1
00:00:12,771 --> 00:00:14,639
Oh, hey.
2
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:16,474
You ready?
3
00:00:16,475 --> 00:00:20,111
I can't. I just can't.
4
00:00:20,112 --> 00:00:23,247
Everyone feels like that the
first few times you eat here.
5
00:00:23,248 --> 00:00:24,248
It's like heroin.
6
00:00:24,249 --> 00:00:25,450
It makes you sick,
and you think,
7
00:00:25,451 --> 00:00:27,485
"I'll never do that again,"
and here we are.
8
00:00:28,887 --> 00:00:31,189
No, we put our project
on Kickstarter,
9
00:00:31,190 --> 00:00:34,192
and we're getting
major funding right now.
10
00:00:34,193 --> 00:00:37,695
And I can't. I just can't.
11
00:00:37,696 --> 00:00:39,297
Kickstarter...
that's the website
12
00:00:39,298 --> 00:00:40,798
where strangers
give money for crap
13
00:00:40,799 --> 00:00:42,800
that no one in the real world
would invest in, right?
14
00:00:42,801 --> 00:00:46,804
Exactly, but our project isn't crap.
It's bananas.
15
00:00:46,805 --> 00:00:51,209
We design candles with arms.
16
00:00:51,210 --> 00:00:55,480
I can't. I just can't.
17
00:00:55,481 --> 00:00:57,281
Don't you have
a passion project...
18
00:00:57,282 --> 00:00:58,716
something you've
always wanted to do?
19
00:00:58,717 --> 00:01:02,687
Yeah, you can't just want to
be a waitress your whole life.
20
00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:07,558
[Chuckles] Actually... I do
have a Kickstarter idea.
21
00:01:07,559 --> 00:01:10,862
I'd like to start
kicking your asses!
22
00:01:13,365 --> 00:01:15,700
You know we work
for tips, right?
23
00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:17,902
Yeah. This one
got away from me.
24
00:01:19,238 --> 00:01:21,205
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
25
00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:22,807
[Cash register bell dings]
26
00:01:22,808 --> 00:01:26,711
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
27
00:01:26,736 --> 00:01:35,589
Sync & corrections by no1
www.Addic7ed.Com
28
00:01:35,590 --> 00:01:37,227
okay, listen up, it's Tuesday,
29
00:01:37,228 --> 00:01:40,797
and like Martin Luther King,
I have a dream.
30
00:01:40,798 --> 00:01:43,199
Tonight you will do side work.
31
00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:46,369
Hold up, girl. I have ten
minutes till my shift starts.
32
00:01:46,370 --> 00:01:47,737
Max, that is not appropriate.
33
00:01:47,738 --> 00:01:49,939
I'm your boss.
Don't call me "girl."
34
00:01:49,940 --> 00:01:52,909
Yes, ma'am.
35
00:01:52,910 --> 00:01:55,445
Okay, you want to play?
I'll play.
36
00:01:55,446 --> 00:01:58,314
Hey, sir. Hey, big Manny man.
37
00:01:58,315 --> 00:02:02,285
Why don't you show me
your penis?
38
00:02:02,286 --> 00:02:06,222
Han, you know
I don't have a penis.
39
00:02:06,223 --> 00:02:08,458
It's the only thing
we have in common.
40
00:02:08,459 --> 00:02:10,627
Where's Caroline?
41
00:02:10,628 --> 00:02:11,995
In the back
at our cupcake shop.
42
00:02:11,996 --> 00:02:13,329
Why you don't open
your walk-up window
43
00:02:13,330 --> 00:02:14,797
till you close here at night?
44
00:02:14,798 --> 00:02:16,432
She's getting a jump
on our side work.
45
00:02:16,433 --> 00:02:18,768
What? We can't do
ours and yours.
46
00:02:18,769 --> 00:02:20,837
Relax, Marjorie.
47
00:02:20,838 --> 00:02:24,173
Keep it up, Max, and one day
I will show you my penis.
48
00:02:24,174 --> 00:02:26,843
And you'll be sorry.
49
00:02:31,448 --> 00:02:34,417
Yes. Yes, I will.
50
00:02:34,418 --> 00:02:36,619
That's it! New rule!
51
00:02:36,620 --> 00:02:39,956
No more making fun
of the boss!
52
00:02:39,957 --> 00:02:42,458
Han doesn't want us
calling him names anymore.
53
00:02:42,459 --> 00:02:44,460
It's like, if you don't
want to be called names,
54
00:02:44,461 --> 00:02:46,329
don't look like that.
55
00:02:46,330 --> 00:02:48,765
♪ When a fire
starts to burn, right... ♪
56
00:02:48,766 --> 00:02:51,267
Why is the window open?
What is all that?
57
00:02:51,268 --> 00:02:53,803
It's me, if I had lived.
58
00:02:53,804 --> 00:02:56,639
♪ When a fire
starts to burn, right... ♪
59
00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:58,608
Oh, my God.
