1
00:00:01,568 --> 00:00:02,634
Earl, can I borrow your paper?
2
00:00:02,636 --> 00:00:04,136
I want to check my horoscope
3
00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:07,606
to see if I'll still be
a whore in the future.
4
00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:09,541
All right, who wants to go first?
5
00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:12,177
Ooh, do me. Do me. Do me.
6
00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:14,179
Can we have one night at the dinner
7
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:17,516
that doesn't end with you
yelling that at a woman?
8
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,250
All right, I'll go.
9
00:00:19,252 --> 00:00:20,985
“Gemini, The Twins,”
10
00:00:20,987 --> 00:00:24,289
and they're both doing fine,
so let's move on.
11
00:00:24,291 --> 00:00:25,924
Han, what sign are you?
12
00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:29,594
I'm guessing the 40-year-old Virgo.
13
00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:31,229
Max, you don't need that paper.
14
00:00:31,231 --> 00:00:32,931
I'll tell you what's in your future...
15
00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:36,267
Using my name as a reference at Chipotle.
16
00:00:38,370 --> 00:00:40,805
You guys really believe in that crap?
17
00:00:40,807 --> 00:00:42,874
They just tell you what you want to hear.
18
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,877
“You will be rich. You will be famous.”
19
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,912
You'd think I'd buy a newspaper if it said,
20
00:00:47,914 --> 00:00:51,482
“you will be a 75-year-old cashier”?
21
00:00:52,994 --> 00:00:54,932
(Peter Bjorn and John)
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
22
00:00:54,934 --> 00:00:57,898
2 Broke Girls - 04x04
And the Old Bike Yarn
23
00:00:57,900 --> 00:01:00,846
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
24
00:01:08,908 --> 00:01:10,208
Okay, ready to open?
25
00:01:10,210 --> 00:01:11,609
Never have been, never will be.
26
00:01:11,611 --> 00:01:12,944
Let's do this.
27
00:01:12,946 --> 00:01:14,245
Wait.
28
00:01:14,247 --> 00:01:16,614
We have to do our business affirmation.
29
00:01:16,616 --> 00:01:20,918
Please, God, don't let us
be murdered in here.
30
00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:22,987
All right, let's open 'em up.
31
00:01:23,756 --> 00:01:26,157
- Oh, hell no.
- Max.
32
00:01:26,159 --> 00:01:27,191
Hang on. I wasn't done.
33
00:01:27,193 --> 00:01:30,528
Oh, hell no!
34
00:01:30,530 --> 00:01:32,897
Oh, she's yarn-bombing that bike.
35
00:01:32,899 --> 00:01:34,298
It's whimsical. It's new.
36
00:01:34,300 --> 00:01:36,434
It's stupid.
37
00:01:36,436 --> 00:01:38,769
Graffiti, I get.
38
00:01:38,771 --> 00:01:40,872
I see, “die, bitch. Die,” on a wall,
39
00:01:40,874 --> 00:01:45,076
I think, “okay, this gentleman
wanted to get that off his chest.”
40
00:01:45,078 --> 00:01:48,746
but this yarn-ival is pathetic.
41
00:01:48,748 --> 00:01:51,182
Yo, yarnie.
42
00:01:51,184 --> 00:01:52,984
I have a name.
43
00:01:52,986 --> 00:01:54,952
It's Guinevere.
44
00:01:54,954 --> 00:01:57,288
Yep, that checks out.
45
00:01:57,290 --> 00:01:58,622
What's happening over here?
46
00:01:58,624 --> 00:02:00,458
Why are you molesting that poor bike?
47
00:02:00,460 --> 00:02:02,560
Well...
48
00:02:02,562 --> 00:02:04,095
I am beautifying the city
49
00:02:04,097 --> 00:02:07,231
one living, glorious work of art at a time.
50
00:02:07,233 --> 00:02:09,500
And tips are always appreciated.
51
00:02:09,502 --> 00:02:11,135
[Scoffs]
52
00:02:11,137 --> 00:02:13,003
Here's a tip:
53
00:02:13,005 --> 00:02:15,005
Go back to school and learn a trade
54
00:02:15,007 --> 00:02:18,008
before daddy's money runs out.
55
00:02:18,010 --> 00:02:19,143
Well, I never...
56
00:02:19,145 --> 00:02:21,512
Worked a day in your life, we know.
57
00:02:21,514 --> 00:02:23,414
You think this is artwork?
58
00:02:23,416 --> 00:02:27,351
Artwork is a Garfield mug, sweetheart.
59
00:02:27,353 --> 00:02:29,086
You got Garfield in a hammock, saying,
60
00:02:29,088 --> 00:02:30,888
“I'm not overweight. I'm under-tall,”
61
00:02:30,890 --> 00:02:34,058
I'll build you a gallery right here.
62
00:02:35,593 --> 00:02:37,060
Look, you should move on.
63
00:02:37,062 --> 00:02:38,595
My friend doesn't want you...
64
00:02:38,597 --> 00:02:39,963
How shall I put this?
