1 00:00:04,334 --> 00:00:05,434 [Chuckles] 2 00:00:15,979 --> 00:00:18,281 What? I'm like MacGyver. 3 00:00:22,853 --> 00:00:24,420 Hey. [Sighs] 4 00:00:24,454 --> 00:00:25,388 Got a highlighter? 5 00:00:25,422 --> 00:00:27,490 Uh, yeah. 6 00:00:27,524 --> 00:00:30,526 Cool. 7 00:00:30,561 --> 00:00:33,296 My heel broke. 8 00:00:33,330 --> 00:00:34,397 [Mutters] 9 00:00:35,766 --> 00:00:38,834 - Ah! - [Tape squeaks] 10 00:00:38,869 --> 00:00:40,403 [Objects clatter] 11 00:00:44,308 --> 00:00:45,274 What? 12 00:00:45,309 --> 00:00:46,609 Good as new! 13 00:00:46,643 --> 00:00:48,544 Thanks. 14 00:00:52,583 --> 00:00:54,617 [Whispers] MacGyver. 15 00:00:54,651 --> 00:00:55,851 [Telephone rings] 16 00:00:55,886 --> 00:00:57,887 What up, shawty? 17 00:00:57,921 --> 00:01:00,223 I just found the perfect girl for Stu. 18 00:01:00,257 --> 00:01:01,490 I gotta say, Mr. stick figure, 19 00:01:01,525 --> 00:01:04,327 your knees sure look like butts. [Giggles] 20 00:01:04,361 --> 00:01:05,428 Her name is Jennifer. 21 00:01:05,462 --> 00:01:06,796 She's a stenographer that the firm hired 22 00:01:06,830 --> 00:01:08,598 for a deposition this week. 23 00:01:08,632 --> 00:01:11,233 And I'm gonna set her and Stu up. 24 00:01:11,268 --> 00:01:13,402 I kind of think that they're made for each other. 25 00:01:13,437 --> 00:01:15,605 - Beep, beep. - Really? 26 00:01:15,639 --> 00:01:16,973 [Gasps] 27 00:01:17,007 --> 00:01:19,842 Is anybody actually made for Stu? 28 00:01:19,877 --> 00:01:21,010 [Gasps] 29 00:01:21,044 --> 00:01:22,478 [Whispers] What? 30 00:01:22,512 --> 00:01:25,181 Narrator: Andrew and Zelda will date for 5 months, 31 00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:29,185 26 days, 4 hours, and 13 minutes. 32 00:01:29,219 --> 00:01:31,954 This television program is the comprehensive account 33 00:01:31,989 --> 00:01:33,723 of their relationship. 34 00:01:33,757 --> 00:01:35,558 From "A to Z." 35 00:01:40,931 --> 00:01:42,398 I don't think that's a great idea. 36 00:01:42,432 --> 00:01:45,101 Oh, come on! This is, like, your thing. 37 00:01:45,135 --> 00:01:47,737 Stu is especially hard to set up. 38 00:01:47,771 --> 00:01:50,473 He... he doesn't exactly make the best first impression. 39 00:01:50,507 --> 00:01:52,375 Hey, Stu, this is my friend Becky. 40 00:01:52,409 --> 00:01:54,110 I've heard so much about you. 41 00:01:54,144 --> 00:01:55,745 Who's that an impression of? 42 00:01:55,779 --> 00:01:57,980 That voice is super hilarious. 43 00:01:58,015 --> 00:01:59,448 - [Chuckles] - That's just my voice. 44 00:01:59,483 --> 00:02:01,417 - Oh, what?! [Laughs] - Yeah. 45 00:02:01,451 --> 00:02:03,920 No way. Seriously, is that your voice? 46 00:02:03,954 --> 00:02:04,987 That's amazing. Wow. 47 00:02:05,022 --> 00:02:06,689 - We should hang out. - No. You wanna go? 48 00:02:06,723 --> 00:02:08,190 - Yeah! No! [Laughing] - Let's go. 49 00:02:08,225 --> 00:02:10,860 She's just saying it and leavin'! Ha ha ha! 50 00:02:10,894 --> 00:02:14,564 - Trust me... - Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. 51 00:02:14,598 --> 00:02:15,932 Stu is a tough setup. 52 00:02:15,966 --> 00:02:17,733 And I'm a professional matchmaker. 53 00:02:17,768 --> 00:02:20,036 Well, maybe an amateur will have better luck. 54 00:02:20,070 --> 00:02:23,005 No, no, I'm just saying we have a sophisticated algorithm 55 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:25,141 based on mountains of data, 56 00:02:25,175 --> 00:02:26,509 but if you think you've got it figured out... 57 00:02:26,543 --> 00:02:27,877 Code yellow, code yellow. 58 00:02:27,911 --> 00:02:29,812 Uh, then, you should get me those numbers 59 00:02:29,846 --> 00:02:32,915 for business and business-related purposes. 60 00:02:32,950 --> 00:02:34,584 Your butt looks cute in those pants. 61 00:02:34,618 --> 00:02:37,286 Thank you for your feedback, all right. 62 00:02:37,321 --> 00:02:38,554 Hi... 63 00:02:38,589 --> 00:02:40,823 This is Andrew, our assistant director of marketing. 64 00:02:40,857 --> 00:02:42,491 Andrew, this is Joseph. 65 00:02:42,526 --> 00:02:45,494 Yes, of course! We talked on the phone, Joseph. 66 00:02:45,529 --> 00:02:48,097 You purchase half the ads for the company. 67 00:02:48,132 --> 00:02:49,398 You're like the New York money guy. 68 00:02:49,433 --> 00:02:51,067 Oh, that makes me sound kind of stuffy. 69 00:02:51,101 --> 00:02:52,802 Does that make me sound stuffy? 70 00:02:52,836 --> 00:02:54,871 Ah, they're a bunch of "yes" men. I can't trust them. 71 00:02:54,905 --> 00:02:56,439 So what should we do next, Andrew? 72 00:02:56,473 --> 00:03:00,710 Uh, Lydia, why don't we create a Wallflower account for him? 73 00:03:00,744 --> 00:03:02,211 Have him fill out a questionnaire? 74 00:03:02,246 --> 00:03:03,379 Maybe get a real feel 75 00:03:03,413 --> 00:03:05,481 for the end users' experience, right? 