1
00:00:04,059 --> 00:00:05,981
Max, the guy is coming right now.

2
00:00:05,982 --> 00:00:09,181
That's the first time anyone's ever been
polite enough to announce that to me.

3
00:00:10,308 --> 00:00:12,090
Yeah, hilarious, sex is messy.

4
00:00:12,091 --> 00:00:13,067
Now hurry!

5
00:00:13,068 --> 00:00:15,559
Let's get these cupcakes to the
window before that guy gets here,

6
00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:18,449
and when he does, Max,
don't turn around.

7
00:00:18,521 --> 00:00:19,172
Why?

8
00:00:19,173 --> 00:00:20,888
You know why.

9
00:00:22,192 --> 00:00:22,892
_

10
00:00:25,094 --> 00:00:32,653
Subtitle sync and corrections
by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.

11
00:00:35,371 --> 00:00:37,280
And here we are on the much traveled

12
00:00:37,281 --> 00:00:39,548
Bedford Street right in the very heart

13
00:00:39,549 --> 00:00:41,751
of historic Williamsburg.

14
00:00:41,752 --> 00:00:43,919
This guy is so boring.

15
00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:47,690
He's like a roofy with a little flag.

16
00:00:47,691 --> 00:00:50,993
During the 1830s, German
and Austrian capitalists

17
00:00:50,994 --> 00:00:52,828
established their businesses

18
00:00:52,829 --> 00:00:55,698
here in historic Williamsburg Brooklyn.

19
00:00:55,699 --> 00:00:57,800
And, in honor of those
German and Austrian

20
00:00:57,801 --> 00:01:00,502
founding fathers, here we have our

21
00:01:00,503 --> 00:01:03,272
Williamsburg beer-batter cupcake.

22
00:01:03,273 --> 00:01:08,077
Oof-yah, beer batter! It's good!

23
00:01:08,078 --> 00:01:10,312
Wow, you're pushing harder than I was

24
00:01:10,313 --> 00:01:13,614
after I ate that whole brick of cheese.

25
00:01:15,250 --> 00:01:18,053
Soon, docks, shipyards,
refineries, mills,

26
00:01:18,054 --> 00:01:20,355
and other booming businesses opened

27
00:01:20,356 --> 00:01:21,890
along the growing waterfront.

28
00:01:21,891 --> 00:01:24,726
Businesses just like
Max's Homemade Cupcakes.

29
00:01:24,727 --> 00:01:26,728
See, made in Williamsburg.

30
00:01:26,729 --> 00:01:29,031
Only 12.95, 100% cotton.

31
00:01:29,032 --> 00:01:35,270
And I'm guessing cotton oof-ya, ees good!

32
00:01:35,271 --> 00:01:40,075
Actually, I was referencing
booming Williamsburg businesses.

33
00:01:40,076 --> 00:01:42,778
This is one of those small
Williamsburg businesses

34
00:01:42,779 --> 00:01:45,046
that won't be here much longer.

35
00:01:45,047 --> 00:01:47,682
Follow me.

36
00:01:47,683 --> 00:01:52,020
Oh, sir, no, a free dessert
comes with your end-of-tour meal

37
00:01:52,021 --> 00:01:55,423
at the Ye Olde Williamsburg
Watering Hole Restaurant.

38
00:01:55,424 --> 00:01:57,858
Don't waste your Euros.

39
00:02:00,729 --> 00:02:03,965
How dare he tell those people
our business won't be here.

40
00:02:03,966 --> 00:02:05,734
I haven't been this speechless
since the first time

41
00:02:05,735 --> 00:02:07,936
I saw your toe nails.

42
00:02:07,937 --> 00:02:10,238
Who cares what he thinks?

43
00:02:10,239 --> 00:02:12,006
We had such a good
month, I had enough cash

44
00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:14,809
to buy my own box of S'mores Pop-Tarts,

45
00:02:14,810 --> 00:02:17,679
a goal I've had since I was 11.

46
00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:20,215
My other goal was making it to 12.

47
00:02:20,216 --> 00:02:21,416
By the way, you heard I referenced

48
00:02:21,417 --> 00:02:24,552
the Pop-Tarts as "my own box," right?

49
00:02:24,553 --> 00:02:26,721
Max, I'm not interested in your box.

50
00:02:26,722 --> 00:02:30,878
Well, not for another ten
years when we're still single.

51
00:02:40,139 --> 00:02:42,023
I can't believe that tour guide

52
00:02:42,024 --> 00:02:43,625
is telling people that
our cupcake business

53
00:02:43,626 --> 00:02:45,059
is gonna fail.

