1
00:00:02,375 --> 00:00:05,444
Andrew and Zelda,
like a lot of new couples,

2
00:00:05,478 --> 00:00:07,679
spent much of their time arm in arm.

3
00:00:07,714 --> 00:00:10,949
To the point that Zelda's friend Stephie

4
00:00:10,984 --> 00:00:14,286
compared them to a pair of figure skaters.

5
00:00:18,458 --> 00:00:21,026
Well, thank you. That
was a real crowd pleaser.

6
00:00:21,060 --> 00:00:22,561
Yeah, we even got high
marks from the Russians.

7
00:00:22,595 --> 00:00:23,562
Yeah. Hi.

8
00:00:23,596 --> 00:00:24,997
Hey.

9
00:00:25,031 --> 00:00:26,465
And despite just having met,

10
00:00:26,499 --> 00:00:29,021
both felt as if they truly knew each other.

11
00:00:29,099 --> 00:00:32,237
Andrew, Andrew, so, I
think your matching app

12
00:00:32,271 --> 00:00:33,671
is a bit of a disaster, hon,

13
00:00:33,706 --> 00:00:36,241
because the kind of men that
are coming through for me,

14
00:00:36,275 --> 00:00:37,942
from Wallflower...

15
00:00:37,977 --> 00:00:39,043
- Ugh.
- Aah!

16
00:00:39,078 --> 00:00:40,612
Scary-looking...

17
00:00:40,646 --> 00:00:42,080
Works in a prison...

18
00:00:42,114 --> 00:00:43,515
Lives in a prison...

19
00:00:43,549 --> 00:00:45,183
- Oh.
- And Channing Tatum,

20
00:00:45,217 --> 00:00:47,418
if Channing Tatum was smashed in the face.

21
00:00:47,453 --> 00:00:48,386
Oh, you know what?

22
00:00:48,420 --> 00:00:49,788
I should set you up with this guy

23
00:00:49,822 --> 00:00:52,991
on my softball team, Calvin,
who's a really awesome guy.

24
00:00:53,025 --> 00:00:55,360
Yes, and he's super cute.

25
00:00:55,394 --> 00:00:57,762
- He...
- But he's not as cute as you. Nope.

26
00:00:57,791 --> 00:00:59,402
Great. What's his last name?

27
00:00:59,437 --> 00:01:01,204
Myerson. Myerson.

28
00:01:01,239 --> 00:01:03,432
- What are you...
- I-it's Lulu.

29
00:01:03,479 --> 00:01:04,691
Ex-boyfriend review app.

30
00:01:04,725 --> 00:01:06,392
A lot of people start with Google,

31
00:01:06,426 --> 00:01:07,894
but I like to lead with Lulu.

32
00:01:07,928 --> 00:01:10,430
Why lead with anything?
Why not just meet him?

33
00:01:10,464 --> 00:01:11,731
Yeah, right.

34
00:01:11,765 --> 00:01:14,394
Why don't I just roofie
myself while I'm at it?

35
00:01:14,441 --> 00:01:17,210
Who meets without getting
someone's information first?

36
00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:20,313
Us. For starters.

37
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,082
That's cute.

38
00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:24,917
You know, I would never say this at work,

39
00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:26,519
but there is research that suggests

40
00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:28,487
that knowing too much
about someone up front

41
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:30,606
- is actually a bad thing.
- Yeah.

42
00:01:30,638 --> 00:01:32,573
Why don't you just,
like, embrace the mystery

43
00:01:32,607 --> 00:01:34,508
and just, you know,
try something different?

44
00:01:34,542 --> 00:01:36,376
Let me think about it. Leave it with me.

45
00:01:36,411 --> 00:01:38,912
But I will remind the group
that the last person I dated

46
00:01:38,947 --> 00:01:40,447
without vetting them was that.

47
00:01:40,482 --> 00:01:42,416
Oh, no. No, no, no.

48
00:01:42,450 --> 00:01:44,284
I thought that Thursday
nights were for Stephie

49
00:01:44,319 --> 00:01:45,419
and Fridays were for st...

50
00:01:45,453 --> 00:01:46,453
- Right? Yeah?
- They are. They are.

51
00:01:46,487 --> 00:01:48,021
He must've gotten them mixed up.

52
00:01:48,056 --> 00:01:49,890
This was an issue

53
00:01:49,924 --> 00:01:51,859
because the last time they were together,

54
00:01:51,893 --> 00:01:53,727
Stephie discovered Stu had lied to her

55
00:01:53,761 --> 00:01:55,996
about being a famous jazz trumpeter

56
00:01:56,030 --> 00:01:58,265
named Scatman des Moines
just to sleep with her.

57
00:02:02,659 --> 00:02:04,493
Maybe they're over it.

58
00:02:04,527 --> 00:02:06,528
Scatman is in the house!

59
00:02:11,664 --> 00:02:15,400
I love that we're at a point
where I can make that joke.

60
00:02:15,434 --> 00:02:16,768
Thank you.

61
00:02:19,271 --> 00:02:20,205
Hmm.

62
00:02:20,239 --> 00:02:22,173
Was that the white scrimshaw ale?

63
00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:23,742
Mmm. That's really lovely.

64
00:02:23,776 --> 00:02:24,943
Waitress, excuse me.

65
00:02:24,977 --> 00:02:27,345
Can I get a glass of this for my mouth?

66
00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:28,613
Thank you so much.