65
00:02:39,965 --> 00:02:43,634
Taking a giant knit in front of our shop.
66
00:02:43,636 --> 00:02:46,236
What is the problem?
It is not even your bike.
67
00:02:46,238 --> 00:02:48,338
It's been chained here
for, like, four months.
68
00:02:48,340 --> 00:02:50,040
Oh, yeah?
69
00:02:50,042 --> 00:02:51,975
Maybe it is our bike,
70
00:02:51,977 --> 00:02:55,045
and we use it for deliveries
71
00:02:55,047 --> 00:02:57,714
and to trap nerds.
72
00:02:58,950 --> 00:03:00,183
Peace out, ganja beer,
73
00:03:00,185 --> 00:03:01,885
before I knit you a noose.
74
00:03:05,323 --> 00:03:07,324
Max, that was a great idea.
75
00:03:07,326 --> 00:03:08,558
What, that she go back to school?
76
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:09,960
I know.
77
00:03:09,962 --> 00:03:13,396
At least a couple night classes,
right? Get around some people.
78
00:03:13,398 --> 00:03:16,333
She's a lost cause. Let's move on.
79
00:03:16,335 --> 00:03:18,668
I'm talking about us doing deliveries.
80
00:03:18,670 --> 00:03:20,237
Why do we never deliver?
81
00:03:20,239 --> 00:03:23,206
Speak for yourself. I've delivered.
82
00:03:26,043 --> 00:03:28,645
Seriously, Max, those delivery services...
83
00:03:28,647 --> 00:03:31,014
Eat24, Grubhub... do big business.
84
00:03:31,016 --> 00:03:32,749
No one wants to go out now.
85
00:03:32,751 --> 00:03:34,050
People are so lazy.
86
00:03:34,052 --> 00:03:36,920
I don't really feel like it.
87
00:03:36,922 --> 00:03:38,888
Seriously, Max, all we have to do
88
00:03:38,890 --> 00:03:40,590
is slap a delivery charge on that product,
89
00:03:40,592 --> 00:03:43,860
and suddenly, a $5 cupcake
is bringing in more money.
90
00:03:43,862 --> 00:03:45,762
And do you know what more money means?
91
00:03:45,764 --> 00:03:48,898
No. How would I know that?
92
00:03:51,735 --> 00:03:53,169
Okay, question:
93
00:03:53,171 --> 00:03:57,173
Which of these goes better with no pants?
94
00:03:57,175 --> 00:04:00,243
I don't know. They're both timeless...
95
00:04:00,245 --> 00:04:03,813
As in, there's no time
you should wear those.
96
00:04:03,815 --> 00:04:05,348
You can't be objective.
97
00:04:05,350 --> 00:04:06,749
You're like a kid in a candy store.
98
00:04:06,751 --> 00:04:08,751
I'll ask Max.
99
00:04:10,187 --> 00:04:13,623
Uh, well, the red one
kind of matches your rash.
100
00:04:13,625 --> 00:04:16,359
I think we have a winner.
101
00:04:16,361 --> 00:04:19,362
So why are you trying out
the fancy mesh tonight?
102
00:04:19,364 --> 00:04:21,931
Well, even though Sophie and I
are getting back together,
103
00:04:21,933 --> 00:04:24,734
we wanted to make it special
and hold off on the sexual part
104
00:04:24,736 --> 00:04:26,502
of the relationship until tonight.
105
00:04:26,504 --> 00:04:28,404
- That is so sweet.
- I know.
106
00:04:28,406 --> 00:04:31,841
I haven't even masturbated since
right before I came in here.
107
00:04:35,913 --> 00:04:38,147
So, Chestnut, I was buying
some rolling papers
108
00:04:38,149 --> 00:04:39,749
at the Bodega,
109
00:04:39,751 --> 00:04:43,619
and I hope this is cool,
but I said they were for you.
110
00:04:43,621 --> 00:04:47,123
Max, I have good news and bad news.
111
00:04:47,125 --> 00:04:48,691
The bad news is,
112
00:04:48,693 --> 00:04:51,260
this is the only good news
I've had in three years.
113
00:04:51,262 --> 00:04:53,462
And the good news is...
114
00:04:53,464 --> 00:04:55,664
You found yourself a new apartment?
115
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:58,100
Don't toy with me, woman.
116
00:04:58,102 --> 00:04:59,335
Speak plainly and clearly.
117
00:04:59,337 --> 00:05:02,104
Did you find a new apartment?
118
00:05:02,106 --> 00:05:04,540
Close your eyes. I'll give you a hint.
119
00:05:04,542 --> 00:05:06,408
Last time I was told to close my eyes,
120
00:05:06,410 --> 00:05:10,079
I woke up in a bikini on a garbage barge.
121
00:05:10,081 --> 00:05:13,615
P.S., closest I ever got to a vacation.
122
00:05:15,351 --> 00:05:17,119
[Horn honking]
123
00:05:17,121 --> 00:05:20,923
Oh, you're dating a clown?
