1
00:00:01,561 --> 00:00:04,235
Okay, Chestnut,
it's time to play that game

2
00:00:04,485 --> 00:00:07,053
where we take shots
while we pay our bills

3
00:00:07,055 --> 00:00:10,690
that Max so cleverly named,
"that game where we take shots

4
00:00:10,692 --> 00:00:12,858
while we pay our bills."

5
00:00:12,860 --> 00:00:14,560
Hey, if you want me
to think of a better name,

6
00:00:14,562 --> 00:00:16,394
we should probably stop taking shots

7
00:00:16,396 --> 00:00:18,063
while we pay our bills.

8
00:00:18,065 --> 00:00:20,832
If this bill says first warning,

9
00:00:20,834 --> 00:00:23,101
we take a shot, and
Chestnut gets a carrot.

10
00:00:23,103 --> 00:00:24,670
If it's a final notice,

11
00:00:24,672 --> 00:00:26,805
Chestnut gets two carrots,
and we take a double shot.

12
00:00:26,807 --> 00:00:28,806
And if it's gone into collections,

13
00:00:28,808 --> 00:00:31,976
we shoot ourselves, and
Chestnut gets three carrots.

14
00:00:31,978 --> 00:00:35,212
And also, I'm gonna take shots
whenever I want to.

15
00:00:35,214 --> 00:00:37,147
All right, only a couple bills to go

16
00:00:37,149 --> 00:00:39,050
and $149 to pay them.

17
00:00:39,052 --> 00:00:41,251
That's an odd number.
Shots!

18
00:00:44,222 --> 00:00:47,023
Man, our electric bill is $72.

19
00:00:47,025 --> 00:00:49,459
That's an even number.
Shots!

20
00:00:51,963 --> 00:00:53,964
Next up, I have gas.

21
00:00:53,966 --> 00:00:56,333
Ah, thanks for the heads-up this time.

22
00:00:57,335 --> 00:01:01,403
We have $77, and the bill's only $76.84.

23
00:01:01,405 --> 00:01:04,306
Numbers!
Shots!

24
00:01:04,308 --> 00:01:06,408
This is the first time
we've ever broken even.

25
00:01:06,410 --> 00:01:08,276
Wait, what do we do when we break even?

26
00:01:08,278 --> 00:01:10,879
Shots?

27
00:01:17,926 --> 00:01:22,064
Synced and corrected by backinblack
www.addic7ed.com

28
00:01:27,540 --> 00:01:30,041
I'm so proud we paid all our bills

29
00:01:30,043 --> 00:01:33,679
and with actual
American dollars this time.

30
00:01:33,681 --> 00:01:36,615
There might've been a
couple of pesos in the mix,

31
00:01:36,617 --> 00:01:40,719
that or the nickel
has a sweet new donkey.

32
00:01:40,721 --> 00:01:42,887
Look, girls, I got the new iPhone,

33
00:01:42,889 --> 00:01:45,756
and Siri thinks I'm hilarious.

34
00:01:45,758 --> 00:01:48,793
I hear that phone
has a great camera for selfies.

35
00:01:48,795 --> 00:01:52,930
Or, in your case, elfies.

36
00:01:52,932 --> 00:01:54,866
Smile, Max.

37
00:01:54,868 --> 00:01:58,703
Nice.
#willdiealone.

38
00:02:00,606 --> 00:02:03,106
Oh, already got a like.

39
00:02:03,108 --> 00:02:05,375
Hey, everybody.

40
00:02:08,513 --> 00:02:10,013
Big news.

41
00:02:10,015 --> 00:02:13,750
I finally met the man of my dreams.

42
00:02:13,752 --> 00:02:16,820
Sophie, that's not news.
You've known me for years.

43
00:02:16,822 --> 00:02:19,455
Oh, Earl, another place,

44
00:02:19,457 --> 00:02:21,290
another time, another woman,

45
00:02:21,292 --> 00:02:22,992
another man.

46
00:02:22,994 --> 00:02:26,028
Hey, girls, you better
wipe down my booth.

47
00:02:26,030 --> 00:02:28,664
My boyfriend's parking
his Lincoln outside.

48
00:02:28,666 --> 00:02:31,233
Yeah, he dropped me off
first 'cause he's a class act

49
00:02:31,235 --> 00:02:36,005
and 'cause he had
to put his pants back on.

50
00:02:36,007 --> 00:02:39,408
There she is.
There's my Peanut.

51
00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:44,045
You hear that?
He calls me his Peanut.

52
00:02:44,047 --> 00:02:45,880
Holy crap, she's looking even prettier

53
00:02:45,882 --> 00:02:47,916
than the last time I saw her.

54
00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:49,183
What'd you do,

55
00:02:49,185 --> 00:02:50,818
get some beauty creams
on the way from the car

56
00:02:50,820 --> 00:02:52,020
to the diner?

57
00:02:53,289 --> 00:02:56,024
Oh, maybe.

58
00:02:56,026 --> 00:02:58,993
Sophie, it's nice to see you
so giddy about something.

59
00:02:58,995 --> 00:03:00,994
Yeah, you're like me
sitting on that broken washer

60
00:03:00,996 --> 00:03:03,129
at the laundromat.

