1
00:00:01,483 --> 00:00:02,683
Hi, I'm gonna be your waitress
2
00:00:02,684 --> 00:00:04,451
'cause my mother drank.
3
00:00:05,983 --> 00:00:07,201
We need a sec.
4
00:00:07,203 --> 00:00:10,204
Feelin' kinda generous, take two.
5
00:00:10,206 --> 00:00:13,307
Then he said to me,
"Dude, your vagina is weird."
6
00:00:13,309 --> 00:00:14,541
Dude, that's insane.
7
00:00:14,543 --> 00:00:15,576
It is so not weird.
8
00:00:15,578 --> 00:00:17,311
Your vagina's awesome.
9
00:00:17,313 --> 00:00:18,679
Okay, I'm ready.
10
00:00:18,681 --> 00:00:21,181
Now I need a sec.
11
00:00:21,183 --> 00:00:22,449
Well, it's over.
12
00:00:22,451 --> 00:00:23,817
I can't say it any more.
13
00:00:23,819 --> 00:00:25,519
The vagina's gone mainstream.
14
00:00:25,521 --> 00:00:29,356
What's next?
A clothing line at target?
15
00:00:29,358 --> 00:00:30,791
Aw, Max, I'm sorry.
16
00:00:30,793 --> 00:00:32,326
It's your favorite word.
17
00:00:32,328 --> 00:00:34,061
And my favorite body part.
18
00:00:34,063 --> 00:00:35,429
But now everyone's saying it.
19
00:00:35,431 --> 00:00:36,991
Well, we can
pick another word for it.
20
00:00:36,992 --> 00:00:39,099
Something cute, like cookie.
21
00:00:39,101 --> 00:00:40,734
Yeah, it sounds like a good idea
22
00:00:40,736 --> 00:00:42,503
until you walk past
a bunch of girl scouts
23
00:00:42,505 --> 00:00:45,472
selling their cookies on the street.
24
00:00:45,474 --> 00:00:46,794
Well, we've gotta pick something,
25
00:00:46,795 --> 00:00:48,575
'cause vagina's everywhere.
26
00:00:48,577 --> 00:00:50,644
Where?
27
00:00:51,846 --> 00:00:54,214
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
28
00:00:55,851 --> 00:00:59,686
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
29
00:01:00,941 --> 00:01:05,940
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
30
00:01:07,326 --> 00:01:08,627
Previously on 2 Broke Girls...
31
00:01:09,129 --> 00:01:14,098
This is invitation to
Metropolitan Museum Annual Gala.
32
00:01:14,100 --> 00:01:16,033
We have the invitation.
She'll be there.
33
00:01:16,035 --> 00:01:18,970
You are talking about us
stalking Martha Stewart.
34
00:01:18,972 --> 00:01:22,406
So you want me to taste your
cupcake in the ladies' room?
35
00:01:22,408 --> 00:01:24,475
What's inappropriate about that?
36
00:01:24,477 --> 00:01:26,077
That is our beer batter
37
00:01:26,079 --> 00:01:28,146
maple bacon spring break cupcake.
38
00:01:28,148 --> 00:01:29,480
Quite tasty.
39
00:01:29,482 --> 00:01:31,048
Do you girls have a card?
40
00:01:31,050 --> 00:01:32,884
Martha Stewart
likes our cupcakes!
41
00:01:36,021 --> 00:01:37,955
Max, have you seen my phone?
42
00:01:37,957 --> 00:01:39,517
I wanna take a picture
of this bad tip
43
00:01:39,518 --> 00:01:40,825
and put it on Instagram.
44
00:01:40,827 --> 00:01:42,794
Getting loose change
used to be so depressing,
45
00:01:42,796 --> 00:01:44,996
but now I can
share it with strangers.
46
00:01:44,998 --> 00:01:46,497
Let me sum it up.
47
00:01:46,499 --> 00:01:47,832
Twitter is stupid.
48
00:01:47,834 --> 00:01:50,902
And Instagram is Twitter
for people who can't read.
49
00:01:52,004 --> 00:01:53,171
Where is my phone?
50
00:01:53,173 --> 00:01:54,733
I could've sworn
I left it right here,
51
00:01:54,734 --> 00:01:55,873
next to yours.
52
00:01:55,875 --> 00:01:57,141
I'll just call it.
53
00:01:57,143 --> 00:01:58,643
That's not necessary.
54
00:01:58,645 --> 00:01:59,977
I'm sure it'll turn up...
55
00:01:59,979 --> 00:02:01,112
♪ My milkshake
56
00:02:01,114 --> 00:02:02,580
♪ brings all the boys to the yard ♪
57
00:02:02,582 --> 00:02:03,748
♪ and they're like
58
00:02:03,750 --> 00:02:04,816
♪ it's better than yours
59
00:02:04,818 --> 00:02:06,184
in my pocket.
60
00:02:06,186 --> 00:02:08,219
Max, why are you
hiding my phone in your apron?
61
00:02:08,221 --> 00:02:10,288
Is that the big question, really?
62
00:02:10,290 --> 00:02:11,889
'Cause I think
the bigger question is,
63
00:02:11,891 --> 00:02:13,357
why is your ringtone "My milkshake
64
00:02:13,359 --> 00:02:16,160
brings all the boys to the yard"?
