1
00:00:01,004 --> 00:00:03,001
This is it, Max.
The first private party
2
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,407
we've booked
in our cupcake shop.
3
00:00:07,003 --> 00:00:08,707
What?
You said it was a private party,
4
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:10,927
and this is a party
I keep near my privates.
5
00:00:11,829 --> 00:00:13,529
Fine, but they can't
smell it on your breath,
6
00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,013
So eat a mint after.
7
00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:17,049
No need.
It's peppermint Schnapps,
8
00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:19,017
'cause I think ahead.
9
00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:22,104
I think this calls
for a "First party" dance.
10
00:00:22,106 --> 00:00:23,171
♪ First par-tay
11
00:00:23,173 --> 00:00:25,140
♪ who gonna have
a first par-tay? ♪
12
00:00:25,142 --> 00:00:26,892
♪ we gon' have
a first par-tay ♪
13
00:00:26,894 --> 00:00:28,677
That's the exact same dance
you did
14
00:00:28,679 --> 00:00:32,230
When the Humane Society sent you
free puppy address labels.
15
00:00:32,232 --> 00:00:34,182
♪ Address labels
16
00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:35,751
♪ Who got doggies
on an envelope? ♪
17
00:00:35,752 --> 00:00:37,820
♪ who got doggies
on an envelope? ♪
18
00:00:37,821 --> 00:00:39,822
♪ I need another sip
of this ♪
19
00:00:39,823 --> 00:00:42,124
♪ wish I had
something stronger ♪
20
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:44,160
Max, I'm sorry.
I can't help it.
21
00:00:44,161 --> 00:00:46,262
I'm just so excited
my genius marketing ideas
22
00:00:46,263 --> 00:00:48,030
are finally
starting to pay off.
23
00:00:48,031 --> 00:00:51,333
Quiet! Quiet!
24
00:00:51,334 --> 00:00:54,637
Quiet! Quiet!
25
00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:56,705
If you aren't listening,
26
00:00:56,706 --> 00:00:59,942
Cupcake Max can't teach you
how to decorate.
27
00:01:14,290 --> 00:01:16,158
It's weird
how sex is so great,
28
00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:19,395
and yet,
it makes these.
29
00:01:19,396 --> 00:01:21,764
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
30
00:01:23,233 --> 00:01:26,566
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
31
00:01:28,233 --> 00:01:33,566
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
32
00:01:38,950 --> 00:01:40,752
Ho ho ho!
33
00:01:40,753 --> 00:01:43,254
Talking to you, Max.
34
00:01:43,255 --> 00:01:45,056
I know.
What's up, Andy?
35
00:01:45,057 --> 00:01:47,591
I brought some Christmas candy
from my shop for the diner.
36
00:01:47,592 --> 00:01:49,660
Oh.
37
00:01:52,464 --> 00:01:54,966
Look, Max,
Santa did come.
38
00:01:54,967 --> 00:01:57,735
From just a kiss?
39
00:01:57,736 --> 00:02:00,738
Well, you didn't see what
she was doing with her hands.
40
00:02:01,239 --> 00:02:02,306
I taught her that.
41
00:02:02,307 --> 00:02:05,076
That's my gift to you.
Merry Christmas.
42
00:02:06,577 --> 00:02:08,910
Hey, is everything okay
with your shop?
43
00:02:09,314 --> 00:02:11,082
'Cause the landlord
came into my store today
44
00:02:11,083 --> 00:02:12,516
and mentioned you guys
hadn't paid your rent.
45
00:02:12,517 --> 00:02:14,552
If there's a problem,
I'd be more than happy to help.
46
00:02:14,553 --> 00:02:15,786
Well, the fact is,
we just don't have--
47
00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:18,122
Don't have a clue
why our online payments
48
00:02:18,123 --> 00:02:20,858
just never go through.
Technology, right?
49
00:02:20,859 --> 00:02:22,760
You used to be able
to shake the mailman's hand.
50
00:02:22,761 --> 00:02:25,396
Now it's all holograms
and lasers.
51
00:02:25,397 --> 00:02:28,466
Grandma's right,
those were the days.
52
00:02:28,467 --> 00:02:30,768
It was a more honest time.
53
00:02:31,269 --> 00:02:34,102
Okay. Well, I gotta go.
A kiss for Caroline.
54
00:02:36,608 --> 00:02:39,043
Oh, that was a new kind
of kiss.
55
00:02:39,044 --> 00:02:40,478
I liked it.
56
00:02:40,479 --> 00:02:43,581
Max taught me.
57
00:02:44,950 --> 00:02:47,318
What's with the lies?
Just tell him the truth.
58
00:02:47,319 --> 00:02:48,853
We can't pay our rent,
life sucks,
59
00:02:48,854 --> 00:02:51,689
and you need wine
before oral.
60
00:02:52,490 --> 00:02:53,391
No need.
61
00:02:53,392 --> 00:02:55,159
We still have
two other private parties
62
00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:57,028
set up for this month:
The Quinceanera
63
00:02:57,029 --> 00:03:00,231
for that pregnant girl,
and then her baby shower.
