1
00:00:01,625 --> 00:00:03,834
Got a marriage proposal in the diner.

2
00:00:03,835 --> 00:00:06,964
Where they gonna
honeymoon... a Porta-Potty?

3
00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:08,947
That's the saddest thing I ever seen,

4
00:00:08,948 --> 00:00:12,776
and I was at a Rolling
Stones concert last night.

5
00:00:12,777 --> 00:00:14,826
The guy wants me to put this ring her pie.

6
00:00:14,827 --> 00:00:16,326
'Cause you know what they say...

7
00:00:16,327 --> 00:00:20,036
If you like it, then you
gotta put a ring in it.

8
00:00:20,037 --> 00:00:22,116
Well, this is a first.

9
00:00:22,117 --> 00:00:24,616
A guy left me a half a
tuna sandwich as a tip.

10
00:00:24,617 --> 00:00:28,776
Which is still more than Europeans leave.

11
00:00:28,777 --> 00:00:31,921
There's a proposal at table 40,

12
00:00:31,922 --> 00:00:33,236
and you have to do it.

13
00:00:33,237 --> 00:00:36,776
I already delivered a baby in here today.

14
00:00:36,777 --> 00:00:38,986
Well, they've obviously
been dating a while,

15
00:00:38,987 --> 00:00:41,536
'cause she's eating carbs in front of him.

16
00:00:41,537 --> 00:00:44,036
Caroline is so happy right now.

17
00:00:44,037 --> 00:00:46,406
She still believes in all that love crap.

18
00:00:46,407 --> 00:00:50,366
Uh, she also believes table 14 is table 40.

19
00:00:50,367 --> 00:00:52,446
Here's your pie.

20
00:00:52,447 --> 00:00:56,677
I have a feeling this dessert
is gonna be extra-sweet.

21
00:00:59,157 --> 00:01:01,406
It's an engagement ring!

22
00:01:01,407 --> 00:01:04,366
He hid it in the pie!

23
00:01:04,367 --> 00:01:06,826
Yes! Yes, I'll marry you.

24
00:01:06,827 --> 00:01:08,576
I know I said I was cool with waiting,

25
00:01:08,577 --> 00:01:11,007
but I wasn't cool with it!

26
00:01:12,367 --> 00:01:16,337
Yep. She messed up. This isn't yours.

27
00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:21,826
Um... again. I'm cool with waiting.

28
00:01:21,827 --> 00:01:25,520
And for you two, pie on the house,

29
00:01:25,521 --> 00:01:28,906
and I'm guessing a very
tense cab ride home.

30
00:01:34,197 --> 00:01:40,430
Subtitle sync and corrections
by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.

31
00:01:47,445 --> 00:01:49,846
Where's Earl? He isn't here yet,

32
00:01:49,847 --> 00:01:51,266
and I'm worried.

33
00:01:51,267 --> 00:01:54,686
Wait... it's not a black holiday, is it?

34
00:01:54,687 --> 00:01:57,976
Earl better not be dead, or I'll kill him.

35
00:01:57,977 --> 00:02:00,186
We have a joint suicide pact.

36
00:02:00,187 --> 00:02:03,056
We smoke a joint and
then we kill ourselves.

37
00:02:03,057 --> 00:02:06,556
He's probably just late. Don't overreact.

38
00:02:06,557 --> 00:02:09,056
That's exactly what Janine
at 911 said ten minutes ago

39
00:02:09,057 --> 00:02:11,386
when I overreacted with her!

40
00:02:11,387 --> 00:02:12,976
You called 911?

41
00:02:12,977 --> 00:02:15,266
When I came home three
hours late last night,

42
00:02:15,267 --> 00:02:18,386
you had already put all
my stuff out on the street.

43
00:02:18,387 --> 00:02:20,617
Hi, everybody!

44
00:02:21,977 --> 00:02:24,936
Wait a minute... where's Earl?

45
00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:26,846
It's not as much fun walking in here

46
00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:30,516
if he's not down there
looking up at my boobs.

47
00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:32,556
He's late.

48
00:02:32,557 --> 00:02:34,056
Late?

49
00:02:34,057 --> 00:02:36,146
Oh... I'm sorry, Max.

50
00:02:36,147 --> 00:02:39,686
I know you two were close.

51
00:02:39,687 --> 00:02:42,386
See? That's the kind of
sympathy I was looking for

52
00:02:42,387 --> 00:02:45,476
from you and Janine.

53
00:02:45,477 --> 00:02:47,266
Sophie, what's with those needles?

54
00:02:47,267 --> 00:02:50,596
Oh, yeah... I'm getting ready to shoot up.

55
00:02:50,597 --> 00:02:53,596
Sophie's starting her
fertility shots today.

