1
00:00:01,354 --> 00:00:03,056
Max, I can't wait to go home
2
00:00:03,057 --> 00:00:05,537
and ilegally download that documentary
about performance art.
3
00:00:05,554 --> 00:00:07,034
And I can't wait to go home and watch
4
00:00:07,035 --> 00:00:08,237
"Here comes Honey Boo Boo."
5
00:00:08,954 --> 00:00:10,237
But first you have to see this.
6
00:00:10,354 --> 00:00:12,037
Her name is Marina Abramovic.
7
00:00:12,038 --> 00:00:14,918
In the 90's she and her boyfriend
did this piece called "Confrontation"
8
00:00:14,919 --> 00:00:17,039
where they just slapped
each other's faces for days.
9
00:00:17,338 --> 00:00:18,003
Yeah?
10
00:00:18,004 --> 00:00:19,537
My mom and her boyfriend did that too,
11
00:00:19,539 --> 00:00:22,390
but they called it,
"Who smoked the last cigarette."
12
00:00:22,392 --> 00:00:25,042
No, really, it was pure art.
She's a genius.
13
00:00:25,044 --> 00:00:28,212
How about you and I
do a little art right now?
14
00:00:39,685 --> 00:00:41,017
What are they doing?
15
00:00:41,019 --> 00:00:42,485
I think they might be doing a scene
16
00:00:42,487 --> 00:00:44,554
from Fifty Shades Of Grey.
17
00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:50,827
Okay, stop.
18
00:00:50,829 --> 00:00:52,162
Okay.
19
00:00:55,767 --> 00:00:57,687
That's for suggesting
we make a lip-synch video
20
00:00:57,688 --> 00:00:59,936
to Call Me Maybe.
21
00:01:08,942 --> 00:01:13,010
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
22
00:01:22,726 --> 00:01:24,893
What's up, my man?
You look pretty down.
23
00:01:24,895 --> 00:01:26,595
My mother in Korea is working
24
00:01:26,597 --> 00:01:28,330
my last nerve, you know, Earl?
25
00:01:28,832 --> 00:01:32,033
Well, I didn't expect
a back and forth here.
26
00:01:34,570 --> 00:01:37,305
Max, do you wanna move in?
27
00:01:37,307 --> 00:01:40,008
Han, you can't let your mommy
keep bullying you.
28
00:01:40,010 --> 00:01:43,044
Stand up to her.
You're a 53-year-old man.
29
00:01:46,983 --> 00:01:50,252
Max, I am 29.
30
00:01:50,254 --> 00:01:53,488
What?
31
00:01:53,490 --> 00:01:55,423
I am 29.
32
00:01:55,425 --> 00:01:58,393
What do you got, a case
of the Benjamin Buttons?
33
00:01:59,762 --> 00:02:02,497
Caroline, Han says he's 29.
34
00:02:02,499 --> 00:02:05,000
What?
35
00:02:05,002 --> 00:02:06,368
Han, are you sure?
36
00:02:06,370 --> 00:02:08,503
Yes, what makes you think I'm older?
37
00:02:08,505 --> 00:02:10,438
Well, everything...
your hair, your clothes,
38
00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:14,075
the $5 check you gave me for my birthday.
39
00:02:19,982 --> 00:02:23,618
Hi, can I help you?
That sounded so sincere.
40
00:02:23,620 --> 00:02:26,955
Well, when you're in my section,
you'll meet the real me.
41
00:02:26,957 --> 00:02:29,457
I have one question.
Do you wanna live?
42
00:02:29,459 --> 00:02:32,193
Actually, today, I could go either way.
43
00:02:32,195 --> 00:02:33,728
You see this?
44
00:02:33,730 --> 00:02:35,570
Go around the diner
and have everyone fill it
45
00:02:35,571 --> 00:02:36,891
with the contents of their purse,
46
00:02:36,892 --> 00:02:38,833
and if you do, nobody gets hurt.
47
00:02:38,835 --> 00:02:40,302
Okay, okay, okay, but, I don't know
48
00:02:40,304 --> 00:02:41,736
how much you're gonna collect here.
49
00:02:41,738 --> 00:02:43,905
I mean, most of these customers
pay with coins
50
00:02:43,907 --> 00:02:46,641
or fresh tomatoes from their garden.
51
00:02:46,643 --> 00:02:48,143
Earl, listen up.
52
00:02:48,145 --> 00:02:49,865
We're being robbed by that man in the suit,
53
00:02:49,866 --> 00:02:52,186
and he wants everyone to empty
their stuff into this bag.