76 00:03:05,516 --> 00:03:07,683 I love that. That's fantastic. 77 00:03:07,718 --> 00:03:08,885 That's a wonderful idea, Andrew. 78 00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:11,153 Okay, let's do it. 79 00:03:13,290 --> 00:03:16,325 Sorry if I came on a little strong with the whole, 80 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,527 "I'm a professional matchmaker" thing. 81 00:03:18,562 --> 00:03:20,329 If you wanna set Stu up, I think you should go for it. 82 00:03:20,364 --> 00:03:22,298 - All right, maybe I will. - [Laughter] 83 00:03:22,332 --> 00:03:24,267 - Stu: Stop it! - Jennifer: You stop. 84 00:03:24,301 --> 00:03:26,335 I mean, maybe I already did. 85 00:03:26,370 --> 00:03:27,904 This blanket is so soft. 86 00:03:27,938 --> 00:03:29,272 Yeah, it's my roommate's. 87 00:03:29,306 --> 00:03:30,573 But don't tell him. 88 00:03:30,607 --> 00:03:32,241 He gets real uptight when I have sex on his stuff. 89 00:03:32,276 --> 00:03:33,376 [Clears throat] 90 00:03:33,410 --> 00:03:35,678 - How's it goin', guys? - Oh, hey, Zelda! 91 00:03:35,712 --> 00:03:37,413 Hi, Jennifer. 92 00:03:38,715 --> 00:03:40,683 - Mmm. - Mmm. 93 00:03:40,717 --> 00:03:42,985 [Gasps] We should go to Bali together. 94 00:03:43,020 --> 00:03:45,254 Or what if summer in the alps? 95 00:03:45,289 --> 00:03:47,990 Yeah, then, if we pass out during lovemaking, 96 00:03:48,025 --> 00:03:49,258 they'll send one of those dogs 97 00:03:49,293 --> 00:03:51,127 with the Brandy around its neck to rescue us. 98 00:03:51,161 --> 00:03:53,863 And then we drink the Brandy and then we name the dog "Klaus" 99 00:03:53,897 --> 00:03:56,465 and then that will be the beginning of our family. 100 00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:58,568 Aw. Mmm. 101 00:03:58,602 --> 00:03:59,769 - [Giggles] - [Giggles] I can see it. 102 00:03:59,803 --> 00:04:01,804 - Yeah, me, too. [Giggles] - [Giggles] 103 00:04:01,839 --> 00:04:04,340 What's the best vacation you guys ever took together? 104 00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:08,010 Oh, um... We haven't, really. 105 00:04:08,045 --> 00:04:10,613 - Let's never become like them. - [Under breath] Definitely. 106 00:04:10,647 --> 00:04:12,114 - [Chuckles] - [Laughs] 107 00:04:12,149 --> 00:04:14,550 Admit it, I'm an excellent matchmaker. 108 00:04:14,585 --> 00:04:16,219 Okay, calm down. 109 00:04:16,253 --> 00:04:18,888 One good day together does not a relationship make. 110 00:04:18,922 --> 00:04:20,556 Talk to me when they're married. 111 00:04:20,591 --> 00:04:22,692 Oh, my God. 112 00:04:22,726 --> 00:04:24,327 Which could be any minute. 113 00:04:24,361 --> 00:04:25,528 We should never go out. We should never leave the house. 114 00:04:25,562 --> 00:04:27,830 You know what? I... this isn't about us, okay? 115 00:04:27,865 --> 00:04:29,899 This is about making a friend happy. 116 00:04:29,933 --> 00:04:33,202 And I think that, uh, we have clearly done that. 117 00:04:33,237 --> 00:04:34,403 Oh, hi, guys. 118 00:04:34,438 --> 00:04:36,038 - Hi! - Stephie! 119 00:04:36,073 --> 00:04:37,340 Hey, there's four of you. 120 00:04:37,374 --> 00:04:40,576 Oh, wow, is this a, um, a double date? 121 00:04:40,611 --> 00:04:42,211 - Yeah. - Ooh... 122 00:04:42,246 --> 00:04:44,947 This is awkward for everyone. 123 00:04:44,982 --> 00:04:47,483 Uh, cards on the table... Stephie's my ex. 124 00:04:47,518 --> 00:04:49,018 Oh, hardly. 125 00:04:49,052 --> 00:04:51,854 Well, don't worry. It was purely physical. 126 00:04:51,889 --> 00:04:53,489 I'm not worried. 127 00:04:53,523 --> 00:04:56,592 'Cause worry is caused by fear, and I can't feel fear 128 00:04:56,627 --> 00:04:58,728 ever since a river parasite ate my amygdala. 129 00:04:58,762 --> 00:05:00,496 I love that story, baby. 130 00:05:00,531 --> 00:05:02,465 - Oh, thank you. - Wow, you're so lucky. 131 00:05:02,499 --> 00:05:05,368 How did you two lucky people meet each other? 132 00:05:05,402 --> 00:05:06,769 Oh, Zelda set us up. 133 00:05:06,803 --> 00:05:08,905 - She did? - I was... 134 00:05:08,939 --> 00:05:12,475 Well, that's wonderful that she would do that for you. 135 00:05:12,509 --> 00:05:13,609 That's... hmm. 136 00:05:13,644 --> 00:05:14,944 Hey, let me get you a chair. 137 00:05:14,978 --> 00:05:17,179 Oh, no, no, I'll, uh, I'll get it myself. 138 00:05:17,214 --> 00:05:21,951 Do everything else myself. [Laughs] Thanks. 139 00:05:21,985 --> 00:05:24,787 - Ooh. - Low. 140 00:05:24,821 --> 00:05:27,657 - Bit of a fifth wheel here tonight. - No, you're not. 141 00:05:27,691 --> 00:05:28,624 - Sweetheart, you're not. - Stu: No, you're not. 142 00:05:28,659 --> 00:05:30,092 Can't be here. 143 00:05:30,127 --> 00:05:31,160 - What? - Why? 144 00:05:31,195 --> 00:05:32,628 Fire regulation. You gotta move. 145 00:05:32,663 --> 00:05:34,630 Oh. 146 00:05:34,665 --> 00:05:35,631 She legally can't be here. 147 00:05:35,666 --> 00:05:37,633 Right, yeah. 148 00:05:37,668 --> 00:05:39,168 Wow, fifth wheel and a fire hazard. 