1 00:00:03,930 --> 00:00:05,730 Max, thanks for agreeing to get in the spirit 2 00:00:05,730 --> 00:00:07,550 and do holiday cupcakes. 3 00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:09,870 So much better than last year when you go so drunk 4 00:00:09,870 --> 00:00:11,520 you turned the 12 days of Christmas 5 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:14,280 into the 12 steps of Christmas. 6 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:16,560 Yeah, well, I finally gave in. 7 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:18,550 Christmas is like herpes. 8 00:00:18,550 --> 00:00:19,730 No matter what you do, 9 00:00:19,730 --> 00:00:21,980 it's gonna flare up once a year. 10 00:00:22,820 --> 00:00:25,670 Oh, you made Feliz Navidad cupcake. 11 00:00:25,670 --> 00:00:27,560 I'm muy proud of you. 12 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:30,110 And I think we're going to make muy mucho moolah 13 00:00:30,110 --> 00:00:33,280 when Manuel comes manana. 14 00:00:33,420 --> 00:00:34,600 You're the only person I know 15 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:38,850 who seems whiter speaking Spanish. 16 00:00:38,950 --> 00:00:41,840 Feliz Navidad for our Spanish speaking friends. 17 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:46,490 And for kids raised like me, Feliz "He's-not-your-dad." 18 00:00:47,450 --> 00:00:50,980 And then, "Joy To The World" for the normals, 19 00:00:50,980 --> 00:00:54,770 and for the hipsters, "Joint To The World." 20 00:00:54,770 --> 00:00:57,730 For the kids, "Frosty The Snowman." 21 00:00:57,730 --> 00:01:01,930 And for you, "Frosty With No Man." 22 00:01:02,740 --> 00:01:07,230 Well, I didn't see Jack Frost nipping at your nips either. 23 00:01:07,790 --> 00:01:09,460 Oh, here, this one's my favorite, 24 00:01:09,460 --> 00:01:10,840 "Santa Claus Is Coming"-- 25 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:12,850 Max, stop right there. 26 00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,470 No, that was it. He's coming. 27 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:33,690 Earl, change please. 28 00:01:33,690 --> 00:01:35,560 "Earl, change please." 29 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:39,160 A phrase I heard from both my ex-wives. 30 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:41,850 Wow, you have more Christmas cards 31 00:01:41,850 --> 00:01:45,450 than Oscar Pistorius had excuses. 32 00:01:45,450 --> 00:01:48,270 What can I say, Max? I spread a lot of goodwill. 33 00:01:48,270 --> 00:01:51,030 It's also where I get all of my shirts. 34 00:01:52,890 --> 00:01:55,640 Here you go. Have a nice holiday. 35 00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:59,960 My two kids love this time of year. 36 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:07,240 And next Christmas, there will be three. 37 00:02:09,940 --> 00:02:12,070 It's a boy. 38 00:02:12,070 --> 00:02:16,850 My husband was so happy when I called him in Afghanistan. 39 00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:23,570 Man, this time of year people are easier 40 00:02:23,570 --> 00:02:26,150 than a fat girl in a tube top. 41 00:02:26,630 --> 00:02:27,990 Oh, great. We can use this money 42 00:02:27,990 --> 00:02:29,840 to order more of our cupcake T-shirts. 43 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:32,370 No, we are using that to buy people Christmas gifts. 44 00:02:32,370 --> 00:02:34,740 I was really looking forward to giving someone something 45 00:02:34,740 --> 00:02:38,990 that wouldn't require the follow-up penicillin shot. 46 00:02:38,990 --> 00:02:41,880 We need more shirts. These are really selling. 47 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:44,020 The guy at table four said it's the perfect gift 48 00:02:44,020 --> 00:02:47,860 for a girl you're not in love with, just strictly banging. 49 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:50,880 He bought three. 50 00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:53,570 I happen to know for a fact 51 00:02:53,570 --> 00:02:55,490 that everyone here's getting us stuff. 52 00:02:55,490 --> 00:02:57,490 Han came in with a small package today 53 00:02:57,490 --> 00:03:01,040 and also he was carrying a gift bag. 54 00:03:01,900 --> 00:03:03,580 We'll find some money for the gifts. 55 00:03:03,580 --> 00:03:05,640 People aren't expecting anything big. 56 00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:07,600 Happy holidays. 