1
00:00:01,643 --> 00:00:04,613
I'll go check on your salads.

2
00:00:04,615 --> 00:00:07,833
Oleg, what's the hold up with the salads?

3
00:00:07,833 --> 00:00:11,403
I never made one before.

4
00:00:11,403 --> 00:00:14,528
My two favorite guys, Big Doug and Sancho,

5
00:00:14,528 --> 00:00:15,996
are ordering salads?

6
00:00:15,996 --> 00:00:17,864
What happened to their usual BLTs?

7
00:00:17,864 --> 00:00:20,567
Burgers, lasagna, and tacos?

8
00:00:20,568 --> 00:00:22,469
They said they want to lose weight.

9
00:00:22,469 --> 00:00:23,702
And no matter what you order,

10
00:00:23,704 --> 00:00:27,140
it's easier to throw up here than at home.

11
00:00:27,140 --> 00:00:29,576
I don't get why nobody
wants to be fat anymore.

12
00:00:29,577 --> 00:00:33,045
The fat seasons of Oprah
were always the best.

13
00:00:35,715 --> 00:00:36,915
You're right.

14
00:00:36,917 --> 00:00:40,284
Every other year of
Oprah was the best years.

15
00:00:42,488 --> 00:00:45,725
What is this I hear about you
blushing beauties on a diet?

16
00:00:45,725 --> 00:00:46,926
Oh, we're not blushing.

17
00:00:46,926 --> 00:00:51,831
We're just still flushed from sitting down.

18
00:00:51,832 --> 00:00:53,298
And we're trying to get in shape.

19
00:00:53,299 --> 00:00:55,401
Yeah, preferably a shape
that doesn't resemble

20
00:00:55,402 --> 00:00:58,404
a seasonal gourd.

21
00:00:58,405 --> 00:01:00,273
Plus my girlfriend wants me to slim down

22
00:01:00,274 --> 00:01:03,575
so we can sit on the same side
of the plane when we travel.

23
00:01:06,945 --> 00:01:08,914
Well, Big Doug,

24
00:01:08,915 --> 00:01:12,284
you tell that lucky lady
that I would rather date a man

25
00:01:12,286 --> 00:01:14,253
with boobs bigger than mine

26
00:01:14,254 --> 00:01:17,588
than a man who brings his own
salad dressing to a restaurant.

27
00:01:21,861 --> 00:01:23,563
Pie me.

28
00:01:23,563 --> 00:01:25,430
Cherry, pumpkin, or coconut cream?

29
00:01:25,432 --> 00:01:29,435
Yes.

30
00:01:29,436 --> 00:01:30,670
Max Black,

31
00:01:30,670 --> 00:01:35,007
bringing smiles to men's
faces since puberty.

32
00:01:38,611 --> 00:01:44,414
Subtitle sync and corrections
by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.

33
00:01:51,992 --> 00:01:53,561
I just talked to this guy at...

34
00:01:53,561 --> 00:01:56,963
I think it's table three, I
still don't know the numbers.

35
00:01:56,965 --> 00:01:58,799
Anyway, he asked, "What's new?"

36
00:01:58,799 --> 00:02:00,501
And I told him we were
opening a dessert bar

37
00:02:00,501 --> 00:02:02,069
at the airport tomorrow.

38
00:02:02,069 --> 00:02:04,138
Then I realized he was
asking what kind of pot

39
00:02:04,138 --> 00:02:07,575
I was selling this week.

40
00:02:07,575 --> 00:02:10,544
Why are you telling people
about us and the airport?

41
00:02:10,544 --> 00:02:14,580
It's like when you told
everyone you thought you had HPV.

42
00:02:15,483 --> 00:02:19,718
That was a state-mandated kind of thing.

43
00:02:20,554 --> 00:02:22,056
Oh, look who it is...

44
00:02:22,056 --> 00:02:23,324
the airport people.

45
00:02:23,324 --> 00:02:26,092
You guys putting together
a little happy hour?

46
00:02:26,093 --> 00:02:27,760
With the jocks at Southwest?

