1
00:00:02,232 --> 00:00:04,421
Sandwich, burger.
2
00:00:05,963 --> 00:00:07,589
Why the big smile, Han?
3
00:00:07,591 --> 00:00:09,541
You going commando
under those corduroys?
4
00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:13,044
No, Max, I am happy today
because diner clientele
5
00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:15,223
has finally changed for the better.
6
00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:17,348
Look, two parties of cool hipsters
7
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:20,270
are sitting at tables near wall.
8
00:00:20,637 --> 00:00:23,065
You think those are six hipsters?
9
00:00:23,231 --> 00:00:25,273
Okay, let's go over this one more time.
10
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:27,569
Hipster or homeless pop quiz, ready?
11
00:00:27,844 --> 00:00:29,193
- Ready.
- Hipsters wear?
12
00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:30,196
Skinny jeans.
13
00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:32,780
- Homeless wear?
- Dirty jeans.
14
00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:34,618
- Hipsters listen to?
- Radiohead.
15
00:00:34,784 --> 00:00:38,038
- Homeless listen to?
- The voices in their head.
16
00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:40,791
- Hipsters have?
- Beard and a blog.
17
00:00:41,024 --> 00:00:43,335
- Homeless have?
- Beard and so much sadness.
18
00:00:44,763 --> 00:00:46,797
I see sadness, there and there.
19
00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:49,466
I'll handle this.
20
00:00:49,632 --> 00:00:51,866
I told you before, I don't
want you kind in here.
21
00:00:51,868 --> 00:00:53,637
Take a trendy hike.
22
00:00:53,803 --> 00:00:58,934
Better step it up.
The apple store closes at ten.
23
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:00,936
Max, why did you kick out the hipsters?
24
00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:02,810
'Cause I could not be in the background
25
00:01:02,812 --> 00:01:05,013
of another Instagram photo.
26
00:01:18,545 --> 00:01:19,854
Here's the last check, Earl.
27
00:01:19,856 --> 00:01:21,832
And, Max, they stiffed us on the tip
28
00:01:22,108 --> 00:01:23,307
but they forgot their camera.
29
00:01:23,309 --> 00:01:24,725
Oh, I'll give it to Oleg.
30
00:01:24,727 --> 00:01:27,829
He can take one of his special pictures.
31
00:01:27,831 --> 00:01:29,614
That way, when they come back to get it,
32
00:01:29,616 --> 00:01:31,800
everyone will have been stiffed.
33
00:01:32,318 --> 00:01:34,068
Well, good night, ladies.
34
00:01:34,510 --> 00:01:36,287
I gotta get home before the snow starts.
35
00:01:36,804 --> 00:01:38,772
It's not gonna snow,
Earl, it's 50 degrees.
36
00:01:39,181 --> 00:01:40,691
Oh, it's gonna snow, trust me.
37
00:01:40,693 --> 00:01:42,960
I couldn't tell when my
first wife was coming,
38
00:01:42,962 --> 00:01:45,981
but I can sure tell
when a storm is coming.
39
00:01:49,525 --> 00:01:51,252
All right, so what's the plan?
40
00:01:51,254 --> 00:01:52,753
What are we gonna do if it does snow?
41
00:01:52,755 --> 00:01:56,116
You're so white, I'm worried
we're gonna lose you.
42
00:01:56,426 --> 00:01:57,625
I love the snow.
43
00:01:57,627 --> 00:01:59,977
Opening my balcony doors
and watching it fall
44
00:01:59,979 --> 00:02:02,763
like fresh white linen and
then running across the street
45
00:02:02,765 --> 00:02:04,798
to the park to make snow angels.
46
00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:07,635
Yeah, that's snow when you're rich.
47
00:02:07,637 --> 00:02:09,470
The only snow angels
you'll see this year
48
00:02:09,472 --> 00:02:13,274
are the six crack addicts
frozen to our stoop.
49
00:02:13,276 --> 00:02:15,743
Oh, not to mention the
adorable frozen horse
50
00:02:15,745 --> 00:02:17,695
we have illegally
living in the backyard.
51
00:02:17,697 --> 00:02:19,030
Max, don't overreact.
52
00:02:19,032 --> 00:02:19,997
Chestnut's fine.
53
00:02:19,999 --> 00:02:21,115
It's not gonna snow for weeks.
54
00:02:21,117 --> 00:02:22,283
All right, have it your way.
55
00:02:22,285 --> 00:02:23,817
But I wouldn't want to
be the next tenants
56
00:02:23,819 --> 00:02:25,486
who have to figure out
why a pissed off horse
57
00:02:25,488 --> 00:02:28,489
is haunting a Brooklyn apartment.
58
00:02:29,023 --> 00:02:32,660
I was cold and she thought
she knew weather patterns.
59
00:02:34,346 --> 00:02:36,797
Oleg, take a picture of your
junk on this customer's camera.
60
00:02:36,799 --> 00:02:39,159
Done.
