1
00:00:01,487 --> 00:00:04,970
Stealing Han's dishes, so we don't
have to clean ours at home is genius.
2
00:00:05,897 --> 00:00:07,455
And a little sad.
3
00:00:08,686 --> 00:00:11,426
You kidding? This is the greatest
thing that's happened to me
4
00:00:11,427 --> 00:00:13,429
since I got my
period this morning.
5
00:00:14,110 --> 00:00:17,027
Max, Caroline,
you're stealing my dishes?
6
00:00:17,028 --> 00:00:20,497
Damn it, I didn't think
you could see up this high.
7
00:00:20,499 --> 00:00:23,868
And I didn't think
you could sink this low.
8
00:00:23,870 --> 00:00:25,903
Okay, stop, you're already
robbing me blind
9
00:00:25,905 --> 00:00:28,540
with your
"I'm a waitress" scam.
10
00:00:28,542 --> 00:00:31,430
Sorry, but things have gotten
kind of messy at home.
11
00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:35,489
Yesterday, I had to take a shower
to shower off the shower I took.
12
00:00:35,491 --> 00:00:37,774
You two should get
a cleaning lady.
13
00:00:37,775 --> 00:00:40,244
I have a woman I pay
to clean my apartment.
14
00:00:40,245 --> 00:00:42,553
She is expensive,
but she may charge you less
15
00:00:42,554 --> 00:00:45,371
if you don't also
have sex on her.
16
00:00:52,471 --> 00:00:54,402
I'll look into it.
17
00:00:54,403 --> 00:00:57,484
My grandmother cleaned the house
free of charge.
18
00:00:57,485 --> 00:01:00,881
Of course she didn't have
a say in the matter.
19
00:01:02,607 --> 00:01:05,138
Let's just ask Sophie.
She has a cleaning service.
20
00:01:05,140 --> 00:01:06,573
We have to do something.
21
00:01:06,575 --> 00:01:10,284
Yesterday, I saw a roach
walk out of our apartment.
22
00:01:10,286 --> 00:01:11,657
Look.
23
00:01:11,659 --> 00:01:13,136
I'm gonna tell you
what I told that guy
24
00:01:13,138 --> 00:01:16,936
who asked me to use my butt
to smuggle opium.
25
00:01:16,938 --> 00:01:20,245
I'll do it!
26
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:22,516
(Peter Bjorn and John)
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
27
00:01:22,518 --> 00:01:24,019
[cash register bell dings]
28
00:01:24,021 --> 00:01:26,988
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
29
00:01:27,013 --> 00:01:30,013
Season 3, Episode 9
"And the Pastry Porn"
30
00:01:30,842 --> 00:01:33,842
Synced by dcdah & Reef
www.addic7ed.com
31
00:01:36,199 --> 00:01:37,869
Be ready, Max.
32
00:01:37,871 --> 00:01:40,032
We have to leave as soon as
the cleaning lady gets here.
33
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:41,504
It's housekeeper etiquette.
34
00:01:41,505 --> 00:01:43,810
In my old life, I go to spin
class and lunch with friends,
35
00:01:43,811 --> 00:01:45,726
but you and I
will just go outside
36
00:01:45,727 --> 00:01:49,797
and watch the guy who just got out
of jail do pull-ups on the light post.
37
00:01:49,799 --> 00:01:53,334
Calvin's out?
38
00:01:54,149 --> 00:01:55,750
I'm not gonna leave.
39
00:01:55,751 --> 00:01:58,620
I want to watch her
clean up my mess.
40
00:02:00,014 --> 00:02:02,921
Yeah, baby.
41
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:05,827
I've waited my whole life
to have a servant.
42
00:02:06,076 --> 00:02:08,098
I thought you were gonna be it
for the first few weeks
43
00:02:08,099 --> 00:02:10,679
and then I realized
you can't do anything.
44
00:02:10,681 --> 00:02:12,049
[Knock at door]
45
00:02:12,051 --> 00:02:13,921
And even though Sophie
gave us a discount,
46
00:02:13,922 --> 00:02:16,460
the maid still has to call me
"Your Highness."
47
00:02:16,462 --> 00:02:19,932
Mostly because I'm pretty
"highness" right now.
48
00:02:19,934 --> 00:02:22,949
Hi, girls.
49
00:02:24,197 --> 00:02:25,764
Here I am.
50
00:02:25,765 --> 00:02:27,893
Sophie from Sophie's Choice
Cleaning Service.
51
00:02:27,894 --> 00:02:30,699
Meet your cleaning lady
Paulina.
52
00:02:30,701 --> 00:02:32,136
Paulina,
meet the girls.
