1 00:00:00,042 --> 00:00:08,759 Subs by Raceman and Traff www.forom.com 2 00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:10,552 Excuse me. There's a line, buddy. 3 00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:11,512 There's two lines. 4 00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,389 No, no, there's one line. We're in it. 5 00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:16,225 I'm just getting a hot dog. 6 00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:17,643 We're all getting hot dogs. 7 00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:20,437 What, you think there's two lines and we're all in this line-- 8 00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:22,856 you're the only genius that got in the other line? 9 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:27,069 Can you believe this guy? Don't line up behind him. 10 00:00:27,238 --> 00:00:28,110 He cheated you. 11 00:00:28,273 --> 00:00:29,361 Hey, shut up. 12 00:00:29,537 --> 00:00:30,573 What do you want on yours, baby? 13 00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:32,822 I want all the hot dogs, please. 14 00:00:32,996 --> 00:00:34,491 Yeah, I'm--I'm buying all the hot dogs. 15 00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:37,371 Oh, come on, lady. 16 00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:41,453 And I'm giving them to the good people. 17 00:00:41,627 --> 00:00:44,043 Who's that? Kicking it down the street 18 00:00:44,216 --> 00:00:47,133 Causin' a stir. 19 00:00:47,425 --> 00:00:49,921 Who's that? I know that you're wondrin' 20 00:00:50,095 --> 00:00:50,421 That's her 21 00:00:50,596 --> 00:00:53,633 That's her, that's her, that's her, that's her. 22 00:00:53,807 --> 00:00:56,800 Who's got the kind of charisma that 23 00:00:56,977 --> 00:00:59,931 The boys prefer. 24 00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:02,473 Who's hot and you know that she knows it. 25 00:01:02,646 --> 00:01:03,182 That's her. 26 00:01:03,358 --> 00:01:06,270 She's like a summer sky. It's like some cherry pie. 27 00:01:06,447 --> 00:01:08,481 And there is butterfly. 28 00:01:08,657 --> 00:01:09,770 Me oh my. 29 00:01:09,946 --> 00:01:12,361 Who flaunts her feminine magic. 30 00:01:12,536 --> 00:01:14,241 That's her That's me! 31 00:01:14,406 --> 00:01:15,322 That's Pam! 32 00:01:15,487 --> 00:01:18,282 The overly-confident morbidly obese woman. 33 00:01:18,457 --> 00:01:21,081 This fat suit smells like corn chips. 34 00:01:21,246 --> 00:01:23,160 Going again, please. Thank you. 35 00:01:23,338 --> 00:01:25,212 And this is the set of The Girlie Show. 36 00:01:25,376 --> 00:01:28,883 It's a real fun ladies' comedy show for ladies. 37 00:01:29,046 --> 00:01:29,920 Hey, everybody. 38 00:01:30,098 --> 00:01:31,800 Look, here's someone you never get a chance to meet. 39 00:01:31,965 --> 00:01:37,011 It's the head writer of The Girlie Show, Liz Lemon! 40 00:01:41,015 --> 00:01:44,141 The Girlie Show. Hold on, I'll connect you. 41 00:01:44,318 --> 00:01:45,933 - Hey. - What's up? 42 00:01:46,108 --> 00:01:47,270 Hey, have you looked at that Cat Lady sketch? 43 00:01:47,445 --> 00:01:48,692 It's still seven minutes long. 44 00:01:48,856 --> 00:01:49,770 Yikes, okay. 45 00:01:49,945 --> 00:01:52,442 Oh, and Standards has a problem with that Michael Jackson bit. 46 00:01:52,617 --> 00:01:53,230 But why? 47 00:01:53,408 --> 00:01:54,901 Apparently you can't say he's got a vagina. 48 00:01:55,078 --> 00:01:57,321 Oh, it's--fine, I'll just take the whole thing out. 49 00:01:57,497 --> 00:02:00,742 Hey, you gotta tell that NBC page to take it down a notch. 50 00:02:00,917 --> 00:02:01,453 Oh, you mean Ken? 51 00:02:01,628 --> 00:02:03,370 Yeah, he just embarrassed me in front of a whole tour group. 52 00:02:03,546 --> 00:02:05,290 I'll talk to him. What is this? 53 00:02:05,455 --> 00:02:08,171 Ah, well, you know how I hate it when people cheat or break rules? 54 00:02:08,335 --> 00:02:08,960 Yes, I do. 55 00:02:09,127 --> 00:02:11,341 Well, I just spent 150 bucks on wieners. 56 00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:14,051 Atta boy. 57 00:02:14,348 --> 00:02:15,380 Chumley. 58 00:02:15,557 --> 00:02:17,721 The beverage situation around here is reprehensible. 59 00:02:17,886 --> 00:02:19,473 Oh, good morning, sunshine. 60 00:02:19,646 --> 00:02:25,472 Surely our massive conglomerate parent company could spring for a samovar of coffee. 