1 00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:03,985 Okay, Max. 2 00:00:03,985 --> 00:00:05,505 How would you describe our apartment? 3 00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:06,804 And I've already ruled out 4 00:00:06,804 --> 00:00:10,055 "Worse than that girl-pit in Silence of the Lambs." 5 00:00:10,433 --> 00:00:14,135 Well, at least she had some silence once in a while. 6 00:00:14,137 --> 00:00:17,072 Look, no one's gonna pay money to rent this dump. 7 00:00:17,072 --> 00:00:19,239 We haven't in six months. 8 00:00:19,241 --> 00:00:22,125 Everyone else in Williamsburg is making money 9 00:00:22,127 --> 00:00:24,461 renting their crappy places on Airbnb. 10 00:00:24,463 --> 00:00:26,046 It's all how you describe it. 11 00:00:26,048 --> 00:00:28,201 So let's start lying. 12 00:00:29,051 --> 00:00:33,053 This is a fantastic idea and I really want to do this. 13 00:00:33,209 --> 00:00:35,742 First question: "Describe your neighborhood." 14 00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:39,281 Run-down with a bunch of rats. 15 00:00:39,798 --> 00:00:43,619 Old-world charm. Pet-friendly. 16 00:00:44,829 --> 00:00:46,427 "What type of people live there?" 17 00:00:46,427 --> 00:00:49,712 Junkies, whores, homeless. 18 00:00:49,714 --> 00:00:52,548 Actors. 19 00:00:52,550 --> 00:00:54,050 "Do you have a hot tub?" 20 00:00:54,052 --> 00:00:57,053 Sometimes. 21 00:00:57,055 --> 00:00:58,054 "Gym?" 22 00:00:58,056 --> 00:01:00,223 23 00:00:58,056 --> 00:01:00,223 Two. Gay Jim upstairs, 24 00:01:00,225 --> 00:01:01,557 and straight Jim across the hall 25 00:01:01,559 --> 00:01:04,026 who's only gay when he's drunk. 26 00:01:04,186 --> 00:01:06,220 "When is your space available? 27 00:01:06,222 --> 00:01:07,888 Always, sometimes, one time." 28 00:01:08,230 --> 00:01:10,113 Oh, just like our sex lives. 29 00:01:10,115 --> 00:01:12,399 Always for me, sometimes out of boredom, 30 00:01:12,401 --> 00:01:15,402 and one time for you. 31 00:01:15,504 --> 00:01:17,000 32 00:01:17,004 --> 00:01:18,537 33 00:01:19,004 --> 00:01:22,007 34 00:01:22,104 --> 00:01:25,037 35 00:01:31,783 --> 00:01:33,884 Earl, guess what Max and I did. 36 00:01:33,886 --> 00:01:35,502 I know what you didn't do. 37 00:01:35,504 --> 00:01:38,238 Clean this dessert carousel. 38 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:41,742 There's a Napoleon in here since Napoleon. 39 00:01:41,744 --> 00:01:44,395 We rented our apartment on Airbnb. 40 00:01:44,397 --> 00:01:47,181 You rented to Arabs? 41 00:01:44,397 --> 00:01:47,181 42 00:01:47,183 --> 00:01:49,983 Well, good luck getting it back. 43 00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:53,188 They tend to be a TAD territorial. 44 00:01:53,188 --> 00:01:56,827 Airbnb is an agency that rents to out-of-towners 45 00:01:56,827 --> 00:02:00,112 and I'm guessing local men cheating on their wives. 46 00:02:00,114 --> 00:02:01,866 Well, I did it. 47 00:02:01,866 --> 00:02:02,948 I know. 48 00:02:02,950 --> 00:02:06,084 When you were 18 with Prince Harry. 49 00:02:06,086 --> 00:02:08,070 Or so you say. 50 00:02:08,072 --> 00:02:10,122 We have three offers for our apartment. 51 00:02:10,124 --> 00:02:11,240 How? 52 00:02:11,242 --> 00:02:12,574 Let me rephrase that. 53 00:02:12,576 --> 00:02:14,743 How! 54 00:02:14,745 --> 00:02:16,912 I found the perfect sales pitch. 55 00:02:16,914 --> 00:02:20,382 "Stay at the place where dreams die"? 56 00:02:20,384 --> 00:02:23,302 "Have the authentic Williamsburg experience" 57 00:02:23,304 --> 00:02:25,254 Oh, you mean getting clumsily felt up 58 00:02:25,256 --> 00:02:28,757 by a guy who looks like he came from the gold rush? 59 00:02:28,759 --> 00:02:30,559 Anyone can stay at a hotel. 60 00:02:30,561 --> 00:02:32,811 But how often can you say you went to New York 61 00:02:32,813 --> 00:02:36,765 and stayed at a "Brooklyn Bohemian barn apartment 62 00:02:36,767 --> 00:02:39,768 with a live-in horse"? 63 00:02:39,770 --> 00:02:41,487 Girl, you are good. 64 00:02:41,489 --> 00:02:44,439 So now we just have to pick who gets our apartment. 65 00:02:44,441 --> 00:02:46,775 A guy looking to get away from it all. 66 00:02:46,777 --> 00:02:49,778 That's a suicide. 