1
00:00:01,793 --> 00:00:04,078
I called this staff meeting
because lately,

2
00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:07,197
I've noticed our diner family
is drifting apart.

3
00:00:07,199 --> 00:00:08,865
Good work, everybody.
Good work.

4
00:00:08,867 --> 00:00:10,584
Yeah!

5
00:00:10,586 --> 00:00:12,386
Let's start off this powwow

6
00:00:12,388 --> 00:00:14,838
by sharing our highs
and lows of the week.

7
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:19,093
My high was getting a particularly
interesting snapple fact.

8
00:00:19,095 --> 00:00:20,394
And my low was...

9
00:00:20,396 --> 00:00:22,096
Your entire body?

10
00:00:23,264 --> 00:00:26,016
I'll go.
My high was finding a barrette

11
00:00:26,018 --> 00:00:27,818
in the bathroom, and my low

12
00:00:27,820 --> 00:00:31,155
was imagining my new life without it.

13
00:00:31,157 --> 00:00:32,489
Max, your high?

14
00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:34,942
I certainly am.

15
00:00:34,944 --> 00:00:37,911
And my low will be when it wears off.

16
00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:40,197
Well, my high was catching a glimpse

17
00:00:40,199 --> 00:00:42,116
of a customer's lacy g-string,

18
00:00:42,118 --> 00:00:45,703
and my low was seeing his junk.

19
00:00:45,705 --> 00:00:49,456
My low is this meeting.

20
00:00:49,458 --> 00:00:52,176
And my high is when it wraps up.

21
00:00:52,178 --> 00:00:55,912
Can everybody take this serious...

22
00:00:55,914 --> 00:00:59,183
I have a new low.

23
00:00:59,185 --> 00:01:01,769
I have a new high.

24
00:01:01,771 --> 00:01:03,554
Me too.

25
00:01:03,556 --> 00:01:04,772
Everybody, please.

26
00:01:04,774 --> 00:01:07,591
Han just clearly injured his vagina.

27
00:01:16,077 --> 00:01:19,442
Synced and corrected by backinblack
www.addic7ed.com

28
00:01:33,262 --> 00:01:34,695
That's not my phone.

29
00:01:34,697 --> 00:01:36,497
My ringtone is Let It Go,
and you know that

30
00:01:36,499 --> 00:01:39,216
'cause you threaten
to beat me every time it rings.

31
00:01:39,218 --> 00:01:40,484
Well, it's not mine.

32
00:01:40,486 --> 00:01:41,852
I keep my phone on vibrate

33
00:01:41,854 --> 00:01:43,737
out of respect for those around me,

34
00:01:43,739 --> 00:01:46,006
and also for little orgasms.

35
00:01:47,510 --> 00:01:49,710
Max, it's the landline.

36
00:01:49,712 --> 00:01:50,794
Oh, God!

37
00:01:50,796 --> 00:01:51,929
Why is it ringing?

38
00:01:51,931 --> 00:01:53,413
You said that phone only rings

39
00:01:53,415 --> 00:01:55,099
if we're in trouble or if it's you

40
00:01:55,101 --> 00:01:57,417
calling from the future
to tell us we're in trouble.

41
00:02:01,806 --> 00:02:04,091
Ruh-roh.

42
00:02:04,093 --> 00:02:06,143
That's gotta be the landlord.
The lease is up.

43
00:02:06,145 --> 00:02:08,095
Fine, we'll just renew it,
even though I thought

44
00:02:08,097 --> 00:02:09,864
they would have condemned
this place by now.

45
00:02:09,866 --> 00:02:12,432
I mean, I did find a used condom
in the hallway yesterday.

46
00:02:13,619 --> 00:02:14,952
- Hello?
- No!

47
00:02:14,954 --> 00:02:16,871
Hang up.
We're not on the lease.

48
00:02:21,577 --> 00:02:23,627
Good cover.
Now we just have to hope

49
00:02:23,629 --> 00:02:26,547
the original tenant is a Benihana chef.

50
00:02:26,549 --> 00:02:27,748
Okay.

51
00:02:27,750 --> 00:02:29,450
We don't have much time.
Quick!

52
00:02:29,452 --> 00:02:32,386
Grab two things you love.

53
00:02:37,692 --> 00:02:40,344
I-I love nothing in here!

54
00:02:40,346 --> 00:02:43,013
And why are we even
trying to keep an apartment

55
00:02:43,015 --> 00:02:45,816
that has grass growing in the bathroom?

56
00:02:45,818 --> 00:02:48,519
I love our toilet lawn.

57
00:02:48,521 --> 00:02:50,020
It's gross.

58
00:02:50,022 --> 00:02:51,355
Max, look at this place.

