1
00:00:02,021 --> 00:00:03,405
Can I get another refill?
2
00:00:03,627 --> 00:00:05,460
Yes.
Can I get an explanation
3
00:00:05,462 --> 00:00:08,514
of why you're wearing overalls
when there are no goats around?
4
00:00:11,685 --> 00:00:14,686
Oh, wait...
Now he's drumming.
5
00:00:14,998 --> 00:00:16,939
Overalls, free coffee refills,
and drumming.
6
00:00:17,441 --> 00:00:20,258
We can stop looking, we found
the world's most annoying hipster.
7
00:00:21,090 --> 00:00:23,261
Max, this isn't a diner
where everything comes
8
00:00:23,263 --> 00:00:24,813
with attitude and E. coli.
9
00:00:25,065 --> 00:00:28,398
This is the cupcake shop.
You own this place.
10
00:00:28,485 --> 00:00:31,818
Ugh, success really
cuts your balls off!
11
00:00:36,660 --> 00:00:38,960
We get it.
Your tribe's in trouble.
12
00:00:40,162 --> 00:00:41,797
Hey, she's kidding.
13
00:00:41,799 --> 00:00:44,299
Just help yourself to a fresh
mocha almond refill.
14
00:00:44,301 --> 00:00:46,835
And by the way, sick beats.
15
00:00:48,704 --> 00:00:50,371
You threw him a peace sign?
16
00:00:50,373 --> 00:00:52,974
What are you, a Japanese teenager?
17
00:00:52,976 --> 00:00:54,843
It's a gesture of goodwill.
18
00:00:54,845 --> 00:00:58,178
Okay, but if I see you doing
an open heart, I will kill you.
19
00:00:59,316 --> 00:01:01,500
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
20
00:01:02,886 --> 00:01:06,219
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
21
00:01:07,006 --> 00:01:10,339
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
22
00:01:16,134 --> 00:01:17,586
Hey, there's Andy.
23
00:01:18,998 --> 00:01:20,521
I don't want him to see me.
24
00:01:21,023 --> 00:01:23,856
Did you just openly wave
to my ex-boyfriend?
25
00:01:24,644 --> 00:01:26,060
Yeah, I always wave at him.
26
00:01:26,062 --> 00:01:27,278
He didn't die just because
27
00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:29,897
you stopped letting him touch
your boobies.
28
00:01:31,149 --> 00:01:33,150
Well, I don't wave
to the guy at the record shop
29
00:01:33,152 --> 00:01:34,368
that you had sex with.
30
00:01:34,370 --> 00:01:37,703
I had sex with the guy
at the record shop?
31
00:01:38,624 --> 00:01:40,374
I should keep a diary.
32
00:01:40,376 --> 00:01:42,326
Oh, God, he's coming back.
33
00:01:42,328 --> 00:01:43,911
See what you started with your wave?
34
00:01:43,913 --> 00:01:46,196
I'm sorry.
My hand is friendly.
35
00:01:46,198 --> 00:01:48,716
Ask any guy in high school.
36
00:01:49,218 --> 00:01:51,018
I was gonna try and sneak by,
37
00:01:51,020 --> 00:01:53,337
but that just seemed
so juvenile, so here...
38
00:01:54,339 --> 00:01:55,539
"Do you guys still like me?
39
00:01:55,541 --> 00:01:58,874
"Check 'Yes' or 'No.'"
40
00:01:59,211 --> 00:02:00,478
So how's she doing?
41
00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:02,713
- She's good.
- Really?
42
00:02:03,215 --> 00:02:06,048
Oh, by the way, the guy
at the record store says hi.
43
00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:09,485
Well, you tell him
I said, "who are you?"
44
00:02:12,224 --> 00:02:13,808
And I also came in because
I wanted to make sure
45
00:02:13,810 --> 00:02:15,225
everything's cool with you and me, Max.
46
00:02:15,227 --> 00:02:17,027
I mean, you haven't texted me a pic
47
00:02:17,029 --> 00:02:19,229
of an unlikely animal friendship
in, like, 48 hours.
48
00:02:19,231 --> 00:02:21,198
Don't worry, we're cool.
I just haven't been able
49
00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:22,783
to top the picture I sent of the monkey
50
00:02:22,785 --> 00:02:25,002
tickling a parrot.
51
00:02:25,004 --> 00:02:26,504
I get it.
You have high standards.
52
00:02:26,506 --> 00:02:28,906
Whereas, me, I see a black dog
spooning a brown dog,
53
00:02:28,908 --> 00:02:30,541
and I pull the trigger.
54
00:02:30,543 --> 00:02:32,710
Well, save that amateur crap
for your mom,
55
00:02:32,712 --> 00:02:34,912
perhaps with an aunt and uncle CC.
56
00:02:34,914 --> 00:02:36,630
Ha, that is so me.
57
00:02:36,632 --> 00:02:38,382
Well, sir, you have raised the bar.
58
00:02:38,384 --> 00:02:41,717
I look forward to our next
freaky/adorable animal pic.
59
00:02:43,222 --> 00:02:45,222
Well, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
60
00:02:45,224 --> 00:02:48,557
Since we broke up, he got fat.
61
00:02:49,762 --> 00:02:52,095
It's only been four days.
62
00:02:52,097 --> 00:02:54,815
Wynonna Judd gets fat in an hour.
