1
00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:06,358
Who or what did you do
to get this $20 tip?

2
00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:09,344
Because I wheeled a customer
home the other night,

3
00:00:09,346 --> 00:00:11,447
and all I got was a 5.

4
00:00:11,449 --> 00:00:15,117
And that was after we made out
and I gave him a bath.

5
00:00:15,119 --> 00:00:18,186
The lady at that table
asked me what was special here,

6
00:00:18,188 --> 00:00:22,708
And I said, "I used to be,"
and then I burst into tears.

7
00:00:22,710 --> 00:00:25,995
I pull that out
whenever I need a manicure.

8
00:00:25,997 --> 00:00:28,214
Well, it's that time of year again.

9
00:00:28,216 --> 00:00:29,415
I'm so jealous.

10
00:00:29,417 --> 00:00:32,534
I can't believe you only get
your period once a year.

11
00:00:32,536 --> 00:00:34,870
It's tax season,
and my accountant said

12
00:00:34,872 --> 00:00:36,138
I'm getting a refund.

13
00:00:36,140 --> 00:00:38,173
He also complimented these moccasins,

14
00:00:38,175 --> 00:00:40,876
which are also controversial
around here.

15
00:00:40,878 --> 00:00:45,547
Well, they do have the word
"mock", "ass" and "sin."

16
00:00:45,549 --> 00:00:47,600
This is why I never wear overalls,

17
00:00:47,602 --> 00:00:48,817
'cause you two would be...

18
00:00:48,819 --> 00:00:50,069
- Overall...
- Disgusted?

19
00:00:50,071 --> 00:00:51,604
Precisely.

20
00:00:51,606 --> 00:00:53,906
Oh, Earl, that reminds me.

21
00:00:53,908 --> 00:00:56,558
I forgot. Here you go.
I finished your taxes.

22
00:00:56,560 --> 00:01:00,946
And for the future you cannot claim
your weed dealer as a dependent.

23
00:01:00,948 --> 00:01:04,667
I don't know why.
I'm very dependent on weed.

24
00:01:06,202 --> 00:01:08,904
Max, since I've been helping
everyone with their taxes,

25
00:01:08,906 --> 00:01:10,673
Mostly because the only
other time I get to use

26
00:01:10,675 --> 00:01:13,425
my financial degree is counting
how many Q-Tips we have left,

27
00:01:13,427 --> 00:01:14,927
Five.

28
00:01:14,929 --> 00:01:16,795
Three.
I dropped two in the toilet,

29
00:01:16,797 --> 00:01:20,099
and the cockroacis using them
as oars for his boat.

30
00:01:20,101 --> 00:01:22,101
Ha. That'll be cute.

31
00:01:22,103 --> 00:01:24,419
Look, there are two things
I won't talk about.

32
00:01:24,421 --> 00:01:26,588
Taxes or your flying dreams.

33
00:01:26,590 --> 00:01:28,924
Face it, Caroline.
You're not going anywhere.

34
00:01:28,926 --> 00:01:31,443
Okay, well, we have
to talk about our taxes,

35
00:01:31,445 --> 00:01:35,531
and what we're gonna claim, and, no,
you cannot claim I'm ruining your life.

36
00:01:35,533 --> 00:01:40,869
Why? I did that last year
and got $10 back.

37
00:01:40,871 --> 00:01:43,271
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

38
00:01:43,273 --> 00:01:44,790
[cash register bell dings]

39
00:01:44,792 --> 00:01:47,886
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪

40
00:01:48,054 --> 00:01:52,825
Synced and corrected by backinblack
www.addic7ed.com

41
00:01:56,988 --> 00:01:58,722
2:00 A.M., closing time. Let's go.

42
00:02:01,493 --> 00:02:04,812
It's only 12:30.

43
00:02:04,814 --> 00:02:07,314
- Nice try, Max.
- Come on, let's leave early.

44
00:02:07,316 --> 00:02:10,017
I'm more exhausted than my bra.

45
00:02:10,019 --> 00:02:12,419
Whoa, good, you're still open.

46
00:02:12,421 --> 00:02:16,707
My fiancee wants a cupcake, and
she always gets what she wants.

47
00:02:16,709 --> 00:02:19,927
Hi.

48
00:02:19,929 --> 00:02:21,712
I mean, I really want
a house in the Hamptons,

49
00:02:21,714 --> 00:02:23,881
but I'll take a cupcake.

50
00:02:23,883 --> 00:02:25,599
I'm nothing like that sounded.

51
00:02:25,601 --> 00:02:26,934
Don't apologize.

52
00:02:26,936 --> 00:02:28,668
I'm everything like that sounded.

53
00:02:28,670 --> 00:02:30,888
Oh, I'll be right back, babe.

54
00:02:30,890 --> 00:02:34,608
There's a homeless guy building
a shopping bag house around the Porsche.

55
00:02:34,610 --> 00:02:38,028
Too bad. That homeless guy
almost had a front Porsche.

