1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,536
Earl, I noticed you're still alive.
2
00:00:05,538 --> 00:00:07,005
What's your secret?
3
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:09,107
Well, it's my positive attitude,
4
00:00:09,109 --> 00:00:10,541
a little bit of genetics,
5
00:00:10,543 --> 00:00:13,444
and knowing how to
take care of your body.
6
00:00:13,446 --> 00:00:15,613
I use jojoba.
7
00:00:15,615 --> 00:00:17,715
What is that, like a lotion?
8
00:00:17,717 --> 00:00:21,452
No, it's a ho named Hoba.
9
00:00:21,454 --> 00:00:24,188
She comes over once a week.
10
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:26,424
(peter bjorn and john)
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
11
00:00:26,426 --> 00:00:27,959
[cash register bell dings]
12
00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:31,497
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
13
00:00:31,998 --> 00:00:34,400
Synced and corrected by backinblack
www.addic7ed.com
14
00:00:35,867 --> 00:00:37,735
Max, you just got box delivered at home.
15
00:00:37,737 --> 00:00:39,036
I don't want another box.
16
00:00:39,038 --> 00:00:41,105
I got my hands full with this one.
17
00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:44,208
I used to have so many
packages delivered to my house,
18
00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:47,478
my dad had to buy Fedex
just to save money.
19
00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:50,448
I remember a time before mail.
20
00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:52,483
You just didn't get stuff.
21
00:00:52,485 --> 00:00:54,218
Nope. I don't want that.
22
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:56,053
It's a delivery from my mother.
23
00:00:56,055 --> 00:00:57,855
The last thing she delivered was me,
24
00:00:57,857 --> 00:00:59,657
and I'm still cleaning up that mess.
25
00:01:01,359 --> 00:01:03,727
Aren't you at least
curious what she sent?
26
00:01:03,729 --> 00:01:05,129
Unless it's a brand new childhood,
27
00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:07,731
I'm not interested.
28
00:01:07,733 --> 00:01:09,500
Here, Earl, hold Max's box.
29
00:01:09,502 --> 00:01:13,370
But she's like a daughter to me.
30
00:01:14,973 --> 00:01:17,074
Look, Caroline,
I brought in my fish tank,
31
00:01:17,076 --> 00:01:21,211
which Max has been calling
my olympic-size swimming pool.
32
00:01:23,648 --> 00:01:26,884
See, Han? The world's
different above sea-level.
33
00:01:32,524 --> 00:01:35,158
Now, come over here and say hello.
34
00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:36,960
I'm saying hello to fish now?
35
00:01:36,962 --> 00:01:38,395
That's where I'm at?
36
00:01:38,397 --> 00:01:39,830
You too, Max.
37
00:01:39,832 --> 00:01:41,932
I want my diner family
to meet my fish family.
38
00:01:41,934 --> 00:01:43,600
I got an aunt that drinks like a fish.
39
00:01:43,602 --> 00:01:45,435
Maybe she's in there.
40
00:01:45,437 --> 00:01:49,773
Oh, no, she's in jail for
vehicular manslaughter.
41
00:01:49,775 --> 00:01:52,743
Please enjoy my ecosystem of love.
42
00:01:52,745 --> 00:01:56,847
Never tap on the glass!
43
00:01:56,849 --> 00:01:58,782
Just look at that meaty paw of yours.
44
00:01:58,784 --> 00:02:01,918
It's like an earthquake to them.
45
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:03,220
Oh, there's my prize.
46
00:02:03,222 --> 00:02:05,055
The royal blue tang fish.
47
00:02:05,057 --> 00:02:06,957
$500.
48
00:02:06,959 --> 00:02:09,125
Han, I'm not surprised you
have to pay for blue tang,
49
00:02:09,127 --> 00:02:12,429
but $500 seems high.
50
00:02:12,431 --> 00:02:16,700
Hey Han, Ho Hoba'll do it for 25.
51
00:02:16,702 --> 00:02:19,069
Well, I hope your fish
will be very happy here.
52
00:02:19,071 --> 00:02:21,638
I mean, no one else is, but who knows.
53
00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:23,807
Let's go, Max.
54
00:02:23,809 --> 00:02:27,544
[Speaking Ukrainian]
55
00:02:33,150 --> 00:02:37,086
Did Oleg take Liam Neeson's daughter?
56
00:02:39,156 --> 00:02:40,823
I'm breaking up with all my ladies
57
00:02:40,825 --> 00:02:42,292
so I can start up again with Sophie.
58
00:02:42,294 --> 00:02:44,961
And Oksana's not taking it lying down,
59
00:02:44,963 --> 00:02:49,198
or bent over like she usually is.
60
00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:52,435
Well, I'm sorry I never got to meet her.
61
00:02:52,437 --> 00:02:55,071
Just tell her that you and
Sophie have decided to be...
62
00:02:55,073 --> 00:02:57,040
What's the ukrainian word
for "monogamy"?