63
00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:57,935
I'm too exhausted
to even think about Andy.
64
00:02:57,937 --> 00:03:00,237
Let's just change and get to the diner.
65
00:03:00,239 --> 00:03:01,322
Look, all we have to do is make it
66
00:03:01,324 --> 00:03:02,456
through eight more hours,
67
00:03:02,458 --> 00:03:05,709
and then we can get
a good night's sleep.
68
00:03:05,711 --> 00:03:08,946
Max, you're taking
your pants off in public!
69
00:03:08,948 --> 00:03:10,714
Oh, my God!
70
00:03:10,716 --> 00:03:14,049
I'm so tired, I forgot where I was!
71
00:03:14,387 --> 00:03:17,104
They're halfway down.
What do I do?
72
00:03:17,606 --> 00:03:20,439
I'm too tired to make the call.
73
00:03:24,062 --> 00:03:27,395
And I'll have the BLT
with the French fries.
74
00:03:27,396 --> 00:03:30,649
Miss? I think our waitress
is asleep.
75
00:03:31,821 --> 00:03:33,404
Yeah, she's tired.
We haven't slept a lot lately.
76
00:03:33,406 --> 00:03:34,888
When she wakes up,
she'll take your order.
77
00:03:34,890 --> 00:03:37,024
- But we're really hungry--
- Leave her alone!
78
00:03:37,026 --> 00:03:40,344
So I come to your job and wake you up?
79
00:03:40,596 --> 00:03:43,113
Hi, can I take your order?
80
00:03:43,115 --> 00:03:45,666
I can see how tired you are, Max.
81
00:03:45,668 --> 00:03:48,318
And if I could turn the clock
back to '75,
82
00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:51,653
I'd help you out
with a nice bump of cocaine.
83
00:03:51,824 --> 00:03:53,457
But I don't do that anymore.
84
00:03:53,459 --> 00:03:55,993
Earl, you quit coke in 1975?
85
00:03:55,995 --> 00:03:59,328
No, when I was 75, last year.
86
00:03:59,715 --> 00:04:03,048
It just felt like time.
87
00:04:03,135 --> 00:04:06,468
Now all I can give you is
a nice bump of this.
88
00:04:07,106 --> 00:04:09,290
Max, I need you
to explain something to me
89
00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:10,674
'cause I can't figure it out.
90
00:04:10,676 --> 00:04:14,009
That's hard to believe,
since you're 90% head.
91
00:04:14,814 --> 00:04:16,480
It's not a laughing matter, Max.
92
00:04:16,482 --> 00:04:19,815
I broke my mother's pelvis coming out.
93
00:04:23,038 --> 00:04:26,371
At least you finally came out.
94
00:04:28,359 --> 00:04:30,878
Oh, so you're awake enough
to ridicule the boss,
95
00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:32,796
but not awake enough to wait on tables.
96
00:04:32,798 --> 00:04:36,131
Exactly. See,
there's that big head working.
97
00:04:36,385 --> 00:04:37,835
And don't exaggerate.
98
00:04:37,837 --> 00:04:39,970
Caroline and I are doing a great job.
99
00:04:39,972 --> 00:04:43,305
- Wake up.
- Hi, can I take your order?
100
00:04:43,726 --> 00:04:45,759
All I knows is.
if I was doing my job
101
00:04:45,761 --> 00:04:48,512
as bad as you two tonight,
I'd take my own life.
102
00:04:48,514 --> 00:04:51,847
That's not off the table.
103
00:04:52,384 --> 00:04:53,701
Come on, Han, cut us a break.
104
00:04:53,703 --> 00:04:55,986
We're working two jobs,
we got two hours of sleep.
105
00:04:55,988 --> 00:04:58,188
We just want to get home
and climb into bed.
106
00:04:58,190 --> 00:05:01,523
You're sleeping together?
107
00:05:01,777 --> 00:05:05,110
I mean, it's been a "will they
or won't they" since they met.
108
00:05:07,916 --> 00:05:10,584
Hi, everybody.
Sophie's here!
109
00:05:10,586 --> 00:05:13,919
And look at my new coat.
It's double-breasted.
110
00:05:15,508 --> 00:05:18,392
Pretty nice, huh?
It was a gift from me.
111
00:05:18,394 --> 00:05:20,077
It's the only thing he ever gave me
112
00:05:20,079 --> 00:05:23,412
that didn't threaten
my reproductive health.
113
00:05:23,883 --> 00:05:25,683
Think that fox took its own life
114
00:05:25,685 --> 00:05:28,519
when it saw what kind of coat
it was gonna be on.
115
00:05:28,521 --> 00:05:30,187
What is the occasion?
116
00:05:30,189 --> 00:05:33,522
What is the occasion?
I'm hot and it's cold.
117
00:05:34,926 --> 00:05:37,644
And it's also the anniversary
of the first time
118
00:05:37,646 --> 00:05:39,980
Oleg and I 70ed.
119
00:05:39,982 --> 00:05:43,315
The way I do it, it's one more than 69.
120
00:05:48,990 --> 00:05:51,959
Max, I just hung up
from a very panicked phone call,
121
00:05:51,961 --> 00:05:53,794
and you'll never believe what happened.
122
00:05:53,796 --> 00:05:55,412
The guy from the record store
called to say
123
00:05:55,414 --> 00:05:57,998
I have super gonorrhea?
