1 00:00:05,140 --> 00:00:06,907 What would you be doing 2 00:00:06,942 --> 00:00:08,876 right now if you were single? 3 00:00:08,910 --> 00:00:09,877 [Ding!] 4 00:00:09,911 --> 00:00:12,213 What's wrong with my life? 5 00:00:12,247 --> 00:00:14,348 Not much. What about you? 6 00:00:14,383 --> 00:00:15,383 [Ding!] 7 00:00:15,417 --> 00:00:17,852 Sex with Ryan Gosling... 8 00:00:17,886 --> 00:00:19,987 Uh, marry Chris Hemsworth... 9 00:00:20,022 --> 00:00:21,689 And I would kill... 10 00:00:23,325 --> 00:00:25,726 I'm glad those days are behind us. 11 00:00:25,761 --> 00:00:27,528 Me too. 12 00:00:27,563 --> 00:00:29,530 I wish that it could just be you and me all the time. 13 00:00:29,564 --> 00:00:30,831 - [Chuckles] - [Ding!] 14 00:00:30,866 --> 00:00:32,466 Narrator: In the span of three months, 15 00:00:32,501 --> 00:00:35,300 Andrew and Zelda went from being alone... 16 00:00:35,871 --> 00:00:37,738 To meeting... 17 00:00:37,773 --> 00:00:39,407 To just recently falling in love. 18 00:00:39,441 --> 00:00:41,075 So it's never been more important 19 00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:43,311 that they get some alone time, which is difficult 20 00:00:43,345 --> 00:00:45,913 - with her roommate, Stephie, around... - [Ding!] 21 00:00:45,947 --> 00:00:48,349 Hey, guys, can I just grab my earrings? 22 00:00:48,383 --> 00:00:49,750 Narrator: And even more difficult 23 00:00:49,785 --> 00:00:52,553 with Stephie's new boyfriend, Joseph, staying with them. 24 00:00:52,587 --> 00:00:53,688 Oi! 25 00:00:53,722 --> 00:00:56,157 Where's my little London crumpet biscuit at? 26 00:00:56,191 --> 00:00:58,292 - Mm. - Good morning. 27 00:00:58,327 --> 00:00:59,293 - Oh? Oh. Okay. - Good morning. 28 00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:00,261 - I'm gonna... do you guys... - Oh. 29 00:01:00,295 --> 00:01:01,829 - [Chuckles] - Sorry. 30 00:01:01,863 --> 00:01:03,764 Girl, you can't leave without giving me a kiss. 31 00:01:03,799 --> 00:01:05,166 Mmm. Mmm. 32 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:06,534 Oh, um, hey, Zelda, thank you so much 33 00:01:06,568 --> 00:01:08,386 for letting me stay here. 34 00:01:08,460 --> 00:01:10,194 I mean, I'm out as soon as I find a place. 35 00:01:10,229 --> 00:01:11,496 Oh, are you moving to here? 36 00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:12,663 - Oh, yeah. Didn't I tell you? - No. 37 00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:15,466 Joseph's relocating to L.A. 38 00:01:15,501 --> 00:01:16,934 That's amazing. We should all celebrate 39 00:01:16,969 --> 00:01:18,369 - by leaving the bathroom. - Yes. 40 00:01:18,403 --> 00:01:20,671 [Chuckles] 41 00:01:20,706 --> 00:01:22,407 I have to be at a meeting in 20 minutes, and I'm still not dressed, 42 00:01:22,441 --> 00:01:23,708 so I have to make a break for it, okay? All right. 43 00:01:23,742 --> 00:01:24,842 All right, I'm right behind you. Go for it. 44 00:01:24,877 --> 00:01:25,877 - All right, come on. - Come on. 45 00:01:25,911 --> 00:01:26,844 Oh, hey, I can't fit under there. 46 00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:28,679 I'll wait for you! 47 00:01:28,714 --> 00:01:30,781 I'll be fine! I've got a magazine! 48 00:01:30,816 --> 00:01:33,618 Narrator: Andrew and Zelda will date for seven months, 49 00:01:33,652 --> 00:01:37,989 one week, four days, and three hours. 50 00:01:38,023 --> 00:01:40,558 This television program is the comprehensive account 51 00:01:40,592 --> 00:01:42,026 of their relationship... 52 00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:44,362 From A to Z. 53 00:01:52,773 --> 00:01:55,842 Dane, so nice of you to fly in unannounced. 54 00:01:55,876 --> 00:01:57,043 Dane: Save it, Lydia. 55 00:01:57,078 --> 00:01:59,579 I'm here as a personal favor to the chairman himself. 56 00:01:59,613 --> 00:02:01,714 - How is Mr. Frankel? - He's on a respirator. 57 00:02:01,749 --> 00:02:05,185 So his condition's improved. Heart of a lion, him. 58 00:02:05,219 --> 00:02:06,286 A baboon, actually. 59 00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:08,388 Uh, stop trying to get me off point. 60 00:02:08,422 --> 00:02:10,824 You failed to spot a programming glitch 61 00:02:10,858 --> 00:02:12,859 that shut down the site for three hours. 62 00:02:12,893 --> 00:02:15,228 Dane, I've got my best people on this. 63 00:02:15,262 --> 00:02:17,030 - [Fingers snapping] - This is, uh, uh, uh... 64 00:02:17,064 --> 00:02:19,032 - Lora. - She's the best... 65 00:02:19,066 --> 00:02:20,800 - Programmer. - That we have. 66 00:02:20,835 --> 00:02:22,569 Until you earn corporate's trust back, I'm basically 67 00:02:22,603 --> 00:02:24,270 the police sent here to monitor your performance, 68 00:02:24,305 --> 00:02:27,540 so every breath you take, every move you make, 69 00:02:27,575 --> 00:02:29,175 every single day... 70 00:02:29,210 --> 00:02:31,644 I'll be monitoring your performance. 