61
00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:40,452
Aren't you gonna ask why?
62
00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:42,553
No need.
63
00:02:47,694 --> 00:02:49,110
I just saw Oleg's...
64
00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:51,979
Yeah, that might have been my fault.
65
00:02:51,981 --> 00:02:55,950
Kind of a shock seeing
it for the first time.
66
00:02:56,425 --> 00:02:57,902
Max, I don't like you implying
67
00:02:57,904 --> 00:03:00,020
that I would ever be cruel to Chestnut.
68
00:03:00,022 --> 00:03:01,155
I'm not implying it.
69
00:03:01,157 --> 00:03:03,824
I'm saying it outright.
70
00:03:03,826 --> 00:03:04,976
It's winter.
71
00:03:05,361 --> 00:03:06,877
And it's not like I've not
been thinking about it.
72
00:03:06,879 --> 00:03:08,579
But Chestnut belongs in a special home.
73
00:03:09,146 --> 00:03:11,249
You belong in a special home.
74
00:03:11,251 --> 00:03:12,917
I've done some research,
75
00:03:12,919 --> 00:03:14,719
and I found a retreat
in the Grand Tetons
76
00:03:14,721 --> 00:03:16,754
where newly-divorced
women come to hug horses
77
00:03:16,756 --> 00:03:19,039
to help them gain back
their ability to trust.
78
00:03:19,573 --> 00:03:24,145
The only Grand Tetons
Chestnut trusts are mine.
79
00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:26,731
Lady, you gotta get a
reality check real quick
80
00:03:26,733 --> 00:03:28,149
'cause Earl thinks it's gonna snow.
81
00:03:28,151 --> 00:03:30,651
Earl also thinks the theme from shaft
82
00:03:30,653 --> 00:03:34,355
was stolen from a cassette
tape he sent out in 1975.
83
00:03:34,839 --> 00:03:37,108
Shut your mouth. That happened.
84
00:03:37,591 --> 00:03:39,577
Max, it's not gonna snow.
85
00:03:39,579 --> 00:03:40,778
I know snow.
86
00:03:40,780 --> 00:03:42,863
We owned a ski chalet
in Saas-Fee Switzerland
87
00:03:42,865 --> 00:03:44,749
and I think I know more than
anyone in this restaurant
88
00:03:44,751 --> 00:03:46,951
about living in cold climes.
89
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,907
Snow is coming.
90
00:03:54,358 --> 00:03:57,011
Yo, Swiss miss, you wanna have a
conversation about cold climes
91
00:03:57,013 --> 00:03:58,429
with Snowleg over there?
92
00:03:58,904 --> 00:04:01,132
Oh, Max, I almost forgot.
93
00:04:01,134 --> 00:04:03,100
The camera.
94
00:04:03,102 --> 00:04:05,919
I think you'll be very pleased.
95
00:04:06,370 --> 00:04:08,939
I made a little video as well.
96
00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:11,258
Why are you wearing two coats?
97
00:04:11,260 --> 00:04:13,060
Same reason I wear two condoms.
98
00:04:13,062 --> 00:04:15,262
In case one breaks.
99
00:04:20,786 --> 00:04:22,987
What the?
100
00:04:26,708 --> 00:04:28,709
Well, good morning, world's
worst weather girl.
101
00:04:29,268 --> 00:04:33,447
I have never seen so much sunshine.
102
00:04:33,449 --> 00:04:34,715
You know what that means?
103
00:04:34,717 --> 00:04:36,634
Earl wrote shaft.
104
00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:39,696
Max, I know it snowed, you
don't have to tell me.
105
00:04:39,862 --> 00:04:42,139
I'm surrounded by so much white
stuff I'm like Al Pacino
106
00:04:42,141 --> 00:04:45,226
in the last scene of Scarface.
107
00:04:45,228 --> 00:04:46,560
What are you wearing?
108
00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:49,680
You look like a bag of
crazy garbage grew arms.
109
00:04:50,247 --> 00:04:52,767
It's the hefty 2011 winter collection.
110
00:04:52,769 --> 00:04:53,818
I gave Chestnut my coat.
111
00:04:53,820 --> 00:04:56,937
This is the only way to
keep the snow off me.
112
00:04:56,939 --> 00:04:59,106
Look at poor Chestnut.
113
00:04:59,108 --> 00:05:00,574
What is he wearing on his hooves?
114
00:05:00,576 --> 00:05:02,526
I cut up my Fendi cashmere leggings.
115
00:05:02,528 --> 00:05:03,977
I grabbed them when we
raided the town house.
116
00:05:03,979 --> 00:05:05,979
I thought ahead for me, but not for him.
117
00:05:06,555 --> 00:05:09,033
He is humiliated in
those ladies clothes.
118
00:05:09,035 --> 00:05:11,118
He looks like j. Edgar hoover.
119
00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:13,204
I've been out here
sweeping since 4:00 A.M.
120
00:05:13,206 --> 00:05:15,456
But it just keeps coming down.