124
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,333
You actually think a guy
that you don't even remember
125
00:06:01,721 --> 00:06:05,054
called to tell me
that you have super gonorrhea?
126
00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:08,926
Yes, that's how tired I am.
127
00:06:08,928 --> 00:06:11,729
Are you gonna make me wait
forever? Do I have it or not?
128
00:06:11,731 --> 00:06:15,064
It's not super gonorrhea,
but it is super-bad news.
129
00:06:15,401 --> 00:06:17,151
This woman just called
to confirm her order
130
00:06:17,153 --> 00:06:19,069
for 1,000 cupcakes for tomorrow.
131
00:06:19,071 --> 00:06:21,638
I've been so tired,
I completely forgot.
132
00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:24,973
I'd rather have super gonorrhea!
133
00:06:25,161 --> 00:06:28,245
Are you insane? We can't do
1,000 cupcakes by tomorrow.
134
00:06:28,247 --> 00:06:29,479
Wehaveto do it.
135
00:06:29,481 --> 00:06:31,448
It'll ruin our reputation if we don't.
136
00:06:31,450 --> 00:06:33,867
I know we're tired,
but if we stay up all night,
137
00:06:33,869 --> 00:06:36,820
we'll have $4,000
by tomorrow at 10:00 a.m.
138
00:06:36,822 --> 00:06:38,822
They have to be done
by 10:00 a.m.?
139
00:06:38,824 --> 00:06:42,157
I'm so tired, remind me--
Is a.m. the morning one?
140
00:06:42,995 --> 00:06:44,711
We can't do it.
It's impossible.
141
00:06:44,713 --> 00:06:46,680
My brain's too foggy
to crunch the numbers,
142
00:06:46,682 --> 00:06:48,766
but I'm sure it's doable
if we leave right now.
143
00:06:48,768 --> 00:06:50,434
We're in the middle of waiting tables.
144
00:06:50,436 --> 00:06:52,519
Well, we'll just have to
come up with an excuse.
145
00:06:52,521 --> 00:06:55,522
Give me your hand, bend over,
and pretend to be sick.
146
00:06:55,524 --> 00:06:58,008
It'll work. I've used this
to get out of eight jobs,
147
00:06:58,010 --> 00:07:01,343
six final exams, and one wedding.
148
00:07:01,981 --> 00:07:03,831
Han, we have an emergency.
Caroline's sick.
149
00:07:03,833 --> 00:07:06,016
She's so sick, she can't even stand up.
150
00:07:06,018 --> 00:07:07,651
We won't be able to stay
and finish our shift.
151
00:07:07,653 --> 00:07:09,153
We have to go right
to the emergency room.
152
00:07:10,856 --> 00:07:12,456
We don't know what's wrong with her,
153
00:07:12,458 --> 00:07:13,523
but it's coming out of both ends.
154
00:07:13,525 --> 00:07:15,375
It might be super gonorrhea.
Bye.
155
00:07:20,464 --> 00:07:22,365
That's so unfortunate.
156
00:07:22,367 --> 00:07:25,700
And on the night they were
finally gonna do it.
157
00:07:35,164 --> 00:07:37,482
Whoa, those are some
big-ass coffees!
158
00:07:37,484 --> 00:07:39,701
Yep, 64-ouncers.
159
00:07:39,703 --> 00:07:42,003
They told me they're bigger
than the human stomach.
160
00:07:42,005 --> 00:07:43,455
And the coffee's already working,
161
00:07:43,457 --> 00:07:44,956
'cause I figured out
if it's midnight now,
162
00:07:44,958 --> 00:07:46,341
we have to be done
at 10:00 a.m.
163
00:07:46,343 --> 00:07:48,360
So if it's 40 minutes per batch
from beginning to end,
164
00:07:48,362 --> 00:07:50,579
baking 4 dozen at a time,
that's 48 cupcakes
165
00:07:50,581 --> 00:07:52,247
times 20 trips to the oven,
which equals nine hours,
166
00:07:52,249 --> 00:07:54,366
which equals $4,000.
167
00:07:54,368 --> 00:07:57,701
Give me that.
Let's see if I can do math too.
168
00:07:59,039 --> 00:08:00,255
Ask me something.
169
00:08:00,507 --> 00:08:02,007
16 times 12.
170
00:08:02,259 --> 00:08:04,542
I'm just going to enjoy my coffee.
171
00:08:04,544 --> 00:08:06,061
You enjoy, I'll preheat the oven.
172
00:08:06,063 --> 00:08:08,313
- What's the temp?
- 325.
173
00:08:08,315 --> 00:08:09,881
There, that's the coffee talking.
174
00:08:14,021 --> 00:08:16,772
Andy just sent me a picture
of a deer nursing a turtle.
175
00:08:16,774 --> 00:08:18,857
This is why they tell teen turtles
176
00:08:18,859 --> 00:08:20,742
never to post up on Facebook.
177
00:08:20,744 --> 00:08:24,077
Oh, I didn't realize
you two were still texting.
178
00:08:24,164 --> 00:08:25,781
Well, we're mostly
just sending pictures
179
00:08:25,783 --> 00:08:27,565
of unlikely animal friendships.
180
00:08:27,567 --> 00:08:29,785
See, there's a bear napping
with a bunny.
181
00:08:29,787 --> 00:08:31,203
And what's this?
