1
00:00:02,429 --> 00:00:03,299
Listen up.
2
00:00:03,300 --> 00:00:06,051
Max and Caroline are at
a big Hollywood premiere.
3
00:00:06,052 --> 00:00:08,841
They say Harrison Ford is there.
4
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:12,317
Tell Han Solo, "Hello from Han."
5
00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:15,841
Who always does it solo.
6
00:00:15,842 --> 00:00:18,091
Yeah, this place is
crawling with celebs.
7
00:00:18,092 --> 00:00:19,971
Everyone's here.
8
00:00:19,972 --> 00:00:23,395
Matt Damon, Cate Blanchett,
Amy Schumer's sister.
9
00:00:24,382 --> 00:00:28,099
If you see Burt Reynolds,
tell him I have his belt.
10
00:00:28,682 --> 00:00:30,341
Snap some boob pics.
11
00:00:30,342 --> 00:00:33,927
Some A-list D's or some B-list C's.
12
00:00:34,262 --> 00:00:36,181
I can't. My phone's dead.
13
00:00:36,182 --> 00:00:39,141
But you're on your phone.
14
00:00:39,142 --> 00:00:40,761
Big ruckus here.
15
00:00:40,762 --> 00:00:43,883
Matt Damon just threw a
puff pastry at Don Cheadle.
16
00:00:44,802 --> 00:00:47,121
How bout we FaceTime?
17
00:00:47,762 --> 00:00:49,801
Can't. No reception.
18
00:00:49,802 --> 00:00:51,869
But we're talking to you right now.
19
00:00:52,642 --> 00:00:54,261
Well, I gotta go.
20
00:00:54,262 --> 00:00:56,576
Julia Roberts wants to split an UberX.
21
00:00:58,052 --> 00:00:59,681
I feel bad lying to Han.
22
00:00:59,682 --> 00:01:02,947
I mean, he's already been
catfished three times this year.
23
00:01:03,142 --> 00:01:06,300
To be fair, two of those times were me.
24
00:01:06,842 --> 00:01:08,141
And we're not really lying.
25
00:01:08,142 --> 00:01:09,641
We could have gone to
that Hollywood party
26
00:01:09,642 --> 00:01:10,931
if we wanted to.
27
00:01:10,932 --> 00:01:13,141
- And had been invited.
- Hmm.
28
00:01:13,142 --> 00:01:15,574
And hadn't been kicked out by security.
29
00:01:16,262 --> 00:01:18,612
We're still on the line.
30
00:01:20,302 --> 00:01:22,728
We can never go back there.
31
00:01:28,092 --> 00:01:34,676
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
32
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So nice of your new man
33
00:01:46,899 --> 00:01:49,108
to send us a pressed juice basket.
34
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,697
So LA.
35
00:01:51,698 --> 00:01:53,697
So gross!
36
00:01:55,028 --> 00:01:57,625
I love them. They're disgusting.
37
00:01:58,198 --> 00:02:01,264
This one's like licking
a beet's undercarriage.
38
00:02:01,488 --> 00:02:04,487
Still, it was really
thoughtful of Randy.
39
00:02:04,488 --> 00:02:06,197
He must really like you,
40
00:02:06,198 --> 00:02:08,959
and really want you to stay regular.
41
00:02:09,068 --> 00:02:11,237
Yeah, someone really buried the lead
42
00:02:11,238 --> 00:02:13,237
on this whole being treated well thing,
43
00:02:13,238 --> 00:02:14,897
and I miss him.
44
00:02:14,898 --> 00:02:17,781
You saw him 30 minutes ago.
45
00:02:17,988 --> 00:02:20,208
Feels like 35.
46
00:02:20,858 --> 00:02:23,429
What is that about? Do I have shingles?
47
00:02:25,568 --> 00:02:27,987
Oh, my God. I just got an e-mail.
48
00:02:27,988 --> 00:02:31,237
The world's most in-demand
actress is on her way over
49
00:02:31,238 --> 00:02:34,317
to talk about playing me
in the movie of my life.
50
00:02:34,318 --> 00:02:36,418
Betty White's coming here?
51
00:02:37,778 --> 00:02:40,237
It's Jennifer Lawrence!
52
00:02:40,238 --> 00:02:43,107
Amy Schumer's sister's best friend.
53
00:02:43,108 --> 00:02:45,067
The studio just set it up.
54
00:02:45,068 --> 00:02:47,437
She wants to meet me to
see if she digs my vibe.
55
00:02:47,438 --> 00:02:50,281
Oh, wish I had my vibe.
56
00:02:51,198 --> 00:02:53,567
They wouldn't let me
bring it on the plane.
57
00:02:53,568 --> 00:02:55,067
What was I gonna do?
58
00:02:55,068 --> 00:02:57,716
Terrorize everyone with pleasure?
