1
00:00:03,636 --> 00:00:04,837
Miss?
2
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:06,839
I have to apologize.
3
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,741
Well, not to me, but I'm
sure the Amish are pissed
4
00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:13,312
that you're gaying up their look.
5
00:00:13,313 --> 00:00:15,848
I don't have enough money for the tip.
6
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,217
Weird. You survive the diner chili,
7
00:00:18,218 --> 00:00:20,920
and it's the waitress that kills you!
8
00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:24,290
But I can tip another way.
I'm a psychic.
9
00:00:24,291 --> 00:00:25,591
So, uh, you already know
10
00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:28,194
where they're gonna find your body.
11
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:30,296
Oh, please. I die in a bridge collapse
12
00:00:30,297 --> 00:00:32,498
you have nothing to do with.
13
00:00:32,499 --> 00:00:35,234
I can tell you your future.
14
00:00:35,235 --> 00:00:37,895
Ha! You're wrong. I don't have one.
15
00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:41,073
See the guy in the booth over there?
16
00:00:41,074 --> 00:00:43,809
Jared "Leto Himself Go"?
17
00:00:43,810 --> 00:00:46,912
He just offered to read
my future as my tip!
18
00:00:46,913 --> 00:00:49,573
Ha! You don't have one.
19
00:00:52,251 --> 00:00:54,219
Miss, let me read your palm.
20
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:57,256
Sir, coming over here right
now is not a good idea.
21
00:00:57,257 --> 00:00:59,491
We don't like to be
stiffed by strangers.
22
00:00:59,492 --> 00:01:02,161
In six months, maybe,
but we're not there yet.
23
00:01:02,162 --> 00:01:04,296
I'm a legit psychic.
24
00:01:04,297 --> 00:01:06,131
I predicted long hair was coming back
25
00:01:06,132 --> 00:01:09,401
in time to have long hair when it did.
26
00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:10,702
Okay. You can read my palm.
27
00:01:10,703 --> 00:01:12,304
I could use some good news.
28
00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:15,841
I could also use some
hand moisturizer... sorry.
29
00:01:15,842 --> 00:01:18,210
I see two Ms?
30
00:01:18,211 --> 00:01:21,679
You bitch! Have you been
holding out on M&M's?
31
00:01:23,382 --> 00:01:26,818
Ooh! Is it the male model
32
00:01:26,819 --> 00:01:28,053
I'm managing
33
00:01:28,054 --> 00:01:32,524
who's also making it with Max?
34
00:01:32,525 --> 00:01:36,593
Actually... I see a small failure.
35
00:01:40,098 --> 00:01:44,636
I take it back. You are good!
36
00:01:44,637 --> 00:01:46,071
(Peter Bjorn and John)
♪ Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh ♪
37
00:01:46,072 --> 00:01:47,939
[cash register bell dings]
38
00:01:47,940 --> 00:01:54,072
Subtitle sync and corrections
by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
39
00:02:04,376 --> 00:02:06,919
Here's your chocolate lemon crumble.
40
00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:09,888
Sounds like it shouldn't
work together, but it does.
41
00:02:09,889 --> 00:02:12,725
It's the Tony Bennett and
Lady Gaga of desserts.
42
00:02:12,726 --> 00:02:15,794
Max, can I have just a wee bite?
43
00:02:15,795 --> 00:02:17,262
A crumble of the crumble?
44
00:02:17,263 --> 00:02:18,664
Caroline won't let me eat anything
45
00:02:18,665 --> 00:02:20,199
because of my big photo shoot.
46
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:21,967
[sighs] Hurry!
47
00:02:21,968 --> 00:02:24,203
No chewing, no enjoying. Just swallow.
48
00:02:24,204 --> 00:02:26,038
Spit that out!
49
00:02:26,039 --> 00:02:27,206
No!
50
00:02:27,207 --> 00:02:29,174
I said spit that out!
51
00:02:29,175 --> 00:02:32,711
You're a model now! Shame on you!
52
00:02:32,712 --> 00:02:35,046
Bitch, he's starving.
53
00:02:36,014 --> 00:02:37,816
He's not eating, is he?
54
00:02:37,817 --> 00:02:39,551
I don't want the Stay
Puft Marshmallow man
55
00:02:39,552 --> 00:02:42,888
showing up at my
girlfriend's photo shoot.
56
00:02:42,889 --> 00:02:45,290
I haven't eaten anything since Tuesday!
57
00:02:45,291 --> 00:02:47,492
This morning, he tried
to swallow his toothpaste,
58
00:02:47,493 --> 00:02:49,461
but I was right there to stop him.
59
00:02:49,462 --> 00:02:50,929
Good, honey.
60
00:02:50,930 --> 00:02:52,864
That kind of heartlessness
is why I've decided
61
00:02:52,865 --> 00:02:54,800
to make you the manager
of our hot new location
62
00:02:54,801 --> 00:02:55,967
of the High.
63
00:02:55,968 --> 00:02:59,471
Oh, my God! This is so exciting!