67 00:02:49,780 --> 00:02:51,613 You're right. We lie, they lie. 68 00:02:51,615 --> 00:02:54,333 Um, a married couple looking to reconnect. 69 00:02:54,335 --> 00:02:57,786 Murder-suicide. 70 00:02:57,788 --> 00:02:59,821 And finally, a girls' getaway weekend 71 00:02:59,823 --> 00:03:01,590 for some fashion model friends. 72 00:03:01,592 --> 00:03:04,293 A couple of chubby girls looking to murder 73 00:03:04,295 --> 00:03:07,596 some pints of Ben and Jerry's. 74 00:03:07,598 --> 00:03:10,967 With maybe a sui-side of mac and cheese. 75 00:03:11,327 --> 00:03:13,808 Hey, everybody. 76 00:03:18,108 --> 00:03:19,907 Yeah, the temperature be droppin' 77 00:03:19,907 --> 00:03:22,697 and the bitches be nippin'. 78 00:03:22,697 --> 00:03:24,208 I need a hot chocolate. 79 00:03:24,208 --> 00:03:27,709 I'm right here, Sophie. 80 00:03:27,711 --> 00:03:29,261 And I'm right here, Earl. 81 00:03:29,263 --> 00:03:30,846 I mean, I get it, 82 00:03:30,848 --> 00:03:34,049 but bro code, man. 83 00:03:34,051 --> 00:03:36,385 Well, big news. 84 00:03:36,387 --> 00:03:38,562 I'm going on a trip. 85 00:03:38,562 --> 00:03:41,579 Mushrooms or acid? 86 00:03:41,581 --> 00:03:44,582 I'm going to Vermont! 87 00:03:44,584 --> 00:03:46,251 Oh, you're gonna be gone? 88 00:03:46,253 --> 00:03:47,919 Would you mind letting us stay upstairs at your place? 89 00:03:47,921 --> 00:03:49,487 We're renting out our apartment. 90 00:03:49,489 --> 00:03:51,756 You're renting out that dump? 91 00:03:51,758 --> 00:03:57,378 Oh, are they filming Survivor at your place? 92 00:04:05,105 --> 00:04:07,105 So when are these losers arriving? 93 00:04:07,107 --> 00:04:08,656 They're not losers. 94 00:04:08,658 --> 00:04:10,845 They're just girls paying us to have a fun weekend 95 00:04:10,845 --> 00:04:12,577 in our apartment. 96 00:04:12,579 --> 00:04:14,829 What losers! 97 00:04:16,583 --> 00:04:19,417 Now that is a hand that's scooped some ice cream. 98 00:04:24,406 --> 00:04:28,126 Hi, are you Caroline? 99 00:04:28,128 --> 00:04:30,191 Oh, my god. They really are models. 100 00:04:30,191 --> 00:04:31,846 Hi, I'm Lily. 101 00:04:31,848 --> 00:04:35,350 Oh shoot, now I'm gay. 102 00:04:35,352 --> 00:04:37,468 Lily? As in Lily Aldridge? 103 00:04:37,470 --> 00:04:38,820 And I'm Martha. 104 00:04:38,822 --> 00:04:40,939 Hunt? Martha Hunt and Lily Aldridge? 105 00:04:40,941 --> 00:04:42,248 Max, do you know who they are? 106 00:04:42,248 --> 00:04:43,162 Sure do. 107 00:04:43,162 --> 00:04:45,741 This one is the girl that I leave this one for. 108 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,868 No, Max, they're all Victoria's Secret models. 109 00:04:50,870 --> 00:04:52,976 Yeah, we all wanted to hang out in New York 110 00:04:52,976 --> 00:04:54,433 before we leave for london. 111 00:04:54,433 --> 00:04:55,706 We're doing a fashion show there. 112 00:04:55,708 --> 00:04:59,009 I worked at the Victoria's Secret at the mall for one day. 113 00:04:59,011 --> 00:05:03,047 Got fired for eating panda express over the thongs. 114 00:05:03,049 --> 00:05:04,739 This is Max. I'm Caroline. 115 00:05:04,739 --> 00:05:06,116 I used to be rich. 116 00:05:06,118 --> 00:05:09,270 I just felt like I needed to say that. 117 00:05:09,272 --> 00:05:12,723 And these are our friends, Petra, Gabriella, and Rina. 118 00:05:12,725 --> 00:05:14,725 Hi. 119 00:05:14,727 --> 00:05:18,896 What are the odds you're all named after Columbus's ships. 120 00:05:18,898 --> 00:05:23,634 Come in. Welcome to "The Williamsburg experience." 121 00:05:23,636 --> 00:05:26,236 It's bigger than it looks in the photo. 122 00:05:26,238 --> 00:05:28,956 Well, I shaved of a couple of inches for the photo. 123 00:05:28,958 --> 00:05:31,542 You know the drill. 124 00:05:31,544 --> 00:05:33,544 So why the hell are you staying here? 125 00:05:33,546 --> 00:05:37,915 Is this training for when your looks run out? 126 00:05:37,917 --> 00:05:40,301 Oh, look. The kitchen is so cute! 127 00:05:40,303 --> 00:05:43,753 Question, how do you walk the runway blind? 