1
00:00:02,708 --> 00:00:03,867
Hey, Earl.
2
00:00:03,868 --> 00:00:05,747
You girls are back from Hollywood already?
3
00:00:05,748 --> 00:00:07,867
Time sure does move fast.
4
00:00:07,868 --> 00:00:08,957
We haven't left yet.
5
00:00:08,958 --> 00:00:11,907
Time sure does move slow,
6
00:00:11,908 --> 00:00:15,968
especially when you are
as high as I am right now.
7
00:00:17,498 --> 00:00:19,747
There's a car waiting out
front to take us to the airport.
8
00:00:19,748 --> 00:00:21,247
The only thing better than a town car
9
00:00:21,248 --> 00:00:23,348
is a getting-out-of-town car.
10
00:00:25,668 --> 00:00:27,667
And I came in to say
11
00:00:27,668 --> 00:00:29,077
there's a car waiting for me out front,
12
00:00:29,078 --> 00:00:30,598
and it's not a police car!
13
00:00:31,708 --> 00:00:32,957
Ha!
14
00:00:32,958 --> 00:00:35,247
I knew you two weren't going to LA.
15
00:00:35,248 --> 00:00:37,537
I knew you were just pulling my chain.
16
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:38,907
You know, when I pull your chain,
17
00:00:38,908 --> 00:00:41,747
you go, "Whoo-hoo-hoo."
18
00:00:41,748 --> 00:00:44,457
No studio would fly you two cross-country
19
00:00:44,458 --> 00:00:46,667
just to discuss a movie about Caroline
20
00:00:46,668 --> 00:00:48,287
losing all her money.
21
00:00:48,288 --> 00:00:50,997
That's almost as funny
as that time Caroline said
22
00:00:50,998 --> 00:00:54,327
she reported the diner
to the health department.
23
00:00:54,328 --> 00:00:56,667
Which reminds me, Han,
there's something here for you
24
00:00:56,668 --> 00:00:58,558
from the health department.
25
00:00:59,708 --> 00:01:01,827
Han, we really are going to LA.
26
00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:04,367
In fact, they're already
talking to the Keebler Elf
27
00:01:04,368 --> 00:01:06,138
about playing you in my movie.
28
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:09,147
It's between him and the Asian daughter
29
00:01:09,148 --> 00:01:10,558
from "Modern Family."
30
00:01:12,208 --> 00:01:14,667
Ha!
31
00:01:14,668 --> 00:01:17,167
This is almost as funny
as that time Max said
32
00:01:17,168 --> 00:01:20,207
she registered me as a sex
offender down at city hall.
33
00:01:20,208 --> 00:01:23,098
Han, there's also something
here for you from city hall.
34
00:01:24,998 --> 00:01:27,167
Girls, what happened?
35
00:01:27,168 --> 00:01:29,537
Are you on the no-fly list too?
36
00:01:29,538 --> 00:01:32,327
You hide a six-pack of
batteries in your junk once,
37
00:01:32,328 --> 00:01:35,098
and you're grounded for life.
38
00:01:36,458 --> 00:01:38,058
Let's just go and never look back.
39
00:01:47,601 --> 00:01:52,442
Subtitle sync and corrections
by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
40
00:02:02,225 --> 00:02:03,974
Oh, my God.
41
00:02:03,975 --> 00:02:05,804
This can't be our room.
42
00:02:05,805 --> 00:02:07,657
This is so sweet.
43
00:02:07,658 --> 00:02:10,107
Is that why they call it that?
44
00:02:10,108 --> 00:02:11,487
Terrace! Terrace!
45
00:02:11,488 --> 00:02:13,567
Staircase! Staircase! Oh, my God.
46
00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:15,897
Take a picture before they
realize there's been a mistake
47
00:02:15,898 --> 00:02:18,447
and put me back in coach.
48
00:02:18,448 --> 00:02:23,067
These are the only 12 steps
anyone's gonna get me to take.
49
00:02:23,068 --> 00:02:26,397
Now me. Now me. Terrace. Terrace.
50
00:02:26,398 --> 00:02:28,157
The view.
51
00:02:28,158 --> 00:02:30,567
Oh, I need to get a
picture of me with the view.
52
00:02:30,568 --> 00:02:32,237
This is so awesome.
53
00:02:32,238 --> 00:02:34,532
Our view at home is
just a painting of a view
54
00:02:34,533 --> 00:02:36,991
in the neighbor's apartment.
55
00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:41,611
Oops, careful of that railing.
56
00:02:41,612 --> 00:02:43,571
Three out-of-work
actresses "slipped and fell"
57
00:02:43,572 --> 00:02:46,321
from there last pilot season.