61 00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:27,851 Yeah, or like a big coffee dispenser. 62 00:02:28,027 --> 00:02:29,810 That's what a samovar is. 63 00:02:29,985 --> 00:02:33,480 Are there other black nerds, or is it just you and Urkel? 64 00:02:33,655 --> 00:02:36,243 Uh, Cerie, do you wanna get some coffee? 65 00:02:36,408 --> 00:02:38,112 No, thank you. 66 00:02:38,287 --> 00:02:40,070 No? 67 00:02:40,246 --> 00:02:40,912 Hey, Josh. 68 00:02:41,075 --> 00:02:42,622 I need to change your Michael Jackson thing. 69 00:02:42,787 --> 00:02:44,791 Didn't you tell me you had a Jay Leno impression? 70 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:45,333 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 71 00:02:45,495 --> 00:02:46,791 Check it out. 72 00:02:46,955 --> 00:02:49,331 So, uh, President Bush is in the news again. 73 00:02:49,506 --> 00:02:50,671 Have you heard about this? 74 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:51,880 No, Jay Leno. 75 00:02:52,045 --> 00:02:53,343 The host of the Tonight Show. 76 00:02:53,508 --> 00:02:55,342 I thought that's what I was doing. 77 00:02:55,507 --> 00:02:58,840 So, uh, my wife Mavis and I like to go shopping for old cars. 78 00:02:59,015 --> 00:02:59,512 You know? 79 00:02:59,687 --> 00:03:01,183 No, no. Like Jay Leno. 80 00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:03,142 Like, "Hey, here are the headlines." 81 00:03:03,306 --> 00:03:07,063 You ever--you ever notice when you eat a lot of cheese, and you-- 82 00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:09,021 How is that different from what I was doing, though? 83 00:03:09,187 --> 00:03:13,113 And I don't think you need to introduce the writers to the tour group. 84 00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:14,310 I agree. 85 00:03:14,487 --> 00:03:17,111 I thought they would find it interesting, but they really did not. 86 00:03:17,287 --> 00:03:19,741 Well, Kenneth, just respect their privacy. 87 00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:21,282 I promise I'll do better, Mr. Hornberger. 88 00:03:21,456 --> 00:03:22,071 Sure you will. 89 00:03:22,248 --> 00:03:26,242 I just-- I just love television so much. 90 00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:28,042 We all do. 91 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,962 Liz, they want you and Pete on the 50th floor. 92 00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:31,871 Who, Gary? 93 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,382 Tell him I'll be up in half an hour. 94 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,503 No, they said now. 95 00:03:35,676 --> 00:03:37,631 If they got cookies up there, grab some. 96 00:03:37,805 --> 00:03:39,211 Ooh, and get them to pay for my Samovar. 97 00:03:39,387 --> 00:03:41,343 Of course, I mean, I assume that's what we're meeting about. 98 00:03:41,516 --> 00:03:44,141 What about, uh, Ray Romano? Can you do Ray? 99 00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:47,472 Hey. God, oh. Debra. 100 00:03:47,648 --> 00:03:48,563 There you go. 101 00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:51,892 My brother's tall. Right? 102 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:52,942 Are we in trouble or something? 103 00:03:53,106 --> 00:03:55,061 No way. Gary loves the show. 104 00:03:55,237 --> 00:03:57,150 Pleased with the ratings. 105 00:03:57,327 --> 00:04:01,203 Right. Of course. They love us. 106 00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:08,292 Where's Gary? 107 00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:11,582 Gary's dead. I'm Jack Donaghy. 108 00:04:11,756 --> 00:04:14,792 New VP of development for NBC/GE/Universal/Kmart. 109 00:04:14,968 --> 00:04:16,002 Oh, we own Kmart now. 110 00:04:16,178 --> 00:04:20,462 No. So why are you dressed like we do? 111 00:04:23,478 --> 00:04:24,382 I'm surprised you're renovating. 112 00:04:24,558 --> 00:04:25,892 This is such a nice office. 113 00:04:26,056 --> 00:04:28,432 It's a great office, but sometimes, you have to change things 114 00:04:28,606 --> 00:04:32,312 that are perfectly good just to, uh, make them your own. 115 00:04:32,486 --> 00:04:34,902 Please. 116 00:04:35,448 --> 00:04:37,862 Ah, I'll call her back. Is she at the White House line? 117 00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:39,361 Great. 