61
00:03:03,131 --> 00:03:05,866
I'm Nicky, but my friends call me

62
00:03:05,868 --> 00:03:08,835
when they need money.

63
00:03:10,138 --> 00:03:11,538
I'm Caroline.
This is Max.

64
00:03:11,540 --> 00:03:12,873
I'm gonna ask you the same question

65
00:03:12,875 --> 00:03:14,541
I ask every guy around your age.

66
00:03:14,543 --> 00:03:16,944
Are you my dad?

67
00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:18,378
Maybe one of you dolls can get me

68
00:03:18,380 --> 00:03:20,780
a glass of water to wash down my tums?

69
00:03:20,782 --> 00:03:23,883
Sexy and he has an ulcer.

70
00:03:23,885 --> 00:03:26,919
Sure, I'll go get you some
menus and the wine list.

71
00:03:26,921 --> 00:03:28,253
Don't get excited.

72
00:03:28,255 --> 00:03:29,589
That's just a list of everything

73
00:03:29,591 --> 00:03:32,224
Caroline's whined
about in the last year.

74
00:03:32,226 --> 00:03:36,596
What's up with
Robert de Zero over there?

75
00:03:36,598 --> 00:03:38,563
I used to have a
leather jacket like that.

76
00:03:38,565 --> 00:03:42,233
Then I realized, when you have
the right to bear arms,

77
00:03:42,235 --> 00:03:45,604
You bare them, baby.

78
00:03:45,606 --> 00:03:48,640
Omelet. Pick up.

79
00:03:48,642 --> 00:03:51,109
I think Oleg just got jealous.

80
00:03:51,111 --> 00:03:54,779
I think Oleg just got
underarm dandruff in these eggs.

81
00:03:54,781 --> 00:03:57,214
Enjoy.

82
00:03:57,216 --> 00:03:58,716
Here are your menus,

83
00:03:58,718 --> 00:04:01,451
and we're out of everything
in the pictures since 1974.

84
00:04:01,453 --> 00:04:03,453
So the little girl
smiling eating a waffle,

85
00:04:03,455 --> 00:04:08,025
she's a grandma now,
and she calls Penn Station home.

86
00:04:08,027 --> 00:04:10,527
Here you go, dolls, for your trouble.

87
00:04:10,529 --> 00:04:14,598
100 bucks?
It's like free money.

88
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,198
Can you imagine
what he would've given us

89
00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,868
if the glasses were clean?

90
00:04:18,870 --> 00:04:21,004
All this money
and I didn't even do anything.

91
00:04:21,006 --> 00:04:25,441
I'm one mustache away
from being a Kardashian.

92
00:04:25,443 --> 00:04:27,543
Yeah, Nicky's a big-shot bookie

93
00:04:27,545 --> 00:04:29,245
with a Yorkie and a membership

94
00:04:29,247 --> 00:04:31,714
to the VIP lounge at the race track.

95
00:04:31,716 --> 00:04:34,483
A Yorkie and a green leather jacket?

96
00:04:34,485 --> 00:04:36,918
Are you even real?

97
00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:38,253
I love horse racing.

98
00:04:38,255 --> 00:04:39,888
I used to go to the track all the time,

99
00:04:39,890 --> 00:04:42,824
and not to brag,
but I do own a Thoroughbred.

100
00:04:42,826 --> 00:04:44,259
Oh, yeah, she does.

101
00:04:44,261 --> 00:04:48,664
I see it eating out of the garbage can
from my window.

102
00:04:48,666 --> 00:04:50,732
Here, that's Chestnut.

103
00:04:50,734 --> 00:04:53,168
That's a beauty,
but not as much a beauty

104
00:04:53,170 --> 00:04:55,036
as my Peanut right here.

105
00:04:55,038 --> 00:04:57,404
Oh, he just compared me to a horse,

106
00:04:57,406 --> 00:04:59,709
but I like it anyway.

107
00:05:01,711 --> 00:05:03,144
Why don't you two dolls join us

108
00:05:03,146 --> 00:05:05,112
at the track's turf club some afternoon?

109
00:05:05,114 --> 00:05:07,347
Oh, we're busy,
and it's all the way out in...

110
00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:08,615
Are you paying?

111
00:05:08,617 --> 00:05:09,850
Of course.

112
00:05:09,852 --> 00:05:11,085
Oh, then we're there.

113
00:05:11,087 --> 00:05:12,786
In fact, can we go right now?

114
00:05:12,788 --> 00:05:15,288
Yeah, we're not doing anything.

115
00:05:21,996 --> 00:05:25,631
Max, look, the turf club.

116
00:05:25,633 --> 00:05:26,900
Us way up here,

117
00:05:26,902 --> 00:05:28,301
the horses down there on the track

118
00:05:28,303 --> 00:05:30,737
being forced into their starting gates.

119
00:05:30,739 --> 00:05:32,071
This is so exciting.

120
00:05:34,975 --> 00:05:36,875
Girl, we've been here 30 seconds,

121
00:05:36,877 --> 00:05:39,011
and you already blew your bugle.

122
00:05:39,013 --> 00:05:41,213
Pace yourself.