56
00:02:39,564 --> 00:02:41,315
He hates this neighborhood.

57
00:02:41,317 --> 00:02:43,117
So you've been held up
at gunpoint one or two times?

58
00:02:43,119 --> 00:02:45,352
It's like, grow a pair, right?

59
00:02:45,354 --> 00:02:46,870
So what are you eating?

60
00:02:46,872 --> 00:02:48,355
Um, chocolate.

61
00:02:48,357 --> 00:02:51,575
But, wait, now I'm thinking
red velvet.

62
00:02:51,577 --> 00:02:54,111
Tim put my ring in one
when he proposed.

63
00:02:54,113 --> 00:02:56,163
Oh, he proposed with one
of our cupcakes?

64
00:02:56,165 --> 00:02:57,331
That's so sweet.

65
00:02:57,333 --> 00:02:58,499
Yeah, it was.

66
00:02:58,501 --> 00:03:00,884
I mean, it was like a whole thing,
because I swallowed it,

67
00:03:00,886 --> 00:03:04,104
but, once it passed,
really so pretty.

68
00:03:04,106 --> 00:03:07,874
I gave him a 20 to move
to that Mini Cooper instead of our car.

69
00:03:07,876 --> 00:03:11,061
Remind me to start calling Han
"Mini Cooper."

70
00:03:11,063 --> 00:03:13,514
Babe, I've been thinking.

71
00:03:13,516 --> 00:03:15,382
Uh-oh.
That's never good.

72
00:03:15,384 --> 00:03:17,551
No, it's great, babe.
Listen.

73
00:03:17,553 --> 00:03:20,521
So, since you proposed to me
with one of their cupcakes,

74
00:03:20,523 --> 00:03:23,574
I was thinking that these girls
should do our wedding cake.

75
00:03:23,576 --> 00:03:25,526
But, babe, we already ordered
a wedding cake.

76
00:03:25,528 --> 00:03:28,078
$1,300.
Remember, babe?

77
00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:29,663
I know, but, babe.

78
00:03:29,665 --> 00:03:33,250
They said babe less
in the movie <i>Babe</i>.

79
00:03:33,252 --> 00:03:35,202
So do you guys do wedding cakes?

80
00:03:35,204 --> 00:03:36,370
- No.
- Yes.

81
00:03:36,372 --> 00:03:38,572
I don't. She does.

82
00:03:38,574 --> 00:03:40,907
She's the baker, and, yes,
we do tons of wedding cakes.

83
00:03:40,909 --> 00:03:42,242
Gay weddings, straight weddings.

84
00:03:42,244 --> 00:03:44,244
Bed wettings.

85
00:03:44,246 --> 00:03:47,431
Claire, you do whatever you want,
but I'm gonna wait in the car.

86
00:03:47,433 --> 00:03:50,767
I just can't do the cake stuff
again, babe.

87
00:03:50,769 --> 00:03:52,352
He doesn't want to do the cake stuff.

88
00:03:52,354 --> 00:03:54,588
Well, I don't want
to do the butt stuff.

89
00:03:54,590 --> 00:03:55,856
You know what I mean?

90
00:03:55,858 --> 00:03:58,025
- No.
- Yes.

91
00:03:58,027 --> 00:03:59,810
Why don't you come in
and we can talk about it?

92
00:03:59,812 --> 00:04:00,944
Enter through the diner.

93
00:04:00,946 --> 00:04:02,613
Okay.
See you guys in a sec.

94
00:04:02,615 --> 00:04:05,032
What is wrong with you?

95
00:04:05,034 --> 00:04:08,152
I told you I didn't want
any more white girls in the shop.

96
00:04:09,571 --> 00:04:11,655
And since when do we do
wedding cakes?

97
00:04:11,657 --> 00:04:13,874
Since that guy said $1,300.

98
00:04:13,876 --> 00:04:16,160
You can do this, Max.
You went to pastry school.

99
00:04:16,162 --> 00:04:18,328
I also went to high school,

100
00:04:18,330 --> 00:04:22,282
but I can't tell you
which president Rock Hudson was.

101
00:04:22,284 --> 00:04:23,517
I don't do wedding cakes.

102
00:04:23,519 --> 00:04:25,118
Okay, I know this may not be

103
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:27,387
the best time for you to make
your first wedding cake

104
00:04:27,389 --> 00:04:28,822
because of your recent breakup.

105
00:04:28,824 --> 00:04:30,624
Oh, it's not about Deke.

106
00:04:30,626 --> 00:04:34,294
If you remember, I'm the one
who sent his 'fro out the door.

107
00:04:34,296 --> 00:04:36,180
Weddings are just stupid.

108
00:04:36,182 --> 00:04:38,732
This whole idea of celebrating love?

109
00:04:38,734 --> 00:04:41,852
I mean, love works out less
than Chris Christie.

110
00:04:41,854 --> 00:04:43,854
Right through here.