59
00:02:59,438 --> 00:03:01,647
Oh, I better go brush my teeth.
60
00:03:01,648 --> 00:03:03,067
I don't want Jennifer Lawrence to think
61
00:03:03,068 --> 00:03:05,647
I licked a cantaloupe's armpit.
62
00:03:05,648 --> 00:03:08,397
The star of "The Hunger
Games" is coming here?
63
00:03:08,398 --> 00:03:09,737
We will have lots in common.
64
00:03:09,738 --> 00:03:11,527
I mean, I've killed kids for food.
65
00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:15,641
Hey, everybody.
66
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:22,147
Does anyone know how to shut off
the fire alarm in the elevator?
67
00:03:22,148 --> 00:03:25,857
'Cause this sage is really popping off.
68
00:03:25,858 --> 00:03:28,287
Hey, puff puff pass.
69
00:03:28,318 --> 00:03:30,277
Ah, you don't smoke it.
70
00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:33,533
No, it cleans your aura
or some crap like that.
71
00:03:34,398 --> 00:03:36,737
Well, that sounds spiritual.
72
00:03:36,738 --> 00:03:39,147
Oh, you know, my healer says
73
00:03:39,148 --> 00:03:41,357
the reason that I haven't
been able to get pregnant
74
00:03:41,358 --> 00:03:44,197
is that my aura is filthier
75
00:03:44,198 --> 00:03:47,147
than my gynecologist's Instagram.
76
00:03:47,148 --> 00:03:49,697
Yeah.
77
00:03:49,698 --> 00:03:52,741
But I did get a lot of likes.
78
00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:54,437
Ugh, Sophie,
79
00:03:54,438 --> 00:03:56,237
I'm getting second hand hippie.
80
00:03:56,238 --> 00:03:57,777
Hey.
81
00:03:57,778 --> 00:03:59,317
Sophie, I have got to
get this out of here
82
00:03:59,318 --> 00:04:01,987
or Jennifer Lawrence will
think this is my vibe.
83
00:04:01,988 --> 00:04:05,256
I'm going for Grace
Kelly not Woody Harrelson.
84
00:04:05,398 --> 00:04:07,861
Well, that's a mistake.
85
00:04:08,358 --> 00:04:10,067
You know what?
86
00:04:10,068 --> 00:04:12,462
My healer, Audra, gave
me a whole list of things
87
00:04:12,462 --> 00:04:14,567
that I need to do in
order to get pregnant.
88
00:04:14,568 --> 00:04:18,397
Is one of them, "Have
sex the front way"?
89
00:04:18,398 --> 00:04:22,527
Yeah, also, "Eat apples, meditate,
90
00:04:22,528 --> 00:04:25,987
cut down on cigars."
91
00:04:25,988 --> 00:04:28,277
She also said that I have to practice
92
00:04:28,278 --> 00:04:31,197
loving kindness with everyone.
93
00:04:31,198 --> 00:04:34,397
Even the people who
trigger my negativity.
94
00:04:34,398 --> 00:04:36,397
Yeah, but you know what?
95
00:04:36,398 --> 00:04:39,397
I'm as sweet as the sugar substitute
96
00:04:39,398 --> 00:04:43,147
that gave half my family cancer, yeah.
97
00:04:43,148 --> 00:04:44,357
You're maybe not always
98
00:04:44,358 --> 00:04:47,937
sweet as sugar substitute to everyone.
99
00:04:47,938 --> 00:04:50,647
I'm not?
100
00:04:50,648 --> 00:04:52,748
Well, here comes this idiot.
101
00:04:54,648 --> 00:04:56,567
You know what?
102
00:04:56,568 --> 00:05:00,397
I'm gonna be real nice to
you so that I can have a baby.
103
00:05:00,398 --> 00:05:02,607
So I don't care what
kind of crap comes out
104
00:05:02,608 --> 00:05:04,317
of your stupid pie hole.
105
00:05:04,318 --> 00:05:07,487
Oh, my God, I'm a monster.
106
00:05:10,488 --> 00:05:13,067
Oh, my God, do you think
that's Jennifer Lawrence?
107
00:05:13,068 --> 00:05:15,317
That was fast. What a star.
108
00:05:15,318 --> 00:05:18,567
Prompt and she costs less than a man.
109
00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:23,527
Or maybe it's Randy. It's
been a whole 38 minutes.
110
00:05:23,528 --> 00:05:26,357
39.
111
00:05:26,358 --> 00:05:29,956
Aww, that's making me horny.
112
00:05:29,957 --> 00:05:33,366
Yeah, and that's not on my list.
113
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:35,826
I came over to tell you I
can't stay the night tonight.
114
00:05:35,827 --> 00:05:37,666
I gotta go to Miami.