64
00:02:59,472 --> 00:03:01,940
Someone's finally realizing
my full potential,
65
00:03:01,941 --> 00:03:04,209
and it's not me!
66
00:03:04,210 --> 00:03:06,711
Will I be able to make
Max head pastry chef?
67
00:03:06,712 --> 00:03:09,447
And where is this new location?
68
00:03:09,448 --> 00:03:11,249
Well, right now, everything's under wraps
69
00:03:11,250 --> 00:03:13,385
the way my face was six months ago.
70
00:03:13,386 --> 00:03:15,787
But as manager, you can
hire your own staff,
71
00:03:15,788 --> 00:03:17,555
and I'll even let you poach Max.
72
00:03:17,556 --> 00:03:19,591
I'll also tell you
73
00:03:19,592 --> 00:03:21,593
the new spot is amazing.
74
00:03:21,594 --> 00:03:24,195
It's international. It's a hub.
75
00:03:24,196 --> 00:03:26,431
I'm talking major flagship.
76
00:03:26,432 --> 00:03:28,700
Honey, I get that you're happy,
77
00:03:28,701 --> 00:03:30,969
but enough with the eye contact.
78
00:03:30,970 --> 00:03:33,171
No one can look me in the eye.
79
00:03:33,172 --> 00:03:36,875
I'm the Medusa in Chanel.
80
00:03:36,876 --> 00:03:38,643
Max doesn't let me look her in the eyes
81
00:03:38,644 --> 00:03:39,944
during sex either.
82
00:03:39,945 --> 00:03:42,146
I told you, eye contact's extra.
83
00:03:42,147 --> 00:03:45,216
Max, did you hear that?
84
00:03:45,217 --> 00:03:46,951
Major flagship!
85
00:03:46,952 --> 00:03:50,621
Uh, did someone just
call me a major flag?
86
00:03:50,622 --> 00:03:52,323
I think you did, and if I don't get to
87
00:03:52,324 --> 00:03:54,292
go to the new place with you two,
88
00:03:54,293 --> 00:03:55,860
I'm telling HR.
89
00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:59,630
That's Hector Rodriguez, my therapist.
90
00:03:59,631 --> 00:04:01,632
Would you be interested
in coming to the new High
91
00:04:01,633 --> 00:04:03,367
as part of our team?
92
00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:04,902
If you say "part of our team" again,
93
00:04:04,903 --> 00:04:06,237
I'll rethink the whole thing.
94
00:04:06,238 --> 00:04:07,471
I'll take it.
95
00:04:07,472 --> 00:04:09,040
But I have to be upfront with Max.
96
00:04:09,041 --> 00:04:10,575
I don't like it in the back.
97
00:04:10,576 --> 00:04:14,612
Which, by the way, is what
I say to all my dates.
98
00:04:14,613 --> 00:04:16,413
Samesies!
99
00:04:17,615 --> 00:04:19,517
Well, this is great news.
100
00:04:19,518 --> 00:04:21,519
How about we celebrate
with a piece of pie?
101
00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:23,586
No!
102
00:04:27,525 --> 00:04:29,760
Earl, we have great news.
Guess what it is.
103
00:04:29,761 --> 00:04:32,796
No, don't. Okay, guess.
No, don't. Yes, guess, guess!
104
00:04:32,797 --> 00:04:34,064
Can we hurry this along?
105
00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:36,400
My cousin is on Maury Povich today,
106
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:39,870
and I wanna find out if he's the father.
107
00:04:39,871 --> 00:04:43,207
'Cause then I can stop
paying child support.
108
00:04:43,208 --> 00:04:45,609
Sorry. She's a little amped.
109
00:04:45,610 --> 00:04:47,645
She hasn't had good news to share
110
00:04:47,646 --> 00:04:49,313
since we found out the washing machine
111
00:04:49,314 --> 00:04:54,323
in our basement takes buttons.
112
00:04:54,324 --> 00:04:55,791
Sure, you do.
113
00:04:55,792 --> 00:04:58,394
And I'm playing center
for the New York Knicks!
114
00:04:58,395 --> 00:05:00,462
Have you seen the Knicks lately?
115
00:05:00,463 --> 00:05:02,965
He can only help.
116
00:05:02,966 --> 00:05:04,967
Well, according to my time card,
117
00:05:04,968 --> 00:05:06,902
I've been here for six hours already,
118
00:05:06,903 --> 00:05:09,338
so I'm gonna head back
and catch some Zs.
119
00:05:09,339 --> 00:05:12,506
The Mattress is all yours, Max.
120
00:05:13,709 --> 00:05:17,279
Hey, everybody.
We weren't expecting company.
121
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:19,181
I came by
122
00:05:19,182 --> 00:05:21,183
to discuss wedding details with Oleg
123
00:05:21,184 --> 00:05:23,719
while we had intercourse.
124
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:26,688
What is this, the Bunny Ranch?
