1
00:00:02,841 --> 00:00:04,058
Look at all these people
2
00:00:04,060 --> 00:00:05,593
just sitting here
and not tipping,
3
00:00:05,595 --> 00:00:07,094
working on their computers.
4
00:00:07,096 --> 00:00:08,462
This guy has a brand-new Apple.
5
00:00:08,464 --> 00:00:11,432
I've been eating
the same apple for a week.
6
00:00:11,434 --> 00:00:13,167
I blame Steve Jobs.
7
00:00:13,669 --> 00:00:17,504
These people are more like
Steve-I-have-no-jobs.
8
00:00:17,506 --> 00:00:20,724
All right, that's it.
9
00:00:20,726 --> 00:00:22,643
Earl, I need to get
the wireless router.
10
00:00:22,645 --> 00:00:25,146
Oh, is that
what this is?
11
00:00:25,148 --> 00:00:28,983
I thought it was
a cookie-warmer.
12
00:00:29,985 --> 00:00:31,952
Attention deadbeat diners.
13
00:00:31,954 --> 00:00:33,787
You can't just sit here
all night
14
00:00:33,789 --> 00:00:34,855
and only order coffee.
15
00:00:34,857 --> 00:00:36,707
This is not a Starbucks.
16
00:00:36,709 --> 00:00:38,626
And I know that because
we don't sell
17
00:00:38,628 --> 00:00:41,795
Norah Jones CDs or bananas.
18
00:00:41,797 --> 00:00:44,632
This is the router
for the free Wi-Fi.
19
00:00:44,634 --> 00:00:47,334
And that is a waitress
who needs to make some tips.
20
00:00:47,336 --> 00:00:49,720
Seriously, guys,
I need actual cash.
21
00:00:49,722 --> 00:00:52,206
This guy just offered
to pay me in ideas.
22
00:00:52,208 --> 00:00:55,426
If I pull this plug,
the Internet will go down.
23
00:00:55,428 --> 00:00:57,845
And you--that sad email
you're in the middle of writing
24
00:00:57,847 --> 00:00:59,013
to your ex-boyfriend,
25
00:00:59,015 --> 00:01:00,898
the one you shouldn't
send anyway--gone.
26
00:01:00,900 --> 00:01:02,099
And you--
27
00:01:02,101 --> 00:01:03,934
that vaguely
pornographic anime film
28
00:01:03,936 --> 00:01:05,152
you've been illegally
downloading
29
00:01:05,154 --> 00:01:07,387
for the past three hours--
gone.
30
00:01:07,389 --> 00:01:09,607
And you--that screenplay
you've been writing,
31
00:01:09,609 --> 00:01:11,909
you can keep working on it,
but we all know how it ends:
32
00:01:11,911 --> 00:01:14,945
With you moving
back in with your mother.
33
00:01:14,947 --> 00:01:17,898
Now, who's gonna order?
34
00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:19,783
Great, I'll go get some menus.
35
00:01:19,785 --> 00:01:21,402
Here, Caroline,
put this back.
36
00:01:23,072 --> 00:01:26,757
Ooh, my cookie-warmer.
37
00:01:26,759 --> 00:01:29,276
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
38
00:01:30,513 --> 00:01:34,448
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
39
00:01:35,513 --> 00:01:40,448
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
40
00:01:46,466 --> 00:01:49,017
Table ten
just ordered cocktails.
41
00:01:49,019 --> 00:01:51,936
Yeah, 'cause we're
that kind of a place.
42
00:01:51,938 --> 00:01:54,572
Does anyone know how
to make sex on the beach?
43
00:01:54,574 --> 00:01:55,940
Easy.
44
00:01:55,942 --> 00:01:58,743
I put on my speedo and wait.
45
00:02:03,483 --> 00:02:05,533
Those girls have been
drinking for hours.
46
00:02:05,535 --> 00:02:09,604
Just press every button
on the gun and add rum.
47
00:02:11,791 --> 00:02:14,125
Look at them.
Not a care in the world.
48
00:02:14,127 --> 00:02:15,343
Having a great time.
49
00:02:15,345 --> 00:02:16,660
- I hate them.
- I hate them, too.
50
00:02:16,662 --> 00:02:17,879
I hate them more.
51
00:02:17,881 --> 00:02:18,963
I hate that
you hate them more.
52
00:02:18,965 --> 00:02:20,081
So jealous.
53
00:02:30,059 --> 00:02:32,110
Okay,
ready for party of four.
54
00:02:32,112 --> 00:02:33,895
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
55
00:02:33,897 --> 00:02:37,582
Excuse me.
56
00:02:39,251 --> 00:02:40,668
Hey, baby!
57
00:02:40,670 --> 00:02:41,753
Looking good.
58
00:02:41,755 --> 00:02:42,954
Mm, always.
59
00:02:42,956 --> 00:02:45,790
I'll be in my booth.
60
00:02:48,327 --> 00:02:51,195
Sophie, you cannot take up
a whole booth alone.
61
00:02:51,197 --> 00:02:54,165
There are people waiting.
You must leave.
62
00:02:54,167 --> 00:02:58,136
Go stand in the corner now!
63
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,894
Before I bend you across
my knee and spank you
64
00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:09,313
in front of the whole class.