64
00:03:00,232 --> 00:03:02,066
Plus, the holidays
are coming,
65
00:03:02,067 --> 00:03:04,168
so we should
get our decorations up asap,
66
00:03:04,169 --> 00:03:05,803
or Santa won't know
where to find us.
67
00:03:05,804 --> 00:03:07,338
Oh, he'll know
where to find us.
68
00:03:07,339 --> 00:03:08,506
We'll be
the two evicted girls
69
00:03:08,507 --> 00:03:10,808
eating fruitcake
out of a Dumpster.
70
00:03:11,009 --> 00:03:14,142
Oh, look, here comes
one of the reindeers now.
71
00:03:15,814 --> 00:03:19,147
You look like
a Korean coat rack.
72
00:03:20,851 --> 00:03:22,684
Everybody can stop looking.
73
00:03:22,888 --> 00:03:24,290
We found the Grinch.
74
00:03:25,591 --> 00:03:29,093
No wonder it's so angry,
it's working for minimum wage.
75
00:03:32,798 --> 00:03:35,399
Oh, you're hanging
the Christmas decorations.
76
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,034
I already put up
the mistletoe.
77
00:03:37,035 --> 00:03:38,302
Where?
78
00:03:39,303 --> 00:03:41,636
Let's just say
it's very well-hung.
79
00:03:45,811 --> 00:03:47,578
Well,
all my checks are in,
80
00:03:47,579 --> 00:03:50,314
so I have to run
and make a cupcake delivery.
81
00:03:50,315 --> 00:03:51,949
Here, take this
and put it in the till.
82
00:03:51,950 --> 00:03:53,417
I did a cupcake run
last night too.
83
00:03:53,418 --> 00:03:56,153
- Wait, who orders cupcakes
at 2:00 a.m.?
84
00:03:56,154 --> 00:03:58,089
Um, my friends.
85
00:03:58,090 --> 00:03:59,423
You don't have
any friends.
86
00:03:59,424 --> 00:04:01,659
I have
so many friends.
87
00:04:01,660 --> 00:04:02,827
Who are your friends?
88
00:04:02,828 --> 00:04:04,361
Some people I know.
89
00:04:04,362 --> 00:04:05,763
Then how come
I've never met them?
90
00:04:05,764 --> 00:04:07,932
Well, they don't like you.
91
00:04:07,933 --> 00:04:09,366
But they don't know me.
92
00:04:09,367 --> 00:04:11,836
They don't like
what they've heard about you.
93
00:04:11,837 --> 00:04:14,205
But who would they have
heard things from but you?
94
00:04:14,206 --> 00:04:16,373
Maybe from
my other group of friends.
95
00:04:16,374 --> 00:04:18,443
They don't like you either.
Later.
96
00:04:22,847 --> 00:04:24,248
Max,
you can turn around.
97
00:04:24,249 --> 00:04:26,684
That's right,
I followed you.
98
00:04:29,554 --> 00:04:31,155
Sorry for following you.
99
00:04:31,156 --> 00:04:33,124
It's just, you have
the hair and jacket of a woman.
100
00:04:33,125 --> 00:04:35,559
In a good way.
101
00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:37,528
Did you actually
think that was me?
102
00:04:37,529 --> 00:04:39,563
My beard
is much thicker.
103
00:04:39,564 --> 00:04:40,798
Well, where are we going?
104
00:04:40,799 --> 00:04:42,299
Why are we
in this seedy building
105
00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:43,701
that smells
like marijuana?
106
00:04:43,702 --> 00:04:46,437
Oh, my God, is this
where your mom lives?
107
00:04:46,438 --> 00:04:49,740
You think
my mom lives indoors?
108
00:04:49,741 --> 00:04:51,675
Okay, look,
for the last few nights,
109
00:04:51,676 --> 00:04:53,944
my dealer calls me
after she sells pot to people,
110
00:04:53,945 --> 00:04:56,113
and then I sell those people
the munchies they need.
111
00:04:56,114 --> 00:04:58,449
Max, this is New York.
That's illegal!
112
00:04:58,450 --> 00:05:00,951
No, giant sodas
are illegal.
113
00:05:00,952 --> 00:05:03,287
This is me selling cupcakes
to make our rent.
114
00:05:03,288 --> 00:05:05,222
And besides,
it's not a big deal.
115
00:05:05,223 --> 00:05:07,158
Pot's legal in Washington,
Massachusetts,
116
00:05:07,159 --> 00:05:08,659
Colorado,
and California.
117
00:05:08,660 --> 00:05:10,594
Well, thank you
for the stoner's summary
118
00:05:10,595 --> 00:05:12,296
of the last election,
but we don't live
119
00:05:12,297 --> 00:05:14,165
in any of those places,
120
00:05:14,166 --> 00:05:15,566
and I do not approve of pot
at all.
121
00:05:15,567 --> 00:05:17,268
It makes people
lazy and lethargic,
122
00:05:17,269 --> 00:05:19,303
and drains
all one's ambitions.
123
00:05:19,304 --> 00:05:21,972
God, you're fun.