53
00:02:32,138 --> 00:02:34,140
Mm.
54
00:02:34,142 --> 00:02:38,414
She'd shake hands,
but she only has one arm.
55
00:02:38,416 --> 00:02:40,184
Sophie, she can hear you.
56
00:02:40,186 --> 00:02:42,021
So what?
I know I'm missing arm.
57
00:02:42,023 --> 00:02:44,124
It's not news.
58
00:02:44,126 --> 00:02:45,690
So she lost an arm.
59
00:02:45,692 --> 00:02:47,924
I lost my gold earring
down the garbage disposal
60
00:02:47,926 --> 00:02:50,225
but I was too afraid
to reach into it
61
00:02:50,227 --> 00:02:53,998
because, well, yeah.
62
00:03:00,204 --> 00:03:01,636
Don't worry.
63
00:03:01,638 --> 00:03:04,237
I have one arm but I clean
like I have three.
64
00:03:04,239 --> 00:03:07,945
I put on more makeup,
then I start.
65
00:03:07,947 --> 00:03:10,577
I'm sorry. I didn't realize
when I ordered a cleaning lady
66
00:03:10,578 --> 00:03:12,876
I had to specify
I wanted one with two arms.
67
00:03:12,878 --> 00:03:15,710
You can't afford two arms.
68
00:03:15,712 --> 00:03:18,063
You said you wanted
a good price.
69
00:03:18,064 --> 00:03:20,653
Half the arms,
half the price.
70
00:03:20,654 --> 00:03:23,147
Is that how she lost
the arm, Sophie?
71
00:03:23,149 --> 00:03:25,781
You cut it off
so we could get a discount?
72
00:03:25,783 --> 00:03:30,590
Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, I sawed off
her arm so I could save you 10 bucks.
73
00:03:32,122 --> 00:03:33,791
I start in bedroom.
74
00:03:33,793 --> 00:03:35,761
Wait, before you do,
one question.
75
00:03:35,763 --> 00:03:38,296
How'd you lose it?
James Franco situation?
76
00:03:38,298 --> 00:03:41,498
You had to cut it off
to get loose?
77
00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:43,635
You're not saying no.
78
00:03:43,637 --> 00:03:45,639
Oh, you know what,
let's not go there.
79
00:03:45,641 --> 00:03:48,510
You know, it happened,
it was in the past.
80
00:03:48,512 --> 00:03:51,079
I was trapped
under this big truck.
81
00:03:51,081 --> 00:03:52,346
We get it.
82
00:03:52,348 --> 00:03:55,316
I drove over your arm.
83
00:03:58,187 --> 00:04:02,295
Hey, don't even bother looking
for my good jewelry in there
84
00:04:02,297 --> 00:04:05,664
because I'm already
wearing all of it.
85
00:04:05,666 --> 00:04:10,269
Oh, I'm jealous I don't have arm
to wear cheap jewelry.
86
00:04:15,373 --> 00:04:18,477
Max, I feel bad for her. See?
This is why you leave.
87
00:04:18,479 --> 00:04:21,784
In case they show up with too
much makeup and not enough arms.
88
00:04:21,786 --> 00:04:25,286
Relax, she's tough.
Reminds me of a young me.
89
00:04:25,288 --> 00:04:27,355
Which means I better go
hide my pills from her.
90
00:04:27,357 --> 00:04:29,426
Max, she scares me.
91
00:04:29,428 --> 00:04:32,564
Oh, come on, she's armless.
92
00:04:35,101 --> 00:04:38,436
[Grunts] Everything okay?
You need any help?
93
00:04:38,438 --> 00:04:42,074
I didn't get this far in this
business by taking help.
94
00:04:44,511 --> 00:04:47,577
Help me! Can't you see
I got one arm?
95
00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:49,746
Not gonna be a problem.
96
00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:51,814
I would occasionally
help my maid...
97
00:04:51,816 --> 00:04:54,216
- You're not interested.
- Lift!
98
00:04:54,218 --> 00:04:56,552
Lift, weak girl.
Lift.
99
00:04:56,554 --> 00:04:59,121
Max, come here. We need help
lifting your mattress.
100
00:04:59,122 --> 00:05:00,693
Can you give us a hand?
101
00:05:00,695 --> 00:05:03,910
No! Leave it alone! Leave it alone!
Don't lift up the mattress!
102
00:05:03,911 --> 00:05:06,677
Ah, porno.
103
00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:12,300
Your mind is as dirty
as your apartment!
104
00:05:12,302 --> 00:05:15,005
Yes, it's porn. So what?
What's the big deal?