59
00:02:51,357 --> 00:02:54,491
Our refrigerator door is
held on by scotch tape,

60
00:02:54,493 --> 00:02:56,360
And, I mean, there is
black mold in there.

61
00:02:56,362 --> 00:02:58,362
At least the black mold
made the other mold

62
00:02:58,364 --> 00:03:00,698
move out of the neighborhood.

63
00:03:00,700 --> 00:03:01,916
Come on!

64
00:03:01,918 --> 00:03:03,500
Someone from the real estate company

65
00:03:03,502 --> 00:03:04,835
is probably on their
way over to make sure

66
00:03:04,837 --> 00:03:06,453
the original tenant still lives here.

67
00:03:08,541 --> 00:03:10,457
All right, let's ride!

68
00:03:10,459 --> 00:03:12,376
I know a guy that can drop off
some fake passports

69
00:03:12,378 --> 00:03:13,827
for us in an airport locker.

70
00:03:13,829 --> 00:03:16,380
Well, you know him too.
It's Oleg.

71
00:03:16,382 --> 00:03:17,631
Hey!

72
00:03:17,633 --> 00:03:20,167
Pick up that phone already!

73
00:03:20,169 --> 00:03:23,721
Sounds like a damn PBS fund-raiser
down here.

74
00:03:23,723 --> 00:03:26,023
Sophie, it's the landlord calling.

75
00:03:26,025 --> 00:03:28,475
I just found out we've been
subletting illegally.

76
00:03:28,477 --> 00:03:30,277
Oh, well, I always
wondered how you girls

77
00:03:30,279 --> 00:03:32,563
could afford to live in this building.

78
00:03:32,565 --> 00:03:36,617
And I ruled out prostitution
once I saw Caroline dance.

79
00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:43,724
Good news.

80
00:03:43,726 --> 00:03:44,993
I dug around the apartment

81
00:03:44,994 --> 00:03:46,410
and I found the original lease.

82
00:03:46,412 --> 00:03:48,463
Also found a copy of
my birth certificate.

83
00:03:48,464 --> 00:03:52,967
Turns out my father's name
is "mother has no idea".

84
00:03:52,969 --> 00:03:54,718
Forget that lease.

85
00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:56,420
I've already found a new place for us.

86
00:03:56,422 --> 00:04:00,874
A two-bedroom for $1,300 in Manhattan.

87
00:04:00,876 --> 00:04:04,094
Oh... Manhattan, Kansas.

88
00:04:04,096 --> 00:04:06,046
We can't afford to lose this lease.

89
00:04:06,048 --> 00:04:08,565
As soon as they find
out this Lester Donovan

90
00:04:08,567 --> 00:04:10,768
is no longer living there,
the rent will get higher

91
00:04:10,770 --> 00:04:14,104
than Justin Bieber
on a plane with his dad.

92
00:04:16,858 --> 00:04:19,193
So I tracked down this
original tenant guy, Lester.

93
00:04:19,195 --> 00:04:20,778
He's still alive.

94
00:04:20,780 --> 00:04:23,113
Ugh! Can't catch a break.

95
00:04:23,115 --> 00:04:25,833
He's at a rest home in Sheepshead Bay.

96
00:04:25,835 --> 00:04:28,085
We just have to go there and kidnap him.

97
00:04:28,087 --> 00:04:32,506
We'll tie some cream of wheat
to a pole and lure him out.

98
00:04:32,508 --> 00:04:34,375
First of all, in what world

99
00:04:34,377 --> 00:04:37,344
do we have cream of wheat pole money?

100
00:04:37,346 --> 00:04:40,414
And secondly, I am not gonna
go shake down some old man.

101
00:04:40,416 --> 00:04:41,632
You won't have to.

102
00:04:41,634 --> 00:04:44,084
He's probably already shaking.

103
00:04:44,086 --> 00:04:46,804
If you're looking, I know a place.

104
00:04:46,806 --> 00:04:48,605
You share a twin bed
with two other girls.

105
00:04:48,607 --> 00:04:50,107
Oh, and there are cameras.

106
00:04:50,109 --> 00:04:52,142
But you're paid $4.99 a minute

107
00:04:52,144 --> 00:04:54,728
and get to meet
all the singles in your area.

108
00:04:54,730 --> 00:04:58,148
Are you one of the singles in the area?

109
00:04:58,150 --> 00:05:00,270
Technically I'd be your co-star.

110
00:05:03,772 --> 00:05:07,374
Like it or not, we have
to hold on to our apartment.

111
00:05:07,376 --> 00:05:10,627
Max is right. There are
two things in life you cannot lose.

112
00:05:10,629 --> 00:05:14,298
A rent-controlled apartment
and bladder control.