124
00:05:21,973 --> 00:05:24,074
Look, on the other side
of this door
125
00:05:24,075 --> 00:05:27,077
is money to help us make
the $600 more we need for rent.
126
00:05:27,078 --> 00:05:28,846
It's totally up to you.
127
00:05:28,847 --> 00:05:31,248
Should I knock,
or not knock?
128
00:05:31,249 --> 00:05:32,783
What's good, Max?
129
00:05:32,784 --> 00:05:34,518
Hey, Keefer.
This is my friend Caroline.
130
00:05:34,519 --> 00:05:35,786
Pleasure, my goddess.
131
00:05:35,787 --> 00:05:39,056
Come on in.
I just broke out some dank nugs.
132
00:05:39,057 --> 00:05:42,326
Oh, thanks, but we actually
just had some dank nugs.
133
00:05:42,327 --> 00:05:45,362
First of all,
that's your new nickname,
134
00:05:45,363 --> 00:05:47,198
and, Keefer,
I don't want to rush you,
135
00:05:47,199 --> 00:05:49,800
but me and dank nugs
have to get home.
136
00:05:49,801 --> 00:05:52,436
Okay, cool, I'll be right back
with the cash.
137
00:05:52,437 --> 00:05:55,139
Second-hand smoke,
second-hand smoke.
138
00:05:55,140 --> 00:05:57,408
Second-hand nerd,
second-hand nerd.
139
00:05:57,409 --> 00:06:00,742
Here you go, they were feeling
kinda generous.
140
00:06:00,979 --> 00:06:01,979
Nice to meet you, nugs.
141
00:06:01,980 --> 00:06:04,148
Nice meeting you too.
142
00:06:04,149 --> 00:06:06,116
Peace.
143
00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:09,220
There.
A hundred bucks.
144
00:06:09,221 --> 00:06:11,522
Oh, my God, Max,
that's a hundred-dollar bill!
145
00:06:11,523 --> 00:06:13,023
How easy was that?
146
00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:14,892
And we didn't even
have to open the shop.
147
00:06:14,893 --> 00:06:16,794
I mean, what is the problem
with doing this?
148
00:06:16,795 --> 00:06:18,529
You're right,
I overreacted.
149
00:06:18,530 --> 00:06:20,698
We're not selling pot.
We're selling cupcakes.
150
00:06:20,699 --> 00:06:21,932
We didn't break any laws.
151
00:06:21,933 --> 00:06:23,267
There's nothing illegal
about it.
152
00:06:23,268 --> 00:06:24,802
Move! Move! Move!
153
00:06:24,803 --> 00:06:25,803
I didn't know!
I didn't know!
154
00:06:25,804 --> 00:06:27,304
Go! Go! Go!
Keep going, now!
155
00:06:27,305 --> 00:06:29,807
- Police!
- Go! Go, now!
156
00:06:29,808 --> 00:06:33,141
Put the meth down!
Put the meth down!
157
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:38,282
'Sup?
158
00:06:38,283 --> 00:06:40,184
Move! Go! Go!
Get him out! Let's go!
159
00:06:40,185 --> 00:06:42,186
Bring him out!
Go! Go! Go!
160
00:06:42,187 --> 00:06:44,555
I told you not to get involved
with drugs!
161
00:06:44,556 --> 00:06:45,656
I told you!
162
00:06:45,657 --> 00:06:48,726
- Shut it, Carol! Shut it!
- Oh!
163
00:06:53,131 --> 00:06:55,199
I can't believe
that just happened.
164
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:58,533
I know, it's like,
"let it go, Carol."
165
00:06:59,237 --> 00:07:01,972
We're done with drugs.
I was right.
166
00:07:01,973 --> 00:07:05,042
And now you know
why my friends don't like you.
167
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:13,798
And remember,
we do private parties,
168
00:07:13,799 --> 00:07:15,467
wedding parties,
birthday parties--
169
00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:18,169
All right, there's a dozen.
What's the special occasion?
170
00:07:18,170 --> 00:07:20,238
My cat died.
171
00:07:20,989 --> 00:07:23,572
We also do funerals,
divorces...
172
00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:27,345
And sad Friday nights alone.
173
00:07:27,346 --> 00:07:30,215
Thank you.
174
00:07:30,216 --> 00:07:32,050
Okay, so that's
48 more dollars.
175
00:07:32,051 --> 00:07:35,384
Now, all we need is--
For 72 more cats to die.
176
00:07:35,721 --> 00:07:37,856
Max, there's no need
to kill imaginary cats.
177
00:07:37,857 --> 00:07:39,524
Let's just send out
positive energy,
178
00:07:39,525 --> 00:07:42,227
and the universe
will provide.
179
00:07:42,228 --> 00:07:45,530
Swing and a miss, universe.
180
00:07:45,531 --> 00:07:47,532
Surprise!
I was in the neighborhood
181
00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:49,167
and thought I'd stop by
and say hello.
182
00:07:49,168 --> 00:07:51,903
Under any other circumstance,
I'd say, "never do that again,"
183
00:07:51,904 --> 00:07:54,406
but today, I'm saying,
"how many cupcakes do you want""
184
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:56,675
and I'm thinking of a number
between 10 and 20.