Did you see that rack?
60
00:02:58,609 --> 00:03:01,477
See it? I have to carry it
around all day.
61
00:03:01,478 --> 00:03:03,513
I've been wearing
the same clothes
62
00:03:03,514 --> 00:03:04,814
every day for two years.
63
00:03:04,815 --> 00:03:06,916
Now, I know that's
your dream scenario,
64
00:03:06,917 --> 00:03:08,952
but to me, it's a horror show.
65
00:03:08,953 --> 00:03:10,153
Go get new clothes.
66
00:03:10,154 --> 00:03:11,754
Just go to the place
around the corner
67
00:03:11,755 --> 00:03:12,956
and buy some cheap ones.
68
00:03:12,957 --> 00:03:15,291
Max, they sell clothes
by the pound.
69
00:03:15,292 --> 00:03:17,794
That's why it's called
the fashion pound,
70
00:03:17,795 --> 00:03:19,729
and that is why it is awesome.
71
00:03:19,730 --> 00:03:21,998
Look, I'm willing to cut
a lot of other things,
72
00:03:21,999 --> 00:03:24,667
including my wrists,
but I need quality clothes.
73
00:03:24,668 --> 00:03:26,669
The only reason I've been able
to wear these pants every day
74
00:03:26,670 --> 00:03:27,904
is because they're quality.
75
00:03:27,905 --> 00:03:33,176
Well, that and a lot of
febreze, which reminds me...
76
00:03:35,112 --> 00:03:36,879
I used to smell like money.
77
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:38,581
Now I smell like pennies.
78
00:03:38,582 --> 00:03:42,251
And, Max, you need a hit.
79
00:03:42,252 --> 00:03:45,655
'Breze me.
80
00:03:45,656 --> 00:03:47,690
Hi, girls.
81
00:03:47,691 --> 00:03:51,227
Did you see the high-fashion
model shoot?
82
00:03:51,228 --> 00:03:55,131
I was too short to be
a model in Poland.
83
00:03:55,132 --> 00:03:58,868
Well, I guess you can't
have it all, right?
84
00:03:58,869 --> 00:04:02,705
Do I smell febreze?
85
00:04:02,706 --> 00:04:05,141
That's my
second-favorite scent.
86
00:04:05,142 --> 00:04:08,544
Oh, and there's
my first-favorite scent.
87
00:04:08,545 --> 00:04:10,113
Hey, Sophie.
88
00:04:10,114 --> 00:04:15,118
I'm sorry. Have we met?
89
00:04:15,119 --> 00:04:18,221
I'm not good with faces that
I never want to see again.
90
00:04:18,222 --> 00:04:19,355
What happened?
91
00:04:19,356 --> 00:04:20,690
I thought you guys
were gonna be friends.
92
00:04:20,691 --> 00:04:22,492
Yeah, messed-up,
passive-aggressive friends
93
00:04:22,493 --> 00:04:23,893
who occasionally
sleep together,
94
00:04:23,894 --> 00:04:26,796
like Ryan Seacrest
and Simon Cowell.
95
00:04:26,797 --> 00:04:29,632
Oh, okay, I see
what you're doing.
96
00:04:29,633 --> 00:04:31,701
You're pretending
like we don't have
97
00:04:31,702 --> 00:04:34,904
movie-character names
for our private parts.
98
00:04:36,540 --> 00:04:37,974
Well, good-bye, miss,
99
00:04:37,975 --> 00:04:42,111
and give my regards
to Mrs. Doubtfire.
100
00:04:42,112 --> 00:04:45,682
Okay, E.T., go home!
101
00:04:47,351 --> 00:04:49,585
Here's your mail, girls.
102
00:04:51,588 --> 00:04:53,756
Max, Sophie had a new purse.
103
00:04:53,757 --> 00:04:55,425
Everybody has something new.
104
00:04:55,426 --> 00:04:58,027
Even the homeless lady on
the bus had a new barrette,
105
00:04:58,028 --> 00:04:59,762
and even though
her feet were split open,
106
00:04:59,763 --> 00:05:01,798
I still felt jealous.
107
00:05:01,799 --> 00:05:03,232
Oh, this is not a bill.
108
00:05:03,233 --> 00:05:05,568
Now, that's a first.
109
00:05:05,569 --> 00:05:07,870
"We are offering you
a new phone,
110
00:05:07,871 --> 00:05:09,906
"as older flip-model phones
such as yours
111
00:05:09,907 --> 00:05:11,207
have been degraded."
112
00:05:11,208 --> 00:05:14,577
They're
slut-shaming phones now?
113
00:05:14,578 --> 00:05:16,079
I don't want a new anything.
114
00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:17,480
And I like my old flip.
115
00:05:17,481 --> 00:05:19,816
Where's my damn letter
from the pants company,
116
00:05:19,817 --> 00:05:21,784
saying, "girl,
those things are tired..."
117
00:05:21,785 --> 00:05:24,253
here's a new pair for free"?