54
00:02:45,060 --> 00:02:46,908
I mean, it's one thing for you, me,

55
00:02:46,909 --> 00:02:49,976
and Time Out New York to say it, but...

56
00:02:49,977 --> 00:02:52,212
I just hate that tour guy.

57
00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:55,482
I hate that tour guy too!

58
00:02:55,483 --> 00:02:57,050
Han, oh, my God!

59
00:02:57,051 --> 00:02:59,185
It took us five years, but
we finally have something

60
00:02:59,186 --> 00:03:01,287
in common.

61
00:03:01,288 --> 00:03:05,792
That's not true.
Aren't you both an A-cup?

62
00:03:05,793 --> 00:03:07,460
Can you believe he's
telling his entire tour

63
00:03:07,461 --> 00:03:09,429
that our cupcake business is gonna fail?

64
00:03:09,430 --> 00:03:11,364
Just to play devil's
advocate, maybe he has

65
00:03:11,365 --> 00:03:14,733
the most basic understanding
of supply and demand.

66
00:03:18,538 --> 00:03:20,373
Han, don't blow this, it
might be our only connection

67
00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:21,808
ever.

68
00:03:21,809 --> 00:03:24,644
Who the hell does that
dickweed think he is?

69
00:03:24,645 --> 00:03:26,045
Exactly.

70
00:03:26,046 --> 00:03:27,413
And I hate him because
that tour never eats

71
00:03:27,414 --> 00:03:28,748
in here.

72
00:03:28,749 --> 00:03:30,316
He just keeps pushing his stupid

73
00:03:30,317 --> 00:03:32,418
Ye Olde Williamsburg Watering Hole.

74
00:03:32,419 --> 00:03:35,455
I don't want to hear anymore
about that guy's hole!

75
00:03:35,456 --> 00:03:38,657
Until ten years from now
when you're still single.

76
00:03:39,692 --> 00:03:41,993
Hey, everybody!

77
00:03:45,898 --> 00:03:47,533
Well, it happened.

78
00:03:47,534 --> 00:03:51,170
Ryan Seacrest came out?

79
00:03:51,171 --> 00:03:54,540
Oh, Max, don't be silly.

80
00:03:54,541 --> 00:03:56,309
No, I'm pretty sure that happened

81
00:03:56,310 --> 00:03:58,744
a couple of years ago.

82
00:03:58,745 --> 00:04:01,547
My biggest dream has come true.

83
00:04:01,548 --> 00:04:02,948
Kentucky Fried Chicken now comes

84
00:04:02,949 --> 00:04:05,017
with free hair extensions?

85
00:04:05,018 --> 00:04:09,722
Okay, my second biggest dream.

86
00:04:09,723 --> 00:04:11,824
I'm pregnant.

87
00:04:11,825 --> 00:04:13,426
Oh, no everyone just thinks that

88
00:04:13,427 --> 00:04:16,462
after they'd had the
chicken Parmesan here.

89
00:04:16,463 --> 00:04:19,231
It's not official. I haven't
peed on a stick yet,

90
00:04:19,232 --> 00:04:22,367
but my boobs are really, really sore.

91
00:04:23,402 --> 00:04:26,171
That could be my handy-work, baby.

92
00:04:26,172 --> 00:04:29,441
Well, we're about to find out in a minute

93
00:04:29,442 --> 00:04:33,445
'cause I'm about to go
pee like a race whore.

94
00:04:33,446 --> 00:04:36,014
Sophie, the phrase is "race horse."

95
00:04:36,015 --> 00:04:39,785
Uh, not in Poland.

96
00:04:39,786 --> 00:04:41,920
See, I got a whole bunch of these things

97
00:04:41,921 --> 00:04:45,324
'cause, uh, my aim isn't very good.

98
00:04:45,325 --> 00:04:47,793
Yeah, I have what the doctors call

99
00:04:47,794 --> 00:04:52,264
"a forked stream."

100
00:04:52,265 --> 00:04:55,467
Well, whichever of those
you don't use, I'll take.

101
00:04:55,468 --> 00:04:56,935
It'll be nice not to throw myself

102
00:04:56,936 --> 00:04:58,971
down a flight of stairs
every time I have a hunch.

103
00:04:58,972 --> 00:05:00,906
Oh, all right, well.

104
00:05:00,907 --> 00:05:02,207
Wish me luck, girls.

105
00:05:02,208 --> 00:05:04,476
Oh, wait up, Sophie!

