1
00:00:02,866 --> 00:00:06,118
What's up, peanut?
2
00:00:06,119 --> 00:00:08,354
Max, I'm not paying you
to just stand there.
3
00:00:08,355 --> 00:00:10,122
Well, you're not paying me
to eat as many French fries
4
00:00:10,123 --> 00:00:11,691
as I can before the plate
leaves the kitchen,
5
00:00:11,692 --> 00:00:13,993
but I do that too.
6
00:00:14,494 --> 00:00:16,695
Go wait
on that pretty girl.
7
00:00:16,696 --> 00:00:19,798
Oh, wait.
Is she a boy?
8
00:00:19,799 --> 00:00:22,901
She looks a little
like a pretty boy.
9
00:00:22,902 --> 00:00:26,872
She's probably looking at you
and thinking the same thing.
10
00:00:29,042 --> 00:00:31,510
But are you attracted
to the girl she is
11
00:00:31,511 --> 00:00:33,145
or the boy
she appears to be?
12
00:00:33,146 --> 00:00:35,214
You're confused,
aren't you, Han?
13
00:00:35,215 --> 00:00:37,817
Yes, my mind
tells me one thing,
14
00:00:37,818 --> 00:00:41,254
but my body tells me
something else.
15
00:00:43,223 --> 00:00:45,091
Max, go on break.
I've got the booth.
16
00:00:45,092 --> 00:00:46,859
Oh, no.
You can't wait on her.
17
00:00:46,860 --> 00:00:49,195
That's Tina, a lesbian
who turns straight girls.
18
00:00:49,196 --> 00:00:52,398
I call her
"Tina the Turner."
19
00:00:52,399 --> 00:00:54,667
Practically
every heterosexual woman
20
00:00:54,668 --> 00:00:56,269
in Williamsburg
has hooked up with her.
21
00:00:56,270 --> 00:00:58,537
Max, everyone?
22
00:00:58,538 --> 00:01:02,875
Not me.
Who do you think turned her?
23
00:01:02,876 --> 00:01:05,878
But you won't be able
to resist her charm. Trust me.
24
00:01:05,879 --> 00:01:09,181
That's nonsense. I'm very
comfortable with my sexuality.
25
00:01:09,182 --> 00:01:11,951
I once texted "yes"
to Mr. Chaz Bono
26
00:01:11,952 --> 00:01:14,520
on Dancing With The Stars.
27
00:01:14,521 --> 00:01:16,222
Okay, good luck.
28
00:01:16,223 --> 00:01:17,890
Just don't let me catch you guys
making out on the table.
29
00:01:19,092 --> 00:01:22,928
Or do.
It's a free country.
30
00:01:22,929 --> 00:01:24,297
Hi, are you ready
to order?
31
00:01:24,298 --> 00:01:27,199
Sure. I love your hair,
by the way.
32
00:01:27,700 --> 00:01:31,070
Earl, Caroline's about
to fall in love with a lesbian.
33
00:01:31,071 --> 00:01:35,574
Well, color me
"I saw that one coming."
34
00:01:36,275 --> 00:01:37,143
How'd it go?
35
00:01:37,144 --> 00:01:38,811
Fine,
she complimented my hair,
36
00:01:38,812 --> 00:01:41,147
she ordered a soup,
I gave her my number.
37
00:01:41,148 --> 00:01:43,416
I gave her my number?
38
00:01:43,417 --> 00:01:45,384
Okay,
hit the showers.
39
00:01:45,385 --> 00:01:47,219
That's what I get
for sending a straight woman
40
00:01:47,220 --> 00:01:49,789
to do an emotionally dead
woman's job.
41
00:01:51,458 --> 00:01:53,826
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
42
00:01:55,262 --> 00:01:58,533
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
43
00:01:58,534 --> 00:02:03,533
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
44
00:02:07,928 --> 00:02:09,762
It was so nice
to wake up this morning
45
00:02:09,813 --> 00:02:12,114
without the stress
of owning our cupcake business.
46
00:02:12,265 --> 00:02:14,099
The only decision
I have to make today is:
47
00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:17,336
Do I change my underwear
or just turn these inside out?
48
00:02:17,837 --> 00:02:20,339
Four years ago, I was hit
with a similar conundrum:
49
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:23,775
"Do I buy underwear
or do I buy beer?"
50
00:02:23,776 --> 00:02:27,279
I've been free-balling it
ever since.
51
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,348
Max, what are you doing?
What's happening over there?
52
00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:30,916
Oh, you mean the arrow
from the shop?
53
00:02:30,917 --> 00:02:32,250
I put it on so you'd know
54
00:02:32,251 --> 00:02:34,853
where the insults
were coming from.
55
00:02:34,854 --> 00:02:36,488
I'm talking
about the cupcakes.
56
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:37,856
Our cupcake shop is gone.
57
00:02:37,857 --> 00:02:39,591
Why are you still
making those things?