124
00:05:20,925 --> 00:05:23,392
Please, you know I would have told you
125
00:05:23,394 --> 00:05:25,627
if I was dating someone who had a car.
126
00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:29,831
Look, it's the abandoned bike
from in front of the shop.
127
00:05:29,833 --> 00:05:32,034
It was the bike from the front of the shop.
128
00:05:32,036 --> 00:05:36,371
Now it looks like a contestant
on RuPaul's bike race.
129
00:05:36,373 --> 00:05:38,073
We're gonna use it to make deliveries.
130
00:05:38,075 --> 00:05:40,542
I already signed us up
for three delivery services.
131
00:05:40,544 --> 00:05:41,977
Still crazy smart.
132
00:05:41,979 --> 00:05:43,111
Waste of time.
133
00:05:43,113 --> 00:05:44,546
Amazon's got drones,
134
00:05:44,548 --> 00:05:47,716
and we've got one gay bike.
135
00:05:47,718 --> 00:05:49,217
I don't want to do deliveries.
136
00:05:49,219 --> 00:05:51,586
I got this. You bake, I'll bike.
137
00:05:51,588 --> 00:05:55,023
And while you bike, I'll get baked.
138
00:05:55,025 --> 00:05:56,758
I'm just gonna knock out
these three “delivs”"
139
00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:58,193
and I'll met you at the cupcake shop.
140
00:05:58,195 --> 00:05:59,995
- “Delivs”?
- You like “delivs”?
141
00:05:59,997 --> 00:06:01,730
It's an “abbreve”
I made up for “deliveries.”
142
00:06:01,732 --> 00:06:03,198
You like “abbreve”?
143
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,600
It's an “AB” I made up for “abbreviation.”
144
00:06:05,602 --> 00:06:09,571
I'm gonna make this short. Get out.
145
00:06:09,573 --> 00:06:11,406
Hey, everybody.
146
00:06:12,708 --> 00:06:14,242
Sophie, what do you think?
147
00:06:14,244 --> 00:06:16,311
Aw, good for you, Caroline.
148
00:06:16,313 --> 00:06:18,513
I've been saying that
you should hop on something
149
00:06:18,515 --> 00:06:22,350
pink and ride it since I met you.
150
00:06:22,352 --> 00:06:26,521
[Horn honking]
151
00:06:26,523 --> 00:06:29,557
Ah, Max, I'm so glad you're alone,
152
00:06:29,559 --> 00:06:32,427
'cause I need some girl talk.
153
00:06:32,429 --> 00:06:34,229
Okay, but the last time I did girl talk,
154
00:06:34,231 --> 00:06:35,897
I got $3 for the first minute
155
00:06:35,899 --> 00:06:38,440
and $1 for each additional minute.
156
00:06:38,442 --> 00:06:40,158
No, it's about Oleg.
157
00:06:40,671 --> 00:06:43,705
Last night, he was unable to...
158
00:06:43,707 --> 00:06:46,541
Oh, what's a nice way to say this?
159
00:06:46,543 --> 00:06:50,712
He couldn't get his soldier
to stand at attention,
160
00:06:50,714 --> 00:06:54,416
and his penis wouldn't work either.
161
00:06:54,418 --> 00:06:56,551
Well, uh, have you tried buying
162
00:06:56,553 --> 00:06:59,154
a Cosmopolitan magazine or something?
163
00:06:59,156 --> 00:07:01,156
They usually have advice on sex stuff
164
00:07:01,158 --> 00:07:03,158
and how to hate your body.
165
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:05,560
Max...
166
00:07:05,562 --> 00:07:09,164
You don't think it could be me, do you?
167
00:07:09,166 --> 00:07:11,733
No way, Sophie. You are hot.
168
00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:12,801
Ah.
169
00:07:12,803 --> 00:07:15,804
The first time Oleg saw you,
his soldier not only saluted.
170
00:07:15,806 --> 00:07:18,606
It exploded.
171
00:07:18,608 --> 00:07:20,141
You're right. I am hot.
172
00:07:20,143 --> 00:07:22,844
It's all him.
173
00:07:22,846 --> 00:07:25,313
Remember when I said you
didn't have to do deliveries?
174
00:07:25,315 --> 00:07:27,715
You're gonna have to do deliveries,
'cause I only went two blocks,
175
00:07:27,717 --> 00:07:29,050
and I'm sweating like Shia Lebeouf
176
00:07:29,052 --> 00:07:32,387
at a dui checkpoint.
177
00:07:39,859 --> 00:07:41,766
Okay, you deliver. I'll open the window.
178
00:07:41,768 --> 00:07:44,061
But first, business affirmation.
179
00:07:44,063 --> 00:07:48,532
Please, God, don't let us
get pistol-whipped in here.
180
00:07:53,338 --> 00:07:57,675
It's either that Guinevere
or spider-man came out.
181
00:08:01,078 --> 00:08:03,680
Caroline, can I talk to you
about a private matter,
182
00:08:03,682 --> 00:08:06,449
by which I mean the matter is my privates.
