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00:00:01,855 --> 00:00:03,278
MAX: Previously on 2 Broke Girls...
2
00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:06,399
Oh, no, Max! My wallet! It's gone.
3
00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:09,776
All of our cash and our
credit cards were in there.
4
00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:12,238
I need to get to Texas
to see my boyfriend.
5
00:00:12,239 --> 00:00:14,507
There has got to be a way
we can work something out.
6
00:00:14,508 --> 00:00:16,041
We'll do anything.
7
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Just another lonely night
here in Texas...
8
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with all my new best friends!
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00:00:23,984 --> 00:00:25,785
Ha-ha!
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I'm driving to Texas
if y'all want a ride.
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(both gasp) Shotgun! I'm sitting
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00:00:29,990 --> 00:00:31,090
next to RuPaul.
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No. I'm sitting next to RuPaul!
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(upbeat music)
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All right.
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So, this is where Randy and the
other movie people are staying.
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(sniffs) He's been here. I smell abs.
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Ugh, I smell us.
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When did I have a hot dog?
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I shared one with you while you
were sleeping. You're welcome.
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Let's ask that clerk
if he's seen Randy,
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00:00:54,148 --> 00:00:56,815
and when the outdoor sprinklers
go on so we can freshen up.
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00:00:59,485 --> 00:01:01,487
Hi. How can I help you?
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B-T-dubs, if you're going
for that tossled,
25
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just-crawled-out-of-a-ditch look,
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you nailed it.
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I'm not gonna ask
what you just crawled out of,
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because I'm too tired to be mean.
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So, Richie,
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my associate and I would like to know
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what room Randy Walsh is staying in.
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And I see you have a very strict
"no pets" policy.
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Yes, Randy Walsh's room. Of course.
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Looks like he is in room number...
35
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what hotel clerk in the world
would give out a guest's info
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to two dusty randos?
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Um, I'm more than just a dusty rando.
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I'm his dusty ex-girlfriend.
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Also, well played.
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He has friend potential.
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Not helpful friend.
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Just "tell you
what not to wear" friend.
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Well, it's still early,
so hopefully Randy hasn't left...
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oh, my God, free cookies!
45
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(gasps) And cucumber water!
46
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With berries!
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My nanny used to make me water
like this
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before the town car would
take me to preschool.
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You had a town car?
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My mom was called the town car.
51
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She sat four comfortably.
52
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Can't believe I have to take
a van to set with other people.
53
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I was in Speed.
54
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You were on speed.
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And you were in rehab.
56
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And then I rebuilt your career,
57
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and now you have to take a van.
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(gasps) Max, look! It's Randy.
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And that guy from the
reverse mortgage commercials.
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Ugh! Oh, God!
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He can't see me all gross like this.
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I thought your grossness is
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one of the things he likes about you.
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Mm, it's complicated.
He likes me to start out clean.
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(Peter Bjorn and John)
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
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(cash register bell dings)
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Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
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(upbeat music)
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♪
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I am getting really good
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at bathing in public restrooms.
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And I want it to end!
73
00:03:01,947 --> 00:03:04,582
Well, your hobo skills
are not complete.
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00:03:04,583 --> 00:03:06,150
You need to practice
peeing in an alley.
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You're still splashing on your shoes.
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Now come on. Let's go find Randy.
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Fine. Let's go ask that concierge
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if he knows where it is.
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Hey, remember us?
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The dust bunnies from before?
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I know who you are.
82
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I've been following you two
around with a wet vac.
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Bit of an attitude
from someone who's got
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two giant horns coming out of his head.
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You're bringing horny
to a whole new level.
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Can you please tell us
where the movie set is?
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Oh, of course. Absolutely. No problem.
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Just go out the lobby, make
a left on Main, then a right
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on There's No Way In Hell
I'm Telling You That Street.
90
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Uh, was that a left or a right
91
00:03:43,195 --> 00:03:45,095
on No Way In Hell
I'm Telling You That Street?
92
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Look. My friend came all the way here
93
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to surprise her boyfriend.
94
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How would you feel
if someone stopped you
95
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from seeing your boyfriend?
96
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Excuse me? Boyfriend?
