:22,116 --> 00:07:23,800 I went to see them on this tour 144 00:07:23,802 --> 00:07:26,569 the summer after my junior year. It was a really warm night, 145 00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:29,255 and I snuck out of the house, and we all ma-- 146 00:07:29,257 --> 00:07:30,924 Ahem. Whatever. 147 00:07:30,926 --> 00:07:32,175 And what? 148 00:07:32,177 --> 00:07:34,761 What, did something great happen the night you got the t? 149 00:07:34,763 --> 00:07:37,847 Look at me, does it look like something great ever happens? 150 00:07:37,849 --> 00:07:39,749 Hey, cute tee. 151 00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:40,917 Had my eye on it. 152 00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,802 I was just bringin' my girl back to see it. 153 00:07:42,804 --> 00:07:44,237 She was in the bathroom. 154 00:07:44,239 --> 00:07:46,439 I had to throw up. 155 00:07:46,441 --> 00:07:47,774 So hand it over. 156 00:07:47,776 --> 00:07:49,025 You know the rule. 157 00:07:49,027 --> 00:07:53,363 Turn the back on the rack, you're under attack. 158 00:07:53,365 --> 00:07:56,749 That's not me, that's the law of the 'Will. 159 00:07:59,036 --> 00:08:04,707 [Whispering] Yeah, you better walk away. 160 00:08:04,709 --> 00:08:05,908 That was intense. 161 00:08:05,910 --> 00:08:08,928 Ah, just another Wednesday at the 'Will. 162 00:08:08,930 --> 00:08:13,132 You said to look in things, right? 163 00:08:13,134 --> 00:08:15,685 Max, look. On my first try! 164 00:08:15,687 --> 00:08:19,022 Ooh, slick. Whoever hid those is gonna be pissed. 165 00:08:19,024 --> 00:08:21,007 Quality check. 166 00:08:23,060 --> 00:08:25,628 Fabric sturdy, no mysterious crotch stains, 167 00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:28,114 - nice work, Nancy Drew. - [Laughs] 168 00:08:28,116 --> 00:08:29,816 And look, they're designer. 169 00:08:29,818 --> 00:08:32,902 Summer 2009. $350. 170 00:08:32,904 --> 00:08:35,405 And for me today... 171 00:08:35,407 --> 00:08:38,324 $5. That's a reduction I like. 172 00:08:38,326 --> 00:08:41,160 [Squeals] $5! Oh! 173 00:08:41,162 --> 00:08:45,298 [Chanting] $5, $5, $5, $5... 174 00:08:45,300 --> 00:08:47,450 - [Laughs] - $5, $5... 175 00:08:47,452 --> 00:08:49,585 Hi, Maria. 176 00:08:49,587 --> 00:08:50,970 How are you, Max? 177 00:08:50,972 --> 00:08:52,255 I'm good, how's your mom doin'? 178 00:08:52,257 --> 00:08:55,341 Good. She really appreciated the cupcakes you made her. 179 00:08:55,343 --> 00:08:58,227 Hi, Maria, I'm Caroline, Max's friend. 180 00:08:58,229 --> 00:09:00,763 Any way we can get the price down a bit for these? 181 00:09:00,765 --> 00:09:03,649 I think $8 is steep, considering their condition. 182 00:09:03,651 --> 00:09:06,019 I happen to know the heel has been replaced. 183 00:09:06,021 --> 00:09:09,822 I cannot believe you're trying to shoe her down. 184 00:09:09,824 --> 00:09:11,774 I can do $6. 185 00:09:11,776 --> 00:09:13,559 Deal. 186 00:09:13,561 --> 00:09:14,777 Oh, you happy? 187 00:09:14,779 --> 00:09:17,580 You haggled a charity. 188 00:09:17,582 --> 00:09:20,450 You're turning Goodwill into bad will. 189 00:09:22,503 --> 00:09:24,754 My t-shirt's gone. 190 00:09:24,756 --> 00:09:26,072 It's not here. 191 00:09:26,074 --> 00:09:29,509 [Gasps] I bet it was that [Whispering] Puerto Rican girl, 192 00:09:29,511 --> 00:09:31,461 who was-- who was eyeing it. 193 00:09:31,463 --> 00:09:33,012 Maria, can we call security? 