58
00:02:46,322 --> 00:02:48,762
One fall is an accident, three an epidemic.
59
00:02:50,202 --> 00:02:53,281
Ooh, look. We each get a pet.
60
00:02:53,282 --> 00:02:56,071
Well, I'm Lawrence, the
hotel's general manager.
61
00:02:56,072 --> 00:02:57,491
I upgraded you.
62
00:02:57,492 --> 00:02:59,491
You were supposed to be in
a room with two queens...
63
00:02:59,492 --> 00:03:00,991
well, three if I was in it.
64
00:03:02,662 --> 00:03:04,399
Thank you so much, Lawrence.
65
00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,438
That's really amazing of you.
66
00:03:06,439 --> 00:03:07,818
But why would you upgrade us?
67
00:03:07,819 --> 00:03:09,608
Are you nuts?
68
00:03:09,609 --> 00:03:12,209
That's like asking a teacher
if there's weekend homework.
69
00:03:13,439 --> 00:03:16,028
Well, I heard you were
in LA for a movie meeting,
70
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,648
and, well, keep me in mind.
71
00:03:17,649 --> 00:03:19,089
Absolutely.
72
00:03:19,090 --> 00:03:20,389
For what?
73
00:03:20,390 --> 00:03:21,469
A part.
74
00:03:21,470 --> 00:03:23,259
I'm also an actor.
75
00:03:23,260 --> 00:03:24,549
I'm very versatile.
76
00:03:24,550 --> 00:03:26,299
I can play a gay dad, a gay executive,
77
00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:28,429
a gay priest.
78
00:03:28,430 --> 00:03:30,360
Is there any other kind?
79
00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:33,759
I can also play straight.
80
00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:35,969
Just ask my ex-wife Beth.
81
00:03:35,970 --> 00:03:37,969
But she really should have suspected.
82
00:03:37,970 --> 00:03:42,049
We would get into such
knockdowns about the pesto.
83
00:03:42,050 --> 00:03:43,969
- Lawrence, I'm confused.
- About what?
84
00:03:43,970 --> 00:03:46,530
Gay guys care a lot about pesto.
85
00:03:48,220 --> 00:03:50,299
Aren't you the hotel's general manager?
86
00:03:50,300 --> 00:03:53,349
Yep, for the last 20 years,
until I get my big break.
87
00:03:53,350 --> 00:03:55,139
So keep me in mind.
88
00:03:55,140 --> 00:03:58,219
Also, Ms. Black, your
luggage is still lost,
89
00:03:58,220 --> 00:04:01,139
like me in my early f... thirties.
90
00:04:02,430 --> 00:04:05,179
Enjoy the place. It's all yours.
91
00:04:05,180 --> 00:04:06,429
This is Lawrence.
92
00:04:06,430 --> 00:04:07,639
The place is all ours!
93
00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:09,259
The place is all ours!
94
00:04:09,260 --> 00:04:10,650
Hi. You have to get out...
95
00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:13,639
For about an hour.
96
00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:15,219
Go eat. It's almost dinnertime.
97
00:04:15,220 --> 00:04:17,349
I'll put your name on the
list at our restaurant.
98
00:04:17,350 --> 00:04:18,759
And I'm sorry about this.
99
00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:20,299
It's just that I have an A-list movie star
100
00:04:20,300 --> 00:04:23,259
who wants to have an "impromptu
private meeting" here.
101
00:04:23,260 --> 00:04:26,139
Is this like a Travolta
masseuse kind of thing?
102
00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:28,549
I said "A-list."
103
00:04:36,220 --> 00:04:37,719
Lawrence said we were on a list,
104
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,349
so why are we still stuck out here?
105
00:04:39,350 --> 00:04:42,009
And don't blame my smelly
shirt, because Johnny Depp,
106
00:04:42,010 --> 00:04:45,139
who's sitting over there, smells way worse.
107
00:04:45,140 --> 00:04:47,049
Why are you two still at the bar?
108
00:04:47,050 --> 00:04:48,219
Didn't you speak to Claude?
109
00:04:48,220 --> 00:04:50,509
Which snotty gay guy is he?
110
00:04:50,510 --> 00:04:52,929
Look, not everyone in this hotel is gay.
111
00:04:52,930 --> 00:04:58,719
But Claude is
hands-down-my-pants the gayest.
112
00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:02,049
I also came to apologize
for asking you for a part...
113
00:05:02,050 --> 00:05:03,429
without showing you my reel.
114
00:05:03,430 --> 00:05:04,719
Come with me.
115
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:06,299
The Wi-Fi's better by that fountain
116
00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:08,110
that Whoopi Goldberg peed in.