118
00:05:24,254 --> 00:05:25,755
If you want something
for free,
119
00:05:25,756 --> 00:05:28,925
why don't you just go on
Kickstarter like everyone else?
120
00:05:28,926 --> 00:05:30,693
You can't use it for clothes.
121
00:05:30,694 --> 00:05:32,795
Can you?
122
00:05:32,796 --> 00:05:37,633
And if you can, can I?
123
00:05:37,634 --> 00:05:40,737
Why not? It's no stupider
than candle arms.
124
00:05:40,738 --> 00:05:42,338
Now, if the candles
had real arms
125
00:05:42,339 --> 00:05:44,006
and could slap
the idiots who bought them,
126
00:05:44,007 --> 00:05:45,808
I'd invest in that.
127
00:05:45,809 --> 00:05:47,643
Max, we have nothing,
128
00:05:47,644 --> 00:05:49,779
and if anybody is giving us
something for free,
129
00:05:49,780 --> 00:05:50,847
we're taking it.
130
00:05:50,848 --> 00:05:52,315
You are getting
that free phone,
131
00:05:52,316 --> 00:05:54,417
and I am begging
for free clothes.
132
00:05:54,418 --> 00:05:55,651
Things are looking up.
133
00:05:55,652 --> 00:05:57,720
[Pants rip]
134
00:06:00,858 --> 00:06:03,960
You might want to Kickstart
some underwear.
135
00:06:09,266 --> 00:06:11,000
Well, obviously,
they don't have anything.
136
00:06:11,001 --> 00:06:12,235
Let's go.
137
00:06:12,236 --> 00:06:13,870
Max, stop. My pants
just ripped some more.
138
00:06:13,871 --> 00:06:16,539
I have to fix them again.
139
00:06:19,409 --> 00:06:22,178
[Stapler clicks]
140
00:06:22,179 --> 00:06:24,080
Hey, quality, why don't
you just take them
141
00:06:24,081 --> 00:06:26,649
to Office Depot
and get them tailored?
142
00:06:26,650 --> 00:06:28,751
Let's shop.
143
00:06:28,752 --> 00:06:30,386
Ow.
144
00:06:33,157 --> 00:06:35,191
Uh-oh, they're ripping again.
145
00:06:35,192 --> 00:06:39,395
I feel a breeze
up in my febreze.
146
00:06:40,597 --> 00:06:42,165
How can I help you?
147
00:06:42,166 --> 00:06:44,734
Oh, hey. Hi, uh, Cchiandra.
148
00:06:44,735 --> 00:06:46,769
Where can I get
a new flip phone?
149
00:06:46,770 --> 00:06:49,272
Mm, let me think.
150
00:06:49,273 --> 00:06:52,508
Guatemala.
151
00:06:52,509 --> 00:06:55,111
I'll miss you, phone.
This is breaking my heart.
152
00:06:55,112 --> 00:06:56,212
Come on, boo.
153
00:06:56,213 --> 00:07:00,349
It's a phone, not Bruno Mars.
154
00:07:00,350 --> 00:07:02,118
Now, I need that letter.
155
00:07:02,119 --> 00:07:03,085
Oh, here it is. I have it.
156
00:07:03,086 --> 00:07:04,086
It's in my purse.
157
00:07:04,087 --> 00:07:05,588
What's her story?
158
00:07:05,589 --> 00:07:08,024
Why is her hand on her ass?
159
00:07:08,025 --> 00:07:09,859
Her staples popped.
160
00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:12,562
Lap band?
161
00:07:12,563 --> 00:07:14,297
Happened to my cousin.
162
00:07:14,298 --> 00:07:17,033
She had a diet 7 up
and exploded.
163
00:07:17,034 --> 00:07:19,702
Then she got M.S.
164
00:07:19,703 --> 00:07:23,873
According to judge Joe brown,
it was not related.
165
00:07:23,874 --> 00:07:27,310
Uh, here,
I'll just take this one.
166
00:07:27,311 --> 00:07:30,546
Slow down, now.
Take a look around.
167
00:07:30,547 --> 00:07:33,182
You got a whole world
of possibilities.
168
00:07:33,183 --> 00:07:38,087
Pick 'em up, get a feel, hold
it in your hand for a while.
169
00:07:40,023 --> 00:07:43,759
Chiandra, it's a phone,
not Bruno Mars.
170
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:45,895
Oh, "Texting is easy"
171
00:07:45,896 --> 00:07:47,897
with the new
finger friendly keyboard."
172
00:07:47,898 --> 00:07:49,565
My fingers are already
too friendly.
173
00:07:49,566 --> 00:07:52,268
Ask my fourth-grade boyfriend.
174
00:07:52,269 --> 00:07:55,738
Wow. These sample texts
are getting kind of racy.
175
00:07:55,739 --> 00:07:59,675
"Bad news... I think
the condom broke last night."
176
00:08:01,478 --> 00:08:03,980
Why would anyone put that
on a display model?