63
00:02:57,042 --> 00:02:58,841
There isn't one.
64
00:02:58,843 --> 00:03:02,245
You're either ugly or you're
sleeping with everyone.
65
00:03:11,026 --> 00:03:12,093
Uh-uh. No way.
66
00:03:12,095 --> 00:03:13,261
Leave it out here.
67
00:03:13,263 --> 00:03:16,464
Let the bomb-squad figure it out.
68
00:03:16,466 --> 00:03:17,798
Don't you wanna know what she sent you?
69
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,066
Maybe there's money in there.
70
00:03:19,068 --> 00:03:22,270
[Obnoxious laughter]
71
00:03:24,339 --> 00:03:26,073
So you're just gonna
leave it out in the hall
72
00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:27,875
like a room service tray?
73
00:03:27,877 --> 00:03:31,045
Oh, my God, I used to have room service.
74
00:03:31,047 --> 00:03:33,781
Oh, my God, I used to have a room.
75
00:03:33,783 --> 00:03:35,983
Well, I don't want it in the apartment.
76
00:03:35,985 --> 00:03:39,453
This is a place of positive
energy and good vibes.
77
00:03:39,455 --> 00:03:41,622
[Obnoxious laughter]
78
00:03:43,125 --> 00:03:45,526
I'm sending it back to her tomorrow.
79
00:03:45,528 --> 00:03:49,563
I will go to my shallow, unmarked grave
80
00:03:49,565 --> 00:03:51,198
not knowing what's in that box.
81
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,367
[Knock at door]
82
00:03:55,003 --> 00:03:56,437
Hey, Max, you got a box out here,
83
00:03:56,439 --> 00:04:00,507
and there's a bear in it!
84
00:04:00,509 --> 00:04:03,544
Oh, my God.
85
00:04:03,546 --> 00:04:04,912
She kept that?
86
00:04:04,914 --> 00:04:06,513
How did my mom ever keep that?
87
00:04:06,515 --> 00:04:09,616
She can't even keep her teeth.
88
00:04:09,618 --> 00:04:10,984
That's what was in the box?
89
00:04:10,986 --> 00:04:12,719
A Teddy Ruxpin doll?
90
00:04:12,721 --> 00:04:16,223
Are you registered at mustybears.com?
91
00:04:16,225 --> 00:04:18,192
Not a doll and not his name.
92
00:04:18,194 --> 00:04:20,928
I had it legally changed to T-Rux.
93
00:04:20,930 --> 00:04:22,763
I used the same lawyer my mom hired
94
00:04:22,765 --> 00:04:25,032
to declare me Native American
so she didn't have to pay
95
00:04:25,034 --> 00:04:27,768
for parking at the casino.
96
00:04:27,770 --> 00:04:29,670
For six months, I had
to answer the phone,
97
00:04:29,672 --> 00:04:32,139
Max proudfoot.
98
00:04:32,141 --> 00:04:36,276
You know, in Poland,
we didn't have dolls.
99
00:04:36,278 --> 00:04:37,711
Yeah, we just hired little gypsy kids
100
00:04:37,713 --> 00:04:40,714
and we carried them around.
101
00:04:40,716 --> 00:04:43,750
Yeah, mine was called Gurgio.
102
00:04:43,752 --> 00:04:47,721
Yeah, and I think, uh,
he had a little bit of polio.
103
00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:52,292
Hey, didn't those things talk?
104
00:04:52,294 --> 00:04:54,661
They did if you had four C batteries.
105
00:04:54,663 --> 00:04:56,696
Wait, I think I have some.
106
00:04:56,698 --> 00:04:58,431
Yup, they came with
this adorable teddy bear
107
00:04:58,433 --> 00:04:59,833
singing cassette, so of course,
108
00:04:59,835 --> 00:05:03,870
I smashed that
with a rock and made my own.
109
00:05:03,872 --> 00:05:07,007
Yeah, my Gurgio didn't talk.
110
00:05:07,009 --> 00:05:10,176
I'm not sure he had a tongue.
111
00:05:10,178 --> 00:05:14,647
But he used to squeeze me really tight.
112
00:05:14,649 --> 00:05:18,718
And then I found out later, he was 35.
113
00:05:21,122 --> 00:05:23,556
You had four C batteries
in your nightstand?
114
00:05:23,558 --> 00:05:25,125
From what?
115
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:37,303
Do you wanna hear the bear talk
or don't you?
116
00:05:37,305 --> 00:05:40,340
[Phone rings]
117
00:05:40,342 --> 00:05:41,908
Oh, I'm sorry, girls.
118
00:05:41,910 --> 00:05:43,609
I gotta take this.
119
00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:47,213
It's another guy that
I'm breaking it off with.
120
00:05:47,215 --> 00:05:49,682
I sure hope Oleg's worth it.
121
00:05:49,684 --> 00:05:53,886
I just dumped a guy with
multiple personalities.