71 00:02:32,268 --> 00:02:35,537 We're still trying to get to the bottom of what happened, 72 00:02:35,571 --> 00:02:37,672 but we're working as fast as we can. 73 00:02:37,707 --> 00:02:39,874 Do you think he likes me? 74 00:02:43,294 --> 00:02:45,061 [Telephone rings] 75 00:02:45,096 --> 00:02:46,796 - Hello? - Hello. 76 00:02:46,831 --> 00:02:47,864 Hi. Who's this? 77 00:02:47,898 --> 00:02:49,332 How do you not know who this... 78 00:02:49,367 --> 00:02:50,834 [Chuckling] Oh! 79 00:02:50,868 --> 00:02:52,636 That's funny. 80 00:02:52,670 --> 00:02:54,571 Uh, listen, Stephie has to work at home tonight, 81 00:02:54,605 --> 00:02:56,640 and Joseph has an extra ticket to the clippers game, 82 00:02:56,674 --> 00:02:57,774 so would you want to go? 83 00:02:57,808 --> 00:03:00,510 No. No, no, no. I'm sorry. Joseph is awesome. 84 00:03:00,545 --> 00:03:03,346 But I'm hitting my breaking point with us not... 85 00:03:03,381 --> 00:03:04,748 Spending any time alone together? 86 00:03:04,782 --> 00:03:06,383 Yeah. I know. 87 00:03:06,417 --> 00:03:08,618 [Whispering] Stu and Stephie won't give us 88 00:03:08,653 --> 00:03:09,920 a minute to ourselves. 89 00:03:09,954 --> 00:03:11,454 Stephie: Hi, Andrew. Sorry. I hope I'm not interrupting. 90 00:03:11,489 --> 00:03:12,622 It's Stephie here. 91 00:03:12,657 --> 00:03:15,558 I just wanted to say thank you so much 92 00:03:15,593 --> 00:03:16,993 for going tonight with Joseph. 93 00:03:17,028 --> 00:03:18,929 He's so excited, and to be honest with you, 94 00:03:18,963 --> 00:03:21,097 he'd be excited to go with the volleyball from "cast away." 95 00:03:21,132 --> 00:03:22,866 - Stephie... - He has no friends here yet. 96 00:03:22,900 --> 00:03:23,900 - Stephie... - Okay, I've got to go. 97 00:03:23,935 --> 00:03:27,037 Um, but thank you again. Bye. 98 00:03:27,071 --> 00:03:30,340 Goodbye. 99 00:03:30,974 --> 00:03:33,342 So, should we go to your place tonight? 100 00:03:33,377 --> 00:03:36,145 We can't. Stu's gonna be there, and you know how that goes. 101 00:03:36,180 --> 00:03:37,980 We can do comedy. You know. [Laughs] 102 00:03:38,015 --> 00:03:40,082 - [Both screaming] - Oh! Oh! 103 00:03:40,117 --> 00:03:41,818 I'm so sorry! It's me! It's really cold in here. 104 00:03:41,852 --> 00:03:43,753 Also, do you know whose knife this is? 105 00:03:45,189 --> 00:03:46,155 [Thunder crashes] 106 00:03:46,189 --> 00:03:47,456 [Gasps] Oh, no. 107 00:03:47,491 --> 00:03:48,758 What? What? 108 00:03:48,792 --> 00:03:51,561 [Rapid footsteps approach] 109 00:03:52,087 --> 00:03:53,921 I know that thunder's just the sound of God bowling. 110 00:03:53,956 --> 00:03:55,923 [Voice shaking] But can I spend the night with you guys? 111 00:03:55,957 --> 00:03:57,091 What? 112 00:03:57,125 --> 00:03:58,659 Okay. Ah. Mm. 113 00:03:58,694 --> 00:04:00,094 - [Both laughing] - Hey, guys, guys! 114 00:04:00,128 --> 00:04:02,063 Stop what you're doing! Guys! Guys! 115 00:04:02,097 --> 00:04:04,932 I have good news. I bought a tarantula. 116 00:04:04,966 --> 00:04:06,634 - There's nothing in that cage. - [Chuckles] 117 00:04:06,668 --> 00:04:08,169 Which brings me to the bad news. 118 00:04:08,203 --> 00:04:10,805 - No! No! No! No! No! No! No! - Watch your step! She's pregnant! 119 00:04:11,100 --> 00:04:12,667 What if we got a hotel room? 120 00:04:12,702 --> 00:04:15,437 Um, I don't pay for hotels in the city where I live. 121 00:04:15,471 --> 00:04:16,705 That is a personal rule of mine. 122 00:04:16,739 --> 00:04:17,939 I get it. 123 00:04:17,974 --> 00:04:19,574 It's like how I don't order a tuna melt at a restaurant 124 00:04:19,609 --> 00:04:20,809 because I could just make one at home. 125 00:04:20,843 --> 00:04:22,477 - Yeah, it's just like that. - So that's it. 126 00:04:22,511 --> 00:04:24,412 There's nowhere for us to be alone. 127 00:04:24,447 --> 00:04:26,881 Hey, guys, you want to go to second breakfast? 128 00:04:26,916 --> 00:04:29,517 - Stu, can you give us one second, please? - I'm so sorry. I'm... 129 00:04:29,552 --> 00:04:31,453 Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Stu, stu, stu, stu, stu. Stu. 130 00:04:31,735 --> 00:04:35,137 Hey, buddy, uh, do you want to go with Joseph 131 00:04:35,172 --> 00:04:37,006 - to a clipper's game tonight? - Depends. 132 00:04:37,041 --> 00:04:38,908 Is he cool with insulting opposing players 133 00:04:38,942 --> 00:04:40,943 with regards to, like, the ugliness of their mothers 134 00:04:40,978 --> 00:04:42,111 or stuff like that? 135 00:04:42,146 --> 00:04:44,814 He has given me no reason to believe otherwise. 136 00:04:44,848 --> 00:04:47,617 Then I'm in, sure. Let's do this! 137 00:04:47,651 --> 00:04:49,252 Nice move. 138 00:04:49,286 --> 00:04:52,622 I'll see you tonight at 7:00, my place. 139 00:04:56,047 --> 00:04:58,883 This wine is amazing. 140 00:04:58,917 --> 00:05:00,184 Oh, it's so good. 141 00:05:00,218 --> 00:05:03,787 When we're alone, everything is so much better. 