1
00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:06,806
Here's your check, Mr. ZZ and Mr. Top.
2
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:08,507
Would you like a to-go box,
3
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:12,612
or are you just gonna put it in your beard
with the rest of your sandwich?
4
00:00:12,614 --> 00:00:14,013
We're in a beard-growing contest.
5
00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:16,349
They happen all over the country.
It's a pretty big deal.
6
00:00:16,351 --> 00:00:17,383
What's first prize?
7
00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:20,486
Blindfold for your girlfriends?
8
00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:23,356
I'm kidding, I know you don't
have girlfriends.
9
00:00:23,358 --> 00:00:25,424
Actually, this level of hair-art
10
00:00:25,426 --> 00:00:27,493
takes months of hard work and commitment.
11
00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:32,398
Well, quack, quack, Duck Dynasty.
12
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:36,168
My left armpit could beat you both.
13
00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:38,637
Let me tell you something
on behalf of women everywhere.
14
00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:41,340
We. Don't. Like. Beards.
15
00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:43,242
Caroline? Beards?
16
00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:46,412
(Caroline) I never liked being one.
17
00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:51,350
Ladies, if his name is Trace,
get the hell out of there.
18
00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:53,519
See? So, shave losers.
19
00:00:53,521 --> 00:00:56,789
If you're chinless or chin-plentiful,
20
00:00:56,791 --> 00:00:59,057
it's better than what you've got going on.
21
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:02,628
There's your tip, be generous with mine.
22
00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:05,264
You actually insult people
and then expect them
23
00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:06,565
to give you money?
24
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:10,002
That's how it works with you and me.
25
00:01:10,004 --> 00:01:12,237
(Peter Bjorn and John)
♪ Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh ♪
26
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:14,717
2 Broke Girls - 04x12
And the Knock-Off Knockout
27
00:01:14,719 --> 00:01:16,663
♪ Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh ♪
28
00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:27,794
Thanks.
29
00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:30,129
Everyone's loving our new cupcake T-shirts.
30
00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:31,931
I've sold four in the last hour.
31
00:01:31,933 --> 00:01:36,102
Three more and we can afford
that towel we've had our eye on.
32
00:01:36,104 --> 00:01:37,437
These T-shirts keep selling.
33
00:01:37,439 --> 00:01:38,905
That means more money.
34
00:01:38,907 --> 00:01:41,574
Mo' means mo' success.
35
00:01:41,576 --> 00:01:43,009
Mo' Success?
36
00:01:43,011 --> 00:01:46,746
I think I dated his cousin, Les.
37
00:01:46,748 --> 00:01:49,649
Hey, everybody.
38
00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:51,584
Mind if I stop for a breather?
39
00:01:51,586 --> 00:01:55,521
I've been “briding” my ass off.
40
00:01:55,523 --> 00:01:57,990
Sophie, are those all your
bridal magazines?
41
00:01:57,992 --> 00:01:59,358
That's only half.
42
00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:01,394
Come on, Oleg!
43
00:02:01,396 --> 00:02:04,096
Look, if those are too heavy,
how are you going to be able
44
00:02:04,098 --> 00:02:08,668
to push the wedding donkey down the aisle?
45
00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:10,269
Wedding donkey?
46
00:02:10,271 --> 00:02:13,105
My excitement level for this
wedding just skyrocketed.
47
00:02:13,107 --> 00:02:14,740
Relax, Sophie.
48
00:02:14,742 --> 00:02:17,710
If I know how to do anything,
it's how to move an ass.
49
00:02:17,712 --> 00:02:20,412
That's true. Yeah.
50
00:02:20,414 --> 00:02:24,750
Wow, you're carrying more heavy
issues than Amanda Bynes.
51
00:02:24,752 --> 00:02:26,986
Look at all these. Beautiful Bride,
52
00:02:26,988 --> 00:02:28,687
Modern Bride, City Bride?
53
00:02:28,689 --> 00:02:31,924
And do you really need
African American Bride?
54
00:02:31,926 --> 00:02:35,261
Well, I haven't ruled out cornrows.
55
00:02:35,263 --> 00:02:37,296
Cornrows and a donkey?
56
00:02:37,298 --> 00:02:41,667
RSVP yes.
57
00:02:41,669 --> 00:02:42,668
Oh, yeah.
58
00:02:42,670 --> 00:02:46,405
This one's hot.
59
00:02:46,407 --> 00:02:48,540
Save that one for later.