106
00:05:04,477 --> 00:05:07,746
I'll hold the stick under
you while you urinate.

107
00:05:07,747 --> 00:05:13,017
Oleg, you're gonna make a great father.

108
00:05:17,856 --> 00:05:21,560
Is it even possible for
Sophie to have a baby?

109
00:05:21,561 --> 00:05:23,428
I mean, didn't that window
close around the same time

110
00:05:23,429 --> 00:05:26,063
Blockbuster Video did?

111
00:05:27,332 --> 00:05:30,335
Well, we don't know how old she is.

112
00:05:30,336 --> 00:05:32,837
Sophie's ageless, like a unicorn

113
00:05:32,838 --> 00:05:35,773
or... Anderson Cooper.

114
00:05:37,042 --> 00:05:38,676
Caroline, I found a city website

115
00:05:38,677 --> 00:05:40,979
where we can complain
about that tour guide.

116
00:05:40,980 --> 00:05:42,380
Why, what'd he do to you?

117
00:05:42,381 --> 00:05:44,115
Confuse you with a historic Williamsburg

118
00:05:44,116 --> 00:05:46,184
fire hydrant?

119
00:05:46,185 --> 00:05:49,087
Up top!

120
00:05:49,088 --> 00:05:50,622
Um, things have changed.

121
00:05:50,623 --> 00:05:52,090
I'm kind of all about the
Han and me connection

122
00:05:52,091 --> 00:05:54,259
right now.

123
00:05:54,260 --> 00:05:57,228
Sorry, Max, you're out.

124
00:05:57,229 --> 00:05:59,030
Han, complaining online doesn't work.

125
00:05:59,031 --> 00:06:00,398
True, if it did, they would have replaced

126
00:06:00,399 --> 00:06:02,700
my faulty Legos by now.

127
00:06:02,701 --> 00:06:05,470
I say we gotta find him and
knock some sense into him.

128
00:06:05,471 --> 00:06:07,138
I'm in.

129
00:06:07,139 --> 00:06:11,208
That's the first time Han has
ever said that to a woman.

130
00:06:12,677 --> 00:06:15,078
All right, can I just come?

131
00:06:22,787 --> 00:06:25,056
That tour guide keeps going on and on

132
00:06:25,057 --> 00:06:27,792
into his mic in front of
that bunch of Euro trash.

133
00:06:27,793 --> 00:06:30,328
It's like Madonna on tour.

134
00:06:30,329 --> 00:06:32,863
Forget this Ye Olde Williamsburg place.

135
00:06:32,864 --> 00:06:35,399
Those people should be
having desserts at my diner!

136
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:37,802
Yeah, if they wanted Ye Olde Desserts,

137
00:06:37,803 --> 00:06:39,670
they should have come to us.

138
00:06:39,671 --> 00:06:42,173
We've got lady fingers so
old, they have arthritis.

139
00:06:42,174 --> 00:06:44,508
Ooh, okay, here he comes. Get ready!

140
00:06:44,509 --> 00:06:47,178
Oh, who am I kidding? I can't do this!

141
00:06:47,179 --> 00:06:50,014
I'm not a violent person,
and full disclosure,

142
00:06:50,015 --> 00:06:52,149
this is a Nerf bat.

143
00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:53,918
Sorry, Caroline, I hope
this doesn't affect

144
00:06:53,919 --> 00:06:55,753
our budding friendship/ you never know,

145
00:06:55,754 --> 00:06:58,522
possible romance.

146
00:06:58,523 --> 00:07:00,457
Never gonna happen.

147
00:07:00,458 --> 00:07:02,593
Okay, Han's dead to me.
It's back to me and you.

148
00:07:02,594 --> 00:07:04,561
Thank God. Those couple
of hours were hell.

149
00:07:04,562 --> 00:07:06,897
For me too.

150
00:07:06,898 --> 00:07:08,699
Hi, we need to talk to you.

151
00:07:08,700 --> 00:07:10,868
I'm Caroline from Max's
Homemade Cupcakes.

152
00:07:10,869 --> 00:07:13,036
Oh, yeah, right.

153
00:07:13,037 --> 00:07:14,938
I didn't recognize you without...

154
00:07:14,939 --> 00:07:18,742
the worst German accent I ever heard.

155
00:07:18,743 --> 00:07:20,177
And you are?

156
00:07:20,178 --> 00:07:21,578
Dannon.

157
00:07:21,579 --> 00:07:23,914
Like the yogurt?

158
00:07:23,915 --> 00:07:25,415
It's a family name.