65
00:02:16,162 --> 00:02:17,762
If you have to ask that,
66
00:02:17,764 --> 00:02:20,631
you clearly have not
seen my milkshake.
67
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,068
Okay, here.
I'm busted.
68
00:02:24,070 --> 00:02:26,604
I was checking to see
if Martha Stewart called us yet.
69
00:02:26,606 --> 00:02:27,839
You checked it again?
70
00:02:27,841 --> 00:02:29,373
You check it, like, every 15 minutes.
71
00:02:29,375 --> 00:02:30,474
I know!
72
00:02:30,476 --> 00:02:32,677
I am acting like a little bitch.
73
00:02:32,679 --> 00:02:35,246
Max, Martha Stewart
has our business card.
74
00:02:35,248 --> 00:02:37,215
She liked our cupcakes.
She'll call.
75
00:02:37,217 --> 00:02:40,017
Look, in my defense,
she asked for our card.
76
00:02:40,019 --> 00:02:41,299
She got us all hot and bothered.
77
00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:43,020
And then what?
Nothing.
78
00:02:43,022 --> 00:02:45,756
Martha Stewart is cake tease.
79
00:02:47,994 --> 00:02:49,093
How dare you!
80
00:02:49,095 --> 00:02:51,229
Martha Stewart is not a cake tease.
81
00:02:51,231 --> 00:02:52,763
Nothing worse than a cake tease.
82
00:02:52,765 --> 00:02:54,799
Ask any man.
83
00:02:54,801 --> 00:02:57,735
Yeah, you shower,
you powder your sack.
84
00:02:57,737 --> 00:02:59,971
For what?
85
00:03:01,573 --> 00:03:03,007
Look, Max, relax.
86
00:03:03,009 --> 00:03:05,109
She'll call.
Everything's gonna work out.
87
00:03:05,111 --> 00:03:06,711
I mean, a year ago,
we didn't even have
88
00:03:06,712 --> 00:03:07,645
a cupcake business.
89
00:03:07,647 --> 00:03:09,113
Look how far we've come.
90
00:03:09,115 --> 00:03:10,514
I haven't come at all,
91
00:03:10,516 --> 00:03:13,584
thanks to the cake tease.
92
00:03:15,554 --> 00:03:18,890
Your cupcake is quite tasty.
93
00:03:18,892 --> 00:03:20,224
Do you have a card?
94
00:03:20,226 --> 00:03:22,393
Max, that's a good Martha Stewart.
95
00:03:22,395 --> 00:03:23,794
I know, 'cause I can't
96
00:03:23,796 --> 00:03:26,530
get her siren voice out of my head.
97
00:03:29,636 --> 00:03:32,637
Wow, Han.
98
00:03:32,639 --> 00:03:34,405
You look you were hit by a Mardi Gras
99
00:03:34,407 --> 00:03:36,641
and a Gay Pride float.
100
00:03:36,643 --> 00:03:39,043
I have just returned
from the exciting
101
00:03:39,045 --> 00:03:40,778
Manhattan Restaurant Trade Show.
102
00:03:40,780 --> 00:03:42,513
Look at all this free swag.
103
00:03:42,515 --> 00:03:44,415
And I've got stress balls.
104
00:03:44,417 --> 00:03:47,485
Well, just go in the back
and take care of yourself.
105
00:03:49,054 --> 00:03:50,187
Listen up, everybody.
106
00:03:50,189 --> 00:03:51,455
I have a big announcement.
107
00:03:51,457 --> 00:03:54,825
"- Well, more like
a 5'1" announcement.
108
00:03:54,827 --> 00:03:56,961
I am changing the diner
to state-of-the-art
109
00:03:56,963 --> 00:03:59,030
computer "power touch"
ordering system
110
00:03:59,032 --> 00:04:00,364
for food and checks.
111
00:04:00,366 --> 00:04:01,966
I am not learning anything new.
112
00:04:01,968 --> 00:04:05,002
I work here because I have no skills.
113
00:04:06,004 --> 00:04:07,405
You don't have to learn it, Max.
114
00:04:07,407 --> 00:04:08,873
It's very smart machine.
115
00:04:08,875 --> 00:04:10,808
- It will help you.
- -huh.
116
00:04:10,810 --> 00:04:12,877
That's how it started
with machines in The Matrix.
117
00:04:12,879 --> 00:04:15,479
Next thing you know,
the human race was enslaved.
118
00:04:15,481 --> 00:04:16,847
Been there, done that.
119
00:04:16,849 --> 00:04:19,617
I'm with Max.
120
00:04:19,619 --> 00:04:20,785
We are doing it.
121
00:04:20,787 --> 00:04:22,453
It's important to move the business
122
00:04:22,455 --> 00:04:23,754
into the future.
123
00:04:23,756 --> 00:04:27,058
So get with it, you luddites.
124
00:04:27,060 --> 00:04:30,061
girls, we got big trouble.
125
00:04:30,063 --> 00:04:32,129
If he starts using a new system,
126
00:04:32,131 --> 00:04:34,098
I won't be able to use my old system
127
00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:36,748
where I skim something off the top.