183
00:08:06,451 --> 00:08:08,385
Okay, but hurry, Oleg.
184
00:08:08,387 --> 00:08:10,286
I'm in the middle of
a dream catcher situation,
185
00:08:10,288 --> 00:08:12,555
and it's a nightmare.
186
00:08:12,557 --> 00:08:13,823
And why me?
187
00:08:13,825 --> 00:08:15,892
'Cause I trust and respect you
188
00:08:15,894 --> 00:08:19,596
and I feel like you know
your way around a limp penis.
189
00:08:21,732 --> 00:08:23,733
Maybe.
190
00:08:23,735 --> 00:08:26,369
I talked to my therapist...
191
00:08:26,371 --> 00:08:29,972
Roy, you know, down at the Starbucks.
192
00:08:29,974 --> 00:08:31,641
He told me it's all mental.
193
00:08:31,643 --> 00:08:33,276
We didn't get much further than that.
194
00:08:33,278 --> 00:08:36,846
He spilled a grande
mochaccino on his sandals.
195
00:08:36,848 --> 00:08:38,881
You're probably just scared.
196
00:08:38,883 --> 00:08:40,850
Intimacy is so hard for some guys,
197
00:08:40,852 --> 00:08:44,220
it's not hard for some guys.
198
00:08:44,222 --> 00:08:47,290
Yeah, that's all over my head.
199
00:08:47,292 --> 00:08:49,692
Oh, no, Max forgot the order slips.
200
00:08:49,694 --> 00:08:52,428
Oleg, I'm sure it'll all work out.
201
00:08:52,430 --> 00:08:55,998
Good luck getting your penne al dente.
202
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:59,168
Again, over my head.
203
00:09:03,290 --> 00:09:05,058
Max, what are you doing?
204
00:09:05,060 --> 00:09:07,226
What are you doing?
205
00:09:07,278 --> 00:09:08,778
What am I doing?
206
00:09:08,780 --> 00:09:10,279
Well, I think I'm watching you shove
207
00:09:10,281 --> 00:09:12,615
our delivery bike into
the back of an uber car.
208
00:09:12,617 --> 00:09:15,384
Well, this is uber-awkward.
209
00:09:15,386 --> 00:09:17,720
Come on, come on. In or out.
210
00:09:17,722 --> 00:09:20,856
All right, Caroline,
this is Milesh, with a “K.”
211
00:09:20,858 --> 00:09:22,591
he doesn't go to the airport,
212
00:09:22,593 --> 00:09:25,327
and he once drove some of Maroon 5...
213
00:09:25,329 --> 00:09:28,264
So Maroon 3.
214
00:09:28,266 --> 00:09:29,698
No, stop. Caroline.
215
00:09:29,700 --> 00:09:31,901
If you want me to deliver the cupcakes,
216
00:09:31,903 --> 00:09:34,236
I can't use the bike,
I have to use the car.
217
00:09:34,238 --> 00:09:35,404
Why?
218
00:09:35,406 --> 00:09:38,107
Oh, my God, are you pregnant?
219
00:09:38,109 --> 00:09:43,479
You ask me that every day,
and almost every day I say no.
220
00:09:43,481 --> 00:09:46,448
Look, I want to tell you,
but it's a secret.
221
00:09:46,450 --> 00:09:47,983
And you can't tell anybody.
222
00:09:47,985 --> 00:09:50,119
Do you seriously think
I would ever tell anyone
223
00:09:50,121 --> 00:09:52,454
anything about this life?
224
00:09:52,456 --> 00:09:54,123
Right.
225
00:09:54,125 --> 00:09:56,425
I don't know how to ride a bike, okay?
226
00:09:56,427 --> 00:09:58,427
You don't know how to ride a bike?
227
00:09:58,429 --> 00:10:01,330
Max doesn't know how to ride a bike?
228
00:10:01,332 --> 00:10:03,465
Damn it, Caroline!
229
00:10:03,467 --> 00:10:04,766
[Laughing]
230
00:10:04,768 --> 00:10:06,535
Max doesn't know how to ride a bike.
231
00:10:06,537 --> 00:10:07,836
Oh, happy day.
232
00:10:07,838 --> 00:10:09,738
I finally have something over her.
233
00:10:09,740 --> 00:10:10,939
There is a God,
234
00:10:10,941 --> 00:10:13,075
and he's laughing at her too.
235
00:10:14,644 --> 00:10:16,311
Lordy, this is harder to watch
236
00:10:16,313 --> 00:10:19,882
than Jim Carrey in a drama.
237
00:10:19,884 --> 00:10:22,017
[Laughing]
238
00:10:26,723 --> 00:10:28,002
[Knock at door]
239
00:10:28,004 --> 00:10:31,593
Max, are you up?
240
00:10:31,595 --> 00:10:34,196
What's that smell? Did you
bring home Greek food?
241
00:10:34,198 --> 00:10:35,964
No, that's me.