115
00:05:37,667 --> 00:05:40,166
My client's causing trouble
on the new Johnny Depp movie.
116
00:05:40,167 --> 00:05:42,406
My client's Johnny Depp.
117
00:05:42,407 --> 00:05:44,536
Is it another "Pirates" movie?
118
00:05:44,537 --> 00:05:47,246
'Cause I'm only four
hours into the last one.
119
00:05:49,957 --> 00:05:51,403
Caroline Channing's office.
120
00:05:51,404 --> 00:05:54,403
This is her assistant
Tiesha. Please hold.
121
00:05:54,404 --> 00:05:57,573
I gave myself an assistant
'cause I deserve one.
122
00:05:57,574 --> 00:05:59,903
Oh, yeah, there it is.
123
00:05:59,904 --> 00:06:03,273
Oh, my God, I'm getting triggered.
124
00:06:05,324 --> 00:06:07,193
Oh, man.
125
00:06:07,194 --> 00:06:09,403
My dog sitter just quit.
126
00:06:09,404 --> 00:06:12,613
She married Eddie Murphy.
127
00:06:12,614 --> 00:06:14,273
Now I don't have anybody to watch Bruno.
128
00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:15,823
Oh, I can watch Bruno.
129
00:06:15,824 --> 00:06:18,863
Would you want to stay
with him at my place?
130
00:06:18,864 --> 00:06:21,154
At your beautiful house in the hills
131
00:06:21,155 --> 00:06:23,033
with an amazing view
of the Hollywood sign?
132
00:06:23,034 --> 00:06:25,363
Ugh, fine, but only
'cause I really want to.
133
00:06:26,864 --> 00:06:29,483
Okay, so unfortch J Law
got swarmed by the paps
134
00:06:29,484 --> 00:06:31,073
so she has to reschedj.
135
00:06:31,074 --> 00:06:33,033
Oh, boy.
136
00:06:33,034 --> 00:06:36,964
I picked the wrong week
to quit smoking cigars.
137
00:06:43,484 --> 00:06:45,863
Randy, that view is so amazing.
138
00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:49,113
We're so close I can see the
"ho" of the Hollywood sign.
139
00:06:49,114 --> 00:06:53,773
And I bet it's saying, "I can
see the ho of Williamsburg."
140
00:06:53,774 --> 00:06:56,323
Wow, this place is gorgeous.
141
00:06:56,324 --> 00:06:58,693
The last guy Max dated
had a mattress on the floor
142
00:06:58,694 --> 00:07:02,273
and a lady named Sheila
living in the crawl space.
143
00:07:02,274 --> 00:07:05,573
Caroline, are you trying
to make me jealous?
144
00:07:05,574 --> 00:07:07,403
Oh, you have nothing to worry about.
145
00:07:07,404 --> 00:07:10,323
There's no way that guy's still alive.
146
00:07:10,324 --> 00:07:11,943
Look, the next 24 hours,
147
00:07:11,944 --> 00:07:13,693
just treat this place like it's yours.
148
00:07:13,694 --> 00:07:16,443
Don't worry, I will take
really good care of Bruno.
149
00:07:16,444 --> 00:07:19,193
I'll let him sleep right in the hills.
150
00:07:19,194 --> 00:07:21,113
I haven't been this jealous of my dog
151
00:07:21,114 --> 00:07:25,483
since I saw him licking
his own balls every day.
152
00:07:25,484 --> 00:07:27,363
Randy, would you say
it's private up here?
153
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,573
Like private enough to have
a meeting with a celebrity
154
00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:30,863
who I'm not at will to name,
155
00:07:30,864 --> 00:07:32,983
but it's Jennifer Lawrence.
156
00:07:32,984 --> 00:07:34,903
Yeah, it's really quiet up here.
157
00:07:34,904 --> 00:07:36,363
Just one neighbor up the hill.
158
00:07:36,364 --> 00:07:38,363
Old guy. Rocks the hell
out of a stained sweat suit.
159
00:07:38,364 --> 00:07:39,733
We get along great.
160
00:07:39,734 --> 00:07:41,533
We've never spoken.
161
00:07:41,534 --> 00:07:44,323
I can't get a signal.
What's your Wi-Fi password?
162
00:07:44,324 --> 00:07:46,363
1, 2, 5, lowercase B,
163
00:07:46,364 --> 00:07:48,863
uppercase D, dash, dash, 6, 3,
164
00:07:48,864 --> 00:07:51,464
lowercase F, uppercase F, 5, 2, 1.
165
00:07:53,944 --> 00:07:56,323
Or you can get some reception outside.
166
00:07:56,324 --> 00:07:59,693
All right, I gotta go.
167
00:07:59,694 --> 00:08:01,403
Come here, big boy.
168
00:08:01,404 --> 00:08:03,233
Who's Daddy's big boy? Yes.
