1
00:00:02,166 --> 00:00:03,130
Hey, Earl.
2
00:00:03,131 --> 00:00:07,411
It's the brand new us in
brand new gently used outfits.
3
00:00:07,987 --> 00:00:10,790
The pit stains are vintage.
4
00:00:10,791 --> 00:00:12,725
I dug mine out of a dumpster.
5
00:00:12,726 --> 00:00:15,728
It wasn't even touching the diaper.
6
00:00:15,729 --> 00:00:19,131
I'm not used to seeing
you girls in clothes.
7
00:00:19,132 --> 00:00:22,301
Things just sound
creepier when you're old.
8
00:00:22,302 --> 00:00:24,570
As new part owners of the diner,
9
00:00:24,571 --> 00:00:25,871
we're making improvements.
10
00:00:25,872 --> 00:00:28,040
Heh, not in the food or decor
11
00:00:28,041 --> 00:00:30,576
'cause LOL.
12
00:00:30,577 --> 00:00:32,377
But we're just gonna look better.
13
00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:36,248
Oleg, did you hear the news?
14
00:00:36,249 --> 00:00:38,150
We're not wearing uniforms anymore.
15
00:00:38,151 --> 00:00:39,251
Cool.
16
00:00:39,252 --> 00:00:40,351
Let's do it.
17
00:00:42,822 --> 00:00:44,724
Just say the word.
18
00:00:44,725 --> 00:00:47,994
The underwear is tear-away too.
19
00:00:47,995 --> 00:00:51,530
Don't say words.
20
00:00:51,531 --> 00:00:53,099
Oh, God!
21
00:00:53,100 --> 00:00:56,202
I think I just looked
into the eye of the tiger.
22
00:00:56,203 --> 00:00:58,337
Oh, it's my roach friend, Pierre.
23
00:00:58,338 --> 00:01:01,173
Bonjour, Pierre.
24
00:01:01,174 --> 00:01:03,776
Au revoir, Pierre.
25
00:01:05,912 --> 00:01:07,246
Stop, drop, and roll!
26
00:01:08,215 --> 00:01:09,248
You're on fire.
27
00:01:09,249 --> 00:01:10,783
You're on fire.
28
00:01:10,784 --> 00:01:12,817
Now scissor a little. It can't hurt.
29
00:01:17,740 --> 00:01:24,839
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
30
00:01:29,580 --> 00:01:32,861
Okay, now that no one
can see Oleg's nipples,
31
00:01:32,862 --> 00:01:33,904
let's start.
32
00:01:33,905 --> 00:01:36,572
As you know, Max and I are
part owners of the diner.
33
00:01:36,573 --> 00:01:37,940
You been telling us every damn day
34
00:01:37,941 --> 00:01:41,277
like a skinny cuckoo clock.
35
00:01:41,278 --> 00:01:42,545
Which reminds me,
36
00:01:42,546 --> 00:01:46,248
I timed my medication to it.
37
00:01:46,249 --> 00:01:47,950
Pill me, Earl.
38
00:01:47,951 --> 00:01:49,352
What was that?
39
00:01:49,353 --> 00:01:50,286
I don't know.
40
00:01:50,287 --> 00:01:53,222
Like to keep my body guessing.
41
00:01:53,223 --> 00:01:54,957
So what's this meeting for?
42
00:01:54,958 --> 00:01:56,926
The baby's almost here
and I still have a bunch of
43
00:01:56,927 --> 00:01:58,127
new father stuff to do:
44
00:01:58,128 --> 00:01:59,428
build a crib;
45
00:01:59,429 --> 00:02:02,631
get rid of 60 yards of butt-beads.
46
00:02:02,632 --> 00:02:06,235
You can build a crib?
47
00:02:06,236 --> 00:02:08,104
Anyway, the big change
we're talking about
48
00:02:08,105 --> 00:02:09,538
is changing right now.
49
00:02:09,539 --> 00:02:10,473
Han?
50
00:02:10,474 --> 00:02:12,141
I don't want to!
51
00:02:12,142 --> 00:02:14,609
Okay, fine.
52
00:02:23,319 --> 00:02:25,654
Those shorts look like a cheap hotel,
53
00:02:25,655 --> 00:02:26,922
no ballroom.
54
00:02:28,492 --> 00:02:30,459
I already lost my diner.
55
00:02:30,460 --> 00:02:31,961
Haven't I been shamed enough?
56
00:02:31,962 --> 00:02:33,596
Ooh. Thanks for reminding me.
57
00:02:33,597 --> 00:02:34,596
Caroline?
58
00:02:38,834 --> 00:02:40,503
Now you have.
59
00:02:40,504 --> 00:02:43,005
And this is what you get for
gambling on ladies' tennis
60
00:02:43,006 --> 00:02:46,008
and owing us $25,000.
61
00:02:46,009 --> 00:02:47,809
You look like Bob's "Little" Boy.
62
00:02:50,112 --> 00:02:52,981
Should we order
directly into your mouth?
63
00:02:56,118 --> 00:02:58,854
Han, since the diner
is now owner operated,
64
00:02:58,855 --> 00:03:01,323
if we have to wait on tables, so do you.
65
00:03:01,324 --> 00:03:03,626
You're gonna cover our shifts
because our other business,
66
00:03:03,627 --> 00:03:06,095
the dessert bar, is opening in two days.
67
00:03:06,096 --> 00:03:08,097
Did you say you own a dessert bar?
68
00:03:08,098 --> 00:03:10,800
Huh... pill time.
69
00:03:10,801 --> 00:03:13,869
I don't know why I can't
catch a break from you two.
70
00:03:13,870 --> 00:03:15,704
I had to put up with Max's heartbreak
71
00:03:15,705 --> 00:03:18,707
over her LA boyfriend Randy for months.
72
00:03:18,708 --> 00:03:21,043
It was more indulgent
than Beyoncé's "Lemonade."
73
00:03:22,279 --> 00:03:26,182
- How dare you?
- She's a queen.
74
00:03:26,183 --> 00:03:28,651
The name "Randy" is
off-limits in this diner, Han.
75
00:03:28,652 --> 00:03:31,353
Like ambition or fresh milk.
76
00:03:31,354 --> 00:03:33,856
Girls, while you have us trapped here,
77
00:03:33,857 --> 00:03:36,859
what the hell is a dessert bar?
78
00:03:36,860 --> 00:03:38,961
Is it cake with alcohol in it?
79
00:03:38,962 --> 00:03:40,696
Or alcohol with cake?
80
00:03:40,697 --> 00:03:42,998
'Cause either way,
nobody wants to make love
81
00:03:42,999 --> 00:03:46,502
after eating a big hunk of pie.
82
00:03:46,503 --> 00:03:49,805
Earl, everybody understands the concept.
83
00:03:49,806 --> 00:03:52,675
I don't get the dessert
bar thing either.
84
00:03:52,676 --> 00:03:55,878
Who wants to hear from
a human mustard packet?
85
00:03:55,879 --> 00:03:57,880
Randy, Randy, Randy. Zing!
86
00:04:01,218 --> 00:04:04,386
Damn, baby got back.
87
00:04:04,387 --> 00:04:07,089
Thanks for the input, but I
think I know what I'm doing.
88
00:04:07,090 --> 00:04:08,224
I went to Wharton.
89
00:04:08,225 --> 00:04:09,492
Wharton.
90
00:04:09,493 --> 00:04:11,459
That's my last pill.
91
00:04:13,996 --> 00:04:15,498
Hey, every-baby!
92
00:04:18,168 --> 00:04:20,603
Yeah, it's my due date.
93
00:04:20,604 --> 00:04:22,738
This baby is taking longer to come out
94
00:04:22,739 --> 00:04:24,806
than a Catholic from Indiana.
95
00:04:27,343 --> 00:04:30,079
Sophie, do you feel anything?
96
00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:33,082
I mean, besides the
vibrating panties I got you?
97
00:04:33,083 --> 00:04:35,117
Oh, is that what that sound is?
98
00:04:35,118 --> 00:04:37,119
I thought a bee got in here.
99
00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:39,255
Well, I'll be in my booth
100
00:04:39,256 --> 00:04:41,322
waiting for my baby.
101
00:04:49,031 --> 00:04:52,801
Welcome to the Williamsburg Diner.
102
00:04:52,802 --> 00:04:55,704
I'll be your waiter, Han.
103
00:04:55,705 --> 00:04:58,641
Who's the new girl?
104
00:04:58,642 --> 00:05:00,276
I don't like her.
105
00:05:05,115 --> 00:05:08,751
None of these bartenders
have dessert bar experience.
106
00:05:08,752 --> 00:05:11,587
I guess that's because we made it up.
107
00:05:11,588 --> 00:05:13,789
That one guy got drunk
at the M&M's store.
108
00:05:13,790 --> 00:05:15,391
That's in the ballpark.
109
00:05:15,392 --> 00:05:18,294
You just like him
'cause he gave you candy.
110
00:05:18,295 --> 00:05:19,861
It did not hurt.
111
00:05:22,164 --> 00:05:24,900
Hey. I'm here for the bartender job.
112
00:05:24,901 --> 00:05:26,502
Well, you're not holding your penis,
113
00:05:26,503 --> 00:05:29,738
so you're doing better
than the last guy.
114
00:05:29,739 --> 00:05:31,840
Full disclosure: that
guy's still in the running.
115
00:05:31,841 --> 00:05:35,578
Mine would be here, but he
gets nervous at interviews.
116
00:05:35,579 --> 00:05:36,612
He's funny.
117
00:05:36,613 --> 00:05:38,914
He's an actual bartender.
118
00:05:38,915 --> 00:05:41,016
He's qualified, and he's
still not holding his penis.
119
00:05:41,017 --> 00:05:42,084
You're hired.
120
00:05:42,085 --> 00:05:43,586
Welcome aboard, Randall.
121
00:05:43,587 --> 00:05:45,321
I hate that name.