123
00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:42,514
Max, Caroline,

124
00:05:42,516 --> 00:05:45,317
over here!

125
00:05:45,319 --> 00:05:47,301
Wow, I haven't seen Sophie this happy

126
00:05:47,336 --> 00:05:50,655
since that girl slipped on the ice
in front of our building.

127
00:05:50,657 --> 00:05:53,791
That girl was me, Max,

128
00:05:53,793 --> 00:05:56,160
and I really hurt my coccyx.

129
00:05:56,162 --> 00:05:59,797
You have a coccyx?
You want to go out sometime?

130
00:05:59,799 --> 00:06:01,298
Hey, girls.

131
00:06:01,300 --> 00:06:03,735
Come on, Peanut.
Get a little closer to me.

132
00:06:03,737 --> 00:06:05,269
Closer. Little closer.

133
00:06:05,271 --> 00:06:07,671
Closer. Little closer.

134
00:06:07,673 --> 00:06:10,640
What can I say, girls?
I can't get close enough.

135
00:06:10,642 --> 00:06:14,310
Do you hear that?
He can't get close enough.

136
00:06:14,312 --> 00:06:16,046
Thank you so much for inviting us.

137
00:06:16,048 --> 00:06:18,314
It feels great to be
back at the track again.

138
00:06:18,316 --> 00:06:19,916
Ah, horse racing is, after all,

139
00:06:19,918 --> 00:06:21,251
the sport of kings.

140
00:06:21,253 --> 00:06:22,518
I'm more interested in the sport

141
00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,855
of king crab legs right over there.

142
00:06:24,857 --> 00:06:27,157
So is this an
all-you-can-eat deal here,

143
00:06:27,159 --> 00:06:29,024
Or will a waiter come drag me away?

144
00:06:29,026 --> 00:06:30,325
Knock yourself out.

145
00:06:30,327 --> 00:06:32,427
How much could
a girl like you possibly eat?

146
00:06:32,429 --> 00:06:35,600
You know how a cobra
can swallow an entire pig?

147
00:06:38,602 --> 00:06:39,969
It's like that.

148
00:06:39,971 --> 00:06:43,139
Hey, Caroline, you want two or three?

149
00:06:43,141 --> 00:06:47,519
So Max tells me you met
at 24 hour fitness 24 hours ago.

150
00:06:47,645 --> 00:06:53,014
Yup, he spotted me in a handstand.

151
00:06:53,016 --> 00:06:54,849
Nicky, who am I gonna bet on?

152
00:06:54,851 --> 00:06:58,853
Who do you like, besides me?

153
00:06:58,855 --> 00:07:00,054
Sophie, go with Mess in a Dress.

154
00:07:00,056 --> 00:07:01,589
She had great morning sprints,

155
00:07:01,591 --> 00:07:02,791
first-time blinkers,

156
00:07:02,793 --> 00:07:04,259
jockey weighed in a pound under,

157
00:07:04,261 --> 00:07:05,493
and at the preakness,

158
00:07:05,495 --> 00:07:07,028
she was second in seven furlongs,

159
00:07:07,030 --> 00:07:08,729
and this race is only six furlongs.

160
00:07:08,731 --> 00:07:11,064
Yeah, you're talking for long.

161
00:07:11,066 --> 00:07:13,934
Yeah, I think I'm gonna
go with number three,

162
00:07:13,936 --> 00:07:15,235
My Uncle Hank.

163
00:07:15,237 --> 00:07:16,504
My Uncle Hank?

164
00:07:16,506 --> 00:07:18,172
He's out of jail?

165
00:07:18,174 --> 00:07:21,375
Yeah, we should probably
eat this and head out.

166
00:07:21,377 --> 00:07:22,710
Oh, see, that's my horse.

167
00:07:22,712 --> 00:07:24,244
My horse, Uncle Hank.

168
00:07:24,246 --> 00:07:26,347
And look, see?
He just pooped.

169
00:07:26,349 --> 00:07:28,115
He's trying to get away from it.

170
00:07:28,117 --> 00:07:30,617
I know about that.
That's how I am.

171
00:07:31,786 --> 00:07:34,487
Okay, got to make the donuts, but first,

172
00:07:34,489 --> 00:07:36,089
give me that kisses, sister.

173
00:07:36,091 --> 00:07:39,259
Aw, so romantic.

174
00:07:39,261 --> 00:07:41,261
Max, maybe we should
get in on the action.

175
00:07:41,263 --> 00:07:44,664
Nah, that's a lot of tongue for me.

176
00:07:44,666 --> 00:07:47,500
No, I meant place a bet.

177
00:07:47,502 --> 00:07:50,870
And, Max, I think I'm in a three-way.

178
00:07:50,872 --> 00:07:53,072
Well, you look exactly
the way I imagined

179
00:07:53,074 --> 00:07:56,242
you'd look in a three-way.
Reading.

180
00:07:56,244 --> 00:07:59,446
Come on, we have that free money,

181
00:07:59,448 --> 00:08:01,180
and you love to gamble.

182
00:08:01,182 --> 00:08:04,951
Yeah, but nothing stupid,
just, like, not using a condom.

183
00:08:04,953 --> 00:08:07,053
Oh, what the hell?