54
00:02:52,187 --> 00:02:54,182
Max, I've been on both sides
55
00:02:54,184 --> 00:02:55,987
of this situation,
56
00:02:58,989 --> 00:03:03,158
and the best thing to do is play along.
57
00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:06,561
Okay, Caroline,
I'm gonna tell you something,
58
00:03:06,563 --> 00:03:07,996
and I don't want you to react.
59
00:03:07,998 --> 00:03:09,998
I knew you were gonna get pregnant.
60
00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:12,834
Damn it!
All right, fine.
61
00:03:12,836 --> 00:03:14,602
- We'll get through this together.
- No!
62
00:03:14,604 --> 00:03:17,405
Look, we're being robbed,
and that guy in the suit
63
00:03:17,407 --> 00:03:19,007
might have a gun.
64
00:03:19,009 --> 00:03:22,010
No, no... just do what I say,
and stay calm.
65
00:03:22,012 --> 00:03:24,079
I need you to empty your purse
into the trash bag.
66
00:03:25,581 --> 00:03:27,349
I can't believe this is happening
67
00:03:27,351 --> 00:03:29,684
just when I saved $2.
68
00:03:29,686 --> 00:03:32,587
Max, I can't die, and I certainly can't die
69
00:03:32,589 --> 00:03:34,255
in this ugly uniform.
70
00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:36,324
I mean, it looks good on you.
71
00:03:39,895 --> 00:03:42,630
Are you having a heart attack?
72
00:03:42,632 --> 00:03:44,699
I'm peeing.
73
00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:47,802
What do you mean?
74
00:03:47,804 --> 00:03:52,073
I'm really freaked out, and I'm peeing.
75
00:03:52,075 --> 00:03:53,241
I can't stop!
76
00:03:53,243 --> 00:03:55,243
Just stop, stop!
Clench it.
77
00:03:55,245 --> 00:03:57,045
Okay.
78
00:03:57,047 --> 00:04:00,148
No, can't.
79
00:04:00,150 --> 00:04:01,483
Step out from behind the counter.
80
00:04:01,485 --> 00:04:02,951
Sorry, sir, I can't.
81
00:04:02,953 --> 00:04:06,755
- Why?
- Well, I'm peeing.
82
00:04:07,257 --> 00:04:08,890
Still?
83
00:04:08,892 --> 00:04:10,792
Out of the way, girls.
I'll take down this...
84
00:04:10,794 --> 00:04:13,762
whoa!
85
00:04:13,764 --> 00:04:15,597
Get away from him.
86
00:04:15,599 --> 00:04:17,759
Miss, you need to get out
from behind the counter now
87
00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:20,969
- before I...
- Please take her, not me.
88
00:04:20,971 --> 00:04:23,004
- What's happening?
- Han, we're being robbed.
89
00:04:23,506 --> 00:04:24,639
So sorry.
90
00:04:24,641 --> 00:04:26,508
Please take everything
91
00:04:26,510 --> 00:04:29,778
that is
in my manny-pack.
92
00:04:29,780 --> 00:04:33,181
Would it be possible
if I took my prayer beads out?
93
00:04:33,183 --> 00:04:37,085
They've been in my family
for hundreds and hundreds of...
94
00:04:37,087 --> 00:04:40,155
I don't think so, homeboy.
95
00:04:45,261 --> 00:04:48,329
You're in my house now, bitch.
96
00:04:55,470 --> 00:04:57,272
Here's what's left in the bag.
97
00:04:57,274 --> 00:05:00,275
Nope, sorry.
I don't see your dignity.
98
00:05:00,277 --> 00:05:02,043
Max, don't.
99
00:05:02,045 --> 00:05:04,179
Isn't it enough that
I'm wearing dishwasher whites
100
00:05:04,181 --> 00:05:06,748
that have been around
since the invention of B.O.?
101
00:05:09,552 --> 00:05:13,621
Look at that, something
ate right through the swiffer,
102
00:05:13,623 --> 00:05:16,558
and I don't think it was the bleach.
103
00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:19,961
How will you ever live with the shame?
104
00:05:19,963 --> 00:05:22,464
Can you believe
that is the man who saved us?
105
00:05:22,466 --> 00:05:24,666
Yeah, I did not see a gun coming.
106
00:05:24,668 --> 00:05:27,535
I saw nunchucks, ninja smoke,
maybe some hairpulling,
107
00:05:27,537 --> 00:05:28,970
but not a gun.
108
00:05:28,972 --> 00:05:31,573
Well, good night, ladies.
109
00:05:31,575 --> 00:05:34,309
I thought we all acted very brave tonight.
110
00:05:34,311 --> 00:05:37,312
Well, some of us.
111
00:05:37,314 --> 00:05:40,348
Yeah, I had a trauma, and I urinated.
