1
00:00:01,787 --> 00:00:04,536
I can't believe you guys
are still staring over there.
2
00:00:04,787 --> 00:00:07,536
Some mothers tend to breast-feed
for a lot longer these days.
3
00:00:07,537 --> 00:00:09,906
It's called attachment parenting.
4
00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:13,906
When the kid is that big,
it's called dating.
5
00:00:16,037 --> 00:00:18,906
I mean, he's gotta come up
for air at some point.
6
00:00:18,908 --> 00:00:22,176
No, he doesn't.
7
00:00:22,178 --> 00:00:23,911
Isn't he too old
to drink from the teat?
8
00:00:23,913 --> 00:00:25,450
The kid
is my height.
9
00:00:29,852 --> 00:00:32,853
Don't get any ideas.
10
00:00:32,855 --> 00:00:37,558
Well, it's happened:
I've lived too long.
11
00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:39,226
I'm ready to order.
12
00:00:39,228 --> 00:00:41,061
I can't.
I mean, I respect it all,
13
00:00:41,063 --> 00:00:43,464
but I'll throw up.
14
00:00:43,466 --> 00:00:45,432
I'll go.
I can't afford HBO,
15
00:00:45,434 --> 00:00:51,238
and it's the closest I can get
to seeing Game of Thrones.
16
00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:52,540
Hi, what can I get you?
17
00:00:52,542 --> 00:00:55,843
He's obviously good drink-wise.
18
00:00:55,845 --> 00:00:57,545
I'll have tea
and a turkey club.
19
00:00:57,547 --> 00:01:01,248
Anything for him?
Coffee for the milk?
20
00:01:01,250 --> 00:01:03,450
Burger? Fries?
21
00:01:03,452 --> 00:01:05,786
I'll have fries.
22
00:01:09,524 --> 00:01:11,592
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
23
00:01:13,162 --> 00:01:16,698
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
24
00:01:18,162 --> 00:01:23,698
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
25
00:01:28,376 --> 00:01:30,443
Ooh! Late night phone call.
26
00:01:30,445 --> 00:01:32,978
Ring-a-ding-dang.
27
00:01:32,980 --> 00:01:36,482
Someone's gonna get
their freaky freak on.
28
00:01:36,484 --> 00:01:37,850
It's my father.
29
00:01:37,852 --> 00:01:41,520
I don't judge.
30
00:01:41,522 --> 00:01:43,389
Hey, Daddy.
31
00:01:43,391 --> 00:01:44,924
Me? I'm fine.
32
00:01:44,926 --> 00:01:46,025
A little bummed:
It's truffle season,
33
00:01:46,027 --> 00:01:47,860
and no one I know knows
what a truffle is,
34
00:01:47,862 --> 00:01:49,295
but...
35
00:01:49,297 --> 00:01:50,730
Oh! Our estate auction?
36
00:01:50,732 --> 00:01:55,201
Yeah, I think I heard
something about that.
37
00:01:55,203 --> 00:01:58,070
But honestly, Daddy, I haven't
given it a second thought.
38
00:01:58,072 --> 00:02:00,606
No, you don't have to worry
about me.
39
00:02:00,608 --> 00:02:04,543
I am not at all emotional
about it.
40
00:02:07,147 --> 00:02:11,317
Wha--
41
00:02:11,319 --> 00:02:15,321
Thank God
it's not flip-flop Friday.
42
00:02:15,323 --> 00:02:16,756
Well, wait, I'll ask her.
43
00:02:16,758 --> 00:02:18,457
My father wants to know
if you'll come out to the prison
44
00:02:18,459 --> 00:02:20,326
- and finally meet him.
- Sure.
45
00:02:20,328 --> 00:02:21,961
Great. We'll see you
tomorrow.
46
00:02:21,963 --> 00:02:23,796
Bye.
47
00:02:23,798 --> 00:02:25,334
I'm not going.
48
00:02:28,736 --> 00:02:30,569
What? Why'd you say yes?
49
00:02:30,571 --> 00:02:32,471
'Cause you never tell
a man in prison no.
50
00:02:32,473 --> 00:02:35,107
He could hang himself
with his belt.
51
00:02:35,109 --> 00:02:36,609
Do not give me
that look.
52
00:02:36,611 --> 00:02:39,445
It happened to me
twice already.
53
00:02:39,447 --> 00:02:43,983
Oh, God, has anything not
happened to you twice already?
54
00:02:43,985 --> 00:02:45,885
Max, come on.
It's really important to me
55
00:02:45,887 --> 00:02:47,086
that you meet my father.
56
00:02:47,088 --> 00:02:48,387
Well, you never
met my father,
57
00:02:48,389 --> 00:02:49,622
and you don't see me
dragging you
58
00:02:49,624 --> 00:02:51,423
to every rail road boxcar
in the country
59
00:02:51,425 --> 00:02:53,425
trying to find him.
60
00:02:53,427 --> 00:02:56,629
Come on, it's gonna be
a really hard week for me.
61
00:02:56,631 --> 00:03:00,166
Has any week ever
not been hard for you?
62
00:03:00,168 --> 00:03:01,333
Everything I've ever owned
63
00:03:01,335 --> 00:03:03,369
is being auctioned off
to the public.
