1
00:00:02,166 --> 00:00:04,085
Okay, Rock Paper Scissors.
2
00:00:04,086 --> 00:00:06,375
Loser has to ask the guy
in gym shorts at table 12
3
00:00:06,376 --> 00:00:09,096
to stop Sharon Stoneing us his balls.
4
00:00:14,756 --> 00:00:17,652
By virtue of having this conversation,
5
00:00:17,653 --> 00:00:19,572
aren't we both losers?
6
00:00:19,573 --> 00:00:22,442
Look who's back from Hollywood.
7
00:00:22,443 --> 00:00:25,322
If it isn't ScarJo and J-Lo.
8
00:00:25,323 --> 00:00:28,112
Said the guy from down low.
9
00:00:28,113 --> 00:00:30,152
Can I get an autograph?
10
00:00:30,153 --> 00:00:34,151
Oops, my bad... still just waitresses.
11
00:00:34,152 --> 00:00:39,401
Han, don't be upset just because
I'm about to make $250,000
12
00:00:39,402 --> 00:00:41,151
and have a movie made about me.
13
00:00:41,152 --> 00:00:43,571
Han already had a movie
made about him...
14
00:00:43,572 --> 00:00:45,752
"Paul Blart: Small Cop."
15
00:00:47,322 --> 00:00:51,342
What's your movie called?
"Straight Outta A Job"?
16
00:00:53,202 --> 00:00:55,151
(Peter Bjorn and John)
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
17
00:00:55,152 --> 00:01:00,422
Subtitle sync anc corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
18
00:01:03,072 --> 00:01:05,201
Yeah, about that?
You can't fire us now.
19
00:01:05,202 --> 00:01:06,701
The money hasn't come in just yet.
20
00:01:06,702 --> 00:01:09,491
After that, by all means,
please fire us
21
00:01:09,492 --> 00:01:11,201
and fire us hard.
22
00:01:11,202 --> 00:01:15,151
Yeah, how does firing us
on the 27th work for you?
23
00:01:15,152 --> 00:01:16,941
Don't think I won't do it.
24
00:01:16,942 --> 00:01:20,401
I've been wanting another Asian
in the mix for some time.
25
00:01:20,402 --> 00:01:23,241
Oh, and, Han, we're gonna
need the day off tomorrow.
26
00:01:23,242 --> 00:01:25,701
You just took ten days off!
27
00:01:25,702 --> 00:01:27,571
No more vacation days.
28
00:01:27,572 --> 00:01:30,111
Freddie Prinze Jr. works
more than you two.
29
00:01:30,112 --> 00:01:33,611
Max and I are going to
prison to visit my dad.
30
00:01:33,612 --> 00:01:35,475
As part of his therapy,
he's written a musical,
31
00:01:35,476 --> 00:01:37,701
and he's performing it
with the other inmates.
32
00:01:37,702 --> 00:01:40,111
A musical in prison?
33
00:01:40,112 --> 00:01:42,622
I'd be shaking my damn head right now
34
00:01:42,623 --> 00:01:45,583
if my neck still worked.
35
00:01:45,584 --> 00:01:49,373
And, again, you can
fire us on the 27th.
36
00:01:49,374 --> 00:01:50,792
We're in flux now.
37
00:01:50,793 --> 00:01:54,393
And as always, I'm the
one who gets fluxed.
38
00:01:56,254 --> 00:01:58,503
Aw, I missed Han.
39
00:01:58,504 --> 00:02:01,663
I've never heard you say that
without a crossbow in your hand.
40
00:02:01,664 --> 00:02:03,963
I can't wait till we get that money.
41
00:02:03,964 --> 00:02:05,463
Think of all the stuff we could buy.
42
00:02:05,464 --> 00:02:07,913
[gasps] American toothpaste.
43
00:02:07,914 --> 00:02:12,413
Some toilet paper so we can
stop using our bath mat.
44
00:02:12,414 --> 00:02:14,123
And since we're unfreezing
our credit card,
45
00:02:14,124 --> 00:02:15,753
maybe I'll get a new dress too.
46
00:02:15,754 --> 00:02:18,413
The invite to this musical
said "cocktail attire."
47
00:02:18,414 --> 00:02:21,583
A prison musical with cocktail attire?
48
00:02:21,584 --> 00:02:23,042
Ah, screw it.
49
00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:28,413
I'm gonna feel this tomorrow,
but mm, mm!
50
00:02:28,414 --> 00:02:30,413
Mm!
51
00:02:30,414 --> 00:02:32,474
Hey, everybody!
52
00:02:34,544 --> 00:02:36,413
Today's the day Oleg and me find out
53
00:02:36,414 --> 00:02:40,373
what kind of sex our baby's gonna have.
54
00:02:40,374 --> 00:02:43,083
I beg you to rephrase that.
55
00:02:43,084 --> 00:02:45,162
(Oleg) Baby, I don't want to know
56
00:02:45,163 --> 00:02:46,833
if it's gonna be a boy or a girl.
57
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,543
I'd rather be surprised.
58
00:02:48,544 --> 00:02:51,583
You know, like when you
get a hooker in Tijuana.
59
00:02:51,584 --> 00:02:54,083
Boy, do I.