112
00:05:40,350 --> 00:05:43,585
Ha, ha!
That's hilarious.
113
00:05:43,587 --> 00:05:45,086
Yeah, you might need some counseling.
114
00:05:45,088 --> 00:05:46,721
I could drop you off at a therapist
115
00:05:46,723 --> 00:05:50,225
on the way to my "I was a human
shield" support group.
116
00:05:50,227 --> 00:05:52,393
Am I ever gonna live this down?
117
00:05:52,395 --> 00:05:55,063
It happened, like, ten minutes ago.
118
00:05:55,065 --> 00:05:58,233
Okay, let's move on.
119
00:05:58,235 --> 00:06:01,436
Look, someone left
a coupon for free movie popcorn.
120
00:06:01,438 --> 00:06:04,839
I'd love to escape to a movie after my...
121
00:06:04,841 --> 00:06:08,076
well, I'd just love to escape.
122
00:06:08,078 --> 00:06:10,578
How much are movies now, like 200 bucks?
123
00:06:10,580 --> 00:06:13,848
Unless you go with me,
in which case, it is free.
124
00:06:13,850 --> 00:06:15,350
I'll take you tomorrow.
125
00:06:15,352 --> 00:06:17,352
I've been sneaking into theaters
since I was two.
126
00:06:17,354 --> 00:06:18,674
I crawled into The Little Mermaid
127
00:06:18,675 --> 00:06:19,854
with a sack full of Cheerios
128
00:06:19,856 --> 00:06:22,023
and a baby bottle full of Diet Coke.
129
00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:27,762
You know, Chestnut, the only thing
130
00:06:27,764 --> 00:06:30,131
that got me through that robbery was you.
131
00:06:30,133 --> 00:06:32,467
I kept thinking,
"who will take care of you?"
132
00:06:32,469 --> 00:06:35,570
Because you can't count
on blondie selfish-pants
133
00:06:35,572 --> 00:06:38,306
who used me as a human shield
and then peed herself.
134
00:06:38,808 --> 00:06:40,975
Do not tell Chestnut I peed myself.
135
00:06:40,977 --> 00:06:44,646
He's the only one from my circle
who still talks to me.
136
00:06:44,648 --> 00:06:48,416
As I was saying, Chestnut,
I would have taken a bullet
137
00:06:48,418 --> 00:06:50,084
for her, but she put herself first,
138
00:06:50,086 --> 00:06:51,920
and that's okay.
It's fine.
139
00:06:51,922 --> 00:06:54,422
Max, I'm surprised
you're even affected by this.
140
00:06:54,424 --> 00:06:57,792
I mean, weren't you shot as a baby?
141
00:06:57,794 --> 00:06:59,394
I feel like you told me that.
142
00:06:59,396 --> 00:07:03,131
No, I told you I drank shots as a baby.
143
00:07:03,133 --> 00:07:06,167
My mother hated to drink alone.
144
00:07:06,169 --> 00:07:07,669
Okay, what free movie should we see?
145
00:07:07,671 --> 00:07:09,904
Maybe something with a Fanning in it?
146
00:07:09,906 --> 00:07:12,340
I'll see anything
unless it's in 3-D.
147
00:07:12,342 --> 00:07:14,382
I mean, if something's
gonna be flying at my face,
148
00:07:14,383 --> 00:07:16,844
I'd better get a free prime rib out of it.
149
00:07:16,846 --> 00:07:19,480
So what do we do, Max?
What do we do?
150
00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:21,402
Hide in the back alley
till the coast is clear,
151
00:07:21,403 --> 00:07:24,152
and when the door opens,
make a break for it?
152
00:07:24,154 --> 00:07:27,188
No, 'cause it's not the 1940s.
153
00:07:27,190 --> 00:07:28,957
We just go right up in the usher's face,
154
00:07:28,959 --> 00:07:31,593
make an excuse, and then
boldly walk with purpose.
155
00:07:31,595 --> 00:07:33,328
Okay, well, just show me how.
156
00:07:33,330 --> 00:07:35,430
You can direct me.
I've done a lot of plays.
157
00:07:35,432 --> 00:07:37,498
I could do my "Eliza Doolittle"
158
00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:40,435
before she was civilized" walk.
159
00:07:40,437 --> 00:07:43,504
Hello, governor.
160
00:07:45,441 --> 00:07:48,476
Wow, that was just ugly.
I wish I hadn't seen it.
161
00:07:48,478 --> 00:07:52,447
All right, just watch me.
162
00:07:52,449 --> 00:07:56,818
Walk, walk, walk, hair flip, walk, walk.