67
00:02:31,817 --> 00:02:34,953
Andrew and Zelda will date

68
00:02:34,987 --> 00:02:38,723
for eight months, three
weeks, five days, and one hour.

69
00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:40,458
This television program

70
00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:43,395
is the comprehensive account
of their relationship...

71
00:02:43,429 --> 00:02:45,597
From a to Z.

72
00:02:53,758 --> 00:02:56,192
It's just, this whole
thing with you and Stephie

73
00:02:56,227 --> 00:02:58,795
is starting to create some
issues for Zelda and I.

74
00:02:58,829 --> 00:03:00,401
Especially now that we're,
you know, getting serious.

75
00:03:00,426 --> 00:03:03,028
So how are you guys gonna break up?

76
00:03:03,062 --> 00:03:04,529
Stu, I'm begging you.

77
00:03:04,564 --> 00:03:06,498
Bury the hatchet.

78
00:03:06,532 --> 00:03:08,900
Hello, boys. Fun night, huh?

79
00:03:08,935 --> 00:03:10,635
Tell that girl who threw a beer on you

80
00:03:10,670 --> 00:03:13,003
that she owes me a new sweater.

81
00:03:14,266 --> 00:03:15,970
After realizing that their boss

82
00:03:16,005 --> 00:03:18,606
had been sitting three
feet away the night before,

83
00:03:18,641 --> 00:03:20,074
Andrew and Stu racked their brains

84
00:03:20,109 --> 00:03:22,243
for everything incriminating
they could have said.

85
00:03:22,278 --> 00:03:24,112
I think I found a way
around our porn block.

86
00:03:24,146 --> 00:03:26,247
I spend half the day looking
out the window at Zelda.

87
00:03:26,282 --> 00:03:27,315
I take home coffee every day.

88
00:03:27,349 --> 00:03:28,616
When I say I have a marketing meeting,

89
00:03:28,651 --> 00:03:29,751
I'm napping in my car.

90
00:03:29,785 --> 00:03:32,620
I deuce in the executive
bathroom exclusively.

91
00:03:32,655 --> 00:03:34,155
We are so expensing this.

92
00:03:34,189 --> 00:03:36,615
Our boss is a total bitch.

93
00:03:36,615 --> 00:03:39,484
To their surprise, it
was none of these things.

94
00:03:39,518 --> 00:03:41,486
You believe meeting "in the wild"

95
00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:43,454
is preferable to online dating?

96
00:03:43,489 --> 00:03:44,622
Uh, no. Uh, Lydia...

97
00:03:44,657 --> 00:03:46,124
Have a little pride in what you do.

98
00:03:46,158 --> 00:03:47,559
- Okay.
- You got caught.

99
00:03:47,593 --> 00:03:52,497
And you, you're gonna find out
just what a "bitch" I can be.

100
00:03:52,531 --> 00:03:54,333
I didn't use air quotes.

101
00:03:54,358 --> 00:03:56,292
I don't know that that's the point.

102
00:03:56,327 --> 00:04:00,296
Last night exposed me
to a harsh truth, Howard.

103
00:04:00,331 --> 00:04:02,498
They talk about me behind my back.

104
00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:04,467
You guys went out without me?

105
00:04:04,501 --> 00:04:07,136
I wonder what else they're saying...

106
00:04:07,384 --> 00:04:10,486
Too bad it isn't legal to read their IMs.

107
00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:12,388
Well, technically, Wallflower
owns all these computers,

108
00:04:12,422 --> 00:04:14,460
so you're entitled to
any information on them.

109
00:04:14,724 --> 00:04:16,992
Dear God, what did I do?

110
00:04:17,027 --> 00:04:18,761
How do I bury the hatchet with Stephie?

111
00:04:18,795 --> 00:04:20,329
What do women want?

112
00:04:20,363 --> 00:04:23,410
Boats, Benedict Cumberbatch, gold.

113
00:04:23,447 --> 00:04:24,714
Just apologize.

114
00:04:24,749 --> 00:04:26,483
Books with sexually suggestive covers.

115
00:04:26,517 --> 00:04:28,451
I activated their
computers' cameras and Mikes.

116
00:04:28,486 --> 00:04:29,786
What about the bathroom?

117
00:04:29,820 --> 00:04:31,121
- No.
- This will do nicely.

118
00:04:31,155 --> 00:04:34,290
Chubby, approachable
dudes with beards.

119
00:04:34,325 --> 00:04:36,793
Howard, Howard, so, she has full access

120
00:04:36,827 --> 00:04:38,928
to all company-owned computers?

121
00:04:38,963 --> 00:04:40,597
I'm afraid so.

122
00:04:40,631 --> 00:04:43,719
Better wipe our footprint.

123
00:04:53,657 --> 00:04:55,225
Pardon me.

124
00:04:58,729 --> 00:05:00,897
Stephie?

125
00:05:00,931 --> 00:05:02,732
- Hi.
- Hi.

126
00:05:02,767 --> 00:05:03,967
Okay, I caved.

127
00:05:04,001 --> 00:05:05,101
What are you talking about?

128
00:05:05,136 --> 00:05:06,469
Well, I was taking your advice

129
00:05:06,504 --> 00:05:09,239
and didn't Lulu Calvin...
you know, Andrew's friend.

130
00:05:09,273 --> 00:05:10,840
Oh, yeah. I know.