242
00:10:35,966 --> 00:10:38,967
That's how you smell after you ride a bike
243
00:10:38,969 --> 00:10:42,504
all over Williamsburg delivering
14 orders of cupcakes,
244
00:10:42,506 --> 00:10:44,773
and I do not wish to smell like this again,
245
00:10:44,775 --> 00:10:47,643
so you have to learn how to
ride that bike, all right?
246
00:10:47,645 --> 00:10:50,278
Who do you think you are busting in here
247
00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:53,548
smelling like hummus but having no hummus?
248
00:10:53,550 --> 00:10:55,217
What is the problem?
249
00:10:55,219 --> 00:10:56,952
Didn't your mother ever teach
you how to ride a bike?
250
00:10:56,954 --> 00:11:00,055
No, my mother was too busy
being the town bike.
251
00:11:00,057 --> 00:11:01,656
Well, then I'll teach you.
252
00:11:01,658 --> 00:11:03,158
Nope. Never getting on a bike.
253
00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:04,626
It's one of my three “nevers.”
254
00:11:04,628 --> 00:11:06,127
Yes, well, your first “never” was,
255
00:11:06,129 --> 00:11:08,463
“never having a blonde roommate.”
256
00:11:08,465 --> 00:11:12,234
You are chipping away at me
piece by piece, lady.
257
00:11:13,936 --> 00:11:16,304
I'm not going anywhere until
you tell me what's going on.
258
00:11:16,306 --> 00:11:19,407
I'd sit on your bed, but
that's your third “never.”
259
00:11:19,409 --> 00:11:20,909
[sighs]
260
00:11:20,911 --> 00:11:23,411
When I was little, there was
this kid, Tommy Doonan.
261
00:11:23,413 --> 00:11:26,514
Nice kid, solid hopscotcher.
262
00:11:26,516 --> 00:11:28,883
Used to give me his fruit
roll-up at lunch every day.
263
00:11:28,885 --> 00:11:30,885
Max, did he give you these fruit roll-ups,
264
00:11:30,887 --> 00:11:31,986
or did you take them?
265
00:11:31,988 --> 00:11:33,721
Don't interrupt.
266
00:11:33,723 --> 00:11:36,524
One day, Tommy Doonan got a new bike.
267
00:11:36,526 --> 00:11:39,427
He was out front with this nice, older man
268
00:11:39,429 --> 00:11:40,929
who looked just like him.
269
00:11:40,931 --> 00:11:43,798
You mean his dad?
270
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,767
Mm, is that what they call them?
271
00:11:45,769 --> 00:11:48,536
I assumed it was a predator.
272
00:11:48,538 --> 00:11:51,472
So anyway, I was making fun of him
273
00:11:51,474 --> 00:11:53,541
'cause he seemed happy.
274
00:11:53,543 --> 00:11:56,377
I thought that was our thing.
275
00:11:56,379 --> 00:11:58,980
And he started showing off,
doing wheelies and stuff,
276
00:11:58,982 --> 00:12:00,381
to put me in my place,
277
00:12:00,383 --> 00:12:03,384
but then he flipped up over the handlebars
278
00:12:03,386 --> 00:12:06,454
and came down hard on his face.
279
00:12:06,456 --> 00:12:07,755
Sad,
280
00:12:07,757 --> 00:12:11,392
but not worth me having baklava pits.
281
00:12:11,394 --> 00:12:13,027
Well, wait.
282
00:12:13,029 --> 00:12:14,896
After I stopped laughing
283
00:12:14,898 --> 00:12:18,566
and the man picked him up
and hugged him predator-style,
284
00:12:18,568 --> 00:12:22,937
I saw Tommy's teeth
had busted through his cheek.
285
00:12:22,939 --> 00:12:24,338
To put it plainly,
286
00:12:24,340 --> 00:12:28,409
his mouth was on the outside of his face.
287
00:12:28,411 --> 00:12:31,645
Ew, that's like something
out of a horror movie,
288
00:12:31,647 --> 00:12:35,416
like Bike of the Living Dead
or Texas Bike Chain Massacre
289
00:12:35,418 --> 00:12:38,419
or... well, that's probably enough.
290
00:12:38,421 --> 00:12:41,589
Every time I see a bike,
I think of his little face
291
00:12:41,591 --> 00:12:45,059
and his little teeth
chomping out the side of it.
292
00:12:45,061 --> 00:12:47,027
He had to eat apples like this...
293
00:12:47,029 --> 00:12:49,530
[Babbling]
294
00:12:49,532 --> 00:12:52,600
Max, you are not responsible for that.
295
00:12:52,602 --> 00:12:54,268
Yeah, I know,
296
00:12:54,270 --> 00:12:57,838
and 1 out of the 12 jurors agreed.
297
00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:00,874
Thank you, number six.
298
00:13:00,876 --> 00:13:04,378
Anyway, it freaked me out, so good night.
299
00:13:04,380 --> 00:13:05,779
No, Max.
300
00:13:05,781 --> 00:13:07,448
It is not going to work that way.
301
00:13:07,450 --> 00:13:08,782
You're learning how to ride a bike.