149 00:05:39,203 --> 00:05:40,570 - Oh, no, you're not. - No, you know what? 150 00:05:40,604 --> 00:05:43,005 Guys, everybody stand up. We're gonna... we're gonna stand. 151 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:44,840 No, don't be silly. Don't be silly. Don't be silly. 152 00:05:44,875 --> 00:05:46,976 Not at all. I am gonna go home, put my feet up, 153 00:05:47,010 --> 00:05:48,711 get some beauty rest. 154 00:05:48,745 --> 00:05:50,446 [Inhales sharply] 155 00:05:50,481 --> 00:05:53,049 Aw. Bye. 156 00:05:53,083 --> 00:05:56,018 [Indistinct conversations] 157 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,094 Well, this is great. By setting up your friend, 158 00:06:04,128 --> 00:06:07,130 I have sent my friend into a deep depression. 159 00:06:07,165 --> 00:06:09,032 I'm sure she'll snap out of it. 160 00:06:09,067 --> 00:06:10,400 No, I don't think you understand. 161 00:06:10,435 --> 00:06:12,336 Did you hear her using cockney slang last night? 162 00:06:12,370 --> 00:06:14,037 She's been trying to suppress that for years. 163 00:06:14,072 --> 00:06:16,640 It only comes out when she's at rock bottom. 164 00:06:16,674 --> 00:06:18,108 Oy, z! 165 00:06:18,142 --> 00:06:19,810 You've been using my Bob hope to clean 166 00:06:19,844 --> 00:06:21,245 your boat race, have ya? 167 00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:23,547 Huh? What? My soap on your boat race, your face! 168 00:06:23,581 --> 00:06:25,082 Keep up. Ha ha! 169 00:06:25,116 --> 00:06:26,383 I'm only messing with you, babe. 170 00:06:26,417 --> 00:06:28,618 Taking a Mickey bliss, ain't I? Relax. 171 00:06:28,653 --> 00:06:30,120 - Stephie... - What? 172 00:06:30,154 --> 00:06:33,223 I know that you're upset, okay? And I get it. 173 00:06:33,257 --> 00:06:36,627 Stu wasn't even looking for someone, and you've been, um... 174 00:06:36,661 --> 00:06:39,162 You've been... Looking really hard. 175 00:06:39,197 --> 00:06:41,859 - [Scoffs] Wow. - But I-I promise you, 176 00:06:41,883 --> 00:06:43,875 we will find you someone. 177 00:06:45,169 --> 00:06:47,104 Yeah, look, it's all right. 178 00:06:47,138 --> 00:06:52,609 Honestly, I'm all right. I get it. I'm Ivan Vaughan. 179 00:06:52,643 --> 00:06:55,278 Right. 180 00:06:55,313 --> 00:06:56,480 Yeah. 181 00:06:56,514 --> 00:06:58,115 - Who's Ivan Vaughan? - I don't know. 182 00:06:58,149 --> 00:07:00,751 Narrator: Last night, unable to sleep, 183 00:07:00,785 --> 00:07:03,754 Stephie watched TV, where she stumbled upon an old interview 184 00:07:03,788 --> 00:07:05,889 with Paul McCartney where he was asked 185 00:07:05,923 --> 00:07:07,724 how he met John Lennon. 186 00:07:07,759 --> 00:07:11,094 We had a friend in common. He was called Ivan vaugh. 187 00:07:11,129 --> 00:07:13,263 Narrator: Stephie discovered that Ivan Vaughan set up 188 00:07:13,298 --> 00:07:16,867 one of the most successful matches in music history, 189 00:07:16,901 --> 00:07:18,468 but never found success himself. 190 00:07:18,503 --> 00:07:20,070 And the singer, who's Jo, 191 00:07:20,104 --> 00:07:22,472 just looked like he had something, you know? 192 00:07:22,507 --> 00:07:24,107 Narrator: Stephie related. 193 00:07:24,142 --> 00:07:25,309 - Hi. - Hi. 194 00:07:25,343 --> 00:07:26,643 Narrator: After all, if it wasn't for Stephie, 195 00:07:26,678 --> 00:07:28,779 Andrew and Zelda may never have met. 196 00:07:28,813 --> 00:07:30,113 Uh, my friend Stephie signed me up, 197 00:07:30,148 --> 00:07:31,882 and I'm actually just here for this interview 198 00:07:31,916 --> 00:07:33,216 to try and get her money back. 199 00:07:33,251 --> 00:07:36,220 Narrator: Stephie wondered if she, like Ivan Vaughan, 200 00:07:36,254 --> 00:07:39,890 was a matchmaker who could never be matched herself. 201 00:07:40,179 --> 00:07:42,681 I'm gonna start looking for someone for Stephie. 202 00:07:42,715 --> 00:07:44,616 Maybe lightning will strike twice. 203 00:07:44,650 --> 00:07:46,551 And I'll use my company's empirically proven algorithm 204 00:07:46,586 --> 00:07:50,989 that makes lightning strike 3,000 times a day. 205 00:07:51,023 --> 00:07:53,625 I'm insecure about my job. 206 00:07:53,659 --> 00:07:55,860 Done. 12 matches. 207 00:07:55,895 --> 00:07:58,063 Lora, thank you so much. This is great. 208 00:07:58,097 --> 00:07:59,497 - [Squeals] - Sorry. 209 00:07:59,532 --> 00:08:03,969 Wait, why is Joseph on there? [Gasps] Oh, that's right. 210 00:08:04,003 --> 00:08:05,337 We had him fill out a questionnaire 211 00:08:05,371 --> 00:08:07,439 to see how the site works. 212 00:08:07,473 --> 00:08:08,840 - [Whispers] Andrew. - [Inhales sharply] 213 00:08:08,875 --> 00:08:10,342 We need you to show Joseph a good time 214 00:08:10,376 --> 00:08:11,710 at tonight's cocktail party. 