97
00:03:58,577 --> 00:04:00,345
I'm not gay.
98
00:04:00,346 --> 00:04:03,781
This is Texas,
not the Flaming Saddles Saloon
99
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on 9th Avenue and 52nd
Street in New York City.
100
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Where you've definitely never been.
101
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Please just leave my lobby, all right?
102
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There's enough sad wannabes around here
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with the extras casting...
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which reminds me
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I need to get to extras casting.
106
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We don't need him, Max.
I have a great idea.
107
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We'll get cast as extras
in Randy's movie.
108
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That way you can see him,
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and audiences everywhere can see me.
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Ah, Caroline, that's genius!
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While we're waiting, I'll call Han
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to check on the dessert bar's progress.
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Wow. I have an acting career
and I own a dessert bar.
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And to think just moments ago
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I was tossing water
from a sink to my privates.
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Can you call it a whore's
bath if you never have sex?
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Can you please tell
them to keep it down?
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- (loud banging)
- A simple "no" would've done.
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You don't have to insult my sweater!
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And hello, Max.
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(banging)
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There's more banging going on in there
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than season one of The Affair.
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It's really ruining the
fine dining ambiance in here.
125
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What's that, doc?
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Is it on my testicle or just near it?
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(banging continues)
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Come on!
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(baby crying)
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And now they woke up Barbara.
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And I don't have the DVD
of Amy Adams' last movie
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to put her back to sleep.
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That's the last straw.
I'm going over there.
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I can't stand the sound
of a crying baby.
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That's why I'm waiting
a couple years to have my own.
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Hey! Oleg.
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Come on. Your daughter just got
woken up with that heavy noise.
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You should be going over there.
139
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Uh, I'm kind of in the middle of taking
140
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a "Which Friends
character are you?" quiz.
141
00:05:55,894 --> 00:05:58,563
Ross?
142
00:05:58,564 --> 00:06:02,367
Well, maybe you should be
doing some more manly things
143
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so that when Barbara sees your picture,
144
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she doesn't say "Mama."
145
00:06:08,706 --> 00:06:11,342
She calls me Mama?
146
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I'm going over there.
147
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I'm not Mama. I'm Dadushki!
148
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You're being a da-douche-ski.
149
00:06:22,253 --> 00:06:24,188
James jostled Gene gently.
150
00:06:24,189 --> 00:06:25,723
James jostled Gene gently.
151
00:06:25,724 --> 00:06:27,258
James jostled Gene...
152
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Somebody help.
I think my robot's broken.
153
00:06:30,162 --> 00:06:32,196
It's an acting exercise, Max.
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It stretches out the mouth.
155
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Uh, I think all those
teeth do the trick.
156
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I just want to be prepared.
157
00:06:40,539 --> 00:06:43,875
I mean, maybe I'm not just
on this journey for you.
158
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Maybe I'm supposed to be
discovered as an actress.
159
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Maybe something's finally about me.
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00:06:49,748 --> 00:06:52,750
Everything is always about you.
161
00:06:52,751 --> 00:06:55,752
You call Christmas "The Day
Caroline Gets Presents."
162
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And we're only auditioning so I
can get to the set to see Randy.
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Not for your acting career.
164
00:07:02,127 --> 00:07:04,696
Also, you don't have an acting career.
165
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Well, shouldn't you be practicing
166
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what you're gonna say to Randy?
167
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:11,436
I mean, your original
plan to "jump Dem bones"
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might not fly on a movie set.
169
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Hey! I got words.
170
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I was thinking something
along the lines of,
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"Howdy, Dude-y."
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You know, 'cause we're in Texas
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and he was kind of a
doody for blocking me.
174
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Okay, extras, since
this is a zombie movie,
175
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I'm gonna need to see
you act like zombies.
176
00:07:31,724 --> 00:07:34,591
But don't touch me. My entire
body's an erogenous zone.
177
00:07:35,827 --> 00:07:38,162
Zombies? I didn't prepare for that.
178
00:07:38,163 --> 00:07:40,898
You also didn't prepare for
being a celibate poor person,
179
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but you're knocking
that out of the park.
