1
00:00:01,483 --> 00:00:03,866
Okay, Max, here are the paint
chips for our new dessert bar.
2
00:00:03,867 --> 00:00:06,195
Don't eat them.
This isn't your childhood.
3
00:00:07,006 --> 00:00:08,335
These are all pink.
4
00:00:08,336 --> 00:00:10,506
You want the walls of
our bar to be all pink?
5
00:00:10,507 --> 00:00:12,046
It'll be the first time someone drinks
6
00:00:12,047 --> 00:00:15,506
after they enter a vagina.
7
00:00:15,507 --> 00:00:19,006
Oh, hey... no vagina in the Dina.
8
00:00:19,007 --> 00:00:23,256
Or your apartment. Ever.
9
00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,006
You know, this isn't Hooters.
10
00:00:25,007 --> 00:00:29,006
The v-bomb isn't usually
batted around the workplace.
11
00:00:29,007 --> 00:00:30,836
Speaking of batting things around,
12
00:00:30,837 --> 00:00:34,376
our cat wants you to come over again.
13
00:00:34,377 --> 00:00:35,666
Yesterday you said your cat
14
00:00:35,667 --> 00:00:39,666
was too cool to hang out with me.
15
00:00:39,667 --> 00:00:41,166
So which is it?
16
00:00:41,167 --> 00:00:42,761
'Cause I am free tonight.
17
00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:46,506
(Peter Bjorn and John)
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
18
00:00:46,507 --> 00:00:48,166
[cash register bell dings]
19
00:00:48,167 --> 00:00:54,418
_ _
20
00:00:54,427 --> 00:00:57,527
Hey, everybody!
21
00:01:01,667 --> 00:01:03,466
You know what today is?
22
00:01:03,467 --> 00:01:04,876
I hope it ain't the 15th,
23
00:01:04,877 --> 00:01:07,966
'cause that means I missed dialysis.
24
00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:10,796
No, I'm 20 weeks preggers.
25
00:01:10,797 --> 00:01:14,296
And it's time for Oleg and I
to choose the godparents.
26
00:01:14,297 --> 00:01:16,716
You know, it's an old Polish tradition.
27
00:01:16,717 --> 00:01:19,817
Like pierogies and public hangings.
28
00:01:20,877 --> 00:01:22,336
Godparents?
29
00:01:22,337 --> 00:01:24,836
God didn't even give
me parents-parents.
30
00:01:24,837 --> 00:01:27,256
He just gave me some lady that
took me home from the hospital
31
00:01:27,257 --> 00:01:29,876
in a Blockbuster Video bag.
32
00:01:29,877 --> 00:01:31,426
It's a big decision.
33
00:01:31,427 --> 00:01:33,506
You have to pick a couple
who would raise the child
34
00:01:33,507 --> 00:01:35,216
with your beliefs and values.
35
00:01:35,217 --> 00:01:37,166
And Hugh Hefner and
whoever he's banging
36
00:01:37,167 --> 00:01:39,716
already said no.
37
00:01:39,717 --> 00:01:42,086
Yeah, so I'm making a list.
38
00:01:42,087 --> 00:01:44,506
But Oleg doesn't want anyone in prison.
39
00:01:44,507 --> 00:01:49,086
You know, so that knocks out
most of the women in my family.
40
00:01:49,087 --> 00:01:51,006
You know, you guys could also have
41
00:01:51,007 --> 00:01:53,376
these conversations at home.
42
00:01:53,377 --> 00:01:56,477
But this counter is where
they made the baby.
43
00:01:58,337 --> 00:01:59,466
Hey, Earl.
44
00:01:59,467 --> 00:02:02,876
Oh, good, I need somebody strong.
45
00:02:02,877 --> 00:02:06,836
Uh, would you carry this over there,
46
00:02:06,837 --> 00:02:10,166
put some coffee in it,
47
00:02:10,167 --> 00:02:11,897
and bring it back to me?
48
00:02:15,297 --> 00:02:17,126
I'll hot this up in a second.
49
00:02:17,127 --> 00:02:20,227
Just let me hot this one up first.
50
00:02:24,167 --> 00:02:25,546
What're you doing here?
51
00:02:25,547 --> 00:02:27,090
I know you don't like me to bother you
52
00:02:27,091 --> 00:02:29,666
during your free time,
53
00:02:29,667 --> 00:02:31,046
but I missed you.
54
00:02:31,047 --> 00:02:32,796
And I want to tell you
something in person.
55
00:02:32,797 --> 00:02:37,296
Well, whatever it is,
I probably have it too.
56
00:02:37,297 --> 00:02:40,046
And I probably had it first.
57
00:02:40,047 --> 00:02:41,716
It's not that.
58
00:02:41,717 --> 00:02:43,836
But now I'm worried.
59
00:02:43,837 --> 00:02:45,966
No, I met with this
law firm in Manhattan,
60
00:02:45,967 --> 00:02:47,376
and they want to make me a partner.