58
00:02:39,592 --> 00:02:41,426
It's the only constant
in my life,
59
00:02:41,427 --> 00:02:43,962
and the routine distracts me
from the relentless darkness
60
00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:46,798
that lurks in every corner
of my thoughts.
61
00:02:47,499 --> 00:02:49,400
Besides, we still need
to sell these at the diner
62
00:02:49,401 --> 00:02:50,435
to make extra money.
63
00:02:50,436 --> 00:02:52,471
Well, you can do it.
I'm not speaking to them.
64
00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:54,172
They totally led me on.
65
00:02:54,173 --> 00:02:55,874
Those cupcakes
were a tease.
66
00:02:56,375 --> 00:02:58,310
Well, I want to pay rent
this month.
67
00:02:58,311 --> 00:03:00,679
And then again next month,
and so on and so on
68
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,348
until the exquisite release
of death.
69
00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:06,952
Oh, rent. Here we go again.
Does that bitch ever stop?
70
00:03:09,288 --> 00:03:10,722
If that's death,
it's for me.
71
00:03:10,723 --> 00:03:14,493
Tell him to honk
and I'll be right out.
72
00:03:14,494 --> 00:03:18,063
Morning, Chestnut.
73
00:03:18,564 --> 00:03:21,466
Oh, what is it
about those big, beautiful eyes
74
00:03:21,467 --> 00:03:23,835
that makes everything
feel better.
75
00:03:23,836 --> 00:03:27,139
I guess
I just have a warmth.
76
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:29,708
Oh, you mean the horse.
77
00:03:30,209 --> 00:03:32,678
Is this still good?
78
00:03:32,679 --> 00:03:35,080
It is not.
79
00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:37,215
Eh, like I have a choice.
80
00:03:38,016 --> 00:03:39,818
Wow, that was
a blast from the past--
81
00:03:39,819 --> 00:03:41,753
my old temp agency.
82
00:03:41,754 --> 00:03:44,489
Flu's got their staff laid up.
They need bodies.
83
00:03:44,490 --> 00:03:46,725
Wanna do it? I bet
they'll let us temp together.
84
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:49,928
You think? You think
they'd let us temp together?
85
00:03:49,929 --> 00:03:51,830
Oh, God.
Last week,
86
00:03:51,831 --> 00:03:53,865
I owned a cupcake business,
now I'm temping.
87
00:03:53,866 --> 00:03:57,202
Why don't I just ask Chestnut
to kick me in the head?
88
00:03:57,203 --> 00:04:01,006
He won't do it.
I've asked him like seven times.
89
00:04:01,007 --> 00:04:04,009
Look, we've both casually
fantasized about our deaths
90
00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:05,744
within ten minutes
of waking up,
91
00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:08,714
so maybe we should do something
to distract us.
92
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:11,016
And Xeroxing
will make us feel whole?
93
00:04:11,017 --> 00:04:14,586
Let me tell you
something.
94
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:18,557
When you're photocopying
your ass on a Xerox machine,
95
00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:21,693
you are never more alive.
96
00:04:21,694 --> 00:04:24,196
Hello, old friend.
97
00:04:24,197 --> 00:04:26,932
Here it is,
my temping blazer.
98
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:30,435
Ahh, you can still smell
the "No way out."
99
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:32,204
Why is that in a bucket?
100
00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:35,073
'Cause I don't want
to accidentally wear it.
101
00:04:35,074 --> 00:04:38,610
Well, is there a pantsuit
in the oven I could wear?
102
00:04:39,111 --> 00:04:41,246
It doesn't matter
what you wear--you're a temp.
103
00:04:41,247 --> 00:04:44,216
They'll be impressed
if you don't poop your pants.
104
00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:48,553
And even if you do,
not a deal breaker.
105
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,590
All right, I'll go,
106
00:04:51,591 --> 00:04:52,924
but if we're temping
to make our rent,
107
00:04:52,925 --> 00:04:54,826
that's the last batch
of those.
108
00:04:54,827 --> 00:04:58,430
I don't want to see, hear, or
think any more about cupcakes.
109
00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:03,902
Ding dong,
the cupcake's calling.
110
00:05:06,072 --> 00:05:08,173
We found the cupcake costumes
from your store
111
00:05:08,174 --> 00:05:11,076
out near the dumpster.
112
00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:12,444
Are you guys drunk?
113
00:05:12,445 --> 00:05:14,246
Yes!
114
00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:17,816
Yeah, we've been out clubbing
all night.
115
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:21,286
Oh, I just swallowed
one of my balls.
116
00:05:21,287 --> 00:05:23,522
Yeah. Yeah.
117
00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:27,025
Well, now, you know
how I feel.
118
00:05:27,026 --> 00:05:29,995
I threw those costumes away
on purpose.
119
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:32,130
Max and I are no longer
making cupcakes.
120
00:05:32,131 --> 00:05:35,600
What'd you say?
121
00:05:36,101 --> 00:05:38,370
Cupcakes are a waste
of time and money.
122
00:05:38,871 --> 00:05:41,640
You take that back
right now!