177
00:08:03,981 --> 00:08:06,782
That's mine.
178
00:08:20,397 --> 00:08:23,666
I left it there by accident.
179
00:08:23,667 --> 00:08:28,137
But that's not your problem.
180
00:08:28,138 --> 00:08:31,474
Now, tell me,
what are your phone needs?
181
00:08:31,475 --> 00:08:33,976
Uh, my needs are simple.
182
00:08:33,977 --> 00:08:36,178
I need a phone that can draw
a mustache on people
183
00:08:36,179 --> 00:08:38,681
and occasionally will call
my mother and hang up.
184
00:08:38,682 --> 00:08:41,250
And she needs one
with a good camera,
185
00:08:41,251 --> 00:08:45,354
because I have to film
my video pitch for new pants.
186
00:08:45,355 --> 00:08:48,190
I have a hole in my butt.
187
00:08:51,461 --> 00:08:54,563
You know
you're supposed to, right?
188
00:09:00,771 --> 00:09:03,673
[Stapler clicks]
189
00:09:03,674 --> 00:09:07,843
Max, I might be
a virgin again.
190
00:09:15,879 --> 00:09:16,912
I love my new phone!
191
00:09:16,913 --> 00:09:18,881
It's so cool and red.
192
00:09:18,882 --> 00:09:20,249
It feels like
anything could happen!
193
00:09:20,250 --> 00:09:21,550
But it probably won't.
194
00:09:21,551 --> 00:09:24,453
[Phone ringing] My first call.
195
00:09:24,454 --> 00:09:26,455
What do I do?
196
00:09:26,456 --> 00:09:27,623
What do I do?
197
00:09:27,624 --> 00:09:29,658
Oh. Hello?
198
00:09:29,659 --> 00:09:32,394
Oh, hey, girl,
good for you. Bye.
199
00:09:32,395 --> 00:09:35,431
Chiandra's not pregnant.
200
00:09:35,432 --> 00:09:38,600
Max, why are you taking calls
from Cchiandra?
201
00:09:38,601 --> 00:09:39,768
We have to do my video.
202
00:09:39,769 --> 00:09:41,036
I had to take her call.
203
00:09:41,037 --> 00:09:42,638
She gave me a bunch
of free apps...
204
00:09:42,639 --> 00:09:44,239
Angry Birds, Doodle Jump.
205
00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:45,674
If you want to look like
a dog, I could do that.
206
00:09:45,675 --> 00:09:47,543
Look, here's me
as a St. Bernard.
207
00:09:47,544 --> 00:09:50,079
See my neck keg?
208
00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:51,914
Okay, I've done some research,
209
00:09:51,915 --> 00:09:54,083
and here's some things
other people want money for.
210
00:09:54,084 --> 00:09:56,785
One woman wants money
for a new leg.
211
00:09:56,786 --> 00:09:58,520
Scrolling.
212
00:09:58,521 --> 00:10:01,323
Wait. If she only has one leg,
213
00:10:01,324 --> 00:10:05,260
shouldn't she be
on can't-Kickstarter?
214
00:10:05,261 --> 00:10:07,229
Oh, I'm no longer
working with them.
215
00:10:07,230 --> 00:10:08,630
They denied my project.
216
00:10:08,631 --> 00:10:12,601
Apparently, I'm not artsy
enough and have too many legs.
217
00:10:12,602 --> 00:10:14,870
So now I'm
on go fund yourself.
218
00:10:14,871 --> 00:10:16,271
Oh, perfect.
219
00:10:16,272 --> 00:10:18,374
I've been telling you
to go fund yourself for years.
220
00:10:18,375 --> 00:10:22,111
The future of my pants
hinges on the video pitch.
221
00:10:22,112 --> 00:10:24,013
The tone needs to be
sad and pathetic.
222
00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:27,149
Uh, preparation done.
223
00:10:27,150 --> 00:10:30,085
What's sadder than former
billionaire Caroline Channing
224
00:10:30,086 --> 00:10:32,054
asking for money for pants?
225
00:10:32,055 --> 00:10:34,623
Oh, they're not
gonna know it's me.
226
00:10:38,661 --> 00:10:41,563
Are you being funded
by Al-Qaeda?
227
00:10:43,666 --> 00:10:46,635
If they're buying, I'm taking.
228
00:10:46,636 --> 00:10:48,704
And action.
229
00:10:48,705 --> 00:10:51,407
Hi. I can't tell you my name,
230
00:10:51,408 --> 00:10:54,710
and I can't show you my face
because I'm too ashamed.
231
00:10:54,711 --> 00:10:57,279
Sadly, I find myself
in a situation
232
00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:59,681
where I am no longer
able to provide myself
233
00:10:59,682 --> 00:11:01,950
with the garments I need
in order to be the best
234
00:11:01,951 --> 00:11:03,452
in my day-to-day life.
235
00:11:03,453 --> 00:11:05,954
I'm aware that this is
not a problem for everybody.
