1
00:00:02,168 --> 00:00:03,702
Oleg, the people at Table Two
2
00:00:03,704 --> 00:00:05,337
want to know
what's in the veggie burger.
3
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:06,672
No. They don't.
4
00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:13,012
Eh. That's fine.
5
00:00:13,014 --> 00:00:14,246
They wanted refills,
so I'm probably not
6
00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:16,048
gonna go back there anyway.
7
00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:17,416
Where's Max?
8
00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:18,784
This plate has been
here so long,
9
00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:22,721
the salmon is turning into
Salmonella.
10
00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:27,359
She took a break
with the new dishwasher.
11
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,661
Max, I thought you slipped out
the back.
12
00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:32,097
He did for a minute,
but I popped him back in.
13
00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:40,372
This just in,
work is so much more fun
14
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:43,208
when you're sleeping
with a co-worker.
15
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:45,077
Max, that was good.
16
00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:47,746
It was five Hail Marys good.
17
00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:52,117
I think we made
these dishes dirtier.
18
00:00:52,119 --> 00:00:57,256
Max, he's cute, but how can you
even stay hard with that accent?
19
00:00:57,258 --> 00:01:01,627
"Come here, Max.
I wanna hump ya a wee bit".
20
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:05,764
What can I say,
I always had a thing
21
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:09,501
for the guy on the box
of Lucky Charms.
22
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:11,603
(Peter Bjorn and John)
♪ Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh ♪
23
00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:13,338
[cash register bell dings]
24
00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:16,809
♪ Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh
Ooh Ooh ♪
25
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:25,517
Hey, everybody.
26
00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:31,156
Look, I got me a Fitbit.
27
00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:35,394
13, 14, 15...
28
00:01:35,396 --> 00:01:38,664
Only 200,000 more steps
before I get a bit more fit
29
00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:40,666
for my wedding.
30
00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:42,267
That's impressive.
31
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:47,339
I couldn't even make it
through 12 steps.
32
00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:48,340
Hey, Max.
33
00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:50,509
How's my maid of honor?
34
00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:51,844
Hey, Caroline.
35
00:01:51,846 --> 00:01:56,815
How's my run-of-the-mill
wedding guest?
36
00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:59,618
I'm doing great.
Did that sound convincing?
37
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,253
'Cause I've been practicing
it in the bathroom mirror
38
00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:03,388
for an hour every morning.
39
00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:05,190
I know, I've got to stop
sitting on the toilet
40
00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:07,559
while you do that.
41
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:10,462
Max, let's talk
bridesmaid dresses.
42
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:12,331
I don't care,
I'll wear anything.
43
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:15,734
I wore a Greyhound Bus driver's
uniform to my prom.
44
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:18,604
I was coming
straight from work.
45
00:02:18,606 --> 00:02:21,473
Well, I have decided to wear
46
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:24,176
Grandma Kuchenski's
wedding gown.
47
00:02:24,178 --> 00:02:27,379
Yeah, all of the women
in my family wore it.
48
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:29,448
Everyone except
aunts Svetti and Letti,
49
00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:34,286
'cause, well, they're attached
at the abdomen.
50
00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:35,521
There she is.
51
00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:40,159
The hot sauce
for my Huevos Mancheros.
52
00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:46,265
Hey, Sophie, baby,
I got you what you want.
53
00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:49,501
Oleg, no one wants Hepatitis.
54
00:02:51,305 --> 00:02:52,671
It's official.
55
00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:55,474
Our wedding's gonna be
in The Times.
56
00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:58,243
Oleg, how are you gonna be
in The Times?
57
00:02:58,245 --> 00:02:59,645
The Times tends to be picky
58
00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:02,714
and you tend to be more
"picky your nose."
59
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:07,252
You know, my second wedding
made The Times.
60
00:03:07,254 --> 00:03:12,424
'Cause my first wife showed up
and shot me in the leg.
61
00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:14,193
[phone dings]
62
00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:16,628
That's Vlanka, my sister.
63
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:18,964
She's my other bridesmaid.
64
00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:22,768
Yeah, we're not that close,
but I feel bad for her
65
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:25,771
'cause she's one of those adults
with freckles.
66
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:31,910
Max, you're going to be
in The Times!