60
00:02:54,084 --> 00:02:55,753
Or girl, do I.
61
00:02:55,754 --> 00:02:59,583
Oh! We don't know, and that's the fun.
62
00:02:59,584 --> 00:03:01,333
(Oleg) We're gonna have a baker
63
00:03:01,334 --> 00:03:04,123
do one of those gender
reveal cakes for us.
64
00:03:04,124 --> 00:03:06,144
Can you guys recommend a baker?
65
00:03:07,544 --> 00:03:09,373
Uh, excuse me?
66
00:03:09,374 --> 00:03:11,833
Yeah, excuse me?
67
00:03:11,834 --> 00:03:14,413
What the hell is a gender reveal cake?
68
00:03:14,414 --> 00:03:18,163
Like, you bake it and then
you pull its pants down?
69
00:03:18,164 --> 00:03:19,832
Jeez, would it kill you
70
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:23,373
to pick up a "Rachael Ray
Every Day" once in a while?
71
00:03:23,374 --> 00:03:26,833
We give the bakers a sealed
envelope with the sex.
72
00:03:26,834 --> 00:03:28,413
Yeah, and then the bakers...
73
00:03:28,414 --> 00:03:31,623
you know, if we can find good ones...
74
00:03:31,624 --> 00:03:34,373
will make the icing on the inside pink
75
00:03:34,374 --> 00:03:36,123
if it's a Svetlana...
76
00:03:36,124 --> 00:03:39,123
And blue if it's a Svetlenny.
77
00:03:39,124 --> 00:03:41,373
Well, it beats the way they did it
78
00:03:41,374 --> 00:03:42,913
in my town in Poland.
79
00:03:42,914 --> 00:03:45,163
You were either a boy
80
00:03:45,164 --> 00:03:48,333
or you had to know how to
climb back up out of a well.
81
00:03:48,334 --> 00:03:50,543
Yeah.
82
00:03:50,544 --> 00:03:53,503
Um, you know we're bakers, right?
83
00:03:53,504 --> 00:03:55,203
Hell, yeah.
84
00:03:55,204 --> 00:03:56,514
I'm baked right now.
85
00:04:06,464 --> 00:04:09,703
Well, I'm dressed for my
father's prison musical.
86
00:04:09,704 --> 00:04:11,203
[sighs]
87
00:04:11,204 --> 00:04:14,543
Say that three times without crying.
88
00:04:14,544 --> 00:04:15,726
You look good.
89
00:04:15,727 --> 00:04:18,350
If those inmates weren't
hardened criminals before,
90
00:04:18,351 --> 00:04:20,928
they will be once they see you in that.
91
00:04:20,929 --> 00:04:23,356
What's with all the
miniature liquor bottles
92
00:04:23,357 --> 00:04:24,985
you stole from the plane?
93
00:04:24,986 --> 00:04:28,445
Do I have to host a tiny intervention?
94
00:04:28,446 --> 00:04:30,485
I did not steal these from the plane.
95
00:04:30,486 --> 00:04:32,315
I stole them from our hotel room,
96
00:04:32,316 --> 00:04:34,339
the maid cart, and a few
other people's hotel rooms
97
00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:35,440
when I posed as a maid.
98
00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:38,485
This is part of my presentation
99
00:04:38,486 --> 00:04:41,485
for my idea on how to
spend the $250,000.
100
00:04:41,486 --> 00:04:43,735
Five years ago,
we were sitting on Chestnut
101
00:04:43,736 --> 00:04:45,155
with our iced coffees.
102
00:04:45,156 --> 00:04:47,815
I remember it like it
was five years ago.
103
00:04:47,816 --> 00:04:51,025
And we said that $250,000
104
00:04:51,026 --> 00:04:53,105
the exact amount of
money we're getting,
105
00:04:53,106 --> 00:04:55,525
was what we needed to get
our cupcake business going.
106
00:04:55,526 --> 00:04:57,855
Chestnut was so excited,
he made a little poo.
107
00:04:57,856 --> 00:04:59,275
[Chestnut chuffs]
108
00:04:59,276 --> 00:05:00,855
Not so little.
109
00:05:00,856 --> 00:05:04,485
I remember it knocking
that cat unconscious.
110
00:05:04,486 --> 00:05:06,160
Five years later,
111
00:05:06,161 --> 00:05:08,320
cupcakes alone aren't cutting it.
112
00:05:08,321 --> 00:05:09,990
Ouch. But true.
113
00:05:09,991 --> 00:05:12,910
Sure, they're sweet,
delicious, and chic,
114
00:05:12,911 --> 00:05:16,700
but what if we add... alcohol?
115
00:05:16,701 --> 00:05:20,631
Which is sweet, delicious,
and expensive?
116
00:05:22,201 --> 00:05:24,370
We keep the cupcake window,
117
00:05:24,371 --> 00:05:27,370
but we make it into a bar too.
118
00:05:27,371 --> 00:05:30,530
It's two great things put together!
119
00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:32,030
Like you and me?
120
00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:33,740
I was gonna say fat
people and tripping,
121
00:05:33,741 --> 00:05:35,700
but yes!