56
00:02:53,597 --> 00:02:55,386
Before long, we'll be parents.

57
00:02:55,387 --> 00:02:56,976
Look out, PTA meetings...

58
00:02:56,977 --> 00:03:00,806
I'll bring the P. She'll bring the T&A.

59
00:03:00,807 --> 00:03:02,846
All right, come on, Oleg.
I'm ready for my first shot.

60
00:03:02,847 --> 00:03:04,596
Come on, let's go to the ladies' room

61
00:03:04,597 --> 00:03:06,686
so you can poke me real good.

62
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:09,976
You're not poking her anywhere in here.

63
00:03:09,977 --> 00:03:14,766
Thanks to you, the handicap
stall is a condom graveyard!

64
00:03:14,767 --> 00:03:17,686
Sophie, you know I'm only
afraid of two things...

65
00:03:17,687 --> 00:03:21,686
needles and Kenny Rogers after the eyelift.

66
00:03:21,687 --> 00:03:24,157
He did not know when to fold 'em.

67
00:03:26,017 --> 00:03:28,016
Someone else will have
to give you your shots.

68
00:03:28,017 --> 00:03:29,806
Well, I guess I could do it.

69
00:03:29,807 --> 00:03:31,436
Roll up your sleeve.

70
00:03:31,437 --> 00:03:33,646
Okay, yeah.

71
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:36,686
I'll roll up my sleeve...
and then pull down my Spanx,

72
00:03:36,687 --> 00:03:41,016
'cause you gotta put it where
the sun don't shine, baby.

73
00:03:41,017 --> 00:03:43,686
Uh... this is a little awkward, but Sophie,

74
00:03:43,687 --> 00:03:48,436
I was unaware I'd be
injecting your badonkadonk.

75
00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:50,056
Okay, Han.

76
00:03:50,057 --> 00:03:52,766
Take my hand...

77
00:03:52,767 --> 00:03:54,846
That's right. Mm-hmm.

78
00:03:54,847 --> 00:03:57,266
That's real good. All right, come on.

79
00:03:57,267 --> 00:03:58,646
And I'm gonna take you now

80
00:03:58,647 --> 00:04:01,947
to show you your first lady butt.

81
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:08,846
Now, there's a heart-warming tableau

82
00:04:08,847 --> 00:04:11,686
that Norman Rockwell somehow missed.

83
00:04:11,687 --> 00:04:13,936
Hello, ladies.

84
00:04:13,937 --> 00:04:17,096
Earl! I'm so glad you're alive.

85
00:04:17,097 --> 00:04:20,476
You always go straight to dead, Max.

86
00:04:20,477 --> 00:04:23,096
But thanks for sending the paramedics.

87
00:04:23,097 --> 00:04:26,747
I needed help finding my Apple TV remote.

88
00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:30,016
I was stuck on the phone with Barry

89
00:04:30,017 --> 00:04:32,846
from my old jazz band The Early Birds.

90
00:04:32,847 --> 00:04:35,846
You may have read about us
in "Never Made It" magazine.

91
00:04:35,847 --> 00:04:39,726
Caroline and I were on the cover last week.

92
00:04:39,727 --> 00:04:42,096
He told me they're
holding an anniversary show

93
00:04:42,097 --> 00:04:43,726
down at Ruby's,

94
00:04:43,727 --> 00:04:45,556
and The Early Birds are invited to perform

95
00:04:45,557 --> 00:04:46,806
on Friday night.

96
00:04:46,807 --> 00:04:49,436
Earl!

97
00:04:49,437 --> 00:04:52,936
One of my dreams is to hear you play live.

98
00:04:52,937 --> 00:04:54,646
And the other one already happened...

99
00:04:54,647 --> 00:04:57,766
breakfast all day at McDonald's.

100
00:04:57,767 --> 00:04:59,646
Well, I hate to burst your McMuffin, Max,

101
00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:01,436
but that ain't gonna happen,

102
00:05:01,437 --> 00:05:03,346
'cause I'm not invited to play.

103
00:05:03,347 --> 00:05:05,146
Ruby doesn't want me there.

104
00:05:05,147 --> 00:05:07,096
Ruby hates Earl.

105
00:05:07,097 --> 00:05:10,226
Well, then Max hates Ruby.

106
00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:13,146
Oh! What happened between you and Ruby?

107
00:05:13,147 --> 00:05:15,306
Was it a crazy love affair?

108
00:05:15,307 --> 00:05:18,766
Mm-hmm. We were hot.

109
00:05:18,767 --> 00:05:21,436
Oh! An amour fou?

110
00:05:21,437 --> 00:05:24,657
No, it was a-more I fooled
around with her sister.

