1
00:00:01,538 --> 00:00:03,005
Max! Caroline!
2
00:00:03,006 --> 00:00:05,047
Look, here comes Han
carrying an iPad Mini.
3
00:00:05,093 --> 00:00:07,962
Or is it an iPad
carrying a mini Han?
4
00:00:09,091 --> 00:00:11,526
Han has a mini iPad?
5
00:00:11,527 --> 00:00:14,696
We can't even afford
a maxi pad.
6
00:00:16,565 --> 00:00:19,809
I am so upset.
I'm stuck in a lie.
7
00:00:19,810 --> 00:00:23,104
Well, it's better than the time
you got stuck in that backpack.
8
00:00:23,105 --> 00:00:25,774
Seriously, you guys.
I'm in trouble.
9
00:00:25,775 --> 00:00:29,477
I just opened this email, and
my mother is coming to visit.
10
00:00:29,478 --> 00:00:32,380
You have a mother?
11
00:00:32,381 --> 00:00:36,851
I thought you came to life after
a kid in a toy store made a wish.
12
00:00:38,254 --> 00:00:40,321
(Peter Bjorn and John)
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
13
00:00:41,824 --> 00:00:44,796
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
14
00:00:44,821 --> 00:00:47,821
Synced by Reef
www.addic7ed.com
15
00:00:48,243 --> 00:00:51,211
Han, your mother's coming all
the way from Korea to see you.
16
00:00:51,212 --> 00:00:55,028
- Isn't that great news?
- Is this the face of great news?
17
00:00:56,851 --> 00:00:59,520
See, my mother thinks
I have a girlfriend.
18
00:00:59,521 --> 00:01:01,889
My father still thinks
I wasn't in the car
19
00:01:01,890 --> 00:01:05,025
when my friend hit
that grifter in the Hamptons.
20
00:01:05,026 --> 00:01:09,363
She thinks I have a girlfriend
because I might have told her I did.
21
00:01:09,364 --> 00:01:11,999
Did you or didn't you?
22
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:15,161
I-I might have.
23
00:01:15,837 --> 00:01:18,372
And I might have sent
my mother pictures of someone
24
00:01:18,373 --> 00:01:20,541
and told her that she was
the woman I'm dating.
25
00:01:20,542 --> 00:01:25,746
Han, you might have
catfished your mom?
26
00:01:25,747 --> 00:01:28,082
I might have.
27
00:01:29,250 --> 00:01:30,851
Catfishing...
Right.
28
00:01:30,852 --> 00:01:32,419
That's when you pick up
a woman in a bar,
29
00:01:32,420 --> 00:01:33,620
and when you get her
in the light,
30
00:01:33,621 --> 00:01:36,690
you realize
she has whiskers.
31
00:01:36,691 --> 00:01:40,294
P.S....
Doesn't bother me.
32
00:01:41,262 --> 00:01:43,664
No, catfishing is
when you pretend
33
00:01:43,665 --> 00:01:45,532
to be someone you're not
on the Internet.
34
00:01:45,533 --> 00:01:47,401
You know, like everyone
on the Internet.
35
00:01:49,404 --> 00:01:53,574
All my mother wants is for me to be
happily married like my father and her.
36
00:01:53,575 --> 00:01:57,144
All my mother wants is
a cure for hep-C.
37
00:01:59,247 --> 00:02:01,048
Look, here she is.
38
00:02:01,049 --> 00:02:05,252
"Korean beauty June Kim,
aka Sapphire"?
39
00:02:05,253 --> 00:02:08,122
Han, you chose a prostitute?
40
00:02:09,222 --> 00:02:12,300
She's not a prostitute.
She has a website.
41
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:16,697
Yeah, and I know a guy
with business cards
42
00:02:16,698 --> 00:02:20,901
whose "job" it is
to relax your rectum.
43
00:02:20,902 --> 00:02:24,872
It says she's an exotic dancer
at this gentlemen's club in Manhattan.
44
00:02:24,873 --> 00:02:28,142
So just go there and hire the hooker
to pretend to be your girlfriend.