142 00:05:03,822 --> 00:05:06,123 - I know. It feels like we're on vacation. - Yeah. 143 00:05:06,157 --> 00:05:08,058 I feel like we're in, like, Italy or something. 144 00:05:08,093 --> 00:05:09,593 Yeah. Salute. 145 00:05:09,628 --> 00:05:11,161 - Salute. - [Glasses clink] 146 00:05:11,196 --> 00:05:13,130 Mmm. 147 00:05:13,164 --> 00:05:14,965 What other Italian words do you know? 148 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,368 [Italian accent] Tortellini. 149 00:05:17,402 --> 00:05:18,669 Ooh. More. 150 00:05:18,703 --> 00:05:19,670 Spaghetti. 151 00:05:19,704 --> 00:05:20,804 [Italian accent] Lamborghini. 152 00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:22,473 Christina Ricci. [Chuckles] 153 00:05:22,507 --> 00:05:23,874 - Tutti-fru... - Stephie: Zelda! 154 00:05:23,909 --> 00:05:25,175 [Normal voice] Why? 155 00:05:25,210 --> 00:05:26,677 Andrew, you really shouldn't keep the door unlocked. 156 00:05:26,711 --> 00:05:27,811 - It's Los Angeles. That's dangerous. - Stephie... 157 00:05:27,846 --> 00:05:30,147 Which one of you had the genius idea 158 00:05:30,182 --> 00:05:32,449 to send my Joseph on a man-date with stu? 159 00:05:32,484 --> 00:05:33,450 [Normal voice] Oh, no. 160 00:05:33,485 --> 00:05:35,185 Joseph's mom isn't an ugly woman, is she? 161 00:05:35,220 --> 00:05:38,155 What? No. They're now apparently besties. 162 00:05:38,189 --> 00:05:39,890 And one day, Joseph and I are gonna get married, 163 00:05:39,925 --> 00:05:42,226 and stu is gonna be his best man. 164 00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:44,895 He's gonna make a speech about how he was with me first 165 00:05:44,930 --> 00:05:47,231 and then some weird, inappropriate joke 166 00:05:47,265 --> 00:05:50,000 about how the baby might actually be his... oh, my gosh. 167 00:05:50,035 --> 00:05:51,735 You're planning on being pregnant at your wedding? 168 00:05:51,770 --> 00:05:54,271 Wouldn't I be the best man? I introduced both of you. 169 00:05:54,306 --> 00:05:57,641 Mm. Great. Joseph is almost home. Okay. 170 00:05:57,676 --> 00:05:58,976 - Oh, my goodness. - I'm sorry. All right. 171 00:05:59,010 --> 00:06:00,477 - I'm so sor... love you. - Thanks for eating with us. 172 00:06:00,512 --> 00:06:01,645 - Bye-bye. - Get home safe. 173 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:03,647 - Finally. - Oh, my God. 174 00:06:03,682 --> 00:06:06,317 Okay, what we were... What were we... 175 00:06:06,351 --> 00:06:09,353 Whoo! That was a game right there! 176 00:06:09,387 --> 00:06:11,122 I got clipper sweat on my pants. 177 00:06:11,156 --> 00:06:12,890 And Joseph definitely has a way 178 00:06:12,924 --> 00:06:15,526 of making men feel bad about their mothers' looks. 179 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:16,760 He was vicious. 180 00:06:16,795 --> 00:06:18,596 Also, there's gonna be a thunderstorm tonight, 181 00:06:18,630 --> 00:06:19,930 so I suggest we skip a step 182 00:06:19,965 --> 00:06:21,632 and let me just go to bed with you guys. 183 00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:24,003 I'll see you there. I'll make it warm. 184 00:06:32,056 --> 00:06:33,557 This is getting out of hand. 185 00:06:33,591 --> 00:06:35,963 We may never spend any time alone together again. 186 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,735 We might as well go sleep on a beach. 187 00:06:37,769 --> 00:06:39,570 I think that's illegal. 188 00:06:39,604 --> 00:06:41,972 Yeah. Plus, after dark, the transient's come and tickle you. 189 00:06:42,006 --> 00:06:42,973 What? 190 00:06:43,007 --> 00:06:44,241 It's a tale for another time. 191 00:06:44,275 --> 00:06:45,576 Wait. This is crazy. 192 00:06:45,610 --> 00:06:47,110 Why don't you just ask stu to take off for the evening 193 00:06:47,145 --> 00:06:48,245 so that we can be alone? 194 00:06:48,279 --> 00:06:50,013 Because I have a weird, codependent relationship, 195 00:06:50,048 --> 00:06:52,483 and I'm scared of hurting his feelings. 196 00:06:52,517 --> 00:06:54,685 But what you said. 197 00:06:54,719 --> 00:06:57,321 Hey, St... 198 00:06:57,355 --> 00:06:58,622 Yes, best friend? 199 00:06:58,946 --> 00:07:02,582 Uh, what do you think about seeing a movie tonight? 200 00:07:02,617 --> 00:07:04,051 Sure, yeah. What do you want to see? 201 00:07:04,085 --> 00:07:05,519 Ooh, I got to go down to the dollar store 202 00:07:05,553 --> 00:07:06,520 so I can get some candy 203 00:07:06,554 --> 00:07:07,888 so I can tape it to my upper thigh. 204 00:07:07,922 --> 00:07:09,356 Actually, I was... I was thinking maybe, 205 00:07:09,390 --> 00:07:11,458 uh, you' go see the movie, 206 00:07:11,492 --> 00:07:13,427 and Zelda and I would hang out... 207 00:07:13,461 --> 00:07:15,292 I don't know... At home. 208 00:07:15,305 --> 00:07:18,107 Fine. I get it. I'm the bad guy. 209 00:07:18,141 --> 00:07:19,842 Just to clarify, 210 00:07:19,876 --> 00:07:22,111 you want to kick me out of my own apartment, 211 00:07:22,145 --> 00:07:23,879 where I pay half the rent. 212 00:07:23,914 --> 00:07:25,948 Stu, nobody's kicking you out of anything. 