131
00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:12,609
And then I decided, no, I'm going to do

132
00:05:12,643 --> 00:05:14,277
just the tiniest of Google searches.

133
00:05:14,311 --> 00:05:15,879
And then 2 1/2 hours later, I'm...

134
00:05:15,913 --> 00:05:17,580
Yeah, you went down the rabbit hole.

135
00:05:17,615 --> 00:05:20,224
Yeah, and, my God, I'm glad I did

136
00:05:20,274 --> 00:05:22,509
because Calvin Myerson is 26 years old

137
00:05:22,543 --> 00:05:24,377
and been married twice. What?

138
00:05:24,412 --> 00:05:26,012
And this is his second wife.

139
00:05:26,047 --> 00:05:27,280
She's... oh, no, no, no, no, no.

140
00:05:27,314 --> 00:05:28,515
I'm shutting this down.

141
00:05:28,549 --> 00:05:30,317
You need some fresh air,
get some sunlight, you know.

142
00:05:30,351 --> 00:05:31,851
You're right.

143
00:05:31,886 --> 00:05:34,054
But it just goes to show
that you don't know anybody

144
00:05:34,088 --> 00:05:36,156
until you start digging
around on the Internet.

145
00:06:01,742 --> 00:06:03,816
Do you think that
couple has always not talked?

146
00:06:03,850 --> 00:06:05,284
Or have they just been together so long

147
00:06:05,318 --> 00:06:06,985
they've run out of things
to say to each other,

148
00:06:07,020 --> 00:06:08,854
which makes less sense to me

149
00:06:08,888 --> 00:06:10,522
because I'm sure if
we're together in 30 years

150
00:06:10,557 --> 00:06:11,557
I'll still be gabbing on,

151
00:06:11,591 --> 00:06:12,691
as evidenced by this rambling monologue

152
00:06:12,726 --> 00:06:13,692
which I will now wrap up.

153
00:06:13,726 --> 00:06:14,927
Did I ever tell you about the time

154
00:06:14,961 --> 00:06:16,095
I was ticketed for jaywalking?

155
00:06:16,129 --> 00:06:17,963
No, but I'd love to hear about it.

156
00:06:17,998 --> 00:06:21,667
I was in Pasadena and I
was crossing the street

157
00:06:21,701 --> 00:06:24,069
and I got... I got a ticket.

158
00:06:24,104 --> 00:06:25,371
Mm-hmm.

159
00:06:25,405 --> 00:06:26,472
Do you have any funny

160
00:06:26,506 --> 00:06:28,240
"I had a run-in with the cops" stories?

161
00:06:28,274 --> 00:06:29,975
None as hilarious as that.

162
00:06:30,010 --> 00:06:31,777
What about ones that
aren't as hilarious as that?

163
00:06:31,811 --> 00:06:33,145
- No.
- Yeah?

164
00:06:33,179 --> 00:06:34,380
So you don't think this
is worth mentioning?

165
00:06:34,414 --> 00:06:36,315
Officers, this is a big misunderstanding.

166
00:06:36,349 --> 00:06:37,383
What did...

167
00:06:37,417 --> 00:06:39,218
- is that me?
- Yeah.

168
00:06:39,252 --> 00:06:40,853
That wasn't intentional.

169
00:06:40,887 --> 00:06:42,087
No, no, no! Okay!

170
00:06:42,122 --> 00:06:43,355
How did you...

171
00:06:43,389 --> 00:06:44,857
were you gonna tell me
about your inner demons,

172
00:06:44,891 --> 00:06:46,425
or was I gonna find out when
you cut my air-hose supply

173
00:06:46,459 --> 00:06:48,527
in a supposed diving
accident on our honeymoon?

174
00:06:48,561 --> 00:06:50,529
You think we're gonna get married?

175
00:06:51,864 --> 00:06:53,231
Okay, okay.

176
00:06:53,266 --> 00:06:56,168
Ten years ago I drove to
Oakland to see my chargers play,

177
00:06:56,202 --> 00:06:58,203
and when I walked out of the stadium,

178
00:06:58,237 --> 00:07:00,505
these two raiders fans were dumping mustard

179
00:07:00,540 --> 00:07:02,240
on the hood of my white jetta.

180
00:07:02,275 --> 00:07:06,178
So I complained to the cops,
also raiders fans, it turns out,

181
00:07:06,212 --> 00:07:09,314
because the second I started,
they cuffed me, booked me,

182
00:07:09,349 --> 00:07:11,817
and dumped out all of my
zima, which was like a case.

183
00:07:11,851 --> 00:07:14,019
You went to a raiders
game with a case of zima

184
00:07:14,053 --> 00:07:15,721
in the trunk of your white jetta?

185
00:07:15,755 --> 00:07:17,689
I'm a little unclear what
your issue is right now.

186
00:07:17,724 --> 00:07:20,025
- You lied to me.
- I just didn't tell you yet.

187
00:07:20,059 --> 00:07:21,393
No, a lie of omission is still a lie.

188
00:07:21,427 --> 00:07:24,596
I'm sorry I didn't lead
with my arrest record

189
00:07:24,631 --> 00:07:25,597
a week into dating.

190
00:07:25,632 --> 00:07:27,165
How did you see that, by the way?

191
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:28,900
Dash-cam videos are nonpublic records.

192
00:07:28,935 --> 00:07:31,370
I called a man that our firm employs

193
00:07:31,404 --> 00:07:33,071
when I came across your...