121
00:05:15,458 --> 00:05:16,957
What is your problem, snow?
122
00:05:16,959 --> 00:05:19,794
I used to love you!
123
00:05:19,796 --> 00:05:21,879
Maybe we should ask your old doorman
124
00:05:21,881 --> 00:05:25,165
"insert generic Irish
name here" to come help.
125
00:05:25,167 --> 00:05:26,467
I know their names.
126
00:05:26,469 --> 00:05:29,186
Day James, night James and black James.
127
00:05:29,703 --> 00:05:32,223
So your plan is you're gonna
sweep the snow away till spring
128
00:05:32,225 --> 00:05:33,891
while the horse is
trapped under this tarp?
129
00:05:33,893 --> 00:05:36,060
Which I'm pretty sure was
covering the out of business
130
00:05:36,062 --> 00:05:37,678
Cuban restaurant down the street.
131
00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:40,064
They were out of business
and I left a note.
132
00:05:40,066 --> 00:05:42,650
What did it say? "I'm loco, gracias."
133
00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:45,953
No, it said, "Sorry I took
your roof, hang in there."
134
00:05:47,823 --> 00:05:49,573
Max, don't be so negative.
135
00:05:49,575 --> 00:05:52,126
Doesn't matter where it
came from, it's working.
136
00:05:52,128 --> 00:05:55,579
I just need to secure
this tarp a little.
137
00:05:55,581 --> 00:05:56,831
Stop, you were gonna climb on
138
00:05:56,833 --> 00:05:59,467
an icy chair in six inch
heels and break your neck
139
00:05:59,469 --> 00:06:01,051
and then I'm gonna be stuck
with a horse in leggings
140
00:06:01,053 --> 00:06:03,170
and you in a wheelchair with
a chopstick in your mouth
141
00:06:03,172 --> 00:06:06,366
tapping out, "I'm sorry, I
thought that would work."
142
00:06:06,676 --> 00:06:08,208
I learned to build when I volunteered
143
00:06:08,210 --> 00:06:10,094
with habitat for humanity.
144
00:06:10,096 --> 00:06:14,148
Looking back, they had so
much more than I have now.
145
00:06:14,150 --> 00:06:16,434
Okay.
146
00:06:16,436 --> 00:06:18,402
I gotta go to my babysitting job
147
00:06:18,404 --> 00:06:20,988
and when I get back, you
and I are gonna sit down
148
00:06:20,990 --> 00:06:22,773
and come up with a more realistic home
149
00:06:22,775 --> 00:06:23,858
for j. Edgar hoofer.
150
00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:25,526
Max, he lives here.
151
00:06:25,528 --> 00:06:27,194
And I'm telling you, this is working.
152
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:31,231
What I'm doing is actually
kind of brilliant.
153
00:06:35,227 --> 00:06:37,955
Now I'm worried about
those houses you built.
154
00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:44,946
Hey, Peach.
155
00:06:45,112 --> 00:06:47,715
Max, I have the most incredible news.
156
00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,910
Lawyer finally found a
loophole in your prenup?
157
00:06:51,437 --> 00:06:53,504
I wish, no.
158
00:06:53,506 --> 00:06:54,522
I just got an email
159
00:06:54,524 --> 00:06:56,357
and I have made it to the final round
160
00:06:56,359 --> 00:07:00,093
of casting for Real
Housewives of Tribeca.
161
00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:02,229
Real Housewives of Tribeca?
162
00:07:02,231 --> 00:07:03,764
They're doing neighborhoods now?
163
00:07:03,766 --> 00:07:07,093
What's next, Real Housewives
of from here to there?
164
00:07:07,259 --> 00:07:09,286
The producers are on their way
over and I want everything
165
00:07:09,288 --> 00:07:12,456
to be perfect when they
see Brad and Angelina.
166
00:07:12,458 --> 00:07:14,775
Uh, Peach, are you aware
that your children
167
00:07:14,777 --> 00:07:18,829
are being eaten by clothing?
168
00:07:19,313 --> 00:07:21,465
The snowsuits are Burberry.
169
00:07:21,467 --> 00:07:23,634
And the padding hides
Angelina's weight problem.
170
00:07:23,636 --> 00:07:25,636
Okay, you have to stop saying that.
171
00:07:25,638 --> 00:07:27,221
She doesn't have a weight problem.
172
00:07:27,738 --> 00:07:30,174
She's gained 25 pounds in one year.
173
00:07:32,143 --> 00:07:36,647
Yeah, 'cause she started at zero.
174
00:07:36,649 --> 00:07:39,466
Max, we all have to look
our best, 'cause ready?
175
00:07:39,468 --> 00:07:43,437
The last spot in the show is
between me and Misty Mastbaum.
176
00:07:43,439 --> 00:07:45,022
I thought she was your bestie.
177
00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:49,276
She is, but my bestie's a bitchy.
178
00:07:49,278 --> 00:07:50,911
She's crazy competitive.