128 00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:47,673 It's just that we stay at the same Four Seasons 129 00:05:47,673 --> 00:05:48,475 all the time. 130 00:05:48,477 --> 00:05:51,145 Well, you will experience at least two seasons here, 131 00:05:51,147 --> 00:05:54,264 'cause the thermostat's broken. 132 00:05:54,266 --> 00:05:57,434 It's 40 outside and 100 in here. 133 00:05:57,436 --> 00:06:00,437 So as advertised, this is our sauna. 134 00:06:00,439 --> 00:06:03,035 And our Bohemian barn's right out that door. 135 00:06:03,035 --> 00:06:06,777 Just follow the temperature drop. 136 00:06:06,779 --> 00:06:09,917 Max, super models are staying at our apartment. 137 00:06:09,917 --> 00:06:13,669 It's so exciting, I want to tell all my friends. 138 00:06:13,671 --> 00:06:15,800 I guess I just did. 139 00:06:19,510 --> 00:06:21,043 I see you met Chestnut. 140 00:06:21,045 --> 00:06:24,213 That's his real mane, not extensions. 141 00:06:24,215 --> 00:06:26,048 Also per our ad, a charming skylight 142 00:06:26,050 --> 00:06:27,716 in case you want to sit under the stars 143 00:06:27,718 --> 00:06:32,254 and have a little peace and quiet. 144 00:06:32,256 --> 00:06:34,223 Hey, girls! 145 00:06:34,225 --> 00:06:35,557 Come up already. 146 00:06:35,559 --> 00:06:38,093 I want to get to my college reunion. 147 00:06:38,095 --> 00:06:41,282 Can you believe it's been 10 years? 148 00:06:41,699 --> 00:06:43,409 Wow, time sure does lie... 149 00:06:43,409 --> 00:06:46,035 I mean, fly. 150 00:06:46,037 --> 00:06:47,903 You talk to your neighbors? 151 00:06:47,905 --> 00:06:49,905 I talked to my neighbor once and the next thing you know, 152 00:06:49,907 --> 00:06:52,131 I have this long letter from Naomi Watts 153 00:06:52,131 --> 00:06:54,394 saying, "Leave my husband alone." 154 00:06:55,662 --> 00:06:58,464 So we've known each other like five minutes already. 155 00:06:58,466 --> 00:07:00,082 Where's my free bra? 156 00:07:00,084 --> 00:07:02,084 I mean, all that's left of this one is the frames. 157 00:07:02,086 --> 00:07:04,840 Trust me, it's like a burlesque show under here. 158 00:07:14,570 --> 00:07:17,021 Sophie's apartment is amazing. 159 00:07:17,023 --> 00:07:20,163 It looks like an easter bunny banged a golden girl. 160 00:07:22,913 --> 00:07:24,662 That was some showerhead. 161 00:07:24,664 --> 00:07:27,699 I'd marry it, but it's already attached... 162 00:07:27,701 --> 00:07:29,501 to the wall. 163 00:07:37,093 --> 00:07:38,543 Max? 164 00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:40,378 Here! 165 00:07:40,380 --> 00:07:42,347 Oh, this bed is like being in the womb 166 00:07:42,349 --> 00:07:45,884 without all the second-hand smoke. 167 00:07:45,886 --> 00:07:47,435 Martha and Lily were super-sweet. 168 00:07:47,437 --> 00:07:50,555 So exciting to be back hanging with celebrities. 169 00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:53,057 Yeah and maybe now you can get a new celebrity story. 170 00:07:53,059 --> 00:07:54,926 I was getting really tired of hearing how someone thought 171 00:07:54,928 --> 00:07:58,229 you were Gwyneth Paltrow from behind. 172 00:07:58,231 --> 00:08:00,532 Still flattering. 173 00:08:04,386 --> 00:08:05,687 Laughter? 174 00:08:05,689 --> 00:08:07,572 Coming from our apartment? 175 00:08:07,574 --> 00:08:09,207 What do you think they're laughing at? 176 00:08:09,209 --> 00:08:12,861 Probably found our account balance on an ATM slip. 177 00:08:12,863 --> 00:08:14,712 I bet Martha said something funny. 178 00:08:14,714 --> 00:08:16,214 She's hilarious. 179 00:08:16,216 --> 00:08:17,549 You know, for someone who's so pretty, 180 00:08:17,551 --> 00:08:20,084 she never had to develop a personality. 181 00:08:20,086 --> 00:08:22,470 I'm gonna go see. 182 00:08:22,472 --> 00:08:24,255 Max, give me a shove. 183 00:08:24,257 --> 00:08:26,692 This is good practice for the eventual cliff. 184 00:08:35,818 --> 00:08:38,102 Beers and wings. 185 00:08:38,104 --> 00:08:39,604 Beers and wings. 186 00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:41,606 Now it's a party. 187 00:08:41,608 --> 00:08:43,908 Max, you know how when it gets hot down there, 188 00:08:43,910 --> 00:08:48,613 we just sit, sweat, and point the fan at our junk? 189 00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:51,082 They do it a little differently. 