185
00:07:56,676 --> 00:07:59,144
I'm kind of trying
to watch my waist.
186
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:02,247
Well, you're closer to it
than most people.
187
00:08:04,783 --> 00:08:06,685
I'm gonna start you
with 12 cupcakes.
188
00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:08,987
Full price,
'cause you're family.
189
00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:12,023
Oh, my God!
The phone ringing
190
00:08:12,024 --> 00:08:13,692
and a customer
at the same time?
191
00:08:13,693 --> 00:08:15,160
See, Max,
it's all happening.
192
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,761
Between the money
we just got last night
193
00:08:16,762 --> 00:08:18,997
and that pregnant girl's
Quinceanera / Baby shower,
194
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:20,498
we're gonna
make our rent.
195
00:08:20,499 --> 00:08:23,468
Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
Oh, hola, Estella.
196
00:08:23,469 --> 00:08:25,704
Si,
the Quinceanera / Baby shower.
197
00:08:25,995 --> 00:08:27,772
Que?
198
00:08:27,773 --> 00:08:31,106
Oh, no.
Deported?
199
00:08:31,243 --> 00:08:34,312
Oh, you can't afford it.
200
00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:39,618
My mal.
201
00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:42,952
Well, sorry, it didn't work out.
Gracias for calling.
202
00:08:43,122 --> 00:08:44,756
Well, that's disappointing,
203
00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:45,957
but we should have
seen it coming.
204
00:08:45,958 --> 00:08:49,291
She couldn't
afford condoms either.
205
00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:50,895
It's cool.
206
00:08:50,896 --> 00:08:52,130
I'll just call Keefer
207
00:08:52,131 --> 00:08:53,598
and try to do
a couple more cupcake runs.
208
00:08:53,599 --> 00:08:56,334
No, that's not cool,
that's dangerous.
209
00:08:56,335 --> 00:08:58,503
It'll all work out.
You know what?
210
00:08:58,504 --> 00:09:00,038
I'm just gonna go over
and ask Andy
211
00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:02,407
if he'll float us some cash
till the holiday rush kicks in.
212
00:09:02,408 --> 00:09:03,441
He did offer.
213
00:09:03,442 --> 00:09:05,477
We should put up
some Christmas lights,
214
00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:07,912
a menorah for Chanukah,
and for Kwanzaa...
215
00:09:08,213 --> 00:09:11,246
While I'm gone, why don't you
Wikipedia Kwanzaa?
216
00:09:13,284 --> 00:09:15,717
Well...
Here's the first eight.
217
00:09:16,188 --> 00:09:17,656
And how many cupcakes
would you like "to go"?
218
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:20,025
I'm thinking of a number
between 40 and 50.
219
00:09:20,026 --> 00:09:23,161
How come you never push
the food at the diner like this?
220
00:09:23,162 --> 00:09:26,495
Oh, that's where
I know you from.
221
00:09:28,467 --> 00:09:30,535
Start eating.
222
00:09:36,875 --> 00:09:39,208
I didn't do it.
It's so not hot.
223
00:09:39,311 --> 00:09:40,578
He's my boyfriend.
I mean,
224
00:09:40,579 --> 00:09:42,347
it's not like borrowing money
from family.
225
00:09:42,348 --> 00:09:44,716
You don't sleep
with your family.
226
00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:48,050
Not all families
are the same, Caroline.
227
00:09:48,554 --> 00:09:51,387
Besides, we're fine.
The universe will provide.
228
00:09:51,390 --> 00:09:53,358
Well, the universe
better provide in,
229
00:09:53,359 --> 00:09:54,893
like, a second, 'cause look,
there's the landlord.
230
00:09:54,894 --> 00:09:56,828
He just went
into that Moroccan place.
231
00:09:56,829 --> 00:09:57,829
What are we
gonna do?
232
00:09:57,830 --> 00:09:58,963
- Hide!
- What?
233
00:09:58,964 --> 00:10:00,899
Well, I should go.
234
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:02,400
It's too late for that!
235
00:10:02,401 --> 00:10:03,535
Lock the door, hit the lights,
236
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:05,804
and crawl over here,
and stay low!
237
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:08,073
Stay down
till we're out of sight.
238
00:10:08,074 --> 00:10:09,074
Ow!
239
00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:12,408
Ow. Ow, it hurts!
240
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,379
Oh, please.
Like this is the first time
241
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:16,815
you've been on your knees
in the bathroom.
242
00:10:16,816 --> 00:10:19,017
Caroline, you don't have to
stay on the ground anymore.
243
00:10:19,018 --> 00:10:21,586
I feel like
this is where I belong now.
244
00:10:22,587 --> 00:10:24,489
Yo, Baker girls.
245
00:10:24,490 --> 00:10:25,824
Max, he's in the shop.
246
00:10:25,825 --> 00:10:27,992
- Okay, go, out the window.
- Really?
247
00:10:27,993 --> 00:10:29,728
If he can't see us,
he can't evict us.