194
00:07:33,106 --> 00:07:35,140
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa. "Came across"?

195
00:07:35,174 --> 00:07:36,775
- Yeah.
- You have to pay for those.

196
00:07:36,809 --> 00:07:37,943
Wow. You... you really...

197
00:07:37,977 --> 00:07:39,177
no, I did not go down the rabbit hole.

198
00:07:39,212 --> 00:07:40,846
- Well, it sure seems like it.
- No, I didn't.

199
00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:41,947
I was surfing.

200
00:07:41,981 --> 00:07:45,717
What happened to just
having a little mystery?

201
00:07:49,055 --> 00:07:51,890
Oh, God, you're right. I'm... yeah.

202
00:07:51,924 --> 00:07:53,692
You're totally right.

203
00:07:53,726 --> 00:07:56,094
Yeah. So...?

204
00:07:56,129 --> 00:07:57,462
- We're good.
- We're good.

205
00:07:57,497 --> 00:07:58,797
They're doomed.

206
00:07:58,831 --> 00:08:00,165
Good.

207
00:08:08,820 --> 00:08:10,287
- Hey, Andrew.
- Hey, Andrew.

208
00:08:10,321 --> 00:08:11,955
Morning.

209
00:08:11,990 --> 00:08:15,058
Is everything okay with you and Zelda?

210
00:08:15,093 --> 00:08:16,293
Yeah, we saw you walking back from lunch

211
00:08:16,327 --> 00:08:17,861
and you weren't attached at the hip.

212
00:08:17,896 --> 00:08:21,732
Which is the true
indication of a happy couple.

213
00:08:21,766 --> 00:08:22,866
We're fine.

214
00:08:22,901 --> 00:08:24,735
We're just, uh... we're just a little off

215
00:08:24,769 --> 00:08:26,737
since she found this obscure video.

216
00:08:26,771 --> 00:08:27,838
Ah, the arrest video.

217
00:08:27,872 --> 00:08:29,840
En your girly car got covered in mustard.

218
00:08:29,874 --> 00:08:31,842
How did you...

219
00:08:31,876 --> 00:08:34,420
oh, right, you're computer geniuses

220
00:08:34,457 --> 00:08:36,024
with too much time on your hands.

221
00:08:36,059 --> 00:08:37,793
But our work is always a priority.

222
00:08:37,827 --> 00:08:40,395
Because we love our jobs and
our boss is a great leader.

223
00:08:40,430 --> 00:08:43,365
- I like those two.
- Lydia, I'm concerned.

224
00:08:43,399 --> 00:08:45,200
Your quest to find out if people are saying

225
00:08:45,235 --> 00:08:47,169
something bad about you
can only lead to pain.

226
00:08:47,203 --> 00:08:48,403
My mother used to say,

227
00:08:48,438 --> 00:08:50,639
"pain is just weakness leaving the body."

228
00:08:50,673 --> 00:08:52,574
I'm sorry to hear that.

229
00:08:52,608 --> 00:08:54,276
You know, I thought I knew Zelda.

230
00:08:54,310 --> 00:08:56,244
I guess I'm just, uh, a little surprised

231
00:08:56,279 --> 00:08:58,080
that she went digging up dirt on me.

232
00:08:58,114 --> 00:08:59,081
That's all.

233
00:08:59,115 --> 00:09:00,248
Sounds like classic projection.

234
00:09:00,283 --> 00:09:01,516
Yeah, she was looking you up

235
00:09:01,551 --> 00:09:03,318
because she's obviously
hiding something herself.

236
00:09:03,353 --> 00:09:05,821
I don't think she's hiding anything, okay?

237
00:09:05,855 --> 00:09:07,022
I mean, there's obviously
no way to know f...

238
00:09:07,056 --> 00:09:08,323
what are you...

239
00:09:08,358 --> 00:09:10,058
didn't Zelda fill out
that detailed questionnaire

240
00:09:10,093 --> 00:09:11,126
when she joined Wallflower?

241
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:12,394
Yeah, but she's not a member anymore.

242
00:09:12,428 --> 00:09:14,696
Oh, I lost my keys.

243
00:09:14,731 --> 00:09:16,959
Why... do you think we still have it?

244
00:09:16,996 --> 00:09:19,806
Do we still have it?

245
00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:21,507
Still looking for my keys.

246
00:09:21,542 --> 00:09:23,276
Losing his keys is no reflection

247
00:09:23,310 --> 00:09:25,745
on his typically excellent job performance.

248
00:09:25,779 --> 00:09:27,447
There we go. I found them.

249
00:09:27,481 --> 00:09:29,882
- Who were you talking to?
- Here you go.

250
00:09:29,917 --> 00:09:31,951
Guys, honestly, I'm fine.

251
00:09:31,985 --> 00:09:33,453
Thank you, but no thank you.

252
00:09:33,487 --> 00:09:36,332
Fine. Mm.

253
00:09:36,382 --> 00:09:40,385
We'll just leave it here in
case you change your mind.

254
00:09:40,419 --> 00:09:42,487
Well, I promise you I won't.

255
00:09:42,521 --> 00:09:43,755
We love our jobs.

256
00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:12,253
Meanwhile, Stephie's
quest for Mr. Right continued.

257
00:10:12,287 --> 00:10:13,955
Wanker...

258
00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:15,023
Wanker...