190 00:08:51,084 --> 00:08:52,917 They are dancing in their underwear, 191 00:08:52,919 --> 00:08:54,469 drinking beers. 192 00:08:54,471 --> 00:08:58,276 So? The guy on the corner does that all the time. 193 00:09:07,149 --> 00:09:10,635 I can't take my eyes off those beers. 194 00:09:10,637 --> 00:09:14,489 Hey! Hi, you guys. 195 00:09:17,643 --> 00:09:19,310 You wanna come down, and have some beers, 196 00:09:19,312 --> 00:09:21,145 and cool off? 197 00:09:21,147 --> 00:09:22,864 Be right down! 198 00:09:22,866 --> 00:09:25,274 Now I wish I had those wings, I could get down there faster. 199 00:09:33,492 --> 00:09:36,377 Okay. So what is this big news? 200 00:09:36,379 --> 00:09:37,996 Did the health inspector find out 201 00:09:37,998 --> 00:09:40,912 that the imitation crab meat is cat? 202 00:09:42,502 --> 00:09:44,335 Technically, it's imitation cat, 203 00:09:44,337 --> 00:09:46,004 but that's not what we're announcing. 204 00:09:46,006 --> 00:09:47,672 I'm here. 205 00:09:47,674 --> 00:09:49,674 And make this snappy. I'm in the middle of something. 206 00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:51,096 Puberty? 207 00:09:52,729 --> 00:09:55,346 No. I was on a call with Ripley's Believe It or Not 208 00:09:55,348 --> 00:09:58,066 to inform them that you still work here. 209 00:09:58,068 --> 00:10:00,351 And they didn't believe it. 210 00:10:00,353 --> 00:10:02,820 Okay. We have some friends coming in for a meal 211 00:10:02,822 --> 00:10:05,990 and we don't want you guys to embarrass us and overreact. 212 00:10:05,992 --> 00:10:07,992 Darlin', I don't overreact. 213 00:10:07,994 --> 00:10:10,862 I'm 70-something years old with a history of heart trouble. 214 00:10:10,864 --> 00:10:14,032 I keep it in check. 215 00:10:14,034 --> 00:10:16,664 Hey, Max! Caroline! 216 00:10:17,087 --> 00:10:22,040 And I keep my heart pills in my pocket. 217 00:10:22,042 --> 00:10:24,425 Excuse me, much as I enjoy the view, 218 00:10:24,427 --> 00:10:26,594 I really want that "100th Birthday" shout out 219 00:10:26,596 --> 00:10:28,680 from Al Roker. 220 00:10:30,883 --> 00:10:34,018 Yes, they're Victoria's Secret models and our friends. 221 00:10:34,020 --> 00:10:37,355 Last night we all stayed up late trashing Kate Moss. 222 00:10:37,357 --> 00:10:39,357 Models in my diner! 223 00:10:39,359 --> 00:10:42,894 Oh, no. I wore the wrong sweater vest. 224 00:10:42,896 --> 00:10:45,979 You also wore the wrong face, body, and personality. 225 00:10:46,950 --> 00:10:48,199 Max, let's go say hi. 226 00:10:48,201 --> 00:10:49,200 How do I look? 227 00:10:49,202 --> 00:10:50,952 Like a waitress. 228 00:10:50,954 --> 00:10:53,402 Damn it, it's the waitress uniform, isn't it? 229 00:10:55,408 --> 00:10:56,591 What's up, homies? 230 00:10:56,593 --> 00:10:57,575 What's up, homie? 231 00:10:57,577 --> 00:10:59,577 I love my life again. 232 00:10:59,579 --> 00:11:01,296 Well, it's been a whole day since we met, 233 00:11:01,298 --> 00:11:02,630 so where's that free bra? 234 00:11:02,632 --> 00:11:03,493 Max! 235 00:11:03,493 --> 00:11:05,300 What? This one's on it's last legs. 236 00:11:05,302 --> 00:11:07,251 Last night I heard it coughing. 237 00:11:07,253 --> 00:11:08,753 Could also use some new underwear. 238 00:11:08,755 --> 00:11:11,139 Mine are running on fumes. 239 00:11:11,141 --> 00:11:12,623 I just texted David. 240 00:11:12,625 --> 00:11:14,309 He's coming. 241 00:11:14,311 --> 00:11:16,427 This is going to be an amazing party. 242 00:11:16,429 --> 00:11:17,595 - Party? - Yeah. 243 00:11:17,597 --> 00:11:19,063 We're having some friends over. 244 00:11:19,065 --> 00:11:20,064 Cool. 245 00:11:20,066 --> 00:11:22,667 - Yeah? - Yeah. 246 00:11:22,669 --> 00:11:25,903 And like Max said, "Cool"" 247 00:11:25,905 --> 00:11:27,405 Jeez, pull it back. 248 00:11:27,407 --> 00:11:28,740 You're acting needier than Sofia Vergara 249 00:11:28,742 --> 00:11:32,744 on a red carpet. 250 00:11:32,746 --> 00:11:34,162 Big fan. 251 00:11:34,164 --> 00:11:36,914 Big, big fan. 252 00:11:36,916 --> 00:11:38,433 Compliments of the chef. 253 00:11:38,435 --> 00:11:41,419 My specialty, popsicles. 