122
00:05:53,888 --> 00:05:55,988
Yeah, and he took it okay,
123
00:05:55,990 --> 00:05:57,757
and not great,
124
00:05:57,759 --> 00:05:59,792
and pretty bad.
125
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:04,864
There's no note or anything.
126
00:06:04,866 --> 00:06:07,934
This box is really just
a well of disappointment.
127
00:06:07,936 --> 00:06:09,635
Why would your mother send you this?
128
00:06:09,637 --> 00:06:11,771
Why would she do anything?
129
00:06:11,773 --> 00:06:14,173
Why would she bite our dog?
130
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,543
Why would she make out
with our Jack O'lantern?
131
00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:20,112
I don't know.
132
00:06:20,114 --> 00:06:21,914
Well, Max, she did send
you your favorite toy
133
00:06:21,916 --> 00:06:23,215
after all these years.
134
00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:24,683
Maybe she's trying to make amends.
135
00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:26,085
Oh, make amends?
136
00:06:26,087 --> 00:06:28,554
She couldn't even make me a sandwich.
137
00:06:28,556 --> 00:06:30,589
Okay, you ready?
138
00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:32,458
I know you are, but what am I?
139
00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:34,293
[Laughing]
140
00:06:34,295 --> 00:06:36,595
Oh, my God.
Max, is that you?
141
00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:39,498
Is that your little Max voice?
142
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:43,902
Careful, I'm about to open up
a can of whoop ass.
143
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:46,405
It is you!
How old were you there?
144
00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:49,241
Ten. "Whoop ass"
was kind of my thing.
145
00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:50,943
Still is.
146
00:06:50,945 --> 00:06:53,412
I mean, I guess I always knew
you were a little kid once,
147
00:06:53,414 --> 00:06:55,481
but I couldn't picture it
till I heard that.
148
00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:56,849
Like I couldn't picture me eating fruit
149
00:06:56,851 --> 00:06:59,084
from an Exxon station till I did that.
150
00:07:08,743 --> 00:07:10,343
So, are you two ready to order?
151
00:07:10,345 --> 00:07:12,445
Oh, yeah. I'll have
the turkey club with fries.
152
00:07:12,447 --> 00:07:16,483
This is why you're single, Rita.
153
00:07:16,485 --> 00:07:18,952
I'm not single.
I'm married to your father.
154
00:07:18,954 --> 00:07:23,957
I love you, but stop pushing
your lifestyle in my face.
155
00:07:23,959 --> 00:07:25,925
I'll have the salad.
Dressing on the side.
156
00:07:25,927 --> 00:07:27,827
Obvs.
157
00:07:30,631 --> 00:07:33,967
Obvs, obvs.
158
00:07:33,969 --> 00:07:37,003
Well, I'm sending
T-Rux back to my mother.
159
00:07:37,005 --> 00:07:38,571
He's going right into this empty box
160
00:07:38,573 --> 00:07:39,806
I found in Han's office.
161
00:07:39,808 --> 00:07:41,708
And Max, before you send it back,
162
00:07:41,710 --> 00:07:43,609
I'm gonna need those batteries.
163
00:07:43,611 --> 00:07:47,180
Oh, don't worry, I have
no desire to see you
164
00:07:47,182 --> 00:07:49,549
hugging the milkshake machine.
165
00:07:51,618 --> 00:07:54,420
Oh... my... God!
166
00:07:54,422 --> 00:07:56,789
Is that a Teddy Ruxpin doll?
167
00:07:56,791 --> 00:07:58,357
Rita, I want that!
168
00:07:58,359 --> 00:08:00,059
Your birthday just passed, Elliot.
169
00:08:00,061 --> 00:08:04,564
But my coming out party is coming up.
170
00:08:04,566 --> 00:08:09,101
What is that, like a queen-ceanera?
171
00:08:09,103 --> 00:08:12,938
So bitchy. Love her.
172
00:08:12,940 --> 00:08:15,675
A vintage Teddy Ruxpin
is worth like, $500,
173
00:08:15,677 --> 00:08:19,045
and my mom works,
so she has to buy my love.
174
00:08:19,047 --> 00:08:23,082
One more word, and I'm
taking away spa day.
175
00:08:23,084 --> 00:08:25,918
That's harsh, honey.
176
00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:27,686
He's obsessed with the '90s.
177
00:08:27,688 --> 00:08:29,455
But you weren't even born.
178
00:08:29,457 --> 00:08:30,956
I know. I blame her.
179
00:08:30,958 --> 00:08:33,526
She couldn't find
a man till late in life.
180
00:08:33,528 --> 00:08:35,561
There go the pedicures.
181
00:08:35,563 --> 00:08:38,931
There go my sandals.
182
00:08:38,933 --> 00:08:43,602
As much as I love
watching Will and Grace,
183
00:08:43,604 --> 00:08:45,137
this guy's not for sale.