57 00:03:08,260 --> 00:03:11,670 People just got the nothing big they were expecting. 58 00:03:12,180 --> 00:03:14,690 Gather, please. I have a very special gift 59 00:03:14,690 --> 00:03:16,270 for all my diner employees. 60 00:03:16,270 --> 00:03:17,750 Health insurance? 61 00:03:17,750 --> 00:03:21,480 Come on, it's Christmastime, not crazy time. 62 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:25,300 It's art. It's a one of a kind silk screen. 63 00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:27,230 I did it by hand. 64 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:30,740 I figured that's how you always have to do it. 65 00:03:34,850 --> 00:03:38,730 Han, it's the diner. This is amazing. 66 00:03:38,730 --> 00:03:40,730 Open the door. I put something behind it 67 00:03:40,730 --> 00:03:42,510 that reminds me of each of you. 68 00:03:42,510 --> 00:03:43,820 Mine has Sophie. 69 00:03:43,820 --> 00:03:45,770 Mine has a saxophone. 70 00:03:45,770 --> 00:03:47,130 Mine has a cupcake. 71 00:03:47,130 --> 00:03:49,960 Mine has a chainsaw. 72 00:03:57,590 --> 00:03:59,500 Hey, everybody! 73 00:04:03,180 --> 00:04:04,930 Holiday shopping tip: 74 00:04:04,930 --> 00:04:08,250 Fill a Starbucks cup with vodka. 75 00:04:09,330 --> 00:04:11,990 Also good for waitressing. 76 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,710 Sophie, were you Christmas shopping? 77 00:04:14,710 --> 00:04:17,410 Oh, you know I was! 78 00:04:17,410 --> 00:04:19,720 Power strips! 79 00:04:20,310 --> 00:04:23,400 Oh good. You got surge protectors. 80 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:25,830 Wow, that's the first time protection's 81 00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:28,340 ever been used in your apartment. 82 00:04:28,830 --> 00:04:33,410 Well, my Christmas village needs 75,000 watts. 83 00:04:33,410 --> 00:04:37,320 And that's just to work my candy cane helicopter. 84 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:41,300 Sophie's been so busy with the Polish Society Decorating Contest. 85 00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:43,910 We haven't had sex in days. 86 00:04:43,910 --> 00:04:47,680 Well, I got to beat my nemesis, Felka Bobenski. 87 00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:49,240 She wins every year. 88 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:53,210 She's like the Modern Family of Christmas decorations 89 00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:55,940 You know who's having a blue Christmas this year? 90 00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:58,700 My balls. 91 00:05:03,630 --> 00:05:05,800 I love this city at the holidays. 92 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:07,120 Yeah, the urine's all frozen 93 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,530 so you can't really smell it. 94 00:05:09,970 --> 00:05:12,990 Manhattan is the best place to buy quality Christmas gifts. 95 00:05:12,990 --> 00:05:14,110 We have 40 bucks. 96 00:05:14,110 --> 00:05:15,510 Now, where are those duffel bags 97 00:05:15,510 --> 00:05:17,450 full of stolen electronics sold for half the price 98 00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:19,230 by Nairobi refugees? 99 00:05:19,230 --> 00:05:20,800 Well, we better find them soon 100 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,470 or I'm going to give up and go to Radio Shack 101 00:05:22,470 --> 00:05:25,100 like everyone else who goes to Radio Shack. 102 00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:26,650 Oh my God, Max. 103 00:05:26,650 --> 00:05:28,840 My childhood bank. 104 00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:30,810 You had a childhood bank? 105 00:05:30,810 --> 00:05:33,380 I didn't even have a childhood. 106 00:05:33,380 --> 00:05:35,720 Come on, let's go. I stop in every few months 107 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:37,140 to get caught on the security cameras, 108 00:05:37,140 --> 00:05:39,510 so people will think I'm still in the mix. 109 00:05:39,510 --> 00:05:41,830 Trying to get caught on security cameras? 110 00:05:41,830 --> 00:05:43,950 Whoa, we are different. 111 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:47,330 Yeah, we'll just go in and while we're in here, 112 00:05:47,330 --> 00:05:49,950 well, I don't know, ask for a business loan. 113 00:05:51,530 --> 00:05:53,650 We are not getting a business loan! 114 00:05:53,650 --> 00:05:55,630 You tricked me into coming to the city. 115 00:05:55,630 --> 00:05:59,420 At least knock me out and put me in the trunk like a person. 