105
00:05:15,007 --> 00:05:19,306
It's just the body in its natural form,
spread-eagle on a motorcycle.
106
00:05:19,308 --> 00:05:21,697
Why is so much of it
from the '80s?
107
00:05:21,698 --> 00:05:23,909
I like mustaches, okay?
108
00:05:23,911 --> 00:05:26,511
And it's multitasking.
I'm looking for my father.
109
00:05:26,513 --> 00:05:29,079
Stop looking.
Stop looking right now.
110
00:05:29,081 --> 00:05:33,114
Why are you suddenly embarrassed?
Porn hub is your homepage.
111
00:05:33,116 --> 00:05:36,850
Hey, is this a brochure
for pastry school?
112
00:05:36,852 --> 00:05:39,822
Why are you hiding
a pastry school brochure?
113
00:05:39,824 --> 00:05:44,191
Your face is
a pastry school brochure!
114
00:05:44,193 --> 00:05:47,359
Max, it's great you're
interested in pastry school.
115
00:05:47,361 --> 00:05:49,894
- I don't know why you're embarrassed.
- Your face is embarrassed!
116
00:05:49,896 --> 00:05:53,098
Come on, I really think that
this is something we should talk about.
117
00:05:53,100 --> 00:05:56,667
Your face is something
we should talk about!
118
00:05:56,669 --> 00:05:59,336
You made the scary one mad.
119
00:05:59,338 --> 00:06:00,704
That was dumb move.
120
00:06:00,706 --> 00:06:03,807
Your face was a dumb move!
121
00:06:08,045 --> 00:06:09,412
Max?
122
00:06:09,414 --> 00:06:12,580
Max, you never came home after you stormed
out, so I brought you your uniform.
123
00:06:12,582 --> 00:06:15,479
Max?
124
00:06:15,481 --> 00:06:17,516
I live here now.
125
00:06:17,518 --> 00:06:19,987
My new roommates,
the broom and the mop,
126
00:06:19,989 --> 00:06:23,093
don't sneak around
looking at my stuff.
127
00:06:23,095 --> 00:06:24,626
I got everything I need.
128
00:06:24,628 --> 00:06:27,093
Whiskey, toothbrush,
toothpaste.
129
00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:30,293
Well, maybe your
new broommate
130
00:06:30,295 --> 00:06:32,496
will hold back your hair
when you drink too much.
131
00:06:32,498 --> 00:06:36,034
Which, from the looks of it,
will be in about an hour.
132
00:06:36,036 --> 00:06:37,903
Max, we really need
to talk about this brochure.
133
00:06:37,905 --> 00:06:40,668
Look, just because I have
a pastry school brochure
134
00:06:40,670 --> 00:06:43,137
doesn't mean I'm actually
gonna go to pastry school.
135
00:06:43,139 --> 00:06:44,940
Just like having
those porn magazines
136
00:06:44,942 --> 00:06:47,243
doesn't mean I'm actually
gonna ride around on a tiger
137
00:06:47,245 --> 00:06:51,812
performing unspeakable acts
with sailors, probably.
138
00:06:51,814 --> 00:06:54,279
Pastry school
is the same as porn.
139
00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:55,380
It's just a dumb fantasy.
140
00:06:55,382 --> 00:06:57,483
Pastry school is not
like porn.
141
00:06:57,485 --> 00:07:00,954
There is nothing in this brochure
about a girl-on-girl croissant.
142
00:07:02,624 --> 00:07:04,921
That's good toothpaste.
143
00:07:04,923 --> 00:07:08,591
Please stop brushing your teeth.
We have a shift to do later.
144
00:07:08,593 --> 00:07:10,560
Okay, the Manhattan
school of pastry...
145
00:07:10,562 --> 00:07:12,864
Your face is the Manhattan
school of pastry.
146
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,433
You know it isn't.
147
00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:17,267
Max, you could
go here for real.
148
00:07:17,269 --> 00:07:20,832
Tuition is only $3,000 a year.
A lot, but doable.
149
00:07:20,834 --> 00:07:22,603
"A lot but doable?"
150
00:07:22,605 --> 00:07:26,543
Are we talking about pastry
school or fat guy at last call?
151
00:07:35,811 --> 00:07:38,510
Here we are, Max.
Your dream starts now.
152
00:07:38,511 --> 00:07:41,659
What, the one where
I'm a black mermaid?
153
00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:45,592
Would you relax? We're just gonna
look around and get an application.
154
00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:49,077
See all that gorgeous equipment
you get to use if you went here?
155
00:07:49,103 --> 00:07:51,918
Finally you'd have a mixing bowl
that's not a hollowed-out watermelon.