123
00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:43,275
No, you don't--
124
00:05:43,976 --> 00:05:45,177
You're lucky
125
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:48,346
that I have a giant cake
holding me back right now.
126
00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:57,622
Fifth floor,
end of dreams.
127
00:05:57,623 --> 00:05:59,724
Oh, yeah,
I worked here before.
128
00:05:59,725 --> 00:06:01,626
You know the toaster oven
in our kitchen?
129
00:06:01,627 --> 00:06:04,629
It came from here.
130
00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:08,200
Hi. Caroline Channing,
reporting for my first day.
131
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,968
I went ahead
and printed out my address,
132
00:06:09,969 --> 00:06:11,570
Social Security number,
and other important information
133
00:06:11,571 --> 00:06:13,238
to make your life
easier.
134
00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:15,841
Hey, I'm temp number two.
Where your bathroom at?
135
00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:18,210
I'll get Eli.
He's my boss.
136
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,245
Sign these stating that
if you're injured on the job,
137
00:06:20,246 --> 00:06:21,713
it's not our fault.
138
00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:24,182
How would we injure ourselves
in an office?
139
00:06:24,683 --> 00:06:27,719
Let me just give you
a "for instance."
140
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,855
Some girl, let's say
her name is Sarah,
141
00:06:29,856 --> 00:06:31,223
is walking
through the office
142
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,491
with her number 2 pencil
facing up-ways.
143
00:06:33,492 --> 00:06:35,393
Well, she trips
over her shoes and falls,
144
00:06:35,394 --> 00:06:37,362
and that number 2 pencil
goes right through her eyeball
145
00:06:37,363 --> 00:06:39,264
and into her brain.
146
00:06:39,265 --> 00:06:41,333
And now she's gotta eat
applesauce through a straw
147
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:43,068
the rest of her life.
148
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,770
See, that's not our fault,
that's her fault,
149
00:06:45,771 --> 00:06:47,172
as per
the judge's decision
150
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:48,907
in Sarah Drake
vs. Westship insurance.
151
00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:51,209
Sign those.
I'll get Eli.
152
00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:53,879
Thank you. I'm sorry,
I didn't get your name.
153
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:57,449
That's 'cause
I didn't give it to you.
154
00:06:57,450 --> 00:07:00,585
What are you doing? You never
give anybody your real name.
155
00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:02,854
That way, when you make
your little data entry mistake,
156
00:07:02,855 --> 00:07:04,956
they can't
track the real you down.
157
00:07:04,957 --> 00:07:08,226
You didn't see me
at the Enron trial, did you?
158
00:07:08,727 --> 00:07:11,296
And that light in your eyes?
Dim it down, way down.
159
00:07:11,297 --> 00:07:12,530
Show me.
160
00:07:14,533 --> 00:07:17,202
Wow. That's actually
really good. How'd you do that?
161
00:07:17,203 --> 00:07:20,038
- I thought about our future.
- Great!
162
00:07:20,039 --> 00:07:21,640
Eli's in a meeting,
163
00:07:21,641 --> 00:07:24,075
but you gotta watch
this sexual harassment video.
164
00:07:24,076 --> 00:07:26,044
Watching a video
seems like a waste of time
165
00:07:26,045 --> 00:07:28,079
when we could be doing
something more productive.
166
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:32,384
A waste of time? Let me
just give you a "for instance."
167
00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:33,919
There's this
Dominican guy,
168
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,921
he's installing a new water jug
in the office,
169
00:07:35,922 --> 00:07:38,556
and he looks at one of
the female employees and says,
170
00:07:38,557 --> 00:07:42,060
"Speaking of jugs,"
and then he reaches up
171
00:07:42,061 --> 00:07:44,396
and cups
the employee's breastesses
172
00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:47,999
then starts twisting
on the nips and what have you.
173
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,468
Now, how do you handle
a situation like that?
174
00:07:50,999 --> 00:07:53,471
That's actually how
my longest relationship started.
175
00:07:56,676 --> 00:07:58,643
I'd love to give you
that promotion, Beverly,
176
00:07:58,644 --> 00:08:01,146
but first, you'll have
to do something... for me.
177
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,481
Don't do it, Beverly!
Don't do it!
178
00:08:03,482 --> 00:08:06,284
Spoiler alert. I've watched this
in here before,
179
00:08:06,285 --> 00:08:08,520
and it does not end well
for Beverly.
180
00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:10,188
Well,
not to blame the victim,
181
00:08:10,189 --> 00:08:12,757
but who wears a black bra
to work?
182
00:08:12,758 --> 00:08:14,326
These shelves
would be so much better
183
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,494
if they were alphabetized
and color-coordinated.
184
00:08:16,495 --> 00:08:19,364
Forget that cabinet and look
at the top shelf on Beverly.
185
00:08:19,365 --> 00:08:21,366
I'm a little jelly.
186
00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:22,968
That's right, Beverly.
187
00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:25,270
Now, bend down
and pick up that file.
188
00:08:25,271 --> 00:08:27,372
Oh, Doug,
you're up to your old tricks,
189
00:08:27,373 --> 00:08:30,041
and she falls for it
every time.