159
00:07:25,416 --> 00:07:27,684
Listen, Yoplait.

160
00:07:27,685 --> 00:07:29,853
I personally don't give
a crap what you think,

161
00:07:29,854 --> 00:07:31,622
but you bad-mouthing our business

162
00:07:31,623 --> 00:07:33,557
is upsetting my girl here.

163
00:07:33,558 --> 00:07:35,826
You got that, Activia?

164
00:07:35,827 --> 00:07:39,629
Look, girls, I'm not just
talking about your business.

165
00:07:39,630 --> 00:07:41,798
All the businesses on that
block are gonna close.

166
00:07:41,799 --> 00:07:44,800
It's getting plowed for an IMAX theatre.

167
00:07:46,937 --> 00:07:48,538
Oh, my God.

168
00:07:48,539 --> 00:07:49,906
I know.

169
00:07:49,907 --> 00:07:53,709
Another Max is getting
plowed on our block?

170
00:08:01,268 --> 00:08:03,109
- Morning.
- Yeah.

171
00:08:03,110 --> 00:08:04,651
I can't believe they're replacing us

172
00:08:04,652 --> 00:08:05,618
with an IMAX.

173
00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:08,654
That subway psychic told me
my business would skyrocket.

174
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,966
I guess this also means
I won't be a contestant

175
00:08:10,967 --> 00:08:12,375
on "The Voice."

176
00:08:13,136 --> 00:08:16,405
That psychic had food
all down her blouse.

177
00:08:16,406 --> 00:08:17,939
She couldn't predict her mouth opening,

178
00:08:17,940 --> 00:08:20,008
let alone your life.

179
00:08:20,009 --> 00:08:22,010
I'm e-mailing all the
neighborhood business owners

180
00:08:22,011 --> 00:08:24,613
to attend an emergency meeting
tonight at the diner.

181
00:08:24,614 --> 00:08:25,814
I've contacted pretty much everyone

182
00:08:25,815 --> 00:08:27,816
except that medical marijuana store.

183
00:08:27,817 --> 00:08:30,170
You know, Joint Custody.

184
00:08:31,102 --> 00:08:33,811
I'll call them, they're on my speed dial.

185
00:08:35,101 --> 00:08:37,769
♪ Pa-boppa boppa-tarts... ♪

186
00:08:54,203 --> 00:08:56,872
Yes, it was me. I stress ate them.

187
00:08:56,873 --> 00:09:00,576
You ate my PPTs?

188
00:09:00,577 --> 00:09:03,412
Personal Pop-Tarts.

189
00:09:03,413 --> 00:09:05,180
You gave them a cute name?

190
00:09:05,181 --> 00:09:08,150
Of course, I've been dreaming
about them my whole life.

191
00:09:08,151 --> 00:09:12,254
I can't believe you ate the
last of my S'mores Pop-Tarts.

192
00:09:12,255 --> 00:09:14,256
Fine, I'll go out and
buy you another box

193
00:09:14,257 --> 00:09:17,492
with the money I was saving
for a Wet n Wild lip liner.

194
00:09:19,195 --> 00:09:21,196
Well, we know that's not
opportunity knocking.

195
00:09:21,197 --> 00:09:23,964
He lost my address when I moved in here.

196
00:09:26,301 --> 00:09:28,003
Hi, girls.

197
00:09:28,004 --> 00:09:30,071
I'm out of sugar, and can one of you read

198
00:09:30,072 --> 00:09:33,141
my morning pee stick?

199
00:09:33,142 --> 00:09:35,277
I can't read this little window thing

200
00:09:35,278 --> 00:09:39,147
and I lost my cheaters
and Oleg's not upstairs.

201
00:09:39,148 --> 00:09:42,617
So you lost both your cheaters.

202
00:09:42,618 --> 00:09:44,919
Yeah, see Max?

203
00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:47,122
That kind of joke is no longer funny

204
00:09:47,123 --> 00:09:49,290
now that we're gonna be parents.

205
00:09:49,291 --> 00:09:52,226
So no more that!

206
00:09:57,732 --> 00:10:00,301
It's just not my morning.

207
00:10:00,302 --> 00:10:02,837
Caroline, why don't you read it?

208
00:10:02,838 --> 00:10:04,339
Might be nice to here some good news

209
00:10:04,340 --> 00:10:07,674
come out of your sad mouth for a change.

210
00:10:10,411 --> 00:10:11,946
Oh, just take it.

211
00:10:11,947 --> 00:10:15,283
I'm pretty sure I got the worst of it.