61
00:02:47,377 --> 00:02:48,966
They're making you a partner?
62
00:02:48,967 --> 00:02:52,796
Well, then they're gonna catch it too.
63
00:02:52,797 --> 00:02:54,006
So, Randy,
64
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,336
you really are a lawyer?
65
00:02:56,337 --> 00:03:00,107
I thought you just played
lawyers in gay porn.
66
00:03:02,127 --> 00:03:03,216
Thanks.
67
00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:05,336
I will tell my trainer.
68
00:03:05,337 --> 00:03:07,966
He was in gay porn.
69
00:03:07,967 --> 00:03:09,756
Hey, Buzz Lightyear,
70
00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:13,796
I'm still waiting for that coffee.
71
00:03:13,797 --> 00:03:15,666
All right, well, I'll be in my booth
72
00:03:15,667 --> 00:03:18,046
working on my godparent list.
73
00:03:18,047 --> 00:03:20,756
And whoever we pick
should be like one of those
74
00:03:20,757 --> 00:03:24,926
perfect families on TV like,
well, the Brady's,
75
00:03:24,927 --> 00:03:26,506
and the Huxtables...
76
00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:29,607
Or, you know what?
Scratch that last one.
77
00:03:31,297 --> 00:03:33,126
Wow, if you're considering
moving to New York,
78
00:03:33,127 --> 00:03:34,716
it must be a pretty good job.
79
00:03:34,717 --> 00:03:36,836
Well, there's a couple other reasons.
80
00:03:36,837 --> 00:03:38,466
The bagels.
81
00:03:38,467 --> 00:03:41,926
I have tickets to
Hamilton in seven years.
82
00:03:41,927 --> 00:03:44,376
And there's this girl
here I kind of like.
83
00:03:44,377 --> 00:03:47,376
Who is she? I'll kill her.
84
00:03:47,377 --> 00:03:50,756
So two of the partners want to
take me out tomorrow night
85
00:03:50,757 --> 00:03:53,876
to some fancy private dinner
at someplace called Beak.
86
00:03:53,877 --> 00:03:55,586
(gasps) You're going to Beak?
87
00:03:55,587 --> 00:03:57,756
It's hidden away in a private apartment,
88
00:03:57,757 --> 00:03:59,796
practically under the
Williamsburg Bridge,
89
00:03:59,797 --> 00:04:01,666
so you pretty much have to walk.
90
00:04:01,667 --> 00:04:05,296
How awful and chic is that?
91
00:04:05,297 --> 00:04:07,836
I read in Time Out that
that place is so exclusive,
92
00:04:07,837 --> 00:04:09,836
it's technically not even a restaurant.
93
00:04:09,837 --> 00:04:11,506
Big deal.
94
00:04:11,507 --> 00:04:14,126
This diner gets called
"not a restaurant" all the time.
95
00:04:14,127 --> 00:04:15,836
Hey, did they tell you
to just bring Max,
96
00:04:15,837 --> 00:04:18,256
or was it more of a "bring whoever"?
97
00:04:18,257 --> 00:04:21,166
- Um...
- I'll take that as a yes.
98
00:04:21,167 --> 00:04:23,506
I'd love to join you
at Beak tomorrow night.
99
00:04:23,507 --> 00:04:24,926
How could I say no to Beak?
100
00:04:24,927 --> 00:04:27,506
It's spring, so that's peak Beak.
101
00:04:27,507 --> 00:04:28,926
(laughs)
102
00:04:28,927 --> 00:04:29,966
So you want to go?
103
00:04:29,967 --> 00:04:31,126
Want to be my date?
104
00:04:31,127 --> 00:04:32,836
Nah, pass.
105
00:04:32,837 --> 00:04:35,100
Fancy restaurants are one of
the three things I don't do.
106
00:04:35,101 --> 00:04:37,626
You know the other two.
107
00:04:37,627 --> 00:04:41,426
Didn't we blow past those week one?
108
00:04:41,427 --> 00:04:43,586
Max, are you crazy?
109
00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:46,796
Why, is one of my pupils
getting all small?
110
00:04:46,797 --> 00:04:48,666
It happens now. I don't know why.
111
00:04:48,667 --> 00:04:50,166
What was that out there?
112
00:04:50,167 --> 00:04:51,926
"Nah, pass."
113
00:04:51,927 --> 00:04:54,126
Randy's not just asking
you to dinner-dinner.
114
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,506
This isn't about food.
115
00:04:55,507 --> 00:04:57,006
It's about your future together.
116
00:04:57,007 --> 00:04:59,166
He's moving here for you.
117
00:04:59,167 --> 00:05:02,716
You just "naw pass" -ed on Randy.
118
00:05:02,717 --> 00:05:05,006
Weird, I didn't love your
impression the first time,
119
00:05:05,007 --> 00:05:07,836
but I loved it the second.
120
00:05:07,837 --> 00:05:10,006
Randy's moving here for a job.