184
00:08:07,055 --> 00:08:08,855
Wait, wait, Nicky, Nicky, here.

185
00:08:08,857 --> 00:08:11,224
Here's your money.
200 on Mess in a Dress.

186
00:08:11,226 --> 00:08:16,229
Oh, wait, I think
I have a mess in my dress.

187
00:08:16,231 --> 00:08:18,497
You got it, doll, and I'm sending over

188
00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:20,333
some of those special popovers.

189
00:08:20,335 --> 00:08:23,702
Sophie, make sure you get one.

190
00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:25,838
Oh, do you hear that?

191
00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:30,408
There's gonna be a ring
in one of those popovers.

192
00:08:30,410 --> 00:08:32,042
I didn't hear any of that.

193
00:08:32,044 --> 00:08:34,144
Well, why else would
someone order popovers

194
00:08:34,146 --> 00:08:37,147
Unless they were gonna
hide a ring in it?

195
00:08:37,149 --> 00:08:40,985
I just ate the entire
cast of Finding Nemo.

196
00:08:40,987 --> 00:08:42,353
I'm not saying I'm sick.

197
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:45,289
I'm just saying
that clown fish wants out.

198
00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:47,958
Afternoon, ladies.
Enjoy the popovers.

199
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,694
And are you finished with that?

200
00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:53,196
Ah, let's just say
it's finished with me.

201
00:08:53,198 --> 00:08:54,564
And they're off.

202
00:08:54,566 --> 00:08:55,866
This is so exciting.

203
00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:57,634
I know.
I wonder which one it's in.

204
00:08:57,636 --> 00:09:01,304
Oh. Oh, not that one.

205
00:09:01,306 --> 00:09:04,173
All right.
Whoops, not that one.

206
00:09:04,175 --> 00:09:05,742
Look, look, there's our horse,

207
00:09:05,744 --> 00:09:07,110
Mess in a Dress.

208
00:09:07,112 --> 00:09:08,411
She's in the lead.

209
00:09:08,413 --> 00:09:11,014
Oh, no, not that one.

210
00:09:11,016 --> 00:09:12,215
Yes, yes, yes.

211
00:09:12,217 --> 00:09:13,783
No, no, no.

212
00:09:14,631 --> 00:09:16,352
And the winner is Mess in a Dress.

213
00:09:17,522 --> 00:09:19,022
We won! We won.

214
00:09:19,024 --> 00:09:21,224
Are we being winners right now?

215
00:09:21,226 --> 00:09:22,858
I don't know how to be that.

216
00:09:22,860 --> 00:09:25,361
Suddenly I don't know
what to do with my hands.

217
00:09:25,363 --> 00:09:26,729
Nothing.

218
00:09:26,731 --> 00:09:28,731
I mean, who in the hell
would order popovers

219
00:09:28,733 --> 00:09:31,934
And not hide a diamond ring in it?

220
00:09:31,936 --> 00:09:35,805
Here you go, dolls.
6 big ones.

221
00:09:37,441 --> 00:09:38,774
Max, this is incredible.

222
00:09:38,776 --> 00:09:41,410
We had 200, and now we have 600.

223
00:09:41,412 --> 00:09:42,578
Even more free money.

224
00:09:45,282 --> 00:09:47,249
And, waiter, bring my Peanut

225
00:09:47,251 --> 00:09:50,419
one of those banana splits.

226
00:09:50,421 --> 00:09:52,154
You hear that?

227
00:09:52,156 --> 00:09:54,556
There's a diamond ring in the bottom

228
00:09:54,558 --> 00:09:56,558
of the banana split.

229
00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:58,961
And, Leon, for your trouble.

230
00:09:58,963 --> 00:10:00,429
Really? 100?

231
00:10:00,431 --> 00:10:03,398
Yup, I was a waitress
before I was rich.

232
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:04,866
And also after that fish,

233
00:10:04,868 --> 00:10:07,601
I might need you to
carry me to the subway.

234
00:10:24,148 --> 00:10:25,236
Whoever that is going through my pants,

235
00:10:25,382 --> 00:10:27,066
you should know I have a gun.

236
00:10:27,579 --> 00:10:29,446
Max, it's me, Caroline.

237
00:10:29,448 --> 00:10:33,116
Why do you think I bought the gun?

238
00:10:33,118 --> 00:10:34,651
Okay, Max, you know how today

239
00:10:34,653 --> 00:10:37,921
we won 600 on our 200
after just that one horse race?

240
00:10:37,923 --> 00:10:39,623
Yeah, that was weird,
but not as weird

241
00:10:39,625 --> 00:10:41,391
as waking up to see
you standing in the dark

242
00:10:41,393 --> 00:10:43,327
going to third base with my pants.

243
00:10:43,329 --> 00:10:45,829
If I bet our winnings
with the three-to-one odds

244
00:10:45,831 --> 00:10:47,063
on this horse tomorrow,

245
00:10:47,065 --> 00:10:48,832
Do you know
how much I can make us?

246
00:10:48,834 --> 00:10:50,700
Let's see. 2, carry the 1...

247
00:10:50,702 --> 00:10:52,001
Get out.

248
00:10:52,003 --> 00:10:54,537
I have the racing form right back here.