47
00:02:27,762 --> 00:02:31,764
Or the "in crowd" at the Virgin Terminal?

48
00:02:31,765 --> 00:02:36,704
You know who's going
to be a terminal virgin?

49
00:02:36,704 --> 00:02:38,604
You can make all the
death threats you want,

50
00:02:38,605 --> 00:02:40,406
but you know what will keep me alive?

51
00:02:40,408 --> 00:02:42,509
The fact that you two work at the airport.

52
00:02:45,979 --> 00:02:50,716
Hey, everybody!

53
00:02:50,718 --> 00:02:54,086
Here comes the almost bride.

54
00:02:54,087 --> 00:02:57,257
Did you ever see a prettier almost bride?

55
00:02:57,258 --> 00:03:01,395
I mean, you know, besides Jennifer Aniston.

56
00:03:01,395 --> 00:03:03,764
Sophie, it's only one
week till the wedding,

57
00:03:03,764 --> 00:03:08,168
so this is your last
chance to take a run at me.

58
00:03:08,169 --> 00:03:09,836
Now you won't be disappointed.

59
00:03:09,836 --> 00:03:12,973
I'm still very sexually active

60
00:03:12,973 --> 00:03:17,743
for the first five minutes.

61
00:03:17,745 --> 00:03:19,412
Oh, Earl.

62
00:03:19,413 --> 00:03:21,313
If I took a run at you,

63
00:03:21,314 --> 00:03:24,615
you'd go right through that
wall like Wile E. Coyote.

64
00:03:28,121 --> 00:03:29,421
Hey, bridesmaid.

65
00:03:29,423 --> 00:03:32,591
Hey, Sophie.

66
00:03:32,593 --> 00:03:33,893
Hey, Oleg.

67
00:03:33,894 --> 00:03:36,795
You got a message from
your brother in the Ukraine.

68
00:03:36,796 --> 00:03:38,531
Yoshinko called?

69
00:03:38,531 --> 00:03:41,900
Yeah, hear this message.

70
00:03:50,475 --> 00:03:51,978
What was the message?

71
00:03:51,978 --> 00:03:55,882
"Hey, Oleg, did you see last night's Alf?"

72
00:03:55,883 --> 00:03:59,218
Nah... I don't speak Ukrainian.

73
00:03:59,218 --> 00:04:03,923
I mean, what am I, a plumber in Queens?

74
00:04:03,924 --> 00:04:06,324
No, so I brought the whole thing in.

75
00:04:06,325 --> 00:04:07,592
Here he is.

76
00:04:07,593 --> 00:04:08,561
Oleg...

77
00:04:14,834 --> 00:04:16,636
Good-bye.

78
00:04:19,406 --> 00:04:21,473
What did he say?

79
00:04:21,475 --> 00:04:22,440
He's not coming.

80
00:04:22,442 --> 00:04:23,643
I understood a little

81
00:04:23,644 --> 00:04:25,244
'cause I had a Russian Au pair growing up.

82
00:04:25,245 --> 00:04:28,346
You know, until she bleached my good jeans.

83
00:04:28,348 --> 00:04:30,415
Yoshinko can't come to the wedding.

84
00:04:30,417 --> 00:04:32,418
He's on a no-fly list, a no-drive list,

85
00:04:32,418 --> 00:04:35,954
and a no-walk list.

86
00:04:35,956 --> 00:04:37,856
He's in jail.

87
00:04:37,858 --> 00:04:40,259
Oh, but he was gonna be your best man.

88
00:04:40,259 --> 00:04:43,928
I got a ham engraved for him.

89
00:04:43,930 --> 00:04:45,798
Don't worry, baby, I'll find someone.

90
00:04:45,798 --> 00:04:47,098
It could be anyone.

91
00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:49,502
He doesn't even have to
be the best or even good.

92
00:04:49,502 --> 00:04:51,336
I'll have to lower my standards.

93
00:04:54,572 --> 00:04:55,774
Han,

94
00:04:55,774 --> 00:04:57,810
will you be my best man?

95
00:04:57,810 --> 00:05:01,178
You said lower, not sub-basement.

