1
00:00:02,950 --> 00:00:04,518
Happy St. Patrick's day!

2
00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:07,220
Guinness and Irish cream
cupcakes for everyone!

3
00:00:07,222 --> 00:00:09,756
Enjoy your blackout!

4
00:00:09,758 --> 00:00:11,491
These are the last 12 cupcakes.

5
00:00:11,493 --> 00:00:15,462
Actually, two of them are just
potatoes from the diner.

6
00:00:15,464 --> 00:00:19,466
At some point I started putting
green icing on anything I could find.

7
00:00:19,468 --> 00:00:21,534
Max, we haven't been so busy

8
00:00:21,536 --> 00:00:25,905
since someone spray-painted free
sex stuff on the wall outside.

9
00:00:25,907 --> 00:00:29,042
And you said
I'm not good at marketing.

10
00:00:29,044 --> 00:00:31,378
Happy St. Patrick's day.

11
00:00:31,380 --> 00:00:33,446
Bridget, Patrick, John, Mary,

12
00:00:33,448 --> 00:00:36,716
and you, the little one,
come over here.

13
00:00:36,718 --> 00:00:38,251
We're here to pick up our order.

14
00:00:38,253 --> 00:00:41,187
Huh. Should be here
to pick up birth control.

15
00:00:41,189 --> 00:00:42,689
Coming right up.

16
00:00:42,691 --> 00:00:45,325
Max, I know I told you
I hated St. Patrick's day

17
00:00:45,327 --> 00:00:47,260
because the only people
who go out are drunk trash...

18
00:00:47,262 --> 00:00:50,330
We prefer to be called
"intoxicated garbage."

19
00:00:50,332 --> 00:00:54,200
But that was before I knew
that drunk trash carried cash.

20
00:00:54,202 --> 00:00:56,269
Nobody gonna pinch me today,
'cause I got all this green.

21
00:00:58,306 --> 00:01:02,041
Oh, money's involved, and all of
a sudden you're Erin go Bragh?

22
00:01:02,043 --> 00:01:06,012
Or in your case,
"Erin go training bra"?

23
00:01:06,014 --> 00:01:07,380
Who wants cupcakes?

24
00:01:07,382 --> 00:01:09,348
Yay!

25
00:01:16,439 --> 00:01:20,425
Synced and corrected by backinblack
www.addic7ed.com

26
00:01:26,308 --> 00:01:28,108
It was so worth
being open this morning.

27
00:01:28,110 --> 00:01:31,545
We can use this St. Patrick's day money
to spring for some new pillows.

28
00:01:31,547 --> 00:01:33,814
Or even just pillows.

29
00:01:33,816 --> 00:01:37,918
Or just go to a bar and fall
asleep on a couple of fat guys.

30
00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:42,089
Okay, how much did we make?
Show me the money.

31
00:01:42,091 --> 00:01:44,858
$351!

32
00:01:44,860 --> 00:01:48,796
Show me the rest of the money.

33
00:01:48,798 --> 00:01:50,831
Fine, I took $3.

34
00:01:50,833 --> 00:01:51,765
That's it?

35
00:01:51,767 --> 00:01:53,901
Fine, I took 5.

36
00:01:53,903 --> 00:01:57,070
Can't a bitch get a foot-long?

37
00:01:57,072 --> 00:01:58,972
But we worked so hard.

38
00:01:58,974 --> 00:02:00,674
I have so much green
under my fingernails

39
00:02:00,676 --> 00:02:04,911
it looks like I had
really good sex with shrek.

40
00:02:04,913 --> 00:02:08,215
What other kind
could you have with him?

41
00:02:08,217 --> 00:02:11,618
Green guys make black guys
look like white guys.

42
00:02:13,087 --> 00:02:15,188
I love St. Patrick's day.

43
00:02:15,190 --> 00:02:18,258
Tell me one good thing about it.

44
00:02:18,260 --> 00:02:21,394
Top o' the mornin'!

45
00:02:21,396 --> 00:02:23,730
Look, it's a Lepre-Han.

46
00:02:23,732 --> 00:02:25,765
So what do you think?

47
00:02:25,767 --> 00:02:27,734
I'm concerned. If you're out here,

48
00:02:27,736 --> 00:02:30,870
Who's guarding your lucky charms?

49
00:02:30,872 --> 00:02:33,707
You laugh now,
and probably all night long,

50
00:02:33,709 --> 00:02:35,275
but with this costume

51
00:02:35,277 --> 00:02:38,712
my chances of getting laid
are higher than ever.

52
00:02:38,714 --> 00:02:41,014
So zero?

53
00:02:41,016 --> 00:02:44,017
Nope, 100%.

