1
00:00:08,603 --> 00:00:11,774
- Good evening, ladies.
- No.
2
00:00:12,305 --> 00:00:14,091
Max, what are you doing?
3
00:00:14,093 --> 00:00:17,528
I know this neighborhood is a circus,
but our window's becoming a freak show.
4
00:00:17,530 --> 00:00:21,398
Max, I don't think that bearded lady
earlier was doing it on purpose.
5
00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:23,117
It's more
of a menopause thing.
6
00:00:23,119 --> 00:00:26,870
He can't afford a cupcake.
He can't even afford two wheels.
7
00:00:28,908 --> 00:00:30,642
Hi. What can I get you?
8
00:00:30,643 --> 00:00:32,910
- I'll take one vanilla.
- That'll be $4.
9
00:00:32,912 --> 00:00:36,190
Actually, madam, tonight
I'll be paying with a poem.
10
00:00:37,776 --> 00:00:39,882
We're paying
with a poem, madam.
11
00:00:40,330 --> 00:00:43,754
I pull.
Shadows push.
12
00:00:43,756 --> 00:00:45,956
I was a child then.
13
00:00:45,958 --> 00:00:48,258
I was a child then.
14
00:00:49,486 --> 00:00:51,433
Spit it out.
15
00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:53,527
Hey, you want a poem?
16
00:00:53,528 --> 00:00:56,448
Roses are red, violets are blue,
get a job!
17
00:00:56,484 --> 00:00:58,844
And another wheel!
18
00:00:59,455 --> 00:01:01,905
That felt good.
I get why you do that.
19
00:01:01,907 --> 00:01:05,436
Wait till you get actual fist-to-face
contact. That's a real high.
20
00:01:07,477 --> 00:01:10,378
Season 3, Episode 12
"And the French Kiss"
21
00:01:17,335 --> 00:01:20,335
Synced by Reef
www.addic7ed.com
22
00:01:22,519 --> 00:01:24,069
Welcome to
the Williamsburg diner, Deke.
23
00:01:24,071 --> 00:01:26,117
Where'd you hear about us?
Kitchen nightmares?
24
00:01:27,874 --> 00:01:29,892
Okay, Max, let's get to it.
25
00:01:29,894 --> 00:01:32,811
We have to decide what we're each gonna
make for our pastry school homework.
26
00:01:32,813 --> 00:01:36,131
Or true to form, I'll blow it off,
beat you up, and take yours.
27
00:01:36,133 --> 00:01:40,602
Of the top of my giant head,
I'm thinking sticky buns.
28
00:01:40,604 --> 00:01:43,272
Deke's dark sticky buns.
29
00:01:43,274 --> 00:01:47,192
We're talking about dessert,
not what's going on in your pants.
30
00:01:47,515 --> 00:01:50,239
Well, I would've baked brownies,
until I remembered
31
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,162
I smoked
all the ingredients.
32
00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:57,085
Oh, my God,
guess who texted me again.
33
00:01:57,087 --> 00:01:59,872
Dame Judi Dench?
Dame Judes texts me all the time.
34
00:01:59,874 --> 00:02:01,498
She's thirsty.
35
00:02:03,043 --> 00:02:06,161
More like,
"Damn, Judi Drench."
36
00:02:06,163 --> 00:02:08,680
Oh, hi, Deke.
Didn't know you were here.
37
00:02:08,682 --> 00:02:10,020
You're everywhere.
38
00:02:10,021 --> 00:02:13,501
Pastry school, on the phone with
Max talking about pastry school,
39
00:02:13,503 --> 00:02:16,308
and now here at the counter
talking about elder sex
40
00:02:16,309 --> 00:02:18,273
with a beloved star
of stage and screen.
41
00:02:18,275 --> 00:02:20,175
- You're like...
- What?
42
00:02:20,176 --> 00:02:23,256
Denzel Washington trapped
in Channing Tatum's body?
43
00:02:28,093 --> 00:02:29,992
I get that a lot.
44
00:02:30,408 --> 00:02:31,759
Anyway, Max,
45
00:02:32,122 --> 00:02:35,340
this is the fourth time chef Nicolas
has texted me outside of school.
46
00:02:35,342 --> 00:02:38,043
And this time
he sent me a video. Look.
47
00:02:38,536 --> 00:02:40,963
Then, Caroline, you spoon
the fat from the pan...