113
00:05:16,117 --> 00:05:18,218
Actually, there's
an apartment in my building

114
00:05:18,220 --> 00:05:19,636
that just became available.

115
00:05:19,638 --> 00:05:21,672
Stop by tomorrow.
You can see it.

116
00:05:26,344 --> 00:05:28,812
This place is $1,200?

117
00:05:28,814 --> 00:05:32,433
$1,250. It just went up
since we been talking.

118
00:05:32,435 --> 00:05:34,151
We can't fit in here.

119
00:05:34,153 --> 00:05:35,569
I'm not talking about me and you.

120
00:05:35,571 --> 00:05:37,187
I'm talking about me and my boobs.

121
00:05:44,862 --> 00:05:46,312
Nice retirement home.

122
00:05:46,314 --> 00:05:47,747
Why don't we just live here?

123
00:05:48,249 --> 00:05:50,900
Bingo tournaments,
unlimited hard candy,

124
00:05:50,902 --> 00:05:54,037
and you get to crap your pants!

125
00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:58,324
Lester?

126
00:05:58,326 --> 00:05:59,926
That must be him.

127
00:05:59,928 --> 00:06:02,712
I don't know who I am anymore,
but that must be him.

128
00:06:03,681 --> 00:06:05,348
Hi, Mr. Donovan.

129
00:06:05,350 --> 00:06:06,850
Lester?

130
00:06:06,852 --> 00:06:08,935
Max, is he dead?

131
00:06:08,937 --> 00:06:11,938
No, he's alive, but just...

132
00:06:11,940 --> 00:06:13,506
This is so sad.

133
00:06:13,508 --> 00:06:15,675
Look at how we treat our elderly.

134
00:06:15,677 --> 00:06:17,677
Wake up!

135
00:06:17,679 --> 00:06:21,681
I-I-I need you to wake up for this!

136
00:06:21,683 --> 00:06:25,235
We are currently subletting
your old apartment,

137
00:06:25,237 --> 00:06:26,703
and we need you to pretend

138
00:06:26,705 --> 00:06:29,038
you still live there for a day.

139
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:32,308
Or just to pretend you still live.

140
00:06:32,310 --> 00:06:34,294
Ladies, you're wasting your time.

141
00:06:34,296 --> 00:06:36,296
He can't speak,
and he doesn't like girls.

142
00:06:36,298 --> 00:06:38,915
He's a vegetable and a fruit.

143
00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:41,868
Lester Donovan.

144
00:06:41,870 --> 00:06:44,370
Oh, you're Lester!
Oh, thank God.

145
00:06:44,372 --> 00:06:45,722
Listen, Lester, we need you...

146
00:06:45,724 --> 00:06:47,507
I know, I know.
You want me to pretend

147
00:06:47,509 --> 00:06:49,559
I still live in your apartment.
I overheard everything.

148
00:06:49,561 --> 00:06:52,645
We're not all comatose, darling.

149
00:06:52,647 --> 00:06:55,648
But I'm afraid... ahem...
it's not gonna happen, girls.

150
00:06:55,650 --> 00:06:57,233
'cause I got a big week.

151
00:06:57,235 --> 00:06:59,185
My special lady is moving in with me.

152
00:06:59,187 --> 00:07:00,687
Heh heh.
'Cause this guy's

153
00:07:00,689 --> 00:07:02,322
not gonna be around much longer.

154
00:07:02,324 --> 00:07:05,658
18 hours tops!

155
00:07:06,744 --> 00:07:08,495
Oh! Here's my princess.

156
00:07:08,497 --> 00:07:09,729
Olivia!

157
00:07:09,731 --> 00:07:12,064
Oh...

158
00:07:12,066 --> 00:07:13,399
He's still with us.

159
00:07:13,401 --> 00:07:15,335
God bless.

160
00:07:15,337 --> 00:07:17,370
So we'll have to push
the move to Monday.

161
00:07:17,372 --> 00:07:20,006
Yeah... About that, Lester.

162
00:07:20,008 --> 00:07:22,742
I'm not ready to move in with you.

163
00:07:22,744 --> 00:07:25,178
Olivia, wh... what do you mean?

164
00:07:25,180 --> 00:07:28,548
Max, we should go. No way!
This is like watching

165
00:07:28,550 --> 00:07:30,850
an elder version of The Bachelor!

166
00:07:30,852 --> 00:07:34,253
Literally, the final rose!

167
00:07:35,439 --> 00:07:37,807
Lester, it's not you.
It's me.

168
00:07:37,809 --> 00:07:40,193
That's still in play at their age?

169
00:07:40,195 --> 00:07:43,146
I'm just not ready to settle down.