128
00:04:36,750 --> 00:04:38,483
Earl, skimming?
129
00:04:38,485 --> 00:04:39,885
I'm kind of shocked.
130
00:04:39,887 --> 00:04:41,320
I don't do it for me.
131
00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:42,854
You know how once a month you girls
132
00:04:42,856 --> 00:04:44,914
have really good night in tips?
133
00:04:44,916 --> 00:04:46,850
You're welcome.
134
00:04:46,852 --> 00:04:48,985
I have been lying awake at night
135
00:04:48,987 --> 00:04:50,920
trying to figure out
how we made that 200 bucks
136
00:04:50,922 --> 00:04:53,990
with her skills.
137
00:04:53,992 --> 00:04:55,992
- Hey, girls.
- Hey, Sophie.
138
00:04:55,994 --> 00:04:57,494
You know, every time I come here,
139
00:04:57,496 --> 00:05:00,430
Im 'surprised you're still open.
140
00:05:02,867 --> 00:05:04,401
Here you go, Sophie.
141
00:05:04,403 --> 00:05:06,069
Hey.
142
00:05:06,071 --> 00:05:07,470
Where's the little Asian woman
143
00:05:07,472 --> 00:05:09,773
that always hands me my menu?
144
00:05:10,275 --> 00:05:12,214
Asian woman?
You mean Han?
145
00:05:12,226 --> 00:05:13,343
Mm-hm.
146
00:05:13,345 --> 00:05:15,111
Sophie, Han's a man.
147
00:05:15,113 --> 00:05:18,047
If you say so.
148
00:05:19,884 --> 00:05:21,618
Is there anything special tonight?
149
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:23,186
Yes.
150
00:05:23,188 --> 00:05:25,622
Here I am...
151
00:05:25,624 --> 00:05:28,591
With treats for my sweet.
152
00:05:28,593 --> 00:05:30,093
Aww.
153
00:05:30,095 --> 00:05:31,928
Day-glo zebra?
154
00:05:31,930 --> 00:05:34,431
That's my favorite animal.
155
00:05:36,133 --> 00:05:39,035
And edible underwear!
156
00:05:39,037 --> 00:05:42,705
That's my favorite snack.
157
00:05:42,707 --> 00:05:46,376
Yeah, and they're crotchless,
so less carbs.
158
00:05:48,979 --> 00:05:53,183
And my favorite
microwavable lube.
159
00:05:54,652 --> 00:05:57,554
And what's this?
160
00:05:57,556 --> 00:06:00,056
Toothbrushes?
161
00:06:00,058 --> 00:06:03,693
That's going to hurt you,
but okay.
162
00:06:05,162 --> 00:06:07,130
No, I want to leave them
at your house,
163
00:06:07,132 --> 00:06:08,965
now that you and I are exclusive.
164
00:06:11,770 --> 00:06:13,670
Exclusive?
165
00:06:13,672 --> 00:06:16,005
Wait, hold phone.
166
00:06:16,007 --> 00:06:17,841
Are you telling me that you and I
167
00:06:17,843 --> 00:06:19,342
are not exclusive?
168
00:06:19,344 --> 00:06:21,110
Exclusive?
169
00:06:21,112 --> 00:06:22,679
Come on.
170
00:06:22,681 --> 00:06:25,114
Stop it now.
Go on Jay Leno.
171
00:06:27,018 --> 00:06:30,487
Caroline, did you think
Sophie and I were exclusive?
172
00:06:30,489 --> 00:06:33,456
Well, you have stopped
showing us your penis.
173
00:06:33,458 --> 00:06:35,325
Exactly!
174
00:06:35,327 --> 00:06:37,794
If that's not exclusive,
I don't know what is.
175
00:06:37,796 --> 00:06:39,762
Exclusive!
176
00:06:39,764 --> 00:06:41,564
My God.
177
00:06:41,566 --> 00:06:45,168
Come on, stop it, before I...
178
00:06:47,973 --> 00:06:49,405
It happened.
179
00:06:49,407 --> 00:06:51,841
I split my spanx.
180
00:07:01,373 --> 00:07:03,107
Martha Stewart, please.
181
00:07:03,859 --> 00:07:06,527
It's Michelle Obama.
182
00:07:06,529 --> 00:07:07,995
What's this about?
183
00:07:07,997 --> 00:07:12,100
My sheets shrunk and I am pissed.
184
00:07:12,402 --> 00:07:13,935
Hello?
185
00:07:13,937 --> 00:07:16,304
Max, it didn't work
when you were Mick Jagger
186
00:07:16,306 --> 00:07:18,172
with a busted muffin tin,
187
00:07:18,174 --> 00:07:21,709
or Alicia keys
with a wonky shower curtain.
188
00:07:21,711 --> 00:07:23,611
And it really didn't work
when you were
189
00:07:23,613 --> 00:07:25,146
Steve Jobs back from the dead
190
00:07:25,148 --> 00:07:28,082
with thoughts on her panini press.
191
00:07:28,084 --> 00:07:29,851
Stop sober dialing Martha Stewart!
192
00:07:29,853 --> 00:07:31,986
Who says I'm sober?
193
00:07:31,988 --> 00:07:33,888
Max, give me your phone.