254 00:11:41,421 --> 00:11:43,788 I find they taste best when sucked slowly, 255 00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:47,542 using plenty of tongue, facing the kitchen. 256 00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:58,629 I can't believe we're not invited 257 00:11:58,629 --> 00:12:00,393 to the biggest party in our apartment 258 00:12:00,393 --> 00:12:03,183 since those ants found your jelly beans. 259 00:12:03,697 --> 00:12:05,713 Yoo-hoo! 260 00:12:05,715 --> 00:12:09,067 Hi, so we're just up here hangin' out. 261 00:12:09,069 --> 00:12:11,452 Doin' our Thang. 262 00:12:11,454 --> 00:12:13,237 Oh, sorry, girl. Did we wake you? 263 00:12:13,239 --> 00:12:14,751 Go back to sleep. 264 00:12:17,711 --> 00:12:19,077 "Go back to sleep"? 265 00:12:19,079 --> 00:12:20,795 Why does she think we're so lame? 266 00:12:20,797 --> 00:12:22,450 Um, I don't know. 267 00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:24,149 Maybe it's 'cause you're throwing around words 268 00:12:24,151 --> 00:12:28,487 like "Yoo-hoo" and "Thang," Like a mom bringing cheetos 269 00:12:28,489 --> 00:12:30,956 down to a slumber party. 270 00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:32,391 This is your fault. 271 00:12:32,393 --> 00:12:34,423 They were obsessed with us until you started asking 272 00:12:34,423 --> 00:12:38,136 for bras like some bra-less homeless person. 273 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,384 We're never gonna sleep with all that music. 274 00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:44,503 Check the drawer, Sophie must have ear plugs. 275 00:12:44,505 --> 00:12:46,742 I mean, she lives upstairs from you. 276 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:52,311 I found plugs, but I don't think they're for your ears. 277 00:12:56,399 --> 00:12:58,939 It's fine, we'll just pop downstairs and say hello. 278 00:12:58,939 --> 00:13:00,653 Fashion's my scene. 279 00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:03,355 Know what I'm seeing? That price tag. 280 00:13:03,357 --> 00:13:06,158 Oh, tuck it back in, I have to return it. 281 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:07,860 Okay. Remember our deal. 282 00:13:07,862 --> 00:13:12,665 I got up and got dressed so you're my slave for life. 283 00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:14,416 Oh, hi, girls. 284 00:13:14,418 --> 00:13:17,703 I thought you were the man with the Greek food. 285 00:13:17,705 --> 00:13:21,624 Wow, I have definitely got to start waxing my upper lip more. 286 00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:23,876 Sophie, why aren't you in Vermont? 287 00:13:23,878 --> 00:13:26,045 Oh, I lied. 288 00:13:26,047 --> 00:13:27,663 I didn't go to Vermont. 289 00:13:27,665 --> 00:13:31,717 I mean, it's far and I'm not a lesbian. 290 00:13:31,719 --> 00:13:34,219 No, I stayed in town to spy on Oleg. 291 00:13:34,221 --> 00:13:36,055 I mean, I know you girls think that I'm perfect, 292 00:13:36,057 --> 00:13:39,725 but I have trust issues. 293 00:13:39,727 --> 00:13:41,277 Well then, whose apartment is that? 294 00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:42,895 I'm staying at Jim's. 295 00:13:42,897 --> 00:13:44,396 Straight Jim's or gay Jim's? 296 00:13:44,398 --> 00:13:48,367 Sophie, you forgot your purse. 297 00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:50,486 Oh, I think this is mine. 298 00:13:50,488 --> 00:13:53,122 Just kidding, it's yours. 299 00:13:53,124 --> 00:13:56,575 What's up, Salt N' Pepa? 300 00:13:56,577 --> 00:13:59,878 Gay Jim's. 301 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:04,266 Oh, girls, please don't tell Oleg that I'm here. 302 00:14:04,268 --> 00:14:05,801 You know, I've been following him around 303 00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:07,920 to see what he would do if I was not in town. 304 00:14:07,922 --> 00:14:09,772 And so far, you know, he's been cool. 305 00:14:09,774 --> 00:14:12,257 But you know the old saying: 306 00:14:12,259 --> 00:14:14,810 "Cheat on me once, shame on you. 307 00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:18,535 Cheat on me twice, your balls are in a jar." 308 00:14:22,319 --> 00:14:25,237 Oh, my god! There's a man standing in our doorway. 