48
00:02:40,964 --> 00:02:43,046
It's him making breakfast
with his shirt open.
49
00:02:43,047 --> 00:02:44,859
What do you think it means?
50
00:02:46,971 --> 00:02:49,678
That he doesn't have
a fear of bacon splatters...?
51
00:02:50,683 --> 00:02:54,858
- He's totally flirting with me, right?
- Totally. Chef Nicolas is hot for ya.
52
00:02:54,979 --> 00:02:58,771
He has to double up on aprons when
you're around, know what I'm sayin'?
53
00:02:59,737 --> 00:03:02,985
Deke, this is just private
best friend stuff between girls.
54
00:03:02,987 --> 00:03:04,820
You know,
that you're not a part of.
55
00:03:04,822 --> 00:03:06,909
Can I not be a part of it?
56
00:03:07,214 --> 00:03:10,183
And since chef Nicolas is your teacher
and I work at the school,
57
00:03:10,184 --> 00:03:12,946
I'd appreciate it if we kept
this just between us three.
58
00:03:12,947 --> 00:03:15,063
And me. I saw it
over your shoulder.
59
00:03:15,065 --> 00:03:18,743
Doesn't hold a candle to my series
of pantless meatloaf videos.
60
00:03:19,369 --> 00:03:21,372
Meatloaf.
Pick up.
61
00:03:22,954 --> 00:03:27,125
Okay, okay, Max, if you have time
to lean, you have time to clean.
62
00:03:27,127 --> 00:03:30,441
And if I have time to give you a punch,
we have time to have lunch.
63
00:03:31,538 --> 00:03:34,772
Max, should we help him
find his mom?
64
00:03:39,588 --> 00:03:42,257
Oh, no, now there's
two of them.
65
00:03:42,259 --> 00:03:44,234
Like gremlins.
66
00:03:47,780 --> 00:03:50,932
Now, come on. This is a diner,
not study hall. You're working.
67
00:03:50,934 --> 00:03:52,734
I call it "spiritually dying,"
68
00:03:52,736 --> 00:03:54,987
but working's a good word
for what we do here too.
69
00:03:55,338 --> 00:03:57,789
We could figure it out
tomorrow night over some drinks.
70
00:03:57,791 --> 00:04:00,275
Couple of white wine spritzers.
Know what I'm sayin'?
71
00:04:00,277 --> 00:04:03,862
That you're a recently-widowed
woman on a girls' trip in Boca?
72
00:04:03,864 --> 00:04:06,832
Well, I already ate my water,
so I'm good to go.
73
00:04:06,834 --> 00:04:09,718
I am out the door.
74
00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:12,237
Hi, I'm Deke.
Bye, Max.
75
00:04:13,723 --> 00:04:15,173
Oh, he's your friend?
76
00:04:15,175 --> 00:04:18,828
For a minute I thought he was that kid
I had out of wedlock with Linda Evans.
77
00:04:20,906 --> 00:04:24,711
Okay, why are you in here not working?
And why are you doing it without me?
78
00:04:24,852 --> 00:04:28,909
Look, I've been texting with Nicolas.
He thirstay.
79
00:04:30,074 --> 00:04:33,179
He wants me to meet him for a drink
after his dinner tomorrow.
80
00:04:33,180 --> 00:04:35,911
After his dinner.
You know what that means.
81
00:04:35,913 --> 00:04:37,550
That he thinks he doesn't
have to buy you dinner
82
00:04:37,551 --> 00:04:39,645
before he makes you
his slam piece?
83
00:04:40,034 --> 00:04:41,950
"After dinner"
is a Booty call.
84
00:04:41,952 --> 00:04:45,807
Or as they say in France,
"A call du bootay."
85
00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:47,789
So I need you
to hang out with me,
86
00:04:47,791 --> 00:04:49,758
because if I don't have anything
else to do at that time,
87
00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:51,376
I won't be able
to resist him.
88
00:04:51,378 --> 00:04:52,633
I don't see it.
89
00:04:52,634 --> 00:04:56,212
Maybe because he never pulled a knife
on me, but to me he's, like, asexual.
90
00:04:57,822 --> 00:05:01,353
Yeah, like a sexual object.
91
00:05:01,355 --> 00:05:03,939
Okay, well, I told Deke I'd help
him with his homework,
92
00:05:03,941 --> 00:05:05,273
so you can
hang out with us.