170
00:07:43,148 --> 00:07:46,399
Too many other fish in the sea.

171
00:07:46,401 --> 00:07:48,601
I know, it's about that
new kid on the block,

172
00:07:48,603 --> 00:07:51,454
Morty what's-his-name.
It's about Morty, isn't it?

173
00:07:51,456 --> 00:07:52,822
Lester, please.

174
00:07:52,824 --> 00:07:54,607
I don't want it to be weird

175
00:07:54,609 --> 00:07:57,744
when we see each other at Bingo.

176
00:07:57,746 --> 00:07:59,462
You should know this about Morty...

177
00:07:59,464 --> 00:08:01,548
He's not a real man like me.

178
00:08:01,550 --> 00:08:04,500
His middle name is Viagra!

179
00:08:04,502 --> 00:08:06,636
Olivia!

180
00:08:11,425 --> 00:08:13,309
Well, there's no point
hanging around here.

181
00:08:13,311 --> 00:08:16,312
I'll just grab my penis pump,
and we're outta here.

182
00:08:18,048 --> 00:08:21,234
Why is he gonna need that?

183
00:08:25,356 --> 00:08:29,859
Here we are, "home, sweet
at least it's not a rest home".

184
00:08:29,861 --> 00:08:33,496
Lester, not that I minded
pushing you 35 blocks, but...

185
00:08:33,498 --> 00:08:35,348
You could walk at the home.

186
00:08:35,350 --> 00:08:37,116
Why can't you walk now?

187
00:08:37,118 --> 00:08:40,169
I'm too depressed to walk.

188
00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:41,621
I've been depressed
since I learned to walk.

189
00:08:41,623 --> 00:08:44,340
I mean, I was nine.
It was time.

190
00:08:44,342 --> 00:08:47,460
I have just lost the love of my life!

191
00:08:47,462 --> 00:08:49,796
Have you ever made love
to a lady with no teeth

192
00:08:49,798 --> 00:08:52,015
and two plastic hips?

193
00:08:52,017 --> 00:08:53,967
I, for one, have not.

194
00:08:53,969 --> 00:08:55,602
Max?

195
00:08:55,604 --> 00:08:59,973
No. But it just rocketed
to number one on my bucket list.

196
00:08:59,975 --> 00:09:04,027
I lived here from 1954 to Studio 54.

197
00:09:04,029 --> 00:09:07,346
Liza Minnelli threw up in that corner.

198
00:09:07,348 --> 00:09:08,998
The only time I ever saw anybody

199
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,884
take three bows after a vomit.

200
00:09:11,886 --> 00:09:14,120
Why did you leave?

201
00:09:14,122 --> 00:09:16,623
You always think you're
gonna find something better.

202
00:09:16,625 --> 00:09:20,043
Yep. The toilet grass is always greener.

203
00:09:21,463 --> 00:09:23,212
Okay. That's the building rep, Lester.

204
00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:25,248
Do we need to go over
our cover story again?

205
00:09:25,250 --> 00:09:27,033
It's pretty easy.

206
00:09:27,035 --> 00:09:29,552
I'm Carlotta Spaghetta...

207
00:09:29,554 --> 00:09:32,055
Mild-mannered pet trainer by day,

208
00:09:32,057 --> 00:09:34,891
hot-tempered Nigerian spy by night.

209
00:09:34,893 --> 00:09:37,043
Lester, only listen to me.

210
00:09:37,045 --> 00:09:38,494
Max is your granddaughter,

211
00:09:38,496 --> 00:09:40,212
and I'm her sober companion...

212
00:09:40,214 --> 00:09:42,548
Which is the only part
of our story that's true.

213
00:09:44,269 --> 00:09:47,236
That's him. Now, just
sit and smile and nod.

214
00:09:47,238 --> 00:09:49,689
I'll nod, but I'm not gonna smile.

215
00:09:51,742 --> 00:09:54,077
Welcome to my grandfather's

216
00:09:54,079 --> 00:09:56,395
happy, happy home.
There's his couch.

217
00:09:56,397 --> 00:09:57,447
There's his kitchen.

218
00:09:57,449 --> 00:09:58,665
What's this?

219
00:09:58,667 --> 00:10:01,400
There's his bong.

220
00:10:01,402 --> 00:10:02,952
His bong.

221
00:10:02,954 --> 00:10:05,672
- Glaucoma.
- Chemo.

222
00:10:05,674 --> 00:10:07,040
Well, good afternoon.

223
00:10:07,042 --> 00:10:08,574
I'm Roger from building management.

224
00:10:08,576 --> 00:10:09,759
I'm here to verify this lease,

225
00:10:09,761 --> 00:10:13,079
and I'd like to do it before the rest
of this doorway caves in.