163
00:07:56,820 --> 00:07:59,721
Walk, walk, walk, hair flip, walk, walk.
164
00:08:01,724 --> 00:08:04,392
Good, but easy
on the hair flip, Willow Smith.
165
00:08:08,665 --> 00:08:11,132
Hi, girls.
166
00:08:11,134 --> 00:08:13,334
I heard what happened.
167
00:08:13,336 --> 00:08:16,170
Max, you got pushed in front of a gun.
168
00:08:16,172 --> 00:08:19,240
You must be very pissed.
169
00:08:20,476 --> 00:08:23,911
Caroline, what a nice outfit.
170
00:08:23,913 --> 00:08:28,082
On a scale of one to ten, you're an eight.
171
00:08:28,084 --> 00:08:29,651
Get it?
Urinate.
172
00:08:35,091 --> 00:08:36,991
How do you even know what happened?
173
00:08:36,993 --> 00:08:39,494
Well, Oleg told me when we were upstairs
174
00:08:39,496 --> 00:08:43,231
playing "hide the penis,"
175
00:08:43,233 --> 00:08:45,500
and we laughed so hard,
we almost peed ourselves,
176
00:08:45,502 --> 00:08:48,569
but we didn't because we're not you.
177
00:08:50,439 --> 00:08:52,607
Actually, we're going to a movie.
178
00:08:52,609 --> 00:08:54,909
Well, that's nice.
179
00:08:54,911 --> 00:08:58,112
I hope you're gonna wear
your big girl pants.
180
00:08:58,614 --> 00:09:00,948
- Max.
- What? It's silly and funny.
181
00:09:00,950 --> 00:09:04,752
She's like a Polish fart cushion.
182
00:09:04,754 --> 00:09:06,274
Look, if it makes you feel any better,
183
00:09:06,275 --> 00:09:07,922
there can't be any pee jokes left.
184
00:09:07,924 --> 00:09:09,524
What are you seeing,
185
00:09:09,526 --> 00:09:12,360
something rated "pee pee 13"?
186
00:09:15,198 --> 00:09:17,665
Fart cushions are funny.
187
00:09:26,196 --> 00:09:28,236
- There's the guy.
- I'm getting a little nervous.
188
00:09:28,237 --> 00:09:29,797
I'm starting to sweat like those people
189
00:09:29,798 --> 00:09:32,068
on Locked Up Abroad.
I don't know why.
190
00:09:32,070 --> 00:09:33,936
I haven't swallowed a heroin balloon.
191
00:09:33,938 --> 00:09:35,505
Okay, let's go.
192
00:09:35,507 --> 00:09:39,108
Pretend we're out of breath.
193
00:09:39,110 --> 00:09:42,078
Out of breath, not out of your mind.
194
00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:43,695
Hey, sorry.
195
00:09:43,696 --> 00:09:45,776
Can we just run back
into the theater for a second?
196
00:09:45,778 --> 00:09:47,698
I left my iPhone in there,
and the prescription
197
00:09:47,699 --> 00:09:49,339
for her anti-seizure
medication's on it.
198
00:09:49,340 --> 00:09:50,853
Yeah, which theater were you in?
199
00:09:50,855 --> 00:09:52,722
Theatre five.
Went to the 11:15.
200
00:09:52,724 --> 00:09:54,390
Got out at 1:20.
A little long.
201
00:09:54,392 --> 00:09:56,459
Could've cut ten from it.
202
00:10:00,764 --> 00:10:02,565
Wow, your walk with purpose is getting
203
00:10:02,567 --> 00:10:04,767
almost as impressive as Han's "bang, bang,"
204
00:10:04,769 --> 00:10:06,803
you're in my house now,
bitch!"
205
00:10:06,805 --> 00:10:08,738
I know.
What about Han?
206
00:10:08,740 --> 00:10:11,574
Before yesterday, we thought
he was 53 and unarmed.
207
00:10:11,576 --> 00:10:13,696
Guess we learn something new
about people every day.
208
00:10:13,697 --> 00:10:14,737
Yeah, like having to learn
209
00:10:14,738 --> 00:10:16,813
that when you get nervous, I'm disposable.
210
00:10:17,315 --> 00:10:20,783
That was very uncharacteristic of me.
211
00:10:20,785 --> 00:10:24,220
Hi, Hallelujah.
212
00:10:24,222 --> 00:10:25,721
Cool name, by the way.
213
00:10:25,723 --> 00:10:27,223
How are you doing today, Hallelujah?
214
00:10:27,225 --> 00:10:29,258
Bitter.
215
00:10:29,260 --> 00:10:31,100
They wouldn't let me put
an exclamation point
216
00:10:31,101 --> 00:10:32,962
on my name tag.