121
00:05:10,007 --> 00:05:12,666
This dinner isn't about
some law partners.
122
00:05:12,667 --> 00:05:14,836
It's about you and him as partners.
123
00:05:14,837 --> 00:05:17,336
Do you hear words I don't?
124
00:05:17,337 --> 00:05:20,086
You're going to that dinner,
young lady, end of discussion.
125
00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:23,666
Oh, that was so mom-ish!
126
00:05:23,667 --> 00:05:26,357
I wouldn't know. I've never met one.
127
00:05:27,998 --> 00:05:28,698
_ _
128
00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:37,460
(knocking)
129
00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:41,019
Oh, good, this is it.
130
00:05:41,020 --> 00:05:42,689
We knocked on another apartment door,
131
00:05:42,690 --> 00:05:45,689
but the only thing they
were cooking was meth.
132
00:05:45,690 --> 00:05:48,019
We walked across a bridge for this?
133
00:05:48,020 --> 00:05:52,519
This is basically my apartment,
except our wild birds are alive.
134
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,519
Randy, you made it.
135
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:58,019
And I mean, you made it
because you're eating at Beak.
136
00:05:58,020 --> 00:05:59,520
I mean, the wait list here is longer
137
00:05:59,521 --> 00:06:02,479
than an episode of HBO's Vinyl.
138
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,609
Max, this is Marissa,
one of the partners.
139
00:06:04,610 --> 00:06:05,859
Marissa, this is Max.
140
00:06:05,860 --> 00:06:06,859
She's my girlfriend.
141
00:06:06,860 --> 00:06:08,229
Max? Cute.
142
00:06:08,230 --> 00:06:09,609
Is that short for Maxine?
143
00:06:09,610 --> 00:06:13,069
Technically, it's long for "meh."
144
00:06:13,070 --> 00:06:14,439
Sorry, I don't get it.
145
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,263
Probably because of the
Klonopin I had to take
146
00:06:16,264 --> 00:06:19,279
when that homeless man tried
to talk to me on the way in.
147
00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:22,859
Uh, Max, this is Leila,
another partner at the firm,
148
00:06:22,860 --> 00:06:24,819
and her wife, Lei.
149
00:06:24,820 --> 00:06:28,149
She's not just my wife.
She's also a star on Instagram.
150
00:06:28,150 --> 00:06:31,899
See? I talk about your accomplishments.
151
00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:35,689
I put wigs on statues
152
00:06:35,690 --> 00:06:38,790
and then photograph them from behind.
153
00:06:40,570 --> 00:06:41,779
That's it?
154
00:06:41,780 --> 00:06:43,380
That's it.
155
00:06:45,610 --> 00:06:46,609
LEILA: Max...
156
00:06:46,610 --> 00:06:48,279
are you a lawyer too?
157
00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:52,319
Uh, no, but I presided over
a food court or two in my day.
158
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,279
Max and her partner, Caroline,
are in the process
159
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:55,939
of opening a dessert bar.
160
00:06:55,940 --> 00:06:57,899
And I don't mean "partner"
in the romantic sense.
161
00:06:57,900 --> 00:07:00,019
I've got that department covered.
162
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:01,649
Well, welcome, Randy and Max.
163
00:07:01,650 --> 00:07:03,273
You know, I've been
hoping to add another
164
00:07:03,274 --> 00:07:05,069
straight couple to the law firm mix,
165
00:07:05,070 --> 00:07:08,689
but, you know, they're
so hard to find nowadays.
166
00:07:08,690 --> 00:07:10,189
Lei and I met on an
167
00:07:10,190 --> 00:07:13,189
Orange is the New Black message board.
168
00:07:13,190 --> 00:07:16,569
It's kind of become the lesbian Tinder.
169
00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:18,859
Uh, Randy, wasn't there
rumor of a third?
170
00:07:18,860 --> 00:07:21,960
Oh, I keep pitching that,
but he "likes me too much."
171
00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:25,859
Again, don't quite get it.
172
00:07:25,860 --> 00:07:27,399
Little hazy.
173
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,359
Well, I'll have to tell
the chef he's preparing
174
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:30,899
oyster foam for six.
175
00:07:30,900 --> 00:07:33,189
I'm sorry, "oyster foam"?
176
00:07:33,190 --> 00:07:35,189
Foam from an oyster?
177
00:07:35,190 --> 00:07:38,729
That sounds delicious.
178
00:07:38,730 --> 00:07:43,189
I know your idea of fine dining
is a ham and cheese Hot Pocket,
179
00:07:43,190 --> 00:07:44,859
but I am really glad you came.
180
00:07:44,860 --> 00:07:45,979
Oh, here's Lenin.
181
00:07:45,980 --> 00:07:48,149
Um, Randy, Max, this is Lenin.
182
00:07:48,150 --> 00:07:51,250
He's the chef. And my lover.
183
00:07:56,480 --> 00:08:00,229
We have sex too.