60
00:02:48,542 --> 00:02:51,176
Oh, I forgot I'm getting married.
61
00:02:51,178 --> 00:02:52,544
Keep her.
62
00:02:52,546 --> 00:02:55,981
I might need a Tuesday off.
63
00:02:55,983 --> 00:02:58,317
Sophie, why don't you get some
help from your Maid of Honor?
64
00:02:58,319 --> 00:02:59,284
I will kill you.
65
00:02:59,286 --> 00:03:01,053
Or a wedding planner?
66
00:03:01,055 --> 00:03:06,224
Oh, Sophie, my cousin, Svetlana,
is a wedding planner.
67
00:03:06,226 --> 00:03:09,628
Okay, but she better be good.
68
00:03:09,630 --> 00:03:15,000
Because I want everything
to be perfect on my big day.
69
00:03:16,035 --> 00:03:17,669
Our big day.
70
00:03:17,671 --> 00:03:23,575
Yeah. Sure.
71
00:03:23,577 --> 00:03:25,510
I can't believe this.
72
00:03:25,512 --> 00:03:27,078
They're getting married and
I don't have a wedding donkey
73
00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:30,382
anywhere on my horizon.
74
00:03:30,384 --> 00:03:33,251
OMG, you sell these T-shirts?
75
00:03:33,253 --> 00:03:35,020
I just bought one.
76
00:03:35,022 --> 00:03:37,455
Did I jut sell you that shirt
and already forgot?
77
00:03:37,457 --> 00:03:38,657
I knew that nine-cent deodorant
78
00:03:38,659 --> 00:03:41,893
was going to give me brain lesions.
79
00:03:41,895 --> 00:03:43,795
Well, the label did have
a picture of a brain
80
00:03:43,797 --> 00:03:47,599
with “No Bueno” written on it.
81
00:03:47,601 --> 00:03:49,801
No, I bought it at a store in Manhattan
82
00:03:49,803 --> 00:03:51,569
on East Ninth and Broadway.
83
00:03:51,571 --> 00:03:53,872
I know because I'm OCD and it was 67 steps
84
00:03:53,874 --> 00:03:57,475
and 14 sidewalk cracks from the corner.
85
00:03:57,477 --> 00:03:59,878
Max, someone else is selling our shirts.
86
00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:01,312
I know.
87
00:04:01,314 --> 00:04:05,116
We're getting hosed by some other hoes.
88
00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:09,921
I can't believe they stole our shirt.
89
00:04:09,923 --> 00:04:13,124
The one thing we made that
people actually wanted to buy.
90
00:04:13,126 --> 00:04:15,226
I feel like Myspace.
91
00:04:15,228 --> 00:04:17,562
I haven't seen anything
this upsetting in a window
92
00:04:17,564 --> 00:04:19,530
since that time I accidentally
caught a reflection
93
00:04:19,532 --> 00:04:24,368
of myself in my waitress uniform.
94
00:04:24,370 --> 00:04:25,636
We need to talk to someone
95
00:04:25,638 --> 00:04:27,105
about those damn shirts you jacked.
96
00:04:27,107 --> 00:04:28,473
We about to rumble.
97
00:04:28,475 --> 00:04:30,474
What she means is,
we wish to speak to someone
98
00:04:30,476 --> 00:04:32,777
about the adorable
cupcake T-shirts in the window.
99
00:04:32,779 --> 00:04:35,680
Or, we will be about to rumble.
100
00:04:35,682 --> 00:04:37,715
I'm just working here till I get my PhD
101
00:04:37,717 --> 00:04:41,285
in the Eco-Social Dynamics
of Western Civilization.
102
00:04:41,287 --> 00:04:43,354
So, forever?
103
00:04:43,356 --> 00:04:44,956
Those T-shirts are our design
104
00:04:44,958 --> 00:04:46,324
and we need to know why they're here
105
00:04:46,326 --> 00:04:48,092
and who knocked them off.
106
00:04:48,094 --> 00:04:49,994
It's the granddaughter
of the woman who owns this shop.
107
00:04:49,996 --> 00:04:52,863
She's kind of a monster
and she's walking in right now.
108
00:04:52,865 --> 00:04:54,598
Hi, Kemberly and Ashlin.
109
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,467
These ladies are interested
in your T-shirts.
110
00:04:56,469 --> 00:04:57,701
Aren't they cute?
111
00:04:57,703 --> 00:04:58,669
So cute.