93
00:05:05,275 --> 00:05:08,895
Hang out with Deke?
I didn't even like the Muppets on TV.
94
00:05:09,730 --> 00:05:11,947
But fine, it'll...
It'll keep me busy,
95
00:05:11,949 --> 00:05:14,182
because Max,
when Nicolas looks at me,
96
00:05:14,184 --> 00:05:16,284
it does something
to my insides,
97
00:05:16,286 --> 00:05:18,120
and I want this
to be a relationship
98
00:05:18,122 --> 00:05:21,456
before he does
something to my insides.
99
00:05:22,137 --> 00:05:25,850
If you keep talking about your insides,
I'm gonna kick you on your outsides.
100
00:05:28,535 --> 00:05:30,957
Okay, so as far
as my dessert homework goes...
101
00:05:30,958 --> 00:05:32,324
He just texted me again.
102
00:05:32,325 --> 00:05:34,425
"Ou es-tu?"
"Where are you?"
103
00:05:34,427 --> 00:05:37,270
And he used "tu",
not "vous."
104
00:05:37,565 --> 00:05:39,515
We've gone there.
105
00:05:40,622 --> 00:05:42,851
Then why are you still here?
106
00:05:42,853 --> 00:05:45,603
Because I can't go there, Max,
I'm not ready.
107
00:05:45,605 --> 00:05:48,077
Oh, wax situation?
108
00:05:49,114 --> 00:05:51,141
Guys don't care about that.
109
00:05:51,645 --> 00:05:54,011
So as far as my dessert goes,
I went all-out
110
00:05:54,013 --> 00:05:55,730
and actually did
some real research.
111
00:05:55,827 --> 00:05:59,400
- You googled desserts with dirty names?
- Correcto.
112
00:05:59,402 --> 00:06:01,035
And it was harder
to pick one than I thought.
113
00:06:01,037 --> 00:06:04,489
I mean, you got your bundt cake,
your lady fingers,
114
00:06:04,491 --> 00:06:06,945
kumquat pie...
115
00:06:07,789 --> 00:06:09,229
"Kum" and "quat".
116
00:06:09,230 --> 00:06:11,821
It was right there the whole
time. How could I not see it?
117
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,532
So I dug deep,
and I have the winner.
118
00:06:14,534 --> 00:06:17,001
Croquembouche.
119
00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:21,128
I don't know what that is,
but she sounds like a whore.
120
00:06:22,041 --> 00:06:24,058
It's a traditional
French wedding cake
121
00:06:24,060 --> 00:06:27,645
with vanilla cream-filled profiteroles
dipped in hand-made caramel.
122
00:06:27,647 --> 00:06:31,015
Said the only person here
not in pastry school.
123
00:06:31,017 --> 00:06:32,984
Oh, cool.
I didn't know what it was.
124
00:06:32,986 --> 00:06:36,897
Maybe I can help. I happen to know Nicolas
loves a pear tarte tatin.
125
00:06:41,823 --> 00:06:44,109
Ta-ta-tan! No.
126
00:06:45,782 --> 00:06:48,283
I thought I'd distract myself
by going out with you guys,
127
00:06:48,285 --> 00:06:49,784
but it feels like
the day in high school
128
00:06:49,786 --> 00:06:52,031
I hung out with the smokers
for street cred.
129
00:06:52,536 --> 00:06:56,457
And I used to hang out with rich geeks
like you when I needed lunch money.
130
00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:58,376
I'm texting Nicolas.
131
00:06:58,378 --> 00:07:00,323
What? You said you didn't
want him to think you were up
132
00:07:00,324 --> 00:07:02,941
for a wham-bam,
thank you, mademoiselle.
133
00:07:03,731 --> 00:07:06,017
You're right, Max.
I shouldn't text him.
134
00:07:07,387 --> 00:07:09,637
He just texted me again.
What's one drink?
135
00:07:09,639 --> 00:07:11,576
$18...?
136
00:07:12,442 --> 00:07:14,776
It is?
Yeah, you better text him.
137
00:07:14,778 --> 00:07:16,930
We need a grown-up
to pay for the drinks.
138
00:07:17,530 --> 00:07:20,615
I'll just say I'm with friends,
and he can join for a drink.