184
00:08:45,139 --> 00:08:47,072
I'm sending him back
to my mother's place,
185
00:08:47,074 --> 00:08:49,208
which, according
to the Rhode Island Parole Office,
186
00:08:49,210 --> 00:08:54,279
is a cardboard shanty town
outside of big lots.
187
00:08:54,281 --> 00:08:55,914
Well, here's my card.
188
00:08:55,916 --> 00:09:00,385
And let's face it, you look
like you could use $500.
189
00:09:02,822 --> 00:09:05,557
So bitchy. Love him!
190
00:09:07,393 --> 00:09:10,562
I was just offered $500 for T-Rux
191
00:09:10,564 --> 00:09:13,498
from Baby Anderson Cooper.
192
00:09:15,034 --> 00:09:16,835
He has cards?
193
00:09:16,837 --> 00:09:18,303
I'm jealous of a nine-year-old?
194
00:09:18,305 --> 00:09:19,972
That's where I'm at?
195
00:09:19,974 --> 00:09:22,607
Hey, as much as I would like that $500,
196
00:09:22,609 --> 00:09:24,609
my mother doesn't get to think this bear
197
00:09:24,611 --> 00:09:26,945
gets to make up for my childhood.
198
00:09:26,947 --> 00:09:28,580
She doesn't get off that easy.
199
00:09:28,582 --> 00:09:31,850
Trust me, we shared a pullout couch
for nine months.
200
00:09:31,852 --> 00:09:33,919
Girls, can I see you over here?
201
00:09:33,921 --> 00:09:36,221
I can't believe we have
to talk to the fish again.
202
00:09:36,223 --> 00:09:39,991
I can't believe Max hasn't
put Han in the tank yet.
203
00:09:41,427 --> 00:09:43,895
Max, Caroline, every night from now on,
204
00:09:43,897 --> 00:09:46,698
I need you to move the skimmer
along the top of the water
205
00:09:46,700 --> 00:09:48,366
and take out the floating matter.
206
00:09:48,368 --> 00:09:52,137
Han, you know
I'm off diner poop patrol for life
207
00:09:52,139 --> 00:09:55,573
after I had to clean
the booth where the senior left...
208
00:09:55,575 --> 00:09:58,510
Well, we'll just call it an elderberry.
209
00:10:01,580 --> 00:10:05,083
Well, Caroline, Max said no,
so you have to do it.
210
00:10:05,085 --> 00:10:07,452
Han, you're kind of a baller
around your fish.
211
00:10:07,454 --> 00:10:08,887
All right, I'm gonna do this fast.
212
00:10:08,889 --> 00:10:10,555
Get in and get out.
213
00:10:10,557 --> 00:10:12,457
Same thing I do
when that bird is in our shower.
214
00:10:12,459 --> 00:10:14,626
[Bell dings] Pick up, Max.
215
00:10:14,628 --> 00:10:17,295
Look, I'm calling to tell
you I met somebody else
216
00:10:17,297 --> 00:10:18,997
so I'm breaking up with you.
217
00:10:18,999 --> 00:10:22,000
Now put your mother on.
I'm breaking up with her too.
218
00:10:26,205 --> 00:10:28,272
I can't believe this.
219
00:10:28,274 --> 00:10:31,843
I'm a Cabana Boy for fish.
220
00:10:31,845 --> 00:10:34,078
I guess now I can add
"fish poop remover"
221
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:39,283
to my resume
next to "supreme court intern".
222
00:10:39,285 --> 00:10:42,987
I feel like there was
a fish in that last one.
223
00:10:42,989 --> 00:10:44,555
Yup.
224
00:10:44,557 --> 00:10:46,657
Oh, no, it's the expensive one!
225
00:10:46,659 --> 00:10:49,393
That's so me.
226
00:10:49,395 --> 00:10:51,095
I really didn't expect to see
you digging through garbage
227
00:10:51,097 --> 00:10:53,597
till you were 30.
228
00:10:53,599 --> 00:10:56,467
Oh! Ah! Ugh! It's still alive!
229
00:10:56,469 --> 00:10:58,402
I need to keep her wet.
230
00:10:58,404 --> 00:11:01,439
Oh, covered in tuna, that's
gotta be traumatic for it.
231
00:11:06,845 --> 00:11:09,713
I feel like it went down the drain.
232
00:11:09,715 --> 00:11:12,149
It was an accident. I swear.
233
00:11:12,151 --> 00:11:14,685
I love fish. I would never hurt one.
234
00:11:14,687 --> 00:11:16,353
Unless you count eating
sushi, 'cause then I'm like
235
00:11:16,355 --> 00:11:17,955
Jack the Ripper.
236
00:11:17,957 --> 00:11:20,190
Caroline, are things going swimmingly?
237
00:11:20,192 --> 00:11:22,126
Jack, he's talking to you.
238
00:11:22,128 --> 00:11:24,562
Uh, oh, yeah. Swimmingly.
239
00:11:24,564 --> 00:11:26,096
Especially the blue one.
240
00:11:26,098 --> 00:11:27,898
He went in his little house.