112
00:04:58,671 --> 00:05:00,437
Yeah, super cute.
113
00:05:00,439 --> 00:05:01,505
We designed them.
114
00:05:01,507 --> 00:05:03,841
Yeah, we designed them.
115
00:05:03,843 --> 00:05:04,875
What?
116
00:05:04,877 --> 00:05:06,577
Yeah, what?
117
00:05:06,579 --> 00:05:08,546
Ashlin and Kimberly, is it?
118
00:05:08,548 --> 00:05:10,481
It's Kemberly, with an “E”"
119
00:05:10,483 --> 00:05:12,950
I changed it myself 'cause I'm original.
120
00:05:12,952 --> 00:05:15,486
Yeah, she's an original.
121
00:05:15,488 --> 00:05:17,588
You know what's not original?
122
00:05:17,590 --> 00:05:20,024
Those shirts. You stole them from us.
123
00:05:20,026 --> 00:05:21,825
We did not steal your idea.
124
00:05:21,827 --> 00:05:24,194
Yeah, we did not steal your idea.
125
00:05:24,196 --> 00:05:28,665
We copied it from this lame
cupcake shop in Brooklyn.
126
00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:31,101
Wait a minute...
127
00:05:31,103 --> 00:05:35,272
we have a lame cupcake shop in Brooklyn.
128
00:05:35,274 --> 00:05:38,041
Ashlin, you talk too much.
129
00:05:38,043 --> 00:05:40,177
This is why everyone knows
about my lap-band.
130
00:05:40,179 --> 00:05:42,379
I think they know about it
because you lost 200 pounds
131
00:05:42,381 --> 00:05:45,048
over Spring break.
132
00:05:45,050 --> 00:05:48,485
It's hard to believe she was
once twice this obnoxious.
133
00:05:48,487 --> 00:05:50,020
If you don't stop selling our T-shirts,
134
00:05:50,022 --> 00:05:51,855
we're gonna have to get
our lawyer involved.
135
00:05:51,857 --> 00:05:54,925
Yeah, we're gonna have to get
our lawyer involved.
136
00:05:54,927 --> 00:05:57,961
And he's gonna kill you.
137
00:05:57,963 --> 00:06:00,664
I don't know what lawyers do.
138
00:06:00,666 --> 00:06:03,033
We're totally not doing this for us.
139
00:06:03,035 --> 00:06:04,067
We're rich.
140
00:06:04,069 --> 00:06:05,769
Yeah, we're rich.
141
00:06:05,771 --> 00:06:08,038
A percentage of every shirt
that we sell goes to charity.
142
00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:10,707
Yeah, it goes to charity.
143
00:06:10,709 --> 00:06:14,778
We are the charity that it needs to go to.
144
00:06:14,780 --> 00:06:16,546
You're old and desperate for money.
145
00:06:16,548 --> 00:06:18,315
And I totally get it.
146
00:06:18,317 --> 00:06:20,216
My aunt's one of the
Real Housewives of New York.
147
00:06:20,218 --> 00:06:22,185
But, sorry.
148
00:06:22,187 --> 00:06:27,524
It's the one without the leg.
149
00:06:27,526 --> 00:06:29,125
What just happened here?
150
00:06:29,127 --> 00:06:30,727
That girl just called you old.
151
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:43,970
Earl, I don't think I'm going
to be buying you that pinky ring
152
00:06:43,972 --> 00:06:47,740
you wanted any time soon.
153
00:06:47,742 --> 00:06:50,342
No rush Max, you got plenty of time.
154
00:06:50,344 --> 00:06:56,015
I got like, six or seven months
before I turn to dust.
155
00:06:56,017 --> 00:06:58,016
It's 'cause our T-shirts got ripped off
156
00:06:58,018 --> 00:07:00,352
by a couple of prep school
girls in Manhattan.
157
00:07:00,354 --> 00:07:03,021
It's like a bad 80's movie.
158
00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:04,923
I don't know whether to date James Spader
159
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:10,103
or teach this town how to dance.
160
00:07:10,131 --> 00:07:11,630
This is so unfair.
161
00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:13,332
Those girls can't just steal from us.
162
00:07:13,334 --> 00:07:16,435
This isn't 7-Eleven.
163
00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:19,371
Max, I can't believe your naiveté.
164
00:07:19,373 --> 00:07:23,275
What does my body spray
have to do with anything?
165
00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:25,611
Look, there is no reason to be so upset
166
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:27,079
about those two girls.