45
00:02:28,143 --> 00:02:31,278
And there's a sentence
I never thought I'd say.
46
00:02:31,279 --> 00:02:34,014
I tried, but the bouncer told me
to wait in the alley
47
00:02:34,015 --> 00:02:37,618
for my mother
like all the other children.
48
00:02:41,189 --> 00:02:43,690
So I was hoping
you guys could go for me.
49
00:02:43,691 --> 00:02:45,592
Han, we are not doing that.
50
00:02:45,593 --> 00:02:47,961
Strip clubs, lies...
That's not my scene.
51
00:02:47,962 --> 00:02:51,165
That's not your "scene"?
52
00:02:51,166 --> 00:02:53,068
You have a scene?
53
00:02:53,135 --> 00:02:56,311
What is your scene, Caroline?
I haven't seen your scene.
54
00:02:56,312 --> 00:02:58,772
In fact, you haven't seen
your scene in two years.
55
00:02:58,773 --> 00:03:01,341
Trust me,
this is your scene now.
56
00:03:02,754 --> 00:03:05,089
Oh, I understand.
57
00:03:05,090 --> 00:03:06,424
Just one question...
58
00:03:06,425 --> 00:03:10,428
Did I or did I not let you have
the cupcake window rent-free?
59
00:03:10,429 --> 00:03:13,564
Wow, Han.
That's a cheap shot.
60
00:03:13,565 --> 00:03:16,634
Low, bitchy...
I respect that.
61
00:03:17,833 --> 00:03:19,236
We'll go to the strip club,
62
00:03:19,237 --> 00:03:22,206
but if it's nude, nude, nude,
I am leaving, leaving, leaving.
63
00:03:24,443 --> 00:03:28,579
That's the first time Han's ever been able
to hold something over someone's head.
64
00:03:36,897 --> 00:03:38,998
Sapphire will be right
with you, ladies.
65
00:03:38,999 --> 00:03:40,918
Thank you, my good man.
66
00:03:40,919 --> 00:03:44,283
Give me a 20 from Han. You gotta tip
at these places or they'll murder you.
67
00:03:45,672 --> 00:03:49,384
Thanks, doll. You'se twos
can have a seat on that couch.
68
00:03:49,776 --> 00:03:52,444
Oh, no.
No, thank you.
69
00:03:53,959 --> 00:03:56,634
I'm not catching...
70
00:03:59,302 --> 00:04:02,905
Not catching
"Sypha-gonna-titus" today.
71
00:04:07,594 --> 00:04:11,473
Well, if a whore's bath
is appropriate anywhere, it's here.
72
00:04:11,998 --> 00:04:14,500
Max, please be professional
when she comes in.
73
00:04:14,501 --> 00:04:16,165
No sexual comments.
74
00:04:16,192 --> 00:04:18,326
Considering she's used to
walking in on dudes
75
00:04:18,327 --> 00:04:21,814
who have their junk in their hand
like a sad present,
76
00:04:22,498 --> 00:04:25,634
I am sure I can manage
to not offend her.
77
00:04:25,635 --> 00:04:27,927
I'm just saying that despite
where we are,
78
00:04:27,928 --> 00:04:30,532
let's remember,
she's a business woman like us.
79
00:04:34,110 --> 00:04:37,076
The chairman of the board
is here.
80
00:04:37,747 --> 00:04:39,781
Hi, ladies.
You ready for a good time?
81
00:04:39,782 --> 00:04:42,150
Been waitin' my whole life.
82
00:04:42,151 --> 00:04:43,585
Hello.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
83
00:04:43,586 --> 00:04:46,888
I'm Caroline Channing, and this
is my colleague, Max black.
84
00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:52,194
Yo, how's this gonna work?
I don't do two at a time.
85
00:04:52,195 --> 00:04:54,300
So who wants to watch,
who wants to ride?
86
00:04:55,198 --> 00:04:56,264
Oh, right.
87
00:04:56,265 --> 00:04:58,700
Neither of us
will be riding, per se.