139
00:07:20,617 --> 00:07:22,867
Isn't that what people do?
I forget.
140
00:07:22,869 --> 00:07:25,820
I haven't been a person
or done anything in so long.
141
00:07:25,822 --> 00:07:28,557
Or done a person in so long.
142
00:07:29,326 --> 00:07:31,492
I won't let it get that far.
143
00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:33,328
And by that I mean you won't.
144
00:07:33,330 --> 00:07:35,463
I'll give you a signal and then
you'll say we have to go.
145
00:07:35,465 --> 00:07:38,208
What's the signal?
Full penetration?
146
00:07:41,971 --> 00:07:46,021
- No, before that.
- So, just the tip?
147
00:07:56,902 --> 00:07:59,404
I think I'll just wink.
148
00:08:15,943 --> 00:08:17,852
So, croquembouche?
149
00:08:18,715 --> 00:08:20,948
I can't pretend to talk.
150
00:08:21,385 --> 00:08:24,030
I hope his tongue
is wearing protection.
151
00:08:27,969 --> 00:08:29,579
Hey.
152
00:08:30,531 --> 00:08:32,364
Are we making you
uncomfortable?
153
00:08:32,494 --> 00:08:35,227
No, no, it's just that
I usually like to fast-forward
154
00:08:35,228 --> 00:08:37,705
through the kissing parts
when I watch porn.
155
00:08:39,273 --> 00:08:41,957
Come on, relax, Max.
We're just having some fun.
156
00:08:41,959 --> 00:08:45,910
It's just that you're our teacher,
and your spittle is all over her mouth.
157
00:08:46,297 --> 00:08:49,665
We're not in class.
Do you see batter or bowls?
158
00:08:49,667 --> 00:08:52,718
Well, we're hoping
not to see any balls.
159
00:08:54,671 --> 00:08:57,779
I see the outline
of one of 'em.
160
00:09:00,687 --> 00:09:02,972
Just don't think of me
as a teacher right now.
161
00:09:02,974 --> 00:09:05,909
Well, I'm kind of
learning a lot.
162
00:09:07,511 --> 00:09:10,479
You know, for someone
who wasn't gonna have sex,
163
00:09:10,481 --> 00:09:12,442
she's having sex.
164
00:09:13,318 --> 00:09:15,002
I'm leaving.
165
00:09:15,003 --> 00:09:16,327
I haven't felt this awkward
166
00:09:16,328 --> 00:09:19,712
since my mom had sex with my prom
date in the limo and made me drive.
167
00:09:21,025 --> 00:09:22,995
Your mom sounds cool.
168
00:09:23,294 --> 00:09:26,295
Come on, you can't leave.
We just got here.
169
00:09:26,297 --> 00:09:29,712
Well, she's about to get there,
and I don't wanna see it.
170
00:09:30,810 --> 00:09:32,301
Well, we can make out.
171
00:09:32,303 --> 00:09:35,617
You wanna make out? With me?
172
00:09:35,618 --> 00:09:38,013
No, a comedy make-out.
173
00:09:38,015 --> 00:09:40,799
You know, like...
174
00:09:46,856 --> 00:09:49,858
Well, you make it look
so tempting.
175
00:09:49,860 --> 00:09:51,977
Come on,
it'll be hilarious.
176
00:09:51,979 --> 00:09:54,811
Let my mouth be
your tongue's panic room.
177
00:09:55,316 --> 00:09:57,483
And chef Nicolas
could use a few pointers.
178
00:10:04,657 --> 00:10:07,089
Yeah, he's really
bad at it.
179
00:10:07,661 --> 00:10:10,217
All right, why not? It might
even get their attention.
180
00:10:10,218 --> 00:10:12,735
On the count of three.
One, two...
181
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:20,067
- Did they look?
- No, he's busy rounding third.
182
00:10:20,558 --> 00:10:21,758
My turn.
183
00:10:25,811 --> 00:10:28,251
Max, what's happening?
184
00:10:29,059 --> 00:10:30,841
Hey.
185
00:10:37,110 --> 00:10:39,450
He's licking your face.
186
00:10:40,413 --> 00:10:41,613
Leave them alone.
187
00:10:41,614 --> 00:10:43,548
Deke seems to know
what he's doing.
188
00:10:44,213 --> 00:10:45,751
Respect.