117
00:05:10,260 --> 00:05:11,389
I'll be right back, Max
118
00:05:11,390 --> 00:05:13,740
I have a feeling his reel is real short.
119
00:05:15,890 --> 00:05:18,639
- Ooh, Claude? Are you Claude?
- Mm.
120
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:22,009
I'm sorry you had to
be a baby named Claude.
121
00:05:22,010 --> 00:05:23,259
I'm on the list.
122
00:05:23,260 --> 00:05:25,049
- Name?
- Max Black.
123
00:05:25,050 --> 00:05:27,219
No.
124
00:05:27,220 --> 00:05:28,679
Yes, Max Black.
125
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:31,219
Uh, no.
126
00:05:31,220 --> 00:05:33,349
Yep, that's me, Caroline Channing.
127
00:05:33,350 --> 00:05:34,849
I'm with her. We're here together.
128
00:05:34,850 --> 00:05:36,679
No.
129
00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:39,429
Dude, don't make me hit you.
130
00:05:39,430 --> 00:05:41,009
Max.
131
00:05:41,010 --> 00:05:42,849
Max Black. Max, over here.
132
00:05:42,850 --> 00:05:44,219
Claude, she's with me.
133
00:05:44,220 --> 00:05:46,280
Very good.
134
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:53,089
Just so you know, I'm not a hooker.
135
00:05:53,090 --> 00:05:54,469
Oh, I know.
136
00:05:54,470 --> 00:05:56,259
Prostitutes don't have such a tough time
137
00:05:56,260 --> 00:05:57,640
getting past the maître d' here.
138
00:05:58,890 --> 00:06:00,639
I'm Randy.
139
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,110
Sit?
140
00:06:12,590 --> 00:06:14,259
And what makes you think
I would need to hire
141
00:06:14,260 --> 00:06:15,679
a hooker to have dinner with?
142
00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:17,299
Oh, I didn't think you were a john.
143
00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:20,219
I thought you were a pimp.
144
00:06:20,220 --> 00:06:22,549
- Not a pimp.
- Uh, not buying it.
145
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,389
Who else would wear five silver rings?
146
00:06:24,390 --> 00:06:26,490
Every straight guy in LA over 40?
147
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:30,509
Wow, not a pimp, not gay.
148
00:06:30,510 --> 00:06:33,349
You're really putting
it all right out there.
149
00:06:33,350 --> 00:06:34,929
You have to be from New York.
150
00:06:34,930 --> 00:06:36,299
No, Brooklyn,
151
00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:39,070
New York City's trashy
little cousin with hep C.
152
00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:43,349
Wow, hooker, hep C.
153
00:06:43,350 --> 00:06:45,299
You're really putting it all out there.
154
00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:46,570
Can I buy you a drink?
155
00:06:50,300 --> 00:06:51,860
A house?
156
00:06:54,510 --> 00:06:56,009
There you are.
157
00:06:56,010 --> 00:06:57,389
Hi. I'm Caroline. I'm...
158
00:06:57,390 --> 00:06:58,969
- Leaving.
- What?
159
00:06:58,970 --> 00:07:02,280
Go. I just got bumped up to first.
160
00:07:13,589 --> 00:07:16,148
Livin' in LA and lovin' my life.
161
00:07:16,628 --> 00:07:18,257
Hi, Sophie. How are you?
162
00:07:18,258 --> 00:07:20,217
Oh, not too good.
163
00:07:20,218 --> 00:07:23,188
Yeah, I thought I called Max's phone.
164
00:07:25,088 --> 00:07:26,507
Is that the adoption agency?
165
00:07:26,508 --> 00:07:28,337
Did you tell them we liked that couple
166
00:07:28,338 --> 00:07:31,757
who didn't plan on a 14th?
167
00:07:31,758 --> 00:07:34,467
No, it's not the agency.
168
00:07:34,468 --> 00:07:37,467
I called to talk to
Max, but I got Caroline's
169
00:07:37,468 --> 00:07:41,427
"my life doesn't suck anymore" podcast.
170
00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:43,877
Well, Sophie, Max isn't here.
171
00:07:43,878 --> 00:07:45,507
She met this really cute guy...
172
00:07:45,508 --> 00:07:48,127
Max already got laid!
173
00:07:51,168 --> 00:07:54,358
That's why I love LA.
174
00:07:56,048 --> 00:08:00,127
Hey, way back in the day, I
was all up and down the Strip.
175
00:08:00,128 --> 00:08:03,528
Now I'm excited if I
get up and down the step.
176
00:08:05,128 --> 00:08:06,927
Sophie, Max didn't come home last night,
177
00:08:06,928 --> 00:08:08,837
but we don't know that she got laid.
178
00:08:08,838 --> 00:08:11,608
Oh, she did...