180
00:07:51,359 --> 00:07:53,694
(hammering)
181
00:07:53,695 --> 00:07:56,197
Excuse me, sir...
182
00:07:56,198 --> 00:07:58,031
if that is your real name.
183
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:00,635
We're from the diner next door,
184
00:08:00,636 --> 00:08:02,703
and you need to keep the noise down.
185
00:08:02,704 --> 00:08:04,138
It woke up a baby
186
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and the man who lives in booth two.
187
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Sorry for the loud noise.
188
00:08:08,343 --> 00:08:10,645
If there's one thing
New York's known for,
189
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it's quiet construction.
190
00:08:12,147 --> 00:08:14,682
Listen. You may think you're
191
00:08:14,683 --> 00:08:16,517
some sort of authority figure
192
00:08:16,518 --> 00:08:18,553
with that tank top,
193
00:08:18,554 --> 00:08:19,887
but you're not.
194
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What you are is fired.
195
00:08:22,357 --> 00:08:24,658
Was anyone recording
that for baby Barbara?
196
00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:28,229
Well, that escalated rather quickly.
197
00:08:28,230 --> 00:08:32,200
Take your gorgeous tank top
198
00:08:32,201 --> 00:08:34,368
and get the hell out of here.
199
00:08:34,369 --> 00:08:36,304
Fine. I don't need this.
200
00:08:36,305 --> 00:08:38,672
My dance company got
a grant from Pfizer.
201
00:08:41,309 --> 00:08:43,144
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
202
00:08:43,145 --> 00:08:45,313
Not a door.
203
00:08:45,314 --> 00:08:46,981
The girls are gonna kill me
204
00:08:46,982 --> 00:08:49,550
if they get back and the
dessert bar isn't finished.
205
00:08:49,551 --> 00:08:51,185
Well, Oleg will do it.
206
00:08:51,186 --> 00:08:53,186
He says he can nail anything.
207
00:08:54,255 --> 00:08:56,424
I was talking about Jersey skanks,
208
00:08:56,425 --> 00:08:58,024
but sure, I'll give it a try.
209
00:09:02,330 --> 00:09:03,431
You're in.
210
00:09:03,432 --> 00:09:04,999
Go wait next to the corpse extras.
211
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,234
Next.
212
00:09:06,235 --> 00:09:08,402
Hi. My name is Caroline Channing,
213
00:09:08,403 --> 00:09:10,504
and I will be singing "Hamilton"
214
00:09:10,505 --> 00:09:13,107
from the musical of the same name.
215
00:09:13,108 --> 00:09:15,176
Hold off on that.
216
00:09:15,177 --> 00:09:17,143
I'm not quite ready to kill myself.
217
00:09:18,846 --> 00:09:21,716
Are you sure you don't have
any non-zombie parts?
218
00:09:21,717 --> 00:09:23,050
Maybe a cheerleader?
219
00:09:23,051 --> 00:09:25,353
Or a socialite who lost all her money
220
00:09:25,354 --> 00:09:27,588
but not her looks or
her will to succeed?
221
00:09:27,589 --> 00:09:29,724
But she has lost everyone's interest.
222
00:09:29,725 --> 00:09:31,525
Uh, fine.
223
00:09:31,526 --> 00:09:34,327
Here we go with a zombie.
224
00:09:35,963 --> 00:09:37,765
(panting)
225
00:09:37,766 --> 00:09:40,767
Here I come! I'm a zombie!
226
00:09:42,803 --> 00:09:44,772
God, I want to go back
to casting commercials
227
00:09:44,773 --> 00:09:46,274
for Applebee's.
228
00:09:46,275 --> 00:09:48,141
You just have to be
white and a little fat.
229
00:09:49,477 --> 00:09:54,848
Or I can do... mow mow mow mow mow!
230
00:09:56,617 --> 00:09:58,752
Not a zombie. Not anything.
231
00:09:59,921 --> 00:10:01,956
Hey, are those sodas up for grabs?
232
00:10:01,957 --> 00:10:02,957
Yeah.
233
00:10:02,958 --> 00:10:05,191
(grunting) Oh-ho! Root beer!
234
00:10:06,894 --> 00:10:08,796
Now, that's a zombie!
