1
00:00:01,547 --> 00:00:02,916
So, to be clear,

2
00:00:02,917 --> 00:00:06,126
you want delivery from this diner?

3
00:00:06,127 --> 00:00:07,496
Yes, I do know what delivery means.

4
00:00:07,497 --> 00:00:10,207
Do you know what E. coli means?

5
00:00:11,247 --> 00:00:12,336
Where do you live?

6
00:00:12,337 --> 00:00:13,626
If he eats from here,

7
00:00:13,627 --> 00:00:16,376
in his bathroom in about an hour.

8
00:00:16,377 --> 00:00:18,586
Will you be needing napkins? Utensils?

9
00:00:18,587 --> 00:00:20,377
The number for Poison Control?

10
00:00:21,377 --> 00:00:22,416
Well, good luck.

11
00:00:22,417 --> 00:00:24,247
The delivery boy is on his way.

12
00:00:25,247 --> 00:00:27,247
Oh, this is good.

13
00:00:28,287 --> 00:00:29,836
I need the exercise.

14
00:00:29,837 --> 00:00:31,996
I feel like I'm getting a little chubby!

15
00:00:31,997 --> 00:00:33,376
Oh, I know.

16
00:00:33,377 --> 00:00:34,737
I can see it through those shorts.

17
00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,786
I was a delivery boy in Vietnam.

18
00:00:39,787 --> 00:00:42,246
I mostly delivered bad news, like,

19
00:00:42,247 --> 00:00:44,337
"That hooker was a dude."

20
00:00:47,707 --> 00:00:49,456
Here's that tuna salad... and hurry.

21
00:00:49,457 --> 00:00:51,836
Like that astronaut who
drove across the country

22
00:00:51,837 --> 00:00:54,287
in a diaper, it's not gonna travel well.

23
00:00:56,627 --> 00:00:57,627
See you later, haters.

24
00:00:57,628 --> 00:00:58,956
And remember,

25
00:00:58,957 --> 00:01:00,456
Earl's in charge when I'm gone.

26
00:01:00,457 --> 00:01:01,916
Earl's in charge?

27
00:01:01,917 --> 00:01:03,706
Okay. I have a business degree.

28
00:01:03,707 --> 00:01:06,247
He had all three types of diabetes.

29
00:01:07,457 --> 00:01:08,496
But I get it.

30
00:01:08,497 --> 00:01:11,456
I'll be gone for... 20.

31
00:01:12,497 --> 00:01:13,836
Speaking of 4:20,

32
00:01:13,837 --> 00:01:16,337
Max, you wanna go smoke some weed?

33
00:01:18,457 --> 00:01:21,417
The man in charge just sparked up a doobie.

34
00:01:23,627 --> 00:01:25,456
But I get it.

35
00:01:25,457 --> 00:01:27,457
And I'm about to get it.

36
00:01:31,087 --> 00:01:33,417
Oh, no. Am I in charge forever?

37
00:01:38,787 --> 00:01:42,087
Who the hell parked a
Rascal in a bike lane?

38
00:01:43,087 --> 00:01:45,376
Uh... that's my bad.

39
00:01:45,377 --> 00:01:48,377
It almost destroyed my helmet!

40
00:01:50,917 --> 00:01:52,286
I know.

41
00:01:52,287 --> 00:01:53,647
I can see it through those shorts.

42
00:02:01,467 --> 00:02:07,962
Subtitle sync and corrections
by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.

43
00:02:13,764 --> 00:02:16,262
And this is the sprinkle station.

44
00:02:16,263 --> 00:02:18,512
Last stop on the cupcake train.

45
00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:22,883
And this is the cash register,
where there'll be money someday.

46
00:02:24,303 --> 00:02:25,762
And this is Max,

47
00:02:25,763 --> 00:02:28,172
the other half of Max's Homemade Cupcakes.

48
00:02:28,173 --> 00:02:30,462
Your little movie is about to be rated R

49
00:02:30,463 --> 00:02:33,262
for strong, brutal violence.

50
00:02:33,263 --> 00:02:34,722
Stop filming me.

51
00:02:34,723 --> 00:02:35,723
I'm not filming.

52
00:02:35,724 --> 00:02:37,422
I'm Periscoping.

53
00:02:37,423 --> 00:02:40,302
Isn't periscoping when
you do mouth stuff on a guy

54
00:02:40,303 --> 00:02:42,263
while he keeps a lookout for the cops?

55
00:02:47,303 --> 00:02:50,763
Not all sex has to involve
the threat of an arrest, Max.

56
00:02:52,633 --> 00:02:54,552
Periscope is a social media app

57
00:02:54,553 --> 00:02:57,172
that streams live videos to your followers.