54
00:02:44,019 --> 00:02:46,419
What makes you so confident?

55
00:02:46,421 --> 00:02:47,754
'cause the only answer
I can think of right now

56
00:02:47,756 --> 00:02:51,758
is that you have cocaine
in your wee pocket.

57
00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:53,426
Hey, I can see it.

58
00:02:53,428 --> 00:02:55,161
You're out drunk on St. Patrick's day,

59
00:02:55,163 --> 00:02:58,097
And it seems like a good idea
to bang a Leprechaun.

60
00:02:58,099 --> 00:03:00,033
Like the Presidents' Day
I hooked up with a guy

61
00:03:00,035 --> 00:03:03,236
dressed like uncle sam
at the used car lot.

62
00:03:03,238 --> 00:03:06,072
This costume is my ace in the hole.

63
00:03:06,074 --> 00:03:10,310
Well, it does make you
look like an ace hole.

64
00:03:10,312 --> 00:03:12,278
Nice outfit, Han.

65
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:17,083
You look like a pimp
I used to use in Vietnam.

66
00:03:18,886 --> 00:03:21,254
Come on, let's hit the parade.

67
00:03:21,256 --> 00:03:23,322
Look, Oleg, this is America.

68
00:03:23,324 --> 00:03:25,525
You could have an accent
or a suspicious package,

69
00:03:25,527 --> 00:03:27,293
but you can't have both.

70
00:03:27,295 --> 00:03:29,796
Relax.
It's just my inventory.

71
00:03:29,798 --> 00:03:34,267
I'm gonna sell t-shirts.

72
00:03:35,402 --> 00:03:39,672
That is revolting.

73
00:03:39,674 --> 00:03:42,041
Put me down for five.

74
00:03:42,043 --> 00:03:45,645
You might also be interested
in my other choice product.

75
00:03:45,647 --> 00:03:47,847
Pee funnels.

76
00:03:47,849 --> 00:03:51,283
I might also not be
interested in that product.

77
00:03:51,285 --> 00:03:54,120
It's a disposable funnel
for upwardly mobile, elegant,

78
00:03:54,122 --> 00:03:58,357
Young ladies who want to stand
and pee in the street like a man.

79
00:03:58,359 --> 00:04:01,293
I mean, have you seen
those parade port-a-potties?

80
00:04:01,295 --> 00:04:04,463
Seen 'em?
I was conceived in one.

81
00:04:04,465 --> 00:04:06,899
Just slip one of these
babies into your pants

82
00:04:06,901 --> 00:04:10,102
And go pee in the park,
no muss, no fuss.

83
00:04:10,104 --> 00:04:13,205
Well, a little muss, some fuss.

84
00:04:13,207 --> 00:04:16,909
And possibly a very
unpleasant paper cut.

85
00:04:21,181 --> 00:04:22,715
That's revolting.

86
00:04:22,717 --> 00:04:25,084
Put me down for five.

87
00:04:25,086 --> 00:04:26,952
Better make it six,
'cause if it's for ladies,

88
00:04:26,954 --> 00:04:31,090
Han's definitely gonna need one.

89
00:04:31,092 --> 00:04:34,460
Max, barhopping
with a horny Leprechaun

90
00:04:34,462 --> 00:04:36,528
And a pee funnel salesman?

91
00:04:36,530 --> 00:04:38,263
Not exactly my scene.

92
00:04:38,265 --> 00:04:39,998
Can't you just go with Deke?

93
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,668
This is boyfriend stuff,
meaning he's gross like you.

94
00:04:42,670 --> 00:04:46,138
I know, but he's snowboarding
somewhere called vail

95
00:04:46,140 --> 00:04:48,540
with something called a family.

96
00:04:48,542 --> 00:04:50,576
Here, we gotta lay down
a layer of grease

97
00:04:50,578 --> 00:04:52,444
to absorb all the booze
we'll be drinking tonight.

98
00:04:52,446 --> 00:04:54,947
This'll hold us over
till our 3:00 a.m. street meet,

99
00:04:54,949 --> 00:04:56,381
Which'll hold us over till our

100
00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:58,750
noon-30 rooty-tooty
fresh and fruity breakfast.

101
00:04:58,752 --> 00:05:00,552
Come on, start layering.

102
00:05:00,554 --> 00:05:01,853
I miss my old St. Patrick's day
tradition.

103
00:05:01,855 --> 00:05:03,088
Wanna hear it?

104
00:05:03,090 --> 00:05:04,956
Hell, no.

105
00:05:04,958 --> 00:05:06,925
Well, from 16 to 21,
my friends and I...

106
00:05:06,927 --> 00:05:08,560
Boys were there too,

107
00:05:08,562 --> 00:05:10,796
Even though technically
they weren't allowed...