122
00:05:35,701 --> 00:05:37,950
We keep the cupcake dream;
123
00:05:37,951 --> 00:05:40,740
we just add overpriced alcohol to it.
124
00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:42,160
I love it!
125
00:05:42,161 --> 00:05:44,660
We can call it Cupcakes & Cocktails.
126
00:05:44,661 --> 00:05:46,700
Or, if we want to be less douchey,
127
00:05:46,701 --> 00:05:49,570
we call it Dessert Bar.
128
00:05:49,571 --> 00:05:52,200
That is a genius idea.
129
00:05:52,201 --> 00:05:54,200
Usually when you're drunk,
your best idea is,
130
00:05:54,201 --> 00:05:56,881
"Let's call Home Depot
and ask if they have caulk."
131
00:05:58,451 --> 00:06:00,160
So we're doing it?
132
00:06:00,161 --> 00:06:01,570
We're opening up a dessert bar?
133
00:06:01,571 --> 00:06:03,990
Oh, we're opening up a dessert bar.
134
00:06:03,991 --> 00:06:05,301
Celebratory dance?
135
00:06:08,531 --> 00:06:10,240
Am I here yet?
136
00:06:10,241 --> 00:06:11,780
[sniffing]
137
00:06:11,781 --> 00:06:14,530
I know I'm either at Max and Caroline's
138
00:06:14,531 --> 00:06:16,570
or a petting zoo.
139
00:06:16,571 --> 00:06:20,240
To be clear, that horse
smell is the couch.
140
00:06:20,241 --> 00:06:22,820
Oh, I just came back from the doctor,
141
00:06:22,821 --> 00:06:26,070
and I have the sex of the baby,
but I don't want to see it.
142
00:06:26,071 --> 00:06:29,511
So please take it from me quick
so I don't sneak a peek.
143
00:06:31,571 --> 00:06:32,700
(Max) Caroline,
144
00:06:32,701 --> 00:06:33,754
you hold on to this
145
00:06:33,755 --> 00:06:35,660
until it's time to bake the cake.
146
00:06:35,661 --> 00:06:37,181
(Sophie) Why are you giving it to her?
147
00:06:37,182 --> 00:06:39,005
I mean, you really think
she can keep a secret
148
00:06:39,006 --> 00:06:42,415
with that big Jim Carrey
mouth flapping all the time?
149
00:06:44,031 --> 00:06:46,070
Well, you don't want me to have it.
150
00:06:46,071 --> 00:06:47,530
If I know, I'll spoil it.
151
00:06:47,531 --> 00:06:48,910
I have no poker face.
152
00:06:48,911 --> 00:06:51,030
Neither did my mom,
which is how I became
153
00:06:51,031 --> 00:06:54,530
the legal property
of the Borgata Casino.
154
00:06:54,531 --> 00:06:56,570
Caroline, I'm warning you.
155
00:06:56,571 --> 00:06:58,780
Don't let it slip.
156
00:06:58,781 --> 00:07:02,660
Even if I beg you, don't tell me.
157
00:07:02,661 --> 00:07:04,110
Okay.
158
00:07:04,111 --> 00:07:06,570
Even if I come downstairs
in the middle of the night
159
00:07:06,571 --> 00:07:08,870
and put a gun to your head,
160
00:07:08,871 --> 00:07:11,490
don't tell me.
161
00:07:11,491 --> 00:07:13,570
Okay, well, if there's a gun involved,
162
00:07:13,571 --> 00:07:14,700
I'm gonna tell you.
163
00:07:14,701 --> 00:07:15,302
See, Max?
164
00:07:15,303 --> 00:07:17,981
That's why I didn't
want to give it to her.
165
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:31,954
Your dad wrote and
directed this thing too?
166
00:07:31,955 --> 00:07:35,364
Dang, he's like the
Ben Affleck of jail.
167
00:07:35,365 --> 00:07:36,494
Yikes, it says here
168
00:07:36,495 --> 00:07:38,655
that the guy who was
playing "sadistic guard"
169
00:07:38,656 --> 00:07:40,120
is out for tonight's performance
170
00:07:40,121 --> 00:07:42,700
because someone took his eye
out with a plastic spork.
171
00:07:42,701 --> 00:07:45,280
Oh, my God. That's terrible.
172
00:07:45,281 --> 00:07:48,410
We're seeing an understudy?
173
00:07:48,411 --> 00:07:50,990
Oh, look! My dad's opening the show.
174
00:07:50,991 --> 00:07:54,200
[piano introduction plays]
175
00:07:54,201 --> 00:07:58,330
♪ Steel bars ♪
176
00:07:58,331 --> 00:08:01,780
♪ Steel bars on my heart ♪
177
00:08:01,781 --> 00:08:04,410
♪ Steels bars on my soul ♪
178
00:08:04,411 --> 00:08:05,870
♪ And there's no parole ♪
179
00:08:05,871 --> 00:08:09,240
♪ And it tears me apart ♪
180
00:08:09,241 --> 00:08:13,620
all: ♪ Steel bars ♪
181
00:08:13,621 --> 00:08:17,370
♪ Steel bars on our balls ♪
182
00:08:17,371 --> 00:08:19,450
♪ Steel bars on this jail ♪
183
00:08:19,451 --> 00:08:21,450
♪ And there ain't no bail ♪
184
00:08:21,451 --> 00:08:25,620
♪ And nobody calls ♪
185
00:08:25,621 --> 00:08:28,620
I call him twice a week.
