1
00:00:03,261 --> 00:00:06,140
Max, what's a five-letter
word for "happy"?
2
00:00:06,141 --> 00:00:09,970
And it's not my first wife, Helen.
3
00:00:09,971 --> 00:00:13,090
I was gonna suggest "drunk."
4
00:00:13,091 --> 00:00:15,180
Maybe 'cause I am.
5
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:17,281
Hey, everybody!
6
00:00:20,591 --> 00:00:22,050
Hey.
7
00:00:22,051 --> 00:00:24,720
Guess what I have under my coat.
8
00:00:24,721 --> 00:00:28,321
And it's not ice cream
sundaes like last time.
9
00:00:29,681 --> 00:00:32,281
It's my baby bump!
10
00:00:33,591 --> 00:00:36,140
Aw, Sophie, you're showing!
11
00:00:36,141 --> 00:00:39,050
And this time, it's not
either of your nipples.
12
00:00:39,051 --> 00:00:42,010
Ah, look! Only four months.
13
00:00:42,011 --> 00:00:45,680
And I'm already approaching Kardashian.
14
00:00:45,681 --> 00:00:48,010
And that's quoting the doctor.
15
00:00:48,011 --> 00:00:49,380
Impressive.
16
00:00:49,381 --> 00:00:53,151
You may have a North, South,
East, and West in there.
17
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:56,090
The baby really kicks.
18
00:00:56,091 --> 00:00:58,140
So it's either gonna be a soccer player
19
00:00:58,141 --> 00:01:01,241
or a Los Angeles policeman.
20
00:01:03,221 --> 00:01:04,970
Hey, Han, what do you think
21
00:01:04,971 --> 00:01:07,760
of my baby bump, baby bump, baby bump?
22
00:01:07,761 --> 00:01:11,180
In my country,
we never comment on two things:
23
00:01:11,181 --> 00:01:14,281
women's pregnancies
or Kim Jong-un's haircut.
24
00:01:16,471 --> 00:01:18,550
(Peter Bjorn and John)
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
25
00:01:18,551 --> 00:01:20,050
(cash register bell dings)
26
00:01:20,051 --> 00:01:26,958
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
27
00:01:32,221 --> 00:01:34,110
(upbeat music)
28
00:01:35,411 --> 00:01:36,740
(bell dings)
29
00:01:36,741 --> 00:01:38,841
One tuna malt.
30
00:01:41,161 --> 00:01:43,261
That was a tuna melt.
31
00:01:45,621 --> 00:01:47,721
Oh.
32
00:01:49,041 --> 00:01:50,540
Max, here comes Han.
33
00:01:50,541 --> 00:01:52,780
Now remember, we have to be extra nice
34
00:01:52,781 --> 00:01:55,240
so we can get his support
for our new dessert bar.
35
00:01:55,241 --> 00:01:56,410
How can he support us?
36
00:01:56,411 --> 00:01:59,450
He can barely support his giant head.
37
00:01:59,451 --> 00:02:00,634
See, that's the kind of stuff
38
00:02:00,635 --> 00:02:02,524
you're gonna have to stay away from.
39
00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:07,669
What's this about?
40
00:02:07,670 --> 00:02:12,329
Last time you were smiling,
I almost lost an ear.
41
00:02:12,330 --> 00:02:15,329
Well, my Hollywood money
has finally arrived,
42
00:02:15,330 --> 00:02:17,249
and as you know, Han, Max and I want to
43
00:02:17,250 --> 00:02:20,459
convert the cupcake window
into a dessert bar.
44
00:02:20,460 --> 00:02:25,249
And as you know, I want to
convert you two into waitresses.
45
00:02:25,250 --> 00:02:27,829
Come on, Han, it won't
affect the diner at all.
46
00:02:27,830 --> 00:02:29,879
All we want to do
is use the dish room...
47
00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:33,879
home of two of the three
original strands of E. coli.
48
00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:35,249
It's a no.
49
00:02:35,250 --> 00:02:37,249
My therapist said
this had to be the year
50
00:02:37,250 --> 00:02:41,249
of standing up for myself
and cutting out soda.
51
00:02:41,250 --> 00:02:43,810
All right, well go ahead, stand up.
52
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:49,499
But because I would like to see
you make someone else miserable,
53
00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:51,879
I know a real estate agent
that could help you two
54
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,249
find a new space.
55
00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:57,329
Did you say "real estate Asian"?
56
00:02:57,330 --> 00:03:00,499
Her name is Evie,
and I know her from my church.