194 00:09:33,014 --> 00:09:35,414 I'm sure one of the cameras must have captured the theft. 195 00:09:35,416 --> 00:09:38,768 Cameras? What do you think this is, target? 196 00:09:38,770 --> 00:09:41,253 It's gone, Caroline. 197 00:09:41,255 --> 00:09:42,405 She must have stolen it 198 00:09:42,407 --> 00:09:44,857 while I was watching you do your stupid $5 dance. 199 00:09:44,859 --> 00:09:50,029 I didn't turn my back on the rack, why am I under attack? 200 00:09:50,031 --> 00:09:53,099 See, this is why I shop alone, this is why I eat alone, 201 00:09:53,101 --> 00:09:56,452 this is why I'm leaving alone. 202 00:09:56,454 --> 00:09:58,488 Maria, I'll pay for these. 203 00:09:58,490 --> 00:10:01,207 You don't have to box them, you can just use tissue paper. 204 00:10:01,209 --> 00:10:03,793 Even as I'm saying this, I know it's not gonna happen. 205 00:10:10,806 --> 00:10:12,160 Chestnut... 206 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:14,023 Hot as a mother, right? 207 00:10:19,657 --> 00:10:21,157 Better, right? 208 00:10:21,159 --> 00:10:23,693 [Whinnies] 209 00:10:23,695 --> 00:10:24,778 ♪ It's gettin' hot in here ♪ 210 00:10:24,780 --> 00:10:25,812 ♪ so hot! ♪ 211 00:10:25,814 --> 00:10:27,664 ♪ so take off all your clothes ♪ 212 00:10:27,666 --> 00:10:29,933 ♪ I am gettin' so hot ♪ 213 00:10:29,935 --> 00:10:33,920 ♪ I'm gonna take my clothes off ♪ 214 00:10:33,922 --> 00:10:35,505 You might want to keep your voice down. 215 00:10:35,507 --> 00:10:38,675 This building has three registered sex offenders. 216 00:10:38,677 --> 00:10:41,094 ♪ It's gettin' hot in here ♪ 217 00:10:41,096 --> 00:10:44,614 ♪ so leave all that strokes tee shirt drama behind ♪ 218 00:10:44,616 --> 00:10:46,316 Come on, it's our night off. 219 00:10:46,318 --> 00:10:49,052 Let's go get drunk in air conditioning. 220 00:10:49,054 --> 00:10:50,820 We won't even have to pay for drinks. 221 00:10:50,822 --> 00:10:54,507 These "shotes" is gonna pay for our drinks. 222 00:10:54,509 --> 00:10:58,561 You are literally a $5 whore right now. 223 00:10:58,563 --> 00:10:59,846 Come on. 224 00:10:59,848 --> 00:11:01,648 ♪ Ai-ee ai-ee ♪ 225 00:11:01,650 --> 00:11:02,866 ♪ ai-ee ai-ee ♪ 226 00:11:02,868 --> 00:11:04,985 [Rock music] 227 00:11:04,987 --> 00:11:06,953 Hey, Johnny. 228 00:11:06,955 --> 00:11:08,038 I thought I told you 229 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:09,956 to keep your dumb, tragic ass out of here. 230 00:11:09,958 --> 00:11:12,492 The only thing that isn't tragic about me is my ass. 231 00:11:12,494 --> 00:11:15,078 And who's the blonde, bony skank? 232 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:16,529 Oh, dude, she's not in on this. 233 00:11:16,531 --> 00:11:17,864 Oh, I'm so sorry, miss. 234 00:11:17,866 --> 00:11:21,084 Hey, I'm Johnny, I'm Max's friend. 235 00:11:21,086 --> 00:11:24,054 I'm Caroline. I'm freaked out. 236 00:11:24,056 --> 00:11:25,371 This is something we do. 237 00:11:25,373 --> 00:11:29,042 - To remind us of our families. - Mm-hmm. 238 00:11:29,044 --> 00:11:31,311 Excuse me for a second. These guys tip more 239 00:11:31,313 --> 00:11:34,047 if I high-five 'em when we talk about chicks. 240 00:11:34,049 --> 00:11:35,214 Vagina! 241 00:11:35,216 --> 00:11:37,100 [Laughing] Yeah! 242 00:11:37,102 --> 00:11:40,854 Wow. Girl, your bartender friend is cute. 243 00:11:40,856 --> 00:11:44,157 Look at those arms. Nice guns. 244 00:11:44,159 --> 00:11:46,076 He's not just a bartender, this dude is legit. 