64
00:03:03,371 --> 00:03:04,770
I'm humiliated.
65
00:03:04,772 --> 00:03:06,071
Would this be a bad time
to tell you
66
00:03:06,073 --> 00:03:09,341
your one long face hair
is back?
67
00:03:09,343 --> 00:03:11,177
Well, there's something
they can't take away from me,
68
00:03:11,179 --> 00:03:14,980
and apparently,
I can't either.
69
00:03:14,982 --> 00:03:18,083
Well, well,
here comes the sun,
70
00:03:18,085 --> 00:03:22,054
and the moon
is looking great too.
71
00:03:22,056 --> 00:03:26,525
Oh, Earl, your flirting is
just the right amount of dirty,
72
00:03:26,527 --> 00:03:31,430
and that's not easy.
73
00:03:31,432 --> 00:03:35,467
Sophie's here.
Quick, how's my hairnet?
74
00:03:35,469 --> 00:03:37,436
I'm about to go over
and ask her out
75
00:03:37,438 --> 00:03:39,004
on a romantic date.
76
00:03:39,006 --> 00:03:41,473
A date?
Isn't that a waste of time?
77
00:03:41,475 --> 00:03:43,108
I mean, you guys
already have sex so often,
78
00:03:43,110 --> 00:03:45,444
I took a pregnancy test.
79
00:03:50,250 --> 00:03:51,817
Evening, Sophie.
80
00:03:51,819 --> 00:03:53,719
As you know, we have now
been together
81
00:03:53,721 --> 00:03:58,424
for 468 sexual encounters.
82
00:03:58,426 --> 00:04:00,125
I believe it is time
I take you out
83
00:04:00,127 --> 00:04:01,493
on a romantic date.
84
00:04:01,495 --> 00:04:04,063
Aw, I don't know.
85
00:04:04,065 --> 00:04:06,699
Who has time
to go out any more?
86
00:04:06,701 --> 00:04:08,868
Can't you just come over
and ruin my sheets
87
00:04:08,870 --> 00:04:11,303
like you usually do?
88
00:04:11,305 --> 00:04:13,372
Oh, just say yes.
89
00:04:13,374 --> 00:04:15,040
I'll take you
anywhere you want.
90
00:04:15,042 --> 00:04:18,344
Then take me
to the Channing Family auction
91
00:04:18,346 --> 00:04:20,546
and buy me something gold.
92
00:04:20,548 --> 00:04:22,147
How is this romantic?
93
00:04:22,149 --> 00:04:24,350
How is this romantic?
94
00:04:24,352 --> 00:04:29,321
It's gold.
95
00:04:29,323 --> 00:04:31,724
Wait, is that the catalog
from Caroline's estate auction?
96
00:04:31,726 --> 00:04:32,925
Yes.
97
00:04:32,927 --> 00:04:36,128
I found it in the trash
out behind our building.
98
00:04:36,130 --> 00:04:37,496
Caroline threw it there
'cause she doesn't
99
00:04:37,498 --> 00:04:38,731
wanna see it again.
100
00:04:38,733 --> 00:04:40,199
You better give it to me
before she comes out here
101
00:04:40,201 --> 00:04:43,535
and lights you on fire.
She kinda does that now.
102
00:04:43,537 --> 00:04:45,504
Sophie, let go, seriously.
103
00:04:45,506 --> 00:04:47,606
No, you're never
gonna win, Max.
104
00:04:47,608 --> 00:04:50,142
You know, when I was born,
the doctors tried
105
00:04:50,144 --> 00:04:53,812
to pry my dead twin sister
from my hands,
106
00:04:53,814 --> 00:04:56,048
but I never let go.
107
00:04:56,050 --> 00:05:00,886
She was my first doll.
108
00:05:00,888 --> 00:05:02,688
Hey, Sophie,
you don't happen
109
00:05:02,690 --> 00:05:03,856
to have any tweezers,
do you?
110
00:05:03,858 --> 00:05:06,191
Like, the really good
industrial kind?
111
00:05:06,193 --> 00:05:08,694
Oh, you know
about the hair?
112
00:05:08,696 --> 00:05:11,163
Oh.
113
00:05:11,165 --> 00:05:12,698
'Cause I was gonna have
to take you out for a beer
114
00:05:12,700 --> 00:05:15,901
and talk about it.
115
00:05:15,903 --> 00:05:18,470
Max, what is that thing
that you have behind your back?
116
00:05:18,472 --> 00:05:19,672
What? No, nothing.
117
00:05:19,674 --> 00:05:23,709
Yes, right here.
118
00:05:23,711 --> 00:05:25,210
Is that the auction catalog
119
00:05:25,212 --> 00:05:26,545
that just fell
between your legs?
120
00:05:26,547 --> 00:05:28,647
No, you're watching
an episode
121
00:05:28,649 --> 00:05:31,317
of I didn't know I was pregnant.
122
00:05:31,319 --> 00:05:33,085
What is this thing
doing here?
123
00:05:33,087 --> 00:05:35,721
Isn't it enough
I have a 2-foot face hair?
124
00:05:35,723 --> 00:05:37,756
Nice, Han.
She's upset again. Happy?