116 00:05:59,420 --> 00:06:02,020 Okay, I hear you. No loan. 117 00:06:02,020 --> 00:06:03,130 But can we at least go in there 118 00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:04,850 so I can get a hit off some vault fumes 119 00:06:04,850 --> 00:06:07,330 and a complimentary Christmas cocoa? 120 00:06:07,330 --> 00:06:08,790 Yeah, I want one too. 121 00:06:08,790 --> 00:06:09,790 It's so cold out here 122 00:06:09,790 --> 00:06:13,080 my bra is suing my nipples for assault. 123 00:06:14,170 --> 00:06:17,160 I'd say we ask for $15,000. 124 00:06:18,450 --> 00:06:21,120 So close I almost smelled a 100. 125 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:22,390 What is with you? 126 00:06:22,390 --> 00:06:24,020 If I wanted you to keep lying to me, 127 00:06:24,020 --> 00:06:26,080 I'd date you. 128 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,650 Max, we need more capital 129 00:06:28,650 --> 00:06:29,990 so we can buy our shirts in bulk, 130 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:31,780 and then, if we work even harder, 131 00:06:31,780 --> 00:06:33,230 we can double our profit. 132 00:06:33,230 --> 00:06:35,950 Okay, we won't pass even the credit check. 133 00:06:35,950 --> 00:06:37,640 According to my Social Security number, 134 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:41,050 I died in a boat explosion years ago. 135 00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:43,090 This is the time to apply. 136 00:06:43,090 --> 00:06:45,180 Bankers have more guilt at Christmastime 137 00:06:45,180 --> 00:06:46,740 because of It's A Wonderful Life. 138 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,720 And also 'cause they're Jewish. 139 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:50,410 I'm the one with the business degree, 140 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,300 and you have to trust me on this. 141 00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:53,890 You know what? You're right. 142 00:06:53,890 --> 00:06:56,400 You're the business genius. What do I know? 143 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,910 Let's go get that loan. 144 00:06:57,910 --> 00:06:59,140 Thank you! 145 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:06,270 Yeah, I should have known that was too good to be true. 146 00:07:13,330 --> 00:07:14,620 Max, come on. 147 00:07:14,620 --> 00:07:16,530 The bank's there. Our shirt's in here. 148 00:07:16,530 --> 00:07:18,990 Let's just go in, show them, and apply for that loan. 149 00:07:18,990 --> 00:07:19,640 - Please! - No. 150 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:20,530 - Please! - No. 151 00:07:20,530 --> 00:07:22,200 - Please! - No. 152 00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:24,580 And that right there was a little something 153 00:07:24,580 --> 00:07:27,570 called "us asking for a bank loan." 154 00:07:27,570 --> 00:07:28,850 Now let's go. 155 00:07:28,850 --> 00:07:30,070 I'm not leaving here until you tell me 156 00:07:30,070 --> 00:07:32,130 what the underlying issue is. 157 00:07:32,130 --> 00:07:34,400 I'm not in love with you anymore. 158 00:07:35,380 --> 00:07:36,700 Max, be serious. 159 00:07:36,700 --> 00:07:38,540 This whole T-shirt was your idea. 160 00:07:38,540 --> 00:07:39,780 What's the real problem? 161 00:07:39,780 --> 00:07:40,710 That's the problem. 162 00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:42,240 Those shirts were my idea 163 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:45,600 and nothing that comes from me is worth $15,000. 164 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,860 Aside from that baby I sold on E-baby. 165 00:07:48,860 --> 00:07:51,890 Max, I know these T-shirts are a money-maker. 166 00:07:51,890 --> 00:07:54,740 Oh, I have a money-maker and that's not it. 167 00:07:55,610 --> 00:07:56,700 I can prove it. 168 00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:58,930 Look, this is Rodney, 169 00:07:58,930 --> 00:08:01,970 my childhood over-priced clothing store. 170 00:08:01,970 --> 00:08:05,020 If I had known we were going on the childhood tour today, 171 00:08:05,020 --> 00:08:06,550 I would have worn more comfortable shoes 172 00:08:06,550 --> 00:08:08,330 and stayed home. 173 00:08:08,330 --> 00:08:10,580 See the shirt on the mannequin? 174 00:08:10,580 --> 00:08:12,730 At least $200. 