58
00:02:57,173 --> 00:03:00,722
Tell everyone in Brooklyn
who loves food festivals

59
00:03:00,723 --> 00:03:03,052
that we'll be at the
Taste of Bushwick tomorrow.

60
00:03:03,053 --> 00:03:05,342
Or you can follow me into
the bathroom while I change,

61
00:03:05,343 --> 00:03:07,553
and they can see some bushwick right now.

62
00:03:10,763 --> 00:03:12,632
Max, this is great PR.

63
00:03:12,633 --> 00:03:14,012
That's "public relations,"

64
00:03:14,013 --> 00:03:15,343
not "Puerto Rican."

65
00:03:17,133 --> 00:03:18,422
I know you were disappointed

66
00:03:18,423 --> 00:03:19,962
when I took you to that PR seminar

67
00:03:19,963 --> 00:03:21,513
and there were no cock fights.

68
00:03:24,053 --> 00:03:26,382
I liked the Internet when
the only thing you could do

69
00:03:26,383 --> 00:03:27,722
was look at cat pictures

70
00:03:27,723 --> 00:03:30,922
and find out how old John Stamos is.

71
00:03:30,923 --> 00:03:33,173
He turned 53 in August!

72
00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:35,512
You know what's sad?

73
00:03:35,513 --> 00:03:37,423
I'm too old to date him.

74
00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:42,922
If Periscope is such great PR,

75
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:44,802
how many viewers did you just have?

76
00:03:44,803 --> 00:03:46,342
One.

77
00:03:46,343 --> 00:03:50,132
But maybe it was a really important one.

78
00:03:50,133 --> 00:03:53,593
Really loving your
Periscope presence, Caroline!

79
00:03:55,263 --> 00:03:57,463
Okay. It's a small build.

80
00:03:59,053 --> 00:04:01,052
I still maintain that
Periscoping will be great

81
00:04:01,053 --> 00:04:02,422
for our business.

82
00:04:02,423 --> 00:04:04,672
For the record, I was filming my business

83
00:04:04,673 --> 00:04:07,463
way before it was called "Periscoping."

84
00:04:08,463 --> 00:04:10,423
Hi, everybody!

85
00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:14,842
Oleg, I picked up your dry cleaning,

86
00:04:14,843 --> 00:04:16,422
and good news!

87
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,722
They were able to get the raspberry stains

88
00:04:18,723 --> 00:04:20,263
out of your banana hammock!

89
00:04:22,343 --> 00:04:23,512
Oh, Lord.

90
00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:26,463
Now who's gonna dry clean my mouth?

91
00:04:28,093 --> 00:04:30,382
So you picked up my dry cleaning

92
00:04:30,383 --> 00:04:32,422
instead of my cousin from the airport?

93
00:04:32,423 --> 00:04:34,342
Your cousin's in town? That's weird.

94
00:04:34,343 --> 00:04:37,262
I didn't get an alert on my phone.

95
00:04:37,263 --> 00:04:39,462
Sophie, how could you forget?

96
00:04:39,463 --> 00:04:42,052
This is why we started doing sudoku.

97
00:04:42,053 --> 00:04:43,592
I thought you started doing sudoku

98
00:04:43,593 --> 00:04:45,303
'cause she was hot and willing.

99
00:04:46,463 --> 00:04:48,012
I got a lot on my mind.

100
00:04:48,013 --> 00:04:50,302
I'm trying to design our future baby.

101
00:04:50,303 --> 00:04:52,012
See, girls, I read this article

102
00:04:52,013 --> 00:04:55,842
that says you can spin sperm
to get rid of the bad stuff.

103
00:04:55,843 --> 00:04:58,343
So Oleg's not gonna be the father?

104
00:04:59,673 --> 00:05:01,092
It's true.

105
00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:02,382
There's a new technology

106
00:05:02,383 --> 00:05:04,922
where you can select the baby's genes.

107
00:05:04,923 --> 00:05:07,302
I miss selecting jeans.

108
00:05:07,303 --> 00:05:09,092
Now I just reach into the $3 bin

109
00:05:09,093 --> 00:05:10,762
and hope for the best.

110
00:05:10,763 --> 00:05:13,882
Well, I'm gonna spin that jazz

111
00:05:13,883 --> 00:05:16,672
till I get a girl baby with green eyes

112
00:05:16,673 --> 00:05:19,342
and Jennifer Aniston's second nose

113
00:05:19,343 --> 00:05:23,093
and... and my butt!

114
00:05:24,383 --> 00:05:26,882
Why can't we get pregnant the natural way?

115
00:05:26,883 --> 00:05:29,382
Up against a fence.

116
00:05:29,383 --> 00:05:30,722
Hello.

117
00:05:30,723 --> 00:05:32,222
I'm Gortak.

118
00:05:32,223 --> 00:05:33,672
You look familiar.