125
00:05:37,758 --> 00:05:39,425
Sorry, I thought
we were playing some kind
126
00:05:39,427 --> 00:05:40,993
of hiding game.
127
00:05:40,995 --> 00:05:42,661
Oh, reach for me
like that again
128
00:05:42,663 --> 00:05:43,762
and we'll be playing
a different game
129
00:05:43,764 --> 00:05:47,900
called "guess which part
of Han I cut off."
130
00:05:47,902 --> 00:05:49,068
Yeah, that's right.
131
00:05:49,070 --> 00:05:52,271
You better walk away.
132
00:05:53,940 --> 00:05:56,275
Now, can I have
my catalog back?
133
00:05:56,277 --> 00:05:58,510
You brought this in here?
134
00:05:58,512 --> 00:05:59,912
I can't believe it, Sophie.
135
00:05:59,914 --> 00:06:00,980
I can't believe you think
it's okay for you
136
00:06:00,982 --> 00:06:02,414
to just sit here
and casually flip
137
00:06:02,416 --> 00:06:04,416
through this catalog
that contains everything I love
138
00:06:04,418 --> 00:06:05,718
from my old life.
139
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:08,387
I just think it's really
insensitive and stuff.
140
00:06:08,389 --> 00:06:10,522
I mean,
what are you thinking?
141
00:06:10,524 --> 00:06:12,024
What is wrong with you,
142
00:06:12,026 --> 00:06:13,292
I mean, besides
your obvious choice
143
00:06:13,294 --> 00:06:17,096
of bad fabric
and color.
144
00:06:17,098 --> 00:06:22,868
Oh, no.
145
00:06:22,870 --> 00:06:28,474
You back up your truck,
bearded lady.
146
00:06:28,476 --> 00:06:30,309
I'm insensitive?
147
00:06:30,311 --> 00:06:33,645
I'm the thief who stole
all those people's money?
148
00:06:33,647 --> 00:06:37,616
And you don't think this color
is happening?
149
00:06:37,618 --> 00:06:40,586
Pick up a copy
of Polish Vogue.
150
00:06:40,588 --> 00:06:42,354
All right, okay, okay.
151
00:06:42,356 --> 00:06:44,723
It's all getting
a little tense.
152
00:06:44,725 --> 00:06:45,791
I think we're all clear
153
00:06:45,793 --> 00:06:48,861
about what needs to happen
right now.
154
00:06:48,863 --> 00:06:51,830
Plink.
155
00:06:54,067 --> 00:06:56,368
Wow, this prison's
a lot better than the last one.
156
00:06:56,370 --> 00:06:57,803
It's more
like a country club.
157
00:06:57,805 --> 00:06:59,838
I mean, I think I saw a list
for mixed doubles
158
00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:01,173
where we signed in.
159
00:07:01,175 --> 00:07:03,175
Max, I know your idea
of a country club's
160
00:07:03,177 --> 00:07:04,810
an abandoned car
in the woods,
161
00:07:04,812 --> 00:07:06,345
but look around.
162
00:07:06,347 --> 00:07:08,881
There's security cameras
and bars on the windows.
163
00:07:08,883 --> 00:07:10,716
All right,
so it's a rough country club,
164
00:07:10,718 --> 00:07:14,686
where the strongest golfers
make the caddies their bitch.
165
00:07:14,688 --> 00:07:16,221
Max, my father's
in prison.
166
00:07:16,223 --> 00:07:18,424
Be more sensitive
and stuff.
167
00:07:18,426 --> 00:07:21,026
Look, I get it.
You're protective.
168
00:07:21,028 --> 00:07:22,628
He's your father
and you love him,
169
00:07:22,630 --> 00:07:27,366
but I'm sorry,
not everybody feels that way.
170
00:07:27,368 --> 00:07:28,801
- Daddy.
- There she is.
171
00:07:28,803 --> 00:07:30,669
Aww, uhh!
172
00:07:30,671 --> 00:07:32,704
How's my little girl?
I'm great, Daddy.
173
00:07:32,706 --> 00:07:34,606
- Yeah.
- I like the new uniform,
174
00:07:34,608 --> 00:07:36,408
and it isn't
at all prison-y.
175
00:07:36,410 --> 00:07:37,676
Yeah. I don't know
what's worse:
176
00:07:37,678 --> 00:07:39,211
Being locked up
or looking like you work
177
00:07:39,213 --> 00:07:42,448
at a banana republic.
178
00:07:42,450 --> 00:07:45,350
Now, wait a minute.
This can't be Max.
179
00:07:45,352 --> 00:07:46,852
The stories I've heard,
I was expecting more
180
00:07:46,854 --> 00:07:50,189
of a truck driver.
181
00:07:50,191 --> 00:07:51,890
Hey, Brian, you might wanna look
the other way.
182
00:07:51,892 --> 00:07:54,126
I think Max is here
to break me out.
183
00:07:54,128 --> 00:07:55,160
Isn't that right, Max?
184
00:07:55,162 --> 00:07:58,297
Martin Channing.
185
00:07:58,299 --> 00:07:59,731
Shall we?
186
00:08:01,702 --> 00:08:04,470
Okay, fine,
your dad is awesome.