118 00:04:39,537 --> 00:04:42,443 Tell them I need a 4:00 a.m. tee off time. 119 00:04:42,617 --> 00:04:46,530 Uh, five inches, but it's thick. 120 00:04:47,286 --> 00:04:51,253 Are you familiar with the GE Tri-vection Oven? 121 00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:52,791 I don't cook very much. 122 00:04:52,965 --> 00:04:55,083 Sure, I got you. 123 00:04:55,257 --> 00:04:58,092 New York, third wave feminist, college educated. 124 00:04:58,255 --> 00:04:59,960 Single and pretending to be happy about it. 125 00:05:00,135 --> 00:05:02,593 Overscheduled, undersexed, you buy any magazine 126 00:05:02,766 --> 00:05:04,842 that says "Healthy body image" on the cover. 127 00:05:05,017 --> 00:05:09,643 And every two years, you take up knitting for... 128 00:05:09,817 --> 00:05:10,970 A week. 129 00:05:11,145 --> 00:05:12,602 That is dead on! 130 00:05:12,778 --> 00:05:14,351 What, are you gonna guess my weight now? 131 00:05:14,528 --> 00:05:15,813 You don't want me to do that. 132 00:05:15,986 --> 00:05:18,980 That knitting thing is uncanny. How do you do that? 133 00:05:19,158 --> 00:05:20,613 Market research, my friend. 134 00:05:20,777 --> 00:05:25,531 Years and years of market research, which lead to my greatest triumph. 135 00:05:25,706 --> 00:05:28,281 The Tri-vection oven. 136 00:05:28,457 --> 00:05:30,080 Oh, my wife wants one of those. 137 00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:31,620 Could we get Pete an oven, please? 138 00:05:31,795 --> 00:05:32,043 Hey. 139 00:05:32,208 --> 00:05:35,082 The GE Tri-vection oven cooks perfect food five times faster 140 00:05:35,258 --> 00:05:37,713 than a conventional oven, because it uses three kinds of heat. 141 00:05:37,888 --> 00:05:40,252 Thermal technology for consistent temperature. 142 00:05:40,426 --> 00:05:44,050 GE Precise Air convection technology for optimal air circulation, 143 00:05:44,216 --> 00:05:47,632 and microwave technology for incredible speed. 144 00:05:47,803 --> 00:05:53,521 With three kinds of heat, you can cook a turkey in 22 minutes. 145 00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:56,353 Wow. That is impressive. 146 00:05:56,529 --> 00:05:58,232 The people upstairs think so. 147 00:05:58,407 --> 00:05:59,313 That's why they promoted me. 148 00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:02,193 That's why they sent me here to retool your show. 149 00:06:02,365 --> 00:06:03,733 Retool what now? 150 00:06:03,906 --> 00:06:05,861 I'm the new vice president of east coast television 151 00:06:06,036 --> 00:06:08,111 and microwave oven programming. 152 00:06:08,288 --> 00:06:12,162 That sounds like you program microwave ovens. 153 00:06:12,338 --> 00:06:14,043 I like you. 154 00:06:14,206 --> 00:06:18,962 You have the boldness of a much younger woman. 155 00:06:21,177 --> 00:06:24,590 Lee, does my face look bloated to you? 156 00:06:24,767 --> 00:06:27,671 When I played that lady rapist on Law & Order, 157 00:06:27,848 --> 00:06:29,842 guess what the makeup guy put on under my eyes 158 00:06:30,016 --> 00:06:31,511 to take the puffiness out? 159 00:06:31,688 --> 00:06:34,682 Hemorrhoid cream. 160 00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:38,442 Ms. Maroney? 161 00:06:38,608 --> 00:06:40,061 I have the cat wrangler here for you. 162 00:06:40,236 --> 00:06:42,812 Oh, is it that horrible little--Hi. 163 00:06:42,985 --> 00:06:46,782 Hey. Greta Johannsen. It's short for "LaGreta." 164 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:47,901 Hi, great to see you again. 165 00:06:48,077 --> 00:06:49,203 You too. I'm here to introduce you 166 00:06:49,366 --> 00:06:51,371 to feline actors you're gonna be working with tonight. 167 00:06:51,537 --> 00:06:51,992 Okay. 168 00:06:52,167 --> 00:06:54,452 This is Po-Po. And this here is Captain Boots. 169 00:06:54,628 --> 00:06:55,121 Hello. 170 00:06:55,298 --> 00:06:57,410 Uh, would you describe yourself as "cat competent?" 171 00:06:57,585 --> 00:07:00,872 Oh, yes. I love cats. I used to have two cats. 172 00:07:01,048 --> 00:07:02,792 But then I moved to this place with hardwood floors, 173 00:07:02,968 --> 00:07:06,592 so we had to put them down. 174 00:07:07,398 --> 00:07:08,722 I'm joking. 175 00:07:08,886 --> 00:07:10,722 I've done several focus groups, on this show, 176 00:07:10,885 --> 00:07:12,891 and what I've gleaned-- 177 00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:17,270 The blonde, big-eyed girl is popular with women and older gays. 178 00:07:17,436 --> 00:07:18,890 Jenna, that's my friend Jenna. 