179
00:07:51,428 --> 00:07:53,531
As soon as we were
approached about the show,
180
00:07:53,533 --> 00:07:57,001
she adopted a three-legged
corgi and named it Mr. Pickle.
181
00:07:57,476 --> 00:07:59,820
That's crazy bitchy.
182
00:08:00,312 --> 00:08:02,706
So now, I'm looking up
handicapped animals
183
00:08:02,708 --> 00:08:04,609
to impress the producers.
184
00:08:05,177 --> 00:08:07,344
Oh, you want a handicapped animal?
185
00:08:07,346 --> 00:08:09,463
I got your handicapped animal.
186
00:08:09,947 --> 00:08:14,468
I know a homeless horse with
gender identity issues.
187
00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:18,055
I was thinking something
cute, but damaged.
188
00:08:18,057 --> 00:08:20,125
Like a one-eyed French bulldog.
189
00:08:20,443 --> 00:08:24,511
What if I told you that this
horse was a celebrity horse?
190
00:08:24,513 --> 00:08:26,280
Tell me more.
191
00:08:26,282 --> 00:08:27,898
My friend, Caroline Channing...
192
00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:30,784
How do you know Caroline Channing?
193
00:08:30,786 --> 00:08:33,237
She's my AA sponsor.
194
00:08:33,721 --> 00:08:36,473
Makes sense.
195
00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:37,308
Go on.
196
00:08:37,710 --> 00:08:41,712
Anyway, she has this cute,
but crazy damaged horse
197
00:08:41,714 --> 00:08:43,330
and since her life flipped upside down,
198
00:08:43,332 --> 00:08:44,748
he needs a good home.
199
00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:47,251
Well, I'd have to meet Caroline first.
200
00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:50,554
Bring her by on Saturday.
201
00:08:51,071 --> 00:08:53,924
Max, what an amazing idea.
202
00:08:53,926 --> 00:08:58,178
Misty is literally going to die.
203
00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:01,765
I am so thrilled you
have a drinking problem.
204
00:09:11,081 --> 00:09:13,415
Did you have to put him in my bedroom?
205
00:09:13,417 --> 00:09:14,849
It was the easiest room to horse proof.
206
00:09:14,851 --> 00:09:18,336
You have so little of worth.
207
00:09:18,338 --> 00:09:19,704
You can stop googling. I already found
208
00:09:19,706 --> 00:09:21,239
a perfectly good place to put him.
209
00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:24,606
You're not still suggesting I
give Chestnut to Peach Landis?
210
00:09:25,178 --> 00:09:28,413
Max, look at me. Look at me in the eyes.
211
00:09:28,415 --> 00:09:30,265
Are you high?
212
00:09:30,652 --> 00:09:32,434
No, I couldn't find my bedroom stash
213
00:09:32,436 --> 00:09:34,102
since you moved everything around.
214
00:09:34,104 --> 00:09:35,920
Chestnut needs a home with affection
215
00:09:35,922 --> 00:09:37,689
and Peach won't even hug her children.
216
00:09:37,691 --> 00:09:38,828
She pays you to do that.
217
00:09:38,994 --> 00:09:40,525
That's why it's perfect.
218
00:09:40,527 --> 00:09:41,977
She'll pay for the fancy stable
219
00:09:41,979 --> 00:09:44,396
and we'll go and hug Chestnut
for her whenever we want.
220
00:09:44,398 --> 00:09:46,169
You just need to go
meet her and it's done.
221
00:09:46,335 --> 00:09:47,899
I have the DNA of a rich girl,
222
00:09:47,901 --> 00:09:50,035
even though I'm lying in
bed with you in a tenement
223
00:09:50,037 --> 00:09:52,370
and I bought my dinner
tonight with dimes.
224
00:09:52,372 --> 00:09:54,239
Chestnut and I are old money.
225
00:09:54,241 --> 00:09:55,740
And old money doesn't
parade itself around
226
00:09:55,742 --> 00:09:57,909
in front of cameras and
beg for attention.
227
00:09:57,911 --> 00:09:59,544
Hey, you're not the only
one with old money.
228
00:09:59,546 --> 00:10:00,745
I've had a dollar in my jeans
229
00:10:00,747 --> 00:10:02,998
I've been carrying
around for three weeks.
230
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,332
You're meeting Peach Saturday,
231
00:10:04,334 --> 00:10:05,897
and we're saying good-bye to the horse.
232
00:10:06,063 --> 00:10:08,553
Why is getting rid of
Chestnut so easy for you?
233
00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:10,922
Didn't you ever have a pet as a child?
234
00:10:11,235 --> 00:10:12,590
Yes, I had a puppy.
235
00:10:12,592 --> 00:10:14,125
And after a week of living with my mom,
236
00:10:14,127 --> 00:10:17,628
he pulled the car over and put
us out on the side of the road.
237
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:19,035
She got rid of it?
238
00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:21,149
Look, pets are not my thing, okay?