179
00:08:13,588 --> 00:08:15,547
By a lawyer.
180
00:08:15,548 --> 00:08:19,648
And the verdict is in: hot.
181
00:08:20,928 --> 00:08:25,297
Hey, Max, how hung was his jury?
182
00:08:25,298 --> 00:08:26,797
Sophie, I have to go.
183
00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:28,427
We have a meeting at the movie studio.
184
00:08:28,428 --> 00:08:29,797
Call you later, Max.
185
00:08:29,798 --> 00:08:32,127
I want details.
186
00:08:32,128 --> 00:08:34,608
Helmet or turtleneck?
187
00:08:36,548 --> 00:08:38,127
Oh, my God. I'm exhausted.
188
00:08:38,128 --> 00:08:39,507
From all the sex?
189
00:08:39,508 --> 00:08:42,257
No, we went on a hike this morning.
190
00:08:42,258 --> 00:08:45,297
LA hookups are so healthy.
191
00:08:45,298 --> 00:08:48,587
You exercised? Outside?
192
00:08:48,588 --> 00:08:50,967
Oh, you must really like this guy.
193
00:08:50,968 --> 00:08:52,547
Well, I've never had sex with a lawyer
194
00:08:52,548 --> 00:08:54,967
that wasn't court-appointed.
195
00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:56,627
I'm so happy for you.
196
00:08:56,628 --> 00:08:58,217
And he's a lawyer?
197
00:08:58,218 --> 00:08:59,717
What, like, an entertainment lawyer?
198
00:08:59,718 --> 00:09:03,087
Yep, he handles Bradley
Cooper, Nicole Kidman,
199
00:09:03,088 --> 00:09:06,188
George Clooney, and... my Clooney.
200
00:09:09,088 --> 00:09:10,667
Morning. Got news about your luggage.
201
00:09:10,668 --> 00:09:12,217
- It's here?
- No.
202
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,427
Like a young me, it's stuck in Detroit.
203
00:09:22,088 --> 00:09:24,217
Perry Tyler's office. This is Quan.
204
00:09:24,218 --> 00:09:26,667
Oh, hi.
205
00:09:26,668 --> 00:09:28,507
Yes, absolutely, set in stone.
206
00:09:28,508 --> 00:09:30,377
We're so excited.
207
00:09:30,378 --> 00:09:32,148
So not happening.
208
00:09:33,428 --> 00:09:35,167
But our meeting with Mr. Tyler
209
00:09:35,168 --> 00:09:37,127
that was scheduled for 20 minutes ago,
210
00:09:37,128 --> 00:09:38,627
that's still happening, right?
211
00:09:38,628 --> 00:09:41,528
Absolutely. Set in stone. We're so excited.
212
00:09:45,048 --> 00:09:47,087
- Ooh, I got a text.
- No, it's me.
213
00:09:47,088 --> 00:09:48,297
Oh.
214
00:09:48,298 --> 00:09:51,627
Max, I can't believe it.
215
00:09:51,628 --> 00:09:53,877
You're hoping the lawyer calls.
216
00:09:53,878 --> 00:09:56,507
I've never seen you hope for anything.
217
00:09:56,508 --> 00:09:59,377
I thought he'd call.
218
00:09:59,378 --> 00:10:01,587
I kind of liked him.
219
00:10:01,588 --> 00:10:05,927
I went outside in the daytime.
220
00:10:05,928 --> 00:10:07,507
Nina's on her way in.
221
00:10:07,508 --> 00:10:09,377
You know, she's the
executive who discovered me
222
00:10:09,378 --> 00:10:11,427
at that storytelling show.
223
00:10:11,428 --> 00:10:14,007
I'm running behind, so
you need to order me lunch.
224
00:10:14,008 --> 00:10:16,257
I want a kale salad with a side of kale
225
00:10:16,258 --> 00:10:19,148
and a kale shake, and tomorrow
better book me a kale-onic.
226
00:10:21,128 --> 00:10:22,217
Caroline, what are you doing?
227
00:10:22,218 --> 00:10:23,877
You're dressed all wrong.
228
00:10:23,878 --> 00:10:25,717
Yours is a "riches to rags" story,
229
00:10:25,718 --> 00:10:28,217
a story we'll never sell if
you go in there wearing that.
230
00:10:28,218 --> 00:10:30,127
I have a huge hole near the crotch
231
00:10:30,128 --> 00:10:31,377
in my panty hose, if that helps.
232
00:10:31,378 --> 00:10:33,467
It doesn't.
233
00:10:33,468 --> 00:10:38,108
You need to look broke,
busted, discarded from society.
234
00:10:39,048 --> 00:10:40,627
Put on what she's wearing.