186
00:08:28,621 --> 00:08:31,410
all: ♪ Steel bars on our balls ♪
187
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:34,620
♪ Steel bars on our balls ♪
188
00:08:34,621 --> 00:08:37,410
♪ Steel bars on our balls ♪
189
00:08:37,411 --> 00:08:38,580
♪ Steel bars ♪
190
00:08:38,581 --> 00:08:42,490
♪ On our baaaaaalls ♪
191
00:08:42,491 --> 00:08:43,490
♪ ♪
192
00:08:43,491 --> 00:08:46,341
Oh, hell, yes!
193
00:08:49,161 --> 00:08:51,450
all: ♪ 25 to life ♪
194
00:08:51,451 --> 00:08:55,490
♪ Lots of pain and plenty of strife ♪
195
00:08:55,491 --> 00:08:58,450
♪ Loneliness, it cuts like a knife ♪
196
00:08:58,451 --> 00:09:03,761
♪ 25 to liiiiiife ♪
197
00:09:05,241 --> 00:09:08,240
[cheers and applause]
198
00:09:08,241 --> 00:09:11,450
Thank you. Thank you so much. Wow.
199
00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:13,700
Well, we won't keep you
prisoner much longer.
200
00:09:13,701 --> 00:09:15,370
[laughter]
201
00:09:15,371 --> 00:09:17,580
So we're just gonna take
a brief intermission,
202
00:09:17,581 --> 00:09:19,841
and we'll be back with the second half.
203
00:09:20,911 --> 00:09:23,971
Second half? That was three hours!
204
00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:27,540
That was incredible, Dad!
205
00:09:27,541 --> 00:09:29,700
Especially the escape attempt scene.
206
00:09:29,701 --> 00:09:32,580
Some of that violence looked
incredibly realistic.
207
00:09:32,581 --> 00:09:35,490
That was because it was real,
not part of the show.
208
00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:37,490
They beat that guy severely.
209
00:09:37,491 --> 00:09:40,240
♪ Steel bars ♪
210
00:09:40,241 --> 00:09:42,330
♪ Da-dum, something, something ♪
211
00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:44,580
Martin, I'm gonna add two more crimes
212
00:09:44,581 --> 00:09:45,740
to your prison sentence:
213
00:09:45,741 --> 00:09:49,490
stealing my heart
and stealing the show.
214
00:09:49,491 --> 00:09:50,540
Can you sign my playbill?
215
00:09:50,541 --> 00:09:51,950
Caroline, get my playbill.
216
00:09:51,951 --> 00:09:54,370
Oh, here. Hold Sophie's
gender reveal envelope.
217
00:09:54,371 --> 00:09:56,240
Oh, and this envelope
I use as a wallet.
218
00:09:56,241 --> 00:09:59,040
And this other envelope
I use as a makeup bag.
219
00:09:59,041 --> 00:10:00,660
Oh, here it is.
220
00:10:00,661 --> 00:10:02,490
Great. I'm gonna use my crayon.
221
00:10:02,491 --> 00:10:05,580
We can't have pens.
222
00:10:05,581 --> 00:10:07,080
Oh, here. Sign mine too.
223
00:10:07,081 --> 00:10:08,904
I'll put it next to that
framed picture I have
224
00:10:08,905 --> 00:10:11,555
of you and Donald Trump
when he was a liberal.
225
00:10:12,451 --> 00:10:13,700
Well, enough about me.
226
00:10:13,701 --> 00:10:15,450
Who's playing me in your movie, hon?
227
00:10:15,451 --> 00:10:18,410
Not Brad Pitt. It's too on the nose.
228
00:10:18,411 --> 00:10:20,240
Well, they haven't cast it yet,
229
00:10:20,241 --> 00:10:23,950
but they are giving me
$250,000 for my story.
230
00:10:23,951 --> 00:10:26,620
Honey, this is your ticket.
231
00:10:26,621 --> 00:10:28,370
Now you can start your own business.
232
00:10:28,371 --> 00:10:30,490
I have my own business with Max.
233
00:10:30,491 --> 00:10:33,450
The cupcakes?
234
00:10:33,451 --> 00:10:36,370
I'll admit business has been slow.
235
00:10:36,371 --> 00:10:37,620
But we're gonna use the money
236
00:10:37,621 --> 00:10:39,330
to take our business to the next level.
237
00:10:39,331 --> 00:10:43,660
Max had the genius idea
of making it a dessert bar.
238
00:10:43,661 --> 00:10:45,080
We still sell our cupcakes,
239
00:10:45,081 --> 00:10:47,370
but we also serve high-end cocktails.
240
00:10:47,371 --> 00:10:48,754
You can just say the word "muddle"
241
00:10:48,755 --> 00:10:51,160
and charge $20.
242
00:10:51,161 --> 00:10:54,240
That is a fantastic idea, ladies.
243
00:10:54,241 --> 00:10:55,540
Wow, it's so great.