190
00:08:30,042 --> 00:08:32,010
Let's pause here
and write down these rules
191
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:33,845
we've learned
from Beverly and Doug.
192
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:36,514
Oh, I love
the smell in here.
193
00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:38,550
Reminds me of interning
on Wall Street,
194
00:08:38,551 --> 00:08:41,486
you know, minus the dignity
and the future.
195
00:08:41,487 --> 00:08:44,322
But why would the paper products
be near the toner cartridges?
196
00:08:44,323 --> 00:08:45,623
Whoever organized
this place
197
00:08:45,624 --> 00:08:47,625
must have been stupid
or lazy or both.
198
00:08:47,626 --> 00:08:49,694
Aboth.
199
00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:51,363
Forget
all that shelf stuff.
200
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,331
You are not here
to improve office layout,
201
00:08:53,332 --> 00:08:55,333
you're here to keep quiet,
pretend like you're working,
202
00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:56,901
and steal
five to ten vitamin waters
203
00:08:56,902 --> 00:08:59,804
from the break room
at the end of each day.
204
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:02,807
Hey.
205
00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:06,745
Are you watching dirty videos
in here and didn't invite me?
206
00:09:06,746 --> 00:09:09,981
They're making
harassment videos in 3-D now?
207
00:09:09,982 --> 00:09:11,649
I was looking
for the new temps,
208
00:09:11,650 --> 00:09:13,585
but I think I wandered
into a beauty pageant.
209
00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:16,254
Uh, the votes are in.
It's a tie.
210
00:09:16,755 --> 00:09:18,189
I'm Eli Green,
the office manager.
211
00:09:18,190 --> 00:09:19,257
You must be our new temps.
212
00:09:19,258 --> 00:09:20,525
I'm Caroline Channing.
213
00:09:20,526 --> 00:09:23,361
And I'm Carmen... Sandiego.
214
00:09:23,862 --> 00:09:25,263
No relation.
215
00:09:32,556 --> 00:09:34,290
Oh, my God,
this is great!
216
00:09:34,791 --> 00:09:36,692
The cat's
eating the dog's food.
217
00:09:36,693 --> 00:09:39,628
The dog's just like,
"Wha-a-at?"
218
00:09:39,629 --> 00:09:43,799
Yo, psst. "Cat eats dog food."
YouTube it now.
219
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,734
Kinda busy with my work.
220
00:09:45,735 --> 00:09:47,569
It's called "Minimum Wage"
221
00:09:47,570 --> 00:09:50,806
'cause you're supposed to do
the minimum.
222
00:09:50,807 --> 00:09:53,008
Mmm. Coffee tastes
so much better
223
00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,144
when it's from today
and you haven't paid for it.
224
00:09:56,579 --> 00:09:59,414
The dog's just like, "Wha-a-at""
225
00:09:59,415 --> 00:10:01,016
classic.
226
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:03,986
You like that video?
Look up "Cat vs. Toddler."
227
00:10:03,987 --> 00:10:07,356
You're welcome.
228
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:10,325
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Is this a modeling agency?
229
00:10:10,326 --> 00:10:12,594
Did I get off
on the wrong floor?
230
00:10:12,595 --> 00:10:17,766
I don't care where you get off
as long as it's not here.
231
00:10:17,767 --> 00:10:21,069
Hi, Eli. So any idea
when they'll decide
232
00:10:21,070 --> 00:10:23,272
who's getting the junior
executive promotion, or--
233
00:10:23,273 --> 00:10:25,274
Not yet, but I did
just mention your name
234
00:10:25,275 --> 00:10:27,042
- to the big guys, Ryan.
- I'm Leon.
235
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:29,545
Hey, Caroline.
236
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:30,913
Hi. Question:
I already finished
237
00:10:30,914 --> 00:10:32,447
the first quarter
claim reports...
238
00:10:32,448 --> 00:10:35,751
Are you doping?
We need to stretch this out.
239
00:10:35,752 --> 00:10:37,519
And since I had time,
I took the liberty
240
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:39,354
of reformatting
the expense template,
241
00:10:39,355 --> 00:10:41,190
so what would you like me
to do now, Eli?
242
00:10:41,191 --> 00:10:44,426
Say my name,
say my name.
243
00:10:44,927 --> 00:10:46,528
Hey, Caroline,
you're not just hot,
244
00:10:46,529 --> 00:10:49,364
you're on fire over there.
You should be throwing your hat
245
00:10:49,365 --> 00:10:50,699
in the ring
for that executive job.
246
00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:52,201
Really?
247
00:10:52,202 --> 00:10:56,338
And this girl's just like,
"Wha-a-at?"
248
00:11:00,042 --> 00:11:02,144
That temp place
is soul-sucking,
249
00:11:02,145 --> 00:11:05,047
and I didn't even know
I had a soul to suck.
250
00:11:05,048 --> 00:11:08,717
If that's a suicide note,
just add my name to the end.