248
00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:32,831
Go.
249
00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:35,467
It's a little high.
Are you sure?
250
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,636
You've heard "When God closes
a door, he opens a window"?
251
00:10:38,637 --> 00:10:39,904
He's running
from his landlord.
252
00:10:39,905 --> 00:10:41,107
Go.
253
00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:44,976
Okay, here goes.
I love you, Max.
254
00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:49,748
What about me?
What should I do?
255
00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:52,517
Put the money for those
cupcakes on the counter.
256
00:10:57,089 --> 00:10:58,356
Who are you?
257
00:10:58,357 --> 00:10:59,640
Uh...
258
00:10:59,997 --> 00:11:01,690
No hablo ingles?
259
00:11:05,643 --> 00:11:06,976
All right, all right,
good news.
260
00:11:06,977 --> 00:11:09,612
I just found $3
in my pocket.
261
00:11:09,613 --> 00:11:11,281
Oh, and a peanut M&M,
262
00:11:11,282 --> 00:11:13,449
so we don't have to
spend money on dinner.
263
00:11:13,450 --> 00:11:15,451
Caroline,
why are you putting it off?
264
00:11:15,452 --> 00:11:16,853
You know
what you have to do.
265
00:11:16,854 --> 00:11:19,122
Go over to the couch and
put your hands in that crack.
266
00:11:19,123 --> 00:11:21,958
It's every poor girl's
rite of passage.
267
00:11:23,694 --> 00:11:24,961
Oh!
268
00:11:24,962 --> 00:11:25,962
What?
269
00:11:25,963 --> 00:11:28,232
I think something
just licked me.
270
00:11:29,993 --> 00:11:32,068
I'll just check our purses.
Here's yours.
271
00:11:32,069 --> 00:11:33,336
Uh, no, no, no.
I already checked that.
272
00:11:33,337 --> 00:11:34,470
There's nothing
in mine...
273
00:11:34,471 --> 00:11:36,005
Except that baggie of pot
274
00:11:36,006 --> 00:11:38,541
that Keefer gave me
as a Christmas present.
275
00:11:38,542 --> 00:11:40,343
Max, this is not
a Christmas present.
276
00:11:40,344 --> 00:11:43,112
This is a giant, illegal,
fat sack of weed.
277
00:11:43,113 --> 00:11:45,815
Yeah,
with a Rudolph sticker,
278
00:11:45,816 --> 00:11:47,750
which makes it
a Christmas present.
279
00:11:47,751 --> 00:11:50,653
See?
His nose and his eyes are red.
280
00:11:51,654 --> 00:11:53,987
I want this out of my sight.
You gotta get rid of it.
281
00:11:54,124 --> 00:11:55,692
Well, it's gonna take me
282
00:11:55,693 --> 00:11:58,227
at least 45 minutes
to smoke all that.
283
00:11:58,228 --> 00:11:59,729
Max, I'm serious,
284
00:11:59,730 --> 00:12:01,931
I'm not comfortable
with that fat sack of weed.
285
00:12:01,932 --> 00:12:04,601
Stop saying
"fat sack of weed."
286
00:12:04,602 --> 00:12:07,170
You're like someone's dad
overusing the word "awesome."
287
00:12:08,171 --> 00:12:09,672
I'll just
put it up here,
288
00:12:09,673 --> 00:12:13,006
next to the half a Vicodin
I was saving for new year's.
289
00:12:15,045 --> 00:12:16,946
Oh, no!
The pot!
290
00:12:16,947 --> 00:12:18,314
The pot is in the pot!
291
00:12:18,315 --> 00:12:20,850
It's in the butter
I was using to make cupcakes.
292
00:12:20,851 --> 00:12:21,918
Maybe this is
the universe's way
293
00:12:21,919 --> 00:12:23,920
of telling you
to stop doing drugs.
294
00:12:23,921 --> 00:12:27,254
Or is it telling us
to sell them?
295
00:12:29,826 --> 00:12:32,328
Max, we are
not that desperate.
296
00:12:32,329 --> 00:12:33,763
We're not making
pot cupcakes.
297
00:12:33,764 --> 00:12:35,865
I'd rather just see
what the holidays bring.
298
00:12:35,866 --> 00:12:38,234
Well, this isn't Bethlehem,
it's Brooklyn.
299
00:12:38,235 --> 00:12:40,003
There's no frankincense
and myrrh,
300
00:12:40,004 --> 00:12:42,672
there's only frankenberry
and "myrrh-ajuana."
301
00:12:50,788 --> 00:12:53,221
These turned out great!
Good idea, universe.
302
00:12:53,422 --> 00:12:56,491
I knew you smoked weed.
303
00:12:56,492 --> 00:12:58,894
Oh, my God.
I can't believe the smell.
304
00:12:58,895 --> 00:13:02,063
It's like a skunk
skunked a skunk.
305
00:13:02,064 --> 00:13:04,232
I know.
It's like a port-a-potty
306
00:13:04,233 --> 00:13:06,368
on the last day
of Coachella.
307
00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:08,970
Oh, no,
Chestnut's smelling this.