169
00:08:03,234 --> 00:08:06,653
That call works on me too, FYI.
170
00:08:06,654 --> 00:08:10,403
Come here, big boy.
171
00:08:12,234 --> 00:08:13,773
Mmm.
172
00:08:13,774 --> 00:08:16,153
Caroline, where's the best reception?
173
00:08:16,154 --> 00:08:20,233
Behind the hedge down the hill
near this big cactus and... ow!
174
00:08:20,234 --> 00:08:22,033
Ooh, getting a little
heat on this table.
175
00:08:22,034 --> 00:08:24,073
I'm gonna call the diner.
176
00:08:28,824 --> 00:08:31,323
Hey, Max, how's my girl?
177
00:08:31,324 --> 00:08:35,323
Are you rich, famous,
and driving a Prius yet?
178
00:08:35,324 --> 00:08:37,773
Earl, you would not
believe where we are.
179
00:08:37,774 --> 00:08:40,403
I am looking down on all of LA.
180
00:08:40,404 --> 00:08:43,613
Oh, I'm doing that from here.
181
00:08:43,614 --> 00:08:46,363
Ask Max if she talked to Sophie.
182
00:08:46,364 --> 00:08:49,363
I didn't get an up the
skirt selfie this morning
183
00:08:49,364 --> 00:08:51,613
and I'm worried.
184
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:54,403
I got it by accident.
185
00:08:55,444 --> 00:08:57,943
And I'm hoping talking about it
186
00:08:57,944 --> 00:09:00,693
will somehow free me from it.
187
00:09:00,694 --> 00:09:03,113
Can you forward it to me?
188
00:09:03,114 --> 00:09:05,073
You know what? Just take my phone.
189
00:09:05,074 --> 00:09:07,584
I'll buy a new one.
190
00:09:11,445 --> 00:09:12,584
Ow.
191
00:09:13,734 --> 00:09:15,533
Whoa! Stop...
192
00:09:15,534 --> 00:09:18,653
blowing. Stop blowing.
193
00:09:18,654 --> 00:09:20,323
Blowing...
194
00:09:20,324 --> 00:09:23,273
Thank you!
195
00:09:23,274 --> 00:09:25,113
So how would you rate the LA blow job
196
00:09:25,114 --> 00:09:27,733
compared to the ones in New York?
197
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,827
This one was less work.
198
00:09:39,086 --> 00:09:41,505
When Jennifer Lawrence
gets here to interview me,
199
00:09:41,506 --> 00:09:43,875
just know, I'm also
kind of interviewing her.
200
00:09:43,876 --> 00:09:45,675
I mean, I know she has my looks,
201
00:09:45,676 --> 00:09:48,545
but does she have my naiveté?
202
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:52,505
Is that French for "small boobs"?
203
00:09:52,506 --> 00:09:55,505
Max, I know I said this
at the airport Arby's,
204
00:09:55,506 --> 00:09:58,335
but I could totally see you living here.
205
00:09:58,336 --> 00:09:59,965
Thanks, girl.
206
00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:03,505
I could totally see you visiting us.
207
00:10:03,506 --> 00:10:06,675
And look at this TV from the future.
208
00:10:06,676 --> 00:10:10,415
Where are the cords?
209
00:10:10,416 --> 00:10:12,875
And watch this. Television...
210
00:10:12,876 --> 00:10:15,255
give me Samuel L. Jackson.
211
00:10:15,256 --> 00:10:18,675
Finding Samuel L. Jackson.
212
00:10:18,676 --> 00:10:21,375
Wow, he's in every movie.
213
00:10:21,376 --> 00:10:24,295
He's like the black Kevin Bacon.
214
00:10:24,296 --> 00:10:27,465
Dude, can you believe my life?
215
00:10:27,466 --> 00:10:29,295
And you saw that pool out there.
216
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:30,656
You don't even have to blow it up.
217
00:10:32,176 --> 00:10:34,566
Let's go look at it again.
218
00:10:36,506 --> 00:10:38,715
Excuse me, Antonio? Could
you water that cactus?
219
00:10:38,716 --> 00:10:40,965
It's looking a little dry.
220
00:10:40,966 --> 00:10:42,875
That didn't sound rude
to the help, did it?
221
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,335
I don't want to be that person.
222
00:10:44,336 --> 00:10:45,965
Meaning you.
223
00:10:45,966 --> 00:10:48,125
Okay, Jennifer Lawrence
will be here any minute,
224
00:10:48,126 --> 00:10:49,465
and, Max, I have to say,
225
00:10:49,466 --> 00:10:51,625
I'm having the best hair day ever.
226
00:10:53,126 --> 00:10:56,255
I was having the best hair day ever.
227
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:59,715
Dude, Jennifer Lawrence
took a helicopter here.