111
00:04:43,856 --> 00:04:45,639
There you go, miss.

112
00:04:45,641 --> 00:04:47,491
Thanks.

113
00:04:47,493 --> 00:04:49,026
Did you want something else?

114
00:04:49,028 --> 00:04:51,978
I'll take whatever I can get.

115
00:04:51,980 --> 00:04:54,615
Okay, we're done.

116
00:04:54,617 --> 00:04:57,034
You're lucky.
This morning, a cannoli shell

117
00:04:57,036 --> 00:04:59,953
pressed sexual harassment
charges against him.

118
00:04:59,955 --> 00:05:02,839
Oh, my God, you guys.

119
00:05:02,841 --> 00:05:03,874
Your shop is so adorbs.

120
00:05:03,876 --> 00:05:05,008
I'm Claire, by the way.

121
00:05:05,010 --> 00:05:06,293
I owned a store on Bedford Ave.

122
00:05:06,295 --> 00:05:08,962
A dress shop
called "Get the Frock Out."

123
00:05:09,964 --> 00:05:11,840
Oh, I remember that place.

124
00:05:11,890 --> 00:05:14,685
Wasn't it right next
to the hair salon, "Unbeweavable"?

125
00:05:14,687 --> 00:05:17,354
Yeah, yeah,
between "Unbeweavable"

126
00:05:17,356 --> 00:05:20,691
and the kosher smoothie place
called "The Wandering Juice."

127
00:05:20,693 --> 00:05:24,778
I love their menorah-nge juice.

128
00:05:24,780 --> 00:05:27,648
Yeah, you know, it was always
my dream to have a dress shop.

129
00:05:27,650 --> 00:05:29,816
But then after a year
hardly anyone was coming in,

130
00:05:29,818 --> 00:05:32,703
and I was like, maybe
I should get the frock out.

131
00:05:32,705 --> 00:05:34,988
- So I bailed.
- I totally get it.

132
00:05:34,990 --> 00:05:37,991
Our first shop failed,
but we got up, dusted ourselves off...

133
00:05:37,993 --> 00:05:40,077
Well, Max went on a four-day bender,

134
00:05:40,079 --> 00:05:43,380
I found her and dusted her off,
then we started again.

135
00:05:43,382 --> 00:05:47,000
Yeah, good thing you downloaded
the "Find Your Drunk Roommate" app.

136
00:05:47,002 --> 00:05:49,869
Oh, so you guys kept going,
even though you failed?

137
00:05:49,871 --> 00:05:52,139
Why?
Don't you have boyfriends?

138
00:05:53,391 --> 00:05:55,926
[chuckles] So when are you two
getting married?

139
00:05:55,928 --> 00:05:57,210
Oh, in three days.

140
00:05:57,212 --> 00:05:59,646
Three days?
You're so calm.

141
00:05:59,648 --> 00:06:02,149
Yeah, well, I was in the plane
that crashed in the Hudson,

142
00:06:02,151 --> 00:06:06,103
so after that everything's
just kind of been "meh."

143
00:06:06,105 --> 00:06:09,189
So do you know what kind
of cake you want?

144
00:06:09,191 --> 00:06:11,358
Absolutely.
Something traditional,

145
00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:13,827
something very old school,
you know, very romantic,

146
00:06:13,829 --> 00:06:15,395
but, wait, now I'm thinking

147
00:06:15,397 --> 00:06:17,331
You guys are so cool,

148
00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:19,583
what if we did something with a
weird hipster Williamsburg vibe?

149
00:06:19,585 --> 00:06:21,285
So you want an obnoxious cake

150
00:06:21,287 --> 00:06:26,256
on a trust fund wearing
an ironic t-shirt with HPV?

151
00:06:26,258 --> 00:06:29,176
But, wait, now I'm thinking
pastels for spring.

152
00:06:29,178 --> 00:06:33,079
Oh, but, wait, now I'm thinking,
colors. I love clowns.

153
00:06:33,081 --> 00:06:38,302
Wow, she changes her mind more
than I change my underwear.

154
00:06:38,304 --> 00:06:40,687
So twice?

155
00:06:50,149 --> 00:06:51,766
Sophie, on your tax form here,

156
00:06:51,768 --> 00:06:56,154
you listed your occupation
as "Sophie."

157
00:06:56,156 --> 00:06:59,740
Yeah, it's a full-time job, baby.

158
00:06:59,742 --> 00:07:04,595
And who claims
$5,000 worth of mascara?

159
00:07:04,597 --> 00:07:08,082
It's a business deduction
for my cleaning business.

160
00:07:08,084 --> 00:07:12,653
I give it out to all the underage girls
from Poland as treats.

161
00:07:12,655 --> 00:07:18,009
Just because you're scrubbing toilets
doesn't mean your eyes can't pop.

162
00:07:18,011 --> 00:07:22,663
Do you have any legitimate
anything that we can use for anything?