175 00:08:12,730 --> 00:08:15,530 And there's no reason we can't sell ours for just as much. 176 00:08:15,530 --> 00:08:17,270 I'll show you. Follow me. 177 00:08:17,270 --> 00:08:19,680 Oh, okay, I will. But not on Instagram, 178 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:22,200 'cause you're out of control. 179 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:25,850 This place is fancy 180 00:08:25,850 --> 00:08:29,370 and I've been to the new Port Authority in Newark. 181 00:08:29,990 --> 00:08:31,750 Just trust me, okay? 182 00:08:31,750 --> 00:08:33,460 You need to jump on those Wang pumps 183 00:08:33,460 --> 00:08:37,820 or like Ben Affleck, they will be "Gone, girl." 184 00:08:37,820 --> 00:08:40,360 Let me do the talking. I speak his language. 185 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:43,510 And what language is that? Portu-gays? 186 00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:46,790 Hello, ladies. Welcome to Rodney. 187 00:08:46,790 --> 00:08:48,120 I'm Barry. 188 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:50,290 Doing a little holiday shopping? 189 00:08:50,290 --> 00:08:53,060 We're not allowed to say Christmas. 190 00:08:53,060 --> 00:08:56,100 As a matter of fact, we're doing a little holiday selling. 191 00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:58,360 Oh, you're "selling." 192 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:01,440 Got it. Molly? Coke? 193 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:02,470 Not that I'm interested. 194 00:09:02,470 --> 00:09:05,350 I've been clean since Fire Island 2010. 195 00:09:05,350 --> 00:09:07,300 And 2012. 196 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:12,220 It must be hard to not be high and be you. 197 00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:14,640 Because it's hard for me 198 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:17,410 to just be near you and not be high. 199 00:09:18,190 --> 00:09:20,960 Yeah, you get it, girl. 200 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,960 Actually, we wanted to see if you'd be interested 201 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:25,430 in selling one of our fabulous graphic t-shirts. 202 00:09:25,430 --> 00:09:27,980 Oh, n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-- 203 00:09:28,660 --> 00:09:30,370 all sorts of "no", Okay? 204 00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:33,390 As much as I love a fez, a caftan, and a teenage boy, 205 00:09:33,390 --> 00:09:35,330 this isn't Morocco. 206 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:39,850 That's a really long and boring version of "No." 207 00:09:39,850 --> 00:09:43,370 It's like you just did "No! The One Woman Show." 208 00:09:44,550 --> 00:09:45,490 Here's our T-shirt-- 209 00:09:45,490 --> 00:09:46,310 Look. 210 00:09:46,310 --> 00:09:49,840 I'll tell you two what I said to a young Marc Jacobs. 211 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:52,570 Stop offering, I'm off the junk. 212 00:09:53,340 --> 00:09:55,130 Merry Holiday. 213 00:09:55,130 --> 00:09:58,140 I'll show Mary a holiday. 214 00:09:58,140 --> 00:09:59,880 Our shirts are just as good as these. 215 00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:01,820 He just needs to see it. 216 00:10:04,510 --> 00:10:06,500 Here, hold this. 217 00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:09,110 What are you? American Psycho? 218 00:10:09,110 --> 00:10:10,550 As soon as someone says "No" to you, 219 00:10:10,550 --> 00:10:13,320 you start dismembering women. 220 00:10:13,870 --> 00:10:15,350 I can't get her shirt off. 221 00:10:15,350 --> 00:10:16,610 Tell her she can spend the night 222 00:10:16,610 --> 00:10:19,150 and you'll buy her a waffle in the morning. 223 00:10:19,570 --> 00:10:21,200 Okay, hand me our shirt. 224 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,520 I think this is gonna be big for us. 225 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,800 You also think Michael Buble rocks. 226 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:29,160 Oh, I have to hurry. Barry is coming. 227 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:30,370 Barry is coming. 228 00:10:30,370 --> 00:10:33,460 I'm guessing mostly with strangers. 229 00:10:34,810 --> 00:10:36,250 Seriously? 230 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:39,860 Seriously? 231 00:10:39,860 --> 00:10:44,800 Ser-I-ous-ly? 232 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,520 So cute. 233 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:49,410 And look on the back, "Cream Filled." 