119
00:05:33,673 --> 00:05:37,383
Didn't you rib a dragon
on "Game of Thrones"?

120
00:05:38,883 --> 00:05:39,883
Gortak!

121
00:05:39,884 --> 00:05:41,172
There's my little cousin.

122
00:05:41,173 --> 00:05:42,342
Hi!

123
00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:45,593
I think my iPhone case
is made out of gortak.

124
00:05:46,963 --> 00:05:49,302
Hi, I'm Oleg's wife, Sophie.

125
00:05:49,303 --> 00:05:53,133
And you're one tall drink of yak's milk.

126
00:05:55,383 --> 00:05:56,672
You know it, baby.

127
00:05:56,673 --> 00:05:58,302
And he's taking that
tall right to the bank.

128
00:05:58,303 --> 00:06:00,632
Gortak just signed to play pro basketball.

129
00:06:00,633 --> 00:06:02,382
No way!

130
00:06:02,383 --> 00:06:04,342
Basketball is my favorite sport,

131
00:06:04,343 --> 00:06:07,262
next to bum wrestling!

132
00:06:07,263 --> 00:06:09,092
I'm in town for a game against Brooklyn.

133
00:06:09,093 --> 00:06:10,262
Brooklyn's my team.

134
00:06:10,263 --> 00:06:11,593
They stink.

135
00:06:12,593 --> 00:06:14,422
Yeah, well,

136
00:06:14,423 --> 00:06:16,422
I relate to anybody who's
not doing that great.

137
00:06:16,423 --> 00:06:17,762
Hey, I'm Max.

138
00:06:17,763 --> 00:06:19,462
I used to shoot around in juvi.

139
00:06:19,463 --> 00:06:22,962
We played arsonists
versus attempted murderers.

140
00:06:22,963 --> 00:06:25,883
I did a lot of ribbon dancing.

141
00:06:28,553 --> 00:06:31,463
Caroline's kind of the
Screech of the group.

142
00:06:33,263 --> 00:06:35,883
And here comes Mr. Belding.

143
00:06:39,263 --> 00:06:41,052
Max, it's almost your shift.

144
00:06:41,053 --> 00:06:43,262
Why haven't you changed into your uniform?

145
00:06:43,263 --> 00:06:44,962
It's almost spring.

146
00:06:44,963 --> 00:06:47,093
Why haven't you changed into a butterfly?

147
00:06:48,593 --> 00:06:50,382
Han, this is my cousin Gortak.

148
00:06:50,383 --> 00:06:51,672
Gortak, this is...

149
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:54,302
Jackass boss.

150
00:06:55,763 --> 00:06:57,053
Virgin.

151
00:07:00,173 --> 00:07:02,303
"Little People, Big World."

152
00:07:03,963 --> 00:07:05,422
I didn't catch all of that,

153
00:07:05,423 --> 00:07:07,512
but I didn't love what I caught.

154
00:07:07,513 --> 00:07:10,092
Oleg, do you and your Sophie

155
00:07:10,093 --> 00:07:11,512
want to come to the game tomorrow night?

156
00:07:11,513 --> 00:07:12,842
I have two tickets.

157
00:07:12,843 --> 00:07:14,132
Oh, perfect timing.

158
00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:15,462
As of yesterday, I'm allowed

159
00:07:15,463 --> 00:07:18,842
to be within 50 feet of cheerleaders.

160
00:07:18,843 --> 00:07:20,132
Yeah, no. You know what?

161
00:07:20,133 --> 00:07:21,722
I'm sorry. I'm out.

162
00:07:21,723 --> 00:07:24,962
You know, tonight I have to
genetically modify a person

163
00:07:24,963 --> 00:07:26,963
while I watch "The Good Wife."

164
00:07:28,263 --> 00:07:30,052
Take me, Oleg!

165
00:07:30,053 --> 00:07:33,262
Which is the only time you
will ever hear me say that.

166
00:07:33,263 --> 00:07:34,722
Good idea, Max.

167
00:07:34,723 --> 00:07:37,173
Sophie would be pissed if I took a lady.

168
00:07:38,303 --> 00:07:40,302
But, Max, what about our plans?

169
00:07:40,303 --> 00:07:42,303
I don't want to taste Bushwick alone.

170
00:07:44,133 --> 00:07:46,763
Then don't have more than three drinks...

171
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:53,133
And don't get in the
back of anybody's Isuzu.

172
00:07:58,963 --> 00:08:00,592
You're pretty dressed up.

173
00:08:00,593 --> 00:08:02,382
You know a food festival is just code

174
00:08:02,383 --> 00:08:04,923
for eating outside next to garbage cans.

175
00:08:05,923 --> 00:08:08,262
Maybe I should come.

176
00:08:08,263 --> 00:08:11,382
Well, I say, "Dress for the job you want."