302
00:13:08,784 --> 00:13:10,951
I'm already on one painful cycle.
303
00:13:10,953 --> 00:13:12,753
I don't want to get on another one.
304
00:13:12,755 --> 00:13:14,988
Max, I have access to tootsie rolls,
305
00:13:14,990 --> 00:13:17,925
and if you get on a bike,
I will give you four.
306
00:13:17,927 --> 00:13:19,126
What am I, a chimp?
307
00:13:19,128 --> 00:13:21,728
- Five.
- Let's go.
308
00:13:27,802 --> 00:13:29,336
Don't look so smug, chestnut.
309
00:13:29,338 --> 00:13:31,805
You don't know how to ride a bike either.
310
00:13:31,807 --> 00:13:34,007
Come on, Max, just out here in the alley.
311
00:13:34,009 --> 00:13:37,077
Oh, hell no!
312
00:13:37,079 --> 00:13:39,446
- What?
- She's been back here too.
313
00:13:39,448 --> 00:13:41,681
- Who?
- Guine-queer.
314
00:13:41,683 --> 00:13:46,052
There's so much yarn-bombing,
it's like craft-ganistan.
315
00:13:46,054 --> 00:13:47,548
Max, let it go.
316
00:13:47,550 --> 00:13:48,922
Stay focused.
317
00:13:48,924 --> 00:13:49,890
Get on the bike.
318
00:13:49,892 --> 00:13:50,644
No.
319
00:13:50,646 --> 00:13:52,192
I don't want to eat apples
320
00:13:52,194 --> 00:13:54,561
out of the side of my face.
321
00:13:54,563 --> 00:13:57,097
Come on. Let me teach you.
322
00:13:57,099 --> 00:13:58,431
- Nope.
- Want a tootsie?
323
00:13:58,433 --> 00:14:00,233
You know I do.
324
00:14:00,235 --> 00:14:02,502
I mean, you taught me how to be poor.
325
00:14:02,504 --> 00:14:05,038
Eh, you're getting really good at it.
326
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,373
Come on.
327
00:14:06,375 --> 00:14:07,841
You know what they say about riding a bike.
328
00:14:07,843 --> 00:14:10,009
It's like riding a bike. See?
329
00:14:10,011 --> 00:14:12,212
It's fun, see? Whee!
330
00:14:12,214 --> 00:14:14,981
Whee, whee, whee, whee, whee! Whee!
331
00:14:14,983 --> 00:14:16,649
You got a real pretty mouth, Caroline.
332
00:14:16,651 --> 00:14:19,285
Can't wait to see it
on the side of your face.
333
00:14:19,287 --> 00:14:21,454
At least just get on the bike.
334
00:14:21,456 --> 00:14:23,156
You don't even have to go anywhere yet.
335
00:14:23,158 --> 00:14:24,257
- Nope.
- Want a tootsie?
336
00:14:24,259 --> 00:14:25,692
You know I do.
337
00:14:25,694 --> 00:14:27,227
Go.
338
00:14:27,229 --> 00:14:28,528
[Groans and scoffs]
339
00:14:28,530 --> 00:14:30,096
What is this bar doing here?
340
00:14:30,098 --> 00:14:33,199
I have no use for a bar
that can't get me drunk.
341
00:14:33,201 --> 00:14:34,801
Okay, walk the bike over there
342
00:14:34,803 --> 00:14:37,070
and lean against the car
to get your balance.
343
00:14:37,072 --> 00:14:39,338
Just check and make sure
there's no one around.
344
00:14:39,340 --> 00:14:40,573
Why do you care?
345
00:14:40,575 --> 00:14:41,941
The only people out here this late
346
00:14:41,943 --> 00:14:43,676
would be rapists, murderers, and freaks...
347
00:14:43,678 --> 00:14:46,112
[Chuckles] You know, your peeps.
348
00:14:47,648 --> 00:14:48,748
(Max) What the...
349
00:14:48,750 --> 00:14:51,117
Hey, girls.
350
00:14:51,119 --> 00:14:52,385
Sophie?
351
00:14:52,387 --> 00:14:54,887
What are you doing in that car alone?
352
00:14:57,624 --> 00:15:00,526
Oh, a dark alley at 3:00 A.M.?
353
00:15:00,528 --> 00:15:03,229
Has money gotten that tight?
354
00:15:03,231 --> 00:15:05,564
Yes, but that's not why we're out here.
355
00:15:05,566 --> 00:15:07,099
I'm teaching Max how to ride a bike,
356
00:15:07,101 --> 00:15:08,567
and it's pretty hard.
357
00:15:08,569 --> 00:15:10,770
Oh, yeah, I wish I had that problem.
358
00:15:10,772 --> 00:15:13,806
I'm dancing with a rope in here.
359
00:15:13,808 --> 00:15:15,841
We're trying some exotic, new locales
360
00:15:15,843 --> 00:15:17,410
for our lovemaking.
361
00:15:17,412 --> 00:15:20,746
It's exotic because
this isn't even our car.