167
00:07:27,081 --> 00:07:28,881
They're not going to affect our business.
168
00:07:28,883 --> 00:07:31,083
Plus, they have to live with themselves.
169
00:07:31,085 --> 00:07:32,718
And karma is a bitch.
170
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:38,290
I mean, I littered once
and look what happened to me.
171
00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:42,227
Hey, everybody.
172
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:47,232
I'm up to my nuts in bridal junk.
173
00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:48,233
[bell dings]
174
00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:49,301
There she is.
175
00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:50,635
The love of my life.
176
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,137
The yin to my yang.
177
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:56,375
The zing to my wang.
178
00:07:56,377 --> 00:08:00,345
Save that gold for the vows.
179
00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:02,614
I am Svetlana, Oleg's cousin.
180
00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:04,382
Well, darling, it could be worse.
181
00:08:04,384 --> 00:08:07,352
You could be his sister.
182
00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:09,354
Svetty!
183
00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:12,290
And you must be Sophie.
184
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:13,858
Yeah.
185
00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:17,062
No.
186
00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:19,831
But you haven't even heard any ideas.
187
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:23,535
Caroline.
188
00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:25,303
Sophie, why did you just say my name?
189
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:28,540
Oh, it's Oleg's and my safe word.
190
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:36,181
Yeah. It means no.
191
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:41,419
It's the one word we both agreed
we would never say during sex.
192
00:08:42,988 --> 00:08:44,556
Are you sure?
193
00:08:44,558 --> 00:08:49,427
Because I give free oil change
with every wedding.
194
00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:53,731
Caroline.
195
00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:58,770
All right, well, I'll be in my booth.
196
00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:02,340
You know, this wedding planner
thing is as crappy as the movie
197
00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:06,177
of the same name.
198
00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:08,479
Girls, I forgot to tell you,
199
00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:11,282
a man came by today
with this letter for you.
200
00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:16,821
This reminds me of when
I was a young, hot-shot courier.
201
00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:19,657
I was a young, hot-shot courier once, too.
202
00:09:19,659 --> 00:09:24,328
I used to deliver drugs to my
mother at work on my tricycle.
203
00:09:24,330 --> 00:09:26,530
Oh, my God, Max,
you're not gonna believe this,
204
00:09:26,532 --> 00:09:29,867
but those two girls have issued
a Cease and Desist order.
205
00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:30,901
Those bitches.
206
00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:32,770
What's that?
207
00:09:32,772 --> 00:09:35,773
They're saying we have to stop
selling our T-shirts.
208
00:09:35,775 --> 00:09:37,441
That's what I told them
we were going to do.
209
00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:39,310
They even copied this idea.
210
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:40,978
We need to get a lawyer.
211
00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:45,115
How? We can't even afford
Law & Order on iTunes.
212
00:09:45,117 --> 00:09:48,085
Hey, do you think we could afford
that lawyer on the subway billboards?
213
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:52,022
The one who has a gavel in one
hand and a chicken in the other?
214
00:09:52,024 --> 00:09:56,760
I think he just does acidentes.
215
00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:58,329
What is going on here?
216
00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:59,964
There's food waiting in the window,
217
00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:02,066
periodicals strewn about.
218
00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:05,169
Someone's on his periodical.
219
00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:06,603
Han, we just got served.
220
00:10:06,605 --> 00:10:10,874
At least someone in the diner has.
221
00:10:10,876 --> 00:10:13,143
You're lucky your boss is so chill.
222
00:10:13,145 --> 00:10:17,981
Of course you're chill, you're
one of Mr. Popper's penguins.
223
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:23,754
How about this?
224
00:10:23,756 --> 00:10:26,223
We'll do the jobs you already pay us for
225
00:10:26,225 --> 00:10:28,625
if you agree to pretend to be our lawyer.
226
00:10:28,627 --> 00:10:29,893
You have a suit, right?
227
00:10:29,895 --> 00:10:31,361
Why would I pretend to be a lawyer?
228
00:10:31,363 --> 00:10:36,033
You can't even pretend to be waitresses.
229
00:10:36,035 --> 00:10:39,202
No one's gonna believe
Han's our lawyer, anyway.
230
00:10:39,204 --> 00:10:44,074
He can't pass the bar,
he can barely see over one.
231
00:10:44,076 --> 00:10:47,110
That's it! I've had it with you
two and your non-work ethic.
232
00:10:47,112 --> 00:10:48,812
And this area is for customers.