125
00:05:26,689 --> 00:05:29,623
Baby, I think these are yours.
126
00:05:32,060 --> 00:05:33,562
Yeah.
127
00:05:33,563 --> 00:05:37,199
Yeah. Why, thank you, honey.
128
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:39,468
Can we just make it a general rule
129
00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:43,171
that there's no
fornication in the diner?
130
00:05:43,172 --> 00:05:45,674
Or in Han's apartment, ever.
131
00:05:45,675 --> 00:05:49,044
Okay, Max and I have some
really exciting news.
132
00:05:49,045 --> 00:05:52,012
Yeah, yeah.
We know all about the buttons.
133
00:05:54,115 --> 00:05:55,684
Oleg!
134
00:05:55,685 --> 00:05:58,720
I think you crushed my
seating arrangement!
135
00:05:58,721 --> 00:06:01,021
I'd like to think so.
136
00:06:03,958 --> 00:06:05,026
So, back to us.
137
00:06:05,027 --> 00:06:06,795
How 'bout back to work?
138
00:06:06,796 --> 00:06:08,897
Max and I...
139
00:06:08,898 --> 00:06:11,132
Need to do some work!
140
00:06:11,133 --> 00:06:13,200
There. End of news.
141
00:06:15,870 --> 00:06:18,606
Where are you running off to so fast?
142
00:06:18,607 --> 00:06:21,876
Is someone having a
sale on smaller heads?
143
00:06:21,877 --> 00:06:25,380
I'm too small, I'm too big... pick one!
144
00:06:25,381 --> 00:06:26,981
Here's our big news.
145
00:06:26,982 --> 00:06:28,816
You are looking at the manager
146
00:06:28,817 --> 00:06:32,687
and the head pastry chef of
the brand-new High location.
147
00:06:32,688 --> 00:06:35,857
Actually, he's looking at our kneecaps.
148
00:06:35,858 --> 00:06:37,992
Okay, so we're going with too small.
149
00:06:37,993 --> 00:06:42,430
If you two quit the diner,
how will I ever replace you?
150
00:06:42,431 --> 00:06:45,465
Unless I hire... literally anyone else!
151
00:06:47,001 --> 00:06:49,270
No, Han, we still have
to work here at night.
152
00:06:49,271 --> 00:06:51,038
We have more debt
than Jada Pinkett-Smith
153
00:06:51,039 --> 00:06:54,642
has excuses for Will not being home.
154
00:06:54,643 --> 00:06:56,677
But at the new High,
155
00:06:56,678 --> 00:06:58,346
we're gonna be the big bosses
156
00:06:58,347 --> 00:06:59,847
calling all the shots.
157
00:06:59,848 --> 00:07:02,750
Yes, yes... by day.
158
00:07:02,751 --> 00:07:06,886
But by night, you'll be
the coleslaw's bitch.
159
00:07:07,688 --> 00:07:09,790
Don't listen to him.
160
00:07:09,791 --> 00:07:12,093
Clearly, Han just resents our success.
161
00:07:12,094 --> 00:07:17,063
I know! Why can't women ever
just be happy for each other?
162
00:07:27,798 --> 00:07:29,409
Wow, that is really hot.
163
00:07:29,410 --> 00:07:30,677
Yeah.
164
00:07:30,678 --> 00:07:34,013
The milder salsa's right here.
165
00:07:34,014 --> 00:07:35,562
Listen... oh!
166
00:07:35,563 --> 00:07:37,663
Do girls eat now?
167
00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:42,970
Wow! Lena Dunham changed everything!
168
00:07:42,971 --> 00:07:45,606
Listen, which one of you
is sleeping with the model?
169
00:07:45,607 --> 00:07:47,541
I know one of you said you were,
170
00:07:47,542 --> 00:07:49,543
but I don't listen when you talk.
171
00:07:49,544 --> 00:07:52,346
[muffled] She is.
172
00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:54,681
This is a massive ad campaign,
173
00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:56,884
and I don't know how else to say this,
174
00:07:56,885 --> 00:08:00,287
but I need his penis to look bigger.
175
00:08:00,288 --> 00:08:02,189
Oh! Yeah...
176
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:05,892
It gets nervous when
you shine a light on it.
177
00:08:05,893 --> 00:08:08,695
Sometimes I hear her coaxing
it out of its crawl space
178
00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:10,731
with treats.
179
00:08:10,732 --> 00:08:12,132
Well, do something.
180
00:08:12,133 --> 00:08:13,900
I haven't touched one since college,
181
00:08:13,901 --> 00:08:17,537
and even then it was just
to look under it for my keys.
182
00:08:17,538 --> 00:08:20,006
Max, take him off set. Be professional.
183
00:08:20,007 --> 00:08:21,842
How professional can I be?
184
00:08:21,843 --> 00:08:24,511
She's asking me to fluff his nutter.
185
00:08:24,512 --> 00:08:27,172
Yo, Nash! Break time.
186
00:08:27,447 --> 00:08:29,249
So... Marie.