239
00:10:21,151 --> 00:10:22,800
I already have something
needy and Fluffy
240
00:10:22,802 --> 00:10:24,686
that'll die if I don't
take care of it... you.
241
00:10:27,107 --> 00:10:29,074
Go, it's your turn to go check on him.
242
00:10:29,076 --> 00:10:31,743
No, I went the last time and
caught him eating my bra.
243
00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:34,145
Don't exaggerate.
He only ate half of it.
244
00:10:34,147 --> 00:10:36,531
Oh, I'm sorry, you're right,
I should be more positive.
245
00:10:36,533 --> 00:10:41,419
One of my cups is half full.
246
00:10:42,839 --> 00:10:45,006
What's going on in there?
247
00:10:45,008 --> 00:10:46,291
I don't suppose there's any way
248
00:10:46,293 --> 00:10:50,528
you took a giant dump on your dresser?
249
00:10:50,530 --> 00:10:52,497
You can't blame Chestnut.
He's probably nervous.
250
00:10:52,499 --> 00:10:53,715
After wearing your leggings,
251
00:10:53,717 --> 00:10:56,935
he's getting ready for
his fame audition.
252
00:10:57,322 --> 00:11:01,973
He's a maniac, maniac on all fours.
253
00:11:01,975 --> 00:11:03,475
Oh, Max, here's something.
254
00:11:03,477 --> 00:11:05,643
The Ivy bridge riding
stables in Brooklyn.
255
00:11:05,645 --> 00:11:07,445
Only five Miles away.
256
00:11:07,447 --> 00:11:09,030
It says on their website
that their horses
257
00:11:09,032 --> 00:11:10,732
are featured in commercials and films!
258
00:11:11,211 --> 00:11:15,853
Can you say Chestnut, star
of the war horse sequel?
259
00:11:15,855 --> 00:11:18,323
Did you take the weed
from my bedside table?
260
00:11:18,325 --> 00:11:19,407
Look at me.
261
00:11:19,409 --> 00:11:21,409
Look at me in the eyes.
262
00:11:21,411 --> 00:11:22,932
Are you high?
263
00:11:23,513 --> 00:11:26,748
Honestly... a little.
264
00:11:27,102 --> 00:11:28,533
Close that and go to sleep.
265
00:11:28,535 --> 00:11:30,552
No, I'm still reading.
266
00:11:30,554 --> 00:11:33,471
Oh look at that, I just pulled
down your browser history.
267
00:11:33,473 --> 00:11:34,705
Interesting list.
268
00:11:34,707 --> 00:11:35,873
Kitten plays a keyboard,
269
00:11:35,875 --> 00:11:38,543
kitten sneezes and farts
at the same time?
270
00:11:38,545 --> 00:11:39,782
Give me that, that's private.
271
00:11:39,948 --> 00:11:41,813
Kitten folds a t-shirt!
272
00:11:41,815 --> 00:11:43,481
Oh, kitten rings a doorbell.
273
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:45,850
I thought you said you
weren't into pets.
274
00:11:45,852 --> 00:11:46,985
I'm not!
275
00:11:46,987 --> 00:11:50,321
It's a kitten ringing a doorbell!
276
00:11:50,323 --> 00:11:53,942
He's trying to get in like people.
277
00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:56,561
You have a secret soft spot for animals.
278
00:11:56,965 --> 00:11:59,414
No, I'm just into freaky kittens.
279
00:11:59,416 --> 00:12:01,116
There's one who puts on a snakeskin suit
280
00:12:01,118 --> 00:12:03,535
and goes on a business trip.
281
00:12:03,537 --> 00:12:05,754
That's not soft. That is freaky.
282
00:12:06,099 --> 00:12:09,073
Fine, you're telling me to get a
reality check about Chestnut.
283
00:12:09,075 --> 00:12:10,625
But you need one too.
284
00:12:10,627 --> 00:12:13,578
You're gonna miss him when he's gone.
285
00:12:13,580 --> 00:12:14,879
Max, are you listening?
286
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:20,051
Max, don't worry.
287
00:12:20,053 --> 00:12:21,586
I know it's all gonna work out perfectly
288
00:12:21,588 --> 00:12:22,754
at the stables tomorrow.
289
00:12:22,756 --> 00:12:23,705
I'm not worried.
290
00:12:35,767 --> 00:12:37,285
The man's not here yet.
291
00:12:37,287 --> 00:12:39,404
Damn it, turn us around Max,
we have to enter again.
292
00:12:39,716 --> 00:12:41,239
This is the third time.
293
00:12:41,241 --> 00:12:43,374
Max, come on, we borrowed
these coats from Oleg
294
00:12:43,376 --> 00:12:45,126
to make a dramatic star entrance.
295
00:12:45,128 --> 00:12:46,327
If you want me to fake it again,
296
00:12:46,329 --> 00:12:48,746
you have to buy me dinner
and call me pretty.
297
00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:50,781
Fine, then help me down quickly.