235
00:10:40,628 --> 00:10:42,427
Fine,
236
00:10:42,428 --> 00:10:46,507
as long as I don't have to
wear that stupid nurse cape.
237
00:10:53,878 --> 00:10:57,467
That dress looks cute
on you, all three of you.
238
00:10:57,468 --> 00:10:59,627
I know. Ugh, look at this.
239
00:10:59,628 --> 00:11:03,007
It's like my first day of kindergarten.
240
00:11:03,008 --> 00:11:04,667
Hi.
241
00:11:04,668 --> 00:11:07,047
It's been two hours. Is he maybe ready yet?
242
00:11:07,048 --> 00:11:09,398
Absolutely. We're so excited.
243
00:11:10,798 --> 00:11:13,927
Fine, but these are about to blow.
244
00:11:13,928 --> 00:11:17,127
So don't come crying to me when
you're blinded by boob buttons.
245
00:11:17,128 --> 00:11:20,398
Something in your shirt is itching me.
246
00:11:21,968 --> 00:11:24,667
Why is there a joint in your shirt?
247
00:11:24,668 --> 00:11:26,667
I think that's obvious.
248
00:11:26,668 --> 00:11:29,717
It fell down from my hair.
249
00:11:29,718 --> 00:11:33,297
Good thing you found it and
not those TSA party poopers.
250
00:11:34,758 --> 00:11:36,087
My phone. Where? Where it it?
251
00:11:36,088 --> 00:11:38,087
Oh, I put it here in your front pocket.
252
00:11:38,088 --> 00:11:40,297
Oh, cool, there's never
room there when I wear it.
253
00:11:40,298 --> 00:11:42,297
See, Max, I knew he'd call you.
254
00:11:42,298 --> 00:11:44,047
- Well, he said he would.
- And he will.
255
00:11:44,048 --> 00:11:46,967
But right now, this is Sophie.
256
00:11:46,968 --> 00:11:48,167
Hi, Sophie.
257
00:11:48,168 --> 00:11:50,127
How's the adoption going?
258
00:11:50,128 --> 00:11:54,167
Did you find a 16-year-old who
really let her parents down?
259
00:11:54,168 --> 00:11:57,547
Hey, Earl, where is Oleg right now?
260
00:11:57,548 --> 00:11:59,587
He just went to the men's room
261
00:11:59,588 --> 00:12:03,257
with the bra ads from today's paper.
262
00:12:03,258 --> 00:12:06,978
Okay, I have 45 minutes.
263
00:12:08,758 --> 00:12:10,047
But the thing is,
264
00:12:10,048 --> 00:12:14,257
I still want the baby to look like me.
265
00:12:14,258 --> 00:12:19,087
Well you can put hair
extensions on anything.
266
00:12:19,088 --> 00:12:22,427
Are you saying that I shouldn't adopt
267
00:12:22,428 --> 00:12:26,007
and I should keep trying
to have my own baby?
268
00:12:26,008 --> 00:12:29,587
Ohh, I've got go Sophie,
our 4:00 2:00 meeting is on.
269
00:12:29,588 --> 00:12:31,047
That's a wrap for today, Quan.
270
00:12:31,048 --> 00:12:32,967
Wait, he's just gonna leave
271
00:12:32,968 --> 00:12:34,587
and not acknowledge our existence?
272
00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:36,087
I can't believe this.
273
00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:38,257
They're treating me
like they know who I am.
274
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:39,377
Mr. Tyler.
275
00:12:39,378 --> 00:12:40,797
Hi, Caroline Channing.
276
00:12:40,798 --> 00:12:42,047
We were supposed to have a meeting.
277
00:12:42,048 --> 00:12:44,217
Quick refresher: lost my billions
278
00:12:44,218 --> 00:12:48,087
but not my plucky can-do
attitude against all odds.
279
00:12:48,088 --> 00:12:50,627
I'm Max. I'm the odds.
280
00:12:50,628 --> 00:12:53,427
Oh, yeah, you're the sad,
dejected, destitute girl.
281
00:12:53,428 --> 00:12:56,167
That's me, the destitute girl.
282
00:12:56,168 --> 00:12:58,427
So sorry. Today got away from me.
283
00:12:58,428 --> 00:13:01,257
Ryan Murphy can talk.
284
00:13:01,258 --> 00:13:03,087
I'll have my office call you tomorrow.
285
00:13:03,088 --> 00:13:04,217
Call her?
286
00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:05,797
Call her?
287
00:13:05,798 --> 00:13:07,127
Why don't you just tell her the truth,
288
00:13:07,128 --> 00:13:08,967
that she's never gonna hear from you,
289
00:13:08,968 --> 00:13:11,257
the movie's never gonna
happen, and like every other man
290
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:14,148
in this town, you're full
of crap and silver jewelry.