96
00:05:04,016 --> 00:05:07,552
Well, Oleg, I'll need to think about it.

97
00:05:07,553 --> 00:05:09,288
Yes.

98
00:05:09,288 --> 00:05:10,956
Great. So Han,

99
00:05:10,956 --> 00:05:13,358
you're in charge of the
bachelor party tomorrow.

100
00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:16,327
I want a night that will
disgrace all involved.

101
00:05:16,329 --> 00:05:18,362
A night where no one can
look each other in the eye

102
00:05:18,363 --> 00:05:21,867
at brunch the next day.

103
00:05:21,867 --> 00:05:22,968
Wow, Han.

104
00:05:22,968 --> 00:05:25,103
Bachelor party's a big responsibility.

105
00:05:25,103 --> 00:05:27,906
Do you know any grown-ups
who can buy you beer?

106
00:05:32,778 --> 00:05:34,245
Max, hurry.

107
00:05:34,247 --> 00:05:37,115
The grand opening of
this pink airport dungeon

108
00:05:37,115 --> 00:05:39,317
is in a few minutes.

109
00:05:39,319 --> 00:05:41,386
That TSA line took forever.

110
00:05:41,387 --> 00:05:42,954
The woman with all those nickels?

111
00:05:42,954 --> 00:05:47,526
I haven't seen that much change
on a lady since Chaz Bono.

112
00:05:47,526 --> 00:05:48,560
Don't worry,

113
00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,595
I'm making friends in the TSA.

114
00:05:50,596 --> 00:05:53,932
Judy, big gal, little beard?

115
00:05:53,932 --> 00:05:56,033
Having lunch with her at the Wok N' Roll

116
00:05:56,034 --> 00:05:57,935
near Malaysia Airlines.

117
00:05:57,937 --> 00:06:02,706
It's pretty quiet over there these days.

118
00:06:02,708 --> 00:06:04,475
Hey, ladies.

119
00:06:04,476 --> 00:06:06,144
Opening day, I'm so excited

120
00:06:06,144 --> 00:06:10,814
my nipples have been shooting
daggers since I woke up.

121
00:06:10,815 --> 00:06:12,649
Seriously, I haven't been this excited

122
00:06:12,651 --> 00:06:18,021
since my parents sent
me to military school.

123
00:06:18,023 --> 00:06:20,959
God, does everything have
to be fun when you're gay?

124
00:06:20,959 --> 00:06:24,394
If it isn't, you're not doing it right.

125
00:06:24,396 --> 00:06:26,663
I'm just happy I get to be out front here.

126
00:06:26,665 --> 00:06:30,701
Finally, I won't be stuffed in the back.

127
00:06:30,702 --> 00:06:32,903
I mean unless I run
into a Republican senator

128
00:06:32,904 --> 00:06:36,740
in the men's room.

129
00:06:36,742 --> 00:06:39,377
Come on, let's open up.

130
00:06:39,377 --> 00:06:42,747
But DAT key though?

131
00:06:42,747 --> 00:06:44,781
I love this job.

132
00:06:44,783 --> 00:06:47,218
Wait, should someone make a speech?

133
00:06:47,218 --> 00:06:48,519
A speech?

134
00:06:48,519 --> 00:06:50,654
If you want to hear my
thoughts on opening this place,

135
00:06:50,656 --> 00:06:53,490
I'll just CC you on my suicide note.

136
00:06:53,492 --> 00:06:56,994
Fine, I'll make a speech.

137
00:06:56,995 --> 00:06:59,663
To all the school janitors
who told me I'd never have

138
00:06:59,665 --> 00:07:03,199
my own giant set of keys,

139
00:07:03,201 --> 00:07:06,069
too big for any pocket,

140
00:07:06,071 --> 00:07:09,939
and that I wasn't a good kisser?

141
00:07:09,940 --> 00:07:13,242
They can all suck it.

142
00:07:16,146 --> 00:07:20,317
Yes! Rise, gate, rise!

143
00:07:20,317 --> 00:07:21,985
Ooh, you go, gate.

144
00:07:23,254 --> 00:07:26,956
Yes, I'm drunk with power.