57
00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:03,459
And let's just say she's been angling
58
00:03:03,460 --> 00:03:05,810
for what I've got dangling.
59
00:03:08,750 --> 00:03:12,039
Your keys?
60
00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:15,289
She likes me, you shrews!
61
00:03:15,290 --> 00:03:17,619
Okay, well that's what
we get for being nice.
62
00:03:17,620 --> 00:03:19,419
So back to the dessert bar,
63
00:03:19,420 --> 00:03:21,683
did you get the pictures I sent
you of those cool stools?
64
00:03:21,684 --> 00:03:24,249
I saw the subject heading
was "cool stools,"
65
00:03:24,250 --> 00:03:27,789
and I thought you finally
shattered our last boundary.
66
00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:30,459
Here, give me your phone.
67
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:31,709
I can't find the stools.
68
00:03:31,710 --> 00:03:32,789
(gasps)
69
00:03:32,790 --> 00:03:34,209
Oh, my God!
70
00:03:34,210 --> 00:03:35,499
I can't believe what I'm seeing.
71
00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:37,959
Is it that dog driving?
72
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,619
No, why do you still have a picture
73
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:41,499
of your ex-boyfriend on your phone?
74
00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:44,379
You swiped on my phone?
75
00:03:44,380 --> 00:03:46,249
What if I had something
embarrassing in there?
76
00:03:46,250 --> 00:03:49,249
Like a tasteful hoo-ha shot?
77
00:03:49,250 --> 00:03:51,999
Why do you still have a picture
of Randy on your phone?
78
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:55,419
The guy who broke up with you
in L.A. using a therapist?
79
00:03:55,420 --> 00:03:57,959
This bespeaks of an unresolved longing.
80
00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:01,169
Be-stop be-talking right now.
81
00:04:01,170 --> 00:04:04,209
I am gonna delete them, I just
haven't gotten around to it yet.
82
00:04:04,210 --> 00:04:06,310
Like being nice to people.
83
00:04:09,210 --> 00:04:10,919
Oh, my God, this is too weird.
84
00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:12,709
- What?
- It's Randy.
85
00:04:12,710 --> 00:04:14,079
Does Max work here?
86
00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:16,879
This smells like the place
she described.
87
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,980
That smell's how I find
my way to work every day.
88
00:04:23,580 --> 00:04:25,879
What is he doing here?
I don't want to see him.
89
00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:28,669
Then don't turn around,
'cause he's right behind you.
90
00:04:28,670 --> 00:04:30,919
Max?
91
00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:33,020
Hey.
92
00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:37,039
Good to see you.
93
00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,789
You're not gonna turn around?
94
00:04:39,790 --> 00:04:42,789
No, I'm good.
95
00:04:42,790 --> 00:04:45,579
You're not gonna turn
around for that guy?
96
00:04:45,580 --> 00:04:48,390
I mean, I would turn
around for that guy.
97
00:04:49,620 --> 00:04:52,039
See on the board you
have some specials.
98
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:55,140
I guess I'll have the sloppy... job?
99
00:04:57,710 --> 00:04:59,119
It's "Joe."
100
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,879
Sometimes my "E"s look like "B"s.
101
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:05,100
Clearly, I need to start writing
the specials on the board.
102
00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:10,459
You know what,
just give me the meat... load?
103
00:05:10,460 --> 00:05:14,289
That one, sadly, is spelled right.
104
00:05:14,290 --> 00:05:15,999
Randy, what are you doing here?
105
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,379
Lawyer stuff.
I'm in town for the weekend.
106
00:05:18,380 --> 00:05:20,379
My client, Tony Bennett,
is suing Lady Gaga
107
00:05:20,380 --> 00:05:23,209
for making him uncool.
108
00:05:23,210 --> 00:05:25,999
And I thought I'd come by and
see if Max wanted to see me.
109
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:29,100
I guess I also wouldn't
mind a cup of hot caca.
110
00:05:31,330 --> 00:05:33,640
Max... you're not gonna turn around?
111
00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:38,169
Okay. Guess I better go.
112
00:05:38,170 --> 00:05:39,789
Well, bye.
113
00:05:39,790 --> 00:05:41,119
Bye.
114
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:44,220
(stomping feet)
115
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:49,879
Damn it!
116
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:53,310
Fell for the ol' Scooby
Doo fake footsteps.
117
00:05:55,380 --> 00:05:58,119
- How are you?
- I'm great.
118
00:05:58,120 --> 00:05:59,379
Never been greater.