235
00:10:08,797 --> 00:10:11,165
Amazing walk and moan. You're hired.
236
00:10:11,166 --> 00:10:12,166
(gasps)
237
00:10:12,167 --> 00:10:13,401
What?
238
00:10:13,402 --> 00:10:15,102
But she's not an actor.
239
00:10:15,103 --> 00:10:17,738
She can't even pretend
to laugh at my jokes.
240
00:10:17,739 --> 00:10:19,205
(laughs)
241
00:10:20,641 --> 00:10:21,742
You thought that was funny?
242
00:10:21,743 --> 00:10:23,811
No! Boo.
243
00:10:23,812 --> 00:10:26,180
Bad news, Bon Bon:
I can't be in your movie today.
244
00:10:26,181 --> 00:10:28,249
Carlos won't work my shift at the desk.
245
00:10:28,250 --> 00:10:29,984
We broke...
246
00:10:29,985 --> 00:10:31,451
we had a fight.
247
00:10:38,192 --> 00:10:40,261
- Looks like you got the part.
- (both gasp)
248
00:10:40,262 --> 00:10:42,830
Congratulations on me
running out of people.
249
00:10:42,831 --> 00:10:44,332
All right, everyone on the van.
250
00:10:44,333 --> 00:10:46,133
We got to get you to set and makeup.
251
00:10:46,134 --> 00:10:47,501
Oh, wait, Bonnie. Am I going with,
252
00:10:47,502 --> 00:10:48,936
"Here I come. I'm a zombie."
253
00:10:48,937 --> 00:10:51,137
or "mow, mow, mow, mow,
mow, mow, mow, mow"?
254
00:10:53,207 --> 00:10:54,407
They're both good.
255
00:11:02,817 --> 00:11:05,186
Why do you get to be a hot zombie?
256
00:11:05,187 --> 00:11:07,654
I look like dead David Spade.
257
00:11:09,390 --> 00:11:11,459
So, David Spade?
258
00:11:11,460 --> 00:11:15,062
And I have this gross
axe wound in my neck.
259
00:11:15,063 --> 00:11:17,231
Oh, I thought that was a second mouth.
260
00:11:17,232 --> 00:11:19,135
I was worried it was gonna
start telling stories
261
00:11:19,136 --> 00:11:21,235
about how rich it used to be.
262
00:11:21,236 --> 00:11:23,671
I've been working on
my zombie's backstory.
263
00:11:23,672 --> 00:11:25,673
She's a teacher named Jill
264
00:11:25,674 --> 00:11:27,641
with an online gambling addiction
265
00:11:27,642 --> 00:11:30,877
and an interest in women
she's never acted on.
266
00:11:32,646 --> 00:11:36,417
So, as your lawyer,
can you please stop asking me
267
00:11:36,418 --> 00:11:38,185
for a drunk driver's license?
268
00:11:38,186 --> 00:11:40,321
It's not a real thing.
269
00:11:40,322 --> 00:11:42,423
Neither is a cocaine permit.
270
00:11:42,424 --> 00:11:45,026
Oh, my God, it's Randy. Hide! Hide!
271
00:11:45,027 --> 00:11:47,094
Hide? Like Jill is doing
with her feelings
272
00:11:47,095 --> 00:11:48,461
for her neighbor Sarah?
273
00:11:49,830 --> 00:11:51,932
Will you run lines with me?
274
00:11:51,933 --> 00:11:53,501
Sure.
275
00:11:53,502 --> 00:11:55,485
You want to take it from,
"You can take my brains,
276
00:11:55,486 --> 00:11:58,105
but you can't take my freedom"?
277
00:11:58,106 --> 00:11:59,907
Max, we came all this way.
278
00:11:59,908 --> 00:12:02,009
You can't just avoid him forever.
279
00:12:02,010 --> 00:12:04,945
He's not a Hulu original.
280
00:12:04,946 --> 00:12:07,014
Just go tell him what you want.
281
00:12:07,015 --> 00:12:08,416
And what do you want?
282
00:12:08,417 --> 00:12:10,351
Are you planning on moving to LA?