308
00:13:08,971 --> 00:13:11,173
I got my horse stoned.
309
00:13:11,174 --> 00:13:12,741
Oh, relax.
310
00:13:12,742 --> 00:13:15,544
He's just trying
to fit in at school.
311
00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:17,679
Do you think
the neighbors can smell it?
312
00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:19,414
Do you think
they're gonna call the cops?
313
00:13:19,415 --> 00:13:21,750
Chill out!
How can someone be this paranoid
314
00:13:21,751 --> 00:13:23,419
before they're high?
315
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:25,587
Here, taste this.
316
00:13:25,588 --> 00:13:26,955
Max, I don't do pot.
317
00:13:26,956 --> 00:13:28,557
I tried it a couple times
in college.
318
00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:30,358
It totally changed
my personality.
319
00:13:30,359 --> 00:13:33,692
Then please
have some pot right now.
320
00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:35,864
Come on,
it's business.
321
00:13:35,865 --> 00:13:37,566
I need you to taste it
and tell me how it is,
322
00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,134
'cause I can't tell.
At this point,
323
00:13:39,135 --> 00:13:41,503
everything I put in my mouth
tastes like pot.
324
00:13:44,473 --> 00:13:46,306
Hey, it's pretty good.
325
00:13:47,376 --> 00:13:50,709
In fact,
it's kind of delicious.
326
00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:52,881
We should charge
15 apiece for these.
327
00:13:52,882 --> 00:13:55,450
That's $540.
That's our rent.
328
00:13:55,451 --> 00:13:57,052
A few more bites
of that cupcake,
329
00:13:57,053 --> 00:13:59,387
and that math would've
taken two hours longer.
330
00:14:00,756 --> 00:14:02,624
Oh, my God!
It's the cops!
331
00:14:02,625 --> 00:14:04,559
It's probably
that same SWAT team!
332
00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:06,394
I told you not to get involved
with drugs!
333
00:14:06,395 --> 00:14:08,396
I told you!
334
00:14:08,397 --> 00:14:11,730
Shut it, Caroline!
Shut it!
335
00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:13,969
Relax, it's Sophie.
336
00:14:13,970 --> 00:14:17,303
Hi, girls.
I got my period.
337
00:14:18,507 --> 00:14:20,242
Yeah, I got killer cramps.
338
00:14:20,243 --> 00:14:23,411
It's like I got a tractor
in my uterus.
339
00:14:23,412 --> 00:14:25,380
Sophie, we're sorry
you're not feeling well.
340
00:14:25,381 --> 00:14:26,982
Yeah, you know,
it's times like these
341
00:14:26,983 --> 00:14:28,783
I think God's a bitch.
342
00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:30,752
Ugh!
343
00:14:30,753 --> 00:14:34,086
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
344
00:14:34,523 --> 00:14:37,659
What's that smell?
345
00:14:37,660 --> 00:14:38,994
Nothing.
It's nothing.
346
00:14:38,995 --> 00:14:41,463
Maui wowie!
347
00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:44,797
Oh, you girls
have been holding out on me!
348
00:14:45,835 --> 00:14:49,168
Oh!
All right! Okay!
349
00:14:49,272 --> 00:14:52,440
This is what
I'm talking about!
350
00:14:52,441 --> 00:14:55,410
Oh, my God,
good-bye, killer cramps!
351
00:14:55,411 --> 00:14:57,579
Hello, pot party!
352
00:14:57,580 --> 00:15:00,913
I am picking up
what you are laying down.
353
00:15:01,083 --> 00:15:03,151
Mmm!
354
00:15:04,553 --> 00:15:07,886
I think we found
our new product spokesperson.
355
00:15:11,861 --> 00:15:13,028
Here it is.
356
00:15:13,029 --> 00:15:14,529
I've been here once before
with Keefer.
357
00:15:14,530 --> 00:15:16,865
Judah's a really chill guy,
kind of a tech genius.
358
00:15:16,866 --> 00:15:18,266
Think we can probably
sell them all here.
359
00:15:18,997 --> 00:15:19,768
Are you okay?
360
00:15:19,769 --> 00:15:22,037
You haven't spoken
the entire way over here,
361
00:15:22,038 --> 00:15:23,371
which is either
a side effect of the pot,
362
00:15:23,372 --> 00:15:25,473
or my early
Christmas present.
363
00:15:25,474 --> 00:15:27,575
No, I'm fine.
I feel exactly the same.
364
00:15:27,576 --> 00:15:29,277
It hasn't changed me
at all.
365
00:15:29,278 --> 00:15:30,745
Ooh!
Careful with the box,
366
00:15:30,746 --> 00:15:32,080
'cause you're smearing
the cupcakes.
367
00:15:32,081 --> 00:15:34,916
Oh, what does it matter?
We're all gonna die.
368
00:15:35,217 --> 00:15:37,953
Is this that other personality
you were telling me about?
369
00:15:37,954 --> 00:15:40,021
No, it's still me.
Not that I matter.
370
00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:42,290
None of us do.
We're all gonna die.
371
00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:44,559
Oh, crap.