213 00:07:25,982 --> 00:07:28,050 W-we just want our own space for one night. 214 00:07:28,084 --> 00:07:29,819 You don't even have to go anywhere. 215 00:07:29,853 --> 00:07:32,087 You can stay in your room all night if you want. 216 00:07:32,122 --> 00:07:33,155 Thank you, your majesty. 217 00:07:33,190 --> 00:07:34,790 You know I don't feel comfortable in there. 218 00:07:34,825 --> 00:07:36,592 I still haven't found the tarantula. 219 00:07:36,626 --> 00:07:38,694 Stu, can you just be real with me for one second? 220 00:07:38,728 --> 00:07:40,896 Sure, I will go first. You broke my crock pot. 221 00:07:40,931 --> 00:07:43,032 And also, the only thing you care about 222 00:07:43,066 --> 00:07:44,166 in this whole universe is Zelda. 223 00:07:44,201 --> 00:07:46,135 Oh, forgive me if I want to be comfortable 224 00:07:46,169 --> 00:07:47,937 with my girlfriend for one night. 225 00:07:47,971 --> 00:07:49,471 You see that? You proved my point. 226 00:07:49,506 --> 00:07:51,140 You didn't even mention the crock pot. 227 00:07:51,174 --> 00:07:52,374 Why are we talking about a crock pot? 228 00:07:52,409 --> 00:07:53,509 If you're not comfortable, 229 00:07:53,543 --> 00:07:57,484 maybe you should find your own place. 230 00:07:57,546 --> 00:07:58,847 Maybe I will. 231 00:07:58,881 --> 00:07:59,814 - Good. - Great. 232 00:07:59,849 --> 00:08:00,849 - Fine. - Fine! 233 00:08:00,883 --> 00:08:02,050 - Great! - Okay. 234 00:08:02,084 --> 00:08:05,453 Could you rush off now? Because I'm expecting a call. 235 00:08:07,123 --> 00:08:10,258 I wasn't expecting a call. 236 00:08:13,562 --> 00:08:16,631 You wouldn't know it looking at me, 237 00:08:16,665 --> 00:08:19,234 but I haven't always had the easiest time with men. 238 00:08:19,268 --> 00:08:22,170 They're intimidated by my power, by my brashness, 239 00:08:22,204 --> 00:08:23,672 and by the fact that I've been this tall 240 00:08:23,706 --> 00:08:25,440 since the third grade. 241 00:08:25,474 --> 00:08:27,609 [Monotone] Wow. That's really irritating. 242 00:08:27,643 --> 00:08:28,576 Stop. 243 00:08:28,611 --> 00:08:29,944 If we're going to have girl talk, 244 00:08:29,979 --> 00:08:31,279 you need to speak more girl-like. 245 00:08:31,314 --> 00:08:32,480 [Socal accent] I can totally do that. 246 00:08:32,515 --> 00:08:33,515 Take it down a notch. 247 00:08:33,549 --> 00:08:34,482 [Normal voice] Oh. [Clears throat] 248 00:08:34,517 --> 00:08:35,450 Hmm. 249 00:08:36,042 --> 00:08:37,142 [Neutral voice] How's this? 250 00:08:37,177 --> 00:08:38,310 Perfect. 251 00:08:38,345 --> 00:08:40,946 And what about this costume that you wear every day? 252 00:08:40,981 --> 00:08:42,481 Are you amish? 253 00:08:42,515 --> 00:08:43,849 No. It's my signature look. 254 00:08:43,884 --> 00:08:46,051 It's off-putting, and it needs to end. 255 00:08:46,086 --> 00:08:48,654 Now, regarding girl talk, how does one do that? 256 00:08:48,688 --> 00:08:51,256 Well, from what I gather, we call each other "girlfriend" 257 00:08:51,291 --> 00:08:52,391 and remain supportive 258 00:08:52,425 --> 00:08:55,194 even if the other one says something idiotic. 259 00:08:55,228 --> 00:08:56,161 Okay. 260 00:08:56,196 --> 00:08:57,730 [Inhales sharply, squeals] 261 00:08:58,219 --> 00:09:00,654 I had your ex-boyfriend, Dinesh, 262 00:09:00,688 --> 00:09:02,622 crash our server for three hours 263 00:09:02,657 --> 00:09:04,257 so Dane would be forced to come here 264 00:09:04,292 --> 00:09:05,759 and pay attention to me. 265 00:09:05,793 --> 00:09:07,961 That's straight-up crazy. 266 00:09:08,863 --> 00:09:10,497 Girlfriend. 267 00:09:11,432 --> 00:09:13,634 [Keyboard clacking] 268 00:09:13,668 --> 00:09:15,969 [Door opens] 269 00:09:16,698 --> 00:09:19,800 Oh. I see you're looking at new apartments. 270 00:09:19,834 --> 00:09:22,736 That's good timing, seeing how I have a new roommate. 271 00:09:22,770 --> 00:09:25,205 Oh, yeah? How did you find one so fast? 272 00:09:25,239 --> 00:09:28,208 Oh, whoa, dude, this place is sweet. 273 00:09:28,242 --> 00:09:29,309 Hey, Andrew. 274 00:09:29,344 --> 00:09:30,744 - Hi, Joseph. - [Door closes] 275 00:09:30,778 --> 00:09:33,513 All this stuff is mine, pretty much. 276 00:09:33,548 --> 00:09:36,049 Uh, the only thing that won't be here is this. 277 00:09:36,084 --> 00:09:39,286 - Honestly? - And this is the couch upon which 278 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:40,721 we will forge our friendship, Joseph, 279 00:09:40,755 --> 00:09:43,467 watching sporting events and eating various homemade dips. 280 00:09:43,529 --> 00:09:45,964 Ooh. I make a mean seven-layer. I'm listening. 281 00:09:45,998 --> 00:09:48,266 - Well, I start with a bean layer. - Hoo-hoo, I'm interested. 282 00:09:48,301 --> 00:09:50,068 Then tortilla strips and double tub of sour cream. 