145
00:07:26,957 --> 00:07:29,959
Also, a little drunk.

146
00:07:29,961 --> 00:07:35,399
All right. Here they come.

147
00:07:35,399 --> 00:07:37,201
Yep.

148
00:07:37,201 --> 00:07:39,435
Any minute.

149
00:07:39,437 --> 00:07:40,571
Just our luck.

150
00:07:40,572 --> 00:07:44,841
The one day the airport isn't crowded.

151
00:07:44,843 --> 00:07:46,909
Well, I guess I have time
to go check my make-up

152
00:07:46,911 --> 00:07:49,346
in the men's room.

153
00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:53,483
It's Han.

154
00:07:53,485 --> 00:07:56,519
He wants us to come to
Oleg's bachelor party tonight.

155
00:07:56,521 --> 00:07:57,920
I've gotten a call like this before,

156
00:07:57,922 --> 00:07:59,689
but usually it's through
a service that involves

157
00:07:59,691 --> 00:08:05,028
making some tassels spin
in opposite directions.

158
00:08:05,028 --> 00:08:06,362
No way.

159
00:08:06,363 --> 00:08:09,266
You know I was planning on
going home and crying tonight.

160
00:08:09,266 --> 00:08:10,800
Han is planning a party.

161
00:08:10,802 --> 00:08:13,870
You will cry there for sure.

162
00:08:13,870 --> 00:08:16,072
That's true. I really can cry anywhere now.

163
00:08:16,074 --> 00:08:19,776
I guess I've got that at least.

164
00:08:19,776 --> 00:08:23,747
I can't believe I work at the airport, Max.

165
00:08:23,747 --> 00:08:27,048
Hey, would you feel better
if you held my giant keys?

166
00:08:30,586 --> 00:08:34,456
Hello?

167
00:08:34,457 --> 00:08:36,493
Hello.

168
00:08:36,494 --> 00:08:38,794
Welcome, you're our first customer.

169
00:08:38,796 --> 00:08:41,030
Do I get a prize?

170
00:08:41,032 --> 00:08:42,697
Is it you?

171
00:08:45,368 --> 00:08:48,570
I'm on board now. I love this job.

172
00:08:56,977 --> 00:08:58,312
Welcome, everyone.

173
00:08:58,313 --> 00:09:00,782
I'm your M.C., Han Lee,

174
00:09:00,783 --> 00:09:02,917
gonna get the crazy party started here

175
00:09:02,918 --> 00:09:05,854
with some dirty, racy jokes.

176
00:09:05,855 --> 00:09:08,322
This is the deadest
place I've ever been to,

177
00:09:08,323 --> 00:09:12,726
and I once woke up in Heaven.

178
00:09:12,727 --> 00:09:14,928
Okay, here we go.

179
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:19,067
What do a Rubik's Cube
and a penis have in common?

180
00:09:19,067 --> 00:09:22,369
The more you play with
it, the harder it gets.

181
00:09:25,306 --> 00:09:29,443
A Rubik's Cube was a popular '80s toy.

182
00:09:29,445 --> 00:09:31,980
You suck! Next act.

183
00:09:34,817 --> 00:09:39,187
What do a walrus and a
Tupperware have in common?

184
00:09:39,187 --> 00:09:40,455
Hold on a minute.

185
00:09:40,456 --> 00:09:44,959
Something about a seal being tight...

186
00:09:46,227 --> 00:09:47,828
Oh!

187
00:09:47,830 --> 00:09:50,565
I just got a text from Josh, the pilot.

188
00:09:50,566 --> 00:09:52,265
He says, "What's up, you?"

189
00:09:52,267 --> 00:09:54,434
Isn't that cute?

190
00:09:54,436 --> 00:09:59,105
Cute that he forgot your name?

191
00:09:59,106 --> 00:10:02,710
It's really been a long
time for you, hasn't it?

192
00:10:02,711 --> 00:10:08,215
I took off my underwear last
week and a coyote howled.

193
00:10:08,216 --> 00:10:09,250
Tough crowd.