259
00:10:15,057 --> 00:10:17,518
Oh! Actual wanker.

260
00:10:17,581 --> 00:10:19,393
And then...

261
00:10:19,428 --> 00:10:20,762
Well, hello, Dean.

262
00:10:20,796 --> 00:10:22,864
Hey, look... smart...

263
00:10:22,898 --> 00:10:25,666
He was a fan of
English premier league soccer,

264
00:10:25,701 --> 00:10:28,236
spent a semester at sea,
and made respectable money,

265
00:10:28,270 --> 00:10:30,882
but not enough to make him a douche.

266
00:10:31,358 --> 00:10:35,309
Yes, I do want to meet you, Dean C.

267
00:10:35,344 --> 00:10:37,678
Excuse me, baristo.

268
00:10:37,713 --> 00:10:39,981
Would you mind turning on the match?

269
00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:42,627
Liverpool and Chelsea
have a friendly today.

270
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:45,008
We're outside. There are no TVs.

271
00:10:45,042 --> 00:10:46,276
Ah, yes, no TVs.

272
00:10:46,310 --> 00:10:48,845
Reminds me of my semester at sea.

273
00:10:51,889 --> 00:10:53,523
You're Dean?

274
00:10:53,558 --> 00:10:55,292
I'm sorry. Am I sorry?

275
00:10:55,326 --> 00:10:56,393
Yes, I'm sorry.

276
00:10:56,427 --> 00:10:58,595
I-I catfished you here to prove

277
00:10:58,629 --> 00:11:00,797
that I'm not a deceptive idiot?

278
00:11:00,832 --> 00:11:02,265
I'm leaving.

279
00:11:02,300 --> 00:11:04,000
Look, no, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.

280
00:11:04,035 --> 00:11:05,235
I can help you find a guy.

281
00:11:05,269 --> 00:11:06,570
- Really?
- Yeah.

282
00:11:06,604 --> 00:11:08,772
And how on earth do you
propose on doing that?

283
00:11:08,805 --> 00:11:11,799
I see all of the data of
what men prefer in women.

284
00:11:11,834 --> 00:11:14,402
Let me just play around
with your Wallflower profile.

285
00:11:14,436 --> 00:11:16,771
What's wrong with my Wallflower profile?

286
00:11:16,805 --> 00:11:18,273
Just... let me show you.

287
00:11:20,476 --> 00:11:23,044
So, first off, men prefer
women who like to have fun,

288
00:11:23,078 --> 00:11:25,413
so instead of "enjoying
curling up with a book,"

289
00:11:25,447 --> 00:11:26,648
you "love to dance."

290
00:11:26,682 --> 00:11:28,883
Instead of this picture
of you with a diploma,

291
00:11:28,918 --> 00:11:31,753
we get this picture of you
here getting your Margarita on.

292
00:11:31,787 --> 00:11:34,289
And finally, we're gonna have
to take your annual salary,

293
00:11:34,323 --> 00:11:36,858
like, down a peg because data shows

294
00:11:36,892 --> 00:11:38,326
that men find that to be intimidating.

295
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:40,862
Well, your data sounds very sexist.

296
00:11:40,896 --> 00:11:42,497
Do you want to die alone?

297
00:11:44,166 --> 00:11:46,200
Sweet. This baby is ready to ship.

298
00:11:46,235 --> 00:11:48,836
Blam! It is raining handsome.

299
00:11:48,871 --> 00:11:50,204
Yeah, what do you think of that?

300
00:11:50,239 --> 00:11:51,272
No.

301
00:11:51,306 --> 00:11:54,809
No, I will not crawl
into the gutter with you.

302
00:11:54,843 --> 00:11:55,777
The "gutter"?

303
00:11:55,811 --> 00:11:57,111
Yes, the gutter.

304
00:11:57,146 --> 00:11:59,781
Because what you are calling
"tweaks" are actually lies.

305
00:11:59,815 --> 00:12:01,649
- Mm-hmm.
- And unlike you,

306
00:12:01,683 --> 00:12:03,651
I am not going to lie in the interest

307
00:12:03,685 --> 00:12:05,887
of attaining a member of the opposite sex.

308
00:12:05,921 --> 00:12:08,346
What about the same sex?

309
00:12:09,634 --> 00:12:12,402
I knew it was coming. You have a tell.

310
00:12:16,665 --> 00:12:19,066
Hello. I brought some wine.

311
00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:20,067
Hi.

312
00:12:20,101 --> 00:12:21,435
Uh, listen, I know that things,

313
00:12:21,469 --> 00:12:23,537
they've been a little awkward since dinner.

314
00:12:23,571 --> 00:12:25,439
And I just want to be the first to say

315
00:12:25,473 --> 00:12:27,674
that even though we were both wrong,

316
00:12:27,709 --> 00:12:29,510
I was maybe a little wronger...
Wronger-er.

317
00:12:29,544 --> 00:12:32,179
I mean, "more wrong."
Oh, sorry, very flustered.

318
00:12:32,213 --> 00:12:34,048
I know... you brought
me a bottle of soy sauce.

319
00:12:34,082 --> 00:12:35,416
Yeah, let's crack it open. It's low sodium.

320
00:12:35,450 --> 00:12:38,585
Anyway, it's one thing to do
a little online due diligence,

321
00:12:38,620 --> 00:12:40,054
but what I did was just...