People call me "Randy."
122
00:05:47,090 --> 00:05:49,658
And we hate that name. Out you go.
123
00:05:49,659 --> 00:05:51,460
No, no, no. No, no, that's... come on.
124
00:05:51,461 --> 00:05:52,595
He's not gonna bother me.
125
00:05:52,596 --> 00:05:54,830
He looks nothing like my Randy.
126
00:05:54,831 --> 00:05:56,332
My Randy is a
127
00:05:56,333 --> 00:05:59,201
mountain of a man.
128
00:05:59,202 --> 00:06:00,869
But life got in the way.
129
00:06:00,870 --> 00:06:04,607
He lives in LA and I was
starting this dessert bar.
130
00:06:04,608 --> 00:06:06,775
Yeah, she's not over it.
131
00:06:06,776 --> 00:06:09,877
Yeah, and you really pooped
the bed with the name thing.
132
00:06:11,013 --> 00:06:13,048
He could pick me up with one arm
133
00:06:13,049 --> 00:06:15,184
and carry Chinese food with the other.
134
00:06:15,185 --> 00:06:18,721
Where'd that guy go?
135
00:06:18,722 --> 00:06:22,124
He disappeared faster than Adam Lambert.
136
00:06:22,125 --> 00:06:24,960
Max, we need to avoid
any reminders of Randy.
137
00:06:24,961 --> 00:06:26,996
I can't go back to that
depression you were in.
138
00:06:26,997 --> 00:06:29,230
It was so hard for me.
139
00:06:30,566 --> 00:06:31,967
Don't worry.
140
00:06:31,968 --> 00:06:33,502
I'll be okay and so will we.
141
00:06:33,503 --> 00:06:34,970
This is Williamsburg;
142
00:06:34,971 --> 00:06:37,373
you can't spit without
hitting a bartender.
143
00:06:37,374 --> 00:06:39,842
Or an artisanal pickle maker.
144
00:06:39,843 --> 00:06:41,008
Why do we live here?
145
00:06:42,678 --> 00:06:44,980
I'm here for the bartender interview.
146
00:06:48,652 --> 00:06:51,320
Oh, no, you two.
147
00:06:51,321 --> 00:06:53,155
How do we know him?
148
00:06:53,156 --> 00:06:55,224
Wait a minute.
149
00:06:55,225 --> 00:06:57,693
Dad?
150
00:06:57,694 --> 00:07:00,062
You're the puppet guy
that tried to sue us
151
00:07:00,063 --> 00:07:01,563
two years and three businesses ago
152
00:07:01,564 --> 00:07:02,865
by saying we injured you.
153
00:07:02,866 --> 00:07:04,766
She broke my puppet.
154
00:07:05,834 --> 00:07:08,236
Wait, we never had sex.
155
00:07:09,571 --> 00:07:11,840
Did we?
156
00:07:11,841 --> 00:07:14,243
Do you wiggle a lot?
157
00:07:14,244 --> 00:07:16,745
I do.
158
00:07:16,746 --> 00:07:19,048
But we didn't.
159
00:07:19,049 --> 00:07:23,419
Anyway, uh, since I changed
psychopharmacologists,
160
00:07:23,420 --> 00:07:26,255
the puppets aren't talking to me
161
00:07:26,256 --> 00:07:28,390
as much.
162
00:07:28,391 --> 00:07:30,758
Here's my résumé.
163
00:07:41,070 --> 00:07:42,871
Please don't call the references.
164
00:07:42,872 --> 00:07:45,774
They're all jealous of me.
165
00:07:45,775 --> 00:07:49,044
Under special skills,
you wrote, "Revenge."
166
00:07:49,045 --> 00:07:50,813
Oh, whoops, that was
supposed to be under
167
00:07:50,814 --> 00:07:53,415
"Favorite TV Shows."
168
00:07:53,416 --> 00:07:55,317
But can't we just let
bygones be bygones?
169
00:07:55,318 --> 00:07:57,553
I mean, really, I've done
a lot of work on myself.
170
00:07:57,554 --> 00:07:59,154
I have found inner peace,
171
00:07:59,155 --> 00:08:01,824
and I've completely...
completely centered myself
172
00:08:01,825 --> 00:08:04,259
through a series of...
of therapy sessions
173
00:08:04,260 --> 00:08:07,295
that became intensely sexual.
174
00:08:09,631 --> 00:08:11,567
Yeah, I know. It's on your résumé.
175
00:08:11,568 --> 00:08:13,468
Him you can call.
176
00:08:15,070 --> 00:08:17,339
We don't like to work with
177
00:08:17,340 --> 00:08:19,908
nemesises.
178
00:08:19,909 --> 00:08:22,177
Nemesi?
179
00:08:22,178 --> 00:08:25,347
Let's just go with "creepy
people that we hate."
180
00:08:25,348 --> 00:08:27,182
Fine.
181
00:08:27,183 --> 00:08:30,185
You two, with your porcelain skin
182
00:08:30,186 --> 00:08:32,855
and your businesses.
183
00:08:32,856 --> 00:08:35,023
I'll go back to my crappy daytime job,
184
00:08:35,024 --> 00:08:38,694
but FYI, Cagney and Lacey,
185
00:08:38,695 --> 00:08:42,631
nobody knows what the
hell a dessert bar is.
186
00:08:42,632 --> 00:08:44,600
What is so hard to understand?
187
00:08:44,601 --> 00:08:45,868
It's signature cocktails
188
00:08:45,869 --> 00:08:48,270
paired with dessert confections.
189
00:08:49,539 --> 00:08:52,974
Why do all my enemies
have to be geniuses?
190
00:08:54,610 --> 00:08:57,279
He does seem a lot better.
191
00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,181
Max, we open in two
days; we need a bartender.
192
00:08:59,182 --> 00:09:01,016
Look, I will just
take care of the drinks
193
00:09:01,017 --> 00:09:03,552
till we find the right
person not named "Randy."
194
00:09:03,553 --> 00:09:06,688
Max, look around. We did it.
195
00:09:06,689 --> 00:09:08,457
And it only cost every cent we got
196
00:09:08,458 --> 00:09:09,725
from your big movie deal.
197
00:09:09,726 --> 00:09:11,160
And the weed money you were hiding
198
00:09:11,161 --> 00:09:12,795
in that box labeled "not weed money."
199
00:09:14,164 --> 00:09:15,898
I'm gonna go check
out the bathroom again.
200
00:09:15,899 --> 00:09:18,233
You know you've made it when
you have an industrial flush.
201
00:09:18,234 --> 00:09:20,702
The seat is clean. You
don't even have to hover.
202
00:09:20,703 --> 00:09:22,203
Come on!
203
00:09:23,839 --> 00:09:26,173
Delivery for Max and Caroline.
204
00:09:27,843 --> 00:09:29,211
What are you wearing?
205
00:09:29,212 --> 00:09:31,313
And I don't know how this is possible,
206
00:09:31,314 --> 00:09:34,016
but you have a camel toe.
207
00:09:34,017 --> 00:09:36,251
It's my flower delivery uniform.
208
00:09:36,252 --> 00:09:38,720
I picked up a shift so I
could pay you two shrews faster
209
00:09:38,721 --> 00:09:40,322
and get my diner back.
210
00:09:40,323 --> 00:09:43,091
Now, could you please sign?
I left my bicycle unlocked.
211
00:09:43,092 --> 00:09:45,394
It says, "Max and Caroline,
212
00:09:45,395 --> 00:09:48,430
congratulations on your
dessert bar, Randy."
213
00:09:48,431 --> 00:09:49,731
These are from Randy.
214
00:09:49,732 --> 00:09:52,034
Oh, my God. Get these out of here.
215
00:09:52,035 --> 00:09:55,571
The Upsy Daisies are
our most popular item.
216
00:09:55,572 --> 00:09:57,573
Widows get into fist fights over them.
217
00:09:57,574 --> 00:10:01,009
Yes!
218
00:10:01,010 --> 00:10:02,444
Han, get these out of here.
219
00:10:02,445 --> 00:10:04,079
I can't have her see these. Go.
220
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:06,548
I will make a notation
that you did not tip.
221
00:10:06,549 --> 00:10:09,251
No 19-digit promo code for you.
222
00:10:17,308 --> 00:10:20,293
The mail wasn't there,
but that unexplained puddle
223
00:10:20,294 --> 00:10:22,762
in the hallway is thriving.
224
00:10:22,763 --> 00:10:24,530
I'm afraid they're gonna call it a pool
225
00:10:24,531 --> 00:10:25,631
and try to raise our rent.
226
00:10:25,632 --> 00:10:27,467
Good!
227
00:10:27,468 --> 00:10:30,436
I'd love to have friends over
to my puddle for a change.
228
00:10:30,437 --> 00:10:32,472
Our liquor license was
supposed to come today.
229
00:10:32,473 --> 00:10:33,856
We should have gotten mail by now.
230
00:10:33,857 --> 00:10:35,742
We also should have left batteries
231
00:10:35,743 --> 00:10:37,143
in the carbon monoxide detector,
232
00:10:37,144 --> 00:10:40,046
but I got tired of all the beeping.
233
00:10:40,047 --> 00:10:43,115
Do your eyes feel bloodier than usual?
234
00:10:44,217 --> 00:10:45,918
Hey, gals!
235
00:10:45,919 --> 00:10:48,488
Yeah, nope. Still not a mother.
236
00:10:48,489 --> 00:10:51,657
Oh, I'm so bored.
237
00:10:51,658 --> 00:10:54,894
I've Netflix'd, Hulu'd, Amazoned.
238
00:10:54,895 --> 00:10:58,731
I'm about to HBO GO out of my mind.
239
00:10:58,732 --> 00:11:01,501
Sophie, where did you
get those Upsy Daisies?
240
00:11:01,502 --> 00:11:03,336
Oh, Han gave them to me.
241
00:11:03,337 --> 00:11:06,672
Yeah, and he tried to sell me
a time-share in the Poconos.