156
00:07:51,919 --> 00:07:53,122
[Knocks]
157
00:07:53,123 --> 00:07:55,620
Can you help me? She's holding me
against my will.
158
00:07:55,621 --> 00:07:57,782
[Laughs] She's kidding.
159
00:07:57,783 --> 00:08:01,419
If you keep this up, young lady,
you are not getting ice cream after.
160
00:08:01,421 --> 00:08:03,554
Fine!
161
00:08:03,556 --> 00:08:06,924
- Come on, here's the office.
- Whatever. Are we almost done here?
162
00:08:06,926 --> 00:08:09,293
I got a court date later.
163
00:08:09,295 --> 00:08:11,042
- Hi.
- Hi.
164
00:08:11,043 --> 00:08:13,202
Hi.
165
00:08:13,203 --> 00:08:15,403
Hi.
166
00:08:15,711 --> 00:08:18,212
I'm not sure we're
in the right place.
167
00:08:18,214 --> 00:08:20,946
Are any of us, really?
168
00:08:20,948 --> 00:08:24,431
We'd like an application.
Could you help us?
169
00:08:24,435 --> 00:08:27,132
Oh, God, I hope so.
170
00:08:27,134 --> 00:08:31,669
I wasn't expecting something this
high-pressure my first day back.
171
00:08:31,671 --> 00:08:35,904
Let's just say I've been under
observation at the nuthouse.
172
00:08:35,906 --> 00:08:38,240
Okay, application.
173
00:08:38,242 --> 00:08:42,248
It's for Max, here. She was
very impressed by your brochure.
174
00:08:42,250 --> 00:08:45,255
Oh, pastry school.
Exciting, right?
175
00:08:45,257 --> 00:08:48,960
I was a chef here once.
And then I wasn't.
176
00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:56,301
Oh, look.
Found the application.
177
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:59,404
Wow. Really didn't think I was
gonna be able to handle that.
178
00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:01,371
Bebe, if you...
179
00:09:01,373 --> 00:09:04,340
Oh. Bonjour. Good morning.
180
00:09:04,342 --> 00:09:07,477
Uh...
181
00:09:07,479 --> 00:09:10,815
Chef Nicolas, these girls
are here for an application.
182
00:09:10,817 --> 00:09:14,585
Don't worry, I handled it.
Almost didn't, then I did.
183
00:09:14,587 --> 00:09:16,453
Nice work, Bebe.
184
00:09:16,455 --> 00:09:20,193
Oh, do I detect
a French accent? Oui?
185
00:09:20,195 --> 00:09:22,062
Oh, my God,
I can't watch.
186
00:09:22,064 --> 00:09:25,365
French, indeed.
I'm chef Nicolas Saintcroix,
187
00:09:25,367 --> 00:09:27,805
owner and head chef.
Bienvenue.
188
00:09:27,807 --> 00:09:28,974
Caroline Channing.
189
00:09:28,976 --> 00:09:32,980
[French-sounding
gibberish]
190
00:09:32,982 --> 00:09:35,183
Is it over yet?
191
00:09:35,185 --> 00:09:36,620
This is Max.
The application's for her.
192
00:09:36,622 --> 00:09:39,124
'Sup, Frenchie?
You eat snails?
193
00:09:39,126 --> 00:09:41,427
It looks like Bebe
forgot the second page.
194
00:09:41,429 --> 00:09:44,297
Oh, boy, forgot the second page.
That's not good.
195
00:09:44,299 --> 00:09:47,134
I thought I handled it.
Didn't handle it.
196
00:09:47,136 --> 00:09:48,937
It's okay, Bebe.
Breathe in.
197
00:09:48,939 --> 00:09:50,105
[Inhales]
198
00:09:50,107 --> 00:09:52,474
Breathe out. [Exhales]
199
00:09:52,476 --> 00:09:55,877
That's good stuff.
200
00:09:55,879 --> 00:09:57,912
She was quite brilliant.
201
00:09:57,914 --> 00:10:00,312
Then she wasn't.
202
00:10:00,314 --> 00:10:04,178
Here. Fill that out.
And the next step is the pastry exam.
203
00:10:04,180 --> 00:10:06,113
Applicants will have to
make a classic tart,
204
00:10:06,115 --> 00:10:07,980
bring them in tomorrow
for me to taste,
205
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:10,249
and we will go from there.
Sound good?
206
00:10:10,251 --> 00:10:13,119
Whatever.
Maybe I'll think about it.
207
00:10:13,121 --> 00:10:17,389
Okay, well, maybe you will.
Nice meeting you both.