226
00:10:13,081 --> 00:10:16,883
And of course you know
my dear, dear grandfather Lester.

227
00:10:16,885 --> 00:10:19,886
I just have a few
questions, mr. Donovan.

228
00:10:19,888 --> 00:10:21,437
Have you ever made love to a woman

229
00:10:21,439 --> 00:10:23,639
with a silicone hip?

230
00:10:23,641 --> 00:10:26,359
Amazing!

231
00:10:26,361 --> 00:10:29,896
Okay! I can cross that one off my list.

232
00:10:29,898 --> 00:10:31,564
Hey, girls.

233
00:10:31,566 --> 00:10:33,066
I came through the back

234
00:10:33,068 --> 00:10:34,834
'cause this junkie's on the front stoop,

235
00:10:34,836 --> 00:10:37,937
and it's still a little awkward
between us.

236
00:10:40,108 --> 00:10:43,943
Oh, uh, this is Sophie.
She lives upstairs.

237
00:10:43,945 --> 00:10:45,795
As you can see, Roger, no problems.

238
00:10:45,797 --> 00:10:48,114
Everything's totally legit.

239
00:10:48,116 --> 00:10:50,783
Hey, who's the old guy?

240
00:10:50,785 --> 00:10:54,253
She lives upstairs,
and she doesn't know Lester?

241
00:10:54,255 --> 00:10:58,057
She knows him. This is
just a sexual game they play

242
00:10:58,059 --> 00:11:00,960
called "who are you?"

243
00:11:00,962 --> 00:11:03,479
That doesn't sound like a sexual game.

244
00:11:03,481 --> 00:11:05,848
It is when she's saying it to his penis.

245
00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:10,686
Sophie, this is the guy from the agency

246
00:11:10,688 --> 00:11:12,138
who just came by to verify

247
00:11:12,140 --> 00:11:14,607
that Lester actually lives here.

248
00:11:14,609 --> 00:11:16,692
Oh, yeah!

249
00:11:16,694 --> 00:11:18,828
He lives here every day!

250
00:11:18,830 --> 00:11:21,814
Yeah, and we play that game forever.

251
00:11:21,816 --> 00:11:24,367
Who are you?

252
00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:29,539
Come closer.
He can't hear you.

253
00:11:29,541 --> 00:11:31,657
I'm feeling better already.

254
00:11:31,659 --> 00:11:33,342
So the main takeaway here

255
00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:35,327
is that they both live
in the building legally.

256
00:11:35,329 --> 00:11:37,180
Now, let's just sign that lease.

257
00:11:37,182 --> 00:11:39,048
All right, Mr. Donovan,
I just need your signature here,

258
00:11:39,050 --> 00:11:41,167
and this'll lock you into
the lease for another four years.

259
00:11:41,169 --> 00:11:43,219
What's your hip situation?

260
00:11:43,221 --> 00:11:46,105
Oh, I'm as hip as they come, baby! Yeah!

261
00:11:47,891 --> 00:11:49,842
Now, that's a looker!

262
00:11:49,844 --> 00:11:52,195
- Here ya go.
- Yep! All done.

263
00:11:52,197 --> 00:11:54,981
You have the apartment
for another four years.

264
00:11:54,983 --> 00:11:56,482
Enjoy it?

265
00:11:58,035 --> 00:12:00,686
Oh, and I'm required to say:
Traces of cancerous stuff

266
00:12:00,688 --> 00:12:03,022
have been found
in some of the apartments.

267
00:12:03,024 --> 00:12:04,991
Have a nice day!

268
00:12:08,029 --> 00:12:10,463
Four more years!
Four more years!

269
00:12:10,465 --> 00:12:11,914
We get to stay in the place

270
00:12:11,916 --> 00:12:13,499
I never thought I'd want to stay in.

271
00:12:13,501 --> 00:12:15,384
Oh, lester, you're up.
Feeling better?

272
00:12:15,386 --> 00:12:17,303
Like a million bucks.

273
00:12:17,305 --> 00:12:19,839
I feel like my old self again.

274
00:12:19,841 --> 00:12:22,141
Oh, hey, it's been 18 hours.

275
00:12:22,143 --> 00:12:23,976
Let's go see if your friend's dead.

276
00:12:23,978 --> 00:12:25,895
Yeah, Lester.
Let's get ya home.

277
00:12:25,897 --> 00:12:28,264
What are you talking about?
I am home.

278
00:12:28,266 --> 00:12:30,382
What do you mean?
This is our place.

279
00:12:30,384 --> 00:12:33,052
Not according to that lease
I just signed.

280
00:12:34,605 --> 00:12:36,989
I'll be in my bedroom.