212
00:10:15,284 --> 00:10:19,053
Okay, now everybody hold
hands and get ready to cry

213
00:10:19,054 --> 00:10:24,325
'cause I feel really,
really, really pregnant.

214
00:10:24,326 --> 00:10:25,593
It's negative.

215
00:10:25,594 --> 00:10:28,729
You're negative!

216
00:10:28,730 --> 00:10:30,865
Sophie, I understand you're disappointed,

217
00:10:30,866 --> 00:10:33,968
but maybe you should
manage your expectations.

218
00:10:33,969 --> 00:10:37,838
Oh, man I really thought I was pregnant.

219
00:10:37,839 --> 00:10:40,874
I mean, my period's real late.

220
00:10:45,246 --> 00:10:48,049
How late is late?

221
00:10:48,050 --> 00:10:51,952
Hashtag, just asking for a friend.

222
00:10:51,953 --> 00:10:54,455
Well, I don't know.

223
00:10:54,456 --> 00:10:57,425
Six months?

224
00:10:57,426 --> 00:11:00,161
A year, tops.

225
00:11:00,162 --> 00:11:03,156
- Well, I mean, at your age...
- Oh, careful now.

226
00:11:04,633 --> 00:11:07,546
Don't be too dead to
get my new Pop-Tarts.

227
00:11:08,169 --> 00:11:11,252
Exactly how old do you think I am?

228
00:11:11,673 --> 00:11:13,007
Well...

229
00:11:13,008 --> 00:11:14,908
If you open your mouth and say an age,

230
00:11:14,909 --> 00:11:18,812
any age, there's no
coming back from that.

231
00:11:18,813 --> 00:11:21,987
How old?

232
00:11:22,984 --> 00:11:25,284
Well...

233
00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:33,025
Oh.

234
00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:44,304
Final offer.

235
00:11:44,305 --> 00:11:45,939
Well, I don't know how old she is,

236
00:11:45,940 --> 00:11:48,941
but I've aged since this started.

237
00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:55,716
Okay, next, Cathy's Crystal Shop.

238
00:11:55,717 --> 00:11:59,886
Present and accounted for,
thank the goddess.

239
00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:02,389
Garboni Funeral Home?

240
00:12:02,390 --> 00:12:05,190
Thanks for coming.

241
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:11,563
No thanks, I'm having my head frozen.

242
00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:16,002
Bedford Methadone and Drug Clinic?

243
00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:17,570
Oh.

244
00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:19,676
Do you have a card?

245
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,244
We'll just wait for one
more business to arrive

246
00:12:24,245 --> 00:12:25,445
before we start.

247
00:12:25,446 --> 00:12:27,113
Oh, and thank you all for coming.

248
00:12:27,114 --> 00:12:28,648
Oh, and thank you

249
00:12:28,649 --> 00:12:31,918
for closing the diner
tonight for this meeting.

250
00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:34,854
Oh, we're not closed.

251
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:37,723
Nope, this is a busy Thursday for us.

252
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:41,094
Oh, hi, are you here for the meeting?

253
00:12:41,095 --> 00:12:44,363
Yeah, we're Smiley Time Daycare.

254
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:49,301
Well, if Sophie has a baby,
I think we found our nanny.

255
00:12:50,169 --> 00:12:53,072
Okay, tonight's call to arms

256
00:12:53,073 --> 00:12:55,041
is really about each and every one of us

257
00:12:55,042 --> 00:12:56,843
and our dreams.

258
00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:59,345
Small businesses are
and have always been

259
00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:01,180
the backbone of Williamsburg.

260
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:04,784
But this is about so
much more than business.

261
00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:06,018
Let me help.

262
00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:07,920
I took a class in motivational speaking.

263
00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:09,388
Well motivate your ass back down.

264
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:11,657
I got this.

265
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:13,125
Do you? You're losing this crowd

266
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,995
faster than I'm going to lose my diner.

267
00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:17,563
He's right, move it along.

268
00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:19,765
You make that boring crock guy
look like a sweeps episode

269
00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:21,167
of "Empire."

270
00:13:21,168 --> 00:13:22,635
That was just my opening.

271
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:26,104
And your closing. Thanks, Caroline.

272
00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:32,645
Yes, I said yes, folks.

273
00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:34,880
Yes, we are all businesses,

274
00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:38,017
but we are one hell of
a lot more than that!

275
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:40,119
Impressive. It's like Tony Robbins

276
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,956
and a pine nut had a baby.

277
00:13:43,957 --> 00:13:46,358
We are a family,

278
00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:49,028
and the only way...
the only way out of this crap

279
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:50,396
is each other.