179 00:07:19,068 --> 00:07:21,481 And the kid with the funny hair is liked by women, 180 00:07:21,658 --> 00:07:25,733 but you're missing men between 18 and 49. 181 00:07:25,905 --> 00:07:28,281 I'm not missing them, they're just not there. 182 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,200 I think I can fix that. 183 00:07:30,365 --> 00:07:34,833 So your job is, you take things that are already working, and you fix them. 184 00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:35,662 That's a great job. 185 00:07:35,836 --> 00:07:36,913 Okay, let's-- Why don't we, um-- 186 00:07:37,088 --> 00:07:39,793 You're missing that third kind of heat. 187 00:07:39,966 --> 00:07:42,083 I want you to think about Tracy Jordan. 188 00:07:42,258 --> 00:07:43,711 Okay--the black guy? 189 00:07:43,887 --> 00:07:44,962 The black movie star. 190 00:07:45,138 --> 00:07:47,341 I flew with him on a private jet to the Super Bowl recently, 191 00:07:47,506 --> 00:07:49,012 and I found him very entertaining. 192 00:07:49,176 --> 00:07:52,510 Isn't he, um... crazy? 193 00:07:52,938 --> 00:07:55,220 Tracy's had his problems in the last few years. 194 00:07:55,397 --> 00:07:57,473 I am a Jedi! 195 00:07:57,647 --> 00:07:59,643 I am a Jedi! 196 00:07:59,817 --> 00:08:01,690 I am a Jedi! 197 00:08:01,858 --> 00:08:05,312 The important thing to remember is, he was never charged with a crime. 198 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,361 It's not illegal to fall asleep on your neighbor's roof. 199 00:08:07,527 --> 00:08:08,610 Nor should it be. 200 00:08:08,785 --> 00:08:12,570 Tracy Jordan is the third heat. 201 00:08:12,746 --> 00:08:16,331 I don't know where we're gonna find room in the budget for a guy like Tracy Jordan. 202 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,290 I think I do. 203 00:08:20,796 --> 00:08:22,160 What are you doing? 204 00:08:22,337 --> 00:08:23,923 Sometimes when I have these stress dreams, 205 00:08:24,086 --> 00:08:28,000 if I go to sleep in the dream, I come out of it. 206 00:08:28,177 --> 00:08:31,013 "This is not a dream." 207 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,131 Tracy Jordan is in New York today, Liz. 208 00:08:33,307 --> 00:08:35,181 I'd like you to have lunch with him. 209 00:08:35,346 --> 00:08:37,051 We have a show tonight, Mr. Donaghy. 210 00:08:37,228 --> 00:08:38,720 I don't know if your research covered this, 211 00:08:38,895 --> 00:08:41,393 but we do a dress rehearsal, and then a live show. 212 00:08:41,566 --> 00:08:43,270 That's tonight. This is lunch. 213 00:08:43,448 --> 00:08:46,400 If it's not a good fit, I'll drop the whole thing. 214 00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:49,070 If I meet with Tracy Jordan, and we mutually agree 215 00:08:49,236 --> 00:08:52,531 that this is the worst idea ever, you'll back off? 216 00:08:52,696 --> 00:08:56,570 I'm known for being reasonable. 217 00:08:57,916 --> 00:08:58,780 Okay. 218 00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,371 Alfredo, 2:00 p.m. 219 00:09:00,548 --> 00:09:01,873 I'm not dressed for that. 220 00:09:02,048 --> 00:09:03,040 You're dressed for Burger King. 221 00:09:03,216 --> 00:09:06,960 Should we make it Burger King? 222 00:09:07,135 --> 00:09:07,841 Pete, hang back for me. 223 00:09:08,008 --> 00:09:10,841 Yeah, you bet. 224 00:09:18,267 --> 00:09:19,933 Hey. What happened to your head? 225 00:09:20,107 --> 00:09:21,563 Uh, the sky is falling. 226 00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:22,890 Do you have a pair of dress pants 227 00:09:23,065 --> 00:09:25,521 or a skirt or something I could borrow? 228 00:09:25,696 --> 00:09:26,521 Thank you, Lee. 229 00:09:26,695 --> 00:09:27,230 Whatever. 230 00:09:27,406 --> 00:09:29,062 Hey, you know in that Cat Lady sketch? 231 00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:30,651 Do I have to hold a real cat? 232 00:09:30,826 --> 00:09:33,032 Cat Lady sketch? That thing's gonna get cut. 233 00:09:33,197 --> 00:09:35,113 Oh, good. 234 00:09:35,285 --> 00:09:36,913 Who's that? 235 00:09:37,078 --> 00:09:38,622 That is the new network dude. 236 00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:40,741 Mmm, yummers. 237 00:09:40,916 --> 00:09:42,871 He reminds me of Scotty on General Hospital. 