1 00:00:00,300 --> 00:00:03,630 - Where are Tracy and Jenna? We're supposed to be rehearsing. 2 00:00:03,630 --> 00:00:05,430 - Hey, L.L., sorry we haven't had 3 00:00:05,430 --> 00:00:09,070 time to get into our costumes yet. 4 00:00:09,070 --> 00:00:11,030 - How are we already behind today? 5 00:00:11,030 --> 00:00:13,550 - Liz, women wearing Men's watches is so over. 6 00:00:13,550 --> 00:00:15,550 The New thing is to get an Adam's apple. 7 00:00:15,550 --> 00:00:17,070 - My mom just had this fixed for me. 8 00:00:17,070 --> 00:00:18,630 It was my grandfather's. 9 00:00:18,630 --> 00:00:21,030 He worked for years at union Station in D.C. 10 00:00:21,030 --> 00:00:22,790 As a pickpocket. 11 00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:24,510 - Hey, Hey, hey. Card game, guys. 12 00:00:24,510 --> 00:00:25,550 $20 per, pot's $1,040. 13 00:00:25,550 --> 00:00:26,630 Who's in? 14 00:00:26,630 --> 00:00:28,510 - What is this, jabba's pleasure skiff? 15 00:00:28,510 --> 00:00:29,830 - It's the crew lottery, Liz. 16 00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:30,830 You buy a card. 17 00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:32,790 If it gets picked, you win $1,000. 18 00:00:32,790 --> 00:00:34,750 Get a tub of New suits from the suit emporium. 19 00:00:34,750 --> 00:00:36,750 Kabletown guys notice. Your hair grows back. 20 00:00:36,750 --> 00:00:38,630 Everything grows back. 21 00:00:38,630 --> 00:00:40,030 - All right. Anybody else? 22 00:00:40,030 --> 00:00:41,590 - Fine, I'll take one 23 00:00:41,590 --> 00:00:44,150 if it'll get everybody back to work sooner. 24 00:00:44,150 --> 00:00:47,110 - [scoffs] 25 00:00:47,110 --> 00:00:48,230 - What are you doing? 26 00:00:48,230 --> 00:00:51,070 That game is not for softhands and faceworkers. 27 00:00:51,070 --> 00:00:52,830 It's for strongs and lifters. 28 00:00:52,830 --> 00:00:55,110 - They hate when one of us wins. 29 00:00:55,110 --> 00:00:57,990 [crowd booing] Your boos are not scaring me. 30 00:00:57,990 --> 00:01:00,030 I know most of you are not ghosts. 31 00:01:00,030 --> 00:01:01,350 - Come on, my card only has 32 00:01:01,350 --> 00:01:03,990 a 1 in 52 chance of getting picked anyway. 33 00:01:03,990 --> 00:01:06,710 - How did you know that? You're like rain man. 34 00:01:06,710 --> 00:01:08,070 Quick, how many toothpicks are on the ground? 35 00:01:08,070 --> 00:01:12,110 - Zero. - You need to go to vegas. 36 00:01:12,110 --> 00:01:13,990 - Whoa, why is toofer in the punishment corner? 37 00:01:13,990 --> 00:01:15,470 - [BrItish pronunciation] I said time to end the charade 38 00:01:15,470 --> 00:01:17,870 and adjust my schedule to buy a new vase. 39 00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:20,910 - Ugh, you stay there. You stay there until you die. 40 00:01:20,910 --> 00:01:24,630 - Look up the pronunciation for "schedule" on the internet. 41 00:01:24,630 --> 00:01:25,790 - [Jack's voice] Schedule. 42 00:01:25,790 --> 00:01:27,910 - Ha! Stay in the corner. 43 00:01:27,910 --> 00:01:31,310 - Wait, that computer. It's Jack's voice! 44 00:01:31,310 --> 00:01:32,310 - [Jack's voice] America. 45 00:01:32,310 --> 00:01:34,870 Whiskey. Liberal. 46 00:01:34,870 --> 00:01:36,470 - No. That can't be Jack. 47 00:01:36,470 --> 00:01:38,550 Why would his voice be on some random website? 48 00:01:38,550 --> 00:01:39,590 It's impossible. 49 00:01:39,590 --> 00:01:41,350 - [Jack's voice] Lemon... 50 00:01:41,350 --> 00:01:44,030 lesbian...frankenstein... wants her shoes back. 51 00:01:44,030 --> 00:01:45,870 - Oh, my god. It is him. 52 00:01:45,870 --> 00:01:48,990 [exciting jazz music] 53 00:01:48,990 --> 00:02:04,430 ♪ ♪ 54 00:02:04,430 --> 00:02:06,510 - Come in, Lemon. 55 00:02:06,510 --> 00:02:09,310 Just revisiting some old g.E. Quarterly reports. 56 00:02:09,310 --> 00:02:14,470 My first cover from My first year at the company in 1985. 57 00:02:14,470 --> 00:02:17,350 - Ah! - Ha! Good times. 58 00:02:17,350 --> 00:02:20,110 Just out of frame is a wheelbarrow full of cocaine. 59 00:02:20,110 --> 00:02:23,190 - So why the trip down memory lame? 60 00:02:23,190 --> 00:02:26,310 Ha ha! High-fiving a million angels. 61 00:02:26,310 --> 00:02:29,830 - The Microwave Division quarterly report 62 00:02:29,830 --> 00:02:30,950 comes out today. 63 00:02:30,950 --> 00:02:33,350 It will probably be my last with g.E. 64 00:02:33,350 --> 00:02:35,110 Now that I'm transitioning to kabletown. 65 00:02:35,110 --> 00:02:37,990 I've been a g.E. Man for 25 years. 66 00:02:37,990 --> 00:02:39,990 And a g.E. Woman for one week 67 00:02:39,990 --> 00:02:44,910 of corporate espionage at revlon. 68 00:02:44,910 --> 00:02:45,990 - So... 69 00:02:45,990 --> 00:02:48,750 is there any way you could possibly be the voice of 70 00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:50,070 pronouncify.Com? 71 00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:52,110 - What? 72 00:02:52,110 --> 00:02:54,590 No! 73 00:02:54,590 --> 00:02:56,270 - [Jack's voice] Those bastards. 