65
00:03:10,715 --> 00:03:15,236
Well, I was going to stand
in the corner anyway.
66
00:03:15,238 --> 00:03:18,239
But tomorrow night,
smaller table.
67
00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:21,609
Go stand in the corner now!
68
00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:26,664
Okay, I'm over being
jealous of them.
69
00:03:28,084 --> 00:03:29,750
Still? What are they--
70
00:03:29,752 --> 00:03:34,956
sitting on vibrators?
71
00:03:37,176 --> 00:03:38,509
Let it go.
72
00:03:38,511 --> 00:03:40,261
They're not having that
good of a time.
73
00:03:40,263 --> 00:03:42,913
No, Max, we're not
having that good of a time.
74
00:03:42,915 --> 00:03:44,248
All we do is work.
75
00:03:44,250 --> 00:03:45,516
When's the last time
we took a day
76
00:03:45,518 --> 00:03:46,684
and just had fun?
77
00:03:49,772 --> 00:03:51,556
I mean, those two idiots
remind me
78
00:03:51,558 --> 00:03:53,274
how much fun it was
when I'd go out to lunch
79
00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:55,092
and have cocktails
with my girlfriends
80
00:03:55,094 --> 00:03:57,595
and watch them pretend to eat.
81
00:03:57,597 --> 00:03:59,597
I think you're talking
about day-drinking,
82
00:03:59,599 --> 00:04:01,949
and I think I like it.
83
00:04:01,951 --> 00:04:04,368
All right,
let's do something fun.
84
00:04:04,370 --> 00:04:06,120
I'll put on my bolo tie
and my best vest
85
00:04:06,122 --> 00:04:09,240
and take my girl out to eat.
86
00:04:11,143 --> 00:04:13,828
So, what is this lunch spot
you're taking me to?
87
00:04:13,830 --> 00:04:15,079
Is it French?
88
00:04:15,081 --> 00:04:16,180
Do you think the chef
will send
89
00:04:16,182 --> 00:04:17,448
an amuse-bouche to the table?
90
00:04:17,450 --> 00:04:19,250
No,
but this morning I shaved
91
00:04:19,252 --> 00:04:22,336
a smiley face into my bouche,
and it's very amusing.
92
00:04:22,338 --> 00:04:23,337
You know what?
93
00:04:23,339 --> 00:04:24,972
It's just so fun
to get dressed up
94
00:04:24,974 --> 00:04:26,958
and have someone wait on us
for a change.
95
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:29,960
I even bought new panty hose
from dooahnay rayahdey.
96
00:04:29,962 --> 00:04:33,147
You mean Duane Reade?
97
00:04:33,149 --> 00:04:35,316
Oh, is that
how you pronounce it?
98
00:04:35,318 --> 00:04:37,151
Well, we're here.
Better get in line.
99
00:04:37,153 --> 00:04:40,438
Oh, there's a line.
Popular place.
100
00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:41,739
What's the name?
101
00:04:41,741 --> 00:04:44,575
"Soup Kitchen."
That's a cute name.
102
00:04:44,577 --> 00:04:45,993
Very Williamsburg.
103
00:04:45,995 --> 00:04:47,662
Like, "let's take
our upscale urban bistro"
104
00:04:47,664 --> 00:04:48,913
"And make it seem like
it's just a soup kitchen
105
00:04:48,915 --> 00:04:49,980
"open to everyone,
106
00:04:49,982 --> 00:04:52,700
but it's not really
a soup kitchen."
107
00:04:52,702 --> 00:04:56,204
Oh, that's nice.
They let them use the bathroom.
108
00:04:56,206 --> 00:04:59,323
And sit at a table.
109
00:04:59,325 --> 00:05:01,842
Oh, my God!
This is really a soup kitchen.
110
00:05:01,844 --> 00:05:03,844
This is your idea
of treating me to lunch?
111
00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:04,845
We're not homeless.
112
00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:07,098
No, but we are soup-less.
113
00:05:07,100 --> 00:05:11,202
And it's not just
homeless people who eat here.
114
00:05:11,204 --> 00:05:15,006
Okay, maybe they're
the target audience.
115
00:05:15,008 --> 00:05:16,857
Look,
there's a lot of other people
116
00:05:16,859 --> 00:05:18,509
who can't afford
to go out to eat.
117
00:05:18,511 --> 00:05:19,477
You're right.
118
00:05:19,479 --> 00:05:21,145
Why are there
so many hipsters here?
119
00:05:21,147 --> 00:05:22,897
Because this place
isn't just for people
120
00:05:22,899 --> 00:05:24,031
who don't have jobs,
121
00:05:24,033 --> 00:05:26,367
it's for people
who don't want them.
122
00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:28,402
Well, it does smell good.
123
00:05:28,404 --> 00:05:30,521
Excuse me.
124
00:05:30,523 --> 00:05:32,023
We'd like to take
a look at your lunch menu.
125
00:05:32,025 --> 00:05:33,658
Menu changes every day.
126
00:05:33,660 --> 00:05:35,693
Also, there is no menu.
127
00:05:35,695 --> 00:05:37,078
There's, like, four things.
128
00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,580
Oh, okay.
So what do you recommend?