187
00:08:11,166 --> 00:08:13,300
Well, our projected
cupcake business growth ratio
188
00:08:13,302 --> 00:08:15,402
isn't where I want it to be,
but with autumn here,
189
00:08:15,404 --> 00:08:16,803
we have a lot of hope
in the launch
190
00:08:16,805 --> 00:08:18,471
of our new pumpkin spice flavor.
191
00:08:18,473 --> 00:08:20,874
Honey, I love you very much,
192
00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:22,008
but we're almost
out of time,
193
00:08:22,010 --> 00:08:25,245
and I can't talk any more
about cupcakes.
194
00:08:25,247 --> 00:08:27,180
Just wanted
to pick your brain.
195
00:08:27,182 --> 00:08:29,115
Now, Max, I asked you
to meet me here today
196
00:08:29,117 --> 00:08:30,517
because I wanna ask you
a favor.
197
00:08:30,519 --> 00:08:32,152
You want me
to smuggle something in?
198
00:08:32,154 --> 00:08:35,121
Something out?
I'm good either way.
199
00:08:35,123 --> 00:08:37,424
I want you to take Caroline
to the estate auction.
200
00:08:37,426 --> 00:08:38,692
Daddy, no.
201
00:08:38,694 --> 00:08:40,193
Why would I put myself
through that?
202
00:08:40,195 --> 00:08:42,095
Why would I ever go
where everybody knows who I am
203
00:08:42,097 --> 00:08:43,430
and be publicly humiliated?
204
00:08:43,432 --> 00:08:44,898
I know it will be hard
for you,
205
00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,433
but I promise
it'll be worth it.
206
00:08:46,435 --> 00:08:48,034
There's one thing
at that auction
207
00:08:48,036 --> 00:08:50,303
that I really care about
that I want you to have.
208
00:08:50,305 --> 00:08:51,471
What?
209
00:08:51,473 --> 00:08:53,173
The painting of me
as a baby?
210
00:08:53,175 --> 00:08:54,874
The sculpture of me
as a five-year-old?
211
00:08:54,876 --> 00:08:57,277
The tapestry
of me at 14?
212
00:08:57,279 --> 00:09:01,081
I have a pretty good
police sketch of me at seven.
213
00:09:01,083 --> 00:09:02,749
I want you two
to go there
214
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:05,852
and get the loving cup you won
jumping with Chestnut.
215
00:09:05,854 --> 00:09:07,754
I know how much
that meant to you.
216
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:10,090
Even if I could bring myself
to go through all that,
217
00:09:10,092 --> 00:09:13,493
we need every penny we have
for the cupcake business.
218
00:09:13,495 --> 00:09:14,728
Tell him, Max.
219
00:09:14,730 --> 00:09:18,098
Martin, you know
I'd do anything for you.
220
00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:20,533
Anything.
221
00:09:20,535 --> 00:09:21,735
But it's true.
We're broke.
222
00:09:21,737 --> 00:09:23,837
- Time is up.
- Seriously, Daddy,
223
00:09:23,839 --> 00:09:27,974
I use the box
our soap comes in as a wallet.
224
00:09:27,976 --> 00:09:31,644
Man, that is hard
to hear.
225
00:09:31,646 --> 00:09:35,315
Max, you're my girl, right?
226
00:09:35,317 --> 00:09:37,450
Am I?
227
00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:39,452
I want you to find a way
to get that cup.
228
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:43,790
No matter what she says,
make sure she gets that cup.
229
00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:44,891
You follow me?
230
00:09:44,893 --> 00:09:46,593
You want me
to follow you?
231
00:09:46,595 --> 00:09:48,595
Can I even
go back there?
232
00:09:48,597 --> 00:09:50,230
No, you can't, miss.
233
00:09:50,232 --> 00:09:53,666
Oh, follow you,
like follow your thought.
234
00:09:53,668 --> 00:09:54,901
It's important for her,
235
00:09:54,903 --> 00:09:56,803
and it's important
for the both of you
236
00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:59,205
for your futures, all right?
237
00:09:59,207 --> 00:10:02,008
Get the cup.
What are you getting?
238
00:10:02,010 --> 00:10:06,679
The cup, Martin?
239
00:10:06,681 --> 00:10:07,781
I love you, sweetheart.
240
00:10:07,783 --> 00:10:09,115
Love you too, Daddy.
241
00:10:09,117 --> 00:10:12,152
And don't worry:
We'll get that cup.
242
00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:13,686
I'm not getting
that cup.
243
00:10:13,688 --> 00:10:16,256
What? Then why did you say
you would?
244
00:10:16,258 --> 00:10:17,991
You can't tell
a man in prison "no."
245
00:10:17,993 --> 00:10:19,692
He'll hang himself
with his belt.
246
00:10:19,694 --> 00:10:21,561
It happened
to you twice already.
247
00:10:21,563 --> 00:10:23,129
We have
to go get that cup.
248
00:10:23,131 --> 00:10:25,365
Why?
249
00:10:25,367 --> 00:10:28,568
There's money
in the cup.
250
00:10:28,570 --> 00:10:29,969
What are you talking about?
251
00:10:29,971 --> 00:10:32,038
He said we needed it
for our future,
252
00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:33,673
then he winked.