241
00:11:27,900 --> 00:11:29,033
He doesn't like to use the restroom
242
00:11:29,035 --> 00:11:31,035
in front of his friends.
243
00:11:31,037 --> 00:11:33,537
Yeah, we're a lot alike.
244
00:11:38,510 --> 00:11:40,778
Thank you so much for
seeing us so quickly.
245
00:11:40,780 --> 00:11:43,013
Sure, you guys can just wait in here.
246
00:11:43,015 --> 00:11:46,250
Elliot's finishing up with his pilates.
247
00:11:46,252 --> 00:11:48,018
Do yourselves a favor.
248
00:11:48,020 --> 00:11:51,054
Tell him his core looks tight.
249
00:11:55,894 --> 00:11:57,561
Max, I'm so sorry
you have to sell T-Rux
250
00:11:57,563 --> 00:12:00,364
for the fish money because of me.
251
00:12:00,366 --> 00:12:03,800
Talked to the fist,
because the face is pissed.
252
00:12:03,802 --> 00:12:05,235
I'm getting attitude from a bear?
253
00:12:05,237 --> 00:12:08,238
That's where I'm at?
254
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:10,640
I can't believe all this
stuff he has from the '90s.
255
00:12:10,642 --> 00:12:14,911
I can't believe he has to
have a party to come out.
256
00:12:14,913 --> 00:12:16,913
That kid came out, out.
257
00:12:16,915 --> 00:12:21,017
His umbilical cord is a Gucci belt.
258
00:12:21,019 --> 00:12:23,553
Oh! These toys!
259
00:12:23,555 --> 00:12:25,889
This is like looking
back at my childhood
260
00:12:25,891 --> 00:12:29,125
but, you know, a time before
rainbows became political.
261
00:12:29,127 --> 00:12:30,160
[Gasps]
262
00:12:30,162 --> 00:12:31,228
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
263
00:12:31,230 --> 00:12:33,129
Oh, my God.
264
00:12:33,131 --> 00:12:34,898
A my size Barbie!
265
00:12:34,900 --> 00:12:36,232
I had ten of these.
266
00:12:36,234 --> 00:12:38,034
Not to play with, they
were used as decoys
267
00:12:38,036 --> 00:12:40,203
in case of a hostage situation.
268
00:12:40,205 --> 00:12:44,741
And now your whole life's
a hostage situation.
269
00:12:44,743 --> 00:12:46,076
Sorry I'm late.
270
00:12:46,078 --> 00:12:47,844
My trainer, Gary, and I got derailed
271
00:12:47,846 --> 00:12:49,979
talking about
The Real Housewives of Orange County.
272
00:12:49,981 --> 00:12:51,481
Your core looks really good.
273
00:12:51,483 --> 00:12:53,783
I know, honey.
274
00:12:53,785 --> 00:12:58,621
Now while I get my check book,
say hello to the Olsens.
275
00:12:58,623 --> 00:13:00,290
You got a lot of toys.
276
00:13:00,292 --> 00:13:04,027
When I was a girl your age,
I only had this.
277
00:13:04,029 --> 00:13:05,561
I don't suppose I could
play with my size Barbie
278
00:13:05,563 --> 00:13:07,630
for a second.
279
00:13:07,632 --> 00:13:10,133
I feel like that's a "No, bitch".
280
00:13:10,135 --> 00:13:12,635
I'm not... I'm not just
talking about the toys.
281
00:13:12,637 --> 00:13:14,837
You got a pretty sweet set-up.
282
00:13:14,839 --> 00:13:17,273
That nice lady out there,
giving you everything you want,
283
00:13:17,275 --> 00:13:18,708
taking care of you.
284
00:13:18,710 --> 00:13:22,145
She's just a mom. Everyone has one.
285
00:13:22,147 --> 00:13:27,216
Not really. Some people
just have bad ass bears.
286
00:13:27,218 --> 00:13:29,285
Max, are you sure about this?
287
00:13:29,287 --> 00:13:31,554
This is the only thing you
have from your childhood.
288
00:13:31,556 --> 00:13:33,322
Not true, I have a dent in my skull
289
00:13:33,324 --> 00:13:36,559
from a ball-peen hammer.
290
00:13:36,561 --> 00:13:38,494
The last time I change the channel
291
00:13:38,496 --> 00:13:41,497
during Three's Company.
292
00:13:41,499 --> 00:13:44,066
Can we fast forward this
to me having the bear
293
00:13:44,068 --> 00:13:45,768
and you two leaving?
294
00:13:45,770 --> 00:13:47,470
Okay, just take it, it doesn't matter.
295
00:13:47,472 --> 00:13:49,338
No, Max. It does matter.
296
00:13:49,340 --> 00:13:50,339
We're not selling this.
297
00:13:50,341 --> 00:13:52,041
He has enough toys.
298
00:13:52,043 --> 00:13:54,710
I mean, all I wanted to do
was touch the life-size Barbie.