234 00:10:49,410 --> 00:10:50,760 Funny. 235 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:53,720 People will think I have a personality. 236 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,770 Barry, put this with my other stuff. 237 00:10:55,770 --> 00:10:56,750 How much? 238 00:10:56,750 --> 00:10:57,990 300. 239 00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:01,560 Forget the sober story. That guy is high. 240 00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:02,850 I'll take ten. 241 00:11:02,850 --> 00:11:04,440 They'll make great Hanukkah gifts 242 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:07,990 for my friends who don't hate their arms. 243 00:11:07,990 --> 00:11:12,090 All our shirts just got bought by a rich dead lady. 244 00:11:12,610 --> 00:11:14,360 I'll need 30 more by Friday. 245 00:11:19,110 --> 00:11:20,600 Yes, I'm still holding. 246 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:22,970 I need to place a rush t-shirt order. 247 00:11:22,970 --> 00:11:24,660 No, no, no, no, no. Don't put me on hold again. 248 00:11:24,660 --> 00:11:25,780 I've been through seven rounds of 249 00:11:25,780 --> 00:11:28,120 Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer. 250 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:32,460 And she just got run over again. 251 00:11:32,460 --> 00:11:35,490 Now that we have all this crazy gay t-shirt money, 252 00:11:35,490 --> 00:11:38,120 I think we should up the prices on these gifts. 253 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:40,850 So we agree, we're getting Earl a car. 254 00:11:40,850 --> 00:11:44,750 Sophie is getting the country house with the lake she's always wanted. 255 00:11:44,750 --> 00:11:47,400 Max, Rodney is selling our shirts for 300, 256 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,570 but we only get 25 of that. 257 00:11:49,570 --> 00:11:52,310 And you can't buy a house for $750. 258 00:11:52,310 --> 00:11:54,490 It's not Detroit. 259 00:11:56,700 --> 00:11:58,850 Yes, hi, hi, hi. Finally a person. 260 00:11:58,850 --> 00:12:01,510 I need 50 T-shirts by Friday. 261 00:12:01,510 --> 00:12:05,140 But your business card says you guarantee next-day delivery. 262 00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:08,940 Oh, you can't "Guarantee" that guarantee? 263 00:12:08,940 --> 00:12:10,400 Okay, now Oleg. 264 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:12,450 What do you get a man who has nothing, 265 00:12:12,450 --> 00:12:15,010 but shows you everything? 266 00:12:15,010 --> 00:12:17,700 What do you mean "Is there anything else you can help me with?" 267 00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:20,500 when did you help me at all? 268 00:12:21,310 --> 00:12:23,500 And I'm beginning to think if Grandma works for you, 269 00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:25,040 she didn't get run over by that reindeer, 270 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:27,720 she threw herself under a sleigh. 271 00:12:29,070 --> 00:12:32,780 So, Sophie's getting a Snapple. 272 00:12:33,260 --> 00:12:34,890 Like last year. 273 00:12:34,890 --> 00:12:37,930 Max, we can't give up. We can do them ourselves. 274 00:12:37,930 --> 00:12:40,670 We just need someone else to do them. 275 00:12:40,670 --> 00:12:42,140 Come on, let's go. 276 00:12:42,140 --> 00:12:43,620 There are customers who have been here 277 00:12:43,620 --> 00:12:46,700 since Robin Thicke was relevant. 278 00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:50,110 Wait a minute, Han. You silk-screened all those beautiful cards. 279 00:12:50,110 --> 00:12:51,830 You have an artistic side. 280 00:12:51,830 --> 00:12:53,940 Yeah, but no backside. 281 00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:58,020 And a front side that shouldn't be allowed outside. 282 00:13:09,750 --> 00:13:11,370 Why is this taking so long? 283 00:13:11,370 --> 00:13:13,090 You did all those Christmas cards. 284 00:13:13,090 --> 00:13:16,310 Aren't small creatures supposed to be fast? 285 00:13:16,990 --> 00:13:19,780 Truth be told, those were supposed to be ready last year. 286 00:13:19,780 --> 00:13:21,010 But, what was the rush? 287 00:13:21,010 --> 00:13:23,410 You two weren't going anywhere. 288 00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:25,920 Han, just a simple "Yes" or "No". 289 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:27,060 No judgment. 