184
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:02,479
Lei and I are "post sex."
185
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:05,380
All intimacy, no penetration.
186
00:08:09,190 --> 00:08:12,399
I'll be serving a meal of
seven bird-themed courses,
187
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,109
each one it's own
unique flight of fancy.
188
00:08:15,110 --> 00:08:18,479
Not my words, a very
giggly Anderson Cooper.
189
00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:20,149
Now, before we begin, do either of you
190
00:08:20,150 --> 00:08:21,569
have any food allergies?
191
00:08:21,570 --> 00:08:25,279
Just one: birds.
192
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:27,479
I don't get her, either.
193
00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,859
Let's all sit.
194
00:08:29,860 --> 00:08:30,960
Max.
195
00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:35,899
Why do you want me to
sit that far from the table?
196
00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:37,830
That's me being polite.
197
00:08:40,940 --> 00:08:43,149
You are in for such a treat.
198
00:08:43,150 --> 00:08:45,479
Lenin is a real artist.
199
00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:48,069
He spends all day
making these teeny-tiny,
200
00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:51,750
delicate little meals,
which is why I pay our rent.
201
00:08:54,860 --> 00:08:57,149
Our first course is a French delicacy.
202
00:08:57,150 --> 00:09:00,250
The Ortolan Bunting bird,
roasted and eaten whole.
203
00:09:02,860 --> 00:09:06,479
Just grasp the bird by its head
and start eating at the feet.
204
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,920
Enjoy. Obviously.
205
00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:17,178
Can't wait to get that
bird foot in my mouth.
206
00:09:19,285 --> 00:09:19,985
_ _
207
00:09:27,814 --> 00:09:29,813
How's the baby pigeon
and oyster foam, Max?
208
00:09:29,814 --> 00:09:31,313
Oh, delicious.
209
00:09:31,314 --> 00:09:34,414
It's amazing how full
babies can make you.
210
00:09:36,644 --> 00:09:38,063
RANDY: No, Lei, way too many photos
211
00:09:38,064 --> 00:09:39,983
of me eating foam.
212
00:09:39,984 --> 00:09:41,733
Like a rabid dog.
213
00:09:41,734 --> 00:09:44,664
(knocking)
214
00:09:45,734 --> 00:09:47,643
Oh, good. This is it.
215
00:09:47,644 --> 00:09:49,443
The guy who opened
the other apartment door
216
00:09:49,444 --> 00:09:51,403
wasn't wearing pants.
217
00:09:51,404 --> 00:09:53,063
Or underwear.
218
00:09:53,064 --> 00:09:55,443
Or was circumcised.
219
00:09:55,444 --> 00:09:56,733
Hi! I'm here.
220
00:09:56,734 --> 00:09:58,143
What did I miss?
221
00:09:58,144 --> 00:10:01,813
The point of literally every
movie we see together.
222
00:10:01,814 --> 00:10:04,273
Marissa, this is Caroline,
Max's business partner.
223
00:10:04,274 --> 00:10:05,773
She texted she was coming.
224
00:10:05,774 --> 00:10:08,813
She's usually not covered
in this much sweat.
225
00:10:08,814 --> 00:10:10,773
Sorry, I had to run across the bridge,
226
00:10:10,774 --> 00:10:13,233
'cause you need a credit card
for one of those city bikes.
227
00:10:13,234 --> 00:10:14,643
Um, if I had a credit card,
228
00:10:14,644 --> 00:10:17,603
why would I be riding a damn bike?
229
00:10:17,604 --> 00:10:20,374
I'm at Beak. I'm trendy again!
230
00:10:21,314 --> 00:10:22,813
Fifth course.
231
00:10:22,814 --> 00:10:25,483
Tiny poached noisy
scrubbird with fiddle ferns
232
00:10:25,484 --> 00:10:27,313
and fermented egg.
233
00:10:27,314 --> 00:10:30,414
Oh, that sounds so gross.
I bet it's great.
234
00:10:32,444 --> 00:10:34,563
Max, eat.
235
00:10:34,564 --> 00:10:35,983
I sure will.
236
00:10:35,984 --> 00:10:37,643
When I used to watch Tweety Bird,
237
00:10:37,644 --> 00:10:41,643
all I could think was,
"God, that looks delicious."
238
00:10:41,644 --> 00:10:43,773
You're doing great.
239
00:10:43,774 --> 00:10:45,563
Who wants some more wine?
240
00:10:45,564 --> 00:10:47,403
I'm guessing Max.
241
00:10:47,404 --> 00:10:49,063
I can't believe we're here,
242
00:10:49,064 --> 00:10:51,773
eating the finest...
what'd he say this was?
243
00:10:51,774 --> 00:10:53,403
Blue jay?
244
00:10:53,404 --> 00:10:55,063
Aren't you proud of me?
245
00:10:55,064 --> 00:10:56,813
I got through the first four courses.