283
00:12:10,352 --> 00:12:12,453
Because when this
acting thing takes off,
284
00:12:12,454 --> 00:12:14,388
they'll want me to live there, too.
285
00:12:14,389 --> 00:12:15,523
Who's "they"?
286
00:12:15,524 --> 00:12:17,591
Is "they" all of New York?
287
00:12:17,592 --> 00:12:19,460
(in British accent)
Oi! Drop the brains,
288
00:12:19,461 --> 00:12:21,094
you zombie scum!
289
00:12:22,863 --> 00:12:25,665
Yeah, the script says
"brightly," not "British."
290
00:12:27,368 --> 00:12:29,303
I mean, I can't move to LA.
291
00:12:29,304 --> 00:12:32,106
We've worked too hard getting
the dessert bar to where it is.
292
00:12:32,107 --> 00:12:34,275
I can be happy with
the long-distance thing.
293
00:12:34,276 --> 00:12:36,110
I mean, it's better than nothing,
294
00:12:36,111 --> 00:12:38,546
and I don't have to shave as much.
295
00:12:38,547 --> 00:12:41,048
Well, none of that's A-material,
296
00:12:41,049 --> 00:12:42,450
but it's how you feel,
297
00:12:42,451 --> 00:12:44,951
so just go tell him
before he goes off again.
298
00:12:45,986 --> 00:12:47,621
I'm pushing you with my stub.
299
00:12:47,622 --> 00:12:49,656
All right. All right. I'm going.
300
00:12:51,225 --> 00:12:54,261
Just to make sure he recognizes me.
301
00:12:54,262 --> 00:12:57,598
Here you are. You two wander off
more than my stepson's left eye.
302
00:12:57,599 --> 00:12:59,266
You're late for your scene.
303
00:12:59,267 --> 00:13:02,069
Um, I just need two minutes
with that guy who just left,
304
00:13:02,070 --> 00:13:04,004
and a condom if you have one on you.
305
00:13:04,005 --> 00:13:06,674
What do I look like? The sound guy?
306
00:13:06,675 --> 00:13:08,642
Uh, and I'm gonna need you
to zip that dress up.
307
00:13:08,643 --> 00:13:09,777
This movie's PG.
308
00:13:09,778 --> 00:13:11,512
All right, I'll zip up.
309
00:13:11,513 --> 00:13:13,380
Guess you guys don't want a sequel.
310
00:13:24,192 --> 00:13:28,173
There. The door,
much like the man who put it up,
311
00:13:28,174 --> 00:13:30,736
is well hung.
312
00:13:30,737 --> 00:13:32,062
Have you ever done anything
313
00:13:32,063 --> 00:13:34,231
without bringing up your penis size?
314
00:13:34,232 --> 00:13:36,900
Sure. My driver's test.
315
00:13:36,901 --> 00:13:38,301
Oh, wait. No.
316
00:13:39,636 --> 00:13:42,339
Han, hey, just a heads up.
317
00:13:42,340 --> 00:13:47,244
Man, there's literally no one
working in your diner right now.
318
00:13:47,245 --> 00:13:50,180
And that's unusual how?
319
00:13:50,181 --> 00:13:53,850
Well, since I don't have to be
at work, I am going on a break,
320
00:13:53,851 --> 00:13:55,686
which means smoking a J
321
00:13:55,687 --> 00:13:57,520
and taking a nap in
the trunk of my car.
322
00:13:59,289 --> 00:14:01,123
He doesn't even have a car.
323
00:14:09,700 --> 00:14:11,134
How about that?
324
00:14:11,135 --> 00:14:12,535
Earl has superpowers.
325
00:14:13,670 --> 00:14:15,005
The only superpowers he has
326
00:14:15,006 --> 00:14:16,740
is that he's still alive.
327
00:14:16,741 --> 00:14:19,008
Hey, what's going on here?
328
00:14:21,144 --> 00:14:23,013
Fine. The jig is up.
329
00:14:23,014 --> 00:14:25,015
I can't hang a door.
330
00:14:25,016 --> 00:14:27,351
Sophie, my daughter
may think I'm a mama,
331
00:14:27,352 --> 00:14:29,486
but I don't want her
to think I'm a liar.