283 00:09:50,103 --> 00:09:51,537 Ooh. Oh, yeah. That's so weird. 284 00:09:51,571 --> 00:09:53,505 The previous tenant felt that the sour cream 285 00:09:53,539 --> 00:09:55,841 - made the chips soggy. - So get a thicker chip. 286 00:09:55,875 --> 00:09:57,643 That's what I've been saying... Thicker chips! 287 00:09:57,677 --> 00:09:59,278 - Yeah. [Chuckles] - Thick chips, baby! Ha ha! 288 00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:01,516 "Thick chips" could be our wi-fi password. 289 00:10:01,550 --> 00:10:02,984 - That sounds amazing. - Now follow me. 290 00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:04,986 I want to show you my Japanese talking toilet. 291 00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:06,788 It says "arigatou" when you pee in it. 292 00:10:06,822 --> 00:10:08,423 [Both laugh] 293 00:10:08,457 --> 00:10:10,091 - Let's go pee in it! - All right! 294 00:10:10,126 --> 00:10:11,359 [Both laugh] 295 00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:16,131 Hey, Zelda, it's me. 296 00:10:16,165 --> 00:10:19,801 Uh, can you meet me at 1550 hilhurst at 2:30? 297 00:10:19,835 --> 00:10:22,404 I have a surprise. 298 00:10:22,438 --> 00:10:25,740 As you can see, it's a perfect bachelor unit, 299 00:10:25,775 --> 00:10:27,742 centrally located. 300 00:10:27,777 --> 00:10:29,244 Uh, do you believe in ghosts? 301 00:10:29,278 --> 00:10:30,345 No. 302 00:10:30,379 --> 00:10:33,348 Ah. Lots of natural light, hardwood floors. 303 00:10:33,382 --> 00:10:35,550 Hey, Zelda, isn't this amazing? 304 00:10:35,584 --> 00:10:37,852 Yes. What's going on? 305 00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:41,022 This is the surprise. What do you think? 306 00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:44,192 I think it's perfect for us. 307 00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:46,728 Me too. 308 00:10:47,530 --> 00:10:51,500 Ooh, is that, uh, original linoleum? 309 00:10:51,534 --> 00:10:54,169 - Yes. Yes. - [Sighs] 310 00:10:54,204 --> 00:10:58,207 Did you just agree to move in with your girlfriend? 311 00:10:59,131 --> 00:11:00,299 ♪ 312 00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:07,000 Ugh, there are so many barriers 313 00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,534 between Dane and I being together. 314 00:11:08,608 --> 00:11:09,975 I'm upper middle management. 315 00:11:10,009 --> 00:11:12,451 He's lower upper management. 316 00:11:12,488 --> 00:11:13,888 Our worlds are too different. 317 00:11:13,922 --> 00:11:14,889 I don't know. 318 00:11:14,923 --> 00:11:17,291 Dinesh and I are perfect on paper, 319 00:11:17,326 --> 00:11:21,229 but together we're messier than Karen from accounting's hair. 320 00:11:21,263 --> 00:11:23,364 [Both laugh] 321 00:11:23,398 --> 00:11:25,333 Good girl talk, lora! 322 00:11:25,367 --> 00:11:26,300 Thank you. 323 00:11:26,335 --> 00:11:28,269 Okay, so, whato I do about Dane? 324 00:11:28,303 --> 00:11:30,805 Quit my job and then ask him out? 325 00:11:30,839 --> 00:11:33,374 No! That's terrible advice, lora. 326 00:11:33,408 --> 00:11:35,676 Sorry. I overstepped. 327 00:11:35,711 --> 00:11:36,978 But if you ask me, 328 00:11:37,012 --> 00:11:39,947 he's probably just looking for his opening. 329 00:11:39,982 --> 00:11:41,215 You got to go for it. 330 00:11:41,250 --> 00:11:43,317 Be direct and straightforward. 331 00:11:43,352 --> 00:11:45,786 That's great advice. Can you do it for me? 332 00:11:45,821 --> 00:11:48,422 Yeah, girl! 333 00:11:53,659 --> 00:11:56,728 So, um, are you really actually 334 00:11:56,762 --> 00:11:59,764 just gonna move in with Andrew? 335 00:11:59,799 --> 00:12:01,800 Because you do know what that means, don't you? 336 00:12:01,834 --> 00:12:03,701 Yeah. We're not gonna be roommates anymore. 337 00:12:03,736 --> 00:12:05,970 No, no, no. I'm now living with Joseph. 338 00:12:06,005 --> 00:12:07,105 What? 339 00:12:07,139 --> 00:12:09,240 Yeah, I mean, I told him that you were moving out, 340 00:12:09,275 --> 00:12:11,676 and he was like, "oh, sweet, I'll just live here." 341 00:12:11,710 --> 00:12:12,710 And I said, "well, hang on. 342 00:12:12,745 --> 00:12:14,012 I don't know if we're ready for that yet." 343 00:12:14,046 --> 00:12:17,215 And he just ignored me and carried on having sex with me. 344 00:12:17,249 --> 00:12:21,286 Oh. Well, um, listen. 345 00:12:21,926 --> 00:12:28,990 Yes, it can feel like a, um, terrifying... Step forward, 346 00:12:29,025 --> 00:12:31,627 but maybe it'll bring the two of you closer together. 347 00:12:31,661 --> 00:12:33,362 Who knows? Anything's possible. 348 00:12:33,396 --> 00:12:34,997 Is that what you told yourself about Andrew? 349 00:12:38,334 --> 00:12:41,436 This is insane. What did I just do? 350 00:12:41,471 --> 00:12:43,372 We've only been together for three months. 