﻿1
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Previously on 2 Broke Girls...

2
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The hurricane is headed
right for Williamsburg.

3
00:00:05,930 --> 00:00:08,097
Fedoras are blowing down the streets,

4
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craft beers are spilling everywhere,

5
00:00:09,699 --> 00:00:12,835
and indie bands are cancelling practice.

6
00:00:16,439 --> 00:00:18,407
This explains why Randy isn't here yet.

7
00:00:18,408 --> 00:00:20,275
He's probably stuck in the store.

8
00:00:20,276 --> 00:00:23,278
He's not answering and it's
going straight to voicemail.

9
00:00:23,279 --> 00:00:25,214
He probably blocked you.

10
00:00:25,215 --> 00:00:27,783
We're really broken up.

11
00:00:27,784 --> 00:00:29,184
Let's go hug our dessert bar.

12
00:00:29,185 --> 00:00:31,620
It was probably so scared.

13
00:00:31,621 --> 00:00:34,056
Oh, my God, Max.

14
00:00:34,057 --> 00:00:36,425
Our dessert bar is destroyed.

15
00:00:36,426 --> 00:00:39,261
I think we have to finally
admit it to ourselves.

16
00:00:39,262 --> 00:00:40,762
Ugh, we're cursed.

17
00:00:43,199 --> 00:00:44,766
Yeah, this is personal.

18
00:00:44,767 --> 00:00:47,936
Come on, when that gypsy
pointed at me in first grade

19
00:00:47,937 --> 00:00:50,806
and said, "Biggus
Boobus," that was a curse.

20
00:00:50,807 --> 00:00:52,875
I'm sure we weren't the only business

21
00:00:52,876 --> 00:00:54,209
that was ruined by the storm.

22
00:00:54,210 --> 00:00:55,777
We're not cursed.

23
00:00:56,980 --> 00:01:01,016
Yeah, now it's starting to burn.

24
00:01:01,017 --> 00:01:04,253
Well, I am choosing to take
this disaster as a sign.

25
00:01:04,254 --> 00:01:06,655
It's not like we don't have insurance.

26
00:01:06,656 --> 00:01:08,423
And while they're rebuilding this place,

27
00:01:08,424 --> 00:01:11,560
I'm gonna go surprise
Randy and try to rebuild us.

28
00:01:11,561 --> 00:01:13,428
You see the parallels?

29
00:01:13,429 --> 00:01:16,265
You get it. She gets it.

30
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Girls, did you hear?

31
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Turns out only one
business in the entire area

32
00:01:21,037 --> 00:01:22,604
was affected by the storm.

33
00:01:22,605 --> 00:01:24,640
I wonder which one...

34
00:01:24,641 --> 00:01:27,209
Oh.

35
00:01:27,210 --> 00:01:30,746
File this under "Story
For Another Time"?

36
00:01:36,219 --> 00:01:38,787
Biggus Boobus!

37
00:01:41,724 --> 00:01:48,301
Subtitle sync and corrections by
<font color="#33FF00"><b>awaqeded</b></font> for <font color="#33FF00"><b>www.addic7ed.com.</b></font>

38
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Ugh, I don't believe this!

39
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,484
All the airports are more shut down

40
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than I am emotionally.

41
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,655
Earl, have you had any luck
with any busses or trains?

42
00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:03,990
I'm on it.

43
00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:07,160
What button do I push for the Internet?

44
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:08,895
I just talked to the insurance company.

45
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They're gonna pay for all our repairs.

46
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And they gave me some extra money

47
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:14,234
'cause I told them we were pregnant.

48
00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:16,936
Can we please focus on
how I'm gonna get to L.A.?

49
00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:19,138
I have low self-esteem
and a well-viewed sex tape.

50
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,474
I should be there already!

51
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:24,177
Max, I'm gonna try to
put this delicately.

52
00:02:24,178 --> 00:02:27,714
You're acting like a
cray-cray psycho stalker.

53
00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:29,082
I am not a stalker.

54
00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:30,550
I'm the one that gets stalked.

55
00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:32,385
That reminds me, I
should probably tell Gary

56
00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:33,620
I'm going out of town.

57
00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:35,321
Oh, he knows.

58
00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:38,291
He left a bon voyage dookie on
our welcome mat this morning.

59
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:40,860
But the card was sweet.