189
00:10:47,557 --> 00:10:50,725
Well, hate to comedy
make out and run,
190
00:10:50,726 --> 00:10:53,355
but, well, I'm already
mentally at yummy donuts
191
00:10:53,356 --> 00:10:56,523
trying to binge eat
this image out of my mind.
192
00:11:01,558 --> 00:11:03,393
Hold on, Max. The signal.
193
00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:07,880
See, this is why
I don't do girlfriend.
194
00:11:07,983 --> 00:11:11,108
Come on, we have somewhere to go
or be, something like that.
195
00:11:12,953 --> 00:11:14,171
Well...
196
00:11:19,473 --> 00:11:22,078
We have to go.
See you later.
197
00:11:22,079 --> 00:11:23,744
Au revoir.
198
00:11:33,792 --> 00:11:35,543
'Sup?
199
00:11:36,527 --> 00:11:40,385
Not much.
'Sup with you?
200
00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:46,488
Sorry, I have to get this.
It's my wife.
201
00:11:46,934 --> 00:11:48,362
Hello?
202
00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:52,231
Girrrl...
203
00:11:59,827 --> 00:12:03,997
Oh, I totally forgot to tell you.
You're terrible at making out.
204
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,921
Well, I never had
a father to teach me.
205
00:12:08,902 --> 00:12:10,404
Hey, big Mary.
206
00:12:10,866 --> 00:12:13,505
Hallway lunch.
Love that for you.
207
00:12:14,786 --> 00:12:16,156
And you.
208
00:12:16,158 --> 00:12:20,197
This could've been your walk of shame
right now if I hadn't stepped in, Winky.
209
00:12:20,909 --> 00:12:23,371
Yes, last night
got a little out of hand.
210
00:12:23,372 --> 00:12:25,644
Oh, it was pretty much
in your hand.
211
00:12:25,993 --> 00:12:28,229
No, it was not, Max.
212
00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:30,525
Yes, there might have been
a tasteful graze,
213
00:12:30,527 --> 00:12:32,828
just to figure out
how European he was down there.
214
00:12:32,829 --> 00:12:35,398
Good news, it's not
wearing a floppy beret.
215
00:12:35,542 --> 00:12:38,677
So we are right on track for
a perfect fairy-tale romance.
216
00:12:38,678 --> 00:12:40,678
Yeah, the princess
and the penis.
217
00:12:40,771 --> 00:12:43,666
See you at the diner, Max.
Au revoir, mes amis.
218
00:12:44,574 --> 00:12:47,075
I have to kinda
tell you something
219
00:12:47,077 --> 00:12:50,578
that you have to promise you
kind of definitely won't tell Caroline.
220
00:12:50,580 --> 00:12:52,647
Are you about to tell me
that when she speaks French
221
00:12:52,649 --> 00:12:55,533
it makes you want to slam your head
through that plate-glass window too?
222
00:12:55,535 --> 00:12:58,820
Heh. Well, the thing is
he's married.
223
00:12:58,822 --> 00:13:01,589
He's married?
How do you know?
224
00:13:01,591 --> 00:13:04,509
He's not wearing a ring,
and he doesn't seem dead inside.
225
00:13:04,955 --> 00:13:08,930
- His wife called him after you guys left.
- How could he do that?
226
00:13:08,932 --> 00:13:12,384
- He's French?
- And not tell Caroline.
227
00:13:12,386 --> 00:13:15,270
- He's French?
- What a jerk.
228
00:13:15,272 --> 00:13:17,302
Fronch?
229
00:13:17,829 --> 00:13:19,662
I'm telling her right now.
230
00:13:19,663 --> 00:13:21,979
Wait, wait, wait, Max,
do me a favor...?
231
00:13:22,178 --> 00:13:24,896
Can you just wait until after
I turn in my croquembouche?
232
00:13:24,898 --> 00:13:27,729
I'm already on thin ice
with "au bon pain in my ass."
233
00:13:28,036 --> 00:13:29,852
This sucks.
234
00:13:29,853 --> 00:13:32,187
He's married, and Caroline
has this weird thing in her head
235
00:13:32,188 --> 00:13:34,591
that she has to marry
someone who isn't married.
236
00:13:38,164 --> 00:13:40,211
Bonjour, Bebe. Ca va?
237
00:13:40,213 --> 00:13:41,945
Oh, boy.
238
00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:43,579
I'm not really good
with any languages.