111
00:05:30,187 --> 00:05:32,976
Look! Earl and The Early Birds!

112
00:05:32,977 --> 00:05:35,346
- Where'd you get that?
- I went down the street

113
00:05:35,347 --> 00:05:37,186
to Smart & Vinyl.

114
00:05:37,187 --> 00:05:38,726
12.95.

115
00:05:38,727 --> 00:05:40,886
You spent 12.95 on Earl's record,

116
00:05:40,887 --> 00:05:46,016
but you wouldn't lend me
25¢ for a latte yesterday?

117
00:05:46,017 --> 00:05:48,306
Look, we gotta do something about Earl.

118
00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:50,306
He deserves to play at that jazz club.

119
00:05:50,307 --> 00:05:52,516
I mean, he is the only one at this diner

120
00:05:52,517 --> 00:05:54,867
who has a chance to make it.

121
00:05:56,387 --> 00:05:58,806
I appreciate your enthusiasm,
but of all of us here,

122
00:05:58,807 --> 00:06:02,686
you think the 80-year-old
has the brightest future?

123
00:06:02,687 --> 00:06:04,596
For as long as I've known Earl,

124
00:06:04,597 --> 00:06:06,726
all he talked about is how
proud he was of that band.

125
00:06:06,727 --> 00:06:08,016
And that Ruby woman

126
00:06:08,017 --> 00:06:10,386
is denying him the chance to play again?

127
00:06:10,387 --> 00:06:11,806
Not on my watch.

128
00:06:11,807 --> 00:06:13,476
If I own one.

129
00:06:13,477 --> 00:06:16,766
Which... I do not.

130
00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:18,096
We are going down to that club

131
00:06:18,097 --> 00:06:19,806
and talk some sense into Ruby,

132
00:06:19,807 --> 00:06:22,846
because Earl would do the same
for us if we had any talent.

133
00:06:22,847 --> 00:06:24,436
I just have to ask...

134
00:06:24,437 --> 00:06:26,806
you do think we're gonna
get out of here one day.

135
00:06:26,807 --> 00:06:27,846
Oh, for sure!

136
00:06:27,847 --> 00:06:30,617
In body bags.

137
00:06:38,977 --> 00:06:41,386
Wow, this place is the real deal!

138
00:06:41,387 --> 00:06:43,806
All the jazz greats sang here.

139
00:06:43,807 --> 00:06:47,266
Look... Ella Fitzgerald,
Sarah Vaughan, Nina Simone.

140
00:06:47,267 --> 00:06:48,976
You know, there was a
moment when I wanted to be...

141
00:06:48,977 --> 00:06:51,907
Was there ever a moment
when you wanted to be quiet?

142
00:06:53,387 --> 00:06:55,806
Scotch on the house, please.

143
00:06:55,807 --> 00:06:58,056
Normally, I don't drink in the afternoon,

144
00:06:58,057 --> 00:07:00,117
but it's still morning.

145
00:07:01,597 --> 00:07:03,346
I'll have a Lillet.

146
00:07:03,347 --> 00:07:05,263
I hear it was Billie Holiday's poison.

147
00:07:05,264 --> 00:07:06,686
You know, there was a moment when I was...

148
00:07:06,687 --> 00:07:08,846
That moment's over.

149
00:07:08,847 --> 00:07:10,646
Sir, we're here to see Ruby.

150
00:07:10,647 --> 00:07:13,867
Who wants to see Ruby?

151
00:07:16,387 --> 00:07:17,886
She's coming in real hot, Max.

152
00:07:17,887 --> 00:07:19,726
Maybe this isn't a good idea.

153
00:07:19,727 --> 00:07:21,596
There's only one old woman who scares me,

154
00:07:21,597 --> 00:07:24,346
and his name is Steven Tyler.

155
00:07:24,347 --> 00:07:25,686
I'm Ruby.

156
00:07:25,687 --> 00:07:27,186
Well... if it isn't

157
00:07:27,187 --> 00:07:30,596
"Miss doesn't invite people to stuff."

158
00:07:30,597 --> 00:07:33,886
Who's also known as Miss Very, Very Pretty.

159
00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:36,266
I don't need someone to
tell me that I'm pretty.

160
00:07:36,267 --> 00:07:37,726
That's what I told Roy Orbison

161
00:07:37,727 --> 00:07:40,096
when he wrote "Pretty Woman for me.

162
00:07:40,097 --> 00:07:41,686
What do you little girls want?

163
00:07:41,687 --> 00:07:43,766
We're friends of Earl.

164
00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:45,346
- Of Earl?
- You know, Earl.

165
00:07:45,347 --> 00:07:46,936
From The Early Birds.

166
00:07:46,937 --> 00:07:49,096
You know, the guy who
put this club on the map.