298
00:12:51,186 --> 00:12:55,053
I don't wanna be mid-dismount
when the stable guy walks in.
299
00:12:58,224 --> 00:12:59,841
God, ugh.
300
00:12:59,843 --> 00:13:02,227
You just sat on my face.
301
00:13:02,229 --> 00:13:06,097
Like I haven't done enough for you.
302
00:13:06,099 --> 00:13:07,482
Oh, hello, are you Tony?
303
00:13:07,484 --> 00:13:08,799
Last time I checked.
304
00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:10,485
Oh, jeez.
305
00:13:10,487 --> 00:13:12,470
I'm Caroline Channing.
We spoke on the phone.
306
00:13:12,791 --> 00:13:14,656
And this is Chestnut.
307
00:13:14,658 --> 00:13:15,740
Max, step back.
308
00:13:15,742 --> 00:13:17,325
Oh, great. I'll just be over here
309
00:13:17,327 --> 00:13:19,027
like the awkward father
in the background
310
00:13:19,029 --> 00:13:20,829
on Toddlers and Tiaras.
311
00:13:21,174 --> 00:13:22,747
Well, here he is.
312
00:13:22,749 --> 00:13:24,982
And as we discussed, Chestnut
is a champion jumper
313
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:26,817
his dressage is impeccable,
314
00:13:26,819 --> 00:13:28,808
he's ribboned three times
at the Hampton Classic,
315
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:31,122
and he comes from a
historically elite line
316
00:13:31,124 --> 00:13:32,645
of distinguished show horses.
317
00:13:32,811 --> 00:13:35,159
And he pees like a civil
rights fire hose.
318
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,128
Max, step further back.
319
00:13:37,130 --> 00:13:38,496
Come on, let's cut to the chase.
320
00:13:38,498 --> 00:13:42,267
He's nice, brown, he
looks sick in leggings,
321
00:13:42,269 --> 00:13:44,686
and he's free, so take him or leave him.
322
00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:46,521
When'd you say he was a jumper?
323
00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:48,839
From 2005 to 2010.
324
00:13:48,841 --> 00:13:50,508
He was in a class by himself.
325
00:13:50,871 --> 00:13:52,443
Well, maybe he was a jumper,
326
00:13:52,445 --> 00:13:54,195
but he isn't anymore.
327
00:13:54,499 --> 00:13:55,168
What?
328
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:56,586
Well, he's a little out of shape.
329
00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:58,783
Well, you have a gut.
330
00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:01,402
Whoa! I'm just saying
he's seen better days.
331
00:14:01,404 --> 00:14:03,571
I'm just saying your hair
is falling out in fistfuls.
332
00:14:03,967 --> 00:14:05,523
- Whoa!
- Okay, okay.
333
00:14:05,525 --> 00:14:07,625
Let's not get personal,
we all want this to work.
334
00:14:07,627 --> 00:14:08,681
He's the one who's getting personal
335
00:14:08,847 --> 00:14:10,308
going after Chestnut like that.
336
00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:11,913
Okay, you tell me,
337
00:14:11,915 --> 00:14:13,561
when's the last time he's exercised?
338
00:14:13,727 --> 00:14:15,383
When's the last time you exercised?
339
00:14:15,729 --> 00:14:18,336
Wow, show business is rough.
340
00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:20,004
All right, it's Tony, right?
341
00:14:20,317 --> 00:14:21,472
Last time I checked.
342
00:14:21,474 --> 00:14:23,391
All right, Tony, you'll
have to forgive her.
343
00:14:23,393 --> 00:14:25,977
She really loves him and
wants this to work out.
344
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:28,846
Bottom line is, even a
free horse isn't free.
345
00:14:28,848 --> 00:14:31,048
I still have to feed him
and take care of him
346
00:14:31,050 --> 00:14:34,218
and truth be told, this horse
isn't gonna make me a penny.
347
00:14:34,220 --> 00:14:37,221
If my film guy comes in here,
he's gonna pick that beauty
348
00:14:37,223 --> 00:14:39,190
over this one.
349
00:14:39,503 --> 00:14:41,005
Oh.
350
00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:43,778
So it's not gonna work out, girls.
351
00:14:43,780 --> 00:14:46,948
All right, well, we got
other offers, fatty.
352
00:14:46,950 --> 00:14:49,167
Come on, let's go.
353
00:14:50,847 --> 00:14:53,421
You know, maybe next time
before you let someone
354
00:14:53,423 --> 00:14:56,791
ride five Miles across
Brooklyn in a toxic, Russian,
355
00:14:56,793 --> 00:14:58,189
cologne-soaked rent-a-fur,
356
00:14:58,355 --> 00:15:00,295
you should be clear
that the film business,
357
00:15:00,297 --> 00:15:03,715
even for horses, is ageist and elitist.
358
00:15:03,717 --> 00:15:05,767
And, yes, we may have seen better days,
359
00:15:05,769 --> 00:15:08,386
but with hard work, determination
and a little luck,
360
00:15:08,388 --> 00:15:10,087
one day we'll be back on top.