182
00:08:31,205 --> 00:08:33,088
It's a labradoodle
high-fiving a koi fish.
183
00:08:33,090 --> 00:08:34,673
It's pretty self-explanatory.
184
00:08:34,675 --> 00:08:37,876
No, underneath that.
This-- "How's Caroline?"
185
00:08:37,878 --> 00:08:40,379
I thought this was just
an unlikely animal friendship.
186
00:08:40,381 --> 00:08:42,747
It is, mostly, but every other text,
187
00:08:42,749 --> 00:08:44,883
I get the idea that
maybe he's not over you.
188
00:08:45,285 --> 00:08:47,519
He's the one who broke up with me.
189
00:08:47,521 --> 00:08:49,554
Well, maybe he regrets it.
190
00:08:49,556 --> 00:08:52,057
Maybe you two are like
Chris Brown and Rihanna,
191
00:08:52,059 --> 00:08:54,643
minus the punching and the duet.
192
00:08:55,345 --> 00:08:56,528
I'm kind of surprised.
193
00:08:56,530 --> 00:08:58,563
I thought you guys were good together.
194
00:08:58,565 --> 00:09:01,149
Andy is great.
And on the surface,
195
00:09:01,151 --> 00:09:02,934
he was there for me
and very supportive.
196
00:09:02,936 --> 00:09:05,404
But then he kind of got fed up
when it was so much about
197
00:09:05,406 --> 00:09:06,488
me and my career.
198
00:09:06,490 --> 00:09:08,273
And when push came to shove,
he felt like
199
00:09:08,275 --> 00:09:10,992
he had to pull away
for his own well-being.
200
00:09:10,994 --> 00:09:14,327
Oh, my God, we are
Rihanna and Chris Brown!
201
00:09:14,448 --> 00:09:16,748
But I'm Chris Brown.
202
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:20,583
Speaking of Chris Brown,
I'm gonna start to batter.
203
00:09:21,621 --> 00:09:23,138
How's that stove?
204
00:09:23,140 --> 00:09:25,924
Warm, but it's really wobbly.
205
00:09:25,926 --> 00:09:28,126
Yeah, it wobbles, it smokes,
and one time it burned me.
206
00:09:28,128 --> 00:09:30,512
That's why I nicknamed it
"Mom."
207
00:09:30,514 --> 00:09:32,464
What is this wood thing under the leg?
208
00:09:32,466 --> 00:09:34,182
it's the shim.
209
00:09:34,184 --> 00:09:35,984
I think it's making it worse.
210
00:09:35,986 --> 00:09:37,486
Don't!
That's holding the leg up!
211
00:09:37,488 --> 00:09:40,638
Oh! Aah!
212
00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:43,973
But I guess you figured that out now.
213
00:09:44,445 --> 00:09:46,862
You heard me say it was the shim!
214
00:09:46,864 --> 00:09:48,763
I don't know what a shim is.
215
00:09:48,765 --> 00:09:51,249
I thought it was just
one of those things you say.
216
00:09:51,251 --> 00:09:52,650
What did you think it could be?
217
00:09:52,652 --> 00:09:54,319
I thought it was a cool word blend.
218
00:09:54,321 --> 00:09:57,654
You know, like she/him
for a transsexual--a shim.
219
00:09:58,541 --> 00:10:01,624
You thought a tiny transsexual
was holding up our stove?
220
00:10:02,129 --> 00:10:03,879
Yes, Max, I'm that tired.
221
00:10:03,881 --> 00:10:07,165
I thought a tiny transsexual
was holding up our stove.
222
00:10:07,167 --> 00:10:10,051
This is a disaster, and our oven
at home's too small.
223
00:10:10,053 --> 00:10:12,270
What are we gonna do now?
224
00:10:12,972 --> 00:10:14,105
Oh, good, you're still here.
225
00:10:14,107 --> 00:10:16,224
Don't anybody leave.
Our night just got worse.
226
00:10:16,226 --> 00:10:19,559
Don't come any closer, super gonorrhea!
227
00:10:20,413 --> 00:10:23,346
I'm sorry to say we lied
to get off our shift.
228
00:10:23,350 --> 00:10:25,484
But we have to bake
1,000 cupcakes by tomorrow,
229
00:10:25,486 --> 00:10:27,986
and our oven broke at the shop,
and we need to use yours.
230
00:10:27,988 --> 00:10:30,288
You lied to me,
and now you want a favor?
231
00:10:30,290 --> 00:10:32,657
Yes. Han, we know
it's a big favor,
232
00:10:32,659 --> 00:10:34,359
and it probably looks
even bigger to you,
233
00:10:34,361 --> 00:10:37,629
but I'm sure you can see past our lie.
234
00:10:37,631 --> 00:10:39,364
And if you can't,
you can get up on that chair,
235
00:10:39,366 --> 00:10:42,417
I could put you on our shoulders...
236
00:10:42,419 --> 00:10:45,637
Long story abnormally short,
will you help us?
237
00:10:45,639 --> 00:10:48,972
Well, those 12 short jokes
really primed me.
238
00:10:49,226 --> 00:10:50,392
Fine, you can use the oven
239
00:10:50,394 --> 00:10:52,043
and any of the supplies you need.
240
00:10:52,045 --> 00:10:54,346
Thank you. We really need
to fill this order.