88
00:04:58,701 --> 00:05:02,442
Hold your roll, girl. We're spending
a lot of Han's money here.
89
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:05,219
If I want a ride,
I'm getting a ride.
90
00:05:05,541 --> 00:05:10,512
- Um, is it June or Sapphire?
- You can call me Paul if you pay me.
91
00:05:10,513 --> 00:05:15,317
June, we're not here for a dance
or any of the other things you do
92
00:05:15,318 --> 00:05:17,385
that I don't judge you for
because I'm very open-minded.
93
00:05:17,386 --> 00:05:20,255
I've been to Amsterdam.
94
00:05:20,256 --> 00:05:24,126
I'm on camera so I gotta dance for
someone or my bosses will fire me.
95
00:05:24,127 --> 00:05:25,502
And then it's back
to waiting tables.
96
00:05:25,503 --> 00:05:27,744
Told myself I'd never sink
that low again.
97
00:05:29,799 --> 00:05:32,834
Yeah, we say that every day
when we get dressed for work.
98
00:05:32,835 --> 00:05:35,449
Okay, sit.
Let's do this.
99
00:05:35,450 --> 00:05:37,836
It's fine. I think
I got all the stains.
100
00:05:54,657 --> 00:05:58,593
It's official!
We've paid Han back.
101
00:05:58,594 --> 00:06:01,229
Um, could you turn
the other lights on?
102
00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:02,864
She's allergic
to the truth.
103
00:06:06,135 --> 00:06:08,603
So, June, here's the thing.
We have this boss.
104
00:06:08,604 --> 00:06:11,573
Yeah, girl, work that.
105
00:06:11,574 --> 00:06:15,177
I'm being encouraging,
businesswoman to businesswoman.
106
00:06:15,178 --> 00:06:20,982
Anyway, his name is Han Lee, and see,
his mother is coming to visit.
107
00:06:20,983 --> 00:06:23,885
Oh, nice move there.
108
00:06:23,886 --> 00:06:26,888
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I wasn't encouraging. Just commenting.
109
00:06:26,889 --> 00:06:30,058
Oh, peek-a-boo,
there's your head.
110
00:06:30,059 --> 00:06:32,360
Anyway, he needs a girlfriend,
111
00:06:32,361 --> 00:06:35,197
so he sent his mother pictures of you
and said you were his girlfriend.
112
00:06:35,198 --> 00:06:38,733
I think it's her turn.
113
00:06:38,734 --> 00:06:40,769
Oh, uh...
The gist is,
114
00:06:40,770 --> 00:06:43,638
he's willing to pay you
to pretend to be his girlfriend.
115
00:06:43,639 --> 00:06:48,376
And I'm willing to pay you to show me
how to do that with my hips.
116
00:06:48,377 --> 00:06:50,539
Ooh, you would make
a great stripper.
117
00:06:50,573 --> 00:06:53,542
I know, I just have
a fear of success thing.
118
00:06:54,650 --> 00:06:56,718
Can we turn the music off?
119
00:06:56,719 --> 00:07:01,423
'Cause I'm getting disoriented and,
in all honesty, a little turned on.
120
00:07:01,424 --> 00:07:06,728
And I cannot be a latent bisexual with
everything else already on my plate.
121
00:07:07,663 --> 00:07:09,110
How much?
122
00:07:09,111 --> 00:07:11,766
Whatever your rate is for sex, but
you won't even have to have sex.
123
00:07:11,767 --> 00:07:14,035
- At the most, just kissing.
- Kissing is $500.
124
00:07:14,036 --> 00:07:15,470
I love you.
125
00:07:15,471 --> 00:07:18,373
Okay. I can give him the
"Girlfriend Experience" package.
126
00:07:18,374 --> 00:07:23,378
He has no girlfriend, no experience, and
no package, so that sounds perfect.
127
00:07:26,816 --> 00:07:30,452
Here, Earl, when my mother comes in,
pretend you are reading this.
128
00:07:30,453 --> 00:07:33,788
Ooh, the Bible.