238 00:09:43,047 --> 00:09:45,212 What? No, ew, Jenna. Do not like that man. 239 00:09:45,375 --> 00:09:48,881 That is a bad man. God, you have a gift. 240 00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:52,462 Laura Bush is your size. 241 00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,260 Hi, uh, what are you doing down here? 242 00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:03,311 I'm known for being hands-on. 243 00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:04,522 Clearly. 244 00:10:04,686 --> 00:10:06,773 That's how you should dress for work, by the way. 245 00:10:06,945 --> 00:10:11,572 Yeah, if I was president of the Philippines. 246 00:10:12,367 --> 00:10:15,820 Afghanistan is a different situation... 247 00:10:15,996 --> 00:10:17,202 I'll have an apple juice. 248 00:10:17,368 --> 00:10:18,950 Oh, we don't have apple juice, sir. 249 00:10:19,116 --> 00:10:23,082 Then I'll take a vodka and tonic. 250 00:10:23,585 --> 00:10:25,121 Hi, I'm Liz Lemon. 251 00:10:25,297 --> 00:10:28,423 I know who you are. 252 00:10:30,257 --> 00:10:33,671 I thought there was a... strict dress code at this place. 253 00:10:33,847 --> 00:10:35,631 I do recommend the pumpkin ravioli. 254 00:10:35,807 --> 00:10:38,682 They're very subtle. 255 00:10:38,845 --> 00:10:41,763 So, Tracy, this Jack Donaghy guy wanted me 256 00:10:41,936 --> 00:10:44,472 to talk to you about joining the cast of our show. 257 00:10:44,647 --> 00:10:46,063 And I don't know how you feel about that-- 258 00:10:46,237 --> 00:10:49,063 Lemme ask you a question. Everybody at this table. 259 00:10:49,236 --> 00:10:51,362 Did he just say the word "pumpkin" to me? 260 00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:53,942 Yes, um, pumpkin ravioli. 261 00:10:54,117 --> 00:10:55,902 Yo! I'm buggin'. 262 00:10:56,078 --> 00:10:58,452 I can't do this. I cannot eat here. 263 00:10:58,615 --> 00:10:59,322 I can't eat here. 264 00:10:59,498 --> 00:11:04,790 I got to go someplace where they make food that I like. 265 00:11:04,995 --> 00:11:06,792 Lemon, let's go. 266 00:11:06,955 --> 00:11:08,660 I will not work with Tracy Jordan. 267 00:11:08,837 --> 00:11:09,542 It's just a rumor. 268 00:11:09,717 --> 00:11:10,872 Have you seen any of his movies? 269 00:11:11,046 --> 00:11:13,043 The guy's sensibility is just cretinous. 270 00:11:13,216 --> 00:11:15,753 I saw the one where he plays, like, five different characters. 271 00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:17,593 Yeah, Black Cop/White Cop. 272 00:11:17,767 --> 00:11:18,970 No. 273 00:11:19,135 --> 00:11:20,340 Who Dat Ninja? 274 00:11:20,515 --> 00:11:23,471 No, he-- He had to pretend to be this old lady... 275 00:11:23,646 --> 00:11:26,890 Ooh, ooh, ooh! Goodness gracious! 276 00:11:27,067 --> 00:11:28,520 You hooligans better watch out. 277 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:31,350 'Cause this honky grandma be trippin'! 278 00:11:31,528 --> 00:11:32,270 Oh, yeah. 279 00:11:32,446 --> 00:11:37,481 That movie was hilarious. I saw it like five times. 280 00:11:38,617 --> 00:11:41,613 Where's the love? 281 00:11:43,246 --> 00:11:47,542 Right on, let me get two apple chickens and some pecan waffles. 282 00:11:47,706 --> 00:11:48,661 Nothing for me, I-- 283 00:11:48,836 --> 00:11:51,210 I had, like, four hot dogs this morning. 284 00:11:51,376 --> 00:11:52,713 Eat, Lemon. Eat! 285 00:11:52,888 --> 00:11:54,793 I hate skinny women. 286 00:11:54,966 --> 00:11:58,301 Hey, Lorna. Ten beers. 287 00:11:58,767 --> 00:12:00,922 So, Tracy, we should talk about the show. 288 00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:03,341 Yeah, I ain't doing it unless I can get to do it my way. 289 00:12:03,516 --> 00:12:04,763 You know, I want it to be raw. 290 00:12:04,936 --> 00:12:06,392 HBO-style content. 291 00:12:06,568 --> 00:12:08,430 Well, it's not HBO. It's TV. 292 00:12:08,608 --> 00:12:10,390 And I don't think that it's a good fit-- 293 00:12:10,576 --> 00:12:12,730 You know, cause I wanna drop truth bombs. 294 00:12:12,908 --> 00:12:15,901 You know how pissed off I was when Us Weekly said that I was on crack? 295 00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:18,610 That's racism. I'm not on crack. 296 00:12:18,786 --> 00:12:20,192 I'm straight up mentally ill! 297 00:12:20,368 --> 00:12:21,150 Sure. 298 00:12:21,327 --> 00:12:23,032 I got mental health issues. 299 00:12:23,208 --> 00:12:27,740 Sure, well, you know... Who doesn't, really? 