177
00:08:11,383 --> 00:08:13,132
I would, but I don't know what the people

178
00:08:13,133 --> 00:08:16,012
who test out all the new
potato chip flavors wear.

179
00:08:17,343 --> 00:08:18,632
Cheeseburger Pringles?

180
00:08:18,633 --> 00:08:20,343
Yes.

181
00:08:21,343 --> 00:08:23,592
Hey, girls!

182
00:08:23,593 --> 00:08:25,842
Look at my baby board!

183
00:08:25,843 --> 00:08:27,462
Yeah.

184
00:08:27,463 --> 00:08:29,052
I feel like we're finally getting close

185
00:08:29,053 --> 00:08:30,842
to something I can work with.

186
00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:32,302
You know, it really started to flow

187
00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:35,263
once I threw away the
Anne Hathaway forehead.

188
00:08:38,343 --> 00:08:40,722
That is the scariest thing I've ever seen.

189
00:08:40,723 --> 00:08:42,382
Oh, well, good thing you didn't see it

190
00:08:42,383 --> 00:08:44,303
with the Hathaway forehead.

191
00:08:45,923 --> 00:08:49,172
I love baby number two, but I don't know.

192
00:08:49,173 --> 00:08:51,592
Oleg still wants to be surprised.

193
00:08:51,593 --> 00:08:53,382
Why don't you give us all a nice surprise

194
00:08:53,383 --> 00:08:55,382
and brush his teeth while he's sleeping?

195
00:08:57,383 --> 00:08:58,422
Right?

196
00:08:58,423 --> 00:08:59,762
Yes.

197
00:08:59,763 --> 00:09:01,512
Oh, right. Here.

198
00:09:01,513 --> 00:09:04,262
Max, Oleg can't go to the game.

199
00:09:04,263 --> 00:09:07,462
Our baby appointment
got changed to tomorrow,

200
00:09:07,463 --> 00:09:09,723
and we got to get working on the baby body.

201
00:09:10,723 --> 00:09:12,262
Oh, you know what?

202
00:09:12,263 --> 00:09:13,802
That reminds me.

203
00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:16,593
Max, do you have a picture of your boobs?

204
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,132
Oh, you know what?

205
00:09:19,133 --> 00:09:21,133
I'll get it from Oleg.

206
00:09:23,303 --> 00:09:25,882
I can't believe I have two tickets!

207
00:09:25,883 --> 00:09:27,222
Ooh, I'm gonna call Earl.

208
00:09:27,223 --> 00:09:29,263
It'd be fun to go with a friend.

209
00:09:30,723 --> 00:09:33,222
Would it hurt you to
ask me to go to the game?

210
00:09:33,223 --> 00:09:34,632
You know I'm not gonna say yes.

211
00:09:34,633 --> 00:09:35,922
Do you want to go to the game?

212
00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:37,463
Yes!

213
00:09:39,093 --> 00:09:40,672
Wow, that surprised me too.

214
00:09:40,673 --> 00:09:44,222
These are VIP tickets
from an actual player.

215
00:09:44,223 --> 00:09:45,592
This could be better than Bushwick.

216
00:09:45,593 --> 00:09:47,592
I mean, lots of celebrities
go to those games.

217
00:09:48,883 --> 00:09:49,764
Ooh! Where are the fliers?

218
00:09:49,765 --> 00:09:51,802
I bet we could get a lot of business there.

219
00:09:51,803 --> 00:09:53,092
No!

220
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,382
We are not doing business!

221
00:09:54,383 --> 00:09:55,922
Tonight is supposed to be fun.

222
00:09:55,923 --> 00:09:59,303
Well, I find business fun, but okay.

223
00:10:01,723 --> 00:10:04,012
One day, you will appreciate my ambition.

224
00:10:04,013 --> 00:10:05,922
And one day, I will try lettuce,

225
00:10:05,923 --> 00:10:07,343
but not tonight.

226
00:10:08,263 --> 00:10:09,592
No fliers.

227
00:10:09,593 --> 00:10:10,882
No fliers.

228
00:10:10,883 --> 00:10:12,262
No fliers.

229
00:10:12,263 --> 00:10:14,512
I just think this is a missed opportunity.

230
00:10:14,513 --> 00:10:16,052
"Missed Opportunity"

231
00:10:16,053 --> 00:10:18,303
was my stripper name at the Salty Dog.

232
00:10:19,843 --> 00:10:22,342
Look, I don't want to work tonight.

233
00:10:22,343 --> 00:10:25,248
Which also happened to be my catchphrase.

234
00:10:39,648 --> 00:10:41,897
These can't be VIP seats.

235
00:10:41,898 --> 00:10:44,397
I haven't been this winded since I climbed

236
00:10:44,398 --> 00:10:47,277
the social ladder at theater camp.