239
00:13:43,580 --> 00:13:46,573
They think it's because
I got hit by three cars.
240
00:13:47,554 --> 00:13:51,213
FYI, if you ever get hit,
just stay down.
241
00:13:52,347 --> 00:13:54,306
Well, guess what.
242
00:13:54,307 --> 00:13:56,874
I got you and me salads.
Girls' lunch.
243
00:13:57,213 --> 00:14:00,672
Well, I usually just have peanut
butter and crackers in the dark...
244
00:14:01,977 --> 00:14:05,160
I hear so much about salad
I've always wanted to try it.
245
00:14:06,723 --> 00:14:10,724
Sure. Sit. Have some salad.
You and me, me and you.
246
00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:12,827
Getting to know
more about each other.
247
00:14:12,829 --> 00:14:16,030
So Bebe, tell me
everything about Nicolas.
248
00:14:16,032 --> 00:14:20,351
He's the best. He has
the heart and eyes of a dog.
249
00:14:21,892 --> 00:14:26,374
- So Nicolas, where do you think he is?
- He just said he had a lunch date.
250
00:14:26,376 --> 00:14:30,460
Date? Did he use the word "date," or
are you just using the word "date"?
251
00:14:30,461 --> 00:14:33,402
I mean, it's not like he's dating anyone.
Is he?
252
00:14:33,884 --> 00:14:36,250
No, why would he
be dating anyone?
253
00:14:36,252 --> 00:14:38,686
Exactly, why would he
be dating anyone?
254
00:14:38,688 --> 00:14:40,755
Yeah, I mean,
he's married.
255
00:14:43,092 --> 00:14:44,442
Married?
256
00:14:44,444 --> 00:14:48,532
You know, salad tastes
just like lettuce.
257
00:14:58,310 --> 00:15:00,428
You are not
going to believe this.
258
00:15:00,430 --> 00:15:02,735
Kendall Jenner
is applying to colleges?
259
00:15:03,883 --> 00:15:06,184
Come on, Max, no.
260
00:15:06,186 --> 00:15:09,770
Nicolas is... and get ready...
Married.
261
00:15:09,772 --> 00:15:12,106
I kissed a married man.
I'm so mortified.
262
00:15:12,108 --> 00:15:14,242
Please don't ever tell anyone
I kissed a married man.
263
00:15:14,244 --> 00:15:16,434
Okay, I won't tell anyone.
264
00:15:17,563 --> 00:15:20,748
- Tell anyone what?
- Caroline kissed a married man.
265
00:15:20,750 --> 00:15:22,716
But don't tell anyone.
266
00:15:23,905 --> 00:15:26,923
All right, I want to go on the record
that I didn't know.
267
00:15:26,924 --> 00:15:29,373
Kissing a married man has never
been in my life plan.
268
00:15:29,375 --> 00:15:31,342
It's not on my vision board
or in my dreamscape.
269
00:15:31,344 --> 00:15:32,927
I am not that kind of person.
270
00:15:32,929 --> 00:15:35,129
But she is the kind of person
who has a vision board
271
00:15:35,131 --> 00:15:37,637
and says "dreamscape,"
so let's judge her on that.
272
00:15:37,638 --> 00:15:39,605
I won't judge you, Caroline.
273
00:15:39,607 --> 00:15:41,189
I once went out
with a married woman.
274
00:15:41,191 --> 00:15:44,276
I didn't know she was married until
her spouse came and beat me up.
275
00:15:44,278 --> 00:15:46,818
Lesbians are strong.
276
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:54,019
Listen, married, not married,
don't be so American.
277
00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:56,955
You know, in Poland,
the wedding vows say,
278
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:59,041
"Do you take this woman..."
279
00:15:59,043 --> 00:16:01,707
"And maybe some others?"
280
00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:06,164
Well, not Polish,
and not a lesbian yet.
281
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,033
So I'm very upset.
282
00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:09,751
And, Max, why are you
just standing there?
283
00:16:09,753 --> 00:16:11,256
Why haven't you
said anything?
284
00:16:12,973 --> 00:16:15,107
Um...
I kind of knew.
285
00:16:17,341 --> 00:16:20,694
Wait. You kind of knew
he was married?
286
00:16:20,695 --> 00:16:22,780
You kind of knew and didn't
kind of tell me?