299
00:13:54,712 --> 00:13:56,378
Okay, I see what's happening.
300
00:13:56,380 --> 00:13:58,714
I've been down this road
with the Beanie Babies.
301
00:13:58,716 --> 00:13:59,982
I'll give you 600 for the bear.
302
00:13:59,984 --> 00:14:01,150
Sold.
303
00:14:01,152 --> 00:14:02,084
No, Max! That's your childhood.
304
00:14:02,086 --> 00:14:03,219
- 700.
- Sold!
305
00:14:03,221 --> 00:14:04,520
No, Max!
306
00:14:04,522 --> 00:14:07,423
Caroline, my childhood
is not worth $700.
307
00:14:07,425 --> 00:14:09,325
The most my mother ever
got for me was 40 bucks
308
00:14:09,327 --> 00:14:11,093
and a big gulp.
309
00:14:11,095 --> 00:14:13,896
But that's "little you" in there, Max.
310
00:14:13,898 --> 00:14:15,431
And she's priceless.
311
00:14:15,433 --> 00:14:16,699
And she's about to erased and taped over
312
00:14:16,701 --> 00:14:18,734
by the soundtrack from Frozen.
313
00:14:18,736 --> 00:14:20,002
Frozen?
314
00:14:20,004 --> 00:14:23,906
Who am I? Me, a year ago?
315
00:14:23,908 --> 00:14:25,941
No. Can't have her.
316
00:14:25,943 --> 00:14:28,210
Well, what are we gonna do
now about the other child?
317
00:14:28,212 --> 00:14:29,745
The one in the diner?
318
00:14:29,747 --> 00:14:31,613
Well, I guess he's just
gonna have to grow up.
319
00:14:31,615 --> 00:14:33,215
Grow up? You think if
he had that ability,
320
00:14:33,217 --> 00:14:37,386
he wouldn't have used it yet?
321
00:14:37,388 --> 00:14:39,755
So what, no bear?
322
00:14:39,757 --> 00:14:41,790
Oh, please! You'll have
a bear in your life.
323
00:14:41,792 --> 00:14:43,992
Trust me.
324
00:14:53,188 --> 00:14:54,555
All right, Max.
325
00:14:54,557 --> 00:14:55,723
You're gonna help me tell him, right?
326
00:14:55,725 --> 00:14:57,425
You like giving him bad news.
327
00:14:57,427 --> 00:14:59,594
No, I like giving him bad
news about how he's short
328
00:14:59,596 --> 00:15:00,595
and has a big head.
329
00:15:00,597 --> 00:15:02,864
You know, fun bad news.
330
00:15:02,866 --> 00:15:04,432
Exciting news!
331
00:15:04,434 --> 00:15:06,334
I got the fishies a new house!
332
00:15:06,336 --> 00:15:10,071
I got it cheap. It was a foreclosure.
333
00:15:10,073 --> 00:15:12,306
Uh, Han, can we talk to you over there
334
00:15:12,308 --> 00:15:14,342
in the booth, the far booth?
335
00:15:14,344 --> 00:15:16,711
Can it wait? I want
to put in the new condo
336
00:15:16,713 --> 00:15:20,081
so Max will stop calling me a slum lord.
337
00:15:20,083 --> 00:15:21,883
Oh, that can wait, I mean, those fish
338
00:15:21,885 --> 00:15:23,384
aren't going anywhere.
339
00:15:23,386 --> 00:15:24,819
Except for the blue one,
who's definitely playing
340
00:15:24,821 --> 00:15:27,121
some kind of twisted
game of hide and seek.
341
00:15:27,123 --> 00:15:28,789
Oh, yeah, he loves that little house.
342
00:15:28,791 --> 00:15:31,325
He's going to love this one even more.
343
00:15:31,327 --> 00:15:32,927
Max, can you join me?
344
00:15:32,929 --> 00:15:37,632
I'm pretty busy waiting
on tables right now.
345
00:15:37,634 --> 00:15:38,999
Okay, what's going on?
346
00:15:39,001 --> 00:15:42,570
Max has never waited
on a table in her life.
347
00:15:42,572 --> 00:15:44,238
Max, I need you over here.
348
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:46,240
I'm just putting down
this grilled cheese
349
00:15:46,242 --> 00:15:48,209
'cause I don't want it to get cold.
350
00:15:48,211 --> 00:15:51,245
Now I'm freaking out!
351
00:15:51,247 --> 00:15:52,913
Max, don't do this to me.
352
00:15:52,915 --> 00:15:55,282
I know where the bodies
are buried, literally.
353
00:15:55,284 --> 00:15:58,285
I move them every six months.
354
00:15:58,287 --> 00:15:59,587
Well, what is it?
355
00:15:59,589 --> 00:16:02,756
Han, sometimes in life, things happen
356
00:16:02,758 --> 00:16:04,792
that you don't want to happen.
357
00:16:04,794 --> 00:16:07,127
Yes.