233
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,514
I want these out of here!
234
00:10:50,516 --> 00:10:55,085
(Max) Ow!
235
00:10:55,087 --> 00:10:56,353
Uh-oh.
236
00:10:56,355 --> 00:10:59,456
Max?
237
00:10:59,458 --> 00:11:02,559
I suppose I could dig up a suit
if that could, somehow,
238
00:11:02,561 --> 00:11:06,062
make this boss striking
his employee thing go away.
239
00:11:15,201 --> 00:11:18,170
Max, of course these girls
go to Dalby Hall,
240
00:11:18,172 --> 00:11:20,071
all my archenemies did.
241
00:11:20,073 --> 00:11:23,608
I guess Lady Gaga won in the end, though.
242
00:11:23,610 --> 00:11:27,545
In other news,
I kind of like this eye-patch.
243
00:11:27,547 --> 00:11:29,381
I know you do, you were pretending to be
244
00:11:29,383 --> 00:11:32,150
the pirate queen of the subway.
245
00:11:32,152 --> 00:11:36,054
Well, no one arrrrrgued with us.
246
00:11:36,056 --> 00:11:38,590
How long did the eye doctor
say you have to keep it on?
247
00:11:38,592 --> 00:11:40,992
And by eye doctor, I mean
that first-year med student
248
00:11:40,994 --> 00:11:43,461
we gave the free dessert to.
249
00:11:43,463 --> 00:11:45,830
A few days, which is a bummer,
'cause only seeing half
250
00:11:45,832 --> 00:11:50,201
of how sad we are is kind of a blessing.
251
00:11:50,203 --> 00:11:51,576
How are we gonna find them?
252
00:11:51,671 --> 00:11:55,173
Follow the scent of our decaying
T-shirts business?
253
00:11:55,175 --> 00:11:58,009
According to Instagram,
they're in the cafeteria, see?
254
00:11:58,011 --> 00:12:00,378
Ashlin just posted a pic of a mini-pizza.
255
00:12:00,380 --> 00:12:04,082
# Thatpizzalife
256
00:12:04,084 --> 00:12:06,718
They have mini-pizzas here?
257
00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:10,221
My high school didn't even have heat.
258
00:12:10,223 --> 00:12:11,923
Sorry I'm late. I had to pick up a suit
259
00:12:11,925 --> 00:12:13,424
at the Men's Warehouse.
260
00:12:13,426 --> 00:12:17,729
Don't you mean
the Not Quite A Man's Warehouse?
261
00:12:17,731 --> 00:12:20,932
Han, I love your lawyer costume.
So authentic.
262
00:12:20,934 --> 00:12:24,035
Only thing missing is the hole
where your soul should be.
263
00:12:24,037 --> 00:12:26,437
Well, as I always say, if you're
going to do something...
264
00:12:26,439 --> 00:12:32,376
Do it with your left hand so it
will feel like someone else?
265
00:12:32,378 --> 00:12:35,880
No, if you're going to do
something, do it right.
266
00:12:35,882 --> 00:12:39,217
Last Halloween, I went as Sprout
from the Green Giant commercial
267
00:12:39,219 --> 00:12:43,521
and I even put pea pods over my pee-pee.
268
00:12:43,523 --> 00:12:46,290
You laugh, but I won $500.
269
00:12:46,292 --> 00:12:48,993
Okay, I created my own
Cease and Desist order.
270
00:12:48,995 --> 00:12:50,795
Where did you get this?
271
00:12:50,797 --> 00:12:52,263
Same place Max printed out that fake,
272
00:12:52,265 --> 00:12:54,799
“I don't have herpe”" doctor certificate.
273
00:12:54,801 --> 00:12:56,901
It works.
274
00:12:56,903 --> 00:12:59,570
And here's your business card.
275
00:12:59,572 --> 00:13:01,072
Where? Where is it?
276
00:13:01,074 --> 00:13:03,908
I can't see.
277
00:13:03,910 --> 00:13:07,478
Here. And Han, I hope
you're a better actor than Max.
278
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:12,082
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
is a better actor than Max.
279
00:13:12,084 --> 00:13:13,250
Mr. Lu Su?
280
00:13:13,252 --> 00:13:14,251
That's what you came up with?
281
00:13:14,253 --> 00:13:16,320
Mr. Lu Su?
282
00:13:16,322 --> 00:13:21,592
Well, you're a lawyer, so the
“Su” part is totally on point.