332
00:14:29,487 --> 00:14:32,956
Ooh. This went from zero
to Lifetime pretty quickly.
333
00:14:32,957 --> 00:14:34,958
I'm out.
334
00:14:34,959 --> 00:14:38,562
Oh, Oleg,
335
00:14:38,563 --> 00:14:40,864
come on... it doesn't matter
336
00:14:40,865 --> 00:14:44,501
that you can't build
anything or protect us
337
00:14:44,502 --> 00:14:46,736
or... or... or be a man.
338
00:14:48,472 --> 00:14:51,108
What's really important
339
00:14:51,109 --> 00:14:53,510
is how much you love Barbara.
340
00:14:53,511 --> 00:14:57,047
But she thinks I'm a mama.
341
00:14:57,048 --> 00:15:00,383
Well, she also thinks that
Danny Glover is the president.
342
00:15:02,386 --> 00:15:04,087
Dadushki!
343
00:15:04,088 --> 00:15:06,790
Oh, my gosh, Oleg, did you hear that?
344
00:15:06,791 --> 00:15:08,558
Yeah. You just said it.
345
00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:11,228
No. No, no, no. It was Barbara.
346
00:15:11,229 --> 00:15:13,597
Barbara just called you Dadushki.
347
00:15:13,598 --> 00:15:14,964
She did?
348
00:15:17,034 --> 00:15:18,802
BARBARA: Papa.
349
00:15:18,803 --> 00:15:22,039
"Papa"? What the hell is that?
350
00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:24,574
Eh, she's not very bright.
351
00:15:24,575 --> 00:15:28,145
But thank God she's
pretty like her mamas.
352
00:15:28,146 --> 00:15:29,412
(laughs)
353
00:15:35,118 --> 00:15:37,454
Ugh, my gash is itchy.
354
00:15:37,455 --> 00:15:39,756
You should see someone about that.
355
00:15:39,757 --> 00:15:42,392
Ugh! This is one of the
least comfortable harnesses
356
00:15:42,393 --> 00:15:44,428
I've ever hung from.
357
00:15:44,429 --> 00:15:47,230
On the upside, it's currently
rounding third base.
358
00:15:47,231 --> 00:15:48,565
Jealous!
359
00:15:48,566 --> 00:15:52,035
Oh, Richie! How did you get here?
360
00:15:52,036 --> 00:15:53,737
I thought you had to work.
361
00:15:53,738 --> 00:15:55,372
Not that acting isn't work.
362
00:15:55,373 --> 00:15:58,475
Just act my fellow thespian,
Natalie Portman.
363
00:15:58,476 --> 00:16:00,744
You look like a thespian in that shirt.
364
00:16:00,745 --> 00:16:02,879
Funny story: I actually got here
365
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:05,182
on the None of Your Beeswax Express.
366
00:16:05,183 --> 00:16:06,883
Ha! He did it again.
367
00:16:06,884 --> 00:16:08,651
Turns out it doesn't get old.
368
00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:13,123
Okay, zombies.
Three minutes till we shoot.
369
00:16:13,124 --> 00:16:15,092
Let me see you wriggle and moan.
370
00:16:15,093 --> 00:16:17,761
- (Max and Richie moaning)
- CAROLINE: Mow, mow, mow, mow.
371
00:16:17,762 --> 00:16:21,031
Bonnie, am I moaning
because I am horrified
372
00:16:21,032 --> 00:16:22,799
at what I've become?
373
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,334
Or because I'm in pain from
hanging on this meat hook?
374
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:30,340
She must be going to ask the director.
375
00:16:30,341 --> 00:16:32,274
(gasps) Here comes Randy.
How do I look?
376
00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:35,912
Like a piece of meat.
377
00:16:35,913 --> 00:16:37,012
I'll take it.
378
00:16:38,749 --> 00:16:40,917
You were hilarious in that last scene.
379
00:16:40,918 --> 00:16:43,387
I think everybody's really happy
they didn't get Eddie Murphy.
380
00:16:43,388 --> 00:16:45,288
Eddie Murphy?
381
00:16:45,289 --> 00:16:47,957
I was wondering why I had to
play my whole family at dinner.