237
00:10:47,278 --> 00:10:48,687
These seats are great!

238
00:10:48,688 --> 00:10:50,397
I usually sit in the parking lot

239
00:10:50,398 --> 00:10:52,987
around a trash fire, singing doo-wop.

240
00:10:52,988 --> 00:10:57,317
It's just, I've never sat
in the last row before.

241
00:10:57,318 --> 00:10:59,487
My father made sure I
was always in the front.

242
00:10:59,488 --> 00:11:01,357
Broadway, fashion week,

243
00:11:01,358 --> 00:11:03,397
his criminal trial.

244
00:11:03,398 --> 00:11:05,237
My father got me front-row seats

245
00:11:05,238 --> 00:11:08,237
to the "Inability to Love" awards.

246
00:11:08,238 --> 00:11:10,487
I'll try and let this
go, but I'm just saying,

247
00:11:10,488 --> 00:11:12,147
we could have gone to
the Taste of Bushwick,

248
00:11:12,148 --> 00:11:13,947
and we'd still be closer to the court.

249
00:11:13,948 --> 00:11:18,187
Oh, I love the taste of Bushwick.

250
00:11:18,188 --> 00:11:20,398
I don't care for it much.

251
00:11:22,028 --> 00:11:24,317
Hi, I'm June, and this is Dianne.

252
00:11:24,318 --> 00:11:27,817
We're sort of the "mayors" of section Y.

253
00:11:27,818 --> 00:11:29,147
Been to every game.

254
00:11:29,148 --> 00:11:31,317
I'm Max. This is Caroline.

255
00:11:31,318 --> 00:11:33,277
You guys want a finger?

256
00:11:33,278 --> 00:11:35,448
Oh, we're just friends.

257
00:11:37,028 --> 00:11:38,357
Do you want a finger?

258
00:11:38,358 --> 00:11:39,607
Sure.

259
00:11:39,608 --> 00:11:41,027
We'll take one if you got an extra.

260
00:11:41,028 --> 00:11:42,357
And how 'bout that hot dog?

261
00:11:42,358 --> 00:11:43,398
You still working on that?

262
00:11:45,278 --> 00:11:48,447
Max, you don't know where
that finger has been.

263
00:11:48,448 --> 00:11:50,447
What do you mean?

264
00:11:50,448 --> 00:11:53,647
It's been in a box in my car.

265
00:11:53,648 --> 00:11:55,607
Yeah, Caroline.

266
00:11:55,608 --> 00:11:59,027
This finger's been in
her box out in the car.

267
00:11:59,028 --> 00:12:01,447
What part of that don't you get?

268
00:12:01,448 --> 00:12:02,897
Careful.

269
00:12:02,898 --> 00:12:05,858
That beer cost more than I
spent on underwear last year.

270
00:12:08,278 --> 00:12:09,528
I don't like it up here.

271
00:12:11,028 --> 00:12:12,317
I don't even like beer.

272
00:12:12,318 --> 00:12:13,607
It's so bloaty.

273
00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:16,447
Come on. It's not that bad.

274
00:12:16,448 --> 00:12:17,687
Oh, really?

275
00:12:17,688 --> 00:12:20,737
Then why is that guy shaving?

276
00:12:20,738 --> 00:12:23,737
Well, obviously, he's got a
very important job interview

277
00:12:23,738 --> 00:12:26,357
as conductor of the crazy train.

278
00:12:26,358 --> 00:12:29,237
Max, our seats are in a shanty town.

279
00:12:29,238 --> 00:12:30,737
I think somebody tried to sell me a hubcap

280
00:12:30,738 --> 00:12:32,487
on the way up the stairs.

281
00:12:32,488 --> 00:12:34,857
Ooh! How much?

282
00:12:34,858 --> 00:12:36,397
Can I borrow those binoculars,

283
00:12:36,398 --> 00:12:39,027
so I can look at something that's not this?

284
00:12:40,738 --> 00:12:42,067
Max! Oh, my God!

285
00:12:42,068 --> 00:12:44,317
Look at all the VIPs down there.

286
00:12:44,318 --> 00:12:46,318
Well, someone's "VI-peeing"
right over there.

287
00:12:47,398 --> 00:12:48,737
Max, I want to be down there.

288
00:12:48,738 --> 00:12:50,317
Oh, I know what you need.

289
00:12:50,318 --> 00:12:52,237
Wanna finger?

290
00:12:52,238 --> 00:12:53,527
Look!

291
00:12:53,528 --> 00:12:55,607
A rich couple fighting courtside!

292
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,397
Oh, he's storming off!

293
00:12:57,398 --> 00:12:59,147
She's storming off!

294
00:12:59,148 --> 00:13:00,487
You should do play-by-play

295
00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:03,147
on the "I Don't Care" network.