67
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:35,814
In The Times, wearing God knows
what Sophie will pick.
68
00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:40,419
I mean, she has a drawer full
of diamond tiaras for the gym.
69
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,224
Hello, what are you two
talking about?
70
00:03:45,226 --> 00:03:48,460
Deciding which tables to ignore?
71
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:49,861
We're talking about
Sophie's taste.
72
00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:54,766
Oh, bitch, please.
Come on.
73
00:03:54,768 --> 00:04:00,405
My morning fiber cookie
has better taste than Sophie.
74
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,774
Girls, Vlanka's out.
75
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:05,544
She has an attitude
and freckles.
76
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:09,314
Yeah. I mean,
that's too far.
77
00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:12,985
So, Caroline,
congratulations!
78
00:04:12,987 --> 00:04:15,754
You're my new bridesmaid!
79
00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:24,997
Okay, I found a bridesmaid's
dress that I like.
80
00:04:24,999 --> 00:04:26,632
But the only way we can afford
it is if I sell you
81
00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:29,801
to that Armenian guy
on Craigslist.
82
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:30,969
No way.
83
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:33,472
I get sick of hummus
after four bites.
84
00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,941
Max, we have to
take charge of this.
85
00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:37,709
Because whatever bridesmaid's
dress Sophie picks
86
00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:39,511
is like a Tyler Perry movie.
87
00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:42,814
I don't have to see it
to know it's gonna be awful.
88
00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:48,053
We'll find something
classy, and beautiful,
89
00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:50,355
and just shove it
down her throat.
90
00:04:50,357 --> 00:04:54,693
Who's shoving what down whom?
91
00:04:54,695 --> 00:05:00,299
And if you don't
have a story, I do.
92
00:05:00,301 --> 00:05:02,801
John, Max and I got roped
into being bridesmaids.
93
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,036
Stop.
94
00:05:04,038 --> 00:05:05,470
You had me at rope.
95
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:08,407
You lost me
at bridesmaids.
96
00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:09,975
I'll be at the hostess stand,
looking at dresses
97
00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:11,910
and silently wishing
for an asteroid
98
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:13,979
to wipe us off the planet.
99
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,681
If wishes made things happen,
we'd been in the middle
100
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:18,417
of a zombie apocalypse
right now.
101
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:21,820
Hey, girls.
102
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,522
My dress just arrived
from Poland
103
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:25,791
and I'm bustin'
for you to see it.
104
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:30,329
See it while I eat
one of your $14 puddings.
105
00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:32,364
Sophie, I've been looking
at color choices,
106
00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:35,033
and how would you feel
about us in a nude?
107
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:40,839
Max could go nude but you don't
have the rack to pull it off.
108
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,574
Does anyone have a knife?
109
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:48,513
Max, why do you have
a switchblade
110
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,115
to work in a dessert bar?
111
00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:55,354
My mother always told me
to carry protection.
112
00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:58,423
Wait 'til you see
Grandma Kuchenski's dress.
113
00:05:58,425 --> 00:06:00,625
They don't make them
like they used to.
114
00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:04,963
You know, forced
gypsy labor is illegal now.
115
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:10,135
Here we go.
116
00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:11,870
- Oh.
- Uh...
117
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:15,874
Sophie, was your grandma
the Crypt Keeper?
118
00:06:18,846 --> 00:06:20,846
What's going on out here?
119
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:23,115
What's all that white powder
in the air?
120
00:06:23,117 --> 00:06:26,885
I'm trying to run a restaurant,
not an 80's disco.
121
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:29,588
Oh, put a sock in it.
122
00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:32,591
I'm buying one of your freaking
overpriced puddings.
123
00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:39,965
I'd get mad but I'm mildly
attracted to you right now.
124
00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:43,502
Just mildly?
125
00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:47,506
I mean, now I'm getting mad.
126
00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:48,907
Sorry.
Wedding drama.
127
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:50,776
Her dress just fell
completely to pieces...
128
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:54,446
like I'm assuming
I'll do in the near future.
129
00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:55,781
Whatever you need anything
bridal,
130
00:06:55,783 --> 00:06:57,849
go to Rosenfeld's in Brooklyn.
131
00:06:57,851 --> 00:07:02,521
That's where I got my dress
when I was broke and straight.