382
00:16:52,396 --> 00:16:54,898
This is a comedy?
383
00:16:54,899 --> 00:16:57,100
Well, it's a good thing
I'm so versatile.
384
00:16:57,101 --> 00:16:59,503
I think I'll make Jill clumsy.
385
00:16:59,504 --> 00:17:02,105
Ugh! Where'd they go? (grunts)
386
00:17:02,106 --> 00:17:05,342
Yeah, meditation has
totally changed me.
387
00:17:05,343 --> 00:17:06,943
I'm not as angry.
388
00:17:06,944 --> 00:17:08,410
Hey! Don't look at me!
389
00:17:09,913 --> 00:17:12,516
Yeah, you do seem calmer.
390
00:17:12,517 --> 00:17:14,751
I wonder why they demanded
your lawyer be on set.
391
00:17:14,752 --> 00:17:16,753
Dude, when we get back to LA,
392
00:17:16,754 --> 00:17:18,417
there's someone I want
to set you up with.
393
00:17:18,418 --> 00:17:20,590
Oh... I need to hear this. Push me.
394
00:17:20,591 --> 00:17:24,161
She's hot.
But I'm just not dating anyone
395
00:17:24,162 --> 00:17:25,996
who drives a Prius right now.
396
00:17:25,997 --> 00:17:27,697
I don't know.
397
00:17:27,698 --> 00:17:29,266
I'm in a weird place right now,
398
00:17:29,267 --> 00:17:31,201
and I don't just mean Texas.
399
00:17:31,202 --> 00:17:33,737
You're not still seeing that
girl in New York, are you?
400
00:17:33,738 --> 00:17:36,706
(gasps) What girl in New York?
401
00:17:36,707 --> 00:17:38,775
Me!
402
00:17:38,776 --> 00:17:40,143
Did your brain get eaten already,
403
00:17:40,144 --> 00:17:42,145
or is Jill just an idiot?
404
00:17:42,146 --> 00:17:43,547
She is just overwhelmed.
405
00:17:43,548 --> 00:17:45,282
She has three kids
under the age of five
406
00:17:45,283 --> 00:17:46,515
and car trouble.
407
00:17:47,818 --> 00:17:49,486
We broke up.
408
00:17:49,487 --> 00:17:50,854
We were Facetiming so much
409
00:17:50,855 --> 00:17:52,789
I felt like I was dating my iPhone.
410
00:17:52,790 --> 00:17:54,810
The other night at dinner,
we split an appetizer.
411
00:17:57,060 --> 00:17:58,227
Play dead!
412
00:17:59,529 --> 00:18:01,364
Yeah, Max is incredible,
413
00:18:01,365 --> 00:18:04,167
but we're just in different
places right now.
414
00:18:04,168 --> 00:18:06,035
- No, you're not.
- Shh!
415
00:18:09,372 --> 00:18:11,035
I wish I could say the
long distance thing
416
00:18:11,036 --> 00:18:12,242
was gonna be enough for me,
417
00:18:12,243 --> 00:18:14,678
but it wasn't...
it wasn't ever gonna be.
418
00:18:14,679 --> 00:18:16,279
It just can't be enough.
419
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:18,114
Like you with compliments
about your hair.
420
00:18:18,115 --> 00:18:19,449
(laughs)
421
00:18:19,450 --> 00:18:21,618
You like it, though, right?
422
00:18:21,619 --> 00:18:25,055
You know, I'm doing everything
I can to get over her.
423
00:18:25,056 --> 00:18:27,924
Blocked her on my phone,
went to therapy,
424
00:18:27,925 --> 00:18:30,961
watched all 13 seasons
of Grey's Anatomy,
425
00:18:30,962 --> 00:18:33,697
then realized I'd only watched
20 minutes of one episode.
426
00:18:33,698 --> 00:18:37,200
So, yes or no on my hair?
427
00:18:37,201 --> 00:18:39,169
It's great.
428
00:18:39,170 --> 00:18:41,771
But I'm not ready to meet that
girl with the Prius just yet.
429
00:18:41,772 --> 00:18:46,042
I mean, I'm all for good gas mileage.