119
00:05:59,380 --> 00:06:01,169
Max, I need someone to clean up
120
00:06:01,170 --> 00:06:03,249
the baby-changing station
in the ladies' room.
121
00:06:03,250 --> 00:06:06,350
- We don't have one.
- We do now.
122
00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:11,310
I guess I better let
you get back to work.
123
00:06:12,830 --> 00:06:14,749
If you want to see me, give me a call.
124
00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:17,879
Tony has dinner
and goes to bed around 3:30.
125
00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:21,039
♪ ♪
126
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,749
Randy thinks he can just
show up with his face
127
00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:26,749
and his body and his
muscular-but-not-too-thick neck
128
00:06:26,750 --> 00:06:28,789
and think I'm gonna
forget that he dumped me?
129
00:06:28,790 --> 00:06:30,579
Max, don't say "dumped."
130
00:06:30,580 --> 00:06:33,329
Say "kicked to the curb." It's kinder.
131
00:06:33,330 --> 00:06:36,789
Oh, Max, we have an
unattended package situation.
132
00:06:36,790 --> 00:06:40,749
Not unlike that homeless guy
we just passed on the stoop.
133
00:06:40,750 --> 00:06:43,169
Wow, that's the biggest box I've seen
134
00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:47,079
since I accidentally clicked on
a "big, beautiful women" porn.
135
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,209
It stops being an "accident"
136
00:06:49,210 --> 00:06:50,959
when you wake me up by yelling,
137
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,539
"Hey, check out this 'big,
beautiful women' porn!"
138
00:06:53,540 --> 00:06:55,039
Well, this is exciting.
139
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,459
I haven't had a surprise delivery
140
00:06:56,460 --> 00:06:58,890
since that baby I felt
was just Chipolte.
141
00:07:02,460 --> 00:07:04,499
Max, that never really happened, right?
142
00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:07,619
Whatever makes you sleep
sounder, sweetheart.
143
00:07:07,620 --> 00:07:09,499
Never happened.
144
00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:12,619
Oh, good God!
It's three kinds of popcorn!
145
00:07:12,620 --> 00:07:14,919
And all kinds of disappointment.
146
00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:16,329
Crazy?
147
00:07:16,330 --> 00:07:18,169
You've got your standard butter,
148
00:07:18,170 --> 00:07:20,289
you got your sweet, sweet caramel,
149
00:07:20,290 --> 00:07:23,379
and finally, the popcorn
that needs no introduction,
150
00:07:23,380 --> 00:07:25,459
cheese!
151
00:07:25,460 --> 00:07:28,079
Cheese-us, that's good.
152
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:29,539
It's from Randy.
153
00:07:29,540 --> 00:07:32,119
"I know it's corny, but I miss you.
154
00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:33,499
Love, Randy."
155
00:07:33,500 --> 00:07:36,879
Oh, great, so he's a great writer too?
156
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:38,959
Why am I mad at him again?
157
00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:40,743
All right, he obviously
knows your sweet spot
158
00:07:40,744 --> 00:07:42,329
is the grocery aisle at Rite Aid,
159
00:07:42,330 --> 00:07:45,749
but I am not gonna let junk food
cloud your judgment again.
160
00:07:45,750 --> 00:07:48,959
Like that time you donated blood
for a chocolate chip cookie.
161
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:52,289
Hey, I also got orange juice.
162
00:07:52,290 --> 00:07:55,390
(knocking at door)
163
00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:59,459
Hey, girls.
164
00:07:59,460 --> 00:08:03,209
Max, this was delivered
upstairs for you.
165
00:08:03,210 --> 00:08:05,169
Uh, sorry about the bite marks,
166
00:08:05,170 --> 00:08:08,459
but the baby a whiff of the
pimento loaf and said,
167
00:08:08,460 --> 00:08:11,709
"Oh, I just got to have it."
168
00:08:11,710 --> 00:08:13,999
"I know I was a jerky,
169
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,419
so let me say sorry with salami."
170
00:08:16,420 --> 00:08:18,419
What, does Randy have, like,
a team of writers
171
00:08:18,420 --> 00:08:19,459
working on these things?
172
00:08:19,460 --> 00:08:20,789
Randy?
173
00:08:20,790 --> 00:08:23,789
You mean that hot guy
with the muscular neck?
174
00:08:23,790 --> 00:08:25,829
Muscular, but not too thick.
175
00:08:25,830 --> 00:08:27,379
Yeah!
176
00:08:27,380 --> 00:08:29,379
He's trying to win you
back with salamis
177
00:08:29,380 --> 00:08:31,579
and delicious biscotti?