228
00:10:59,716 --> 00:11:01,505
That is so baller.
229
00:11:01,506 --> 00:11:04,715
No, it's probably the
paparazzi following her.
230
00:11:04,716 --> 00:11:07,715
Leave us be! We're just trying to live!
231
00:11:07,716 --> 00:11:09,335
This is the police!
232
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:12,215
There is a dangerous
criminal in the area.
233
00:11:12,216 --> 00:11:15,215
We're looking for Walter Gary Vance.
234
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:16,755
Everyone, go inside.
235
00:11:16,756 --> 00:11:19,715
This entire area is on lockdown.
236
00:11:19,716 --> 00:11:23,335
No one will be allowed
to pass the roadblock.
237
00:11:23,336 --> 00:11:25,005
What're you doing?
238
00:11:25,006 --> 00:11:26,755
Uh, there's a serial
killer on the loose.
239
00:11:26,756 --> 00:11:28,295
I'm doing what all heroes do.
240
00:11:28,296 --> 00:11:30,585
I'm going on Twitter
to add to the chatter.
241
00:11:30,586 --> 00:11:33,335
Okay, I'm running to my
cactus to call J Law's people
242
00:11:33,336 --> 00:11:35,255
and make sure she doesn't come out here.
243
00:11:35,256 --> 00:11:36,295
Stop!
244
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:37,585
Don't go out there.
245
00:11:37,586 --> 00:11:39,175
According to Twitter,
246
00:11:39,176 --> 00:11:41,175
the murder is a cannibal,
247
00:11:41,176 --> 00:11:42,835
and also according to Twitter,
248
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:45,505
Khloe Kardashian is feeling the burn.
249
00:11:45,506 --> 00:11:47,505
Oh, my God, a cannibal?
250
00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:48,965
We have to get inside.
251
00:11:48,966 --> 00:11:51,816
I have this terrible
feeling I'm delicious.
252
00:11:54,296 --> 00:11:56,415
So, here we are.
253
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:57,625
Safe inside
254
00:11:57,626 --> 00:12:00,335
in a house made of glass
255
00:12:00,336 --> 00:12:01,835
on stilts
256
00:12:01,836 --> 00:12:05,465
in a city long overdue
for an earthquake.
257
00:12:09,126 --> 00:12:10,375
Ah.
258
00:12:10,376 --> 00:12:13,005
We thought you were a crazy murderer.
259
00:12:13,006 --> 00:12:14,715
I'm not crazy, but I could just
260
00:12:14,716 --> 00:12:17,295
murder a cheese plate right now.
261
00:12:17,296 --> 00:12:19,915
Oh, wow.
262
00:12:19,916 --> 00:12:24,005
The hills are so exclusive.
263
00:12:24,006 --> 00:12:26,125
I mean, it's all blocked off.
264
00:12:26,126 --> 00:12:27,715
I haven't jumped this many hurdles
265
00:12:27,716 --> 00:12:30,671
since the '84 Olympics.
266
00:12:30,672 --> 00:12:32,461
Sophie, what're you doing here?
267
00:12:32,462 --> 00:12:34,736
Jennifer Lawrence's people
were trying to reach you,
268
00:12:34,737 --> 00:12:36,051
so they called the hotel,
269
00:12:36,052 --> 00:12:38,871
and to show you some love and kindness,
270
00:12:38,872 --> 00:12:42,041
I came all the way here to tell you.
271
00:12:42,042 --> 00:12:46,241
Yeah. Do you think
that will get me a baby?
272
00:12:46,242 --> 00:12:50,262
Not sure, but you can get a baby
for 80 bucks on the dark web.
273
00:12:51,992 --> 00:12:54,041
And it comes with two outfits.
274
00:12:54,042 --> 00:12:56,451
What did Jennifer's people say?
275
00:12:56,452 --> 00:12:59,552
I don't know.
276
00:13:01,582 --> 00:13:04,871
So, you just came up here
to tell me that they called,
277
00:13:04,872 --> 00:13:07,371
but you didn't, like,
listen to the words?
278
00:13:07,372 --> 00:13:10,432
Oh, it's never enough for you, is it?
279
00:13:14,702 --> 00:13:17,701
Ohm.
280
00:13:17,702 --> 00:13:19,871
Ohm.
281
00:13:19,872 --> 00:13:25,281
Ohm getting tired of meditating,
282
00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:29,041
but I think it's working.
283
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,831
Ohm...
284
00:13:30,832 --> 00:13:33,072
Jennifer Lawrence is
probably freaking out
285
00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:34,822
that she can't get to me.
286
00:13:34,823 --> 00:13:37,803
The world doesn't
revolve around you, bitch.
287
00:13:38,863 --> 00:13:40,862
Ohm... ohm.
288
00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:42,436
I can't just stand here anymore.