215 00:08:11,744 --> 00:08:13,845 And you've got that smooth-faced frat boy look 216 00:08:13,879 --> 00:08:15,780 that appeals to these New York phonies. 217 00:08:15,815 --> 00:08:18,216 - Yes, I'll be there? - Correct answer. 218 00:08:18,251 --> 00:08:20,085 Suggested topics of conversation... 219 00:08:20,119 --> 00:08:22,988 Uh, golf, whiskey, restaurants, intercourse. 220 00:08:23,022 --> 00:08:24,589 Here's your drink ticket. 221 00:08:28,094 --> 00:08:31,062 [Indistinct conversations] 222 00:08:32,965 --> 00:08:35,267 How easy was this? I didn't even have to make introductions. 223 00:08:35,301 --> 00:08:38,203 I just pointed him in the general vicinity, 224 00:08:38,237 --> 00:08:41,206 and she turned. They locked eyes, and voilą. 225 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:43,074 - Nicely done. - Thank you. 226 00:08:43,109 --> 00:08:45,043 I mean, I don't wanna toot my own horn, but... 227 00:08:45,077 --> 00:08:47,479 - Well... - Toot! 228 00:08:47,513 --> 00:08:49,147 Well, if you get to toot, I get to toot, too. 229 00:08:49,182 --> 00:08:51,216 Okay. 230 00:08:51,250 --> 00:08:52,484 Toot. 231 00:08:52,518 --> 00:08:54,653 Toot indeed. 232 00:08:54,687 --> 00:08:57,222 [Both chuckle] 233 00:08:57,256 --> 00:09:00,892 Hmm. Look at that. Stephie found someone else. 234 00:09:00,927 --> 00:09:02,827 Good for her. 235 00:09:02,862 --> 00:09:05,096 Why do you care? 236 00:09:05,131 --> 00:09:07,199 [Slurps] Why do you care that I care? 237 00:09:07,233 --> 00:09:08,800 I would like to propose a toast. 238 00:09:08,834 --> 00:09:11,202 We matched two happy couples. 239 00:09:11,237 --> 00:09:12,337 - We did. - Mm-hmm. 240 00:09:12,371 --> 00:09:14,806 I think we both earned our one free well drink, 241 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:15,774 tip not included. 242 00:09:15,808 --> 00:09:19,177 [Gasps] Or maybe more than one. 243 00:09:21,747 --> 00:09:24,449 Thank you. [Clears throat] To us. 244 00:09:24,484 --> 00:09:27,252 Our one-two punch of cold hard data... 245 00:09:27,286 --> 00:09:29,087 And blind freakin' luck. 246 00:09:29,121 --> 00:09:30,222 [Clink] 247 00:09:30,256 --> 00:09:32,190 Jennifer: Okay, you know what? 248 00:09:32,225 --> 00:09:33,225 I am done! 249 00:09:33,259 --> 00:09:36,494 And you say goodbye to this and this 250 00:09:36,529 --> 00:09:38,330 and especially this! 251 00:09:38,364 --> 00:09:41,266 - You know what I'm pointing to. - Well, say an equal goodbye to these, 252 00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:42,667 - and you're saying goodbye to this... - I don't care. 253 00:09:42,702 --> 00:09:43,668 - And you're saying goodbye to this! - And you know what? 254 00:09:43,703 --> 00:09:46,538 This... this is still off-limits! 255 00:09:46,572 --> 00:09:47,539 - See ya! - Bye! Bye! 256 00:09:47,573 --> 00:09:49,007 - Bye! - Bye! 257 00:09:49,041 --> 00:09:51,376 - You're not getting your car keys back! - I don't care! 258 00:09:51,410 --> 00:09:53,378 [Sobbing] No way. 259 00:09:53,412 --> 00:09:55,480 Toot. 260 00:09:58,250 --> 00:10:00,084 Hey, how did it go with Stu last night? 261 00:10:00,119 --> 00:10:02,403 Oh, I have never seen him that upset about a girl before. 262 00:10:02,428 --> 00:10:03,460 He spent the whole night 263 00:10:03,496 --> 00:10:05,063 staring at pictures of them together. 264 00:10:05,097 --> 00:10:07,265 They've only been on one date. 265 00:10:07,299 --> 00:10:10,435 And here's us at dinner. And here's us at the carnival. 266 00:10:10,469 --> 00:10:14,172 Dinner... Carnival. 267 00:10:14,206 --> 00:10:15,440 [Voice breaking] Dinner... 268 00:10:15,474 --> 00:10:16,975 Yeah, there are only two pictures. 269 00:10:17,009 --> 00:10:18,910 - Oh, rough. - How about Steph? 270 00:10:18,944 --> 00:10:22,180 Well... She didn't come home last night, so... 271 00:10:22,214 --> 00:10:23,248 In the matchmaking department, 272 00:10:23,282 --> 00:10:25,216 I'd say that we are batting .500. 273 00:10:25,251 --> 00:10:28,520 - Look at you, talking baseball. - [Door closes] 274 00:10:28,554 --> 00:10:30,321 - Hey! - Hey! 275 00:10:30,356 --> 00:10:33,091 - Hey! - Oh, my goodness. 276 00:10:33,125 --> 00:10:34,793 I'm gonna call it right here. 277 00:10:34,827 --> 00:10:36,695 Things went well with Joseph 278 00:10:36,729 --> 00:10:39,497 because you are carrying your shoes 279 00:10:39,532 --> 00:10:41,299 - in a marriott dry cleaning bag. - [Thud] 280 00:10:41,333 --> 00:10:42,534 - Well done. - [Chuckles] 281 00:10:42,568 --> 00:10:44,269 - Give us the details. - Yes. 282 00:10:44,303 --> 00:10:45,804 Unless you're uncomfortable with me being here, 283 00:10:45,838 --> 00:10:47,739 in which case I'll get the details from Zelda later. 