167
00:07:49,097 --> 00:07:50,976
Oh, that Earl!

168
00:07:50,977 --> 00:07:53,766
He's a bum!

169
00:07:53,767 --> 00:07:56,077
Girl, you better check yourself!

170
00:07:58,097 --> 00:08:00,726
No one says anything bad about my Earl.

171
00:08:00,727 --> 00:08:03,806
Your Ear... Well, I
prefer not to go to jail

172
00:08:03,807 --> 00:08:06,436
for murdering Earl's girlfriend, but...

173
00:08:06,437 --> 00:08:08,146
it's not that strong a preference.

174
00:08:08,147 --> 00:08:09,556
Here, hold my hoops!

175
00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:10,766
Oh, no, no, no, no.

176
00:08:10,767 --> 00:08:12,726
Max isn't Earl's girlfriend.

177
00:08:12,727 --> 00:08:14,686
He's more like a father-figure to her.

178
00:08:14,687 --> 00:08:17,266
More like a great-grandfather figure!

179
00:08:17,267 --> 00:08:20,037
He's both! Hold my hoops!

180
00:08:21,347 --> 00:08:23,646
Everybody calm down, take a beat.

181
00:08:23,647 --> 00:08:25,646
A jazzy beat, of course.

182
00:08:25,647 --> 00:08:27,726
I only have two questions for you...

183
00:08:27,727 --> 00:08:28,976
Why is she so upset?

184
00:08:28,977 --> 00:08:31,266
And what the hell is a jazzy beat?

185
00:08:31,267 --> 00:08:34,806
I'm upset because I know
Earl helped build this club,

186
00:08:34,807 --> 00:08:37,806
and he wasn't invited to
play your anniversary show.

187
00:08:37,807 --> 00:08:40,186
That's right... 'cause he's a bum!

188
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:42,476
Hold my hoops again!

189
00:08:42,477 --> 00:08:44,726
That no-good, two-timin' musical genius

190
00:08:44,727 --> 00:08:47,266
will never set foot in
my club while I'm alive.

191
00:08:47,267 --> 00:08:50,806
Here, hold my hoops while I
unstrap the pistol on my shoe.

192
00:08:50,807 --> 00:08:53,806
Ruby, come on, can't you just let him play?

193
00:08:53,807 --> 00:08:56,646
I mean, he's just a cashier at a diner now.

194
00:08:56,647 --> 00:08:58,556
What'd you just call him?

195
00:08:58,557 --> 00:09:01,016
Earl is more than just a cashier.

196
00:09:01,017 --> 00:09:02,936
That is his job, not what he is.

197
00:09:02,937 --> 00:09:04,346
How dare you!

198
00:09:04,347 --> 00:09:06,096
Yeah, how dare she!

199
00:09:06,097 --> 00:09:08,436
Hold my hoops!

200
00:09:08,437 --> 00:09:10,846
Hold your hoops! I'm sorry.

201
00:09:10,847 --> 00:09:13,617
He's not a cashier. He's a musical genius.

202
00:09:14,687 --> 00:09:16,266
Damn it.

203
00:09:16,267 --> 00:09:18,476
I can't believe that Earl would end up

204
00:09:18,477 --> 00:09:21,346
in a dead-end job as a cashier in a diner.

205
00:09:21,347 --> 00:09:23,936
Well, I mean, it doesn't
have to be a dead-end.

206
00:09:23,937 --> 00:09:25,476
He could get out anytime...

207
00:09:25,477 --> 00:09:28,476
him and the other people that work there.

208
00:09:28,477 --> 00:09:30,096
All right, he can come.

209
00:09:30,097 --> 00:09:33,056
But just make sure he
shows up and he is sober.

210
00:09:33,057 --> 00:09:34,686
That man only has two settings...

211
00:09:34,687 --> 00:09:37,657
"high off his ass" or "not in the room."

212
00:09:38,887 --> 00:09:40,556
He'll be here.

213
00:09:40,557 --> 00:09:42,646
Okay, I don't know whose hoops are whose.

214
00:09:42,647 --> 00:09:45,907
We got a real "whose hoops" over here.

215
00:09:52,706 --> 00:09:54,274
Isn't that exciting, Earl?

216
00:09:54,275 --> 00:09:56,193
You're playing at the club!

217
00:09:56,194 --> 00:09:58,563
I'm gonna go ahead and call it a comeback.

218
00:09:58,564 --> 00:10:02,693
And then I'm gonna go find an
outfit that I can take back.

219
00:10:02,694 --> 00:10:05,153
So, Earl, obviously, I'll be your date,

220
00:10:05,154 --> 00:10:08,233
and obviously, we'll pretend
that we don't know Caroline.