194
00:10:09,250 --> 00:10:12,720
I'm talking about you, Max.

195
00:10:12,721 --> 00:10:14,288
Oh come on, Han. Loosen up.

196
00:10:14,288 --> 00:10:15,355
Have a drink.

197
00:10:15,356 --> 00:10:21,028
A martini, an appletini, anything teeny.

198
00:10:21,028 --> 00:10:22,696
Nah, just do a vodka shot.

199
00:10:22,697 --> 00:10:25,499
If nothing else, the glass will
look normal-sized in your hand

200
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:26,634
and I'll have a laugh.

201
00:10:28,769 --> 00:10:31,404
Can't hurt.

202
00:10:31,405 --> 00:10:34,408
But it did.

203
00:10:34,408 --> 00:10:36,143
Thanks for the party, Han.

204
00:10:36,144 --> 00:10:39,312
What time is it starting?

205
00:10:39,313 --> 00:10:40,813
I've never been a best man.

206
00:10:40,815 --> 00:10:43,517
It's a lot of pressure.

207
00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:45,284
Yeah, being a man would be hard for you.

208
00:10:45,286 --> 00:10:48,254
You've never been one before.

209
00:10:48,255 --> 00:10:51,657
Let alone the best one.

210
00:10:55,294 --> 00:11:01,100
What's in that, ground glass?

211
00:11:01,101 --> 00:11:04,136
Ugh, this party is worse
than the communist party.

212
00:11:04,138 --> 00:11:08,841
And they killed half my family.

213
00:11:08,842 --> 00:11:11,410
Oleg, don't worry, I'll
get this party started.

214
00:11:11,412 --> 00:11:14,014
I'm making a call to some
girls I went to school with.

215
00:11:14,014 --> 00:11:17,083
The Slut Academy on Seventh.

216
00:11:17,085 --> 00:11:20,754
Commonly known as NYU.

217
00:11:20,754 --> 00:11:22,655
I'm more concerned about my cousin.

218
00:11:22,657 --> 00:11:24,725
He has something I need.

219
00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:28,495
Soap? Deodorant? The
toughest actin' Tinactin?

220
00:11:28,495 --> 00:11:31,063
Oh, there he is!

221
00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:32,899
Hey, hey.

222
00:11:32,899 --> 00:11:35,368
Mwah, mwah.

223
00:11:35,369 --> 00:11:38,638
Well, he didn't bring the deodorant.

224
00:11:38,639 --> 00:11:41,006
Yuri, you made it.

225
00:11:41,008 --> 00:11:43,275
Are you the stripper?

226
00:11:43,277 --> 00:11:46,613
Probably in a few years.

227
00:11:46,614 --> 00:11:47,913
Did you bring the papers?

228
00:11:47,914 --> 00:11:49,849
The papers I need to get married?

229
00:11:49,850 --> 00:11:52,118
And those little Ukrainian candies I love?

230
00:11:52,119 --> 00:11:53,253
Bad news.

231
00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:55,587
The guy who made the
fake papers got deported.

232
00:11:55,588 --> 00:11:56,956
They took the papers.

233
00:11:56,956 --> 00:11:59,259
I ate the candy.

234
00:11:59,259 --> 00:12:00,192
What'd I miss?

235
00:12:00,193 --> 00:12:03,462
Besides my chance to become something?

236
00:12:03,464 --> 00:12:05,664
Are you the stripper?

237
00:12:05,666 --> 00:12:08,134
Nyet.

238
00:12:08,134 --> 00:12:12,971
A compliment and an
insult in just one word.

239
00:12:12,972 --> 00:12:14,506
Oh, no.

240
00:12:14,508 --> 00:12:17,409
Oh no, no, no, no, no.

241
00:12:17,411 --> 00:12:20,278
Did I mention "no"?

242
00:12:20,279 --> 00:12:21,647
How can you say the word "no"

243
00:12:21,648 --> 00:12:25,350
but not understand it when women say it?

244
00:12:25,351 --> 00:12:26,852
This is a disaster.

245
00:12:26,854 --> 00:12:30,255
And not the kind where I can loot.