242
00:11:06,673 --> 00:11:08,508
Yeah, but I got to say,
243
00:11:08,509 --> 00:11:10,810
I was a little intrigued.
244
00:11:10,811 --> 00:11:12,412
Sophie, you shouldn't be down here.
245
00:11:12,413 --> 00:11:14,781
There's a probable carbon monoxide leak.
246
00:11:14,782 --> 00:11:16,681
You should go check out our pool.
247
00:11:17,917 --> 00:11:20,353
Why did Han give you flowers?
248
00:11:20,354 --> 00:11:22,188
Is he trying to hit that?
249
00:11:22,189 --> 00:11:25,258
Oh, well, he'd have to reach that first.
250
00:11:25,259 --> 00:11:26,759
No, they were for you guys.
251
00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,761
Yeah, Caroline didn't want them.
252
00:11:28,762 --> 00:11:31,163
Yeah, but I'm not above garbage flowers.
253
00:11:32,432 --> 00:11:35,033
These are from Randy for me.
254
00:11:37,103 --> 00:11:38,938
You!
255
00:11:38,939 --> 00:11:41,307
Max, I didn't want to
tell you about the flowers.
256
00:11:41,308 --> 00:11:42,842
I didn't want to upset you.
257
00:11:42,843 --> 00:11:44,277
If you don't want to upset me,
258
00:11:44,278 --> 00:11:47,380
then why do you chew salad so loudly?
259
00:11:47,381 --> 00:11:50,148
Uh, she's got a point there, Caroline.
260
00:11:56,322 --> 00:11:58,558
I am not mad.
261
00:11:58,559 --> 00:11:59,459
You're not?
262
00:11:59,460 --> 00:12:00,726
No.
263
00:12:00,727 --> 00:12:02,795
It was really nice of
Randy to send flowers
264
00:12:02,796 --> 00:12:04,797
and maybe I should call him.
265
00:12:04,798 --> 00:12:07,033
Bad idea to get in touch with Randy.
266
00:12:07,034 --> 00:12:08,634
Very bad idea, like,
267
00:12:08,635 --> 00:12:10,169
jumpsuits on short women.
268
00:12:10,170 --> 00:12:11,170
What?
269
00:12:11,171 --> 00:12:12,505
He did a nice thing
270
00:12:12,506 --> 00:12:14,173
and I just want to thank him.
271
00:12:14,174 --> 00:12:15,641
We'll thank him together.
272
00:12:15,642 --> 00:12:17,310
You know what people
like to get nowadays?
273
00:12:17,311 --> 00:12:20,880
A handwritten note. Let
me grab my stationery.
274
00:12:20,881 --> 00:12:23,114
It's a Rite Aid receipt
so there's plenty of room.
275
00:12:24,517 --> 00:12:26,886
- Dear Randy...
- You know what?
276
00:12:26,887 --> 00:12:28,888
Just calling Randy is rude.
277
00:12:28,889 --> 00:12:30,723
Since when do you worry about rude?
278
00:12:30,724 --> 00:12:32,987
- You interrupt almost every...
- I want to FaceTime him.
279
00:12:33,727 --> 00:12:35,790
That's much worse, and you
just interrupted me Ag...
280
00:12:35,791 --> 00:12:37,063
- Hi, Randy.
- Max!
281
00:12:37,064 --> 00:12:38,764
It's so great to hear from you.
282
00:12:38,765 --> 00:12:41,334
Is Caroline not there, or
is she standing behind you
283
00:12:41,335 --> 00:12:43,870
with her arms folded, looking angry?
284
00:12:43,871 --> 00:12:46,172
My arms aren't folded,
they're on my hips.
285
00:12:46,173 --> 00:12:47,874
And I'm not angry, but Max called you
286
00:12:47,875 --> 00:12:49,675
without my permission.
287
00:12:49,676 --> 00:12:52,411
Hi, Miss Channing.
288
00:12:52,412 --> 00:12:54,080
Max has to get off the phone.
289
00:12:54,081 --> 00:12:56,749
You're embarrassing me.
290
00:12:56,750 --> 00:12:58,518
Max, it took you three months
291
00:12:58,519 --> 00:13:00,786
and a palette of
Cheetos to get over him.
292
00:13:00,787 --> 00:13:03,221
You covered the screen, not the speaker.
293
00:13:04,724 --> 00:13:06,359
You shouldn't be talking to him.
294
00:13:07,146 --> 00:13:08,928
You shouldn't be
wearing blue eye shadow.
295
00:13:09,897 --> 00:13:11,864
You told me it looked nice
296
00:13:11,865 --> 00:13:14,467
and now I've ruined the receipt
and I can't take it back.
297
00:13:14,468 --> 00:13:16,769
Guys, I'm getting whiplash.
298
00:13:16,770 --> 00:13:17,637
You know what?
299
00:13:17,638 --> 00:13:20,740
Everyone just calm down.
300
00:13:20,741 --> 00:13:22,475
I'm just saying thank you.
301
00:13:22,476 --> 00:13:24,342
God-uh!
302
00:13:26,145 --> 00:13:27,246
Sophie, is it time?
303
00:13:27,247 --> 00:13:28,114
Are you in labor?
304
00:13:28,115 --> 00:13:30,149
No.
305
00:13:30,150 --> 00:13:32,317
I broke my masturbating underwear.
306
00:13:33,619 --> 00:13:36,155
Ah, but you know how that goes.
307
00:13:36,156 --> 00:13:37,423
I do not
308
00:13:37,424 --> 00:13:39,791
and I will not act like I might.
309
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:42,995
You know, you're a puzzle
310
00:13:42,996 --> 00:13:46,399
that I have no interest in solving.
311
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:47,466
Here's your mail.
312
00:13:47,467 --> 00:13:48,334
The mail.
313
00:13:48,335 --> 00:13:49,969
Our liquor license.
314
00:13:49,970 --> 00:13:50,803
Yeah.
315
00:13:50,804 --> 00:13:52,338
You know what,
316
00:13:52,339 --> 00:13:54,974
I think my masturbating
underwear is short-circuiting,
317
00:13:54,975 --> 00:13:58,310
but... eeh... oh... but
it feels pretty good.
318
00:14:00,613 --> 00:14:04,549
Is not coming because I made
a tiny mistake on the forms?
319
00:14:05,751 --> 00:14:07,620
Well, if it makes you feel any better,
320
00:14:07,621 --> 00:14:10,790
nobody knows what a dessert bar is.
321
00:14:10,791 --> 00:14:11,824
And frankly,
322
00:14:11,825 --> 00:14:13,858
it just makes people angry.
323
00:14:16,596 --> 00:14:17,863
Max, I have bad news.
324
00:14:17,864 --> 00:14:20,166
Oh, my God... you're naked!
325
00:14:20,167 --> 00:14:22,467
I'm saying thank you to Randy.
326
00:14:24,036 --> 00:14:27,707
Looks like Randy is thanking himself.
327
00:14:27,708 --> 00:14:29,141
Oh, hey, sorry about that.
328
00:14:29,142 --> 00:14:31,543
That thank you kind of got away from us.
329
00:14:32,979 --> 00:14:34,981
Max, put your pants on,
we're going downtown.
330
00:14:34,982 --> 00:14:36,682
That's funny, Randy just told me
331
00:14:36,683 --> 00:14:38,284
to take them off for the same reason.
332
00:14:50,501 --> 00:14:52,102
Last time I saw a line this long,
333
00:14:52,103 --> 00:14:54,504
it went up my nose.
334
00:14:54,505 --> 00:14:57,207
And I almost married Katt Williams.
335
00:14:57,208 --> 00:14:58,542
Excuse me?
336
00:14:58,543 --> 00:15:00,344
Is there a different line for people
337
00:15:00,345 --> 00:15:02,448
who just made one tiny
mistake and it's not her fault
338
00:15:02,449 --> 00:15:04,382
'cause she was just
overwhelmed at the time?
339
00:15:09,586 --> 00:15:11,288
Max, we're gonna die here.
340
00:15:11,289 --> 00:15:13,857
Ugh, finally.
341
00:15:13,858 --> 00:15:16,041
I'd give out flyers for the
dessert bar, but I just saw
342
00:15:16,042 --> 00:15:18,428
someone pull an unwrapped
cheese stick out of his pocket.
343
00:15:18,429 --> 00:15:21,231
I can't believe you
filled out a form wrong.
344
00:15:21,232 --> 00:15:22,932
Start a business much?
345
00:15:24,568 --> 00:15:27,704
Uh, in my defense, this
is kind of your fault.
346
00:15:27,705 --> 00:15:29,740
Me? How is it my fault?
347
00:15:29,741 --> 00:15:33,243
I was in a fort made out
of pillows most of July.
348
00:15:33,244 --> 00:15:34,778
Or was it August?
349
00:15:34,779 --> 00:15:36,880
I don't know, you can lose
track of time in a fort.
350
00:15:36,881 --> 00:15:38,248
Exactly.
351
00:15:38,249 --> 00:15:40,284
I had to jackass around this whole city
352
00:15:40,285 --> 00:15:41,988
to get the dessert bar
ready while you were
353
00:15:41,989 --> 00:15:44,221
rolling in the deep, getting over Randy.
354
00:15:44,222 --> 00:15:45,889
So...
355
00:15:45,890 --> 00:15:48,290
hello from the other side.
356
00:15:50,060 --> 00:15:51,295
Girl fight.
357
00:15:51,296 --> 00:15:52,695
Worldstar.
358
00:15:54,932 --> 00:15:56,733
And now, after all that,
359
00:15:56,734 --> 00:15:59,503
I catch you going
down on Randy's iPhone.
360
00:15:59,504 --> 00:16:00,567
I'm warning you right now,
361
00:16:00,568 --> 00:16:02,572
I am not bathing you again.