221
00:10:08,234 --> 00:10:10,943
I can't believe that you
girls went to see Ruby

222
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:15,193
and came back with your hoops and hair.

223
00:10:15,194 --> 00:10:18,893
But there's one problem: I
no longer own a saxophone.

224
00:10:18,894 --> 00:10:21,233
How can you not own a saxophone?

225
00:10:21,234 --> 00:10:24,563
That's like me not owning muh jugs.

226
00:10:24,564 --> 00:10:26,233
I sold it 'cause I needed the money.

227
00:10:26,234 --> 00:10:27,733
I had just kicked heroin,

228
00:10:27,734 --> 00:10:30,773
and I was buying a lotta cocaine.

229
00:10:30,774 --> 00:10:33,193
But thanks, girls. It
would have been really nice.

230
00:10:33,194 --> 00:10:34,983
Aw, Earl, that's too bad.

231
00:10:34,984 --> 00:10:36,733
I was really excited to see the show.

232
00:10:36,734 --> 00:10:39,773
I think when we went to
Ruby's, I caught the jazz bug.

233
00:10:39,774 --> 00:10:44,443
In my day, when you caught
the jazz bug, you had syphilis.

234
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:46,563
Obviously, we have to get Earl a saxophone

235
00:10:46,564 --> 00:10:47,983
so he can play in the show.

236
00:10:47,984 --> 00:10:51,193
Max, if you put this
much effort into our life,

237
00:10:51,194 --> 00:10:55,313
we'd be off the cover of
"Never Made It" magazine.

238
00:10:55,314 --> 00:10:57,563
We can't afford a musical instrument.

239
00:10:57,564 --> 00:10:59,733
Trust me, if there's
anything I know how to find,

240
00:10:59,734 --> 00:11:02,334
it's cheap sax.

241
00:11:06,814 --> 00:11:09,653
So, Earl, you're back in
your old stomping grounds.

242
00:11:09,654 --> 00:11:11,523
How's it feel?

243
00:11:11,524 --> 00:11:14,273
Should bring back a lotta memories, huh?

244
00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:16,193
It sure should!

245
00:11:16,194 --> 00:11:18,693
There's my girl!

246
00:11:18,694 --> 00:11:20,983
She and I used to have
a lot of great talks.

247
00:11:20,984 --> 00:11:23,393
Earl, you played with Ella Fitzgerald?

248
00:11:23,394 --> 00:11:25,693
It's possible.

249
00:11:25,694 --> 00:11:28,693
Or else I talked to that picture.

250
00:11:28,694 --> 00:11:31,063
I did a lot of drugs.

251
00:11:31,064 --> 00:11:33,603
Whenever I think of Ella, I just want to

252
00:11:33,604 --> 00:11:37,313
♪ Scooby-Doo-bop-bop,
squiddly dop-dop-bah ♪

253
00:11:37,314 --> 00:11:42,063
Do that again, and I'm gonna
squiddly-da-bop you in the head.

254
00:11:42,064 --> 00:11:44,023
I gotta admit, I'm excited to play.

255
00:11:44,024 --> 00:11:45,563
I got my mojo working

256
00:11:45,564 --> 00:11:48,313
and my pacemaker on cruise control.

257
00:11:48,314 --> 00:11:50,893
I appreciate all the trouble, girls.

258
00:11:50,894 --> 00:11:53,653
Just don't forget us when you make it big.

259
00:11:53,654 --> 00:11:57,374
And we won't forget
you when we make it big.

260
00:11:58,774 --> 00:12:01,563
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

261
00:12:01,564 --> 00:12:04,313
Ahh! Well, well, well.

262
00:12:04,314 --> 00:12:07,943
Earl with a couple of
18-year-old white girls.

263
00:12:07,944 --> 00:12:10,193
It's the '60s all over again.

264
00:12:10,194 --> 00:12:11,653
If it was the '60s,

265
00:12:11,654 --> 00:12:13,693
you and I would be in the coat closet

266
00:12:13,694 --> 00:12:17,393
gettin' on the good
foot doin' the bad thing.

267
00:12:17,394 --> 00:12:20,523
You look beautiful as ever, Ruby.

268
00:12:20,524 --> 00:12:22,393
Well, Earl,

269
00:12:22,394 --> 00:12:24,273
I must say, you look...

270
00:12:24,274 --> 00:12:26,853
Wiser? Distinguished?

271
00:12:26,854 --> 00:12:29,794
Mature like a fine wine.

272
00:12:30,774 --> 00:12:33,943
I was gonna say less on heroin.

273
00:12:33,944 --> 00:12:36,393
I haven't done smack in 30 years.

274
00:12:36,394 --> 00:12:38,313
I even quit Honey Smacks

275
00:12:38,314 --> 00:12:41,353
'cause I thought it might tempt me.