322
00:12:40,088 --> 00:12:42,590
it was such a gross
violation of your privacy

323
00:12:42,624 --> 00:12:45,359
and of our trust, and I'm so sorry.

324
00:12:45,393 --> 00:12:49,096
Luckily you have more restraint than I do.

325
00:12:49,130 --> 00:12:51,498
- Right. Yeah. Luckily.
- Yeah.

326
00:12:51,533 --> 00:12:54,301
I read your Wallflower profile.

327
00:12:54,336 --> 00:12:55,636
What?

328
00:12:55,670 --> 00:12:58,005
I thought you were... you
were digging into my past

329
00:12:58,039 --> 00:13:00,040
because you yourself had something to hide.

330
00:13:00,075 --> 00:13:01,775
But the only damning thing
I could find about you

331
00:13:01,810 --> 00:13:03,510
is that you once ate a
cupcake out of the garbage,

332
00:13:03,545 --> 00:13:05,679
which, honestly, makes me like you more.

333
00:13:05,714 --> 00:13:07,047
Andrew... I'm so sorry.

334
00:13:07,082 --> 00:13:08,716
I'm really, really sorry. It was stupid.

335
00:13:08,750 --> 00:13:12,253
It was immature, not to
mention a waste of my time.

336
00:13:12,287 --> 00:13:14,696
- I was married!
- Oh.

337
00:13:14,746 --> 00:13:16,590
Uh. That's a little blip.

338
00:13:27,878 --> 00:13:29,212
Sorry. I'm so sorry.

339
00:13:29,246 --> 00:13:32,382
You dug up something
behind my back and then...

340
00:13:32,416 --> 00:13:34,617
and then held it over my head,

341
00:13:34,652 --> 00:13:37,020
all the while sitting on the fact

342
00:13:37,054 --> 00:13:38,555
that you were married!

343
00:13:38,589 --> 00:13:40,056
Okay. Gustav and I...

344
00:13:40,090 --> 00:13:41,491
Gustav?

345
00:13:41,525 --> 00:13:43,326
- You married a power lifter?
- What?

346
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:46,429
No, he was a friend of
mine from law school at so.

347
00:13:46,464 --> 00:13:48,464
And we got married so
he wouldn't have to go

348
00:13:48,499 --> 00:13:50,333
back to Sweden when his student visa was up

349
00:13:50,367 --> 00:13:52,001
and so that the could practice law here.

350
00:13:52,036 --> 00:13:55,104
The day that he got his
citizenship, we got a divorce.

351
00:13:55,139 --> 00:13:57,140
End of story.

352
00:13:57,174 --> 00:13:59,976
Okay, I'm cool with it.

353
00:14:00,010 --> 00:14:02,178
Let's watch TV.

354
00:14:02,213 --> 00:14:03,313
Okay.

355
00:14:03,763 --> 00:14:05,030
- Really?
- Of course not!

356
00:14:05,064 --> 00:14:06,999
I still have lots of questions!

357
00:14:07,033 --> 00:14:09,101
- Okay. Go.
- He was just a friend?

358
00:14:09,135 --> 00:14:11,570
Yes. Strictly platonic. What else?

359
00:14:13,623 --> 00:14:15,423
Actually, that's all I can think of.

360
00:14:15,458 --> 00:14:16,558
I will answer anything.

361
00:14:16,592 --> 00:14:18,427
It just feels so good
to get this off my chest.

362
00:14:18,461 --> 00:14:20,762
From now on, can we
just... can we make a pact

363
00:14:20,796 --> 00:14:22,664
to be less suspicious of each other?

364
00:14:22,698 --> 00:14:24,032
Okay?

365
00:14:24,066 --> 00:14:26,001
Deal?

366
00:14:27,236 --> 00:14:28,637
Deal.

367
00:14:39,782 --> 00:14:42,150
Damn.

368
00:14:52,239 --> 00:14:54,374
Big bird?

369
00:15:01,048 --> 00:15:04,250
They call me "big bird"?!

370
00:15:04,285 --> 00:15:06,386
I believe in working hard,

371
00:15:06,420 --> 00:15:08,555
but playing hard, really,
too, 'cause I'm a lot of fun.

372
00:15:08,589 --> 00:15:10,657
- I love my downtime.
- Hey, Stephie.

373
00:15:10,691 --> 00:15:12,058
Not now, Stu, please.

374
00:15:12,093 --> 00:15:13,259
This will just take a minute.

375
00:15:13,294 --> 00:15:15,261
I just want to apologize for...

376
00:15:15,296 --> 00:15:16,729
do I know you?

377
00:15:21,368 --> 00:15:23,403
I do know him.

378
00:15:23,437 --> 00:15:26,306
Listen, I have to run.

379
00:15:26,340 --> 00:15:28,475
But I'll see you Friday
for dancing and margaritas.

380
00:15:28,509 --> 00:15:30,043
- Thank you.
- That's her favorite stuff.

381
00:15:30,077 --> 00:15:31,678
You're getting in there, buddy.

382
00:15:31,712 --> 00:15:33,279
Look how tall he is.

383
00:15:33,314 --> 00:15:35,014
Welcome to the gutter, my lady.

384
00:15:38,519 --> 00:15:40,987
There you are, Gustav.

385
00:15:43,357 --> 00:15:45,258
Hello?

386
00:15:45,292 --> 00:15:47,160
Hey, I haven't
heard from you yet today.