296
00:13:03,148 --> 00:13:04,801
Come on! Let's go steal their seats.

297
00:13:04,901 --> 00:13:05,527
What?

298
00:13:05,528 --> 00:13:06,817
I like where I am.

299
00:13:06,818 --> 00:13:08,147
My ears already popped.

300
00:13:08,148 --> 00:13:09,357
We're settled here.

301
00:13:09,358 --> 00:13:11,107
That's the difference between us, Max.

302
00:13:11,108 --> 00:13:12,397
I don't settle...

303
00:13:12,398 --> 00:13:13,817
until I'm, like, 42,

304
00:13:13,818 --> 00:13:15,987
and then I might have to
marry someone shorter than me.

305
00:13:15,988 --> 00:13:18,527
I, on the other hand, love settling.

306
00:13:18,528 --> 00:13:22,187
My first words were, "Eh, it's fine."

307
00:13:22,188 --> 00:13:23,527
Look, all we have to do

308
00:13:23,528 --> 00:13:24,987
is make a few smart, strategic moves,

309
00:13:24,988 --> 00:13:26,397
and a better opportunity awaits.

310
00:13:26,398 --> 00:13:27,487
Please?

311
00:13:27,488 --> 00:13:29,487
All right. Sorry, ladies.

312
00:13:29,488 --> 00:13:31,187
She wants me to go down with her.

313
00:13:31,188 --> 00:13:33,567
Just tell her you got a headache.

314
00:13:39,568 --> 00:13:43,567
Okay, just act like we
belong in the VIP section.

315
00:13:43,568 --> 00:13:46,027
I can't believe the limo driver

316
00:13:46,028 --> 00:13:47,317
took that wrong turn,

317
00:13:47,318 --> 00:13:48,897
and that's why we're late to the game,

318
00:13:48,898 --> 00:13:51,897
and thus, our seats.

319
00:13:51,898 --> 00:13:53,187
You forgot to mention

320
00:13:53,188 --> 00:13:55,987
that we took thus bus here.

321
00:13:55,988 --> 00:13:57,987
The point is, we made it.

322
00:13:57,988 --> 00:13:59,607
I am back where I belong.

323
00:13:59,608 --> 00:14:02,527
Can you just smell the money down here?

324
00:14:02,528 --> 00:14:04,358
I think that's Gortak's ball sweat.

325
00:14:07,488 --> 00:14:08,687
Hello, ladies

326
00:14:08,688 --> 00:14:11,278
who magically appeared
in the second quarter.

327
00:14:12,278 --> 00:14:13,858
Can I see your tickets?

328
00:14:15,068 --> 00:14:16,897
Oh!

329
00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:18,397
What?

330
00:14:18,398 --> 00:14:21,397
These are my tickets to most places.

331
00:14:21,398 --> 00:14:23,187
Our tickets? Of course.

332
00:14:23,188 --> 00:14:24,527
Let me just find them in here.

333
00:14:26,398 --> 00:14:27,447
Here they are!

334
00:14:27,448 --> 00:14:29,187
Oh, sorry about the popcorn.

335
00:14:29,188 --> 00:14:30,487
I'm used to it.

336
00:14:30,488 --> 00:14:32,688
You rich people are pigs.

337
00:14:37,648 --> 00:14:42,528
Max, I haven't been called
a rich pig in five years!

338
00:14:46,068 --> 00:14:48,487
This is pretty cool!

339
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,187
I told that Chinese lady up top

340
00:14:50,188 --> 00:14:51,857
with the backpack full of loose carrots

341
00:14:51,858 --> 00:14:54,987
I'd be back, but I don't think so.

342
00:14:54,988 --> 00:14:56,277
Oh, my God.

343
00:14:56,278 --> 00:14:57,817
I should totally Periscope this

344
00:14:57,818 --> 00:14:59,527
so people think we're big shots.

345
00:14:59,528 --> 00:15:01,947
We are so close,

346
00:15:01,948 --> 00:15:05,147
I could get my nose broken by a ball!

347
00:15:05,148 --> 00:15:08,898
And I could meet the doctor
who fixes your broken nose!

348
00:15:10,398 --> 00:15:13,107
Everything is working out!

349
00:15:13,108 --> 00:15:14,987
Oh, my God.

350
00:15:14,988 --> 00:15:17,987
We are in the same row
as Jay-Z and Beyoncé!

351
00:15:19,318 --> 00:15:20,947
And they brought Blue Ivy!

352
00:15:20,948 --> 00:15:24,647
I can't believe I'm
seeing our royal family!

353
00:15:24,648 --> 00:15:28,277
I can't believe I'm touching
the court with my feet!

354
00:15:28,278 --> 00:15:30,947
Maybe I should just drag my
butt across it like a dog.

355
00:15:30,948 --> 00:15:32,277
Is that too far?