194
00:07:37,025 --> 00:07:38,426
♪ My milkshake
195
00:07:38,428 --> 00:07:40,161
♪ brings all the boys to the yard ♪
196
00:07:40,163 --> 00:07:41,762
Now give me my phone.
197
00:07:41,764 --> 00:07:44,432
Okay, take it, done.
I'm over her.
198
00:07:44,434 --> 00:07:46,367
When is she gonna call me?
199
00:07:46,369 --> 00:07:49,270
My milkshake would totally
bring her to the yard.
200
00:07:49,272 --> 00:07:51,606
Max, this isn't you.
201
00:07:51,608 --> 00:07:52,740
I mean, you're strong.
202
00:07:52,742 --> 00:07:54,108
You're a badass.
203
00:07:54,110 --> 00:07:56,777
You beat H.P.V.
With Tylenol.
204
00:07:56,779 --> 00:07:59,146
And it wasn't even the name brand.
205
00:07:59,148 --> 00:08:00,681
What's wrong with you?
206
00:08:00,683 --> 00:08:02,750
I was a virgin before Martha, okay?
207
00:08:02,752 --> 00:08:05,253
No one ever told me I was good
at anything before her.
208
00:08:05,255 --> 00:08:07,755
And you never forget
your first rich white woman.
209
00:08:07,757 --> 00:08:09,590
With or without Martha Stewart,
210
00:08:09,592 --> 00:08:11,158
we're gonna build
our cupcake business
211
00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:12,693
and be a success, I just know it.
212
00:08:12,695 --> 00:08:14,462
How?
How do you know that?
213
00:08:14,464 --> 00:08:16,531
I know because you have the talent,
214
00:08:16,533 --> 00:08:18,666
I have the vision,
and because I feel it.
215
00:08:18,668 --> 00:08:20,034
I feel it here.
216
00:08:20,036 --> 00:08:22,537
Blegh!
Your heart?
217
00:08:22,539 --> 00:08:25,706
No. My pearls...
my lucky pearls.
218
00:08:25,708 --> 00:08:28,543
By lucky, do you mean ugly?
219
00:08:28,545 --> 00:08:29,810
I've worn these every day
220
00:08:29,812 --> 00:08:31,479
since I was evicted
from my townhouse.
221
00:08:31,481 --> 00:08:33,614
This pearl necklace brings me luck.
222
00:08:33,616 --> 00:08:35,116
You...
223
00:08:35,118 --> 00:08:37,251
you think your life is lucky?
224
00:08:37,253 --> 00:08:41,222
This morning you used toilet
paper as a coffee filter...
225
00:08:41,224 --> 00:08:44,926
And then used it as toilet paper.
226
00:08:44,928 --> 00:08:47,094
I know this sounds silly to you,
227
00:08:47,096 --> 00:08:48,329
but there is something about
228
00:08:48,331 --> 00:08:49,730
putting on these pearls every day
229
00:08:49,732 --> 00:08:52,033
that makes me feel strong, confident,
230
00:08:52,035 --> 00:08:53,868
and like anything is possible.
231
00:08:53,870 --> 00:08:57,338
And as long as I have these lucky...
232
00:08:59,775 --> 00:09:02,510
No.
No!
233
00:09:02,512 --> 00:09:03,644
No, no, no, don't freak out.
234
00:09:03,646 --> 00:09:04,966
Don't freak out.
We'll get them.
235
00:09:08,318 --> 00:09:09,417
My pearls!
236
00:09:09,419 --> 00:09:10,885
My lucky pearls!
237
00:09:10,887 --> 00:09:12,987
Yes, yes, we have
identified the problem.
238
00:09:12,989 --> 00:09:15,056
Just pick them up.
239
00:09:22,931 --> 00:09:25,232
Whoa! Looks like
somebody found breakfast.
240
00:09:25,234 --> 00:09:27,568
No, Chestnut!
241
00:09:28,905 --> 00:09:30,671
I'm still using that.
242
00:09:30,673 --> 00:09:32,773
Well, nothing's gonna work out now.
243
00:09:32,775 --> 00:09:34,075
Here comes the bad luck.
244
00:09:34,077 --> 00:09:35,242
Don't be ridiculous.
245
00:09:35,244 --> 00:09:38,079
Your luck couldn't get any worse.
246
00:09:39,982 --> 00:09:42,049
Aah!
247
00:09:45,922 --> 00:09:47,955
Or could it?
248
00:09:53,195 --> 00:09:54,295
Okay, Earl.
249
00:09:54,297 --> 00:09:57,431
This is the L-520
Order System touch pad.
250
00:09:57,433 --> 00:09:59,767
Look how simple.
See?
251
00:09:59,769 --> 00:10:01,068
I'm telling you,
252
00:10:01,070 --> 00:10:03,537
I can't figure this
tricky little thing out.
253
00:10:03,539 --> 00:10:05,906
Earl, it's an on/off button.
254
00:10:05,908 --> 00:10:07,308
Slow down.
255
00:10:07,310 --> 00:10:10,277
It does both?
256
00:10:10,279 --> 00:10:13,347
Let me just charge this up
for you right here.
257
00:10:16,753 --> 00:10:17,852
This thing has been plugged
258
00:10:17,854 --> 00:10:20,688
more than the Kardashian sisters.