208
00:10:19,895 --> 00:10:22,558
Hope to see you tomorrow, chef.
209
00:10:24,605 --> 00:10:27,704
He called me chef!
210
00:10:27,706 --> 00:10:30,139
- Yay! Let's go get ice cream!
- No!
211
00:10:30,141 --> 00:10:33,041
You should get started on that tart.
It's due tomorrow.
212
00:10:33,043 --> 00:10:36,411
I got plenty of time. Besides,
pressure ups my game.
213
00:10:36,413 --> 00:10:38,279
I perform my best
when there's a gun to my head.
214
00:10:38,281 --> 00:10:39,948
Ask any of my ex-boyfriends.
215
00:10:39,950 --> 00:10:42,753
This is so not
how I prepare for tests.
216
00:10:42,755 --> 00:10:46,305
I studied three weeks
for a pap smear.
217
00:10:47,295 --> 00:10:50,099
Don't worry, I got this.
218
00:10:50,101 --> 00:10:54,375
A tart's just like a cookie
with some pudding on it, right?
219
00:10:59,879 --> 00:11:03,282
[Coughs]
220
00:11:03,284 --> 00:11:06,385
Max, what is
going on in here?
221
00:11:06,387 --> 00:11:10,122
Turns out a tart's more than a
cookie with some pudding on it!
222
00:11:10,124 --> 00:11:14,460
You've been in here six hours.
You said you had this.
223
00:11:14,462 --> 00:11:18,198
I thought I had this! Turns out I don't!
I haven't even finished a shell.
224
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,569
I didn't know there was a shell.
Did you know there was a shell?
225
00:11:20,571 --> 00:11:22,872
Everybody knows
there's a shell!
226
00:11:22,874 --> 00:11:25,376
What the shell
is wrong with you?
227
00:11:25,378 --> 00:11:29,443
I'm a tart
who can't make a tart!
228
00:11:29,445 --> 00:11:31,775
You could've made
nine shells by now.
229
00:11:31,777 --> 00:11:34,013
I did.
They're all in here. Look.
230
00:11:34,015 --> 00:11:37,386
It's like Shell-mageddon!
231
00:11:37,388 --> 00:11:39,155
Oh, screw it. This one's
gonna be there in a minute.
232
00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:40,657
Let's just get it over with.
233
00:11:40,659 --> 00:11:44,450
No, you can do this. Here. Here.
This still looks ready to go.
234
00:11:44,451 --> 00:11:47,508
Look at me. Look at me.
I'm a waste of two arms.
235
00:11:51,368 --> 00:11:52,834
I can't make a tart!
236
00:11:52,836 --> 00:11:55,677
How's the tart coming?
237
00:11:56,738 --> 00:11:59,005
Han, you're not safe.
Leave.
238
00:11:59,007 --> 00:12:02,711
You haven't even finished the shell?
That's the easiest part!
239
00:12:02,713 --> 00:12:06,095
Han, this is your face.
240
00:12:07,186 --> 00:12:09,054
Well, I should get going.
241
00:12:09,056 --> 00:12:13,222
I didn't know she could
take bitch to the next level.
242
00:12:17,030 --> 00:12:18,866
I am so screwed!
243
00:12:18,868 --> 00:12:21,940
I finally found a situation
my boobs can't get me out of!
244
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:26,411
Hey, Max. Now, I have all
the faith in the world in you.
245
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:30,117
But here's a tart from Stop 'n Shop
in case you wanted to hand this one in.
246
00:12:30,119 --> 00:12:32,856
No, Earl.
Max is not a cheater.
247
00:12:32,858 --> 00:12:34,726
Both: Since when?
248
00:12:34,728 --> 00:12:37,796
She is going to make
her own tart.
249
00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:40,933
You, out.
250
00:12:40,935 --> 00:12:44,935
I am never gonna make this shell.
I can't even get it in the pan right.
251
00:12:44,937 --> 00:12:46,470
Max, that looks right.
252
00:12:46,472 --> 00:12:49,810
Oh, my God! I got it in the pan right!
I can do this!
253
00:12:49,812 --> 00:12:52,048
You did it! I knew it!
I helped you. We're besties.
254
00:12:52,050 --> 00:12:54,851
You're not safe. Leave.
255
00:13:04,667 --> 00:13:09,038
I'm telling you, Max, I've tasted
a lot of tarts, and yours is delicious.
256
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,641
You are not the first man
to tell me that.
257
00:13:11,643 --> 00:13:14,173
The first man
to tell me that is in jail.
258
00:13:15,843 --> 00:13:19,044
Here he comes. Look at him.
Here he comes.
259
00:13:19,046 --> 00:13:21,246
Afternoon, ladies.