290 00:13:27,060 --> 00:13:30,080 Have you had sex with this machine? 291 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,250 The only thing worse than you two working for me 292 00:13:32,250 --> 00:13:33,590 is me working for you. 293 00:13:33,590 --> 00:13:36,310 You haven't even given me water. 294 00:13:36,410 --> 00:13:39,630 Water is for closers. 295 00:13:39,630 --> 00:13:44,270 By "closers," I mean people who actually make clothes. 296 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,320 Who's that? 297 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:50,050 Han, did you call Child Protective Service on us? 298 00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:53,810 'Cause those bruises could be from anyone. 299 00:13:54,580 --> 00:13:57,340 Han, you've only made one shirt in two hours. 300 00:13:57,340 --> 00:14:00,240 And it's a masterpiece. Do you want one Citizen Kane 301 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:03,580 or 30 Here Comes the Booms? 302 00:14:03,980 --> 00:14:06,480 Guys, I need your help. 303 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:09,240 Sophie's right behind me and needs some cheering up. 304 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:10,750 I haven't seen her this depressed 305 00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:14,340 since she woke up mid-coitus last night. 306 00:14:18,010 --> 00:14:19,050 Hi. 307 00:14:19,050 --> 00:14:20,340 Hi. Hi, girls. 308 00:14:20,340 --> 00:14:21,800 Merry Christmas. 309 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,310 Quick question: 310 00:14:23,310 --> 00:14:26,050 if I were to turn on that oven and close all the windows, 311 00:14:26,050 --> 00:14:28,350 would I die? 312 00:14:28,350 --> 00:14:29,120 Nope. 313 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:30,710 Otherwise I wouldn't be standing here 314 00:14:30,710 --> 00:14:34,370 next to Kim Jong-Only-Done-One. 315 00:14:34,370 --> 00:14:36,080 Sophie, what's the problem? 316 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:37,810 Tell Han while he gets back to work. 317 00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:39,160 And Han, pick up the pace 318 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:41,600 or I'm going to start the pinching again. 319 00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:45,840 I'm gonna lose the Christmas decorating contest. 320 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:49,700 Oh, I have nothing to live for. 321 00:14:49,700 --> 00:14:55,110 Oh, Caroline, this is probably how you feel every day. 322 00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:57,920 Sophie's competition made a live-action 323 00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:01,030 North Pole workshop in front of her house. 324 00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:04,660 Well, all I got upstairs is a light-up nativity 325 00:15:04,660 --> 00:15:09,760 and $25,000 worth of Target Christmas decorations. 326 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:12,130 She blew five fuses last night. 327 00:15:12,130 --> 00:15:15,890 I never thought I'd be jealous of a fuse. 328 00:15:16,530 --> 00:15:18,630 Sophie, we really can't get into this now. 329 00:15:18,630 --> 00:15:20,330 We are way behind with these T-shirts. 330 00:15:20,330 --> 00:15:23,930 And these T-shirts are a once in a lifetime chance 331 00:15:23,930 --> 00:15:26,230 for us to go to a new place with our business. 332 00:15:26,230 --> 00:15:29,150 Oh yeah, I hear you, girls. 333 00:15:29,150 --> 00:15:30,070 I mean, what am I doing here 334 00:15:30,070 --> 00:15:33,040 sitting worrying about some silly contest? 335 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:34,680 It's Christmas. 336 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:36,060 Come on everybody. 337 00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:38,380 We should all be helping the girls. 338 00:15:38,380 --> 00:15:40,930 Really? That would be so amazing. 339 00:15:40,930 --> 00:15:43,950 Sure! And you wouldn't even have to pay me back 340 00:15:43,950 --> 00:15:46,630 by letting me use your barn and your horse tomorrow night 341 00:15:46,630 --> 00:15:49,230 for a live nativity scene, which you would all have to be in. 342 00:15:49,230 --> 00:15:52,040 Or something like that. 343 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:57,220 I think we just had a seasonal shake-down. 344 00:16:02,790 --> 00:16:05,570 Han's doing the last one. We're gonna make it. 345 00:16:05,570 --> 00:16:08,380 I can't believe you're in such a good mood with that beard. 