362
00:16:02,573 --> 00:16:05,742
Look, there is a mathematical formula
363
00:16:05,743 --> 00:16:07,511
involved in break-up sex.
364
00:16:07,512 --> 00:16:08,979
What do you know about math?
365
00:16:08,980 --> 00:16:12,449
You always leave out six
when you count to ten.
366
00:16:12,450 --> 00:16:13,583
Doesn't mean you're stupid.
367
00:16:13,584 --> 00:16:15,551
A lot of persons do that.
368
00:16:16,687 --> 00:16:18,822
Typically, in a break-up,
369
00:16:18,823 --> 00:16:20,324
if you live in the same city,
370
00:16:20,325 --> 00:16:22,206
you go to the guy's house
to pick up your stuff,
371
00:16:22,207 --> 00:16:23,041
and then you do it.
372
00:16:23,042 --> 00:16:24,594
That's one time.
373
00:16:24,595 --> 00:16:27,664
Then you "forget something"
and he brings it to your place
374
00:16:27,665 --> 00:16:28,498
and then you do it.
375
00:16:28,499 --> 00:16:29,700
That's two.
376
00:16:29,701 --> 00:16:31,668
Then you run into each other at a bar,
377
00:16:31,669 --> 00:16:32,602
do it in the bathroom.
378
00:16:32,603 --> 00:16:33,937
Three.
379
00:16:33,938 --> 00:16:37,007
Then you fake a pregnancy. That's four.
380
00:16:37,008 --> 00:16:39,376
Then he fakes an STD. That's five.
381
00:16:39,377 --> 00:16:41,911
And then you're broken up.
382
00:16:44,014 --> 00:16:45,549
There's been no math.
383
00:16:45,550 --> 00:16:47,718
Five is a number.
384
00:16:47,719 --> 00:16:50,086
Numbers are math. Read a book.
385
00:16:51,321 --> 00:16:53,357
Yeah. Read a book.
386
00:16:53,358 --> 00:16:55,659
Name a book.
387
00:16:55,660 --> 00:16:57,059
The phone book.
388
00:16:58,562 --> 00:17:01,698
This line is for
municipal licenses only.
389
00:17:01,699 --> 00:17:04,534
Not driver's licenses,
wedding licenses, or whatnot.
390
00:17:04,535 --> 00:17:06,570
Municipal licenses.
391
00:17:06,571 --> 00:17:08,305
If you don't know what that
is, you're in the wrong line.
392
00:17:08,306 --> 00:17:10,040
How could you not know what line
393
00:17:10,041 --> 00:17:11,614
you're supposed to be standing in?
394
00:17:15,846 --> 00:17:18,348
Randy, let me call you
back from the bathroom.
395
00:17:18,349 --> 00:17:20,384
I know where it is. I used to work here.
396
00:17:20,385 --> 00:17:21,250
Max!
397
00:17:22,552 --> 00:17:24,021
Hey, Caroline.
398
00:17:24,022 --> 00:17:26,356
Oh, Max was just thanking
me for the flowers again.
399
00:17:26,357 --> 00:17:28,759
That's why I'm not wearing a shirt.
400
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,894
Or pants.
401
00:17:30,895 --> 00:17:32,896
Uh, let me call you back,
but keep your pants off.
402
00:17:35,066 --> 00:17:37,367
What? I am not counting that as one.
403
00:17:37,368 --> 00:17:39,236
Were you really gonna spank it
404
00:17:39,237 --> 00:17:41,238
in the middle of the municipal building?
405
00:17:41,239 --> 00:17:42,773
Spank it?
406
00:17:42,774 --> 00:17:45,008
Don't be crass, Caroline.
407
00:17:45,009 --> 00:17:47,210
Yes.
408
00:17:47,211 --> 00:17:48,445
Next!
409
00:17:48,446 --> 00:17:49,613
Ding ding ding!
410
00:17:49,614 --> 00:17:51,081
It's just some clerical error
411
00:17:51,082 --> 00:17:53,016
so we should be able to
get our license today.
412
00:17:53,017 --> 00:17:54,117
Let me handle this.
413
00:17:54,118 --> 00:17:55,352
You know you have a history of
414
00:17:55,353 --> 00:17:57,419
getting slappy with bureaucrats.
415
00:17:58,555 --> 00:17:59,389
Hi.
416
00:17:59,390 --> 00:18:00,924
We got this in the mail,
417
00:18:00,925 --> 00:18:02,726
and there's been some
teensy little mistake...
418
00:18:02,727 --> 00:18:05,494
Well, well, well!
419
00:18:06,463 --> 00:18:08,732
Him!
420
00:18:08,733 --> 00:18:10,567
I've got this, Moesha.
421
00:18:10,568 --> 00:18:12,071
Why don't you go clean up your little
422
00:18:12,072 --> 00:18:15,572
Lean Cuisine explosion in the microwave?
423
00:18:15,573 --> 00:18:18,408
Oh, she's a mess.
424
00:18:18,409 --> 00:18:20,143
Now, how can I
425
00:18:20,144 --> 00:18:22,946
not help you two?
426
00:18:22,947 --> 00:18:24,981
This is your dead-end job?
427
00:18:24,982 --> 00:18:27,150
I pictured you working as a drug mule
428
00:18:27,151 --> 00:18:29,719
or a seat filler on The View.
429
00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:32,389
That's a job?
430
00:18:32,390 --> 00:18:34,825
Dude, I just made a
mistake on the application.
431
00:18:34,826 --> 00:18:36,266
Can't you just give us a break?
432
00:18:36,267 --> 00:18:38,290
Our dessert bar is supposed
to open tomorrow night.
433
00:18:38,291 --> 00:18:39,064
Please?
434
00:18:39,065 --> 00:18:40,730
I gave up a boyfriend for this business,
435
00:18:40,731 --> 00:18:42,065
and I'm gonna mess up
436
00:18:42,066 --> 00:18:44,167
her pretty face if it doesn't work out.
437
00:18:44,168 --> 00:18:46,002
Max, thank you.
438
00:18:46,003 --> 00:18:48,604
I was starting to think you
didn't think I was that pretty.
439
00:18:50,474 --> 00:18:52,976
If we don't fix this, we're
gonna have to delay our opening.
440
00:18:52,977 --> 00:18:54,478
So please?
441
00:18:54,479 --> 00:18:55,679
You know what?
442
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,513
Let me talk to my supervisor.
443
00:19:05,188 --> 00:19:07,090
His neck's a little rusty,
444
00:19:07,091 --> 00:19:10,026
but that's a no.
445
00:19:12,196 --> 00:19:14,764
I would make us a drink but
without a liquor license,
446
00:19:14,765 --> 00:19:16,165
all I can make is meth.
447
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:18,635
This is all my fault.
448
00:19:18,636 --> 00:19:20,770
No, I was in a funk about Randy
449
00:19:20,771 --> 00:19:22,554
and you had to do all
this stuff on your own.
450
00:19:22,555 --> 00:19:24,207
- It's my fault.
- Okay, good.
451
00:19:24,208 --> 00:19:25,809
That's what I really thought,
452
00:19:25,810 --> 00:19:27,790
but I just wanted to make
sure it was out there.
453
00:19:28,945 --> 00:19:31,848
We have zero luck, Max, zero.
454
00:19:31,849 --> 00:19:35,018
I just stopped by to say
455
00:19:35,019 --> 00:19:37,854
I'm sorry about your dessert bar.
456
00:19:37,855 --> 00:19:41,357
You two are unlucky A, F.
457
00:19:42,459 --> 00:19:45,328
That's "As Freddie."
458
00:19:45,329 --> 00:19:46,796
He's a friend of mine.
459
00:19:46,797 --> 00:19:49,098
He's very unlucky.
460
00:19:50,233 --> 00:19:51,201
Earl,
461
00:19:51,202 --> 00:19:52,836
there's no outside liquor.
462
00:19:52,837 --> 00:19:54,538
'Cause it just makes us feel worse.
463
00:19:54,539 --> 00:19:57,674
This ain't outside liquor.
It's from the diner.
464
00:19:57,675 --> 00:19:59,875
Can't you tell by the
beef floating in it?
465
00:20:01,244 --> 00:20:03,380
Oh, my God. It's not from outside.
466
00:20:03,381 --> 00:20:04,648
It's from the diner.
467
00:20:04,649 --> 00:20:06,483
Max, who owns the diner?
468
00:20:06,484 --> 00:20:09,352
Me, you, and an Asian squirrel.
469
00:20:09,353 --> 00:20:11,421
Max, we don't need a
liquor license because...
470
00:20:11,422 --> 00:20:13,256
- We already have one.
- Uh-huh.
471
00:20:13,257 --> 00:20:14,590
Oh! I just did more math.
472
00:20:15,559 --> 00:20:16,592
Still not math!
473
00:20:18,862 --> 00:20:21,932
I haven't seen women move that fast
474
00:20:21,933 --> 00:20:24,334
since the Activia recall.
475
00:20:25,169 --> 00:20:27,237
Here it is!
476
00:20:27,238 --> 00:20:30,407
Oh, my God, Han's
middle name is Margaret.
477
00:20:30,408 --> 00:20:32,876
Sometimes the universe
just gives you a gift.
478
00:20:32,877 --> 00:20:35,512
This entitles the owner,
operator, operators...
479
00:20:35,513 --> 00:20:36,880
That's us!
480
00:20:36,881 --> 00:20:38,464
...Of the Williamsburg Diner
481
00:20:38,465 --> 00:20:40,750
to serve alcohol to
those persons 21 and over,
482
00:20:40,751 --> 00:20:42,619
reserving the right to
not serve those persons
483
00:20:42,620 --> 00:20:43,853
who do not supply valid ID!
484
00:20:43,854 --> 00:20:45,255
Max, do you know what this means?
485
00:20:45,256 --> 00:20:48,258
I am totally carding Han Margaret
486
00:20:48,259 --> 00:20:50,393
when he comes in our dessert bar,
487
00:20:50,394 --> 00:20:53,029
which is so opening tomorrow night.