244
00:10:55,541 --> 00:10:56,700
Honey, do me a favor.
245
00:10:56,701 --> 00:10:58,540
Could you get me some water?
246
00:10:58,541 --> 00:11:00,410
I want to stay hydrated
for tomorrow's matinee.
247
00:11:00,411 --> 00:11:03,200
There's talk of Robert Durst
transferring in just to see it,
248
00:11:03,201 --> 00:11:05,091
and I don't want to jinx it, you know.
249
00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:09,490
Oh. [chuckles]
250
00:11:09,491 --> 00:11:11,830
Wanted to ditch the square, huh?
251
00:11:11,831 --> 00:11:13,910
I get it.
252
00:11:13,911 --> 00:11:15,660
Is this finally happening?
253
00:11:15,661 --> 00:11:18,740
Celebration make-out sesh?
254
00:11:18,741 --> 00:11:23,120
Uh, yeah, we got to keep
our hands in plain view.
255
00:11:23,121 --> 00:11:25,450
This whole cupcake business
is not for Caroline.
256
00:11:25,451 --> 00:11:27,450
Well, she's not the baker; I am.
257
00:11:27,451 --> 00:11:28,830
She's the idea person.
258
00:11:28,831 --> 00:11:31,330
Yeah, but you had the
dessert bar idea, right?
259
00:11:31,331 --> 00:11:33,660
And you just said
it was a terrific idea.
260
00:11:33,661 --> 00:11:36,410
Well, as you saw... [chuckles]
261
00:11:36,411 --> 00:11:38,261
I'm a really good actor.
262
00:11:39,411 --> 00:11:41,431
Can I itch my nose?
263
00:11:43,121 --> 00:11:45,450
Look, my baby was brought
up around Wall Street.
264
00:11:45,451 --> 00:11:47,200
She's Wharton bred.
265
00:11:47,201 --> 00:11:50,950
She could never be happy doing
this whole baking business,
266
00:11:50,951 --> 00:11:52,580
and this is her big chance to get out.
267
00:11:52,581 --> 00:11:54,490
But wouldn't she have told me?
268
00:11:54,491 --> 00:11:57,540
She tells me every single
feeling she's having.
269
00:11:57,541 --> 00:12:00,410
And some of it, I even listen to.
270
00:12:00,411 --> 00:12:02,280
What if I just ask her?
271
00:12:02,281 --> 00:12:03,450
She'll only deny it.
272
00:12:03,451 --> 00:12:05,034
She doesn't want to hurt your feelings.
273
00:12:05,035 --> 00:12:06,580
That's why I'm doing it.
274
00:12:06,581 --> 00:12:08,620
But she said she was happy
about the dessert bar.
275
00:12:08,621 --> 00:12:10,160
We danced about it.
276
00:12:10,161 --> 00:12:12,160
Max, listen to me.
277
00:12:12,161 --> 00:12:14,490
I'm her father, and I know her.
278
00:12:14,491 --> 00:12:16,160
And this is her big chance.
279
00:12:16,161 --> 00:12:18,160
You just got to let her go.
280
00:12:18,161 --> 00:12:19,620
I do?
281
00:12:19,621 --> 00:12:21,580
Yeah, and you got to be firm about it,
282
00:12:21,581 --> 00:12:23,124
or she's not going to get the message.
283
00:12:23,125 --> 00:12:24,540
Like in "Poltergeist,"
284
00:12:24,541 --> 00:12:27,040
where they have to be
really stern with Carol Anne
285
00:12:27,041 --> 00:12:29,870
or else she'll stay with the ghosts?
286
00:12:29,871 --> 00:12:32,551
And I'm the ghosts?
287
00:12:36,041 --> 00:12:38,051
Ooch!
288
00:12:39,541 --> 00:12:40,950
Max, what is going on with you?
289
00:12:40,951 --> 00:12:41,990
Are you all right?
290
00:12:41,991 --> 00:12:43,450
I'm fine.
291
00:12:43,451 --> 00:12:45,620
I'm just making Sophie's gender cake.
292
00:12:45,621 --> 00:12:48,410
If you don't want to be here,
go back to Wall Street.
293
00:12:48,411 --> 00:12:49,950
What?
294
00:12:49,951 --> 00:12:51,620
What is going on with you?
295
00:12:51,621 --> 00:12:54,240
You've been pouty ever
since we left the prison.
296
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:55,704
I'm not gonna take you there anymore
297
00:12:55,705 --> 00:12:58,240
if you're sad to leave.
298
00:12:58,241 --> 00:12:59,450
You know what?
299
00:12:59,451 --> 00:13:02,240
While I'm doing all the work,
300
00:13:02,241 --> 00:13:05,410
why don't you go get me
the gender envelope?
301
00:13:05,411 --> 00:13:08,801
Okay, Moody Giuliani.
302
00:13:12,951 --> 00:13:15,700
Do not tell me you lost the envelope
303
00:13:15,701 --> 00:13:17,830
with the gender of
Sophie's baby in there.
304
00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:19,450
I didn't lose it.
305
00:13:19,451 --> 00:13:20,910
I just don't have it,
306
00:13:20,911 --> 00:13:23,740
and I don't know where it is.