387
00:15:47,194 --> 00:15:48,528
Is everything okay?

388
00:15:48,562 --> 00:15:50,497
Yeah, I'm just, uh... I'm
out doing some research.

389
00:15:50,531 --> 00:15:52,165
Can we... can we talk later?

390
00:15:52,199 --> 00:15:54,567
Uh, sure, just call me in an hour.

391
00:15:54,602 --> 00:15:57,103
I'm, uh, I'm just stepping into a lunch.

392
00:16:08,380 --> 00:16:10,824
You look so good.

393
00:16:10,858 --> 00:16:12,359
- You look amazing.
- Thank you.

394
00:16:12,393 --> 00:16:13,961
- So amazing.
- Thank you.

395
00:16:13,995 --> 00:16:15,128
Oh, I got you something.

396
00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:17,409
Oh, you didn't have to do that.

397
00:16:17,443 --> 00:16:18,543
Come on.

398
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,011
Thank you so much.

399
00:16:20,046 --> 00:16:21,413
Gustav!

400
00:16:23,349 --> 00:16:25,083
Zelda, meet my fiancée.

401
00:16:25,117 --> 00:16:27,719
Lovely to meet you. Very nice to meet you.

402
00:16:29,897 --> 00:16:32,065
Sir, I'm gonna have to ask
you to stand up, please.

403
00:16:32,099 --> 00:16:33,199
I'm just gonna be a couple more minutes.

404
00:16:33,234 --> 00:16:35,835
Oh, my goodness.

405
00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:37,203
Gustav, well done.

406
00:16:37,238 --> 00:16:38,638
Sir, could you please step on the curb?

407
00:16:38,672 --> 00:16:40,540
Sir, if I could get you to
just lower your voice, actually.

408
00:16:40,574 --> 00:16:42,609
Sir, stand up.

409
00:16:42,643 --> 00:16:45,512
Okay, guys, this... this is...
this is a misunderstanding.

410
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:48,815
My new girlfriend... well,
she's not my girlfriend per se.

411
00:16:48,849 --> 00:16:50,617
We've only been together a week.

412
00:16:50,651 --> 00:16:52,085
Okay, you know what? Come on.

413
00:16:52,119 --> 00:16:53,186
Okay. All right.

414
00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:54,954
When do we get to meet
your new boyfriend, huh?

415
00:16:54,989 --> 00:16:56,623
Well, um...

416
00:16:56,657 --> 00:16:58,324
Uh...Oh!

417
00:16:58,359 --> 00:17:00,994
She doesn't see us, does she?

418
00:17:01,028 --> 00:17:02,662
So, you got any marshmallows

419
00:17:02,696 --> 00:17:05,865
that we can roast on your pants
that are on fire, you liar!

420
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,834
- I never lied.
- But you definitely pretended

421
00:17:07,868 --> 00:17:10,603
to be all high and moralistic
when the truth is...

422
00:17:10,638 --> 00:17:12,305
We're cut from the same cloth.

423
00:17:12,339 --> 00:17:13,339
Oh, please.

424
00:17:13,374 --> 00:17:15,275
The similarities between you and I end

425
00:17:15,309 --> 00:17:17,010
at us having the same size boobs.

426
00:17:17,044 --> 00:17:18,178
It all feels the same in the dark.

427
00:17:18,212 --> 00:17:19,612
I never asked you to help me.

428
00:17:19,647 --> 00:17:20,814
I didn't want to give it.

429
00:17:20,848 --> 00:17:22,849
But Andrew said that if
we don't patch things up,

430
00:17:22,883 --> 00:17:24,951
we're just making things
hard for him and Zelda.

431
00:17:24,985 --> 00:17:26,352
Hard? How?

432
00:17:26,387 --> 00:17:28,488
We're their best friends and
they want us to all, like,

433
00:17:28,522 --> 00:17:30,924
hang out or something, or go to,
like, fondue parties together.

434
00:17:30,958 --> 00:17:32,125
Okay.

435
00:17:32,159 --> 00:17:35,295
I mean, I guess if we were
true friends, then, yeah,

436
00:17:35,329 --> 00:17:38,431
we'd figure out a way to bury the hatchet.

437
00:17:38,466 --> 00:17:40,667
Yeah. Yeah. I can't see it.

438
00:17:40,701 --> 00:17:43,002
But I would rather cut
myself and bleed out slowly

439
00:17:43,037 --> 00:17:47,006
on a...Floor of a dirty public loo.

440
00:17:47,041 --> 00:17:49,776
What's going on inside you?

441
00:17:49,810 --> 00:17:53,079
They call me big bird!

442
00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:54,714
I told you that trolling and spying

443
00:17:54,748 --> 00:17:56,783
and trying to find out what
people were saying about you

444
00:17:56,817 --> 00:17:57,851
was a bad idea.

445
00:17:57,885 --> 00:17:58,952
Why do they call me this?

446
00:17:58,986 --> 00:18:00,687
Is it my arms?

447
00:18:00,721 --> 00:18:02,822
Are they birdlike?

448
00:18:02,857 --> 00:18:04,124
I don't think so.

449
00:18:04,158 --> 00:18:05,892
Maybe it's that yellow canary pants suit

450
00:18:05,926 --> 00:18:07,193
that you sometimes wear.

451
00:18:07,228 --> 00:18:09,996
Why does it have to be
"Sesame Street"? It's weak.