309 00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:27,272 I have a doorman again. 310 00:14:27,274 --> 00:14:28,490 Weird to see a man standing in our doorway 311 00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:30,326 without a warrant, an eviction notice, 312 00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:32,111 or a Bible. 313 00:14:32,113 --> 00:14:34,163 Excuse me, this is our apartment. 314 00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:35,614 Yeah, we live here all the time. 315 00:14:35,616 --> 00:14:37,166 No biggie. 316 00:14:37,168 --> 00:14:41,170 No biggie, and no electricity, no lease-y. 317 00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,755 Hi, I'm Caroline. This is Max. 318 00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:43,756 We live here. 319 00:14:43,758 --> 00:14:45,674 Not according to the list. 320 00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:48,127 Sir, look, we do live here. I have a key. 321 00:14:48,129 --> 00:14:50,963 The key is to be on the list, which you are not. 322 00:14:50,965 --> 00:14:53,766 Okay, I can prove we live here. 323 00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:56,468 Go over to the window, kick the side of radiator, 324 00:14:56,470 --> 00:14:58,354 a panel will open up. 325 00:14:58,356 --> 00:15:01,385 You'll find a half-smoked joint and another half-smoked joint. 326 00:15:01,385 --> 00:15:01,945 Proving... 327 00:15:01,945 --> 00:15:04,810 What? That you're a poor pot head? 328 00:15:04,812 --> 00:15:05,787 This is crazy. 329 00:15:05,787 --> 00:15:07,780 I can't believe I'm begging to get into a place 330 00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:09,148 I've been trying to get out of. 331 00:15:09,150 --> 00:15:10,282 It's a very exclusive party. 332 00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:11,617 It's a dump. 333 00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:14,153 I should know. I live here. 334 00:15:17,323 --> 00:15:22,011 This night couldn't get any worse. 335 00:15:22,013 --> 00:15:22,988 Turn that light off. 336 00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:25,280 I'm watching the Victoria's Secret super model party 337 00:15:25,282 --> 00:15:28,050 with my night vision goggles. 338 00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:30,302 And updating. 339 00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:32,221 Oleg, how did you get in here? 340 00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:33,389 How do you think? 341 00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:34,740 It's my girlfriend's apartment. 342 00:15:34,742 --> 00:15:37,192 I broke in. 343 00:15:37,194 --> 00:15:39,895 Yes, Oleg, it's your girlfriend's apartment 344 00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:41,680 where you're sitting in the dark, 345 00:15:41,682 --> 00:15:43,732 watching models out the window with night vision goggles. 346 00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:46,652 Hey! My pants are on! 347 00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:49,671 No, they are not! 348 00:15:49,673 --> 00:15:51,173 Not my fault. 349 00:15:51,175 --> 00:15:53,509 Five Victoria's Secret super models downstairs? 350 00:15:53,511 --> 00:15:55,978 They took themselves off. 351 00:15:55,980 --> 00:15:58,864 So what are you saying? You're the victim here? 352 00:15:58,866 --> 00:16:00,382 What would Sophie say if she came home 353 00:16:00,384 --> 00:16:01,867 and saw you sitting here? 354 00:16:01,869 --> 00:16:05,037 She'd say, "stop hogging the goggles." 355 00:16:05,039 --> 00:16:07,005 Oleg, let me just say this: 356 00:16:07,007 --> 00:16:09,374 Vermont is closer than you think. 357 00:16:09,376 --> 00:16:10,926 I don't know where this argument is going, 358 00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:12,928 but I'm going to that damn supermodel party. 359 00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:16,682 Oleg, it's late, I'm gonna lay this on the line for you. 360 00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:18,400 You're no George Clooney. 