284 00:10:47,773 --> 00:10:49,040 Oh, no, no. I want you to hear this. 285 00:10:49,074 --> 00:10:51,509 Um, so Joseph and I are experiencing a connection 286 00:10:51,544 --> 00:10:53,478 like I've never felt with anyone else before, 287 00:10:53,512 --> 00:10:54,813 if I'm honest. 288 00:10:54,847 --> 00:10:57,282 And we had a couple of drinks, and he says, 289 00:10:57,316 --> 00:10:58,416 "do you wanna come up to my hotel room?" 290 00:10:58,451 --> 00:10:59,551 Which I don't usually do. 291 00:10:59,585 --> 00:11:01,086 - You know I don't usually do that. - Well... 292 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:02,854 But this time, we were having such a wonderful night, 293 00:11:02,888 --> 00:11:04,055 that I think... 294 00:11:04,090 --> 00:11:05,557 Okay. If you're asking me to speak at your wedding, 295 00:11:05,591 --> 00:11:06,958 the answer is yes. 296 00:11:06,992 --> 00:11:08,860 Hold that thought. I wake up, 297 00:11:08,894 --> 00:11:11,663 he's gone, and... This is on the nightstand. 298 00:11:11,697 --> 00:11:13,698 He thought I was a hooker. 299 00:11:13,733 --> 00:11:15,100 What? 300 00:11:15,134 --> 00:11:17,235 Yep. $420. [Chuckles] 301 00:11:17,269 --> 00:11:18,603 Why did you take it? 302 00:11:18,637 --> 00:11:19,738 I'm supposed to leave this for housekeeping? 303 00:11:19,772 --> 00:11:22,040 Screw them. I worked all night. 304 00:11:22,074 --> 00:11:25,143 Maybe he was just leaving money for the taxi. 305 00:11:25,177 --> 00:11:28,079 - A taxi to where, Vegas? - I don't know. 306 00:11:28,114 --> 00:11:29,314 Did you say anything to him 307 00:11:29,348 --> 00:11:30,815 that may have implied that she was a... You know? 308 00:11:30,850 --> 00:11:35,620 No! No! I-I just said she was a good lawyer. 309 00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:39,190 You're gonna love her. She is classy, open-minded. 310 00:11:39,225 --> 00:11:40,425 She's amazing at her job. 311 00:11:40,459 --> 00:11:42,894 - I mean, she always gets her clients off. - Oh! 312 00:11:42,928 --> 00:11:44,329 Oh. 313 00:11:44,363 --> 00:11:45,930 - Stephie. - No, look, that's it 314 00:11:45,965 --> 00:11:47,432 for me and dating, and I'm fine with it. 315 00:11:47,466 --> 00:11:48,933 In fact, it's actually quite liberating. 316 00:11:48,968 --> 00:11:50,669 I might take up trick shooting, 317 00:11:50,703 --> 00:11:52,237 take it around county fairs, travel a bit, 318 00:11:52,271 --> 00:11:53,538 you know, get really good at it. 319 00:11:53,572 --> 00:11:55,140 And this is the kind of life I deserve... 320 00:11:55,174 --> 00:11:56,875 [Continues indistinctly] 321 00:12:01,781 --> 00:12:03,415 Bartokowski. 322 00:12:05,184 --> 00:12:06,584 So nice to meet your lady last night. 323 00:12:06,619 --> 00:12:08,119 I had pegged you 324 00:12:08,154 --> 00:12:10,955 as a live-alone, choke-on-a-chicken-bone, 325 00:12:10,990 --> 00:12:13,992 get-eaten-by-your-cats type. 326 00:12:14,026 --> 00:12:15,760 So hold on to that one. 327 00:12:17,396 --> 00:12:18,997 Will do. 328 00:12:19,031 --> 00:12:20,632 Stu's taking it pretty hard. 329 00:12:20,666 --> 00:12:23,501 Stephie's not doing much better. 330 00:12:23,536 --> 00:12:24,536 [Groans] 331 00:12:24,570 --> 00:12:26,671 - Here she is. - [Folder thuds] 332 00:12:26,706 --> 00:12:29,374 Oh, look, my flip-flop. 333 00:12:29,408 --> 00:12:31,609 - You found it. - Yay, me. 334 00:12:31,644 --> 00:12:34,112 Well, at least she's dressed more comfortably. 335 00:12:34,146 --> 00:12:35,880 Either way, we suck at matchmaking. 336 00:12:35,915 --> 00:12:39,017 Well, to be fair, Joseph did 337 00:12:39,051 --> 00:12:40,985 misrepresent himself on the questionnaire, 338 00:12:41,020 --> 00:12:43,154 and that completely voids the entire algorithm, 339 00:12:43,189 --> 00:12:45,256 you know... you know what? The point is, 340 00:12:45,291 --> 00:12:47,759 - we need to be there for our friends. - I couldn't agree more. 341 00:12:47,793 --> 00:12:50,061 Uh, fyi... Stu is gone. 342 00:12:50,096 --> 00:12:51,296 Oh. Uh... 343 00:12:51,330 --> 00:12:53,398 I'm gonna call you back. 344 00:12:53,432 --> 00:12:56,501 [Elevator bell dings] 345 00:13:02,675 --> 00:13:03,708 Leaving early? 346 00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:05,143 Yep. Had a crap day. 347 00:13:05,177 --> 00:13:06,478 Me, too. 348 00:13:08,614 --> 00:13:10,048 [Elevator bell dings] 349 00:13:12,284 --> 00:13:14,285 Hey, I still can't find Stephie anywhere. 350 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:18,256 Yeah, Stu's not here either. I don't know what's... 351 00:13:18,290 --> 00:13:20,392 Oh, boy. Joseph just walked in. 352 00:13:20,426 --> 00:13:21,659 I think I'm about to get in a fight 353 00:13:21,694 --> 00:13:23,895 - and then probably lose my job. - Oh! 354 00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:25,997 Should I come to the window and watch? 