129
00:05:39,582 --> 00:05:41,532
Oh, what do I recommend?
130
00:05:41,534 --> 00:05:44,719
Don't share needles,
and and use condoms.
131
00:05:44,721 --> 00:05:46,470
But you didn't hear
that last one from me.
132
00:05:46,472 --> 00:05:49,724
Are nuns even allowed
to be sarcastic?
133
00:05:49,726 --> 00:05:52,260
If they are, I have
some serious thinking to do
134
00:05:52,262 --> 00:05:55,079
about my future.
135
00:06:01,587 --> 00:06:03,721
This sloppy Joe
is the most amazing
136
00:06:03,723 --> 00:06:05,957
terrible thing
I've ever eaten.
137
00:06:05,959 --> 00:06:08,643
I love that
it's basically pre-chewed,
138
00:06:08,645 --> 00:06:11,863
so all you really have
to do is swallow.
139
00:06:11,865 --> 00:06:13,481
So good,
I used to have these
140
00:06:13,483 --> 00:06:15,099
every day
when I was a kid.
141
00:06:15,101 --> 00:06:16,601
Well, then I guess
your childhood
142
00:06:16,603 --> 00:06:18,469
- wasn't all that bad.
- Mm.
143
00:06:18,471 --> 00:06:20,488
We couldn't afford
the real Manwich Mix,
144
00:06:20,490 --> 00:06:22,974
so my mom's boyfriend,
Dirty Carl,
145
00:06:22,976 --> 00:06:25,243
used to bring us
leftover meat scraps
146
00:06:25,245 --> 00:06:27,328
and then bash 'em together
with old ketchup packets
147
00:06:27,330 --> 00:06:29,480
he'd found in cars
at the junkyard.
148
00:06:29,482 --> 00:06:31,115
Now I understand
why you think
149
00:06:31,117 --> 00:06:33,284
this is
a nice restaurant.
150
00:06:33,286 --> 00:06:35,653
Have you noticed
the more you drink,
151
00:06:35,655 --> 00:06:36,988
the better
this place gets?
152
00:06:36,990 --> 00:06:38,523
I've noticed the more
I drink,
153
00:06:38,525 --> 00:06:40,157
the better everything gets.
154
00:06:40,159 --> 00:06:42,043
Why don't we
drink every day?
155
00:06:42,045 --> 00:06:44,662
Some of we do.
156
00:06:44,664 --> 00:06:46,331
I'm having a great time.
157
00:06:46,333 --> 00:06:47,532
Thank you, Max.
158
00:06:47,534 --> 00:06:48,683
Well, yesterday,
159
00:06:48,685 --> 00:06:50,001
you were so bummed
about your life,
160
00:06:50,003 --> 00:06:51,052
I thought I'd take
you somewhere
161
00:06:51,054 --> 00:06:52,503
you could feel good
about yourself.
162
00:06:52,505 --> 00:06:55,773
Okay, I've been wanting
to say this the whole time.
163
00:06:55,775 --> 00:06:59,477
I feel like we're the hottest
people in this room.
164
00:06:59,479 --> 00:07:01,479
- Is that terrible?
- Yes.
165
00:07:04,951 --> 00:07:08,519
Speaking of hot people...
166
00:07:08,521 --> 00:07:09,871
Wait.
167
00:07:09,873 --> 00:07:12,824
Are we drunk
or do we finally have one brain
168
00:07:12,826 --> 00:07:15,176
- and the same taste in guys?
- I don't know,
169
00:07:15,178 --> 00:07:18,162
but this is suddenly
my new favorite restaurant.
170
00:07:18,164 --> 00:07:20,098
Let's go get ourselves
some of that man-wich.
171
00:07:20,990 --> 00:07:22,734
I kind of like
"drunk Caroline" way more
172
00:07:22,736 --> 00:07:24,168
than the other Caroline.
173
00:07:24,170 --> 00:07:26,087
I kind of like her better,
too.
174
00:07:28,541 --> 00:07:29,924
Excuse me, sisters.
175
00:07:29,926 --> 00:07:31,208
Do you know the guy
who just came in here?
176
00:07:31,210 --> 00:07:34,445
- The cute one.
- He's so cute, right?
177
00:07:34,447 --> 00:07:35,596
His name is Andy,
and he just opened
178
00:07:35,598 --> 00:07:36,981
a candy store
across the way.
179
00:07:36,983 --> 00:07:39,017
Shut up!
Candy?
180
00:07:39,019 --> 00:07:41,269
I love candy.
181
00:07:41,271 --> 00:07:43,354
Question:
182
00:07:43,356 --> 00:07:45,389
What would make
this day even better?
183
00:07:45,391 --> 00:07:48,309
Candy?
184
00:07:48,311 --> 00:07:50,662
You should totally
go for the hot guy.
185
00:07:50,664 --> 00:07:52,113
Or you can go for him.
186
00:07:52,115 --> 00:07:53,281
Let's think about this.
187
00:07:53,283 --> 00:07:54,732
He's clean
and not a drug addict,
188
00:07:54,734 --> 00:07:56,400
so he's more my type.
189
00:07:56,402 --> 00:07:59,253
Well, he's got a store
full of candy and a penis,
190
00:07:59,255 --> 00:08:01,289
so he's more my type.