217
00:10:32,964 --> 00:10:34,464
Is there any way you could make
218
00:10:34,466 --> 00:10:35,798
a fresh batch of popcorn?
219
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:37,800
I could, but it takes ten minutes,
220
00:10:37,802 --> 00:10:39,168
and your show starts in two.
221
00:10:39,170 --> 00:10:40,603
Actually, it takes 31/2,
222
00:10:40,605 --> 00:10:41,904
and I can miss a few trailers.
223
00:10:41,906 --> 00:10:43,506
I used to work at a Cineplex Five.
224
00:10:43,508 --> 00:10:47,310
So now you just know everything about life?
225
00:10:47,312 --> 00:10:49,779
Come on, the opening scene sets up
226
00:10:49,781 --> 00:10:51,514
where he gets his superpowers from.
227
00:10:51,516 --> 00:10:55,751
Hey, Hallelujah here
is doing the best he can.
228
00:10:55,753 --> 00:10:57,186
I mean, based on his name,
229
00:10:57,188 --> 00:10:59,290
his parents clearly had
bigger dreams for him,
230
00:10:59,291 --> 00:11:01,491
and it is not his fault
you guys showed up two minutes
231
00:11:01,493 --> 00:11:02,992
before the show starts.
232
00:11:02,994 --> 00:11:05,128
Maybe next time,
you'll show up ten minutes early
233
00:11:05,130 --> 00:11:07,196
without the attitude
and the fidgety exhaling.
234
00:11:07,198 --> 00:11:08,758
You think Hallelujah doesn't hear that?
235
00:11:08,759 --> 00:11:12,368
- He does.
- Sorry to be such a problem.
236
00:11:12,370 --> 00:11:14,050
We'll just take whatever you've got ready.
237
00:11:14,051 --> 00:11:16,606
No, girl.
I got you.
238
00:11:16,608 --> 00:11:18,274
I'm gonna make you a fresh batch.
239
00:11:18,276 --> 00:11:20,343
Hallelujah, could I have some fresh too?
240
00:11:20,345 --> 00:11:22,945
You'll get the burnt ones
and like it, nerd.
241
00:11:27,451 --> 00:11:29,051
Let's sit down here.
242
00:11:29,053 --> 00:11:30,453
I'm not sticking to the floor yet.
243
00:11:30,455 --> 00:11:32,788
Fancy theater.
244
00:11:32,790 --> 00:11:34,290
Hey, guys.
245
00:11:34,292 --> 00:11:35,892
Hope I wasn't too hard on you out there.
246
00:11:36,394 --> 00:11:37,593
Nice cape.
247
00:11:37,695 --> 00:11:39,996
Thanks.
I had it in my backpack.
248
00:11:39,998 --> 00:11:43,065
I wasn't sure.
249
00:11:46,036 --> 00:11:48,204
You made the right choice.
250
00:11:50,141 --> 00:11:51,507
She likes my cape.
251
00:11:51,509 --> 00:11:53,745
Technically, she likes your sister's cape.
252
00:11:56,747 --> 00:11:59,315
Okay, so I don't know anything
about these superhero movies.
253
00:11:59,317 --> 00:12:01,717
It's a remake of a prequel to a sequel?
254
00:12:01,719 --> 00:12:03,419
- I'm already confused.
- Okay.
255
00:12:03,421 --> 00:12:08,558
So there's always a nerdy guy...
256
00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:10,293
And he's either been wronged or bitten
257
00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:11,494
or exposed to something toxic.
258
00:12:11,496 --> 00:12:13,104
It gives him superpowers.
259
00:12:13,105 --> 00:12:15,505
He's in love with a pretty girl
who his rival tries to kill
260
00:12:15,506 --> 00:12:16,786
but then won't because they have
261
00:12:16,787 --> 00:12:17,667
to make another movie.
262
00:12:17,669 --> 00:12:19,068
Also, partial nudity,
263
00:12:19,070 --> 00:12:20,503
product placement, dope explosions,
264
00:12:20,505 --> 00:12:23,072
and a killer score by Hans Zimmer.
265
00:12:23,574 --> 00:12:25,454
Okay, your knowledge
of these superhero movies
266
00:12:25,455 --> 00:12:28,277
is kind of turning me on right now.
267
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,548
Wait.
Are you kidding me?
268
00:12:32,550 --> 00:12:34,717
The hero has red hair as a child?
269
00:12:34,719 --> 00:12:36,786
Weird, 'cause when he grows up,
270
00:12:36,788 --> 00:12:39,088
he has black hair.
271
00:12:39,090 --> 00:12:40,890
Was there some sort of chemical spill,
272
00:12:40,892 --> 00:12:43,926
which, by the way, wasn't
in the original comic book!