246
00:10:56,814 --> 00:10:59,733
That's more courses than
I finished in high school.
247
00:10:59,734 --> 00:11:02,983
Oh, look at this pretentious,
248
00:11:02,984 --> 00:11:05,523
deliberately relaxed large napkin.
249
00:11:05,524 --> 00:11:08,903
Love it and hate it.
250
00:11:08,904 --> 00:11:10,313
What is that?
251
00:11:10,314 --> 00:11:12,143
This first four courses!
252
00:11:12,144 --> 00:11:13,733
I cheated, like in high school!
253
00:11:13,734 --> 00:11:16,023
I couldn't eat it; it's gross.
254
00:11:16,024 --> 00:11:19,193
No, gross is when you
hand the guy at Del Taco
255
00:11:19,194 --> 00:11:22,483
65 cents and tell him to surprise you.
256
00:11:22,484 --> 00:11:24,563
You are judging me for
not eating most of my
257
00:11:24,564 --> 00:11:26,523
Saturday morning cartoon lineup?
258
00:11:26,524 --> 00:11:28,983
You want to chomp down
on Foghorn Leghorn?
259
00:11:28,984 --> 00:11:32,813
When a great guy like Randy
is moving to New York for you,
260
00:11:32,814 --> 00:11:35,914
yes, you have to eat
your childhood favorites!
261
00:11:37,144 --> 00:11:39,063
Anyone like to come see the de-spining
262
00:11:39,064 --> 00:11:40,983
of the tiny trumpeter bird?
263
00:11:40,984 --> 00:11:43,294
This could push me over
a million followers.
264
00:11:45,404 --> 00:11:47,313
I can't eat that, Caroline.
265
00:11:47,314 --> 00:11:48,643
And I have nowhere to put it.
266
00:11:48,644 --> 00:11:51,063
My bra is at crazy capacity.
267
00:11:51,064 --> 00:11:54,403
The fire marshal almost
kicked out my left boob.
268
00:11:54,404 --> 00:11:55,853
Why can't you just try it?
269
00:11:55,854 --> 00:11:58,834
You've had worse things in your mouth.
270
00:12:00,024 --> 00:12:02,233
He's moving here to be with you.
271
00:12:02,234 --> 00:12:03,983
He's moving here for a job.
272
00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:06,047
Look, whatever comes next,
just put it in your mouth
273
00:12:06,048 --> 00:12:07,443
and eat it.
274
00:12:07,444 --> 00:12:09,693
Well, I did not know the
bird was gonna be alive.
275
00:12:09,694 --> 00:12:12,794
Worst part? Making eye contact.
276
00:12:14,274 --> 00:12:16,853
Creamed kimchi and pelican tongue
277
00:12:16,854 --> 00:12:19,023
with Asian pear.
278
00:12:19,024 --> 00:12:20,983
LENIN: Enjoy.
279
00:12:20,984 --> 00:12:23,693
The least you can do is
swallow a little tongue.
280
00:12:23,694 --> 00:12:25,773
Tongue swallowing? Foam?
281
00:12:25,774 --> 00:12:28,874
This isn't a restaurant;
it's a heroin overdose.
282
00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:32,584
I love you.
283
00:12:39,904 --> 00:12:41,563
Good for you, Max!
284
00:12:41,564 --> 00:12:44,143
This is real growth.
285
00:12:44,144 --> 00:12:47,914
Is it bad I feel like the
tongue is tasting me back?
286
00:12:49,815 --> 00:12:50,515
_ _
287
00:12:59,601 --> 00:13:01,220
Max, you look sweaty.
288
00:13:01,221 --> 00:13:04,411
Like when you try to do math.
289
00:13:05,641 --> 00:13:09,810
I think that tongue
is looking for an exit.
290
00:13:09,811 --> 00:13:12,640
Randy, we're really excited
for you to come work with us.
291
00:13:12,641 --> 00:13:14,100
How fast can you move to New York?
292
00:13:14,101 --> 00:13:18,470
Not as fast as I have to
get to that bathroom.
293
00:13:18,471 --> 00:13:19,930
Excuse us,
294
00:13:19,931 --> 00:13:22,970
we have to go to the
little sparrow's room.
295
00:13:22,971 --> 00:13:24,680
Nope, it's cool, false alarm.
296
00:13:24,681 --> 00:13:27,140
Nope, real alarm. Very real alarm.
297
00:13:27,141 --> 00:13:29,310
- Should I come in with you?
- No!
298
00:13:29,311 --> 00:13:31,350
Even I don't want to go in there!
299
00:13:31,351 --> 00:13:34,180
I doubt this door is
soundproof, so talk loud.
300
00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:35,970
Just start with your normal volume,
301
00:13:35,971 --> 00:13:39,100
and then dial it down a notch.
302
00:13:39,101 --> 00:13:40,930
Oh, Marissa!
303
00:13:40,931 --> 00:13:47,470
You have to tell me where you
found these fabulous glasses.