291
00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:17,087
Well, okay then.
292
00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:19,427
So sorry to have kept you waiting.
293
00:13:19,428 --> 00:13:21,818
Quan, set them up with
another appointment tomorrow.
294
00:13:24,758 --> 00:13:26,858
And this is platinum.
295
00:13:28,128 --> 00:13:30,217
He's really gonna meet with us, right?
296
00:13:30,218 --> 00:13:33,438
Absolutely. Set in stone. We're so excited.
297
00:13:34,428 --> 00:13:36,877
So never gonna happen.
298
00:13:36,878 --> 00:13:38,467
What do we do now?
299
00:13:38,468 --> 00:13:42,167
Well, as I said on my
first day of kindergarten...
300
00:13:42,168 --> 00:13:44,268
it's recess.
301
00:13:52,478 --> 00:13:53,977
There you are.
302
00:13:53,978 --> 00:13:56,227
Drinking alone at a bar in the morning.
303
00:13:56,228 --> 00:13:59,437
Did we switch bodies
when we switched clothes?
304
00:13:59,438 --> 00:14:02,517
It's 5:00 somewhere.
305
00:14:02,518 --> 00:14:04,897
Oh, my God. Maybe we have.
306
00:14:04,898 --> 00:14:07,977
I just needed a few
sips to calm myself down.
307
00:14:07,978 --> 00:14:11,057
Look, I'm really sorry I
lost it on that studio guy.
308
00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:14,437
And I guess running behind his
car and begging didn't work.
309
00:14:14,438 --> 00:14:18,017
Wow, even apologizing in LA is healthy.
310
00:14:18,018 --> 00:14:20,517
There's still a chance; Nina's
meeting with Perry right now.
311
00:14:20,518 --> 00:14:22,477
Maybe she'll smooth everything over,
312
00:14:22,478 --> 00:14:25,477
like everybody does here with their faces.
313
00:14:25,478 --> 00:14:27,607
Oh, Claude, hi, Caroline Channing.
314
00:14:27,608 --> 00:14:29,397
Lawrence put me on the list for a table.
315
00:14:29,398 --> 00:14:32,897
And I'm Max Black, your worst nightmare.
316
00:14:32,898 --> 00:14:35,477
One moment.
317
00:14:35,478 --> 00:14:37,687
So aggressive. What is the problem?
318
00:14:37,688 --> 00:14:40,317
I'm guessing low self-esteem.
319
00:14:40,318 --> 00:14:42,897
Not him. I'm talking about you.
320
00:14:42,898 --> 00:14:46,017
I'm guessing low self-esteem.
321
00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:47,607
Nina, hi.
322
00:14:47,608 --> 00:14:49,607
I didn't realize your
meeting with Perry was here.
323
00:14:49,608 --> 00:14:52,107
God, it's like everyone
in Hollywood is here.
324
00:14:52,108 --> 00:14:54,267
Yes, for about another month.
325
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:55,687
Then this place will be as empty
326
00:14:55,688 --> 00:14:57,748
as Keira Knightley's refrigerator.
327
00:14:59,518 --> 00:15:01,727
So I just talked to Perry, and looks like
328
00:15:01,728 --> 00:15:04,107
he was really offended by you yesterday.
329
00:15:04,108 --> 00:15:07,687
Uh, I'm sure people have
said worse things to that man.
330
00:15:07,688 --> 00:15:10,958
I mean, his license plate
says, "Makin' Movies."
331
00:15:12,318 --> 00:15:14,397
Max, you can't have an attitude like that
332
00:15:14,398 --> 00:15:16,437
and not get buried in Hollywood.
333
00:15:16,438 --> 00:15:18,317
Nina.
334
00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:19,767
Just ask Claude.
335
00:15:19,768 --> 00:15:21,868
He used to run Paramount.
336
00:15:24,108 --> 00:15:25,557
It's over?
337
00:15:25,558 --> 00:15:27,437
I came all this way to be disappointed
338
00:15:27,438 --> 00:15:29,477
by a rich guy in Hollywood?
339
00:15:29,478 --> 00:15:33,477
I could have just seen a Kevin Hart movie.
340
00:15:33,478 --> 00:15:35,187
I'm sorry.
341
00:15:35,188 --> 00:15:38,288
I better go sign for these
drinks while they're still free.
342
00:15:41,058 --> 00:15:43,977
Claude, Claude, look,
343
00:15:43,978 --> 00:15:45,647
I know you and I haven't gotten along,
344
00:15:45,648 --> 00:15:47,107
but quick fave.
345
00:15:47,108 --> 00:15:48,727
I need to fix something for my friend.