280
00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:51,664
Can I get a "what-what?"

281
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:52,731
What-what!

282
00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:53,999
Can I get a high-five?

283
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,567
High-five!

284
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:57,435
- All right!
- High-five!

285
00:14:00,973 --> 00:14:02,241
I'm so jealous.

286
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:04,976
I've been dying to do that for years.

287
00:14:06,478 --> 00:14:09,882
And tomorrow, we need you,

288
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:13,051
and I mean every one of you,

289
00:14:13,052 --> 00:14:16,221
to join my diner family
at that public hearing

290
00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:18,323
down at the Brooklyn Courthouse

291
00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:20,158
and we are going to tell them

292
00:14:20,159 --> 00:14:22,594
they can keep their
stinking buyout money.

293
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:24,096
Yeah!

294
00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:25,564
There isn't enough money in the world

295
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:29,267
- to buyout our leases.
- Yeah.

296
00:14:29,268 --> 00:14:31,136
- Han, I don't...
- Wait, they want to buy us out?

297
00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:34,005
Not 20,000, not 30,000...

298
00:14:34,006 --> 00:14:36,708
Dollars? I could live in India.

299
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:40,278
I wouldn't have to sell
these dumb crystals anymore.

300
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:42,514
But we are a family!

301
00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:45,416
Yeah, we're a family.

302
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:52,489
Might just be us tomorrow.

303
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,021
With the addition of the IMAX,

304
00:15:03,022 --> 00:15:05,057
I predict that the net worth

305
00:15:05,058 --> 00:15:08,260
of this now dilapidated
group of businesses

306
00:15:08,261 --> 00:15:10,062
will at least quadruple.

307
00:15:10,063 --> 00:15:12,064
And commissioner, you don't know me,

308
00:15:12,065 --> 00:15:13,332
but when it comes to finance,

309
00:15:13,333 --> 00:15:16,535
when it comes to most things really,

310
00:15:16,536 --> 00:15:19,203
I'm very hands on.

311
00:15:21,039 --> 00:15:24,743
And also a douche.

312
00:15:24,744 --> 00:15:26,740
We'll take a break and
then hear arguments

313
00:15:26,741 --> 00:15:28,775
from the opposing side.

314
00:15:28,776 --> 00:15:30,877
Max, I'm gonna ask you
a serious question

315
00:15:30,878 --> 00:15:32,579
and I want the truth.

316
00:15:32,580 --> 00:15:35,081
Is it, "Can you smell
that onion bagel on my breath,"

317
00:15:35,082 --> 00:15:37,751
'cause yes.

318
00:15:37,752 --> 00:15:39,586
Do you think our business dream

319
00:15:39,587 --> 00:15:41,888
is as far-fetched as Sophie's baby dream?

320
00:15:41,889 --> 00:15:44,757
You know Sophie's right there, right?

321
00:15:44,758 --> 00:15:46,326
Don't get her mad.

322
00:15:46,327 --> 00:15:48,695
I once saw her open up a can of paint

323
00:15:48,696 --> 00:15:52,031
with her knees.

324
00:15:52,032 --> 00:15:55,034
I mean, aren't all dreams kind of crazy?

325
00:15:55,035 --> 00:15:56,603
Isn't that why they're called dreams,

326
00:15:56,604 --> 00:15:58,638
'cause they're not real?

327
00:15:58,639 --> 00:16:01,808
At some point, you have to
wake up and pee, right?

328
00:16:01,809 --> 00:16:06,546
Sometimes five times a night.

329
00:16:06,547 --> 00:16:09,015
Well, at least you won't have
to listen to that annoying

330
00:16:09,016 --> 00:16:12,051
tour guide's speech twice a day anymore.

331
00:16:12,052 --> 00:16:14,220
Right, if you look to your left,

332
00:16:14,221 --> 00:16:15,788
you'll see a failing cupcake shop

333
00:16:15,789 --> 00:16:19,091
with two completely deluded shop owners.

334
00:16:19,092 --> 00:16:21,394
In fact, the only redeeming feature

335
00:16:21,395 --> 00:16:24,597
in this waste of architecture are
the historic Tiffany windows

336
00:16:24,598 --> 00:16:28,901
right next to those two bitches.

337
00:16:28,902 --> 00:16:30,636
He says that? I totally missed that?

338
00:16:30,637 --> 00:16:34,540
Yeah, because you're too
busy sprechen the cupcakes.