356
00:15:32,278 --> 00:15:33,447
Oh, my God!

357
00:15:33,448 --> 00:15:36,187
Beyoncé just made eye contact with me!

358
00:15:36,188 --> 00:15:38,317
She sees me every time
she looks to the left,

359
00:15:38,318 --> 00:15:39,687
to the left.

360
00:15:39,688 --> 00:15:41,187
I should get them one of our fliers.

361
00:15:41,188 --> 00:15:44,777
Luckily, I always keep an emergency flier.

362
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,107
That and a key to my old house,

363
00:15:46,108 --> 00:15:48,857
in case this all turns out to be a dream.

364
00:15:48,858 --> 00:15:51,278
That's my dream too.

365
00:15:52,528 --> 00:15:54,527
Ooh! Here comes the nanny.

366
00:15:54,528 --> 00:15:56,858
Fran Drescher's here?

367
00:15:58,948 --> 00:16:01,357
No, Blue Ivy's nanny.

368
00:16:01,358 --> 00:16:02,987
I'll get her our flier.

369
00:16:02,988 --> 00:16:05,777
Excuse me, miss, in the
drop-crotch sweatpants!

370
00:16:05,778 --> 00:16:07,067
Go, go, go! Ten seconds!

371
00:16:07,068 --> 00:16:08,397
Wait! Miss, wait!

372
00:16:08,398 --> 00:16:09,567
Can you take this?

373
00:16:09,568 --> 00:16:11,027
- Max, she took the...
- Go, go, go!

374
00:16:11,028 --> 00:16:12,398
- Oh!
- Ooh!

375
00:16:17,988 --> 00:16:19,777
Max, what did you do?

376
00:16:19,778 --> 00:16:22,818
I took you to a basketball
game like an idiot!

377
00:16:24,568 --> 00:16:25,568
And now I'm about to run.

378
00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:38,753
What is our end game here, Max?

379
00:16:38,755 --> 00:16:40,334
Are we hiding? Are we fleeing?

380
00:16:40,335 --> 00:16:42,794
I just want to know what
we're ugly-walking toward.

381
00:16:42,795 --> 00:16:45,084
Do I look like a person with an end game?

382
00:16:45,085 --> 00:16:47,254
Also, ya ended the game.

383
00:16:47,255 --> 00:16:50,164
Angry mob aside, the good news is

384
00:16:50,165 --> 00:16:52,544
I did manage to get that
flier to Blue Ivy's people.

385
00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:55,123
The bad news is you created
the biggest disaster in sports

386
00:16:55,124 --> 00:16:58,203
since Magic Johnson's talk show.

387
00:16:59,375 --> 00:17:01,164
Someone's coming.

388
00:17:01,165 --> 00:17:02,754
Well, you said you wanted more followers.

389
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:04,045
Now you have them in real life!

390
00:17:06,665 --> 00:17:09,543
Oh, my God.

391
00:17:09,544 --> 00:17:13,543
This is where the 17th best
team in the league gets naked!

392
00:17:13,545 --> 00:17:16,994
And also where it ends
for ol' Max and Caroline.

393
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,625
What? It's not like the players

394
00:17:18,626 --> 00:17:20,934
come right into the
locker room after the game.

395
00:17:20,935 --> 00:17:21,753
Oh, my God.

396
00:17:21,754 --> 00:17:24,254
The players come right into
the locker room after the game!

397
00:17:24,255 --> 00:17:26,254
Of course we'd be in here.

398
00:17:26,255 --> 00:17:27,954
This is so us.

399
00:17:27,955 --> 00:17:29,544
You know what else is so us?

400
00:17:29,545 --> 00:17:32,254
Me stealing one of these jerseys.

401
00:17:32,255 --> 00:17:34,254
Let's do the interview in the locker rooms.

402
00:17:34,255 --> 00:17:36,164
Crap! They're coming in here.

403
00:17:36,165 --> 00:17:38,164
We can't be the face of this, Max.

404
00:17:38,165 --> 00:17:40,204
We'll be the most hated
business in Brooklyn.

405
00:17:40,205 --> 00:17:42,527
And I'm including the
new breakfast restaurant

406
00:17:42,528 --> 00:17:44,448
with the valet stroller parking.

407
00:17:49,157 --> 00:17:51,276
This is where the 17th
best team in the league

408
00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:52,576
goes number one!

409
00:17:52,577 --> 00:17:53,866
And from the looks of it,

410
00:17:53,867 --> 00:17:56,406
their aim isn't good in here, either.

411
00:17:56,407 --> 00:17:57,866
Those girls were crazy, man.

412
00:17:57,867 --> 00:17:59,366
They cost us the game.

413
00:17:59,367 --> 00:18:01,816
We were almost the 16th
best team in the league.