74 00:02:56,270 --> 00:02:58,470 - Those bastards! - Who bastards? 75 00:02:58,470 --> 00:03:00,710 - Part of my princeton Scholarship included 76 00:03:00,710 --> 00:03:02,550 work for the linguistics department. 77 00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:04,990 They wanted me to record every word of the dictionary 78 00:03:04,990 --> 00:03:06,990 to preserve the perfect American accent 79 00:03:06,990 --> 00:03:08,030 in case of nuclear war. 80 00:03:08,030 --> 00:03:09,270 Well, the cold War ended, 81 00:03:09,270 --> 00:03:11,670 and princeton began selling the recordings. 82 00:03:11,670 --> 00:03:13,790 - So people can just buy your voice? 83 00:03:13,790 --> 00:03:16,470 - Oh, the things It's been dragged into. 84 00:03:16,470 --> 00:03:17,910 Thomas the tank engine. 85 00:03:17,910 --> 00:03:19,550 Wu-Tang songs. 86 00:03:19,550 --> 00:03:22,030 - [Jack's voice] ♪ Ah, yeah, just like that ♪ 87 00:03:22,030 --> 00:03:25,350 ♪ make 'em clap, make 'em clap ♪ 88 00:03:25,350 --> 00:03:27,750 - huh, I always forget you used to be poor. 89 00:03:27,750 --> 00:03:29,070 - Thank you. 90 00:03:29,070 --> 00:03:31,710 But Yes, I've had to work my entire life. 91 00:03:31,710 --> 00:03:34,510 It began when my father left and I started working 92 00:03:34,510 --> 00:03:38,350 on the Boston docks as a 12-year-old stevedore. 93 00:03:38,350 --> 00:03:40,390 Bales up, you micks! Bales up! 94 00:03:40,390 --> 00:03:42,030 - You've been working since you were 12? 95 00:03:42,030 --> 00:03:43,030 - I had to. 96 00:03:43,030 --> 00:03:44,990 Those jobs put me through college, 97 00:03:44,990 --> 00:03:48,030 But they also kept me from having the college experience. 98 00:03:48,030 --> 00:03:50,350 I was up early every morning, working my way 99 00:03:50,350 --> 00:03:52,230 through the dictionary for the linguistics department 100 00:03:52,230 --> 00:03:56,070 or sweeping the floors at the princeton monkey lab. 101 00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:58,470 It wasn't the feces that got to you, Lemon. 102 00:03:58,470 --> 00:04:02,030 It was the crudely scrawled notes of "help me." 103 00:04:02,030 --> 00:04:05,350 - Yeah, well, college wasn't that fun, Jack. 104 00:04:05,350 --> 00:04:07,950 I mean, sure, the first two weeks are nice. 105 00:04:07,950 --> 00:04:09,870 - Lemon, I really don't have time for a long-- 106 00:04:09,870 --> 00:04:11,550 - the fall of 1988. 107 00:04:11,550 --> 00:04:14,310 A young Liz Lemon enters the university of Maryland. 108 00:04:14,310 --> 00:04:15,990 Richard Marx haircut. 109 00:04:15,990 --> 00:04:19,270 Pilonidal Cyst under control. It was a magical time, Jack. 110 00:04:19,270 --> 00:04:20,470 - Don't worry about getting to your point. 111 00:04:20,470 --> 00:04:21,950 I'm going to live forever. 112 00:04:21,950 --> 00:04:25,310 - The registrar accidentally gave me a handicapped room. 113 00:04:25,310 --> 00:04:26,630 It was huge, 114 00:04:26,630 --> 00:04:29,510 and for two weeks it was party central. 115 00:04:29,510 --> 00:04:32,750 I was popular. People gave me nicknames. 116 00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:36,710 A blonde girl high-fived me. 117 00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,870 But then, like all good things, 118 00:04:38,870 --> 00:04:42,070 it ended before it even began. 119 00:04:42,070 --> 00:04:45,310 - Lemon, that's actually my thoughtful Window-staring spot. 120 00:04:45,310 --> 00:04:48,950 Visitors stare...over here. 121 00:04:48,950 --> 00:04:51,910 - [quietly] Okay. 122 00:04:51,910 --> 00:04:55,550 [both sigh] 123 00:04:55,550 --> 00:04:56,790 - All right, guys. 124 00:04:56,790 --> 00:04:57,870 The moment we've all been waiting for. 125 00:04:57,870 --> 00:04:58,910 We're picking a Winner. Here we go. 126 00:04:58,910 --> 00:05:00,270 - This is the lucky one. Four of clubs. 127 00:05:00,270 --> 00:05:01,710 Paula's nickname for my penis. 128 00:05:01,710 --> 00:05:04,590 - And the winning card is... 129 00:05:04,590 --> 00:05:07,190 the queen of spades! - All right. 130 00:05:07,190 --> 00:05:08,430 - Who's got it? - Oh, brother. 131 00:05:08,430 --> 00:05:12,110 - Queen of spades. Who's got it? 132 00:05:12,110 --> 00:05:14,350 - Aw. - Oh. 133 00:05:14,350 --> 00:05:17,390 - Come on. - Boo! 134 00:05:17,390 --> 00:05:20,190 - She sucks! - Boo! 135 00:05:20,190 --> 00:05:22,350 - Guys, guys. I'm not gonna keep it. 136 00:05:22,350 --> 00:05:26,470 I'm gonna take this money and open a tab for all of you 137 00:05:26,470 --> 00:05:28,110 after work at Hurley's. 138 00:05:28,110 --> 00:05:31,990 - Wait, for real? - You know it, arriflex. 139 00:05:31,990 --> 00:05:34,390 Chris...is this guy. 140 00:05:34,390 --> 00:05:35,790 - Now, that is really cool of you. 141 00:05:35,790 --> 00:05:39,300 [all cheer] 142 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,640 - Lemon? 