191
00:08:01,291 --> 00:08:02,507
You know what?
192
00:08:02,509 --> 00:08:04,509
Go for it.
You've got dibs.
193
00:08:04,511 --> 00:08:07,261
Aww, that's so nice
of you, Max.
194
00:08:07,263 --> 00:08:09,297
Yeah, and while you're
doing him in the back room,
195
00:08:09,299 --> 00:08:11,549
I'll be pocketing
some candy.
196
00:08:11,551 --> 00:08:14,352
Oh, no.
It's closed.
197
00:08:14,354 --> 00:08:16,637
Hey, Max, you
know what'd be fun?
198
00:08:16,639 --> 00:08:19,357
If we threw that trash can
through the front window?
199
00:08:19,359 --> 00:08:21,642
I was gonna say we should
leave him a note.
200
00:08:21,644 --> 00:08:22,894
And what would be fun about
throwing that can
201
00:08:22,896 --> 00:08:23,928
through a window?
202
00:08:23,930 --> 00:08:27,281
Have you ever done it?
It's fun!
203
00:08:27,283 --> 00:08:28,983
Oh, the sign's turned around.
204
00:08:28,985 --> 00:08:30,935
He can see us.
205
00:08:30,937 --> 00:08:33,270
He's smiling at us.
206
00:08:33,272 --> 00:08:35,106
Should we go in?
207
00:08:35,108 --> 00:08:36,541
If I learned anything
as a child,
208
00:08:36,543 --> 00:08:38,126
it's when
a stranger offers you candy,
209
00:08:38,128 --> 00:08:39,794
you say yes.
210
00:08:41,497 --> 00:08:42,914
Hi.
211
00:08:42,916 --> 00:08:44,882
We thought the sign
said you were closed.
212
00:08:44,884 --> 00:08:48,336
Yeah, I turned it around.
I wanted you guys to come in.
213
00:08:50,073 --> 00:08:51,756
♪ Come with me
214
00:08:51,758 --> 00:08:53,474
♪ and you'll be
215
00:08:53,476 --> 00:08:57,795
♪ in world
of pure imagination ♪
216
00:08:57,797 --> 00:08:59,297
If this isn't
your thing,
217
00:08:59,299 --> 00:09:02,233
I also have some Sabbath
and some Beastie Boys.
218
00:09:02,235 --> 00:09:05,436
So, if this is "Candy Andy's
Sweets and Treats,"
219
00:09:05,438 --> 00:09:07,405
are you Candy Andy?
220
00:09:07,407 --> 00:09:09,574
Oh, please.
We hardly know each other.
221
00:09:09,576 --> 00:09:11,976
Call me Candrew Andrew.
222
00:09:11,978 --> 00:09:15,446
I'm Caroline,
and this is Max.
223
00:09:15,448 --> 00:09:17,115
Max, say something.
224
00:09:17,117 --> 00:09:20,985
Can't.
It's all too wonderful.
225
00:09:20,987 --> 00:09:24,088
Look at all the candy crammed
in this little space.
226
00:09:24,090 --> 00:09:28,509
It's like we're inside
Willy Wonka's colon.
227
00:09:28,511 --> 00:09:29,844
Thanks.
228
00:09:29,846 --> 00:09:31,546
Yeah, it's kind of
the look I was going for too.
229
00:09:31,548 --> 00:09:32,880
And I know it's accurate
230
00:09:32,882 --> 00:09:34,799
because I had
the Oompa Loompas help me.
231
00:09:34,801 --> 00:09:35,933
They were expensive,
232
00:09:35,935 --> 00:09:39,403
but what are you gonna
doom-pa-dee-doo?
233
00:09:39,405 --> 00:09:41,172
Normally I'd ring the bell
after something that golden,
234
00:09:41,174 --> 00:09:42,440
but I don't want to scare you.
235
00:09:42,442 --> 00:09:44,442
Well, now I have
to hear the bell.
236
00:09:44,444 --> 00:09:47,061
♪ Anything you want to
237
00:09:47,063 --> 00:09:49,380
Now that's all
I want to hear.
238
00:09:49,382 --> 00:09:51,149
Do you do free samples?
239
00:09:51,151 --> 00:09:53,401
You do, by the way.
240
00:09:53,403 --> 00:09:55,620
Let me hook you guys up.
On the house.
241
00:09:56,905 --> 00:09:59,023
Marry this guy right now.
242
00:09:59,025 --> 00:10:02,293
It's a small store.
I can hear you.
243
00:10:02,295 --> 00:10:04,912
Good.
Moves things along faster.
244
00:10:04,914 --> 00:10:06,697
Hey, come by
the Williamsburg diner sometime.
245
00:10:06,699 --> 00:10:07,765
We work there.
246
00:10:07,767 --> 00:10:08,900
We'll give you
free samples of food
247
00:10:08,902 --> 00:10:11,636
you shouldn't
have to pay for anyway.
248
00:10:11,638 --> 00:10:13,738
So, what brings you
in to this neighborhood?
249
00:10:13,740 --> 00:10:16,040
-Oh, we were having lunch
at the--
250
00:10:16,042 --> 00:10:18,509
this ...is a really adorable space.