452
00:18:10,030 --> 00:18:13,266
Well, at least it's not just any bird.

453
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:14,567
It's big bird.

454
00:18:14,602 --> 00:18:16,069
And he pulls some weight on that street.

455
00:18:16,103 --> 00:18:17,270
And he's rich.

456
00:18:17,304 --> 00:18:18,671
Is he?

457
00:18:18,706 --> 00:18:20,840
Well, it's never said explicitly,
but he lives in Manhattan.

458
00:18:20,875 --> 00:18:22,675
You know, connect the dots.

459
00:18:22,710 --> 00:18:25,111
I mean, if you start to think about it,

460
00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:28,515
I mean, he's a majestic, big bird.

461
00:18:28,549 --> 00:18:30,817
He's a bird without equal.

462
00:18:44,698 --> 00:18:46,432
Ca-caw!

463
00:18:47,635 --> 00:18:49,569
Ca-caw!

464
00:18:50,905 --> 00:18:52,872
I'm big bird, motherf...

465
00:18:54,241 --> 00:18:57,143
You're free to go. Thank your girlfriend.

466
00:18:57,178 --> 00:18:58,945
Sorry. Thank you so much. Yeah.

467
00:18:58,979 --> 00:19:00,680
Good rest
of your evening, officers.

468
00:19:00,714 --> 00:19:02,649
Okay.

469
00:19:04,051 --> 00:19:05,785
Okay, so...

470
00:19:05,820 --> 00:19:08,655
Uh, I'm sorry for not
telling you about Gustav.

471
00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:11,291
I saw him at the
courthouse, and he was like

472
00:19:11,325 --> 00:19:14,728
"I want you
to come meet my new fiancée."

473
00:19:14,762 --> 00:19:16,696
Oh, that's a Swedish accent?

474
00:19:16,730 --> 00:19:18,064
Yeah.

475
00:19:18,099 --> 00:19:19,532
What did you say to the cops?

476
00:19:19,567 --> 00:19:21,034
Oh, I just called in a favor.

477
00:19:21,068 --> 00:19:23,703
I think we both know that
you wouldn't do well in jail.

478
00:19:23,738 --> 00:19:27,373
I c... can't believe that you would do that

479
00:19:27,408 --> 00:19:29,142
after I acted like this psycho

480
00:19:29,176 --> 00:19:30,877
you suspected that I would be.

481
00:19:30,911 --> 00:19:31,911
Come on.

482
00:19:31,946 --> 00:19:34,581
Andrew, I know who you really are.

483
00:19:34,615 --> 00:19:36,483
Do you?

484
00:19:36,517 --> 00:19:39,886
I know you tip waiters well
even if they're terrible.

485
00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:42,322
I know you call your dad every day.

486
00:19:42,356 --> 00:19:44,090
One thing I know about you...

487
00:19:44,125 --> 00:19:45,658
Oh, here we go.

488
00:19:45,693 --> 00:19:48,995
You're a good friend,

489
00:19:49,029 --> 00:19:52,699
as evidenced by the fact
that you married Gustav.

490
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:56,002
Uh, yeah, about that.

491
00:19:56,036 --> 00:19:58,605
I'm really sorry that I didn't tell you.

492
00:19:58,639 --> 00:19:59,906
I think I was scared

493
00:19:59,940 --> 00:20:02,876
because I know how
seriously you take marriage.

494
00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:07,313
Well, maybe a little too seriously.

495
00:20:07,348 --> 00:20:08,548
Um...

496
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:11,384
I mean, after all, it is
just a legal document, right?

497
00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:12,385
I don't know.

498
00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:14,621
That's how I saw it for most of my life,

499
00:20:14,655 --> 00:20:17,423
but I think that's because
I was around bad ones.

500
00:20:17,458 --> 00:20:19,592
I'm less cynical nowadays.

501
00:20:19,627 --> 00:20:22,162
Any particular reason?

502
00:20:28,336 --> 00:20:30,537
Uh...I don't know.

503
00:20:35,476 --> 00:20:37,377
Another thing I know about you

504
00:20:37,411 --> 00:20:41,848
is that you hate being put on the spot.

505
00:20:41,882 --> 00:20:44,250
So, I'm sorry.

506
00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:47,020
How about we go to... there's a cof...

507
00:20:57,331 --> 00:20:58,598
Oh, I hope it's okay.

508
00:20:58,632 --> 00:21:01,267
I, uh, texted Stephie that we'd be here.

509
00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:03,336
I did the same thing with Stu...

510
00:21:03,370 --> 00:21:04,604
What?

511
00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:06,106
Hey, Zelda!

512
00:21:06,140 --> 00:21:07,607
Hey, guys. We got some seats.

513
00:21:07,641 --> 00:21:09,075
Come grab a seat. Pull up a chair.

514
00:21:09,110 --> 00:21:11,678
- Holy crap.
- I know, right?

515
00:21:11,712 --> 00:21:13,346
- This is killing me.
- I hope it does.

516
00:21:13,381 --> 00:21:15,815
- I really do.
- That's nice.

517
00:21:15,850 --> 00:21:18,351
Pretending to be
friends to help their friends.

518
00:21:18,386 --> 00:21:20,153
This was one of the few lies

519
00:21:20,187 --> 00:21:23,123
Stu and Stephie were
both comfortable making.

520
00:21:24,631 --> 00:21:29,393
Sync & corrections by madhatters
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