143 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:50,960 Can you make sense of this? 144 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:54,720 - Well, on some level, Yeah. That's a four. 145 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:55,800 That's a nine. 146 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,320 - Something's wrong here, Lemon. 147 00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:59,120 According to these numbers, the microwave division 148 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,840 had their best quarter in five years. 149 00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:04,800 - So? - So they did it without me. 150 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:06,840 - No, they didn't. 151 00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:09,360 I mean, you're still the head of that division. 152 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:10,760 You hired everyone there. 153 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:13,120 If they succeeded, it's because of you. 154 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:15,800 - Lemon, that's the smartest thing you've ever said. 155 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:16,920 - Really? 156 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:18,040 What about three years ago when I said 157 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,800 there Should be more tv shows about cake? 158 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:22,200 - I'll drive out to r&D IN STAMFORD, 159 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:23,520 congratulate my team, 160 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:25,320 make Sure everyone remembers who got them there. 161 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:26,960 They'll probably give me a crystal plaque, 162 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:28,920 and I in turn will reward one of them 163 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:31,840 with a name remembrance. 164 00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:33,320 Lemon, why does your crew look drunk? 165 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,840 - I won $1,000 and I gave them all a bar tab, 166 00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:37,840 and they got drunk at lunch and now they like me. 167 00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:40,800 - Oh, Lemon, please. Money can't buy happiness. 168 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:46,760 It is happiness. 169 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:50,200 - [Jack's voIce] I love unicorns. 170 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,440 - I told them not to. Let's get out of here, Jack. 171 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:55,880 - I'll tell you what. 172 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:57,920 Make me say anything you want. 173 00:06:57,920 --> 00:06:59,280 Get it out of your system. 174 00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:01,600 - [Jack's voice] Obama is very presidential. 175 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:02,600 - All right, enough! 176 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:04,240 I was trying to be a good sport, 177 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:05,840 but you should be ashamed of yourselves. 178 00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:08,040 A bunch of 30-year-olds, sitting around 179 00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:09,280 acting like college freshmen. 180 00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:10,800 - Hey, I'm almost 46. 181 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:12,520 - When some of us had to spend their freshman year 182 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:14,120 making those recordings. 183 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:17,120 And leading a disastrous monkey escape. 184 00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:18,400 Grow up... 185 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:21,440 you children. 186 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:29,640 - [Jack's voice] That went well. 187 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,040 - Never did this before. 188 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:36,440 Say Hey, Willie mays. 189 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:38,840 You know, usually everyone around here 190 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:40,040 makes me feel like hitler. 191 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:43,640 But today I feel like hitler in Germany. 