187
00:08:29,250 --> 00:08:31,985
Did Joe tell you about
my big new job promotion?
188
00:08:31,986 --> 00:08:33,987
Of course she did. We're lesbians.
189
00:08:33,988 --> 00:08:36,923
Talking is most of what we do.
190
00:08:36,924 --> 00:08:39,558
It's why we rule daytime.
191
00:08:40,427 --> 00:08:42,429
(Irish accent) Eh... pardon me.
192
00:08:42,430 --> 00:08:47,100
You, maybe. That coat... never.
193
00:08:47,101 --> 00:08:48,968
I'm lookin' for someone.
194
00:08:48,969 --> 00:08:52,839
You also look like an extra
from Angela's Ashes.
195
00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:54,440
But this is a private shoot,
196
00:08:54,441 --> 00:08:57,710
as in we're shooting someone's privates.
197
00:08:57,711 --> 00:08:59,479
I'm looking for me son.
198
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:04,284
Okay, people! The
groundhog's outta the hole!
199
00:09:04,285 --> 00:09:07,453
Six more inches of winter.
200
00:09:07,454 --> 00:09:09,889
That's him! That's me boy!
201
00:09:09,890 --> 00:09:11,290
Ma?
202
00:09:11,291 --> 00:09:12,925
Huh?
203
00:09:12,926 --> 00:09:15,228
Ma, how did you know I was in New York?
204
00:09:15,229 --> 00:09:17,130
Aw, no, you saw me in
the Today Show window,
205
00:09:17,131 --> 00:09:18,898
didn't ya?
206
00:09:18,899 --> 00:09:21,701
You checked into "America" on Facebook,
207
00:09:21,702 --> 00:09:23,369
you bleedin' idiot.
208
00:09:23,370 --> 00:09:26,639
I flew all the way and been
lookin' for you day and night
209
00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:29,742
in this dirty, God
forsaken city for a week.
210
00:09:29,743 --> 00:09:31,644
I'm takin' you home.
211
00:09:31,645 --> 00:09:33,946
Ma'am, Nash can make his own decisions.
212
00:09:33,947 --> 00:09:35,281
He's a grown man.
213
00:09:35,282 --> 00:09:38,017
Yep. Thanks to my handiwork.
214
00:09:38,018 --> 00:09:41,287
He's no grown man. He's just now 18.
215
00:09:41,288 --> 00:09:45,224
He's got his prom next month!
216
00:09:45,225 --> 00:09:46,359
I can't believe it!
217
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:48,794
I had sex with a teenager!
218
00:09:48,795 --> 00:09:51,530
Who am I, Woody Allen?
219
00:09:51,531 --> 00:09:54,400
Roman Polanski?
220
00:09:54,401 --> 00:09:58,037
Pretty much any of your
big-time '70s movie directors?
221
00:09:58,038 --> 00:10:00,806
You had sex with me innocent child?
222
00:10:00,807 --> 00:10:02,708
Uh, not so innocent.
223
00:10:02,709 --> 00:10:04,310
He made me blush a few times,
224
00:10:04,311 --> 00:10:07,846
and I have two positions named after me.
225
00:10:07,847 --> 00:10:09,648
Well, that's that.
226
00:10:09,649 --> 00:10:13,419
You've seen the last of
big booby dirty girl here.
227
00:10:13,420 --> 00:10:17,456
I'd object, but when you're
right, you're right.
228
00:10:17,457 --> 00:10:19,625
But Ma, I like New York.
229
00:10:19,626 --> 00:10:22,628
People want to take
pictures of me willy here.
230
00:10:22,629 --> 00:10:24,129
This is all me fault.
231
00:10:24,130 --> 00:10:27,565
I should have never let you
watch that Magic Mike.
232
00:10:29,768 --> 00:10:31,203
That's great.
233
00:10:31,204 --> 00:10:32,871
I don't have a model now.
234
00:10:32,872 --> 00:10:34,806
I'm Seal.
235
00:10:34,807 --> 00:10:37,543
Wait until I tell Joe about this.
236
00:10:37,544 --> 00:10:40,279
How can you not know how old he is?
237
00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:43,382
Uh... what can I say?
We're a typical couple!
238
00:10:43,383 --> 00:10:47,551
He lied about his age, and I
pretended he was interesting.
239
00:10:49,554 --> 00:10:51,456
Okay, Max, when Joe gets here,
240
00:10:51,457 --> 00:10:52,658
I'm just gonna tell her
241
00:10:52,659 --> 00:10:54,626
that me managing an underage twink
242
00:10:54,627 --> 00:10:57,162
has nothing to do with me
managing her restaurant
243
00:10:57,163 --> 00:11:00,132
which sells overpriced twink... ies.
244
00:11:00,133 --> 00:11:02,601
Yeah. I'm sure she'll
be professional about it all.
245
00:11:02,602 --> 00:11:03,869
Professional?