132
00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:04,423
So you weren't always
into women?
133
00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:06,124
Of course I was.
134
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:11,897
Except those three years
in Scientology.
135
00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:14,599
Well, it looks like
the three of us
136
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,968
are going to go
dress shopping now.
137
00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:19,671
Yeah. And you know,
I got to go wash my hands
138
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:22,841
'cause they're covered
in old lady DNA.
139
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:28,780
Well, that's that.
140
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,449
Shopping with Sophie
is like when I worked
141
00:07:30,451 --> 00:07:32,684
in a Thai massage parlor.
142
00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:35,120
We are going down.
143
00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:41,660
Not if we go before
Sophie
144
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:44,930
and hide every ugly bridesmaid's
dress that Sophie would like.
145
00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:48,066
If she can't see them,
she can't make us wear them.
146
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:49,634
How did you come up
with that so fast?
147
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,736
It's the same plan
I used in 2010
148
00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:54,172
when I was a bridesmaid
for Chelsea Clinton.
149
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:57,142
Bad dress and then her father
followed me into the coat room.
150
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,048
Oh, wow.
151
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:04,082
Look at this place.
152
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:05,951
It reminds me of that movie.
153
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:10,088
- Bridesmaids?
- No, Nightmare on Elm Street.
154
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:12,257
I don't know what you're worried
about, Caroline.
155
00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:14,125
I think they're
all quite lovely.
156
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:15,494
Nash, please.
157
00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:19,231
You're a poor person
from Ireland.
158
00:08:19,233 --> 00:08:21,266
I'll ask your opinion when
I need to know where to go
159
00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:25,570
to get free leg braces.
160
00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:26,905
You were right, Max.
161
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:30,108
She can be
a real "B" sometimes.
162
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:32,744
I'm sorry, but I don't even know
why he's here.
163
00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:38,717
Bonin' O'Brien here...
164
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:40,185
is gonna distract
the sales lady
165
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:43,255
while we hide the ugly dresses.
166
00:08:43,257 --> 00:08:44,990
Hello, ladies.
167
00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:47,959
Same plan.
168
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,661
Who's the lucky bride?
169
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:54,299
Or should I say,
who's the lucky cradle robber?
170
00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:55,767
Don't mind me.
171
00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,569
It's just my crazy sense
of humor.
172
00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:59,538
Oh, the ladies here love it.
173
00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:01,606
The call me "Crazy Carl."
174
00:09:01,608 --> 00:09:05,176
[raspy voice]
"Did you hear
what Crazy Carl said?"
175
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:07,746
They just love it.
176
00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:09,080
I'm Caroline.
177
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,283
This is Max
and he isn't the groom.
178
00:09:11,285 --> 00:09:12,651
No, no, no.
179
00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:15,587
He's single and gay.
Yes.
180
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:18,590
So gay, he got kicked out
of One Direction.
181
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:25,230
Why don't you two walk off
somewhere
182
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:28,099
and share poignant
coming-out stories.
183
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:30,035
Go.
184
00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:33,238
- But Max--
- Oh, you heard the women, go.
185
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,673
Can do.
186
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:37,175
Ladies, look around,
we'll be back...
187
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,144
in about a month.
188
00:09:39,146 --> 00:09:40,812
Tahiti anyone?
189
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:42,180
I'm just Crazy Carl.
190
00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:43,615
The ladies love it.
191
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,786
Bridesmaid's dresses should be
called what they are.
192
00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:51,323
Really expensive donations
to Goodwill.
193
00:09:51,325 --> 00:09:52,791
Is this one bad?
194
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:55,160
No. That's a Vera Wang.
195
00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:58,797
But this is a very wrong.
196
00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:00,899
Hide it.
197
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:05,036
Ew. And it's evil twin.
198
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:09,040
Oh, I didn't know hazmat suits
came with feathers.
199
00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:14,012
Oh my God.
200
00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:17,082
This the worst thing
I've ever seen.
201
00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:19,150
And I've seen a prostitute
change her tampon
202
00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:21,820
on the sidewalk.
203
00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:25,156
Who are you calling
a prostitute?
204
00:10:29,896 --> 00:10:32,364
This, we've got to hide.