281
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:39,859
Good to be home!

282
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:43,229
- Ruh-roh.
- Ruh-roh.

283
00:12:52,126 --> 00:12:53,710
Ladies, this is delicious!

284
00:12:53,712 --> 00:12:57,047
You know, at the home
they keep salt on lockdown.

285
00:12:57,049 --> 00:12:59,501
Salt and the dementia patients.

286
00:13:01,503 --> 00:13:04,922
Well, it doesn't look like
bad grandpa's leaving tonight.

287
00:13:05,924 --> 00:13:07,557
Maybe I can help.

288
00:13:07,559 --> 00:13:10,677
I can put some ground glass
in his Salisbury steak.

289
00:13:10,679 --> 00:13:14,147
It's called a Ukrainian divorce.

290
00:13:15,266 --> 00:13:17,550
Eh... I'll try this jell-o first.

291
00:13:17,552 --> 00:13:19,736
Yeah, it's so old, it might kill him.

292
00:13:21,105 --> 00:13:22,990
Lester, I brought you some jell-o.

293
00:13:22,992 --> 00:13:24,724
- Would you like some?
- That's very nice of you,

294
00:13:24,726 --> 00:13:27,194
but I'm not going anywhere.

295
00:13:27,196 --> 00:13:30,664
Lester, really, you don't
want to live with us.

296
00:13:30,666 --> 00:13:32,532
Caroline sings so much

297
00:13:32,534 --> 00:13:34,701
she should have animated birds on her.

298
00:13:34,703 --> 00:13:38,922
Look, there's no way I'm going
back to that retirement home.

299
00:13:38,924 --> 00:13:41,625
I feel alive for the first time since...

300
00:13:41,627 --> 00:13:45,128
Since I died briefly last year.

301
00:13:46,180 --> 00:13:47,580
Oh, my God, really?

302
00:13:47,582 --> 00:13:49,335
Yes, some nurse tripped
over the power cord.

303
00:13:51,337 --> 00:13:54,688
A-and besides, it's really
helping me get over Olivia.

304
00:13:54,690 --> 00:13:58,425
I'm finally realizing there are
plenty of other fish in the sea.

305
00:13:58,427 --> 00:14:01,778
Hey, everybody!

306
00:14:01,780 --> 00:14:05,532
And there's one of 'em.

307
00:14:05,534 --> 00:14:08,485
She puts the "ass" in "bass."

308
00:14:08,487 --> 00:14:11,438
Friend, I'll be in my booth.

309
00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:15,325
Hey, Sophie.
You remember Lester.

310
00:14:15,327 --> 00:14:18,445
Lester, you remember
when they discovered fire.

311
00:14:18,447 --> 00:14:20,747
Please, please, join me.

312
00:14:20,749 --> 00:14:22,332
May I buy you an egg cream?

313
00:14:22,334 --> 00:14:26,169
Oh, I do love an egg cream.

314
00:14:26,171 --> 00:14:29,005
Oh, excuse me, I gotta
go powder by nose.

315
00:14:30,425 --> 00:14:31,975
Girls...

316
00:14:31,977 --> 00:14:34,177
Girls, I know you want
your apartment back

317
00:14:34,179 --> 00:14:35,795
and I'm a reasonable man,

318
00:14:35,797 --> 00:14:39,599
so all I want before I go
is a little you-know-what.

319
00:14:39,601 --> 00:14:42,069
More jell-o?

320
00:14:42,071 --> 00:14:45,405
I'm talking about sex.
Rebound sex!

321
00:14:45,407 --> 00:14:47,274
Rebound sex?

322
00:14:47,276 --> 00:14:51,328
Are you sure you'll even be
able to rebound from having sex?

323
00:14:51,330 --> 00:14:52,946
Are you kidding?

324
00:14:52,948 --> 00:14:55,482
There's nothing but sex
at that retirement home.

325
00:14:55,484 --> 00:14:58,568
Why do you think I put myself there?

326
00:14:58,570 --> 00:15:00,036
It's wall-to-wall whoopee,

327
00:15:00,038 --> 00:15:02,540
and you don't even have
to drive home after.

328
00:15:03,542 --> 00:15:07,677
Now, I have in mind
a certain elegant lady.

329
00:15:07,679 --> 00:15:12,766
Ahh, you're out of T.P.!

330
00:15:12,768 --> 00:15:15,185
You can set me up
for one night with your friend,

331
00:15:15,187 --> 00:15:17,304
and I will gladly leave the apartment.

332
00:15:19,641 --> 00:15:22,526
I'll be in your booth.

333
00:15:22,528 --> 00:15:24,845
Hey, Sophie, you'll get
with that old guy, right?