300 00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:30,410 Hey, has anyone seen Liz? Or Pete? 301 00:12:30,587 --> 00:12:31,372 She went out. 302 00:12:31,547 --> 00:12:33,290 Well, who's in charge when they're not here? 303 00:12:33,465 --> 00:12:34,421 I'm in charge. 304 00:12:34,586 --> 00:12:36,253 Oh. Okay. 305 00:12:36,426 --> 00:12:39,760 Um, well, I'm not sure about this costume. 306 00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:40,920 I think it's hot. 307 00:12:41,098 --> 00:12:43,933 Thank you. I'm Jenna, by the way. 308 00:12:44,096 --> 00:12:49,142 Ms. Moroney, I got the hemorrhoid cream you wanted. 309 00:12:50,526 --> 00:12:52,982 It's for my face. 310 00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:58,440 Well, wherever you're putting it, I think it's working. 311 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:01,692 You know, I don't-- I don't think you'd like it. 312 00:13:01,866 --> 00:13:02,692 'Cause we work a lot of hours, 313 00:13:02,866 --> 00:13:04,703 and it's live TV, which is risky. 314 00:13:04,865 --> 00:13:06,321 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like risky. 315 00:13:06,496 --> 00:13:07,910 See, me and you, we play the game. 316 00:13:08,087 --> 00:13:09,203 We know how to be acceptable. 317 00:13:09,376 --> 00:13:12,962 Hello, great meeting. I drink coffee, please. 318 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,422 This show is our chance to break the shackles. 319 00:13:15,588 --> 00:13:17,790 'Cause the white dudes want to see us fail. 320 00:13:17,966 --> 00:13:19,002 What white dudes? 321 00:13:19,175 --> 00:13:20,753 All of 'em. 322 00:13:20,927 --> 00:13:24,343 Jack Donaghy, General Electric, George Bush, Karl Robe. 323 00:13:24,515 --> 00:13:26,222 Karl Robe, you say? 324 00:13:26,396 --> 00:13:28,013 Affirmative action was designed to keep women 325 00:13:28,186 --> 00:13:30,010 and minorities in competition with each other. 326 00:13:30,185 --> 00:13:34,431 To distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets. 327 00:13:34,607 --> 00:13:36,483 That's a metaphor. 328 00:13:36,655 --> 00:13:37,560 Sure. 329 00:13:37,735 --> 00:13:41,781 You should tell that to Us Weekly. 330 00:13:42,827 --> 00:13:43,242 Hey, Lemon. 331 00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:45,321 You like karaoke? I know a joint. 332 00:13:45,498 --> 00:13:50,742 No, no, I-- I gotta wrap up this lunch meeting, Tracy. 333 00:13:50,915 --> 00:13:52,702 I'll take you. I'll take you. 334 00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:57,083 I just gotta make a quick stop first. 335 00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:02,462 You know what, when people say they need to make a quick stop, 336 00:14:02,637 --> 00:14:06,131 they usually mean at the bank or the store. 337 00:14:06,305 --> 00:14:08,510 No, thank you. 338 00:14:08,687 --> 00:14:11,262 You know what, this is for computer classes. 339 00:14:11,437 --> 00:14:13,221 Know why I should do this TV show, Lemon? 340 00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:14,732 I really don't. 341 00:14:14,898 --> 00:14:16,061 To get you rich. 342 00:14:16,238 --> 00:14:17,391 'Cause you know if I'm on that TV show, 343 00:14:17,566 --> 00:14:18,691 it's gon' blow up. 344 00:14:18,856 --> 00:14:20,901 How do you know I'm not rich? 345 00:14:21,066 --> 00:14:22,901 Your teeth. 346 00:14:23,077 --> 00:14:24,993 You got to think like these strippers, Lemon. 347 00:14:25,158 --> 00:14:27,782 They know the window of opportunity's only open for a moment. 348 00:14:27,958 --> 00:14:29,162 You gotta get in when you're young. 349 00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:30,871 Get the money and get out. 350 00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,531 Yeah, well, I'm not a sex worker, Tracy. 351 00:14:32,707 --> 00:14:33,871 I don't have sex for a living. 352 00:14:34,045 --> 00:14:35,121 Neither do we. 353 00:14:35,297 --> 00:14:39,083 Neither do they. Yes, they do. 354 00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:52,180 Where is my phone? 355 00:14:56,738 --> 00:14:59,523 We are strong 356 00:15:00,526 --> 00:15:04,321 No one can tell us we're wrong 357 00:15:05,618 --> 00:15:09,663 Searching our hearts for so lo-ong 358 00:15:10,247 --> 00:15:11,241 He's got charisma. 359 00:15:11,417 --> 00:15:15,293 No, that's Charisma over there. 360 00:15:17,508 --> 00:15:18,252 Girlie Show. 361 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,083 Ken, send me a car, okay? 362 00:15:20,257 --> 00:15:21,583 What is your location? 