273
00:12:43,928 --> 00:12:45,595
- What am I, dumb?
- Okay.
274
00:12:45,897 --> 00:12:47,230
Okay, come on.
275
00:12:47,232 --> 00:12:48,632
Come on, let's go to another movie.
276
00:12:48,633 --> 00:12:49,799
What are you talking about?
277
00:12:49,801 --> 00:12:51,067
Well, you obviously hate this.
278
00:12:51,069 --> 00:12:52,301
You're yelling at the screen.
279
00:12:52,303 --> 00:12:53,823
Yelling at the screen is the best part
280
00:12:53,824 --> 00:12:55,664
of going to the movies,
and more white people
281
00:12:55,665 --> 00:12:58,541
should learn that.
282
00:13:01,446 --> 00:13:03,579
Wow, look at that.
283
00:13:03,581 --> 00:13:06,415
That car just exploded
in front of those two girls,
284
00:13:06,417 --> 00:13:08,718
and one didn't use the other's body
285
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:12,388
to block her from the flying debris.
286
00:13:12,390 --> 00:13:14,924
Are you ever gonna let this go?
287
00:13:14,926 --> 00:13:16,806
I don't know.
I mean, it's kind of a big deal.
288
00:13:16,807 --> 00:13:18,060
You put my life in danger.
289
00:13:18,062 --> 00:13:20,997
Well, I've apologized about it twice.
290
00:13:20,999 --> 00:13:22,565
I don't know how much more I can do.
291
00:13:25,503 --> 00:13:28,271
Yeah, I could have died,
292
00:13:28,273 --> 00:13:30,773
but you apologized twice,
so I guess we're good.
293
00:13:32,409 --> 00:13:33,409
I don't like this movie.
294
00:13:33,411 --> 00:13:35,411
It's violence against women.
295
00:13:35,413 --> 00:13:37,480
Let's go see that
Katherine Heigl rom-com sequel.
296
00:13:37,482 --> 00:13:40,750
Talk about violence against women.
297
00:13:40,752 --> 00:13:43,152
I am gonna go spend some time
with Katie Heigl.
298
00:13:43,154 --> 00:13:44,714
At least she won't make me feel guilty.
299
00:13:45,156 --> 00:13:46,289
See ya.
300
00:13:46,291 --> 00:13:50,259
Enjoy three Walking On Sunshine montages.
301
00:13:52,696 --> 00:13:55,298
I don't wanna go to a movie
by myself, and you're right.
302
00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:57,366
I'm sorry.
I hate the way I acted.
303
00:13:57,368 --> 00:14:00,202
I'm a spoiled rich girl,
and I always put myself first,
304
00:14:00,204 --> 00:14:02,204
and I know that's something
you would never do.
305
00:14:02,706 --> 00:14:04,273
Shut up.
306
00:14:05,809 --> 00:14:08,844
Max, I think I just saw Han.
307
00:14:09,346 --> 00:14:11,714
It is Han.
What's he doing here?
308
00:14:12,016 --> 00:14:13,696
Why is he sitting all the way in the back?
309
00:14:14,004 --> 00:14:15,244
I don't know, maybe he's afraid
310
00:14:15,245 --> 00:14:16,819
of blocking absolutely no one's view.
311
00:14:19,890 --> 00:14:22,124
And who is that guy and girl
he's sitting with?
312
00:14:22,626 --> 00:14:26,062
Is Han in a threesome?
313
00:14:26,064 --> 00:14:28,130
Does he secretly have game?
314
00:14:28,632 --> 00:14:30,232
Please.
The only game Han has
315
00:14:30,234 --> 00:14:32,301
is "One, two,
buckle my shoe."
316
00:14:34,237 --> 00:14:37,006
Wait, he's leaving,
317
00:14:37,008 --> 00:14:39,475
and so is the guy he was sitting next to.
318
00:14:39,977 --> 00:14:42,578
Did Han just get more interesting?
319
00:14:42,580 --> 00:14:44,980
We have to follow him.
320
00:14:46,182 --> 00:14:47,982
He can blast
a wall apart with his thoughts,
321
00:14:47,983 --> 00:14:49,343
but he can't get out of handcuffs?
322
00:14:49,344 --> 00:14:51,988
Even I could get out of handcuffs!
323
00:14:52,990 --> 00:14:54,557
Have fun being lied to.
324
00:14:54,559 --> 00:14:56,158
You're right.
You're always right.
325
00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:58,661
Are you seeing anyone?
326
00:14:58,663 --> 00:15:01,297
That was hard to watch.