334
00:15:24,847 --> 00:15:28,398
Are you fricking kidding me?

335
00:15:31,452 --> 00:15:33,120
Lester, she didn't go for it.

336
00:15:33,122 --> 00:15:34,821
I'm not going back
to that retirement home

337
00:15:34,823 --> 00:15:36,373
with my tail between my legs.

338
00:15:36,375 --> 00:15:39,543
I gotta sleep with someone
to make Olivia jealous.

339
00:15:39,545 --> 00:15:44,131
There's a new thing that
kids are doing called "lying."

340
00:15:44,133 --> 00:15:45,582
Why don't you just make something up?

341
00:15:45,584 --> 00:15:48,585
Pics or it didn't happen.

342
00:15:48,587 --> 00:15:51,721
I need a selfie
with whoever I hook up with

343
00:15:51,723 --> 00:15:54,257
for my Facebook page.

344
00:15:54,259 --> 00:15:56,810
And if it's not gonna be Sophie,

345
00:15:56,812 --> 00:16:00,547
My guess, it's gonna be
one of you two up in bed...

346
00:16:00,549 --> 00:16:03,266
Slugger.

347
00:16:03,268 --> 00:16:05,936
Slugger.

348
00:16:05,938 --> 00:16:09,389
♪ Take me out to the ball game ♪

349
00:16:09,391 --> 00:16:11,608
♪ Take me out... ♪

350
00:16:13,611 --> 00:16:16,780
Now I know why Liza threw up.

351
00:16:23,855 --> 00:16:25,738
Now I'm depressed.

352
00:16:25,740 --> 00:16:27,740
So you lost the straw pull

353
00:16:27,742 --> 00:16:30,427
for who's gonna sleep with Lester.

354
00:16:30,429 --> 00:16:33,913
Look, you've been saying
you wanted to have sex

355
00:16:33,915 --> 00:16:37,133
and you've also been saying
you wanna go antiquing.

356
00:16:38,919 --> 00:16:43,089
So, behind that door are both.

357
00:16:43,091 --> 00:16:46,109
And, Max, I think you
cheated in that straw pull.

358
00:16:46,111 --> 00:16:47,861
Of course I cheated!

359
00:16:47,863 --> 00:16:50,263
Look, I have had a lot of crazy sex.

360
00:16:50,265 --> 00:16:54,284
I once did it with a clown at a funeral.

361
00:16:54,286 --> 00:16:56,786
But I cannot see that penis pump.

362
00:16:56,788 --> 00:16:58,955
I won't be able to come back from that.

363
00:16:58,957 --> 00:17:01,408
You think I can?

364
00:17:01,410 --> 00:17:06,779
I do, I think the science part
of your brain would enjoy it.

365
00:17:06,781 --> 00:17:10,250
Ladies, I've stretched.

366
00:17:10,252 --> 00:17:12,285
I'm ready.

367
00:17:13,804 --> 00:17:16,256
Fine, I'll take the bullet.

368
00:17:16,258 --> 00:17:20,793
I don't think there are
any bullets in that gun.

369
00:17:20,795 --> 00:17:22,896
Are you sure?

370
00:17:22,898 --> 00:17:26,983
'Cause I don't wanna have an old baby.

371
00:17:26,985 --> 00:17:28,401
This is ridiculous

372
00:17:28,403 --> 00:17:30,186
that we're even entertaining the thought

373
00:17:30,188 --> 00:17:33,490
of doing anything with an
old man that isn't a Trump.

374
00:17:34,325 --> 00:17:36,109
Max, I can't do this.

375
00:17:36,111 --> 00:17:37,310
One of us will just have to take

376
00:17:37,312 --> 00:17:38,411
that apartment in Earl's building

377
00:17:38,413 --> 00:17:41,414
and you will find another place.

378
00:17:41,416 --> 00:17:43,783
But then we'd have to live apart.

379
00:17:43,785 --> 00:17:46,486
I know, but I don't see another choice.

380
00:17:46,488 --> 00:17:49,005
I'm not ready to live without you.

381
00:17:49,007 --> 00:17:51,824
I'm not ready to live without you.

382
00:18:06,007 --> 00:18:07,307
What?

383
00:18:07,309 --> 00:18:10,510
I saw the pump!
Pack your things!

384
00:18:10,512 --> 00:18:13,513
Max, I can't believe you were
almost willing to do that

385
00:18:13,515 --> 00:18:15,348
to live with me.

386
00:18:15,350 --> 00:18:18,851
You know what, I'm going in.

387
00:18:18,853 --> 00:18:20,570
Because the thought of not seeing you

388
00:18:20,572 --> 00:18:24,157
24 hours a day, 7 days
a week, would kill me!