362
00:15:20,748 --> 00:15:22,181
(Sophie) Oh, uh...
363
00:15:22,183 --> 00:15:25,584
We better hurry before
that rabbi comes back.
364
00:15:25,586 --> 00:15:27,420
Maybe try barking at it again.
365
00:15:27,422 --> 00:15:29,788
There was some movement earlier.
366
00:15:29,790 --> 00:15:31,323
[Sophie barking]
367
00:15:31,325 --> 00:15:33,892
Come on, Caroline, teach me
how to ride this thing.
368
00:15:33,894 --> 00:15:36,462
I got to get away from Temple Gross Shalom
369
00:15:36,464 --> 00:15:38,097
as fast as possible.
370
00:15:38,099 --> 00:15:39,665
Okay, I'm gonna get behind you
371
00:15:39,667 --> 00:15:41,133
and hold on to your seat.
372
00:15:41,135 --> 00:15:42,868
Not without three long island iced teas
373
00:15:42,870 --> 00:15:45,304
and one, “your butt
looks good in those jeans.”
374
00:15:45,306 --> 00:15:48,807
- Tootsie?
- Yeah.
375
00:15:48,809 --> 00:15:49,942
Max, don't look.
376
00:15:49,944 --> 00:15:51,276
Yarn-bombing?
377
00:15:51,278 --> 00:15:52,378
(Han) Hey, Max.
378
00:15:52,380 --> 00:15:53,846
(Max) Han?
379
00:15:53,848 --> 00:15:55,547
I'm just riding my bike to the bike store
380
00:15:55,549 --> 00:15:57,716
to buy more bikes.
381
00:15:57,718 --> 00:15:59,184
Is that Han or
382
00:15:59,186 --> 00:16:01,153
Lance Armstrong's runaway testicle?
383
00:16:01,155 --> 00:16:02,754
Sorry, couldn't hear you.
384
00:16:02,756 --> 00:16:05,857
I was too busy knowing how to ride a bike.
385
00:16:05,859 --> 00:16:08,715
Damn it! Now I got to do this.
386
00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:11,496
You know how quickly society
will crumble around us
387
00:16:11,498 --> 00:16:15,267
if Han starts feeling like
he can freely tease me?
388
00:16:15,269 --> 00:16:16,702
- You sure?
- Yep.
389
00:16:16,704 --> 00:16:18,236
Making fun of Han
390
00:16:18,238 --> 00:16:20,372
is one of my two free
sources of entertainment.
391
00:16:20,374 --> 00:16:22,874
The other one is located
right above this bar.
392
00:16:22,876 --> 00:16:24,843
Okay, I'll keep my Hand on the seat,
393
00:16:24,845 --> 00:16:27,112
and then when you're ready,
tell me, and I'll let you go.
394
00:16:27,114 --> 00:16:29,381
Okay, but don't let go until I say so.
395
00:16:30,683 --> 00:16:31,716
Okay, let go.
396
00:16:31,718 --> 00:16:32,918
Already did.
397
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:34,452
I'm riding a bike?
398
00:16:34,454 --> 00:16:35,921
Max, look out! Pothole!
399
00:16:38,157 --> 00:16:41,660
[Groaning]
400
00:16:41,662 --> 00:16:44,129
There goes my other free
source of entertainment.
401
00:16:44,131 --> 00:16:45,797
Tootsie?
402
00:16:45,799 --> 00:16:48,633
Yes, obviously!
403
00:16:56,462 --> 00:16:58,916
[Bell rings] Table ten. Pick up, Max.
404
00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:03,221
Yeah, be right there.
405
00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:06,257
Like, you know, in a month.
406
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:08,759
Uh, Max, how you doing?
407
00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:12,563
I heard about your vag-accident.
408
00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:14,431
Look, if you need to see a doctor,
409
00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:17,067
my cousin in Florida is a good one,
410
00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:20,905
but then again, the bumpy
bus ride might kill you.
411
00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:23,207
No, no, it'll be fine, Earl.
412
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:25,576
I'm icing it. I just have to keep it cold.
413
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:35,452
We're out of Ginger ale.
414
00:17:35,454 --> 00:17:39,423
I think you mean the
Ginger ale is out of you.
415
00:17:40,492 --> 00:17:41,925
Max, let me get that for you.
416
00:17:41,927 --> 00:17:44,094
I feel like it was kind of my fault.
417
00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:45,028
Kind of?
418
00:17:45,030 --> 00:17:46,330
Was Lincoln's death
419
00:17:46,332 --> 00:17:47,498
kind of John wilkes booth's fault?
420
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,465
[Bell rings]
421
00:17:48,467 --> 00:17:50,400
Pick up, Caroline.
422
00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:52,002
How'd it go with Sophie?
423
00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:54,238
Were you able to do the thing,
you know, the man does
424
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,507
while the woman makes
shopping lists in her head?
425
00:17:57,509 --> 00:17:59,209
Shh. Come on.
426
00:17:59,211 --> 00:18:01,478
I don't want anyone to
know I can't get it up.