236
00:11:05,955 --> 00:11:08,123
Stop, stop! I need to take
a picture of myself
237
00:11:08,124 --> 00:11:10,125
having the most fun
I've ever had.
238
00:11:10,126 --> 00:11:12,895
Your nose is coming
out of your eyehole.
239
00:11:15,965 --> 00:11:17,066
No.
240
00:11:17,067 --> 00:11:19,001
No, no, no, Max, don't stop.
241
00:11:19,002 --> 00:11:20,402
I'm in a groove.
242
00:11:20,403 --> 00:11:22,638
No, you're in a bag.
243
00:11:22,639 --> 00:11:24,640
Please let me take
a picture of you in a bag
244
00:11:24,641 --> 00:11:29,111
and then turn it into a dog
and then call it a doggie bag.
245
00:11:29,112 --> 00:11:32,081
Go, Max, I'm running
out of oxygen,
246
00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:34,950
and I think there
was cheese in here.
247
00:11:34,951 --> 00:11:36,752
And action.
248
00:11:36,753 --> 00:11:38,320
If I achieve my goal...
249
00:11:38,321 --> 00:11:43,692
specifically, a new pair
of quality pants...
250
00:11:43,693 --> 00:11:48,063
then I promise I will give
back to the community,
251
00:11:48,064 --> 00:11:49,798
wearing said pants.
252
00:11:49,799 --> 00:11:52,234
All I need is $1,500.
253
00:11:52,235 --> 00:11:55,270
Stop! Whoa! $1,500?
254
00:11:55,271 --> 00:11:57,206
How many pounds of clothes
are you getting?
255
00:11:57,207 --> 00:11:58,841
Look, it's for one pair
256
00:11:58,842 --> 00:12:03,112
of amazing dries van Noten silk
brocade pants... super cute.
257
00:12:03,113 --> 00:12:04,780
And, yes, it's a lot,
258
00:12:04,781 --> 00:12:07,316
but my investors will get
something in return.
259
00:12:07,317 --> 00:12:09,751
For $5, they will get
260
00:12:09,752 --> 00:12:11,620
the feeling of goodwill
in their heart.
261
00:12:11,621 --> 00:12:13,222
Pbbt!
262
00:12:13,223 --> 00:12:15,757
For $10,
I'll send them a selfie
263
00:12:15,758 --> 00:12:17,526
in the new pants
that they bought.
264
00:12:17,527 --> 00:12:20,496
For $20, I'll send them
a selfie without pants.
265
00:12:22,732 --> 00:12:25,567
Nobody is gonna give you money
for the stuff you offered.
266
00:12:25,568 --> 00:12:26,902
"Goodwill in their hearts"?
267
00:12:26,903 --> 00:12:29,505
This is the Internet.
We're animals.
268
00:12:29,506 --> 00:12:30,839
You're right.
269
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:32,474
[Gasps] I have an idea.
270
00:12:32,475 --> 00:12:34,943
Camera up.
271
00:12:34,944 --> 00:12:37,246
And action.
272
00:12:37,247 --> 00:12:39,848
I'm sure a lot of you
are probably thinking,
273
00:12:39,849 --> 00:12:43,285
"look at this spoiled,
indulgent, clueless girl."
274
00:12:43,286 --> 00:12:45,420
Well, I am.
275
00:12:45,421 --> 00:12:48,123
And you're also
probably thinking,
276
00:12:48,124 --> 00:12:50,025
"God, I want to slap her."
277
00:12:50,026 --> 00:12:52,461
Well, guess what. You can!
278
00:12:52,462 --> 00:12:55,130
For $500, you can come here
279
00:12:55,131 --> 00:12:59,535
and slap my spoiled,
clueless face.
280
00:12:59,536 --> 00:13:01,737
And cut.
281
00:13:01,738 --> 00:13:02,804
Pretty good, huh?
282
00:13:02,805 --> 00:13:04,540
Genius. Now, here,
take the camera.
283
00:13:04,541 --> 00:13:07,476
I want to film my video
to raise $500 to slap you.
284
00:13:14,484 --> 00:13:16,185
Earl, look!
285
00:13:16,186 --> 00:13:18,720
I just got 20 more dollars
from one of my backers!
286
00:13:18,721 --> 00:13:20,455
Now, let me get this straight.
287
00:13:20,456 --> 00:13:24,026
You just ask people for money,
and they give it to you...
288
00:13:24,027 --> 00:13:27,362
without using a weapon?
289
00:13:27,363 --> 00:13:31,033
Well, Earl, I guess desperation
cuts like a knife.
290
00:13:31,034 --> 00:13:34,836
Man, being white is easy.
291
00:13:34,837 --> 00:13:38,340
[Game sound effects]
292
00:13:38,341 --> 00:13:40,842
Um, we're ready to order.