60
00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:42,929
Well, then as your best friend,

61
00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:45,431
I am going with you to
make sure you're okay.

62
00:02:45,432 --> 00:02:47,333
You know, Randy did give
me an airline voucher

63
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,369
when I ruined our
relationship the first time.

64
00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:51,037
I could probably get
two tickets for that,

65
00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:53,172
so I could put my feet up.

66
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,408
Or I guess you could come.

67
00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:57,844
If I'm the wing-lady on
your stalking mission,

68
00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,413
I'm gonna go ahead and
call this a vacation.

69
00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:02,148
Wow, that's sad.

70
00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:04,951
All right, I'm almost on the Internet.

71
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,786
Does anybody know my password?

72
00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,488
It's "Earl."

73
00:03:08,489 --> 00:03:12,424
Oh, right, my first dog's name.

74
00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:16,828
Hey, everybody!

75
00:03:19,599 --> 00:03:21,622
I just got in a fight with
one of Barbara's friends

76
00:03:21,623 --> 00:03:23,136
in the IKEA ball pit.

77
00:03:23,137 --> 00:03:26,139
Yeah, if you're gonna
bring meatballs in there,

78
00:03:26,140 --> 00:03:28,541
you gotta bring some for everybody.

79
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Yeah, there's never enough
meatballs in a ball pit.

80
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Earl, how we doing on our trip to L.A.?

81
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:35,882
Well, the rental cars are rented out,

82
00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:38,851
trains are down, and
no flights till Tuesday.

83
00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:42,120
And I got a message
from emoji. Who's emoji?

84
00:03:43,356 --> 00:03:46,359
Hey, why don't you
two just road trip it?

85
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,761
You know, throw a cooler of beer

86
00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:52,398
with pulled pork in the
trunk and just go, baby.

87
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,667
I would do the same if I didn't have

88
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:57,203
that giant breastfeeding baby.

89
00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:59,271
I'm talking about Oleg.

90
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:03,242
May I suggest the Toyota
Yaris I sold to Han?

91
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,877
It's efficient on gas,

92
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:07,647
and the trunk can't be
unlocked from the inside.

93
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:10,183
Oh, no! You're not taking my car.

94
00:04:10,184 --> 00:04:12,352
It's my turn to drive my quilting group

95
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:13,986
to the farmers' market.

96
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:16,356
Han, we can do this the hard way

97
00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:18,620
where you don't give me the
keys and I give you a wedgie,

98
00:04:18,621 --> 00:04:20,626
or the easy way where
you do give me the keys

99
00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:22,762
and I give you a slightly
less intense wedgie.

100
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:25,264
The keys are in my
office, but you're not...

101
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:28,267
Oh, dear, I've said too much.

102
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,002
Who do you see winning this one?

103
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:32,505
And you should know, Max
keeps a pocket full of sand

104
00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:34,907
for these kinda things.

105
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:37,076
Jingle-jangle, bitches!

106
00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:40,113
You should be fired for
what happened back there.

107
00:04:40,114 --> 00:04:42,982
Bathing suit areas are off limits.

108
00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:44,817
Fine, use my car,

109
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:46,719
but I'm going to be driving it.

110
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,388
I'm coming with you.

111
00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:51,324
I finally got the gas pedal
extension where I like it.

112
00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:53,459
But who's gonna run the diner?

113
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:57,830
FYI, I managed a pretty
successful jerk shack for years.

114
00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:59,632
Ew, Oleg.

115
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,667
What? Get your mind out of the gutter.

116
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We sold Jamaican-style chicken.

117
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:07,607
As a front for full-release massages.

118
00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:10,843
Y'all, what was my
first dog's name again?

119
00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:13,146
- Earl.
- What?

120
00:05:13,147 --> 00:05:17,083
I guess my only options
here are Oleg and Earl.

121
00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:20,286
Woof, real Murderers' Row.

122
00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:21,954
Who are you gonna have waitress?

123
00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:23,689
'Cause you know they'll have to match

124
00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:27,026
the extremely low bar set
by my associate and myself.

125
00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:28,261
Ohh!

126
00:05:28,262 --> 00:05:30,229
Oh, can I do it?

127
00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:32,231
Oh, who am I kidding?

128
00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:34,200
Or course I can!

129
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:38,538
I actually used to be
a waitress at Pooters.

130
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:40,239
You mean Hooters?

131
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,875
No, it was Poland's version.