108
00:05:10,798 --> 00:05:13,932
By 16, I was thrice divorced

109
00:05:13,934 --> 00:05:17,068
and a member of the
electricians' union, but go on.

110
00:05:17,070 --> 00:05:21,640
We'd rent a big suite at the
plaza overlooking the parade,

111
00:05:21,642 --> 00:05:23,875
And we'd fill balloons
with champagne and...

112
00:05:23,877 --> 00:05:28,913
And throw them
down at the parade crowd!

113
00:05:28,915 --> 00:05:32,117
So fun, right?

114
00:05:32,119 --> 00:05:33,952
Oh, wait, that was you guys?

115
00:05:33,954 --> 00:05:36,287
One year you hit me
and my friend archie.

116
00:05:36,289 --> 00:05:38,256
He sells car seat covers
in Rhode Island now.

117
00:05:38,258 --> 00:05:40,291
He's doing pretty well.

118
00:05:40,293 --> 00:05:41,993
Max, why are you

119
00:05:41,995 --> 00:05:44,996
dragging ass on the night
I'm supposed to get some?

120
00:05:44,998 --> 00:05:48,666
Stop talking about sex
wearing that body. It's gross.

121
00:06:00,468 --> 00:06:03,268
We've been stuck in traffic
for, like, an hour.

122
00:06:03,270 --> 00:06:06,004
I could've had
37 Guinnesses by now.

123
00:06:06,006 --> 00:06:09,641
And broken the Guinness World Record
for most Guinnesses.

124
00:06:09,643 --> 00:06:12,044
Is this cab even moving?

125
00:06:12,046 --> 00:06:14,546
Is that a new McDonald's
or the same one?

126
00:06:14,548 --> 00:06:16,315
It's the same one,

127
00:06:16,317 --> 00:06:18,550
Unless that bum's on a
masturbation tour of Manhattan.

128
00:06:18,552 --> 00:06:23,221
Come on! Make 'em move!
Hit the horn again!

129
00:06:23,223 --> 00:06:27,192
If you touch my horn again,
I cut your hand off!

130
00:06:27,194 --> 00:06:28,560
Okay, big shot.

131
00:06:28,562 --> 00:06:32,397
Do it. Do it, if it'll
get us there faster.

132
00:06:32,399 --> 00:06:36,668
Look, I know I said I'd
spring for a cab, but it's $70!

133
00:06:36,670 --> 00:06:38,670
And I'm gonna need that
for a junior king room

134
00:06:38,672 --> 00:06:40,806
At the holiday inn express!

135
00:06:40,808 --> 00:06:42,874
Don't worry, Han, we'll chip in.

136
00:06:42,876 --> 00:06:47,445
No, we won't. We need that $356.
That's all we made today.

137
00:06:47,447 --> 00:06:51,383
It has to last till we're 82.
This is our funeral money, Max.

138
00:06:51,385 --> 00:06:53,451
Don't worry, we'll make more money.

139
00:06:53,453 --> 00:06:55,387
Not much more, but a little bit.

140
00:06:55,389 --> 00:06:57,656
Damn it!

141
00:06:57,658 --> 00:06:59,824
I can hear
the bagpipers coming this way.

142
00:06:59,826 --> 00:07:03,795
They're playing closing time.
That means the parade's over.

143
00:07:03,797 --> 00:07:05,964
Now I'm never gonna
sell the pee funnels.

144
00:07:05,966 --> 00:07:08,466
All right, I gotta move some t-shirts.

145
00:07:08,468 --> 00:07:10,101
Heads up, peoples!

146
00:07:10,103 --> 00:07:12,971
"Kiss me I'm Irish"
crotch tees. $15.

147
00:07:12,973 --> 00:07:15,740
Or two for 25! Five for 60!

148
00:07:15,742 --> 00:07:18,409
You nobody!

149
00:07:18,411 --> 00:07:20,712
You can't sell those out the window.

150
00:07:20,714 --> 00:07:22,881
That's illegal.
You need a permit!

151
00:07:22,883 --> 00:07:24,616
Just drive, grandma.

152
00:07:24,618 --> 00:07:26,517
I can't believe
you call yourself Russian.

153
00:07:26,519 --> 00:07:28,853
Doesn't seem like
you're rushin' anywhere.

154
00:07:28,855 --> 00:07:32,357
You say that again, and I'll
cut your tongue out!

155
00:07:32,359 --> 00:07:34,525
Oh, now you're gonna
cut out my tongue?

156
00:07:34,527 --> 00:07:38,963
Why do you want to punish all
the women in the tri-state area?

157
00:07:40,233 --> 00:07:41,799
Look, oh, my God, it's Earl!