358
00:16:07,129 --> 00:16:08,729
And even though it's hard, you know,
359
00:16:08,731 --> 00:16:10,831
you just have to face up to it.
360
00:16:10,833 --> 00:16:13,300
I suppose.
361
00:16:13,302 --> 00:16:17,237
Oh, dear God, this is rough.
362
00:16:17,239 --> 00:16:19,406
And, well...
363
00:16:19,408 --> 00:16:21,108
Han, I don't wanna
have to tell you this,
364
00:16:21,110 --> 00:16:23,710
I know this is the last
thing you ever want to hear...
365
00:16:23,712 --> 00:16:25,012
Oh, just say it!
366
00:16:25,014 --> 00:16:30,284
The tampon machine is broken again.
367
00:16:30,286 --> 00:16:34,354
Later, I'll get my blindfold and fix it.
368
00:16:34,356 --> 00:16:35,989
Word of advice?
369
00:16:35,991 --> 00:16:37,357
When you do finally kill me,
370
00:16:37,359 --> 00:16:39,893
you gotta work on your
game face for the cops.
371
00:16:39,895 --> 00:16:41,161
Max, please.
372
00:16:41,163 --> 00:16:42,863
I can't tell han I murdered his fish.
373
00:16:42,865 --> 00:16:43,897
I can't.
374
00:16:43,899 --> 00:16:45,165
Well, I can't tell him either.
375
00:16:45,167 --> 00:16:46,933
Oh, hell, I'll tell him.
376
00:16:46,935 --> 00:16:52,739
I'm a black man, everyone
already assumes I did it.
377
00:16:52,741 --> 00:16:54,474
Thank you. Thank you so much.
378
00:16:54,476 --> 00:16:57,244
It's just a fish. He'll be fine.
379
00:16:57,246 --> 00:16:59,012
I've decided I'll
give Blue the new house
380
00:16:59,014 --> 00:17:01,648
at its birthday party later.
381
00:17:01,650 --> 00:17:04,851
It's the damn fish's birthday?
382
00:17:04,853 --> 00:17:07,053
I'm out.
383
00:17:07,922 --> 00:17:10,223
And you're all invited.
384
00:17:10,225 --> 00:17:11,858
Blue's two years old today.
385
00:17:11,860 --> 00:17:14,761
They don't usually live that long.
386
00:17:14,763 --> 00:17:17,464
No, they do not.
387
00:17:17,466 --> 00:17:19,899
That's it, we can't tell him.
388
00:17:19,901 --> 00:17:21,601
Even at Han's age, which I am guessing
389
00:17:21,603 --> 00:17:26,539
is somewhere between 14 and 53,
390
00:17:26,541 --> 00:17:28,775
some kids just aren't ready to grow up.
391
00:17:28,777 --> 00:17:30,076
What are we gonna do?
392
00:17:30,078 --> 00:17:32,045
We're gonna run out and buy a new one.
393
00:17:32,047 --> 00:17:33,213
Where are we gonna get the money?
394
00:17:33,215 --> 00:17:36,216
Oleg, you know how two years ago
395
00:17:36,218 --> 00:17:38,284
you offered me $1,000 for a back rub?
396
00:17:38,286 --> 00:17:39,552
Of course.
397
00:17:39,554 --> 00:17:43,189
Caroline will do it for $500.
398
00:17:43,191 --> 00:17:45,725
Deal. One last hurrah.
399
00:17:45,727 --> 00:17:47,293
Over the clothes, above the waist,
400
00:17:47,295 --> 00:17:49,896
and I don't know why, but
you have to wear a condom.
401
00:17:55,836 --> 00:17:59,539
Yes, Father Dominic Rosello, please.
402
00:17:59,541 --> 00:18:01,874
Oh, he's celebrating mass?
403
00:18:01,876 --> 00:18:05,645
Oh yeah, could you just tell
him that Sophie Kachinski
404
00:18:05,647 --> 00:18:08,481
is converting to monogamy?
405
00:18:08,483 --> 00:18:14,520
And uh, she won't be
kneeling at his altar anymore.
406
00:18:14,522 --> 00:18:19,158
Oh, yeah, yeah, he'll understand.
407
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:21,093
Where's Han and does he know?
408
00:18:21,095 --> 00:18:24,397
No, but I can't keep
pretending I see that fish.
409
00:18:24,399 --> 00:18:26,432
I'm a pot-head with
a touch of glaucoma.
410
00:18:26,434 --> 00:18:28,834
I'm seeing stuff that's not there.
411
00:18:28,836 --> 00:18:30,336
Not seeing stuff that's there...
412
00:18:30,338 --> 00:18:32,905
It's confusing.
413
00:18:32,907 --> 00:18:34,306
Okay. Come on, come on.
414
00:18:34,308 --> 00:18:36,075
Put it in, put it in, put it in.
415
00:18:36,077 --> 00:18:38,043
I have a whole new respect for every guy
416
00:18:38,045 --> 00:18:40,679
that's ever gone out with you.