129
00:07:35,057 --> 00:07:38,960
You know, I remember
when this first came out.
130
00:07:42,965 --> 00:07:45,734
Didn't think
it would be a hit.
131
00:07:47,003 --> 00:07:50,105
Earl, we're talking about
our lord, Jesus Christ!
132
00:07:52,308 --> 00:07:56,144
So, no sign of
mama-say-mama-sah-ma-mama-Han?
133
00:07:56,145 --> 00:07:58,280
I don't know. I don't know
what she looks like.
134
00:08:01,117 --> 00:08:03,285
She's here.
135
00:08:03,286 --> 00:08:05,287
Ohm-ma!
136
00:08:05,288 --> 00:08:07,536
Han!
137
00:08:10,626 --> 00:08:14,696
I can't tell if she's a smaller him
or if he's a smaller her.
138
00:08:28,724 --> 00:08:31,181
You must be Han's mother.
139
00:08:31,182 --> 00:08:32,683
I'm Earl.
140
00:08:32,684 --> 00:08:37,035
I was just reading the Bible,
141
00:08:37,036 --> 00:08:39,656
'cause when am I not?
142
00:08:39,657 --> 00:08:41,658
Mother, this is Caroline.
143
00:08:46,064 --> 00:08:48,498
Hay-yo!
144
00:08:50,568 --> 00:08:52,736
Caroline, I didn't know
you spoke Korean.
145
00:08:52,737 --> 00:08:55,174
I took it as an elective
after I mastered Japanese.
146
00:08:55,175 --> 00:08:57,140
I had a hunch Asia was gonna
take over the world.
147
00:08:57,148 --> 00:09:00,150
And congratulations,
right on track.
148
00:09:01,133 --> 00:09:04,836
Caroline, your Korean
is very good.
149
00:09:04,837 --> 00:09:08,272
- And this is Max.
- Nice to meet you, Mrs. Lee.
150
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:16,180
What does that face mean
in Korean?
151
00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:19,150
It means zip up your top.
152
00:09:19,151 --> 00:09:21,886
Here, mother, sit.
You must be hungry.
153
00:09:21,887 --> 00:09:23,727
I'll get you a menu.
154
00:09:26,076 --> 00:09:27,592
That's weird.
155
00:09:27,593 --> 00:09:30,561
These usually bring joy
to the people.
156
00:09:32,020 --> 00:09:34,455
Han Lee,
where is your girlfriend?
157
00:09:34,456 --> 00:09:36,123
You'll meet her
at dinner tomorrow.
158
00:09:36,124 --> 00:09:40,027
She wanted to be here, but with church
and all her work in brain surgery,
159
00:09:40,028 --> 00:09:42,126
she's very busy.
160
00:09:43,531 --> 00:09:45,199
And I thought it
was unrealistic
161
00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:48,120
when you had a girlfriend that
didn't need an air pump.
162
00:09:48,903 --> 00:09:52,706
Han, what are you thinking?
How are you ever going to pull this off?
163
00:09:52,707 --> 00:09:55,242
With the help
of my two best friends?
164
00:09:55,243 --> 00:09:58,075
Oh, good.
Who are they?
165
00:09:59,478 --> 00:10:02,916
Please, have June come to your
apartment and we can brief her.
166
00:10:02,917 --> 00:10:05,686
Well, if it's with you,
it's gonna be brief.
167
00:10:05,687 --> 00:10:07,388
Remember, you owe me.
168
00:10:07,389 --> 00:10:10,213
No, Han. At that club,
I saw a pregnant wall.
169
00:10:10,214 --> 00:10:12,065
So...
170
00:10:16,097 --> 00:10:18,065
I think we're even.
171
00:10:26,337 --> 00:10:29,539
If I'm here to meet June,
why am I blindfolded?
172
00:10:29,540 --> 00:10:32,537
So you can never find your way
back to our apartment again.
173
00:10:33,570 --> 00:10:36,246
But I have your address
on your work forms.
174
00:10:36,247 --> 00:10:38,668
No, you don't.