246
00:11:03,870 --> 00:11:05,504
Yesterday, she slapped a woman in here
247
00:11:05,505 --> 00:11:07,305
for wearing cheap heels.
248
00:11:07,306 --> 00:11:10,441
I know. My face is still red.
249
00:11:11,309 --> 00:11:12,744
Here she is.
250
00:11:12,745 --> 00:11:14,079
Good morning, Joe!
251
00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:15,580
Hey, ladies.
252
00:11:15,581 --> 00:11:18,183
Well, obviously, you're both fired.
253
00:11:18,184 --> 00:11:19,818
Obviously.
254
00:11:19,819 --> 00:11:21,052
Can I keep the hat?
255
00:11:21,053 --> 00:11:23,021
You are not gonna want this back.
256
00:11:23,022 --> 00:11:25,957
My head sweats like a
watermelon at a picnic.
257
00:11:25,958 --> 00:11:28,860
Please don't fire us
over the Nash situation.
258
00:11:28,861 --> 00:11:30,829
It was out of our hands.
259
00:11:30,830 --> 00:11:32,797
Actually, it was in her hands,
260
00:11:32,798 --> 00:11:34,833
and it was only 18.
261
00:11:34,834 --> 00:11:37,235
You two embarrassed my girlfriend.
262
00:11:37,236 --> 00:11:39,137
And embarrassment in
the lesbian community
263
00:11:39,138 --> 00:11:41,105
is worse than not owning a dog.
264
00:11:41,106 --> 00:11:44,175
It's worse than dating Anne Heche.
265
00:11:44,176 --> 00:11:47,979
Oh, my God. We committed a Heche crime.
266
00:11:47,980 --> 00:11:49,914
How can we make it better?
267
00:11:49,915 --> 00:11:52,383
Just get that kid back to
the photo shoot tomorrow,
268
00:11:52,384 --> 00:11:54,385
and we're back in business.
269
00:11:54,386 --> 00:11:55,920
And Max, next time,
270
00:11:55,921 --> 00:11:59,190
stay out of his barely legal business.
271
00:11:59,191 --> 00:12:01,092
Done. Don't know how, but done.
272
00:12:01,093 --> 00:12:02,493
You won't be sorry.
273
00:12:02,494 --> 00:12:04,729
Just get him back,
'cause I gotta tell ya...
274
00:12:04,730 --> 00:12:06,964
Marie's crying face?
275
00:12:06,965 --> 00:12:08,965
Not for me.
276
00:12:17,483 --> 00:12:19,151
Well, coleslaw...
277
00:12:19,152 --> 00:12:20,586
just when I thought I was out,
278
00:12:20,587 --> 00:12:23,823
you pulled me back in again.
279
00:12:23,824 --> 00:12:26,158
Max, don't tell the coleslaw that.
280
00:12:26,159 --> 00:12:28,260
Don't give it that power.
281
00:12:28,261 --> 00:12:30,596
My plan to get Nash back will work.
282
00:12:30,597 --> 00:12:32,865
We still have a bright, bright future.
283
00:12:32,866 --> 00:12:35,800
Yes! By day.
284
00:12:36,735 --> 00:12:37,970
Han!
285
00:12:37,971 --> 00:12:39,316
Do you want to spend another night
286
00:12:39,317 --> 00:12:40,684
in this coleslaw bucket?
287
00:12:40,685 --> 00:12:42,019
No. And had I not been able to
288
00:12:42,020 --> 00:12:43,687
roll myself out to the street,
289
00:12:43,688 --> 00:12:46,348
I might have suffocated!
290
00:12:49,493 --> 00:12:51,895
Nash and his mom will be
here any minute, Max.
291
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:55,098
Do you really need to
expose 60% of your boobs?
292
00:12:55,099 --> 00:12:56,500
It's not up to me.
293
00:12:56,501 --> 00:12:59,535
These girls have a life of their own.
294
00:13:02,272 --> 00:13:06,710
The right one just started
a Fleetwood Mac cover band.
295
00:13:06,711 --> 00:13:08,345
You know how I know?
296
00:13:08,346 --> 00:13:12,080
'Cause when I take my bra
off, it goes its own way.
297
00:13:14,851 --> 00:13:16,853
Do you really think you
can get Nash's mother
298
00:13:16,854 --> 00:13:18,688
to change her mind when they come in
299
00:13:18,689 --> 00:13:19,889
to pick up the rest of his stuff?
300
00:13:19,890 --> 00:13:21,224
Yes, I do.
301
00:13:21,225 --> 00:13:22,692
Because she and I have a lot in common.
302
00:13:22,693 --> 00:13:24,794
I may not be Irish, but I'm dirt poor,
303
00:13:24,795 --> 00:13:28,097
and I'm living with someone
who drinks way too much.
304
00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:29,866
(Oleg) Max, look.
305
00:13:29,867 --> 00:13:31,034
All those purple post-its
306
00:13:31,035 --> 00:13:33,436
are Sophie's friends and family.