259
00:10:22,057 --> 00:10:24,859
I better check the old wiring
in diner first.
260
00:10:24,861 --> 00:10:27,294
Max, now I feel like
everyone's staring
261
00:10:27,296 --> 00:10:28,696
at my chest area.
262
00:10:28,698 --> 00:10:29,897
Well, welcome to my life,
263
00:10:29,899 --> 00:10:32,033
every day since I was nine.
264
00:10:32,035 --> 00:10:34,468
That necklace
meant something special to me.
265
00:10:34,470 --> 00:10:36,404
Didn't you ever
lose anything sentimental
266
00:10:36,406 --> 00:10:37,905
you had for a long time?
267
00:10:37,907 --> 00:10:40,875
My mother, but then
she found her way back.
268
00:10:40,877 --> 00:10:43,577
Look, I am done waiting
for Martha to call.
269
00:10:43,579 --> 00:10:45,780
I say we go down there
with some cupcakes,
270
00:10:45,781 --> 00:10:47,181
remind her how much she liked them,
271
00:10:47,183 --> 00:10:49,050
and suggest she puts us on her show.
272
00:10:49,052 --> 00:10:51,452
No, I mean, I can't go
without my pearls.
273
00:10:51,454 --> 00:10:53,421
And it's more than just the luck.
274
00:10:53,423 --> 00:10:55,890
It's who I was
before I lost everything.
275
00:10:55,892 --> 00:10:57,124
You know how I always say,
276
00:10:57,126 --> 00:10:58,759
"hi, I'm Caroline Channing,"
277
00:10:58,761 --> 00:11:00,194
and then touch my pearls?
278
00:11:00,196 --> 00:11:01,762
I'm not just introducing myself.
279
00:11:01,764 --> 00:11:03,164
I'm reminding myself.
280
00:11:03,166 --> 00:11:05,700
Well, let me remind you
of something else.
281
00:11:05,702 --> 00:11:07,034
Yesterday you told me
282
00:11:07,036 --> 00:11:09,270
we were going
to rule the world with cupcakes.
283
00:11:09,272 --> 00:11:11,405
Yeah, that was the pearls talking.
284
00:11:11,407 --> 00:11:13,407
Okay, well, now I'm talking.
285
00:11:13,409 --> 00:11:14,675
There is no luck.
286
00:11:14,677 --> 00:11:15,976
There is only work.
287
00:11:15,978 --> 00:11:18,012
And right now,
you're working my last nerve.
288
00:11:18,014 --> 00:11:20,081
So I am going down there myself.
289
00:11:20,083 --> 00:11:21,682
And if Martha won't help me,
290
00:11:21,684 --> 00:11:23,517
I'ma bust her kneecaps
with a rolling pin
291
00:11:23,519 --> 00:11:26,587
and then say,
"Now that's a good thing."
292
00:11:34,143 --> 00:11:35,903
Okay, what if we just
send Martha an email,
293
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,584
so we're not just
standing in her office,
294
00:11:37,585 --> 00:11:38,625
begging some receptionist?
295
00:11:38,626 --> 00:11:40,481
- That won't do anything.
- Yes, it will.
296
00:11:40,483 --> 00:11:42,150
I craft amazing business emails.
297
00:11:42,152 --> 00:11:43,584
I went to Wharton.
298
00:11:43,586 --> 00:11:46,187
Please don't, Max.
That's all I have left.
299
00:11:46,189 --> 00:11:48,589
Max, Caroline, I found something
300
00:11:48,591 --> 00:11:49,857
at the restaurant trade show
301
00:11:49,859 --> 00:11:51,259
you might be interested in.
302
00:11:51,261 --> 00:11:53,027
The only restaurant trade
I'm interested in
303
00:11:53,029 --> 00:11:56,364
is if we can exchange you
for anybody else.
304
00:11:56,366 --> 00:11:58,699
You won't be laughing in a minute.
305
00:11:58,701 --> 00:12:00,201
Look, it's a cupcake from the new
306
00:12:00,203 --> 00:12:02,570
state-of-the-art
cupcake ATM machine.
307
00:12:02,572 --> 00:12:04,806
Sprinkles cupcakes
plans to be put them everywhere.
308
00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:07,675
Soon, everyone will be able
to just push a button,
309
00:12:07,677 --> 00:12:10,078
day or night, and get the cupcake.
310
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,447
So, I guess what I'm saying is,
311
00:12:12,449 --> 00:12:14,382
you might be screwed.
312
00:12:16,385 --> 00:12:18,519
Delicious...
313
00:12:18,521 --> 00:12:20,888
And no attitude.
314
00:12:23,358 --> 00:12:24,859
Well, more bad luck.
315
00:12:24,861 --> 00:12:25,993
I thought you were kidding,
316
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:27,562
but the machines are taking over.
317
00:12:27,564 --> 00:12:28,796
We can't compete with that.
318
00:12:28,798 --> 00:12:30,631
The business is done.
Game over.
319
00:12:30,783 --> 00:12:33,317
Man, you are never
gonna make it in the future.
320
00:12:33,319 --> 00:12:35,119
This is where the humans fight.