249
00:10:54,539 --> 00:10:56,605
Don't bring that over here.
That's been in your crack.

250
00:10:56,607 --> 00:10:57,974
See? Right here.

251
00:10:57,976 --> 00:10:59,675
First race tomorrow.
There She Blows.

252
00:10:59,677 --> 00:11:01,377
If she's blowing that
early in the morning,

253
00:11:01,379 --> 00:11:03,546
she deserves our money.

254
00:11:03,548 --> 00:11:05,014
I've done all the research

255
00:11:05,016 --> 00:11:06,649
and checked it with Chestnut.

256
00:11:06,651 --> 00:11:08,718
It's a sure thing, like
the sun coming up tomorrow

257
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:10,085
Or that Somali pirate

258
00:11:10,087 --> 00:11:12,822
never getting another acting job again.

259
00:11:12,824 --> 00:11:15,424
You go out and get addicted
to horse racing

260
00:11:15,426 --> 00:11:16,792
after I worked so hard

261
00:11:16,794 --> 00:11:18,927
to put pills and weed on the table?

262
00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:22,598
I am not addicted.

263
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:24,132
Now, where's your cash?

264
00:11:24,134 --> 00:11:25,434
'Cause it wasn't in your piggy bank,

265
00:11:25,436 --> 00:11:27,603
which someone, not me, broke.

266
00:11:27,605 --> 00:11:28,936
You think you don't have a problem?

267
00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:30,372
Then, fine, you can have the money.

268
00:11:30,374 --> 00:11:31,906
You won't be sorry.
Where is it?

269
00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:33,207
In my bra.

270
00:11:33,209 --> 00:11:34,442
Where's your bra?

271
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:36,110
On my boobs.

272
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:37,039
You sleep in your bra?

273
00:11:37,377 --> 00:11:39,489
Have to.
Last time I let them out at night,

274
00:11:39,628 --> 00:11:40,620
they didn't come home till 4 A.M.

275
00:11:40,775 --> 00:11:42,065
and couldn't tell me where they'd been.

276
00:11:44,521 --> 00:11:46,153
Max, just take it out of there, please.

277
00:11:46,155 --> 00:11:48,055
Nope, I'll tell you
what I tell every guy

278
00:11:48,057 --> 00:11:49,791
who wants to get in there.

279
00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:53,861
It's 12 bucks for adults
and 10.50 for seniors.

280
00:11:53,863 --> 00:11:55,763
Fine, I'm doing this for both of us.

281
00:11:57,899 --> 00:11:59,733
Still think you don't have a problem?

282
00:12:01,436 --> 00:12:02,669
Geez, where is it?

283
00:12:02,671 --> 00:12:04,772
Is there a map or a tour guide?

284
00:12:04,774 --> 00:12:08,041
Coming up on your left.
You're about 20 minutes away.

285
00:12:08,043 --> 00:12:11,144
It's quite a walk.
You might want to take the tram.

286
00:12:11,146 --> 00:12:12,445
Got it.

287
00:12:12,447 --> 00:12:13,946
Feel good about yourself?

288
00:12:13,948 --> 00:12:16,181
I will after that race tomorrow.

289
00:12:16,183 --> 00:12:18,017
And I promise I'll never do that again.

290
00:12:18,019 --> 00:12:20,620
That's what my Uncle Hank said.

291
00:12:20,622 --> 00:12:23,289
No, I meant I'll never
ask you for money again.

292
00:12:23,291 --> 00:12:25,257
That's what Uncle Hank's wife said.

293
00:12:25,259 --> 00:12:26,492
No more gambling.

294
00:12:26,494 --> 00:12:29,662
Now I feel like you read
the transcript of Uncle Hank's case.

295
00:12:29,664 --> 00:12:31,898
Oh, wait, you forgot some.

296
00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:34,199
Just kidding, it's late,
and it felt kind of good.

297
00:12:39,772 --> 00:12:42,574
Max, I hope Caroline gets here soon,

298
00:12:42,576 --> 00:12:45,710
'cause if that girl walks
in one full hour late,

299
00:12:45,712 --> 00:12:48,047
I'll have to respect
the hell out of her.

300
00:12:48,049 --> 00:12:49,949
She's still at the track,

301
00:12:49,951 --> 00:12:52,217
and I'm dying to know
how our horse did.

302
00:12:52,219 --> 00:12:53,484
So much suspense.

303
00:12:53,486 --> 00:12:55,719
I feel like I should
be peeing on a stick.

304
00:12:55,721 --> 00:12:57,956
You girls are still playing the horses.

305
00:12:57,958 --> 00:12:59,223
Keep that in check.

306
00:12:59,225 --> 00:13:01,025
My gambling problem got so bad

307
00:13:01,027 --> 00:13:03,627
I couldn't even afford my drug problem.

308
00:13:06,265 --> 00:13:07,832
You're back!
So how did we do?

309
00:13:07,834 --> 00:13:09,133
We did great.

310
00:13:09,135 --> 00:13:10,368
We won our bet on There She Blows.

311
00:13:10,370 --> 00:13:11,902
Yes! How much did we get?

312
00:13:11,904 --> 00:13:15,405
Are we talking "add avocado" money?