260
00:13:21,248 --> 00:13:23,815
Bien fondue,
Eiffel Tower.
261
00:13:23,817 --> 00:13:25,783
Okay.
262
00:13:25,785 --> 00:13:28,886
Thank you for coming.
Shall we begin the tasting?
263
00:13:28,888 --> 00:13:30,554
This is exciting, huh?
264
00:13:31,579 --> 00:13:33,643
Uh...
265
00:13:34,393 --> 00:13:36,157
Keep it in your pants.
266
00:13:36,159 --> 00:13:38,123
And now for the tart.
267
00:13:38,125 --> 00:13:39,390
It's Max's first ever.
268
00:13:39,392 --> 00:13:40,925
I ate a slice earlier
and it was like
269
00:13:40,927 --> 00:13:44,630
[French accent]
having a little piece of heaven.
270
00:13:44,632 --> 00:13:47,168
Don't do anything
you're doing.
271
00:13:47,170 --> 00:13:50,472
It's flaky, creamy...
272
00:13:50,474 --> 00:13:53,925
For a first attempt,
I am very impressed.
273
00:13:53,926 --> 00:13:55,913
Don't be. I made a tart.
274
00:13:55,914 --> 00:13:57,514
It's not like I cured herpes
275
00:13:57,516 --> 00:14:01,317
or invented a reverse microwave
to instantly chill sodas.
276
00:14:01,319 --> 00:14:03,188
Okay, Max.
277
00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:07,493
I will talk it over with my faculty
and we will let you know.
278
00:14:07,495 --> 00:14:11,292
I'll let you know.
279
00:14:11,294 --> 00:14:13,892
Nailed that.
280
00:14:17,465 --> 00:14:19,265
(Han) Max!
281
00:14:19,267 --> 00:14:21,866
Stop stealing my things!
You got a cleaning lady!
282
00:14:21,868 --> 00:14:24,369
Relax.
I am returning what I took.
283
00:14:24,371 --> 00:14:26,205
Here's your plates.
284
00:14:26,207 --> 00:14:30,479
Oh, and here's your ATM card.
I lifted it from your wallet.
285
00:14:30,481 --> 00:14:33,219
Oh, and here's your wallet.
286
00:14:33,221 --> 00:14:35,388
There was $40 in here.
287
00:14:35,390 --> 00:14:37,290
There sure was.
288
00:14:37,292 --> 00:14:42,065
At least give me back
my gift card from Sephora.
289
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:45,532
Caroline, Han wants
his Sephora gift card back.
290
00:14:45,534 --> 00:14:49,351
Oh, that's not happening.
It's already on my face.
291
00:14:49,352 --> 00:14:53,342
- Max, look, it's from the pastry school.
- Whoo-hoo! My acceptance letter!
292
00:14:53,344 --> 00:14:57,642
Lot of people talking about
my chili in that bathroom.
293
00:14:57,644 --> 00:15:01,113
Oleg, come here.
Han, Earl, stay.
294
00:15:01,115 --> 00:15:03,317
You guys are about
to owe me big.
295
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:06,255
I am gonna let you witness
something extremely rare.
296
00:15:06,257 --> 00:15:11,020
More rare than a sighting of
Bigfoot or a UFO or Han's penis.
297
00:15:11,022 --> 00:15:14,189
You held me here
so I could hear that?
298
00:15:14,191 --> 00:15:16,860
Behold, the rarest
sight of them all.
299
00:15:16,862 --> 00:15:19,698
You are about to see something
good actually happen to me.
300
00:15:19,700 --> 00:15:21,531
Listen to this.
301
00:15:21,533 --> 00:15:23,898
"Dear Ms. Black,
after careful consideration
302
00:15:23,900 --> 00:15:27,559
"of our large pool of applicants,
we regret to inform you..."
303
00:15:28,027 --> 00:15:30,731
Oh, I guess I didn't get in.
304
00:15:35,447 --> 00:15:37,381
Looking back, we probably
should have insisted
305
00:15:37,383 --> 00:15:40,754
she read that to herself,
first.
306
00:15:40,756 --> 00:15:43,559
I know why she didn't get in.
Her name.
307
00:15:43,561 --> 00:15:47,863
They saw the word "Black"
and stopped reading.
308
00:15:47,865 --> 00:15:50,534
That's why I didn't
get into law school.
309
00:15:50,536 --> 00:15:53,091
I also didn't apply.
310
00:15:54,043 --> 00:15:56,479
This is terrible.
I'm gonna go see if she's okay.
311
00:15:56,481 --> 00:15:59,281
Who does that French frog
think he is?