178
00:08:31,580 --> 00:08:33,539
There's no biscotti in here.
179
00:08:33,540 --> 00:08:35,419
Oh, yeah, well...
180
00:08:35,420 --> 00:08:38,459
the baby needed something sweet.
181
00:08:38,460 --> 00:08:39,539
(gasps)
182
00:08:39,540 --> 00:08:40,619
Oh, my gosh.
183
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:42,539
The baby just kicked.
184
00:08:42,540 --> 00:08:43,709
Oh!
185
00:08:43,710 --> 00:08:46,619
Oh, that brings me so much joy.
186
00:08:46,620 --> 00:08:47,789
(gasps)
187
00:08:47,790 --> 00:08:49,459
It did it again!
188
00:08:49,460 --> 00:08:50,289
Oh!
189
00:08:50,290 --> 00:08:51,919
My gosh.
190
00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:53,580
Hey, I think it's following the salami!
191
00:09:04,143 --> 00:09:06,972
Thank you so much for showing
us the space today, Evie.
192
00:09:06,973 --> 00:09:08,972
I'm sure Max will be here any minute.
193
00:09:08,973 --> 00:09:10,852
It's hard for her to be on time.
194
00:09:10,853 --> 00:09:14,392
Or sober for more than an hour.
195
00:09:14,393 --> 00:09:16,932
Well, the pros are the
location and the price.
196
00:09:16,933 --> 00:09:19,562
And the cons are the
11 people I'm guessing
197
00:09:19,563 --> 00:09:21,932
have died in here.
198
00:09:21,933 --> 00:09:25,682
It is a little small,
but people like small.
199
00:09:25,683 --> 00:09:29,602
I know I do.
200
00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:33,432
And I know I am very curious
about the natural light in here.
201
00:09:33,433 --> 00:09:35,352
And I can make anything pretty.
202
00:09:35,353 --> 00:09:37,432
Just ask Suda Mahmoosh
from high school.
203
00:09:37,433 --> 00:09:41,852
Everyone called her Bert
till I worked my tweezer magic.
204
00:09:41,853 --> 00:09:44,714
Well, you have to act now,
because there are three other
205
00:09:44,715 --> 00:09:47,123
very attractive offers on the table.
206
00:09:47,124 --> 00:09:50,224
And one wants to take me on a cruise.
207
00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:53,173
What did I tell you?
208
00:09:53,174 --> 00:09:56,793
She's undressing me with her eyes.
209
00:09:56,794 --> 00:10:00,383
Well, I'm buttoning you
back up with mine.
210
00:10:00,384 --> 00:10:01,383
(cell phone ringing)
211
00:10:01,384 --> 00:10:03,253
Oh, I have to take this.
212
00:10:03,254 --> 00:10:04,333
And Han?
213
00:10:04,334 --> 00:10:07,434
(speaking native language)
214
00:10:09,794 --> 00:10:11,623
What did she say to you in Korean?
215
00:10:11,624 --> 00:10:13,333
'Cause she was coming at you hard.
216
00:10:13,334 --> 00:10:16,963
That she wants me to come at her hard.
217
00:10:16,964 --> 00:10:18,623
Well, what's the problem, Han?
218
00:10:18,624 --> 00:10:20,543
I mean, she's cute and she likes you,
219
00:10:20,544 --> 00:10:22,213
and it's not your job to ask why.
220
00:10:22,214 --> 00:10:24,383
That's mine and Max's.
221
00:10:24,384 --> 00:10:27,543
The problem is that she's
from a very conservative family,
222
00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:30,383
and she wants to be a virgin
when she gets married.
223
00:10:30,384 --> 00:10:33,753
A two-virgin marriage.
224
00:10:33,754 --> 00:10:34,753
That's cute.
225
00:10:34,754 --> 00:10:38,383
Or is it too matchy-matchy?
226
00:10:38,384 --> 00:10:42,383
No, no, she wants to have
sex before marriage.
227
00:10:42,384 --> 00:10:45,003
I'm confused... she wants be a virgin,
228
00:10:45,004 --> 00:10:48,173
but she wants to have sex?
229
00:10:48,174 --> 00:10:50,583
Oh!
230
00:10:50,584 --> 00:10:54,173
Like an "everything but" situation.
231
00:10:54,174 --> 00:10:56,253
So to speak.
232
00:10:56,254 --> 00:11:00,434
She's found a loophole,
and it rhymes with loophole.
233
00:11:04,504 --> 00:11:07,293
What?