245 00:11:46,078 --> 00:11:48,528 He's a street artist, goes by "Jpeg." 246 00:11:48,530 --> 00:11:50,080 Hmm. Well, right now 247 00:11:50,082 --> 00:11:52,565 he's cutting up limes and cleaning glasses. 248 00:11:52,567 --> 00:11:54,084 Well, you're an heiress 249 00:11:54,086 --> 00:11:56,619 who's slinging burnt hash and stale toast. 250 00:11:56,621 --> 00:11:57,637 Touche. 251 00:11:57,639 --> 00:11:59,739 Douch-ay. 252 00:11:59,741 --> 00:12:02,342 These are from the gentleman with a sweet note, 253 00:12:02,344 --> 00:12:05,595 "Nice ass, nice rack." 254 00:12:06,213 --> 00:12:07,464 [Glasses clink] 255 00:12:09,917 --> 00:12:11,267 Whoo! 256 00:12:11,269 --> 00:12:13,103 Hoo. 257 00:12:15,923 --> 00:12:17,524 If that's your tequila noise, 258 00:12:17,526 --> 00:12:20,944 God knows what your orgasm sounds like. 259 00:12:20,946 --> 00:12:25,398 Same face, no sound. 260 00:12:29,203 --> 00:12:30,787 Oh, my God. 261 00:12:30,789 --> 00:12:33,373 I can't believe it, it's the girl from the 'Will. 262 00:12:33,375 --> 00:12:36,743 I got your back, gir-r-r. 263 00:12:39,246 --> 00:12:40,279 What is she doin'? 264 00:12:40,281 --> 00:12:41,915 She thinks Goodwill has made her tough. 265 00:12:41,917 --> 00:12:44,283 Um, hi. How are you? 266 00:12:44,285 --> 00:12:45,468 I just wanted to talk to you 267 00:12:45,470 --> 00:12:47,170 about that shirt at the Goodwill. 268 00:12:47,172 --> 00:12:50,957 See, my friend really wanted it, and, well, your friend has it. 269 00:12:50,959 --> 00:12:53,727 What are you sayin', bitch? 270 00:12:53,729 --> 00:12:56,295 Okay, I think we might have got off on the wrong foot. 271 00:12:56,297 --> 00:12:58,314 Do you want to feel my foot, bitch? 272 00:12:58,316 --> 00:13:01,467 Well, I guess we know what your favorite word is. 273 00:13:02,153 --> 00:13:03,636 Ow! 274 00:13:03,638 --> 00:13:07,407 Those are not extensions, bitch! 275 00:13:07,409 --> 00:13:08,591 Oh! 276 00:13:08,593 --> 00:13:10,026 I should break this up, I should break this up. 277 00:13:10,028 --> 00:13:12,312 No, no, no, give her like four seconds to learn her lesson. 278 00:13:12,314 --> 00:13:13,413 Oh, okay, ow! All right. All right! 279 00:13:13,415 --> 00:13:16,132 - Okay, okay, okay. - Ow! Oh, oh. 280 00:13:16,134 --> 00:13:17,417 Okay, come on, come on. 281 00:13:17,419 --> 00:13:18,835 - Oh! [Sighs] - It's okay. 282 00:13:21,672 --> 00:13:24,541 Those are not extensions, bitch! 283 00:13:24,543 --> 00:13:25,925 [Laughs] 284 00:13:25,927 --> 00:13:28,211 Are you still laughing, 'cause it wasn't funny. 285 00:13:28,213 --> 00:13:30,964 It was so funny. It was like looney tunes funny. 286 00:13:30,966 --> 00:13:33,433 It was like Bugs Bunny getting shot in the face funny. 287 00:13:33,435 --> 00:13:34,634 Only in your version, 288 00:13:34,636 --> 00:13:38,221 Bugs Bunny tries to have a dialogue with the shotgun. 289 00:13:38,223 --> 00:13:39,889 [Giggles] I was trying 290 00:13:39,891 --> 00:13:41,191 to get your t-shirt back. 291 00:13:41,193 --> 00:13:42,392 I wanted you to have it, 292 00:13:42,394 --> 00:13:44,477 because you lit up at the 'Will when you saw it. 293 00:13:44,479 --> 00:13:46,345 I do not light up, okay? 294 00:13:46,347 --> 00:13:48,681 There's no light inside me. 295 00:13:48,683 --> 00:13:50,233 What you're seeing is probably radiation 296 00:13:50,235 --> 00:13:52,318 from the summer I collected uranium tubes 297 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,687 by the train tracks. That was good money. 