241
00:10:54,348 --> 00:10:57,148
I'll stay and help.
I also had something to fill,
242
00:10:57,150 --> 00:11:00,483
but I'll just text Sophie
and tell her I'm working.
243
00:11:00,904 --> 00:11:02,487
I'll help too.
244
00:11:02,489 --> 00:11:05,056
I can't bake, but I can sit
and lift the spirits.
245
00:11:05,058 --> 00:11:08,391
As long as there are spirits.
It's open bar, right, Han?
246
00:11:09,495 --> 00:11:11,828
Okay, I'm in too.
Earl, make me a sea breeze,
247
00:11:12,199 --> 00:11:13,915
easy on the breezy.
248
00:11:14,517 --> 00:11:16,067
You know, because of my childhood,
249
00:11:16,069 --> 00:11:17,619
I won't be able to process the fact
250
00:11:17,621 --> 00:11:19,204
that you've all just
done something nice for me,
251
00:11:19,206 --> 00:11:22,040
so if I run into you
in ten years and start crying,
252
00:11:22,042 --> 00:11:25,293
this is what it's about.
253
00:11:30,869 --> 00:11:33,119
900 and counting.
Comin' through.
254
00:11:33,121 --> 00:11:34,855
- Where do you want them?
- Put 'em over here,
255
00:11:34,857 --> 00:11:37,824
next to the world's slowest helper.
256
00:11:37,826 --> 00:11:39,559
It took you longer
to make that one cupcake
257
00:11:39,561 --> 00:11:42,629
than it took James Cameron
to make Avatar.
258
00:11:43,481 --> 00:11:45,964
Well, I been doing this
for two minutes,
259
00:11:45,967 --> 00:11:49,300
and I have to say...
Not for me.
260
00:11:50,989 --> 00:11:53,240
But you know what is for me?
261
00:11:53,242 --> 00:11:56,026
Another free cognac.
262
00:11:56,028 --> 00:11:57,977
Ready for another sea breeze, Han?
263
00:11:57,979 --> 00:12:00,080
Not before I get this right.
264
00:12:00,082 --> 00:12:03,116
And you don't want to see me
on two sea breezes.
265
00:12:03,118 --> 00:12:06,451
What happens,
you become Lindsay Llo-Han?
266
00:12:06,988 --> 00:12:10,321
Okay, let me show you how it's done.
267
00:12:10,659 --> 00:12:12,992
There, you feel how that is, Han?
268
00:12:12,994 --> 00:12:16,012
Uh, yes.
269
00:12:16,014 --> 00:12:18,131
Now just squeeze that bag.
270
00:12:18,133 --> 00:12:21,351
Good. Little harder.
Good. Little harder.
271
00:12:21,353 --> 00:12:24,686
Whoa! Oh...
272
00:12:24,940 --> 00:12:28,273
I'm humiliated.
273
00:12:30,696 --> 00:12:32,779
It's okay, Han, it happens
to a lot of guys
274
00:12:32,781 --> 00:12:34,514
their first time.
275
00:12:35,316 --> 00:12:37,400
Get yourself a tissue
and clean yourself off,
276
00:12:37,402 --> 00:12:39,869
like everyone else.
277
00:12:39,871 --> 00:12:42,355
Han, you're off the bag.
I'm moving you to batter.
278
00:12:42,357 --> 00:12:44,240
It's not a demotion, it's just
that you stink at this.
279
00:12:44,242 --> 00:12:45,492
I wanna give you something easier.
280
00:12:45,494 --> 00:12:48,662
Max, you just got that
all over your apron.
281
00:12:48,664 --> 00:12:50,863
I'll wipe it down.
Mine's a mess too.
282
00:12:50,865 --> 00:12:52,365
Ooh, pretty slick move.
283
00:12:52,367 --> 00:12:54,867
You wanna try for my bra next?
284
00:12:55,921 --> 00:12:57,220
Yeah, baby,
285
00:12:57,222 --> 00:13:00,555
I'll take off your bra.
286
00:13:01,476 --> 00:13:04,311
What the hell was that?
287
00:13:04,313 --> 00:13:06,429
What?
It's my guy voice.
288
00:13:06,731 --> 00:13:09,065
That's your go-to
guy voice?
289
00:13:09,067 --> 00:13:12,319
Is his identity being
protected on Dateline?
290
00:13:12,321 --> 00:13:14,938
Well, what's your guy voice like?
291
00:13:14,940 --> 00:13:17,273
I'm doing it right now.
292
00:13:20,746 --> 00:13:22,912
I'm gonna take a quick pee break.
293
00:13:22,914 --> 00:13:26,247
I don't know, I think you might
be making the drinks too strong.
294
00:13:26,418 --> 00:13:28,585
We're not drunk, Oleg, just punchy.
295
00:13:28,587 --> 00:13:31,621
I'm just drunk.
296
00:13:35,659 --> 00:13:38,492
It was so nice of everyone
to stay that long.
297
00:13:38,964 --> 00:13:40,930
Everything's baked except for those.
298
00:13:40,932 --> 00:13:42,882
We've gonna make it, Max.
299
00:13:44,753 --> 00:13:47,220
Andy sent me
a cat and a dolphin kissing.
300
00:13:47,222 --> 00:13:49,389
I hope they go all the way.
I'm dying to see their baby.