175
00:10:39,383 --> 00:10:41,551
Max, I think he can
take it off now.
176
00:10:41,552 --> 00:10:44,988
It's been an hour, and
we spun him around three times.
177
00:10:46,167 --> 00:10:49,047
Well, someone's been to
a flea market.
178
00:10:50,428 --> 00:10:53,063
And it smells like pot
in here.
179
00:10:53,064 --> 00:10:58,164
So I smoked up a little before work.
I got to. My boss is a real butt munch.
180
00:10:59,642 --> 00:11:01,329
Okay,
our call girl is here.
181
00:11:01,330 --> 00:11:04,132
Another sentence
I never thought I'd say.
182
00:11:04,386 --> 00:11:07,554
I look like I've had
a call girl before, right?
183
00:11:07,555 --> 00:11:12,126
Han, you don't look like
you've called a girl before.
184
00:11:12,127 --> 00:11:13,494
I need to calm down.
185
00:11:13,495 --> 00:11:15,963
Do you have
any chamomile tea?
186
00:11:15,964 --> 00:11:20,350
No, because I'm not a divorced
woman on a balcony in the fall.
187
00:11:21,136 --> 00:11:23,337
But I do have something
that will help you relax.
188
00:11:23,338 --> 00:11:25,652
Ooh, you mean...
189
00:11:26,007 --> 00:11:29,764
Yes, I'm gonna lull you to sleep
with a tiny, invisible whistle.
190
00:11:35,417 --> 00:11:38,852
So, June, are you working your way
through graduate school or something?
191
00:11:38,853 --> 00:11:41,144
No, I like getting paid
for sex.
192
00:11:41,145 --> 00:11:43,490
I mean, what's a handy
every now and then
193
00:11:43,491 --> 00:11:47,528
if it pays the mortgage on my park
view terrace apartment, right?
194
00:11:47,529 --> 00:11:50,230
Life is so funny sometimes.
195
00:11:50,231 --> 00:11:54,268
Just when you think you're
better than someone, you're not.
196
00:12:01,276 --> 00:12:03,544
Here we are, all relaxed.
197
00:12:03,545 --> 00:12:07,214
And that was wild, like
getting your hamster stoned.
198
00:12:08,917 --> 00:12:12,886
Okay, June, this has all the details
that Han sent his mom about you.
199
00:12:12,887 --> 00:12:15,189
You told your mom
I'm a Harvard-educated
200
00:12:15,190 --> 00:12:18,625
Christian doctor and also
a renowned classical pianist?
201
00:12:18,626 --> 00:12:21,829
Yes, we met at church
and are crazy in love,
202
00:12:21,830 --> 00:12:23,597
but we're waiting
till marriage.
203
00:12:23,598 --> 00:12:26,366
Oh, well,
the Virgin Experience is 1,000.
204
00:12:26,367 --> 00:12:29,036
Will you take 800?
205
00:12:29,037 --> 00:12:31,129
- Max!
- What?
206
00:12:31,130 --> 00:12:34,699
I was unconscious when I lost mine.
And I want to see what it's like.
207
00:12:36,411 --> 00:12:37,945
Oh, I hope that's pizza.
208
00:12:37,946 --> 00:12:41,548
'Cause I could go to third base
on some crazy bread right now.
209
00:12:41,549 --> 00:12:44,318
No!
It's Sophie.
210
00:12:44,319 --> 00:12:46,053
I asked her to bring down
some crosses
211
00:12:46,054 --> 00:12:47,688
for June to wear
when she meets your mom.
212
00:12:47,689 --> 00:12:50,992
What? Sophie knows I hired
a prostitute to be my girlfriend?
213
00:12:50,993 --> 00:12:52,259
No, I didn't tell her anything.
214
00:12:52,260 --> 00:12:54,828
But this will be a good test to see
if you two pass as a couple.
215
00:12:54,829 --> 00:12:57,798
Hey, what's Han doing
with that hooker?
216
00:12:59,267 --> 00:13:00,901
Sophie, this is June.