488
00:20:53,030 --> 00:20:55,799
Hey, every-baby.
489
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,034
Still preg... achoo!
490
00:21:15,819 --> 00:21:18,687
Are you guys seeing this too?
491
00:21:20,657 --> 00:21:23,292
I'm never gonna forget it.
492
00:21:25,061 --> 00:21:27,264
I think my water broke.
493
00:21:27,265 --> 00:21:28,465
Oleg!
494
00:21:28,466 --> 00:21:30,000
Get out here and bring the mop bucket.
495
00:21:30,001 --> 00:21:31,401
Sophie's in labor.
496
00:21:31,402 --> 00:21:34,337
Oh. I'm calling the car right now.
497
00:21:34,338 --> 00:21:36,673
It says "Your Lyft
driver is already here."
498
00:21:36,674 --> 00:21:39,108
Did somebody order a car?
499
00:21:40,143 --> 00:21:41,944
Look, it's Minnie Driver.
500
00:21:43,647 --> 00:21:46,082
Sophie, we're having a baby.
501
00:21:46,083 --> 00:21:48,585
I'm scared.
502
00:21:48,586 --> 00:21:49,786
She should be scared,
503
00:21:49,787 --> 00:21:51,855
she's wearing electric underwear.
504
00:21:59,545 --> 00:22:01,614
Slow, easy breaths.
505
00:22:01,615 --> 00:22:02,882
I am!
506
00:22:02,883 --> 00:22:05,651
I was more talking to myself.
507
00:22:05,652 --> 00:22:08,187
Don't leave me in there alone.
508
00:22:08,188 --> 00:22:10,456
You know I see dead people.
509
00:22:10,457 --> 00:22:12,892
It's coming.
510
00:22:12,893 --> 00:22:15,294
It's coming!
511
00:22:17,030 --> 00:22:18,364
It's here!
512
00:22:18,365 --> 00:22:19,532
The baby?
513
00:22:24,637 --> 00:22:26,706
Well, a baby.
514
00:22:26,707 --> 00:22:29,242
Oh, good, our goober driver's here.
515
00:22:29,243 --> 00:22:31,344
Aren't I suffering enough
516
00:22:31,345 --> 00:22:33,379
to get the diner back from you two?
517
00:22:33,380 --> 00:22:35,848
I'm already driving for Lyft and Uber
518
00:22:35,849 --> 00:22:38,217
and selling Molly out of
that glove compartment.
519
00:22:38,218 --> 00:22:39,585
Shotgun!
520
00:22:41,488 --> 00:22:44,090
Han, I hate to hit the stereotype
521
00:22:44,091 --> 00:22:45,758
of Asian women drivers,
522
00:22:45,759 --> 00:22:47,860
but could you speed the hell up?
523
00:22:47,861 --> 00:22:50,196
Do you want to arrive quickly
524
00:22:50,197 --> 00:22:52,832
or do you want to arrive safely?
525
00:22:52,833 --> 00:22:55,700
A teddy bear doesn't
count as carpooling, lady!
526
00:22:57,203 --> 00:22:59,405
I can't have a car baby.
527
00:22:59,406 --> 00:23:02,241
Three of my brothers
were born in the car.
528
00:23:02,242 --> 00:23:03,776
On the way to the woods,
529
00:23:03,777 --> 00:23:05,745
where they were supposed to be born.
530
00:23:05,746 --> 00:23:09,248
Sophie, do you think you could
move your seat up a scooch?
531
00:23:09,249 --> 00:23:11,584
Only because I think my leg is broken.
532
00:23:11,585 --> 00:23:15,221
This reminds me of a
road trip I took one time
533
00:23:15,222 --> 00:23:17,123
with Earth, Wind & Fire.
534
00:23:17,124 --> 00:23:18,524
The car was so cramped,
535
00:23:18,525 --> 00:23:20,626
we had to leave Wind behind.
536
00:23:20,627 --> 00:23:23,930
I feel like someone just
left some wind behind in here.
537
00:23:25,032 --> 00:23:27,366
Signal much?
538
00:23:27,367 --> 00:23:29,302
Ow!
539
00:23:29,303 --> 00:23:30,203
Sophie,
540
00:23:30,204 --> 00:23:31,836
smile for the camera.
541
00:23:34,574 --> 00:23:36,642
I don't want to miss a minute.
542
00:23:36,643 --> 00:23:38,945
No Golishevsky man has ever been there
543
00:23:38,946 --> 00:23:40,613
for the birth of his child.
544
00:23:40,614 --> 00:23:42,081
Why, because it's bad luck
545
00:23:42,082 --> 00:23:44,317
to see your wife before she's born?
546
00:23:44,318 --> 00:23:47,320
You tell one story where your
uncle marries his daughter,
547
00:23:47,321 --> 00:23:50,490
and suddenly, you're the incest guy.
548
00:23:50,491 --> 00:23:52,291
Uh-oh.
549
00:23:52,292 --> 00:23:54,260
It's happening.
550
00:23:54,261 --> 00:23:55,628
Oh.
551
00:23:55,629 --> 00:23:57,897
Ah, I can feel the baby's head.
552
00:23:57,898 --> 00:23:59,732
Oh.
553
00:24:04,604 --> 00:24:07,306
It's your sandwich.
554
00:24:07,307 --> 00:24:09,140
It's yours now.
555
00:24:11,244 --> 00:24:12,777
All right.
556
00:24:14,247 --> 00:24:16,682
Sophie, you have to
make it to the hospital.
557
00:24:16,683 --> 00:24:19,018
I sold my rare toe-porn collection
558
00:24:19,019 --> 00:24:21,854
to pay for a fancy birthing suite.
559
00:24:21,855 --> 00:24:25,424
I'm gonna give birth
to this baby in style.
560
00:24:25,425 --> 00:24:28,594
I won't have to protect it
from wild animals afterwards,
561
00:24:28,595 --> 00:24:31,097
you know, which is nice.
562
00:24:31,098 --> 00:24:33,933
Sophie, don't get too
comfortable in that suite.
563
00:24:33,934 --> 00:24:35,668
You're gonna need to
drop it like it's hot
564
00:24:35,669 --> 00:24:37,670
the second we get to the hospital.
565
00:24:37,671 --> 00:24:39,872
Max and I have to get ready
for our dessert bar opening.
566
00:24:39,873 --> 00:24:42,808
Baby on board! Move it our lose it!
567
00:24:44,044 --> 00:24:45,545
In their defense, it looks like
568
00:24:45,546 --> 00:24:48,347
no one's driving this car.
569
00:24:51,685 --> 00:24:54,520
Excuse me, doctor? It's been 12 hours.
570
00:24:54,521 --> 00:24:56,289
Is there some way we
could speed this up?
571
00:24:56,290 --> 00:24:58,724
You know, jumping jacks, Indian food,
572
00:24:58,725 --> 00:25:01,160
a C-section?
573
00:25:01,161 --> 00:25:02,795
Does she need to be in here?
574
00:25:02,796 --> 00:25:05,631
Yeah.
575
00:25:05,632 --> 00:25:07,333
Yeah, that one
576
00:25:07,334 --> 00:25:09,969
and the other one over
there are the godparents.
577
00:25:09,970 --> 00:25:12,238
Max.
578
00:25:12,239 --> 00:25:13,438
Yeah, girl.
579
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:16,809
They're not a couple.
580
00:25:16,810 --> 00:25:20,212
Oleg thinks they do it a little though.
581
00:25:20,213 --> 00:25:22,748
Only 1 centimeter. I
don't feel anything.
582
00:25:22,749 --> 00:25:24,250
It could be a while.
583
00:25:24,251 --> 00:25:26,819
Sophie, you may want
to take off the Spanx.
584
00:25:26,820 --> 00:25:28,421
I'm pregnant.
585
00:25:28,422 --> 00:25:30,221
I'm not dead.
586
00:25:32,826 --> 00:25:35,094
Oh, man, tub legs.
587
00:25:35,095 --> 00:25:36,662
I'll be back.
588
00:25:36,663 --> 00:25:38,396
But not because I want to.
589
00:25:40,232 --> 00:25:42,902
Oleg, come on, film the room.
590
00:25:42,903 --> 00:25:46,604
I want our baby to know that
I was treated like a queen.
591
00:25:48,341 --> 00:25:50,109
You know, I think
Elton John had this room
592
00:25:50,110 --> 00:25:51,710
when he gave birth.
593
00:25:52,878 --> 00:25:54,547
I'm sorry, I lost y'all.
594
00:25:54,548 --> 00:25:57,649
I feel asleep on a gurney
and woke up in the morgue.
595
00:25:59,852 --> 00:26:02,921
I scared the pants off
a bunch of med students.
596
00:26:06,627 --> 00:26:08,194
Ooh, there's my alarm.
597
00:26:08,195 --> 00:26:11,263
I have to go have break-up
phone sex with my ex, Randy.
598
00:26:11,264 --> 00:26:13,633
Like you do.
599
00:26:13,634 --> 00:26:15,534
Well, don't go very far 'cause
600
00:26:15,535 --> 00:26:17,703
Oleg gets fainty in hospitals
601
00:26:17,704 --> 00:26:21,040
and supermarkets that
also sell clothing.
602
00:26:21,041 --> 00:26:22,774
It's just too much.
603
00:26:24,477 --> 00:26:27,079
Max, you and Randy have had
more sex since your break-up
604
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:29,115
then I had with my college boyfriend.
605
00:26:29,116 --> 00:26:32,952
Granted, he was very
busy with musical theater.
606
00:26:32,953 --> 00:26:35,376
The only time we had sex was
when he was in his Cats' costume
607
00:26:35,377 --> 00:26:37,777
and he asked me to give
him a Rum Tum Tugger.
608
00:26:38,591 --> 00:26:40,226
The rule is
609
00:26:40,227 --> 00:26:42,161
you have sex five times
before you're broken up.