158
00:07:44,104 --> 00:07:45,803
Earl, what're you doing here?

159
00:07:45,805 --> 00:07:48,573
Hey, y'all!

160
00:07:48,575 --> 00:07:51,309
This is my bagpipe group Black Irish.

161
00:07:51,311 --> 00:07:53,477
I'm black, they're Irish.

162
00:07:53,479 --> 00:07:56,347
Why didn't you tell us
you were coming to the parade?

163
00:07:56,349 --> 00:08:00,685
Well, I kinda like to keep
my skirt wearing on the D.L.

164
00:08:00,687 --> 00:08:03,588
When did you learn
how to play bagpipes?

165
00:08:03,590 --> 00:08:06,324
I do not know.

166
00:08:06,326 --> 00:08:09,794
I took too much acid once,
and, when the trip ended,

167
00:08:09,796 --> 00:08:13,464
I could play the bagpipes
and drive a stick.

168
00:08:13,466 --> 00:08:15,733
I'll catch up with you at Blarney's.

169
00:08:20,306 --> 00:08:21,605
Han, pay the man.

170
00:08:21,607 --> 00:08:23,407
It's ten blocks away.
We can walk.

171
00:08:23,409 --> 00:08:26,677
In these shoes?

172
00:08:31,316 --> 00:08:32,583
Ugh, green beer.

173
00:08:32,585 --> 00:08:34,618
Is this really how
we honor the Irish,

174
00:08:34,620 --> 00:08:36,420
Some of our greatest
writers and poets?

175
00:08:36,422 --> 00:08:38,222
Oh, did they come up with,

176
00:08:38,224 --> 00:08:39,723
"If you sprinkle when you tinkle,

177
00:08:39,725 --> 00:08:41,759
be a sweetie, wipe the seatie"?

178
00:08:41,761 --> 00:08:45,696
First of all, not a real poem.

179
00:08:45,698 --> 00:08:48,232
And as the person
who shares your bathroom,

180
00:08:48,234 --> 00:08:50,734
Maybe take that advice.

181
00:08:50,736 --> 00:08:54,705
Maybe take that frown
and get it drunk.

182
00:08:54,707 --> 00:08:57,975
Okay, sure, we're two
young girls on the town

183
00:08:57,977 --> 00:09:00,410
On what's probably America's
most dangerous holiday.

184
00:09:00,412 --> 00:09:03,514
Why... why have our wits about us?

185
00:09:03,516 --> 00:09:05,482
That's the spirit.

186
00:09:05,484 --> 00:09:08,151
And who knows? Maybe you'll
meet a cute, Irish guy.

187
00:09:08,153 --> 00:09:11,121
Happy St. Paddy's day!

188
00:09:11,123 --> 00:09:12,623
Blarney Bill.

189
00:09:12,625 --> 00:09:15,659
Are you the owner of this
colorful establishment?

190
00:09:15,661 --> 00:09:18,862
I'm not even
the owner of these pants.

191
00:09:18,864 --> 00:09:20,931
Where's me kiss?

192
00:09:22,501 --> 00:09:24,868
Blarney bill is like
the mascot of this place.

193
00:09:24,870 --> 00:09:26,737
Every year I kiss him for good luck.

194
00:09:26,739 --> 00:09:29,172
And when does that luck kick in?

195
00:09:29,174 --> 00:09:30,707
Where's me kiss?

196
00:09:30,709 --> 00:09:33,477
I left it in me other purse?

197
00:09:36,614 --> 00:09:40,483
Wow. That's a wet moustache.

198
00:09:40,485 --> 00:09:42,619
Scotch and fish.

199
00:09:42,621 --> 00:09:44,521
What?

200
00:09:44,523 --> 00:09:48,758
That's why it's wet!

201
00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,027
Man, he's the best.

202
00:09:51,029 --> 00:09:53,963
The best what?

203
00:09:53,965 --> 00:09:55,065
Hey, girls!

204
00:09:55,067 --> 00:09:57,434
Sold my last shirt.

205
00:09:57,436 --> 00:10:02,605
Hey, told you that small would fit.

206
00:10:03,841 --> 00:10:06,342
Look at han at that table
with all those...

207
00:10:06,344 --> 00:10:08,678
I want to say "girls..."

208
00:10:08,680 --> 00:10:10,647
waiting to take pictures with him.

209
00:10:10,649 --> 00:10:12,949
Mm, Becca!

210
00:10:12,951 --> 00:10:14,417
Be-becca!

211
00:10:14,419 --> 00:10:17,020
Over here.

212
00:10:17,022 --> 00:10:19,022
Oh, no, you're not Becca.

213
00:10:19,024 --> 00:10:22,792
Hey, though.