163
00:07:22,665 --> 00:07:24,715
Here's a big receipt.

164
00:07:24,717 --> 00:07:28,052
$2,500 for Stolichnaya.

165
00:07:28,054 --> 00:07:30,471
You can't write off liquor.

166
00:07:30,473 --> 00:07:34,475
No, Irina Stolichnaya.

167
00:07:34,477 --> 00:07:36,527
Yeah, she waxes my eyebrows.

168
00:07:36,529 --> 00:07:40,281
And my downstairs eyebrows.

169
00:07:41,850 --> 00:07:44,068
Okay, well, there's no line
on this form

170
00:07:44,070 --> 00:07:49,918
for downstairs eyebrows,
so I'm just gonna list it as home office.

171
00:07:51,527 --> 00:07:55,880
Yeah, well, I do work out of it.

172
00:07:55,882 --> 00:07:57,698
Caroline, where's Max?

173
00:07:57,700 --> 00:08:02,003
As much as I enjoy a two-hour break
from being called a tiny woman,

174
00:08:02,005 --> 00:08:05,973
she's supposed to be working.

175
00:08:05,975 --> 00:08:07,008
Max, how's the cake going?

176
00:08:07,010 --> 00:08:10,428
That bride's a mess.

177
00:08:10,430 --> 00:08:14,398
She changed her mind
while she was changing her mind.

178
00:08:15,601 --> 00:08:17,885
Not the good stuff on the top shelf!

179
00:08:17,887 --> 00:08:21,939
Oh, you can't reach it
anyway, Mini Cooper.

180
00:08:23,525 --> 00:08:27,895
Joke's on her.
I have a collapsible ladder.

181
00:08:27,897 --> 00:08:29,947
[cell phone rings]

182
00:08:29,949 --> 00:08:33,751
Oh, hi, Claire.
Max is working on it right now.

183
00:08:33,753 --> 00:08:35,536
Oh, you've been thinking?

184
00:08:35,538 --> 00:08:39,674
Caroline, can I get anything
for a panty liner?

185
00:08:43,178 --> 00:08:45,263
I'm on the phone with Claire.

186
00:08:45,265 --> 00:08:47,414
You mean un-Claire?

187
00:08:47,416 --> 00:08:49,884
She wants to make a couple changes.

188
00:08:49,886 --> 00:08:52,053
- What should I tell her?
- Tell her I hate her.

189
00:08:52,055 --> 00:08:54,438
No, you know what, I'll tell her.

190
00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:56,757
I love to tell people things.
Give me the phone.

191
00:08:56,759 --> 00:08:59,694
Max, I beg you. $1,300.

192
00:08:59,696 --> 00:09:00,978
Oh, my God. She is so crazy.

193
00:09:00,980 --> 00:09:03,981
I should just make a giant cake
and have a psychiatrist pop out of it.

194
00:09:03,983 --> 00:09:05,533
Give me the phone.

195
00:09:05,535 --> 00:09:08,319
Hey, Claire, babe.
What's happening, babe?

196
00:09:08,321 --> 00:09:10,104
(Claire)
Max, I've been thinking,

197
00:09:10,106 --> 00:09:12,073
and I know I said I didn't want
the fondant frosting,

198
00:09:12,075 --> 00:09:15,993
but now I just saw a photo
of another wedding cake that was so gorge.

199
00:09:15,995 --> 00:09:19,246
And I started thinking...

200
00:09:19,248 --> 00:09:20,965
Uh-huh. Sure.
No problem.

201
00:09:20,967 --> 00:09:22,333
(Claire)
So then we can do the fondant?

202
00:09:22,335 --> 00:09:24,919
Yes, definitely fondant.

203
00:09:24,921 --> 00:09:26,837
(Claire)
Perfect. Bye. Love you.

204
00:09:26,839 --> 00:09:30,141
Love you too.

205
00:09:30,143 --> 00:09:31,926
Max, I know you worked hard,

206
00:09:31,928 --> 00:09:34,395
and you're probably upset
about having to change it.

207
00:09:36,231 --> 00:09:39,183
[Hums wedding March]

208
00:09:49,745 --> 00:09:52,648
I'm sensing a lot of hostility

209
00:09:54,650 --> 00:09:56,984
that has nothing to do
with that couple

210
00:09:56,986 --> 00:09:58,753
and may be more about you

211
00:09:58,755 --> 00:10:01,122
and a certain groom
that didn't happen.

212
00:10:01,124 --> 00:10:03,424
What, you can't light
a couple's head on fire

213
00:10:03,426 --> 00:10:06,711
without it being
about your ex-boyfriend?

214
00:10:06,713 --> 00:10:08,679
Max, I know you're sad about it.

215
00:10:08,681 --> 00:10:10,181
I heard you crying last night.

216
00:10:10,183 --> 00:10:12,049
That was you crying.

217
00:10:12,051 --> 00:10:16,554
Well, someone was crying.