192 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:47,280 - Aw, being popular must be such a new experience for you. 193 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:50,680 - Well, it's not entirely new. 194 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,480 - Wow, I would experiment with that girl. 195 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:55,160 - Too small. - That's me 196 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:56,680 for two weeks in college. 197 00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:59,800 I was popular for one glorious fortnight. 198 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,480 And then it went away. I don't know what I did wrong. 199 00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:04,160 - You probably said "fortnight." 200 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:06,320 - No, you didn't do anything, Liz. 201 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:07,800 You were just you. 202 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,160 The cool people figured that out and treated you accordingly. 203 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:11,880 - Well, ever since I gave the crew that lottery money, 204 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,080 it's felt like those two weeks again. 205 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,360 And you know what? I'm not blowing it this time. 206 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:17,720 - Hang on, you know 207 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:18,920 [British pronunciation] this charade can't last. 208 00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:22,160 Just like in college, Everyone here has their role. 209 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:23,760 I'm the hot blonde. 210 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:25,200 - And I'm the nerd who takes off his glasses 211 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:27,360 and Everyone realizes he's handsome. 212 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:29,200 - And you're the r.A. 213 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:32,880 - Only if r.A. Stands for "really awesome." 214 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:37,120 - You are who you are. 215 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:40,000 [phone rings] - Hello? 216 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,880 - [Jack's voice] Hello, Pete. 217 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:45,080 This is Jack. - Jack, hi. 218 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:46,240 Oh, okay, look. 219 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:47,720 What happened was Suzanne from ad sales 220 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:49,520 got pushed into me in the elevator. 221 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:50,960 I didn't try to touch her. 222 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,760 And the sort of "unh" sound I made 223 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:55,760 was about something else. 224 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:58,760 - [Jack's voice] Pete, will you be my friend? 225 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:01,080 - Your friend? Sure, of course. 226 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:02,840 You know, whenever I tell my wife a work story, 227 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:04,360 she pointed this out the other day-- 228 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:05,800 I always... 229 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:07,840 always smile a little when I'm talking about you. 230 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:10,560 - [Jack's voIce] I wish I was more 231 00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:13,000 of a free spirit like you. 232 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,160 Now freestyle rap for me. 233 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:18,400 - ♪ Rollin' with my homie, me and Jackie d. ♪ 234 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,480 ♪ Bitches get ready for a sex party ♪ 235 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:22,960 [laughter] 236 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,600 - Hey, Liz, think fast. 237 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,800 [glass shatters] 238 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:27,840 - Okay, this is why we don't 239 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:30,240 play football in the studio, guys. 240 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,040 'cause it's too much fun. 241 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:34,600 - No, no. Nobody high-five her. 242 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:36,960 - What? It's me, the lizard. 