276
00:12:41,354 --> 00:12:42,773
Ruby, just putting it out there...

277
00:12:42,774 --> 00:12:44,693
if you need someone to warm up the crowd,

278
00:12:44,694 --> 00:12:46,693
I was in my high school's jazz choir.

279
00:12:46,694 --> 00:12:48,563
I sang "God Bless the Child."

280
00:12:48,564 --> 00:12:50,733
Well, God bless the children

281
00:12:50,734 --> 00:12:53,563
that had to listen to that.

282
00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:56,153
Well, it's gonna be very interesting, Earl.

283
00:12:56,154 --> 00:12:58,563
I don't think I ever
remember you playing sober.

284
00:12:58,564 --> 00:13:01,693
You always said the junk gave you the funk.

285
00:13:01,694 --> 00:13:03,983
- I did?
- Mm-hmm.

286
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:06,853
Well, that was clever.

287
00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:09,393
You know what wasn't clever?

288
00:13:09,394 --> 00:13:13,813
Leaving your underpants on
my sister's breakfast table.

289
00:13:13,814 --> 00:13:16,563
Anyway, break a leg. Or... a heart.

290
00:13:16,564 --> 00:13:18,273
You're good at that.

291
00:13:18,274 --> 00:13:21,653
I was good at a lot of
things with you, Ruby.

292
00:13:26,944 --> 00:13:29,353
Girls, I just realized...

293
00:13:29,354 --> 00:13:32,563
I never played straight.

294
00:13:32,564 --> 00:13:34,273
Excuse me, ladies.

295
00:13:34,274 --> 00:13:37,124
I have to freshen up in the men's room.

296
00:13:39,194 --> 00:13:41,393
You don't think "freshen up" means...

297
00:13:41,394 --> 00:13:43,733
what I think we both think it means.

298
00:13:43,734 --> 00:13:47,563
No. Earl's been clean for 30 years.

299
00:13:47,564 --> 00:13:49,653
Plus, you don't just go into the bathroom

300
00:13:49,654 --> 00:13:52,273
of a jazz club where you
did heroin to find heroin.

301
00:13:52,274 --> 00:13:54,704
I'll just go take a peek.

302
00:14:02,722 --> 00:14:04,462
Earl's still in the bathroom.

303
00:14:04,463 --> 00:14:06,082
You know what's not in the bathroom?

304
00:14:06,083 --> 00:14:08,393
Doors on the stalls.

305
00:14:09,753 --> 00:14:11,792
Damn it! I forgot I invited people.

306
00:14:11,793 --> 00:14:13,542
Hey, girls, come on.

307
00:14:13,543 --> 00:14:17,582
Admit it... everyone hates jazz, right?

308
00:14:17,583 --> 00:14:19,382
Well, I love it.

309
00:14:19,383 --> 00:14:22,342
See? It's the worst!

310
00:14:22,343 --> 00:14:24,882
I like going downtown.

311
00:14:24,883 --> 00:14:27,882
I don't have to tell you that.

312
00:14:27,883 --> 00:14:29,582
Where's Han?

313
00:14:29,583 --> 00:14:31,292
He's standing right under me, isn't me?

314
00:14:31,293 --> 00:14:33,882
Ooh! $15 a drink.

315
00:14:33,883 --> 00:14:36,752
That's your whole night in Secaucus!

316
00:14:36,753 --> 00:14:40,002
Han, I can't take shots and jazz

317
00:14:40,003 --> 00:14:43,792
and your personality at the same time.

318
00:14:43,793 --> 00:14:46,132
Sophie, relax. It'll be fine.

319
00:14:46,133 --> 00:14:48,502
I'll buy you a drink first.

320
00:14:48,503 --> 00:14:50,672
Hold my syringe while I get my credit card.

321
00:14:50,673 --> 00:14:54,183
Who are you, my mom?

322
00:14:55,133 --> 00:14:56,792
Oh, Earl, how you doing?

323
00:14:56,793 --> 00:14:58,292
Max, that's real sweet of you

324
00:14:58,293 --> 00:15:02,292
to score some dope for
me, but I'm gonna pass.

325
00:15:02,293 --> 00:15:04,172
No. These are Sophie's fertility drugs.

326
00:15:04,173 --> 00:15:06,172
All this'll give you is great breasts.

327
00:15:06,173 --> 00:15:08,582
Still no. If I had great breasts,

328
00:15:08,583 --> 00:15:10,983
I'd never get out of bed.

329
00:15:12,343 --> 00:15:14,172
Good evening. My name is Ruby.

330
00:15:14,173 --> 00:15:16,252
And in case you forget that,

331
00:15:16,253 --> 00:15:18,233
it's written in neon all over the place.