307
00:13:23,741 --> 00:13:26,040
Oh, we probably left it at the prison
308
00:13:26,041 --> 00:13:27,620
when you made me get out the playbill.
309
00:13:27,621 --> 00:13:29,950
Oh, so this is my fault.
310
00:13:29,951 --> 00:13:32,620
The one thing you had
to do, you didn't do.
311
00:13:32,621 --> 00:13:34,660
Like a waitress at a vegan restaurant,
312
00:13:34,661 --> 00:13:38,240
you're bringing almost
nothing to the table.
313
00:13:38,241 --> 00:13:42,240
The $250,000 I'm bringing to the table,
314
00:13:42,241 --> 00:13:43,450
that's nothing?
315
00:13:43,451 --> 00:13:45,450
Oh, so that's your money.
316
00:13:45,451 --> 00:13:47,120
There it is.
317
00:13:47,121 --> 00:13:48,540
So why don't you take your money
318
00:13:48,541 --> 00:13:49,950
and go back to Wall Street?
319
00:13:49,951 --> 00:13:51,490
I'll be fine.
320
00:13:51,491 --> 00:13:53,740
Who came up with combining
desserts and alcohol?
321
00:13:53,741 --> 00:13:56,450
I mean, obviously,
you've been holding me back.
322
00:13:56,451 --> 00:13:59,620
I've been holding you back?
323
00:13:59,621 --> 00:14:03,120
You forgot to wear pants
to a business meeting.
324
00:14:03,121 --> 00:14:05,040
How dare you?
325
00:14:05,041 --> 00:14:06,660
I did wear pants.
326
00:14:06,661 --> 00:14:08,660
I just left them in the bathroom.
327
00:14:08,661 --> 00:14:10,200
[gasps]
328
00:14:10,201 --> 00:14:13,011
Okay, well...
329
00:14:14,701 --> 00:14:18,410
Well, this is a historic event.
330
00:14:18,411 --> 00:14:20,740
We've sold cupcakes for five years,
331
00:14:20,741 --> 00:14:23,261
and this is the first time
you've touched batter.
332
00:14:24,741 --> 00:14:26,120
It's a historic event
333
00:14:26,121 --> 00:14:29,120
because you finally had a business idea
334
00:14:29,121 --> 00:14:31,540
that didn't have the word "fart" in it.
335
00:14:31,541 --> 00:14:32,591
[gasps]
336
00:14:34,161 --> 00:14:36,620
If my hair gets involved, we are done.
337
00:14:36,621 --> 00:14:38,040
- Good.
- [shrieks]
338
00:14:38,041 --> 00:14:39,761
Girls, I'm going to...
339
00:14:43,701 --> 00:14:47,910
What have you done?
340
00:14:47,911 --> 00:14:51,721
I have an egg allergy!
341
00:15:02,297 --> 00:15:04,296
♪ 25 to Li... ♪
342
00:15:04,297 --> 00:15:06,756
Hey, what a nice surprise.
343
00:15:06,757 --> 00:15:08,676
You know what else is a surprise?
344
00:15:08,677 --> 00:15:11,607
That the makeup lights in a
prison are so flattering.
345
00:15:15,177 --> 00:15:17,176
I don't remember him being in the show.
346
00:15:17,177 --> 00:15:18,796
Yeah, he's not.
347
00:15:18,797 --> 00:15:21,416
He's just a felon who
likes false eyelashes.
348
00:15:21,417 --> 00:15:22,796
So what are you doing here?
349
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,756
I think I left an
important envelope here.
350
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,046
I tried calling, but they said
351
00:15:26,047 --> 00:15:27,590
your phone privileges were taken away.
352
00:15:27,591 --> 00:15:28,966
Yeah, well, I had a fight
353
00:15:28,967 --> 00:15:30,626
with the prison theater critic.
354
00:15:30,627 --> 00:15:32,256
That's the headline you go with, Eddie?
355
00:15:32,257 --> 00:15:34,626
"Shanks for Nothing"?
356
00:15:34,627 --> 00:15:36,296
He sure is a big man on his blog,
357
00:15:36,297 --> 00:15:38,586
but he can't look me in the eye.
358
00:15:38,587 --> 00:15:43,376
Well, I would have gone
with "It's A Prison Riot."
359
00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:45,466
I think I left an envelope here,
360
00:15:45,467 --> 00:15:47,876
and I think it ruined
me and Max's friendship
361
00:15:47,877 --> 00:15:49,506
and our partnership.
362
00:15:49,507 --> 00:15:51,416
All right, well, here you go.
363
00:15:51,417 --> 00:15:52,626
Here's your envelope,
364
00:15:52,627 --> 00:15:54,937
and here's your makeup bag.
365
00:15:56,087 --> 00:15:57,466
Hey, um...
366
00:15:57,467 --> 00:15:59,676
I'm real sorry to hear
about you and Max.
367
00:15:59,677 --> 00:16:01,176
Yeah.
368
00:16:01,177 --> 00:16:03,176
Unless maybe it's a good thing
369
00:16:03,177 --> 00:16:04,506
and it's happening for the best
370
00:16:04,507 --> 00:16:06,006
and you get to go back to Wall Street
371
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:07,506
and reclaim your life.