217
00:13:00,902 --> 00:13:04,084
We hired her to pretend to be Han's
girlfriend while his mom's in town.
218
00:13:07,575 --> 00:13:10,644
Oh, wait, so his mom
219
00:13:10,645 --> 00:13:12,312
is supposed
to believe that
220
00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:14,681
their parts match up somehow
221
00:13:14,682 --> 00:13:17,284
and that's
a fun thing for her?
222
00:13:20,121 --> 00:13:22,723
Oh. L-O-L.
223
00:13:22,724 --> 00:13:24,424
Oh, this is
one of those things
224
00:13:24,425 --> 00:13:28,228
that you think
about later and you laugh.
225
00:13:29,330 --> 00:13:31,331
Look, look,
Caroline, look.
226
00:13:31,332 --> 00:13:33,987
I brought you your crosses.
227
00:13:34,569 --> 00:13:36,737
Sophie,
do you have anything smaller?
228
00:13:36,738 --> 00:13:39,092
It's a date,
not an exorcism.
229
00:13:39,204 --> 00:13:41,619
Oh, well, you gotta say that.
230
00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:44,455
All right,
I'll be right back.
231
00:13:46,191 --> 00:13:50,694
You see, I'm thinking about it
later and I'm L-O-L'ing.
232
00:13:52,597 --> 00:13:55,466
Well, I gotta go.
I got this.
233
00:13:55,467 --> 00:13:58,452
But that's a lot of material.
You don't want to stay and cram it?
234
00:13:58,453 --> 00:14:00,304
How much for that?
235
00:14:00,305 --> 00:14:02,306
No, it's cool.
I can fake it.
236
00:14:02,307 --> 00:14:05,709
- You're sure you can fake it?
- Can I fake it...?
237
00:14:05,710 --> 00:14:08,946
Oh, God. Oh, God.
238
00:14:08,947 --> 00:14:13,284
Oh, God!
Oh, God! Oh, God!
239
00:14:13,285 --> 00:14:15,753
She's sure.
240
00:14:30,461 --> 00:14:33,463
I wonder why Han
and his girlfriend are late?
241
00:14:33,464 --> 00:14:36,633
Maybe something came up
and she had to take care of it.
242
00:14:36,634 --> 00:14:39,903
That's actually probably
exactly what happened.
243
00:14:39,904 --> 00:14:42,539
I hope my hair looks all right.
244
00:14:42,540 --> 00:14:45,144
I'm wearing it the other way.
245
00:14:46,564 --> 00:14:49,880
- It looks pretty.
- Yes. Very pretty.
246
00:14:54,218 --> 00:14:58,755
I am just so excited that my Han
finally found the perfect girlfriend.
247
00:14:58,756 --> 00:15:02,759
Oh, you know, his June is
a brilliant brain surgeon.
248
00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:06,830
Well, she certainly knows
a lot about head.
249
00:15:08,966 --> 00:15:11,601
And she also goes to church
every Sunday.
250
00:15:11,602 --> 00:15:15,452
Yep, that girl is always
on her knees.
251
00:15:18,276 --> 00:15:21,912
And she is
a classical pianist.
252
00:15:21,913 --> 00:15:25,515
She is making this
too easy.
253
00:15:25,516 --> 00:15:27,684
Oh, there they are.
254
00:15:27,685 --> 00:15:30,107
Han! Han!
255
00:15:30,108 --> 00:15:33,657
And girlfriend of Han.
256
00:15:33,658 --> 00:15:35,959
Mother, may I present June?
257
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:38,428
June, this is my mother,
Su-Min Lee.
258
00:15:38,429 --> 00:15:42,265
Please, call me Su-Min Lee.
259
00:15:42,266 --> 00:15:45,706
Which means,
"so mean" to me.
260
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:51,141
It's a pleasure to meet you.
261
00:15:51,142 --> 00:15:54,478
I've heard such
a great deal about you.
262
00:15:54,479 --> 00:15:57,781
Oh, and Han has told me
how you two met.
263
00:15:57,782 --> 00:16:00,117
What a beautiful story.