246
00:12:30,256 --> 00:12:33,491
I needed those fake papers
to renew my fake green card.

247
00:12:33,493 --> 00:12:35,427
Mine expires next month.

248
00:12:35,428 --> 00:12:37,797
Since when do you care
about expiration dates?

249
00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:41,767
You cook with eggs so old they fight back.

250
00:12:41,768 --> 00:12:44,003
Sophie will never believe
that I'm not marrying her

251
00:12:44,004 --> 00:12:45,638
just for a green card.

252
00:12:45,639 --> 00:12:47,105
She has major trust issues

253
00:12:47,106 --> 00:12:50,241
since one day, her father
went out for pierogies and...

254
00:12:50,243 --> 00:12:54,278
came back without pierogies.

255
00:13:04,913 --> 00:13:06,746
I'm really enjoying the dance stylings

256
00:13:06,748 --> 00:13:10,451
of Camel and Toe up there.

257
00:13:10,451 --> 00:13:13,086
Everyone is having fun except Oleg.

258
00:13:13,087 --> 00:13:15,155
I haven't seen him so
much as put the "V" fingers

259
00:13:15,157 --> 00:13:18,926
in front of his mouth
at any of these ladies.

260
00:13:18,927 --> 00:13:20,227
Ooh!

261
00:13:20,229 --> 00:13:24,963
Wouldn't mind some over
the sweater action with her.

262
00:13:25,832 --> 00:13:29,269
Hers or yours?

263
00:13:31,838 --> 00:13:35,609
Max, I just did something I've never done.

264
00:13:35,610 --> 00:13:39,513
Told a story about someone else?

265
00:13:39,514 --> 00:13:42,216
No, I sent the pilot a boob pic.

266
00:13:43,784 --> 00:13:46,854
Girl, you nasty.

267
00:13:46,855 --> 00:13:49,956
I know. I am nasty!

268
00:13:49,957 --> 00:13:53,760
I just looked into the camera
with my boobs out and hit send.

269
00:13:53,761 --> 00:13:55,428
Ah-ha, that's awesome.

270
00:13:55,429 --> 00:13:57,965
Uh, circling back now,

271
00:13:57,966 --> 00:14:00,400
did you say you looked into the camera?

272
00:14:00,402 --> 00:14:02,802
You didn't put your face in it, did you?

273
00:14:02,803 --> 00:14:04,238
Girl!

274
00:14:04,239 --> 00:14:07,206
You stupid.

275
00:14:07,207 --> 00:14:09,342
How else would he know it was me?

276
00:14:09,344 --> 00:14:11,577
You never put your face in it.

277
00:14:11,578 --> 00:14:15,081
Didn't I raise you better than this?

278
00:14:15,082 --> 00:14:20,086
Well, at least you weren't smiling in it.

279
00:14:20,087 --> 00:14:21,955
All right, what kind of smile?

280
00:14:21,956 --> 00:14:23,356
A flirty smirk could work.

281
00:14:23,357 --> 00:14:26,192
A come-hither grin would be great.

282
00:14:26,193 --> 00:14:29,461
More like...

283
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:38,038
So you were in this... pose

284
00:14:38,038 --> 00:14:41,875
with your yabbos out?

285
00:14:41,875 --> 00:14:47,213
So you basically did a nude yogurt ad.

286
00:14:47,215 --> 00:14:50,615
Yeah, but like yogurt you
want to have sex with, right?

287
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,422
Oh, my God.

288
00:14:55,423 --> 00:14:57,289
Sophie will be here any minute.

289
00:14:57,290 --> 00:14:59,359
When I called, she was washing her hair.

290
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:03,395
She was going to put it
back on her head and come.

291
00:15:03,397 --> 00:15:05,230
Just be honest with her.

292
00:15:05,231 --> 00:15:07,066
Sometimes the truth is ugly.

293
00:15:07,067 --> 00:15:10,202
But she knows that. She's seen you naked.

294
00:15:10,203 --> 00:15:13,672
Well, still no text back so
apparently not as ugly as this.

295
00:15:16,241 --> 00:15:17,376
What's that about?