372
00:16:07,507 --> 00:16:08,836
Wall Street?
373
00:16:08,837 --> 00:16:11,176
Why does every single
person keep telling me
374
00:16:11,177 --> 00:16:12,626
to go back to Wall Street?
375
00:16:12,627 --> 00:16:14,626
Max, you...
376
00:16:14,627 --> 00:16:17,586
all right, it's just Max and you.
377
00:16:17,587 --> 00:16:19,546
Here. Let me do that.
378
00:16:19,547 --> 00:16:21,126
Okay.
379
00:16:21,127 --> 00:16:22,546
Listen, honey.
380
00:16:22,547 --> 00:16:24,756
You only have to work
on Wall Street, okay?
381
00:16:24,757 --> 00:16:26,416
You can live on the Upper East Side
382
00:16:26,417 --> 00:16:27,966
and eventually move to Westchester
383
00:16:27,967 --> 00:16:30,086
if you want a tennis court.
384
00:16:30,087 --> 00:16:32,506
Daddy, did you and Max talk about this?
385
00:16:32,507 --> 00:16:35,966
Kitten, I know you better than anybody,
386
00:16:35,967 --> 00:16:37,626
and I know that you do not belong
387
00:16:37,627 --> 00:16:39,876
in a cupcake shop in Brooklyn.
388
00:16:39,877 --> 00:16:41,466
You could still be friends with Max.
389
00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:43,546
She like tennis?
390
00:16:43,547 --> 00:16:45,546
How do you know where I belong?
391
00:16:45,547 --> 00:16:47,397
Go like this.
392
00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:50,376
[chuckles]
393
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:54,416
I'm not the same spoiled
little rich girl that I was.
394
00:16:54,417 --> 00:16:56,626
Well, now you can be.
395
00:16:56,627 --> 00:16:57,876
These last five years
396
00:16:57,877 --> 00:16:59,466
have made me a different person.
397
00:16:59,467 --> 00:17:00,756
For example, when I walk
398
00:17:00,757 --> 00:17:02,796
into a combination
Taco Bell-Dunkin' Donuts,
399
00:17:02,797 --> 00:17:04,046
you know what they say?
400
00:17:04,047 --> 00:17:05,626
"Hi, Caroline."
401
00:17:05,627 --> 00:17:07,626
Son of a bitch.
402
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:09,966
See, Daddy, I'm Taco Bell,
403
00:17:09,967 --> 00:17:11,546
and Max is Dunkin' Donuts.
404
00:17:11,547 --> 00:17:14,216
On the surface, it seems like
we shouldn't be together,
405
00:17:14,217 --> 00:17:16,966
but we make an amazing team.
406
00:17:16,967 --> 00:17:18,836
And we have a dream together.
407
00:17:18,837 --> 00:17:22,416
It's not just hers; it's mine too.
408
00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:26,546
Well, that's the hardest thing
I've had to take in all day.
409
00:17:26,547 --> 00:17:29,416
And for lunch, they served us
something called "brown."
410
00:17:29,417 --> 00:17:32,416
See, Daddy, this is where I belong.
411
00:17:32,417 --> 00:17:35,626
Well, not here, even though
I will miss the lighting,
412
00:17:35,627 --> 00:17:37,416
but with Max.
413
00:17:37,417 --> 00:17:39,416
Well...
414
00:17:39,417 --> 00:17:41,966
I guess I can support that.
415
00:17:41,967 --> 00:17:43,466
Look, I'm sorry. Sorry.
416
00:17:43,467 --> 00:17:44,450
You know, I worry, okay?
417
00:17:44,451 --> 00:17:45,756
That's what parents do,
418
00:17:45,757 --> 00:17:47,376
and there's lots of time to worry
419
00:17:47,377 --> 00:17:48,626
when you're in prison,
420
00:17:48,627 --> 00:17:51,796
which is why I focused all my energies
421
00:17:51,797 --> 00:17:56,626
on creating groundbreaking
musical theater.
422
00:17:56,627 --> 00:17:57,716
[upbeat music]
423
00:17:57,717 --> 00:18:01,126
♪ ♪
424
00:18:01,127 --> 00:18:02,716
Are you sure you didn't tell your dad
425
00:18:02,717 --> 00:18:05,336
that I told you that he
told me to tell you that?
426
00:18:05,337 --> 00:18:08,086
'Cause snitches get stitches.
427
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,086
My dad wouldn't hurt a fly.
428
00:18:10,087 --> 00:18:13,296
He'd just steal $1 billion from it.
429
00:18:13,297 --> 00:18:15,256
Not bad for my first cake, right?
430
00:18:15,257 --> 00:18:16,760
Well, if you don't count all the ones
431
00:18:16,761 --> 00:18:18,506
I threw in the garbage.
432
00:18:18,507 --> 00:18:21,046
I did count them. There were seven.
433
00:18:21,047 --> 00:18:23,466
Two of them were fizzing.
434
00:18:23,467 --> 00:18:25,517
But thanks for trying.
435
00:18:27,417 --> 00:18:29,296
Max, Caroline, come on!
436
00:18:29,297 --> 00:18:31,416
How long is this gonna take?