414
00:18:01,817 --> 00:18:04,366
How did they get into the VIP section?

415
00:18:04,367 --> 00:18:06,816
I was wondering the same
thing about Tim Allen.

416
00:18:06,817 --> 00:18:09,736
Yo, man, take a look at
this thing on my back.

417
00:18:09,737 --> 00:18:11,696
Does it look like cancer?

418
00:18:11,697 --> 00:18:13,446
It just seemed like more
than a mole, you know?

419
00:18:13,447 --> 00:18:17,156
Actually, it looks like
a precancerous basal cell.

420
00:18:17,157 --> 00:18:20,276
We should get a better look
in the light in the bathroom.

421
00:18:20,277 --> 00:18:21,816
Here! Over here.

422
00:18:21,817 --> 00:18:23,156
Get in the ice bathtub.

423
00:18:23,157 --> 00:18:24,157
It's big enough for two.

424
00:18:24,158 --> 00:18:25,576
"Big enough for two."

425
00:18:25,577 --> 00:18:27,366
That's what Chili's said about their new

426
00:18:27,367 --> 00:18:30,367
coconut mozzarella sticks,
but... swing and a miss.

427
00:18:31,817 --> 00:18:34,576
You went to Chili's and didn't tell me?

428
00:18:34,577 --> 00:18:37,077
I was afraid you'd try
to get us a better table.

429
00:18:39,157 --> 00:18:40,576
Oh, yeah.

430
00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:42,656
I'd definitely get that thing checked out.

431
00:18:42,657 --> 00:18:45,277
Yo, I got to ice this knee.

432
00:18:59,577 --> 00:19:02,616
Of course they'd pour the ice on us!

433
00:19:02,617 --> 00:19:04,526
And of course this would happen here,

434
00:19:04,527 --> 00:19:08,616
'cause it's the 17th worst
thing that's ever happened to me!

435
00:19:14,657 --> 00:19:16,156
Oh, you two sick?

436
00:19:16,157 --> 00:19:18,076
Stay away from me. I can't get sick.

437
00:19:18,077 --> 00:19:20,446
When you're 78, it takes about 2 days

438
00:19:20,447 --> 00:19:24,576
to go from sniffles to
being eaten by your cat.

439
00:19:24,577 --> 00:19:26,576
We'll be fine...

440
00:19:26,577 --> 00:19:29,867
if half a Tylenol can
cure full-body hypothermia.

441
00:19:31,317 --> 00:19:33,576
Max, I feel like you're still mad at me

442
00:19:33,577 --> 00:19:35,526
for wanting more for us than bad seats

443
00:19:35,527 --> 00:19:37,236
and a struggling business.

444
00:19:37,237 --> 00:19:38,616
Of course I'm mad!

445
00:19:38,617 --> 00:19:40,236
I haven't been this cold

446
00:19:40,237 --> 00:19:42,317
since that winter I was
on "Deadliest Catch."

447
00:19:43,487 --> 00:19:45,446
Well...

448
00:19:45,447 --> 00:19:49,116
I've got a waste can of
baby faces I'm not gonna use.

449
00:19:49,117 --> 00:19:51,236
Yeah.

450
00:19:51,237 --> 00:19:54,616
Turns out, we're not gonna
design our baby anymore.

451
00:19:54,617 --> 00:19:57,116
But what about wanting it
to have a delicate chin?

452
00:19:57,117 --> 00:19:59,157
And a thigh gap?

453
00:20:00,407 --> 00:20:03,236
You know, girls, I realized

454
00:20:03,237 --> 00:20:05,737
I just want to have a healthy, happy baby.

455
00:20:06,817 --> 00:20:08,656
You know, it's like my Aunt Ruffa said

456
00:20:08,657 --> 00:20:12,026
after she lost her tongue, you know...

457
00:20:12,027 --> 00:20:18,027
"Dou det what dou det,
and dou don't det updet."

458
00:20:20,447 --> 00:20:22,696
You know, which roughly translates to,

459
00:20:22,697 --> 00:20:27,407
"You get what you get,
and you don't get upset."

460
00:20:29,077 --> 00:20:31,576
That's a really mature decision.

461
00:20:31,577 --> 00:20:34,316
The doctor wanted 60 grand.

462
00:20:34,317 --> 00:20:38,316
Yeah, that affected our decision too.

463
00:20:38,317 --> 00:20:40,236
Well, maybe letting things happen naturally

464
00:20:40,237 --> 00:20:41,526
is the way to go.

465
00:20:41,527 --> 00:20:43,486
Because sometimes when you force things,

466
00:20:43,487 --> 00:20:46,026
you put $130 million
worth of basketball players

467
00:20:46,027 --> 00:20:47,486
on the disabled list.

468
00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:58,665
Subtitle sync and corrections
by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.