363 00:15:21,758 --> 00:15:24,630 Dark Sensations, in the Bronx. 364 00:15:24,807 --> 00:15:25,880 I wish you were here. 365 00:15:26,057 --> 00:15:28,630 Mr. Donaghy does not get us showbiz people. 366 00:15:28,807 --> 00:15:30,301 Let me talk to Pete, okay? 367 00:15:30,478 --> 00:15:32,893 Oh, Pete got fired this morning. 368 00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:37,520 That's so weird that you don't know that. 369 00:15:41,908 --> 00:15:44,111 Jack Donaghy thinks he's gonna come into my house 370 00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:45,481 and mess with my show? 371 00:15:45,655 --> 00:15:47,073 Hell no. 372 00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:49,820 Jenna and I worked for years to get this show. 373 00:15:49,995 --> 00:15:52,742 You know, I moved from Chicago for this. 374 00:15:52,918 --> 00:15:53,661 From Chicago? 375 00:15:53,827 --> 00:15:55,623 I was in Scottie Pippen's wedding. 376 00:15:55,786 --> 00:15:58,453 Now Donaghy is trying to steal it from us. 377 00:15:58,628 --> 00:16:02,373 He already fired Pete, who is a great producer. 378 00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:04,790 He fired Pete? He can't fire Pete. 379 00:16:04,968 --> 00:16:07,051 You know what, I quit. He can suck it. 380 00:16:07,215 --> 00:16:08,380 Mm-hmm. 381 00:16:08,556 --> 00:16:10,260 Yeah, suck it, Pete. 382 00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:14,220 No, you're not listening. You're not a good listener. 383 00:16:14,395 --> 00:16:15,550 20 minutes to air. 384 00:16:15,726 --> 00:16:17,472 But Liz said we were cutting the cat lady sketch. 385 00:16:17,647 --> 00:16:18,522 She said it stinks. 386 00:16:18,685 --> 00:16:19,021 Ouch. 387 00:16:19,185 --> 00:16:22,600 This is why Liz is wrong. Animal humour is universal. 388 00:16:22,775 --> 00:16:24,653 I just don't think that I'm good in it. 389 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:25,902 Do you think I'm good in it? 390 00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:29,031 I think this is your opportunity to go out there and prove everybody wrong. 391 00:16:29,195 --> 00:16:30,780 What--what do you mean? Who's everybody? 392 00:16:30,946 --> 00:16:32,200 The network that wanted to fire you, 393 00:16:32,365 --> 00:16:34,362 the focus groups that said you had a weird eye-- 394 00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,203 You mean this eye? Okay, this eye-- 395 00:16:36,377 --> 00:16:38,913 It doesn't open all the way because when I was little, my sister peed in it. 396 00:16:39,087 --> 00:16:42,001 Tonight is your opportunity to go out there and change all of our minds. 397 00:16:42,165 --> 00:16:45,291 What? Where is Liz? 398 00:16:46,757 --> 00:16:49,052 Liz?! 399 00:17:00,727 --> 00:17:02,731 Four minutes to air. That's four minutes to air. 400 00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:03,443 Is Liz back yet? 401 00:17:03,607 --> 00:17:06,192 No, which cat do you want Jenna to carry? 402 00:17:06,368 --> 00:17:06,692 I'm sorry? 403 00:17:06,865 --> 00:17:07,943 Which cat? 404 00:17:08,115 --> 00:17:09,361 Oh. 405 00:17:09,538 --> 00:17:12,611 I want...that one. 406 00:17:13,285 --> 00:17:16,281 Jack Donaghy to the control room, please. Jack Donaghy. 407 00:17:16,458 --> 00:17:17,200 Peanut's not an actor. 408 00:17:17,377 --> 00:17:21,660 I just--I just rescued him from a lab. 409 00:17:24,507 --> 00:17:26,081 Hey, Lemon, I'll drop you off. 410 00:17:26,258 --> 00:17:28,920 Where do you live? 411 00:17:29,098 --> 00:17:29,920 The studio. 412 00:17:30,098 --> 00:17:31,380 I want you to drop me at the studio. 413 00:17:31,557 --> 00:17:33,843 I want to tell Donaghey to his face that I quit. 414 00:17:34,018 --> 00:17:35,633 And I want to do it in front of the whole crew, 415 00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:39,143 so that they know he didn't fire me. 416 00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:42,313 I wanna see that. 417 00:17:43,737 --> 00:17:44,893 Gonna turn the lights down low. 418 00:17:45,068 --> 00:17:49,233 It's almost time for the Girlie Show 419 00:17:50,868 --> 00:17:52,690 Ooh, ooh, pull over. Pull over here. 420 00:17:52,867 --> 00:17:56,911 Tracy, I don't have time for this. 421 00:17:59,956 --> 00:18:02,951 This is where I grew up. 422 00:18:03,128 --> 00:18:05,961 This is the Jordan family estate? 