283
00:13:21,594 --> 00:13:22,993
But Lu Su?
284
00:13:22,995 --> 00:13:25,295
No Asian was ever named that.
285
00:13:25,297 --> 00:13:27,631
Maybe not in this galaxy,
286
00:13:27,633 --> 00:13:33,437
but might I remind you of a Mr. Sulu.
287
00:13:33,439 --> 00:13:37,574
Oh, yeah. I mixed it up. Genius!
288
00:13:37,576 --> 00:13:39,409
Han, you don't have to use the cards.
289
00:13:39,411 --> 00:13:40,777
I can make it work.
290
00:13:40,779 --> 00:13:42,646
Two Halloweens ago, I was an Ewok
291
00:13:42,648 --> 00:13:46,583
and turned an orange bath-towel
into a turban.
292
00:13:46,585 --> 00:13:49,252
Second place. $250.
293
00:13:49,254 --> 00:13:50,287
And next Halloween, you can wear that
294
00:13:50,289 --> 00:13:53,623
and goes as a lesbian minister.
295
00:13:57,061 --> 00:13:59,162
Okay, so the plan is, we go in there
296
00:13:59,164 --> 00:14:01,298
and calmly confront them with our attorney.
297
00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:02,599
I'll do the talking.
298
00:14:02,601 --> 00:14:04,701
Han, you stand there and try to look smart.
299
00:14:04,703 --> 00:14:10,273
Ah. I'm already Asian. So, done.
300
00:14:10,275 --> 00:14:13,276
[indistinct chatter]
301
00:14:13,278 --> 00:14:16,146
Wow, this brings me back.
302
00:14:16,148 --> 00:14:19,049
I had a seat at the popular
table, the Debate Team table,
303
00:14:19,051 --> 00:14:20,317
the Student Council table,
304
00:14:20,319 --> 00:14:22,252
and the Waiting For Marriage table.
305
00:14:22,254 --> 00:14:23,620
But that table kind of fell apart
306
00:14:23,622 --> 00:14:26,056
when everybody got pregnant but me.
307
00:14:26,058 --> 00:14:29,859
I ate in the school
parking lot with a wino.
308
00:14:29,861 --> 00:14:33,062
He was so nice to me,
I thought he might be my dad.
309
00:14:33,064 --> 00:14:34,564
But then he never made a move on me,
310
00:14:34,566 --> 00:14:36,666
so I guess he wasn't.
311
00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:38,802
(Kemberly) Attention everyone, attention.
312
00:14:38,804 --> 00:14:41,971
Yeah, attention everyone, attention.
313
00:14:41,973 --> 00:14:45,074
Ashlin and I are here today
to sell our T-shirts
314
00:14:45,076 --> 00:14:48,311
and to talk about bullying
and how it's not cool.
315
00:14:48,313 --> 00:14:49,779
It's so not cool.
316
00:14:49,781 --> 00:14:51,748
I was talking, Ash.
317
00:14:51,750 --> 00:14:54,884
Yeah, she was talking.
318
00:14:54,886 --> 00:14:57,286
Their charity is bullying?
319
00:14:57,288 --> 00:15:02,525
That's like Kanye West trying
to raise money for laying low.
320
00:15:02,527 --> 00:15:05,495
A $3 donation will be made
to our anti-bullying fund
321
00:15:05,497 --> 00:15:08,531
with each purchase of one
of our super, super cute tees.
322
00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:11,234
Super, super cute tees.
323
00:15:11,236 --> 00:15:13,302
My super cute tee!
324
00:15:13,304 --> 00:15:15,004
Best idea I ever had.
325
00:15:15,006 --> 00:15:17,106
Right up there with the bong
with a chin strap
326
00:15:17,108 --> 00:15:20,743
so you could be hands-free
to change the channel.
327
00:15:20,745 --> 00:15:23,412
So buy a shirt right now
and then we'll be back later
328
00:15:23,414 --> 00:15:25,614
for the rest of the anti-bully talk.
329
00:15:25,616 --> 00:15:27,750
Yeah, buy them or my dad won't pay
330
00:15:27,752 --> 00:15:30,486
for the lacrosse equipment this year.
331
00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:36,659
Let's go. They are making a fortune on us.
332
00:15:36,661 --> 00:15:40,796
And if I'm gonna get screwed,
it better be by someone over 21
333
00:15:40,798 --> 00:15:44,099
Yeah, that sounds like a job
with a two drink minimum.