313
00:13:15,407 --> 00:13:19,509
Well, we did do great,
and then we did not great.

314
00:13:19,511 --> 00:13:23,146
And then we did bad,
and then we did real bad.

315
00:13:23,148 --> 00:13:25,682
And then we did terrible.

316
00:13:25,684 --> 00:13:27,184
Long story short, I'm out of tums,

317
00:13:27,186 --> 00:13:29,519
and we owe Nicky $3,000.

318
00:13:29,521 --> 00:13:32,355
You... You owe Nicky.

319
00:13:32,357 --> 00:13:34,056
When I got addicted to Pizza Pringles,

320
00:13:34,058 --> 00:13:36,092
I didn't make it your problem.

321
00:13:36,094 --> 00:13:40,296
Your breath made it all our problems.

322
00:13:40,298 --> 00:13:42,865
Max, Nicky's not,
like, dangerous, is he?

323
00:13:42,867 --> 00:13:44,900
I bet he's not, but even if he is,

324
00:13:44,902 --> 00:13:46,068
Don't worry.

325
00:13:46,070 --> 00:13:49,571
You can survive in the trunk of a Lincoln
for five, six days easy.

326
00:13:49,573 --> 00:13:51,439
Max, I know I can make
all of this money back

327
00:13:51,441 --> 00:13:52,840
If I just win one more race.

328
00:13:52,842 --> 00:13:54,409
I just need a sure thing.

329
00:13:54,411 --> 00:13:56,878
There is no such thing as a sure thing,

330
00:13:56,880 --> 00:14:00,081
Except my mother
never picking me up from school.

331
00:14:00,083 --> 00:14:01,849
Look, there are two horses tomorrow

332
00:14:01,851 --> 00:14:03,518
that look really good,

333
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:06,654
Buck That and Little House on the Gary.

334
00:14:06,656 --> 00:14:08,990
Little House on the Gary.
That's my friend Eddie's horse.

335
00:14:08,992 --> 00:14:10,324
We don't have time to pretend

336
00:14:10,326 --> 00:14:12,359
you have a friend named Eddie right now.

337
00:14:12,361 --> 00:14:13,960
I do. Eddie Jones.

338
00:14:13,962 --> 00:14:16,030
He's a famous jockey.
We met at the tailor.

339
00:14:16,032 --> 00:14:19,299
We got to talking as we were both
having our jeans hemmed.

340
00:14:19,301 --> 00:14:22,536
Where'd you buy them, JC Puny?

341
00:14:22,538 --> 00:14:23,904
Han, please, you have to help me.

342
00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:25,339
You have to talk to your friend Eddie

343
00:14:25,341 --> 00:14:26,973
and get me the scoop
on the race tomorrow.

344
00:14:26,975 --> 00:14:29,008
Okay, I'll help on one condition:

345
00:14:29,010 --> 00:14:30,776
No more short jokes from Max.

346
00:14:30,778 --> 00:14:32,311
She can do that.

347
00:14:32,313 --> 00:14:33,646
You can do that, right, Max?
Don't answer.

348
00:14:33,648 --> 00:14:34,980
So no more short jokes
starting right...

349
00:14:34,982 --> 00:14:36,482
Okay, wait, but first,

350
00:14:36,484 --> 00:14:38,517
Didn't I see you on a baby food jar?

351
00:14:38,519 --> 00:14:40,252
A mouse set a trap for you.

352
00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:42,487
And don't you
have to bring a ring to Mordor?

353
00:14:46,759 --> 00:14:48,493
Okay, let's do this.

354
00:14:50,896 --> 00:14:52,830
Eddie said he'd meet us down here.

355
00:14:52,832 --> 00:14:54,599
Han, I really appreciate this.

356
00:14:54,601 --> 00:14:56,535
You're doing me such a big, big favor.

357
00:14:56,537 --> 00:14:58,635
Yeah, and we're surprised
you can do anything big.

358
00:14:58,637 --> 00:15:00,237
Okay, that's it.

359
00:15:00,239 --> 00:15:01,539
Han, wait.

360
00:15:01,541 --> 00:15:02,973
I don't need it!

361
00:15:02,975 --> 00:15:04,775
Max, see what you did?

362
00:15:04,777 --> 00:15:06,110
What? I was on autopilot.

363
00:15:06,112 --> 00:15:08,979
What did I say?

364
00:15:08,981 --> 00:15:11,348
Han, please, Max won't say anything.

365
00:15:11,350 --> 00:15:12,849
Good, 'cause I've had it up to here.

366
00:15:12,851 --> 00:15:15,186
You don't have it up to there.

367
00:15:15,188 --> 00:15:17,088
Don't need it!

368
00:15:17,090 --> 00:15:18,556
Max!

369
00:15:18,558 --> 00:15:20,256
Please, you have to stop
with the short jokes.

370
00:15:20,258 --> 00:15:21,524
This is my life.

371
00:15:21,526 --> 00:15:23,593
But that's my life.

372
00:15:23,595 --> 00:15:25,495
Keep it up, and I'm gonna be
at the bottom of the East River

373
00:15:25,649 --> 00:15:28,131
with that hipster artisan cheese truck

374
00:15:28,133 --> 00:15:29,599
you pushed off the Brooklyn Bridge.