293
00:13:40,843 --> 00:13:42,878
[Fanfare plays]
294
00:13:42,879 --> 00:13:47,349
[Game sound effects]
295
00:13:47,350 --> 00:13:49,184
[Fanfare plays]
296
00:13:49,185 --> 00:13:51,486
Caroline, I just unlocked
the candy hammer.
297
00:13:51,487 --> 00:13:53,522
Can you go over there
and take those girls' orders?
298
00:13:53,523 --> 00:13:57,359
I can't. I just can't.
299
00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,027
[Bell clangs]
300
00:13:59,028 --> 00:14:01,964
Oh, no way! I just hit $1,000!
301
00:14:01,965 --> 00:14:04,433
That's almost
both legs paid for!
302
00:14:04,434 --> 00:14:06,301
Uh, hello?
303
00:14:06,302 --> 00:14:09,104
You're dinging and donging
right in front of my face.
304
00:14:09,105 --> 00:14:12,040
Can't you at least
put your phones on vibrate?
305
00:14:12,041 --> 00:14:15,611
I don't like to mix
business with pleasure.
306
00:14:15,612 --> 00:14:18,213
You two need to be
off your phones and working.
307
00:14:18,214 --> 00:14:20,249
Now. And no back talk.
308
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:22,451
[Phone chimes]
309
00:14:22,452 --> 00:14:25,320
Totally.
310
00:14:25,321 --> 00:14:26,421
[Phone chimes]
311
00:14:26,422 --> 00:14:28,890
Totally.
312
00:14:32,095 --> 00:14:34,129
[Phones chime]
313
00:14:34,130 --> 00:14:35,897
- Totally.
- Totally.
314
00:14:35,898 --> 00:14:37,399
[Both laugh]
315
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:38,934
Oh, I know what's going on.
316
00:14:38,935 --> 00:14:41,770
You're group-texting
insults about me!
317
00:14:41,771 --> 00:14:43,705
We are not.
318
00:14:43,706 --> 00:14:46,575
[Laughs] I got your text!
319
00:14:46,576 --> 00:14:50,579
Han does look like those Minion
things in despicable me!
320
00:14:50,580 --> 00:14:52,147
Oh.
321
00:14:52,148 --> 00:14:56,418
And I thought bullying would end
when I hit four feet.
322
00:14:56,419 --> 00:14:57,586
[Bell clangs]
323
00:14:57,587 --> 00:14:58,987
Oh! Oh, my God!
324
00:14:58,988 --> 00:15:00,489
I'm getting my new pants!
325
00:15:00,490 --> 00:15:02,190
I just got a $500 pledge!
326
00:15:02,191 --> 00:15:05,460
Somebody wants to slap me!
Somebody wants to slap me!
327
00:15:05,461 --> 00:15:07,529
Just one person?
328
00:15:14,787 --> 00:15:17,967
Hey, han insists we can't leave
tonight without doing our side work,
329
00:15:17,968 --> 00:15:20,770
so I made him into a chihuahua
wearing a diaper.
330
00:15:20,771 --> 00:15:23,105
[Laughs] Check your phone.
331
00:15:23,106 --> 00:15:24,373
Caroline?
332
00:15:24,374 --> 00:15:26,208
[Caroline] Someone
got some new pants!
333
00:15:26,209 --> 00:15:28,711
♪ When a fire
starts to burn, right ♪
334
00:15:28,712 --> 00:15:30,212
♪ And it starts to spread ♪
335
00:15:30,213 --> 00:15:32,114
♪ She gonna bring
that attitude home ♪
336
00:15:32,115 --> 00:15:34,450
♪ They don't want to do nothing
with they life ♪
337
00:15:34,451 --> 00:15:35,985
♪ When a fire
starts to burn, right ♪
338
00:15:35,986 --> 00:15:36,986
[Music stops]
339
00:15:36,987 --> 00:15:38,521
I wasn't finished!
340
00:15:38,522 --> 00:15:40,623
No, I was.
341
00:15:40,624 --> 00:15:42,391
Max, I didn't want to
tell you this,
342
00:15:42,392 --> 00:15:44,794
but I was secretly worried
my Booty was gone.
343
00:15:44,795 --> 00:15:46,328
Turns out,
it was just the pants.
344
00:15:46,329 --> 00:15:49,365
It's still there.
Take a picture of it.
345
00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:51,233
Okay, let me see.
346
00:15:51,234 --> 00:15:52,601
[Gasps] Perfect!
347
00:15:52,602 --> 00:15:55,004
Now, let's send a group-text
to our diner family,
348
00:15:55,005 --> 00:15:56,105
and I'd like you
to copy me on that,
349
00:15:56,106 --> 00:15:57,373
because I want to send it
to my dad in prison.
350
00:15:57,374 --> 00:15:58,974
He'll be so proud.
351
00:15:58,975 --> 00:16:02,444
Yeah, 'cause I'm sure he's
not seeing any asses there.
352
00:16:02,445 --> 00:16:04,346
You know what I love
about these pants?
353
00:16:04,347 --> 00:16:06,415
How they make my butt look...