301
00:13:49,391 --> 00:13:52,559
A cat-dolphin? Yes!
302
00:13:52,561 --> 00:13:54,411
I don't think that's healthy.
303
00:13:54,413 --> 00:13:55,979
Well, if they're in love,
304
00:13:55,981 --> 00:13:57,697
it's really none of your business.
305
00:13:57,699 --> 00:14:00,533
Why are you texting him
in the middle of the night?
306
00:14:00,535 --> 00:14:03,570
In fact, why is he still up?
Is he talking about me?
307
00:14:03,572 --> 00:14:04,487
You look upset.
308
00:14:04,489 --> 00:14:05,789
Do you want me to stop texting him?
309
00:14:05,791 --> 00:14:08,541
No. It's fine.
It's just I'm tired
310
00:14:08,543 --> 00:14:10,410
and we're almost finished,
and I just wanna go home.
311
00:14:10,812 --> 00:14:12,712
Got it.
I'm so hot.
312
00:14:12,714 --> 00:14:15,048
Let me just get this hair off my neck.
313
00:14:15,550 --> 00:14:17,784
Max, why are you wearing
only one earring?
314
00:14:17,786 --> 00:14:20,136
What are you talking about?
I'm wearing two.
315
00:14:20,138 --> 00:14:23,456
That's weird. Where is it?
Is it in my hair?
316
00:14:23,758 --> 00:14:25,958
- No, no.
- Did it fall down?
317
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:27,010
Yeah, check your boobs.
318
00:14:27,012 --> 00:14:29,813
That's where you found the remote.
319
00:14:29,815 --> 00:14:32,348
It's not--
it's not anywhere on me.
320
00:14:32,350 --> 00:14:33,800
Well, when's the last time you saw it?
321
00:14:33,802 --> 00:14:35,568
I don't know,
but it couldn't have gone far.
322
00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:37,937
I was in this area
pretty much the whole night.
323
00:14:37,939 --> 00:14:41,272
You mean over the batter?
324
00:14:42,143 --> 00:14:44,143
No, no, no.
Nothing, nothing, nothing!
325
00:14:44,145 --> 00:14:45,495
No, no, no, no, nothing,
nothing, nothing!
326
00:14:45,497 --> 00:14:47,447
No, no, no, no, no!
Nothing, nothing, no!
327
00:14:47,449 --> 00:14:49,499
It's not here, which means
328
00:14:49,501 --> 00:14:51,785
it's in one of those
already-baked cupcakes.
329
00:14:51,787 --> 00:14:55,120
Let's go. We have to start
pulling these apart.
330
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:57,373
Really? Come on,
don't be ridiculous.
331
00:14:57,375 --> 00:15:00,093
Look, worst-case scenario,
one of the 1,000 cupcakes
332
00:15:00,095 --> 00:15:01,261
has an earring in it.
333
00:15:01,263 --> 00:15:03,379
We'll tell them it's a surprise.
334
00:15:03,381 --> 00:15:06,433
No, the worst-case scenario
is someone bites into it,
335
00:15:06,435 --> 00:15:08,802
rips their lip open, and sues us.
336
00:15:08,804 --> 00:15:11,170
Let them sue us.
We don't have any money.
337
00:15:11,172 --> 00:15:12,856
And that's why we'll go to jail.
338
00:15:12,858 --> 00:15:14,340
Yep, I'll be locked up raw
339
00:15:14,342 --> 00:15:15,859
and forced to be someone's girlfriend.
340
00:15:15,861 --> 00:15:17,444
I mean, I'm a bad girlfriend
out of prison.
341
00:15:17,446 --> 00:15:19,679
It's not gonna be any easier
with big Joan.
342
00:15:19,681 --> 00:15:23,014
Calm down. If we go to prison,
I'll be your girlfriend.
343
00:15:23,151 --> 00:15:24,617
Until someone hotter comes along,
344
00:15:24,619 --> 00:15:26,519
'cause that's the way it goes
in prison.
345
00:15:26,521 --> 00:15:27,871
Start looking.
346
00:15:27,873 --> 00:15:30,824
I am not going to smash 900 cupcakes.
347
00:15:30,826 --> 00:15:32,625
Then we'll just have to start over.
348
00:15:32,627 --> 00:15:35,712
Oh, no, I would rather
hitch a ride West
349
00:15:35,714 --> 00:15:38,030
and become a sister-wife.
350
00:15:40,334 --> 00:15:42,218
This is crazy.
Can't I just text them
351
00:15:42,220 --> 00:15:43,803
and tell them we can't do the job?
352
00:15:43,805 --> 00:15:46,539
No, you can't text them.
We need the money.
353
00:15:46,541 --> 00:15:48,207
And stop with all the texting.
354
00:15:48,209 --> 00:15:49,976
Maybe if you were thinking less
about texting
355
00:15:49,978 --> 00:15:51,344
with my ex-boyfriend,
356
00:15:51,346 --> 00:15:53,763
you wouldn't have lost
your earring in the first place.
357
00:15:53,765 --> 00:15:55,181
You should have just said it.
358
00:15:55,183 --> 00:15:57,684
You have a problem
with me texting Andy.
359
00:15:57,686 --> 00:16:00,019
I do not have a problem with it!
360
00:16:00,021 --> 00:16:02,221
Oh, good, 'cause he's my friend too.