361
00:15:10,089 --> 00:15:14,025
Yeah, and I'm not impressed by
your big star pony over there.
362
00:15:14,027 --> 00:15:15,426
He's just standing still.
363
00:15:15,428 --> 00:15:16,444
You wanna impress me?
364
00:15:16,446 --> 00:15:20,949
Have him meow and ring the doorbell.
365
00:15:20,951 --> 00:15:22,817
Don't take it personally, Chestnut.
366
00:15:22,819 --> 00:15:25,086
Those horses have had work done.
367
00:15:28,610 --> 00:15:29,160
+
368
00:15:32,976 --> 00:15:35,945
maybe you wanna take the cinch
sack off before you meet Peach.
369
00:15:35,947 --> 00:15:38,020
No it's snowing again and
I'm a penniless beggar.
370
00:15:38,316 --> 00:15:39,665
I should look like one.
371
00:15:39,667 --> 00:15:41,683
Besides, she'll probably
think it's a look.
372
00:15:41,685 --> 00:15:43,068
All right, I know this one on one
373
00:15:43,070 --> 00:15:44,520
with Peach isn't your ideal scenario,
374
00:15:44,522 --> 00:15:45,854
but it's what's best for Chestnut
375
00:15:45,856 --> 00:15:47,613
so man up and face reality.
376
00:15:47,779 --> 00:15:50,324
You're right.
377
00:15:51,379 --> 00:15:55,288
And my friend, Caroline Channing...
378
00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:56,372
What is it?
379
00:15:56,538 --> 00:15:58,083
You might be ready to face reality,
380
00:15:58,085 --> 00:16:00,669
but are you ready to face reality TV?
381
00:16:00,671 --> 00:16:02,137
The place is crawling with Peach clones
382
00:16:02,139 --> 00:16:03,672
and TV cameras ready to meet you.
383
00:16:03,674 --> 00:16:04,755
She totally set us up.
384
00:16:04,921 --> 00:16:06,425
Are you kidding me?
385
00:16:06,427 --> 00:16:09,044
Fabulous, this is awesome, just awesome.
386
00:16:09,046 --> 00:16:10,712
She's using the Caroline
Channing freak show
387
00:16:10,714 --> 00:16:12,305
to get herself on another freak show.
388
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:14,223
All right, you're right, let's
go, you don't have to do this.
389
00:16:14,389 --> 00:16:16,986
No, if I made Chestnut parade around
390
00:16:16,988 --> 00:16:18,571
and be humiliated in public,
391
00:16:18,573 --> 00:16:20,889
then I have to be
willing to do the same.
392
00:16:20,891 --> 00:16:24,893
Here, hold my coat.
393
00:16:24,895 --> 00:16:26,527
You always have those with you?
394
00:16:26,693 --> 00:16:30,740
Yes, I'm from Manhattan.
395
00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:33,034
- Okay, thank me for coming.
- What?
396
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,087
Thank me for coming, that's
what people did all the time
397
00:16:35,089 --> 00:16:37,172
when I was a billionaire.
398
00:16:37,174 --> 00:16:38,674
Thank you for coming.
399
00:16:38,676 --> 00:16:42,335
No, thank you for inviting me.
400
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:44,879
Wow, that's so cool.
401
00:16:45,045 --> 00:16:48,300
Don't freak out.
402
00:16:48,302 --> 00:16:51,420
I'm about to get my rich on.
403
00:16:51,422 --> 00:16:53,012
So when we go in there
I'll introduce you?
404
00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:54,106
Oh, you don't have to.
405
00:16:54,108 --> 00:16:55,107
Rich people always pretend
406
00:16:55,109 --> 00:16:56,225
to know each other.
407
00:16:56,227 --> 00:16:57,560
Now open that door,
408
00:16:57,562 --> 00:16:59,645
and let's get my baby a home.
409
00:17:03,150 --> 00:17:04,567
Peach.
410
00:17:04,569 --> 00:17:07,703
I wanna thank you for inviting
me into your beautiful home
411
00:17:07,705 --> 00:17:09,622
and showing me such kindness
412
00:17:09,624 --> 00:17:13,199
during this very difficult,
difficult time.
413
00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:16,662
Ladies, I would like you all to meet
414
00:17:16,664 --> 00:17:19,798
my dear friend, Caroline Channing.
415
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:23,952
Who, in light of her recent
very difficult, difficult
416
00:17:23,954 --> 00:17:29,808
financial troubles, has asked me
to adopt her damaged pet horse
417
00:17:29,810 --> 00:17:34,563
who was brought to my attention
by my alcoholic servant, Max.
418
00:17:35,632 --> 00:17:38,891
Right over there.
419
00:17:41,021 --> 00:17:42,521
Caroline,
420
00:17:42,523 --> 00:17:43,938
thank you for coming.
421
00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:47,316
No, thank you for inviting me.