205
00:10:32,366 --> 00:10:34,099
I can't get this dress off.
206
00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:35,667
Just tell it you work at Google
207
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:37,736
and you're thinking
of settling down.
208
00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:39,971
Lift it up. Lift it up.
Dump it back there.
209
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,773
Stop!
210
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:45,410
You put
Butterscotch Betty down.
211
00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:48,213
Oh, we were just looking
for a price tag.
212
00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:50,315
I know what's going on here.
213
00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:51,950
You're hiding the good dresses
214
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:53,685
to make sure no one else
can get them
215
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,987
at our annual half-off
sale tomorrow.
216
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,422
Yeah, that's what we're doing.
217
00:10:57,424 --> 00:11:00,091
We're hiding the good dresses.
218
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:03,695
In fact, I just caught another
Sneaky Sue.
219
00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:07,265
Oh, I'm Sophie.
220
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:12,804
Oh, wow, wow, wow.
221
00:11:12,806 --> 00:11:16,808
Oh, look at the color.
222
00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:20,211
That's not color.
That's radiation.
223
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:22,781
That dress is a one of a kind.
224
00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:23,882
Meaning there's only one?
225
00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:25,850
No, we have two.
226
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:29,988
And I have two bridesmaids!
227
00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:32,991
I love it when life works out
perfect like this.
228
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:40,599
[indistinct chatter]
229
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,068
(Public address announcement)
Ladies, our half off sale will
begin in a minute.
230
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,869
Look at this place.
231
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,805
There are more desperate women
crammed in here
232
00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:50,709
than the splash zone
at a Kenny Chesney concert.
233
00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:53,445
I know. It's like Black Friday
at Walmart
234
00:11:53,447 --> 00:11:57,449
And like Black Friday, hopefully
someone will trample me.
235
00:11:57,451 --> 00:12:01,286
Cause thanks to these dresses,
my life is over.
236
00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:02,854
Max, did you hear me?
237
00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:04,823
My life is over.
238
00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:06,291
You said that
when the Chinese food place
239
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:08,159
forgot the duck sauce.
240
00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:11,229
Well, I'm sorry, but I had
a whole other scenario planned
241
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,031
for my return to The Times.
242
00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:16,201
"Entrepreneur rises
from the ashes."
243
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,736
Now, I'm just going to be
in The Times,
244
00:12:17,738 --> 00:12:20,772
looking like a stupid ash.
245
00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:22,140
Shoot, girl,
just push on through.
246
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:24,776
I'm pushing, girl.
I am pushing.
247
00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:25,777
(both)
Excuse us.
248
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:27,312
Excuse us.
249
00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:29,247
Excuse us.
250
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,482
Just go, girl.
251
00:12:30,484 --> 00:12:31,483
I don't want anybody else
to get those
252
00:12:31,485 --> 00:12:34,786
two yellow dresses.
253
00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:36,855
Max, did you hear that?
254
00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:41,993
Someone has worst taste
than Sophie.
255
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:43,261
Now we just have to
hang back here
256
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:44,963
and let them get
to those dresses first.
257
00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:47,232
Yay!
My life is good again.
258
00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:52,103
Max, Caroline, up here.
259
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,806
What was that, like, a second?
260
00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:56,841
I saved you a space upfront.
261
00:12:56,843 --> 00:12:59,144
Come on.
262
00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:00,411
Well, it's over.
263
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:02,113
As soon as they cut
that ribbon,
264
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,082
Sophie's going to
Marshawn Lynch everyone who
265
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:06,251
gets in the way
of us and those dresses.
266
00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:07,418
There's only one way out
of this.
267
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:09,020
And you called it earlier.
268
00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:12,090
You have to let them
trample you.
269
00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:13,358
I'm serious.
270
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,294
I'm not about to be trampled
on purpose.
271
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:17,929
See if you still feel that way
272
00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,898
after I say
these next few words:
273
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:22,433
"Pictured from left,
Caroline Channing."
274
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:27,071
Try to fend off any heels
you see heading for my eyes.
275
00:13:27,073 --> 00:13:28,506
Attention, ladies.
276
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:31,075
As you see,
I have the big scissors,
277
00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:33,945
which can only
mean it's time...