334
00:15:44,101 --> 00:15:48,237
Han, don't mess this up or
you'll be eating those glasses.
335
00:15:48,239 --> 00:15:51,974
Might I interest you
in an anti-bullying pamphlet?
336
00:15:51,976 --> 00:15:54,910
Might I interest you in a seat
on my finger?
337
00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:57,479
Hey, how did you two get in here?
338
00:15:57,481 --> 00:15:59,982
The school pays guards out front
to keep out the homeless.
339
00:15:59,984 --> 00:16:01,817
Yeah, well, jokes on you.
340
00:16:01,819 --> 00:16:04,853
'Cause they just let us walk in.
341
00:16:04,855 --> 00:16:07,423
Hello, girls. You can “Cease and Desis”"
342
00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:09,424
selling our T-shirts as of now.
343
00:16:09,426 --> 00:16:11,427
This is our attorney, Mr...
344
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:12,961
Lu Su.
345
00:16:12,963 --> 00:16:15,097
And he is holding our Cease and Desist
346
00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:18,734
to counter your Cease and Desist.
347
00:16:18,736 --> 00:16:21,003
Okay, well, first,
your lawyer looks like a teacher
348
00:16:21,005 --> 00:16:23,605
on a Disney show.
349
00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:26,675
Is that a bad thing?
350
00:16:26,677 --> 00:16:28,043
And if you have anything further to say,
351
00:16:28,045 --> 00:16:30,312
you can take it up with my lawyer. Her dad.
352
00:16:30,314 --> 00:16:32,047
And he's real good.
353
00:16:32,049 --> 00:16:35,584
He got that CEO guy who admitted
he killed his whole family
354
00:16:35,586 --> 00:16:38,086
out on a technicality.
355
00:16:38,088 --> 00:16:40,021
I forgot how mean girls can be.
356
00:16:40,023 --> 00:16:42,858
How? I'm your roommate.
357
00:16:42,860 --> 00:16:45,794
Thank you, Kemberly. Thank you, Ashlin.
358
00:16:49,198 --> 00:16:50,365
A little help.
359
00:16:56,305 --> 00:16:59,808
Hello, girls, you all look very nice.
360
00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:01,710
What is he doing?
361
00:17:01,712 --> 00:17:05,380
Hopefully a tight ten and then
he'll bring up the headliner.
362
00:17:05,382 --> 00:17:07,382
This may be hard to believe, looking at me
363
00:17:07,384 --> 00:17:09,217
in this totally awesome suit,
364
00:17:09,219 --> 00:17:12,253
but I know a little something
about being bullied.
365
00:17:12,255 --> 00:17:13,655
As a little child...
366
00:17:13,657 --> 00:17:16,291
And as a slightly bigger adult.
367
00:17:16,293 --> 00:17:19,661
Seriously? In the middle of his
bullying speech, your bullying?
368
00:17:19,663 --> 00:17:23,064
Kind of surprised even myself.
369
00:17:23,066 --> 00:17:25,066
I have someone who bullies me.
370
00:17:25,068 --> 00:17:27,902
Okay, let's get out of here while I can.
371
00:17:27,904 --> 00:17:30,538
It's not just the hitting
and the name-calling.
372
00:17:30,540 --> 00:17:33,641
Although, not gonna lie,
that's a real bummer.
373
00:17:33,643 --> 00:17:36,844
You see, girls, the bad thing
about being bullied
374
00:17:36,846 --> 00:17:40,948
is that every time it happens,
it steals a little piece
375
00:17:40,950 --> 00:17:42,450
of who you are.
376
00:17:42,452 --> 00:17:46,287
And then, if it happens enough,
little by little,
377
00:17:46,289 --> 00:17:51,292
you become just a little less
of who you were meant to be.
378
00:17:51,294 --> 00:17:52,994
And that's not cool.
379
00:17:52,996 --> 00:17:55,162
And these two girls up here,
without knowing it, I'm sure,
380
00:17:55,164 --> 00:17:58,666
stole a little piece of Max and Caroline.
381
00:17:58,668 --> 00:18:01,402
When they stole their little idea.
382
00:18:01,404 --> 00:18:03,838
And that's so not cool.
383
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:06,941
Yeah, that's so not cool.
384
00:18:06,943 --> 00:18:09,710
Max, Caroline,
we'll stop making the shirts.
385
00:18:09,712 --> 00:18:11,178
Ash, I never said that.