218
00:10:22,861 --> 00:10:24,445
[gasps]
Oh, my God.

219
00:10:24,447 --> 00:10:26,447
Max. It's beautiful.

220
00:10:26,449 --> 00:10:28,115
You did an amazing job.

221
00:10:28,117 --> 00:10:30,851
That's quite a cake cake cake.

222
00:10:30,853 --> 00:10:34,789
Calm down. I made a cake.
I didn't fold a fitted sheet.

223
00:10:34,791 --> 00:10:37,241
Ooh, and I like
the new bride and groom.

224
00:10:37,243 --> 00:10:38,959
By the way, I fished the other
ones out of the garbage

225
00:10:38,961 --> 00:10:41,879
In case we ever get
a burn victim wedding.

226
00:10:41,881 --> 00:10:43,798
Okay, I got the extra icing.
Let's go.

227
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:46,917
Now grab it with two hands
and lift with your knees.

228
00:10:46,919 --> 00:10:48,552
Oh, is that how you think
it should go?

229
00:10:48,554 --> 00:10:52,673
'cause I was gonna grab it with my head
and lift it with my face.

230
00:10:52,675 --> 00:10:56,043
(both)
Got it. Got it. Got it.

231
00:10:56,045 --> 00:10:57,711
Ooh.
Oh, wait.

232
00:10:57,713 --> 00:11:00,380
Got it. Got it. Got it.

233
00:11:00,382 --> 00:11:02,817
Got it. Got it. Got it.

234
00:11:02,819 --> 00:11:04,101
- Grease puddle.
- Got it.

235
00:11:04,103 --> 00:11:05,069
Got it. Got it.

236
00:11:05,071 --> 00:11:07,888
- Roach.
- Got it.

237
00:11:07,890 --> 00:11:10,825
(male subway announcer)
Bedford Avenue.

238
00:11:10,827 --> 00:11:13,110
(both)
Got it. Got it. Got it.

239
00:11:13,112 --> 00:11:15,579
Got it. Got it.

240
00:11:15,581 --> 00:11:17,564
(announcer)
Watch the doors.

241
00:11:17,566 --> 00:11:18,916
Max, this is so heavy.

242
00:11:18,918 --> 00:11:22,453
I know. We're two grown women
who can't afford a taxi.

243
00:11:22,455 --> 00:11:25,756
Oh, there's a seat over there.
We can put this down.

244
00:11:25,758 --> 00:11:27,925
Got it. Got it. Got it.

245
00:11:27,927 --> 00:11:31,629
Oh! Oh!

246
00:11:31,631 --> 00:11:33,013
I blame science.

247
00:11:33,015 --> 00:11:35,433
People shouldn't be living this long.

248
00:11:35,435 --> 00:11:37,134
Max, I need a break.

249
00:11:37,136 --> 00:11:39,270
Me too.
Maybe just like two weeks apart.

250
00:11:39,272 --> 00:11:41,105
Like, no phone calls, nothing.

251
00:11:41,107 --> 00:11:42,973
I mean the cake.

252
00:11:42,975 --> 00:11:44,225
And you love me.

253
00:11:44,227 --> 00:11:46,360
Other side.
Less crowded.

254
00:11:46,362 --> 00:11:49,113
Oh, this guy can't see.
Just our luck.

255
00:11:49,115 --> 00:11:51,265
To the left, sir.

256
00:11:51,267 --> 00:11:55,119
[both screaming]
Other left!

257
00:11:57,539 --> 00:12:00,274
Oh, what, is everybody blind now?

258
00:12:00,276 --> 00:12:02,376
[hip-hop music]
Who are you even dancing for?

259
00:12:02,378 --> 00:12:04,078
Everyone's blind.

260
00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:06,831
(both)
Got it. Got it.

261
00:12:06,833 --> 00:12:08,249
Losing it.
Losing it.

262
00:12:08,251 --> 00:12:10,468
Holding it. Holding it. Losing it.

263
00:12:10,470 --> 00:12:12,619
Second wind.
Got it. Got it.

264
00:12:12,621 --> 00:12:14,839
(announcer)
First avenue. First avenue station.

265
00:12:14,841 --> 00:12:17,641
There, there.
Put it down.

266
00:12:17,643 --> 00:12:19,626
[both sigh, relieved]

267
00:12:19,628 --> 00:12:24,315
Max, I think we got it.
[brakes shrieking]

268
00:12:28,403 --> 00:12:30,804
Don't got it.

269
00:12:40,212 --> 00:12:43,765
(both)
Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it.

270
00:12:43,767 --> 00:12:45,267
[sighing]

271
00:12:45,269 --> 00:12:48,019
Got it.

272
00:12:48,021 --> 00:12:50,722
This cake looks perfect.
You would never know.

273
00:12:50,724 --> 00:12:52,607
That's why I'm fond of the fondant.