287
00:16:22,781 --> 00:16:25,307
- What kind of friend are you?
- I just found out myself.
288
00:16:25,308 --> 00:16:26,775
Well, then why didn't
you tell me?
289
00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:28,726
I was going to,
but then Deke asked me not to
290
00:16:28,728 --> 00:16:30,195
until he handed in
his homework.
291
00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:31,729
And also I thought
you might cry.
292
00:16:31,731 --> 00:16:36,344
- Oh, and you didn't want to upset me?
- Nah, I didn't want to deal with it.
293
00:16:37,204 --> 00:16:40,622
'Cause when you cry, you don't just
cry once. It's like a six-cry thing.
294
00:16:40,624 --> 00:16:42,540
You've got the first shock cry,
the silent cry,
295
00:16:42,542 --> 00:16:44,459
the ugly cry,
the cry because you're crying,
296
00:16:44,461 --> 00:16:46,211
the cry after you say
you're not gonna cry anymore,
297
00:16:46,213 --> 00:16:48,702
and then the final cry,
which is probably my fault.
298
00:16:50,917 --> 00:16:53,384
Well, you're wrong, Max,
I'm not gonna cry over this,
299
00:16:53,386 --> 00:16:55,386
because I haven't gone
far enough down the road.
300
00:16:55,388 --> 00:16:58,934
Yes, I was just beginning to think about
our future, but I'm not that invested.
301
00:17:00,677 --> 00:17:02,933
- Then what's this?
- My dupe pad.
302
00:17:02,934 --> 00:17:06,265
That's right. And look what
I found written on the back.
303
00:17:06,266 --> 00:17:08,683
"Caroline and Nicolas
Saintcroix."
304
00:17:08,685 --> 00:17:10,852
"Mr. and Mrs. Saintcroix."
305
00:17:10,854 --> 00:17:12,821
"Caroline Saintcroix."
306
00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:15,690
That's just being silly.
Every girl does that.
307
00:17:15,692 --> 00:17:17,285
You're 40.
308
00:17:21,364 --> 00:17:24,565
- Oh, man, this is heavy.
- I know, very heavy.
309
00:17:24,567 --> 00:17:25,900
We're back here,
and I have to deal with the fact
310
00:17:25,902 --> 00:17:28,755
that I was dry-humped
by a married man.
311
00:17:29,998 --> 00:17:32,290
No, I think he meant
his dessert is heavy.
312
00:17:32,291 --> 00:17:34,621
But yeah, you got
a lot going on.
313
00:17:35,044 --> 00:17:36,628
So what do you
want us to do?
314
00:17:36,630 --> 00:17:38,246
Should we throw down?
Mess his ass up?
315
00:17:38,248 --> 00:17:40,081
Kick him in the face?
316
00:17:40,083 --> 00:17:42,600
Or just ignore it so I don't
get kicked out of school?
317
00:17:42,602 --> 00:17:45,353
No, I'll deal
with Nicolas later.
318
00:17:45,548 --> 00:17:49,183
You sure? 'Cause I've always
wanted to kill a French person.
319
00:17:51,027 --> 00:17:53,216
Again.
320
00:17:55,198 --> 00:17:58,032
Thanks, but stay out of it.
I've got this.
321
00:17:58,034 --> 00:18:00,328
I'm gonna rip him
a new one.
322
00:18:00,737 --> 00:18:03,025
- Bonjour, Caroline.
- Bonjour, Nicolas.
323
00:18:03,907 --> 00:18:06,492
That wasn't a rip.
Wasn't even a tear.
324
00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:11,277
Go, go, you two.
Got a big, hot bundt here.
325
00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:13,832
Go, go, don't be late.
326
00:18:13,833 --> 00:18:15,750
You sure that's
a croquembouche?
327
00:18:15,752 --> 00:18:18,469
'Cause it looks like a
coyote poop tree.
328
00:18:20,455 --> 00:18:21,923
Caroline, can you
watch the phones for me
329
00:18:21,925 --> 00:18:24,525
while I give chef Nicolas
this note from his wife?
330
00:18:24,778 --> 00:18:26,183
You know what?
I'll give it to him.
331
00:18:26,184 --> 00:18:28,073
I have something
I have to say to him anyway.
332
00:18:28,074 --> 00:18:31,733
Oh, for next girls' lunch,
have you ever had sandwiches?