251
00:10:18,511 --> 00:10:19,594
Thank you.
252
00:10:19,596 --> 00:10:21,546
You know, candy is my passion.
253
00:10:21,548 --> 00:10:23,881
Yeah, I said it.
Always has been.
254
00:10:23,883 --> 00:10:25,766
Even as a kid,
I would have my G.I. Joes
255
00:10:25,768 --> 00:10:29,687
sell sweet tarts
to my Transformers.
256
00:10:29,689 --> 00:10:32,490
Gum drops, gummy bears,
gummy worms,
257
00:10:32,492 --> 00:10:34,408
gummy hot dogs,
gummy pizza.
258
00:10:34,410 --> 00:10:37,445
Ooh, I just had a gummy-gasm.
259
00:10:37,447 --> 00:10:39,163
So what was
your favorite candy as a kid?
260
00:10:39,165 --> 00:10:41,999
Actually, I didn't eat
a lot of candy as a child.
261
00:10:42,001 --> 00:10:44,902
Okay, I'm gonna overlook
that because you're pretty,
262
00:10:44,904 --> 00:10:47,438
but maybe we could talk
about your terrible childhood
263
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:49,740
over coffee sometime.
264
00:10:49,742 --> 00:10:51,142
Yeah?
265
00:10:53,546 --> 00:10:54,712
I'd leave you two alone,
266
00:10:54,714 --> 00:10:56,881
if this place
wasn't filled with candy.
267
00:10:56,883 --> 00:10:58,716
Okay, so what's
your favorite flavor?
268
00:10:58,718 --> 00:10:59,634
Coconut.
269
00:10:59,636 --> 00:11:01,352
And I'm walking to the "C"s.
270
00:11:01,354 --> 00:11:03,721
The candy's alphabetical?
271
00:11:03,723 --> 00:11:06,557
- Now I'm marrying you too.
- Okay.
272
00:11:06,559 --> 00:11:08,626
Let's see.
Coconut watermelon slice.
273
00:11:08,628 --> 00:11:09,894
How's that sound?
274
00:11:09,896 --> 00:11:11,362
Um, not so good.
275
00:11:11,364 --> 00:11:13,064
Actually, please
don't say anything more
276
00:11:13,066 --> 00:11:14,232
about candy.
277
00:11:14,234 --> 00:11:15,449
Is it hot in here?
278
00:11:15,451 --> 00:11:18,102
No, it's awesome
in here.
279
00:11:18,104 --> 00:11:20,771
Boston baked beans?
280
00:11:20,773 --> 00:11:23,124
Didn't know they weren't
real beans till I was 20.
281
00:11:23,126 --> 00:11:24,942
Please stop.
282
00:11:24,944 --> 00:11:27,245
Is it cold in here?
283
00:11:27,247 --> 00:11:29,947
Is it hot and cold
in here?
284
00:11:29,949 --> 00:11:30,948
Max, I feel weird.
285
00:11:30,950 --> 00:11:32,783
Relax,
it's just your lady parts
286
00:11:32,785 --> 00:11:36,287
waking up from hibernation.
287
00:11:36,289 --> 00:11:37,989
Again, small store.
288
00:11:37,991 --> 00:11:39,307
Can hear everything.
289
00:11:41,477 --> 00:11:43,427
I am so sorry.
Pardon me.
290
00:11:43,429 --> 00:11:44,512
Oh, uh,
are you okay?
291
00:11:44,514 --> 00:11:47,815
I'm fine.
292
00:11:47,817 --> 00:11:50,101
Max, I am not fine.
293
00:11:50,103 --> 00:11:53,371
I'm gonna be sloppy joanne
in about two seconds.
294
00:11:53,373 --> 00:11:55,189
Tiny, tiny store.
295
00:11:55,191 --> 00:11:56,674
Do you need to use the--
296
00:11:56,676 --> 00:11:58,109
No. We're fine.
297
00:11:58,111 --> 00:11:59,477
We'll just be going.
Nice to meet you.
298
00:12:01,014 --> 00:12:02,179
Nope, I'm not gonna make it.
Where is the--
299
00:12:02,181 --> 00:12:03,481
Right--right there.
300
00:12:06,819 --> 00:12:07,919
I'm sure she'll be all right.
301
00:12:19,349 --> 00:12:20,498
I'm just gonna step outside.
302
00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:21,999
The sound of someone
throwing up makes me--
303
00:12:22,001 --> 00:12:25,002
Oh, dude, I've been trying
to not throw up this whole time.
304
00:12:27,673 --> 00:12:31,809
Whew, what happened there,
right?
305
00:12:31,811 --> 00:12:33,394
Feeling better?
306
00:12:43,538 --> 00:12:45,539
Did she tell you
she projectile-puked
307
00:12:45,541 --> 00:12:48,125
soup and sloppy seconds
all over a really cute guy
308
00:12:48,127 --> 00:12:49,377
and his floor?
309
00:12:49,379 --> 00:12:51,629
Let me put it
this way, Caroline.
310
00:12:51,631 --> 00:12:53,631
In my heroin days,
that would have been
311
00:12:53,633 --> 00:12:58,269
a perfectly acceptable
first date.