234
00:11:07,294 --> 00:11:09,793
Below the waist, she's like a mullet...
235
00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:12,894
business in the front,
party in the back.
236
00:11:15,004 --> 00:11:18,003
- Still nothing?
- Yeah, I got it!
237
00:11:18,004 --> 00:11:20,503
I just don't want to talk about it.
238
00:11:20,504 --> 00:11:24,043
This is a conversation you
need to have with a man.
239
00:11:24,044 --> 00:11:26,883
And when Max gets here,
240
00:11:26,884 --> 00:11:29,293
I'm sure she'll make fun of you
241
00:11:29,294 --> 00:11:30,883
and then tell you what to do.
242
00:11:30,884 --> 00:11:33,293
I'm sorry, Caroline.
The space just got rented.
243
00:11:33,294 --> 00:11:36,333
Spaces don't stay empty
for long around here.
244
00:11:36,334 --> 00:11:38,583
Han, can you walk me to my car?
245
00:11:38,584 --> 00:11:41,684
I need help putting
something in my trunk.
246
00:11:45,254 --> 00:11:49,003
I'm right behind you!
247
00:11:49,004 --> 00:11:51,894
I mean...
248
00:11:53,214 --> 00:11:56,213
Where are Mickey and
Minnie Mouse going?
249
00:11:56,214 --> 00:11:57,503
Max, where were you?
250
00:11:57,504 --> 00:11:59,213
You're late, we lost the space,
251
00:11:59,214 --> 00:12:01,673
and I had to learn that
our real estate agent
252
00:12:01,674 --> 00:12:05,173
wants to have sex with Han,
but remain a...
253
00:12:05,174 --> 00:12:09,333
front virgin.
254
00:12:09,334 --> 00:12:11,333
Please understand me.
255
00:12:11,334 --> 00:12:15,173
Oh, she's working the
ol' loophole argument?
256
00:12:15,174 --> 00:12:16,397
What, you never heard of that?
257
00:12:16,398 --> 00:12:19,173
The girls at St. Bridget's invented it.
258
00:12:19,174 --> 00:12:21,293
I can't take any more of this!
259
00:12:21,294 --> 00:12:24,434
That's what they said!
260
00:12:25,334 --> 00:12:27,434
But then they did.
261
00:12:29,924 --> 00:12:32,793
Shouldn't you be coming in
through the back door?
262
00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:36,923
♪ ♪
263
00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:39,253
I got to say, Max, I'm really surprised
264
00:12:39,254 --> 00:12:41,333
you didn't cave in and see Randy.
265
00:12:41,334 --> 00:12:45,583
You're showing more
backbone than a supermodel.
266
00:12:45,584 --> 00:12:47,583
Yup, I'm not gonna see Randy!
267
00:12:47,584 --> 00:12:50,463
I'm not seeing Randy at all!
268
00:12:50,464 --> 00:12:53,713
Okay, and they say I'm the loud one.
269
00:12:53,714 --> 00:12:56,883
Get out of here, Caroline!
270
00:12:56,884 --> 00:12:59,293
Who I am talking to.
271
00:12:59,294 --> 00:13:01,083
Uh, can you go outside
272
00:13:01,084 --> 00:13:03,043
and bring me something from outside?
273
00:13:03,044 --> 00:13:04,623
- Like what?
- Oh, I don't know.
274
00:13:04,624 --> 00:13:06,623
A souvenir from Coney Island.
275
00:13:06,624 --> 00:13:10,293
An old woman's hat from Manhattan.
276
00:13:10,294 --> 00:13:12,213
Okay, sure. Outside stuff, got it.
277
00:13:12,214 --> 00:13:14,564
Thanks. Take your time.
278
00:13:16,464 --> 00:13:18,253
What are you still doing here?
279
00:13:18,254 --> 00:13:20,383
You said you were just gonna
take as shower and leave.
280
00:13:20,384 --> 00:13:21,967
I was waiting for the water to get hot.
281
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:24,463
Took four hours!
282
00:13:24,464 --> 00:13:26,623
You have to go before
Caroline gets back.
283
00:13:26,624 --> 00:13:28,383
Wow, I haven't snuck
out of an apartment
284
00:13:28,384 --> 00:13:32,083
since I helped my friend
escape Scientology.
285
00:13:32,084 --> 00:13:34,793
Well, she's back.
And you two are busted.
286
00:13:34,794 --> 00:13:36,083
I knew he was in here.