274
00:12:52,609 --> 00:12:55,226
Covers everything.
We'll be long gone by the time

275
00:12:55,228 --> 00:12:57,112
they realize
it's half cake-half styrofoam

276
00:12:57,114 --> 00:13:00,582
from the radio shack garbage.

277
00:13:00,584 --> 00:13:03,118
Hi. I'm the wedding planner/
my own funeral planner

278
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,370
'cause it ain't going great.

279
00:13:05,372 --> 00:13:06,838
You the cake girls?

280
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:08,340
You think
just 'cause we're two girls

281
00:13:08,342 --> 00:13:10,675
With a giant cake
we're the cake girls?

282
00:13:10,677 --> 00:13:14,129
You think 'cause I'm fake smiling
I won't throw you down a flight of stairs?

283
00:13:14,131 --> 00:13:17,549
You do that?
Do you have a card?

284
00:13:17,551 --> 00:13:19,918
Sorry. We d a rough morning
getting this here.

285
00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:22,604
You?
She changed the menu again.

286
00:13:22,606 --> 00:13:24,639
I spent the whole morning making
17 turkeys look

287
00:13:24,641 --> 00:13:27,526
like 17 hams
for that crazy bitch.

288
00:13:27,528 --> 00:13:29,728
Oh, come on, that's a little harsh.

289
00:13:29,730 --> 00:13:31,262
[muttering]

290
00:13:31,264 --> 00:13:33,815
What?
She won't come out of her room?

291
00:13:33,817 --> 00:13:35,433
The bride has cold feet.

292
00:13:35,435 --> 00:13:37,736
That crazy bitch.

293
00:13:37,738 --> 00:13:38,954
Here's a crazy idea.

294
00:13:38,956 --> 00:13:41,105
How about the check for the cake?

295
00:13:41,107 --> 00:13:42,657
[chuckles]

296
00:13:42,659 --> 00:13:44,209
All right, I'm gonna tell
you two what I told

297
00:13:44,211 --> 00:13:45,961
the make-your-own-popsicle guy.

298
00:13:45,963 --> 00:13:50,281
Nobody gets paid until the bride
walks down the aisle.

299
00:13:50,283 --> 00:13:52,050
Nobody.

300
00:13:54,787 --> 00:13:57,756
There's gonna be popsicles?

301
00:13:57,758 --> 00:13:59,958
She's not that crazy.

302
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:01,176
So what are we gonna do now?

303
00:14:01,178 --> 00:14:03,145
- Let's go.
- Max, we can't go.

304
00:14:03,147 --> 00:14:05,730
- We need this money.
- We also need a shower curtain

305
00:14:05,732 --> 00:14:07,699
that doesn't give us rashes.

306
00:14:07,701 --> 00:14:11,153
But, wait, we really need
this cake money.

307
00:14:11,155 --> 00:14:16,408
We also really need a toilet
that flushes everything the first time.

308
00:14:16,410 --> 00:14:19,644
While you were doing the cake,
I was doing our taxes.

309
00:14:19,646 --> 00:14:22,864
And we owe Uncle Sam $1,500.

310
00:14:22,866 --> 00:14:27,903
Man, why does every uncle
I know try to screw me?

311
00:14:28,888 --> 00:14:30,789
So what are we gonna do?

312
00:14:30,791 --> 00:14:32,791
You heard that woman.
Nobody gets paid

313
00:14:32,793 --> 00:14:34,158
until the bride walks down the aisle.

314
00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:36,211
Nobody.

315
00:14:38,848 --> 00:14:41,466
Knock-knock.
There's the gorgeous bride.

316
00:14:41,468 --> 00:14:43,268
Your dress is beautiful.

317
00:14:43,270 --> 00:14:47,105
It's a beautiful dress to get married in
right now in the next room.

318
00:14:47,107 --> 00:14:49,674
No, I hate it.
I'm taking it off.

319
00:14:49,676 --> 00:14:52,227
I'm not wearing this dress
or that one or that one

320
00:14:52,229 --> 00:14:55,363
because I'm thinking
marriage is stupid.

321
00:14:55,365 --> 00:14:57,482
- So stupid.
- Max.

322
00:14:57,484 --> 00:15:00,819
Stupid beautiful,
and everyone should do it.

323
00:15:00,821 --> 00:15:02,370
Nope. It's not for me.

324
00:15:02,372 --> 00:15:07,292
Like underwear.

325
00:15:07,294 --> 00:15:11,079
Oh, you'll feel fine as soon as
you get back in this dress.

326
00:15:11,081 --> 00:15:12,497
Or that dress or that dress.

327
00:15:12,499 --> 00:15:15,199
Okay, I feel like you guys
are forcing me into this dress.

328
00:15:15,201 --> 00:15:17,002
[scoffs]
That's ridiculous.

329
00:15:17,004 --> 00:15:18,587
Forcing you into a dress for money?

330
00:15:18,589 --> 00:15:21,056
Now where's that freaking veil?