332
00:15:19,503 --> 00:15:22,582
- You ready?
- Yep. Ready to leave.

333
00:15:22,583 --> 00:15:24,082
- What?
- You heard Ruby.

334
00:15:24,083 --> 00:15:26,462
I've never played not high,

335
00:15:26,463 --> 00:15:28,292
and I'm not about to try it now.

336
00:15:28,293 --> 00:15:32,082
Now, I know you're all here
for The Early Birds tonight,

337
00:15:32,083 --> 00:15:34,292
so hang onto your hats
and hide your sisters.

338
00:15:34,293 --> 00:15:37,882
And help me welcome back to the stage

339
00:15:37,883 --> 00:15:40,382
The Early Birds, featuring Earl!

340
00:15:41,384 --> 00:15:43,082
Earl!

341
00:15:43,083 --> 00:15:45,132
Oh, a-am I still here?

342
00:15:45,133 --> 00:15:48,982
In my mind, I was running so fast.

343
00:15:49,427 --> 00:15:51,676
Earl... we're waiting for you.

344
00:15:51,677 --> 00:15:53,756
He's acting like the stage

345
00:15:53,757 --> 00:15:56,256
wants him to commit to a
monogamous relationship.

346
00:15:56,257 --> 00:15:58,626
You know what I'm talkin'
about, right, ladies?

347
00:15:58,627 --> 00:16:02,716
Whoo-hoo! Yeah, jazz is funny!

348
00:16:02,717 --> 00:16:05,626
Boys, y'all know the drill.
Vamp! Vamp, boys, vamp.

349
00:16:06,927 --> 00:16:08,296
You gotta go up and buy us some time

350
00:16:08,297 --> 00:16:10,126
so I can convince Earl to get up there.

351
00:16:10,127 --> 00:16:12,626
Max, I don't know if I could do that.

352
00:16:12,627 --> 00:16:14,086
Should I go with "God Bless the Child"

353
00:16:14,087 --> 00:16:15,506
or "Lady Sings the Blues"?

354
00:16:15,507 --> 00:16:17,296
Quit adding white things to you.

355
00:16:17,297 --> 00:16:19,796
You're already the whitest person here.

356
00:16:19,797 --> 00:16:21,187
Just go.

357
00:16:23,717 --> 00:16:25,796
Hey, there, you crazy cats.

358
00:16:25,797 --> 00:16:27,926
Earl will be out in a hot second.

359
00:16:27,927 --> 00:16:29,626
How y'all doin'?

360
00:16:29,627 --> 00:16:32,216
And-a one, and-a two, and-a three...

361
00:16:32,217 --> 00:16:35,506
martinis over on this table!

362
00:16:35,507 --> 00:16:37,586
You know when someone
else says something stupid,

363
00:16:37,587 --> 00:16:39,796
but you're embarrassed?

364
00:16:39,797 --> 00:16:42,006
Earl, I thought this would make you happy,

365
00:16:42,007 --> 00:16:44,426
but if you don't wanna
play, we can just go.

366
00:16:44,427 --> 00:16:46,426
- Then let's just go.
- Damn it, Earl!

367
00:16:46,427 --> 00:16:47,966
Follow along, boys.

368
00:16:47,967 --> 00:16:49,716
Just keep it bright and breezy,

369
00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:51,926
and "God Bless the Child."

370
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:53,296
Is this a joke?

371
00:16:55,007 --> 00:16:59,506
I'm gonna have to shoot up
myself to get through this.

372
00:16:59,507 --> 00:17:03,756
Sometimes when the crickets
start chirpin' down South

373
00:17:03,757 --> 00:17:06,626
late on a summer's night...

374
00:17:06,627 --> 00:17:09,676
Seriously... is this a joke?

375
00:17:11,297 --> 00:17:13,386
I just have to break into this song.

376
00:17:13,387 --> 00:17:14,796
Oh, lord.

377
00:17:14,797 --> 00:17:16,426
♪ Scooby-Doo-bop-bop ♪

378
00:17:16,427 --> 00:17:18,296
♪ Squiddly dop-dop-bah ♪

379
00:17:18,297 --> 00:17:20,216
Somebody shoot me!

380
00:17:21,837 --> 00:17:23,322
You know what, Max, it turns out

381
00:17:23,323 --> 00:17:25,032
I don't need junk to get up there.

382
00:17:25,033 --> 00:17:27,702
I just needed Caroline to start singing.

383
00:17:27,703 --> 00:17:29,202
Let's fly, Birds.

384
00:17:29,203 --> 00:17:31,032
A-five, six, seven, eight.

385
00:17:42,573 --> 00:17:45,412
Thanks for warming them up, darling.