289
00:13:42,437 --> 00:13:43,774
I'm going outside to get a signal.
290
00:13:43,775 --> 00:13:45,227
You know what else you can get outside?
291
00:13:45,228 --> 00:13:47,137
Ya face eaten.
292
00:13:47,138 --> 00:13:49,347
Well, I'm gonna go risk the life I have
293
00:13:49,348 --> 00:13:51,137
to go get the life I want.
294
00:13:51,138 --> 00:13:54,887
Sounds like a trailer
for a Liam Neeson movie.
295
00:13:54,888 --> 00:13:57,307
Finding Liam Neeson.
296
00:13:57,308 --> 00:13:59,347
Good luck.
297
00:13:59,348 --> 00:14:02,908
That guys been taken more
times than my virginities.
298
00:14:03,888 --> 00:14:05,977
All right, I got a signal
299
00:14:05,978 --> 00:14:07,847
and a warning growl from a coyote,
300
00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:09,597
but I talked to Jennifer
Lawrence's people,
301
00:14:09,598 --> 00:14:11,807
and she and I are gonna
FaceTime in 20 minutes.
302
00:14:11,808 --> 00:14:14,097
If you still have a face.
303
00:14:14,098 --> 00:14:15,557
Where's Bruno?
304
00:14:15,558 --> 00:14:17,136
Maybe he's back there in the sauna
305
00:14:17,137 --> 00:14:18,637
like a little hot dog.
306
00:14:20,058 --> 00:14:22,347
Where's my big boy?
307
00:14:22,348 --> 00:14:24,557
Um, seriously, where's my big boy?
308
00:14:24,558 --> 00:14:27,387
You didn't leave the door open, did you?
309
00:14:27,388 --> 00:14:29,187
No.
310
00:14:29,188 --> 00:14:31,477
I'm sure he's in here somewhere.
311
00:14:31,478 --> 00:14:33,557
Bruno? Bruno?
312
00:14:33,558 --> 00:14:35,057
Bruno?
313
00:14:35,058 --> 00:14:36,427
Bruno?
314
00:14:36,428 --> 00:14:39,578
Finding "Bruno."
315
00:14:42,018 --> 00:14:44,307
Max, I'm really sorry.
316
00:14:44,308 --> 00:14:45,687
Maybe we could replace the dog
317
00:14:45,688 --> 00:14:47,517
with one that looks exactly the same.
318
00:14:47,518 --> 00:14:50,307
Like men here do with wives.
319
00:14:50,308 --> 00:14:53,057
Or maybe we don't assume
he's dead after six seconds
320
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:54,477
and we go out there and find him.
321
00:14:54,478 --> 00:14:55,847
Okay, good luck.
322
00:14:55,848 --> 00:14:58,267
You are coming with me.
323
00:14:58,268 --> 00:14:59,887
Randy loves Bruno,
324
00:14:59,888 --> 00:15:03,187
and I lo-uh-ike Randy.
325
00:15:03,188 --> 00:15:06,347
Don't think I didn't
hear what you almost said.
326
00:15:06,348 --> 00:15:08,944
- We need to find the dog.
- But it's getting dark
327
00:15:08,945 --> 00:15:11,137
and there's someone out
there who wants to kill us.
328
00:15:11,138 --> 00:15:13,727
Trust me, there's someone in
there who wants to kill you.
329
00:15:13,728 --> 00:15:15,727
Flashlights. We need flashlights.
330
00:15:15,728 --> 00:15:19,347
You lo-uh-ike him.
331
00:15:19,348 --> 00:15:22,769
Now there are two people in
here who want to kill you.
332
00:15:30,423 --> 00:15:32,212
Come here, big boy.
333
00:15:32,213 --> 00:15:35,142
God, how could he have gotten
this far on such little legs?
334
00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:38,761
I don't know, Danny DeVito
seems to get around a lot.
335
00:15:38,762 --> 00:15:41,681
Even when you tell Randy
this is 100% your fault,
336
00:15:41,682 --> 00:15:43,761
he is still gonna break up with me.
337
00:15:43,762 --> 00:15:45,811
Max, you've been with him four days.
338
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:48,351
I know, it's my longest relationship.
339
00:15:48,352 --> 00:15:50,971
I'm really sorry, Max. We'll find him.
340
00:15:50,972 --> 00:15:52,811
Oh, my God!
341
00:15:52,812 --> 00:15:55,811
- What, you see Bruno?
- No, I see bars on my phone.
342
00:15:55,812 --> 00:15:57,101
We have to stay right here.
343
00:15:57,102 --> 00:15:58,391
It's almost time for my FaceTime.
344
00:15:58,392 --> 00:16:00,011
Give me that stupid thing.
345
00:16:00,012 --> 00:16:01,681
I'll put it down my pants.