610
00:26:42,162 --> 00:26:43,562
And this is number five.
611
00:26:43,563 --> 00:26:45,498
Historically, the biggest, sweatiest,
612
00:26:45,499 --> 00:26:49,168
and the most butt-centric...
his, not mine.
613
00:26:49,169 --> 00:26:50,670
So...
614
00:26:50,671 --> 00:26:53,406
Do not disturb.
615
00:26:53,407 --> 00:26:56,742
It's facing the wrong way,
and it's very disturbing.
616
00:26:56,743 --> 00:26:58,511
Hey, Randy.
617
00:26:58,512 --> 00:27:01,247
Oh, sorry, I just, uh, just woke up.
618
00:27:01,248 --> 00:27:04,250
Looks like you've been up for awhile.
619
00:27:04,251 --> 00:27:07,186
Mind if I camp under that pup tent?
620
00:27:07,187 --> 00:27:09,654
Can you go roast his
marshmallows somewhere else?
621
00:27:13,626 --> 00:27:16,595
Excuse me, there's a
VVVIP patient coming in
622
00:27:16,596 --> 00:27:18,431
who needs this room.
623
00:27:18,432 --> 00:27:21,032
I don't care what kind
of disease they have.
624
00:27:22,501 --> 00:27:24,970
I'm not going.
625
00:27:27,107 --> 00:27:28,507
Oh, my God.
626
00:27:28,508 --> 00:27:31,277
That's supermodel Vanessa Nibotito.
627
00:27:31,278 --> 00:27:33,512
She's pretty and smart.
628
00:27:33,513 --> 00:27:35,079
It's hard, right girl?
629
00:27:36,048 --> 00:27:37,883
I... I paid for this room.
630
00:27:37,884 --> 00:27:41,152
That giant bag of quarters? That's us!
631
00:27:42,388 --> 00:27:45,691
Is my baby bump seriously getting bumped
632
00:27:45,692 --> 00:27:48,527
by a poor man's me?
633
00:27:48,528 --> 00:27:50,463
I'm so sorry.
634
00:27:50,464 --> 00:27:53,199
I could send you a copy of my
motherhood book if you'd like.
635
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:56,401
The lady I paid to
write it did a great job.
636
00:27:58,070 --> 00:28:00,293
Oh, wait... wait a minute,
no... I'm not going anywhere.
637
00:28:00,294 --> 00:28:01,640
No, wait a minute.
638
00:28:01,641 --> 00:28:03,542
Wait, I'm not... no, I'm not going.
639
00:28:03,543 --> 00:28:05,544
You can't make me. No, wait a minute.
640
00:28:05,545 --> 00:28:07,346
Wait a min... oh, wait, wait, wait.
641
00:28:07,347 --> 00:28:09,515
Oh, look, I'm getting a
little arm workout here.
642
00:28:09,516 --> 00:28:10,583
Oh, yeah.
643
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:21,662
Sophie, the hospital is saying
they bounced us from the room
644
00:28:21,663 --> 00:28:23,331
because we took too long.
645
00:28:23,332 --> 00:28:27,268
They're offering us a cot
near the burn unit of the ICU.
646
00:28:27,269 --> 00:28:28,970
Well,
647
00:28:28,971 --> 00:28:32,874
ICU don't understand that
I'm not having this baby
648
00:28:32,875 --> 00:28:34,976
until I get back in my suite.
649
00:28:34,977 --> 00:28:37,812
That's a hard "no," Chris.
650
00:28:37,813 --> 00:28:41,015
Guess who just flirted her way
into a free carpal tunnel glove?
651
00:28:41,016 --> 00:28:43,651
Some girls flirt their
way into a sugar daddy;
652
00:28:43,652 --> 00:28:45,185
I get medical supplies.
653
00:28:46,821 --> 00:28:48,055
And more good news...
654
00:28:48,056 --> 00:28:49,290
Did you get me my room back?
655
00:28:49,291 --> 00:28:50,274
No, those days are over.
656
00:28:50,275 --> 00:28:51,826
We're hallway people now.
657
00:28:51,827 --> 00:28:54,862
But I was able to print out
flyers for our dessert bar.
658
00:28:54,863 --> 00:28:56,464
I'd love to give them a rounded edge.
659
00:28:56,465 --> 00:28:57,999
Do you have scissors?
660
00:28:58,000 --> 00:28:59,533
Are you kidding me?
661
00:28:59,534 --> 00:29:03,371
Of course I do. Look in my bag.
662
00:29:03,372 --> 00:29:05,673
Sophie, they're offering
us a full-size bed,
663
00:29:05,674 --> 00:29:07,241
but it's in an MRI machine.
664
00:29:07,242 --> 00:29:10,177
I think we should take it.
665
00:29:10,178 --> 00:29:11,913
Dessert bar opening tonight.
666
00:29:11,914 --> 00:29:14,548
We have a ramp.
667
00:29:14,549 --> 00:29:16,817
Excuse me, coming
through. Coming through.
668
00:29:16,818 --> 00:29:18,418
A-lister about to give birth.
669
00:29:19,553 --> 00:29:20,855
Oh, my God.
670
00:29:20,856 --> 00:29:23,824
Celebrity doctor, Nancy Gonzales!
671
00:29:23,825 --> 00:29:27,228
You know, I wear your perfume.
672
00:29:27,229 --> 00:29:30,731
Nancy, you might have heard,
dessert bar opening tonight.
673
00:29:30,732 --> 00:29:33,601
Someone needs to control
the hallway people.
674
00:29:33,602 --> 00:29:36,202
Randy.
675
00:29:40,074 --> 00:29:41,775
Max!
676
00:29:43,611 --> 00:29:46,613
That wasn't me, it was
naughty nurse Wanda.
677
00:29:47,848 --> 00:29:49,450
I was about to give Wanda a shot.
678
00:29:49,451 --> 00:29:51,118
Well, she was gonna give it to herself,
679
00:29:51,119 --> 00:29:54,121
but I was gonna tell
her exactly how to do it.
680
00:29:54,122 --> 00:29:56,390
Max, isn't playing doctor in a hospital
681
00:29:56,391 --> 00:29:57,625
a little on the nose?
682
00:29:57,626 --> 00:29:59,226
I like to be on theme.
683
00:29:59,227 --> 00:30:00,962
We can play pirate and lusty wench
684
00:30:00,963 --> 00:30:02,596
when I'm in a Long John Silver's.
685
00:30:02,597 --> 00:30:04,532
No, you won't because
we're not allowed in there
686
00:30:04,533 --> 00:30:06,267
for that very reason.
687
00:30:06,268 --> 00:30:08,636
Plus, didn't you already
have your fifth time?
688
00:30:08,637 --> 00:30:11,973
You see, Caroline, break-up
sex in LA is six times.
689
00:30:11,974 --> 00:30:13,741
It's the DeVito-Perlman rule.
690
00:30:13,742 --> 00:30:17,144
Rhea forgot her yoga mat,
and five limoncellos later,
691
00:30:17,145 --> 00:30:18,045
boom!
692
00:30:18,046 --> 00:30:20,648
The rest is history.
693
00:30:20,649 --> 00:30:23,117
He's a lawyer so we
have to listen to him.
694
00:30:25,487 --> 00:30:27,455
Dessert bar opening tonight.
695
00:30:27,456 --> 00:30:30,124
Sophie, any progress in your nethers?
696
00:30:30,125 --> 00:30:32,126
'Cause our dessert bar
opens in five hours,
697
00:30:32,127 --> 00:30:34,161
and it promises I'll
be there on the flyer.
698
00:30:34,162 --> 00:30:37,298
Dessert bar opening
tonight. I'll be there.
699
00:30:37,299 --> 00:30:39,400
Did you really have
to refer to yourself as
700
00:30:39,401 --> 00:30:41,301
"New York's Own Caroline Channing"?
701
00:30:42,937 --> 00:30:44,839
She's coming. Hallway
people, clear a path.
702
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:46,507
Oh.
703
00:30:48,643 --> 00:30:50,344
Congratulations
704
00:30:50,345 --> 00:30:53,314
because you're invited to
our dessert bar opening.
705
00:30:53,315 --> 00:30:54,782
You can bring the baby if you want,
706
00:30:54,783 --> 00:30:57,284
but I wouldn't love it.
707
00:30:57,285 --> 00:30:58,618
What's dessert?
708
00:31:00,688 --> 00:31:03,591
I'm still tweeting that she's coming.
709
00:31:03,592 --> 00:31:06,827
I'm taking the suite back, girls.
710
00:31:06,828 --> 00:31:08,629
Roll me in!
711
00:31:08,630 --> 00:31:12,666
Yeah, we're not hallway people anymore.
712
00:31:12,667 --> 00:31:14,400
Whoo-hoo!
713
00:31:15,469 --> 00:31:17,371
Yeah!
714
00:31:17,372 --> 00:31:18,706
Ooh.
715
00:31:18,707 --> 00:31:21,141
How long can sushi be sitting out?
716
00:31:24,378 --> 00:31:26,881
Ooh, not that long.
717
00:31:26,882 --> 00:31:28,949
What about this one?
718
00:31:28,950 --> 00:31:29,884
Max, don't.
719
00:31:29,885 --> 00:31:31,352
It promises on the flyer
720
00:31:31,353 --> 00:31:33,654
that you'll be at the
dessert bar opening too.
721
00:31:33,655 --> 00:31:36,022
It's in smaller letters, but it's there.
722
00:31:38,359 --> 00:31:40,961
Oh. I got here as fast as I could.
723
00:31:40,962 --> 00:31:42,129
To take the baby out?
724
00:31:42,130 --> 00:31:43,831
No, to see the model.
725
00:31:43,832 --> 00:31:45,833
Um, she's gone.
726
00:31:45,834 --> 00:31:47,835
She kept saying,
"Where's Doctor Gomulka?"