355 00:13:26,032 --> 00:13:27,766 I think you should stay and look for Stephie. 356 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:28,800 Right. 357 00:13:28,834 --> 00:13:30,235 Hey! 358 00:13:30,269 --> 00:13:34,272 Here's your dirty money that you used to pay for sex! 359 00:13:34,306 --> 00:13:35,840 [Murmuring] 360 00:13:35,875 --> 00:13:38,143 - No, not... not between us. - Not... not paying for anything. 361 00:13:38,177 --> 00:13:39,344 - I get how that... - It was for a friend. 362 00:13:39,378 --> 00:13:40,678 I mean, I don't have to pay for sex. 363 00:13:40,713 --> 00:13:41,913 What is happening? 364 00:13:41,947 --> 00:13:43,481 Prepare to be punched! 365 00:13:43,516 --> 00:13:44,916 - Oh, you're gonna punch me? - No. 366 00:13:44,951 --> 00:13:45,984 You' the one who's gonna get punched. 367 00:13:46,018 --> 00:13:47,218 Why am I gonna get punched? 368 00:13:47,253 --> 00:13:48,820 Because you set me up with a thief! 369 00:13:48,854 --> 00:13:50,922 Oh! So she's a hooker and a thief. 370 00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:52,290 Andrew, you set him up with a hooker? 371 00:13:52,325 --> 00:13:54,459 This company does not do that for clients anymore. 372 00:13:54,493 --> 00:13:55,627 No, she's not a hooker. 373 00:13:55,661 --> 00:13:57,495 He just thought she was a hooker. 374 00:13:57,530 --> 00:13:58,730 - Okay, super. - No, I didn't. 375 00:13:58,764 --> 00:14:00,865 Look, I just left early that morning to get breakfast, 376 00:14:00,900 --> 00:14:02,500 and then when I came back, she was gone. 377 00:14:02,535 --> 00:14:05,336 And she has stolen the $420 I had left on my nightstand, 378 00:14:05,371 --> 00:14:06,805 and so I called the police. 379 00:14:06,839 --> 00:14:09,741 Why did you have so much cash out? 380 00:14:09,775 --> 00:14:11,142 It was on the per diem that they gave us, 381 00:14:11,177 --> 00:14:12,410 and it's actually not a lot of cash. 382 00:14:12,445 --> 00:14:15,413 I mean, once you take into account travel and food. 383 00:14:15,448 --> 00:14:17,449 You know, I don't owe you all an explanation, okay? 384 00:14:17,483 --> 00:14:19,551 No, no, you don't. This is amazing. [Chuckles] 385 00:14:19,585 --> 00:14:22,053 I-I mean, I'm sorry about all of... um... 386 00:14:22,088 --> 00:14:24,556 I'm gonna call Stephie. She's gonna be really relieved. 387 00:14:24,590 --> 00:14:25,590 Thanks. 388 00:14:26,659 --> 00:14:28,493 Thank you. Hey. 389 00:14:28,527 --> 00:14:30,762 Jennifer, hi. Oh, actually, you don't need to type. 390 00:14:30,796 --> 00:14:32,130 This is not work-related. 391 00:14:32,164 --> 00:14:34,833 If this is about Stu, there's nothing to talk about. 392 00:14:34,867 --> 00:14:37,268 Okay. He's heartbroken. 393 00:14:37,303 --> 00:14:39,004 But he's still obsessed with his ex. 394 00:14:39,038 --> 00:14:40,505 - Oh! No. No. [Laughs] - Hmm? 395 00:14:40,539 --> 00:14:43,408 Stephie is not his ex, okay? 396 00:14:43,442 --> 00:14:46,411 I may be a jealous, possessive, paranoid person, 397 00:14:46,445 --> 00:14:48,213 but that bitch is trying to steal my man. 398 00:14:48,247 --> 00:14:50,148 Listen, I promise you, 399 00:14:50,182 --> 00:14:53,451 you do not need to be jealous, okay? 400 00:14:53,486 --> 00:14:56,288 Nothing is ever going to happen between them again, 401 00:14:56,322 --> 00:14:59,190 like... Never. 402 00:15:00,793 --> 00:15:02,627 Stu really likes you. 403 00:15:03,963 --> 00:15:05,330 - Really? - Yeah. 404 00:15:05,364 --> 00:15:07,666 What did I just say? 405 00:15:09,335 --> 00:15:11,903 "Nothing is ever gonna happen between them again, 406 00:15:11,937 --> 00:15:14,873 like... Never." 407 00:15:16,175 --> 00:15:18,109 Well... Now I feel sort of embarrassed 408 00:15:18,144 --> 00:15:20,311 for how I reacted. 409 00:15:20,346 --> 00:15:22,847 - You think he'd forgive me? - Yes, of course he would. 410 00:15:22,882 --> 00:15:25,083 Let's call him right now. 411 00:15:27,953 --> 00:15:30,555 I miss her so much. 412 00:15:30,589 --> 00:15:31,723 You know you guys dated 413 00:15:31,757 --> 00:15:33,425 for, like, a day and a half, right? 414 00:15:33,459 --> 00:15:36,895 But it flew by like it was two-thirds of a day. 415 00:15:36,929 --> 00:15:39,264 Oh. At least yours was a relationship. 416 00:15:39,298 --> 00:15:40,665 Mine was just a tryst, 417 00:15:40,700 --> 00:15:43,802 and now I'm nothing but a mid-priced hooker. 418 00:15:43,836 --> 00:15:45,670 No. No, no, no, no, no. 419 00:15:45,705 --> 00:15:48,139 No, look at me. Mid-price in I.A. 420 00:15:48,174 --> 00:15:51,242 Is, like, super expensive in the rest of the country. 421 00:15:51,277 --> 00:15:53,011 The fact that I'm comforted by that 422 00:15:53,045 --> 00:15:55,113 is a new all-time low for me, but thank you. 423 00:15:55,147 --> 00:15:58,183 You're welcome. You'd be like a governor's mistress 424 00:15:58,217 --> 00:15:59,217 in Wisconsin. 