132
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:46,179
Yeah, all the waitresses
were bottomless.

133
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:48,881
I'm hoping there were a
lot of hairnets involved.

134
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:51,316
Oh, you'd think so.

135
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,356
Han, I'd say you drive
like a little old lady,

136
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,325
but three of them just passed us.

137
00:05:59,326 --> 00:06:02,595
I had more fun driving
my bitchy friend Neil

138
00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:04,931
to get his blisters drained.

139
00:06:04,932 --> 00:06:06,599
Also, what's the strategy here?

140
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,367
We've been driving for hours.

141
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,570
Well, once we find an open airport,

142
00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:13,072
we'll fly to L.A., where
Max will surprise Randy,

143
00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:15,241
and she'll be all, "Ahhh,"

144
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:18,511
and he'll be all, "Ahhh."

145
00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:21,581
First of all, great Randy impression.

146
00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:25,151
I almost gave you a little "Wahhh""

147
00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:26,819
You girls have less of a game plan

148
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:29,622
than any season of
American Horror Story.

149
00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:32,291
Well, who really needs
a game plan anyway?

150
00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:34,660
I'm on vacation, baby.

151
00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:37,096
See? Didn't even tear up that time.

152
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:39,031
What's with these snacks?

153
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:40,266
Vegetables?

154
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:43,135
Are you on that bunny diet again?

155
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,371
No, I gained weight on that somehow.

156
00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:49,175
Han, there's a lot
of Goo Goo Dolls here.

157
00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:52,612
GGD-Live Goo. Wow.

158
00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:54,714
I'm taking music criticism

159
00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:57,416
from a proud member
of the Juggalo nation?

160
00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,384
Hand me a radish.

161
00:07:01,487 --> 00:07:04,957
I mean, how long are you
supposed to chew a radish?

162
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,359
Forever?

163
00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:09,295
Can I interest anyone in a side trip

164
00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:10,630
to Pine Creek Gorge?

165
00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:12,231
If you love the Grand Canyon,

166
00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:15,468
you'll think Pine Creek
Gorge is pretty good.

167
00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:19,705
Oh, my seasonal gourd.

168
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:22,975
Look at Randy's Snapchat story.

169
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:24,644
This movie's got such a large budget,

170
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:26,245
they even got the lawyer is own trailer.

171
00:07:26,269 --> 00:07:28,047
Oh! Scratch that.

172
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:32,218
I'm sharing it with
a very large scorpion.

173
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,087
You're jealous of a scorpion now?

174
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:36,222
That's where we're at?

175
00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:37,657
No!

176
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:39,892
There's a finger on Randy's shoulder.

177
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:41,460
A woman's finger.

178
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,362
Manicured nail, no wedding ring.

179
00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:45,064
How dare she?

180
00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:47,867
Yea nor nay on Pine Creek Gorge?

181
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,135
The exit's in three miles,

182
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:51,537
and I should start changing lanes.

183
00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:53,506
So that's a maybe?

184
00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:55,841
I gotta finger this out!

185
00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:58,644
Ugh, why can't you zoom in on a video?

186
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,246
I know we have the technology.

187
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:01,814
It was used against me

188
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:05,551
in the case of Bass Pro
Shops versus Max Black.

189
00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:08,187
Ugh, I think there's a pit in my fig.

190
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:09,555
That's a prune,

191
00:08:09,556 --> 00:08:11,157
and I'd pace yourself.

192
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,859
Caroline, could you call
the diner and check in?

193
00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:15,962
I've been getting the machine all day,

194
00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:18,864
and I gotta make sure Oleg
isn't shooting a porno there.

195
00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:20,232
Oh, he didn't get the funding.

196
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:22,867
His Kinkstarter campaign fizzled out.

197
00:08:25,738 --> 00:08:27,773
There, the phone is unplugged.

198
00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:31,077
Good luck calling the
police now, table two.

199
00:08:31,078 --> 00:08:33,245
Wow, you unplugged that phone

200
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:35,781
faster than we unplugged my Aunt Esther.

201
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:38,618
She was a mean lady.

202
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:42,288
Sophie, ready to
re-enter the workforce?

203
00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:45,024
I'm ready.

204
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:48,894
The question is, are you ready?

205
00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:52,898
And the answer is no, I am not.

206
00:08:52,899 --> 00:08:55,067
Hey, everybody!