346 00:16:08,380 --> 00:16:10,260 Last week when you found those two chin hairs, 347 00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:12,000 you weren't so chipper. 348 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,690 I'm just so happy I have new clothes. 349 00:16:14,690 --> 00:16:16,270 Okay, final shirt. 350 00:16:16,270 --> 00:16:19,190 Then I get you two out of my angel hair. 351 00:16:19,190 --> 00:16:20,810 Han, you know, if it weren't for you, 352 00:16:20,810 --> 00:16:22,640 we would have never gotten this done. 353 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:24,650 You really are a little angel. 354 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,350 Yeah, you are. But I'm still surprised 355 00:16:26,350 --> 00:16:28,920 you weren't cast as the baby. 356 00:16:29,450 --> 00:16:31,520 Oh, I was asked, but I declined. 357 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:33,590 I spent ten year getting out of diapers. 358 00:16:33,590 --> 00:16:36,320 I'm not getting back in. 359 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:40,310 Han, for your Christmas gift, 360 00:16:40,310 --> 00:16:42,730 I'll pretend I never heard that. 361 00:16:42,730 --> 00:16:44,640 Places everybody. 362 00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:47,370 The judges are coming. I'm ready. 363 00:16:47,370 --> 00:16:50,240 Joseph's ready. Cabbage Patch Christ is ready. 364 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:51,750 Come on! 365 00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:54,240 What's with the cleavage? 366 00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:54,970 I know. 367 00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:58,360 She's like the Not-So-Virgin Mary. 368 00:17:00,330 --> 00:17:03,810 Angel, Shepherd, Lady with the beard, 369 00:17:03,810 --> 00:17:05,740 come on, get in the stable. 370 00:17:05,740 --> 00:17:06,690 Stable? 371 00:17:06,690 --> 00:17:09,970 The way we look it should be an "Unstable." 372 00:17:09,970 --> 00:17:12,880 Everybody ready? I'm going to open the barn door. 373 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:16,120 Yeah, I think your barn door's already a little open. 374 00:17:16,830 --> 00:17:19,250 Okay now, who am I again? 375 00:17:19,250 --> 00:17:21,390 Voltron? 376 00:17:21,390 --> 00:17:23,590 I'm not gonna lie. One of the wise men 377 00:17:23,590 --> 00:17:27,570 might have smoked some "Myrrh-ijuana." 378 00:12:42,140 --> 00:12:43,620 There are customers who have been here 379 00:17:27,570 --> 00:17:30,150 That was a very nice Christmas gift, Max. 380 00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:32,010 Thanks, Earl. By the way, Sophie, 381 00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:33,860 the barn and us dressed like idiots? 382 00:17:33,860 --> 00:17:35,380 That's your Christmas gift. 383 00:17:35,990 --> 00:17:37,630 Oh, and hey, bang Oleg later. 384 00:17:37,630 --> 00:17:39,440 Oleg, that's your gift. 385 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:41,370 How did you know? 386 00:17:41,370 --> 00:17:44,490 Before they come in, let's just take a moment to look around 387 00:17:44,490 --> 00:17:47,760 and really let in the true spirit of Christmas. 388 00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:50,170 I don't remember writing you a monologue. 389 00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:51,370 Shut up! 390 00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:53,710 Get your ass over by the horse. 391 00:17:53,710 --> 00:17:56,090 Come on, Han. Hit the music. 392 00:17:58,070 --> 00:17:59,370 All right, everybody, 393 00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:00,670 look holy. 394 00:18:01,270 --> 00:18:04,370 Best I can do is my underwear. 395 00:18:14,150 --> 00:18:16,850 Oh , crap! 396 00:18:16,850 --> 00:18:18,760 Oh, that's right, Felka. 397 00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:21,810 I'm the freakin' mother of God. 398 00:18:25,260 --> 00:18:26,850 We won! 399 00:18:26,850 --> 00:18:29,360 I'm so happy we won. 400 00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:32,840 We won! We Won! 401 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:34,930 Okay, show's over. 402 00:18:35,510 --> 00:18:38,460 Dump the kid, I'll be upstairs. 403 00:18:38,460 --> 00:18:41,500 Max, take care of Cabbage Patch Christ. 