361
00:16:02,223 --> 00:16:04,574
You'd think your loyalty
to your best friend
362
00:16:04,576 --> 00:16:06,392
and business partner
would be more important
363
00:16:06,394 --> 00:16:08,528
than some stupid animal friendship!
364
00:16:08,530 --> 00:16:10,330
I mean...
365
00:16:10,332 --> 00:16:12,031
I'm surprised I even have
to tell you that, Max.
366
00:16:12,033 --> 00:16:13,199
It's kind of girl code.
367
00:16:13,201 --> 00:16:16,534
Oh, I am way to tired
to hear "girl code."
368
00:16:17,172 --> 00:16:19,889
Shut it down.
369
00:16:19,891 --> 00:16:23,224
Girl code, Max.
Girl code.
370
00:16:25,096 --> 00:16:28,429
Shut up, Caroline.
Shut up!
371
00:16:30,251 --> 00:16:32,936
I'm not even gonna
dignify that with a response.
372
00:16:32,938 --> 00:16:35,305
Yeah, that was the goal, bitch.
373
00:16:35,807 --> 00:16:37,390
I don't have time for this.
374
00:16:37,392 --> 00:16:39,225
I have to find an earring that you lost
375
00:16:39,227 --> 00:16:41,427
in one of these
thousand cupcakes, bitch!
376
00:16:42,379 --> 00:16:45,962
The thousand cupcakes that
you forgot to tell me about!
377
00:16:47,101 --> 00:16:49,536
And the girl code
means that when a girl
378
00:16:49,538 --> 00:16:50,853
breaks up with someone,
379
00:16:50,855 --> 00:16:52,422
you don't interfere
with their boyfriend,
380
00:16:52,424 --> 00:16:54,924
because she needs some distance!
381
00:16:54,926 --> 00:16:56,776
Well, why didn't you tell me that
382
00:16:56,778 --> 00:17:00,111
when I asked you 14 hours ago?
383
00:17:01,632 --> 00:17:03,965
Hey, Max.
I got your text.
384
00:17:04,169 --> 00:17:06,052
I'm here to help.
385
00:17:06,554 --> 00:17:09,387
Um, that was
a pre-girl-code text.
386
00:17:11,509 --> 00:17:13,092
I thought we maybe needed a backup
387
00:17:13,094 --> 00:17:16,128
after Earl passed up
and I made Han cry.
388
00:17:21,285 --> 00:17:24,368
Andy, on the list of things
I feel guilty about in life,
389
00:17:24,806 --> 00:17:26,489
calling you to help
in the middle of the night
390
00:17:26,491 --> 00:17:27,607
is number two.
391
00:17:27,609 --> 00:17:28,741
It would be number one if I hadn't
392
00:17:28,743 --> 00:17:29,909
pushed that girl down the stairs
393
00:17:29,911 --> 00:17:32,478
to get into the 98 Degrees
concert before her.
394
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:35,813
Well, it was 98 Degrees.
People had to die.
395
00:17:37,919 --> 00:17:39,586
Okay, let's stop
all this joking and get down
396
00:17:39,588 --> 00:17:40,787
to why I really came here.
397
00:17:40,789 --> 00:17:42,589
Come on, Caroline, love me.
398
00:17:43,091 --> 00:17:45,491
Did you just say, "Caroline, love me"?
399
00:17:45,493 --> 00:17:47,594
No, I said,
"Caroline, glove me."
400
00:17:47,596 --> 00:17:48,761
What kind of loser would say,
401
00:17:48,763 --> 00:17:52,096
"love me"?
Unless you do.
402
00:17:55,686 --> 00:17:57,103
So how you doing?
403
00:17:57,105 --> 00:18:00,438
I'm okay.
A little tired.
404
00:18:00,675 --> 00:18:03,059
You know, I've been
thinking about you a lot.
405
00:18:03,061 --> 00:18:05,528
Pretty much all the time
since we broke up.
406
00:18:05,530 --> 00:18:08,114
Um, maybe I overreacted to your whole
407
00:18:08,116 --> 00:18:10,349
obsession with work thing, you know?
408
00:18:10,751 --> 00:18:12,619
- Well, you are here
at 4:00 a.m.
409
00:18:12,621 --> 00:18:15,488
'Cause I needed help making
1,000 cupcakes in four hours.
410
00:18:15,490 --> 00:18:17,457
One might call that obsessive.
411
00:18:17,759 --> 00:18:20,792
One might.
Or pretty much everyone might.
412
00:18:21,713 --> 00:18:25,046
And, Andy, just know that
even though it didn't work out,
413
00:18:26,751 --> 00:18:29,919
I do glove you.
414
00:18:29,921 --> 00:18:32,088
I glove you too.
415
00:18:32,590 --> 00:18:34,641
Now, get the cupcakes out
before they burn.
416
00:18:34,643 --> 00:18:36,375
I don't have the energy
to do this all again.
417
00:18:36,377 --> 00:18:39,710
Ah, there's the girl I broke up with.
418
00:18:39,881 --> 00:18:41,764
Everything's ready to go out there.
419
00:18:41,766 --> 00:18:43,266
I've had my hands in more boxes tonight
420
00:18:43,268 --> 00:18:46,436
than a gynecologist at a free clinic.
421
00:18:50,525 --> 00:18:52,391
It's not that funny.