304
00:13:47,471 --> 00:13:49,470
Restoration Hardware?
305
00:13:49,471 --> 00:13:52,640
Crate and Barrel?
306
00:13:52,641 --> 00:13:54,310
CAROLINE: Restoration Hardware Modern?
307
00:13:54,311 --> 00:13:55,510
West Elm? CB2?
308
00:13:55,511 --> 00:13:57,260
CB3? Is there one of those yet?
309
00:13:57,261 --> 00:13:58,640
- (vomiting)
- You know what?
310
00:13:58,641 --> 00:13:59,810
Let's get some music going!
311
00:13:59,811 --> 00:14:01,350
Like some really loud dubstep,
312
00:14:01,351 --> 00:14:02,890
'cause I'm running out of breath.
313
00:14:02,891 --> 00:14:04,810
Oh, there's no music allowed here.
314
00:14:04,811 --> 00:14:08,760
It would get in the way of
hearing the symphony of taste.
315
00:14:08,761 --> 00:14:10,140
Not my words.
316
00:14:10,141 --> 00:14:12,600
Okay, they were my words.
317
00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:14,010
I think I'd like to make a toast.
318
00:14:14,011 --> 00:14:15,510
Oh, no, please don't make a toast.
319
00:14:15,511 --> 00:14:18,611
I've begun not to like you.
320
00:14:24,051 --> 00:14:25,220
Seriously, Lenin.
321
00:14:25,221 --> 00:14:26,890
Not even a little light piano?
322
00:14:26,891 --> 00:14:29,510
You don't need to reinvent
the freaking wheel here.
323
00:14:29,511 --> 00:14:31,010
Hey, Caroline, please. Just sit.
324
00:14:31,011 --> 00:14:32,914
You know what, I see if
I have another Klonopin.
325
00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:35,600
- I'm fine.
- It's not for you.
326
00:14:35,601 --> 00:14:37,180
Caroline.
327
00:14:37,181 --> 00:14:38,550
Should I go in there?
328
00:14:38,551 --> 00:14:40,100
'Cause I am not hearing the standard
329
00:14:40,101 --> 00:14:42,720
tinkle and a hand wash.
330
00:14:42,721 --> 00:14:44,430
No, don't move. Stay there.
331
00:14:44,431 --> 00:14:47,010
That noise is just the
pipes backing up a little.
332
00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:48,111
Well, a lot.
333
00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:54,220
CAROLINE: Oh, Lord!
334
00:14:54,221 --> 00:14:55,260
They're young.
335
00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:57,361
(chuckles)
336
00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:01,260
My camera needs to be in there.
337
00:15:01,261 --> 00:15:02,760
Enough with the camera!
338
00:15:02,761 --> 00:15:05,100
I'm alive!
339
00:15:05,101 --> 00:15:07,310
(knocking)
340
00:15:07,311 --> 00:15:09,470
Max.
341
00:15:09,471 --> 00:15:11,140
Where are you going?
342
00:15:11,141 --> 00:15:13,810
Anywhere but here!
343
00:15:13,811 --> 00:15:15,220
RANDY: Max, seriously!
344
00:15:15,221 --> 00:15:16,720
(knocking) What's going on in there?
345
00:15:16,721 --> 00:15:18,260
CAROLINE: Everything's okay in here!
346
00:15:18,261 --> 00:15:21,100
We'll be out in a minute.
347
00:15:21,101 --> 00:15:24,201
RANDY: If you're not gonna
let me in, at least...
348
00:15:27,721 --> 00:15:28,930
Max!
349
00:15:28,931 --> 00:15:30,890
Wait up!
350
00:15:30,891 --> 00:15:33,310
You don't have to be
embarrassed in front of me.
351
00:15:33,311 --> 00:15:35,600
I've seen worse.
352
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,640
Okay, no I haven't.
353
00:15:37,641 --> 00:15:38,930
Just go away!
354
00:15:38,931 --> 00:15:40,640
I can't take that sad look.
355
00:15:40,641 --> 00:15:42,140
It's the same look you gave Chestnut
356
00:15:42,141 --> 00:15:44,550
that time he crapped on the couch.
357
00:15:44,551 --> 00:15:46,930
I'm fine alone;
you didn't have to leave.
358
00:15:46,931 --> 00:15:48,310
No, I did.
359
00:15:48,311 --> 00:15:50,390
They couldn't possibly think one person
360
00:15:50,391 --> 00:15:52,550
was responsible for all that.
361
00:15:52,551 --> 00:15:53,970
Plus, I don't want to leave you.
362
00:15:53,971 --> 00:15:55,140
You're sick.
363
00:15:55,141 --> 00:15:57,140
I think it's beyond sick.
364
00:15:57,141 --> 00:15:59,810
I lost bone mass in there.
365
00:15:59,811 --> 00:16:02,890
My shoes are too big now.
366
00:16:02,891 --> 00:16:04,350
I'm so embarrassed!