339
00:16:34,541 --> 00:16:36,909
Oh, my God, those Tiffany windows

340
00:16:36,910 --> 00:16:38,244
might be old enough to qualify us

341
00:16:38,245 --> 00:16:40,312
as a historic landmark building.

342
00:16:40,313 --> 00:16:42,214
Oh, oh, my God, I'll be right back.

343
00:16:42,215 --> 00:16:43,516
Where are you going?

344
00:16:43,517 --> 00:16:44,750
Down to the city archives.

345
00:16:44,751 --> 00:16:46,619
I need proof that those
windows are legit.

346
00:16:46,620 --> 00:16:48,454
If I'm not back when
it's our turn to speak,

347
00:16:48,455 --> 00:16:50,155
stall them. Fill time.

348
00:16:50,156 --> 00:16:51,891
Just go on an on talking about nothing.

349
00:16:51,892 --> 00:16:54,393
Got it. Pretend I'm you.

350
00:16:54,394 --> 00:16:57,930
But you would need a miracle
to find that proof in time.

351
00:16:57,931 --> 00:17:00,833
Psst, Max, you got a tampon?

352
00:17:00,834 --> 00:17:02,768
I just got my period.

353
00:17:02,769 --> 00:17:06,237
Either that, or I've been shot.

354
00:17:07,806 --> 00:17:09,374
Sophie can still have a baby!

355
00:17:09,375 --> 00:17:11,577
See, miracles can happen!

356
00:17:11,578 --> 00:17:14,378
The woman is right there.

357
00:17:17,082 --> 00:17:19,918
And like I've already
said twice, Your Honor,

358
00:17:19,919 --> 00:17:23,655
I've worked at that diner since 1989,

359
00:17:23,656 --> 00:17:26,358
so, peace out.

360
00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:28,260
She's still not back. Keep going.

361
00:17:28,261 --> 00:17:30,662
Your Honor, I've been
working at that diner

362
00:17:30,663 --> 00:17:33,098
since 1989.

363
00:17:33,099 --> 00:17:35,734
I think we've heard everything
this gentlemen has to say

364
00:17:35,735 --> 00:17:38,770
about the building in question,
including, for some reason,

365
00:17:38,771 --> 00:17:43,408
of his brief affair with
comedian Nipsy Russell's wife.

366
00:17:43,409 --> 00:17:44,776
She was from Brooklyn!

367
00:17:44,777 --> 00:17:47,812
I thought it was pertinent, Your Honor.

368
00:17:47,813 --> 00:17:49,247
If there are no other witnesses...

369
00:17:49,248 --> 00:17:50,415
Han, go, go, go, go.

370
00:17:50,416 --> 00:17:52,651
No, I already blew this once.

371
00:17:52,652 --> 00:17:54,252
Finally, you admit you blew something

372
00:17:54,253 --> 00:17:56,554
when I can't enjoy it.

373
00:17:56,555 --> 00:17:57,956
Oleg, you go.

374
00:17:57,957 --> 00:17:59,758
I can't. The judge knows me

375
00:17:59,759 --> 00:18:03,460
from a sort of "Eyes
Wide Shut" situation.

376
00:18:04,429 --> 00:18:05,764
You go.

377
00:18:05,765 --> 00:18:07,665
No, nothing good ever happened to me

378
00:18:07,666 --> 00:18:09,367
in a courtroom.

379
00:18:09,368 --> 00:18:12,737
Every single time, they just
gave me back to my mother.

380
00:18:12,738 --> 00:18:14,372
I'll go.

381
00:18:14,373 --> 00:18:16,274
Yeah, I've got something to say.

382
00:18:16,275 --> 00:18:18,076
You're a lady judge.

383
00:18:18,077 --> 00:18:21,045
You got any Midol?

384
00:18:21,046 --> 00:18:22,981
Well, if there are no
further witnesses...

385
00:18:22,982 --> 00:18:24,515
Damn it, yo!

386
00:18:24,516 --> 00:18:26,684
I guess I have something to say.

387
00:18:26,685 --> 00:18:28,686
Wonderful.

388
00:18:28,687 --> 00:18:31,822
Carmella, we just lost our lunch table.

389
00:18:33,391 --> 00:18:35,259
Nice model you got there,

390
00:18:35,260 --> 00:18:38,196
except IMAXs are supposed to be big.

391
00:18:38,197 --> 00:18:41,966
That's kind of the point.

392
00:18:41,967 --> 00:18:44,769
Miss, if you don't have
anything pertinent...

393
00:18:44,770 --> 00:18:47,472
Stop, you can't tear our building down!