207
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:57,637
Can I take your order?

208
00:08:57,638 --> 00:09:00,873
Miss, sparkling or still?

209
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:05,076
How's everything tasting?

210
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:11,417
♪ Mmmbop, Ba duba dop ♪

211
00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:14,086
♪ Ba Du bop, Ba duba ♪

212
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:17,423
♪ Ba dup bop, Ba Du, yeah ♪

213
00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:19,759
♪ Mmmbop, Ba ♪

214
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,761
I wish you guys would win American Idol

215
00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:24,130
so I'd never have to
hear from you ever again.

216
00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:26,298
Oh, come on, Max. Listen up.

217
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:29,101
What's a road trip
without a sing-along?

218
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:30,936
I don't know, tolerable.

219
00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:34,040
Now let's talk about something
everyone's interested in.

220
00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:36,008
I screen-grabbed Randy's video,

221
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,410
which enabled me to zoom in.

222
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:39,178
And upon zooming, I realized that...

223
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:40,846
You're going crazy?

224
00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:44,083
Max, seriously, maybe
we should go back home.

225
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,551
Randy blocked you.

226
00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:47,520
You have to expect there
might be a new finger

227
00:09:47,521 --> 00:09:48,688
in his life.

228
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:50,456
I am not going crazy.

229
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,425
I'm merely scouring the World Wide Web

230
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:54,794
for female friends of Randy
who are tagged in a photo of him

231
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:56,295
with their index fingers cropped out.

232
00:09:56,296 --> 00:09:58,064
That way I can piece
the two photos together

233
00:09:58,065 --> 00:09:59,932
jigsaw style to get
the answers I deserve,

234
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:02,668
and oh, my God, I think
I'm having a breakdown.

235
00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:04,403
She's not the only one.

236
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:09,841
Please tell me that was
Caroline's prunes kicking in.

237
00:10:18,627 --> 00:10:21,029
I can't believe we're broken
down in the middle of nowhere.

238
00:10:21,030 --> 00:10:24,901
Amanda Knox had a better
vacation than this.

239
00:10:24,902 --> 00:10:27,571
We have to start walking.
Leave that suitcase here.

240
00:10:27,572 --> 00:10:28,838
What did you pack in there,

241
00:10:28,839 --> 00:10:31,207
one of your long-winded anecdotes?

242
00:10:31,208 --> 00:10:32,475
Funny story actually.

243
00:10:32,476 --> 00:10:34,077
I was going through my sweaters,

244
00:10:34,078 --> 00:10:35,979
and I realized that when I was 14...

245
00:10:35,980 --> 00:10:38,181
Hold that thought forever.

246
00:10:38,182 --> 00:10:42,218
Now you wanna find a finger,
you gotta use a finger.

247
00:10:42,219 --> 00:10:44,854
Max, no! We can't hitchhike.

248
00:10:44,855 --> 00:10:46,856
What if some psycho picks us up?

249
00:10:46,857 --> 00:10:50,393
Really, who wouldn't
want to wear this skin?

250
00:10:50,394 --> 00:10:53,229
I think the problem is the transmission.

251
00:10:53,230 --> 00:10:55,699
There is none.

252
00:10:55,700 --> 00:10:59,269
I hitchhiked all the time in school.

253
00:10:59,270 --> 00:11:00,971
Nothing bad ever happened.

254
00:11:00,972 --> 00:11:03,440
I did spend a year locked
in a guy's shed once,

255
00:11:03,441 --> 00:11:04,874
but that was mutual.

256
00:11:04,875 --> 00:11:07,544
I'll tell you what I told my prom date,

257
00:11:07,545 --> 00:11:09,079
put that finger away.

258
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:11,081
I thought your prom date was gay.

259
00:11:11,082 --> 00:11:14,717
He was. He was doing a lot of this.

260
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:25,228
Oh, good, tinted windows

261
00:11:25,229 --> 00:11:28,531
for a more private murdering experience.

262
00:11:28,532 --> 00:11:31,735
Um, this thing is smoking
more than my grandma

263
00:11:31,736 --> 00:11:34,371
at the Bingo finals.

264
00:11:34,372 --> 00:11:36,339
You girls stuck?

265
00:11:36,340 --> 00:11:39,409
I think "stagnant" is
a better word for us.

266
00:11:39,410 --> 00:11:43,279
Name's Becky. With the good hair.