321
00:12:35,121 --> 00:12:37,121
This is where we march down
to Martha Stewart
322
00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:38,456
and demand a damn blurb,
323
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:40,191
so we can compete
with the machines...
324
00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:44,128
Just like in "Terminator 2:
Rise of the desserts."
325
00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:45,930
Fine.
Let's go see Martha.
326
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:47,031
She's our only hope.
327
00:12:47,033 --> 00:12:48,199
My lucky necklace is gone.
328
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:50,268
We can no longer
just wait for magic to happen.
329
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:51,602
Thank you, by the way,
330
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:54,171
for never telling me
that our former plan was magic.
331
00:12:57,709 --> 00:12:59,944
We'll just reintroduce
ourselves and our cupcakes
332
00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:01,626
to Martha and impress her
all over again,
333
00:13:01,627 --> 00:13:03,547
even though I'm wearing
a necklace that I hate.
334
00:13:03,548 --> 00:13:05,516
It's limp, anemic, and lackluster.
335
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:08,152
I have an Olsen twin around my neck.
336
00:13:08,154 --> 00:13:09,687
Here.
337
00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:11,155
What are you doing?
338
00:13:11,157 --> 00:13:14,659
So Martha will recognize me.
339
00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:16,260
Hi, excuse me.
Two questions.
340
00:13:16,262 --> 00:13:17,582
Which floor is Martha Stewart on?
341
00:13:17,583 --> 00:13:20,531
And should I lose this necklace?
342
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:23,100
Well, your silence speaks volumes.
343
00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:24,623
Hi, I'm not crazy,
344
00:13:24,624 --> 00:13:26,304
so you can just
tell me the floor number.
345
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,339
Elevator right over there,
15th floor,
346
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:30,007
Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia.
347
00:13:31,110 --> 00:13:32,810
Just got a little damp.
348
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:36,180
Thanks for your help.
Feels better.
349
00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:37,615
Smart, getting necklace advice
350
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:38,949
from a guy with no neck.
351
00:13:38,951 --> 00:13:41,018
Wait. Is that...
352
00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:43,821
That's the cupcake machine
that Han was talking about.
353
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,523
No!
354
00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:46,991
I was hoping it'd be ugly,
355
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:49,327
but it's pink and really cute.
356
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:52,596
It's like a gay R2-D2.
357
00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:55,766
Well, a gayer R2-D2.
358
00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:58,569
Who wouldn't want
a cupcake from this?
359
00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:01,072
No one.
360
00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:02,506
- We have to mess her up.
- What?
361
00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:04,875
Why are you carrying
spray-paint in your purse?
362
00:14:04,877 --> 00:14:06,744
For the same reason I carry a tampon.
363
00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:08,279
'Cause you never know.
364
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,781
We are not gonna destroy
someone else's property.
365
00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:12,583
Well, we have to do something,
366
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:14,352
'cause it's that machine or us.
367
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:15,653
I know.
368
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:19,023
We can open the little door
and put a poop in it.
369
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:20,858
Not one of mine.
Jeez!
370
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,626
What am I, a pig?
371
00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:25,129
Well, I'm not doing it.
372
00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:28,466
No, we just get some
puppy poop from the street.
373
00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:29,567
No!
374
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:31,602
We are not that desperate.
375
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:33,704
And I'm out of wetnaps.
376
00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:36,907
No, see, we already met Martha.
377
00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:38,642
We're just stopping by to say hi.
378
00:14:38,644 --> 00:14:40,044
You've already met Martha.
379
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:41,846
You're just stopping by to say hi.
380
00:14:41,848 --> 00:14:42,980
Yes.
381
00:14:42,982 --> 00:14:44,482
Martha Stewart asked us for our card.
382
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:47,184
Martha Stewart
asked you for your card.
383
00:14:47,186 --> 00:14:48,619
And where should I tell Martha
384
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:49,887
she asked for your card?
385
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,322
In the ladies' room.
386
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:53,090
Martha Stewart
asked you for your card
387
00:14:53,092 --> 00:14:54,959
- in the ladies' room.
- Okay.
388
00:14:54,961 --> 00:14:57,061
Don't make it sound like that.
It happened.
389
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,783
We cornered her
in the ladies' room and...
390
00:14:58,784 --> 00:15:00,544
Okay, don't make it
sound like that either.
391
00:15:00,545 --> 00:15:02,547
We went to a gala on the off chance
392
00:15:02,548 --> 00:15:03,868
that she would be gracious enough
393
00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:05,469
to try one of our cupcakes
and she did.
394
00:15:05,470 --> 00:15:06,370
She was very gracious.
395
00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:08,139
Yeah, maybe cornered
was the wrong word.
396
00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:10,007
It's not like we went there
to hunt her down.
397
00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:13,077
It's not like you went there
to hunt her down.
398
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:14,745
It's not.
399
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,147
Okay, I hear your tone.
400
00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:17,848
I see what's going down here.
401
00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:19,517
You think I'm some kind of a problem.
402
00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:22,253
Well, for the record,
Martha came on to me.
403
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,988
All right. Okay.
404
00:15:23,990 --> 00:15:26,323
This is not going as well
as we had hoped.
405
00:15:26,325 --> 00:15:28,692
Don't know how it could
without my magic pearls.