346
00:15:48,728 --> 00:15:51,647
Can I just go over there
and talk to that guy, please?
347
00:15:51,648 --> 00:15:53,647
Are you on the list?
348
00:15:53,648 --> 00:15:56,078
I've never been on the list.
349
00:16:00,938 --> 00:16:02,817
I can do this all day, sweetheart.
350
00:16:02,818 --> 00:16:05,118
I'm a gay rumba champion.
351
00:16:15,818 --> 00:16:18,227
Hi, I'm Max. I'll be your server.
352
00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:19,697
Today's soup is "please don't ruin
353
00:16:19,698 --> 00:16:22,538
my friend Caroline's
chance, it's all my fault."
354
00:16:24,268 --> 00:16:27,017
And, of course, it's vegan, no dairy.
355
00:16:27,018 --> 00:16:28,477
What's going on here?
356
00:16:28,478 --> 00:16:30,187
Sir, I really screwed up,
357
00:16:30,188 --> 00:16:33,017
and as I screamed into
your muffler yesterday,
358
00:16:33,018 --> 00:16:35,187
I am here to beg your forgiveness.
359
00:16:35,188 --> 00:16:36,437
I wasn't talking about you.
360
00:16:36,438 --> 00:16:39,517
I meant, why is there bread on my table?
361
00:16:39,518 --> 00:16:41,017
Give her another chance.
362
00:16:41,018 --> 00:16:42,647
This is the first good
thing to happen to her
363
00:16:42,648 --> 00:16:44,437
since she lost all her money,
364
00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:47,248
aside from the time the
Red Cross gave us coffee.
365
00:16:48,438 --> 00:16:49,977
At least meet with her,
366
00:16:49,978 --> 00:16:52,437
so you can hear how amazing her story is.
367
00:16:52,438 --> 00:16:55,017
It's a story of someone not being defined
368
00:16:55,018 --> 00:16:57,317
by all the bad things that have
happened to them in the past
369
00:16:57,318 --> 00:16:59,817
and just moving on.
370
00:16:59,818 --> 00:17:02,437
I'd buy a ticket to that.
371
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:03,477
Perry, what's happening here?
372
00:17:03,478 --> 00:17:05,727
Why is there bread on your table?
373
00:17:05,728 --> 00:17:07,317
This girl keeps trying to convince me
374
00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:09,437
to have a meeting with her friend.
375
00:17:09,438 --> 00:17:11,057
I haven't seen a waitress this desperate
376
00:17:11,058 --> 00:17:13,618
since Shannen Doherty slipped
me her head shot last night.
377
00:17:16,318 --> 00:17:17,687
Well, as your lawyer,
378
00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:20,227
I recommend you give her
exactly what she wants.
379
00:17:20,228 --> 00:17:21,647
You won't be sorry.
380
00:17:21,648 --> 00:17:23,578
I wasn't.
381
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:27,227
Come back tomorrow at 11:00.
382
00:17:27,228 --> 00:17:30,317
You guys may have to wait,
but I'll squeeze you in.
383
00:17:30,318 --> 00:17:33,477
Oh, my... thank you so much.
384
00:17:33,478 --> 00:17:34,897
Now, I have to go find my friend
385
00:17:34,898 --> 00:17:37,998
before she accidentally slips
and falls off the terrace.
386
00:17:39,478 --> 00:17:41,418
Max, hold up.
387
00:17:42,318 --> 00:17:44,267
That was really cool of you.
388
00:17:44,268 --> 00:17:46,437
I'm not even upset anymore
that you didn't call me.
389
00:17:46,438 --> 00:17:48,477
I didn't want to come on too strong.
390
00:17:48,478 --> 00:17:51,418
Should I not have taken
dating advice from David Spade?
391
00:17:53,818 --> 00:17:56,437
Ooh, I got to take this.
392
00:17:56,438 --> 00:17:58,477
Of course you do.
393
00:18:06,228 --> 00:18:08,517
Hello?
394
00:18:08,518 --> 00:18:12,397
Hey, it's me.
395
00:18:12,398 --> 00:18:13,817
Can I see you tonight?
396
00:18:13,818 --> 00:18:17,107
Did you get that from David Spade?
397
00:18:17,108 --> 00:18:18,727
That's all Stamos, baby.
398
00:18:22,318 --> 00:18:24,897
And you're sure it's
not another fake meeting?
399
00:18:24,898 --> 00:18:26,687
Because Quan called me to confirm,
400
00:18:26,688 --> 00:18:28,897
and that makes me nervous.
401
00:18:28,898 --> 00:18:31,147
Randy says the meeting's legit.