372
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:45,827
Hey, Max!
373
00:15:45,828 --> 00:15:47,295
I was so happy
that you called.
374
00:15:47,296 --> 00:15:49,798
And we're so happy
you're addicted to marijuana.
375
00:15:50,299 --> 00:15:51,900
You know it always
leads to heroin--
376
00:15:51,901 --> 00:15:53,134
Which leads to death.
We get it.
377
00:15:53,135 --> 00:15:56,171
You're the one
not-fun stoner.
378
00:15:56,172 --> 00:15:58,473
Hey, guys, the chicks
are here with the edibles.
379
00:15:58,474 --> 00:15:59,474
- Edibles!
- We're having a little bit
380
00:15:59,475 --> 00:16:00,675
of a celebration.
381
00:16:00,676 --> 00:16:02,510
Okay, so cupcakes.
382
00:16:02,511 --> 00:16:04,479
They're 15 apiece,
good quality.
383
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:06,748
And guys, we have to sell
all of them, or tomorrow,
384
00:16:06,749 --> 00:16:09,351
we'll be eating
out of a Dumpster.
385
00:16:09,352 --> 00:16:11,720
Does anyone
have any uppers?
386
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:15,054
I have to sit down.
I mean, life. Ugh!
387
00:16:15,091 --> 00:16:17,392
I'm so tired of pretending
it's all gonna be okay.
388
00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:19,127
It's not.
389
00:16:19,128 --> 00:16:20,862
You should get that mole
checked out.
390
00:16:20,863 --> 00:16:24,196
I don't feel good
about it.
391
00:16:24,266 --> 00:16:25,900
Dude, this chick
is freaking me out.
392
00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:28,536
Just take it easy, Dave.
We'll just get some food in her.
393
00:16:28,537 --> 00:16:30,105
I got a buddy on the way
with pizza.
394
00:16:30,106 --> 00:16:31,573
Guys,
I'm sorry about her.
395
00:16:31,574 --> 00:16:33,475
It's like bringing your mother
to a strip club.
396
00:16:33,476 --> 00:16:35,543
Not for me. That'd be like
taking my mom to work.
397
00:16:36,979 --> 00:16:39,047
Strippers,
how about their lives?
398
00:16:39,048 --> 00:16:40,448
They got no way out.
399
00:16:40,449 --> 00:16:42,083
Can I talk to you,
before you start performing
400
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:45,253
an acoustic ballad
about strippers with moles?
401
00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:50,725
What's the point, Max?
402
00:16:50,726 --> 00:16:53,361
Go, if you're gonna hit me,
hit me.
403
00:16:53,362 --> 00:16:54,829
What is happening
with you?
404
00:16:54,830 --> 00:16:58,163
I didn't even know
blonde people could be sad.
405
00:16:58,167 --> 00:16:59,634
Max, I have to tell you
something.
406
00:16:59,635 --> 00:17:01,870
Come here.
It's a secret. Come here.
407
00:17:01,871 --> 00:17:05,040
We're not gonna make it.
408
00:17:05,041 --> 00:17:07,108
But you're the one
who's always telling me
409
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,343
everything's gonna be fine.
410
00:17:08,344 --> 00:17:11,246
Yeah, I was lying.
411
00:17:14,016 --> 00:17:15,717
Where's the weed,
homeslizzy?
412
00:17:15,718 --> 00:17:17,819
Perfect timing, Andy.
413
00:17:17,820 --> 00:17:20,722
These are the girls
who are selling edibles.
414
00:17:20,723 --> 00:17:22,957
No, that's my girlfriend,
Caroline.
415
00:17:23,258 --> 00:17:25,860
That sucks for you, dude.
416
00:17:27,997 --> 00:17:29,932
What are you doing here?
417
00:17:34,837 --> 00:17:37,770
She is really
getting the hang of that.
418
00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:40,775
And around 4:00 a.m.,
you finally called me
419
00:17:40,776 --> 00:17:43,778
from an IHOP in Greenpoint,
and I came and picked you up.
420
00:17:43,779 --> 00:17:45,513
You were covered in syrup,
yelling,
421
00:17:45,514 --> 00:17:48,583
"the Mayans were right!
The Mayans were right!"
422
00:17:50,852 --> 00:17:52,187
There's my little stoner.
423
00:17:52,188 --> 00:17:55,521
Andy, I don't get stoned.
It was just last night.
424
00:17:55,758 --> 00:17:57,192
I know.
You told me all about it
425
00:17:57,193 --> 00:17:58,760
when you called
at 4:00 a.m.
426
00:17:59,361 --> 00:18:02,094
Sorry,
and I'm mortified to ask,
427
00:18:02,098 --> 00:18:03,998
but did you and I
have phone sex?
428
00:18:03,999 --> 00:18:07,332
That was you and me.
429
00:18:07,703 --> 00:18:09,572
Stoned Caroline's got game.
430
00:18:11,073 --> 00:18:12,974
Hey, Max told me
about the rent.
431
00:18:12,975 --> 00:18:14,542
Why didn't you tell me
you guys needed help?