214
00:10:22,794 --> 00:10:24,661
Are you guys in line to take
pictures with the Leprechaun?

215
00:10:24,663 --> 00:10:25,695
No.
$5.

216
00:10:25,697 --> 00:10:27,430
Wait, what?

217
00:10:27,432 --> 00:10:30,867
Ah, yes, we are the Leprechaun's
McAgent and McManager.

218
00:10:30,869 --> 00:10:33,202
It'll be $5 to take
a selfie with the Leprechaun.

219
00:10:33,204 --> 00:10:36,038
That is a great deal.

220
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:38,407
Max, I am not doing this.

221
00:10:38,409 --> 00:10:42,311
Fine. Then we'll have to use the
cupcake money for our cab home.

222
00:10:42,313 --> 00:10:44,914
Okay, that there is virgin Leprechaun.

223
00:10:44,916 --> 00:10:46,682
So it's $10.

224
00:10:46,684 --> 00:10:49,819
10 for a picture, 15 for a kiss,
nothing below the waist.

225
00:10:49,821 --> 00:10:52,521
That's 'cause there's
nothing below the waist.

226
00:10:52,523 --> 00:10:54,657
Will you take a 20?

227
00:10:54,659 --> 00:10:58,561
I mean, I guess.

228
00:11:00,664 --> 00:11:04,433
Just so you know, if you're
an orphan, I'm interested.

229
00:11:06,203 --> 00:11:08,437
Are you over here
making money off of me,

230
00:11:08,439 --> 00:11:10,272
You wolves of Wall Street?

231
00:11:10,274 --> 00:11:13,209
We're just taking advantage
of drunk people.

232
00:11:13,211 --> 00:11:14,710
It's a St. Paddy's tradition,

233
00:11:14,712 --> 00:11:17,246
Like corned beef or punching a cop.

234
00:11:17,248 --> 00:11:21,250
Well, then maybe you can get
them to take advantage of me.

235
00:11:21,252 --> 00:11:24,620
Get a little handsy on hansy.

236
00:11:24,622 --> 00:11:27,756
I've got my eye
on that buxom paralegal.

237
00:11:27,758 --> 00:11:32,027
The one over there who
brought in outside chicken?

238
00:11:34,397 --> 00:11:35,998
Hook daddy up!

239
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,700
So I'm going up to the woman

240
00:11:37,702 --> 00:11:41,937
who brought her own
two-liter of coke to a bar

241
00:11:41,939 --> 00:11:45,541
to ask her for money to touch you.

242
00:11:45,543 --> 00:11:48,599
That's the gist.

243
00:11:48,601 --> 00:11:51,201
What's happened to my life?
Where am I?

244
00:11:51,203 --> 00:11:53,504
Blarney's!

245
00:11:53,506 --> 00:11:54,705
Oh, God, it's Blarney Bill.

246
00:11:54,707 --> 00:11:55,973
Hey, that's my name!

247
00:11:55,975 --> 00:11:57,474
Where's me kiss?

248
00:11:57,476 --> 00:12:00,410
Oh, well, I...

249
00:12:00,412 --> 00:12:01,812
I have to go to the ladies' room

250
00:12:01,814 --> 00:12:03,647
And wash whatever
is on my mouth and in my mouth

251
00:12:03,649 --> 00:12:05,816
off my mouth
and out of my mouth.

252
00:12:09,087 --> 00:12:11,722
We've been in this line so long,
now I actually have to pee.

253
00:12:11,724 --> 00:12:15,659
Max, are you eating chicken?

254
00:12:15,661 --> 00:12:17,561
She didn't have
10 bucks to tickle Han,

255
00:12:17,563 --> 00:12:20,730
So she paid me in purse chicken.

256
00:12:20,732 --> 00:12:24,167
I think I came out ahead.

257
00:12:24,169 --> 00:12:26,903
Uh, sorry, back of the line.
No cuts.

258
00:12:26,905 --> 00:12:28,738
Please. I'm feeling sick.

259
00:12:28,740 --> 00:12:32,375
Sorry, no cuts,
no buts, no coconuts.

260
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:35,512
Is that one of those
famous Irish poems too?

261
00:12:35,514 --> 00:12:38,114
I totally understand.
Yeah, I get it.

262
00:12:38,116 --> 00:12:39,416
Just let her cut.
It's St. Patrick's day.

263
00:12:39,418 --> 00:12:41,284
She's having fun.

264
00:12:41,286 --> 00:12:44,154
Not to bring up my St. Patrick's
day tradition at the plaza...

265
00:12:44,156 --> 00:12:45,622
Oh, good.

266
00:12:45,624 --> 00:12:48,124
But it was so much better
than this place.