243 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:38,480 You can start calling me that. 244 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:40,000 - Look, we appreciate what you did for the crew last night, 245 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,480 but you left some people out and that's not cool. 246 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:44,440 - What are you talking about? The Blizzard wouldn't do that. 247 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:45,800 That's another option. 248 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,840 - Yeah, the alcoholics, Liz? 249 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:50,600 How are they supposed to enjoy your bar tab? 250 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,720 - I didn't forget about them, Chris. 251 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:54,840 Their thing just hasn't gotten here yet. 252 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,080 - Really? - Yeah. 253 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,080 It's a surprise. 254 00:09:58,080 --> 00:09:59,120 And who knows what it's gonna be? 255 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:05,840 Only the blizbian knows. - All right. 256 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:08,960 - How long do you think this can go on? 257 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,640 - I've got it under control. 258 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:11,720 - This is why I hated my first two weeks 259 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:15,200 at the royal tampa academy of dramatic tricks. 260 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,480 No one knew who was the sluttiest. 261 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:19,920 But I showed them. Oh, I showed them all. 262 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,600 And when we graduated a week later-- 263 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:24,360 - whatever. Jenna. People's perceptions can change. 264 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:25,840 - Can they? Look at me. 265 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:27,400 I'm ogbert the nerd. 266 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:30,800 Always have been, always will be. 267 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:34,160 - Look, there is no cool Liz. There's Only r.A. Liz. 268 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:36,840 - You're wrong. 269 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:39,080 - My glasses are dirty. 270 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:44,080 - Ogbert? 271 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,760 - Ah, the microwave lab. 272 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:48,760 Boys, I received our 273 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:53,160 quarterly report yesterday and, uh--hang on. 274 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:57,760 Ajay, raj, ramesh. What's going on here? 275 00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,680 Where are dinesh, Kumar, and sunavo? 276 00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:01,840 - Sir, this lab requires clearance. 277 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:04,280 - Clearance? I'm your boss. 278 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:06,880 I'm Jack donaghy. 279 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:07,880 - I'm sorry, your names all sound 280 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:09,160 the same to us, John Donovan. 281 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:11,920 - I've worked here since 1985. 282 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:14,040 I spearheaded the trivection oven. 283 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,000 - Trivection? What is this, 2009? 284 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,160 [laughter] 285 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:21,880 The future is the tk-421. 286 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:24,360 - A new model? 287 00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:25,840 How many vections does it have? 288 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:27,520 - Five. - [gasps] 289 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:28,520 - It's the perfect microwave. 290 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:32,360 It even has a new voice feature. 291 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:33,920 - [Jack's voice] Popcorn setting medium. 292 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:35,640 - My god. - Which one? 293 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:38,360 - Gentlemen, I am still the head of this division. 