425 00:15:59,251 --> 00:16:00,251 Would I? 426 00:16:00,286 --> 00:16:01,820 I hope so. 427 00:16:03,289 --> 00:16:06,991 I can close my eyes and pretend you're Jennifer. 428 00:16:07,026 --> 00:16:09,027 I can close my eyes and pretend 429 00:16:09,061 --> 00:16:11,196 that you're literally anyone else. 430 00:16:11,230 --> 00:16:12,564 [Whispers] Shh. Stop using that stupid accent, Jennifer. 431 00:16:12,598 --> 00:16:15,166 I hate it. Mmm. 432 00:16:15,201 --> 00:16:16,901 Mmm. This is a really bad idea. 433 00:16:16,936 --> 00:16:18,870 - Yeah, yours. Mmm. - Are we doing this? 434 00:16:18,904 --> 00:16:20,839 Yeah. Are we? 435 00:16:20,873 --> 00:16:22,540 I'm gonna need another Margarita. 436 00:16:22,575 --> 00:16:23,842 - Yeah. - Okay. 437 00:16:23,876 --> 00:16:25,343 - All right. - Okay. 438 00:16:25,378 --> 00:16:28,313 [Whirring] 439 00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:32,784 [Laughter and moans] 440 00:16:33,521 --> 00:16:35,322 [Moaning] 441 00:16:35,356 --> 00:16:37,357 Okay, okay, okay. So... Um... We, uh, 442 00:16:37,392 --> 00:16:40,477 - we're actually gonna do this, right? - Yeah. 443 00:16:40,514 --> 00:16:42,815 Against our better judgment, we're gonna do this, right? 444 00:16:42,850 --> 00:16:44,484 Looks like it, yeah. Yeah. 445 00:16:44,518 --> 00:16:47,263 Uh, full disclosure... I've done a lot of manscaping. 446 00:16:47,287 --> 00:16:49,021 Some of it went really well. 447 00:16:49,055 --> 00:16:51,490 A lot of it went horribly wrong. 448 00:16:51,524 --> 00:16:53,525 Can we just get this over with? 449 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:54,660 It's the only way I know how, baby. 450 00:16:54,694 --> 00:16:56,729 - [Chuckles and moans] - [Moaning] 451 00:16:56,763 --> 00:16:58,063 Stu, Stu... [gasps] 452 00:16:58,098 --> 00:16:59,665 Oh, God. Oh, my God! 453 00:16:59,699 --> 00:17:01,066 - What... - Look away! Look away! 454 00:17:01,101 --> 00:17:03,502 - Just walk out. - Just walk out of the door! 455 00:17:03,536 --> 00:17:05,504 Stu, you have eight missed calls from me. 456 00:17:05,538 --> 00:17:06,505 [Lowered voice] Jennifer is here. 457 00:17:06,539 --> 00:17:07,506 She's over the whole jealousy thing, 458 00:17:07,540 --> 00:17:08,574 and now she's inside... 459 00:17:08,608 --> 00:17:10,175 - [Screaming] - [Gasps] Oh, my God! 460 00:17:10,210 --> 00:17:11,543 Don't look at it! 461 00:17:11,578 --> 00:17:13,812 - You worthless ginger crap sack! - Okay. 462 00:17:13,847 --> 00:17:15,714 Jenny-bear, this is not what this looks like. 463 00:17:15,749 --> 00:17:16,748 Oh, no! 464 00:17:16,783 --> 00:17:18,150 - No, it's hate-sex! - Really? 465 00:17:18,184 --> 00:17:21,220 - Yeah. I mean, I hate myself. - Oh, I hate myself. 466 00:17:21,254 --> 00:17:24,490 I knew it. I knew you were a boyfriend stealer 467 00:17:24,524 --> 00:17:26,158 from the moment I met you. 468 00:17:26,192 --> 00:17:29,728 You couldn't keep your eyes off his thick, powerful thighs 469 00:17:29,762 --> 00:17:33,432 - and his sexy little doll hands. - Aw, sugar butt. 470 00:17:33,466 --> 00:17:34,500 No! [Groans] 471 00:17:34,534 --> 00:17:37,870 Okay, okay. I think everybody just needs 472 00:17:37,904 --> 00:17:39,371 to calm down and listen. 473 00:17:39,406 --> 00:17:41,774 I assure you, I am no boyfriend thief. 474 00:17:41,808 --> 00:17:44,576 I have never stolen anything in my entire life. 475 00:17:44,611 --> 00:17:47,246 - Stephanie Bennett? - Yes? 476 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,548 - Is that your car out front? - Yes. 477 00:17:49,582 --> 00:17:51,050 You're under arrest from stealing money from Joseph Mill 478 00:17:51,084 --> 00:17:52,351 at the Viceroy Hotel. 479 00:17:52,385 --> 00:17:53,786 What? 480 00:17:53,820 --> 00:17:56,155 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. All of this can be explained. 481 00:17:56,189 --> 00:17:58,023 She just thought that that was money 482 00:17:58,057 --> 00:17:59,591 in exchange for sex. 483 00:17:59,626 --> 00:18:01,260 [Whispers] Wow. 484 00:18:01,294 --> 00:18:02,594 Okay, that's enough for me. 485 00:18:02,629 --> 00:18:04,296 Worst thing you could have said. 486 00:18:04,330 --> 00:18:05,697 I can see how that could be misconstrued. 487 00:18:05,732 --> 00:18:07,032 No, the worst. 488 00:18:07,066 --> 00:18:08,867 - Ma'am, come with me, please. - Right. 489 00:18:08,902 --> 00:18:10,369 - Sir, I'm... I'm her lawyer. - I'm sorry, Stephie. 490 00:18:10,403 --> 00:18:12,371 I'm her lawyer. She's also... I-I... 491 00:18:12,405 --> 00:18:15,641 - I... - I'm sorry, Zelda. 492 00:18:15,675 --> 00:18:17,976 - [Door closes] - I'm sorry! 