406
00:15:28,694 --> 00:15:29,994
Okay, look.
407
00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:31,796
I get that you're not
gonna let us up there.
408
00:15:31,798 --> 00:15:33,518
And I don't blame you,
what, with this one
409
00:15:33,519 --> 00:15:34,632
talking about magic.
410
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:36,534
But just so you know,
we are not lying.
411
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:37,635
It happened.
412
00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:38,877
And after we hunted her down...
413
00:15:38,878 --> 00:15:40,838
because, yeah,
you got us on that, we did...
414
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:42,273
Martha told us
415
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:45,042
she liked our entrepreneurial drive.
416
00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:47,711
Well, that does sound like Martha.
417
00:15:47,713 --> 00:15:49,847
Okay, I'll send these up.
Have a seat.
418
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:52,116
Thank you so much.
419
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,851
And here, uh, please take one,
420
00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:55,186
just so you can see for yourself
421
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,821
why Martha asked for our card.
422
00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:58,589
Well, I was gonna get a cupcake
423
00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:00,257
from that cute machine
downstairs later.
424
00:16:00,259 --> 00:16:01,525
Don't.
425
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:03,487
I heard someone found
something nasty in that...
426
00:16:03,488 --> 00:16:04,295
In about an hour.
427
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,529
Max.
428
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:07,565
And this is our beer batter
429
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:09,834
maple bacon spring break cupcake.
430
00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:11,068
Mmm.
431
00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:13,337
I can see why Martha...
432
00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:14,839
What the...
433
00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:16,340
I cracked my tooth!
434
00:16:16,342 --> 00:16:18,375
What?
435
00:16:18,377 --> 00:16:20,044
What is that?
Is it...
436
00:16:20,046 --> 00:16:21,145
is that glass?
437
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:23,013
No, it's a pearl.
438
00:16:23,015 --> 00:16:24,715
I'm so sorry.
439
00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:26,817
Sorry?
You're sorry?
440
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:30,287
I've been wearing Invisaligns
for 11 months!
441
00:16:32,691 --> 00:16:34,658
Well, there goes our big break.
442
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:37,027
Never would've happened
if I had had my necklace.
443
00:16:37,029 --> 00:16:38,383
The one with the lucky pearls
444
00:16:38,384 --> 00:16:40,064
that broke into the batter
and that woman
445
00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:42,266
just spit into her hand
mixed with saliva and blood?
446
00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:44,635
That lucky necklace?
447
00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:46,537
Yes.
448
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:48,072
Might as well face it.
449
00:16:48,074 --> 00:16:49,523
You and I are on our own.
450
00:16:49,525 --> 00:16:51,085
And not just
because of Martha either.
451
00:16:51,086 --> 00:16:53,394
Because there
is no such thing as good luck.
452
00:16:53,396 --> 00:16:54,829
Never seen it.
453
00:16:54,831 --> 00:16:56,764
And all lucky charms are stupid,
454
00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,566
except for the lucky charms,
455
00:16:58,568 --> 00:17:01,135
which are magically delicious.
456
00:17:04,374 --> 00:17:05,539
Look at it over there.
457
00:17:05,541 --> 00:17:08,342
Gay R2-D2
just laughing at us.
458
00:17:08,344 --> 00:17:09,443
You were right, Max.
459
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:10,645
You and I are on our own.
460
00:17:10,647 --> 00:17:12,546
We're just a little
start-up cupcake company
461
00:17:12,548 --> 00:17:14,248
in a hard, hard world.
462
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:16,651
And we gotta take matters
into our own hands.
463
00:17:16,653 --> 00:17:18,119
Cover me.
464
00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:19,453
Wait, wait, no.
465
00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:20,988
No, don't do it now.
466
00:17:20,990 --> 00:17:22,590
- The guard is right there.
- Hey, you!
467
00:17:22,591 --> 00:17:23,724
Stop that!
468
00:17:23,726 --> 00:17:25,566
What kind of freaks
deface a cupcake machine?
469
00:17:25,567 --> 00:17:26,427
Run, run run!
470
00:17:29,831 --> 00:17:33,200
Okay, stop, stop, stop.
We lost him.
471
00:17:33,202 --> 00:17:35,069
You know you only
tagged the wall, right?
472
00:17:35,071 --> 00:17:36,837
Yes, I have no luck.
473
00:17:36,839 --> 00:17:39,373
No one has any luck...
474
00:17:39,375 --> 00:17:42,943
With the possible exception
of Lindsay Lohan's lawyer.
475
00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:45,830
Look, it's Martha!
476
00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:47,865
She's getting in that car.
Give me the cupcakes.
477
00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:49,307
I'm going after her before she talks
478
00:17:49,308 --> 00:17:52,002
to that lady whose mouth we broke.
479
00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:54,839
Max, don't jiggle the cupcakes!
480
00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:56,207
Aah!
481
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,878
My God. My God.
My God.
482
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:01,979
Max, are you all right?
483
00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:03,347
Are you all right?
484
00:18:03,349 --> 00:18:05,449
I'm fine.
485
00:18:05,451 --> 00:18:07,384
No broken bones,
486
00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:09,286
which is surprising,
because when I was kid,
487
00:18:09,288 --> 00:18:10,821
we couldn't afford milk.