298 00:13:54,689 --> 00:13:56,522 Thanks for looking out for me, Caroline. 299 00:13:56,524 --> 00:13:57,791 You're welcome, Max. 300 00:13:57,793 --> 00:13:59,959 It's a t-shirt, it's gone. 301 00:13:59,961 --> 00:14:01,461 I don't get attached to things. 302 00:14:01,463 --> 00:14:03,863 Ow. My nail practically got torn off back there 303 00:14:03,865 --> 00:14:06,332 by "Cat Von D-Minus." 304 00:14:06,334 --> 00:14:07,984 I'm gonna have to sleep with it elevated. 305 00:14:07,986 --> 00:14:09,385 Is there a nail place around here? 306 00:14:09,387 --> 00:14:10,804 Well, this is New York, 307 00:14:10,806 --> 00:14:13,006 so there's probably gonna be one right... 308 00:14:13,008 --> 00:14:15,208 here. Love when that happens. 309 00:14:15,210 --> 00:14:17,744 Look, a two-for-one girlfriend special. Genius. 310 00:14:17,746 --> 00:14:20,763 Go with me tomorrow before work, it'll be cheaper if we both go. 311 00:14:20,765 --> 00:14:22,148 I really need one. 312 00:14:22,150 --> 00:14:23,883 Plus, you need one, too. 313 00:14:23,885 --> 00:14:27,020 Well, I can't. I have my own day of luxury already booked. 314 00:14:27,022 --> 00:14:30,156 I'm doing a laundry, and then the tasting menu at Wendy's. 315 00:14:30,158 --> 00:14:33,726 Come on. You and me, nails, and air conditioning. 316 00:14:33,728 --> 00:14:34,944 It'll be fun. 317 00:14:34,946 --> 00:14:36,112 You're doin' it, gir-r-rl. 318 00:14:36,114 --> 00:14:38,665 Me and my friends used to love getting manicures. 319 00:14:38,667 --> 00:14:42,202 'Cause they're black drag queens? 320 00:14:42,204 --> 00:14:44,070 ♪ Ai-ee ai-ee ♪ 321 00:14:44,072 --> 00:14:46,656 ♪ ai-ee ai-ee ♪ 322 00:15:05,242 --> 00:15:06,259 Oh. 323 00:15:06,261 --> 00:15:07,815 Hey, dude. 324 00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:14,249 It's about that time? 325 00:15:16,738 --> 00:15:19,572 Let me get the pooper scooper. 326 00:15:19,574 --> 00:15:21,741 [Grunts] 327 00:15:21,743 --> 00:15:25,628 All right. Let's do this. 328 00:15:29,733 --> 00:15:33,419 - Hey. - Hey. 329 00:15:33,421 --> 00:15:35,838 Let me ask you something. How is it that you, 330 00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:38,424 a horse, and Caroline are both living with me, 331 00:15:38,426 --> 00:15:40,260 and you're less of a problem for me? 332 00:15:40,262 --> 00:15:42,295 I mean, you tell me, you've known her longer. 333 00:15:42,297 --> 00:15:44,647 She picks a fight with a tatted-out white chick 334 00:15:44,649 --> 00:15:47,767 from the Bronx? What is up with that? 335 00:15:47,769 --> 00:15:50,636 [High voice] I don't know, man, I'm just used to it. 336 00:15:50,638 --> 00:15:53,456 That's what you'd sound like, if you talked. 337 00:15:53,458 --> 00:15:55,425 [High voice] I agree with you, by the way. 338 00:15:55,427 --> 00:15:57,994 Everything you say is right, Max. 339 00:15:57,996 --> 00:16:00,496 Thank you, Chestnut. 340 00:16:00,498 --> 00:16:02,498 [High voice] You should kill her. 341 00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:04,734 Chestnut! I can't do that. 342 00:16:04,736 --> 00:16:08,288 [High voice] It'll be easy. We could kill her and eat her. 343 00:16:08,290 --> 00:16:10,273 Chestnut! 344 00:16:10,275 --> 00:16:11,841 [Scoffs] 345 00:16:11,843 --> 00:16:14,677 All right, buddy, here's your spot. 346 00:16:14,679 --> 00:16:17,347 Come on, do your business. 