327
00:15:09,708 --> 00:15:12,143
Why is he going to
the bathroom with that stranger?
328
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:15,212
Is Han also a republican senator?
329
00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:17,448
Usher.
330
00:15:24,723 --> 00:15:26,824
Are all men's rooms this depressing?
331
00:15:26,826 --> 00:15:28,059
We are such different people.
332
00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:29,994
I was just gonna say how nice it is.
333
00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:33,030
I don't hear sex sounds,
334
00:15:33,032 --> 00:15:36,100
and he's not on the changing table,
335
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:38,336
so maybe drugs are involved.
336
00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:40,738
You think Han's an Asian drug dealer?
337
00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:43,741
What's he selling, crystal math?
338
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:45,076
Look.
Han's coming.
339
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:46,877
- Aw, gross!
- No, no!
340
00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:51,282
I meant he's coming this way.
341
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:54,118
Hey, you're running.
Don't run, it's Han.
342
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:57,088
For him, every step we take
is like a 100-meter dash.
343
00:15:57,590 --> 00:15:59,890
Sorry, you're the one
who doesn't want Han to see us.
344
00:15:59,892 --> 00:16:02,052
I just don't want that kind
of relationship with him.
345
00:16:02,053 --> 00:16:03,373
You mean the kind of relationship
346
00:16:03,374 --> 00:16:04,574
where you see someone you know
347
00:16:04,575 --> 00:16:05,975
at the movie theater and say hello?
348
00:16:05,976 --> 00:16:07,431
Yeah, I definitely don't want that.
349
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:11,202
Ladies, may I see your tickets, please?
350
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:14,271
Tickets?
Max, do you...
351
00:16:16,241 --> 00:16:17,481
Can I see your tickets, please?
352
00:16:17,482 --> 00:16:20,077
I saw you go into another theater.
353
00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:22,546
Caroline?
354
00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:25,216
Hi, honey.
355
00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:27,118
Hello?
356
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,986
Honey, I forgot my ticket.
357
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,287
He has my ticket.
358
00:16:30,289 --> 00:16:32,156
Han, this nice usher man thinks I snuck
359
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,725
into the theater,
so just show him the tickets.
360
00:16:38,297 --> 00:16:39,630
You two are together?
361
00:16:40,132 --> 00:16:42,333
- Yeah, why?
- It's nothing.
362
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:43,567
It's none of my business,
363
00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:45,436
but he just seems too old for you.
364
00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:48,106
- He's 29.
- What?
365
00:16:49,108 --> 00:16:51,642
I'm gonna have to see you
366
00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:53,344
and your girlfriend's ticket.
367
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:56,180
I thought I put the ticket in here.
368
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:58,682
Tickets. You put two tickets
in there, honey.
369
00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:02,119
Okay.
370
00:17:02,121 --> 00:17:05,589
I cannot find it.
Damn.
371
00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:08,092
Sir, you know
that sneaking into a theater's
372
00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:09,160
a felony, right?
373
00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:10,696
It is?
374
00:17:13,832 --> 00:17:15,599
Han, what's that face?
375
00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:18,303
It's the same face I made when I peed...
376
00:17:19,305 --> 00:17:21,672
Honey.
377
00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:24,308
How will I live with the shame?
378
00:17:24,310 --> 00:17:25,976
Well, at least your fanny pack
379
00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:28,712
isn't the most embarrassing
thing about you any more.
380
00:17:35,887 --> 00:17:39,190
Well, well, well, look who it is.
381
00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:41,693
Hair flip and go.
382
00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:45,129
I don't know what you're
doing, but it feels weird.
383
00:17:45,131 --> 00:17:47,798
Now, look who's walk,
walk, walking with purpose
384
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,000
away from me again.
385
00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:51,836
What?
It wasn't a big deal.
386
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:55,239
Really? 'Cause I went
to movie jail with Han.
387
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:57,341
- Cool.
- We have a mug shot.
388
00:17:57,343 --> 00:17:59,043
We're a notorious gangster couple now
389
00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:00,377
down at the Cineplex.
390
00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:03,214
That's right,
Han-nie and Clyde,
391
00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:04,748
but you know what, I'm fine.
392
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:07,017
I'm thrilled, actually,
because you walking away
393
00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:08,419
gave me one thing.
394
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:11,689
An obstructed view of my sweet, sweet ass?
395
00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:13,757
No, the satisfaction of knowing
396
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:15,559
that you are just as selfish as me.
397
00:18:16,061 --> 00:18:17,695
What a selfish thing to say.
398
00:18:18,297 --> 00:18:21,392
You can walk, walk, walk away from me, Max,
399
00:18:21,393 --> 00:18:22,833
but you can't walk away from knowing
400
00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:24,101
that you split the scene.