432
00:18:15,043 --> 00:18:16,678
I guess I just
didn't want to have to admit
433
00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:19,013
to you or to myself
that we're in real trouble.
434
00:18:19,014 --> 00:18:22,347
Plus, being a charity instead
of a girlfriend is so not hot.
435
00:18:22,418 --> 00:18:25,587
Uh, there is nothing
you can do that is not hot.
436
00:18:25,588 --> 00:18:27,188
Oh, then whatever you do,
do not look at the video
437
00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:29,657
Max has of me, rolling around
in the IHOP parking lot,
438
00:18:29,658 --> 00:18:32,093
covered in syrup.
439
00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:34,095
I want you to have this.
440
00:18:34,096 --> 00:18:37,132
Cash it, don't cash it.
Do whatever you want,
441
00:18:37,133 --> 00:18:39,400
but just know that my success
doesn't mean anything
442
00:18:39,401 --> 00:18:41,870
if I can't
share it with you.
443
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:43,571
Thank you.
444
00:18:43,572 --> 00:18:46,905
Andy, that is so amazing,
and I really appreciate it,
445
00:18:47,009 --> 00:18:48,643
but I can't take it.
446
00:18:48,644 --> 00:18:50,311
Well, it's a win-win.
447
00:18:50,312 --> 00:18:52,747
At least it got your hand
in my pants.
448
00:18:52,748 --> 00:18:55,850
And remember,
if you ever need it, it's there.
449
00:18:55,851 --> 00:18:58,286
I'm talking about my penis.
450
00:19:04,659 --> 00:19:06,992
Andy offered to pay our rent,
but I said no.
451
00:19:07,329 --> 00:19:10,662
That is the whitest thing
I've ever heard.
452
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,800
It was really sweet
of him,
453
00:19:12,801 --> 00:19:15,637
but I didn't want to take money
from a man I'm sleeping with.
454
00:19:15,638 --> 00:19:17,505
Wait, are you telling me
there are women
455
00:19:17,506 --> 00:19:20,839
who don't take money
from men they're sleeping with?
456
00:19:21,544 --> 00:19:23,311
What's gonna happen, Max?
457
00:19:23,312 --> 00:19:25,013
I don't know.
458
00:19:25,014 --> 00:19:28,347
But we do have
Christmas decorations,
459
00:19:28,617 --> 00:19:29,951
so let's put them up.
460
00:19:29,952 --> 00:19:31,019
Wait a minute.
461
00:19:31,020 --> 00:19:32,520
You're the one
pushing Christmas?
462
00:19:32,521 --> 00:19:34,189
Who are you, me?
463
00:19:34,190 --> 00:19:37,058
No, I still have
my dignity.
464
00:19:37,459 --> 00:19:40,892
Speaking of Christmas,
here are the 21/2 wise men.
465
00:19:42,998 --> 00:19:45,767
- What's up?
- Caroline called me last night.
466
00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:47,802
Told me that you two
couldn't pay your rent,
467
00:19:47,803 --> 00:19:49,537
that you were losing the shop.
468
00:19:49,538 --> 00:19:52,871
That girl can talk.
469
00:19:54,143 --> 00:19:56,811
She called me too, and said
you didn't have your rent,
470
00:19:56,812 --> 00:19:59,480
and also that, for sure,
the rising waters of the ocean
471
00:19:59,481 --> 00:20:02,814
will swallow us
and kill us all.
472
00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:07,522
So we put together
what we had, and... here.
473
00:20:07,523 --> 00:20:09,190
Consider it
an early Christmas gift
474
00:20:09,191 --> 00:20:10,391
from all three of us...
475
00:20:10,392 --> 00:20:13,161
Even though I gave 350,
Earl gave 100,
476
00:20:13,162 --> 00:20:16,164
and he gave 50.
477
00:20:16,865 --> 00:20:18,700
Thank you,
but we can't take it.
478
00:20:18,701 --> 00:20:22,034
Yes, you can.
We're family.
479
00:20:22,871 --> 00:20:24,939
500 whole dollars?
480
00:20:24,940 --> 00:20:26,841
Thank you, guys.
481
00:20:29,845 --> 00:20:33,178
And we have
something special for you.
482
00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:39,854
What makes it special?
483
00:20:39,855 --> 00:20:43,188
The love
she puts into 'em, man.
484
00:20:48,030 --> 00:20:51,363
You can smell the love
all around her.
485
00:20:52,301 --> 00:20:54,369
Mmm.
486
00:20:55,571 --> 00:20:58,439
You know, Max,
I think we're gonna make it.
487
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:00,575
I like
not-stoned Caroline.
488
00:21:00,576 --> 00:21:02,076
We're gonna keep you
off the drugs.
489
00:21:02,077 --> 00:21:03,978
You mean
because I'm more positive?
490
00:21:03,979 --> 00:21:05,747
No, 'cause we may
have to sell your urine
491
00:21:05,748 --> 00:21:08,750
for next month's rent, and
I'm gonna need that pee clean.
492
00:21:14,957 --> 00:21:17,425
Mmm, so good.
493
00:21:17,426 --> 00:21:21,527
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com