264
00:16:00,118 --> 00:16:05,188
Oh, yes. That was beautiful
when we met at...
265
00:16:05,189 --> 00:16:06,890
Upstairs on the roof...
266
00:16:06,891 --> 00:16:10,527
Church! We met in church.
Upstairs on the roof of church.
267
00:16:10,528 --> 00:16:14,664
We wanted to be closer to God.
We are both so holy!
268
00:16:16,033 --> 00:16:19,965
Is it hot in here?
Or is it just the situation?
269
00:16:20,705 --> 00:16:24,141
Oh, look, the appetizers
Mrs. Lee is paying for are here.
270
00:16:24,142 --> 00:16:27,511
Before we start
on the appetizers,
271
00:16:27,512 --> 00:16:29,713
June, please pray.
272
00:16:29,924 --> 00:16:32,726
- I don't know any prayers.
- No, no, I'll do it, mother.
273
00:16:32,727 --> 00:16:36,565
But first please,
can I get a Moscow Mule?
274
00:16:37,755 --> 00:16:41,491
Go, June.
Please, pray.
275
00:16:41,492 --> 00:16:44,094
Oh, God.
276
00:16:44,095 --> 00:16:47,464
Oh, God. Oh, God.
277
00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:51,635
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Oh, God!
278
00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:54,604
And amen!
279
00:16:59,844 --> 00:17:03,415
Oh, okay. I-I don't know
that one.
280
00:17:03,881 --> 00:17:06,917
Hey.
I am starving.
281
00:17:11,255 --> 00:17:14,373
That's quality.
282
00:17:15,827 --> 00:17:19,796
Such a good appetite.
You ate the whole thing.
283
00:17:19,797 --> 00:17:21,998
Didn't even chew.
284
00:17:29,073 --> 00:17:33,165
June, the piano is free. Oh, you must
play something for us.
285
00:17:33,180 --> 00:17:34,678
No, she can't play.
286
00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:36,880
- Yeah, but you told me that she was...
- I mean, now.
287
00:17:36,881 --> 00:17:38,782
I mean, she can't play
the piano now.
288
00:17:38,783 --> 00:17:41,585
Look, look, Mrs. Lee.
The Chrysler Building.
289
00:17:41,586 --> 00:17:43,987
It has the word "Christ"
in it.
290
00:17:43,988 --> 00:17:46,223
Hey, Han, you dropped
your knife.
291
00:17:46,224 --> 00:17:47,491
You better calm down.
You're gonna blow it.
292
00:17:47,492 --> 00:17:50,574
You can't afford to blow it.
You can't even afford to kiss it.
293
00:17:50,961 --> 00:17:54,058
I'm getting tense all over again.
Help a brother out.
294
00:17:56,334 --> 00:17:58,668
What, you think I just carry
that stuff around with me
295
00:17:58,669 --> 00:18:00,437
in my purse
in an Altoids container
296
00:18:00,438 --> 00:18:03,318
with a Lisa Frank
unicorn sticker on it?
297
00:18:06,277 --> 00:18:08,211
Max, what is going to happen?
298
00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:10,213
I've got a more pressing
question...
299
00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:13,884
How does someone with a mouth
so small get a joint so wet?
300
00:18:13,885 --> 00:18:17,464
When June cannot play the piano,
mother will discover my lie.
301
00:18:17,465 --> 00:18:20,069
It will be a big, big
disappointment.
302
00:18:20,070 --> 00:18:22,538
I am the star of my family.
303
00:18:22,539 --> 00:18:25,441
So, if your family were
the Jacksons, you'd be Michael?
304
00:18:25,442 --> 00:18:27,576
'Cause I see you more
as a Tito.
305
00:18:27,577 --> 00:18:30,646
Actually, petite-o.
306
00:18:30,647 --> 00:18:33,315
Han's mom is right behind me.
She saw you two come in here.
307
00:18:33,316 --> 00:18:36,752
I tried to stop her, but she has
strength, and it is all core.
308
00:18:36,753 --> 00:18:38,387
Han, hide.