351 00:12:43,406 --> 00:12:44,439 [Laughs] 352 00:12:44,474 --> 00:12:46,208 Try a long weekend and a dirty Skype call. 353 00:12:46,242 --> 00:12:47,509 Well, it's obvious what we have to do, right? 354 00:12:47,544 --> 00:12:49,011 We have to tell them that it's off 355 00:12:49,045 --> 00:12:51,213 and, uh, continue to live together. 356 00:12:51,247 --> 00:12:52,514 Right, and spend our evenings 357 00:12:52,549 --> 00:12:53,982 telling ourselves how great we are 358 00:12:54,017 --> 00:12:56,184 and wondering why nobody wants to settle down with us. 359 00:12:56,219 --> 00:12:58,153 Point taken. 360 00:12:58,187 --> 00:13:01,056 Okay. 361 00:13:01,090 --> 00:13:05,527 But the alternative is to take a huge leap of faith. 362 00:13:05,562 --> 00:13:06,995 Well, yeah, I mean, it's even huger for me. 363 00:13:07,030 --> 00:13:08,430 I don't even know Joseph's last name. 364 00:13:10,730 --> 00:13:12,097 But I'm not scared. 365 00:13:12,131 --> 00:13:14,499 I'm not scared, either? 366 00:13:14,533 --> 00:13:15,667 So, we're doing this. 367 00:13:15,701 --> 00:13:17,235 Yeah, we're doing this. 368 00:13:17,269 --> 00:13:19,271 I just can't believe you asked Zelda to move in with you. 369 00:13:19,305 --> 00:13:21,706 I kind of didn't ask Zelda to move in with me. 370 00:13:21,741 --> 00:13:25,377 I was just showing her my new apartment, 371 00:13:25,411 --> 00:13:26,878 - and she kind of assumed that... - Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh! 372 00:13:26,912 --> 00:13:28,179 So you don't really want to move in with her. 373 00:13:28,214 --> 00:13:29,347 Great. 374 00:13:29,382 --> 00:13:30,548 Why don't you move back in with me? 375 00:13:30,583 --> 00:13:31,950 What about Joseph? 376 00:13:31,984 --> 00:13:33,451 Great guy, terrible roommate... 377 00:13:33,486 --> 00:13:34,786 Is what he said about me. 378 00:13:34,820 --> 00:13:38,390 Ah. It's not that I don't want to move in with Zelda. 379 00:13:38,424 --> 00:13:41,259 I just... I feel like it's too soon. 380 00:13:41,294 --> 00:13:43,228 - What do you think? - Depends on who you ask... 381 00:13:43,262 --> 00:13:44,562 The, uh, supportive friend 382 00:13:44,597 --> 00:13:46,031 that wants what's best for you at all times 383 00:13:46,065 --> 00:13:47,832 or the huge man that wants to carry you around 384 00:13:47,867 --> 00:13:49,701 in a pouch like a baby kangaroo. 385 00:13:49,735 --> 00:13:50,902 Definitely the first one. 386 00:13:50,937 --> 00:13:52,203 Damn it. Okay. 387 00:13:52,238 --> 00:13:53,975 Ah! 388 00:13:54,012 --> 00:13:56,113 If you really like someone, 389 00:13:56,148 --> 00:13:59,483 there is something to be said for making the leap. 390 00:13:59,518 --> 00:14:01,085 Yeah. 391 00:14:02,921 --> 00:14:04,188 We're doing this. 392 00:14:04,223 --> 00:14:06,757 You're doing this. I'm not doing anything. 393 00:14:06,792 --> 00:14:10,194 Do you think this polynesian motif 394 00:14:10,229 --> 00:14:13,164 - is appropriate for the workplace? - What? 395 00:14:13,198 --> 00:14:15,633 Is your job like a vacation to you? 396 00:14:15,667 --> 00:14:18,102 Well, I haven't had a vacation in four years, so... 397 00:14:18,136 --> 00:14:19,770 [Chuckles, stammers] 398 00:14:25,707 --> 00:14:27,908 Lora, you look... Can we help you? 399 00:14:27,943 --> 00:14:30,878 Yes, Mr... Guy from corporate. 400 00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:34,648 There is someone in the office who is interested in... 401 00:14:34,683 --> 00:14:37,751 A consensual, non-work-related relationship. 402 00:14:37,786 --> 00:14:41,021 I think I know exactly the person of whom you speak. 403 00:14:41,056 --> 00:14:42,990 - Lydia. - Yes, Dane? 404 00:14:43,024 --> 00:14:45,292 Would you be so kind as to print out 405 00:14:45,327 --> 00:14:48,996 a relationship-disclosure form for myself and... 406 00:14:49,030 --> 00:14:51,932 Lora here? 407 00:14:51,967 --> 00:14:53,233 We're going on a date. 408 00:14:53,567 --> 00:14:55,134 Lunch tomorrow? 409 00:14:55,168 --> 00:14:57,503 And if you can be discreet, 410 00:14:57,537 --> 00:15:00,506 maybe we'll have one light beer. 411 00:15:04,411 --> 00:15:07,179 [Folder slaps] 412 00:15:07,214 --> 00:15:09,982 [Exhales slowly] 413 00:15:13,420 --> 00:15:16,055 [Indistinct conversations] 414 00:15:16,089 --> 00:15:17,189 Okay. 415 00:15:17,224 --> 00:15:19,158 Just need to sign here. Great. 416 00:15:19,192 --> 00:15:20,534 Okay. 417 00:15:20,609 --> 00:15:22,043 No. I don't know why the pen doesn't work. 418 00:15:22,077 --> 00:15:23,644 - What? - Oh, that's a shame. 419 00:15:23,679 --> 00:15:24,612 No. 420 00:15:24,646 --> 00:15:26,514 Oh, it works. [Chuckles] 421 00:15:26,548 --> 00:15:28,249 - Oh, okay. - There it is. 422 00:15:28,283 --> 00:15:29,350 - [Pen clatters] - Oh. 423 00:15:29,384 --> 00:15:31,419 Oh. Sorry. I don't know. You... it's not working. 424 00:15:31,453 --> 00:15:32,653 Did you need... Do you want to try? 425 00:15:32,688 --> 00:15:33,821 - Oh, sure, yeah. I don't know. - It didn't work for me. 426 00:15:33,855 --> 00:15:35,790 Oh-ho, this is heavy! This is... what is this? 427 00:15:35,824 --> 00:15:37,592 This is nice. Is this a montblanc? 