401
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,370
What? I thought you
were behind me,
402
00:18:26,372 --> 00:18:28,239
and besides, we couldn't both get caught.
403
00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:29,607
Who would live to tell the tale
404
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,275
of the great Caroline Channing, the girl
405
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:32,910
who couldn't walk fast enough?
406
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:36,013
No, no, no, no, no.
Don't turn this around.
407
00:18:36,015 --> 00:18:38,449
Now, I see it, the whole "Max" of it all.
408
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,184
When we got caught, you only thought
409
00:18:40,186 --> 00:18:41,785
about saving yourself,
410
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:43,687
and you weren't defending poor Hallelujah.
411
00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:45,890
You just wanted fresh popcorn for yourself.
412
00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:48,025
What can I say?
I guess you're on to me.
413
00:18:48,527 --> 00:18:50,427
You said you'd take a bullet for me.
414
00:18:50,429 --> 00:18:52,029
You'd never take a bullet for me.
415
00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:54,565
Probably not.
No one ever takes a bullet.
416
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:56,687
It's just something people say
that they don't mean,
417
00:18:56,688 --> 00:18:57,688
like, "how was your day?"
418
00:18:57,689 --> 00:19:00,504
Or, "we'll stop
if it hurts."
419
00:19:05,043 --> 00:19:07,411
Wow, so this is who we are,
420
00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:09,440
Two selfish girls who always put ourselves
421
00:19:09,441 --> 00:19:10,881
before everyone else and are willing
422
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:12,216
to do anything to survive?
423
00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:14,285
Guess we are.
424
00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:16,620
Man, we're gonna crush
the cupcake competition.
425
00:19:17,122 --> 00:19:19,137
But, Max, even though we're ruthless,
426
00:19:19,138 --> 00:19:20,658
every now and then, on our own behalf,
427
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,326
we do put ourselves second,
428
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:24,962
and I guess that's
what makes us best friends.
429
00:19:25,714 --> 00:19:27,264
I don't think I've ever done that.
430
00:19:27,266 --> 00:19:28,465
Yes, you have.
431
00:19:28,467 --> 00:19:29,633
You let me stay on your couch
432
00:19:29,635 --> 00:19:31,468
when I had no place to stay.
433
00:19:31,470 --> 00:19:33,170
I guess I did.
434
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:36,907
And I gave you...
435
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,611
Go ahead.
436
00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:43,133
Well, there must be something
where I didn't put myself first.
437
00:19:43,134 --> 00:19:45,316
Let me know when you find it.
438
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,754
Sophie, just look at you.
439
00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:52,957
You couldn't look more scrumptious.
440
00:19:52,959 --> 00:19:55,092
Maybe I could
441
00:19:55,094 --> 00:20:00,364
with a little chocolate drizzled on me.
442
00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:03,601
Good, there you are, Han.
443
00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:07,504
I just have one question
that I have to ask you.
444
00:20:07,506 --> 00:20:09,807
What is your favorite musical?
445
00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:12,343
Is it The Wiz?
446
00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:16,180
Whiz, Max!
I found another one, right?
447
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:19,450
How do you even know about this?
448
00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:23,721
Oleg told me
while we were having phone sex.
449
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:26,457
And by phone sex, she means
we were using the phone
450
00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:27,993
in the sex.
451
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,528
Don't worry, Han.
452
00:20:31,530 --> 00:20:34,331
A lot of older men
can't control their bladder.
453
00:20:34,333 --> 00:20:36,867
I am twenty-freaking-nine!
454
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:39,703
What?
455
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:46,010
I'm humiliated, Max.
456
00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:48,312
Hey, listen to me.
457
00:20:48,314 --> 00:20:49,580
You didn't sell Caroline out.
458
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,048
A lot of people would have,
459
00:20:51,050 --> 00:20:52,816
but you just stood there like a man
460
00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:54,318
and peed your pants.
461
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:56,720
That's true.
I did.
462
00:20:56,722 --> 00:20:58,029
By the way, Han, why were you
463
00:20:58,030 --> 00:20:59,590
at the movies in the middle of the day?
464
00:20:59,892 --> 00:21:01,091
Sometimes people bug me,
465
00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:02,528
and I need some time away.
466
00:21:04,030 --> 00:21:05,929
You know what, Han?
467
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,097
You're cool.
468
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,399
We're gonna hang sometime.
469
00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:09,400
Not now, not in a week,
470
00:21:09,402 --> 00:21:11,869
but in the future.
471
00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:14,275
Just sayin', I got my eye on you.
472
00:21:19,812 --> 00:21:25,780
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com