417
00:18:40,681 --> 00:18:42,915
Happy birthday, Blue!
418
00:18:42,917 --> 00:18:48,087
(Han) Happy birthday.
Happy birthday, Blue.
419
00:18:48,089 --> 00:18:49,154
Where's Blue?
420
00:18:49,156 --> 00:18:50,456
I haven't seen her all day.
421
00:18:50,458 --> 00:18:51,490
I just saw it.
422
00:18:51,492 --> 00:18:54,059
Yeah, it was definitely there.
423
00:18:54,061 --> 00:18:55,594
You're not gonna give Blue that cupcake
424
00:18:55,596 --> 00:18:57,396
without a photo-op, are you?
Where's your iPad?
425
00:18:57,398 --> 00:19:00,666
I just saw it. Yeah,
it was definitely there.
426
00:19:00,668 --> 00:19:02,000
Yeah, Han, go!
427
00:19:02,002 --> 00:19:04,002
You need a pic so you
can post it on Facebook
428
00:19:04,004 --> 00:19:05,304
or Fishbook or whatever.
429
00:19:05,306 --> 00:19:06,972
Good idea. Here, hold this.
430
00:19:07,974 --> 00:19:10,976
Hey, Caroline, you look less flat.
431
00:19:10,978 --> 00:19:13,745
You finally get that
boob job you needed?
432
00:19:16,316 --> 00:19:18,350
I feel like the baggy broke.
433
00:19:18,352 --> 00:19:24,289
Yup, that's what happens when
you get the cheap implants.
434
00:19:24,291 --> 00:19:26,358
Oh, my God, there is
definitely something
435
00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:28,060
moving around in my bra.
436
00:19:28,062 --> 00:19:31,396
Well, it's good you can
still recognize that feeling.
437
00:19:31,398 --> 00:19:33,665
It's right... Oh!
Oh! I touched it!
438
00:19:33,667 --> 00:19:35,033
Gross!
439
00:19:35,035 --> 00:19:37,202
Someone, put your hand
in my bra and help me.
440
00:19:37,204 --> 00:19:40,105
Why now? Now that I'm off the market!
441
00:19:40,107 --> 00:19:41,807
No, no, no, no, no, no.
442
00:19:41,809 --> 00:19:44,409
I'm afraid I'm gonna
squish it and kill it again.
443
00:19:44,411 --> 00:19:49,214
Okay, just get up on the
counter and drop it in the tank.
444
00:19:49,216 --> 00:19:50,582
What?
445
00:19:50,584 --> 00:19:54,052
Get up on the counter, spread your legs,
446
00:19:54,054 --> 00:19:57,722
and just let it fall into the tank.
447
00:19:57,724 --> 00:19:59,324
You know what?
448
00:19:59,326 --> 00:20:03,128
Forget the back rub.
After this, we're square.
449
00:20:03,130 --> 00:20:05,397
Okay, straddle the tank,
pull out your uniform,
450
00:20:05,399 --> 00:20:07,332
and let it go.
451
00:20:07,334 --> 00:20:09,601
Now I owe you money.
452
00:20:12,204 --> 00:20:14,239
Just squat over the tank
like you're delivering
453
00:20:14,241 --> 00:20:16,307
a fish baby.
454
00:20:18,210 --> 00:20:20,245
I'm delivering a fish baby?
455
00:20:20,247 --> 00:20:22,480
This is where I'm at?
456
00:20:22,482 --> 00:20:25,149
Stop asking. That's where you're at.
457
00:20:35,961 --> 00:20:40,865
Okay, now that I saw, right?
458
00:20:40,867 --> 00:20:41,999
Caroline, get down!
459
00:20:42,001 --> 00:20:44,468
It's not that kind of party.
460
00:20:49,908 --> 00:20:51,976
Max, you're really still
gonna send T-Rux back?
461
00:20:51,978 --> 00:20:53,477
After we got bullied by a kid
462
00:20:53,479 --> 00:20:56,047
with a Tiffani Amber Thiessen pillow?
463
00:20:56,049 --> 00:20:59,317
Relax, T-Rux is right
over there by the register.
464
00:20:59,319 --> 00:21:01,052
And by the way, he's our first employee.
465
00:21:01,054 --> 00:21:03,421
Anytime we get a bone-head
customer, he can say,
466
00:21:03,423 --> 00:21:04,689
"Talk to the fist...
467
00:21:04,691 --> 00:21:07,124
(Both) 'cause the face is pissed."
468
00:21:07,126 --> 00:21:08,893
I'm just sending my mother something
469
00:21:08,895 --> 00:21:10,828
to say thank you for
everything she gave me
470
00:21:10,830 --> 00:21:12,129
when I was a child.
471
00:21:12,131 --> 00:21:13,197
Aww, what's in there?
472
00:21:13,199 --> 00:21:15,232
Nothing!
473
00:21:16,957 --> 00:21:19,561
Synced and corrected by backinblack
www.addic7ed.com