346
00:16:01,682 --> 00:16:04,971
And I'll go get it.
347
00:16:04,972 --> 00:16:07,681
You gotta focus
348
00:16:07,682 --> 00:16:09,051
and help me find that dog.
349
00:16:09,052 --> 00:16:11,101
I don't want to ruin things with Randy
350
00:16:11,102 --> 00:16:12,221
or his house.
351
00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:15,011
Max, this is so far past boundaries.
352
00:16:15,012 --> 00:16:17,011
Oh, don't talk to me about boundaries.
353
00:16:17,012 --> 00:16:19,011
Who let the dog out? Who?
354
00:16:19,012 --> 00:16:21,971
Who-who-who-who?
355
00:16:21,972 --> 00:16:25,551
As I said to Kevin Burlington
my sophomore year of college,
356
00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:28,051
"Just take it."
357
00:16:28,052 --> 00:16:29,351
This is serious.
358
00:16:29,352 --> 00:16:31,761
Randy has given me so much.
359
00:16:31,762 --> 00:16:33,931
Sunglasses, gift baskets,
360
00:16:33,932 --> 00:16:36,011
an orgasm with eye contact.
361
00:16:36,012 --> 00:16:38,391
- Oh, my God.
- I know.
362
00:16:38,392 --> 00:16:40,351
Usually, I have to push their face away.
363
00:16:41,983 --> 00:16:43,191
No, look.
364
00:16:43,192 --> 00:16:45,811
We're at the foot of the Hollywood sign.
365
00:16:45,813 --> 00:16:47,112
Quick selfie?
366
00:16:47,113 --> 00:16:49,572
I mean, we have to, right?
367
00:16:49,573 --> 00:16:52,152
On the way back, once we find the dog.
368
00:16:52,153 --> 00:16:53,652
Which we are definitely going to do.
369
00:16:55,113 --> 00:16:58,003
Jennifer Lawrence is calling.
370
00:17:00,573 --> 00:17:02,772
Did you just hang up on J Law?
371
00:17:02,773 --> 00:17:06,072
I'm pretty sure that's
against the J Law.
372
00:17:06,073 --> 00:17:09,442
You're out here because
you lost Randy's dog,
373
00:17:09,443 --> 00:17:10,982
and there's a strange
man standing over there,
374
00:17:10,983 --> 00:17:12,982
and all you can think
about is Jennifer Lawrence.
375
00:17:12,983 --> 00:17:15,982
Did you just say there's a
strange man standing over there?
376
00:17:15,983 --> 00:17:18,362
Oh, my God, I did.
377
00:17:18,363 --> 00:17:19,652
Look...
378
00:17:19,653 --> 00:17:21,362
See there, the old guy
in the stained sweat suit.
379
00:17:21,363 --> 00:17:23,522
Oh, he must be Randy's neighbor.
380
00:17:23,523 --> 00:17:26,072
What's he doing out here?
381
00:17:26,073 --> 00:17:29,232
Oh, you found Bruno!
382
00:17:29,233 --> 00:17:30,772
It's so funny, for a second
383
00:17:30,773 --> 00:17:32,333
I thought he was the cannibal murderer.
384
00:17:35,233 --> 00:17:37,362
Oh, my God, he has a knife.
385
00:17:37,363 --> 00:17:39,692
Maybe he's just opening packages.
386
00:17:39,693 --> 00:17:41,362
Come here. Come here, big boy.
387
00:17:41,363 --> 00:17:43,362
- Uh... run, Max!
- Come here, big boy.
388
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:45,982
- Come on.
- Nothing to eat here.
389
00:17:45,983 --> 00:17:47,572
I'm stringy and chewy.
390
00:17:47,573 --> 00:17:48,862
Quick!
391
00:17:48,863 --> 00:17:50,272
Quick, up here!
392
00:17:50,273 --> 00:17:51,942
Maybe the helicopters will see us.
393
00:17:51,943 --> 00:17:53,312
Yeah, and if not,
394
00:17:53,313 --> 00:17:55,232
we can throw ourselves off the O.
395
00:17:55,233 --> 00:17:57,732
I refuse to get eaten by an old man...
396
00:17:57,733 --> 00:18:00,072
without a bank account.
397
00:18:00,073 --> 00:18:02,232
Can cannibals climb?
398
00:18:02,233 --> 00:18:05,812
Well, they're not called
"climbables," so that's good.
399
00:18:05,813 --> 00:18:07,152
Is he still there?
400
00:18:07,153 --> 00:18:08,652
Well, we'll know in a second
401
00:18:08,653 --> 00:18:10,272
'cause you're screaming within earshot
402
00:18:10,273 --> 00:18:11,652
of a hungry people-eater.
403
00:18:11,653 --> 00:18:15,463
You are surrounded! Put your hands up!