488
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:12,690
Actually the only time
my mother bought milk
489
00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:14,725
was when my face
was on the side of the carton.
490
00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:16,994
Are you sure you're all right?
491
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:18,762
Yeah.
492
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:21,332
I guess there
is such a thing as luck.
493
00:18:24,703 --> 00:18:26,003
And tomorrow night
494
00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:27,872
when you come in for takeout, Sophie,
495
00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:30,241
all Max has to do
is hit this little thing.
496
00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:32,176
Well, if I'm allowed
to hit little things,
497
00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:33,644
you're next.
498
00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:36,647
Change makes everyone so tense.
499
00:18:39,251 --> 00:18:40,651
Kitchen is now closed.
500
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:41,986
I have plans.
501
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:44,488
Big plans.
502
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:50,702
Sophie, I understand
503
00:18:50,703 --> 00:18:52,463
your relationship with Oleg
is complicated,
504
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:53,964
so let's simplify it.
505
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,726
Are you having sex
in our building tonight,
506
00:18:55,727 --> 00:18:57,535
and do I have to wear earplugs?
507
00:18:57,537 --> 00:18:59,603
I will be alone...
508
00:18:59,605 --> 00:19:01,939
But wear them anyway.
509
00:19:04,442 --> 00:19:06,176
Hi, um, sorry, we're closed.
510
00:19:06,178 --> 00:19:07,311
I do not wish to eat.
511
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:09,580
I just got collect call from Oleg.
512
00:19:11,950 --> 00:19:14,485
She said we are closed.
513
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,620
And who are you?
514
00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:18,756
I'm the last person you will see
515
00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:21,492
before you learn how to walk again.
516
00:19:23,595 --> 00:19:25,829
Stay away from Oleg,
517
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:28,699
or I'll pull your intestines
out through your nose
518
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:32,670
and give them to her
to wear as new necklace.
519
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:33,871
Fine.
520
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,039
I will leave.
521
00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:36,941
But only because
you have eyes of a python,
522
00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:39,043
and I have possible U.T.I.
523
00:19:41,613 --> 00:19:43,714
Sophie...
524
00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:46,550
Why don't you just admit it,
you and Oleg?
525
00:19:46,552 --> 00:19:47,785
What?
526
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:49,520
It's not like I want him.
527
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,522
It's just that where I come from,
528
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,824
you never throw anything away.
529
00:19:55,427 --> 00:19:57,261
Here you go, ladies.
530
00:19:57,263 --> 00:19:59,964
Enjoy the extra tips
from your credit cards,
531
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:02,299
because when Han flips that switch,
532
00:20:02,301 --> 00:20:04,101
the only tip I can give you is,
533
00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:06,270
don't wash your hair every day.
534
00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:08,639
It dries it out.
535
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:11,575
Okay.
Here comes the future.
536
00:20:11,577 --> 00:20:14,311
One, two...
537
00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:21,185
This old building sucks me so hard.
538
00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:23,954
Congratulations, ladies.
539
00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:26,223
This is your lucky night.
540
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,325
Speaking of luck,
541
00:20:28,327 --> 00:20:30,060
here are your pearls.
542
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,062
I found most of them, but I think
543
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,163
Chestnut ate a few.
544
00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:34,698
You can dig for those later yourself.
545
00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:36,066
Max.
546
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,369
And it won't look the same,
547
00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:39,570
because you have to string them
on this cheap-ass wire
548
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,639
I got at the hipster bead store...
549
00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:44,575
Beading Off.
550
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,310
We can add this Earl bonus money
551
00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:47,578
to our cupcake business total.
552
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,613
Yeah, that 150 will really put a dent
553
00:20:49,615 --> 00:20:51,548
in the 250,000 we need.
554
00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:52,650
We'll get there, Max.
555
00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:54,118
Because you and I have something
556
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,020
Martha Stewart and machines don't.
557
00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:57,154
Unpaid bills?
558
00:20:57,156 --> 00:20:59,256
Mushrooms growing
on our bathroom rug?
559
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,191
No, each other.
560
00:21:01,693 --> 00:21:03,193
Aww, a year later you're still
561
00:21:03,195 --> 00:21:06,096
trying to get me to feel things.
562
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:07,418
Do you wanna know the real reason
563
00:21:07,419 --> 00:21:09,500
I thought this necklace was so lucky?
564
00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:12,936
I was wearing it the day I met you.
565
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:14,471
So, I'm gonna have some extras
566
00:21:14,473 --> 00:21:16,040
do you wanna make one for yourself?
567
00:21:16,042 --> 00:21:17,875
Nah, I've had
plenty of pearl necklaces,
568
00:21:17,877 --> 00:21:20,878
and I find them
more sticky than lucky.
569
00:21:23,049 --> 00:21:26,483
Max,
ms@marthastewartinc.com.
570
00:21:26,985 --> 00:21:28,786
"Haven't forgotten about you, girls.
571
00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:30,287
Martha Stewart."
572
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:32,056
Just when I thought I was out,
573
00:21:32,058 --> 00:21:34,992
she pulls me back in again.
574
00:21:36,262 --> 00:21:40,029
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com