278
00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:35,313
to trim some nose hairs!
279
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:38,316
[laughter]
280
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:41,986
That Carl is crazy.
281
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:44,055
The annual bridal sale...
282
00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:46,057
- is now...
- Max, hold my hand.
283
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:47,058
Open!
284
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:50,061
[all shouting]
285
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:55,366
Ladies, ladies,
one at a time.
286
00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:58,169
Oh!
287
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,572
Well, I may be limping down
the aisle,
288
00:14:00,574 --> 00:14:03,408
but at least I won't be limping
in something Swiffer might sell
289
00:14:03,410 --> 00:14:05,844
to dust off ceiling fans.
290
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:08,046
[woman screaming]
291
00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:10,315
Oh, my God, girl!
here she comes!
292
00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:14,419
Here she comes.
293
00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:15,987
My girl, Rhonda,
had that dress first.
294
00:14:15,989 --> 00:14:17,856
Oh, your girl
is gonna have to
295
00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:20,024
pry it out of my cold,
dead hands.
296
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:21,326
Hey, Max, Caroline!
297
00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:26,531
Try it on!
298
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:29,200
Follow me
to the changing room.
299
00:14:40,947 --> 00:14:44,382
(Caroline)
I'm never coming out
in this dress, I'm scared.
300
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:47,385
(Max)
So on the count of one, two...
301
00:14:51,625 --> 00:14:53,424
Maybe it's not that bad.
302
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:02,033
(both)
It's bad.
303
00:15:02,035 --> 00:15:03,534
Okay.
So you're telling me,
304
00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:05,503
Versace got murdered,
305
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:08,640
but no one's taken out
whoever made these?
306
00:15:08,642 --> 00:15:10,541
I know.
307
00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:12,377
I feel like Tweety Bird
is gonna sue us
308
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:16,147
for copyright infringement.
309
00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:21,219
I feel like we should have giant
toilet paper rolls under here.
310
00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:22,553
Well, maybe
we'll like these better
311
00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:23,621
when we're out of
this bright light.
312
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:27,458
Max, we are the bright light.
313
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:32,931
Ladies, you forgot
the matching hats.
314
00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:35,700
There's more?
315
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:39,470
Oh, if anyone finds a Xanax,
it's mine.
316
00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:42,340
It was knocked out of my hand
by two women duking it out
317
00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:46,411
over a chintz mermaid dress.
318
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:47,679
Oh, now it looks good.
319
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:58,723
There's Xanax on the loose
and I'm just standing here?
320
00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:02,226
At least if I was high, I'd have
an excuse to be wearing this.
321
00:16:02,228 --> 00:16:04,395
Here pilly, pilly.
322
00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:08,466
Here pilly, pilly, pilly.
323
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:11,235
Girl, for real,
you look like straight up crap
324
00:16:11,237 --> 00:16:13,571
in that dress.
325
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:15,340
For real.
326
00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:17,041
You white girls can't pull
that color off.
327
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:18,977
That's a waste of poppin'
lemon yellow.
328
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:20,311
I know.
329
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,447
I am way too white
for this.
330
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:25,416
She's also too white to say
"turnt up" all the time,
331
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:28,019
but that hasn't stopped her.
332
00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:30,488
This dress was not my choice.
333
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:31,756
I hate everything about it.
334
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:32,991
This is a disaster.
335
00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:34,759
This is "Dressageddon."
336
00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:37,762
Yeah, but in a good way.
337
00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:41,032
You two don't want
to wear the dresses.
338
00:16:41,034 --> 00:16:43,034
You don't have to.
339
00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:44,702
But I thought you wanted us
to match
340
00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:48,773
the balloons
and the ducks.
341
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:51,242
Max, she said we don't have to
wear the dress.
342
00:16:51,244 --> 00:16:52,410
Don't question her!
343
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:54,012
That's like questioning
a prison guard
344
00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:57,749
when he says
you're free to go.
345
00:16:57,751 --> 00:16:59,784
Sophie, are you sure
you don't care?
346
00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:03,087
Oh, yeah.
Sure.
347
00:17:03,089 --> 00:17:05,757
Yeah, they're all yours,
Destiny's Child.
348
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:20,772
This is ten pounds
of ugly junk.