375
00:15:29,601 --> 00:15:32,469
You're right.
No more short jokes.

376
00:15:36,073 --> 00:15:38,608
Maybe I should wait outside.

377
00:15:38,610 --> 00:15:39,875
So, Han, where's Eddie?

378
00:15:39,877 --> 00:15:41,376
I think we should talk to him

379
00:15:41,378 --> 00:15:44,179
as quickly as possible
before Max passes out.

380
00:15:44,181 --> 00:15:46,916
I don't see him.
I'm sure he'll be here shortly.

381
00:15:46,918 --> 00:15:49,619
And I just bit the inside of my mouth.

382
00:15:49,621 --> 00:15:51,153
Hey, it's Han!

383
00:15:51,155 --> 00:15:54,256
I haven't seen you since
we took our little trip.

384
00:15:54,258 --> 00:15:55,891
No, man, I saw you
after my small business

385
00:15:55,893 --> 00:15:58,794
on a softball game.

386
00:15:58,796 --> 00:16:01,630
Hey, I got new car, a Mini Cooper.

387
00:16:01,632 --> 00:16:03,932
This is hell. I'm in hell.

388
00:16:03,934 --> 00:16:05,734
Eddie, hi.
Is there anything you can tell me

389
00:16:05,736 --> 00:16:06,968
about today's race?

390
00:16:06,970 --> 00:16:08,237
Is there a sure thing?

391
00:16:08,239 --> 00:16:10,105
Oh, you get yourself a bad bet?

392
00:16:10,107 --> 00:16:12,407
Bad bet and beyond.

393
00:16:12,409 --> 00:16:13,742
Well, let me give you a little tip.

394
00:16:13,744 --> 00:16:15,544
I'll be outside.

395
00:16:23,018 --> 00:16:24,485
And coming down the home stretch,

396
00:16:24,530 --> 00:16:26,050
Little House on the Gary
has the lead.

397
00:16:27,121 --> 00:16:28,486
Come on, Little House on the Gary!

398
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:29,987
Run! Run like Caroline after sundown

399
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,457
in an ethnic neighborhood.

400
00:16:32,459 --> 00:16:36,695
The Hoof, The Hoof, The Hoof is on fire!

401
00:16:36,697 --> 00:16:38,563
He's winning. He's winning.

402
00:16:38,565 --> 00:16:39,764
He's winning!

403
00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:41,833
Oh, no, what's happening?

404
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:43,000
He's falling behind.

405
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,737
Oh, Lord. Oh, my sweet, sweet Lord.

406
00:16:45,739 --> 00:16:47,838
He's losing. He's losing.

407
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,741
He's losing.
Han, what is happening?

408
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:53,944
Well, maybe I'll take off.

409
00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:56,079
Your friend said it was a sure thing.

410
00:16:56,081 --> 00:16:57,280
There is no sure thing

411
00:16:57,282 --> 00:16:59,850
except another
Taylor Swift breakup song.

412
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,552
And Little House on the Gary

413
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:06,121
falls to pieces
as Falls to Pieces wins.

414
00:17:06,123 --> 00:17:08,157
So what do we win
if our horse finishes last

415
00:17:08,159 --> 00:17:12,194
and wanders around
the track with a giant erection?

416
00:17:12,196 --> 00:17:14,597
All that and we lost?

417
00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:17,734
Thanks for lunch.

418
00:17:17,736 --> 00:17:21,371
Han, you're so small
your house is a tic tac box.

419
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:23,439
You're so small you ride
in your car cupholder.

420
00:17:23,441 --> 00:17:27,076
You're so small your parents
are a ladybug and a tater tot.

421
00:17:27,078 --> 00:17:29,879
I could see that, actually.

422
00:17:29,881 --> 00:17:31,847
I don't need it!

423
00:17:34,484 --> 00:17:35,918
You see, Caroline?

424
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:38,220
This is why I quit gambling,

425
00:17:38,222 --> 00:17:41,957
this and the escalator
was always broken.

426
00:17:41,959 --> 00:17:44,392
All right, let's just calm down.

427
00:17:44,394 --> 00:17:46,761
This is the turf club, not Goodfellas,

428
00:17:46,763 --> 00:17:48,462
Though that was placed
on real-life events

429
00:17:48,464 --> 00:17:50,798
and took place not that far from here.

430
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,833
Right, and maybe
he won't be so hard on us.

431
00:17:52,835 --> 00:17:54,302
Nicky is Sophie's boyfriend.

432
00:17:54,304 --> 00:17:56,771
Well, I just broke up with Nicky.

433
00:17:56,773 --> 00:17:58,139
Why?

434
00:17:58,141 --> 00:17:59,707
I just saw him beat the crap

435
00:17:59,709 --> 00:18:04,044
out of some guy that owed him money.

436
00:18:04,046 --> 00:18:05,712
Oh, no, here he comes.

437
00:18:08,883 --> 00:18:12,252
There you are, dolls.

438
00:18:12,254 --> 00:18:14,988
My leg is next.

439
00:18:14,990 --> 00:18:16,990
Tough break.