422
00:18:52,393 --> 00:18:54,327
Stay up another 27 hours,
423
00:18:54,329 --> 00:18:56,579
it'll be the funniest damn thing
you ever heard.
424
00:18:59,250 --> 00:19:00,867
Well, that's the end of it.
425
00:19:00,869 --> 00:19:02,401
Yeah, I think it is.
426
00:19:02,403 --> 00:19:04,871
Max, I'm talking about more
than the cupcakes.
427
00:19:04,873 --> 00:19:08,206
Yeah, I could tell
by your Bradley Cooper tone.
428
00:19:08,209 --> 00:19:10,076
So what, it's not gonna work out
between you two?
429
00:19:10,078 --> 00:19:12,762
No. And I think
we have to break up.
430
00:19:12,764 --> 00:19:14,213
I thought you already broke up.
431
00:19:14,215 --> 00:19:16,082
No, I'm talking about you and me.
432
00:19:16,084 --> 00:19:17,884
You're dumping me?
433
00:19:17,886 --> 00:19:19,352
Wow, last guy who dumped me,
434
00:19:19,354 --> 00:19:21,804
I burned down his house and moved.
435
00:19:21,806 --> 00:19:23,923
Still wanna continue this conversation?
436
00:19:23,925 --> 00:19:25,224
Max, it wouldn't work.
437
00:19:25,226 --> 00:19:27,093
I would always be asking you
about Caroline.
438
00:19:27,095 --> 00:19:28,778
Look, I get it, it's weird.
439
00:19:28,780 --> 00:19:31,230
People don't usually stay
friends with their friend's ex,
440
00:19:31,232 --> 00:19:34,565
but then, cats don't usually
become friends with dolphins.
441
00:19:35,453 --> 00:19:38,604
But sometimes, for no
apparent reason, it happens.
442
00:19:38,606 --> 00:19:40,540
Yeah, I just wish I was as grown up
443
00:19:40,542 --> 00:19:42,408
as a cat or a dolphin.
444
00:19:42,410 --> 00:19:44,293
I hear ya.
445
00:19:44,295 --> 00:19:45,962
So what's next, breakup text?
446
00:19:45,964 --> 00:19:48,164
Nah, that's just gonna lead
to makeup text,
447
00:19:48,166 --> 00:19:50,717
and then we're back in a vicious cycle.
448
00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:52,618
All right, I'll just
stop by your place,
449
00:19:52,620 --> 00:19:54,003
pick up my CDs,
my T-shirts,
450
00:19:54,005 --> 00:19:55,421
and the 3 grand I left there.
451
00:19:55,423 --> 00:19:57,090
Max, you've never been to my place.
452
00:19:57,092 --> 00:19:59,175
See, this is why
I'm breaking up with you--
453
00:19:59,177 --> 00:20:01,144
you're a liar.
454
00:20:01,146 --> 00:20:03,629
See you in small claims court, bub.
455
00:20:06,466 --> 00:20:09,799
Well, we did it, Max.
We made $4,000.
456
00:20:10,905 --> 00:20:12,939
And as far as Andy and I go,
457
00:20:12,941 --> 00:20:14,290
I think we're in the right place,
458
00:20:14,292 --> 00:20:16,075
because when he said
he'd been thinking about me
459
00:20:16,077 --> 00:20:17,476
since the breakup,
460
00:20:17,478 --> 00:20:19,695
I realized I'd only been
thinking about the cupcakes.
461
00:20:19,697 --> 00:20:22,665
Oh, please, God, shut up.
462
00:20:22,667 --> 00:20:24,834
Thank you.
I was dying to shut up.
463
00:20:24,836 --> 00:20:27,954
Ooh.
464
00:20:27,956 --> 00:20:30,339
Look, it's a text from the place.
465
00:20:30,341 --> 00:20:32,959
They loved the cupcakes.
466
00:20:32,961 --> 00:20:34,961
Wait, why do I have my phone
in your apron?
467
00:20:34,963 --> 00:20:37,713
No, my phone was in my apron.
468
00:20:37,715 --> 00:20:40,016
Unless I handed you the wrong apron
469
00:20:40,018 --> 00:20:42,518
after I wiped them down.
470
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:45,538
What? What?
471
00:20:45,540 --> 00:20:48,775
Oh... Your earring.
472
00:20:48,777 --> 00:20:50,693
I had it in there the whole time.
473
00:20:50,695 --> 00:20:52,645
Oh, we're idiots!
474
00:20:52,647 --> 00:20:55,980
We're two very different kinds
of idiots, but we're idiots.
475
00:20:56,534 --> 00:20:58,651
And yet, somehow we work.
476
00:20:58,653 --> 00:21:00,653
We're the most unlikely animal friends.
477
00:21:00,655 --> 00:21:03,156
I don't know about that,
but a picture of me nursing you
478
00:21:03,158 --> 00:21:05,491
would definitely go viral.
479
00:21:05,493 --> 00:21:08,444
- Good night.
- Good night.
480
00:21:08,446 --> 00:21:09,545
Where you going?
481
00:21:09,547 --> 00:21:10,797
I'm too tired to pull my bed down.
482
00:21:10,799 --> 00:21:12,715
- I'm sleeping with you.
- No, you're not.
483
00:21:12,717 --> 00:21:14,967
You have super gonorrhea.
484
00:21:17,717 --> 00:21:21,967
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com