267
00:11:44,315 --> 00:11:45,782
Y'all need a ride?

268
00:11:45,783 --> 00:11:49,019
Thanks. We're going west, Fievel style.

269
00:11:49,020 --> 00:11:51,788
If you could take us somewhere
with outgoing flights.

270
00:11:51,789 --> 00:11:53,256
I can drive if you want.

271
00:11:53,257 --> 00:11:56,059
I used to do it for
a Colombian drug lor...

272
00:11:56,060 --> 00:11:57,761
Frito-Lay.

273
00:11:57,762 --> 00:11:59,763
I can get you all the way to Missouri,

274
00:11:59,764 --> 00:12:01,931
home to street violence
and a large percentage

275
00:12:01,932 --> 00:12:04,701
of America's OxyContin epidemic.

276
00:12:04,702 --> 00:12:08,271
Great, and, Max, at
least you'll know people.

277
00:12:08,272 --> 00:12:12,042
Oh, good, we got a ride,
'cause that car is deader

278
00:12:12,043 --> 00:12:13,443
than the conversation

279
00:12:13,444 --> 00:12:15,645
at the Jolie-Pitt
Thanksgiving this year.

280
00:12:15,646 --> 00:12:18,114
Oh, sorry, you girls can come,

281
00:12:18,115 --> 00:12:20,583
but I don't let strange men into my cab.

282
00:12:20,584 --> 00:12:23,453
Oh, I can vouch for Han. He's not a man.

283
00:12:23,454 --> 00:12:26,022
It's okay, girls. Go ahead without me.

284
00:12:26,023 --> 00:12:27,757
I'll just call AAA.

285
00:12:27,758 --> 00:12:30,025
Cool. Later, hater.

286
00:12:31,227 --> 00:12:32,295
Wait!

287
00:12:32,296 --> 00:12:33,830
You're really leaving?

288
00:12:33,831 --> 00:12:35,932
Who leaves someone on
the side of the road

289
00:12:35,933 --> 00:12:38,401
in the middle of nowhere?

290
00:12:38,402 --> 00:12:40,536
You're not people!

291
00:12:45,408 --> 00:12:47,811
Excuse me, Miss?

292
00:12:47,812 --> 00:12:50,747
Oh, not you again.

293
00:12:50,748 --> 00:12:53,116
Listen, don't eat this.

294
00:12:53,117 --> 00:12:57,353
I ordered a steak, and
this is a dirty washcloth.

295
00:12:57,354 --> 00:12:59,154
You want me to heat it up?

296
00:13:00,490 --> 00:13:02,992
I mean, why am I always
getting you stuff?

297
00:13:02,993 --> 00:13:05,628
How come you're not scratching my back?

298
00:13:07,932 --> 00:13:10,066
See how I told him off?

299
00:13:10,067 --> 00:13:12,836
You know, just like
Max does, right girl?

300
00:13:12,837 --> 00:13:15,405
Why are you calling me girl?

301
00:13:15,406 --> 00:13:16,740
I'm calling you a woman.

302
00:13:16,741 --> 00:13:18,942
You like, like the girls do with Han,

303
00:13:18,943 --> 00:13:20,877
only he takes it.

304
00:13:20,878 --> 00:13:23,713
I mean, I wasn't expecting all this.

305
00:13:23,714 --> 00:13:24,881
Well, neither was I.

306
00:13:24,882 --> 00:13:27,015
This is supposed to be my nap time.

307
00:13:28,785 --> 00:13:30,353
This is my vacation.

308
00:13:30,354 --> 00:13:32,622
That's how bad my real life is.

309
00:13:32,623 --> 00:13:34,591
And I'm trying to get back with my ex.

310
00:13:34,592 --> 00:13:37,193
He blocked me on his phone,
and I am one diaper away

311
00:13:37,194 --> 00:13:40,263
from being that crazy lady astronaut.

312
00:13:40,264 --> 00:13:42,799
I never had the courage of
putting myself out there.

313
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,968
I mean, romantically speaking.

314
00:13:44,969 --> 00:13:47,870
I was on the Seal Team
that killed Bin Laden.

315
00:13:49,405 --> 00:13:50,540
I don't know.

316
00:13:50,541 --> 00:13:52,008
I may look tough on the outside,

317
00:13:52,009 --> 00:13:54,177
but underneath it all
is a scared little girl

318
00:13:54,178 --> 00:13:56,546
and a lot of homemade tattoos.