437
00:18:31,417 --> 00:18:35,126
I didn't wait this long
for the polio vaccine.
438
00:18:35,127 --> 00:18:37,626
There's a polio vaccine?
439
00:18:37,627 --> 00:18:40,287
Well, you might have to
wait a little longer
440
00:18:40,288 --> 00:18:41,866
to find out the sex of the baby,
441
00:18:41,867 --> 00:18:44,867
because Max and I have a new
business announcement too.
442
00:18:44,868 --> 00:18:46,917
Is it about me firing you?
443
00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:48,657
Because I already reserved
a karaoke machine
444
00:18:48,658 --> 00:18:50,497
for your Good Riddance party.
445
00:18:50,498 --> 00:18:53,577
I'm not saying cancel it,
but you can't fire us
446
00:18:53,578 --> 00:18:56,497
till we have our new
business idea up and running.
447
00:18:56,498 --> 00:18:58,121
And I'm talking dibs
on the "Thong Song."
448
00:18:58,122 --> 00:19:00,327
All right, so here's our big news.
449
00:19:00,328 --> 00:19:01,957
We should have gone to Rosebud's Bakery
450
00:19:01,958 --> 00:19:03,617
for the cake.
451
00:19:03,618 --> 00:19:05,281
You know, 'cause when
you order one there,
452
00:19:05,282 --> 00:19:07,592
they don't say, "Hey,
guess what happened to me!"
453
00:19:08,828 --> 00:19:10,827
Pretty tacky, Caroline.
454
00:19:10,828 --> 00:19:12,457
Says the guy in a tank top
455
00:19:12,458 --> 00:19:15,827
from the Steven Seagal
for Target collection.
456
00:19:15,828 --> 00:19:17,657
Now the wind's out of my sails.
457
00:19:17,658 --> 00:19:20,247
No, it's not!
We're opening a dessert bar!
458
00:19:20,248 --> 00:19:21,747
All right, give me the knife.
459
00:19:21,748 --> 00:19:23,327
To cut the cake?
460
00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:25,098
No.
461
00:19:26,658 --> 00:19:28,287
Well, then I'm not
gonna give it to you.
462
00:19:28,288 --> 00:19:30,827
Like I said at this
diner a million times,
463
00:19:30,828 --> 00:19:32,348
give it to me, Caroline.
464
00:19:33,918 --> 00:19:36,497
Okay, baby, you do the honors.
465
00:19:36,498 --> 00:19:39,037
Why do we need to know
the gender anyway?
466
00:19:39,038 --> 00:19:41,678
They all switch 'em now.
467
00:19:43,618 --> 00:19:46,207
All right, one, two, three.
468
00:19:46,208 --> 00:19:48,417
Boy or girl?
469
00:19:48,418 --> 00:19:50,917
It's white. What does that mean?
470
00:19:50,918 --> 00:19:53,787
Well, it means it has a chance
471
00:19:53,788 --> 00:19:57,218
of getting nominated
for Academy Awards.
472
00:19:59,458 --> 00:20:00,957
Oh, no!
473
00:20:00,958 --> 00:20:02,781
I was so busy putting out
that oven mitt fire,
474
00:20:02,782 --> 00:20:04,537
I forgot to put the color in it.
475
00:20:04,538 --> 00:20:05,917
But I could just tell everybody.
476
00:20:05,918 --> 00:20:08,157
No, 'cause if I hear it from you,
477
00:20:08,158 --> 00:20:11,117
I'll already be mad at the baby.
478
00:20:11,118 --> 00:20:12,537
You know what, Sophie?
479
00:20:12,538 --> 00:20:13,997
Maybe it's a sign
480
00:20:13,998 --> 00:20:16,417
that we shouldn't know
what the baby's gonna be.
481
00:20:16,418 --> 00:20:17,867
You're right.
482
00:20:17,868 --> 00:20:19,657
Keep the cake, girls.
483
00:20:19,658 --> 00:20:20,758
We're not gonna pay.
484
00:20:24,248 --> 00:20:26,747
Well, do you guys want to try it?
485
00:20:26,748 --> 00:20:27,747
No, thanks.
486
00:20:27,748 --> 00:20:29,747
I've got a lady coming over.
487
00:20:29,748 --> 00:20:32,827
We're gonna try to figure
out how Netflix works
488
00:20:32,828 --> 00:20:33,888
and chill.
489
00:20:36,418 --> 00:20:38,657
I also have a lady coming over.
490
00:20:38,658 --> 00:20:42,117
Yes, it's a lesbian
masseuse for my ferret,
491
00:20:42,118 --> 00:20:43,888
but it counts.
492
00:20:45,418 --> 00:20:46,537
I guess you're the only one
493
00:20:46,538 --> 00:20:48,497
who's gonna taste my first cake.
494
00:20:48,498 --> 00:20:52,247
I also have a lady coming over,
question mark.
495
00:20:52,248 --> 00:20:54,518
Come on. One bite.
496
00:20:56,578 --> 00:20:58,207
Wow.
497
00:20:58,208 --> 00:21:00,518
Could you dial 911, please?
498
00:21:03,234 --> 00:21:10,700
Subtitle sync anc corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.