309
00:18:38,388 --> 00:18:41,090
I'm sweating through the price tag.
And I have to return this.
310
00:18:41,091 --> 00:18:43,659
If I'm going down,
I'm going down high.
311
00:18:43,660 --> 00:18:45,461
It's 500 for kissing.
312
00:18:45,462 --> 00:18:47,648
You can't afford
to go down.
313
00:18:48,431 --> 00:18:51,200
What is going on
between you and my Han?
314
00:18:51,201 --> 00:18:53,636
You two have been
whispering all night.
315
00:18:53,637 --> 00:18:56,238
- Poor June.
- Poor June...?
316
00:18:56,239 --> 00:18:58,265
Poor June lives in
a doorman building.
317
00:18:58,266 --> 00:19:01,443
Mrs. Lee, I think you might have
gotten the wrong impression of Max.
318
00:19:01,444 --> 00:19:05,514
No, she is after my son
for his big successful diner.
319
00:19:05,515 --> 00:19:08,284
Oh, you have another son?
320
00:19:09,452 --> 00:19:11,754
I am on to you.
321
00:19:11,755 --> 00:19:14,890
You are just a money-grubbing,
322
00:19:14,891 --> 00:19:18,928
big-booby,
dirty nasty girl.
323
00:19:18,929 --> 00:19:22,031
Well, I wish I could say
you were wrong.
324
00:19:22,032 --> 00:19:23,732
Mother, stop!
325
00:19:23,733 --> 00:19:25,701
You cannot talk
to Max like that.
326
00:19:25,702 --> 00:19:27,870
She is a good girl,
and a friend, and...
327
00:19:27,871 --> 00:19:29,071
Wha...?
328
00:19:29,940 --> 00:19:33,175
Okay, yes, you caught me.
I smoke weed.
329
00:19:33,176 --> 00:19:36,278
Yes, I'm living the fast life in
New York City just as you feared.
330
00:19:36,279 --> 00:19:38,581
Wha…?
331
00:19:38,582 --> 00:19:42,084
But I only toke up when I am
under a lot of pressure.
332
00:19:42,085 --> 00:19:44,286
See, mother,
333
00:19:44,287 --> 00:19:46,689
I don't have a girlfriend.
334
00:19:46,690 --> 00:19:49,024
June is a prostitute
I paid to pretend,
335
00:19:49,025 --> 00:19:52,328
so you would think we were
happy as you and father.
336
00:19:52,329 --> 00:19:54,663
Give me that.
337
00:19:55,866 --> 00:19:58,367
Wha…?
338
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:02,631
I too am under
a lot of pressure, son.
339
00:20:03,740 --> 00:20:07,843
The truth is your father
and I are no longer together.
340
00:20:07,844 --> 00:20:10,312
He had an affair
with another woman
341
00:20:10,313 --> 00:20:12,488
who has big fake ones
like her.
342
00:20:12,949 --> 00:20:15,184
Max's breasts are real,
Mrs. Lee.
343
00:20:15,185 --> 00:20:18,143
Mm. God bless.
344
00:20:19,723 --> 00:20:21,423
Mine are too,
in case you were wondering.
345
00:20:21,424 --> 00:20:23,285
I wasn't.
346
00:20:24,995 --> 00:20:28,764
Son,
are you disappointed in me?
347
00:20:28,765 --> 00:20:31,634
Mother,
are you disappointed in me?
348
00:20:31,635 --> 00:20:33,135
No, Han.
349
00:20:33,136 --> 00:20:36,538
You are the star of
our family and my heart.
350
00:20:36,539 --> 00:20:38,748
- I love you.
- Aw, me too.
351
00:20:38,749 --> 00:20:40,831
Okay, that's enough.
352
00:20:41,811 --> 00:20:45,014
And another problem
solved by weed.
353
00:20:45,015 --> 00:20:47,747
Hey, Han's mom.
It's puff-puff-pass.
354
00:21:01,498 --> 00:21:06,035
Am I super high or is that whore
playing the piano?
355
00:21:12,504 --> 00:21:15,504
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