296
00:15:17,378 --> 00:15:22,048
Are you selling real estate now?

297
00:15:25,019 --> 00:15:29,688
Oh, wow.

298
00:15:29,690 --> 00:15:32,557
I mean, this party
couldn't get any sleazier

299
00:15:32,558 --> 00:15:36,294
unless you invited Robin Thicke.

300
00:15:36,296 --> 00:15:38,297
I'm looking up at skanky whore city,

301
00:15:38,298 --> 00:15:41,466
but I trust you, Oleg.

302
00:15:41,467 --> 00:15:42,735
You do?

303
00:15:42,735 --> 00:15:44,570
Yeah, why wouldn't I?

304
00:15:44,571 --> 00:15:47,038
Aside from my complicated past

305
00:15:47,039 --> 00:15:51,043
full of men that have lied to me.

306
00:15:51,043 --> 00:15:54,080
But you and I don't have secrets
from each other, right, Oleg?

307
00:15:54,081 --> 00:15:55,480
Yeah, well, you see...

308
00:15:55,481 --> 00:15:59,351
It is time for the
traditional best man speech.

309
00:15:59,352 --> 00:16:03,221
So listen up, bitches.

310
00:16:06,926 --> 00:16:12,498
Ow, damn it.

311
00:16:12,499 --> 00:16:15,868
I am bleeding.

312
00:16:15,869 --> 00:16:18,604
Repeat, I am bleeding.

313
00:16:18,605 --> 00:16:19,938
I can't believe this.

314
00:16:19,940 --> 00:16:21,807
There's an app that burps
when you shake your phone,

315
00:16:21,807 --> 00:16:25,878
but no app that unsends a boob pic?

316
00:16:27,246 --> 00:16:29,447
Sophie. Oleg.

317
00:16:29,448 --> 00:16:32,717
What's there to say about these two kids?

318
00:16:32,719 --> 00:16:35,220
Oleg is a bad cook.

319
00:16:35,221 --> 00:16:37,855
Sophie, quite loud.

320
00:16:37,856 --> 00:16:41,592
But somehow, when they get together, magic.

321
00:16:41,594 --> 00:16:44,797
You suck, next act!

322
00:16:44,798 --> 00:16:48,767
Says the lady that works at the airport.

323
00:16:48,768 --> 00:16:52,037
And, Oleg, I'm so glad
Sophie is marrying you

324
00:16:52,038 --> 00:16:54,706
so now you can stay in the country.

325
00:16:54,706 --> 00:16:56,375
Oh, no. Uh...

326
00:16:56,375 --> 00:16:59,977
You suck. Next act?

327
00:16:59,979 --> 00:17:02,748
Yeah, I hear ya girl.

328
00:17:02,749 --> 00:17:06,151
I mean that last joke didn't
even have a punch line.

329
00:17:06,152 --> 00:17:10,855
Yeah, I mean, it was sort of sad.

330
00:17:10,856 --> 00:17:12,289
It was no joke.

331
00:17:12,290 --> 00:17:13,657
This is serious.

332
00:17:13,659 --> 00:17:14,625
It's really serious.

333
00:17:14,626 --> 00:17:16,294
That boob pic is up in the Cloud now.

334
00:17:16,295 --> 00:17:20,263
My boob is in the Cloud, y'all.

335
00:17:22,032 --> 00:17:26,371
Sophie, I didn't know how to tell you.

336
00:17:26,372 --> 00:17:30,842
You wanted to marry me for a green card?

337
00:17:30,843 --> 00:17:34,346
See, I thought you were
marrying me for my bod.

338
00:17:34,346 --> 00:17:39,718
Or for my connections at
The Container Store, or...

339
00:17:39,719 --> 00:17:45,089
I mean, I taught you how to read!

340
00:17:45,090 --> 00:17:46,090
Sophie, I can explain.

341
00:17:46,092 --> 00:17:48,926
No, no, no. The wedding's off.

342
00:17:48,927 --> 00:17:50,361
Oh, no.