422
00:17:47,482 --> 00:17:49,194
I'm proud of you.
423
00:17:49,196 --> 00:17:51,280
No, I'm proud of you.
424
00:17:51,282 --> 00:17:54,533
I just got the chills again.
425
00:17:58,371 --> 00:17:59,755
Oh, Max, look at him.
426
00:17:59,757 --> 00:18:00,955
He's smiling.
427
00:18:01,342 --> 00:18:03,082
He likes this place.
428
00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:06,293
Yeah, it's almost worth you
being humiliated on reality TV.
429
00:18:06,459 --> 00:18:07,829
Oh, I'll never be on that show.
430
00:18:07,831 --> 00:18:09,338
I didn't sign the release.
431
00:18:09,504 --> 00:18:10,466
What?
432
00:18:10,468 --> 00:18:13,636
Old money don't sign.
433
00:18:13,638 --> 00:18:15,554
You're gonna love it here, huh?
434
00:18:15,556 --> 00:18:17,222
Aren't you gonna love it here?
435
00:18:17,224 --> 00:18:19,391
A nice big stable.
436
00:18:19,393 --> 00:18:22,811
Maybe I will, maybe I won't.
437
00:18:22,813 --> 00:18:26,899
Maybe I should come home and
live with my best friend, Max.
438
00:18:26,901 --> 00:18:28,517
What about Caroline?
439
00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:31,277
She can sleep under the tarp.
440
00:18:31,739 --> 00:18:34,655
So I guess you found your weed.
441
00:18:35,209 --> 00:18:37,526
No, this is just something we
do when we're alone together.
442
00:18:37,528 --> 00:18:39,745
It's kind of our thing.
443
00:18:39,747 --> 00:18:41,954
You really love Chestnut, don't you?
444
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:43,465
He's all right.
445
00:18:43,467 --> 00:18:46,168
He's no kitten.
446
00:18:46,170 --> 00:18:51,056
Okay, I'll see you soon, Chestnut.
447
00:18:51,058 --> 00:18:53,090
You want a minute alone?
448
00:18:53,256 --> 00:18:56,378
I'll be out front.
449
00:18:59,683 --> 00:19:02,234
Hey.
450
00:19:02,236 --> 00:19:04,353
This is probably gonna
seem ridiculous to you
451
00:19:04,355 --> 00:19:06,522
because you're a horse
and I'm just some lady
452
00:19:06,524 --> 00:19:10,608
that's been slipping you carrots
for the last few months, but...
453
00:19:10,911 --> 00:19:13,779
I really got attached to you.
454
00:19:13,781 --> 00:19:17,698
This is way more than most
horses get out of me.
455
00:19:17,864 --> 00:19:21,954
I wasn't even this upset when
they discontinued tan m&ms.
456
00:19:23,790 --> 00:19:26,759
I, um...
457
00:19:26,761 --> 00:19:29,094
I really haven't had much
go right for me in my life,
458
00:19:29,096 --> 00:19:32,181
and I'm pretty sure things are
gonna keep getting worse but,
459
00:19:32,183 --> 00:19:35,050
you were a good thing.
460
00:19:35,052 --> 00:19:36,468
And when everything sucked,
461
00:19:36,470 --> 00:19:39,638
you were the best thing we had going.
462
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:42,223
And you're fuzzy too.
463
00:19:42,389 --> 00:19:44,643
You're so fuzzy, and no one can argue
464
00:19:44,645 --> 00:19:48,230
that touching a warm, fuzzy
thing isn't straight up lovely.
465
00:19:48,232 --> 00:19:52,934
So, thank you for everything
you did for us, but...
466
00:19:52,936 --> 00:19:55,120
Especially for being fuzzy.
467
00:20:00,076 --> 00:20:01,408
Max, are you okay?
468
00:20:01,574 --> 00:20:03,911
Yeah, I'm fine, I'll always be fine.
469
00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:04,912
Are you crying?
470
00:20:05,078 --> 00:20:06,632
Yeah, I'm crying,
471
00:20:06,634 --> 00:20:09,951
'cause I wish I could live here.
472
00:20:14,457 --> 00:20:16,091
Don't worry, we'll come visit,
473
00:20:16,093 --> 00:20:19,061
and we'll find a way to bring
him home in the spring.
474
00:20:19,063 --> 00:20:21,480
Come on. I have a pocket full of dimes.
475
00:20:21,482 --> 00:20:24,099
Let's go get some
convenience store taquitos
476
00:20:24,101 --> 00:20:26,485
and wash 'em down with blue
raspberry wine coolers.
477
00:20:26,487 --> 00:20:27,986
They're on sale at the bodega.
478
00:20:27,988 --> 00:20:30,354
Two four packs for five dollars.
479
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:36,245
You know exactly what to say
to cheer a broke sista up.
480
00:20:36,247 --> 00:20:37,663
And when we get home, I found a video
481
00:20:37,665 --> 00:20:40,315
of a kitten singing Bruno Mars.