307
00:13:33,437 --> 00:13:35,438
My family's nowhere to be seen!
308
00:13:35,439 --> 00:13:38,602
It's like I'm looking at
the last U.S. census!
309
00:13:38,603 --> 00:13:40,571
Hey, girls. Come over here.
310
00:13:40,572 --> 00:13:43,607
We need your help with the seating chart.
311
00:13:43,608 --> 00:13:45,809
Yeah. You know, planning
a wedding is more work
312
00:13:45,810 --> 00:13:49,913
than waxing Oleg's back
during a full moon.
313
00:13:49,914 --> 00:13:52,082
Sophie, I have my own issue right now.
314
00:13:52,083 --> 00:13:54,117
Okay. Then Max can
help me with the chart
315
00:13:54,118 --> 00:13:57,620
while you go worry about
your obviously thinning hair.
316
00:13:59,189 --> 00:14:00,857
Uh, full disclosure...
317
00:14:00,858 --> 00:14:03,226
the last time someone asked me
to help them with something,
318
00:14:03,227 --> 00:14:06,329
I free-based half their beard off.
319
00:14:06,330 --> 00:14:09,199
[chime]
320
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:10,967
I just got a text from Nash.
321
00:14:10,968 --> 00:14:14,170
He's here? I'll go get him a kid's menu.
322
00:14:14,171 --> 00:14:15,405
They're not coming.
323
00:14:15,406 --> 00:14:18,641
His mom found the racy
pictures I sent him.
324
00:14:18,642 --> 00:14:20,744
"Flying out of JFK tomorrow.
325
00:14:20,745 --> 00:14:23,113
Taking the morning Aer Lingus"?
326
00:14:23,114 --> 00:14:25,715
A little morning "Aer Lingus"?
327
00:14:25,716 --> 00:14:29,785
Isn't that what got Max in
trouble in the first place?
328
00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:32,989
Okay, well, we just have
to go to the airport
329
00:14:32,990 --> 00:14:34,591
and stop them.
330
00:14:34,592 --> 00:14:36,426
I'll buy us plane tickets
and then return them,
331
00:14:36,427 --> 00:14:40,362
like I do with shoes or Tom
Cruise does with wives.
332
00:14:41,998 --> 00:14:44,367
Jackets and shoes off!
333
00:14:44,368 --> 00:14:46,936
And make sure you check
all your pockets.
334
00:14:46,937 --> 00:14:50,472
Don't make me shut this airport
down for a piece of gum.
335
00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:55,811
This line is longer than
the movie Gone Girl.
336
00:14:57,513 --> 00:15:02,318
What does TSA stand for?
"Time Stands A-still""
337
00:15:02,319 --> 00:15:04,987
That's cute. Never
heard that one before.
338
00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:08,523
Most people just go with
"This Sucks Ass."
339
00:15:09,625 --> 00:15:11,694
Max, please don't yell out again.
340
00:15:11,695 --> 00:15:13,462
People get very jumpy in airports.
341
00:15:13,463 --> 00:15:16,132
Oh, what? It's not like I
screamed, "I have a bomb""
342
00:15:16,133 --> 00:15:19,268
Miss, will you step over here, please?
343
00:15:19,269 --> 00:15:22,204
Oh, I was kidding. I don't have a bomb.
344
00:15:22,205 --> 00:15:25,607
But I have been known to... be DA bomb.
345
00:15:26,575 --> 00:15:28,677
Max!
346
00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:30,079
Please, please, if we step away,
347
00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:31,914
we'll lose our place in line.
348
00:15:31,915 --> 00:15:34,984
I know it sounds like we're
here to blow up a plane,
349
00:15:34,985 --> 00:15:37,052
but we're really just here
to stop an underage kid
350
00:15:37,053 --> 00:15:40,656
she had sex with from
leaving the country.
351
00:15:40,657 --> 00:15:42,758
So I should just come over there now.
352
00:15:42,759 --> 00:15:44,994
Yep. You just been hand-picked
353
00:15:44,995 --> 00:15:48,730
to join the "I don't
trust you" dance party.
354
00:15:51,166 --> 00:15:53,502
May I see your tickets?
355
00:15:53,503 --> 00:15:56,205
Nice day. I like your hair.
356
00:15:56,206 --> 00:15:58,507
Thanks. We're allowed to be creative
357
00:15:58,508 --> 00:16:02,111
from the neck up.
358
00:16:02,112 --> 00:16:05,013
Ooh! You traveling to Paris.
359
00:16:05,014 --> 00:16:07,015
First-class.
360
00:16:07,016 --> 00:16:09,451
In those jeans?
361
00:16:09,452 --> 00:16:12,254
You got first-class tickets to Paris?
362
00:16:12,255 --> 00:16:13,889
Are you insane?
363
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,157
My fingers did it.
364
00:16:15,158 --> 00:16:17,092
It was rich girl cellular memory.
365
00:16:17,093 --> 00:16:19,127
And if we're not going anywhere,
366
00:16:19,128 --> 00:16:20,963
why can't we not go to Paris?