354
00:16:06,416 --> 00:16:08,884
can you see it
through the window?
355
00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:13,222
I got new pants.
356
00:16:13,223 --> 00:16:15,157
[Phone chimes]
357
00:16:15,158 --> 00:16:17,326
Hey, Earl,
you got my text, right?
358
00:16:17,327 --> 00:16:19,028
You mean that picture
of Caroline in her pants
359
00:16:19,029 --> 00:16:21,797
that said,
"I'm so sick of her"?
360
00:16:21,798 --> 00:16:22,832
I know, right?
361
00:16:22,833 --> 00:16:25,367
If she ever gets
a new shirt, just kill me.
362
00:16:25,368 --> 00:16:27,169
I hear you, Max,
but I just can't believe
363
00:16:27,170 --> 00:16:29,471
you included her on the text.
364
00:16:29,472 --> 00:16:30,739
[Laughs] Yeah.
365
00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:33,042
What?
366
00:16:33,043 --> 00:16:36,011
Oh, my God.
I didn't take her off the chain.
367
00:16:36,012 --> 00:16:37,813
I mean, if you're
gonna trash a child,
368
00:16:37,814 --> 00:16:40,683
you got to take her
off the chain.
369
00:16:40,684 --> 00:16:42,117
Look, Earl, they're here!
370
00:16:42,118 --> 00:16:44,153
Look what your $10
is buying you!
371
00:16:44,154 --> 00:16:45,788
Uh-uh, not looking.
Don't want to know.
372
00:16:45,789 --> 00:16:48,390
I'm taking myself
off the chain.
373
00:16:48,391 --> 00:16:50,226
Uh, hey, Caroline.
374
00:16:50,227 --> 00:16:52,361
Uh, did you get my text?
Not yet.
375
00:16:52,362 --> 00:16:53,829
The front of the diner
is a bad reception area.
376
00:16:53,830 --> 00:16:55,664
[Phone chimes]
Uh, no, no, no, no.
377
00:16:55,665 --> 00:16:56,699
Don't reach for that.
378
00:16:56,700 --> 00:17:00,502
It's probably
just an Amber alert.
379
00:17:00,503 --> 00:17:02,137
Why are you acting weird?
380
00:17:02,138 --> 00:17:05,074
Oh, are you jealous
of my new pants?
381
00:17:05,075 --> 00:17:08,444
No, but I may have texted
something about you
382
00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:09,678
that I didn't mean,
383
00:17:09,679 --> 00:17:11,413
so just please
don't look at your phone.
384
00:17:11,414 --> 00:17:13,315
Uh, okay.
385
00:17:13,316 --> 00:17:17,586
If it's something bad,
I don't want to see it anyway.
386
00:17:17,587 --> 00:17:19,521
She's gonna look at it,
isn't she, Earl?
387
00:17:19,522 --> 00:17:20,723
I would.
388
00:17:20,724 --> 00:17:23,325
She just did.
389
00:17:24,694 --> 00:17:26,629
You're so sick of me?
390
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:29,598
[Laughs] 'Cause it's funny!
391
00:17:29,599 --> 00:17:31,834
[Laughs] "I'm so sick of you!"
392
00:17:31,835 --> 00:17:34,870
[Laughs] You know, said funny.
393
00:17:34,871 --> 00:17:37,473
You know how I am.
Ask Earl. Earl, help.
394
00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:40,242
Oh, I am off the chain.
395
00:17:40,243 --> 00:17:41,377
Oleg, help.
396
00:17:41,378 --> 00:17:43,812
I'll be in my car.
397
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:45,347
Oh, look, look! Here's han!
398
00:17:45,348 --> 00:17:47,349
He knows how I'm always
just joking.
399
00:17:47,350 --> 00:17:49,785
Han, nod your head
and don't ask why.
400
00:17:49,786 --> 00:17:51,320
Oh, no, last time you
asked me to do that,
401
00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:55,190
I wound up on a date
with an albino.
402
00:17:55,191 --> 00:17:57,459
And who didn't call who back?
403
00:17:57,460 --> 00:18:01,163
I don't know how
they're so confident.
404
00:18:02,799 --> 00:18:05,100
Max, you said
you were sick of me.
405
00:18:05,101 --> 00:18:07,136
Oh, why are you so upset?
406
00:18:07,137 --> 00:18:09,571
I say worse things
to you all the time.
407
00:18:09,572 --> 00:18:11,774
Yesterday I said
you were sad and pathetic.
408
00:18:11,775 --> 00:18:13,475
But that was to my face.
409
00:18:13,476 --> 00:18:16,312
I can't believe you talk
about me behind my back.
410
00:18:16,313 --> 00:18:18,981
It's bad. I am sorry.
What can I do?
411
00:18:18,982 --> 00:18:22,418
Hit me. Punch me.
Tell my mother where I live.
412
00:18:22,419 --> 00:18:23,819
Congratulations, Max.