267
00:12:48,126 --> 00:12:50,160
I mean, there were no lines.

268
00:12:50,162 --> 00:12:53,730
We'd sit like non-animals in
the palm court and sip Bellinis.

269
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:55,165
I'm taking you to palm court

270
00:12:55,167 --> 00:12:57,734
if you tell that story one more time.

271
00:12:57,736 --> 00:12:59,536
Guys.

272
00:12:59,538 --> 00:13:02,639
I just threw up.

273
00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:11,080
And you're carrying it around
like a baby chick?

274
00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:13,283
I-I think I'm gonna need some water.

275
00:13:13,285 --> 00:13:16,986
I have to drive
a school bus in four hours.

276
00:13:18,822 --> 00:13:21,224
You're a great American.

277
00:13:21,226 --> 00:13:23,659
I know what I am.

278
00:13:23,661 --> 00:13:24,861
Ahem!

279
00:13:24,863 --> 00:13:26,162
Oh!

280
00:13:26,164 --> 00:13:27,864
Where's me kiss?

281
00:13:27,866 --> 00:13:29,699
Uh, she has it.

282
00:13:29,701 --> 00:13:30,766
Ah!

283
00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:33,503
Dodged a bullet.

284
00:13:41,845 --> 00:13:45,114
Bullet found ya.

285
00:13:52,422 --> 00:13:54,056
Come on. I have to find
another bathroom.

286
00:13:54,058 --> 00:13:55,991
I'm not peeing
anywhere near Blarney Bill.

287
00:13:55,993 --> 00:13:59,595
I don't want him to find "me kiss"
when I have me pants down.

288
00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:03,466
I gave him your number.
Is that cool?

289
00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:06,669
Oh, no. I don't think
I'm gonna make it.

290
00:14:06,671 --> 00:14:09,405
You mean in life?
Yeah, me neither.

291
00:14:09,407 --> 00:14:12,041
No, it's all that green beer.

292
00:14:12,043 --> 00:14:14,843
And if I wet myself
here on 53rd street,

293
00:14:14,845 --> 00:14:16,912
I'll be forced to abandon you,
move to the Midwest,

294
00:14:16,914 --> 00:14:18,514
And start a new life.

295
00:14:18,516 --> 00:14:22,885
I have a bathroom you can use.

296
00:14:24,955 --> 00:14:27,556
I've hit some very
low points today,

297
00:14:27,558 --> 00:14:30,859
but I'm not about to pee
through a paper penis in public.

298
00:14:30,861 --> 00:14:34,163
Here, quick, just pop a squat
over here behind the float,

299
00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:35,798
I'll block you so no one'll see,

300
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:37,499
And the 15 high school
marching bands'll

301
00:14:37,501 --> 00:14:39,935
mask the sound of you
hitting rock bottom.

302
00:14:39,937 --> 00:14:42,371
Gimme that thing.

303
00:14:42,373 --> 00:14:43,605
Damn it, Max. Damn it!

304
00:14:43,607 --> 00:14:45,440
How do I do this?

305
00:14:45,442 --> 00:14:49,411
Well, I do have my master's
in public urination from Devry.

306
00:14:49,413 --> 00:14:51,246
Just unzip,
put it in your pants,

307
00:14:51,248 --> 00:14:52,915
and let a river run through it.

308
00:14:52,917 --> 00:14:54,349
No one's looking, right?

309
00:14:54,351 --> 00:14:55,751
Nope.

310
00:15:01,124 --> 00:15:03,525
Hi, Caroline.

311
00:15:05,762 --> 00:15:09,498
Sophie, you were in the parade?

312
00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:11,066
Of course I was.

313
00:15:11,068 --> 00:15:12,834
You can't be a volunteer firefighter

314
00:15:12,836 --> 00:15:14,836
without being in the parade.

315
00:15:14,838 --> 00:15:17,239
You're a volunteer firefighter?

316
00:15:17,241 --> 00:15:21,977
Well, I do go down
to the station voluntarily.

317
00:15:21,979 --> 00:15:24,779
Besides, every
fire station needs a pole,

318
00:15:24,781 --> 00:15:26,881
And I'm it, baby.

319
00:15:26,883 --> 00:15:29,484
Anyway, we're all going to Blarney's.

320
00:15:29,486 --> 00:15:30,752
Shots on me.

321
00:15:30,754 --> 00:15:34,522
And by that I mean shots on me.

322
00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:38,793
Come on.

323
00:15:38,795 --> 00:15:40,929
When the firemen's pole
offers you drinks, you say yes.

324
00:15:40,931 --> 00:15:43,331
Max, I am not going back in there.

325
00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:46,134
In fact, I'm treating you
to a drink at the plaza.