404
00:18:20,863 --> 00:18:22,362
Max, the police are here.
405
00:18:22,363 --> 00:18:24,192
We're safe. We're safe.
406
00:18:24,193 --> 00:18:25,612
Speak for yourself.
407
00:18:25,613 --> 00:18:28,653
I'm technically under
house arrest in Connecticut.
408
00:18:34,523 --> 00:18:36,772
I let him eat ice cream.
409
00:18:36,773 --> 00:18:38,232
He deserves it.
410
00:18:38,233 --> 00:18:40,982
Who had a rough day yesterday?
411
00:18:40,983 --> 00:18:43,612
I am really sorry, Randy.
412
00:18:43,613 --> 00:18:47,362
You must think I'm as
irresponsible as I am.
413
00:18:47,363 --> 00:18:48,936
This is where you cry
414
00:18:48,937 --> 00:18:51,856
and tell him it's all
you and I'm perfect.
415
00:18:51,857 --> 00:18:53,276
Sorry, I was just thinking,
416
00:18:53,277 --> 00:18:57,066
that dogs gums and teeth
look healthier than mine.
417
00:18:57,067 --> 00:18:58,566
I still can't believe my neighbor
418
00:18:58,567 --> 00:19:00,646
was Walter Gary Vance the cannibal.
419
00:19:00,647 --> 00:19:04,646
And honestly, it was way worse
living next to Courtney Love.
420
00:19:04,647 --> 00:19:05,936
I mean, it's not that hard.
421
00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:07,526
Blue bins are for recycling,
422
00:19:07,527 --> 00:19:09,026
Tuesdays are street cleaning,
423
00:19:09,027 --> 00:19:12,026
Don't do heroin on my porch.
424
00:19:12,027 --> 00:19:15,377
Yeah, that's a driveway sport.
425
00:19:16,607 --> 00:19:19,316
Look, Bruno's gotten out before,
426
00:19:19,317 --> 00:19:22,026
but the fact that you went
out there to look for him
427
00:19:22,027 --> 00:19:23,276
and risked your lives.
428
00:19:23,277 --> 00:19:25,606
I mean, you were fearless.
429
00:19:25,607 --> 00:19:29,167
Pfft, whatever. Maybe a little.
430
00:19:31,987 --> 00:19:34,776
Ugh, great. Jennifer
Lawrence just passed.
431
00:19:34,777 --> 00:19:36,522
She's dead?
432
00:19:37,937 --> 00:19:40,106
No, she passed on the movie.
433
00:19:40,107 --> 00:19:42,106
It's her loss.
434
00:19:42,107 --> 00:19:44,106
Well, it's your loss,
but I feel like I owe you
435
00:19:44,107 --> 00:19:46,316
for risking your life to
find my boyfriend's dog.
436
00:19:46,317 --> 00:19:49,986
Not that you're my boyfriend,
437
00:19:49,987 --> 00:19:52,606
'cause gross.
438
00:19:52,607 --> 00:19:55,816
I'd be lucky to be your boyfriend.
439
00:19:55,817 --> 00:19:58,667
If I was, which yuck, I'm not.
440
00:19:59,937 --> 00:20:02,186
Hey, everybody.
441
00:20:02,187 --> 00:20:06,566
Look, I'm spiritually evolved now.
442
00:20:06,567 --> 00:20:10,106
Yeah, you know, the meditating
was screwing up my knees,
443
00:20:10,107 --> 00:20:12,226
so I bought this getup
from an Indian woman
444
00:20:12,227 --> 00:20:13,436
at a bus stop.
445
00:20:13,437 --> 00:20:16,986
Yeah, it's a lot easier.
446
00:20:16,987 --> 00:20:19,226
Sophie, those flowers are beautiful.
447
00:20:19,227 --> 00:20:21,186
Yeah...
448
00:20:21,187 --> 00:20:24,087
and they're for you.
449
00:20:26,397 --> 00:20:29,037
What're they gonna do to me?
450
00:20:30,437 --> 00:20:33,606
They're an act of love and kindness.
451
00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:35,353
Sophie, that's literally
452
00:20:35,354 --> 00:20:37,483
the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
453
00:20:37,485 --> 00:20:38,984
Oh, yeah.
454
00:20:38,985 --> 00:20:41,314
I don't know if it's my aura's clean,
455
00:20:41,315 --> 00:20:44,064
or it's the 12.95 Bindi dot I'm wearing,
456
00:20:44,065 --> 00:20:46,194
but I really do mean it.
457
00:20:46,195 --> 00:20:48,064
Oh, Sophie, no. That's dog ice cream.
458
00:20:48,065 --> 00:20:50,255
Mind your own business, bitch!
459
00:20:53,155 --> 00:20:55,505
And we're back.
460
00:20:59,889 --> 00:21:06,655
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