287
00:13:36,084 --> 00:13:37,833
I saw his 12-pack in my phone
288
00:13:37,834 --> 00:13:41,043
when I was taking a couch selfie.
289
00:13:41,044 --> 00:13:43,083
And you let him use my towel?
290
00:13:43,084 --> 00:13:47,583
It's also my sheet/dress
for summer weddings.
291
00:13:47,584 --> 00:13:49,003
Okay, you know what?
292
00:13:49,004 --> 00:13:50,253
I'm gonna get out of your dress
293
00:13:50,254 --> 00:13:53,383
and give you two a minute.
294
00:13:53,384 --> 00:13:55,963
I can't believe you had sex with Randy.
295
00:13:55,964 --> 00:13:57,383
More than just sex!
296
00:13:57,384 --> 00:13:58,793
Stay out of this!
297
00:13:58,794 --> 00:14:00,383
You said you were gonna mull it over.
298
00:14:00,384 --> 00:14:01,963
Weigh the pros and cons.
299
00:14:01,964 --> 00:14:03,333
You know, before you came here,
300
00:14:03,334 --> 00:14:06,293
I used to date pros and cons.
301
00:14:06,294 --> 00:14:08,383
I'm not used to thinking about stuff
302
00:14:08,384 --> 00:14:11,123
and making sound judgments.
303
00:14:11,124 --> 00:14:15,333
I just found out last year there
are instructions on medicine.
304
00:14:15,334 --> 00:14:17,923
Well, I'm sorry if I want
what's best for you.
305
00:14:17,924 --> 00:14:19,333
Just throwing this out there...
306
00:14:19,334 --> 00:14:21,173
got a great job, nice house,
307
00:14:21,174 --> 00:14:25,333
full-fledged AAA member since 1998.
308
00:14:25,334 --> 00:14:27,543
Please, this is between me and Max.
309
00:14:27,544 --> 00:14:30,623
We have to figure out
what to do about you two.
310
00:14:30,624 --> 00:14:34,503
Well, I-I like him, but I
don't want to get hurt again.
311
00:14:34,504 --> 00:14:37,423
See? Those are pros and cons.
312
00:14:37,424 --> 00:14:39,503
This is exciting.
313
00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:41,213
What's going on out there?
314
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,833
'Cause it kind of sounds
like I'm on trial.
315
00:14:43,834 --> 00:14:45,753
You know what? This is a big decision.
316
00:14:45,754 --> 00:14:48,333
Maybe we should all just sleep on it.
317
00:14:48,334 --> 00:14:50,914
Isn't sleeping on it what got me
in trouble in the first place?
318
00:15:00,014 --> 00:15:02,132
I thought of another pro for Randy.
319
00:15:02,133 --> 00:15:06,593
He looks like a man from
the front and from the back.
320
00:15:06,594 --> 00:15:09,633
Very rare in these times.
321
00:15:09,634 --> 00:15:11,723
Okay, I'll put it on the list.
322
00:15:11,724 --> 00:15:15,593
Oh, no, this is my list
of reasons to stay alive.
323
00:15:15,594 --> 00:15:17,173
You should know I'm down to one.
324
00:15:17,174 --> 00:15:19,173
Oh.
325
00:15:19,174 --> 00:15:22,803
Evie found a small place in
Brooklyn she wants you to see.
326
00:15:22,804 --> 00:15:25,223
As for the small place
she wants me to see,
327
00:15:25,224 --> 00:15:27,553
I haven't decided.
328
00:15:27,554 --> 00:15:29,965
Caroline, let's get some
pros and cons going
329
00:15:29,966 --> 00:15:32,344
for Han taking the A-train.
330
00:15:32,345 --> 00:15:36,174
I mean, this is the closest
to a vagina that any of us
331
00:15:36,175 --> 00:15:38,294
ever thought you'd be.
332
00:15:38,295 --> 00:15:41,884
So if I decide to pass,
you won't think less of me?
333
00:15:41,885 --> 00:15:44,355
Han, that would be impossible.
334
00:15:46,055 --> 00:15:49,924
Hey, everybody.
335
00:15:49,925 --> 00:15:52,754
You know, you get a seat on
the subway if you're pregnant
336
00:15:52,755 --> 00:15:56,174
and willing to sit on
an old person's lap.
337
00:15:56,175 --> 00:15:59,884
Sophie, what's a
seven-letter word for... oh, hell.
338
00:15:59,885 --> 00:16:03,155
Three years is too long
to spend on one crossword.
339
00:16:05,055 --> 00:16:06,844
According to my mom,
it's too long to spend
340
00:16:06,845 --> 00:16:08,844
in third grade too.