423 00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:07,790 Wasn't no Jordan family nothin'. 424 00:18:07,967 --> 00:18:10,092 This is where I was in foster care. 425 00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:11,920 Oh. Sorry. 426 00:18:12,095 --> 00:18:16,590 Me and two other dudes and a girl with messed-up fingers. 427 00:18:16,765 --> 00:18:20,641 I'm so lucky I got out of here. 428 00:18:21,435 --> 00:18:23,352 It's not luck, I mean... 429 00:18:23,528 --> 00:18:28,850 You got out of here because you're very talented, and... people love you, and... 430 00:18:29,026 --> 00:18:31,942 Are you peeing? 431 00:18:37,208 --> 00:18:39,201 Where's Donaghy? I wanna talk to him right now. 432 00:18:39,365 --> 00:18:41,202 Last time I saw him, he was riding a crane camera. 433 00:18:41,377 --> 00:18:44,623 Oh, I have Pete for you. 434 00:18:44,798 --> 00:18:46,122 Pete, oh, my God. I didn't know. 435 00:18:46,296 --> 00:18:48,042 No, hey, listen. It'll--it'll give me 436 00:18:48,216 --> 00:18:49,833 a chance to spend more time with my kids. 437 00:18:50,005 --> 00:18:51,502 I'm quitting. I'm quitting right now. 438 00:18:51,677 --> 00:18:52,540 No, no, no, no, no. 439 00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:53,670 You have the best job in New York. 440 00:18:53,845 --> 00:18:57,053 Don't quit over this. Don't buy all the hot dogs. Okay? 441 00:18:57,227 --> 00:18:58,931 I don't want to do this without you. 442 00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:03,601 Hey, I thought we cut the Cat Lady sketch. 443 00:19:04,225 --> 00:19:07,603 We're two minutes short! 444 00:19:07,777 --> 00:19:12,403 So, let me introduce myself. My name is Lurleen Katz. 445 00:19:12,566 --> 00:19:14,943 And these are my cats. 446 00:19:15,116 --> 00:19:17,400 She's using a real cat? 447 00:19:17,577 --> 00:19:18,860 I cast that cat myself. 448 00:19:19,035 --> 00:19:23,371 And sir, while they are my-- Ow! Aaugh! 449 00:19:27,008 --> 00:19:30,790 No, no, no, no, no. He's okay. 450 00:19:31,175 --> 00:19:33,090 I need you to talk for two minutes. 451 00:19:33,256 --> 00:19:34,043 About what? 452 00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:35,381 Anything. 453 00:19:35,555 --> 00:19:37,213 All right. 454 00:19:37,386 --> 00:19:40,181 These cats are more than just pets, sir. 455 00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:41,590 Why, just this morning-- 456 00:19:41,768 --> 00:19:43,682 Excuse me! Where is the manager? 457 00:19:43,856 --> 00:19:50,060 I'm from the government, and I'm here to inspect your chicken nuggets. 458 00:19:52,238 --> 00:19:53,902 Uh-oh. Look at Shorty. 459 00:19:54,068 --> 00:19:57,942 This honky grandma be trippin'. 460 00:20:00,248 --> 00:20:02,071 What's up, America? 461 00:20:02,246 --> 00:20:05,033 I'm coming into your house live. 462 00:20:05,206 --> 00:20:07,703 Lemme hear you say "We love you, Tracy." 463 00:20:07,877 --> 00:20:10,081 We love you, Tracy! 464 00:20:10,256 --> 00:20:13,462 I am the third heat! 465 00:20:17,096 --> 00:20:20,013 He's brilliant. 466 00:20:23,595 --> 00:20:24,343 Are you drunk? 467 00:20:24,517 --> 00:20:26,220 Yes. 468 00:20:26,397 --> 00:20:27,222 Why did you fire Pete? 469 00:20:27,398 --> 00:20:28,853 Why did you disappear all night? 470 00:20:29,025 --> 00:20:30,232 Is this some kind of a power play? 471 00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:31,272 Yeah, yeah. 472 00:20:31,448 --> 00:20:34,312 It's not so fun being "hands on" with these bloodsuckers, is it? 473 00:20:34,485 --> 00:20:35,611 Could we talk about this on Monday? 474 00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:37,821 No. I want Pete back. 475 00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:40,491 I want it in writing that Jenna's job is safe, 476 00:20:40,655 --> 00:20:45,373 and I want a cappuccino machine for the writers' room. 477 00:20:45,537 --> 00:20:46,580 Fine. 478 00:20:46,747 --> 00:20:47,700 I thought you were going to quit. 479 00:20:47,876 --> 00:20:49,790 Yeah, well, you don't know everything about me. 480 00:20:49,955 --> 00:20:53,210 You weigh 127 pounds. 481 00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,880 Yeah. 482 00:21:03,935 --> 00:21:07,262 Thank you, good night. 483 00:21:07,557 --> 00:21:11,523 You will be hearing from Peanut's lawyer. 484 00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:13,601 Good night, sleep tight. 485 00:21:13,777 --> 00:21:18,401 I can't wait to do this with you every week.