428 00:15:37,626 --> 00:15:39,794 No. I stole it from a red lobster. 429 00:15:39,828 --> 00:15:41,395 Oh! Well, it's nice either way. 430 00:15:41,430 --> 00:15:42,730 - Well, thanks. - Okay. 431 00:15:42,764 --> 00:15:44,265 Here, I... I'm gonna sign here? 432 00:15:44,299 --> 00:15:46,000 Yeah. There you go. Sign right here. 433 00:15:46,034 --> 00:15:47,168 - Here I go. - Stephie: Hi, guys. 434 00:15:47,202 --> 00:15:48,236 [Cellphone rings] Hi. 435 00:15:48,270 --> 00:15:49,303 - Hi. What are you doing here? - Phone. 436 00:15:49,338 --> 00:15:50,705 Oh, sorry. 437 00:15:50,739 --> 00:15:54,976 Well, we... we just thought, um, we'd come by and we'd... 438 00:15:55,010 --> 00:15:56,577 We'd see the place 439 00:15:56,612 --> 00:16:00,181 and say congratulations 'cause congratulations. 440 00:16:00,215 --> 00:16:03,417 I mean, you guys are moving in together. That's a big step. 441 00:16:03,452 --> 00:16:06,354 Mm. Massive, really huge, terrifying, 442 00:16:06,388 --> 00:16:07,989 but appropriate step, I think. 443 00:16:08,023 --> 00:16:10,458 - Stu: Hey. - Wow. Stu. 444 00:16:10,492 --> 00:16:11,993 Stu, why are you here? 445 00:16:12,027 --> 00:16:13,928 I just wanted to bring you guys some macaroons 446 00:16:13,962 --> 00:16:15,396 as a housewarming gift. 447 00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:17,880 - Oh, thank you very much. - Thank you. 448 00:16:17,914 --> 00:16:20,516 Where are the macaroons then? 449 00:16:22,185 --> 00:16:25,788 I ate them in the car while sobbing at a stop light. 450 00:16:25,822 --> 00:16:27,756 So, instead... 451 00:16:27,791 --> 00:16:30,960 I have $23. 452 00:16:31,962 --> 00:16:34,230 Okay. Thank you. 453 00:16:34,264 --> 00:16:36,932 Thank you, buddy. 454 00:16:36,967 --> 00:16:40,569 Okay. I'm gonna do this. 455 00:16:40,604 --> 00:16:41,804 Great. 456 00:16:41,838 --> 00:16:43,038 - I'm gonna sign. - Okay. 457 00:16:43,073 --> 00:16:44,106 I'll sign... 458 00:16:44,140 --> 00:16:45,941 Andrew, I don't think that we should, um... 459 00:16:45,976 --> 00:16:47,977 Stephie: No, and neither do I. 460 00:16:48,011 --> 00:16:49,645 I have exactly the same reservations as Zelda. 461 00:16:49,679 --> 00:16:51,981 I mean... I was gonna say 462 00:16:52,015 --> 00:16:53,816 "sign without reading the lease agreement first." 463 00:16:53,850 --> 00:16:55,384 [Chuckles] I don't know what she's talking about. 464 00:16:55,984 --> 00:16:58,453 - You're having reservations? - Stu: That's perfect. 465 00:16:58,487 --> 00:17:01,222 He didn't even want to move in with you in the first place. 466 00:17:01,256 --> 00:17:04,025 Man: Guys, uh, almost forgot. 467 00:17:04,059 --> 00:17:06,094 Before you sign, I am required to tell you... 468 00:17:06,128 --> 00:17:08,029 There's a sex offender living downstairs. 469 00:17:09,289 --> 00:17:10,382 And it's me. 470 00:17:22,235 --> 00:17:24,036 - Lydia, - I just want you to know 471 00:17:24,070 --> 00:17:26,472 that I'm not interested in Dane, and this is... 472 00:17:26,506 --> 00:17:29,575 What are you doing? You don't drink wine. 473 00:17:29,609 --> 00:17:32,144 You don't know me, baby. 474 00:17:32,178 --> 00:17:33,712 [Chuckling] What's going on? 475 00:17:33,747 --> 00:17:36,382 - Oh, nothing. - [Stifled cough] 476 00:17:36,416 --> 00:17:37,950 We're just lubing up for a nooner. 477 00:17:37,984 --> 00:17:40,119 - What? - There you are. 478 00:17:40,153 --> 00:17:41,787 Well, if you'll excuse us, Lydia, 479 00:17:41,821 --> 00:17:45,257 we have lunch reservations at the California pizza kitchen. 480 00:17:45,292 --> 00:17:46,759 More wine, Danny? 481 00:17:46,793 --> 00:17:50,563 Yes, Dane, the rumors are true. 482 00:17:50,597 --> 00:17:53,732 Danny and I... Are an item. 483 00:17:53,767 --> 00:17:55,000 [Chuckling] It's Dinesh. 484 00:17:55,035 --> 00:17:56,969 Lydia, if this is some misguided attempt 485 00:17:57,003 --> 00:17:58,003 at making me feel... 486 00:17:58,038 --> 00:17:59,838 [Chuckling] I don't know... jealous 487 00:17:59,873 --> 00:18:02,107 - or something... - Please. Ugh. 488 00:18:02,142 --> 00:18:04,009 Well, it's worked. 489 00:18:04,044 --> 00:18:07,646 Lora was just a pawn that I used to get to you. 490 00:18:07,681 --> 00:18:10,516 She was a pawn in my game, as well. 491 00:18:10,550 --> 00:18:13,352 I was? 492 00:18:13,386 --> 00:18:15,354 Perhaps we should continue this discussion 493 00:18:15,388 --> 00:18:18,657 over unconventional pizzas in a casual atmosphere. 494 00:18:18,692 --> 00:18:21,093 You had me at "perhaps." 495 00:18:26,066 --> 00:18:29,034 Wine? 496 00:18:29,069 --> 00:18:31,403 'Cause I've had a lot. 497 00:18:32,732 --> 00:18:34,974 Was stu excited that you're moving back in with him? 498 00:18:35,008 --> 00:18:38,811 He's been making me origami all morning as a thank-you. 499 00:18:38,845 --> 00:18:42,314 Um, I still think that it's for the best 500 00:18:42,349 --> 00:18:44,216 that we're not moving in together. 