319
00:13:56,547 --> 00:13:59,449
Well, you clearly have good judgment.

320
00:13:59,450 --> 00:14:01,785
Take a look at this video
and tell me if this finger

321
00:14:01,786 --> 00:14:03,653
looks like it's been
in my boyfriend's mouth.

322
00:14:03,654 --> 00:14:05,488
Hold on, let me grab my glasses!

323
00:14:05,489 --> 00:14:07,657
Whoa, Becks! You wanna pick a lane?

324
00:14:07,658 --> 00:14:09,559
We're currently in all three.

325
00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:11,427
Don't distract her from the video.

326
00:14:11,428 --> 00:14:12,529
Hey...

327
00:14:12,530 --> 00:14:15,064
Oh, like this.

328
00:14:15,065 --> 00:14:18,101
Enough talking. Show
us your ass, white boy.

329
00:14:20,171 --> 00:14:21,738
So sorry.

330
00:14:21,739 --> 00:14:23,740
I didn't know the horn would be so loud,

331
00:14:23,741 --> 00:14:25,575
but could you scooch?

332
00:14:25,576 --> 00:14:27,343
Ooh, I wasn't driving?

333
00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:31,681
Man, being a Seal really
messed with my head.

334
00:14:31,682 --> 00:14:33,783
I don't know why I didn't
think of this before,

335
00:14:33,784 --> 00:14:36,786
but my friend, Sloppy Joe,
has a one-engine plane.

336
00:14:36,787 --> 00:14:39,222
He might be able to fly
y'all all the way to L.A.

337
00:14:39,223 --> 00:14:40,857
I'm sorry, what?

338
00:14:40,858 --> 00:14:44,694
A messy sandwich is
gonna fly us to L.A.?

339
00:14:44,695 --> 00:14:46,896
Okay.

340
00:14:46,897 --> 00:14:48,298
Sloppy was an old high school crush

341
00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:49,799
I never had the guts to go for.

342
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:51,401
Man was a legend there.

343
00:14:51,402 --> 00:14:53,503
He was a senior for nine years.

344
00:14:53,504 --> 00:14:55,672
Thanks, Becky With the Good Hair.

345
00:14:55,673 --> 00:14:57,707
And you'll find someone, I'm sure.

346
00:14:57,708 --> 00:14:59,242
You just gotta go for it.

347
00:14:59,243 --> 00:15:01,511
That's what she keeps telling me.

348
00:15:01,512 --> 00:15:03,078
I know, but she will.

349
00:15:12,984 --> 00:15:15,553
I don't think we've
formally met, Sloppy Joe.

350
00:15:15,554 --> 00:15:17,321
I'm Caroline Channing.

351
00:15:17,322 --> 00:15:19,790
They'll be reporting
our deaths together.

352
00:15:19,791 --> 00:15:22,059
You're on your own there.

353
00:15:22,060 --> 00:15:25,596
They reported mine five years ago.

354
00:15:25,597 --> 00:15:28,900
We're on a ghost plane? Awesome!

355
00:15:28,901 --> 00:15:32,170
Just curious, will there
be a beverage service?

356
00:15:32,171 --> 00:15:34,071
You want some of my beer?

357
00:15:34,072 --> 00:15:36,541
That's all right, you already
spilled most of it on me.

358
00:15:36,542 --> 00:15:39,110
I bet that's why they call him sloppy.

359
00:15:39,111 --> 00:15:41,646
Nope, my landings are a mess.

360
00:15:41,647 --> 00:15:45,283
Caroline, look at the bright side.

361
00:15:45,284 --> 00:15:47,185
How? None of the lights work.

362
00:15:47,186 --> 00:15:48,719
We're on our way to L.A.,

363
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:51,622
and sloppy took Randy's
voucher as payment.

364
00:15:51,623 --> 00:15:54,091
And then rolled a
nice, fat joint with it.

365
00:15:54,092 --> 00:15:56,294
You bet I did.

366
00:15:56,295 --> 00:15:58,930
- Whoa!
- Ride the lightning!

367
00:15:58,931 --> 00:16:00,865
Yee-haw! Do it back.

368
00:16:00,866 --> 00:16:03,935
Let me hear you say, "Yee-haw!"

369
00:16:03,936 --> 00:16:06,569
Yee-hawwww!