326
00:15:46,136 --> 00:15:48,236
You know that money we were
saving for our funeral?

327
00:15:48,238 --> 00:15:52,140
That's no longer an issue
because I just died right then.

328
00:15:52,142 --> 00:15:55,243
Rest in pee, Caroline.

329
00:16:04,679 --> 00:16:06,613
Look, Max, our Bellinis.

330
00:16:06,615 --> 00:16:08,749
Thank you, Claude.

331
00:16:08,751 --> 00:16:11,552
He's a plaza institution.

332
00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:14,655
And I just remembered
his name is Rolph.

333
00:16:14,657 --> 00:16:16,423
You forgot the name rolph

334
00:16:16,425 --> 00:16:19,459
After we just saw
a girl do that in her hands?

335
00:16:19,461 --> 00:16:20,794
Isn't it lovely here?

336
00:16:20,796 --> 00:16:23,664
Less Blarney's, more Barney's.

337
00:16:23,666 --> 00:16:25,732
And trust me,
these Bellinis are famous.

338
00:16:25,734 --> 00:16:29,102
Why?
Did they make a sex tape?

339
00:16:29,104 --> 00:16:30,938
Ooh, kind of tastes like the time

340
00:16:30,940 --> 00:16:33,774
I put canned peaches
in my boxed wine.

341
00:16:33,776 --> 00:16:37,944
Max, a plaza Bellini
is a far cry from boxed wine.

342
00:16:37,946 --> 00:16:42,416
Well, my rule is, if I have
to refrigerate it, it's fancy.

343
00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:46,153
I'm talkin' to you, batteries.

344
00:16:47,688 --> 00:16:49,589
You know, tonight is really bringing up

345
00:16:49,591 --> 00:16:51,024
How much I miss the old me.

346
00:16:51,026 --> 00:16:55,095
Yeah, tonight is really bringing up
how much I miss my friend Archie.

347
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:56,463
Who?

348
00:16:56,465 --> 00:16:58,565
The guy you hit
with the champagne balloons.

349
00:16:58,567 --> 00:17:00,734
Sells car seat covers in Rhode Island.

350
00:17:00,736 --> 00:17:02,969
You know how I said
he was doing really well?

351
00:17:02,971 --> 00:17:04,971
Truth is I haven't talked
to him in a year.

352
00:17:04,973 --> 00:17:08,742
Really dropped the ball.

353
00:17:08,744 --> 00:17:11,144
And the most exciting thing
about this place...

354
00:17:11,146 --> 00:17:13,113
Those elevator doors
can open,

355
00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:15,248
and you never know
who's gonna step off.

356
00:17:23,057 --> 00:17:26,793
Max, this is nice.

357
00:17:26,795 --> 00:17:29,362
Max, this is boring.
What happened?

358
00:17:29,364 --> 00:17:31,731
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.

359
00:17:31,733 --> 00:17:35,368
Now I'm thinking maybe this wasn't
as much fun as I thought it was.

360
00:17:35,370 --> 00:17:40,039
Now I'm thinking Archie's dead.

361
00:17:40,041 --> 00:17:44,844
'Cause I feel like I got
a text about it and ignored it.

362
00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:47,080
Even this Bellini
doesn't taste as good.

363
00:17:47,082 --> 00:17:49,482
I knew it, my taste buds
must have committed suicide

364
00:17:49,484 --> 00:17:52,652
after my first 7-Eleven sushi.

365
00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:55,521
I mean, nothing is the same.

366
00:17:55,523 --> 00:17:57,490
Why did I think this was fun?

367
00:17:57,492 --> 00:18:01,527
Because before you met me,
you didn't know what fun was.

368
00:18:01,529 --> 00:18:03,162
I get your point, Max,

369
00:18:03,164 --> 00:18:06,098
But I did own a Caribbean Island
with six jet skis.

370
00:18:06,100 --> 00:18:09,335
Oh, come on, get over it.
Drink up. It's not that bad.

371
00:18:09,337 --> 00:18:11,003
Can you just let me feel sad?

372
00:18:11,005 --> 00:18:14,573
No!
Not on St. Patrick's day.

373
00:18:14,575 --> 00:18:17,810
You have a good time, and you
don't think about your problems.

374
00:18:17,812 --> 00:18:19,679
That girl who threw up in her hands,

375
00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:22,314
She didn't sit around saying,
"Eh, meh, my life sucks."

376
00:18:22,316 --> 00:18:24,417
No, she threw her hands in the air,

377
00:18:24,419 --> 00:18:26,452
Hit a lot of people with the vomit,

378
00:18:26,454 --> 00:18:29,688
and kept the party going.

379
00:18:29,690 --> 00:18:32,925
Yeah, the party was
all over everybody's shoes.