430
00:18:46,043 --> 00:18:47,176
Just not yet.
431
00:18:48,712 --> 00:18:51,081
I get it. You're gay now.
432
00:18:51,082 --> 00:18:52,948
RICHIE: I wish!
433
00:19:09,866 --> 00:19:12,269
All right, two minutes, everybody.
434
00:19:12,270 --> 00:19:15,437
Let's do this thing quick,
'cause this movie sucks.
435
00:19:16,973 --> 00:19:18,708
Max, why didn't you say something?
436
00:19:18,709 --> 00:19:20,377
That was your chance.
437
00:19:20,378 --> 00:19:23,880
Ugh, you heard what he
said to that fake sheriff.
438
00:19:23,881 --> 00:19:25,749
The long distance thing
isn't enough for him,
439
00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:27,217
and he needs to move on.
440
00:19:27,218 --> 00:19:29,386
It's only fair that I let him.
441
00:19:29,387 --> 00:19:31,821
Call me stupid for being a romantic
442
00:19:31,822 --> 00:19:33,623
and thinking love could conquer all.
443
00:19:33,624 --> 00:19:34,890
Stupid!
444
00:19:38,862 --> 00:19:40,362
I'm sorry, Max.
445
00:19:42,632 --> 00:19:44,067
What are you doing?
446
00:19:44,068 --> 00:19:46,002
Do you have to pee?
447
00:19:46,003 --> 00:19:47,844
Because I find if you go
in your pants a little
448
00:19:47,845 --> 00:19:49,308
and then a little and then a little,
449
00:19:49,309 --> 00:19:50,473
it's not that noticeable.
450
00:19:50,474 --> 00:19:52,142
I was gonna give you a hug.
451
00:19:52,143 --> 00:19:54,243
Mm. All right, bring it in.
452
00:19:55,979 --> 00:19:57,379
(grunting)
453
00:20:00,183 --> 00:20:02,719
Ahh.
454
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:05,589
- You okay?
- No.
455
00:20:05,590 --> 00:20:07,324
My relationship is really over,
456
00:20:07,325 --> 00:20:09,626
and I'm starting to lose
feeling in my downstairs.
457
00:20:09,627 --> 00:20:11,328
Yeah.
458
00:20:11,329 --> 00:20:13,964
Ugh. I'm sorry I dragged
you across the country.
459
00:20:13,965 --> 00:20:17,934
You didn't drag me anywhere.
I wanted to be here with you.
460
00:20:17,935 --> 00:20:19,636
Let's go home, Max.
461
00:20:19,637 --> 00:20:21,171
I'll tell Bonnie we're quitting,
462
00:20:21,172 --> 00:20:23,440
and we'll tell the press
it was exhaustion.
463
00:20:23,441 --> 00:20:25,575
No. We're not going anywhere yet.
464
00:20:25,576 --> 00:20:27,439
We came all this way.
At least one of us should
465
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:28,445
get what they want.
466
00:20:28,446 --> 00:20:29,946
You are gonna be in this movie.
467
00:20:29,947 --> 00:20:32,616
(gasps) Max!
468
00:20:32,617 --> 00:20:35,285
I won't forget about you when I'm big.
469
00:20:35,286 --> 00:20:37,786
I mean, I'll definitely see you less.
470
00:20:39,522 --> 00:20:41,558
What's that?
Get rid of the blonde zombie?
471
00:20:41,559 --> 00:20:42,525
Oh, thank God.
472
00:20:42,526 --> 00:20:44,461
What? Why?
473
00:20:44,462 --> 00:20:46,696
Was it my "mow, mow, mow, mow"?
474
00:20:46,697 --> 00:20:50,066
Bonnie, wait. I... I can also write.
475
00:20:50,067 --> 00:20:51,201
Check this line out:
476
00:20:51,202 --> 00:20:53,135
"freezed to meet you."
477
00:20:54,938 --> 00:20:57,507
Cut me down, Bon Bon.
You can't split us up.
478
00:20:57,508 --> 00:20:58,707
Believe me. I've tried.
479
00:21:03,513 --> 00:21:04,653
(cash register bell dings)
480
00:21:05,089 --> 00:21:12,589
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.