253
00:10:33,675 --> 00:10:35,408
It was either that,
or he was hitting on me,
254
00:10:35,410 --> 00:10:37,811
which, I'm not gonna lie,
I wouldn't hate.
255
00:10:37,813 --> 00:10:40,780
How would he even hide money
in a cup, Nancy Drew?
256
00:10:40,782 --> 00:10:43,016
Well, what does a loving cup
look like?
257
00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:44,050
Is it
like a bowling trophy?
258
00:10:44,052 --> 00:10:46,419
How dare you.
259
00:10:46,421 --> 00:10:49,656
Does it have, like,
a wood base?
260
00:10:49,658 --> 00:10:53,092
Yup, I used to hide my stash
in my mother's bowling trophy,
261
00:10:53,094 --> 00:10:54,994
and you're telling me the man
who invented a way
262
00:10:54,996 --> 00:10:57,197
to defraud most of New York
isn't as clever
263
00:10:57,199 --> 00:11:00,366
as a stoned 12-year-old
with a butter knife?
264
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:02,469
Well, it was weird
how it was all about the cup
265
00:11:02,471 --> 00:11:04,270
and so little
about the pumpkin spice cupcake.
266
00:11:04,272 --> 00:11:05,572
Right?
267
00:11:05,574 --> 00:11:07,073
And you don't think
your father
268
00:11:07,075 --> 00:11:09,442
who spent a fortune
to turn you into a sculpture,
269
00:11:09,444 --> 00:11:11,978
presumably nude, wouldn't try
to figure out a way
270
00:11:11,980 --> 00:11:14,214
to take care
of his only daughter?
271
00:11:14,216 --> 00:11:16,015
The man's a criminal genius,
272
00:11:16,017 --> 00:11:19,219
and he found a way to put money
for your future in the cup,
273
00:11:19,221 --> 00:11:21,254
and clearly,
that's why he dragged me
274
00:11:21,256 --> 00:11:23,623
out to prison, because he knows
you'll do what I say
275
00:11:23,625 --> 00:11:25,225
'cause I'm the boss of you,
and pretty soon
276
00:11:25,227 --> 00:11:28,161
I'm gonna be
your stepmom.
277
00:11:28,163 --> 00:11:31,231
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm,
I hear what you're saying,
278
00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:32,966
but I just
have one big question.
279
00:11:32,968 --> 00:11:34,300
How much
are we willing to bid?
280
00:11:34,302 --> 00:11:36,636
No, about my disguise.
281
00:11:36,638 --> 00:11:39,639
I know I'm a brunette,
but do I have bangs?
282
00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:45,678
Actually, I need two:
One for me,
283
00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:50,383
and one for my friend
Zooey Deschanel.
284
00:11:50,385 --> 00:11:53,052
What? You look like her.
Everybody does.
285
00:11:53,054 --> 00:11:57,290
It's the least expensive look
you can do and still get laid.
286
00:11:57,292 --> 00:12:00,793
God, this is from storage.
I haven't seen it in years.
287
00:12:00,795 --> 00:12:02,028
Wow, you had
all these closets,
288
00:12:02,030 --> 00:12:05,231
and no one in your family
is gay?
289
00:12:05,233 --> 00:12:09,035
Look! It's the Louie the XVI
I used to have in my playroom.
290
00:12:09,037 --> 00:12:11,337
My cousin Peter and I
used to climb in here
291
00:12:11,339 --> 00:12:13,306
and play French Revolution.
292
00:12:13,308 --> 00:12:14,807
I'd be Marie Antoinette,
and he'd help me
293
00:12:14,809 --> 00:12:16,576
put my hair up
in a high chignon.
294
00:12:16,578 --> 00:12:22,081
Oh, now I'm feeling bad
for his wife.
295
00:12:22,083 --> 00:12:23,616
So where do you think
the cup is?
296
00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:25,885
Let's look
over there.
297
00:12:25,887 --> 00:12:29,055
Oh, this is
from the summer house.
298
00:12:29,057 --> 00:12:31,124
Max, you know the expression
299
00:12:31,126 --> 00:12:34,060
"born with a silver spoon
in your mouth"?
300
00:12:34,062 --> 00:12:36,062
This is mine.
301
00:12:36,064 --> 00:12:37,730
Miss, do not handle that.
302
00:12:37,732 --> 00:12:39,532
I'm asking you
to put it down right now.
303
00:12:39,534 --> 00:12:41,768
Hey, you might
wanna relax the attitude.
304
00:12:41,770 --> 00:12:45,572
You really think my friend
Jennifer Love Hewitt,
305
00:12:45,574 --> 00:12:48,041
international movie
and Lifetime channel superstar,
306
00:12:48,043 --> 00:12:49,509
is gonna steal a used spoon?
307
00:12:49,511 --> 00:12:52,979
Sorry, I didn't recognize you.
308
00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:55,348
Now I see it.
309
00:12:55,350 --> 00:12:57,216
I thought
I was Zooey Deschanel.
310
00:12:57,218 --> 00:12:58,351
Eh, six of one.
311
00:12:58,353 --> 00:12:59,652
All you Hollywood brunettes
look alike.
312
00:13:01,089 --> 00:13:04,023
The auction is starting,
ladies and gentlemen.