367
00:16:04,351 --> 00:16:05,550
Hey, it happens.
368
00:16:05,551 --> 00:16:06,970
You got a stomach ache.
369
00:16:06,971 --> 00:16:08,810
You're just not used to rich food.
370
00:16:08,811 --> 00:16:11,050
I'm not used to rich anything.
371
00:16:11,051 --> 00:16:13,010
And if this is Randy's world...
372
00:16:13,011 --> 00:16:15,890
uh, bird bones and
pretentious people...
373
00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:20,640
then maybe my body is
telling me I can't take it.
374
00:16:20,641 --> 00:16:24,680
Max, if I got used to buying
earrings at the AMPM,
375
00:16:24,681 --> 00:16:27,390
you can get used to fancy
food and pretentious people.
376
00:16:27,391 --> 00:16:28,390
You don't get it!
377
00:16:28,391 --> 00:16:30,680
He is moving here for me.
378
00:16:30,681 --> 00:16:33,140
Oh, do you think so?
379
00:16:33,141 --> 00:16:34,510
I wish your best friend
380
00:16:34,511 --> 00:16:36,350
had been telling you that for two days.
381
00:16:36,351 --> 00:16:37,970
He's moving his whole life.
382
00:16:37,971 --> 00:16:39,810
I don't know how to do that.
383
00:16:39,811 --> 00:16:42,640
I didn't even know how to react
when he moved my chair for me.
384
00:16:42,641 --> 00:16:44,224
You were right,
it's not about the food;
385
00:16:44,225 --> 00:16:46,180
it's about our future,
and I just vomited
386
00:16:46,181 --> 00:16:49,470
all over our future.
387
00:16:49,471 --> 00:16:51,640
What?
388
00:16:51,641 --> 00:16:54,470
I hate to say this,
but you need a mint.
389
00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:57,350
Sorry, I love you, but you need a mint.
390
00:16:57,351 --> 00:17:00,140
I need to disappear.
391
00:17:00,141 --> 00:17:02,991
What do you think of the
name Sheila Newman?
392
00:17:03,891 --> 00:17:04,890
Max!
393
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:06,050
Randy.
394
00:17:06,051 --> 00:17:09,510
Great, just in time to see me jump.
395
00:17:09,511 --> 00:17:10,810
What happened? Where'd you go?
396
00:17:10,811 --> 00:17:12,680
Oh, I jumped on that bike so fast,
397
00:17:12,681 --> 00:17:15,140
my man parts are no
longer talking to me.
398
00:17:15,141 --> 00:17:17,890
She didn't want to be
sick in front of you.
399
00:17:17,891 --> 00:17:20,010
You got sick?
400
00:17:20,011 --> 00:17:21,890
Okay, fine, we all heard it.
401
00:17:21,891 --> 00:17:24,350
But why did you leave
without saying something?
402
00:17:24,351 --> 00:17:26,100
Because words were the only thing
403
00:17:26,101 --> 00:17:29,260
not coming out of my mouth.
404
00:17:29,261 --> 00:17:31,890
Max?
405
00:17:31,891 --> 00:17:33,510
You're not gonna look at me?
406
00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:34,600
I can't.
407
00:17:34,601 --> 00:17:36,510
Wait, here.
408
00:17:36,511 --> 00:17:38,510
Now she can.
409
00:17:38,511 --> 00:17:39,720
You better get back there.
410
00:17:39,721 --> 00:17:41,220
I don't want you to lose that job.
411
00:17:41,221 --> 00:17:42,890
I don't want that job.
412
00:17:42,891 --> 00:17:44,714
I don't know how many
more pills Marissa took,
413
00:17:44,715 --> 00:17:47,640
but she passed out in
a pot of clam steam.
414
00:17:47,641 --> 00:17:49,680
I missed clam steam?
415
00:17:49,681 --> 00:17:51,890
I've been reading about his clam steam.
416
00:17:51,891 --> 00:17:54,550
Please stop saying "clam steam."
417
00:17:54,551 --> 00:17:56,850
I can actually smell the words.
418
00:17:56,851 --> 00:17:58,100
Okay, Max.
419
00:17:58,101 --> 00:17:59,680
You are starting to turn green again,
420
00:17:59,681 --> 00:18:02,760
so why don't you hop on,
and I will ride you home
421
00:18:02,761 --> 00:18:04,510
on my bicycle like a real man.
422
00:18:04,511 --> 00:18:06,010
I don't know, Randy.
423
00:18:06,011 --> 00:18:08,260
A lot of stuff came up
for me at that dinner.
424
00:18:08,261 --> 00:18:09,470
And I'm not just talking about
425
00:18:09,471 --> 00:18:12,850
every single thing I ate this year.
426
00:18:12,851 --> 00:18:16,140
I mean, maybe I'm not right for you.
427
00:18:16,141 --> 00:18:17,760
Hey.
428
00:18:17,761 --> 00:18:19,930
Don't be so hard on
yourself about tonight.