386
00:18:11,180 --> 00:18:13,881
Ah, no, Kemberly. I did.
387
00:18:13,883 --> 00:18:16,684
And I liked you more before the lap-band.
388
00:18:16,686 --> 00:18:19,253
When you were still Kimberly with an “I.”
389
00:18:19,255 --> 00:18:21,455
[gasping]
390
00:18:22,791 --> 00:18:25,993
[cheering]
391
00:18:31,099 --> 00:18:34,435
Max, did Han just save us?
392
00:18:34,437 --> 00:18:36,237
I wasn't listening,
I was putting mini-pizzas
393
00:18:36,239 --> 00:18:37,972
in my pocket.
394
00:18:46,047 --> 00:18:49,083
Girls, your shift started 40 minutes ago.
395
00:18:49,085 --> 00:18:53,353
What are you doing here so early?
396
00:18:53,355 --> 00:18:56,223
Earl, good news. We are now the sole owners
397
00:18:56,225 --> 00:18:58,392
of all those cupcake T-shirts.
398
00:18:58,394 --> 00:19:01,328
And, literally, nothing else.
399
00:19:01,330 --> 00:19:03,430
Maybe I could rent a parrot
and pick up some shifts
400
00:19:03,432 --> 00:19:05,799
at Long John Silver's.
401
00:19:05,801 --> 00:19:07,234
Hey, girls.
402
00:19:07,236 --> 00:19:09,303
I'm about to meet another wedding planner.
403
00:19:09,305 --> 00:19:11,438
And this one's gonna be good!
404
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:14,641
He's gay.
405
00:19:14,643 --> 00:19:16,543
Sophie Kuchenski?
406
00:19:16,545 --> 00:19:18,779
Yes, God!
407
00:19:18,781 --> 00:19:21,014
From the second I walked
in here, I said to myself,
408
00:19:21,016 --> 00:19:23,583
“That has to be her.” And I can see it.
409
00:19:23,585 --> 00:19:29,022
We're going to make magic together.
410
00:19:29,024 --> 00:19:33,660
Yeah, what's gay for no?
411
00:19:33,662 --> 00:19:37,063
Okay.
412
00:19:37,065 --> 00:19:41,468
Wow, I think we just survived a “torgaydo”"
413
00:19:43,371 --> 00:19:47,040
Where am I gonna find another
gay wedding planner
414
00:19:47,042 --> 00:19:51,678
in New York now?
415
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:53,179
Just throw a tantrum in a Crate & Barrel,
416
00:19:53,181 --> 00:19:58,585
and five of them will come running.
417
00:19:58,587 --> 00:20:01,354
Hey, nice legal work today.
418
00:20:01,356 --> 00:20:05,024
You should be on the Little People's Court.
419
00:20:05,026 --> 00:20:09,362
Yeah, from now on,
I'm calling you “Hanny Cochran”"
420
00:20:09,364 --> 00:20:11,464
Okay. Next time you want to thank me,
421
00:20:11,466 --> 00:20:13,866
just send me an Edible Arrangement.
422
00:20:13,868 --> 00:20:17,403
I don't know many times
I have to drop that hint.
423
00:20:17,405 --> 00:20:22,975
But that's just, like, a two-inch drop.
424
00:20:22,977 --> 00:20:25,468
Sorry. I can't help myself.
425
00:20:25,469 --> 00:20:27,351
But, I'm gonna to try.
426
00:20:27,352 --> 00:20:30,898
Because I know I was that bullie
you were tallking about on that speech.
427
00:20:30,899 --> 00:20:34,406
What? I was talking about
the doorwoman in my building.
428
00:20:34,407 --> 00:20:37,812
I have to submit to a purple-nurple
just to get my mail.
429
00:20:39,391 --> 00:20:40,929
There's another woman?
430
00:20:41,783 --> 00:20:44,492
Max, I think Han has a side bully.
431
00:20:46,122 --> 00:20:47,679
Well, I'll just have to try harder.
432
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,422
Because if anyone is gonna
mercilessly nurple you
433
00:20:50,424 --> 00:20:53,039
into an early grave,
it's got to be me.
434
00:20:54,445 --> 00:20:56,112
I'd like to think so, Max
435
00:20:56,876 --> 00:20:59,508
You'd also like to ride
in a car facing forwards.
436
00:21:03,329 --> 00:21:04,875
Back to normal.
437
00:21:04,876 --> 00:21:07,734
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com