347 00:16:17,349 --> 00:16:18,848 Come on, Ches. 348 00:16:18,850 --> 00:16:20,833 [Baby talk] Buh-buh-buh buh-buh. 349 00:16:20,835 --> 00:16:22,885 Buh-buh-buh buh-boo. Come on. 350 00:16:22,887 --> 00:16:24,854 [Laughs] Come on! 351 00:16:24,856 --> 00:16:27,357 Come on, Chestnut, I got a lot of crap to do today. 352 00:16:27,359 --> 00:16:28,174 [Horse whinnies] 353 00:16:28,176 --> 00:16:29,943 And so do you. 354 00:16:29,945 --> 00:16:32,812 Jeez, don't be shy, buddy... 355 00:16:39,759 --> 00:16:43,144 I hope you're happy. I look like a Cambodian stripper. 356 00:16:46,216 --> 00:16:50,035 Um, they prefer to be called "ping pong ball artists." 357 00:16:50,037 --> 00:16:54,172 These cost $70.43. 358 00:16:54,174 --> 00:16:58,292 She forced me to get tips, and then tip her for the tips. 359 00:16:58,294 --> 00:17:00,261 See, and all because you never showed up, 360 00:17:00,263 --> 00:17:01,930 I didn't get the two-for-one discount, 361 00:17:01,932 --> 00:17:04,099 because I was waiting alone, for you. 362 00:17:04,101 --> 00:17:07,519 Max, I have really tried to be girlfriends with you, 363 00:17:07,521 --> 00:17:09,687 but you obviously have some issues. 364 00:17:09,689 --> 00:17:11,439 Follow me to the walk-in. 365 00:17:11,441 --> 00:17:14,659 Good, let's get it out. 366 00:17:21,951 --> 00:17:24,869 Here. 367 00:17:27,073 --> 00:17:29,074 I thought we were gonna talk. 368 00:17:29,076 --> 00:17:32,377 No, we just didn't have any chocolate cream in the case. 369 00:17:32,379 --> 00:17:34,179 Why didn't you show up? 370 00:17:34,181 --> 00:17:35,930 You told me you were gonna be there. 371 00:17:35,932 --> 00:17:37,766 Well, I had a lot of crap to do. 372 00:17:37,768 --> 00:17:39,834 Well, you gave me the impression you were going. 373 00:17:39,836 --> 00:17:42,804 I gave you the impression? I don't do impressions. 374 00:17:42,806 --> 00:17:45,090 Well, wait, that's not true, I do one, my mom. 375 00:17:45,092 --> 00:17:46,674 But to do that. I need a Christmas tree, 376 00:17:46,676 --> 00:17:49,727 a gallon of vodka, and a lit cigarette. 377 00:17:49,729 --> 00:17:52,847 So are we gonna be girlfriends or not? 378 00:17:52,849 --> 00:17:55,900 Look, I'm gonna give this to you straight up. 379 00:17:55,902 --> 00:17:58,853 I am never gonna be the type of girlfriend you're used to. 380 00:17:58,855 --> 00:18:02,157 I am not your gir-r-r, or your gir-r-rl, 381 00:18:02,159 --> 00:18:03,491 and I am definitely not 382 00:18:03,493 --> 00:18:05,910 someone's two-for-one girlfriend crap at a nail store. 383 00:18:05,912 --> 00:18:09,164 In fact, think of me as a dude. 384 00:18:09,166 --> 00:18:11,149 So-o-o, are we good? 385 00:18:11,151 --> 00:18:13,585 Yeah. We good. 386 00:18:13,587 --> 00:18:15,386 I get it. You're not a girl's girl. 387 00:18:15,388 --> 00:18:17,338 Okay, good. 388 00:18:19,158 --> 00:18:21,893 I can be a girl's girl. 389 00:18:25,965 --> 00:18:27,315 Oh, Caroline, 390 00:18:27,317 --> 00:18:31,152 please do not take advantage of me with your horse. 391 00:18:31,154 --> 00:18:32,237 What? 392 00:18:32,239 --> 00:18:34,239 My trash pick up company charged me extra, 393 00:18:34,241 --> 00:18:37,391 because my dumpster is full of all your horse droppings. 394 00:18:37,393 --> 00:18:40,228 How would that be possible? 395 00:18:40,230 --> 00:18:42,664 I see your good friend, Max, walking your horse every morning 396 00:18:42,666 --> 00:18:46,534 and dropping droppings in my dumpster. 397 00:18:46,536 --> 00:18:48,186 Hi. 398 00:18:48,188 --> 00:18:49,737 Hello. 