331
00:15:21,058 --> 00:15:22,474
Nope, not that one.

332
00:15:22,476 --> 00:15:23,708
This was just a backup veil.

333
00:15:23,710 --> 00:15:24,893
You can't even see my face.

334
00:15:24,895 --> 00:15:26,094
It was in case I got herpes.

335
00:15:26,096 --> 00:15:27,062
You know how it is.

336
00:15:27,064 --> 00:15:30,065
- Yeah.
- No.

337
00:15:30,067 --> 00:15:31,983
Anyways, I'm thinking...

338
00:15:31,985 --> 00:15:35,937
What, like seven different things
all resulting in us not getting paid?

339
00:15:35,939 --> 00:15:39,357
Listen, I'm thinking that maybe
I bailed out of my shop too soon.

340
00:15:39,359 --> 00:15:41,392
I mean, I left after only a year.

341
00:15:41,394 --> 00:15:42,694
Why? 'Cause I was just scared?

342
00:15:42,696 --> 00:15:44,613
Well, everybody's afraid of failure.

343
00:15:44,615 --> 00:15:46,164
No, not failure.

344
00:15:46,166 --> 00:15:48,416
There was a gang shooting
in front of my dress shop.

345
00:15:48,418 --> 00:15:50,785
I had to bury two mannequins.

346
00:15:50,787 --> 00:15:54,005
For future reference, just draw
a teardrop on your face,

347
00:15:54,007 --> 00:15:57,342
and they'll move it
to Banana Republic.

348
00:15:57,344 --> 00:16:00,378
Well, I mean, it wasn't easy
for you guys, right?

349
00:16:00,380 --> 00:16:03,548
But you hung in there, and now you have
this big, successful cake business.

350
00:16:03,550 --> 00:16:04,749
- We lied.
- It's terrible.

351
00:16:04,751 --> 00:16:05,850
- We're losers.
- Get married.

352
00:16:05,852 --> 00:16:10,254
Claire, the only thing harder
than building a business is finding love.

353
00:16:10,256 --> 00:16:12,691
Look at her.
She just lost someone she loves,

354
00:16:12,693 --> 00:16:15,760
and quite frankly she doesn't think
it's ever gonna happen for her again.

355
00:16:15,762 --> 00:16:17,395
I mean, none of us do.

356
00:16:17,397 --> 00:16:19,814
Not even Han?

357
00:16:19,816 --> 00:16:22,317
No, he's the one who brought it up.

358
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:28,123
Claire, who knows you better than us?

359
00:16:28,125 --> 00:16:30,158
You're getting married.

360
00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:32,544
You're right.
I should get married.

361
00:16:32,546 --> 00:16:34,329
(both)
Yay.

362
00:16:34,331 --> 00:16:36,748
- But not to Tim.
- What?

363
00:16:36,750 --> 00:16:38,383
You guys will tell him for me, right?

364
00:16:38,385 --> 00:16:39,834
Tell him I'm no good.
Tell him I'm sorry.

365
00:16:39,836 --> 00:16:40,969
You know what,
tell him whatever you want.

366
00:16:40,971 --> 00:16:43,838
You guys decide.
I'm easy.

367
00:16:45,308 --> 00:16:50,228
You know what she's not?
Easy.

368
00:16:50,230 --> 00:16:51,796
(Caroline)
<i>You heard that woman.</i>

369
00:16:51,798 --> 00:16:54,066
<i>Nobody gets paid
until the bride walks down the aisle.</i>

370
00:16:58,354 --> 00:17:02,157
Now, remember, don't lift this veil

371
00:17:02,159 --> 00:17:03,908
until the party planner
hands me that check.

372
00:17:03,910 --> 00:17:05,827
Why don't you have to wear the dress?

373
00:17:05,829 --> 00:17:07,979
You're practically a virgin.

374
00:17:07,981 --> 00:17:11,149
Max, somebody has to walk down
the aisle, and I can't do it.

375
00:17:11,151 --> 00:17:12,951
Marriage means something to me,
and I only plan

376
00:17:12,953 --> 00:17:14,536
to walk down that aisle once.

377
00:17:14,538 --> 00:17:17,122
You also said that
about the yeast infection aisle

378
00:17:17,124 --> 00:17:20,258
at CVS, but there you were
last Saturday

379
00:17:20,260 --> 00:17:23,511
pretending to buy
children's cough syrup.

380
00:17:25,213 --> 00:17:26,370
Let's go.

381
00:17:36,882 --> 00:17:39,267
Now, walk down the aisle
like it's your special day.

382
00:17:39,302 --> 00:17:41,813
Go. The bride never talks
to the cake lady.

383
00:17:41,815 --> 00:17:44,065
People are like, "Who's that?"

384
00:17:44,067 --> 00:17:46,034
If you think they're like,
"Who's that?" now,

385
00:17:46,036 --> 00:17:49,520
wait a few minutes
till that veil gets lifted.