413
00:18:23,820 --> 00:18:25,754
Now you're like
all my old girlfriends,
414
00:18:25,755 --> 00:18:28,991
talking behind my back.
415
00:18:31,428 --> 00:18:33,429
Stop looking at that.
Delete it.
416
00:18:33,430 --> 00:18:36,398
This is not what I think. I'm
not sick of you. Really?
417
00:18:36,399 --> 00:18:38,400
'Cause when I see it in writing,
it feels like you are.
418
00:18:38,401 --> 00:18:40,336
It's not me. It's this phone.
419
00:18:40,337 --> 00:18:44,974
It brought out the ugliness
that was kind of already there.
420
00:18:44,975 --> 00:18:46,442
[Sizzling] There!
421
00:18:46,443 --> 00:18:49,178
I killed it
because it hurt you.
422
00:18:49,179 --> 00:18:53,115
I swear I didn't mean it.
You have to believe me.
423
00:18:53,116 --> 00:18:54,984
It's fine, Max.
424
00:18:57,087 --> 00:19:00,723
I feel like
I'm gonna throw up.
425
00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:07,062
There...
I French-fried my phone.
426
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:08,497
What else can I do?
427
00:19:08,498 --> 00:19:11,033
I mean, really,
it is technology's fault.
428
00:19:11,034 --> 00:19:12,735
It's turning us
against each other.
429
00:19:12,736 --> 00:19:16,372
Caroline, I swear,
I will never accidentally say
430
00:19:16,373 --> 00:19:20,009
anything about you again
that I never meant.
431
00:19:20,010 --> 00:19:23,145
I have to get ready for work.
It's fine.
432
00:19:23,146 --> 00:19:24,413
Stop saying that.
433
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:25,881
Please stop saying it's fine.
434
00:19:25,882 --> 00:19:27,116
"Fine" doesn't mean fine.
435
00:19:27,117 --> 00:19:29,785
The scale goes great,
good, okay,
436
00:19:29,786 --> 00:19:32,254
not okay, I hate you, fine.
437
00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:33,856
If "fine" meant fine,
that'd be great,
438
00:19:33,857 --> 00:19:35,190
but it doesn't, okay?
439
00:19:35,191 --> 00:19:36,558
You're right. It's not fine.
440
00:19:36,559 --> 00:19:37,893
It sucks. I'm hurt.
441
00:19:37,894 --> 00:19:39,361
You're the one person
I care most about.
442
00:19:39,362 --> 00:19:42,231
No, you are the one person
I care the most about.
443
00:19:42,232 --> 00:19:44,633
Well, right now
it doesn't feel that way.
444
00:19:44,634 --> 00:19:45,768
It has to feel that way!
445
00:19:45,769 --> 00:19:47,169
You are my best friend,
Caroline!
446
00:19:47,170 --> 00:19:49,471
I love you.
447
00:19:58,515 --> 00:20:02,684
Oh, my God, now I'm
really gonna throw up.
448
00:20:02,685 --> 00:20:05,054
Max, is that the first time
you said "I love you"?
449
00:20:06,089 --> 00:20:09,425
Don't look at me.
I'm embarrassed.
450
00:20:09,426 --> 00:20:11,727
Now what do we do?
451
00:20:11,728 --> 00:20:14,063
So you're not sick of me?
452
00:20:14,064 --> 00:20:16,799
You are the only person
in the entire world
453
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,734
I am not sick of.
454
00:20:18,735 --> 00:20:22,304
Caroline...
455
00:20:22,305 --> 00:20:25,140
There's a woman here who said
she paid to slap you.
456
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:26,542
If I had known
it was an option,
457
00:20:26,543 --> 00:20:29,578
I would have thrown my name
into that hat.
458
00:20:31,915 --> 00:20:35,117
Well, time to put this on.
That's my $500 pledge.
459
00:20:35,118 --> 00:20:37,019
I'll go. What?
460
00:20:37,020 --> 00:20:38,487
I'll take it. I deserve it.
461
00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:41,356
You've already gotten
a slap in the face from me.
462
00:20:41,357 --> 00:20:43,125
But she's expecting to see me.
463
00:20:43,126 --> 00:20:45,761
No, she's expecting
to see a clueless woman
464
00:20:45,762 --> 00:20:47,129
wearing a paper bag.
465
00:20:47,130 --> 00:20:48,397
And even though
I wasn't planning
466
00:20:48,398 --> 00:20:52,401
on becoming that woman for
another 20, 25 years, I owe you.
467
00:20:57,107 --> 00:20:59,441
Seriously?
You're not gonna stop me?
468
00:21:00,844 --> 00:21:02,544
Nope.
469
00:21:02,545 --> 00:21:07,116
And, Max... I love you too.
470
00:21:08,151 --> 00:21:10,319
I'm so sick of you.
471
00:21:10,344 --> 00:21:12,718
Sync & corrections by no1
www.Addic7ed.Com
472
00:21:12,755 --> 00:21:28,770
[Cash register bell dings]