440
00:18:16,992 --> 00:18:18,892
I'm gonna take my 3 grand and go.

441
00:18:18,894 --> 00:18:20,360
Peanut just broke up with me,

442
00:18:20,362 --> 00:18:22,028
so I'm gonna go home and get in bed

443
00:18:22,030 --> 00:18:25,631
with my dog and my wife.

444
00:18:25,633 --> 00:18:28,034
I have to come clean.
We don't have your money.

445
00:18:28,036 --> 00:18:29,335
I got out of control.

446
00:18:29,337 --> 00:18:32,038
Doll, relax.
I'm a reasonable man.

447
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:33,806
We can work out something.

448
00:18:33,808 --> 00:18:35,374
Oh, good.

449
00:18:35,376 --> 00:18:36,775
Hope he shoots me first.

450
00:18:36,777 --> 00:18:39,812
I'd rather be dead than hear you beg.

451
00:18:39,814 --> 00:18:42,814
Still got that thoroughbred?

452
00:18:42,816 --> 00:18:46,918
I'll come by tomorrow to get it.

453
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:48,586
He can't take my horse.

454
00:18:48,588 --> 00:18:49,854
What am I gonna do?

455
00:18:49,856 --> 00:18:52,424
You can always move to New York
and change your name to Max.

456
00:18:52,426 --> 00:18:53,992
Wait, I already did that.

457
00:18:53,994 --> 00:18:56,361
What is wrong with me?

458
00:18:56,363 --> 00:18:57,628
I should have known better.

459
00:18:57,630 --> 00:18:59,064
My father has problems with money.

460
00:18:59,066 --> 00:19:00,497
It's in my DNA.

461
00:19:00,499 --> 00:19:02,466
And now all because of a stupid bet,

462
00:19:02,468 --> 00:19:04,168
I'm gonna lose Chestnut.

463
00:19:04,170 --> 00:19:05,635
If it makes you feel any better,

464
00:19:05,637 --> 00:19:07,737
my mom once lost me in a bet.

465
00:19:07,739 --> 00:19:09,006
Still can't believe she thought

466
00:19:09,008 --> 00:19:12,076
Robert Redford was in Tootsie.

467
00:19:12,078 --> 00:19:13,444
We can't lose Chestnut.

468
00:19:13,446 --> 00:19:16,113
Damn it, damn it, damn it, people.

469
00:19:16,115 --> 00:19:17,348
Make me come out of retirement

470
00:19:17,350 --> 00:19:19,282
Just save your gambling asses.

471
00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:22,685
Now, all I need is 100 bucks.

472
00:19:22,687 --> 00:19:25,989
Hey, Caroline, how fast
can you have a baby?

473
00:19:25,991 --> 00:19:27,991
Hey. Hi, Leon.

474
00:19:27,993 --> 00:19:29,925
Remember us, the ones
who tipped you 100 bucks?

475
00:19:29,927 --> 00:19:31,361
Oh, of course, it's hard to find

476
00:19:31,363 --> 00:19:33,096
that kind of generosity in this place.

477
00:19:33,098 --> 00:19:35,731
It gives you hope again.

478
00:19:35,733 --> 00:19:38,867
Yeah, we're gonna need that back.

479
00:19:38,869 --> 00:19:40,969
Well, actually, I need all my money.

480
00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:42,404
I support my mother.

481
00:19:42,406 --> 00:19:45,907
Yeah, maybe not today.

482
00:19:49,712 --> 00:19:51,446
Max, I can't believe it.

483
00:19:51,448 --> 00:19:54,383
I screwed me and the horse I rode in on.

484
00:19:54,385 --> 00:19:58,486
Why don't you film that
and get your money back?

485
00:19:58,488 --> 00:20:01,623
Caroline, look.

486
00:20:01,625 --> 00:20:04,091
Earl, you did it. You saved Chestnut.

487
00:20:04,093 --> 00:20:06,327
Yeah, well, we brown studs

488
00:20:06,329 --> 00:20:08,830
have to stick together.

489
00:20:08,832 --> 00:20:11,633
And I'll take that.

490
00:20:11,635 --> 00:20:14,135
And since I don't trust myself,

491
00:20:14,137 --> 00:20:17,404
I'm donating this 200
to my favorite charity,

492
00:20:17,406 --> 00:20:19,673
So here.

493
00:20:19,675 --> 00:20:23,143
Now, no more betting,

494
00:20:23,145 --> 00:20:25,712
'cause the only sure
thing in life is death.

495
00:20:25,714 --> 00:20:28,181
Have a nice day.

496
00:20:35,822 --> 00:20:37,523
One for you, and one for me.

497
00:20:37,525 --> 00:20:39,559
200, we're back to our free money,

498
00:20:39,561 --> 00:20:42,428
And this time, it's going
right in the savings account.

499
00:20:42,430 --> 00:20:44,797
Well, it's not earning
much interest in there.

500
00:20:44,799 --> 00:20:46,298
Here.

501
00:20:46,300 --> 00:20:47,633
We're keeping this in a bank

502
00:20:47,635 --> 00:20:49,735
with two major branches.

503
00:20:54,550 --> 00:20:58,185
Synced and corrected by backinblack
www.addic7ed.com