251
00:11:08,718 --> 00:11:10,385
Come on,
it's not that bad,
252
00:11:10,386 --> 00:11:13,088
and I got four free
fresh coffee drinks,
253
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,424
and one had
a caramel drizzle.
254
00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:17,059
Caramel drizzle?
255
00:11:17,060 --> 00:11:19,728
That's definitely my name
at my next temp job.
256
00:11:19,729 --> 00:11:21,763
I don't know
if this is such a temp job.
257
00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:23,265
I'm filling out
this application
258
00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:25,133
to apply for that
junior executive position.
259
00:11:25,134 --> 00:11:26,969
Oh, no, you're not.
260
00:11:26,970 --> 00:11:28,503
We're only going back
one more time
261
00:11:28,504 --> 00:11:29,771
to get enough Wite-Out
262
00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:32,841
to do the Kim Kardashian
white manicure.
263
00:11:32,842 --> 00:11:35,978
Max, you saw me there today.
I'm good at this,
264
00:11:35,979 --> 00:11:38,013
and it felt amazing
to be working somewhere
265
00:11:38,014 --> 00:11:40,449
where my skills are valued
and supported.
266
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,951
Oh! Are you not feeling
supported here?
267
00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:47,356
I'm sorry,
I'm a boss, not a bra.
268
00:11:47,357 --> 00:11:49,491
Should I praise you more?
Really killing it
269
00:11:49,492 --> 00:11:52,761
with the leaning on the counter
doing nothing.
270
00:11:52,762 --> 00:11:56,865
Kudos, Caroline.
Huzzah.
271
00:11:56,866 --> 00:11:58,533
Hey,
where's my "huzzah"?
272
00:11:58,534 --> 00:12:00,435
I was standing around
doing nothing too.
273
00:12:00,436 --> 00:12:01,837
And don't forget
about me.
274
00:12:01,838 --> 00:12:05,040
I was sitting around
doing nothing.
275
00:12:05,041 --> 00:12:07,643
In Korea, you all would be
left on the curb
276
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:09,645
and taken away
with the garbage.
277
00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:13,615
Is that how
you got to America, Han?
278
00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:16,652
Earl, Caroline's
being an idiot.
279
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:21,056
Oh, are we doing this
in front of her now?
280
00:12:21,057 --> 00:12:22,858
Hey, would you still
apply for that job
281
00:12:22,859 --> 00:12:25,661
if I told you we sold out of
the cupcakes tonight?
282
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:27,062
Last one.
283
00:12:27,063 --> 00:12:28,864
Oh, so what,
they're good one day
284
00:12:28,865 --> 00:12:30,299
and you want me
to take them back?
285
00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:32,968
Who am I,
Robert Pattinson?
286
00:12:32,969 --> 00:12:36,038
So you just cut lil' coconut
here out of your life?
287
00:12:36,039 --> 00:12:37,673
That's cold.
288
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:40,409
Max, this job
offers medical benefits.
289
00:12:40,410 --> 00:12:43,145
There are doctors
who don't have medical benefits.
290
00:12:43,146 --> 00:12:45,647
And financial security.
Maybe I want to wake up
291
00:12:45,648 --> 00:12:47,816
every morning
not wanting to kill myself.
292
00:12:47,817 --> 00:12:50,819
Well, that's weird,
but whatever.
293
00:12:54,223 --> 00:12:56,758
I went to Wharton.
294
00:12:56,759 --> 00:12:58,260
Pay attention,
everyone.
295
00:12:58,261 --> 00:12:59,895
I know you're all
very busy working hard--
296
00:12:59,896 --> 00:13:01,763
Congratulations,
297
00:13:01,764 --> 00:13:03,899
- you've just won a free iPad.
- What the-I don't know--
298
00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:06,435
Attention, everyone!
299
00:13:06,436 --> 00:13:09,071
While doing work
and nothing but work,
300
00:13:09,072 --> 00:13:11,440
I may have downloaded
a virus that meows,
301
00:13:11,441 --> 00:13:14,376
so be on the lookout.
302
00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:16,111
Carry on, Eli.
303
00:13:16,112 --> 00:13:18,847
Thank you, Carmen.
304
00:13:18,848 --> 00:13:20,849
Happy to say,
tenth floor
305
00:13:20,850 --> 00:13:22,351
has finally picked
our new junior exec,
306
00:13:22,352 --> 00:13:23,952
and that person
is sitting right here.
307
00:13:23,953 --> 00:13:25,754
- Yes!
- No, Caroline.
308
00:13:25,755 --> 00:13:27,356
- Yes!
- No!
309
00:13:27,357 --> 00:13:28,357
Champagne on me!
310
00:13:28,358 --> 00:13:30,459
Yes!
311
00:13:37,003 --> 00:13:39,470
Here, I got us a fresh bottle,
'cause I'm the boss.
312
00:13:39,621 --> 00:13:41,455
Miss black,
would you pop that cork for me?
313
00:13:41,456 --> 00:13:43,724
I'd be happy to,
Miss Channing, you bitch.