370
00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:17,682
I'm just glad you found me.

371
00:16:17,683 --> 00:16:19,684
I was about to build
a hut for the night.

372
00:16:19,685 --> 00:16:22,053
I thought you said you
didn't pick up strange men.

373
00:16:22,054 --> 00:16:23,654
I didn't.

374
00:16:23,655 --> 00:16:27,590
Until a new friend convinced
me I gotta take a chance.

375
00:16:30,127 --> 00:16:32,663
How fast can this old rig go?

376
00:16:32,664 --> 00:16:36,567
This old rig can go all night, baby.

377
00:16:36,568 --> 00:16:40,037
Doesn't answer my question at all,

378
00:16:40,038 --> 00:16:43,039
but let's do the damn thing.

379
00:16:52,116 --> 00:16:54,459
This flight's a lot bumpier
than I thought it was gonna be.

380
00:16:54,460 --> 00:16:55,953
Speaking of bumps,

381
00:16:55,954 --> 00:16:58,589
y'all don't have any blow, do you?

382
00:16:58,590 --> 00:17:00,424
Yeah, that's what this flight needs,

383
00:17:00,425 --> 00:17:02,660
a more jittery pilot.

384
00:17:02,661 --> 00:17:04,095
- Wow.
- Oh!

385
00:17:04,096 --> 00:17:05,863
Randy just posted a new video.

386
00:17:05,864 --> 00:17:07,999
Eh, buffer faster!

387
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,934
Ugh, do you get any bars up here?

388
00:17:09,935 --> 00:17:13,137
If I did, I wouldn't be
asking you for cocaine.

389
00:17:14,506 --> 00:17:16,874
Never mind, don't need it.

390
00:17:16,875 --> 00:17:18,643
We're going down.

391
00:17:18,644 --> 00:17:21,345
Going down? My least
favorite expression.

392
00:17:21,346 --> 00:17:23,581
And now I hate it even more.

393
00:17:23,582 --> 00:17:25,616
At least in this version of going down

394
00:17:25,617 --> 00:17:28,986
you don't have to spoon afterwards.

395
00:17:28,987 --> 00:17:30,454
- Oh, my God!
- Ah!

396
00:17:30,455 --> 00:17:32,456
Caroline, amazing news.

397
00:17:32,457 --> 00:17:33,924
You found parachutes?

398
00:17:33,925 --> 00:17:36,127
Or that part of the wing that tore away?

399
00:17:36,128 --> 00:17:37,862
Ha, oh, no, we're goners.

400
00:17:37,863 --> 00:17:40,531
But Silver Linings Playbook,

401
00:17:40,532 --> 00:17:43,768
that finger belonged to Randy's mom!

402
00:17:43,769 --> 00:17:45,403
She's visiting him on set.

403
00:17:45,404 --> 00:17:47,705
Ah, and she's not even that cute.

404
00:17:47,706 --> 00:17:50,641
I am gonna be so mad at you in heaven.

405
00:17:50,642 --> 00:17:52,376
You think I'm going to heaven?

406
00:17:52,377 --> 00:17:54,645
She thinks I'm going to heaven.

407
00:17:56,815 --> 00:18:00,351
Plane's too heavy. We
gotta drop some weight.

408
00:18:00,352 --> 00:18:04,155
I knew those curly fries at
the truck stop were a mistake,

409
00:18:04,156 --> 00:18:06,857
but they didn't offer
a healthy alternative.

410
00:18:06,858 --> 00:18:09,160
- Hold this.
- What? Ohh!

411
00:18:09,161 --> 00:18:12,697
Hey, Sloppy, the sky is that way!

412
00:18:12,698 --> 00:18:16,000
I like this, too.

413
00:18:16,001 --> 00:18:18,936
This suitcase has gotta go.

414
00:18:18,937 --> 00:18:20,371
No, all my clothes are in there.

415
00:18:20,372 --> 00:18:22,340
All of our money! Our credit card!

416
00:18:22,341 --> 00:18:24,408
There is no way that
that one tiny suitcase

417
00:18:24,409 --> 00:18:27,143
is causing all these
problems with your plane.

418
00:18:34,418 --> 00:18:37,822
Very well, perhaps I overpacked.

419
00:18:37,823 --> 00:18:40,623
Beer me.

420
00:18:43,961 --> 00:18:45,796
Pick up!