404 00:18:42,900 --> 00:18:45,780 Here, Han. You got a buddy your own size. 405 00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:52,980 Thank you so much, Barry. 406 00:18:52,980 --> 00:18:55,120 And remember, I want 50 more shirts 407 00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:58,100 after the first of the year when I'm back from rehab. 408 00:18:58,100 --> 00:19:02,910 'Cause ladies, I am planning a very white Christmas. 409 00:19:02,910 --> 00:19:04,530 Max, this is amazing! 410 00:19:04,530 --> 00:19:05,970 Do you know what just happened in there? 411 00:19:05,970 --> 00:19:10,520 Yeah, I stole some dope-ass fingerless gloves. 412 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,000 We're in business with them now. 413 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,540 You have to bring those back. 414 00:19:13,540 --> 00:19:14,310 I got them for you. 415 00:19:14,310 --> 00:19:15,890 Okay. 416 00:19:16,820 --> 00:19:18,750 This is like a Christmas miracle. 417 00:19:18,750 --> 00:19:19,960 Our shirts are being sold in 418 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,480 the most exclusive bitchy boutique in Manhattan 419 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:25,100 and they want more, lots more. 420 00:19:25,100 --> 00:19:26,340 Hey, let's go into your childhood bank. 421 00:19:26,340 --> 00:19:28,200 I need to take an adult pee. 422 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,020 Okay, but this isn't home, so remember, 423 00:19:30,020 --> 00:19:32,370 put the seat down when you're done. 424 00:19:32,370 --> 00:19:35,030 And while we're in there, we can apply for that loan. 425 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:38,220 No, no, no, no, no. We can't. 426 00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:39,480 Now I'm afraid. 427 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,290 Come on, what's the real issue here? 428 00:19:41,290 --> 00:19:43,430 We just had this amazing success. 429 00:19:43,430 --> 00:19:45,080 And it looks like things are going our way, 430 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,060 and if we go in there, it could all be ruined. 431 00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:49,220 You know what would ruin our lives even more? 432 00:19:49,220 --> 00:19:51,700 If we don't get that loan and have to spend hours 433 00:19:51,700 --> 00:19:55,130 with Han standing under us trying to finish those shirts. 434 00:19:55,130 --> 00:19:57,140 Well, that's a real "Nightmare Before Christmas." 435 00:19:57,140 --> 00:19:58,020 Let's go. 436 00:19:58,020 --> 00:20:00,490 Good, cause I'm starting to pee a little. 437 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,860 He gave us a loan! 438 00:20:08,860 --> 00:20:11,990 Is everyone who works on the street high? 439 00:20:12,340 --> 00:20:14,800 I can't believe it. It didn't go bad. 440 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:17,210 I'm getting everything I want. 441 00:20:17,210 --> 00:20:18,710 Walk on the outside of the sidewalk. 442 00:20:18,710 --> 00:20:20,260 I'm gonna get hit by a bus. 443 00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:22,000 I mean, how could he give us a loan? 444 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,550 I didn't even have to flash my boobs. 445 00:20:24,550 --> 00:20:27,240 Then why did you do it? 446 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:28,590 I don't know. They were making it rain. 447 00:20:28,590 --> 00:20:30,720 I felt obliged. 448 00:20:31,180 --> 00:20:32,350 Max, do you have a dollar? 449 00:20:32,350 --> 00:20:35,920 I don't know. Do you have change for 10,000? 450 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:36,830 Yeah, here. For what? 451 00:20:36,830 --> 00:20:38,350 For those less fortunate 452 00:20:38,350 --> 00:20:41,260 Anne Hathaway's here? 453 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:47,860 Oh, my God. Look! Look! 454 00:20:47,860 --> 00:20:50,310 Whoa, no way! No way! 455 00:20:50,710 --> 00:20:52,540 Max, I have chills. 456 00:20:52,540 --> 00:20:56,330 Well, it is snowing and there's no fingers on those gloves. 457 00:20:56,330 --> 00:20:57,530 I love these. 458 00:20:57,530 --> 00:20:59,210 I'm sorry I didn't get you anything. 459 00:20:59,210 --> 00:21:00,990 I'm just not a thief. 460 00:21:00,990 --> 00:21:02,910 What do you mean you didn't get me anything? 461 00:21:02,910 --> 00:21:05,820 You got me everything. Look.