380
00:18:32,927 --> 00:18:36,262
Look, it doesn't matter
that this is literally

381
00:18:36,264 --> 00:18:39,565
the stupidest place I've ever
been in my whole frickin' life.

382
00:18:39,567 --> 00:18:41,967
Let's get another $40 Roberto Benigni

383
00:18:41,969 --> 00:18:43,636
and keep our party going.

384
00:18:43,638 --> 00:18:47,072
Come on, let's go.
There's no party here.

385
00:18:47,074 --> 00:18:49,341
There may be a $3 million
bat mitzvah happening upstairs,

386
00:18:49,343 --> 00:18:50,542
but there's no party here.

387
00:18:50,544 --> 00:18:51,944
But I do know where there is one.

388
00:18:51,946 --> 00:18:55,381
We'll just take the check, Rolph.

389
00:18:55,383 --> 00:18:58,150
And I just remembered
his name is Dennis.

390
00:19:00,587 --> 00:19:03,589
Max, I'm sorry if I rained
on your parade today.

391
00:19:03,591 --> 00:19:05,491
Well, peed on it.

392
00:19:05,493 --> 00:19:07,059
Don't worry about it.

393
00:19:07,061 --> 00:19:09,828
Everything that means
something to me gets peed on.

394
00:19:09,830 --> 00:19:11,897
Hey, girls!
I heard you left!

395
00:19:11,899 --> 00:19:16,001
You missed me winning
the hula-hooping contest.

396
00:19:16,003 --> 00:19:18,070
When did you learn how to hula-hoop?

397
00:19:18,072 --> 00:19:21,607
Once again, I do not know.

398
00:19:21,609 --> 00:19:24,142
You're still rocking
the bagpipe ensemble.

399
00:19:24,144 --> 00:19:27,112
I thought you wanted to keep
your skirt wearing on the low-low.

400
00:19:27,114 --> 00:19:30,082
That was before I discovered
the sensation

401
00:19:30,084 --> 00:19:34,386
of a cool breeze circling
my bag and my pipe.

402
00:19:37,490 --> 00:19:39,724
Hey! Max, Caroline!

403
00:19:39,726 --> 00:19:42,227
Excuse me, move it.
Move it. Move it.

404
00:19:42,229 --> 00:19:45,397
Hey, move it.
Wanna break my big-ass clover?

405
00:19:45,399 --> 00:19:48,767
Girls, where did you go?

406
00:19:48,769 --> 00:19:51,369
We went to the plaza,
and I realized my life

407
00:19:51,371 --> 00:19:53,872
may actually be richer now
than when I was rich.

408
00:19:53,874 --> 00:19:58,910
Oh, no. Is it too late to walk away?

409
00:20:00,646 --> 00:20:02,647
Can you girls loan me some cash?

410
00:20:02,649 --> 00:20:05,050
I met a girl, and I need
money for the bus

411
00:20:05,052 --> 00:20:07,819
back from her sister's condo
in Jersey City.

412
00:20:07,821 --> 00:20:11,823
She said we've got to be quiet,
but I make no promises.

413
00:20:11,825 --> 00:20:14,726
Sure. I gotcha, Han.
What do you need, a 20?

414
00:20:14,728 --> 00:20:17,362
Oh, what the hell? Take 50.
We can always make more.

415
00:20:17,364 --> 00:20:18,530
Or not.

416
00:20:18,532 --> 00:20:20,698
Look at you throwing the cash around.

417
00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:23,067
You know, girl, there might
be hope for you yet.

418
00:20:23,069 --> 00:20:26,104
Jeanine, I'm good to go.

419
00:20:28,307 --> 00:20:31,943
Told you, girls. 100%.

420
00:20:34,613 --> 00:20:38,483
Looks like they're both
gonna get unlucky tonight.

421
00:20:38,485 --> 00:20:41,686
Hey, Max, Caroline, over here!

422
00:20:41,688 --> 00:20:44,222
I save ya a couple of seats.

423
00:20:44,224 --> 00:20:48,059
And a couple of firemen.

424
00:20:48,061 --> 00:20:49,727
Uh, there's no place to sit.

425
00:20:49,729 --> 00:20:52,697
Oh, you are so green.

426
00:20:52,699 --> 00:20:55,299
'Sup?

427
00:20:55,301 --> 00:20:59,203
Happy St. Paddy's day!
Where's me kiss?

428
00:20:59,205 --> 00:21:01,606
Oh...

429
00:21:06,912 --> 00:21:08,412
Mm...

430
00:21:08,414 --> 00:21:12,583
Scotch and fish!

431
00:21:12,584 --> 00:21:15,863
Synced and corrected by backinblack
www.addic7ed.com