312
00:15:59,283 --> 00:16:01,883
He thinks he can have the time
of his life tasting my tart
313
00:16:01,885 --> 00:16:03,885
and then never see me again?
314
00:16:03,887 --> 00:16:06,022
He won't let me
into his school?
315
00:16:06,024 --> 00:16:07,992
Well, I won't take no
for an answer.
316
00:16:07,994 --> 00:16:09,662
I am going down there right now
317
00:16:09,664 --> 00:16:11,164
and giving him
a piece of my mind.
318
00:16:11,166 --> 00:16:12,882
I am storming out.
319
00:16:14,902 --> 00:16:16,401
And I am storming back in.
320
00:16:16,403 --> 00:16:18,836
It is dark outside.
That school's not open.
321
00:16:24,044 --> 00:16:26,911
Hey, you. Tart tease,
we need a word.
322
00:16:26,913 --> 00:16:28,411
Oh, boy.
323
00:16:28,413 --> 00:16:30,630
What? You love
my pastries
324
00:16:30,631 --> 00:16:33,480
and then regret to inform me I'm
not good enough for your school?
325
00:16:33,482 --> 00:16:36,651
Well, I regret to inform you
that I am good enough
326
00:16:36,653 --> 00:16:38,321
and I want to know why
you won't let me in here.
327
00:16:38,323 --> 00:16:42,294
Okay, uh, your voice
is an anxiety trigger for me.
328
00:16:42,296 --> 00:16:47,598
I'm going to have to remove myself from
the situation and go sit in the hallway.
329
00:16:48,703 --> 00:16:51,639
Can you come with me? You have
a very calming presence.
330
00:16:51,641 --> 00:16:55,045
Thank you. So few people
think that about me.
331
00:16:55,047 --> 00:16:56,680
But I should stay with Max.
332
00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:58,582
No, I got this handled.
You can have her.
333
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:00,584
This is the last time
you give me to someone.
334
00:17:02,557 --> 00:17:07,333
Max, your tart was excellent.
The problem was your attitude.
335
00:17:07,335 --> 00:17:11,171
You showed no passion
of wanting to be in this school.
336
00:17:11,173 --> 00:17:15,510
And that is why you didn't get in.
It seemed like you didn't want it.
337
00:17:15,512 --> 00:17:18,348
No, no, no,
that's just my attitude.
338
00:17:18,350 --> 00:17:21,750
I act like I don't want anything
because I never got anything I wanted.
339
00:17:21,752 --> 00:17:25,319
But I do want to go to this school
more than I've ever wanted anything.
340
00:17:25,321 --> 00:17:27,167
It's my fantasy and my dream,
341
00:17:27,168 --> 00:17:31,170
and please stop making me use
these horrible, horrible words!
342
00:17:31,172 --> 00:17:33,538
Just let me in, okay?
343
00:17:34,414 --> 00:17:35,734
Okay.
344
00:17:41,749 --> 00:17:44,052
Wait, for real?
345
00:17:44,054 --> 00:17:47,855
Yes. I needed to see if your passion
was as good as your pastry
346
00:17:47,857 --> 00:17:50,554
and you just showed me it was.
347
00:17:50,556 --> 00:17:53,172
I'm thrilled to have you
on board, chef.
348
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,541
Thanks, chef.
349
00:17:56,997 --> 00:17:59,633
Bebe is having a panic attack
and needs to hold her lemon.
350
00:17:59,635 --> 00:18:01,666
Has anyone seen her lemon?
351
00:18:01,668 --> 00:18:04,800
Caroline, he let me in.
I'm going to pastry school.
352
00:18:04,802 --> 00:18:06,736
Everybody has to
call me "chef" now!
353
00:18:06,738 --> 00:18:08,539
You did it, chef!
354
00:18:08,541 --> 00:18:10,510
You're going to the pastry
school from the brochure!
355
00:18:10,512 --> 00:18:13,341
Aren't you glad
I looked at your porn?
356
00:18:15,185 --> 00:18:19,244
We're roommates. Both single.
Quelle surprise.
357
00:18:20,883 --> 00:18:24,813
So Max, once you fill out these,
you will be officially enrolled.
358
00:18:25,285 --> 00:18:27,493
And of course we will need
your tuition check.
359
00:18:27,495 --> 00:18:29,693
Yup. $3,000.
It's a lot for us.
360
00:18:29,695 --> 00:18:32,329
But if we make some cutbacks,
1/2-ply toilet paper.
361
00:18:32,331 --> 00:18:36,171
Who am I kidding?
No toilet paper, diner napkins.