386
00:17:49,522 --> 00:17:53,324
[bridal chorus playing]

387
00:18:11,043 --> 00:18:15,063
Can't believe it. She's actually
walking down that aisle.

388
00:18:15,065 --> 00:18:17,148
Yup, that's totally her
walking down the aisle.

389
00:18:17,150 --> 00:18:20,051
So the check,
you can hand it to me now.

390
00:18:21,854 --> 00:18:23,154
You look stunning, babe.

391
00:18:23,156 --> 00:18:25,890
[clicks tongue]

392
00:18:36,702 --> 00:18:37,786
Come on, come on, come on.
I'll just take

393
00:18:37,788 --> 00:18:40,622
Whatever check's on top.

394
00:18:40,624 --> 00:18:43,091
Babe, wait.

395
00:18:43,093 --> 00:18:46,077
Now I'm thinking
I do want to get married.

396
00:18:46,079 --> 00:18:50,581
Babe, if you're there, who is...

397
00:18:53,519 --> 00:18:56,354
'Sup?

398
00:18:59,609 --> 00:19:00,859
♪ You'll be my princess,
and I'll be your toad ♪

399
00:19:00,861 --> 00:19:02,227
♪ I'll follow behind you

400
00:19:02,229 --> 00:19:05,196
Babe, I know I said
I didn't want any kids,

401
00:19:05,198 --> 00:19:08,099
but now I'm thinking four.

402
00:19:08,101 --> 00:19:11,102
Babe, you should have said that
before the vasectomy.

403
00:19:11,104 --> 00:19:13,104
You can always reverse it.

404
00:19:13,106 --> 00:19:16,157
Again.

405
00:19:16,159 --> 00:19:18,442
So you're the father, huh?

406
00:19:18,444 --> 00:19:21,379
And you stuck around.

407
00:19:21,381 --> 00:19:23,498
That's an interesting way to play it.

408
00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:25,800
Okay, I got the check.
We can leave.

409
00:19:25,802 --> 00:19:28,136
Not now. I'm doing
the father-daughter dance.

410
00:19:28,138 --> 00:19:30,305
May I cut in?

411
00:19:30,307 --> 00:19:32,507
Oh, no, with her.

412
00:19:32,509 --> 00:19:35,126
If you're trying to hook up
with me, you're a little late.

413
00:19:35,128 --> 00:19:38,012
That dad just slipped me his room key.

414
00:19:38,014 --> 00:19:40,765
You really do make a lovely bride.

415
00:19:40,767 --> 00:19:42,906
Oh, thanks. You know
I have one of those

416
00:19:43,076 --> 00:19:44,498
ham turkeys in my underwear, right?

417
00:19:45,272 --> 00:19:48,606
Oh, I thought you were
just happy to see me.

418
00:19:48,608 --> 00:19:50,808
[laughter]

419
00:19:50,810 --> 00:19:52,410
This is nice.

420
00:19:52,412 --> 00:19:54,812
And that cake really is beautiful.

421
00:19:54,814 --> 00:19:56,281
Thanks.

422
00:19:56,283 --> 00:19:58,816
Wish I could have showed it to...

423
00:19:58,818 --> 00:20:00,151
Deke.

424
00:20:00,153 --> 00:20:01,836
Yeah.

425
00:20:01,838 --> 00:20:03,371
So are you really okay?

426
00:20:03,373 --> 00:20:04,956
I know you loved him.

427
00:20:04,958 --> 00:20:09,260
I did, which is the worst, because
it made me feel almost like a person.

428
00:20:10,162 --> 00:20:12,663
Max, Caroline, hi.

429
00:20:12,665 --> 00:20:14,999
I just wanted to say
thank you for everything.

430
00:20:15,001 --> 00:20:17,135
And I was watching you guys
dance together,

431
00:20:17,137 --> 00:20:20,855
and now I'm thinking
I might be into girls.

432
00:20:20,857 --> 00:20:22,673
Can I call you?

433
00:20:22,675 --> 00:20:24,559
- Yes.
- No.

434
00:20:24,561 --> 00:20:26,844
Great.

435
00:20:26,846 --> 00:20:31,149
What do you mean the bottom
of the cake says radio shack?

436
00:20:31,151 --> 00:20:33,618
That's our cue.

437
00:20:33,620 --> 00:20:36,654
Wait, wait, I haven't thrown
the bouquet yet.

438
00:20:36,656 --> 00:20:38,072
Hey, single ladies.

439
00:20:38,074 --> 00:20:39,357
<i>Here we go.</i>

440
00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:43,161
One, two...

441
00:20:43,163 --> 00:20:46,030
Three.

442
00:20:46,966 --> 00:20:48,883
Hey, cake girls.

443
00:20:48,885 --> 00:20:50,301
Styrofoam?

444
00:20:50,303 --> 00:20:52,554
It's gluten-free.

445
00:20:54,893 --> 00:20:57,973
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