341
00:16:08,845 --> 00:16:11,004
Carol, come to my booth.
342
00:16:11,005 --> 00:16:12,794
I think my baby's gonna kick again.
343
00:16:12,795 --> 00:16:14,424
Uh, Sophie, we're kind of working.
344
00:16:14,425 --> 00:16:16,525
Oh, you got a job?
345
00:16:20,135 --> 00:16:21,254
Hey, there.
346
00:16:21,255 --> 00:16:23,214
I'm, uh, here for Max.
347
00:16:23,215 --> 00:16:25,134
Oh, and 14 across?
348
00:16:25,135 --> 00:16:26,594
Papaya.
349
00:16:26,595 --> 00:16:29,235
Damn! I'm back in!
350
00:16:30,925 --> 00:16:33,174
Randy, we actually haven't
come to a decision yet.
351
00:16:33,175 --> 00:16:35,004
Well, I want my day in court.
352
00:16:35,005 --> 00:16:37,714
Oh, you could have mine.
It's the third.
353
00:16:37,715 --> 00:16:39,174
As you know, I'm a lawyer.
354
00:16:39,175 --> 00:16:41,134
And I usually don't
practice in a courtroom
355
00:16:41,135 --> 00:16:44,134
that serves something called pork chip.
356
00:16:44,135 --> 00:16:46,004
But if I'm gonna be on trial here,
357
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,205
- I'm gonna make my case.
- Okay, but let me just say...
358
00:16:48,206 --> 00:16:49,749
Do you want the list of pros and cons?
359
00:16:49,750 --> 00:16:50,844
I got this.
360
00:16:50,845 --> 00:16:52,594
I need to make sure
that I can trust you
361
00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:54,294
with my best friend's heart again.
362
00:16:54,295 --> 00:16:59,004
Oh, my God, that was pure Good Wife.
363
00:16:59,005 --> 00:17:01,254
Max, go have a seat in Sophie's booth.
364
00:17:01,255 --> 00:17:05,174
That's fine, but I'm getting
some of that pork chip.
365
00:17:05,175 --> 00:17:06,504
It's good, baby.
366
00:17:06,505 --> 00:17:09,395
It comes with a side of ass potatoes.
367
00:17:12,135 --> 00:17:13,424
Randy.
368
00:17:13,425 --> 00:17:16,634
You live in L.A. Max lives in New York.
369
00:17:16,635 --> 00:17:19,594
Did you or did you not say you're bad
370
00:17:19,595 --> 00:17:21,294
at long-distance relationships?
371
00:17:21,295 --> 00:17:22,634
I did.
372
00:17:22,635 --> 00:17:24,424
And did you or did you not say
373
00:17:24,425 --> 00:17:26,924
that you're just in
town for the weekend?
374
00:17:26,925 --> 00:17:28,714
Well, I did say that...
375
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,254
Ma'am, do you or do you not see me
376
00:17:30,255 --> 00:17:34,254
conducting a mock trial up in here?
377
00:17:34,255 --> 00:17:37,294
Randy, did you or did you not
378
00:17:37,295 --> 00:17:41,794
break up with Max using
a therapist because...
379
00:17:41,795 --> 00:17:46,094
you couldn't do it yourself?
380
00:17:46,095 --> 00:17:49,094
- Well, I...
- Answer the question!
381
00:17:49,095 --> 00:17:50,094
Yes.
382
00:17:50,095 --> 00:17:53,884
Caroline, girl, you are good.
383
00:17:53,885 --> 00:17:55,844
Where were you when I got arrested
384
00:17:55,845 --> 00:18:00,134
for being black in Tacoma?
385
00:18:00,135 --> 00:18:02,594
You're living in L.A.,
Max is living in New York,
386
00:18:02,595 --> 00:18:04,174
and you're both living in denial
387
00:18:04,175 --> 00:18:06,094
if you think a relationship can work.
388
00:18:06,095 --> 00:18:09,195
May I approach the booth
and mount my defense?
389
00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:15,174
You mounted the defense
three times yesterday.
390
00:18:15,175 --> 00:18:17,754
Objection! Kissing the witness!
391
00:18:17,755 --> 00:18:20,094
What the hell is going on out here?
392
00:18:20,095 --> 00:18:24,235
They are putting that white
Billy Dee Williams on trial.
393
00:18:27,135 --> 00:18:30,714
You're right, I did hurt her.
394
00:18:30,715 --> 00:18:33,714
Breaking up with her using
a therapist was a bad decision.