313
00:13:04,025 --> 00:13:05,358
Hi, Max.
314
00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:08,461
I'm so excited
to be here.
315
00:13:08,463 --> 00:13:10,463
Oh, hello, Caroline.
316
00:13:10,465 --> 00:13:12,999
Sophie, I apologize
for the other day.
317
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:15,535
I was really tense,
and I didn't mean it.
318
00:13:15,537 --> 00:13:17,337
I think you have
a unique sense of style.
319
00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:20,840
You do so much
with so little fabric.
320
00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:24,210
I do...
321
00:13:24,212 --> 00:13:29,616
And I see you took my advice
and got Polish Vogue.
322
00:13:29,618 --> 00:13:30,950
How nice
is this?
323
00:13:30,952 --> 00:13:32,986
We are finally
on a romantic date.
324
00:13:32,988 --> 00:13:35,154
We just came from lunch
at Rainbow Room,
325
00:13:35,156 --> 00:13:38,758
and I'm wearing
my best Fila tracksuit.
326
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:42,228
Yah, now, he's going
to buy me something golden.
327
00:13:42,230 --> 00:13:44,797
Yah, I want
to be covered in gold.
328
00:13:44,799 --> 00:13:47,634
I want a golden shower.
329
00:13:51,071 --> 00:13:52,939
Let's see.
If I was a loving cup,
330
00:13:52,941 --> 00:13:54,273
where would I be?
331
00:13:54,275 --> 00:13:57,176
Some place with a lot of cash
shoved up inside you.
332
00:13:57,178 --> 00:13:58,811
How much do you think
is in there?
333
00:13:58,813 --> 00:14:00,179
Well, let's see.
The wooden base of the cup
334
00:14:00,181 --> 00:14:02,615
is about this big,
and I know you can get 20,000
335
00:14:02,617 --> 00:14:04,250
in an Altoids tin,
336
00:14:04,252 --> 00:14:06,219
and this is about three times
that size,
337
00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:08,621
so 60,000.
338
00:14:08,623 --> 00:14:12,725
$60,000?
339
00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:15,962
That's like a million dollars!
340
00:14:15,964 --> 00:14:18,731
So I could have $60,000
in an hour?
341
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:22,068
Well, we.
We could have it.
342
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:24,370
Did I say I?
How weird.
343
00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:33,081
And sold.
344
00:14:33,083 --> 00:14:34,349
Wow, you're getting
everything.
345
00:14:34,351 --> 00:14:36,351
Yes, we are.
346
00:14:36,353 --> 00:14:38,620
Aren't we, Miss Pickle?
347
00:14:38,622 --> 00:14:40,288
I'm Hamish McDonough,
by the way.
348
00:14:40,290 --> 00:14:45,527
Oh, I'm Max, and this
is my friend Katie Holmes.
349
00:14:45,529 --> 00:14:48,997
We won't speak
of it...
350
00:14:48,999 --> 00:14:54,002
But I just have to say:
Well done!
351
00:14:54,004 --> 00:14:57,339
And if you ever need anything,
don't hesitate.
352
00:14:57,341 --> 00:14:59,608
Oh, you have your own shop?
353
00:14:59,610 --> 00:15:01,543
"Just The Two Of Us" antiques.
354
00:15:01,545 --> 00:15:03,778
Is that you and Miss Pickle?
355
00:15:03,780 --> 00:15:08,250
No, dear,
I'm not insane.
356
00:15:08,252 --> 00:15:09,684
Next item for auction:
357
00:15:09,686 --> 00:15:13,321
A 19th century ivory and gold
bedside table,
358
00:15:13,323 --> 00:15:16,191
Oh!
359
00:15:16,193 --> 00:15:19,494
Oh, say it again.
360
00:15:19,496 --> 00:15:23,331
This is highly unorthodox,
but I shall repeat the item.
361
00:15:23,333 --> 00:15:25,901
A 19th century gold and ivory
bedside table--
362
00:15:29,873 --> 00:15:32,540
I'm a very lucky man, yes?
363
00:15:32,542 --> 00:15:34,576
We start the opening bid
on this item
364
00:15:34,578 --> 00:15:36,978
at $50,000.
365
00:15:36,980 --> 00:15:39,314
I'm out.
366
00:15:39,316 --> 00:15:41,516
- 50,000.
- Here.
367
00:15:41,518 --> 00:15:42,817
Do I hear 60,000?
368
00:15:42,819 --> 00:15:44,653
- 60,000!
- 60,000 over here.
369
00:15:44,655 --> 00:15:46,054
Do I hear 70,000?
370
00:15:46,056 --> 00:15:48,056
70,000.
Do I hear 80,000?
371
00:15:48,058 --> 00:15:50,392
Yes, you do!
372
00:15:50,394 --> 00:15:54,095
80,000 going once,
going twice,
373
00:15:54,097 --> 00:15:55,463
sold.
374
00:15:55,465 --> 00:15:56,898
Hamish, you killed it.
375
00:15:56,900 --> 00:15:59,167
Yolo!
376
00:16:01,103 --> 00:16:02,737
And the next item
up for bid
377
00:16:02,739 --> 00:16:04,906
is a silver-plated
tin loving cup,
378
00:16:04,908 --> 00:16:07,475
property of Caroline Channing.