501 00:18:44,251 --> 00:18:47,386 Totally. Yeah. No. You... You can't rush into things. 502 00:18:47,420 --> 00:18:49,922 And I, of all people, should know that, by the way. 503 00:18:49,956 --> 00:18:51,590 My teenage bedroom was littered 504 00:18:51,625 --> 00:18:54,126 with "pro" and "con" lists and, uh, decision trees. 505 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:57,062 When it's time, it'll feel right. 506 00:18:57,097 --> 00:18:59,198 Yeah. Now just wasn't the time. 507 00:19:01,101 --> 00:19:04,470 It's not the time... Right? 508 00:19:04,504 --> 00:19:07,973 No. Unless... Unless you think it is. 509 00:19:08,008 --> 00:19:09,375 I don't. 510 00:19:09,409 --> 00:19:11,744 Neither do I. 511 00:19:11,778 --> 00:19:13,646 So, it's settled. 512 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:16,315 What do you say we order in at your place tonight? 513 00:19:16,349 --> 00:19:19,485 Actually, I would love to, but, um, Stephie and Joseph 514 00:19:19,519 --> 00:19:20,986 are making blood sausage tonight, 515 00:19:21,021 --> 00:19:22,988 which is either a euphemism or the real thing. 516 00:19:23,023 --> 00:19:24,490 Either way, I want no part of it. 517 00:19:24,524 --> 00:19:26,191 What about your place? 518 00:19:26,226 --> 00:19:27,693 Stu's auditioning steel drummers 519 00:19:27,727 --> 00:19:29,762 for the reggae band that he's never gonna form. 520 00:19:29,796 --> 00:19:33,098 I'm still glad we're not moving in. 521 00:19:33,133 --> 00:19:36,035 Just wasn't the right time. 522 00:19:42,142 --> 00:19:43,842 [Vacuum whirring] 523 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:50,216 So... [Sighs] 524 00:19:50,250 --> 00:19:52,218 Remember when you said that part of girl talk 525 00:19:52,252 --> 00:19:53,752 was remaining supportive 526 00:19:53,787 --> 00:19:56,255 even if the other one said something idiotic? 527 00:19:56,289 --> 00:19:57,523 Yeah. 528 00:19:57,557 --> 00:20:00,693 Well, when I called you a "pawn"... 529 00:20:00,727 --> 00:20:02,695 I know. You didn't mean it. 530 00:20:02,729 --> 00:20:04,363 You just didn't want to look weak in front of Dane. 531 00:20:04,397 --> 00:20:06,465 It's okay. I've been friends with the cool girl before. 532 00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:09,602 I suppose I am the cool girl. 533 00:20:09,636 --> 00:20:11,437 So, what's next with you and Dane? 534 00:20:11,471 --> 00:20:13,939 Oh, my gosh, lora, I don't know! 535 00:20:13,974 --> 00:20:17,276 He flew back tonight. Should I have asked him to stay? 536 00:20:17,310 --> 00:20:19,245 No. You don't want to rush a thing like that. 537 00:20:19,279 --> 00:20:21,013 Besides, something tells me 538 00:20:21,047 --> 00:20:23,149 the server could crash again soon. 539 00:20:23,183 --> 00:20:25,217 I hope you don't think any less of me 540 00:20:25,252 --> 00:20:27,853 now that you know how dysfunctional I am with men. 541 00:20:29,523 --> 00:20:33,826 No judgment here... Girlfriend. 542 00:20:33,860 --> 00:20:36,428 I'm a tiger. 543 00:20:36,463 --> 00:20:38,430 Well, I don't hear any drumming. 544 00:20:38,465 --> 00:20:41,400 - That's a good sigh, right? - [Sighs] 545 00:20:41,434 --> 00:20:43,135 - You can't come in. - Stu, come on. 546 00:20:43,169 --> 00:20:44,970 - Stu. Open the door. - Can't come in. 547 00:20:45,005 --> 00:20:45,971 Give me $200. 548 00:20:46,006 --> 00:20:47,139 - What? - Come on, St... 549 00:20:47,174 --> 00:20:49,241 - What's that on the wall? - What? 550 00:20:49,276 --> 00:20:52,011 Ohh! 551 00:20:52,045 --> 00:20:55,681 - Oh. Hi, guys. Ta-da. - What is this? 552 00:20:55,715 --> 00:20:57,349 What is this? 553 00:20:57,384 --> 00:21:00,352 Well, we felt that we've both been a bit selfish 554 00:21:00,387 --> 00:21:02,354 in regards to giving you guys some space. 555 00:21:02,389 --> 00:21:04,023 So, for the next three days, 556 00:21:04,057 --> 00:21:06,358 this apartment is entirely yours. 557 00:21:06,393 --> 00:21:07,860 - I'm crashing at Stephie's. - No, he's not. 558 00:21:07,894 --> 00:21:09,028 [Chuckles] I'm not. 559 00:21:09,062 --> 00:21:10,362 But don't you worry about old stu 560 00:21:10,397 --> 00:21:11,697 'cause I got red roof inn points, 561 00:21:11,731 --> 00:21:13,331 and they got color TV now. 562 00:21:15,512 --> 00:21:16,668 You guys. 563 00:21:17,054 --> 00:21:19,601 This is so incredibly sweet. 564 00:21:20,197 --> 00:21:23,017 - I was gonna invite you to stay. - We're not going to. 565 00:21:23,085 --> 00:21:25,346 Okay, we are gonna leave you to it. Okay. 566 00:21:25,371 --> 00:21:27,023 - Have fun. - Enjoy. 567 00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:28,238 Yourselves. 568 00:21:28,399 --> 00:21:30,213 [Chuckles] See what we did. 569 00:21:31,940 --> 00:21:37,070 Sync & corrections by madhatters www.addic7ed.com