361 00:16:18,402 --> 00:16:21,520 You're not even George Costanza. 362 00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:23,355 These sheets are amazing 363 00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:25,891 and you are never gonna do better than Sophie. 364 00:16:25,893 --> 00:16:30,813 She is hot and clearly has no sense of smell. 365 00:16:30,815 --> 00:16:31,780 I love Sophie. 366 00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:35,701 I'll go home. 367 00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:37,286 On second thought, I don't trust myself 368 00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:38,620 to walk by your apartment. 369 00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:41,290 Better lock me in here. 370 00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:44,543 Caroline! Max! Come down here! Hurry! 371 00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:45,744 I knew it! See, Max? 372 00:16:45,746 --> 00:16:47,079 They're begging us to come. 373 00:16:47,081 --> 00:16:48,413 I'm back again. 374 00:16:48,415 --> 00:16:49,748 Are you coming? 375 00:16:49,750 --> 00:16:51,133 Oh, let me think. 376 00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:52,601 Downstairs with an open bar or up here, 377 00:16:52,603 --> 00:16:56,004 alone, with Oleg in his tighty-not-that-whities? 378 00:16:59,142 --> 00:17:00,809 Should we tie you up? 379 00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:04,680 No, it'll just make me hornier. 380 00:17:10,103 --> 00:17:11,987 I knew they wanted us to come to the party! 381 00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:13,272 How could they not? 382 00:17:13,274 --> 00:17:14,990 Last night I taught Petra how to eat bread 383 00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:18,327 without tearing it into little pieces first. 384 00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:20,829 Don't try it. I was a Navy Seal. 385 00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:22,281 You think you're tough? 386 00:17:22,283 --> 00:17:24,416 I lived in a refrigerator box for a month. 387 00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:25,784 With no top. 388 00:17:25,786 --> 00:17:28,587 Not the box. Me. 389 00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,422 Max, Caroline, get in here! 390 00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:32,624 Hey! See we were invited. 391 00:17:32,626 --> 00:17:35,627 'cause we're "A" list. 392 00:17:35,629 --> 00:17:39,264 The toilet is clogged and I need you to take care of it, please. 393 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:45,437 "A" list as in "A" Janitor list. 394 00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:46,688 I don't know what to do. 395 00:17:46,690 --> 00:17:48,640 Can one of you call the concierge? 396 00:17:48,642 --> 00:17:50,776 Sure. Caroline! 397 00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:52,073 Wait, wait, wait... you didn't just call us 398 00:17:52,073 --> 00:17:54,029 down here 'cause the toilet's clogged, did you? 399 00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:54,654 No. 400 00:17:54,654 --> 00:17:55,693 Okay, good. 401 00:17:55,693 --> 00:17:58,116 The kitchen sink is backed up, too. 402 00:17:58,118 --> 00:17:59,785 But, toilet, I got this. 403 00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:01,653 I was almost born in one. 404 00:18:01,655 --> 00:18:04,489 Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. 405 00:18:04,491 --> 00:18:06,909 All right, everyone just calm down. 406 00:18:06,911 --> 00:18:12,080 No need to overreact. 407 00:18:13,750 --> 00:18:17,286 And there's the pool we mentioned in our ad. 408 00:18:17,288 --> 00:18:18,337 Oh, boy. 409 00:18:18,339 --> 00:18:21,340 Yup, we got some floaters. 410 00:18:21,342 --> 00:18:22,841 Caroline, I'm gonna need the plunger 411 00:18:22,843 --> 00:18:24,560 and a lobotomy. 412 00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:26,678 This happens with vintage toilets. 413 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:29,181 Part of their old-world charm. 