379
00:16:07,477 --> 00:16:08,843
How much do you think
this is going to go for?
380
00:16:08,845 --> 00:16:12,213
Kitsch is always a wild card,
but it has no real value.
381
00:16:12,215 --> 00:16:14,582
No real value? Please.
382
00:16:14,584 --> 00:16:16,518
I won that when no one
thought I could.
383
00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:19,821
I jumped 14 hurdles in the rain
with walking pneumonia.
384
00:16:19,823 --> 00:16:21,256
It's worth something.
385
00:16:21,258 --> 00:16:23,458
Yeah, 'cause it has money
in it.
386
00:16:23,460 --> 00:16:25,560
We start the bidding at $50.
387
00:16:25,562 --> 00:16:27,095
50.
388
00:16:27,097 --> 00:16:29,798
51.
389
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:32,901
Sir, it's in increments
of $10.
390
00:16:32,903 --> 00:16:35,503
Then, I'm out.
391
00:16:35,505 --> 00:16:38,139
Sorry, the Rainbow Room
really sucked me dry.
392
00:16:38,141 --> 00:16:42,377
Hm, guess what else
is pretty dry right now?
393
00:16:42,379 --> 00:16:44,312
Do I hear 60?
394
00:16:44,314 --> 00:16:46,214
60.
395
00:16:46,216 --> 00:16:48,316
What are you doing?
You said it had no real value.
396
00:16:48,318 --> 00:16:50,085
I know,
but wouldn't it be camp
397
00:16:50,087 --> 00:16:52,187
to see Miss Pickle
taking a bath in that
398
00:16:52,189 --> 00:16:53,755
for my Christmas card?
399
00:16:53,757 --> 00:16:55,724
Do I hear 70?
400
00:16:55,726 --> 00:16:57,459
My cup
is not a puppy bath.
401
00:16:57,461 --> 00:16:59,728
- 70.
- 80.
402
00:16:59,730 --> 00:17:02,630
Back out now, ladies.
I'm a paddle bitch.
403
00:17:02,632 --> 00:17:04,799
Well, I'm a bitch bitch.
100.
404
00:17:04,801 --> 00:17:07,168
- 125.
- 150.
405
00:17:07,170 --> 00:17:10,038
- 175.
- Hamish came to play.
406
00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:13,975
So did we, I broke my hymen
getting that thing.
407
00:17:13,977 --> 00:17:16,411
Is that why it's called
a loving cup?
408
00:17:16,413 --> 00:17:18,480
- 200.
- I have 200.
409
00:17:18,482 --> 00:17:19,848
Do I hear 225?
410
00:17:19,850 --> 00:17:21,116
Look, Hamish.
411
00:17:21,118 --> 00:17:23,018
I know you have no interest
in what I would normally
412
00:17:23,020 --> 00:17:24,452
offer you
to get what I want.
413
00:17:24,454 --> 00:17:28,089
Don't be so sure.
I was bisexual till I was 62.
414
00:17:28,091 --> 00:17:31,159
Look, Katie Holmes
really wants this,
415
00:17:31,161 --> 00:17:32,627
and she's been
through a lot.
416
00:17:32,629 --> 00:17:35,630
True. It's yours.
I'm out.
417
00:17:35,632 --> 00:17:38,166
200 going once,
going twice.
418
00:17:38,168 --> 00:17:40,802
- Sold.
- Yes, I'm rich!
419
00:17:40,804 --> 00:17:45,006
Did you just
say "I'm"?
420
00:17:45,008 --> 00:17:48,443
I think
you're hearing me wrong.
421
00:17:48,445 --> 00:17:50,512
Okay, before we use
all this money on the business,
422
00:17:50,514 --> 00:17:52,514
we should take a vacation.
How 'bout it?
423
00:17:52,516 --> 00:17:55,216
You, me, Chestnut, jet skis.
424
00:17:55,218 --> 00:17:57,252
Okay, here we go.
425
00:17:57,254 --> 00:17:58,420
No, no, no.
Don't open it now.
426
00:17:58,422 --> 00:17:59,687
There are cameras here.
427
00:17:59,689 --> 00:18:00,922
We can just go over there
and open it
428
00:18:00,924 --> 00:18:02,057
right next to that thing
where you
429
00:18:02,059 --> 00:18:04,159
and your little queen cousin
played dress-up.
430
00:18:04,161 --> 00:18:06,194
Seriously, how could I not
have known that?
431
00:18:06,196 --> 00:18:07,695
When we played
Cowboys and Indians,
432
00:18:07,697 --> 00:18:10,865
he played
the Indian's makeup artist.
433
00:18:10,867 --> 00:18:12,534
I have to say, Max,
it'll be nice
434
00:18:12,536 --> 00:18:14,602
to have some money again,
but what's really nice
435
00:18:14,604 --> 00:18:16,538
is that now you see
who my father is,
436
00:18:16,540 --> 00:18:18,673
a man who,
despite all of his flaws,
437
00:18:18,675 --> 00:18:20,041
never stopped thinking
about what he could do
438
00:18:20,043 --> 00:18:22,110
to take care
of his little girl.
439
00:18:28,317 --> 00:18:29,350
It's empty?