349
00:17:20,774 --> 00:17:24,208
Reminds me of this bartender,
Pete, I used to date.
350
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:28,079
Come to think of it,
that made me gag, too.
351
00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:29,514
Okay. Done.
352
00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:32,116
[woman crying]
353
00:17:32,118 --> 00:17:35,086
Listen, crying
in a women's dressing room?
354
00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:39,757
Whoever it is, girl,
big butts are in.
355
00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:42,760
[crying continues]
356
00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:44,662
That's Sophie's cry.
357
00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:46,364
I know, 'cause
I hear it through the vent
358
00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:50,468
when she watches Nashville.
359
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:53,104
Sophie?
360
00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:55,840
(Sophie)
No.
361
00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:58,676
Are you okay?
362
00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:02,713
(Sophie)
It's not me,
but I'm okay.
363
00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:06,384
[sobbing continues]
364
00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:08,853
Sophie, why are
you crying?
365
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:12,657
When I heard what you said
about the dresses...
366
00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:15,426
It's just--
367
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:18,496
It's almost, kind of like,
368
00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:21,799
you think I have bad taste
or something.
369
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:27,171
No.
370
00:18:27,173 --> 00:18:31,142
Caroline thinks
you have great taste.
371
00:18:31,144 --> 00:18:34,378
She does?
372
00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:37,648
Well, then she should say so.
373
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:40,785
Now.
374
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:47,625
Well, Sophie, I think you have
your own unique style.
375
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:50,628
And I think...
376
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:55,633
that I didn't hear
the words "great" or "taste."
377
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,668
Sophie, what do you even care
what I think?
378
00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:59,170
Just say it!
379
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:03,474
Sophie, I think
you have great taste.
380
00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:07,445
You do?
381
00:19:07,447 --> 00:19:12,450
[Sophie laughs]
382
00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:15,786
Then, what are we doing
sitting here?
383
00:19:15,788 --> 00:19:18,723
Let's go and get those
dresses back!
384
00:19:18,725 --> 00:19:20,625
Come on.
Help me!
385
00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:28,399
Those other girls
already took them.
386
00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:29,867
What?
387
00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:37,475
Well, at least we don't have to
wear those ugly,
388
00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:40,311
yellow bridesmaid dresses
at the wedding.
389
00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:41,846
Yup.
Now, you only have to wear
390
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:44,182
ugly, yellow dresses here,
every night.
391
00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:46,517
This is the best thing
that's happened to me
392
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,953
since I realized that weird mole
on my arm was just a Grape-Nut
393
00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:51,522
and not cancer.
394
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:52,790
Girls, great news.
395
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,425
You stuffed Han
in the microwave
396
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,327
and you're ready
to hit power?
397
00:19:56,329 --> 00:19:57,762
Come on. We've tried.
398
00:19:57,764 --> 00:20:00,231
You know he doesn't fit.
399
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:01,866
The one thing he's too big for.
400
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:05,937
No, I got Ilia Jorbich to be
our wedding photographer.
401
00:20:05,939 --> 00:20:08,839
He's the best photographer
at The Warsaw Times.
402
00:20:08,841 --> 00:20:12,443
Well, he's the only one
who still has both arms.
403
00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:15,746
Wait, it's the Warsaw Times?
404
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:16,847
All this time,
I've been thinking
405
00:20:16,849 --> 00:20:18,716
it was The New York Times.
406
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,518
New York Times?
407
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:21,919
This is much more exclusive.
408
00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:23,754
You can only get it
in two places.
409
00:20:23,756 --> 00:20:27,825
Poland and the deli in
New Jersey that sells missiles.
410
00:20:27,827 --> 00:20:29,393
This is amazing.
411
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,295
My comeback in
The New York Times
412
00:20:31,297 --> 00:20:32,663
has been preserved.
413
00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:34,899
Max, I'm gonna go ahead
and smile.
414
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:36,634
My life is good again.
415
00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:38,669
Don't smile yet,
'cause Sophie told me
416
00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:41,005
that because you said
she had such good taste,
417
00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:44,008
she's designing our dresses
herself.
418
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:46,010
What was that,
like a second?
419
00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:48,746
Yup. You just went
from the best of times
420
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,748
to The Warsaw Times.