362
00:18:36,173 --> 00:18:39,473
No, tuition is 24,000.
363
00:18:39,475 --> 00:18:42,674
But the brochure
said $3,000 a year.
364
00:18:42,676 --> 00:18:45,345
You misread it.
It's $3,000 a unit.
365
00:18:45,347 --> 00:18:48,681
There is eight units per year.
24,000.
366
00:18:48,683 --> 00:18:53,717
It costs $24,000?
We can't pay that.
367
00:18:53,719 --> 00:18:56,289
Oh, my God, now I'm never
gonna be able to come here
368
00:18:56,291 --> 00:18:57,926
and I just admitted
I wanted to!
369
00:18:57,928 --> 00:19:00,595
I take back everything I ever
said about wanting anything.
370
00:19:00,597 --> 00:19:03,747
- Max, you can't just storm out.
- Your face can't just storm out!
371
00:19:06,164 --> 00:19:09,501
Look, I will do anything for
that girl to go to this school.
372
00:19:09,503 --> 00:19:11,839
In exchange for tuition,
I could work in the office.
373
00:19:11,841 --> 00:19:13,906
Bebe clearly needs someone
to help take the pressure off
374
00:19:13,908 --> 00:19:15,506
and who better than
a mentally stable
375
00:19:15,508 --> 00:19:17,307
Wharton graduate
like myself?
376
00:19:17,309 --> 00:19:20,503
But I'll do anything.
I'll even wash your floors, okay?
377
00:19:20,582 --> 00:19:22,332
Although I'm sure there's
something better than that.
378
00:19:22,333 --> 00:19:25,284
But if you need me to wash the floors,
I will wash the floors.
379
00:19:25,286 --> 00:19:27,385
Really would prefer
to do anything else,
380
00:19:27,387 --> 00:19:31,006
but I'll do it, 'cause I'll do anything
to get her into this school.
381
00:19:31,007 --> 00:19:32,590
Please no floors.
382
00:19:33,766 --> 00:19:37,782
Okay, I will talk it over with my
staff and I will let you know.
383
00:19:38,068 --> 00:19:39,166
Oh, no, no.
384
00:19:39,168 --> 00:19:41,913
I've seen what happens when you give
people the "I'll let you know."
385
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:44,401
I'm not going anywhere until
you let me know to my face.
386
00:19:44,402 --> 00:19:47,639
With your face.
Your beautiful, beautiful face.
387
00:19:57,142 --> 00:19:59,076
Max, we're not poor enough?
388
00:19:59,078 --> 00:20:03,148
You're starting a hobo
trash fire in our apartment?
389
00:20:03,150 --> 00:20:06,234
Yup. I'm burning my porn
and pastry school brochure.
390
00:20:06,269 --> 00:20:08,677
You know, all my fantasies.
391
00:20:08,679 --> 00:20:13,058
If I learned anything in life it's that
nothing's more flammable than my dreams.
392
00:20:13,884 --> 00:20:17,920
- Are those my slipper socks in there?
- Yeah, those needed to die too.
393
00:20:17,922 --> 00:20:22,497
Well, while you were in our living
room hosting a burning man festival,
394
00:20:23,460 --> 00:20:27,730
I was at the pastry school getting
us a work-study arrangement.
395
00:20:27,732 --> 00:20:29,766
And...
396
00:20:30,947 --> 00:20:33,871
- You're going to pastry school.
- No way!
397
00:20:33,873 --> 00:20:36,273
Here you go.
Your school uniform.
398
00:20:36,275 --> 00:20:38,275
This is where my name's
gonna go!
399
00:20:38,277 --> 00:20:42,148
My chef name,
Conchita Bonfire.
400
00:20:42,150 --> 00:20:44,285
Thank you for this.
401
00:20:44,287 --> 00:20:45,752
And for everything.
402
00:20:45,754 --> 00:20:47,420
You don't have to thank me.
403
00:20:47,422 --> 00:20:50,377
'Cause with your new skills
I'm gonna use you like Kim uses Kanye.
404
00:20:51,994 --> 00:20:55,562
Or Kanye uses Kim. I'm not sure
which of them is winning.
405
00:20:55,564 --> 00:20:58,531
What kind of work-study
arrangement did you make for me?
406
00:20:58,533 --> 00:21:00,731
It's more of a work-study
arrangement for us.
407
00:21:00,733 --> 00:21:03,065
I'll be working in the office
helping out Bebe,
408
00:21:03,067 --> 00:21:04,465
so I'm working,
you're studying.
409
00:21:04,467 --> 00:21:08,404
You're working
at my school? Mom!
410
00:21:10,773 --> 00:21:13,773
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