386
00:17:45,413 --> 00:17:46,952
On, Earl, I can stay and sing...

387
00:17:46,953 --> 00:17:49,412
We good. Caroline Channing, folks.

388
00:17:52,243 --> 00:17:55,412
Everybody, thank you all
for coming out tonight.

389
00:17:55,413 --> 00:17:58,702
Okay, a-one, two, three...

390
00:18:16,243 --> 00:18:19,242
That is one cool cashier.

391
00:18:25,363 --> 00:18:27,782
Ha. He's still got it!

392
00:18:27,783 --> 00:18:30,072
Yes, he does.

393
00:18:35,413 --> 00:18:38,412
All I know is if that white
girl had started singin',

394
00:18:38,413 --> 00:18:41,662
you were gonna have to hold my hoops!

395
00:18:52,623 --> 00:18:55,202
Wow, Earl's been napping
pretty much this whole time.

396
00:18:55,203 --> 00:18:56,862
It was a big night for him.

397
00:18:56,863 --> 00:18:59,662
He got back on the horse without
getting back on the horse.

398
00:18:59,663 --> 00:19:01,532
But I'm pretty sure he got back on Ruby.

399
00:19:01,533 --> 00:19:05,492
I know he got back on her,
'cause I had to hold her hoops.

400
00:19:05,493 --> 00:19:07,202
I hate to say this,

401
00:19:07,203 --> 00:19:09,122
but I'm a little jealous of Earl.

402
00:19:09,123 --> 00:19:11,452
He got a chance to do
what he's best at again.

403
00:19:11,453 --> 00:19:13,362
I'm beginning to think I
may never get that chance.

404
00:19:13,363 --> 00:19:16,362
Aw, were you holding on to hope?

405
00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:18,532
Stop. You have time. Earl's 80.

406
00:19:18,533 --> 00:19:21,282
You're only, what, like 50 now?

407
00:19:21,283 --> 00:19:26,662
Max, I really wanted to sing tonight.

408
00:19:26,663 --> 00:19:28,412
Fine.

409
00:19:28,413 --> 00:19:30,492
Earl, wake up.

410
00:19:30,493 --> 00:19:31,992
Damn it.

411
00:19:31,993 --> 00:19:35,282
Have I been living on the subway again?

412
00:19:35,283 --> 00:19:37,202
No. Caroline needs you to play.

413
00:19:37,203 --> 00:19:39,662
Oh, I don't think I
could sing on the subway.

414
00:19:39,663 --> 00:19:41,572
"God Bless the Child" in a G.

415
00:19:41,573 --> 00:19:44,282
Caroline, you're not
really gonna sing the blues.

416
00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:45,782
I mean, that music's about suffering,

417
00:19:45,783 --> 00:19:47,572
the pain of losing everything.

418
00:19:47,573 --> 00:19:49,572
How would a girl like you know about that?

419
00:19:49,573 --> 00:19:51,742
I lost $5 billion.

420
00:19:51,743 --> 00:19:53,572
Key of G, you said.

421
00:19:53,573 --> 00:19:58,122
'Scuse me... this girl's going
to sing for you right now.

422
00:19:58,123 --> 00:20:00,362
We don't want money, so don't throw things.

423
00:20:00,363 --> 00:20:02,702
So everybody listen up. Not you, sir.

424
00:20:02,703 --> 00:20:05,452
I know you're busy masturbating.

425
00:20:05,453 --> 00:20:07,162
Ready?

426
00:20:08,453 --> 00:20:11,072
♪ Them's that got shall have ♪

427
00:20:11,073 --> 00:20:12,073
Yeah.

428
00:20:14,703 --> 00:20:17,572
♪ Them's that's not shall lose ♪

429
00:20:17,573 --> 00:20:18,533
Mm-hmm!

430
00:20:21,493 --> 00:20:24,912
- ♪ So the bible said ♪
- Yeah!

431
00:20:27,913 --> 00:20:30,572
♪ And it still is news ♪

432
00:20:33,493 --> 00:20:36,492
♪ Mama may have ♪

433
00:20:38,283 --> 00:20:40,202
♪ Papa may have ♪

434
00:20:42,123 --> 00:20:45,912
♪ But God bless the child ♪

435
00:20:45,913 --> 00:20:48,162
♪ That's got his own ♪

436
00:20:48,163 --> 00:20:52,492
♪ That's got his own ♪

437
00:20:52,493 --> 00:20:54,202
Yeah...

438
00:20:54,203 --> 00:20:55,742
All right, everybody
start throwing some money.

439
00:20:55,743 --> 00:20:58,673
I didn't think she was gonna be that good.

440
00:21:05,623 --> 00:21:12,949
Subtitle sync and corrections
by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.