402
00:18:31,148 --> 00:18:32,517
And turns out
403
00:18:32,518 --> 00:18:35,817
you may have an LA BF.
404
00:18:35,818 --> 00:18:38,517
Um, he is not my BF.
405
00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:43,357
Because B stands for "boy,"
and that guy is a ma-an.
406
00:18:44,688 --> 00:18:46,557
Good news about your luggage.
407
00:18:46,558 --> 00:18:50,357
Like a young me, it arrived
in Los Angeles in one piece...
408
00:18:50,358 --> 00:18:52,227
with a few holes in it.
409
00:18:52,228 --> 00:18:53,317
This is you, right?
410
00:18:53,318 --> 00:18:54,607
Sure looks like me.
411
00:18:54,608 --> 00:18:56,897
Max, you packed your waitress uniform?
412
00:18:56,898 --> 00:19:01,607
The weird thing is, I didn't.
413
00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:03,857
I guess I'm never getting
away from that life.
414
00:19:03,858 --> 00:19:05,437
Yes, you will. We're in Hollywood.
415
00:19:05,438 --> 00:19:07,187
Anything can happen.
416
00:19:07,188 --> 00:19:08,977
Oh, Lawrence, how did your audition go?
417
00:19:08,978 --> 00:19:10,477
I didn't get it.
418
00:19:10,478 --> 00:19:12,357
Oh, well, maybe it wasn't
the right role for you.
419
00:19:12,358 --> 00:19:13,857
What was it?
420
00:19:13,858 --> 00:19:15,477
The Filipino gay general manager of a hotel
421
00:19:15,478 --> 00:19:17,288
who used to be straight.
422
00:19:19,478 --> 00:19:22,397
Next one. You'll get the next one.
423
00:19:22,398 --> 00:19:24,607
Well, now that your movie's
back on, keep me in mind.
424
00:19:24,608 --> 00:19:26,397
I really am a good actor.
425
00:19:26,398 --> 00:19:29,538
Like right now, I'm acting
like I'm not depressed.
426
00:19:31,438 --> 00:19:33,017
Let's go out.
427
00:19:33,018 --> 00:19:34,897
Let's do Hollywood stuff.
428
00:19:34,898 --> 00:19:37,477
Let's go to the Observatory or
see where Biggie got murdered.
429
00:19:37,478 --> 00:19:39,557
Okay!
430
00:19:39,558 --> 00:19:41,267
Let me just grab something to wear.
431
00:19:42,898 --> 00:19:44,647
Oh, my God. I hope that isn't Lawrence
432
00:19:44,648 --> 00:19:46,397
saying that he needs the place for an hour
433
00:19:46,398 --> 00:19:50,267
because Ben Affleck is here with a nanny...
434
00:19:50,268 --> 00:19:53,437
Jude Law is here with a nanny...
435
00:19:53,438 --> 00:19:55,868
Gavin Rossdale is here with a nanny.
436
00:19:57,318 --> 00:19:58,538
Hi, girls.
437
00:20:01,518 --> 00:20:05,267
Hey, we've got a lady that
looks like you at home.
438
00:20:05,268 --> 00:20:08,517
Wow, nice room.
439
00:20:08,518 --> 00:20:10,687
Sophie, what are you doing here?
440
00:20:10,688 --> 00:20:12,687
Well, after Max talked me into
441
00:20:12,688 --> 00:20:14,357
not adopting...
442
00:20:14,358 --> 00:20:16,538
- I did?
- You did.
443
00:20:18,108 --> 00:20:21,767
Well, I did a little research
on my Barnes and Noble Nook.
444
00:20:21,768 --> 00:20:23,397
Do you want one?
445
00:20:23,398 --> 00:20:27,057
I guess they're just
giving them away right now.
446
00:20:27,058 --> 00:20:28,477
No, thanks.
447
00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:30,227
I prefer to lie about the books I've read
448
00:20:30,228 --> 00:20:32,397
the old-fashioned way.
449
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:35,857
Well, it turns out all of
these Hollywood actresses
450
00:20:35,858 --> 00:20:40,187
that are having babies
over 40, like Geena Davis,
451
00:20:40,188 --> 00:20:45,057
Jane Seymour, Neil Patrick Harris,
452
00:20:45,058 --> 00:20:49,017
well, they're all going to
this big-shot healer out here,
453
00:20:49,018 --> 00:20:53,357
so here I am.
454
00:20:53,358 --> 00:20:55,357
It's cool if I stay with you, right?
455
00:20:55,358 --> 00:20:57,477
- Absolutely.
- Set in stone.
456
00:20:57,478 --> 00:21:00,578
We're so excited.
457
00:21:05,533 --> 00:21:12,059
Subtitle sync and corrections
by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.