314
00:13:43,725 --> 00:13:46,260
Ooh!
315
00:13:46,761 --> 00:13:49,430
Okay.
316
00:13:49,431 --> 00:13:52,166
Okay, okay, now
I'm gonna make a proper toast.
317
00:13:52,167 --> 00:13:53,768
I don't know how.
318
00:13:53,769 --> 00:13:55,736
Their toaster oven's
in our kitchen.
319
00:13:55,737 --> 00:13:58,472
To Max--I promise
not to sexually harass you
320
00:13:58,473 --> 00:14:01,075
no matter how much I'm
required to as your superior.
321
00:14:01,076 --> 00:14:03,744
To Caroline--
I cannot promise the same thing,
322
00:14:03,745 --> 00:14:07,248
'cause sister, you fine.
323
00:14:07,249 --> 00:14:10,751
Oh, crap! I spilled champagne
on my good bucket blazer.
324
00:14:10,752 --> 00:14:14,922
Yes, right there
on your breasts, Beverly.
325
00:14:14,923 --> 00:14:17,258
I'm doing Doug from
the sexual harassment video.
326
00:14:17,259 --> 00:14:19,927
The Doug?
Love your harassment work!
327
00:14:20,428 --> 00:14:23,497
Especially that sad H.R. scene
where you get fired and cry
328
00:14:23,498 --> 00:14:26,601
but still manage
to touch yourself a little.
329
00:14:26,602 --> 00:14:28,803
Wow, Beverly,
330
00:14:28,804 --> 00:14:31,172
your breasts are so big,
I might need the whole box.
331
00:14:33,175 --> 00:14:36,210
That's enough. You're making
this rag feel even dirtier.
332
00:14:36,211 --> 00:14:37,812
- Hey, hand me that.
- What?
333
00:14:37,813 --> 00:14:39,947
- My new Westship Company poncho?
- Yep.
334
00:14:39,948 --> 00:14:42,550
Now it's my booze bib.
335
00:14:42,551 --> 00:14:44,452
Oh, I love this.
336
00:14:44,453 --> 00:14:47,221
Somehow it's small enough
to fit in your purse,
337
00:14:47,222 --> 00:14:48,789
but large enough
to sleep under
338
00:14:48,790 --> 00:14:50,491
during an
"Occupy Wall Street"-type situation.
339
00:14:52,394 --> 00:14:54,729
Max, I'm pouring you
more champagne
340
00:14:54,730 --> 00:14:55,997
because
I have something
341
00:14:55,998 --> 00:14:57,965
really exciting
I want to tell you.
342
00:14:57,966 --> 00:15:01,168
I talked to Eli
about hiring you full-time.
343
00:15:01,169 --> 00:15:04,171
You are now a junior executive's
executive assistant!
344
00:15:04,672 --> 00:15:08,709
I will knock you
to the ground!
345
00:15:08,990 --> 00:15:12,313
Max, think about it.
It comes with health care.
346
00:15:12,314 --> 00:15:14,682
You wouldn't have to decide
between birth control pills
347
00:15:14,683 --> 00:15:17,051
and morning-after pills.
348
00:15:17,052 --> 00:15:21,055
Are you trying to take away
a woman's right to choose?
349
00:15:22,056 --> 00:15:24,425
Come on,
it could be so fun.
350
00:15:24,426 --> 00:15:26,527
Coming to work together,
getting free coffee--
351
00:15:26,528 --> 00:15:28,829
the good kind,
the blended kind--
352
00:15:28,830 --> 00:15:31,499
not to mention
Xeroxing our asses
353
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:33,167
and feeling more alive
than ever.
354
00:15:33,168 --> 00:15:35,036
Watch, I'll show you
what a fun boss I can be.
355
00:15:35,037 --> 00:15:38,039
Let's Xerox our asses.
356
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:40,908
Well, how could I say no
to copying my butt?
357
00:15:40,909 --> 00:15:42,009
The only thing better
than one of my butts
358
00:15:42,010 --> 00:15:44,078
is two of my butts.
359
00:15:44,079 --> 00:15:47,348
- I'll go first.
- Too late!
360
00:15:47,349 --> 00:15:50,217
Do you want legal size paper
or three-hole punch?
361
00:15:50,218 --> 00:15:54,255
Three-hole punch? That's how
my longest relationship ended.
362
00:15:54,256 --> 00:15:57,959
Ready, you corporate sell-out.
Fry me.
363
00:16:01,363 --> 00:16:03,431
Hey,
why is it still flashing?
364
00:16:03,432 --> 00:16:06,567
Whoops! I put in 100 copies
instead of one.
365
00:16:06,568 --> 00:16:09,904
Don't worry about it, we'll
use them as Christmas cards.
366
00:16:09,905 --> 00:16:13,040
See? That's why
I need an assistant.
367
00:16:13,041 --> 00:16:16,110
Thanks, but I'm not gonna take
this stupid corporate job.
368
00:16:16,111 --> 00:16:19,246
I'm gonna stick with cupcakes,
even though you just quit.