312
00:12:58,271 --> 00:13:00,004
I don't understand it.
313
00:13:00,006 --> 00:13:01,605
We ate
the exact same thing.
314
00:13:01,607 --> 00:13:03,207
How could you have not
have gotten sick?
315
00:13:03,209 --> 00:13:05,142
You must still have
"rich girl" stomach.
316
00:13:05,144 --> 00:13:06,560
I'm used to poor food.
317
00:13:06,562 --> 00:13:09,730
What made you sick
made my skin clear up.
318
00:13:11,016 --> 00:13:13,234
- Hi, girls.
- Hey, Sophie.
319
00:13:13,236 --> 00:13:16,020
I'll be in my booth.
320
00:13:16,022 --> 00:13:17,521
Oh.
321
00:13:17,523 --> 00:13:22,726
Well, this is weird.
322
00:13:26,665 --> 00:13:28,849
It's okay.
You didn't know.
323
00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:32,953
Don't let it happen again.
Okay, good-bye now.
324
00:13:38,292 --> 00:13:40,344
Sophie, what do you think
you're doing?
325
00:13:40,346 --> 00:13:42,763
What? They were sitting
in my booth.
326
00:13:42,765 --> 00:13:45,099
It is not your booth,
it's my booth.
327
00:13:45,101 --> 00:13:49,103
If it was your booth,
wouldn't it have a booster seat?
328
00:13:51,356 --> 00:13:55,142
Oh, Sophie wants to dance?
We gonna dance.
329
00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:00,364
Max. Hi.
330
00:14:00,366 --> 00:14:02,983
It's Andy.
From the store.
331
00:14:02,985 --> 00:14:04,285
The guy who let you walk out
332
00:14:04,287 --> 00:14:05,953
with a push pop
in your pocket.
333
00:14:05,955 --> 00:14:07,488
That wasn't a push pop, Andy.
334
00:14:07,490 --> 00:14:09,373
I was happy to see you.
335
00:14:09,375 --> 00:14:11,826
Well, you're gonna be
even happier in a minute.
336
00:14:11,828 --> 00:14:13,294
Yay!
337
00:14:13,296 --> 00:14:14,578
But these come with a catch.
338
00:14:14,580 --> 00:14:15,880
Invites
for Caroline and you
339
00:14:15,882 --> 00:14:17,281
to a party at my candy store.
340
00:14:17,283 --> 00:14:19,417
But maybe
don't wear that uniform.
341
00:14:19,419 --> 00:14:21,969
People are gonna think
you're a giant sugar daddy.
342
00:14:26,975 --> 00:14:28,759
So, she's still going at it,
huh?
343
00:14:28,761 --> 00:14:30,010
Such a skinny girl.
344
00:14:30,012 --> 00:14:32,246
How much more
can come out of her?
345
00:14:32,248 --> 00:14:34,315
Nah, she's just
a little embarrassed.
346
00:14:34,317 --> 00:14:36,183
Something about self-esteem.
I don't know.
347
00:14:36,185 --> 00:14:38,269
She throws it around like
it means something.
348
00:14:38,271 --> 00:14:41,138
Well, I'd love her to come.
No pressure.
349
00:14:41,140 --> 00:14:42,523
But if you can talk her
into it,
350
00:14:42,525 --> 00:14:43,974
there'll be unlimited candy
for you
351
00:14:43,976 --> 00:14:44,975
for the rest of your life.
352
00:14:47,246 --> 00:14:49,029
Look at him,
stealing my bit.
353
00:14:52,617 --> 00:14:54,552
The candy man came
with invitations
354
00:14:54,554 --> 00:14:56,120
to a party at his store.
355
00:14:56,122 --> 00:14:58,822
What, you think I wasn't
listening at the door?
356
00:14:58,824 --> 00:14:59,924
I heard everything.
357
00:14:59,926 --> 00:15:02,009
All the vomit jokes.
I heard them all.
358
00:15:03,796 --> 00:15:08,665
Jewelry, already?
359
00:15:10,852 --> 00:15:14,472
Your new husband likes
to throw the cash around.
360
00:15:14,474 --> 00:15:16,107
He is not my new husband.
361
00:15:16,109 --> 00:15:18,025
And now he never will be.
362
00:15:18,027 --> 00:15:20,010
Ooh, bubble tape.
363
00:15:20,012 --> 00:15:22,613
I finally meet
an adorable, sweet guy.
364
00:15:22,615 --> 00:15:24,398
A guy so sweet,
the word "sweet"
365
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,734
is next to his name
on actual real estate.
366
00:15:26,736 --> 00:15:30,187
And I completely destroy
any chance I have with him.
367
00:15:30,189 --> 00:15:32,289
You didn't destroy anything.
368
00:15:32,291 --> 00:15:33,791
And it's good to let him
know right off the bat
369
00:15:33,793 --> 00:15:37,912
that you have a gag reflex.
370
00:15:43,168 --> 00:15:45,035
Oh!
Oh, that's lovely.
371
00:15:45,037 --> 00:15:46,387
Happy Valentines' Day.
372
00:15:46,389 --> 00:15:48,806
I am not going to that party.
373
00:15:48,808 --> 00:15:50,141
I can never see him again.