493 00:18:18,011 --> 00:18:20,546 [Indistinct conversations] 494 00:18:20,580 --> 00:18:23,048 Well... I guess I can cross off 495 00:18:23,083 --> 00:18:24,750 "getting arrested" off the bucket list. 496 00:18:24,784 --> 00:18:26,885 Next up... Kiliman-bloody-jaro. 497 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:28,454 And thank you, Andrew, for getting Joseph 498 00:18:28,488 --> 00:18:29,788 to drop the charges. 499 00:18:29,823 --> 00:18:32,658 Steph, I'm so sorry for dragging you into this. 500 00:18:32,692 --> 00:18:36,228 And, Stu, I am so sorry for introducing you to Jennifer. 501 00:18:36,262 --> 00:18:37,996 [Voice breaking] Why? It was really great. 502 00:18:38,031 --> 00:18:40,999 Guys, we just wanted you to be as happy as we are, 503 00:18:41,034 --> 00:18:42,267 - yeah. - Oh, wow. 504 00:18:42,302 --> 00:18:44,336 So anyone who's not in the perfect relationship 505 00:18:44,370 --> 00:18:46,271 - is just a pathetic loser. - No, no, no. 506 00:18:46,306 --> 00:18:47,639 - No, no, no. - That's not what he... 507 00:18:47,674 --> 00:18:49,141 - That's a statement, not a question. - Okay. 508 00:18:49,175 --> 00:18:50,476 I actually believe that's true. 509 00:18:50,510 --> 00:18:52,744 You don't have to apologize for Jennifer. 510 00:18:52,779 --> 00:18:54,947 I was never into the relationships thing, 511 00:18:54,981 --> 00:18:56,682 you know, I thought they were for chumps. 512 00:18:56,716 --> 00:18:59,585 But after Jennifer, it really opened my eyes. 513 00:18:59,619 --> 00:19:01,653 And it hurts. 514 00:19:01,688 --> 00:19:02,988 - Stu. - I'm so sorry. 515 00:19:03,022 --> 00:19:04,790 - Buddy... - I miss the sex, though. 516 00:19:04,824 --> 00:19:06,658 It was like falling into a mirror. 517 00:19:06,693 --> 00:19:07,860 - Oh. - There it goes. 518 00:19:07,894 --> 00:19:08,994 What does that mean? 519 00:19:09,029 --> 00:19:11,463 Yeah, and I really, really liked Joseph. 520 00:19:11,498 --> 00:19:13,298 - He really liked you, too. - Mm-hmm. 521 00:19:13,333 --> 00:19:14,967 If you want, I can... Want me to put in a good word? 522 00:19:15,001 --> 00:19:16,935 Oh, God, no, don't. Don't do that. 523 00:19:16,970 --> 00:19:19,271 It wouldn't work, anyway. 524 00:19:19,305 --> 00:19:21,039 Stephie? 525 00:19:21,074 --> 00:19:22,708 Wait, Stephie. Hey, listen. 526 00:19:22,742 --> 00:19:25,044 You are not Ivan Vaughan. 527 00:19:25,078 --> 00:19:26,044 Oh, yes, I am. 528 00:19:26,079 --> 00:19:27,379 I am destined to play a bit part 529 00:19:27,413 --> 00:19:28,947 in someone else's amazing life. 530 00:19:28,982 --> 00:19:31,283 Hey, listen, I googled Ivan Vaughan. 531 00:19:31,317 --> 00:19:33,118 And do you know what I found out? 532 00:19:33,153 --> 00:19:35,454 Okay, sure, he didn't become a world-famous musician, 533 00:19:35,488 --> 00:19:37,623 but do you know what? He met an incredible woman, 534 00:19:37,657 --> 00:19:39,458 and he fell head over heels in love with her. 535 00:19:39,492 --> 00:19:40,993 - Ivan Vaughan? - Yes. 536 00:19:41,027 --> 00:19:43,028 And I am telling you, it is gonna happen for you. 537 00:19:43,063 --> 00:19:45,964 - Mm-hmm. - Okay, I-I don't want you 538 00:19:45,999 --> 00:19:48,333 to give up on the... 539 00:19:50,036 --> 00:19:53,338 Oh, my gosh. Joseph. 540 00:19:53,373 --> 00:19:54,606 Hi. 541 00:19:54,641 --> 00:19:58,010 [Sighs] I know things got off to a bad start with us. 542 00:19:58,044 --> 00:20:01,513 But... I still feel like we have a chance. 543 00:20:01,548 --> 00:20:02,848 - You do? - Yeah. 544 00:20:02,882 --> 00:20:04,083 I mean, think about it. 545 00:20:04,117 --> 00:20:06,685 Our meet-cute was the least cute meet in history, 546 00:20:06,719 --> 00:20:10,055 which... Kinda makes it the most cute. 547 00:20:10,090 --> 00:20:12,891 That's a lot of flowers that you have there. 548 00:20:12,926 --> 00:20:14,493 [Clears throat] 549 00:20:14,527 --> 00:20:15,527 $420 worth. 550 00:20:15,562 --> 00:20:19,398 Oh, my gosh! Thank you. 551 00:20:19,432 --> 00:20:22,734 Thank you. [Laughs] That's a lot. Oh, my God. 552 00:20:22,769 --> 00:20:24,436 Thank you so much. 553 00:20:24,471 --> 00:20:26,839 He knows that she is not a prostitute, right? 554 00:20:26,873 --> 00:20:28,040 I'm pretty sure. 555 00:20:28,074 --> 00:20:29,708 Wow. [Chuckles] 556 00:20:29,743 --> 00:20:33,579 I should've given you the benefit of the doubt, 557 00:20:33,613 --> 00:20:35,047 because the truth is, the night we met 558 00:20:35,081 --> 00:20:38,984 was the most amazing I've ever had. 559 00:20:40,787 --> 00:20:43,122 [Exhales] 560 00:20:43,156 --> 00:20:44,690 [Both laugh] 561 00:20:44,724 --> 00:20:47,393 Huh. I guess you win. 562 00:20:47,427 --> 00:20:49,928 Your company's newfangled romance computer program 563 00:20:49,963 --> 00:20:52,231 actually works. [Kisses] 564 00:20:52,265 --> 00:20:55,434 Maybe. But that... 565 00:20:55,468 --> 00:20:58,036 Looks like destiny to me. 566 00:21:01,137 --> 00:21:06,338 Sync and corrections by madhatters www.addic7ted.com