394
00:18:47,473 --> 00:18:50,573
So excited, I feel like
I'm in "Legally Blonde."

395
00:18:51,943 --> 00:18:54,245
Those Tiffany windows
are over 100 years old,

396
00:18:54,246 --> 00:18:56,847
making it a historic, landmark building.

397
00:18:56,848 --> 00:18:58,649
Do you have documented proof of this?

398
00:18:58,650 --> 00:19:00,484
Yes, I do, your honor.

399
00:19:00,485 --> 00:19:03,020
So dramatic. I'm loving it.

400
00:19:03,021 --> 00:19:06,023
Living, breathing, boring proof.

401
00:19:06,024 --> 00:19:08,692
Your Honor, this gentlemen is an expert

402
00:19:08,693 --> 00:19:10,227
on historic Williamsburg.

403
00:19:10,228 --> 00:19:12,163
Dannon, tell them about the windows.

404
00:19:12,164 --> 00:19:13,764
First say it.

405
00:19:13,765 --> 00:19:16,267
Say it in the eyes of
the court, or no deal.

406
00:19:16,268 --> 00:19:19,470
I will never do a German accent again.

407
00:19:19,471 --> 00:19:21,839
The building's windows were
created by Tiffany Studios

408
00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:24,241
in a playful fish motif for
the original Williamsburg

409
00:19:24,242 --> 00:19:26,210
fish market, opened at that location

410
00:19:26,211 --> 00:19:28,612
in June, 1901.

411
00:19:28,613 --> 00:19:30,581
Well, that qualifies as a landmark.

412
00:19:30,582 --> 00:19:32,082
Yes!

413
00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:35,318
Yah, dis is vuunderbar!

414
00:19:38,489 --> 00:19:41,290
Well, I never promised you anything.

415
00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:44,561
How do you like that, Max?

416
00:19:44,562 --> 00:19:46,263
These cute little fishies
from the fish market

417
00:19:46,264 --> 00:19:48,465
saved our business and the diner.

418
00:19:48,466 --> 00:19:50,901
It's weird I'd wind up working
in a former fish market.

419
00:19:50,902 --> 00:19:52,836
Dannon told me the
market was also a front

420
00:19:52,837 --> 00:19:54,538
for a whore house.

421
00:19:54,539 --> 00:19:56,640
Yeah, that's more like it.

422
00:19:56,641 --> 00:19:58,609
Now I have a serious question for you

423
00:19:58,610 --> 00:20:00,577
and I want you to tell me the truth.

424
00:20:00,578 --> 00:20:02,412
Would it have been smarter for us

425
00:20:02,413 --> 00:20:03,780
to take whatever of that buyout money

426
00:20:03,781 --> 00:20:07,451
we would have forced Han
to give us and quit?

427
00:20:07,452 --> 00:20:09,820
Probably.

428
00:20:09,821 --> 00:20:11,088
But Max, I've wanted my own business

429
00:20:11,089 --> 00:20:12,789
since I was little.

430
00:20:12,790 --> 00:20:14,191
It's purely emotional.

431
00:20:14,192 --> 00:20:15,892
I can't really explain it.

432
00:20:15,893 --> 00:20:18,562
I can. It's your PPT.

433
00:20:18,563 --> 00:20:21,198
Your personal Pop-Tart.

434
00:20:21,199 --> 00:20:24,301
It is. It's my PPT.

435
00:20:24,302 --> 00:20:26,703
Then I totally get it.

436
00:20:26,704 --> 00:20:30,139
Yeah, you do, Max. You always do.

437
00:20:31,107 --> 00:20:32,809
Well, girls, it's official.

438
00:20:32,810 --> 00:20:34,477
You're still short?

439
00:20:34,478 --> 00:20:35,879
We won!

440
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:37,947
The entire neighborhood
has just been notified

441
00:20:37,948 --> 00:20:40,283
there is no IMAX buyout.

442
00:20:40,284 --> 00:20:42,752
Yep, and they do not look happy.

443
00:20:42,753 --> 00:20:43,987
Here they come.

444
00:20:43,988 --> 00:20:47,123
Hey, you! Yeah, you!

445
00:20:50,261 --> 00:20:54,030
- Open up!
- They have sticks!

446
00:20:54,031 --> 00:20:56,531
Can't leave him out there, can we?

447
00:20:58,167 --> 00:20:59,836
- Aah!
- Oh, God!

448
00:20:59,837 --> 00:21:02,170
Oh!

449
00:21:04,285 --> 00:21:10,696
Subtitle sync and corrections
by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.