399 00:18:49,739 --> 00:18:52,006 Did you walk my horse today? 400 00:18:52,008 --> 00:18:54,292 Yeah, and every other morning. 401 00:18:54,294 --> 00:18:56,544 That's so sweet. I wish I had known. 402 00:18:56,546 --> 00:18:58,847 Well, what was I gonna do, post it on your Facebook wall? 403 00:18:58,849 --> 00:19:02,584 "Ha, walked a horse again today. Totes gross." 404 00:19:02,586 --> 00:19:04,769 Besides, who did you think was doing it? 405 00:19:04,771 --> 00:19:06,571 I've always just had things done for me, 406 00:19:06,573 --> 00:19:08,973 I've never really thought about the people doing them. 407 00:19:08,975 --> 00:19:10,892 Yeah, and I've never had things done for me, 408 00:19:10,894 --> 00:19:12,477 so I just do them. 409 00:19:12,479 --> 00:19:14,279 Like now, how I'm making the coffee, 410 00:19:14,281 --> 00:19:16,764 and you're just standing here watching me. 411 00:19:16,766 --> 00:19:19,117 Still, I wish you would have told me, 412 00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:20,318 so I could say thank you. 413 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:22,103 Well, it's not really my style. 414 00:19:22,105 --> 00:19:24,656 You are one complicated dude. 415 00:19:24,658 --> 00:19:28,109 [Rings bell] Pick up, borscht. 416 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:34,465 - Unbelievable. - What? 417 00:19:36,886 --> 00:19:38,887 Hey. How you guys doin'? 418 00:19:38,889 --> 00:19:40,889 Cute strokes tee. 419 00:19:40,891 --> 00:19:43,624 Probably look better on me, considering it's mine. 420 00:19:43,626 --> 00:19:48,479 You snooze, you lose, puta. 421 00:19:48,481 --> 00:19:51,132 Nice language! 422 00:19:51,134 --> 00:19:55,853 You kiss your obviously closeted boyfriend with that mouth? 423 00:19:55,855 --> 00:19:58,773 You know what? I wouldn't even want it now. 424 00:19:58,775 --> 00:19:59,857 Now that it's been on you, 425 00:19:59,859 --> 00:20:01,776 might as well have been a Kenny G shirt. 426 00:20:01,778 --> 00:20:04,412 [Explosion sound] 427 00:20:04,414 --> 00:20:07,532 And now I walk. 428 00:20:07,534 --> 00:20:09,317 You can't just let her win. 429 00:20:09,319 --> 00:20:11,002 Oh, forget it, it's over. 430 00:20:11,004 --> 00:20:13,571 Borscht! [Rings bell] Pick up, pick up. 431 00:20:20,079 --> 00:20:21,212 Hi, I'll be right with you. 432 00:20:21,214 --> 00:20:22,880 [Gasps] Oh! [Screams] 433 00:20:22,882 --> 00:20:24,432 - Idiota! - Oh. 434 00:20:24,434 --> 00:20:27,885 Esta camiseta me costo cuatro dolares! 435 00:20:27,887 --> 00:20:29,337 Te voy a cortar. 436 00:20:29,339 --> 00:20:33,674 Lo siento. Todo es mi culpa. 437 00:20:33,676 --> 00:20:36,311 I'm still a little clumsy, it's my first week. 438 00:20:36,313 --> 00:20:38,896 I'll bring you some soda water, but seriously, 439 00:20:38,898 --> 00:20:42,700 your boyfriend will come out before that borscht stain does. 440 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:49,457 That was awesome. 441 00:20:49,459 --> 00:20:51,459 Yeah. I kinda just do stuff. 442 00:20:51,461 --> 00:20:56,030 Like I just did, while you were standing there watching me. 443 00:20:56,032 --> 00:20:59,050 Thanks, gir-r-rlfriend. 444 00:20:59,052 --> 00:21:00,084 Oh. 445 00:21:00,086 --> 00:21:01,219 What, is she coming for me? 446 00:21:01,221 --> 00:21:03,004 Run. 447 00:21:04,256 --> 00:21:06,507 [Cash register chimes] 448 00:21:07,998 --> 00:21:13,128 Sync & corrected by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com