343
00:17:50,362 --> 00:17:53,131
What the hell am I going
to do with all those pigeons

344
00:17:53,132 --> 00:17:56,601
that I had painted wedding white?

345
00:17:56,602 --> 00:17:57,902
Sophie, wait.

346
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:13,651
Aww, well, look who it is.

347
00:18:13,652 --> 00:18:17,654
My dearly deported.

348
00:18:17,655 --> 00:18:21,759
I worked on that the whole way over.

349
00:18:21,759 --> 00:18:24,461
Sophie, I'm not gonna be deported.

350
00:18:24,462 --> 00:18:27,030
I'm gonna marry someone so
I can stay in this country

351
00:18:27,031 --> 00:18:28,833
and win you back.

352
00:18:28,834 --> 00:18:32,501
I don't care who my new bride is.

353
00:18:35,239 --> 00:18:38,142
Just upfront, it can't be me.

354
00:18:38,143 --> 00:18:41,978
'Cause everybody knows
I'm married to my work.

355
00:18:44,714 --> 00:18:46,750
And it can't be me.

356
00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:49,319
It just can't.

357
00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:52,123
They don't even have to
be the best or even good.

358
00:18:52,124 --> 00:18:55,959
Standards are out the window.

359
00:18:58,628 --> 00:19:01,963
Look, it's a California Raisin.

360
00:19:05,001 --> 00:19:07,538
Ooh. Sunglasses and Advil.

361
00:19:07,538 --> 00:19:10,773
Last night was mad real.

362
00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:11,976
Han,

363
00:19:11,977 --> 00:19:15,746
will you marry me so I
can stay in the country?

364
00:19:15,747 --> 00:19:17,413
I'll need to think about it.

365
00:19:17,414 --> 00:19:20,517
Yes.

366
00:19:20,518 --> 00:19:24,654
Apparently the only thing he
won't say yes to is health care.

367
00:19:24,655 --> 00:19:27,990
Oleg, I don't believe you.

368
00:19:27,991 --> 00:19:30,227
This is just another trick to get me to do

369
00:19:30,228 --> 00:19:32,195
what you want me to do.

370
00:19:32,197 --> 00:19:37,867
Like when you kept "dropping"
your ice cream into your lap.

371
00:19:37,868 --> 00:19:39,236
No trick.

372
00:19:39,237 --> 00:19:43,140
Sometimes love makes you
do crazy, disgusting things.

373
00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:44,106
Like this.

374
00:19:44,107 --> 00:19:47,442
Come here, Han.

375
00:19:52,148 --> 00:19:56,920
And now I love this job, too!

376
00:19:56,921 --> 00:20:01,791
Thank God he picked Han.

377
00:20:01,792 --> 00:20:04,928
Wow, Sophie. Oleg must really love you.

378
00:20:04,929 --> 00:20:07,130
That had to be hard for him.

379
00:20:07,131 --> 00:20:10,465
And from what I can see,
a little hard for Han, too.

380
00:20:14,804 --> 00:20:19,174
At our wedding, maybe
two pumps of breath spray.

381
00:20:19,175 --> 00:20:23,480
Han, you're not marrying Oleg.

382
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:28,651
'Cause Oleg's marrying me.

383
00:20:28,652 --> 00:20:31,421
I believe you now.

384
00:20:31,422 --> 00:20:33,355
'Cause you kissed Han,

385
00:20:33,356 --> 00:20:37,425
and Asian girls aren't even your thing.

386
00:20:44,099 --> 00:20:47,103
Oh my God, Max, it's my boob pic.

387
00:20:47,104 --> 00:20:51,140
Someone made it into a meme.

388
00:20:51,141 --> 00:20:54,410
A mammo meme?

389
00:20:54,411 --> 00:20:57,913
You're not supposed to
need those 'til you're 40.

390
00:20:57,914 --> 00:21:01,317
My boob pic is gonna be hanging
over me for the rest of my life.

391
00:21:01,317 --> 00:21:02,484
Oh, come on,

392
00:21:02,486 --> 00:21:05,720
your boob couldn't hang over a pencil.

393
00:21:10,611 --> 00:21:16,729
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