294 00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:41,800 And no microwave ships without my say-so. 295 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,600 And I guarantee you that without my 25 years of experience 296 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,480 you did not build a perfect microwave. 297 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,800 Now I'm going to find out what's wrong with this machine, 298 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:52,480 and when I do, you're going to wish 299 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:53,720 you'd never been born. 300 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:59,240 - Well, which time? 301 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,680 - [groans] 302 00:12:05,710 --> 00:12:06,790 - Ah. 303 00:12:06,790 --> 00:12:08,230 What are you tinkering with, sir? 304 00:12:08,230 --> 00:12:10,470 You know my uncle was a tinkerer. 305 00:12:10,470 --> 00:12:11,990 Until the FBI shot him. 306 00:12:11,990 --> 00:12:13,630 - Every g.E. Product has to be 307 00:12:13,630 --> 00:12:15,710 no more than six sigmas from perfection. 308 00:12:15,710 --> 00:12:16,950 - Duh. 309 00:12:16,950 --> 00:12:19,150 - So I'm taking apart this piece of junk 310 00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:21,470 until I prove that it should never be released. 311 00:12:21,470 --> 00:12:22,830 For the, uh, good of the company. 312 00:12:22,830 --> 00:12:27,390 - [Jack's voice] Ready, ready. 313 00:12:27,390 --> 00:12:29,070 - Is this about the company, sir? 314 00:12:29,070 --> 00:12:30,350 Or is it about you? 315 00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:31,590 - I'm sorry, Kenneth. What? 316 00:12:31,590 --> 00:12:33,950 - Sometimes a place can be so special to you 317 00:12:33,950 --> 00:12:35,670 that it feels like it 318 00:12:35,670 --> 00:12:37,230 couldn't possibly continue after you're gone. 319 00:12:37,230 --> 00:12:40,430 But after I left kentucky mountain Bible college, 320 00:12:40,430 --> 00:12:42,550 it still kept going. 321 00:12:42,550 --> 00:12:45,190 Until it was shut down because of the wolves. 322 00:12:45,190 --> 00:12:49,190 Maybe this is really about you not being able to let go. 323 00:12:49,190 --> 00:12:50,230 - Tell me, Kenneth. 324 00:12:50,230 --> 00:12:52,470 What did you major in at that college? 325 00:12:52,470 --> 00:12:55,230 - Television studies with a minor in Bible sexuality. 326 00:12:55,230 --> 00:12:57,910 - So not psychiatry. Thank you. 327 00:12:57,910 --> 00:12:59,230 But if you really want to help me, 328 00:12:59,230 --> 00:13:03,030 stick your hand in There and see if you get a shock. 329 00:13:03,030 --> 00:13:07,110 - Aah! My hand! 330 00:13:07,110 --> 00:13:14,550 - Damn it, it's supposed to do that. 331 00:13:14,550 --> 00:13:16,550 - Everyone enjoying the ice cream? 332 00:13:16,550 --> 00:13:18,230 - Yes! - Yeah! 333 00:13:18,230 --> 00:13:19,550 - I don't even care that we've taken 334 00:13:19,550 --> 00:13:22,670 a 73-minute break To eat it. 335 00:13:22,670 --> 00:13:24,150 [dog barking] - Oh! 336 00:13:24,150 --> 00:13:25,990 Hey, somebody brought a dog to work. 337 00:13:25,990 --> 00:13:27,270 Oh, and it definitely doesn't have 338 00:13:27,270 --> 00:13:30,190 any of its own waste on its feet--oh! 339 00:13:30,190 --> 00:13:33,710 - Hey, why is Tony sulking? 340 00:13:33,710 --> 00:13:35,190 - I couldn't go to the bar 341 00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:37,430 and now I can't have any ice cream. 342 00:13:37,430 --> 00:13:38,630 - I totally forgot, broseph. 343 00:13:38,630 --> 00:13:39,830 You're a lactose-intolerant alcoholic. 344 00:13:39,830 --> 00:13:42,350 - I tried to forget too, But Liz made me remember 345 00:13:42,350 --> 00:13:43,510 in front of everybody. 346 00:13:43,510 --> 00:13:46,350 - Poor Tony. - Not cool, Liz. 347 00:13:46,350 --> 00:13:48,030 - How not cool is this? 348 00:13:48,030 --> 00:13:51,030 I remembered how special Tony is, 349 00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:55,670 and that's why I got him this watch. 350 00:13:55,670 --> 00:13:59,230 - Hey, you think of everything. 351 00:13:59,230 --> 00:14:02,150 - Lizard, lizard, lizard! 352 00:14:02,150 --> 00:14:03,230 - Lizard, lizard! 353 00:14:03,230 --> 00:14:06,510 ALL: Lizard! Lizard! Lizard! 354 00:14:06,510 --> 00:14:08,390 Lizard! Lizard! 355 00:14:08,390 --> 00:14:10,350 Lizard! Lizard! 356 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,310 Lizard! Lizard! 357 00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:15,670 - [Jack's voice] Pete, can I tell you a secret? 358 00:14:15,670 --> 00:14:16,550 - Of course. 359 00:14:16,550 --> 00:14:18,470 I told you about my blankie. 360 00:14:18,470 --> 00:14:20,870 - [Jack's voIce] I'm lonely. 361 00:14:20,870 --> 00:14:24,630 Would you like to come to my office 362 00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:26,710 tomorrow Evening and Hang out? 363 00:14:26,710 --> 00:14:28,550 Bring your guitar 364 00:14:28,550 --> 00:14:31,110 and some beer in Cans 365 00:14:31,110 --> 00:14:33,270 and we will jam. 366 00:14:33,270 --> 00:14:34,630 - Okay! Yeah, great. 