369
00:16:19,947 --> 00:16:21,882
I didn't quit
the cupcake business.
370
00:16:21,883 --> 00:16:23,751
If you remember,
it quit us.
371
00:16:23,752 --> 00:16:25,119
At least
this job makes sense.
372
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,455
You get a regular paycheck,
benefits.
373
00:16:27,456 --> 00:16:29,256
You don't spend
two whole years of your life
374
00:16:29,257 --> 00:16:30,658
giving it everything,
375
00:16:30,659 --> 00:16:32,259
and then walk away
feeling like a failure.
376
00:16:32,260 --> 00:16:33,995
Get off that now.
I'm worried
377
00:16:33,996 --> 00:16:35,329
you're giving yourself
butt cancer.
378
00:16:36,330 --> 00:16:39,500
Wait,
you think you're a failure?
379
00:16:39,501 --> 00:16:41,268
'Cause I think
we did amazing.
380
00:16:41,269 --> 00:16:44,572
The shop closed, Max.
Our dream blew up in our face.
381
00:16:44,573 --> 00:16:46,841
Lots of things
blow up in your face.
382
00:16:46,842 --> 00:16:50,511
It's part
of being a woman.
383
00:16:52,447 --> 00:16:56,951
You just...
Towel off and keep going.
384
00:16:56,952 --> 00:16:58,519
You're really
going to do this?
385
00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:00,521
This was just supposed to be
a temporary distraction
386
00:17:00,522 --> 00:17:02,156
till we got back
to the cupcake thing.
387
00:17:02,157 --> 00:17:04,625
No, Max.
Cupcakes were the temp job.
388
00:17:04,626 --> 00:17:06,594
No, cupcakes
were our dream.
389
00:17:06,595 --> 00:17:08,095
Well, I was wrong.
390
00:17:08,096 --> 00:17:11,766
Maybe it's better
not to have a dream.
391
00:17:13,335 --> 00:17:14,835
Good morning, everyone.
392
00:17:14,836 --> 00:17:16,637
Eli, they said
you wanted to see me in here?
393
00:17:16,638 --> 00:17:19,306
Ms. Channing, my name
is Michelle Yi, I'm with H.R.
394
00:17:19,307 --> 00:17:22,209
Aw! Is this
my official welcome?
395
00:17:22,210 --> 00:17:24,311
Oh, hello.
396
00:17:24,312 --> 00:17:25,780
Well, here, I brought
397
00:17:25,781 --> 00:17:27,515
some first-day bagels
and plain cream cheese.
398
00:17:27,516 --> 00:17:30,484
Sometimes chives can be
a little breathy, am I right?
399
00:17:30,485 --> 00:17:33,254
Is this the woman
who sexually harassed you?
400
00:17:34,790 --> 00:17:37,158
Yup, that's her.
401
00:17:37,159 --> 00:17:41,328
Oh, good one!
Really funny.
402
00:17:41,329 --> 00:17:42,696
Me harassing you?
403
00:17:42,697 --> 00:17:44,865
Come on,
you're not even my type.
404
00:17:44,866 --> 00:17:47,001
Caroline,
this isn't a joke.
405
00:17:47,002 --> 00:17:49,503
Trust me, I've been through
four of these.
406
00:17:49,504 --> 00:17:51,238
Wait,
what's going on?
407
00:17:51,239 --> 00:17:53,808
Ms. Channing, please
don't address Carmen directly.
408
00:17:53,809 --> 00:17:55,676
- Max.
- "Max"?
409
00:17:55,677 --> 00:17:58,145
Is that a pet name
she has for you, Carmen?
410
00:17:58,146 --> 00:18:03,918
Yes. She also calls me
"Caramel Drizzle."
411
00:18:03,919 --> 00:18:06,020
Can you tell me
what exactly happened
412
00:18:06,021 --> 00:18:07,655
with Ms. Channing
last night?
413
00:18:07,656 --> 00:18:10,257
She fondled my breasts.
414
00:18:10,258 --> 00:18:12,493
Ms. Yi,
it's not how it sounds.
415
00:18:12,494 --> 00:18:15,229
We were drinking, and I was
pretending to be a man.
416
00:18:15,230 --> 00:18:17,098
"Drinking."
"Pretending to be a man."
417
00:18:17,099 --> 00:18:19,366
Don't write that down.
Don't write that down.
418
00:18:19,367 --> 00:18:21,102
And Carmen,
when Ms. Channing touched you,
419
00:18:21,103 --> 00:18:22,503
how did that make you feel?
420
00:18:22,504 --> 00:18:24,405
Dirty.
421
00:18:24,406 --> 00:18:26,674
Dirty and underpaid.
422
00:18:26,675 --> 00:18:28,442
She felt dirty?
423
00:18:28,443 --> 00:18:30,244
Come on, Ms. Yi,
you don't know her.
424
00:18:30,245 --> 00:18:34,115
She's the dirty girl.
She is a dirty, dirty girl.