414 00:18:29,183 --> 00:18:32,684 We got some charm stuck on your loofah. 415 00:18:32,686 --> 00:18:33,936 Hey guys, remember last night 416 00:18:33,938 --> 00:18:35,237 how we just bit into that bread 417 00:18:35,239 --> 00:18:39,024 without chewing it? Good times. 418 00:18:39,026 --> 00:18:42,828 I need that damn plunger, I don't want to die this way. 419 00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:46,865 Got it, but it's caught on something. 420 00:18:55,708 --> 00:18:57,376 What kind of a dump is this? 421 00:18:57,378 --> 00:19:00,879 Hey! You wanted the Williamsburg experience, this is it! 422 00:19:09,272 --> 00:19:10,973 Good news, Martha. I have your flat iron 423 00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:13,609 looking pretty much back to normal. 424 00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:17,529 Oh, that's good. Keep it. 425 00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:21,566 Again, sorry about your cashmere sweaters in here. 426 00:19:21,568 --> 00:19:23,068 But when we ran out of paper towels, 427 00:19:23,070 --> 00:19:27,406 You did scream, "Just use anything, make it stop." 428 00:19:27,408 --> 00:19:30,075 And of course, we'll pay to have them all dry cleaned. 429 00:19:30,077 --> 00:19:33,412 Oh, that's nice. Keep them. 430 00:19:33,414 --> 00:19:35,464 Okay, we can leave. 431 00:19:35,466 --> 00:19:38,750 I am off the phone with my therapist. 432 00:19:38,752 --> 00:19:40,919 And it goes without saying, we won't charge you guys 433 00:19:40,921 --> 00:19:42,087 for this weekend. 434 00:19:42,089 --> 00:19:43,922 No way. Here. 435 00:19:43,924 --> 00:19:47,259 You are taking this check and my therapist's phone number. 436 00:19:47,261 --> 00:19:49,645 I do not know how you are standing up without him. 437 00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:51,730 What? Come on, this is nothing. 438 00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:55,400 One month, the floor actually opened up and swallowed us. 439 00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:57,185 Yeah, we've been through worse. 440 00:19:57,187 --> 00:19:59,938 Oh, it's really cool the way you two support each other. 441 00:19:59,940 --> 00:20:03,775 Yup, we're a pair of support hose. 442 00:20:03,777 --> 00:20:06,445 And speaking of support... 443 00:20:06,447 --> 00:20:07,496 Here, Max. 444 00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:09,114 No way! 445 00:20:09,116 --> 00:20:11,750 Look, Caroline, it's a Bra-nanza! 446 00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:17,172 And, Caroline, since you don't really need to wear a bra... 447 00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:19,007 Here. This apartment may be hell, 448 00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:21,593 but you are a real angel. 449 00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:24,179 Aw, my own wings? 450 00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:26,631 Thank you, guys. 451 00:20:26,633 --> 00:20:28,317 Hey, can I ask you something? 452 00:20:28,319 --> 00:20:32,771 As long as it doesn't have anything to do with rats. 453 00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:34,506 How come you didn't invite us to the party? 454 00:20:34,508 --> 00:20:36,358 What? I thought Martha did. 455 00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:38,310 I thought Lily did. 456 00:20:38,312 --> 00:20:40,879 Model moment! 457 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:46,284 Pick-up, Caroline! 458 00:20:50,156 --> 00:20:52,574 Yup, I always knew you would die here. 459 00:20:56,829 --> 00:21:00,665 Pick-up, Max! 460 00:21:00,667 --> 00:21:02,884 Looking good, Max. 461 00:21:02,886 --> 00:21:04,770 After you drop that, have Caroline come back here 462 00:21:04,772 --> 00:21:07,672 and lock me in the walk-in till Sophie gets home. 463 00:21:07,674 --> 00:21:10,308 Max, I just realized we're kind of the supermodels 464 00:21:10,310 --> 00:21:12,010 of waitressing. 465 00:21:12,012 --> 00:21:14,346 And I just realized my boobs aren't always supposed to hit 466 00:21:14,348 --> 00:21:16,898 my side.