367 00:14:34,630 --> 00:14:36,230 And with the kabletown stuff, maybe we could 368 00:14:36,230 --> 00:14:38,670 talk about some new opportunities for me? 369 00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:40,670 - [Jack's voice] Yes, I will make 370 00:14:40,670 --> 00:14:42,030 your dreams come True. 371 00:14:42,030 --> 00:14:46,270 Make sure you wear one of those mexican ponchos. 372 00:14:46,270 --> 00:14:47,550 - Okay. 373 00:14:47,550 --> 00:14:50,510 - Yes, nice. 374 00:14:50,510 --> 00:14:52,190 - Yeah! 375 00:14:52,190 --> 00:15:00,390 - All right, Kenneth. Simulate a rainstorm. 376 00:15:00,390 --> 00:15:03,270 - Sir, I was wrong about the hypothermia. 377 00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:04,950 I don't even feel cold anymore. 378 00:15:04,950 --> 00:15:06,550 I don't feel anything. 379 00:15:06,550 --> 00:15:08,110 - Quiet. Look. 380 00:15:08,110 --> 00:15:10,150 The display is malfunctioning. 381 00:15:10,150 --> 00:15:11,470 - [Jack's voice] Defrost. Power. 382 00:15:11,470 --> 00:15:13,830 Time. Left. Pizza. - Oh, really? 383 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,590 That's how much time is left? Pizza? 384 00:15:15,590 --> 00:15:17,630 - Mr. Donaghy, I don't know 385 00:15:17,630 --> 00:15:18,910 what point you think you're proving. 386 00:15:18,910 --> 00:15:21,910 Who would microwave something in a freezing rainstorm? 387 00:15:21,910 --> 00:15:23,590 - Why don't you ask choctee, 388 00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:26,510 an inuit who wants a hot bowl of naglak... 389 00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:29,150 a man and food I just made up to illustrate a point? 390 00:15:29,150 --> 00:15:31,590 - Sir, you have to let go. 391 00:15:31,590 --> 00:15:33,630 At least that's what my Nana is telling me 392 00:15:33,630 --> 00:15:36,630 from that tunnel of light behind you. 393 00:15:36,630 --> 00:15:38,550 - Kenneth, I've told you this before. 394 00:15:38,550 --> 00:15:42,470 Your Nana is an idiot. 395 00:15:42,470 --> 00:15:44,590 - Liz, we're pranking Pete, and It's going too far. 396 00:15:44,590 --> 00:15:45,710 Please stop us. 397 00:15:45,710 --> 00:15:47,190 - Why would I? I love pranks. 398 00:15:47,190 --> 00:15:50,190 I'm not the r.A. 399 00:15:50,190 --> 00:15:52,150 - No. [whimpers] 400 00:15:52,150 --> 00:15:57,830 Ooh, But someone has to be that person. 401 00:15:57,830 --> 00:16:01,630 Hey. Everyone stop. Listen to Lutz. 402 00:16:01,630 --> 00:16:07,110 [all chattering] 403 00:16:07,110 --> 00:16:09,670 - Hello, gentlemen. Remember me? 404 00:16:09,670 --> 00:16:10,670 - Yes, I had the greek salad. 405 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,190 - You know I'm not a delivery man. 406 00:16:12,190 --> 00:16:18,270 I'm wearing a suit and carrying a microwave. 407 00:16:18,270 --> 00:16:23,590 A so-called perfect microwave. 408 00:16:23,590 --> 00:16:26,070 - [Jack's voice] Start time. 1985. 409 00:16:26,070 --> 00:16:29,190 - 1985. That's not a time. 410 00:16:29,190 --> 00:16:31,310 I guess it could be a year. 411 00:16:31,310 --> 00:16:32,830 The year I started working here, actually. 412 00:16:32,830 --> 00:16:34,470 That's interesting. 413 00:16:34,470 --> 00:16:35,830 - [Jack's voice] 1985. 414 00:16:35,830 --> 00:16:37,830 - Yes, 1985. Thank you. 415 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:40,150 And since 1985 I have never allowed 416 00:16:40,150 --> 00:16:42,310 a sub-par product-- 417 00:16:42,310 --> 00:16:43,670 - [Jack's voice] stop. 418 00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,870 - The point is, my legacy here is-- 419 00:16:45,870 --> 00:16:47,070 - [Jack's voice] over. 420 00:16:47,070 --> 00:16:49,150 [microwave beeping] Done. Over. 421 00:16:49,150 --> 00:16:50,190 End. 422 00:16:50,190 --> 00:16:55,590 Stop. 423 00:16:55,590 --> 00:16:56,990 - That's my voice. 424 00:16:56,990 --> 00:16:59,270 - You all sound the same to us, jock dungaree. 425 00:16:59,270 --> 00:17:01,550 - That was me... 426 00:17:01,550 --> 00:17:04,350 30 years ago. 427 00:17:04,350 --> 00:17:06,590 A young man who dreamed of running this company, 428 00:17:06,590 --> 00:17:10,190 who made a lot of sacrifices in pursuit of that dream. 429 00:17:10,190 --> 00:17:12,670 - [Jack's voice] Goodbye. Potato. Goodbye. 430 00:17:12,670 --> 00:17:17,190 - But he's right. It's over. 431 00:17:17,190 --> 00:17:20,310 Congratulations on making 432 00:17:20,310 --> 00:17:29,670 the finest microwave I've ever seen. 433 00:17:29,670 --> 00:17:30,870 - Who ordered the greek salad? 434 00:17:30,870 --> 00:17:40,470 - Are we racist, or do Those guys look a lot alike? 435 00:17:40,470 --> 00:17:43,310 - You ready for this, j-dog? 436 00:17:43,310 --> 00:17:45,310 Jam out, drink some brews? 