440
00:18:29,352 --> 00:18:33,021
Son of a bitch.
441
00:18:33,023 --> 00:18:37,792
Martin, we just
have one question.
442
00:18:37,794 --> 00:18:40,562
Where's the money?
443
00:18:40,564 --> 00:18:42,530
I'm sorry, what?
444
00:18:42,532 --> 00:18:46,334
Where's...The money?
445
00:18:46,336 --> 00:18:48,002
What?
446
00:18:48,004 --> 00:18:50,238
She's asking
where the money is.
447
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:52,307
Oh! Uh, what money?
448
00:18:52,309 --> 00:18:53,875
The money in the cup, Daddy.
449
00:18:53,877 --> 00:18:55,710
The money you hid in the cup
that was supposed to be
450
00:18:55,712 --> 00:18:57,779
for my future?
Where's my 60 grand?
451
00:18:57,781 --> 00:19:00,215
Which, for anyone
who might be watching my lips,
452
00:19:00,217 --> 00:19:02,917
we were going
to give all to charity.
453
00:19:02,919 --> 00:19:05,420
Sweetheart, why do you
think I would hide money,
454
00:19:05,422 --> 00:19:08,022
besides the fact I'm here
for hiding money?
455
00:19:08,024 --> 00:19:09,958
Well, that might
have been my fault.
456
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,559
No, it's
not her fault, Daddy.
457
00:19:11,561 --> 00:19:12,961
It's yours.
458
00:19:12,963 --> 00:19:15,163
You were supposed to take care
of me, and you didn't.
459
00:19:15,165 --> 00:19:17,232
You didn't think
about me at all,
460
00:19:17,234 --> 00:19:19,200
and it's not just me.
You hurt a lot of people.
461
00:19:19,202 --> 00:19:22,137
Do you ever even think
about them?
462
00:19:22,139 --> 00:19:23,538
Yes, I do.
463
00:19:23,540 --> 00:19:26,107
Now, every day,
464
00:19:26,109 --> 00:19:27,742
but I also think
about what I did to you
465
00:19:27,744 --> 00:19:30,044
every day, all day.
466
00:19:30,046 --> 00:19:31,913
I mean, back then,
when I figured out a way
467
00:19:31,915 --> 00:19:33,915
to get free money,
all I could think
468
00:19:33,917 --> 00:19:37,719
- about was the money.
- I hear that.
469
00:19:37,721 --> 00:19:39,454
But I really did
wanna give you something
470
00:19:39,456 --> 00:19:41,356
for your future, sweetheart,
471
00:19:41,358 --> 00:19:43,525
which is why I asked Max
to make sure
472
00:19:43,527 --> 00:19:45,793
that you got that cup.
473
00:19:45,795 --> 00:19:49,097
And I know it's only tin,
but it's the most valuable thing
474
00:19:49,099 --> 00:19:50,498
I could give you,
because it'll remind you
475
00:19:50,500 --> 00:19:54,135
that no matter
how hard the circumstances,
476
00:19:54,137 --> 00:19:57,472
you could get over any hurdle,
477
00:19:57,474 --> 00:20:02,010
even the ones
I put in front of you.
478
00:20:02,012 --> 00:20:03,745
Okay, well, we should go.
Our time's up.
479
00:20:03,747 --> 00:20:05,813
Yeah, but--what?
You just got here.
480
00:20:05,815 --> 00:20:10,285
Well, I think I'm done
for today.
481
00:20:10,287 --> 00:20:16,057
Boy, I've dreaded the day
you looked at me like this.
482
00:20:16,059 --> 00:20:19,861
Now that it's here,
it's even worse.
483
00:20:19,863 --> 00:20:21,095
I only hope
that one day
484
00:20:21,097 --> 00:20:22,730
you could look at me again
485
00:20:22,732 --> 00:20:25,667
the way you did
the day you won that cup.
486
00:20:32,340 --> 00:20:33,608
I love you, honey.
487
00:20:33,610 --> 00:20:37,779
I love you too, Daddy.
488
00:20:37,781 --> 00:20:39,647
Oh.
Sorry.
489
00:20:39,649 --> 00:20:42,217
You meant her.
490
00:20:42,219 --> 00:20:44,786
See you next week?
491
00:20:50,192 --> 00:20:54,329
Wow, having a father
is rough.
492
00:20:54,331 --> 00:20:57,031
- Are you okay?
- I will be,
493
00:20:57,033 --> 00:20:59,133
because despite
what everyone else may think,
494
00:20:59,135 --> 00:21:00,935
he's not just a thief.
He's my father,
495
00:21:00,937 --> 00:21:03,271
and I love him.
496
00:21:03,273 --> 00:21:05,506
Look, if it's any consolation,
I now see
497
00:21:05,508 --> 00:21:06,741
how that could've happened
to him.
498
00:21:06,743 --> 00:21:08,009
I'm not condoning it,
but I see
499
00:21:08,011 --> 00:21:09,711
how people
can get caught up,
500
00:21:09,713 --> 00:21:11,479
'cause I am pissed as hell
that next week
501
00:21:11,481 --> 00:21:15,850
I won't be riding a horse
who's riding a jet ski.
502
00:21:17,554 --> 00:21:21,388
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com