389
00:18:28,629 --> 00:18:31,030
We'll meet
every Saturday morning for coffee.

390
00:18:31,032 --> 00:18:34,200
Less and less over time, of course.

391
00:18:34,202 --> 00:18:37,804
That was a good start.
What else you got?

392
00:18:37,806 --> 00:18:39,839
- Nothing!
- Nothing!

393
00:18:39,841 --> 00:18:44,761
Ah, I'm really liking
this whole back door thing.

394
00:18:44,763 --> 00:18:47,733
Wow, that's the first time
I've ever said that.

395
00:18:51,235 --> 00:18:52,852
Don't get used to it, Sophie.

396
00:18:52,854 --> 00:18:54,221
You never do.

397
00:18:55,223 --> 00:18:57,223
No, I mean, we're gonna
have to leave this place.

398
00:18:57,225 --> 00:18:59,025
We couldn't do it with Lester.

399
00:18:59,027 --> 00:19:01,728
I know, that's why I'm here.

400
00:19:01,730 --> 00:19:03,947
You don't have to do this for us.

401
00:19:03,949 --> 00:19:06,533
If you two didn't live in this building,

402
00:19:06,535 --> 00:19:08,785
then we'd drift apart

403
00:19:08,787 --> 00:19:11,921
and we'd only see each other
on saturdays for coffee.

404
00:19:11,923 --> 00:19:15,875
Well... I'd probably only go once.

405
00:19:16,362 --> 00:19:20,213
Look, just give me 90 seconds.

406
00:19:20,215 --> 00:19:23,099
I mean, he's got a pump.
How hard could it be?

407
00:19:24,468 --> 00:19:26,219
She's amazing.

408
00:19:26,221 --> 00:19:28,138
We should probably
get her something for this.

409
00:19:28,140 --> 00:19:29,606
What would be appropriate?

410
00:19:29,608 --> 00:19:31,090
That good candle under the sink?

411
00:19:31,092 --> 00:19:33,109
We've only used it once.

412
00:19:33,111 --> 00:19:35,895
That seems right.

413
00:19:35,897 --> 00:19:41,067
I don't know what that was,
but I'm not up to it.

414
00:19:41,069 --> 00:19:43,820
I-I don't think my heart could take it.

415
00:19:43,822 --> 00:19:45,938
Afraid sex with Sophie would kill you?

416
00:19:45,940 --> 00:19:48,241
Yeah, that's why I haven't gone there.

417
00:19:48,243 --> 00:19:50,994
You know, I was all excited
about... about all the...

418
00:19:50,996 --> 00:19:52,278
all the other fish in the sea.

419
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:55,999
That was a great white shark!

420
00:19:56,001 --> 00:19:58,418
Hey, come on!

421
00:19:58,420 --> 00:20:01,671
I just stretched.
I'm ready.

422
00:20:01,673 --> 00:20:03,790
Look, uh, could we get a quick pic?

423
00:20:03,792 --> 00:20:06,810
I might've gone there, too,
if I knew he had an iPhone 5s.

424
00:20:06,812 --> 00:20:09,629
Try to be as sexy as possible.
Oh, okay, yeah.

425
00:20:13,852 --> 00:20:18,137
When Olivia sees that,
she's gonna say, "Morty who?"

426
00:20:19,023 --> 00:20:22,192
Girls, enjoy your apartment.

427
00:20:22,194 --> 00:20:24,494
I had some lovely times here.

428
00:20:24,496 --> 00:20:26,946
Thank you so much, Lester.
Bye, grandpa.

429
00:20:26,948 --> 00:20:29,365
Maybe sometime we could
come visit you in the home.

430
00:20:29,367 --> 00:20:32,535
Email me. We'll talk.

431
00:20:33,788 --> 00:20:36,172
That's still in play at his age?

432
00:20:36,174 --> 00:20:39,325
Hey, thanks for the blue balls, Lester!

433
00:20:41,879 --> 00:20:44,597
Nighty-night, girls.

434
00:20:50,504 --> 00:20:53,189
Max, we get to stay together!

435
00:20:53,191 --> 00:20:54,224
And even better,

436
00:20:54,226 --> 00:20:56,676
he left his wheelchair!

437
00:20:56,678 --> 00:21:00,680
Push me into the kitchen,
I wanna crack open a beer.

438
00:21:00,682 --> 00:21:03,015
I wonder if I'll be pushing
you like this when you're 70.

439
00:21:03,017 --> 00:21:06,185
You'll be pushing me
like this when I'm 30.

440
00:21:08,406 --> 00:21:10,573
There's no place like home.

441
00:21:10,575 --> 00:21:12,375
I'll go get the scotch tape.

442
00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:16,768
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