367
00:16:20,964 --> 00:16:22,798
And why can't we not go to the Louvre?
368
00:16:22,799 --> 00:16:27,166
And why can't we not
stay in the penthouse
369
00:16:27,167 --> 00:16:31,003
Is it too late for me to
say I don't know her?
370
00:16:31,004 --> 00:16:33,472
Ma'am, are you carrying any explosives?
371
00:16:33,473 --> 00:16:35,207
I had leftover Chipotle for breakfast.
372
00:16:35,208 --> 00:16:38,510
Does that count?
373
00:16:38,511 --> 00:16:41,946
It does to whoever's
sitting next to you.
374
00:16:43,482 --> 00:16:45,617
(woman, French accent)
Air France flight 113
375
00:16:45,618 --> 00:16:47,452
will now begin boarding at gate 24.
376
00:16:47,453 --> 00:16:48,920
Max! That's our flight.
377
00:16:48,921 --> 00:16:51,390
(bad French accent)
Air France, flight 113.
378
00:16:51,391 --> 00:16:52,758
Ooh! I bet on the plane,
379
00:16:52,759 --> 00:16:55,060
they'll have caviar and Bellinis.
380
00:16:55,061 --> 00:16:56,828
You know what won't be on the plane?
381
00:16:56,829 --> 00:16:58,697
Us!
382
00:16:58,698 --> 00:16:59,931
We're not going!
383
00:16:59,932 --> 00:17:01,533
Have you been smoking the half joint
384
00:17:01,534 --> 00:17:03,969
I have hidden in my bra?
385
00:17:03,970 --> 00:17:05,637
You have a joint?
386
00:17:05,638 --> 00:17:08,406
Bank account? Ha!
387
00:17:08,407 --> 00:17:11,009
You went through security with pot?
388
00:17:11,010 --> 00:17:13,678
I went through third grade with pot.
389
00:17:13,679 --> 00:17:15,880
There he is. There's Nash.
390
00:17:15,881 --> 00:17:17,649
I'm sure his mom is asking
391
00:17:17,650 --> 00:17:21,086
if he can visit the cockpit
and meet the pilot.
392
00:17:21,087 --> 00:17:23,922
Wow. He's young.
393
00:17:23,923 --> 00:17:25,590
So young, Bruce Jenner has been a woman
394
00:17:25,591 --> 00:17:27,792
for most of his life.
395
00:17:27,793 --> 00:17:30,528
Nash! Please.
396
00:17:30,529 --> 00:17:32,864
You can't go. Our entire lives depend on
397
00:17:32,865 --> 00:17:34,699
you finishing that photo shoot.
398
00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:37,602
Nash Terrence O'Brien,
you're not going anywhere.
399
00:17:37,603 --> 00:17:39,804
Or I'll take you over
my knee right here.
400
00:17:39,805 --> 00:17:42,073
Well, he likes that.
401
00:17:42,074 --> 00:17:43,808
Well, you...
402
00:17:43,809 --> 00:17:47,911
You are just loose as
a goose, aren't ya?
403
00:17:49,180 --> 00:17:51,716
Again... when you're
right, you're right.
404
00:17:51,717 --> 00:17:55,620
Max, let me talk to Mrs. O'Brien.
405
00:17:55,621 --> 00:17:56,725
Go up to the gate.
406
00:17:56,726 --> 00:17:58,456
Ask what movie they're
showing on their flight.
407
00:17:58,457 --> 00:18:00,124
Okay, but if they're showing anything,
408
00:18:00,125 --> 00:18:02,326
and I mean anything
409
00:18:02,327 --> 00:18:04,929
from Mr. Adam Sandler...
410
00:18:04,930 --> 00:18:07,264
I'm getting on the plane too.
411
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,569
Please. I'm begging you.
412
00:18:11,570 --> 00:18:13,237
You don't know me. I'm a proud woman.
413
00:18:13,238 --> 00:18:15,239
The only other time I ever begged
414
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,309
was to get off of P. Diddy's yacht.
415
00:18:18,310 --> 00:18:20,745
I mean, a party shouldn't
be three days long.
416
00:18:20,746 --> 00:18:22,380
Miss, you can save your silly breath.
417
00:18:22,381 --> 00:18:24,415
I'm taking him home.
418
00:18:24,416 --> 00:18:27,918
Would passenger Maeve O'Brien
please report to the gate desk?
419
00:18:27,919 --> 00:18:30,354
Oh, Nash, maybe they're bumping us up
420
00:18:30,355 --> 00:18:33,891
from the last coach row to the
second to the last coach row!
421
00:18:33,892 --> 00:18:36,360
I knew I'd be rewarded for
not having any abortions
422
00:18:36,361 --> 00:18:39,295
in spite of me circumstances.
423
00:18:40,898 --> 00:18:42,299
Grab Nash... let's get out of here
424
00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:43,801
while I got her distracted.