374
00:15:50,143 --> 00:15:51,842
Well, do you mind
if I still go?
375
00:15:51,844 --> 00:15:53,377
Being in a candy store
after midnight
376
00:15:53,379 --> 00:15:54,845
is on my bucket list.
377
00:15:54,847 --> 00:15:57,714
Funny, I thought that was
the impossible one.
378
00:15:57,716 --> 00:16:00,384
You should go.
Have fun.
379
00:16:00,386 --> 00:16:01,652
I think you're missing out,
380
00:16:01,654 --> 00:16:03,070
because you two are perfect
for each other.
381
00:16:03,072 --> 00:16:04,321
You're like
Hansel and Gretel.
382
00:16:04,623 --> 00:16:06,942
They were brother and sister.
383
00:16:09,244 --> 00:16:10,945
So?
384
00:16:18,722 --> 00:16:20,856
- So, no Caroline, huh?
- Uh, no.
385
00:16:20,858 --> 00:16:22,758
- She couldn't make it.
- Hmm.
386
00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:24,226
Well, I'm feeling very sad,
387
00:16:24,228 --> 00:16:27,696
but you'll never know it.
388
00:16:28,998 --> 00:16:30,783
You're fine.
389
00:16:30,785 --> 00:16:33,585
You don't seem to be short
on other female party guests.
390
00:16:33,587 --> 00:16:34,703
Oh, come on. They're fiends.
391
00:16:34,705 --> 00:16:36,171
Some of them I know
from the neighborhood.
392
00:16:36,173 --> 00:16:37,422
Some I worked
with on Wall Street.
393
00:16:37,424 --> 00:16:38,924
Wall Street?
394
00:16:38,926 --> 00:16:40,042
Did you have
a little candy tray
395
00:16:40,044 --> 00:16:41,243
you walked around with?
396
00:16:41,245 --> 00:16:43,095
I wish.
That would have been awesome.
397
00:16:43,097 --> 00:16:44,746
I was stuck in
an office pushing stock
398
00:16:44,748 --> 00:16:46,098
in pharmaceutical companies.
399
00:16:46,100 --> 00:16:47,432
Wait.
400
00:16:47,434 --> 00:16:50,385
You know people
who have access to pills?
401
00:16:50,387 --> 00:16:52,621
And just when I thought you
couldn't get any better.
402
00:16:52,623 --> 00:16:55,390
Yeah, one day,
I went into the firm,
403
00:16:55,392 --> 00:16:56,892
and there was no firm.
404
00:16:56,894 --> 00:16:58,026
Bankrupt. Boom.
405
00:16:58,028 --> 00:16:59,778
End of job, no money.
Nothing.
406
00:16:59,780 --> 00:17:02,147
And after I drank nonstop
for a week,
407
00:17:02,149 --> 00:17:04,283
I figured,
hey, now I can do
408
00:17:04,285 --> 00:17:05,534
what I've always dreamed of.
409
00:17:05,536 --> 00:17:07,870
Open a candy store,
be my own boss.
410
00:17:07,872 --> 00:17:10,989
So I used all my savings
and opened up this place.
411
00:17:10,991 --> 00:17:12,324
And pretty soon,
412
00:17:12,326 --> 00:17:13,876
Candy Andy will rule
413
00:17:13,878 --> 00:17:16,278
the world
of sweets and treats.
414
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:17,579
That sound braggy?
415
00:17:17,581 --> 00:17:18,714
No.
416
00:17:18,716 --> 00:17:19,998
All right,
kick everybody out,
417
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,333
and let's go back
to my place.
418
00:17:21,335 --> 00:17:23,418
Ah...Max, no offense,
419
00:17:23,420 --> 00:17:24,953
but I'm more into your friend.
420
00:17:24,955 --> 00:17:26,638
Um, Andy, no offense,
421
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:29,958
but I'm more into the candy
than the Andy.
422
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:31,260
I want you to come
to my apartment
423
00:17:31,262 --> 00:17:32,227
and say hey to Caroline.
424
00:17:32,229 --> 00:17:33,178
I was right.
425
00:17:33,180 --> 00:17:34,847
You two are perfect
for each other.
426
00:17:34,849 --> 00:17:36,098
Yeah?
427
00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:37,482
I mean, it would be nice
to hang with her
428
00:17:37,484 --> 00:17:39,301
in pants
I don't care about.
429
00:17:45,942 --> 00:17:47,326
She's not here.
430
00:17:47,328 --> 00:17:49,477
She must have taken
the horse for a walk.
431
00:17:49,479 --> 00:17:50,812
Wait, you have a horse,
432
00:17:50,814 --> 00:17:52,080
and I'm just hearing
about this now?
433
00:17:52,082 --> 00:17:53,165
I have a candy store
and it's out of my mouth,
434
00:17:53,167 --> 00:17:55,083
in the first 30 seconds.
435
00:17:55,085 --> 00:17:56,418
Be right back.
I have to pee.
436
00:17:56,420 --> 00:17:58,453
She'll be okay with me
being here, right?
437
00:17:58,455 --> 00:17:59,671
Yeah,
she was just embarrassed.
438
00:17:59,673 --> 00:18:02,424
She'll get over it.
439
00:18:04,195 --> 00:18:07,045
What are you doing?