727
00:31:47,836 --> 00:31:48,869
Really?
728
00:31:48,870 --> 00:31:50,905
No, no one's ever said that.
729
00:31:50,906 --> 00:31:53,374
Well, since I'm already disappointed,
730
00:31:53,375 --> 00:31:55,608
I guess I'll take a look under the hood.
731
00:31:57,411 --> 00:31:59,680
Oleg, you know how I
love to have a snack
732
00:31:59,681 --> 00:32:02,083
when I get my exam.
733
00:32:02,084 --> 00:32:04,218
I'll go to the gift
shop and grab you some
734
00:32:04,219 --> 00:32:06,953
chocolate-heavy trail
mix and some Hubba Bubba.
735
00:32:08,389 --> 00:32:09,690
Oh, and Oleg!
736
00:32:09,691 --> 00:32:12,660
Turn the bag upside down and... oh.
737
00:32:12,661 --> 00:32:15,229
He knows.
738
00:32:15,230 --> 00:32:17,832
Well, if I were a gambling man, I'd say
739
00:32:17,833 --> 00:32:20,601
it'll be at least five hours.
740
00:32:20,602 --> 00:32:21,735
Achoo!
741
00:32:24,339 --> 00:32:26,606
And that's how I lost my house.
742
00:32:28,209 --> 00:32:31,412
Nurse, I need something
to cut the umbilical cord.
743
00:32:31,413 --> 00:32:32,346
Oh, I... wait, wait.
744
00:32:32,347 --> 00:32:33,780
You're in luck.
745
00:32:36,117 --> 00:32:39,220
Aww.
746
00:32:39,221 --> 00:32:41,021
Aww.
747
00:32:41,022 --> 00:32:42,623
Sophie,
748
00:32:42,624 --> 00:32:44,391
you did great.
749
00:32:44,392 --> 00:32:45,793
You're a mother.
750
00:32:45,794 --> 00:32:48,195
Also, gesundheit.
751
00:32:48,196 --> 00:32:50,631
Aw, the baby's beautiful.
752
00:32:50,632 --> 00:32:52,700
Oh, my God.
753
00:32:52,701 --> 00:32:55,636
I had the baby!
754
00:32:55,637 --> 00:32:58,139
And Oleg missed it.
755
00:32:58,140 --> 00:33:02,877
Oh, and he had his heart set
on seeing the baby being born.
756
00:33:02,878 --> 00:33:04,078
And he missed it.
757
00:33:04,079 --> 00:33:06,947
He's never gonna forgive himself!
758
00:33:06,948 --> 00:33:10,584
He's never, never, never,
never, never, never...
759
00:33:10,585 --> 00:33:12,620
Please, Sophie, calm down.
760
00:33:12,621 --> 00:33:15,923
Maybe Oleg didn't miss it.
761
00:33:15,924 --> 00:33:19,827
It worries me how little
you know about science stuff.
762
00:33:19,828 --> 00:33:22,830
We'll fake the birth.
763
00:33:22,831 --> 00:33:25,599
You're asking me to
help you fake a birth?
764
00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:28,134
You'll be fine. You've faked an orgasm.
765
00:33:30,771 --> 00:33:31,839
Well, that's true.
766
00:33:39,514 --> 00:33:41,842
We have to make Oleg pass
out long enough to bring
767
00:33:41,843 --> 00:33:43,626
the baby in and make
him think he just missed
768
00:33:43,627 --> 00:33:45,045
a second of the actual birth.
769
00:33:45,046 --> 00:33:46,713
Sophie, act like you're in labor.
770
00:33:46,714 --> 00:33:48,982
Just yell and tell Oleg
you wish you never met him.
771
00:33:48,983 --> 00:33:51,118
It should be easy.
772
00:33:51,119 --> 00:33:52,351
He's coming. Places.
773
00:33:55,690 --> 00:33:57,657
Sorry it took so long,
but the lady in front of me
774
00:33:57,658 --> 00:34:01,028
paid for her Jujubes
with a third-party check.
775
00:34:01,029 --> 00:34:04,664
Oh, I'm in pain!
776
00:34:04,665 --> 00:34:07,401
Oh, I'm about to have a baby
777
00:34:07,402 --> 00:34:09,669
for the first time!
778
00:34:09,670 --> 00:34:11,405
Okay. I'm ready.
779
00:34:11,406 --> 00:34:13,840
I popped a Pepto and
what I'm now realizing
780
00:34:13,841 --> 00:34:16,143
was a laxative.
781
00:34:16,144 --> 00:34:17,911
Oleg,
782
00:34:17,912 --> 00:34:19,546
you stay out of the splash zone.
783
00:34:19,547 --> 00:34:20,514
It's go time.
784
00:34:20,515 --> 00:34:22,716
Oh, there is some seriously
785
00:34:22,717 --> 00:34:24,885
birthy stuff going on down here.
786
00:34:24,886 --> 00:34:27,320
Oh, should we get a doctor?
787
00:34:27,321 --> 00:34:29,256
Even a girl one?
788
00:34:29,257 --> 00:34:30,323
There's no time!
789
00:34:30,324 --> 00:34:33,393
Because of all the oozing gunk!
790
00:34:35,730 --> 00:34:37,431
Push, Sophie, push!
791
00:34:40,001 --> 00:34:42,402
You... you... you...
792
00:34:42,403 --> 00:34:43,737
you did this to me
793
00:34:43,738 --> 00:34:46,872
with your gorgeous penis!
794
00:34:48,542 --> 00:34:50,010
We're both sorry!
795
00:34:50,011 --> 00:34:54,047
Max, anything else disgusting
going on down there?
796
00:34:54,048 --> 00:34:57,584
Oh, yeah, we got a real
sick situation here.
797
00:34:57,585 --> 00:34:59,186
Oh, man, there's
798
00:34:59,187 --> 00:35:00,854
a lot of placenta goo.
799
00:35:00,855 --> 00:35:03,623
Oy, oy, oy, oy...
800
00:35:03,624 --> 00:35:06,792
I haven't been this woozy
since I was in a Super Target.
801
00:35:07,761 --> 00:35:09,129
I'm not going down.
802
00:35:09,130 --> 00:35:10,597
I'm not going down.
803
00:35:10,598 --> 00:35:15,802
The wet, sludgy baby is
fighting through the slime!
804
00:35:15,803 --> 00:35:17,471
Oh.
805
00:35:17,472 --> 00:35:18,605
Oh.
806
00:35:18,606 --> 00:35:20,040
Oh, girls, quick.
807
00:35:20,041 --> 00:35:21,774
He's down. Get the baby!
808
00:35:27,380 --> 00:35:29,716
Oh, my God. All right.
809
00:35:29,717 --> 00:35:32,552
All right, now, to wake him up,
810
00:35:32,553 --> 00:35:34,788
yell "immigration" or tickle his...
811
00:35:34,789 --> 00:35:36,155
Immigration!
812
00:35:37,491 --> 00:35:39,759
What'd I miss?
813
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:41,495
Look, Oleg.
814
00:35:41,496 --> 00:35:44,664
The baby is here.
815
00:35:44,665 --> 00:35:47,167
And it's a girl.
816
00:35:47,168 --> 00:35:49,802
She has a bejoonie, just like her mama.
817
00:35:51,671 --> 00:35:54,574
She's beautiful, just like her mama.
818
00:35:54,575 --> 00:35:55,675
Yeah.
819
00:35:55,676 --> 00:35:57,477
Do you want to hold her?
820
00:35:57,478 --> 00:35:58,979
Yeah?
821
00:35:58,980 --> 00:36:00,946
Yeah.
822
00:36:05,685 --> 00:36:07,654
Look.
823
00:36:07,655 --> 00:36:09,756
That's your daddy.
824
00:36:09,757 --> 00:36:11,158
Let her get settled in the world
825
00:36:11,159 --> 00:36:12,891
before you start giving her bad news.
826
00:36:14,761 --> 00:36:16,496
Hello, baby.
827
00:36:16,497 --> 00:36:18,330
Barbara!
828
00:36:19,533 --> 00:36:23,336
Barbara Kuchenski Golishevsky!
829
00:36:23,337 --> 00:36:26,840
Oh, that sounds real
musical, doesn't it?
830
00:36:26,841 --> 00:36:29,676
Depends what kind of
music you listen to.
831
00:36:29,677 --> 00:36:33,513
Aww, she's so cute.
832
00:36:33,514 --> 00:36:35,482
Barbara's a definite?
833
00:36:35,483 --> 00:36:36,550
Yeah.
834
00:36:36,551 --> 00:36:38,351
I'm your godmother.
835
00:36:38,352 --> 00:36:41,654
One day I'm gonna teach
you how to lie to these two.
836
00:36:42,722 --> 00:36:44,524
And also this one.
837
00:36:47,995 --> 00:36:49,996
Look at all those people
838
00:36:49,997 --> 00:36:51,231
at our door.
839
00:36:51,232 --> 00:36:53,633
And not a torch in the mix.
840
00:36:53,634 --> 00:36:56,469
Oh, Earl. Are you lost again?
841
00:36:56,470 --> 00:37:00,006
The diner is next door!
842
00:37:00,007 --> 00:37:02,576
Don't confuse him. He's our bouncer.
843
00:37:02,577 --> 00:37:04,811
You're our bouncer!
844
00:37:04,812 --> 00:37:07,247
Now, you don't really
expect everybody on this list
845
00:37:07,248 --> 00:37:08,815
to show up, now, do you?
846
00:37:08,816 --> 00:37:11,751
'Cause Liam Hemsworth and
I are in a Twitter feud.
847
00:37:11,752 --> 00:37:14,554
Okay, some of it may have
been wishful thinking,
848
00:37:14,555 --> 00:37:16,990
but I did text 2 Chainz.
849
00:37:16,991 --> 00:37:18,525
We met him on a private plane once.
850
00:37:18,526 --> 00:37:19,926
I gave him my digits.