395
00:18:33,715 --> 00:18:37,134
Breaking up with her at
all was a bad decision.
396
00:18:37,135 --> 00:18:38,964
And why should she trust
me if I'm just gonna
397
00:18:38,965 --> 00:18:40,964
blow into town for the
weekend and leave?
398
00:18:40,965 --> 00:18:43,294
Well, for a lawyer, you're not making
399
00:18:43,295 --> 00:18:45,294
a great case for yourself.
400
00:18:45,295 --> 00:18:46,384
Yeah.
401
00:18:46,385 --> 00:18:48,924
I mean, if I were you, I'd just
402
00:18:48,925 --> 00:18:51,275
take my shirt off right now.
403
00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:55,134
And the truth is...
404
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:57,134
I'm not here on business.
405
00:18:57,135 --> 00:18:59,254
Tony Bennett isn't suing Lady Gaga.
406
00:18:59,255 --> 00:19:03,294
Although he should.
I'm just not involved.
407
00:19:03,295 --> 00:19:08,214
I came to New York for
the weekend to see Max.
408
00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:09,964
RANDY: And she's the
reason I'm gonna stay
409
00:19:09,965 --> 00:19:11,964
in New York for a month
410
00:19:11,965 --> 00:19:15,004
to see if we can make this work.
411
00:19:15,005 --> 00:19:18,105
I think that should count as two pros.
412
00:19:21,885 --> 00:19:23,964
You're really gonna stay here for me?
413
00:19:23,965 --> 00:19:26,254
I couldn't stop thinking about you.
414
00:19:26,255 --> 00:19:30,294
I didn't even delete
your photos off my phone.
415
00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:32,594
Well, that's pathetic.
416
00:19:32,595 --> 00:19:36,294
♪ ♪
417
00:19:36,295 --> 00:19:39,174
So I think I found the perfect
space for your dessert bar.
418
00:19:39,175 --> 00:19:41,554
It's got to be better than
the other holes you showed us.
419
00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:43,554
Well, it's in the trendiest
part of Williamsburg,
420
00:19:43,555 --> 00:19:46,634
cheap, and the landlord
is a really nice guy.
421
00:19:46,635 --> 00:19:48,384
It's so close to the diner.
422
00:19:48,385 --> 00:19:50,424
Won't it be weird if we run into Han?
423
00:19:50,425 --> 00:19:52,594
And not with a car?
424
00:19:52,595 --> 00:19:54,594
Okay. This is it.
425
00:19:54,595 --> 00:19:56,384
Hello!
426
00:19:56,385 --> 00:19:59,964
Oh, no, I hate puppet shows.
427
00:19:59,965 --> 00:20:02,634
Evie, this isn't available,
it's a cupcake shop.
428
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:05,424
Unless those two girls finally gave up.
429
00:20:05,425 --> 00:20:07,844
I've decided to let you expand.
430
00:20:07,845 --> 00:20:12,634
Evie convinced me to do things
outside my comfort zone.
431
00:20:12,635 --> 00:20:15,554
- Yes, I did.
- How 'bout that, Caroline?
432
00:20:15,555 --> 00:20:19,134
We're not the only ones she
showed a dingy, dark hole to.
433
00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:21,134
Get your minds out of the gutter.
434
00:20:21,135 --> 00:20:23,254
She took me to hot yoga.
435
00:20:23,255 --> 00:20:25,674
He vomited two "oms" in.
436
00:20:25,675 --> 00:20:27,464
But at least he tried.
437
00:20:27,465 --> 00:20:29,634
So who knows what's next?
438
00:20:29,635 --> 00:20:32,054
Well, I've never had lobster.
439
00:20:32,055 --> 00:20:33,464
Han, are you sure about this?
440
00:20:33,465 --> 00:20:35,594
You'll let us build
our dessert bar here?
441
00:20:35,595 --> 00:20:38,794
I'm sure I'll regret it
almost immediately.
442
00:20:38,795 --> 00:20:40,754
Han, I would hug you right now,
443
00:20:40,755 --> 00:20:43,674
but the cons outweigh the pros.
444
00:20:43,675 --> 00:20:45,554
This is gonna be the coolest bar!
445
00:20:45,555 --> 00:20:48,344
We just have to get rid of that.
446
00:20:48,345 --> 00:20:50,674
♪ ♪
447
00:20:50,675 --> 00:20:52,735
(cash register bell dings)
448
00:20:52,996 --> 00:20:59,878
Subtitle sync and corrections by
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