421
00:18:45,797 --> 00:18:49,266
Unless that's a huge problem for you.

422
00:18:49,267 --> 00:18:50,568
That's it.

423
00:18:50,569 --> 00:18:52,703
I'm gonna tell you the same thing

424
00:18:52,704 --> 00:18:54,505
that I told Pooters

425
00:18:54,506 --> 00:18:58,976
when they added pants to the uniform.

426
00:18:58,977 --> 00:19:01,212
I quit.

427
00:19:01,213 --> 00:19:02,613
You quit?

428
00:19:02,614 --> 00:19:04,782
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

429
00:19:04,783 --> 00:19:06,817
You're fired.

430
00:19:06,818 --> 00:19:08,686
Oh, yeah?

431
00:19:08,687 --> 00:19:11,288
Yeah!

432
00:19:11,289 --> 00:19:14,491
Have I been a bad waitress?

433
00:19:16,994 --> 00:19:19,796
The naughtiest.

434
00:19:22,733 --> 00:19:26,203
Uh, they're not gonna have
sex in a restaurant, are they?

435
00:19:26,204 --> 00:19:28,672
Well, it wouldn't be the first time.

436
00:19:28,673 --> 00:19:32,876
Hell, it wouldn't be the eighth time.

437
00:19:33,611 --> 00:19:36,080
Pick up, Oleg.

438
00:19:36,081 --> 00:19:38,948
Oh, yeah, man. This is happening.

439
00:19:40,818 --> 00:19:44,588
And that's when I married
my high school sweetheart.

440
00:19:44,589 --> 00:19:47,458
Well, she was in high school. I was 38.

441
00:19:47,459 --> 00:19:49,794
Another terrific story, Sloppy.

442
00:19:49,795 --> 00:19:51,962
Almost makes me forget we have no money,

443
00:19:51,963 --> 00:19:55,065
no clothes, and we're getting
zero mileage for this flight.

444
00:19:55,066 --> 00:19:57,101
Silver Linings Playbook, though.

445
00:19:57,102 --> 00:19:58,536
Little Randy update.

446
00:19:58,537 --> 00:20:00,404
Max, I don't care how expensive it is.

447
00:20:00,405 --> 00:20:03,507
You are going to
therapy when we get back.

448
00:20:03,508 --> 00:20:05,371
Well, that's a wrap on
the first day of filming

449
00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:06,510
here in Austin, Texas.

450
00:20:06,511 --> 00:20:07,871
Or as they say around these parts,

451
00:20:07,895 --> 00:20:09,246
don't Tess with Mexas.

452
00:20:09,247 --> 00:20:10,514
Whoa.

453
00:20:10,515 --> 00:20:14,618
Don't drink on a scorpion bite.

454
00:20:14,619 --> 00:20:17,488
The man ain't wrong.

455
00:20:17,489 --> 00:20:19,223
Wait, so Randy's not in Los Angeles?

456
00:20:19,224 --> 00:20:20,758
He's in Texas.

457
00:20:20,759 --> 00:20:23,727
Wow, you're a bad stalker, Max.

458
00:20:23,728 --> 00:20:25,729
Sloppy, hang a Ralph or a Louie.

459
00:20:25,730 --> 00:20:27,565
Whatever gets us to Texas.

460
00:20:27,566 --> 00:20:29,733
Eh, there's two things
that Slop won't do.

461
00:20:29,734 --> 00:20:32,269
Alert the proper authorities
of my flight pattern

462
00:20:32,270 --> 00:20:35,272
or step foot in Texas.

463
00:20:35,273 --> 00:20:37,074
You need to make your own way there.

464
00:20:37,075 --> 00:20:40,678
I'll drop you here. I gotta whiz anyway.

465
00:20:40,679 --> 00:20:42,813
Ah! Drop us here?

466
00:20:42,814 --> 00:20:45,716
Whiz? What does that mean?

467
00:20:45,717 --> 00:20:47,751
Uh, I think it means I'm jumping out

468
00:20:47,752 --> 00:20:50,387
of another plane this month.

469
00:20:50,388 --> 00:20:54,157
You know what? I miss the diner.

470
00:20:57,682 --> 00:21:05,037
Subtitle sync and corrections by
<font color="#33FF00"><b>awaqeded</b></font> for <font color="#33FF00"><b>www.addic7ed.com.</b></font>