851
00:37:19,927 --> 00:37:23,096
Uh, 2 Chainz, is that a
person or a dress code?
852
00:37:23,097 --> 00:37:25,232
It's both.
853
00:37:27,001 --> 00:37:30,070
Earl, 2 Chainz is a famous rapper.
854
00:37:30,071 --> 00:37:33,406
Oh, my God, 2 Chainz is here... ah!
855
00:37:33,407 --> 00:37:36,041
I'm letting 2 Chainz the
famous rapper in before we open.
856
00:37:40,347 --> 00:37:42,782
What's up, Double C?
857
00:37:42,783 --> 00:37:45,518
She prefers to be called,
"New York's Own Double C."
858
00:37:45,519 --> 00:37:47,020
Sup?
859
00:37:47,021 --> 00:37:49,556
I can't believe you made
it to our dessert bar.
860
00:37:49,557 --> 00:37:52,926
I can't believe anybody
knows what a dessert bar is.
861
00:37:52,927 --> 00:37:54,127
Are you kidding?
862
00:37:54,128 --> 00:37:56,196
Sugar and alcohol go hand in hand.
863
00:37:56,197 --> 00:37:58,598
It's two great tastes
that taste great together.
864
00:37:58,599 --> 00:38:03,370
Like how I seamlessly fuse
new-school and old-school flows.
865
00:38:03,371 --> 00:38:06,105
Well, now I get it.
866
00:38:07,407 --> 00:38:11,111
Why didn't you just say that, girls?
867
00:38:11,112 --> 00:38:14,314
Now, can I get one of
those flan-tinis, please?
868
00:38:14,315 --> 00:38:16,216
Look, sorry I didn't
recognize you, 2 Chainz.
869
00:38:16,217 --> 00:38:19,986
I let my subscription
to Vibe expire in 1984.
870
00:38:19,987 --> 00:38:22,055
Oh, that's okay.
871
00:38:22,056 --> 00:38:24,157
I think they give discounts
for return customers.
872
00:38:24,158 --> 00:38:25,090
Oh, really?
873
00:38:26,493 --> 00:38:28,995
Well, well, well!
874
00:38:28,996 --> 00:38:31,431
Look who opened up a bar
875
00:38:31,432 --> 00:38:33,500
after I denied them a liquor license.
876
00:38:33,501 --> 00:38:35,335
Well, well, well, look who decided
877
00:38:35,336 --> 00:38:38,036
to wear ladies' pants
hoping no one would notice.
878
00:38:39,306 --> 00:38:40,974
J. Petto, what are you doing here?
879
00:38:40,975 --> 00:38:42,442
How did you know we were opening?
880
00:38:42,443 --> 00:38:44,177
I definitely didn't give you a flyer.
881
00:38:44,178 --> 00:38:47,247
I follow 2 Chainz on Twitter,
882
00:38:47,248 --> 00:38:50,016
sometimes in my car.
883
00:38:50,017 --> 00:38:53,852
Just so you know, I
have 911 on speed dial.
884
00:38:55,622 --> 00:38:58,258
Our liquor license, sir.
885
00:38:58,259 --> 00:39:01,361
Uh, this belongs to
the Williamsburg Diner.
886
00:39:01,362 --> 00:39:03,496
They're the same
property. We own the diner.
887
00:39:03,497 --> 00:39:04,964
They're related,
888
00:39:04,965 --> 00:39:07,633
like Alec and whoever
the grossest Baldwin is.
889
00:39:09,336 --> 00:39:10,402
Daniel.
890
00:39:12,205 --> 00:39:14,507
You can't use another
establishment's liquor license.
891
00:39:14,508 --> 00:39:16,209
I'm shutting you two down
892
00:39:16,210 --> 00:39:18,111
and I'm slapping the owner of the diner
893
00:39:18,112 --> 00:39:19,879
with a $25,000 fine.
894
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:21,914
Who is this bitch?
895
00:39:24,551 --> 00:39:26,986
Just some mean, little man with
896
00:39:26,987 --> 00:39:29,889
nothing better to do on a
Friday night than ruin our lives.
897
00:39:29,890 --> 00:39:31,791
Not true; I'm taking my aunt
898
00:39:31,792 --> 00:39:34,227
to drag bingo right after this.
899
00:39:34,228 --> 00:39:37,297
Well, girls,
900
00:39:37,298 --> 00:39:40,533
I managed to make it here
after this dog fornicated
901
00:39:40,534 --> 00:39:42,869
his way across Greenpoint.
902
00:39:42,870 --> 00:39:44,170
Been there.
903
00:39:44,171 --> 00:39:45,604
Done that.
904
00:39:46,573 --> 00:39:48,308
Here's $300.
905
00:39:48,309 --> 00:39:50,877
My earnings after working 12 jobs
906
00:39:50,878 --> 00:39:53,980
and being robbed 4 times.
907
00:39:53,981 --> 00:39:57,250
Twice by the same girl.
908
00:39:57,251 --> 00:39:59,152
You can have your diner back.
909
00:39:59,153 --> 00:40:00,854
We feel bad about taking it from you,
910
00:40:00,855 --> 00:40:02,489
and also the owner of the diner owes
911
00:40:02,490 --> 00:40:06,092
old butt-chin here
and the city $25,000.
912
00:40:06,093 --> 00:40:07,193
What?
913
00:40:07,194 --> 00:40:08,328
The diner is mine again?
914
00:40:08,329 --> 00:40:09,829
Yeah, sorry.
915
00:40:11,399 --> 00:40:12,665
Yes!
916
00:40:12,666 --> 00:40:14,234
Yes! Yes!
917
00:40:14,235 --> 00:40:16,102
I have my baby back.
918
00:40:16,103 --> 00:40:17,870
You have baby everything.
919
00:40:19,272 --> 00:40:22,008
I'm shutting you down
for 14 business days.
920
00:40:22,009 --> 00:40:23,910
And you're getting a bill in the mail
921
00:40:23,911 --> 00:40:26,579
with very confusing instructions.
922
00:40:26,580 --> 00:40:27,947
And...
923
00:40:27,948 --> 00:40:29,948
I'm having my birthday here.
924
00:40:31,284 --> 00:40:33,151
Let's bounce, 2 Chainz.
925
00:40:35,755 --> 00:40:37,624
So long, pal.
926
00:40:37,625 --> 00:40:39,168
You're gonna have to find someone else
927
00:40:39,169 --> 00:40:40,902
to use as a chew toy.
928
00:40:42,562 --> 00:40:44,197
Oh, man.
929
00:40:44,198 --> 00:40:46,766
Sorry about the bar, girls.
930
00:40:46,767 --> 00:40:49,936
I mean, guess I'm gonna have
to get me a bottle of rosé
931
00:40:49,937 --> 00:40:51,670
and head over to Mrs. Fields' again.
932
00:40:53,106 --> 00:40:55,041
Does she have a sister?
933
00:40:55,042 --> 00:40:57,310
Or a color TV?
934
00:40:57,311 --> 00:40:59,145
See you later, girls.
935
00:40:59,146 --> 00:41:01,613
It look like I'm gonna go party
with the old man right here.
936
00:41:07,154 --> 00:41:08,955
Can you guys just
give us another minute?
937
00:41:08,956 --> 00:41:11,825
Or 14 business days?
938
00:41:11,826 --> 00:41:14,227
The only thing that opened
and closed faster than us
939
00:41:14,228 --> 00:41:16,830
was Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot.
940
00:41:16,831 --> 00:41:19,566
Well, at least I didn't
get a blow out for this.
941
00:41:19,567 --> 00:41:21,768
That lessens the sting
of a failed opening.
942
00:41:21,769 --> 00:41:23,102
Are you kidding?
943
00:41:23,103 --> 00:41:24,838
I think this is gonna
make us more popular.
944
00:41:24,839 --> 00:41:27,073
You know how people always
want what they can't have.
945
00:41:27,074 --> 00:41:29,576
Like you with everything.
946
00:41:29,577 --> 00:41:32,679
If that's true, then
why do you look upset?
947
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:35,148
'Cause Randy and I are really broken up.
948
00:41:35,149 --> 00:41:37,750
We burned through the
Affleck-Garner clause,
949
00:41:37,751 --> 00:41:40,186
the Cox-Arquette addendum.
950
00:41:40,187 --> 00:41:42,155
As soon as we got to the
Bieber-Gomez principle,
951
00:41:42,156 --> 00:41:44,757
we were ashamed of ourselves.
952
00:41:44,758 --> 00:41:47,594
Max, you're the queen of
not following the rules.
953
00:41:47,595 --> 00:41:49,028
"Rules, schmules," you say.
954
00:41:49,029 --> 00:41:50,196
Yes!
955
00:41:50,197 --> 00:41:52,198
Rules, schmules!
956
00:41:52,199 --> 00:41:54,499
And condoms, schmondoms.
957
00:41:56,336 --> 00:41:58,705
Yeah, that one's not great.
958
00:41:58,706 --> 00:42:00,707
What I'm saying is you make stuff up.
959
00:42:00,708 --> 00:42:01,808
Like this dessert bar.
960
00:42:01,809 --> 00:42:03,276
And that was a great idea.
961
00:42:03,277 --> 00:42:06,045
So you should make up
rules for you and Randy.
962
00:42:06,046 --> 00:42:08,389
'Cause it really seems like
you guys care about each other.
963
00:42:08,390 --> 00:42:10,617
Yeah, you're right.
964
00:42:10,618 --> 00:42:12,151
Break-up, schmake-up.
965
00:42:12,152 --> 00:42:13,486
Now, go call Randy
966
00:42:13,487 --> 00:42:15,320
and make me want to burn my iPad.
967
00:42:16,689 --> 00:42:19,959
Go, I'm begging you.
968
00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:21,694
Yeah, we're gonna kill it
969
00:42:21,695 --> 00:42:24,096
in 14 business days.
970
00:42:29,260 --> 00:42:36,760
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