425
00:18:43,802 --> 00:18:46,003
Max, you did that? How?
426
00:18:46,004 --> 00:18:48,539
I no longer have the
half a joint in my bra.
427
00:18:48,540 --> 00:18:52,042
You bribed an airline
employee with a joint?
428
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:55,879
Pain? Oh, you really gotta
stretch out for that.
429
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:57,781
Max, this is kidnapping.
430
00:18:57,782 --> 00:19:00,451
Oh, he's not that young.
When I was his age,
431
00:19:00,452 --> 00:19:03,153
I had already robbed
three Blockbuster videos.
432
00:19:03,154 --> 00:19:05,254
What's Blockbuster video?
433
00:19:06,757 --> 00:19:10,194
Oh, my God, I screwed a baby.
434
00:19:10,195 --> 00:19:12,696
Okay. I'm gonna text Joe
and tell her we have Nash
435
00:19:12,697 --> 00:19:15,165
in our custody. No, I'd better call.
436
00:19:15,166 --> 00:19:19,002
That text won't play well at our trial.
437
00:19:19,003 --> 00:19:21,838
I'm sorry I didn't tell
ya I was so young.
438
00:19:21,839 --> 00:19:23,840
But honestly, I didn't think it mattered
439
00:19:23,841 --> 00:19:26,308
since you're so immature.
440
00:19:27,944 --> 00:19:30,613
I know you are, but what am I?
441
00:19:31,515 --> 00:19:33,116
Okay, so Joe was really impressed
442
00:19:33,117 --> 00:19:35,452
with the kidnapping, and
she gave us our jobs back.
443
00:19:35,453 --> 00:19:36,953
But Nash, you've been replaced.
444
00:19:36,954 --> 00:19:38,388
They found another model
445
00:19:38,389 --> 00:19:40,390
who wouldn't give them
any parent trouble...
446
00:19:40,391 --> 00:19:43,026
a well-hung orphan.
447
00:19:43,027 --> 00:19:44,861
A well-hung orphan.
448
00:19:44,862 --> 00:19:47,964
Well, the Lord gives and the Lord takes.
449
00:19:47,965 --> 00:19:49,533
So what now?
450
00:19:49,534 --> 00:19:52,202
Well, you go back to Ireland
and brag to your friends
451
00:19:52,203 --> 00:19:55,205
about having sex with
someone who once had sex
452
00:19:55,206 --> 00:19:59,209
with Axl Rose's best friend's son.
453
00:19:59,210 --> 00:20:00,510
Good-bye, Max.
454
00:20:00,511 --> 00:20:03,346
Later, Nash Potater.
455
00:20:03,347 --> 00:20:06,416
You know, I think I'm gonna miss him.
456
00:20:06,417 --> 00:20:10,353
Especially since kids eat
free at Quiznos before 6:00.
457
00:20:10,354 --> 00:20:12,789
Ugh! Let's get out of here.
458
00:20:12,790 --> 00:20:14,390
The only good thing about airports
459
00:20:14,391 --> 00:20:16,826
is leaving them for someplace better.
460
00:20:16,827 --> 00:20:19,929
Max, next time we're here,
I'm gonna take you to Paris.
461
00:20:19,930 --> 00:20:21,898
Well, first take me to the bathroom.
462
00:20:21,899 --> 00:20:24,500
I've had to pee since our
tram hit that pothole.
463
00:20:24,501 --> 00:20:27,270
Well, at least we're gonna be
working somewhere with class.
464
00:20:27,271 --> 00:20:28,871
I wonder where it is.
465
00:20:28,872 --> 00:20:33,076
Joe said it's a real hub,
flagship, international.
466
00:20:33,077 --> 00:20:37,512
Yeah. It's gonna be
international terminal 8!
467
00:20:38,981 --> 00:20:40,583
What?
468
00:20:40,584 --> 00:20:42,318
Here?
469
00:20:42,319 --> 00:20:44,554
We're working here?
470
00:20:44,555 --> 00:20:46,322
I've got to find out
who I brutally murdered
471
00:20:46,323 --> 00:20:49,158
in a previous life and
make it up to him or her.
472
00:20:49,159 --> 00:20:51,394
This sucks! The one place
473
00:20:51,395 --> 00:20:54,864
no one will ever give us a ride to work!
474
00:20:54,865 --> 00:20:59,268
(female announcer) Final boarding
for Air France, flight 113.
475
00:20:59,269 --> 00:21:01,370
Of course it is.
476
00:21:01,371 --> 00:21:04,540
Look at the bright side.
These days, most planes
477
00:21:04,541 --> 00:21:07,109
don't even make it to where
they're supposed to go.
478
00:21:07,110 --> 00:21:09,679
(announcer) Paging first-class
passengers Caroline Channing
479
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:11,847
and Max Black.
480
00:21:11,848 --> 00:21:14,515
Those rich bitches are so lucky!
481
00:21:22,349 --> 00:21:29,414
Subtitle sync and corrections
by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.