Knock first!
440
00:18:07,047 --> 00:18:09,281
Why are your legs up
in the air like that?
441
00:18:09,283 --> 00:18:10,582
And why were you holding
the shower head
442
00:18:10,584 --> 00:18:12,885
down by your--
Oh!
443
00:18:15,722 --> 00:18:17,089
I'm sorry.
444
00:18:17,091 --> 00:18:18,941
I thought you'd be home
feeling bad for yourself,
445
00:18:18,943 --> 00:18:23,579
not feeling your bad self.
446
00:18:23,581 --> 00:18:25,113
What are you doing
home already?
447
00:18:25,115 --> 00:18:26,648
Why aren't you
at the Candy Andy party?
448
00:18:26,650 --> 00:18:28,567
Oh, don't look at me
like that.
449
00:18:28,569 --> 00:18:29,818
It's not like
I'm the only person
450
00:18:29,820 --> 00:18:32,037
in the world
who masturbates.
451
00:18:33,624 --> 00:18:35,657
Also, Andy's here.
452
00:18:39,362 --> 00:18:41,079
We wanted to surprise you.
453
00:18:41,081 --> 00:18:43,382
But then you surprised us.
454
00:18:49,606 --> 00:18:51,706
It's not a big deal.
455
00:18:51,708 --> 00:18:54,476
That kind of situation
happens to a lot of people.
456
00:18:54,478 --> 00:18:58,480
Who? Who has that
ever happened to?
457
00:18:58,482 --> 00:19:01,600
I know this might be
a delicate area right now,
458
00:19:01,602 --> 00:19:03,435
but I'm thinking you should
probably pay more
459
00:19:03,437 --> 00:19:05,570
than half of our water bill.
460
00:19:05,572 --> 00:19:08,106
Hey, girls.
461
00:19:08,108 --> 00:19:10,325
I need some hot tea
to warm me up.
462
00:19:10,327 --> 00:19:12,244
There's no hot water
in our building
463
00:19:12,246 --> 00:19:14,062
when I tried to take
a shower.
464
00:19:14,064 --> 00:19:16,898
That's because
it's all in Caroline.
465
00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:18,283
Max!
466
00:19:18,285 --> 00:19:20,369
You are too tense.
467
00:19:20,371 --> 00:19:23,956
Here. Take this
and relax a little.
468
00:19:23,958 --> 00:19:25,573
Eh?
469
00:19:26,075 --> 00:19:28,710
This doing anything for you?
470
00:19:31,415 --> 00:19:33,882
Well, I'll be in my booth.
471
00:19:38,521 --> 00:19:40,755
Hello, Sophie.
472
00:19:40,757 --> 00:19:43,225
What are you doing
in my booth?
473
00:19:43,227 --> 00:19:45,861
It's not your booth,
it's my booth. And look.
474
00:19:45,863 --> 00:19:47,362
All the other booths are taken.
475
00:19:47,364 --> 00:19:49,064
So you'll have to sit
at small table,
476
00:19:49,066 --> 00:19:51,316
as is customary
for lone diners.
477
00:19:58,491 --> 00:19:59,825
This is my booth.
478
00:19:59,827 --> 00:20:04,162
It's okay, you didn't know.
Okay, bye-bye now.
479
00:20:05,315 --> 00:20:07,299
Hello, Max.
Check out my new booth.
480
00:20:07,301 --> 00:20:10,302
I think it's better.
481
00:20:12,138 --> 00:20:15,257
Oh, no.
I don't want to see him again.
482
00:20:15,259 --> 00:20:17,142
Look, he's already seen
you at your worst.
483
00:20:17,144 --> 00:20:20,128
You vomited and masturbated.
That's your full range.
484
00:20:21,630 --> 00:20:22,981
Hi.
485
00:20:22,983 --> 00:20:25,817
Look, I know you're
really embarrassed about--
486
00:20:25,819 --> 00:20:27,069
well, everything.
487
00:20:27,071 --> 00:20:29,021
And there's really nothing
I can say
488
00:20:29,023 --> 00:20:30,072
to convince you
not to be.
489
00:20:30,074 --> 00:20:32,524
So...
490
00:20:36,879 --> 00:20:37,996
Who's embarrassed now?
491
00:20:38,498 --> 00:20:40,282
And to further my embarrassment,
492
00:20:40,284 --> 00:20:43,852
I will now do gymnastics
in public.
493
00:20:50,126 --> 00:20:52,594
That is not embarrassing.
It was amazing.
494
00:20:52,596 --> 00:20:53,661
All right.
495
00:20:53,663 --> 00:20:54,846
Well, then come back
to my house
496
00:20:54,848 --> 00:20:57,665
and watch me masturbate.
497
00:21:01,771 --> 00:21:04,005
Or we could just get coffee.
498
00:21:05,007 --> 00:21:08,110
Yay,
I'm so happy!
499
00:21:08,112 --> 00:21:09,144
Thanks, Max.
500
00:21:09,146 --> 00:21:10,812
No, not for you.
For me.
501
00:21:10,814 --> 00:21:14,282
I'm getting unlimited candy
and maybe some pills.
502
00:21:17,571 --> 00:21:22,889
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com