429
00:18:19,931 --> 00:18:21,310
I mean, look at me.
430
00:18:21,311 --> 00:18:24,310
I'm not brave enough
to eat in that diner.
431
00:18:24,311 --> 00:18:26,310
Come here, you.
432
00:18:26,311 --> 00:18:30,970
Maybe wait another 60 seconds.
433
00:18:30,971 --> 00:18:33,140
I think we are different.
434
00:18:33,141 --> 00:18:34,850
But we kind of go together.
435
00:18:34,851 --> 00:18:39,180
Like peppered baby bird
bladder and pesto.
436
00:18:39,181 --> 00:18:40,260
Oh, no.
437
00:18:40,261 --> 00:18:42,010
Oh, my God.
438
00:18:42,011 --> 00:18:45,111
That's gonna do it!
439
00:18:48,641 --> 00:18:53,180
Wrong night to be
driving a convertible.
440
00:18:53,181 --> 00:18:56,281
Oh, wait... no, no, no, no, no, no.
441
00:18:59,261 --> 00:19:02,411
(both laugh)
442
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:07,260
So how's your first diner burger?
443
00:19:07,261 --> 00:19:09,050
It's not bad.
444
00:19:09,051 --> 00:19:10,350
I'm getting a little something.
445
00:19:10,351 --> 00:19:12,050
Um... mesquite?
446
00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:15,151
Yeah, they die in the fan
and then fall on the grill.
447
00:19:17,221 --> 00:19:20,850
I'll take mosquito burger
over pelican any day.
448
00:19:20,851 --> 00:19:22,470
Interesting, Randy.
449
00:19:22,471 --> 00:19:25,390
You get two waitresses
paying attention to you
450
00:19:25,391 --> 00:19:27,640
and most people get none.
451
00:19:27,641 --> 00:19:29,720
Like that one over there,
452
00:19:29,721 --> 00:19:31,890
over there, and that
gentleman over there
453
00:19:31,891 --> 00:19:34,180
who's just giving up and leaving.
454
00:19:34,181 --> 00:19:36,310
Fine, Han, we will
go over to the counter
455
00:19:36,311 --> 00:19:37,491
and continue to talk.
456
00:19:40,641 --> 00:19:43,180
I know I say a lot of stuff about you,
457
00:19:43,181 --> 00:19:44,760
especially to your face,
458
00:19:44,761 --> 00:19:46,640
but thank you for your help last night.
459
00:19:46,641 --> 00:19:48,930
I know you would have done
the same thing for me.
460
00:19:48,931 --> 00:19:50,430
But if I ever get that sick,
461
00:19:50,431 --> 00:19:52,930
you have my permission to kill me.
462
00:19:52,931 --> 00:19:55,434
I mean, when you went into that
toilet, looking for my earring,
463
00:19:55,435 --> 00:19:58,535
I knew I had found my post-sex partner.
464
00:19:59,551 --> 00:20:01,930
SOPHIE: You did that for her?
465
00:20:01,931 --> 00:20:03,470
Wow!
466
00:20:03,471 --> 00:20:05,930
And all this time,
we've been looking for
467
00:20:05,931 --> 00:20:08,510
the perfect couple to be godparents,
468
00:20:08,511 --> 00:20:11,611
and they're right under our noses.
469
00:20:12,811 --> 00:20:15,050
Girl-on-girl godparents.
470
00:20:15,051 --> 00:20:16,680
I like it.
471
00:20:16,681 --> 00:20:19,810
You two girls are gonna
be great with the baby.
472
00:20:19,811 --> 00:20:21,350
SOPHIE: I mean, Caroline,
473
00:20:21,351 --> 00:20:24,850
you were elbow-deep in Max's upchuck.
474
00:20:24,851 --> 00:20:27,140
I mean, I wouldn't even
do that for my own father
475
00:20:27,141 --> 00:20:29,970
when he swallowed all those bees.
476
00:20:29,971 --> 00:20:33,470
Wow, Sophie,
this is such a huge compliment.
477
00:20:33,471 --> 00:20:36,430
Tucked away in a terrible
personal memory.
478
00:20:36,431 --> 00:20:40,050
Well, if something would
ever happen to us,
479
00:20:40,051 --> 00:20:42,640
let Max do the breast feeding.
480
00:20:42,641 --> 00:20:45,741
'Cause, yeah, I don't
want the kid to starve.
481
00:20:46,761 --> 00:20:47,970
This is exciting!
482
00:20:47,971 --> 00:20:50,680
Randy, I'm gonna be a godfather.
483
00:20:50,681 --> 00:20:52,390
And equally as exciting,
484
00:20:52,391 --> 00:20:54,350
I'm gonna be climbing out
of that bathroom window
485
00:20:54,351 --> 00:20:57,451
in about two minutes.
486
00:20:58,641 --> 00:21:00,651
(cash register dings)
487
00:21:01,152 --> 00:21:08,975
_ _