333
00:18:31,735 --> 00:18:34,056
'Cause I'm thinking
of trying one.
334
00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:41,227
Not you.
335
00:18:43,370 --> 00:18:45,955
You have got this.
You have got this.
336
00:18:45,956 --> 00:18:48,983
You broke up with a Kennedy cousin.
You can do this.
337
00:18:48,985 --> 00:18:51,085
Caroline,
do you need something?
338
00:18:51,087 --> 00:18:54,422
I just wanted to give you
this phone message you just got.
339
00:18:54,424 --> 00:18:56,452
From your wife.
340
00:18:57,646 --> 00:19:00,929
From your wife...
Juliette...?
341
00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:03,497
- I know her name.
- You're married.
342
00:19:03,499 --> 00:19:06,311
Yes, you just got
a message from my wife.
343
00:19:07,637 --> 00:19:11,339
I feel like something's getting
lost in the translation here,
344
00:19:11,341 --> 00:19:14,508
so let me be clear.
It's over between us.
345
00:19:14,510 --> 00:19:16,054
Why?
346
00:19:18,281 --> 00:19:20,365
Why?
Because you're married.
347
00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:23,670
Again, I know that.
But why?
348
00:19:23,987 --> 00:19:26,621
What... what do
you mean "why"?
349
00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:31,376
Why? Because you are married.
Vous est marie!
350
00:19:31,378 --> 00:19:33,946
And note, I did not
use "tu"
351
00:19:33,947 --> 00:19:37,382
because we are back
on the more formal "vous" terms.
352
00:19:37,384 --> 00:19:42,187
Look, Caroline, my wife is in France,
and we have an understanding.
353
00:19:42,304 --> 00:19:46,006
Well, I'm having a hard time
understanding any of this.
354
00:19:46,259 --> 00:19:49,761
And whatever arrangement you and Juliette
have, it's over between you and me.
355
00:19:49,763 --> 00:19:51,085
Here.
356
00:19:54,505 --> 00:19:56,717
You are very cute
when you're angry.
357
00:19:56,719 --> 00:19:58,636
I am?
358
00:19:58,638 --> 00:20:02,607
Actually, you are very cute
all the time. Cute and sexy.
359
00:20:02,609 --> 00:20:04,993
From the moment I saw you,
I wanted to...
360
00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:08,112
- Put my lips onto yours.
- You did?
361
00:20:08,114 --> 00:20:09,614
Yes.
362
00:20:09,616 --> 00:20:13,534
Caroline, you are a smart,
sexy, delicious woman.
363
00:20:13,536 --> 00:20:16,838
And now that I've kissed...
Do you have something in your eye?
364
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,589
No, no, no, no, no.
365
00:20:21,544 --> 00:20:24,245
It's never you!
366
00:20:26,598 --> 00:20:28,016
I'm sorry, what is happening?
367
00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:30,552
Chef Nicolas, uh, you need
to get back in there
368
00:20:30,583 --> 00:20:32,220
because the chef
with the neck tattoo
369
00:20:32,222 --> 00:20:34,188
is trying to pass off
a store-bought tiramisu.
370
00:20:34,190 --> 00:20:36,708
There is one every year.
371
00:20:38,761 --> 00:20:40,528
Caroline.
372
00:20:42,731 --> 00:20:44,432
Are you okay?
What did he say?
373
00:20:44,434 --> 00:20:47,759
He said he's married, and
it's confusing, and I'm delicious.
374
00:20:48,288 --> 00:20:50,405
Okay, well, he's married, it's
confusing, and you're delicious.
375
00:20:50,407 --> 00:20:52,792
So you're
Mrs. Delicious Saintcroix.
376
00:20:53,910 --> 00:20:55,660
So it's over, right?
377
00:20:55,662 --> 00:20:58,546
Yeah, of course it's over.
No drama, no more crying.
378
00:20:58,548 --> 00:21:02,304
- I would never be with a married man.
- Yeah, that's more my thing.
379
00:21:03,553 --> 00:21:06,471
Oh, my God, Max, you know
what I just realized?
380
00:21:06,473 --> 00:21:09,891
I once said I would
never be a waitress.
381
00:21:10,189 --> 00:21:12,714
Girrrl...
382
00:21:17,023 --> 00:21:20,023
Synced by Reef
www.addic7ed.com