437 00:17:45,310 --> 00:17:49,390 Talk about everything and nothing. 438 00:17:49,390 --> 00:17:52,990 - After today, that is exactly what I am ready for. 439 00:17:52,990 --> 00:17:55,350 Beer me. 440 00:17:55,350 --> 00:18:00,830 [sighs] 441 00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:02,590 Sitting around drinking beer 442 00:18:02,590 --> 00:18:04,950 while a guy in a poncho plays guitar. 443 00:18:04,950 --> 00:18:07,670 This is what I always pictured college being like. 444 00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:09,030 - I wouldn't really know. 445 00:18:09,030 --> 00:18:10,590 I only had about two weeks of real college 446 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:14,630 before Paula got pregnant...twice. 447 00:18:14,630 --> 00:18:16,470 She had overlapping pregnancies five months apart. 448 00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:17,510 - [sighs] 449 00:18:17,510 --> 00:18:20,590 Hey, Pete, do you know aqualung? 450 00:18:20,590 --> 00:18:22,270 - [chuckles] 451 00:18:22,270 --> 00:18:23,830 - ♪ Ba Ba BA BA ba ba ♪ 452 00:18:23,830 --> 00:18:26,190 - ♪ sitting on a park bench ♪ 453 00:18:26,190 --> 00:18:27,790 ♪ neer neer neer ♪ 454 00:18:27,790 --> 00:18:33,390 ♪ I don't know the words except Park bench ♪ 455 00:18:33,390 --> 00:18:36,870 - Jimmy slice. K-bone. 456 00:18:36,870 --> 00:18:39,790 Mikey-Mike. 457 00:18:39,790 --> 00:18:41,750 - Do not even use my awesome nickname. 458 00:18:41,750 --> 00:18:42,910 - What? Why? 459 00:18:42,910 --> 00:18:44,270 Crisco? 460 00:18:44,270 --> 00:18:46,870 - Did you give Tony your grandfather's watch? 461 00:18:46,870 --> 00:18:48,710 - No. You can't prove that. 462 00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:51,310 - Hmm. Ah. 463 00:18:51,310 --> 00:18:54,550 Not stolen property of adolf Lemon? 464 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:57,430 Why would you do that? To get us to like you? 465 00:18:57,430 --> 00:18:58,510 Are you that desperate? 466 00:18:58,510 --> 00:18:59,950 - No, I'm not desperate. 467 00:18:59,950 --> 00:19:02,470 I'm... [stammers] 468 00:19:02,470 --> 00:19:03,990 just tell me what you want me to say and I'll say it! 469 00:19:03,990 --> 00:19:06,310 - Liz, it's over. 470 00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:11,270 They know what you really are. 471 00:19:11,270 --> 00:19:14,350 - Fine, you found me out. I'm not a cool kid. 472 00:19:14,350 --> 00:19:17,310 - You suck! 473 00:19:17,310 --> 00:19:19,510 - You know who I am? 474 00:19:19,510 --> 00:19:21,350 I'm the r.A. 475 00:19:21,350 --> 00:19:24,670 And do you know what the r.A.'s purview is? 476 00:19:24,670 --> 00:19:26,550 Rules. And guess what? 477 00:19:26,550 --> 00:19:28,510 According to the nbc employee handbook, 478 00:19:28,510 --> 00:19:31,550 your little card game lottery constitutes gambling. 479 00:19:31,550 --> 00:19:33,270 So you're not doing it anymore. 480 00:19:33,270 --> 00:19:34,590 - What? - Come on. 481 00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:35,670 - Boo! 482 00:19:35,670 --> 00:19:36,790 - Also, the next time I see someone 483 00:19:36,790 --> 00:19:39,670 throwing a football in here, there will be fines. 484 00:19:39,670 --> 00:19:42,470 And if I see that filthy dog again, 485 00:19:42,470 --> 00:19:44,430 I will put it down. - [all gasp] 486 00:19:44,430 --> 00:19:48,190 - I will put it down with a smile. 487 00:19:48,190 --> 00:19:49,670 Back to work, everyone! 488 00:19:49,670 --> 00:19:53,990 [crowd booIng] 489 00:19:53,990 --> 00:19:55,910 I love you too. 490 00:19:55,910 --> 00:19:59,310 High-fiving a million angels. 491 00:19:59,310 --> 00:20:03,230 - Hey, Pete, how do I know that the colors you see 492 00:20:03,230 --> 00:20:05,310 are the same as the colors that I see? 493 00:20:05,310 --> 00:20:07,590 Maybe what I see as red, 494 00:20:07,590 --> 00:20:09,470 you perceive as green. 495 00:20:09,470 --> 00:20:12,110 - We should be writing this stuff down. 496 00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:14,470 - Oh, I didn't think anybody would be in here. 497 00:20:14,470 --> 00:20:16,550 I mean, I brought you guys a pizza. 498 00:20:16,550 --> 00:20:19,190 - Lemon, think fast! 499 00:20:19,190 --> 00:20:21,510 - What is going on here? 500 00:20:21,510 --> 00:20:23,550 - Join us. 501 00:20:23,550 --> 00:20:25,790 Pete and I are having a little college night. 502 00:20:25,790 --> 00:20:30,510 - Oh, yeah? Want to see me shotgun this? 503 00:20:30,510 --> 00:20:31,910 - Oh, god, she means the pizza. 504 00:20:31,910 --> 00:20:34,380 - No, she's unhinging her jaw! 505 00:20:37,190 --> 00:20:39,950 - Come on, we were just pranking Pete! 506 00:20:39,950 --> 00:20:41,510 How long do we have to do this? 507 00:20:41,510 --> 00:20:43,830 - You wanted college to go on forever? 508 00:20:43,830 --> 00:20:45,310 You got it. 509 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,000 www.tvsubtitles.net