427
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,914
Oleg can't get it up?
428
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,116
[Laughing]
429
00:18:06,118 --> 00:18:08,518
OMG. Oleg can't get it up.
430
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:10,120
[Laughing]
431
00:18:10,122 --> 00:18:11,588
Best week ever.
432
00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:13,523
Hey, everybody!
433
00:18:15,726 --> 00:18:17,093
What's up?
434
00:18:17,095 --> 00:18:18,428
Not your boyfriend.
435
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:21,698
[Laughing]
436
00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:22,899
If anyone needs me,
437
00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:24,634
I'll be outside riding my bike
438
00:18:24,636 --> 00:18:26,636
with an erection.
439
00:18:28,105 --> 00:18:30,774
Oh, no, no, no, no.
He didn't hear it from me.
440
00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:32,442
I only told two people...
441
00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:35,045
Max and my manicurist, Ming Wa.
442
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:37,180
And you don't have to worry about her
443
00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:39,215
because she doesn't care about anything
444
00:18:39,217 --> 00:18:43,319
except loving some guy named long time.
445
00:18:45,589 --> 00:18:47,757
Sophie, baby,
446
00:18:47,759 --> 00:18:49,426
this is hard.
447
00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:52,195
Yeah, maybe we better
not try to be serious.
448
00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:54,664
I mean, the real truth is,
449
00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:57,700
I only like you for your penis anyway.
450
00:18:57,702 --> 00:19:00,703
Say that again.
451
00:19:00,705 --> 00:19:03,206
What, that I only like you for your penis?
452
00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:05,575
One more time.
453
00:19:05,577 --> 00:19:08,478
Well, what, that I don't have
any real feelings for you?
454
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,213
That it's completely sexual
455
00:19:10,215 --> 00:19:14,317
and I only like you
for your big, stupid penis?
456
00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:15,885
I'm back, baby.
457
00:19:15,887 --> 00:19:18,654
Sophie, can I see you in the kitchen?
458
00:19:18,656 --> 00:19:20,990
And we better hurry.
I'm making three-minute eggs.
459
00:19:22,526 --> 00:19:24,527
Cancel my eggs.
460
00:19:26,663 --> 00:19:30,132
I would've so left during
that whole conversation,
461
00:19:30,134 --> 00:19:33,970
but I'm holding a can of
Dr. Pepper between my legs.
462
00:19:33,972 --> 00:19:36,305
What? He's a doctor. He's seen it.
463
00:19:37,574 --> 00:19:39,408
Well, I think we're pretty much even.
464
00:19:39,410 --> 00:19:42,278
Your legs are a little sore,
and I'll never have children.
465
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:46,482
So I guess what I'm saying is thanks.
466
00:19:46,484 --> 00:19:49,752
So you really don't want
to get back on the bike?
467
00:19:49,754 --> 00:19:51,253
You're just gonna give up?
468
00:19:51,255 --> 00:19:54,123
I bet even Tommy Doonan
got back on the bike.
469
00:19:54,125 --> 00:19:55,257
Whatever happened to him?
470
00:19:55,259 --> 00:19:57,326
I caught up with him on Facebook.
471
00:19:57,328 --> 00:20:00,429
Well, more like really-messed-up-face-book.
472
00:20:00,431 --> 00:20:01,797
He's happily married.
473
00:20:01,799 --> 00:20:03,966
I bet right now he's driving his car,
474
00:20:03,968 --> 00:20:06,402
looking straight ahead,
and smiling at his wife
475
00:20:06,404 --> 00:20:10,306
in the seat next to him.
476
00:20:10,308 --> 00:20:12,107
So that's it for deliveries?
477
00:20:12,109 --> 00:20:14,943
Oh, you can deliver wherever
and whenever you want,
478
00:20:14,945 --> 00:20:18,414
but there is no way I am ever
getting on that bike again.
479
00:20:19,649 --> 00:20:23,485
Max, look. Guinevere.
480
00:20:23,487 --> 00:20:24,987
Oh, hell no!
481
00:20:24,989 --> 00:20:27,789
She yarn-bombed our darn barn!
482
00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:30,092
You two should've tipped.
483
00:20:30,094 --> 00:20:32,761
I'm an artist.
484
00:20:32,763 --> 00:20:35,864
Eat my stitches, bitches.
485
00:20:35,866 --> 00:20:36,832
[Gasps]
486
00:20:36,834 --> 00:20:39,334
That was not whimsical at all.
487
00:20:39,336 --> 00:20:40,669
Give me the damn bike.
488
00:20:40,671 --> 00:20:42,704
Knit's about to hit the fan.
489
00:20:42,706 --> 00:20:44,539
[Can thuds]
490
00:20:47,310 --> 00:20:48,610
Max, you're doing it.
491
00:20:48,612 --> 00:20:50,779
What happened to your fear of bikes?
492
00:20:50,781 --> 00:20:54,116
I guess the only thing stronger
is my hatred of that nerd!
493
00:20:57,389 --> 00:21:01,249
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com