425
00:18:34,116 --> 00:18:36,217
And does that
turn you on?
426
00:18:36,218 --> 00:18:39,854
No! It's almost impossible
to turn me on.
427
00:18:39,855 --> 00:18:43,057
Oh, good.
Now I don't feel so bad.
428
00:18:43,058 --> 00:18:45,359
Trust me,
she's making this stuff up.
429
00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:46,894
I'm sorry, Ms. Channing.
430
00:18:46,895 --> 00:18:49,263
We're gonna have to terminate
your employment.
431
00:18:49,264 --> 00:18:53,367
This is outrageous!
Nothing she said ever happened.
432
00:18:53,368 --> 00:18:57,071
Then how do you
explain this?
433
00:18:57,072 --> 00:18:59,306
That is a copy
from a Xerox machine
434
00:18:59,307 --> 00:19:01,242
badly in need of toner,
which is just one
435
00:19:01,243 --> 00:19:03,444
of the many oversights
that would not have continued
436
00:19:03,445 --> 00:19:07,148
had I been made
an executive here. Good day.
437
00:19:09,651 --> 00:19:12,086
I don't know
what she's talking about.
438
00:19:12,087 --> 00:19:13,621
That butt
couldn't be any toner.
439
00:19:13,622 --> 00:19:15,890
Write that down,
write that down.
440
00:19:15,891 --> 00:19:18,826
Can I get a peek
at that?
441
00:19:25,167 --> 00:19:26,934
How are you tonight,
Caroline?
442
00:19:26,935 --> 00:19:29,170
Angry, frustrated,
humiliated.
443
00:19:29,171 --> 00:19:32,540
Just another Tuesday
at the diner.
444
00:19:33,541 --> 00:19:35,409
Hello, Carmen.
Or is it "Caramel Drizzle?"
445
00:19:35,410 --> 00:19:37,444
Just so you know,
446
00:19:37,445 --> 00:19:40,281
that stunt will go
on my professional work record.
447
00:19:40,282 --> 00:19:41,682
Oh, please.
This diner's
448
00:19:41,683 --> 00:19:44,084
on your professional
work record.
449
00:19:44,085 --> 00:19:47,121
And your record's clean.
Eli expunged it
450
00:19:47,122 --> 00:19:50,524
because I gave him
a couple of my ass Xeroxes.
451
00:19:50,525 --> 00:19:52,526
He's laminating them
and using them as place mats.
452
00:19:52,527 --> 00:19:54,228
My idea.
453
00:19:54,229 --> 00:19:57,097
For what, Max?
Why'd you get me fired?
454
00:19:57,098 --> 00:19:59,099
Why'd I get you fired?
455
00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:03,304
Well, let me give you
a "for instance."
456
00:20:03,305 --> 00:20:06,240
I once knew this girl
who was so used to not failing
457
00:20:06,241 --> 00:20:07,775
that the first time
she did,
458
00:20:07,776 --> 00:20:09,944
she got so scared,
she forgot who she was
459
00:20:09,945 --> 00:20:11,412
and tried to be
somebody else,
460
00:20:11,413 --> 00:20:14,215
and then she touched
my breastesses.
461
00:20:14,216 --> 00:20:16,150
Look, it's cool
if you don't
462
00:20:16,151 --> 00:20:17,718
want to join in
on the cupcake dream,
463
00:20:17,719 --> 00:20:19,753
but at least wait
till you find another.
464
00:20:19,754 --> 00:20:21,822
Don't hop on the first one
that comes along.
465
00:20:21,823 --> 00:20:24,391
It's a dream,
not a man.
466
00:20:24,392 --> 00:20:26,660
See?
You are a dirty girl.
467
00:20:26,661 --> 00:20:29,830
I'm a dirty, dirty girl.
468
00:20:30,231 --> 00:20:33,834
Hey, cupcake quitters.
469
00:20:33,835 --> 00:20:36,770
Look, do you see
what you've driven me to?
470
00:20:36,771 --> 00:20:39,173
Supermarket cakes.
471
00:20:40,174 --> 00:20:42,309
Sophie, you don't need
to eat those.
472
00:20:42,310 --> 00:20:43,811
You can have one of ours.
473
00:20:43,812 --> 00:20:47,481
Max's Homemade Cupcakes
is back in business.
474
00:20:49,651 --> 00:20:53,320
It would be cruel
to kid me.
475
00:20:53,821 --> 00:20:56,457
Nope. We're doing it
differently this time.
476
00:20:56,458 --> 00:20:58,259
We are? How?
477
00:20:58,260 --> 00:20:59,793
I have no idea.
478
00:20:59,794 --> 00:21:01,662
But for starters,
479
00:21:01,663 --> 00:21:04,298
you're my new junior executive
executive's assistant.
480
00:21:04,799 --> 00:21:08,936
I will knock you
to the ground.
481
00:21:08,937 --> 00:21:13,007
Mmm. Ohh. Yeah.
482
00:21:13,008 --> 00:21:15,776
Well, Mama happy now.
483
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:23,980
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com